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thoughtslikeaminefield · 5 years

Text

Leaving Heaven

CHAPTER TWO

PLEASE HEED WARNINGS

Summary: Tazi is a bounty hunter of mostly human things. She isn’t firmly seated in the supernatural world, but she’s familiar enough that she’s recruited by an old friend of John Winchester’s to capture and deliver a brief acquaintance of her own.

Characters: Demon Dean Winchester x original female character - Taziana (Tazi) Smith, brief appearance of a never to be seen again OFC, original male character - Mike Clemons, Crowley, Sam Winchester

Chapter Warnings: this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester

Words: 3386

Author’s notes: Title from the song Leaving Heaven by Eminem + Skylar Grey

thank you @itmighthavebeenintentional and @cracksinthewalls for reading and inputting and holding my hand xox

c.1 | c.2 | c.3 | c.4 | c.5 | c.6

He left me face down in that bar, humiliated and shaking. He could’ve killed me, but he didn’t. He was testing me, though, I know that now.

So, before I track him again, I prepare myself.

I look deeper into the file Mike gave me. I find images and words, disconnected and ill-conceived, just shuffled in with everything else.

There are images of a man with untamed silver waves of hair and a piercing blue gaze, haunted by what I learn to be millennia of murder and solitude.

There are images of a gnarly-looking blade made from the jawbone of a donkey.

And there are images of a mark, gruesome and frightening.

There are mentions of Knights of Hell.

I learn from further research that Dean was given The Mark and The Blade by Cain, the murderous son of Adam and Eve if you believe that sort of thing. The research tells me that Cain was one of those Knights of Hell, and now Dean is too.

Some sources think The Mark makes the bearer immortal, but no one can agree on exactly what that means.

Then it dawns on me that Dean died with that mark and when he died he became the demon, the Knight of Hell -- he isn’t possessed.

It dawns on me that it was Dean Winchester who assaulted me. I wasn’t dealing with the well-aged vessel of Dean Winchester but Dean boiled down to the very essence of evil.

The knowledge that the same kind, fun-loving boy I met all those years ago came this close to murdering me or worse behind that bar troubles me deeply and in more ways than I am prepared to recognize.

Regardless, I will afford him no more sympathy. I will mourn and forget the boy for whom I kept such fond memories.

I’m going to get in, get my bounty, and get the fuck out.

When I find him the second time, he’s in a standard-issue, small-town bar chair with a leggy, bronzed brunette in his lap.

Of-fucking-course he’s at a strip club. I get to take a stroll down memory lane. Goody.

Also, a hostage. Way to complicate things, Dean-o.

Judging by the poster outside, the girl in Dean’s lap is the headliner, and he’s got a hold on her like she’s his.

Dean’s always been a little cocky, right? But not like this. He’s never acted like he was entitled to the world. His demon is straight-up white privileged male on steroids, and I just wanna kill him.

“You again?” he asks without even casting me a glance. He keeps his eyes on the face of the trembling dancer.

I can’t see her very well, but her posture is tense and fearful.

As I round on them, Dean leisurely twirls the hair of the frightened young woman. His grip on her knee is so tight, I can see her skin turning pink and swelling between the whites of his knuckles.

Once I’m up close, I stop dead in my tracks and my skin runs cold. That’s when Dean finally looks at me – that’s when I notice the hand in the young woman’s hair is slick with blood.

The scene behind him, further inside the club is absolute carnage – bodies and detached limbs of at least five men, strewn about the floor amongst gore and bodily fluids.

The smell, the visual, and the way my mind runs through what must have taken place – exactly what Dean must’ve done to wrought what is laid out before my eyes – is stomach-churning. I exhale slowly and bite my lips closed before meeting his eyes.

In this form, Dean is pure chaos and destruction. It’s fucking terrifying being this close to so much power, malice, and unearthly beauty all rolled into one man.

Dean was once so revered for his heroism. He was feared by monsters and men. And now he is the worst of what feared him.

I don’t even know where to look. As sorry as I am for the girl in his grasp, for what she’s endured at his hands and in his proximity, I’m thankful for the few beats of breath her presence grants me to collect myself.

“Hop up, princess,” Dean taps the girl’s thigh and she obeys. “Daddy’s gotta take care of some business.”

He tucks her hair back, smearing her cheekbone and the shell of her ear with sticky red as he looks down at her.

“Why don’tcha go make me a snack, hmm?” he smiles, and she nods slowly, tears streaming from her eyes over her glittery cheeks and lips.

As she turns, shaking, to walk toward the back of the club, Dean grips a handful of her hair, and she yelps.

“Don’t try anything,” he growls, and she whimpers.

Bile rises in my throat, stinging and making me dizzy. I’m stuck between losing what little I ate today and tearing him to shreds with my karambit knives.

Man, I really want to end this guy.

“Let her go,” I start, and he rolls his eyes and shoulders, releasing her tangled, bloody tresses.

He’s so fucking big, it gives me pause; I don’t remember him being this big. I have to calculate his arm span and the strength in those hips and thighs – the same hips and thighs that pinned me down the last time we encountered each other.

“Let her go! She’s just a girl!” Dean mocks my command. “She’s a stripper, Tazi, it’s not like anyone’ll miss her.”

I suck in a harsh stream of breath at the use of my name.

“Oh, yeah, I remember you,” he speaks as he begins to circle wide, out and around the periphery of the bar. “Back in… what, ’02? You…” he chuckles and jabs a playfully accusing finger at me.

Dean Winchester really likes to play with his food.

“You got me and Lee and half the table at that club down to our skivvies,” he laughs as he saunters around me. “Crafty little thing.”

He stops at the heavily lacquered bar, grabs a stray bottle, and pours two fingers of whatever brown liquor’s inside.

I won’t show him my hand, but I’ll bluff a little. That’s my style, and his reminder of me beating him in the past gives me an idea.

“I seem to recall you being pretty into my routine that night,” I purr as I turn with his re-circling pace, his eyes slicking black.

“So you, what, just never grew out of the ooh, look, titties! phase?”

I mirror his every move, pushing up the sleeves of my jacket, taking in the angry, throbbing mark on his arm as he pushes up his own sleeves.

“Not to mention our last meeting,” I continue, boldly smiling. “You were so hard against my ass, but then you just left me hangin’.”

I pout a little for impact.

Dean purses his lips, his eyes going back to luminous green as he appears to ponder my words.

“Let the girl go,” I say, squaring my hips. “And you can have me.”

His eyebrows jump. “Ballsy,” he says. “What if I like newer models?”

He rakes hard eyes over me as he licks his lips.

“Nah,” I reply. “You like experience.”

I’m wildly guessing at this point based solely on his clear enjoyment when I pulled his stupid hair, but I get the reaction I was hoping for; Dean grunts and starts to pace again. We’re at a bit of an impasse. He’s thinking.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. It’s the girl coming back into the room from the kitchen. She’s balancing a plate with whatever she made for him and quietly sniffling.

Once she’s within his sphere of reach, he takes the plate from her, immediately setting it and his drink aside. He pulls her in close and draws his blade from his back.

It’s all very casual, which doesn’t make it any less startling when he threatens her throat with his fist by wrapping it tight against her jaw, and with the point of the blade hovering over her jugular.

I draw a breath to calm myself and snag the girl’s gaze with as much conviction and assurance as I can. She nods.

She can’t be more than 21 and damn if she doesn’t look a hell of a lot like I did 13 years ago.

“OK… let her go, and I won’t slit your throat.” I swing my knives around my fingers for good measure.

Dean scoffs and smirks.

“You can’t kill me, honey,” he says, letting the tip break her delicate skin. “Not even with your fancy, hand-crafted whatever-the-fucks.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be so sure,” I answer.

Dean laughs as the girl’s blood spirals and clings to the filthy blade at her throat.

“The Mark of Cain,” he draws out, twisting his forearm to blatantly show off the throbbing scar. “I can’t die with this thing. Read a book.”

So I back up.

“Oh, I have been reading,” I reply. “And I’m pretty sure you know I don’t need to kill you to make you feel like you wanna die, Dean.”

I read in his file that he’d been to Hell and tortured people there. I don’t know if it’s metaphorical Hell or what, but I’m certain he knows exactly what I mean.

I know the kind of confidence I can exude in these moments, but to be honest, I’m frozen with fear for this girl and myself – yet... poker face.

“Let her go and you can do anything you want to me,” I offer, breaking into a chilling sweat with images of what he could actually do to me careening through my mind. “And don’t worry, I won’t come too easily. You can play with me all day long.”

Dean stares deep into me, his feral grin widening. He relaxes his grip on the girl and the blade just enough for her to slump away, leaving me with a decent target.

Before he can refocus from contemplating the plunging neckline of my leather top, I’ve released one sharp knife whirling toward his own jugular.

“Run!” I tell the girl, and she doesn’t hesitate.

She makes it out into the sunshine as I turn back to find Dean on one knee, holding his hand against his gushing throat and clutching my knife.

His eyes are wide, angry, and wild. “You fucking-” he spits.

“Human instincts’re a bitch, huh?” I ask, out of breath and momentarily relieved that I was able to throw him off his game, knowing I don’t have more than a second or two to get the fuck out of here.

I’m not ready to take him. I have to regroup.

I step forward and send a roundhouse kick to his skull, and my knife clatters to the floor.

He’s out, but I don’t know for how long. I scoop up my knife and run the same way the girl went, leaving the demon at the bloody scene.

~~~~~~~

“What the fuck, Mikey?”

I’m not as angry as I project. I rarely react the way I feel. My therapist says it’s because I don’t trust myself or anyone else, so I always put on.

The truth is, I knew there was something different about Dean before I finally did my own research. Mike gave me the whole file. I knew Dean wasn’t just some random demon and he sure as Hell wasn’t an average bounty.

“Tazi,” Mike holds up his hands in surrender. “I thought the more you learned on your own, the better.”

“You could’ve at least told me he’s a fuckin’ psycho and can’t be killed.” I crack open the bottle of whiskey on Mike’s kitchen table, and Mike looks at me like I’m high.

God, I wish I was high.

“‘Demon’ didn’t tell you he ain’t right in the head?” Mike asks. “Look, I’m sorry, but do you blame me? The whole thing is fucking unbelievable.”

I suck my teeth as I dump whiskey into a glass from one of Mike’s cupboards.

“Yeah, yeah,” I concede. “What do you know about The Blade? And don’t just regurgitate what’s in the file - you gotta know more than that.”

I slump into a chair across from Mike as he begins to tell me what he’s heard.

“It can’t be destroyed,” Mike continues cautiously as he holds my gaze. “And it makes him immune to... everything. He’s super-strong and telekinetic-”

I nod, looking into my glass. “He’s havin’ fun, ya know?”

I look back up at Mike and feel my lips twist into something that feels like a grimace.

“And you?” Mike asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

“I just mean that he doesn’t seem to be focused on killing me,” I reply, deflect, sip my whiskey. “At least not yet.”

Mike nods. “I didn’t give this to you so you could play Danger Girl, Taziana.”

“I know,” I say, spinning my glass and watching the golden liquid swirl. “But you gave me the job for a reason, and not just because he used to wanna bang me.”

"I gave it to you because I knew you'd do everything but kill him and you could still bring him in," Mike replies before we each fall quiet for a few moments as we sip our whiskey.

“Lemme see what else we can find out,” he sighs, sounding more reluctant than I’m used to.

Two hours later, Mike and I are in a dance club nestled in a dark corner booth. It’s the kind of place I had my last club job - swanky and full of basics, looking for some kind of relief from their mundane lives.

“This Crowley hangs out here, you say?” I ask, accepting my drink from our server with a nod.

Mike grunts noncommittally as he accepts his own drink. “Not so much hangs out as takes meetings,” he replies.

It’s loud in the club, unsurprisingly, but at least the music’s good.

“Relax, would ya?” I say. “You’re making me nervous. It can’t be that bad-”

Mike looks up over my shoulder and the color drains from his face.

When I turn to see what he’s looking at, I find a stout, impeccably dressed man with a dark receding hairline and beard. He smiles and it sends shocks over my skin.

“Hello, darling,” he purrs.

I make a full-body turn and climb out of the booth to stand. He’s incredibly intriguing, which is usually not such a good thing in this line of work.

Mike clears his throat behind me where he’s still seated in the booth. “Crowley, this is Taziana,” he says by way of introduction.

Crowley dead-ass takes my hand and kisses my knuckles, all the while holding my gaze.

Smooth motherfucker.

“Pleasure,” Crowley says, slowly and, apparently, reluctantly releasing my hand.

I was wrong before. His voice isn’t a purr; it’s a growl-purr hybrid, and it sends a wave of heat from my sternum out to all extremities.

Crowley’s eyes light and his nostrils flare; he’s scenting me.

Not human. Great.

“Likewise,” I reply with a wry smirk as I scoot back into the booth next to Mike with a sigh.

I’m starting to regret this whole fucking demon bullshit.

“So,” Crowley starts as he takes a seat in a chair pulled out for him by another suit with more hair on his head and less on his face but not much else distinguishable.

“You’re hunting Dean Winchester,” he says matter-of-factly. “And you need information.”

I nod.

This not-man isn’t about to give anything, so I wonder aloud why he’s even at this table with us.

“What’s the price, Romeo?” I cut to the chase.

Mike shifts in the seat next to me loudly and awkwardly enough that it grabs my notice.

“What?” I hiss, and Mike looks like the proverbial cat literally walked across the table and ate his tongue out of his skull.

“Love,” Crowley pulls my attention back to him. “Your dear Michael here did me a favor recently and now I owe him. Free of charge.”

I sigh and lean into the table, tossing a chastising glower toward Mike.

“Spare me the details,” I say to Crowley. “Tell me what I need to know to get this job done.”

Crowley tells me that the Winchesters figured out how to cure demons and that Sam Winchester is looking to cure his brother.

Besides the obvious, glaring detail that I don’t get paid my bounty if I don’t bring the demon to Mike, I have questions.

“A cure,” I deadpan before shooting the rest of my whiskey and waving down our server.

Crowley seems amused by me. That bugs the fuck out of me, but I choose to ignore it and focus on what’s really important.

“I’ll spare you the details, Tazi darling,” Crowley snarks. “Suffice to say, the younger, much larger and arguably less psychotic Winchester will likely have more invested in bringing his brother back... intact.”

So I ask the obvious.

“And my bounty?”

Crowley’s amusement has yet to subside as he asks, “Didn’t Michael tell you?”

His gaze bounces between the two of us before he lets go a throaty chuckle.

I drag my attention back to Mike. “Explain?”

Mike shrugs. “The bounty’s comin’ from Crowley,” he mutters.

I roll my eyes and turn just in time to be handed a fresh drink from our server. I thank her then take a long pull from my glass before speaking. Two hours ago, Mike was scolding me for dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. Meanwhile, he’s in bed with... whatever Crowley is.

“Well, that’s just fuckin’ rich, Mikey,” I grumble, and Crowley continues to chuckle. “So I deliver Dean to his brother and you pay me?”

Crowley nods. “King of Hell, by the way,” he says before sipping his drink.

I roll my eyes again because, of course, he can read minds.

“Alright, let’s brass-tacks this thing,” I say, and Crowley reaches into his pocket for his phone.

He gives me Sam Winchester’s contact information and the exact location of his demon brother. The implication is that I should contact Sam and take him to Dean. Apparently, Crowley and Dean spent the past three months avoiding Sam, and Crowley thinks it beyond his window of opportunity to call Sam himself without suspicion.

“Got it, you’re not on the best of terms with baby bro,” I reply, pocketing my phone and making to stand.

Crowley watches me appreciatively as I shrug into my jacket.

“If I call this guy and he gives me the slightest of bad vibes, you’re on your own,” I tell him. “You too,” I add, pinning Mike in place with a glare.

“Fair enough,” Crowley replies.

“Get my tab?” I tell the men. “And be sure to tip your server.”

I walk out of the club, wasting no time to pull my phone out and call the number I’ve just received from Crowley.

As the night air blessedly cools the skin of my face and throat from the heat of meeting the actual fucking King of Hell, my phone connects.

“Hello?” the voice on the other end of the line is hesitant, yet I can feel his desperation over the cellular waves.

“Sam Winchester?” I ask, climbing astride my Yamaha. I secure my phone in its cradle on the center console and fit my helmet onto my head, activating the Bluetooth connection.

He doesn’t speak right away, and I can respect that.

From what I know of Sam Winchester, he’s cautious and thoughtful. I’m going to need to hold that close as we do this deal because after the massacre in that strip club...

I want Dean Winchester to die bloody and screaming, not cured.

But that isn’t the job.

“My name’s Taziana Smith and I’m a bounty hunter,” I continue, starting my bike. “Got your number and the location of your brother from Crowley. Wanna meet?”

When he finally speaks, it’s affirmative.

“Where?” he asks.

“Dean’s in Omaha,” I answer. “Meet me at M’s Pub in the Old Market tomorrow at noon.”

“Got it,” he replies, his voice is shaky and hoarse.

“Great,” I reply, disconnecting the call before pulling into traffic and making my way to the interstate.

chapter three

Fic Masterlist

If you like what you’ve read, please let me know and/or buy me a coffee!

#demon dean fic

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callmehopeless · 4 years

Note

I just wanna let you know that Honeyed Eyes is the first place I go when I need a comforting read. There's so many things I love about it, so many I could go on for ages and I'd just like to say thank you for that. Keep going strong and may your days prosper in keeping you happy!

This ask warms me so much, holy shit. Bless you my darling; that’s the goal of the fic, and one I always want to come back to

It always amazes me how much the fic has impacted so many people, and just how much you all really value the relationship the characters have built together. That means something special to me, and words fail to explain it in enough detail

xox

#honeyed eyes #clyde logan #revenge of the bucket demon #Mail

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peakanss · 6 years

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A Simself TAG

I was tagged by @literalite and someone else that I forgot :(( Thank you!

I tag @enismald, @caacti, @peryllium, @nightvy, @sammmi-xox, @ouikala, @fussysim, @unflirtytrait, @starry-eyed-simss, @sadb0ysims, @faunakii, @vatorey, @cakeiko, @bearcula, @cowplant-pizza, @scrumptiousfries, @kaydandthesims, @dyoreos and anyone who wants to do this, just say I tagged you!

Traits: hot-headed, slob, active

aspiration: public enemy i think

1. What is your full name? Valerie something something som

2.What is your nickname? Val

3. Birthday? Feb 24

4. What is your favorite book series? The mortal instuments. THE SHOW SUCKS HAHAGASEHLFZ

5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? Despite my supernatural obsession, no.

6. Who is your favorite author? I like Leonard S. Marcus and Cassandra Clare

7. What is your favorite radio station? yeet

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Blue raspberry

9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? yes

10. What is your current favorite song? Generation why- Conan Gray or Pussy is God- King Princess

11. What is your favorite word? fuk

12. What is the last song you listened to? Why do I still?- Neiman ft. May Angeles

13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? HAHAHAH ok: Supernatural, Shameless U.S (MA), The walking dead (MA), Jane the virgin, Total Drama Island, Teen Wolf, NARCOS (MA), and How to get away from murder.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Deadpool, Spider man Homecoming, or Thor Ragnarok.

15. Do you play video games? Well YES

16. What is your biggest fear? Hetero Keith

17. What is your best quality in your opinion? my dik. Or my eyelashes ig

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? My weight and inconsistency

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? omg don’t make me choose T-T

20. What is your favorite season? autumn

21. Are you in a relationship? nop

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? My cat.

23. Who is your best friend? my dog or my demon! Annabel

24. What is your eye color? Dark brown. Don’t let my simself fool u

25. What is your hair color? Brown with auburn ombre

26. Who is someone you love? Dean Winchester

27. Who is someone you trust? my dog. everyone in the background: shut yo lonely ass up

28. Who is someone you think about Often? Austin Porter from PRETTYMUCH

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Supernatural season 14 to come out on netflix.

30. What is your biggest obsession? Boy bands. Specifically PRETTYMUCH not so much for their music but the friendship they have with each other c:

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Total Drama island, Johnny Test, and A.N.T farm.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? My friend Monty

33. Are you superstitious? not really

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? hetero keith

35. Do you perfer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Neither tbh

36. What is your favorite hobby? Track and feild.

37. What is the last book you read? Geomerty textbook LOL

38. What is the last movie you watched? Kung Fu Panda >:) jk idr

39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? I used to play the baritone..

40. What is your favorite animal? duk

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? I don’t have top 5′s lol

42. What superpower do you wish you had? INVISIBILITY

43. When and where do you feel most at piece? At home.

44. What makes you smile? my dog on some dumb shit

45. What sports do you play, if any? TRACK & FIELD

46. What is your favorite drink? Arizona green tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

Probably my brother’s birthday.

48: Are you afraid of heights? YES DEATHLY

49: What is your biggest pet peeve: Lily singh or lele pons. Hehe but on a real note people who say they do track and cant even keep a good pace while running laps at school LOL.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yeah 5sos and PRETTYMUCH. Can you tell how much i obsess over boybands lol.

51. Are you vagan/ vegetarian? naw

52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? I think a chemist lol.

53: What fictional world would you like to live in? The sims bc Yuki Behr is my baby momma and I just wanna love her T-T

54. What is something you worry about? Failing exams or getting kicked off the track team.

55. Are you scared of the dark? In my room when I’m walking in the dark cuz I don’t wanna step on my dog or a thumb tac or something lol

56. Do you like to sing? hell ye

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yes in 6th grade.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? At home or anywhere with my best friend.

59. Where would you like to live? Canada or Michigan.

60. Do you have any pets? 3 DOGS omg

61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? morning bird.

62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunset.

63. Do you know how to drive? yes

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds.

65. Have you ever had braces? ew yes

66: What is your favorite genre of music? r&b, soul, and ‘rock’

67: Who is your hero? Tom Hiddleston aka loki aka best man alive.

68: Do you read comic books? hell yeah.

69: What makes you most angry? prank channels

70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? Real book unless it’s webtoon sksksksk

71. What is your favorite subject in school? lunch. haha I’m so funny

72. Do you have any siblings? An older and younger brother and a stepsister.

73. What was the last thing you bought? Either one of those giant arizona tea cans or v bucks for my little brother agsfkfasv

74. How tall are you? 5′3

75. Can you cook? I can bake. can’t cook.

76. What are three things that you love? Austin porter, my dog, my fam and friends. that’s 4 but OK

77. What are three things you hate? Push-up bras [those shits are uncomfortable], hetero keith, and hetero keith.

78. Do you have more male or female friends? I don’t have any friends. I’m jp female.

79. What is your sexual orientation? Idk pffff I think bi-curious. Is that a thing orr

80. Where do you currently live? Floridaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

81. Who was the last person you texted? My friend lehla.

82. When was the last time you cried? when charlie di*** in spn which was a while ago

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? Gay helmet- I mean Gabe helmy

84. Do you like to take selfies? Depends if I’m feeling myself or not but usually no.

85. What is your favorite app? Huji cam, netflix, discord etc.

86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)? I don’t like either of them but I would die for them . My mom let’s me go out more often so <3

87. What is your favorite foreign accent: OMG I LOVE THEM ALL but if I had to choose, Portuguese.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Windenburg :p

89. What is your favorite number? 69

90. Can you juggle? kind of???

91. Are you religious? I mean I believe in jesus but that’s about it lol

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? OUTER SPACE

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? nope I’m a wuss

94. Are you allergic to anything? furries and their weird costume fetish shit.

95. Can you curl your tounge? yeah

96. Can you wiggle your ears? no

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? neverr

98. Do you perfer the forest or the beach? beach.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? I’m already tracer.

100. Are you a good liar? yes

101. What is your Hogwarts house? Gryffindor

102. Do you talk to yourself? no lol

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert :D

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no

105. Do you believe in second chances? depends

106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? Keep it. duh

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? obviously

108. Are you ticklish? yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? yep

110. Do you have any piercings? 3 on each ear

111. What fictional character do you wish were real? UGH LOKI OR THE WINCHESTERS

112. Do you have any tattoos? I have a stick n’ poke on my chest.

113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? Adopted the little scared white dog at the adoption center :>

114. Do you believe in karma? no

115. Do you waer glasses or contacts? glasses

116. Do you want children? I don’t know yet man.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? This robot in my class. Let’s call him bob.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Getting my assed whooped in a cruise in front of thousands of people.

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? Doing one rn sis.

120. What color are most of your clothes? idk I have an explosive wardrope but mostly grey or yellow.

121. Do you like adventure? I guess

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yep I was the spokesman for my track team and I answered like 2 questions while I was sweaty and gross. I’ll try to find the link lol

123. How old are you? Rather not say but I am 14-18 range.

124. What is your favorite quote? don’t know sis.

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory.

#This took an hour of my miserable life #it was fun though so thank you!#simself #ts4 tag #tag

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matan4il · 6 years

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I was tagged by the cutiepie known as @hail-the-angel. Thank you for thinking of me, hon! xox Rules: List the top ten songs you can’t stop listening to lately and then tag 10 people to do the same. 1. Young Blood / Norah Jones This one was driving me crazy for a few days, just humming it and struggling to place the tune. “No one knows we survive old flames” is my fave part. 2. You Want It Darker / Leonard Cohen There is no end to my love for this poet, singer, songwriter. This song about both having faith and struggling with it always gets to me and I tend to return to it whenever I struggle with how cruel this world can be. In addition to the lovely use of the cantors choir in the background, I don’t even know which part to quote. They’re all so good. “Magnified, sanctified, be thy holy name. Vilified, crucified, in the human frame.” // “A million candles burning for the help that never came. You want it darker? We kill the flame.” 3. Take Me to Church / Hozier Just such a brilliant song about the different ways faith and sexuality intersect. Not only do I keep coming back to it, I’ve recently taken to singing my own Hebrew rendition on my way back home from work. “I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well.” 4. Human / The Killers Freaking hell. The kind of catchy tune I don’t wanna be freed from. “And so long to devotion, he taught me everything I know. Wave goodbye, wish me well... you gotta let me go.” 5. Smells Like Teen Spirit / Nirvana (Cinematic Pop orchestral cover) “With the lights out, it’s less dangerous. Here we are now, entertain us. I feel stupid and contagious, here we are now, entertain us!” The orchestral cover makes me feel like the peaks of the performance ironically unleash the full rage of this song even better than the original pure grunge rock version. 6. Paparazzi / Lady Gaga Listen, this woman does not get enough credit for her ability to write so many songs that you’ll listen to once and find yourself humming from time to time for the rest of your life (Poker Face, Edge of Glory, Applause, Bad Romance, Alejandro, I can go on). “I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me, papa, paparazzi...” 7. Automatic / Ultra Nate One of my songs on my way to work because it was featured in one of my favorite scenes of the Looking movie, one of those moments when the camera speaks and lets us know what a character is thinking/feeling. In that instance, the longing of Patrick for Richie no matter how much it may seem he’s moved on and that the connection between them is still there as Richie looks up to meet Patrick’s gaze at the exact same moment our protagonist looks at him and the song reaches the line, “But they tell me there is no cure.” Freaking genius. 8. Ein Li Kessef + Papi Chulo + Sing Hallelujah + HaChaim Shelanu Tutim / Netta There are no words for how brilliant this girl is. Not only is she a freaking icon, being overweight and confident and celebrating herself and how gorgeous she is unapologetically, but she’s also so freaking talented and this mash-up of four different songs in 3 different languages is so much fun, but also a really good testament to her uniqueness as a musical artist. Still so happy for her that she won the 2018 Eurovision song contest. 9. Jack Sparrow / Lonely Island & Michael Bolton Somehow both funny and fun musically. I like that in terms of the comedy it works as a double dig, both at the pretentious image of “tough guys singing about how they rule the club” and at Michael Bolton’s movie obsessed character. “This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow! ... What!?” 10. Od Lo Lamadnu Klum (We Have Not Yet Learned Anything) / Dudi Bar David ”If there are some who calculate whether your last name feels right to them, then we have not yet learned anything.” I tag: @smittenwithsugden, @irisnsc, @i-cordelia, @backofftubby, @robertssofttouchxaaronssoftlad, @sugdendingle, @pocketwishes, @aarondingel, @aaron-fan, @stulot and extra tags for @sugglesmiles and @lightsofmyworld who had recently celebrated their bdays, I hope your every single day’s a special one! xoxox

#tumblr #Tumblr Games #tumblr shenanigans #music #Israeli Music

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darkgreyclouds · 7 years

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Thank you so much for all the support for the past few weeks! You all are super stars with your patience thank you! I hope in the fall when I can breathe a bit I can get better with this orz. You all rock!

Answers below the cut~

I’ve been last year! It was so fun I’d love to go again! Unfortunately it’s up to the con lottery gods as to whether or not I go next year. I never like to promise anything until I can confirm I’m going but I’ll keep my con list updated!

Okay haha I’ll definitely consider it! Thanks for the suggestion Anon ^o^

XANLAS WEEK IS COMING SOON!! MAYBE ;)

Thank you so much sdjaldka;dla;a My day is already better :’)! I hope you have a great day!

Do you mean if I plan on making any more Anon! Maybe! I kind of lost steam after I beat the game haha idk why it always happens but maybe in the future! Thanks so much!

Maryland!

Hi, sorry I’m not sure what you’re asking about but it seems like you’re looking to commission some work. I don’t do requests or commissions. However there’s a lot of great artists on tumblr who do take commissions, you should try contacting them! You should also ask off anon so you can keep the conversation private because anon asks are going to be published no matter what!

omg thank you so much this means a lot ;o; I hope you have a great day!!!

I have! But I guess I deleted that pic :/ Maybe again some day~

xD!! /w\ Thank you so much anon!!! I hope you had a great Otakon, even tho the weather was a little crazy that weekend haha!

Well this blog originally started off as a side blog of my tumblr which was weather themed and about umbrellas so I was just going off the weather theme and moved to clouds. And I believe the way copyright works is that you don’t really need to register for it, you have it when you create something. Unless you want your work in the library of congress you can pay like $35 to get something copyrighted. As for starting, just start and keep drawing until you find something you’re comfortable with. Heck I still don’t really know what I’m doing! Good luck anon!!

Thank you so much!!! That’s totally fine I’d love to see it if you do! :D! Thanks for asking!!

😘

Omg thank you so much!!!! You are so sweet anon!!!!!! sadfadsl;aka I hope you have a good week xox!!! 💕💖

(Omg this question is still very funny. So very ???) I’m here to preach the gospel of Lasinigo love, Anon. 🙌

Catprint!

LOL omg how spicy! I’m not sure actually....the list is very long for ones I’d like to be friends with tho!

Aww thank you Anon. I still ship Xander and Laslow but not as much haha. I might actually! Not a game this time tho I wanna live a little before winter cons pick up x_x

Omg thank you so much?? Tbh anon you’re amazing and I hope you have an amazing day! 💕

Anon, that is the million dollar question because I also ask myself this question occasionally.....I don’t really know and I’m not trying to brush off this question I honestly don’t know! I look at my past work to now and its like...dang thats a weird progression haha I guess I just kept drawing? That’s all I did;;

Oh! No worries You got a sharp eye anon, thanks for catching that! I updated the tag haha What a typo :’)

Aww thanks Anon!! You too!!! hehe <3

With the way the internet is nowadays its kinda hard to feel solidarity when you get spammed like 24/7 so you just feel like you’re alone in your opinions. So I get what you mean, Anon, and you shouldn’t feel bad about having those opinions! Personally its complicated for me because I understand why Intellsys keeps bringing back Awakening and Fates and don’t get me wrong I love those games too and my favorite characters are from those games, but historically speaking, these games come from a long line of stories. Personally I feel that for me to appreciate fire emblem I have to understand its past and the journey it took to get to Fates like I want to know more about the characters we don’t see as much so I can love them too. So like it was funny because I was playing Sacred Stones and met Innes and thought ‘man, he’s kinda the type of character a lot of people would love if they knew about him’ and once he was released in FEH he really had a warm reception. It kinda seems like a lot of people love the newer games because thats their intro and they just need to venture to the past too to see that those games were really great too!

But to answer your question I do think Fates and Awakening get bias which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If people really love these games, it’s great! And if some people don’t, that’s great too! But just know even if you don’t think they are as great as everyone says there isn’t any reason for you to feel bad about it. It’s your opinion you’re allowed to have them! There are a lot of people who share the same opinion as you too! They probably are being respectful because you know it’s always a bummer when everyones like YEA I LOVE THIS and then the one persons like NO I DON’T IT SUCKS and its like asking for argument and...the nature of the internet etc xD;;

TDLR; you shouldn’t feel bad, you’re opinions are as valid as theirs. Sorry for the essay!

Thank you so much!!! ;o;!!! I go a little bit crazy with the sparkles everytime it just seems like

xD!

Anon, thanks for sending in a note I really do care and appreciate it haha! Have a nice day~

I’m super casual!!! But it’s a cute show very charming! :’)

AHH that’s so cool! That’s totally fine Anon! Thanks for asking I would really love to see it if you do!! ;o; <333

No not at all! You know what, I’ve never thought about them but I’m all for it too! One thing is for sure they both are beautiful girls and they look good together. I feel like their dynamic is a little more quiet but it could be really interesting. ALSO I didn’t know what harmony was so I googled it and I thought it was a photo edit.

Can’t believe it!! THAT’S AZURA AND CORDELIA RIGHT? IT’S NOT AN EDIT RIGHT???? BUT It’s real you’re so right Anon! I kinda want to watch it now to see what its about, looks pretty gay 😏👌A truly harmonious pair indeed!

#anon asks #ask funtimes

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charlicpace · 5 years

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🖊+ sofia

SEND ME “🖊 + AN OC” AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THAT OC !

hi hello, thank you so much for sending this ! lowkey i feel like i might know who sent this ( my usual suspects were asleep and @ work respectively when i got this and i’m a Detective ) and if i’m Correct hi hello how u doin love your blog xox

this is she! if anybody thought this was gonna be eloquent or even,, Coherent, i’m sad to say you’re mistaken, bc i get too excited and just !!!!! words !!!! characters !!!! but this is my lauren lopez fc, sofia, and here’s a fun thing about her choice of fc: when i told my friend i was thinking of using her for the plot in question, i also sent her like a link to a couple of gifsets ( probably like,,, something from the judas interview or something?? ) to be like !!! look, cute !!!! and she replied saying she was glad i sent her the link bc she searched lauren’s name on this hellsite and the first thing that came up was a gifset from avpm from that scene where draco’s like ‘and you have to be my slave for a whole day staring now!!!!’ and voldy doing the Iconic ‘yOU LITTLE SHIT’ so … we were off to a good start from the beginning sjsjsjjns. but anyway, sof’s one of my favourites !!! she was made for a lost mumu, and essentially her story is that she was in australia with her boyfriend to meet and pick up said boyfriend’s nephew after the death of said boyfriend’s sister, and they were heading home with this three year old toddler sofia’s never met before when oops plane crash yikes. but i also play her in a regular ol’ town verse where everyone is happy and mr toddler ( whose name is panda and he’s iconic ) gets to stay with his mum ‘cause yay she’s still alive, and sof and her boyfriend get to have a nice relationship with her and panda and it’s a good time.

pre-island ( or just,, regular ol’ times in town verse!! ) she’s a dance teacher ( which feels SO lazy since lauren’s a dancer, and usually i’m not someone who does that kinda thing but i liked it for sofia and it’s mostly a coincidence shsbsbshs ) who fell into Teaching accidentally after a lot of missed opportunities and things falling through professionally, but lowkey loves it. and just loves her life in general???? she’s happy??? loves her tree of a boyfriend??? honestly the one (1) time i keep a fc’s height for a character, it’s the one time their romantic partner ends up being an entire foot and four whole inches taller than them. it’s,, hilarious.

look at that shit!!!! it’s ridiculous and i love it!!!! but they’re also rlly cute :’))) we love a loving, committed couple who don’t wanna get married but wanna be together anyway and both have the same wants in life and just seem to Fit, including a plan not to have kids until the suddenly get a three year old whoops. tbf he was like ‘this isn’t what we planned and what you want so if you want to leave it’s all good’ but sof was having none of that,,, even though she said a similar thing to him a couple years earlier when she found out some stuff about herself but ANYWAY. even if she hadn’t decided to stay she’d still be like BITCH WHAT KIND OF PERSON LEAVES SOMEONE JUST AFTER THEIR SISTER DIES but……..i digress. but sof’s always just been a kinda,,,, Get On With It person??? like she can just,,,, get on with things and accept it and move with it and carry on with life?? wish i could relate lmao. so she just accepts it as part of her life and moves on, and no matter what was going on with her internally she just kind of accepted that this was their life now and they’re gonna raise his nephew. and that attitude continues after the crash too??? like after the initial shock is gone, she’s Useful because she can just……. get on with it as best as she can??? it was kinda mean of me to purposefully make her birthday like a week after the crash and yet,,, here i am. but can i just say!!!! i don’t trust my friend to be kind to these three characters on the island!!!!! ya hear that @dulcerps I DON’T TRUST YOU NOT TO HURT OZZY ON THIS ISLAND. I DO NOT!!!!! panda is Safe but i still don’t trust you!!!! i feel like you’re up to somethin!!!!! snake!!!!!!

but anyway she went from living a gr8 life and going from being that obnoxious gym couple with her boyfren to fighting off Others and wearing the same pair of shorts for like two weeks straight in the beginning. all while trying to make this kid not hate her. she’d never really been around kids before panda?? it’s not to say that she doesn’t Like them, she just hasn’t been around them?? her brother is younger than her but they’re still close enough in age that they Grew Up Together and when he was a kid she was a kid too???? and they’re the youngest in the family pretty much, and none of her friends had kids yet or anything???? and the kids she teaches @ work are like,, pre-teens to teens, and she just talks to them like they’re adults and that’s her Thing and it’s why they like her??? like it’s the whole ‘u don’t treat me like a kid, you’re cool’ thing??? so she’s tryin really hard with panda but,,,,, eh, she’ll get there. even though she’s only now realising how much she swears, and that she can’t say his real name in a serious sentence bc she thinks it’s so ridiculous.

anyway !!!!!! sof as a person !!!!! my daughter !!!! this is too long and ramble-y so i’m just gonna !!!!! basics !!!!! takes no shit !!!!! she does Not have time for people being buffoons !!!! a Brave soul !!!!! can be v emotional just as much as the next person but she hardly ever cries !!!! can’t relate my dude !!!! loves coffee but can’t really do caffeine anymore and she Luvs wine ( red, preferably ) but shouldn’t drink it bc it makes her sleepy !!!! either reads/watches really dark, twisted books/shows and loves a Thriller and something Twisty, or she’s watching the most light-hearted sitcommy stuff that’s all Laughs, and there is No in between!!!!!! bi legend!!!! tgwdlm was perfect for giving me gif material for sof, but it’s funny because sofia………..literally hates musicals. i made her like two years ago???? and yep she hates musicals. and she hates theatre kids shjbskhsbshs. she went to a performing arts college so she was Surrounded by the dreaded Theatre Kids and yikes it’s a no!!!! which is a shame because she has a GREAT belty singing voice that’s perfect for musical theatre and it just GOES TO WASTE ( other than @ work bc she also is a voice teacher/vocal coach just so she’s doing Something with it, u know??? ) like,,,,,,, other than that she sings in the shower and in the car and that’s It and i hate her!! and sofia is the reason i use a different fc for playing emma, bc then tgwdlm came along and i FELL IN LOVE with emma and oops lauren’s already in use. but yep sofia really is the girl that didn’t like musicals. a libra !!!! a gryffindor !!!! a type three !!!! an esfj !!! athletic legend who thought she might have to give up all her hobbies and potentially her job when she got sick BUT ALL IS WELL she’s fiiiine!!!! takes pole dancing classes for fun!!! can probably race you up a climbing wall and beat your ass no matter who you are, and despite the fact she’s an entire 5′0′’!!!! she can be such a stubborn little shit but that’s okay, she’s Soft really!!! anyway i’m gonna shut up now bc i feel for anybody who has to scroll past this Massive Wall of Ramble on their dash but tysm for sendin me this i loved rambling about sof !!!! :’))))

#Anonymous #answered #oc: sofia #annie tag #this hasn't been proof read because even i don't wanna read through all that goobledygook #thank u for sending!!!!!

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thoughtslikeaminefield · 5 years

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Birthday Fics

Guys, I am so EXCITE!

I’ve assigned 15 folks so far, so I’m a pretty lucky lady. Check out get all the glorious presents I will receive!

If you’d like to join these amazing party people, go here for details!

@writethelifeyouwant: AU Dean (he still travels for work) + a series of phone calls with his significant other (male, female, original character or reader - totally up to you). Some are mundane but still intimate and illustrative of their relationship, some are sexy and steamy. I love me a dirty-talking Dean. No extreme name-calling please, but pet names and teasing is welcome and encouraged.

@i-have-arrived-bitch: Can I have some feels-y Steve x Nat, not quite romance but not totally platonic?

@lastactiontricia: I would LOVE Dean x Faith hunting together, sass, beer, burgers, smokes, messy, feels-y fucking.

@dawnie1988: (aesthetic) How about Wayward Sisters and their best traits?

@there-must-be-a-lock: I would like an outtake from Marked. Something you see happening between them but doesn’t necessarily fit in your storytelling. Dirty with three stuffed olives ‘coz Mama’s thirsty AND hungry.

@pretenditsclever: Endverse Dean - you know the one - and add Risa in as a witness. Not necessarily a threesome? *taps chin* You decide.

@wendibird: Do me some solid Sabriel impact play smut, please xox

@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid: (aesthetic) Jo Harvelle, softness, knife collection, pretty dress, blood

@rockhoochie: Well, I would give you the thing you messaged me, but I’m writing that for you, so knock me out with w/e JarPad finger-y goodness you wanna write!

@slytherkins: Crowley x non-binary original character, costumes/masks, sensual talk, riding crop and other toys of your choosing.

@boondoctorwho: Jensen can’t drop Michael. He can’t stop thinking about him - in all kinds of scenarios. She (your choice) offers to help Jensen… exorcize the Arcangel. Biting - obviously - bondage, darkness, temperature play

^^^what she’s actually writing is so much better, you guys have no idea.

@icemankazansky: Pick your favorite Val Kilmer character and tell me about what they love the most and why and how.

@fangirlxwritesx67: Tell me all about Briana Buckmaster and the cute barista she sees every morning before heading to the studio. Tell me what Briana thinks about her, what she wants to do with her, how she sees her.

@justcallmeasmodeus: Please write me a 5k word essay on why Jensen Ackles loves me more than beer, even though he doesn’t know it. Kidding. I will leave this prompt in your very capable hands then wait impatiently for delivery. OFC x Dean Winchester + Castiel (and, I know this isn’t a cute look for you, but for my birthday, can you steer clear of obvious Destiel? Like maybe just Cas being Cas and not observing boundaries?) including, but not limited to, tenuously patient and trying to keep his shit and everyone else’s together Dean, awkward but dominant Cas, smartass and very lucky OFC.

@tumbler-tidbits: (aesthetic) wildflowers, sunshine, thigh riding, Tessa Thompson, Gal Gadot (or one of their characters)

#MJisOLD #MAKE ME SOMETHING COOL SEXY CUTE FUN

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learninghowtobendxxx · 8 years

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An Open Lettter to My Chilhood Self

Dear Childhood Me, First off I want to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a few things. One of which being sorry — for all the times that you deserved a sorry and didn't get one because the person either didn't care, didn't realize, or didn't want to take the time to tell you. You are going to have to learn to accept apologies that people aren't willing to give you. There are going to be many times that you are going to have to forgive someone who isn't sorry. The second thing I am sorry for is the rate that you had to grow up and act as if you were an adult, a care taker, a protector. It wasn't your job to guard your parents relationship. It wasn't your job to defend one parent or the other. It's not your job to hide things from anyone, especially to save someone's else's mistakes, or poor actions. It wasn't your job to take care of your sister and makes sure she was loved, and didn't have to deal with your parents problems. That was your parents job. But you did a phenomenal job being a grown up way before your time. Lastly, I am sorry that you didn't get told you were loved enough. Your parents did love you. They were just way to wrapped up in there own selfish world and problems. As for your mom. She has good intentions she just hasn't grown up yet. She is trying. She loves you and she hurts when your hurt. She just seems bitter because you took her freedom in her mind but you didn't. You didn't take anything from her. You gave her something great. Unconditional love... because no matter how shitty things get you will still love her, because she is your mother. What I am going to tell you next will be the hardest piece of this letter. Yep, I'm already crying. Or at least I think it will be. When your grandfather died your world crumbles in more ways than one. You lost your very best friend. The only man you have every truly 100% trusted in your life. When you lost him your family fell apart. Your parents got divorced. And guess what that wasn't his fault or your fault it was your parents fault. Because it was there choice. Quit blaming yourself. You were a child. You were innocent. Your grandfather was a great man. A man of great character. He would have done anything for you. Because he loved you unconditionally. He was the first person to see through you. The first person to know you had the biggest heart. Yes, you have the biggest heart. You are so sensitive and wear your heart on your sleeve he knew this. He knew everything about you. That's why he kept you so busy. That's why you knew how to run most heavy equipment by age 10. When he got cancer you were lied to. That's when your bitterness started.... well your true bitterness. Side note.... (You were confused and bitter when your cousin molested you... but you are pretty much over that by 26. You keep yourself very safe when it comes to men at least sexually. You make sure that you will never be victimized again. Be proud of yourself; for realizing by the age of 6 something was wrong with what was going on and that you were going to tell. You never did tell anyone, until you got older. My darling child you should have told someone. He was a monster, and that is the reason you hate being called a monster as your life goes on.) Back to why I am truly bitter. They lied to you, they lied. They told you that the cancer wasn't going to kill your best friend/ grandpa.. It did kill him and you hated EVERYONE. You didn't understand death and you won't at any age so far.. You won't handle his death in any normal grief way..... you went through all the stages but acceptance. You are stuck in the the anger/depression/denial stages, it's not healthy. He is gone and he isn't ever coming back. He loved you so much. He knew the person you were going to become. He knew you had an excellent smile. He knew you were going to do great things. He knew you were going to be absolutely gorgeous. Above all else he knew you would need to be cared for because you have such a giving heart. He made your grandma promise to take care of you and make sure nothing bad ever happens to you. You will fail her; by meeting a man who didn't respect or appreciate you. She will try to guide you and you won't listen. She only wants to protect you. She loves you more than you know; as well my sweet child. She wrote a song about you. Not any other of her grandkids. She still to this day will sing it to you any time you ask her too. Don't ever underestimate the love she has for you. Because she knows your heart too. She knows it's soft and accepting. She knows it's also bitter. She has also asked you a million times if someone hurt you as a child. You have lied to save her heart. Because the love and care you have for other people surpasses any love that the average person has to offer. As a child you needed to hear things you didn't. Mainly, that you were loved by the people you wanted to love and accept and understand you. Your mom still doesn't understand you. That's because you are very different from each other. You want to be married only once and have a big family. That will happen for you I'm sure because at 26 your life will start falling together my darling. Even if it seems to be falling apart. Now some more things you needed to hear.. You are smart, you are beautiful, you have a great smile, your nose really isn't that big even though everyone runs there mouth about it. You have an amazing heart, your are far to giving, and you would give the shirt off your back and the rest of the money in your purse to someone who needs it. You wanna know why. And you will need to hear this far to often but because " "YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!" Stop seeking that approval and know you are a good person. Know you aren't a cry baby because you cry often. You are just in touch with your feelings. Know that it's okay to be you. It's okay to be anxious, depressed or different then others. As long as you don't left those things consume you; you will be just fine. You have crap self esteem, and it will only get worse before it gets better. I am not sure why because I could repeat the things you need to hear over again.. Lastly, you need to hear that you are not alone and never will be, unless you make it that way. But one last time here it goes. My darling you are a good person, one of the best because you are selfless, genuine and oddly enough so free of judgement... normally. Sometimes you won't feel like you are any of those things but you are so use to being treated poor even as a child.. It's sad but it's reality. My best advise for you my sweet blue eyes girl is stop worrying about what other people think. be happy if your own skin.. be comfortable with your flaws and scars.. You are just as good as anyone else. You are an amazing person because of that giving heart. Now don't let that giving heart get to beat up and used. Because it will get cold and unresponsive. Live your life like everyday was your last. Do all the things you want to do even if you are doing them alone. It's peaceful alone even though you are very scared of being alone. You will like reading when you are older. Don't read romances; that shit isn't real. Besides 50 Shades that shit is real and you have explored it, kinda. Virgin ears at this point I know, sorry. Oh also remind yourself that you are funny. However, don't ever run for from problems and don't make light of your problems. You will joke more often than not; remember humor doesn't help you grieve love, loss, relationships, or anything else. It just cheers up the person who is fortunate enough to be able to listen to your problems and jokes. Lastly, I love you. That's the most important part. Xox, 26 Year old self

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