#i just wanna curl up w my nephew and read bc at least he doesnt even understand gender yet
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its so fucking disheartening realising that no one actually sees me as a guy, they just pretend to - and yeah its great being called theo but its less great being lumped in as one of the girls in the same breath
#i dont mind being the only non-girl invited to something (like my sisters hens for example) bc that just feels like a Gay thing yknow#but when the invite is 'hey girls' its kind of hard to consider that you see me as anything else#and i think the worst part - and this is probably the part of me that lacks self respect - is that i get it.#i have long hair i dress 'fem' and the only steps ive managed to take in my transition are wearing a binder and going by a different name.#so sure. but its still gutting and makes me feel fucking /gross/ makes my stomach hurt and my skin crawl#because like. theyll call me theo and a brother and an uncle and a son but?? do they even mean it??#do they actually believe what theyre saying or is everyone just going along with it because they dont want to look like assholes?#i almost prefer my uncle whos at least UPFRONT about not understanding it#like at least hes honest at least when he calls me a girl i expect it#i just wanna curl up w my nephew and read bc at least he doesnt even understand gender yet#to him i AM just his uncle and thats all he cares about#captain speaks
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