#i just want to rip this piece apart but i can't bring myself to do that

[ryn-halo26]

"Shh, careful of who's watching, Kid" "Of course, Sir"

I spent a total of 4 hours on this, according to Ibis Paint at least. I kinda hate how this turned out ngl

Here's @another-lost-mc 's Belial and my oc, Silver! More of Silver can be found here.

[babydollmarauders]

RIGHT HERE — JOHN MARINO

summary: in which y/n can’t let go of her situationship

warnings: NSFW!!! fingering, p in v (unprotected), substance use (weed), praise, sir kink

notes: inspired by Right Here by Chase Atlantic. this is 3.4k words even after editing, not proofread

“oh c'mon y/n, you're not seriously calling him, are you?” Kate's voice drifts over the edm song blasting from the speakers of the Hoboken club, her face painted in disappointment.

“he's not good for you.” Taylor sing-songs, attempting to pry the phone out of my hand, but i keep a firm grip on the electronic.

“how do you know that?” i rebut. “he makes me feel good.”

“yeah, for like an hour.” Kate rolls her eyes, finally wrestling the iphone from my hold, clicking the red button to end the call before it can even connect. “then we have to pick up the pieces after he inevitably leaves you alone again.”

she holds the device out of my reach, swatting my hands away with her other hand as i reach for it.

“y/n, we love you. we just don't wanna see you hurt.” Taylor coos, a hand playing with the ends of my hair. her doe-like eyes soften like her tone.

“we came out tonight for you to find someone else.” Kate reminds me, her stern voice a stark contrast to Taylor's. she glances down at the phone screen, leveling me with a stare before she hands it back to me. “two calls? really? get a grip, y/n, please. if he didn't answer the first time, then he doesn't want you tonight.”

“i don't want someone else. if i find someone else, then i have to teach them what i like.” i huff. “John knows my body and he knows how to please me. and if you aren't gonna support me in my... situation... with him, then i don't wanna hear anything about it.”

“we just want the best for you, babes.” Taylor chimes, clearly trying to de-escalate the situation.

“i'm going home.” i announce, stuffing my phone in my clutch and standing from the bar seat.

“going home? or getting in his bed?” Kate chuckles, sipping her drink.

“fuck off.” i scoff, walking away and leaving my so-called friends in the club.

it doesn't take me long to walk the fifteen minutes from the club to my apartment, one of the main reasons i had suggested that club tonight; but by the time i get up to my place, my feet are killing me.

ripping the high heels from my feet, i let my bare soles relax against the wooden flooring, heaving out a sigh of relief as i throw the shoes to the side.

i slump onto my sofa, opening my clutch and retrieving my phone. i just stare at it for a few moments, wondering if Kate is right. is three calls in a night too much?

it doesn't take long for my mind to wander, thoughts of the ice hockey defenseman in between my thighs, flashbacks to the two of us tangled between my sheets, his fingers working wonders against my heat as his lips attach to my neck. thats all it takes for me to snap, unlocking the device and clicking on his contact.

one call. i'll give him one more call. if he doesn't answer, then i'll just leave it for the night; try to get myself off or suck it up and go to bed frustratedly horny.

i listen silently as the phone rings with the outgoing call. once. twice. three times, before it connects.

“hey, pretty girl. three calls in a night.” his voice is raspy and slow. i can hear the faint voices of Jack and Dawson in the background of the other line, and just from those clues, i know what he's up to at the moment.

“please.” i can't hold back the whimper at the sound of him, clenching my thighs together at his teasing chuckle. “i need you, Johnny.”

“i'll be right there.” he replies. i can hear shuffling on the other end, the sound of keys jingling, and i assume he's stuffing them in his pocket.

“hey, Johnny?” i bite my lip, waiting for his voice again.

“yeah, pretty girl?”

“bring a blunt.” i tell him. he huffs out a raspy laugh, agreeing before he ends the call.

it's twenty minutes later that the sound of a knock echoes throughout my apartment and i get giddy, jumping up from the sofa and fast-walking to the door. i take a second to compose myself before i open it, John standing on the other side with a smirk.

“hey, baby.” he steps into the apartment, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “so which one are we doing first?”

“smoke.” i say, gesturing for him to follow me while he pulls a ziploc baggie out of his pocket, holding two blunts.

“you can start while i get changed.” i inform him, stepping into my bedroom with him hot on my trail. i look back to see him nod, snatching a lighter from the top of my dresser as i dig in my drawer for something sexy but comfortable.

i leave him sitting on my bed, the rolled object between his fingers, smoke drifting into the air from his lips. stepping into the bathroom, i get changed quickly, out of the itchy sparkly club dress and into a red satin slip nightdress.

opening the bathroom door, i notice the atmosphere has changed, the ceiling light off in exchange for my LED lights, a blue glow settling over the room.

John's eyes watch me hungrily, locked on the curves of my waist as i stalk towards the bed, kneeling onto the mattress and bending forward to steal the blunt from his lips, sticking it between mine. his gaze darts between my lips and my cleavage before settling on my eyes.

i crawl up the bed, sitting down sideways beside him, my legs thrown over his.

we're silent for a while, at some point telling alexa to play our playlist. we just enjoy the music, passing the drug back and forth a few times.

“my friends think you're bad for me.” i tell him through a choked laugh. he smirks, his hand rubbing up and down my bare thigh, causing me to clench them together, which results in a knowing look from John.

“baby, take a look around.” he remarks. “i don't give a fuck about your friends, or what they think. i'm the one right here.”

his response makes a pit settle deep within my stomach, a mixture of want and need.

i take a hit, hooking a finger under his chin to bring his face to mine, before letting the smoke drift from my lips to his.

pulling back, lust clouds his eyes and i let him take the substance from my grasp, settling back on my hands as he sets the small bit of leftover blunt on my nightstand. he turns back towards me, knocking my legs off of his and maneuvering to hover over my body.

he dips his head into my neck, pressing sloppy kisses against my racing pulse, his hand sliding up my waist and over my stomach before clutching at my breast, his thumb ghosting over the fabric that covers my pierced nipple. his touch elicits a moan to escape my lips, my hips bucking up to graze his.

“shhh,” he hushes me, pulling back from my neck to look into my bloodshot eyes. “be a good girl for me.”

his hand leaves my breasts to push my hips down, holding them in place against the bed. his lips return to my skin, trailing kisses up my jawline before he finally reaches my lips. the kiss is sloppy and slow, teeth clattering and tongues exploring. he sucks at my bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth.

his hand explores my body once more, this time sliding down my thigh before gliding back up, pulling my dress up with his touch. his fingertips trail up my inner thigh, causing a shiver to wrack my body, a whimper bubbling up my throat.

he reaches his destination, pulling my panties to the side and swiping two fingers through my soaking core. my hips buck up again at his touch, making him let out a dark chuckle.

“so wet for me.” he tuts.

“yes, sir.” i moan as his fingers brush over my clit. “just for you.”

“yeah?” he urges on, pulling my panties down my legs, throwing them off to the side, landing in a heap on my bedroom floor.

he brushes his touch over my heat again, drawing out another moan from me.

“please.” i whine.

“what do you want, baby?” he questions, scanning my face. “you want my fingers, hm?”

my head bounces up and down, nodding fastly.

“can you say it for me? use your words, baby. tell me to fuck you with my fingers.”

“please, fuck me with your fingers, sir.” i whine.

John seems to deem it enough begging, because he slips a single digit into me, causing a mix of a moan and a sigh to drop from my swollen lips. my eyes screw shut in pleasure, my jaw going slack.

he crooks his finger inside me, my hips grinding down onto his hand.

“more.” i plead, my hands fisting the sheets beneath me. he adds a second finger, dragging them lazily inside of me, his thumb now providing a pressure point to my clit.

“open your eyes, pretty girl. look at me.” my eyes flutter open at his command, locking with his. he holds that eye contact as his fingers pump into me.

the crude sounds of his fingers gliding in and out of my wetness fills the room, mingling with my moans and calls of his name. ready for something more, i grip his shirt, pulling on it and bringing his lips down to mine, engaging him in a deep kiss.

“please, John.” i mutter, my lips brushing against his. “i want your cock.”

his fingers scissor and curl in a 'come-hither' motion a few more times, the knot in my stomach growing, before he removes them, leaving me empty.

he brings his hand up to my face, his wet fingertips tapping against my bottom lip, and i open my mouth, letting him press his fingers on my tongue. the taste of me settles on my tastebuds and i suck around his digits, letting my tongue lap at them.

John lets out a groan at the feeling and the sight of me beneath him. he pulls away, his fingers leaving my mouth with a pop. standing from the bed, he pulls his shirt over his head while i scoot to the edge of the bed, fumbling with his belt.

he chuckles as i get frustrated when i can't undo it, knocking my hands away to remove it himself. pulling his pants and boxers down, his dick slaps against his lower stomach as he kicks them off.

my mouth waters at the sight, my pussy clenching at nothing but the phantom feeling of him filling me up, the remembrance enough to make my breathing speed up.

he bypasses me, climbing back onto the mattress and settling in the middle, slumped against the headboard.

“c'mere.” he insists, pulling me towards him. his hands grip my hips as he guides me to straddle him, holding my nightdress up just enough to put my pussy on display. “ride me like a good girl.”

i grasp his length in one hand, a grunt passing his lips at the feeling of my hand wrapped around him. my other grasps his shoulder as leverage to keep me up. sliding his dick through my folds, my back arches and i let out a shaky breath, mixing with his own groan at the feeling.

his right hand leaves my hip to slap my ass.

“don't be a tease, baby.” he warns. “sink this cock into your pretty pussy.”

at his order, i line him up with my entrance, lowering myself down slowly. my head drops back in content, gnawing at my bottom lip and letting out a muffled cry of pleasure.

his hand cups my cheek, pulling my face back to look at him. his thumb pulls my bottom lip from my teeth.

“let me hear those pretty sounds. let me know how good i make you feel.” he grunts out, his voice tight.

“yes, sir.” i comply, letting my moans leave my lips freely as i grind down on him, bouncing on his cock, leaning forward towards him in order to achieve a new angle.

he buries his face in my neck, leaving open mouthed kisses and suckling on the spot he knows makes me squirm. his hands slide up my hips and waist, pulling at the satin and tugging the top of my nightdress down to free my tits. he grips them in his hands, his thumbs circling my perked nipples, before he pinches them, making me whimper.

he pinches and prods at the jewelry thats runs through my nipples, and i pick up my pace, grinding down harder and bouncing faster. he uses his hands on my chest to push me up, leaning forward to bring my left nipple into his mouth, sucking on it and letting his teeth graze it. my back arches, a shiver running down my spine at the feeling.

“yes!” i call out, my hips stuttering as the knot grows in my gut once more. he picks up on my tell, taking this time to switch his mouth to my right breast as he thrusts up into me.

his tongue swirls my nipple as he sucks, and i clench around him. his hand leaves my breast to sneak in between us, using his middle finger to circle my bundle of nerves. he continues to thrust up shallowly as i bounce on him, and i can feel my climax quickly approaching.

his lips leave my breast and he looks back at my face, my eyes rolling back in my head at the intense pleasure i'm overcome with.

“look at you, taking me so well.” he coos. “such a good girl, aren't you?”

“yes.” i nod quickly, my hand rising to grip my breast in attempt to ground myself from the euphoria that's clouds my mind.

“bouncing on my dick like my own personal puck bunny.” he snickers. my other hand falls to his abdomen, and i can feel his abs tighten at the touch.

“yours.” i mutter out through the pleasure, his finger speeding up on my clit. “all yours.”

“who's pussy is this?” he uses his free hand to grab at my face, forcing me to look at him.

“yours.” i repeat.

“that's right.” he mutters. “this pussy belongs to me. only i can make you feel this good, isn't that right?”

“yes, sir.” i nod again, my eyes squeezing shut as i feel myself teetering on the edge, my movement stuttering again as i shudder.

he pulls me forward, his lips ghosting the shell of my ear as he whisipers, lust dripping from his voice.

“come for me.”

i let go at his words, my breath halting as my orgasm washes over me. my vision goes pitch black, stars dancing through it as he bucks his hips up, his finger never stopping on my clit as he fucks me through my release.

i open my eyes when i come back down to earth, panting to bring oxygen back into my lungs. but John is ruthless, flipping us over so that he hovers over me.

he plunges back into me, pushing his hand against my stomach, feeling himself deep within me. he thrusts fast and hard, grinding himself against my overstimulated clit.

i whimper, not sure if i can take any more, but he doesn't stop.

“one more.” he assures me. “you'll be fine.”

my fingers grip at his back, surely leaving red scratches down it as i attempt to pull him closer. one of my hands slides down to settle on his ass, bucking my hips up to meet his.

“that's it. you can do it.” he smirks, his words barely audible over the sound of our skin clapping against each other. my moans and whimpers echo throughout the bedroom, tears pricking at my eyes from the amount of pleasure coursing through me.

“John.” i breath, the sounds of his grunts like music to my ears.

“yeah, baby.” he dips down to press a kiss to my lips. “i'm right here.”

i can feel his hips stutter, his thrusts getting sloppier as he gets closer and closer to his finish, and my own stomach gets tight as i get close to mine.

“come inside me.” i whisper against his lips. “fill me up.”

his pace falters at my words and he leans his forehead against mine. his thumb drops down to my clit, rubbing fast circles against it and my face goes red as i clench around him, reaching my second climax. he lazily pumps in and out a few more times before his lips part and a moan drops from them as he reaches his own orgasm.

he falls on top of me, both of us panting to catch our breath, his bare chest againt my exposed breasts. his weight helps ground me back to the moment, and it's only a minute later that he rolls off of me.

he lies beside me on his side, his fingers dancing across the red satin that covers my abdomen for a moment before he stands.

“i'll be right back, baby.” he doesn't bother getting dressed, walking into the bathroom to clean himself up, prior to returning with a washcloth, soaked with warm water.

he kneels on the end of the bed, prying my still shaking legs apart and cleaning me up with the towel, my hips bucking slightly at the feeling. he laughs at my movement, before throwing the washcloth into the hamper in the corner of my room.

pulling his boxers back on, he stalks out of the room, disappearing for a few minutes. he returns with a bottle of water and a granola bar, handing me both. once i have the items in my grasp, he pulls the top of my nightdress back up to cover my boobs.

as he climbs back into the bed, i scoot over so that i'm no longer in the middle of the mattress, allowing him his own side.

he waits for me to take a few sips of the water before he sets it on the nightstand for me. laying down on his back, he pulls me towards him and pulls my leg to rest over his abdomen.

we're silent as i eat the granola bar, his hand rubbing aimlessly up and down my thigh. i hand him the wrapper when i'm done and he sets it beside the water bottle before his hand returns to my thigh.

“John?” i whisper, scared to break the peace, and afraid of his reaction to my next words. he hums in interest, looking down to meet my eyes. “i don't wanna fuck around anymore.”

his brows thread together in confusion, no doubt thinking this was an odd time for me to call off our situationship after being so needy with him just moments ago.

“what do you mean?” he questions, his tone thoroughly confused.

“i mean, i want more.” i admit. “i need more. and if you don't want that too, then that's fine. but i need you to let go of this hold you have on me if you don't want more with me.”

he's quiet, staring deep into my eyes, and i brace myself for him to break my heart, but his next words cause my heart to skip a beat instead.

“i don't wanna leave this bed.” he confesses. “i don't wanna leave you.

“i really like you, y/n. and i'd really like if you'd let me be your boyfriend.”

a grin spreads across my face as i nod.

“yeah, i think i'd like that a lot.” i tell him, straining my neck up to press a kiss to his lips.

“good. now, you wore me out, i'm ready to sleep.” he chuckles, grabbing the remote to my LED lights and turninng them off, leaving us in peaceful darkness.

“i wore you out?!” i laugh, smacking his chest lightly.

“uh, yeah. you're a fiend.” he smiles, cheekily grabbing at my ass.

“me?! you made me come twice!” he waves his hand in dismissal at my words.

“semantics.”

“ugh, you and your big words.” i roll my eyes playfully, burying my head in his neck as he covers us with the blanket thats now bunched up beside him. “mr. Harvard graduate.”

“babe, thats not even a big word.” he laughs as i press a finger to his mouth to shush him.

“semantics.”

[alex-rambles]

HII can I request a yandere bill cipher x reader oneshot when its weirdmageddon and the reader is kidnapped and just more of what they're doing in their pyramid. Sorry if it's a little confusing I tried to word it as best as I could 😅

YES. I GOT DRAGGED BACK INTO MY BILL SIMP PHASE.

He's pissed, you can tell.

The question is, what about? Did you do something? No, that's impossible, you've been stuck in one room for... how long, now? A few days, at least.

He finally appears in 'your' room, muttering to himself as he floats above 'your' bed.

"Sunspot, help me out. How does one go about breaking someone like Sixer?"

You do your best to ignore him.

"Are you deaf? I asked you a question!"

Bill rolls his eye and pokes you repeatedly. "Answer. Me."

"Shut up," you finally hiss at him. "I'm not an all-knowing demon. Breaking people is your department, not mine!"

"You're lucky I like you."

"Am I? I'd rather be a piece of stone on your throne than where I am!"

"Oh, no, no, no. If I didn't like you, I'd tear you apart, atom by atom. I digress, how does one break that man? He won't respond to torture! And I need that equation, sunspot! Then we can rule the world!"

You scoff. "What if I don't want to rule the world? Did you ever think of that?"

He probably didn't. He's too caught up in his little fantasy world to consider what the object of his obsession even wants.

His answer surprises you. "Of course I did! But you underestimate the way power gets to the head! Sureeee, you aren't interested now, but give it a bit, once you get a taste of real power-"

"For an all-knowing entity, you're a fool."

His eye narrows. He messes with his bowtie, clearly doing his best to restrain himself. "Is that so?"

"Absolutely! You're a selfish prick! You claim to love me, but you obviously don't even know how to treat the one you love! You're stuck in your stupid power fantasy! Get over yourself!"

Bill actually appears... hurt. That's new. You've thrown many, many insults at him, but he always laughed it off.

"Can you cut it out? I'm trying, you know that? I've done everything to make you comfortable! Keep your fragile human body functioning! Make you happy!"

"No! You're not! You're isolating me! I'm the opposite of happy! You're trying to force me into what I don't want!"

You scowl at him. "I hate you! I hope that Ford kills you! I hope that you have to watch everything you worked for get ripped away!"

For the first time, his voice turns quiet.

"Well, sunspot... Didn't know ya felt that way. I'm trying to make you happy. I promise, you'll learn to like it."

"I will kill myself before that," you spit.

With that, he crumbles.

"Nononono, you can't do that! I will not allow that! If you die, what will I have?"

"What, is world domination not enough? You're not just selfish, you're a greedy fuck."

You haven't really let your emotions run loose yet. But in this moment, something inside you just snapped. Whether it was the isolation, or just Bill being Bill, you don't know.

All you know is that Bill is upset, and it brings you some twisted form of joy.

"All humans die, Bill! I'd die eventually even if I don't off myself purposely!"

Well clearly, that's something he didn't want to even consider.

"NO! You won't die...! I won't let that happen...!"

You sneer and place your finger on his middle area. "Oh, I very much will. And I'll be the happiest person alive. Free from you and your madness."

Bill regains his composure. "You won't. I will absolutely never let you die. I like you too much to let you die. You're the only fleshbag I can genuinely say I like, and I refuse to lose that."

"Selfish bastard."

"Stop calling me names, you hear me? I hate that!"

"Oh my god! I hate being stuck with you, but I evidently can't do jack shit about it...! Sometimes, we just have to roll with what happens!"

Bill merely clasps his hands behind his back. "Clearly we both need space," he says calmly, as if his previous freakout didn't happen. "I'll give you a day, then we'll talk."

You collapse onto 'your' bed as he warps out of the room.

Absolutely unbearable.

P2

[edenesth]

Undying Bonds (Part 1)

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem!reader, Seonghwa x fem!reader

AU: zombie apocalypse au

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: What could be worse than being separated from the love of your life in a zombie apocalypse? Hongjoong was forced to leave you behind with his friend, Seonghwa, as he ventures out alone to search for the rest of his missing group members. Will Hongjoong be successful in his solo mission to find his members? Will he be able to return to you unscathed? And what happens when you're stuck with his caring best friend, who is hopelessly in love with you, for too long?

Masterlist | Part 2

"No, please, don't leave me here."

No right amount of words could be used to describe the immense emotions of fear and panic running through you as you clutched desperately onto your boyfriend's sleeve, refusing to let him go. The pain was evident in Hongjoong's eyes as he enclosed his hand over yours, gently prying your fingers off his shirt to cradle them against his chest instead.

"I know that you hate this and trust me when I tell you, I don't want this any more than you do either but as group leader, I must be the one to do this. I hope you can understand that, my love."

The defeated sob that escaped your lips at his words tore his heart to pieces.

Not wanting you to see the tears in his eyes roll down his cheeks, he pulled you tightly into his arms and hid his face in the crook of your neck, pressing his lips against your skin. Hongjoong could not bear to put you in any more pain than he already has. He wanted nothing more than to hold you close to him forever but that wasn't something the current situation can allow.

"I love you so much, you must know you're my everything. I honestly don't know how I could have made it this far without you by my side." He whispers into your ear, tightening his hold on you.

You let out another sob, clinging onto him like your life depended on it, "Then let me come with you, please," He pulled back slightly to cup your face, "Don't you get it? That's exactly why you can't come with me, it's too risky. If anything were to ever happen to you, I swear to god I will never be able to forgive myself."

His words only made it more difficult for you to part with him, you didn't think it would be possible to love someone this much but he was clearly your only exception. He gazed deeply into your wet eyes, wanting nothing more than for all of this to be just a long nightmare.

Unfortunately, he has absolutely no choice but to face the reality that the world is currently ending with the ongoing zombie apocalypse that broke out only a few weeks prior due to some science experiment gone wrong.

"I have been the most selfless boyfriend for as long as I can remember so please, just let me be selfish this once, okay?" You couldn't find it in yourself to go against his wishes upon hearing that.

He smiled sadly before moving to press a long kiss against your trembling lips, closing his eyes to cherish the feeling just in case this becomes the very last time he ever kisses you. You felt him pull away reluctantly only to stare intensely at your face as if to memorise your features before he leaves you behind with his best friend.

Your heart clenched at the thought of your beloved venturing out alone into the unknown to search for his missing members. The rest of the guys were forcefully ripped apart from your group due to an unexpected hoard of zombies attacking out of nowhere.

The two of you with the addition of Seonghwa managed to save yourselves by hiding in the closest empty convenience store in sight. The three of you have gone over the place twice and scouted it out just to make sure it was safe before settling there for the night.

However, with the rest of the members scattered around the area and separated from you guys, Hongjoong couldn't possibly just let the situation be. As the leader of the group of friends, he felt it was his responsibility to find all of his younger friends and bring them to safety which leads us to the current push-and-pull situation between the two of you.

The plan was for him to locate and gather his friends back here while you and Seonghwa stay back to ensure this place remains safe from zombies or worse, other humans with bad intentions. Even when everyone agreed on the plan when it was first proposed, you realised you couldn't find it in you to send your lover out into danger all alone while you remained here in safety.

You didn't realise the relentless grip you had on Hongjoong until you felt Seonghwa's arms encircle your frame from behind to hold you back from going any further. You thrashed against the taller male's embrace, in a desperate attempt to reach out to your boyfriend's retreating frame, feeling your heart break all over again at the sight of him leaving you.

You cried out his name one last time as you watched him nodding slightly your way to reassure you and his friend, "I'll come back safely, I promise."

Your knees eventually gave out and Seonghwa carefully lowered you onto the ground, wordlessly pushing your head into his neck as you witnessed the love of your life disappear from your view.

Seonghwa was gentle in his touch, combing his fingers through your hair in a soothing manner to calm you from your cries for your boyfriend who is now somewhere out there all by himself. The thought only made you squeeze your eyes shut tight, pressing your face further into your friend's shoulder to seek comfort.

The action must have alerted Seonghwa as he pulled you closer to him, slowly running his hands up and down your trembling back in an attempt to console you. He let out a sigh of relief when you muttered a soft 'thank you' and an apology for the hassle you've caused him.

"Hey, never apologise for that. I don't ever want you to hide any of that from me, you hear me?" You nodded thankfully against his shoulder, his warm touch successfully calming you down.

After what seemed like forever, you pushed yourself off of Seonghwa's chest and sniffled in embarrassment. He smiled before moving a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"It's alright, I know you're scared but you have me. I'm obviously no Hongjoong but you know you can count on me, right? I made a promise to him that I'll put my life on the line to protect you in his place."

That made you frown, "No, don't say that. We'll be okay, all of us. He'll come back with the rest of the guys before we even know it," Seonghwa nodded quickly to that, "Yes, of course. I just wanted you to know that I'll be here for you no matter what."

You couldn't fight the smile that formed on your face at his sweet words, "I know, Seonghwa. You're truly the most precious friend anyone can ever ask for, you always have been. Lord knows you're the one holding all of the boys together. None of us would still be here without your guidance."

You watched in slight confusion when noticing that the smile he returned seemed to falter a bit at your words.

Did I say something wrong?

Let's just say you're a bit on the dense side.

For the longest time, Seonghwa has had the biggest crush on you way before you and the leader even began dating. He's always thought you'd end up with him eventually, only to have the heartbreak of his life when he watched from the sidelines as you and his best friend slowly fall in love with each other and finally got together.

With Hongjoong around, he knew he stood no chance with you. Even in his absence, Seonghwa had no doubt your heart would still fully belong to his best friend but he wishes to at least let you know of the feelings he has for you while you still had time together.

In this wretched world that was imminently coming to an end, who knew how long you could all survive even if Hongjoong does end up bringing all of the guys back to you both in one piece.

He just wants you to understand how long and deeply he's been in love with you. He needed you to know that he noticed you first, he was there for you first, he had wanted you first and yet, his friend somehow got to you before he even had a chance.

"Seonghwa?" That broke him out of his trance. He realised the panic in your tone when you pointed towards the entrance of the convenience store, where the door was being harshly pulled from the outside. His features hardened when you jumped in fright, caused by a loud bang coming from the entrance.

Without wasting another second, he pushed you protectively behind him before moving to grasp the trusty metal bat that he's been using as his weapon since the beginning of this whole zombie nonsense.

"Stay behind me at all times. If anything happens to me, I want you to run and save yourself."

You grabbed his arm in protest, shaking your head pleadingly, "I won't leave you, Seonghwa. Please don't make me," He softened at the sight of the tears forming in your eyes, how he wished you meant that in the same way you would for Hongjoong.

"I hate it as much as you do, if not more, but you know what you must do if the unthinkable happens, yes?"

Letting out a shaky breath, you muttered a small 'yes' in defeat. Leaving a quick peck on your temple, he made sure to keep you close behind him before moving cautiously towards the entrance to check on the source of the noise.

You let out a whimper when another bang sounded from the door, fearing that all this ruckus will attract a lot of zombies. You didn't want to think about the safety of this place being so quickly jeopardised. After all, your reunion with Hongjoong solely depends on this place. How will your boyfriend find you if you and Seonghwa were to abandon this place?

Approaching the entrance, Seonghwa raised his bat towards the door. He was ready to swing it if anyone that passes through is less than alive. He cleared his throat and called out, "Who's there? Identify yourselves!"

The rattling seemed to have ceased with that, "Hyung..? Seonghwa hyung, is that you?" You and Seonghwa looked at each other immediately, eyes rounding with recognition at the familiar voice.

Hello there, it's my first time writing on this platform and I just wanted to try posting this idea which I've had for a while now. Not sure if anyone would want more of this. Let me know if you're interested in Part 2!

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[pyjamaart]

Year 4 of submitting art for the SiIvaGunner Art Gallery!! >:]

For the fourth time now, I can proudly present my entry for this years SiIvaGunner Birthday Gallery! I had to put up with a lot of obstacles this year, like starting in June when I normally always started in early May, my parents and my brother visiting during the exact time frame I wanted to work on this, a crippling addiction to playing Dragon Quest Monsters and many more.

But as you can see, I really locked in at the end and finished it exactly one day before the deadline (17th June).

Now to explain my vision for this piece: I'll have to admit, since starting my new job in February, I didn't have any time to keep up with the loads of SiIvaGunner rips that are uploaded each day, since I always listened to them at my old workplace while I took care of my mountains of scientific journals. At my new job, I don't have anything to do with journals anymore. I mostly talk to students at the counter all day. Can't really listen to YouTube videos when someone wants something from you every minute. I also do a lot of things related to facility management in between (our library buildings are practically falling apart in some places...), so even when I'm not at the counter, I have way too much stuff to do to listen to rips. Sigh. Sometimes, I miss my old job.........

But I'll try my best to catch up some time in the future. At the very latest in September. My first vacation days in 7 months... Anyway, let's get back to the image at hand:

In the foreground, there's obviously my beloved dynamic duo of besties: Woodman and Nozomi. Woodman has been missing from the channel for 1 and a half years. Please bring him back. I miss my wife, Tails...

For this piece, my theme was centered around my favorite SiIvaGunner joke from the past few months (or has it been years?): The raft ride. I wanted something fun and summer-y, so I decided to put all the characters I drew in cute little sailor outfits. For Woodman, I just drew him in something simple that I thought of myself, which complimented and incorporated his usual armor.

Next we have Nozomi, who dons her outfit from μ's fifth single "Wonderful Rush". I had a few water themed outfits to chose from with her (and Honoka, for that matter), but I chose Wonderful Rush for Nozomi since it just fit with the aesthetic I was going for.

Next to those two is Coraline from the 3DS street pass game "Ultimate Angler", which is also prominently featured on the channel. For her outfit, I just modified her usual attire a little to fit in with the sailor vibe. I also turned her sun visor around because I could for the life of me not figure out how to draw it properly at this angle. Uhhh... I mean, I turned it around because I thought it looked cool.

I hope you can see that I had an absolute breakthrough in Gimp. I think I already talked about it on my Buck fanart, but I finally discovered layer modes. After 4 years of working with Gimp. Spectacular, I know. If you don't notice it here, you'll definitely notice it on the next image in queue for the robot master quest I have going on. I can already spoil you who it's gonna be this time: Tornadoman! I honestly couldn't believe what I was drawing. I think I was possessed by something for a few hours. It was honestly a little scary. But I think you'll see what I mean once you see the actual image, it's really different from the usual stuff I draw.

Getting back to the topic of this picture, let's talk about the background now. I decided to draw a little ship with lots of familiar faces making up the crew.

The ships captain is Honoka, who is standing on the very left of the deck. I took her outfit from μ's single "Heart to Heart!", which also fit into the aquatic theme quite nicely.

Right next to her, under a rainbow flag that's fluttering in the wind above them, is Aquaman. My beloved. Since I drew him into last years birthday gallery image, I decided to do the same this year. I also put a little starfish on his hat because I think it looked cute ;)

Standing epicly and mysteriously on the top of the boat is Meta Knight. I don't know if you can see it when it's zoomed out so far, but he's holding some kind of folded map in his right hand. Maybe they're looking for treasure??

And on the very right of the ship are Tito Dick and Robbie Rotten, reenacting that one famous scene from the Titanic movie.

After that, we shift our focus to the left of the image, where we can see Fluttershy flying over the island from Tomodachi Life.

And that's it for this image folks. I hope I'll finish my Mega Man Fully Charged art before the weekend ends, so stay tuned for that next! And after that, we're going right back to the robot master grind. ;)

Until then, this has been Jenny Pyjamakama, signing off. ;)

[masked-alien-lesbian]

Vampire Verity Feeding from Aislinn for the 1st Time

Beautiful commission done by @sazanes! ❤️❤️❤️

Aislinn Tanaka x vampire OC (Verity Wright)

Aislinn's hands trembled as she rushed to grab her purse. All she wanted to do was get back to Verity. After staring down the barrel of a gun and into the cold eyes of a killer, she just wanted to feel safe, and ironically it was a vampire that was the only one who made her feel safe.

She paused when she saw Verity's office light was off but relaxed when she saw them standing in front of their window. Dropping her things in a chair she walked up to Verity and wrapped her arms around the vampire. It felt as if she was hugging a boulder, Verity was so tense. Then she noticed they were glaring out the window, their eyes glowing blood red.

"Verity?"

"It's taking all my willpower to keep from tracking that-that man down right now. But if I do, he won't be in one piece when I'm done with him." Verity growled.

"It's okay, we'll figure something out, we may have lost Aliana's phone-"

"I don't give a damn about that phone Ash! Or about this god forsaken case anymore! I just..." Verity very carefully laid their forehead against the glass window in frustration. Aislinn comes around in between Verity and the window and is quickly pinned up against it. The look in Verity's eyes isn't anger anymore but desperate hopeless fear.

"Seeing that gun man standing over you...I've never felt so out of control. I've never felt such rage before" Verity's face twisted into something more inhuman at the memory but quickly softened at Aislinn's gentle touch. "I can't lose you. It would tear me apart, Aislinn." Verity says burying their face into Aislinn's chest right over her heart.

"Oh Verity. I'm okay. I'm safe. You kept me safe."

"Always." Verity's reply is muffled in Aislinn's chest but firm. Aislinn drags Verity's face up to lock their lips together and the kiss quickly turns hungry.

Aislinn pulls back just enough to frantically say, "I want to be with you, please, I need you Verity." Dragging a tortured moan from the vampire.

"I'm sorry, I need to feed, I don't trust myself right now."

"Then feed from me." Aislinn says, taking her white sash off, exposing her throat.

"Aislinn...you don't have to-"

"I want you to, Verity. I want to give you everything you need. Whatever you want, is yours." A thrill runs up her spine at Verity's whimper but a gasp escapes her own lips when Verity suddenly rips her suit jacket down her arms, tears her white shirt into shreds and hoists her up in their arms.

Verity's hair tickles Aislinn's neck and she throws her head back when they trail kisses up and down the column of her throat.

"I won't hurt you...I'll never hurt you, Aislinn." Verity softly says.

"I know baby, I know." Aislinn says her jaw dropping in a silent gasp, her eyes rolling back slightly as Verity sinks their fangs into her neck. Euphoria races through Aislinn's body as Verity groans at her taste and Aislinn knew she was in for a long but beautiful night.

Thank you @sazanes for doing this commission! I'm, as usual, very pleased with the outcome. I love seeing my daydreams come to life, and I'm very lucky you don't mind being the one to bring them to life, lol.

[lucifersresources]

pale waves // unwanted rp lyrics meme.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

lies.

you called it love but it never had that feeling.

you ripped out my heart.

do you feel happier yet?

do you say some things you regret?

i'm feeling better alone.

you messed me up.

can't take those stabs in the back.

i'm in over my head.

i'm so over you.

all your lies, they just caught up with you.

i'll forgive but i won't forget.

we all make mistakes but yours, i just can't shake.

unwanted.

you're so good at making me feel like nothing.

you're so good at making me feel unwanted.

my distorted view on us is starting to get too much.

you don't love anybody.

your silence fills the air.

why did you keep me hanging on?

i'd never fit your perfect life.

i'm nothing but a goodbye.

the hard way.

i could tell you were good at hiding your pain.

i saw your heartache.

i stayed away.

i didn't protect you.

i just assumed that you were okay.

i learnt the hard way.

you left us too soon.

they took all your power.

it's haunting me.

why does someone have to lose?

jealousy.

jealousy is haunting me.

so bad at biting my tongue.

wish you were mine.

don't mention any other name that doesn't sound like mine.

i'll never be replaced.

i satisfy.

i won't pretend and i won't apologise.

i gotta have you to myself.

why would i want anybody else?

you think i care at all?

you know you infect my soul.

i can't change your past.

alone.

i've heard a lot of things, you and your reputation.

it's the furthest thing from love.

go to hell.

i'd rather spend my entire lifetime alone.

you'd be an ultimate waste of time.

i feel your desperation.

will somebody put me out of my misery.

you've already come undone.

clean.

you're underneath my skin.

show me what i've been missing all of this time.

i just can't get enough.

you're the one drug that i don't want to get clean from.

is it too soon to say that i'm falling?

i can't get off of you.

i'm hooked.

i don't really care if it's my fault.

without you.

it's no fun to stay the same.

you get hurt, then you learn.

feels like a piece of me is missing.

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel.

you're not here anymore.

i'll learn to carry on without you.

all i have is these memories to get me through the night.

i fought my best but never won.

i tried to make you stay.

was there something i didn't say?

i survived somehow.

only problem.

you can call me naïve for hoping you would fix me.

i'm foolish to believe you could pick up the pieces.

there's nothing left.

maybe you're the only problem.

it's time to let you go.

i can't help but to think of you now.

every bad thing i would do, it was always with you.

the problem wasn't me, it was you.

you're so vain.

i'm gonna bring you down.

i've tried my best to bite my tongue.

i've listened to your shit for far too long.

you'll get what you deserve.

if you could, you'd go and marry yourself.

you're so vain.

when you open up your narcissistic mouth, all you do is let me down.

you think you're always right.

you think that you're perfect.

putting up with you was never ever worth it.

you're blinded by your own vanity.

reasons to live.

i'm gonna stay this way.

i hit rock bottom.

you picked me up when i was down on the floor.

you showed me how to love myself a little more.

how am i supposed to breathe when i feel this fucking weak?

you are the medicine to get me by.

you are the therapy to ease my mind.

you catch me every time.

numb.

i don't think i'm going anywhere.

i'm too numb to even care at all.

happiness is something i can't find.

there's gotta be something more than this.

i can't even run away.

act my age.

when did everything start falling apart?

where did all the time go?

thought those times would last forever.

better get my shit together now.

wish you were still around.

memories fade.

guess i'd better act my age.

nothing's making sense.

they say that youth is wasted on the young.

so sick (of missing you).

i'm so sick of missing you.

i don't know how we lost control.

you gave up on us.

without water, the flowers don't grow.

you didn't even notice me.

didn't know that you could be so fucking cruel to me.

it's not surprise that you just don't care.

you were never mine.

i tell myself that i'm getting better without you.

loving you is something that i don't wanna do.

[peekapen]

Into the Deep Chapter 7

Summary:

Things only go downhill when you return to your room and you make a big decision whilst Moon starts putting plans into action.

Oh, you were screwed! You didn't want to be a pessimist, heck, you're usually an optimist but this whole thing is on a whole other level! You had just arrived back to your dorm with Charles and the guards, hoping to be able to rest for a while after the shocking news you had just heard, only to find your room had been torn apart whilst you were out. The sheets had been torn to shreds, the door to your closet had been ripped off, the mirror shattered to pieces, your desk scratched and the chair crushed and this all admits a seas of torn books and papers you had been studying throughout your time here. You carefully stepped through the debris, at first unsure, but when no one popped out you soon quickened your pace as you started searching for one of your most prized possessions. Please let it still be here, please let it still be here, please-

"YES!" You yelled triumphantly as you quickly kneeled by your desk before holding the pearl you got from Sun on your first day up in the air. You smiled fondly at it as you found no traces of damage before carefully putting it in one of your swim gear's pockets. Just when you started to relax though you suddenly heard a loud gasp behind you causing you to flinch in fear but a quick check revealed a very concerned Charles looking around your ruined room. He slowly took it all in, picking up bits of debris before putting them back down carefully until he finally grabbed your lower arm and hoisted you onto your feet, confusing you immensely.

"You can't stay here." He stated shortly before dragging you from the room, ignoring your confused yelps as he did so.

"Charles! I can't just leave all of my stuff! What if he stole something?!" You asked, suddenly remembering that you indeed had other things you cared about in the room, but Charles only shook his head at you.

"Whether he stole something or not your safety has been compromised and I will not be risking your safety for even a moment if I can help it." Charles growled out before taking you into the elevator and bringing you down to the second floor, Security right behind you two. As soon as the elevator opened he quickly dragged you out of it before promptly plopping you down on a couch in between the labs and turning toward the one you recognized as the one you were in with Vanessa. "I need to go and talk to Vanessa about this. We need to put your trial run with Sun and Moon on hold until we can figure this whole mess with Clide out. You need to stay right here with Security in case anything happens and you are not to move from this spot until I get back. Do I make myself clear?"

He asked and you nodded, too confused to say anything to which he smiled and left for Vanessa's office. You watched him go with growing confusion and frustration as your brain tried to register what was going on around you. Speaking of, what the heck was going on? Why was he so concerned? I mean, you get that he's concerned due to Clide's escape, but you didn't expect this level of intensity from him considering the fact he barely knew you and you didn't really know him as a person either. In your eyes, he was more idol than colleague since you had yet to work together.

You sighed tiredly before placing your head in your hands, done with everything when you felt something wet on the palm of your hands. You slowly drew your hands away from your face and sighed again when you saw tears glistening in the lamplight. When did you start crying? You sniffed and quickly wiped your tears away, not wanting to appear weak in front of the guards. You must've been in shock since you heard the news about Clide and in all of the time since then this was your first calm moment in which you could just be. You huffed out a breath of air before leaning back, just letting the tears flow before perking up as you heard footsteps approaching. You quickly wiped the tears away before turning to the noise, finding a less-than-pleased Charles coming towards you.

"I spoke with Vanessa and she offered you a deal." He ground out through clenched teeth before pausing. When you nodded to show you were listening he continued angrily. "You can either leave the island and never return, or you can continue your trial with Sun and Moon by staying with them in the built-in room in their enclosure which hasn't been used since its creation. You only have a few days left before your trial is over, so you need to make this choice today."

You stared at him in shock before feeling red-hot anger warming your core, removing the feelings of coldness you hadn't even registered were there. What the actual hell?! Your safety was at risk and if you didn't continue to do your job Vanessa would just fire you?! What the heck is wrong with that woman?! There has to be something Charles missed!

"Are you sure there isn't a third option, or-?" You asked and Charles chuckled softly before shaking his head causing you to deflate sadly. "Well, this fucking sucks...Maybe I should just call it quits, but I want to keep working here. I love working with Sun and Moon and I want to learn more about the other Mers as well...What would you do in this situation, Charles?"

"I would probably stay, but I don't have anyone waiting for me off this island. Everyone I care for and love is here, so for me, it would make sense, but I'm not you. You have a family and friends at home, don't you?" He asked and you nodded. "Then you need to think about them too. Do what feels right newbie. You can't do anything more than that, but I can assure you that if you choose to stay Henry and I as well as the Security team here at the Sanctuary will do everything in our power to keep you safe." He said before he gave you a small, side hug and stood up. "I need to leave for a quick meeting about the new Mers, but I will be back soon to make sure you're okay. In the meantime, these guys will stick to you like glue and offer you whatever assistance you might need from them, okay?"

You nodded with a small, reassuring smile which he returned before waving and heading off to the elevator. You watched him go in and as soon as the doors were closed you buried your face in your hands once more, screaming your frustration into your palms. Just how bad was your luck right now?! Trapped between having to choose to either stay where someone is out to kill you or leave and never return to the place you've been dreaming about since you were a child. God this sucks! You let out one last muffled sigh before getting up and walking towards the lab. I mean, no matter what you chose you might as well see what the scientists were working on today, might get your mind off of this terrible situation for a bit.

You slowly started walking through the scientists with the Guards close behind, but you soon left after receiving a few glares from said scientists, leaving you with nothing to do once more. Sighing out your annoyance you walked over to the lab where Vanessa told you about your changed deal before grabbing a little tablet underneath the screen where the Mer skeleton used to be, praying that there were some games on it only to find it locked with a numerical password. You grumbled before quickly typing in 1234, not at all optimistic before jumping for joy as the tablet started up. Who knew that it would be so easy to get into a scientist's tablet? Maybe your luck was starting to turn around! You eagerly started looking for games on the tablet, but stopped when you saw a message come in on notifications. Curious as all heck you decided that, hey, if you do choose to leave you might as well go through the messages of the person who caused you to never return here.

You clicked on the notification which brought you to a chatroom with a person labeled 'Boss' and quickly started glazing through the messages. Overall you didn't find anything particularly interesting until you came to a short conversation from about a week ago which showed the following:

It's been over a year Vanessa and we need those things now! Have you finally fixed them yet? -Boss

Yes. I was able to finally perfect the project. They can track and check the vitals of the Mer wearing it, but I was also able to install a microphone and a stunner so that if they start showing signs of intelligence we will have proof and if they start acting up we can shock them to subdue them. The only problem is that we need to put them on the two and I don't know how we can do that. -Vanessa

Well, figure it out! If you can't put those damned collars on those two there will be no way we can keep them here! So you better find a solution or you're out of a job!" -Boss

Yes Sir. -Vanessa

You started shaking as you reread those four messages over and over before quickly putting the tablet down and turning it off. So you were right, there was more to those collars than meets the eye! You would have to destroy them, but then what? Vanessa could just make another set easily with the resources and funding at her disposal. You needed to figure something out, and fast!

Before anyone could stop you, you ran back up to your room, grabbed a (F/c) scarf and the collars before rushing back down again, wrapping the collars up in the scarf as best you could before stuffing it in your pocket. Once you were back down on the second floor you grabbed one of the guards and rushed to Sun and Moon's enclosure, finding that night had already fallen on the island. The cold night air hit you hard at first, but you quickly shrugged off the cold as your current task was far too important to put off until morning, though the guard was not pleased in the least by this.

"Um, Mx.? Why are we going out of the building where you are safest?" They asked nervously as they looked around anxiously.

"I just want to check up on Sun and Moon real quick. I left in quite a hurry and there were a lot of people in their enclosure today, so I need to make sure they're doing okay." You responded and the guard's eyes widened in shock before they quickly rushed in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

"But you saw them this morning, and the sun is down which means Moon's going to be out!" The guard panicked, terrified of the idea for some reason. You raised an eyebrow at them before slipping by them, much to their dismay.

"I know. I think Moon's the one I need to see anyways as he handles strangers the worst out of the two of them." You said as you continued. The guard spluttered out a few more questions and pleads, but you ignored them. You needed to see Moon now and nothing they could say or do would change your mind on the matter. When you made it to the door of the enclosure you suddenly halted before turning to the guard with a stern expression, needing them to listen to your next words carefully. "I'm only gonna be in for a minute, but if you want you can come in. However, if you do you need to stay by the door. I don't want you to overwhelm or frighten Moon. Do you understand?"

The guard gave you a frightened look before turning to the woods. They probably decided that going in with Moon on the loose had a higher chance of survival than staying out here where a madman could get them as they quickly nodded and as soon as you opened the door they rushed in. When you entered you found them staying next to the door as you had instructed, causing you to let out a sigh of relief before you turned to the task at hand and walked through the sand towards the water, searching for the Mer. It didn't take long to find him though as the moment you were by the water's edge Moon pulled you in, causing you to yelp in surprise.

You squinted through the water and saw Moon right in front of you, the tip of his nightcap right in front of your face as the rest of his body took up the space around you. You gave him a large smile and a wave to which he grinned in response before gently placing his hands underneath your arms and jumping out of the water with you in tow. You shrieked in surprise but started laughing once the two of you were on the sand again, elated by the unique experience you had just been given.

"Hello." Moon said softly and you calmed down enough to smile at him.

"Hey Moon, how are you?" You asked and he was about to respond, but then started to frown and rub himself against you. You giggled at the feeling, before realising with a start that he was nuzzling you. HE WAS NUZZLING YOU! You felt yourself start to vibrate in excitement as you realized how close you'd gotten to the Moonlight Mer when he suddenly stopped and scrunched his nose.

"You smell." He said to which you placed one of your hands over your heart with a dramatic gasp.

"Excuse you, I don't smell!" You retorted and he chuckled before booping your nose.

"And yet you do little Starlight." You scrunched your nose at him and he chuckled once more before placing you down gently on your feet. "Now tell me, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company tonight? Earlier you said you wouldn't be here until tomorrow."

"Ah right! A lot's happened since then and I need to discuss something with you, but before I do you need to stay quiet for a bit." You explained as you started rummaging through your now-soaked pockets. He raised an eyebrow but thankfully remained silent as you grabbed the scarf bundle from your pocket and held it out to him. He took it and carefully unwound the scarf before picking up the two collars, confused which caused you to start nervously blurt out all that you knew about them. "These collars are designed to spy on, shock, and track the two of you. I was told by Vanessa that if I didn't put these on you two before my trial period was over I would lose my job here and, though I don't want to lose my job, I don't want you guys to get hurt far more than that. So here. Do with these what you will but please, please be careful! And don't put them on! I don't think they can be removed easily-"

You were abruptly cut off by Moon suddenly hugging you, which shocked you for a few reasons. Unlike Sun's hugs which were strong and exciteable, Moon's were softer, gentler. He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and the two of you stayed like that for a moment before he gave your forehead a small lick, causing you to blue-screen. For a moment you just stood there, frozen before the biggest smile came to your lips, causing Moon to chuckle before he quickly buried the two collars in the sand.

"Thank you for telling me Starlight...But are you sure you want to stop working here? Sunny would truly miss you, you know." He said and you winced guiltily.

"I don't, I wanna stay here and learn from you two but unless Vanessa is willing to rethink our deal there's nothing I can do. For the last few days at least I'll work here as a live-in caretaker in the room over there, but outside of that I don't know what else I could do." You sighed and Moon nodded.

"Well, the choice is yours. I hope Vanessa does change her mind, for Sun's sake." Moon said and you nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I know and I hope so too! The last thing I want to do is cause that boy any stress about this. And I also really just enjoy working with you guys and I would hate to lose everything that we've built due to something like this..." You said sadly as Moon placed one of his hands on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as he did so.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You've done so much as it is since you've started working here, I'm sure that figuring something like this out will be a piece of cake for you." He said and you smiled up at him before giving the hand on your shoulder a gentle squeeze in return.

"Thank you, Moon, but how are you so sure about that? I don't think I can solve something like this in so little time." You said sadly and Moon grinned, showing off his sharp teeth as he did so.

"Let's just say, I have a gut feeling about it." He mused and you smiled, confused but grateful for his faith in you.

"Thanks, Moon. Now, I'm gonna go get my stuff and move into that old room tonight so that I can get started as your guy's live-in caretaker tomorrow. I'll see you in a sec Moon!" You said to which he nodded. You shot him a small smile before waving and heading out with the guard on your heels, ready to tell Vanessa that you were going to be staying here until the trial time was over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Moon watched you leave with a soft smile on his face which sharpened when you were gone. He chuckled darkly as he turned his head toward the place where he had buried the collars only moments before. He knew he was right! He knew that the humans here were planning something and now, thanks to you he knew what they were after. Quick as can be he plunged his clawed hands into the sand and retrieved the two collars, inspecting the way the metal reflected in the moonlight before crushing it in his hand, smiling wickedly as they sparked and sizzled before throwing them over the tall, glass wall of their prison. Once they were out of sight he thought back to what you had told him about the collars.

Vanessa...Yes, that's who needed to pay. She nearly cost him and his brother everything and was threatening to make you leave here...And he couldn't have that. No matter what, he and Sun would take care of her and make sure she could never harm them again...And you. He was still surprised by his newfound affection for you but now that he did care he would allow no harm to ever befall you. You were now under his protection, whether you liked it or not.

However, in order to find a fitting punishment for Vanessa and ensure that whoever else might have been a part of this scheme shared said punishment he needed to know what they looked like. And the only person who could help him with either of these things was Sun. Moon looked up and saw that the moon had not yet reached its peak, meaning he could probably wake Sun up. Without losing another moment he quickly slid over to the lump that was Sun and carefully shook him awake, causing Sun to let out a whine as he poked his head out of the sand, obviously tired.

"Moonie...? What's going on?" He asked and Moon softened at his tired voice, urging him to lay down beside his brother with a warm smile

"Sorry Sunny, but I need your help with something." Moon said and Sun cocked his head to the side, confused before rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Can't this wait until morning? I'm exhausted." Sun said as he lay his head back down on the sand, not noticing Moon's smile turning wicked as he knew what to say to rile Sun up.

"Not even if it's to help our precious Starlight?" That got his attention. Within a blink of an eye, Sun had perked up.

"Starlight? Wait, do you mean Sunshine?!" He asked panicked and before Moon could answer Sun had already propped himself up, grabbed Moon's shoulders, and started shaking him as his fins pinned down on his head due to fear. "What happened?! Are they hurt?! Did Clide find them?! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"Sunny, calm down! Clide is locked up, remember? He can't harm anyone-" Moon started, confused, but Sun shook his head wildly at that, silencing him.

"No Moon! He escaped! That's why they made such a fuss this morning!" Sun nearly screamed and Moon's eyes widened in surprise before they narrowed into a glare and he let out a low growl.

"These filthy creatures are making our Starlight work when they're in imminent danger?" Moon hissed and Sun's eyes narrowed at this.

"What are they doing to Sunshine?" Sun hissed out, squeezing Moon's shoulders more tightly, causing Moon to grin. It had been a while since he'd seen this side of his brother and he was grateful to see it again.

"They threatened to fire (Y/n) if they didn't put some collars on us. I already took care of those, but I'm guessing that due to Clide's escape, they were being pushed to complete it despite how risky this is to their wellbeing." Moon said and Sun glared as his fins flared out in anger and a horrid grin stretched across his lips.

"Well then, let's make sure they stay safe by taking care of those pests threatening them and their position here." Sun said with a growl and Moon grinned sharply at that, pleased with his brother's silent proposal.

"Sun, you took the words right out of my mouth."

[icos-3]

Dear Diary

Today was just... tirign tiring to say the least...

In chemistry class, before lunch, I was sitting really close to the window, next to Tucker, when my whole body just started itching.

I remember trying and failing to try and scratch my back, but I don't know what else happened after that. I just remember everything going dark and hearing glass smash next to me. After that, I remember being soaked with ice in the nurse's office

in that moment... the itching, the smell of hydrogen gas, and just all the white coats around me... it really felt like I was back in that place again...

Like they were trying to rip me apart molecule by molecule, atom by atom

stretch me thin and pull me apart like they used to...

I just felt so… drained.? empty? afterwards. even now it still feels like I just don't have the energy to do anything other than lay in bed and not have a headache

The nurse thinks I overheated, which might be true, it did feel warm…

On the other hand, miss Jenkins thinks it might have been a trigger... sometihng to do with trauma

She told me to take it slow and to focus on anchoring myself... but I literally can't focus on anything else whith with everything going on. It feels like my mind is constantly racing, trying to figure things out, but, I can't... nobody want's me to help, but when I do, it just feels so... weird... like I somehow made a mistake...

I couldn't even make myself intangible when Bertrand hit me into the table during lunch. We were lucky enough that Sam remembered to bring the thermos today, otherwise he and Spectra would have gotten away again.

Even though we won, it still feels like I've failed. Like I didn't help at all... like I just made it worse... why can't I just do things right for once without feeling like a total failure

i just want to help...

why do they keep pushing me away from helping? do they really see me as a piece of glass? or some sort̵ ̶o̷f̶v̶w̷\̴ ̷N̷O̵.̸ ̴t̴h̶a̷t̸ ̸t̷h̸i̵n̷g̸ ̷i̸s̵n̵'̵t̵ ̴m̸e̵.̶ ̵I̷t̸'̴s̵ ̵n̶o̵t̷.̶ ̸

.∘∘∘...∘....

According to Sam, those balls of light are apparently called wisps.. I really want to hold one right now...

I'm going to take Dash to the field tomorrow, whether they think it's a bad idea, or not... I need to do something to help someone...

If I don't, I think I might crack... In more ways than one

This takes place one day before the events of chapter 13 of The Kidnapping of Danny Fenton

[1] . . . [9] <- [10] -> [11]

[duskwoodgirl4life]

A/N thank you to everyone who as liked, commented and shared this short story it means so much to me. I hope you all like this last chapter I've really enjoyed writing this I feel like I could carry on writing but it's the perfect time to stop. Anyway enjoy love you all

Chapter 3

That night MC fell asleep in Jake's arms he held onto her not letting go of her for one second. Soon sleep started to take over Jake's body and he was soon fast asleep right next to MC. The next morning MC woke up to light starting to spill in through the half closed curtains. She looked around the room and Jake was nowhere to be seen. She got off the bed and went towards the bathroom but she couldn't hear him. MC quickly went to grab her phone and was about to send Jake a text when the door to their room opened. Jake came in holding two coffees and a bag of pastry's.

She watched as Jake put them down. She was quick to wrap her arms around him, "I thought I had lost you" Jake wrapped his arms around MCs small frame and kissed her lightly on the head. "I'm sorry MC, I woke up early and I didn't want to wake up so I thought I'd get us some coffee and pastries" MC pulls away slightly looking into Jake's bright blue eyes. A smile spreads across her face. "I'm sorry Jake, thank you for getting me coffee, you're amazing" Jake chuckles and hands MC one of the coffees and sits down on the bed with his coffee and food.

"I'll have to leave again soon MC. I can't risk staying in one place too long, I don't want to put you in danger" MC stops eating and turns to look at Jake. "But I just got you back, is there no other way you can stay a bit longer" sadness fills up Jake's eyes as he looks at the love of his life. "I wish I could MC but it's just too dangerous, I promised I would never put you in danger and I intend on keeping that promise" Jake places his thumb on MCs face wiping away her tears. "Please Jake, I don't think I could handle you leaving I want to be with you"

Jake's heart starts to break the more he looks at MCs sad expression, it's killing him to see her like this. "I promise that when I find a safe place I will contact you again I will always be here for you MC" an angry expression forms on MCs face as she lets Jake's words sink in. "How can you always be there for me when you're leaving me Jake!! I love you too damn much to watch you walk out of my life. I want to come with you" Jake's eyes widened at what MCs just said he wasn't expecting her to say that to him. "No MC!! It's way to dangerous I'm wanted by the FBI if they find you with me I couldn't forgive myself"

MC gets up off the bed and starts to pace up and down the room a million thoughts going around in her head. "I don't care Jake, I know you are more than capable of keeping me safe and I can also look after myself" Jake starts to shake his head in disagreement he's not having any of it. "MC the answer is no I'm sorry I won't risk putting you in danger, I need to go I've spent too much time here already I'll contact you soon. I love you MC" Jake goes to kiss MC on the lips but she moves away Jake lets out a breath and picks up his backpack. He walks towards the door and takes one last look at MC trying to burn the image of her in his mind.

The door slowly opens and then closes. MC can't bring herself to turn around, her heart feels like it's been broken into a million pieces and she can't breathe. She just falls to the floor and breaks down in floods of tears. Her whole world feels like it's been ripped apart in less than a minute. She manages to pick herself up off the floor and when she turns around her eyes widen. "I can't leave without you MC, yes it's dangerous but I love you and I want a life with you" MC runs over to Jake and flings her arms around him holding onto him as right as possible. "Do you really mean that Jake? You really want me to come with you? I want a life with you to Jake"

Jake looks down at MC and smiles warmly at her, "the thought of leaving you is killing me. I want us to be together, but I need to know that you will be okay with giving everything up." MC looks at Jake and she's never been more sure of anything in her whole life. "I don't care about all that Jake, just getting to be with you is all I need" Jake leans down and softly kisses MC on the lips. "You better pack up your stuff we need to leave soon" MC wastes no time at all and starts to put all her things back into her backpack. Jake takes MCs hand and they head out of the motel doors not looking back they both head off in MCs car leaving duskwood and all its memories behind.

[misakialter]

A Verse-less OC?

More likely than you think. Wanted to post something here, and nothing better like what was written in my notes for a long while. How about a little introduction to change things up a bit?

(Picrew used for this design: https://picrew.me/image_maker/4893 )

"I felt it.

The heavy hand's impact onto my cheek, making my frail body jerk violently as I innevitably smash against the wall with my back. The temple certainly made it seem like it was going to demolished from such a vicious trashing. The pain I endured at that moment made my body freeze, blood began to dribble from my mouth and my anguished groans I could not contain. On my knees, I stubbornly attempted to stand up, deluding myself that it wasn't over. But the eyes which set on me knew that I was too mangled and broken to stand up. The time we spent fighting was already long overdue, and I never made any progress. It was pitiful. There was no fun on a toy you can't play with. One which would crumble with a mere touch. Just like those times he manipulated my innocent, foolish self, he was in full control of the situation. The armor he wore was something I was supposed to protect. A sacred treasure with an immeasurable power which no Priestress should be handing out so freely. I botched this opportunity, this honor, just to ruin everything with a few loving words. Pathetic. Foolish. Unworthy. As much as he ridiculed me, I could not stop condemning myself. How could I not see it? He had me on his palm and used me to his whim! The fireworks which once made my heart feel a burning sensation of happiness ignite into scorching flames of sorrow to this day... Eventually, I heard another voice coming from the room, only filling a wounded heart like mine with guilt. Shocked, I watched one of us - Another Priesteess like me - come to face the thief. She didn't have to step in to save me, but to perform this miracle, to stop this madman wearing the one thing which brings mortals closer to the power of gods, she did the only thing she could do. That voice sang a beautiful melody which engulfed the world around us with a tint of her light, her aura, that began to dissappear completely from what I could sense at that moment. Almost as if she ceased to exist, the harmony would be the only sound we could hear. When the fellow Arpiah approached the man, the melody was about to finish. He was unnable to move, as the woman gave him a gentle smile, before wounds would start to open and a crimson liquid began to pour out from both of them. In a blink, a violent burst would make the room shake. Next thing I know, I find myself within the rubble of an entire place crumbled apart.

My false lover would be then in a crater, lifeless, and with the armor I swore to protect torn apart into pieces. The maiden, meanwhile, collapsed onto the ground, giving her last breaths as a pool of red would begin to form beneath her. And yet despite all of this, the woman remained with a smile...

To this day I question if I could've done something. And only then it would all settle in, only then I would wind up truly alone. One to be the unjust survivor of this crisis. One to be scolded for my insurrection. One to carry the burden of repairing the Celestial Armor. If I payed attention to the teachings of the felled Priestess, perhaps I would've learnt to use this devastating move, unique to our race. But that would mean I would have to throw my life away. The Arpiah's very own Tremor Melody is a requiem of death, so they say. For the first time, I saw what they ment. Every drop of spiritual essence exhausted to force the user and their enemy to be ripped apart from within as that aura bursts violently.

I had no interest in selfless sacrifices. I didn't intend to leave my duties to no one - There won't be no one to trust. I am going to show them all that I've learned my lesson. I am out for myself and myself only. I am a Priestress, I can act like one, I can take care of myself, and most certainly, I won't fall for the same trick twice! I have a mission. One that I must complete. There's no other use for a broken heart like mine..."

Name: Meteora

One of the youthful Priestress who were chosen to protect the coveted treasure of the island of Arpiah, the Celestial Armor, said to constantly replenish the spiritual energy of the wielder as well as increase their strength to that of a deity's reach.

Normally, the high and mighty Meteora would pride herself on meeting the expectations as its caretaker. However, the maiden had fallen in love helplessly with a manipulative thief who sought to steal said relic. Miracolously, they were interrupted before he took the armor away from the island, but the events led to it's complete destruction, and now Meteora, crushed by the experience and taking responsability for allowing this to happen, must seek the means to repairing it as well as the sweeter piece of her heart she refuses to show beneath her bitterness.

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

Log 1

Uh.. Hi. I-I bought a tape recorder. I don't really know why. I guess I want to... keep record of what's happening? Isn't that what you're supposed to do? And well I couldn't get a diary because... well.

I should probably explain what's going on. Tamus- that's my older brother by the way- b-brought back a-an old friend of mine. I guess there's no point hiding it. No one is going to hear this anyway. His name was- I mean is Silky. He died. It was m-my fault. I-I killed him. And I told Tamus, I told him that under no circumstances could he revive Silky without my permission. Tamus is part god, so he can bring people back. I-I know its selfish. I know I should want him back. H-he wouldn't want to be dead. B-but I'm so scared he- he'll hate me a-and I can't- I can't live with myself if h-he hates m-me.

But Tamus didn't listen to me. Of course he didn't. He's a stubborn piece of shit. Wait- n-no. I don't think that. I'm just really a-angry. I've already fucked up his stuff. H-he has this colosseum and I w-was really upset a-and I tried to r-rip it apart. I k-know I s-shouldn't have. It didn't work anyway. Of course it d-didn't

I've run away. I don't really know where. I just c-cant be back there. I'm n-not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I'm not stupid, by the way. I brought money. I'm going to survive. It-its going to be fine.

*deep breath* I-Ive also been hearing it a-again. T-the song. The s-siren song, I mean. I've been trying to resist it. It's really hard though. I don't know what I'm going to do.

*click*

[broodpeas]

rambles on nostalgia

does anyone know (or care) that tumblr still exists?

The other day I remembered this line I read any years ago, when I was writing mt first thesis, about nostalgia. It explained that nostalgia is linked to memory and what we want to experience is the event itself, we can't, so all we have and what that lingers is a faded emotion, kind of dilluted ensemble of faces, places, words. Nostalgia is vital to memory and the hype around nostalgia is because, I believe, everyone wants to experience, with a romantic lense, a memory.

This has nothing to do with what I'm feeling. I am in what seems to be a writer's block. I was suppose to finish reading my books and start writing my third thesis chapter but the more I read, the more block I am. My concern is that no window will open where I can sneak in and write. Something's amiss, I'd like to know what, but I know poking that bear is dangerous.

Writing is an interesting exercise. I always find it relaxing, the best exercise. Writing for me has become central, it's what I do. I write notes for work, recipes, reminders, I write random ideas and thoughts, I write thesis and essays. I am not a writer, but I write. I trained myself to write, to make sure writing is always the thing I do. I don't understand people who say writing is difficult (although I do get symplathetic feelings when I have to use mathematics and I can't).

I often wonder if I feel nostalgic. There's a difference between nostalgia and melancholy, although explaining it now seems fruitless to me. I just know there's a difference, but the thing is the more I think about me feeling nostalgic, the more I realize I really don't. Going back to my hometown feels like a fresh hell, mainly because the city is in such disarray, it is impossible to feel something other than utter disappointment and despair. Looking on things on tiktok, how people seem to be desperate to bring 90's and early 00's back -nostalgia!-, seems ridiculous to me. I am terrified of the future, I am sad over the present, but I am fed up over the past. We weren't better. I don't miss waking up at 9 am to watch tv, nor I miss playground games, or hours on the library. I suspect it's because my childhood and teenage years are linked to trauma, but it's not for me to confirm or deny this (I am not a therapist). But I digress, because the point I'm making is if it's possible that the nostalgia everyone's feeling and talking about, as we contemporary understand it -through the manipulation of social media*- it's actually nostalgia, or it's just fear (of something, someone, who knows). I believe the second- it's not nostalgia, it's just fear. We are terrified. After all, extinction is right around the corner.

When I was writing the first pages of my thesis, I came to the realization that black art only has some sort of absentee nostalgia. We, black descendants, don't know what we are missing, because our history has been fragmented. We miss for pieces we can't put whole because there's no way. I suspect my project of a black art history is an exercise to make this evident, to say again what has been said with other (better) words: we can't never really know that nostalgia because they ripped apart the possibility of looking at our past, to trace our memories before slavery, before trasatlantic boats and big chains. I tried, very hard, to find clues to look into our representation in art, black bodies and lives, spirits and ideas, and I found them, but most of them come linked to whiteness and colonization. What is before is difficult to pinpoint because we don't have the links between then and now. This is, perhaps, confusing. Let me try to rephrase it. Black people have always existed, and art history has evidence of this. We have art that, for the traditional categories of artistic objects and artists, are considered as "ethnic" or "folklore" (today this notion has been dismissed). And colonization brought representation of black people. The thing is colonization is guilty that we can't find direct links of black art (objects, representation, production of the objets)- we know black people produced art, but unlike white artists, we don't know their names, their influences, their entire body of work. we also don't know how that art relates to us, beyond explaining it has a lot to do with what we -latinamericans- understand as racial constructions and all its implications. the relations are too hidden, almost gone, fading as time goes by. we don't have records and that's why tracing them seems urgen to me, because we are nostalgic of something we believe it must exist -it has to exist!- but we have no way to prove it.

While people miss 1998 and nickelodeon, I honestly don't understand the appeal for it. I was 8 in 1998. I used to feel like crap. I still feel like crap. What's there to miss? But when it comes to nostalgia and black art, well that's different for me. I wrote in the second chapter of my thesis, that like the artists I was examining, I was also trying to find my origins, with the painful reality no one in my family knows who are we. I have no grandparents to tell me, and the aunts and uncles that are now grandparents, are unwilling to accept we are of black descendants. I think this is common for all brown people in Colombia, who find the picture of a black relative and say well guess there's that, and we are forced to move on, because what else can you do? where do you trace it back? to whom?

Perhaps, I think, this then would be nostalgia, but is it? In my eyes, nostalgia is always linked to look at memories in a very romantic and very subjective way. We reorganize them so we enjoy them, so when we remember, we find a sweet taste instead of a bitter one. Perhaps because for me things still are bitter, it's because I refuse to take on nostalgia, to validate it and give it a space in my mind. Perhaps it's also why my thesis focuses on explaining that blackness used to be represented through whiteness, but thankfully, many contemporary artists realized it wasn't worth it anymore, and started to produce black art. It's not magical or excentric, it's not romantic or dreamy, it's art- complex, political, inserted in its contexts and particularities. Blackness and black art has always been complex, it's only now that white people are realizing that because black/black descendants are people too that we are given the category of "complex".

Anyway. This is what I have to write for now, on nostalgia.

*I may be 33 but I still write like a damn pretentious asshole, like in 2010!

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

U want to forget but I don't, no, not just yet

We smoked blow on the last subway cart on the train track. u used ur body to hide my high, remember when we ran away together that one nite? we were infinite like the perks of being a wallflower tunnel scene, we were laughing and panicking and kissing. Flowers growing just into the wrong tree.

ive spent so much time in unmemorizing but can u rly forget when

You bleached my hair with ur bare hands when it was all firetruck red

didn't use gloves

somehow u were always magic

The white pieces tht go thru a layer of ur skin always just came off

when u fucked me on the couch after I stopped going to therapy 

cuz u said she didn't understand me

She didn't understand addiction

Or any of the layers in me

When that uber driver from Chinatown drove us back home and farted so loud n didn't say sorry

when you met me at Greenpoint three times in one day 

To drop me off to work

Bring me fried chicken

Then an umbrella cuz it rained

U rode the subway the entire day on myrtle wycoff

And myrtle Broadway

At broadway junction, u carried crates of clothes for me for my children's fashion show date

Even ripped and cut apart ur own

Said u didn't need them anyway

Coffee in the greca 

hazelnut creamer 

"Dark and sweet"

Remember when we switched Starbucks drinks outside the farmers market in la?

I miss when u'd sing Beyonce

N how you'd sit on the sidewalk and call it “photosynthesis"

I just didn't know what love felt like til I saw u w that one dog u would dog sit

-----

i thought I had my heart broken before but

this feels like the very first time

Losing you feels like losing everyone ive ever lost in every god damn lifetime

Ive spent the entire night up but i still feel like i haven't been awake

figuring out who u were all along makes me regret saying yes to Sally's that day

i trusted u with no boundaries

So how do I begin to mend?

the holes in my heart

I don't wanna live for anything anymore

Not money nor my family not even art

Its like someone kicked me on the curb

Saw me bleeding 

Then kept kicking

and kicking 

and kicking me

still not stopping 

even when im crying red

i swear my heart just stopped beating

i can't feel it anymore 

cant feel u anymore

even in this feeling

feeling so close to death

-----

u were a wallflower

Just as lost as me 

My therapist said we found in each other what wasn't healed yet

we were flowers just growing into the wrong tree

i wish we blossomed into a mango tree 

u said u just wanted to be enough 

and I wish u knew I always thought u were

sometimes i still wish it was u id see on the living room floor 

Doing whatever u were doing

scratching off a ticket

eating dinner 

Drilling another hole into something 

nothing ever mattered when u laid beside me 

Not drugs

Or "intentional planned dates"

Just shared plates 

shared forks

shared home

With a ceiling

and a door

U were always self made

-----

If I told u I forgave u would u believe true love conquers hate?

I miss the perfume samples u gave 

the journals you'd steal for me

the cheese it's at laguaria airport

when u forgot how to spell my last name

The 100 coconut waters

All of ur last last dollars

All I ever wanted was u

More than freedom I want u

More than my life together I want u

More than money more than drugs more than heaven more than being equally loved.

—

let my blood run down the sink drain

I always told u id die before u 

im sry we can't die together today 

my ears are ringing and time is impending 

i feel myself dying

i wish u were with me 

i miss ur voice i miss ur face

[daythieving]

log 191123

felt like garbage today. i haven't showered in three days, and i'm starting to feel very anxious about literally everything. i kind of constantly feel overwhelmed by everything, kind of like when you walk through a windstorm and it's ripping at the edges of your clothes and you can't see and your hair is in your eyes and mouth and you can't hear. i've been worrying about my girlfriend. i know something's up, but she doesn't want to talk to me about it because i have a lot going on. her heart is in the right place, but i love her, and i care so much about her that it's hard to even think sometimes. i don't think i've experienced so much love towards another person in my life. i'm worried she's upset with me, but i'm constantly worrying about messing up anyways. the thing is i know i won't, i'm not a massive piece of shit, but i don't know what i would do if she ever left me. i'm not sure if that's a healthy thing to think, but it's the truth. in honesty i think i'm worrying so much because i had i dream last night that i was dating the girl i used to be in love with in high school. it's so stupid because i think i'd rather kill myself than ever try to be with her. she's also straight, and also hates me, and i also hate her, so it's pretty clear that something like that would literally never happen. but it's been bothering me so badly and i can't really talk to anyone but you about it, because on the surface level dreaming about dating a girl who isn't your girlfriend sounds like a pretty shitty thing to do. but that's the thing, again, i wouldn't ever want to date some random fucking girl who permanently damaged my self esteem and made me start doing some not-so nice things to myself. i would rather be beheaded. i genuinely think it's because i saw my ex the other day at work (we were all friends) and i've been thinking a lot about that whole situation again. it's such a sick fucking joke for my brain to conjure up some bullshit like that. i'm disgusted. it also doesn't help that i saw another person who was friends with her today at work, again. why is it so hard not to be haunted? my life has been one of great misfortune, or something like that. but seriously, sometimes when i let everything get to me, the only thing i can think about is what the fuck did i do to deserve this? my girlfriend always says i'm too hard on myself, and i think it's from years of trying to rationalize why my life keeps repeatedly falling apart. i must be doing something wrong, i must be a bad person, i must be bringing this upon myself. when i think about it, every group of friends i've ever had has fallen to bits. i'm not even exaggerating. from middle school right to university, i have repeatedly experienced friend groups falling out. it always seems to be my problem. so when you constantly feel like you're the problem, you start to believe that you're the worst person to ever walk this earth and that you need to be executed by a firing squad. i wish i could just turn back time and stop everything from happening the way it did. i don't care about learning my lesson anymore. how many more lessons do i have to learn? i want to be happy. i want to be happy so badly. not just fleetingly, i want to happy, i want to be content. i want to be at peace all of the time. i'm so tired of momentary bliss. i want to make friends, i want to talk to other people, i want to connect with the world around me. but it's physically impossible. i think i'm just destined to be solitary. i'm tired of trying to be let in, like everyone is part of some secret party and i can only sit outside the window and beg to come inside. i feel like an idiot. i look like an idiot. i make a fool of myself every time they open the door. i think it's just better this way. i got too off topic, i apologize. this is the longest log i've written so far.

[owlpartytime]

Days of Thranto Past Appreciation Post Day 3

Rather than writing new this Thrantovember, I am featuring the works of others that I love. Most of these are probably well known already, but it's always someone's first time seeing a fic! Rules were: 1. Story must be completed, and 2. Thranto must be the primary focus of the story. I'm featuring 3 a day (because I couldn't cut the list down) at random - I'd love to hear your thoughts on the selections (and please give the authors some love, too!)

Today's features:

Of Estuaries by cordage

Eli jerked in fright as its head shot up, a gleam in its eyes. It gently raised a hand covered in blood and flecks of viscera to the middle of its chest, telegraphing every movement, and as it tapped itself, it spoke in a humanoid language. “Æ ɛɦɱ Ɱɪθʔɻɑʟʔɳɯɻuʊɗɔ. Ɱɪθʔɻɑʟʔɳɯɻuʊɗɔ.”

“I… I don’t understand you.”

It breathed through its nose and tapped its chest again, “Ɱɪθʔɻɑʟʔɳɯɻuʊɗɔ.” It then pointed to Eli, a decidedly human “Hmm?” expressed.

“You want my name?” Eli mulled over it for a minute, then placed the pants he was holding in his lap, bringing his own hand to his chest. “Eli.” He sucked on his teeth, and then gestured to the chiss, “You’re Myth-raaw-nurodo?”

The chiss looked displeased, its eyes narrowed. “Θɻɑʟɳ.” It tried, drawing the sounds out so Eli could understand.

“Thrawn, then?”

Eli watched on as the chiss, Thrawn, returned to his meal.

An AU where the Chiss are Sirens and Eli falls overboard his ship into the sea. As with all cordage's fics, it's really important to mind the tags, but if you can tolerate the contents the story is beautifully written and full of emotion.

--

my home is you by junesunsets

“I am afraid that if I do what I want, I will not be able to stop myself,” Thrawn finally admits quietly, after what feels like an eternity. He lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he is holding and is looking at the floor. And at that same time, Eli grasps his hands a little tighter and brings them a little bit closer.

Eli knows that if he does what he wants, he won’t be able to stop either.

They both slowly start to creep into the small space that separates them and as soon as they feel their breaths just mere millimeters from their lips, Eli’s com’s ping rips through the silence of the room.

Loud. Obnoxious. Unpleasant. A reminder that they can’t escape the reality outside.

Eli and Thrawn really can't win.. but at least now they're together, and the delayed moment will be revisited. A lovely little piece about their dedication and loyalty to each other, despite everything conspiring to keep them apart.

---

If It Weren't For You Meddling Chiss by ZsforSs

“I've got you.” Thrawn said stepping between Eli and the sprung trap.

For a moment there was no suspicion, just shock. Eli let Thrawn maneuver him back into the wall, letting him lean there. “What- What happened?”

“Are you alright?” Thrawn asked, lifting Eli's chin to make him look up at Thrawn.

“Yeah, I'm- I'm alright.”

“Good, good.” Thrawn leaned down and pressed his lips to Eli's.

Eli kissed back on auto-pilot and through the terrified white noise in his head noted that this was nice, very nice.

It was too bad this wasn't Thrawn.

I think this was one of the first Thranto stories I read and it's lived rent free in my head ever since. A mystery, a fascinating monster, Thrawn being clever, Eli being capable, and the two of them working together to overcome the danger they find themselves in.