#i just want to support these guys whose music i like and i think they’re cool and funny

[hongtonie]

i hate being a nugu/small grp stan sometimes </3 no news on choi in for over 6 months and now this drops out of nowhere, elrings are left to guess if he’s even staying in the group or if it’s for enlistment or something else, haven’t promoted on music shows since 2022 despite having two comebacks and a single in the meantime, luminous hasn’t been active in over 6 months, didn’t have a single release for all of last year, may have changed their name but we won’t know until that festival happens and maybe they show up

[notebookmusical]

“In light of everything that’s happened in the past three months alone, here’s some incredibly valid reasons to be pissed off at Taylor Swift, or simply not like her — as someone who loved her, and loved her music. First and foremost, Taylor Swift is personally burning a hole through the ozone with the amount of CO2 she uses. That’s not even the main point of this video; but this is a graph from 2022 of how much CO2 she produced of her 170 private jet flights, versus the average person. She has spent 70 grand on jet fuel alone. Taylor Swift, alone has used 170 tons of CO2 in the past 3 months. The average person only burns like, 16 tons. That’s not even the main part of this video. The main point of the video is the fact that she has not spoken up about Palestine. And the reason that is so fundamentally frustrating is that Taylor Swift has influence. Quote Brittany Broski, when she also didn’t speak up about Palestine — “if you have a platform, and you have people listening, you have to use it.” It’s criminal to not use it, and Taylor Swift uses it. This is from September 2023. Record-breaking registration numbers from one Instagram post. Literally stating, saying “I’ve been so lucky to see so many of you guys at my US shows recently. I’ve heard you raise your voices, and I know how powerful they are. Make sure you’re ready to use them in our elections this year!” They had a 72(%) increase in 18-year-old registrations. When it comes to Palestine, she’s completely silent. And now that it’s somewhat more socially acceptable to attend Pro-Palestine events, she’s been quietly going with Selena Gomez, but I for one, think that your Instagram is perhaps the best asset you have. If not, money. And I’m sure in a couple months, we’ll learn about how Taylor Swift was quietly setting up foundations for pro-Palestine, and that she was always for the cause and she’s always supported them, but all it takes is one fucking Instagram post. Especially when Israel Palestine is fundamentally a war of narratives. It’s whose story do you believe, despite the mounting evidence that proves that Israel has continuously been doing ethnic cleansing and genocide. They are still maintaining this narrative that they are not doing that. And all Taylor Swift has to do is say “hey, 22 thousand deaths in 3 months? The most in any modern war? This doesn’t seem right.” I don’t even want her to be that leftist or radical, but literally just to ask the question to her largely American audience, when US has bypassed Congress twice to sell millions in arms aid to Israel.  Just for her to be like “Should that many kids be dying, perhaps?” The bar is on the floor, but she still refuses to do it. And the reason why Taylor Swift in particular, not because of the influence that she has and not because of the platform that she has, but why her in particular, is because the IDF continues to use her songs. I know it was a public trend, but the fact that so many occupation forces felt comfortable and confident  to make like, dance edits to Taylor Swift’s music. I think it’s so important how an artist’s music is used because when the republicans wanted to use Eminem’s 8 mile track, he was like “absolutely fucking not, I do not give you consent to do that, and I do not associate with your politics. Don’t do that.” I feel like she should know that her music is being used as the anthem of the occupation forces as they go and bomb civilians. Her, and other artists like her, like Beyonce, who showed her film in Israel, and they’re all like dancing and singing, and saying “you’re not going to break my soul”, whilst they continue to bomb the shit out of civilians have said nothing. And I hope, as I’ve demonstrated in the video, for the people who are going to be like “What’s Taylor swift going to do? She’s not a politician.” Be serious. Be serious. She has a fucking chokehold on at least a billion people. She could’ve said and done way more than what she’s done, and also the CO2 levels." (from: this tiktok*)

* i tried to transcribe the tiktok since tiktok wasn't showing the captions for me but if i misheard anything please let me know!

[faithfromanewperspective]

was just thinking about how easy it is to compare the current president of Israel (whose name I don’t even remember) to hitler. it fits the way we think, doesn’t it, foreign people do bad things, what we see as familiar is good. but then the more I think about it, about how this whole thing has been set up and the extent (which I have to learn more about exactly still) to which usamerica is driving a literal genocide then the person I’ve gotta do that comparing to is actually… joe biden??? like that’s such a curveball in our brains we never expected but if you trace the power structures, yes there’s a fair deal of being a puppet going on but only because he never stands up against it. because he doesn’t actually care to stop it. and actually how fucked up is it that we’re literally talking about how the best thing is to continue voting for him for president because the other guy is worse like ??? none of us expected it of usamerica. we respected that country. we still respect its people and hang out with them every day

but like. let that sink in for a second. the guy encouraging and allowing a genocide is the better of two options?? if that’s the case I’m sorry but the civilians really don’t have any power. I’m sorry but if that’s the standards we have we have to start imagining better. this is like when your parent asks you if you want to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt but you never got the option to wear a dress instead or simply no shirt at all. it’s the illusion of choice. and as a world how do we turn a blind eye to this?? how do we not call out our dear cousin usamerica who is clearly in a bad state right now? whose leadership desperately needs to do better especially if they’re going to be in a position of leadership in the world as the power structures would have that they are?

because people live and breathe economy I was thinking, what if the rest of us simply boycott usamerica like we boycott Israel?? that would send the global economy to shambles. and I know it’s not gonna happen all of a sudden (so no need to hurriedly account for all the people that would get hurt) but what if we did? simply stop buying and consuming things that come out of America?

now I’m probably one of the biggest and most long-standing swifties you’ll meet (tumblr doesn’t count it’s an echo chamber) but could I? could I simply hold off listening to the tortured poets department when it comes out and stick to her older stuff I already own on cd’s and the like? Taylor doesn’t need my money or my numbers next to her songs and I’m going to be missing a lot if I do this but when this is over, her music will still be there. My favourite author is American. that one might be harder since I really want to read the second sword catcher book (I’m not worried about twp since it’s not coming out til 2026). I know a bunch of technology comes out of usamerica but I don’t need to update any of my devices and if I do there’s probably other brands I can buy from. I think because my iTunes is Australian I might be okay with it?? but I’m trying to transition away from it and buy more cds anyway. And I don’t watch tv, I rarely watch movies now so I could probably forgo that too.

I was actually just thinking about how there are so many songs out there I probably won’t get to listen to. what if, in boycotting some this is my chance to broaden my horizons? and I will preface with the fact that I know many non American artists do live and record in LA: im not gonna boycott them for that. In fact I’ll support their music because I want them to come home. and I might make an exception for green day and good charlotte for generally protesting much about usamerica?? but tell me guys, what do you think?? is this feasible? I might actually do it. I’ll make an exception for tumblr probably and use meta social media to the minimum (maybe I should for tumblr too and google). but also. is this racist?? is it going to do any harm?? because damn it I want to support the people. I want to support marginalised groups and native americans but I also want to be part of a boycott that’s meaningful rather than a token gesture. and I know the usamericans of us can’t do this, but please if I do it see it as me supporting your rights to having your opinions heard on a political level because I come from a country that isn’t great colonialism wise but at least we have that and I can’t imagine not having it

[alloyedclavicle]

What has been happening with Stacy’s Father?

The three songs, Stacy's Mom (Fountains of Wayne), Stacy's Dad (anapantsu), and Stacy's Dad (Sub-Radio) tell the story of the strange ups and downs in the life of one person: Stacy's father.

Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZLfasMPOU4 (cw: blatant horniness and almost-nudity, just in case.)

In the original song, we learn that approximately 12-14 year old Stacy's father has walked out. If we are to assume that the music video is an accurate portrayal, it seems likely that Stacy's father "walked out" because her mother cheated on him. In the video, she certainly seems to be too familiar with her masseuse. Now, it is entirely possible that the imagery of the video is wholly in the imagination of Stacy's preteen/teen boyfriend, but I think that "since your dad walked out" is still a lyric rooted in fact.

annapantsu - Stacy's Dad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRk_52uQfMY

Based on the art provided with the video, I feel like Stacy and her friend (this one is a girl, I imagine she dumped her boyfriend over his obsession with her mother) are in their mid-late teens. Perhaps visiting her father (summer visitation as part of a custody agreement?). Here, we see the father as a bachelor, trying to work things out with himself. He's single and seems to be fine with that, but Stacy's friend wants to change that.

Now, we reach the critical assumption of my hypothesis: Stacy's father is gay. He comes out and gets with someone whose identity at the time is that of a man who is interested in other men. They become close, partners at least, if not married. During this time, Stacy considers her father's new spouse as her second parent. I expect that her relationship with her biological mother has deteriorated and is not presently reparable.

Sub-Radio - Stacy's Dad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WANlg297AHU

This song includes the line "since your mom came out, your dad could use a guy like me." Carrying on from my earlier hypothesis, I think Stacy's Father's partner discovered herself and came out as a woman. The song doesn't seem to imply the same level of hostility as the original song (her father walked out there), so my supposition is that her father and her - let's say adoptive - other parent, who is now her mother are still close, but no longer romantically involved because her Father is gay.

This is supported by the line "Stacy can't you see it's Mr. Stacy's Mom for me." They are still together in come sense, even if not romantic. This is why Stacy's seemingly-college or post-college boyfriend thinks her dad might be interested, but still calls him "Mr. Stacy's Mom."

I choose to believe that the end of this song sees Stacy's adoptive mother enjoying her transition - perhaps getting advice on girl stuff from her adoptive daughter; Stacy remaining close to both her biological father and adoptive mother; and Stacy's present boyfriend.. well, I don't know. It seems that they're both responsible adults here. Perhaps they get together. Perhaps not. The point is, no one is being harmed in this song - though Stacy herself might be disappointed or hurt if her boyfriend leaves her for her father. Still. Stranger things have happened.

The other takeaway from this trilogy is that Stacy should consider learning how to make better friends with people who aren’t interested in romance with people 20+ years their seniors.

[grandwitchbird]

Op is very right from a normal emotionally stable person angle. They’re also giving me a chance to say something needed about criticism. Not at op at all but at the folks whose wells have been poisoned by the state of the discourse(tm) resulting in posts like these.

Criticism is not negative. Analytical skill is not helped or defined by your ability to pick something apart looking for problems. Unfortunately, even the academy is failing to teach actual basic analytical skills and frameworks, and the online discourse market is dominated by algorithm-gaming walnuts. So you get my dirty poor woman’s attempt to unpoison the well a little. Under the cut because I talk too much.

Here’s how we do legitimate, qualified analytical work on media. We ask:

What is this thing trying to do, and does it succeed?

To answer that, we look at the tools it’s using (genre, medium, stylistic choices, structure, character, composition, etc). That lets us figure out how, where, and why it’s succeeding or failing on its own terms. And we do this with the intent to understand. We don’t come in hot with an assumption we then try to justify.

So I can point at the scene where Geralt first finds Ciri in The Witcher 3 and break down how the music supports the shift from fear to devastation to pure joy. We can look at the long shadow cast as he stands in the doorway, now framed at a wide angle, emphasizing the space between them. The space that’s existed for years, now finally closable only in the worst circumstances. The hesitation of his first step is a denial of what he thinks has happened, so now we can get psychological. We can think about how Ciri’s textual role as the actual hero is cemented by her triumphant awakening here and reinforced by the way Geralt is the one who needs to catch up to the big plot-driving motivators. We can think about how Geralt’s role as dual and often primary protagonist, but never hero, is actually threatened at the possibility that she might be dead. What happens when the hero of the story dies offscreen, and we’re left with just some guy? We can note the recurring use of fairytale as shorthand and dig into what the game is actually saying with the Snow White parallel: can these characters only obtain what they want via, symbolic or otherwise, death? The good end of the game would seem to support that, as did the end of the novels themselves, but what else might this game be saying with that parallel?

That’s analysis. Digging into all of that will net you real understanding of what The Witcher 3 is doing and why. We just have to look at how well a work of art or entertainment succeeds at doing what it wants to do using the tools it has at its disposal. And we look with curiosity, not judgment. That’s it. That’s the foundation of all qualified criticism. Qualified because we’re qualifying our work with an actual set of metrics and parameters that can be defended using only the work itself.

We can then also add in conscious use of specific critical lenses. The goal is not to bend and break every story to fit a given frame as you so often see folks doing with rudimentary psychoanalytical frameworks where everything becomes a Neo-Freudian parable. That is a mistake even professional academics make because, well, it gets published. And the academy has adopted a thesis-first approach to learning that produces a lot of confident assumptions and not a lot of understanding.

The better goal imo is to accept that our own vision is always distorted and to make a conscious choice about that distortion by placing clear limits on it. The critical lens is your own bias qualifier. It should help you identify why you react to something the way you do. It can also push you to look at things from new angles as long as you’re willing to step outside that dominant Neo-Freudian mess (I say as someone whose academic work involved way too much Lacan). The focus should always be on the work itself though. Otherwise we’re just engaging in masturbatory wheel-spinning under the cover of academically-approved language.

Tl;dr. You do not need to be negative to be analytical. You’ll actually get further with a hermeneutic of curiosity if not generosity because artists aren’t stupid, or at least no stupider than the rest of us, and they aren’t trying to make bad things as a rule. Also it’s more fun.

I can't express how much not expecting things to suck and being slightly less critical has improved my life.

It sounds obvious, but it really wasn't, and I see it happen so much that people are in a rush to be critical and analyze everything that they forget to enjoy it.

I'm not suggesting you never analyze something or be completely uncritical. But in my experience, going in looking for problems to talk about does something to you, and you deserve to be happy and have fun.

[margridarnauds]

Treason: The Musical Meta: The Ladies

So, before the full recording was released, one of the things I was most curious about was how the female characters would end up being treated -- would they be on the periphery, or would they be characters in their own right? Most of the early releases, with the exception of Blind Faith and the Day That Elizabeth Died, were centered around the male characters. It seemed like they would get the most focus, especially since....the Gunpowder Plot is pretty much exclusively known for the male conspirators, especially Guy Fawkes. I wasn’t overly optimistic from the cast list dividing the cast into “The Plotters” and “The Peacekeepers”, with the only female character NOT being put into “The Peacekeepers” being Debris Stevenson as the Narrator -- it gave the idea of a gender binary where women = peaceful, non-violent, and non-assertive, while men = violent, assertive, and aggressive. Martha seemed like she was going to be important, but was she just going to be one more female character whose role in the story was to be The Wife™? 

(Spoilers beneath the cut)

I was really shocked when I got to listen to the full album (thus far), and realized that, in the full musical as it stands, this is Martha Percy’s story, her tragedy. Yes, she still is shown to be against the plot repeatedly, as opposed to her husband Thomas, who is pulled into religious zealotry by his crush Robert Catesby, but it’s grounded, imo, in a way that a lot of similar characters aren’t. We open and close the musical with her grief, with a kind of brilliant subversion in the sense that the folk song used as the basis for her opening/closing solo, “Cold Blows the Wind”, is actually about a young man who is grieving his lover. (I will note, in the interest of objectivity, that there have been a number of female performances over the years, including some which changed the lyrics.) We see how much of a toll this is taking on her marriage, she’s allowed to vent her worry (A Watchful Eye, Blind Faith) her self-doubt and confusion and guilt (The Inevitable), her anger and frustration (No Happy Ending) in a way that feels really organic and makes her feel more like a rounded character. A lot of reviews say that they’ve gotten rid of Guy Fawkes to focus on the tragedy of Thomas Percy, but I don’t really think that’s the case, or at least. Not the total truth. I think they got rid of Guy Fawkes to focus on the tragedy of Martha Percy. 

I also appreciate that, while none of the other female characters are given the same level of fleshing out, we absolutely see they aren’t a monolith -- with the final decision at the end, some of the women want to support the men in the plot, arguing that they’re fighting for Catholicism in a time where they’re being persecuted, while others argue that the guilt of hundreds of innocent lives on their hands would haunt them. It isn’t a simple matter of “women = peacemakers”, but something that they have to work through. Likewise, in “The Day That Elizabeth Died”, instead of splitting the final minute or so between the women and the men, with the women singing “We mourned for her/She was our Queen/And for forty five years/She had reigned supreme” and the men singing “We did not mourn for her/She was our captor”, in the new version, while the women do sing the first verse, they ALSO sing the second, along with the men. It makes sense -- it’s possible to mourn the stability that someone brought, even as they were a pretty terrible person whose reign included some pretty terrible things, and it’s natural for there to be divided feelings. 

Going back to the final couple of songs in the musical, I find myself going back to “Caught in the Crossfire” repeatedly, not even because the tune is my favorite in the musical (that honor PROBABLY goes to “Burn” or “No Happy Ending”), but because it’s, imo, brilliant in how it resolves that question: Who sent the anonymous letter to Parliament? I know there are a few candidates, people have argued and back forth, but it is interesting, when you think of it, that the main suspects are always assumed to be men. The musical plays on the same ideas that we all had going in, that this is a story about men, that women are there to be Shrews or Obedient Wives, to deliver its coup de grâce. We don’t expect it, because we’re conditioned to not expect it, especially from women like devoted, uxorious Martha Percy.

 I think it might be a little too on the nose in her monologue, especially since I always feel...when we talk about how men go to war and women are left to clean it up...how many women DID go to war and we just didn’t want to talk about it? It reminds me of how there was a certain blogger who once said that men in the French Revolution participated in the Revolution while the women kept the memory of the events alive...which works well until you remember that some of those women’s participation was deliberately muted in the memoirs, either as the result of self-censorship after the fact (like Grace Dalrymple Elliot’s work as a Royalist spy) or by their biographers as a means of forcing them to fit within a certain ideal. You know, it’s easy to fit people on that kind of paradigm when that’s deliberately the paradigm they wanted us to believe actually happened. I can also see how a woman like Martha Percy could believe that, from where she’s at, but this monologue feels like it’s for the benefit of the 21st audience, so I go back and forth, likewise for the women deciding to do it “for the women of history” -- I felt like their reasons were perfectly plausible, and perfect for them as characters -- I don’t think they need to see it as a broad feminist decision in order to do it; they have agency either way. But, that being said, while the monologue does feel a little bit modern and out of place, it does remind me a lot of the original meaning of “Well behaved women rarely make history” -- that the women who lived their lives, day to day, supported their families, did their daily chores, are often left out of history books, rendered boring or not worthy of study or consideration. So I’m of two minds on it, I see areas it works and areas it doesn’t. But I think that, overall, the treatment of its female characters, especially Martha, was so much better than I thought it would be going in, I think there are things it does with the female characters that are honestly brilliant, and I look forward to seeing where else it might go. 

[chucktaylorupset]

I posted 13,489 times in 2022

That's 6,857 more posts than 2021!

317 posts created (2%)

13,172 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@menaceanon

@dabidagoose

@professorsparklepants

@mandaloriandy

@forpiratereasons

I tagged 11,889 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#uncaptioned - 3,757 posts

#art - 2,295 posts

#ofmd - 2,140 posts

#acofaf - 746 posts

#video - 462 posts

#my post - 391 posts

#interview with the vampire - 368 posts

#gideon the ninth - 326 posts

#captioned - 216 posts

#dnd - 180 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like. i'm sure izzy is the only person who'd be happy if ed and stede were murderhusbands.  you might want to try a hannibal rewatch instead

My Top Posts in 2022:

(all of my top original posts are text posts, some of them quite lengthy. i have edited them down to the first few lines and if you want to read the rest... well the link's right there)

#5

its been a million years.  percy has gone from young millenial to squarely gen z.  i think that while he’s up on that mountain demanding the gods pay their fucking child support, he should tell hera at the top of his sixteen year old pipsqueak lungs that polyamory is a thing now and she doesn’t have to define her marriage the traditional way if she doesn’t want to.  she’s the goddess of all marriages!  that includes these modern ones too!! ...

505 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#4

I think there's something to be said for fanfiction that loves canon in a way that’s rude. Like thank you for this wonderful thematic tragedy made out of this character’s entire arc ending in death, it was emotionally and intellectually moving, but also fuck you fuck you fuck you they live, this time and every time they live, they never died, their flaws are not their undoing, actually they have no flaws, actually they save everyone, actually who cares about a story, any story, where this one dies, actually i cared about that story so much i made a new one, actually i cared so much i unmade the old one, you gave me morals and i left them for the mortal, but they’re mine now and i will never let them die, actually thank you, actually fuck you, strongly worded letter to follow

A kiss for canon and spit in its face all at once, it’s great

1,411 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#3

It is actually extremely important to me that y'all understand the importance of the talent show subplot to the structure of ofmd being not just a gay romcom but a story fiercely thematically opposed to toxic masculinity and amatonormativity; how Ed the Emo crying into his blanket fort and silk gown writing sad boy poetry music is the most emotionally healthy he's ever been and a hairsbreadth away from sustained happiness...

3,121 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

#2

goddddd it’s fine!! its fine!!! its okay if if 12 year old girls decide they’re asexual and look back and realize that actually it was just puberty and the gross sexualization of women that alienated them from their feelings of attraction and actually now she feels she was always allo. That’s allowed! That’s okay! Its not the end of the world if some of the people coming home to the label of asexuality are actually arriving at a way station onto what will be a better place for them...

3,387 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You can’t just call the “don’t stop me now” essay writing method the second worst essay method you’ve heard of and not tell us the story of the worst one 👀

i know a guy whose patented essay writing method is to, on the eve of the due date, set an alarm so early it should count as an atrocity, open an empty word doc on his computer and then placing it on his bed,

he then goes to sleep, presumably after drinking a full can of coke, as his immunity to caffeine, adderall, and the general life choices about to be described prove that (1) this man almost certainly is a colossal case of adhd and (2) that is the least of what's wrong with him...

23,319 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nevertheless-moving]

Quinlan's hands had dropped to his face sometime ago. Obi-Wan wasn't quite sure how to comfort him. He had asked, and quite frankly, Obi-Wan could really use the help of another shadow for the final Kamino infiltration.

"I know it's a lot to take in—" he began softly, only to be cut of by a hoarse chuckle.

"You really don't see it, do you?" Quinlan asked, looking up at him incredulously.

"See what?" the time traveler asked nervously, twisting to stare at the holoboard mapping Sidious' master plan, a carefully constructed counter at the end of every twisting vine strangling the republic.

"What this looks like!" Quinlan replied, gesturing broadly.

"I'd say it looks terrifying," Obi-Wan answered dryly. "And you can see why, given Palpatine's position, I've had to respond secretly."

"Respond!" Quinlan ran a hand through his hair, barking out another laugh. "Respond. For fuck’s sake, if it were anyone but you telling me this—and if you were telling anyone but me—Obi-Wan you haven't just responded, you've won."

"Well—" Obi-Wan hedged, edges of his lips curling up. "I admit, it would be very difficult for the Sith to win at this point, even should I die, I've got deadman's messages prepared for the Council and relevant Senate members. Still, my current defense against the clone army is hardly acceptable, so you see why I need your help infiltrating the Kamino command center when I make my move—"

"Obi-Wan." Vos pressed his hands together, thumbs digging into his chin and inhaling sharply. "That's not what I mean. I mean that you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, have won the galaxy. You could literally declare yourself Emperor today."

Obi-Wan scoffed. "Don't be absurd. What, just because I've got the command codes to disable the droid army and the bombs under the Senate and Temple?"

"Or activate them," Quinlan said gently.

Obi-Wan scowled. "Don't joke about that—I would never—"

"I know," the psychometric interrupted, tone careful. "I know you wouldn't. But you could."

Obi-Wan shifted uneasily, staring at his plans again. It...had occurred to him of course, that an unscrupulous actor could do tremendous damage with the information he had painstakingly acquired. It had been difficult, to thread the line of giving Sidious and his allies the rope they needed to hang themselves, while still making sure he could pull it taught at the critical juncture. He had been proud of how he had managed, but the end result was...an awful lot of power. Consolidated in his hands, instead of Palpatine’s. 

“I still couldn’t—this still isn’t enough to actually control the galaxy, that’s the point. Sidious needs war to break out first, and he needs to be seen as the one whose ending it, first—it’s the only way to get the more influential  democratic systems to give up their powers. Anyway, back to the point, I obviously would rather not take away the clone’s freewill, even with something as innocuous as Order 6, which is why I need you to disable the orders at the command center.”

“Yes, Obi-Wan, I’m on board with the plan, I just—” Knight Vos pressed his hands to his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “I can’t believe I have to explain this to you—you already have the power that Sidious would need a war to achieve.”

“What are you talking about? No I—”

“You’re rich!” Vos burst into motion, flipping frantically through glowing screens to pull up the distribution of BK’s funding. “You’re funding the non-partisan corruption watchdog movement, and providing social services—if that was public knowledge—if any of this was public knowledge—you would instantly be a shoo in for Supreme Chancellor.”

"That’s...an exaggeration,” Obi-Wan protested.

“Is it?” Quinlan asked manically. “You are in the top 10,000 wealthiest people in the galaxy. And, unlike the other 9,999, your funds are clean. No trade federation, no blanking clans, no mining guilds. Just incredibly popular music and ridiculously smart and/or lucky investments in value neutral to actively humanitarian businesses. Can you imagine how much the good leaders would respect you, if they found out all this? How much the gold-diggers would try to cozy up to you, when they find out that you’re just giving away your multiple fortunes, try to encourage you to invest in infrastructure projects on their homeworlds—”

"I—”

“And that’s not even the whole picture! That’s just where the money is coming from, and how it’s being used. BK already has a cult. People adore him. The clones already feel like the owe him, since it’s public knowledge that he’s a major supporter for the resettlement program—when they learn about the anti-chip stuff—Obi-Wan Kenobi is going to have statues put up once you uncover Sidious’s plots—”

“I don’t want people to know about the vode’s chips—integration is difficult enough already,” Obi-Wan said lowly.

“Yes, fine,” Quinlan said, pulling up the alarming schematics of the droid foundries. “The trade federation’s still on thin ice after the documentation of their maneuvers of Naboo—When the galaxy sees these—learns you're blowing them all up before they pull a Naboo on the entire galaxy—they’re going lose their minds. Obi-Wan, it would be so easy for you to control the galaxy right now. I know the Sith did the groundwork and you were just ripping away the reins from the guy who actually did want that, but you were scarily successful. You actually have the narrative that Palpatine is trying to fake.”

Quinlan paused, smirking. “And you’re way hotter. Pretty sure if you came out in all black and said you want to grind the galaxy to dust beneath your heel, people would line up to get stepped on.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said, falling back into a chair. “...I don’t...I didn’t...see it that way.”

The Kiffar Knight sighed. “Like I said if it was anyone else—but you’re you, and I’m me, and I 100% believe you when you say you successfully plotted total galactic domination accidentally. Just...let’s pull the rug out from this guy’s feet before we tell the council, or I think they’ll have to arrest you.”

(rest of this au here)

[darke15]

Rhymieeee 🖤😌 @rhymingtree

I watched Homecoming again for this so I came prepared.

Yesssssssss!!!

Yay more Ollie panic. I love it.

No but he's genuinely panicking omg

He’s got a lot going on right now. Including deciding whose side he needs to be on to survive Ghost and her escapades…

The fact that he never broke down in the middle of all his time with Alpha One or had a heart attack with all the stress... astounds me.

I’m sure there was some behind the scenes rants to Rook and his other Hydra friends. Like one of those teenagers from 80s movies who are sitting on their beds with corded phones ranting and gossiping with each other. 

Ned is the best part of this whole chapter. period. it's the truth and the only truth

Ned was a bunch of fun to write 

...what if peter does lay eggs tho that would be a fun visual

Nooooooo it wouldn’t…where would it come out of Rhymie? WHERE WOULD IT COME OUT???

Ghost's favorite travel activity is killing Nazis

Still waiting for her travel guide to drop with her packing essentials.

what if she recorded all of it like some kind of travel vlogger and edited a Killing Nazis montage with some lofi music in the background and like a sepia filter with a few added clips of like... European city skylines

Pfffffffftttt 😂😂😂

SHE REACHED POLAND???!!

She’s on a mission

SHE DISSOCIATED SO MUCH THAT SHE REACHED ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY???

She’s not all there anymore

.....if this is what she's like travelling it's best not to be her travel buddy

Really quiet car tho

NO NOT THE AMBUSH FLASHBACK DARKE

Don’t tell me what to do 

“Why do all the fucked up parts of my life start with an ambush?”

Maybe it's got something to do with your line of work, the people you associate with, all your life choices, the fact that you dissociate a lot while driving... honestly I could probably go on forever

😂😂😂

You’re in a city. We don’t need a repeat of Paris. Oh, killjoy. Just pull the pin. Do it. There could be civilians nearby— Just do it.

never go travelling without a moral compass

I’m really serious about this travel guide thing 

I love Ned's curiosity and support

He’s so silly, i love him

“Your girlfriend’s back in town, huh—”

heheheehe yes she iiiis

yahhhhhhhhhhssssss

“Who’s saying I don’t have her wrapped around mine?”

Boone Cavanaugh wrapped around a man's finger?? Never in a million years.

Not again…never again

“Act mad we lost Barnes and Walsh.” “You what?” Steve snapped, turning to him with a glare, “You what? Barton, are you fuckin’ kidding me?”

This shouldn't have made me laugh as hard as it did

It made me giggle because i can see Steve’s face just drop on a dime

“Do Avengers have to pay taxes?”

.... actually do they? Or are they excempt from it because... they're technically government property.. or is Tony Stark the bajillionaire a tax evader?

Depends if they’re getting paid or nah, i think.

 “He’s cool. So was his girlfriend.” “Captain America has a girlfriend?” “Had.”

😐 darke

Wot? As far as peter knows Captain America isn’t lying and his girlfriend was killd by hydra

I wonder how Zac would feel if his job was described as being 'the guy in the chair'

He’d begrudgingly accept it. 

He keeps those little shits alive out there and he just gets 'guy in the chair' ouch

Nahhhhh they take care of him. They always make sure to take him out on the town after he saves their skins again

LIZ OMG LIZ

LIIIIIIZ

I’mma be completely honest i totally forgot about her until i was looking at Homecoming’s transcript

NO NOT ANOTHER ALPHA TWO AMBUSH FLASHBACK

Why not 😏it’s fun 

Darke how dare you

I thought it was good 

He’d just been able to get used to the sights and sounds and smells of Wakanda but New York City was an entirely different animal.

did he just call New York stinky?

Probably 

how come you're doing everything in your power to make me cry with this flashback after Jack just called New York stinky

Cuz he’s having feelings and you need to feel them too 

Even if he didn’t want to remember any of it. He did. He remembered all of it. All of it.

darke 😐

wHAT?

AND BOONE DYED HER HAIR BLUE WOOOOOAAAAH

yayyyyyyy

“You know what I mean,” Duke whispered, “I don’t wanna lose you. Jack, I can’t lose you.” “You won’t.” He shook his head quickly, his smile fading in an instant, “I’m not going anywhere.”

I am terrified for these two.

😀😀😀

Like the way they love each other and the things that have happened pretty much spell out the words doomed by the narrative and I am bracing myself for that doom

😀😀😀

Also I felt so bad for Ned during this whole thing he just waited for Peter the whole time

Same he looked so dejected and sad

MJ IS HEEEEERE MY QUEEEEN

Mj is so much fun 

MONTANA AND NEW YORK... REUNITED

😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 AND HE'S ANGRY TOO SO...

😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Angry, make up 🌶 is a damn good time

“I’m not happy with you, woman,” he hissed under his breath.

hot 😀

He’ll take it out on her later…🌶🌶🌶

“She says that he’s looking for weapons,” Boone said, perching on the edge of a three-legged table, “As far as we can tell, it’s gotta be someone stateside.”

Well, well, well.... who could that possibly be…

Hmmmm i dunno…who could it be 

who could possibly be supplying Walsh with plenty of highly lethal weapons in the States... in New York... where he is... hmmmmmmm

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

it's the vulture it's definitely the vulture but dont tell them yet it's no fun if they know too soon

hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING FLASHBACKS TO THE AMBUSH WHYYYY

Because it’s fun for me to watch you suffer

“That’s it. We’re out of time. With her or without her, we’re finishing it.”

I'm so excited you dont even know

😈😈😈

She wasn’t doing it because she wanted to keep them safe, she was doing it to distract herself from the rage that they shared. The rage that had been amplified by unwanted chemicals and experiments. (F/N) had stopped fighting it, she’d allowed her baser instinct to take over. She was…gone.

Jesus christ darke…

What do you want from me?

this was not on the travel itinerary

😈😈😈

but in all seriousness Jack's identity crisis is terrifying to read

He’s trying really hard to be who he used to be but he’s being pulled in different directions 

He was Jack fuckin’ Bennet.

You know who else is fucking Jack Bennet? 😀

It's Duke and he is very proud of that

Pfffffffffftttttttttt 😂😂😂😂😂

It was New York fuckin’ City, where anything could happen.

That should be their new tourism tagline

Fr fr 

But…Ned? Ned was counting on him. Even if he was the one that got them in this mess in the first place.

Ned comes before all else

He really does. Peter needs to get is priorities straight…maybe he needs some help…

wait i just had a thought

how did Liz --a high school senior--have the time to throw a massive houseparty?

does she not have constant projects to do... tests? the impending doom of college and what the future holds breathing down her neck? because that's what I'm dealing with right now and I barely have time to sit and read let alone throw parties

It’s before homecoming so they’re still in their first few months of school. Plus i think she’s more of an extrovert and we’re both…not that 

jesus with everything going on I forgot about the ambush on

Same 😀

A low growl cracked from Bucky’s throat as he snapped the tablet in two before chucking both halves at the man and surging toward him, latching onto his collar.

😀 hot

yahhhhhhhhhhhsssssssss

Omg I didn't realize those gauntlets came from brock rumlow

😈😈😈

“Oh, my butt!”

I love Peter

Same he’s adorable

“What the heck?” he yelled, fighting back against the talon with a grunt before a purple ball of energy cracked through the sky

Hey that's your future girlfriend's dad you're grappling with Pete

Future homecoming date before he ruins her life’s dad 

He really screwed this one up. At least it was a strange man with a mask that found him instead of Mr. Stark.

That would be really embarrassing.

Well, in another world, sure

also tony is busy... like really busy.

mmhhmmmmmm

Silent Bob... oh my god Peter

He’s trying his best, it’s hard to name things 

The New York Shadow... That makes him sound like an urban serial killer

He’s one bad day away from losing his shit…just like ghost

hahah Doctor Noodle puts tabs on his notes

He’s got a girl to keep track of and she’s incredibly difficult

“Wraith has outlived his usefulness,”

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIIIT

😈😈😈

things keep taking turns at some point we'll just circle right back to the start.

😏😏😏

i'm so so so excited to see more of Peter's arc and Jack's development

I think they’ve each got things to teach each other

This was so so so gooood darke

Thank youuuuuuuuu 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

CHAPTER 91: GREAT POWER, GREAT RESPONSIBILITY

To all my live reactors,

Please, please, please, hide your reactions under a Read More cut. I don’t want any spoilers floating around. 

&

To all my Anonymous Avengers, 

If you want to react in my asks, feel free. However, I won’t be answering any of them until at least Wednesday if they contain spoilers. 

Thank you,

Darke

┍━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┑

“Hey!” Peter yelled, vaulting over the fence, “Wait! Where are we going?”

“We're not going anywhere,” the Shadow said, continuing to march through the brush and back toward the bridge where they had first started, “You’re taking that back to Stark and figuring out where the hell it came from.”

“Aw, man.” Peter frowned, “But we made such a good team.”

The Shadow paused, looking him over with a shake of his head, “There’s somethin’ comin’, Spider-Man. You have to be ready.”

Peter’s frown deepened as the man stepped further into the darkness.

“What does that mean?” he asked, moving after the man before he froze. The man was gone, he’d seemingly melted into the night.

┕━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┙

» CHAPTER 91: GREAT POWER, GREAT RESPONSIBILITY

✪ Bᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ Sᴄᴀʀʀᴇᴅ : Aғᴛᴇʀᴍᴀᴛʜ

♜♠ Tʜᴇ Sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ & Tʜᴇ Sᴘʏ

⧗ Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴅ Rᴏᴏᴍ

»Jᴏɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇ sɪᴅᴇ Tᴀɢʟɪsᴛ

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***if you have a strike through your handle, it wouldn’t let me tag you 😞

[silkgonerough]

💒 Favorite Synastry Placements🍥💕

all based off of my own experiences/observations!

♡ hope you guys like it ♡

♡ moon in the 11th house:amazing! I hadn’t given this placement much thought in the beginning but it’s honestly the best feeling to have with someone. When I read about it I immediately looked up the house synastry between me and my childhood friend who I’ve known since I was born and viola his moon is in my 11th house! Idk how I knew but the energy we have is so comfortable and he’s someone where we can go a year without talking and then see eachother and it would feel like not even a day had passed. It’s a very light, happy, and authentic feeling when your around one another and just very natural. It’s like the other person knows everything about you and instead of feeling uncomfortable or vulnerable you feel accepted and welcomed. Great for friendships or relationships ♡

♡ moon conjunct venus: have this with my best friend :) everytime we get drunk we always end up confessing our love for eachother over text and it’s actually super funny. Very motherly relationship if that makes sense I think of her like my mom bc she always takes care of me! We can be do literally nothing and we’d still have a great time. This placement is great for just loving each others company ♡

♡ sun in the 5th house: super fun to have with anyone romantically or platonically! You two will always know how to make eachother laugh and are the life of the party when together :) the sun person loves being around the 5th house person a lot and may become extra needy for their attention once they realize how good they feel around them! The 5th house person is glad to give all their attention to the sun anyways tho ♡

♡ venus conjunct venus: underrated placement! your ways of showing love are very similar so you both feel comfortable and natural in giving eachother affection.You understand what the other person not only wants but needs without having to say anything. May be someone who enjoys a lot of the same music and art you like as well! Very aesthetically pleasing and loving relationship/friendship. Having this placement can smooth over a lot of hard saturn placements by making it easier for individuals to express their love for eachother.Very wholesome! ♡

♡ mercury in the 5th house: people I have this placement with make me laugh so hard. words are very reassuring and people who have mercury in your 5th know how to brighten up your mood with a couple of jokes! since this is in the house of leo which rules creativity and pleasure you may find yourself talking about a lot of crazy memories and things you’ve done with one another right off the bat. The mercury lights up the house person with their words ♡

♡ moon conjunct/trine jupiter: very very soft and supportive placement! you may feel unusually lucky when the two of you together and it’s because of how much positive energy you exude when together. Good karma tends to just follow you around when your with someone who shares this aspect with you. The moon person really enjoys being with the Jupiter person they admire their confidence and knowledge. The mood between both of you is always joyous and happy with a deep sense of respect for the other. You may exceptions for this person and their differences that you wouldn’t for anyone else! This aspect also helps to smooth out any repressing/negative aspects between you two ♡

♡ venus square mars: so this is definitely not for everyone but I’ve always found myself so attracted to people’s who’s venus’ square my mars vice versa possibly even more than the conjunct... idk why but I think the possibility of growth and change attracts me to them a lot since my love style is fixed (scorpio) I’m attracted to Leo and Aquarius since they’re love styles differ greatly than mine but they stay stable and consistent in how they show that love which is something I appreciate ♡

♡ mars in the 1st house: love the attraction and tension that comes with this aspect! People whose mars are in my first house are always the hottest in my eyes. Besides the sexual aspect the Mars person pushes the house person to take action and do things that may not normally be in their comfort zone. I like relationships/friendships that help me to grow so personally I don’t get annoyed at Mars influence when in this house ♡

♡ moon trine moon: honestly surprised I don’t see this one brought up more! If you share this someone you may probably take it for granted from how natural your connection is. Characterized by emotional harmony and balance this aspect is truely a blessing to see in any circumstance with another person. Being able to be emotionally open and expressive is very important to me with other people so my Pisces moon loves this aspect ♡

♡ venus in the 7th house: another placement that I have with my best friend! I’ve noticed that with most people I have this aspect with our friendships were very loving and physically intimate from the beginning! It didn’t take us very long to become that comfortable with one another and that element still hasn’t changed no matter how long I go without seeing them. ♡

♡ sun/mercury conjunct mercury: I feel like conversation and being able to communicate is a rlly important aspect in any partnership and this one of those aspects where you just kinda know what the other persons thinking without having to say anything. The word jinx may come up a lot too as you get closer with the other person bc your thought processes start to become synced up! I personally rlly like this aspect since it can bring two people very close together through simple conversations ♡

♡ sun in the 9th house: another underrated aspect! I may just love this because I’m a Sagittarius so this feels very comfortable to be in but this is honestly just so fun to have with someone. Lots of adventuring and exploring together both physically and mentally! This is also the type of relationship that helps both partners grow through simply learning about one another. Everything feels larger than life and suddenly you don’t feel that alone anymore when your with eachother ♡

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Eight

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: the beginning of the end :,) if u made it this far i think ur cool

***

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” Lana asks.

Nesta closes her eyes, letting the picture swirl and take shape in her mind.

This time last year, she would have imagined nothing. Nothing but a desk in a busy law office, and maybe a nice apartment if she was lucky. That would be it. But now she sees…

“Somewhere with good food and good music,” she muses. “Maybe a sea breeze.” The sun-faded buildings of Portofino fade into the foreground of her imagination. “There are lots of people with me,” she hears the sound of children shrieking and Cassian’s rumbling laughter, “but it’s okay, because I love every one of them.” Her eyes open. “Is that a good answer?”

A near invisible smile tugs at the corners of Lana’s lips. “You tell me, Nesta. Do you like what you see?”

“It’s a little too cinematic if you ask me,” Nesta says nonchalantly, picking up her bag from the ground, “but I suppose all dreams are that way.”

“It’s a good dream,” Lana says. “A worthy dream, and one you deserve to chase.”

Nesta shrugs lightly, not too worried about the burden of the future for once. “Maybe I will.”

“In that case, congratulations on completing your final therapy session,” Lana says, setting her notebook aside. “You’ve made some amazing progress this year.”

Nesta gives her therapist her signature what’s-wrong-with-you look. “I’m going on vacation, not firing you for good. I’ll see you again in two months.”

“Two months can be enough to lose all your progress, if you forget everything you went through to get here.”

Nesta isn’t stupid. She knows that she isn’t suddenly desperate to make babies or be maid of honor at her sisters’ weddings or some bullshit. She knows that the image she just dreamed up, with Cassian and kids and her unburdened heart, is likely more than five years away. If it happens at all, it could be ten, even twenty years of hard work away.

She’s not nearly finished growing yet. “I’ll see you in two months, Lana,” she repeats.

Lana smiles at her fully this time. “Enjoy your summer, Nesta.”

***

The air is different in the Smokies.

Nesta rolls the truck windows down so she can inhale it, relish it. Wind whips her hair every which way as they drive down the winding freeway cutting through the lush mountains, and something about the look on her face makes Cassian chuckle and press down on the accelerator.

Nesta watches the red needle on the speedometer cross ninety, then one hundred. She can barely feel the June heat with how fast they’re going.

In the end, it was Feyre and Elain that reached out and invited her to the Tennessee summer home. Cassian had made it obvious that he wouldn’t push her to go if she didn’t want to, and at first she really didn’t want to. But Feyre had looked so hopeful when she asked Nesta to come with them, and even Elain had revealed a glimmer of eagerness that Nesta would say yes.

So against all odds, she agreed to go.

Exchanging one mountain home for another isn’t much of a getaway, but Nesta can’t help but be excited. Even with the unhappy memories of her childhood, she loves these hills more than any other.

The pure exhilaration of being back in Tennessee overcomes her at some point during the drive, knocking her out in the passenger seat where she sits. In her drowsy state, she distantly hears the windows being rolled up, before feeling Cassian’s hand guide her head to rest against the glass. The rest of the drive is warm and sunny, enough to lull her into a deep sleep.

The next thing Nesta’s aware of is the crunch of gravel and the feeling of the truck tires slowing to a stop. Fingers brush against her heated cheek, and then Cassian is murmuring at her to wake up.

Blinking her eyes open, Nesta twists around to see their destination.

For a moment, she thinks she’s still dreaming.

“Welcome to Holly House,” Cassian says with a grin. The house in question is quaint and sprawling at the same time, the way most upper class Southerners like their houses. The whole thing gleams with a fresh coat of white paint under the afternoon sun, complemented by a sky blue wraparound porch. Colonial style windows and proud columns decorating the facade of the building makes it look like the setting of a fairy tale.

Beyond it, Nesta can see cherry blossoms. Pink, fluttering cherry blossoms that fly off their branches and swirl through the air, some of them disappearing into the thick woods behind the house. Woods that Nesta has walked countless times before.

“The rest of the guys won’t get here until tomorrow afternoon,” Cassian is saying to her, “so we have the whole place to our—”

Nesta isn’t listening anymore. She unbuckles her seatbelt and shoves open the truck door, hobbling outside on unsteady feet to make sure she isn’t hallucinating things. But no, this is…

“Cherrywood,” she breathes, eyes wide in disbelief.

Cassian gets out of the truck, coming up beside Nesta to slip his hand into her shorts pocket. “What’s wrong? You okay?”

“This is Rhysand’s summer home?” Nesta points at the house. “This place?”

Cassian looks around at the building grounds in confusion. “Has been for the last two decades, yeah.”

It’s been eleven years since she last stepped foot on these grounds.

With wonderment in her voice, she utters to Cassian, “I’ve been here before.”

At his puzzled look, she explains, “I lived just on the other side of those woods.” She points to the trees. “There’s an old cracked road that hasn’t been maintained since it was first paved, and you can follow it straight to the poor side of town. Whenever I wanted to get away, I would come down that road and trek through the woods, and I’d end up here. I stopped coming because…” she trails off.

Because she got caught that one time.

Cassian seems to realize it at the same moment as her. His hand slips out of her pocket. “You…”

Nesta remembers a tall boy with shocked eyes and shaggy hair, and she shakes her head slowly in forceful denial. It can’t be true. It’s too much of a coincidence.

But he points at her, then her feet. “You—with the size six Converse,” he sputters. “It was you.”

Before Nesta can confirm or deny it, he grabs her by the wrist and starts tugging her along, up the porch stairs and inside the house.

Even with Rhysand and Feyre’s renovations, it looks undeniably the same as all those years ago. The living room is to her right and the farmhouse style kitchen and dining area is to the left, though she speeds by it all as Cassian pulls her farther inside the house, to the closet beneath the curving stairs.

He lets go of her hand to search the small closet, muttering, “I know they were here somewhere.” But the closet looks like it was stripped empty for renovations, with only bolts in the walls indicating that shoe racks used to hang there.

Cassian turns and heads for the stairs, and Nesta blindly follows him. She also wants to go upstairs, wants to see if the bay window looking out onto the garden has stayed the same.

Like he read her mind, he leads her straight to the room she used to spend hours reading in. It’s smaller than all the other bedrooms in the house, but it’s always been her favorite because of the view.

As Cassian keeps looking for whatever it is he’s looking for, upturning boxes and checking beneath furniture, Nesta drifts toward the bay window. She looks from the cherry blossom trees outside, to the full-sized bed, to Cassian, and a weight drops even heavier in her gut. She has to reach out and grip the edge of the dresser for support.

Finally, Cassian pops out of the closet victorious. In his hand are a pair of ragged shoes that Nesta hasn’t worn in a long, long time.

He comes over and drops them with a thud at her feet.

“Whose room is this?” she asks with a rough voice, still staring down at the shoes.

“Mine,” he answers simply.

“Oh.” She met him before. She met him before.

When Nesta dares to look up and meet Cassian’s eyes, what she finds there nearly robs her of breath: wonder, astonishment, and unwavering fealty. He breaks into sudden wholehearted laughter, which dazes her even more.

“What’s so funny?” she demands.

Cassian gets out between laughs, “What was it Rhysand said about Feyre? When they found out they were close to crossing paths when they were younger?”

Nesta’s earth-tilting shock slowly slips away, replaced by a stern look. “Don’t say it.”

He pretends to remember. “I think it was fate.” A wicked smirk pulls at his lips at Nesta’s resigned sigh. “But I have another word for it, too.”

“Don’t say that, either.” She pleadingly holds up her hands, only for Cassian to snatch one out of the air and intertwine his fingers with hers.

“Soulmate,” he says quietly, now less amused.

Nesta swallows thickly, not having any words for him. All she knows is that he is never going to let her live this down.

“Imagine if we’d gone to the same high school,” Cassian says to her later that afternoon as they lounge in his old room. “Fuck, I could’ve saved myself so much time with all those random girls.” They’ve been swapping childhood stories for the past hour, as if they might find more instances in their history of a red string tying them together.

Nesta doesn’t need coincidences or fateful run-ins to know that a string has always been wrapped around her ring finger, pulling her to Colorado and to that cabin. But for Cassian’s sake, she’ll gladly amuse him. “I would have been a freshman while you were a senior,” she says matter-of-factly. “It never could have happened.”

He hums in thought, head propped up in his hand, elbow propped up against the bay window seat. “Maybe if you were older. You would have been the smart, quiet girl, and I’d have been the player jock, and as soon as we locked eyes in math class, I’d be head over heels in love with you.”

Nesta cackles from where she sits in the window seat above him. “Now you’re just writing fanfiction.”

Cassian grins up at her but doesn’t send a rebuttal her way. The conversation falls into a lull, until Nesta has to reach out and ask, “What are you thinking?”

His smile turns a little sad. “That I wish we weren’t doing this right before I leave for another country.”

Right. That’s what’s been hanging over them the entire trip to Tennessee: that as soon as they get back to Colorado, Cassian is going to be on a plane to Milan.

Getting Keith O’Connell to quit—how exactly Cassian went about accomplishing it, he still won’t tell Nesta—left Rhysand at square one with his search for a team leader for his overseas venture.

When Cassian brought up the idea of taking the job to Nesta, he sounded like he hoped she would shoot him down, talk him out of it. He both wanted to go and was reluctant to leave, like his very soul was glued to his home and he didn’t want to unstick himself.

So Nesta, being his home, had to do the unsticking for him. She nearly accepted the year-long Milan position herself for Cassian’s sake, and it took weeks of coaxing and convincing to put him at ease about the whole thing.

“But we promised to go together for the first time,” he kept saying.

“We’ll still go together one day, and it’ll still be our first time there with each other,” she reassured him.

Eventually, he relented to her and Rhysand’s pressures with a single condition. “I’ll do six months. Not a year.”

Only Nesta knows deep down how much Cassian needs this opportunity. Though Cassian must know it a little bit too, because he wouldn’t have taken the job if he didn’t.

Nesta might have needed him in order to come out of her shell, but now he needs to get away from her in order to find his own shell. Something he can call his own, unburdened by his loyalties to the people he loves. So he can find who he wants to be for himself, without always being attached to her hip.

Rising to her feet, Nesta raises her arms in the air in a full body stretch. Her back and legs ache with being curled up in that window seat for so long without movement.

Dropping her arms, she holds out a hand to Cassian still sitting on the floor. “Come on,” she urges him. “Let’s go outside. I haven’t seen a Smoky sunset in years.”

“But it’s not evening yet,” he argues while taking her hand.

Outside, they explore the garden that leads into the woods while waiting for the sun to slink down the sky. Cherry blossoms ride the summer breeze wherever it takes them, resulting in Cassian sniffling and scratching at his neck as they walk hand in hand.

“Rhysand wanted to take these trees down and replace them with a flower garden for Elain,” he tells Nesta as they walk. His sinuses sound clogged, but he’s refused to go back inside until he’s explained every inch of the land to Nesta. “I convinced him not to because it would ruin the view from my bedroom window. Didn’t I make the right choice?” He throws a grin in her direction.

Nesta’s swallow is tight at that grin. “The view from your room was always my favorite part about the entire place. So yes, you did good.”

His eyes widen at that tidbit of information, and she can almost see him tucking it away as more Soulmate Evidence.

They stroll through the woods for a while, and Nesta points out the path she would take to get to Cherrywood—she still insists on calling it Cherrywood, even when Cassian argues that the house’s original name has been around since the sixties.

“Show me the rest of the way?” Cassian asks her, face lit up in boyish hope. “Show me where you ran away to that day I found you.”

Nesta almost expects the memory of the rundown apartment complex she grew up in to feel like being shoved into sludge: dirty, cold, and slimy. Instead, she finds she has no problem with looking back at her old home, no matter how many ugly memories she holds from there.

However, the dappled sunlight streaming in through the trees overhead has turned from yellow to dark gold, and she shakes her head in apology to Cassian. “Another day,” she promises him. “It’s almost sunset.”

They walk back to the house, rounding it until they reach the front. At the bottom of the hill that the house is perched on stands a pier that leads all the way out to the lake. Green mountains frame the lake from both sides, creating the perfect cradle for the sun to sink into.

They go all the way out to the edge of the pier, as if they’re trying to get as close to the sunset as physically possible. Dragonflies lazily swoop by as the lake is gradually painted in a hundred different colors.

Once there’s more darkness than light in the sky, Cassian nudges Nesta with one of the arms he has around her. “Look.” He points.

Along the shoreline of the lake, little dots of light have lit up to welcome the evening, their blinking glow so small that Nesta almost doesn’t catch it. Fireflies.

Nesta watches the insects flit in and out of the long grasses of the lake shore, getting tangled in the weeds and wildflowers. In that moment, she remembers something Cassian once confessed to her not long after his birthday.

I want to see more beautiful places with you.

Nesta ticks this beautiful place off the long list in her head—the first place out of many that she plans to see with Cassian.

More beautiful than the scene before her is the man in her arms. The man who was kind enough to understand a woman who barely understood herself, and to be her friend when she had none. The man who is extending his kindness right now by not having made any breaking-and-entering jokes about Nesta so far, though she’s sure he’ll pull them out eventually.

Discovering that she once found Cassian, just to let him slip by running away from him, only to find him again over a decade later—it comforts the tiny part of her that’s loath to say goodbye to him in two weeks.

Like Cassian is thinking the same thing, he murmurs into the dark, “I can’t wait to come back to you.”

Nesta huffs in amusement. “You haven’t even left yet.”

“I know.” After a moment, he adds in a low voice that not even the fireflies can hear, “Thank you for convincing me to go.”

She reaches up to squeeze his bicep. “Always.” And then she adds what she really wants him to hear: “Don’t come back until you find what you’re looking for.”

“I better find it quick then,” he jokes. Still, he nods in promise against the side of her head.

The only sound after that is the chirp of cicadas and the occasional lap of water meeting the pier beams. Nesta and Cassian stay outside in the June heat long after the sky turns ink blue.

***

a/n: next chapter is just some ic bullshit so take all ur bittersweet sentimentality here and go

tagging: @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @arinbelle @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea @teagoddess99 @mystic-bibliophile

[comicaurora]

Waaaaiiit you grew up an undiagnosed neurodivergent? I feel like I should have a tom of questions because I've recently begun to wonder if I'm neurodivergent too, but I can't articulate my questions at all. So I guess what I'm asking is, what was that like? How were you diagnosed? What's the story behind that? Are you comfortable sharing your experiences with growing up "undiagnosed neurodivergent?"

Big, big caveat that I have not been diagnosed with anything. Smaller caveat that it's looking about 98% likely that I'm very ADHD, which would certainly help explain

"she's very bright, if she would just focus more in class and be less disruptive she'd be perfect" on every single report card I ever got

I'm listening, I promise, I'm just not looking at you, and if you make me look at you I won't be able to keep listening

if I cannot doodle in class I will Die

did I miss the day where they passed out a handbook of social rules

nah coffee doesn't wake me up or disrupt my sleep schedule at all, if anything it makes it easier for me to focus, guess I'm just weird that way

I've finally finished the thing I was working on and I just realized I've been sitting cross-legged for six hours without moving, I'm hungry, everything hurts and I really need to pee

why do I feel so weird and bad AH yes I have forgotten to eat

didn't I make tea sometime in the last four hours

hey wanna hear me talk about the media that's been consuming my every waking thought yea you do here goes

there's a car a block and a half away whose brakes are squeaking so I didn't hear anything you just said

I tried doing the assignment you asked for but it was so boring I wanted to melt so I did this cooler thing instead can I still get a good grade

I already know how to play this music, this is boring, I'm going to play it twice as fast so I'll be done quicker and wait for the rest of the band to catch up, because that is how music works

"oh yea that person hated you for years for some reason, they talked about it all the time, you really didn't know?" no but thanks for letting me know I guess

what do you mean I have to put both my feet on the floor when I sit in a chair, do you want me to die

hey wanna hear some cool space facts yea you do here goes

I'm ten years old in a class of less than twenty people and I don't understand why a solid dozen of those people won't stop making fun of everything I do and say but I've at least figured out I have no way to make them stop so I'm going to try leaning into being proud of being weird even though I'm not really proud I just feel dumb and confused and alone but I can at least pretend I have some control over this situation because I'm receiving zero support because the school administration doesn't know how to address bullying that doesn't involve physical violence and I can't work up the nerve to even be angry at most of these guys even though anger would make things so much easier to emotionally handle because when they're not making fun of me they're friendly and fun to be around and that's really all I want from them and I don't want to push them away when they're being friendly to me because then they might start just being terrible and I'll be even more isolated and I don't even realize I'm scraping along emotional rock bottom for years until

I'm fourteen years old in a new school where I don't know anybody but nobody thinks of me as the designated bullying magnet and people actually act like they like me and think I'm new and interesting and fun to talk to and invite me into friend groups and social gatherings and the things that made me weird and hurt before are what's making me interesting and fun here and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but it never does so

I'm seventeen years old at a high school class retreat and I'm clumsily trying to explain to the rest of my grade how much they've done for me just by being kind and I had a plan for what I wanted to say but the minute I got up on the podium it all turned into a blur and I still have no idea what I actually said to them but I hope they got the message

I'm eighteen years old with a close-knit friend group I still can't quite believe is real and I don't think I'll ever be able to explain to them how much they've done for me and I'm really worried we're going to splinter when we split up for college but we don't because sometimes people really do care about each other

I construct a youtube channel specifically designed to let me infodump all my directionless media enthusiasm into carefully-crafted serotonin machines so I can stop boring my friends to tears with them and start inflicting the infodumps on willing audiences that actually seek them out

I very gradually start processing that the fact that my life kinda sucked for several years had nothing to do with my worth as a human being and everything to do with the fact that I was stuck in a bad situation with a lot of other unhappy people, and that things being good now isn't some temporary fluke doomed to fail

I'm twenty years old and I see someone online mention "rejection sensitive dysphoria" for the first time and a whole lot of things about me start making more sense

Everything gets better and I'm happy, well-rested, and not alone

[yuzukult]

dissonance (teaser) || jjk & reader

title: dissonance pairing: jeon jungkook x reader genre: angst, eventual smut (but teaser is smut free baby), fluff, rockstar!jungkook, gradstudent!reader teaser wc: 1,277 | full fic wc: tbd summary: something that first seems out of reach becomes a reality for him. screaming adoring fans, billboards with him and his band plastered on it, and touring across the globe with venues sold out. he has everything... but all he's missing is you. a/n: back at it again !! i honestly didn't think i'd come back with another jungkook fic but... i've always written series' for him so maybe this time lets dabble in a one-shot. :) enjoy this little teaser!

He loves it here. It’s his dream to be here, on the stage, with the feeling of the music rumbling underneath the soles of his chunky boots, the sea of fans screaming and hollering out his name with his self-produced songs booming through the speakers of the venue while his band stands by his side, just as passionate for this as he is.

It’s his dream; he reiterates this constantly as a reminder that this isn’t something everyone gets the chance to breathe the opportunity of. He’s been manifesting this scenario his entire life, wishing and praying to the potential Gods to help make his aspirations become a reality. He’d work his ass off to make ends meet, be able to afford the necessities all while chasing this goal that many claimed to be unrealistic or unattainable. But he’s here right now, supporters that flood the building to the brim for a concert that’s been sold out in thirty cities so far. He has everything he could ever want. Girls, money, music…

But why does he feel… like there’s something missing?

Another pair of panties gets thrown at the toes of his boots—it’s probably the sixth one that night but he’s grown used to this already. In some performances, girls would throw themselves at his feet instead of undergarments, yelling at the top of their lungs so ferociously that the security guards had to hold them back in fear of what they’re capable of. And sure, if he really wanted to, he could ask them out or invite them back to his hotel room for a quick bang, and it was what he’d been doing for the first couple years, and maybe they’ll make him feel a little less like this.

Albeit it doesn’t quite hit the same way anymore.

He’s left with this feeling of emptiness when he says his goodbyes and shuts the door behind them; there’s a gap in his chest like he’s forgotten something, yearning for it to be filled but those girls aren’t the ones to do it. His dreams used to be able to—but what are accomplished dreams when you have no one to share it with?

His friends/band mates are great, supportive and understanding, he’s admitted that he’s gotten lucky in that department, but part of him believes that it’s not friendship he’s lacking.

It’s love.

It sounds sappy to the ears of strangers, especially because ideally, you’re not supposed to depend on love to have that stuffing to the brim emotions in your chest, to feel complete and whole because a pretty person fell for you and vice versa. But to Jungkook, being in love had been something he thought he could toss under the rug for another day when he’d given up the girl he’d be infatuated with for this unobtainable aspiration, yet instead, he finds himself back in the same spot years later. Missing it.

He loved the chase—he’s a hopeless romantic kind of guy. After all, how would all of his songs be so full of raw emotions like that? It’s because Jungkook lives it—or well, lived it because everything he knew about love had been left on a shelf to collect dust. And he’d try to convince himself that he didn’t need someone, but he’d grown… lonely.

And quite frankly, finding someone genuine has proven to be difficult.

Don’t mention Tinder, Jungkook has already tried that. It promptly made headlines the moment he logged into that app with a selfie he’s never used before, and still then people actually thought he was catfishing, and wasn’t the real Jeon Jungkook. He should’ve known. But in all fairness, Jungkook isn’t much of a ‘future thinker.’

Then there was trying to date a staff member—worse idea yet. That noona ended up pissed at him when he realized that this isn’t what he wanted (he’d learn she was quite the control freak) and she flipped shit to the point that his managers fired her on the spot then informed the security that she was on the “do-not-enter” list.

After that, Jungkook just thought maybe he was going about this wrong.

Maybe, women weren’t actually of his interest.

Possibly, he was into men.

So, he tried. He ventured out a little, got a little taste here and there. Jungkook even found someone who fit him perfectly. His name? Kim Hyunwoo.

It worked out for a little, Jungkook admits, because Hyunwoo was overall a great boyfriend. He looked out for Jungkook, treated him well and they shared the same interests overall.

But… that was the problem.

They got along very well. As if they were best friends.

He found himself getting a bit uncomfortable when things got a little too serious—don’t get him wrong though, he honestly wasn’t embarrassed to be dating a guy. Hyunwoo was the definition of a model; handsome, tall with these sharp facial features. He’d been stopped and recruited several times during their dates, and truthfully, it made Jungkook feel a little awkward. He was the celebrity here, yet standing beside Hyunwoo only makes him feel small.

And in all honesty, he shouldn’t feel this way about the success of his significant other. But it wasn’t even just that. He found himself unable to pass first base with the guy—something about the action itself made him feel… discomfort. But he’s attracted to Hyunwoo. So why can’t he push himself to kiss him?

Jungkook learns maybe he finds men appealing but he can’t have more with them.

So, he goes back into the dating game. Met girls all over during his tour stops; he met a foreign girl named Lily, a gorgeous girl with pretty blonde hair and pale skin. But they didn’t click. He oddly felt like they weren’t ever on the same page. Then he went to dinner with a gal named—okay. He forgot her name. But the way her dress hugged her ass made his mind go blank, so could he really be blamed? (The answer is yes.) Oh! What about that girl whose name is similar to a hurricane? She had long, dark hair that matched her lengthy lashes that fluttered over her supple cheeks when she sucked his—

Nonetheless, it’s a dud again. He’s still lonely, he sadly confesses, but all of this is too much for him to process. He’s tired of getting his heart broken. He’s exhausted from meeting girls who first claimed that they’re not obsessed then actually are. He’s worn out of the ones who don’t love him for him, but love him for his fame.

Jungkook just wants to be loved for being… Jungkook.

And when he encounters you, some graduate student who spends majority of her days in between the activities of face dug into a textbook or eyes glued onto a computer screen, he thinks he’s back to where he was before this lifestyle. Jungkook finds himself swooning, desperately wishing for your touch and kisses, but there’s just one thing he doesn’t quite know.

Do you like Jungkook for Jungkook? Or do you like the ideal version of him that sings on stage, tossing off his shirt with his abs flexing while the crowd screams his name once more, all while the veins in his neck pop when he reaches that high note?

Or do you like Jungkook, the one who still doesn’t understand the difference between an orange and clementine, the one who still has trouble knowing when a potato is thoroughly cooked, and why his socks came out of the wash in this weird pinky shade when they definitely went in as white.

So… which is it? Which Jungkook are you interested in?

[straykidsupdate]

Stray Kids Are Breaking Records, Breaking Eardrums and Breaking Limits (INTERVIEW)

A Stray Kids track a day keeps the stress away. Though one can argue the K-pop group's energetic brand of "noise music" could possibly heighten tension, their bass-bumping, get-the-crowd-jumping songs are encouraging, vital points to Stray Kids' calling: to be the voices of their generation.

As showcased on their fiery 2019 hip-pop hit "MIROH," or 2020's heavy-hitting "God's Menu," Stray Kids — often abbreviated as SKZ — are unrelenting in their journey of self-expression and their determination to push themselves, and their fans, to their full potential. A prime example? Their second studio album, NOEASY, released Aug. 23.

Source: Pop Crush

The 14-track project, the majority of which was produced by sub-unit 3RACHA (Bang Chan, Changbin and Han), exhibits Stray Kids' ability to bring the noise no matter the tempo. NOEASY starts off strong with five in-your-face tracks that blend EDM and hip-hop elements (lead single "Thunderous," "Cheese," supporting single "Domino," "The View" and "SSICK"), while the later part of the album experiments with different genres and styles, from jazz-pop to rock.

Just three years into their career — they formed in 2018 — members Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, HAN, Felix, Seungmin and I.N. already carry dozens of award nominations and wins under their belt, and boast chart-topping hits in both physical and digital sales. Even before the release of their second album, the group already set a new record by becoming the first artist under JYP Entertainment to reach 1 million pre-orders.

We recently caught up with the members to talk about NOEASY, the adorable SKZOO version of "Thunderous" and why touring is their first and foremost priority.

Congratulations on your second album! A studio album takes lots of work, so how does it feel to have this out there in the world now?

Changbin: We really put our everything into preparing this album and we're really confident in it, so I’m really happy that STAY can finally listen to it!

Lee Know: We couldn’t wait to put this out because there are so many really, really good songs on it, so it feels great to finally release this album.

Hyunjin: Somehow a year has already passed, and we’re so thankful to our STAY who have waited for us. The entire album is good, so we hope STAY really enjoy it.

NOEASY has already achieved the title of being the best-selling album in JYP Entertainment in history. Any thoughts on that? What other records would you guys like to break?

Bang Chan: That title was achievable all thanks to STAY! If it weren't for STAY, we wouldn’t have been able to have even gotten this far. Stray Kids are known as “the kids that enjoy breaking things." We break objects, break eardrums and break limits, so breaking another record wouldn’t be so bad. Of course, we’ll need the help from STAY!

I.N: I hope we grow even more with the next album, so much so that people will describe us as artists who are constantly improving.

What were your first impressions of the title track?

HAN: When we listened to the final product, it made me really happy that the track sounded really fresh, the lyrics were very witty and full of spirit and it clearly embodied Stray Kids’ distinct color. I wanted to hurry and work on the performance and share the song with someone!

Felix: The song is really unique and I believe that we were the only team to make it impactful.

Seungmin: One day, upon arriving at home, 3RACHA immediately played the song for me. The moment I heard it, it felt electrifying, and I really wanted it to be a title track. That’s why I voiced a lot of my opinion, too.

3RACHA (Bang Chan, Changbin and Han), you guys have made a name for yourself and were heavily involved in this second album just like past releases. What was it like with this project?

Bang Chan: Just like any other project that we’ve worked on, we just had fun. We experimented with a lot of different styles and tried our best to widen our musical spectrum.

Changbin: We knew there would be a lot of expectations as this would be a full album, so we really put a lot of effort into the process.

HAN: The process was a lot of fun. We’d ask ourselves, “What should we attempt? What should we try next?” And we looked forward to what we’d come up with while working on this album.

How was it different this time?

Bang Chan: The “let’s just have fun” part hasn’t changed at all, but the biggest difference would be the genres of music and the ways we recorded the songs.

Changbin: Perhaps because our second full album is the first album we’re releasing after [television competition] Kingdom, there was a bit of pressure to meet people’s expectations. When pondering what everyone would be expecting of us, we thought they’d definitely be looking forward to something new in true Stray Kids’ fashion. I think that’s the part that we contemplated a lot.

HAN: I think, compared to before, we had a little more fun while working on this album. There was no time crunch, and we worked with the thought of making music that best fits who we are today, so I think the end result came out really well.

What would you say were the key highlights for the album?

Bang Chan: One thing that I hope people will notice is the improvement of all the members’ recording skills. We put a lot of effort into all the songs.

Changbin: The album includes unit songs in which all of our members took part during the creative process.

HAN: I hope people look forward to Stray Kids’ distinct musical color, our wit and how much we’ve matured.

When you guys came up with NOEASY as the title, how did you define it in your own terms?

Bang Chan: This might sound cheesy, but life itself is pretty “no easy." Everyone goes through obstacles, everyone has their own downs and lows, but I feel like it depends on how “noisy” you’re going to be to overcome those hardships.

HAN: NOEASY is trying to convey that things may be hard, but we’re going to break through that difficulty with our sound! I think the best way to explain it is that even if things are tough, as long as we have the sound of Stray Kids and the sound of STAY, we can overcome anything.

You spoiled your fans with so much pre-release content, which would you say were your favorites and why?

Lee Know: The SKZOO teaser was the most memorable. I would say the cuteness amidst the power was the key point.

Hyunjin: The trailer video was a little embarrassing to film, but after seeing it all come together, it looked so cool that I hope we get to do it again next time!

Seungmin: We worked on unit songs that were included on this album, and the Song Camp teaser videos that showed the creative process behind those unit songs were really good! I think our STAY really enjoyed them, so I hope we can do that type of content again.

About the SKZOO version of the “Thunderous” video: Whose idea was it?

Felix: As we prepared for our comeback, we wanted to impress and entertain our fans with something fun and unique, so we all came to one conclusion which was wearing our costumes for “Thunderous."

Your music has become incredibly encouraging and has touched many STAY around the world. What would you say is your ultimate message as Stray Kids?

Bang Chan: At one point in their lives, people will have a moment where they feel astray from the road that they’ve chosen, and I would like those people to know that they’re not the only ones that feel that way. So, whenever you need someone to keep you company, just know that Stray Kids are here to get you back on track.

You guys pretty much owned 2020 with hit after hit, including “God’s Menu” and “Back Door." How has it been working and releasing music in the midst of the pandemic?

Changbin: There was a lot more time being spent at home, but I didn’t want to waste that time, and instead used it to consistently work on new music. I hope people listen to our songs and gain strength during this challenging time.

Seungmin: To be honest, I was really bummed we couldn’t get to meet our STAY in person, but I think we promoted our album hoping that STAY could feel our love through videos, our music and their hearts even from afar. I’m grateful because I think our sincerity was relayed despite not being able to see each other in person. We spent our time working really hard even in the unseen!

When the pandemic is over and everything’s okay, what’s the first thing you want to do?

Bang Chan: World tour, first priority!

Lee Know: The very first thing I want to do is have a fan meeting with STAY.

Changbin: Definitely an in-person concert.

Hyunjin: I want to go on a world tour to hurry and meet our STAY all over the world and experience new cultures in different countries! I also want to perform for our STAY in-person at Korean music shows.

HAN: A concert! I want to hurry and have a concert so we can vibe with STAY and sing together in the same place. I miss this so much and can’t wait until we can do this again.

Felix: World tour!

Seungmin: I would say the first that comes to mind is a concert with STAY where we can finally greet them and have fun together!

I.N: I want to do a world tour.

Congratulations on your third anniversary! Do you guys have any wishes, individually or as a group?

Bang Chan: Individually, I just wish for everyone to be safe and happy. As a team, I wish that we can reach places that haven’t been reached before with the help from STAY.

Lee Know: I really want to be able to let STAY experience our performances visually and physically in real life as soon as possible.

Changbin: I want to make music and perform as Stray Kids for a long time.

Hyunjin: I’m sad that we can’t right now, but I would really like for this time of coronavirus to pass so we’re able to make many more memories with STAY. I really miss the fan meetings, concerts and world tours.

HAN: I want to mature more and continue growing in my music and just as a person. I would like to make even better music so that I can continue to touch STAY’s hearts and give them joy.

Felix: Individually, I hope to make a lot of memories and give a lot of hope and happiness to the STAY all around the world to the best of my ability. As a team, we really want to go on a world tour to meet our STAY as soon as possible.

Seungmin: I want to show our fans an even more improved version of ourselves. My wish is to show STAY that we’ll never go backwards!

I.N: I would like to continue improving and be described as an artist of consistent growth. I want to become an artist that’s a good influence on people.

What’s something you would like people to know about SKZ if they haven’t given them a chance yet?

Lee Know: We’ve got backbone. Once you fall for us, it’s hard to get out.

Hyunjin: I hope that after listening to our diverse music and watching our extravagant performances, people will notice us a little more.

Anything else you’d like to say? Speak now or forever hold your peace!

HAN: STAY, thank you for always giving us positive energy. We feel bad because it seems like we’re always just on the receiving end, but we’ll work hard to reciprocate what you’ve given to us! We’re always so thankful for you, and we miss you so much. We love you, and please continue to watch over us.

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

i ain’t gonna face no defeat

in which alex was a figure skater.

word count: 2,916

some willex, juke if you squint

tw: occasional swearing, period-typical homophobic parents (q word is used as a slur exactly once)

———

“Cut off my circulation even more, why don’t you?” Alex grumbles, grabbing his arm away from his sister.

She rolls her eyes and nudges him as he adjusts the arm band. “Hey, feel lucky you’re even doing this. I don’t think Mom and Dad actually realize what you’re skating to.”

Alex hesitates and sucks on his teeth. “You think they’ll be mad?”

“Oh, they’ll be livid,” she deadpans, then smiles softly. “But they can’t stop you.” She gives him a pat on the shoulder as he leans over to pull on his boot covers. “I’m gonna head to the bleachers. Break a leg!”

Alex calls after her, not looking up, “That’s only for theater and you know it, Mel!”

A few minutes later, he’s called to the boards, and he can’t shake off his damn jitters. He knows he’ll be fine once the music starts, but right now his skate guard won’t come off and he really has to pee all of a sudden and oh my god why is he wearing a tank top when it’s so fucking cold—

Alex steps onto the ice, and the announcer calls his name while he glides into a stretch before taking his beginning pose. He ignores the way his arm, raised in a fist, is shaking while the beginning harmonies start to play, and he skates.

•••

Alex began figure skating when he was six. It was an odd situation, really; he didn’t care about doing it one way or another, and he would’ve been fine with not doing it since his parents would always say it was a girl’s sport. His little sister, Melanie, however, wanted to skate so badly, but with her being the four-year-old she was, she was terrified of doing it alone. Begrudgingly, his parents signed him up for lessons alongside her.

Much to their dismay, he was good. Like, really fucking good. He landed his first single jump after only two years, and his first axel after six. He managed to get height in a way that his coach’s other skaters didn’t; maybe it was the inner pent up anxiety making him bounce like a jumping bean, who knows.

Alex wasn’t just good at jumps, either; he got his Y-spin after four years. He was that kid on the ice who accidentally cut people off with an impeccable spiral. When he practiced his programs, the other kids would move towards the boards to give him room and sneak a glance.

As much as Alex liked the attention from his peers (god, that support system was something else), he couldn’t help but feel disappointed that his parents never sat in on his sessions. They would only ever come to the shows and competitions his sister was a part of; he had to find his own ride to the others (thank god for Bobby's parents, honestly). It had made him angry at first that they didn’t want to be involved, but as he grew older, and learned more about himself, he realized he could use it to his advantage. He could skate to anything he wanted.

Alex was 13 when he chose to skate to Somebody to Love. To anyone else, it was very unassuming, just another kid skating to a popular song at the time, maybe even a tribute, since Freddie himself had passed two months before. It was everything to Alex, though. He pulled out all of the stops; his costume was the whole armband and wifebeater getup, and his coach let him assist in choreographing it.

He didn't know it was his last program.

•••

"Hey, Alex?"

He looks up from his math homework and hums in recognition.

Mel bites her lip and leans against the doorframe before mumbling, "I wanna quit."

Quit? Shit, nonononono— "—nonononono, Mel, you can't quit! If you quit, they're gonna make me quit!"

She closes the door softly behind her and walks slowly up to him. "Alex, the only reason I've been skating for the past year was so you could keep doing it. I'm really sick of skating at this point, and I wanna switch to something else. I'll keep going if you really, really want me to, but—" She sits next to him on his bed, lowering her voice to a whisper, "You saw how they reacted to the recital, 'Lex. You think they might make you quit anyway?"

Alex sighs and squeezes his eyes shut. She's right, he knows she's right. It just fucking sucks.

He tilts his head back. "You can quit," he whispers.

Mel places her hand on his and squeezes, whispering back, "I'm sorry." Alex looks back down at her. "I really with there was something we could do, but there isn't," she continues, recollecting her hand. "At least your last program was a good one."

He gives her a sad chuckle. "Yeah, I guess so. And, I'll have more time to focus on the band. Luke'll be happy about that."

Mel rolls her eyes, takes a breath, and leaves Alex to his own devices with a pitying look.

If she hears him practicing the beat to Somebody to Love in the basement the night she officially quits, she doesn't say anything.

•••

"Julie, what are you doing up there?"

Julie throws a shoe over the wall of the loft and into the evergrowing pile on the floor. "Cleaning out all of your old junk. Which one of you had a magician phase?" she asks, holding up a cheap, ratty top hat and matching plastic wand. "It was Reggie, wasn't it?"

Alex chuckles to himself, poofing up next to Julie. "Why do you think he knew who Caleb was when we met him?"

Julie lets out a loud laugh, continuing her digging. "Are the other guys here?"

"Nah, they're looking for a gig. I just got back from the park," Alex answers.

“Just the park?” Julie asks sarcastically, and before Alex can retort, she adds on, standing up straight, “Hey, whose skates are these?”

She’s holding his old figure skates in her right hand.

The black fabric is a little faded, with the familiar scuffs still on the toe. His dark blue skate guards are all dusty, but the blades still somehow look intact, given there wasn’t much opportunity for water damage in a loft.

Alex scratches the back of his neck, ignoring the rising blush in his cheeks and bracing himself for the inevitable teasing. “Those, uh, those are mine, actually.”

Julie looks up from the boots at him in awe. “Whoa, you skated? That’s so cool!”

Alex drops his hand, mouth open in hesitation. “Really? It’s not... weird to you?”

He can recall a tight grip on his arm, firmer than the band that had been ripped off. "Alex, what made you think it was okay to pull off this kind of stunt? You don't want people thinking you're some kind of queer, do you? Why we've let you continue this is beyond me, it isn’t any good for you.”

“Why would it be weird?” Julie asks, quirking her head to the side in such a Julie way that Alex would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so worried.

He shrugs, shuffling his feet from side to side, and mumbles with a wince, “I don’t know, because I’m a guy and figure skating is like, a girly sport, I guess?”

Julie shakes her head, eyebrows furrowed with a soft smile on her face. “First off, it’s not inherently girly, and second, if it’s something that you enjoyed, then that’s what matters, right?”

“I guess so,” Alex replies, looking down at his sneakers. Is that all that matters, though? He pauses for a moment in debate, then adds on at Julie’s encouraging expression, “My parents made me quit when I was fourteen.” He takes a breath. “They were never that involved in it, though, they actually only let me because my sister did it. I, uh, after I skated to a Queen song in a full Freddie Mercury getup, they weren’t too happy, and made me quit.”

At some point in his spiel, Julie had put her hand on his shoulder, and now she was squeezing it before pulling him into a hug. “Your parents are stupid,” she mumbled into his chest.

Alex chuckles, something emotionless, a bitter taste on the tip of his tongue. “Yeah. They were.”

Julie pulls away with a gasp, a bright smile on her face. “We should all go skating this weekend! The public rink just opened up a couple weeks ago, and I can bring Flynn so it doesn’t look like I’m talking to myself—” she falters, cutting herself off, “I mean, if you’re cool with it. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Alex thinks back to his many (many) practice sessions, and remembers the feeling of finally getting that move right, of flying in the air for that one glorious millisecond, of seeing some of his closest friends every other day. He misses it, of course he misses it. It was his biggest outlet before he focused all of his attention on drumming. But, he can’t help but feel that stupid fucking guilt clawing at his throat, can’t help but imagine oh, so clearly the look of betrayal on his mother’s face the night he came out.

Then again, he had lived the rest of his life out of spite of his parents. Why not keep it going?

“That sounds really fun,” he replies, pulling her back in. “Thank you.”

•••

A world sans Caleb was a new one to Willie. However, it was also a very welcome one, because it was in this world that he was able to just relax with Alex in the studio, enjoying every second they spend together without worrying about the time running out.

Which is why he was (reasonably) surprised when the time ran out.

They throw Alex an impressively offended look as he removed his arm from behind their shoulder. “What?”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Willie scoffed.

Alex chuckles to himself, pressing his lips into a line. "As much as I would love to stay here and cuddle with you—" At that, Willie's face goes bright red, and Alex counts it as a win in his head, "—the band and I are going ice skating when Flynn gets here, which should be in about five minutes."

"Oh," Willie's face brightens as they reply, "sounds fun!"

Alex winces. "Yeah, making sure Luke doesn't accidentally become tangible and run over a seven-year-old while playing human bowling on the ice with Reggie is super fun." Willie laughs something golden in response, and Alex only hesitates for a moment before adding on, "Uh- actually, would you want to come with us?"

Willie grows soft, still getting used to finally being included, but quickly schools his expression before replying, "Yeah, I'd love to! Though, fair warning, I'm kind of only good at the one kind of skating?"

Alex quickly scrunches his nose. "That's fine, I'll help you," he offers, slowly untangling himself from Willie.

Willie isn't sure how much help he's really gonna be, but they figure even an amateur would be better than whatever the fuck kind of Bambi creature he is on the ice, so they nod and pull Alex up by his hand off the couch.

•••

They arrived to the rink a few minutes ago, and while Julie and Flynn are buying their rental skates and Luke, Reggie, and Willie attempt to steal some without being noticed, Alex laces up his own skates by himself on an open bench.

It isn't until after he yanks the last bow that he realizes— putting on those skates should not have been that easy.

Yeah, their clothes are usually easy to put on, and they can summon their instruments any time they want, but touching anything else usually takes an immense amount of focus. Hell, the dahlia pin Julie had bought Luke for his guitar strap took five tries to actually hook on rather than just drop to the ground.

And yet, his skates just— went on? Laced up with no problem? His foot didn't go through the sole even once? He wiggles his toes around inside the boot, and only feels the familiar push of fabric against them.

He decides not to question it, to not think about the implications of his skates possibly being attached to his soul, and tries to avoid yet another afterlife crisis as they walk toward the boards. Or, at least, he walks, while Luke just bolts onto the ice with no hesitation, and Reggie quickly follows. Alex falls back behind Julie and Flynn, who step onto the ice and begin gliding around, and Willie somehow finds their way next to him, grabbing onto his hand. They make it to the door, and Willie lets go with a small nudge to the shoulder. "Alright, hotdog, show me what you've got," he jokes.

Alex lets out a small laugh and steps out onto the ice, a weird feeling of deja-vu settling into his nonexistent bones. Once he gathers his bearings, he glides along before maneuvering closer to the middle of the ice and pulling himself into a scratch spin. It takes him a minute to really center the spin, but with the phantom tingling of blood rushing to the tips of his fingers before he pulls in completely, suddenly it's 1990 and he's doing his Lacrimosa program and he wants to try to land every jump he's ever learned, even though he knows that trying his axel right now is a horrible idea, and—

He's exited the spin now, looking back at the door to see Willie about a foot away from it, gripping the wall with a concerning amount of intensity, an odd combination of fear, shock, and something else (awe, maybe?) coming to rest on their face. He skates back over, and Willie's expression doesn't seem to change. "You—" they swallow, "—you can skate."

Alex slides his feet back and forth, his arms behind his back. "Yeah, I figure skated for eight years, actually. Did, did I not mention that?" he asks, smirking a little, knowing damn well he very much never mentioned that.

Willie closes his eyes, sucks on his teeth, and takes a breath, getting over their minor bluescreen moment. "Help me?"

"In order for me to help you, you need to let go of the boards," Alex responds. Willie looks at the boards, then back at him, eyebrows furrowed. "It'll hurt a lot more falling into two flat surfaces rather than one," Alex reasons, and Willie hesitates before finally letting go.

"There we go," Alex says softly, taking both of Willie's hands in his. He begins to slowly pull them along, not caring about passing through lifers, while Willie's feet slip and slide beneath him. Alex tries his hardest not to laugh, and Willie quips, "I thought I was supposed to be the athletic one."

Alex scoffs, "Who told you that? Are you the one lugging around an entire drumset every weekend?" At Willie's laugh, Alex tacks on, "I didn't think so."

They make a full lap around the rink before Alex lets go, having to prevent Luke and Reggie from pulling on some little girl’s milk boxes to make her go faster, because no, that’s not how physics works, and yes, people will notice, Luke.

After, Willie moves to get off at the boards, and Alex pulls a disappointed pout. Willie just motions toward the ice, saying, "I know you didn't just come here to pull me around the whole time, I wanna see your turns and stuff."

Alex hesitates, "But I don't want to leave you here by yourself—"

He’s cut off by a familiar harmony playing in the background, and Luke and Reggie poof by his side in an instant. Alex barely has any time to register it before Reggie is putting a hand on his shoulder and Luke is asking if he’s okay.

And Alex doesn’t know how to answer that right away, if he’s being honest. At first, he thinks he might not be, because all he remembers is scolding, leaving, hiding, but he reminds himself it’s 2020 and he’s a ghost; that his parents are as involved in what was left of his life now as they were when he came out— not at all. The feeling of freedom starts to envelope him; the same freedom as when he danced with Dirty Candy at Eat ‘n’ Beats, the same freedom as when he played the drums at the Orpheum, and the same freedom he had before his last recital. He takes a deep breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” Alex replies, trying to hide his newfound itching to just get back out there.

Reggie drops his hand from his shoulder with a smile; meanwhile, Luke catches notice of Julie and Flynn starting a mini snow fight, to which he immediately races over and shouts, “I want in!” Reggie just shrugs and poofs over. Whether to stop him or join, the world may never know.

Alex rolls his eyes at his friends’ antics and looks back over at Willie, anxious energy seemingly radiating off of him— except, not as it usually does; now it was more excitement than anything else.

“Go show off, Alex,” Willie says, shooting him away with a smile.

Alex unsuccessfully tries to suppress the overwhelming giddy feeling that rises in his chest, and he skates. Again.

Finally.

[reidyoulikeabook]

12%

Part of Amelia’s 200 follower celebration!

Request: Angst prompt #47 with Spencer (why is it so hard for you to believe me?)

Word count: 1.5k (this got out of hand slightly)

Warnings: Mentions of schizophrenia, canon-typical violence, arguing. Can’t think of anything else! Loosely based off the events of 6x19, if you’re interested!

A/N: I am steadily working through the rest of the 200 follower celebration asks and should have them all up in the next 2 days! Thank you so much to everyone whose sent them, I’ve really enjoyed writing them :) (and feel free to send me more from the prompt list, i’m always open to them!)

i had a request for this same prompt with Emily so if you sent that ask: don’t worry! i have a different idea for it that i’m super excited to write !!!

The case was rough. Ben, the unsub who was suffering with hallucinations, had gone for Spencer’s neck with a knife. Spencer had been trying de-escalation tactics, reassuring Ben that if he put the knife down then everything would be fine. Unfortunately, it seemed he’d heard something else.

He'd lept towards Spencer, knife raised in his hand. You acted on instinct. The bullet left your gun, hitting Ben in the shoulder and knocking him down. Spencer was on him in an instant, pressing his hands over the wound.

“We need an ambulance!”

Hotch had told you you’d made the right choice. If you hadn’t taken the shot, he would have.

So why then, does it feel like you’ve done something so wrong?

Spencer doesn’t speak to you the whole ride back to the station. Hardly acknowledges you as you pack up your belongings, snatches the file you give him and shoves it into his satchel. The others pick up on it, of course, but daren’t say anything. As much as they enjoy lovingly sticking their nose into your business, they know to keep out of your fights.

He doesn’t sit near you on the jet. Instead, he takes a seat at the back, whispering to Morgan in hushed tones. You sit on the couch with Rossi, who does his best to involve you in the card game he’s teaching Seaver.

Once you’re back at the BAU, Spencer has to speak to you.

“Are you coming home with me?” You ask.

“Yeah.”

“Are you actually planning on speaking to me anytime soon?”

“Once we’re home.”

His ominous tone stokes the anxiety in your chest. Nodding, you wipe your clammy palms on the side of your trousers. It doesn’t sound good. He’s never used that kind of tone with you before, no, you fight clean. None of your fights ever devolve into angry shouting, there’s such an emphasis on communication that you’re realising now that maybe anger on him doesn’t look the same as on everyone else. Anger on Spencer looks cold.

The car ride back is tense. You try to put some music on, just the radio, to alleviate some of the thick tension. Spencer switches it off immediately.

You squirm, a little uncomfortable in your seat. Feeling Spencer’s gaze on you, you wonder if he’ll say anything. Then he looks away again, pretending to spot something out of the window. Cold.

***

You’re hardly through the door, his satchel not even hung over the back of the dining room chair before the words are out of your mouth.

“Are you mad about Ben?”

He huffs out a laugh, “Yeah, _____, I’m mad about Ben.”

“Why?”

“You shot him.”

“He was going for your neck, I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“I was trying to calm him down.”

“His hallucinations were clearly in control of that situation. Not you. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to be able to see that.”

“I could have calmed him down.”

“No you couldn’t, Spencer! Just because you know how to deal with your mother doesn’t mean you know how to deal with every unsub we see who has hallucinations.”

You regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth. They’re the only ones you’ve said that get a reaction from him though, his teeth sink into his lower lip and he shakes his head, as if amused. He’s clearly not.

“Don’t speak to me about my mom.”

“It’s relevant. Why the hell else would you have taken that case so personally? You were distracted by thinking about your mom and you were not thinking responsibly. You were acting recklessly because of your own personal vendetta. You put your gun down Spencer, you stepped towards him, you didn’t know if any of what you were doing was working. I’m not trying to undermine what you’re capable of, but you got too close today. You took a risk that I don’t think you’d have taken with any other unsub.”

“He’s not like the other unsubs,” He snaps, his voice full of venom.

“I’m not saying he is,” You say, “This wasn’t his fault. He’s sick and he needs help. I’m not blaming him. I’m criticising your judgement.”

“Yeah, you are criticising my judgement.”

You raise your eyebrows, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

"If it had been Morgan, or Hotch, or Rossi you would have thought about it before shooting. But no, because it’s me you thought I needed the protection.”

“So that’s what you think is it? I overstepped because I don’t have faith in you or your ability to protect yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Emily died a month ago, Spencer. A month ago, one of my best friends died on a case she ran off to handle alone. Forgive me for not wanting my boyfriend to be next,” You spit, throwing your coat over the back of the couch and storming towards the bedroom, “Forgive me for not wanting you to surrender your life to every unsub you feel sorry for.”

“What if it was me?” He asks, his voice breaking slightly, “What if that had been me?”

You turn around, throwing him a quizzical glance. His arms are folded defensively across his chest, gaze directed at the floor.

“What?”

“What if I was Ben? Would you have shot me?”

“Spencer what-”

“Schizophrenia is genetic. That could just as easily be me a year from now. I’ve been having those headaches that none of the doctors can figure out. This could be the start. So what if that had been me? Would you shoot me?”

“No,” You take a step towards him, hurt searing in your chest as he takes one back, “No, Spencer, of course I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“You hurt him.”

“Spencer, I would never hurt you.”

“Right.”

“Why is it so hard for you to believe me?”

“Because I just watched you shoot a guy who was sick! He was sick ____, he didn’t want to hurt anybody!”

“He killed four people Spencer! He had a knife to two kids throats when we came in! He tried to kill you! I’m not saying it was his fault but you can’t make out like he was innocent, or like he wasn’t a threat in that situation. He needed help. He was dangerous to himself and other people.”

“What if I was?”

“What?”

“That’s why it’s so hard to believe you,” His voice cracks, “What if I was a threat in that situation?”

“You said it yourself,” You say, stepping towards him again, “That there are a lot of different types of schizophrenia. Only around 12% of people who develop it actually commit any kind of violent crime.”

“Why do you know that?”

Your eyes lock, and a lump forms in your throat. Fuck.

“I looked up some things about schizophrenia.”

He curls into himself tighter, his knuckles white from how tightly they’re balled up under his armpits. The revelation seems to physically wound him. Realisation settling over his face that this was something you’d thought about. A possibility you’d considered. Somehow it makes him feel sick. The sturdy back of the front door is the only thing keeping him upright.

“I don’t think you’re gonna get it Spence,” You try, “You’re 29. It usually hits people in their early 20′s. You’re past the point of being able to get it.”

You know he knows all this. It’s useless information, but the silence is too much to bare, the hurt in his eyes is too much to bare. You open your mouth again to speak, to try to explain, to try to tell him that you’d only done it so you’d know how to help him if the time ever came. That all you wanted was to love and support him, that no matter what happened you’d always be there to get through it together. You’ve told him so many times before and somehow he still doesn’t seem to believe you.

“What if I was going to hurt Morgan?” His voice cuts through your thoughts.

“What?”

“You said you’d never shoot me. What about if I was going to hurt someone you cared about? What if it was Morgan?”

“I would never hurt you.”

“Obviously you don’t believe I can promise you the same.”

“Spencer it’s not like that.”

“You looked it up! You were researching the statistics! It’s obviously something that’s crossed your mind and we saw today that you protect the people you love from whatever you think is dangerous. And what’s dangerous could be me. You know that.”

The look on his face is heartbreaking. The fear in his eyes, the way his cheeks pull as he sucks on them, trying to keep in the tears. He’s so afraid of himself. So afraid of what he could become.

“Spencer I don’t believe you could ever be dangerous, I don’t know how you think I could ever think that, I-”

“Maybe I should go,” He says, cutting you off.

“Spencer.”

Before you can finish the thought, he’s yanking the door open, disappearing through it. You know better than to go after him while he’s like this, better than to disturb him when it’s clear he needs time. Sitting down on the couch, you fold your knees up against your chest. Waiting for him to come back so you can explain to him again how much you love him, how you could never be afraid, how you’re by his side through it all.

As the tears spill down your face, you start to wonder how many times you’ve had this exact same fight. How many times he’s refused to believe you. How he constantly pushes you away out of his own fear about himself. And then, as the sobs wrack your chest, you wonder: how many more times can I do this?