#i just want to be done with it before tpotd

[my-ghost-monument]

fic writer 20 questions!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

30! all one-shots

2.  what's your total AO3 word count?

111,322

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Most recently it's been only Doctor Who (thasmin my loves <3), but ATLA and Torchwood are also frequently written for. I've done a few for one-off fandoms like Pirates of the Caribbean, Psycho-Pass, She-ra (2018) as well, and hopefully sometime next year will be adding another fandom to this list!

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All ATLA works that I wrote during 2020, so of course they got high, lol. Instead of listing those out, I'm going to give the top fic in each fandom I've wrote more than one fic for, just for some fandom variety:

ATLA: give it oxygen

Doctor Who: in another time

POTC: Call of the Sea

Torchwood: inconvenient situations

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I do normally, because I love comments and getting to thank/discuss stuff with people, but this year I've been really bad at it (a massive flare of social anxiety) but hoping to catch up with all of the ones I've gotten before the end of the year!

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Maybe ice cream, if only because that's canon compliant to TPOTD which of course has Yaz and the Doctor part forever. Otherwise, I don't really do super angsty endings, more like gentle future angst reminders (more so for the thasmin fics because that's just the vibe I love doing for them).

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe summer blooms, my atla maiko opus, since the ending being happy is a pretty big part of that fic.

8. do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Not really that kind of writer! If anything, I prefer vague metaphors/implications.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written 11. have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. have you ever had a fic translated? 13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

As with @dancingonmoonbeams who I got this game off of, I'll group these together since the answer's no to all.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

Probably Yaz and the Thirteenth Doctor tbh. Though Mai and Zuko hold a very special place in my heart (I blog more of them over on my other blog @drowning-in-cacophony ).

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My Finnick survives AU fic for The Hunger Games! It's a one-shot but it's giving me the worst trouble and I've been stuck on it for like two years. I'd love to do it though, since it's mostly about Annie (her POV too) and I love her.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I'd say metaphors, interesting sentences that stick in people's heads, and characterisation too.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I think my work often ends up 'top heavy', where the top will be full of descriptions and actions and build up, and comparitively the ending is a little shorter of a stop.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't know another language, and I wouldn't want to butcher one with a translating energy. If I needed another language, I think I'd do the whole 'they said in [language] but written in english' thing.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Agents of SHIELD, back in my ff.net days!

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my fics so, so dearly, but. maybe blue hour for thasmin? That fic reads like my dream fic honestly. (which is what I wanted when I wrote it)

tagging any mutuals/followers who want to do this!

[signalnext]

I absolutely love this story and have actually downloaded it and keep it to read whenever I feel like I need it (one of very few stories for which I've done this, DW or no).

It's such a lovely example of a Thirteen story, officially sanctioned at that, and although it was written to address the Covid19 lockdown, it still remains relevant especially to me on a personal level. To remember the things in life to be grateful for. To thank the people behind the scenes. To honor those who have died. To be glad of the time to spend with loved ones who are still with us. To remember that it's still important to have fun, and to laugh.

From a DW perspective, and after TPOTD especially, the story lands differently now. I first read the story about a year ago, well after it was published, and knew it would land differently after Thirteen's run. It hurts in a way that it didn't used to, yes, but it also soothes in a way that it didn't used to either, especially given that the narrative POV is mostly from Yaz.

When Yaz says, "I'm you," also lands differently...

I love how Paul Cornell acknowledged and reinforced how Yaz saw the Doctor -- again, this was before Flux had aired (and while we're on the subject, I feel similarly about Joy Wilkinson's story in DWM as well).

And I don't mean just the wonderful lines about Yaz observing the Doctor's facial expressions (which I know have been mentioned before) --

"the Doctor smiled an enormous smile, like sunshine through clouds."

and Yaz saying this, and the Doctor's reaction:

"'[...] I sometimes think if we could see all you were, at once, it’d be too much. We couldn’t deal.' "The Doctor looked bashful and pleased all at the same time, which was another of Yaz’s favourite looks of hers."

There's so much more, such as the delightful bit about the Scaribble pronunciation, the games, and the Doctor's characterization via things from her pockets and her literally taking turns around the room...

Yaz recognizing and gently calling out the Doctor on her particular way of helping, and the Doctor confiding in Yaz and telling her not to tell Graham and Ryan...

Yaz wanting to tell the Doctor that it was okay to talk about deep and meaningful things.

Plus the DW inside references, and the reference to the Doctor's different pasts and personalities -- I really appreciated Thirteen saying she wanted to revisit and amend their past actions in Family of Blood, and was happy that Paul Cornell got a chance to do that for Thirteen in subsequent stories (as described in this Tor article in case anyone reading this hasn't seen those).

This story is interesting from a writing perspective also. For instance, Yaz (and really the others too) have very few lines of dialogue in this story, and her first line doesn't even happen until almost halfway in. But we don't need a lot of dialogue, and we get a peek into her internal thoughts.

Then the dialogue that we do get is so concise, so lovely. There's so little of it between Yaz and Thirteen, and yet it's so effective. It's practically a bottle episode where they're stuck in one place and yet psychologically, emotionally there's this development that we get to see from Yaz's perspective and these 1:1 conversations we get to witness between her and Thirteen, where it's not about them in a run-for-your-life situation. How little of that we got to see on the actual show, and so how wonderful it is to see them like this here.

Every time I read this story, it makes me wish so much that we'd have gotten a chance to see a Thirteen and Yaz TV episode written by Paul Cornell.

This story is a treasure.

Who else remembers this?

[cosmicallyavg]

okay besties as an ace person i never would have thought in a million years that i would be capable of wanting to write a ✨ mature ✨ fic, let alone actually Writing said fic. but i am fr so close to publishing one and im very proud of myself bc this shit is so good even though it took me like 4 months to write (bc im So awkward about this stuff that i had to take lots of breaks or else i would have combusted) like its certainly not Explicit but it is Mature i would say.. like when i tag it on ao3 i think i can do mature and be okay. just know that i am so proud of myself for doing this and im so excited to post it very soon 

[queerestqueertoeverqueer]

She is Loved

Fandom: Doctor Who, Ship: Thasmin

Summary: Thirteen starts to regenerate, and Yaz looks back on their time together and the conversations they had about this moment.

Notes: This is my attempt to make the ending of TPotD feel a little less unfinished. I haven't changed any of the scenes that we got in the episode, because I want to try and accept the ending we got, with these added headcanons about conversations that may have taken place in the past. (I may have also shoved in HCs about The Mattress and The Cheek Kiss TM, but who are you, the HC police?) Title is from from TPotD. This is my first fic, so any feedback would be massively appreciated!! I'll put this on Ao3 at some point probably. And shout-out to @logically-blue for reading this for me before I posted it <333

---------------------------

"Doctor. Look at your hand."

Yaz felt the Doctor's grip tighten on her shoulder. Her eyes seemed to light up as she stared helplessly at the golden light, but her face fell. Yaz could feel her trembling, leaning further into her for support.

"No... no! That's not right! I need more time...

I want more time!"

The pure emotion, the frustration, the quiet, sad, rage in the Doctor's voice made Yaz's heart ache. She'd told herself when this happened - and she knew it was coming for a while now - she'd be the brave one. She'd make it easier for the Doctor, and she'd smile at her and comfort her and look after her for as long as she could. But now, Yaz couldn't stop the tears brimming in her eyes from spilling down her cheeks.

The Doctor glanced up at Yaz. Her wonderful Yasmin Khan. She hoped she had done enough to prepare her for this moment.

"You know what this means, right?"

Hearing that only made it worse. Because she did know what this meant.

It wasn't even that long ago. They were sitting in the TARDIS kitchen, Yaz sipping tea, and the Doctor slurping a comically large mug of hot chocolate, with at least seven sugars and what was either melted chocolate or brown sauce. Yaz didn't dare ask.

The Doctor was trying her best to keep her promise.

"I want to tell you everything."

Maybe she hadn't managed everything just yet. But she was opening up, little by little. Telling Yaz the occasional story about an adventure; the time there were dinosaurs in space, or a mummy on a train, and an Absorba- what was it called? Something like that. The odd anecdote to show Yaz that she cared. But today she needed to get something more solemn out in the open.

"Yaz... something is going to happen soon. I'm not sure when, or where, or what will cause it, but it's coming. And I wanted you to have warning. I want you to have time to decide what you want to do."

Yaz sat patiently while the Doctor slowly, thoughtfully, carefully, explained it to her. There would be glowing, a hum, and then it would happen. She would change. This wasn't entirely news to her. She'd encountered enough of the Doctor's old acquaintances to know they all remembered her differently; a little man with a cane, a tall man with a bow-tie, and of course the frequently mentioned mysterious white-haired Scotsman. But to think of this Doctor, her Doctor, changing like that wasn't something Yaz could bear.

So she'd thought about it for days, because what she also couldn't bear was the idea of ever leaving the Doctor. What would she even do? She could hardly imagine just going back to her life, solving parking disputes, bickering with her sister. It all felt so... silly. So little. So insignificant.

But it didn't feel anywhere near as bad as she thought it would to be looking at the only woman she'd ever felt this much love for and see an unfamiliar face. To hear an accent that didn't sound like she'd come straight out of Yorkshire.

And eventually, they finished their conversation. Through tears and smiles and firmly clasped hands, Yaz finally told the Doctor what had been brewing away inside her for as long as she could remember. She told her what happened when the Doctor was away, about the spare TARDIS and the sleepless nights (and the Doctor felt reassured that she had made a wise choice in teaching Yaz to fly the TARDIS after seeing those notes). She told her about growing up, and Izzy Flint, and the friends who didn't get it. She told her everything she could think to say, as the Doctor sat wide-eyed and earnest, Yaz's hand enclosed tightly between her own as if it might protect her from her past.

"Have you ever told her?"

"Told her what?"

"How you feel about her."

I have now, Dan. The end of that conversation would stay with them both for a long time. Yaz knew what she had to do. But that didn't make it any easier. She knew she would never be able to cope with a Doctor that wasn't hers. And the Doctor knew that too. Which meant there was an understanding between them, for when that day came. They would face the moments before together. And then it would happen, and she would be gone.

She's not gone yet.

"You know what this means, right?"

Back in the present. You've not got long. Savour it, enjoy it while she's here, she's in your arms. She's still your Doctor.

Yaz nodded.

"Yeah?"

The tears kept falling. There wasn't even any point trying to stop them. She'd thought about this situation so many times but it could never have prepared her for how much it would actually hurt to face it. To face losing her.

They finally brought themselves to properly look at each other. The thought that she might never again see those beautiful eyes, the eyes that contained galaxies, swirls of glorious colours that she could never quite place her finger on, only made Yaz cry harder.

"It's alright. It's alright, Yaz!" the Doctor held her tightly and brought one hand to the side of her face, stroking her cheek gently. She slowly moved her hand away again, not wanting to make this harder for Yaz. She couldn't bring herself to let go completely, though. For her sake maybe even more than Yaz's, she needed to feel her. She needed to feel her warmth through her soft jacket, anchoring her to the ground as the burning grew inside of her.

On some level, Yaz had known the Doctor wasn't just fine after that laser hit her. She'd tried so hard to convince herself, to convince everyone. Maybe she thought that if she convinced them well enough, it would come true. But the Doctor lay completely still for too long. Yaz had never seen her so motionless. Even when they shared a mattress, all that time ago, when they were both too scared to sleep alone after Ryan and Graham left, she would toss and kick for the few hours she slept. But this time there was nothing, not stirring even when Yaz dug out their old stuff and gently placed their pillow under her head. Yaz sat by her the entire time, stroking her hair out of her face, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest against her side, checking her face for injuries, always monitoring her heartbeats.

As she watched her, Yaz couldn't help but relive it. She said she was fine but she had no idea if she would burst into light there and then. She could still feel the Doctor's weight in her arms, her faint staggered breath against her neck. She felt the Doctor's cheek pressed against her lips, the arm slung around her shoulders tightening a little as she whispered three words into her ear. She felt the Doctor's sleepy gaze on her as she looked up at Yaz and then closed her eyes.

Eyes.

They were both crying now.

"Make time!"

The Doctor owed her this. For all the times when she shut her out. For every time she didn't explain. For every story she never got the chance to tell her. It'd hurt like hell to hold this off for longer, but she'd do it. Yaz deserved a little longer with her Doctor. And she wanted a little longer with her Yasmin Khan.

She hated goodbyes, Yaz knew that. And the Doctor knew that Yaz knew that. She also knew that even when her heart was breaking, Yaz would put her first as she always did. If this was going to end, for her sake, even though it would hurt her, she was going to end it in the most Doctor-y way she could - without acknowledging that it was over. As if they both willed it hard enough, maybe it wouldn't truly be over.

They both knew it, though. She said her wish out loud, after all.

The Doctor never got to tell Yaz everything. As usual, it came down to time. Always her excuse. Always her worst enemy.

But now, one last time, she was going to use it to make things a little better.

"Happy ever after isn't forever. It's just time."

"One last trip."

[fakerbatch]

Read about Jared Leto fuckery about method acting. He actually made himself walk with a limp taking log breaks even for loo, eventually crew had to make people push him everywhere on a wheelchair. What a douchebag. If you want to do method acting, it should never cause inconvenience to others. I am sure Benedicts method acting was only restricted to him( may be except the smell), also he is overall a sweet guy. Jared anyways has a bad reputation, i sure this he must be a nightmare to work with. Martin was right ,method acting is pretentious nonsense, for certain actors.

Yeah I’ve seen that (in Martin’s tag because it’s making a lot of people reference his comments). And yeah Martin was asked specifically about Carrey and he clearly specifically was talking about when it makes crew/other cast miserable or wastes everyone’s time. Ben said he’d never done it before and that Jane asked him to and yes I don’t think he made anyone’s lives hellish (Jesse referred to the one comment but obviously just for something to talk about and he forgave him and it wasn’t a big deal, despite what the headlines would have you think). But yeah Ben’s earlier comments on it were always what Martin’s were, like yeah it’s not for me. (And btw Martin’s podcast comments came before Ben started talking about TPOTD so I bet he had no idea at that point Ben had done it so it wasn’t in any way shade at him imo).

[fakerbatch]

1/2 Would u like to see Ben in a romcom? I vaguely remember him saying he wanted to but at the same time he says he wants to do all types of things but sticks to bio pix. Even when he's producing its not the different genres he mentions. I know it's easier said then done but he's made things happen for his self before.

Just for the sake of variety I would like to see him do different things—like comedy (even though I don’t think he’s great at it) or romcom (even though he’s very rarely been convincing as into women and kisses cringily). Even better, a character more like himself (Martin C is the closest he’s ever gotten imo and almost all of the rest are miles away). And yes he does have more power producing but he’s still in relatively early days with that and backers will more likely pay for typecast stuff. Still I’d rather see quirky troubled socially awkward geniuses who are fictional and from modern times at least. (TPoTD fits that other than being not too modern)