#i just think the idea is exceedingly funny hehehe

[padfootastic]

in a turn of events that doesn’t surprise anyone im sure, @impishtubist has caused yet another scene to be stuck in my head until i wrote it down. so, have some sexy, greying sirius; a deeply thirsty, appreciative james who won’t let him dye it; and a very-fed-up-of-his-parents-antics harry for prongsfoot wednesday!

x

Harry entered the house with ‘I’m home!’ on his lips that died an instant death as soon as he registered what he was seeing.

“Er,” he hesitated. Does he really want to—? One more look at the scene in front of him and he decided to bite the bullet. Better to clear the air now than keep stewing on it later.

“Um. Is this a—kink? A fetish? Should I leave and never come back?”

In any other scenario, the way both his parents froze and looked at him with wide eyes would’ve been comical.

If only Dad wasn’t straddling his Papa on the ground, one of his hands holding both of Papa’s above him with disturbing ease.

“Er—“

“It’s not what it looks like, Haz!” Dad yelped, cutting across Papa who’s face and neck were turning a steady pink. “I swear.”

“Then why are you still—like that?” Harry asked, deciding to play it safe and look at the boring grey couch in the living room instead. Nothing scandalous going on there.

He could hear the scrambling of feet, a few thumps, and a mini-yelp, absently wondering about the amount of noise the simple act of getting up could produce.

“Right.” Dad cleared his throat. “So, Harry, would you please tell your Papa that he is, under no circumstances, allowed to dye his hair?”

Harry blinks, turning to his other, exasperated, father in silent question.

“Harry, will you please tell your Dad that this is my hair and I can do with it as I please?”

“Not when you promised yourself to me!” Dad yelps and Harry is hit with an intense wave of regret at instigating this.

“Promised—?”

“Yes! Our wedding, you said, and I quote, ‘I give myself to you, James Potter, mind, body and soul’, don’t tell me you forgot.”

“Of course I didn’t forget,” Papa throws his hands up in the air. “But c’mon James—this is not what I meant when I said body!”

“What, you think I only wanted you for that ars—“

“Dad!” Harry, yelps, mortified. He can feel his cheeks heating in a violent blush. He can feel a similar flush creeping up Papa’s neck. Sadly, his words don’t have the deterring effect he’d intended.

“I mean, it is spectacular, don’t get me wrong, but you’re more than just a beautiful body, Si!”

“James, please, have some mercy for our child, if not me,” Papa says. Thankfully, this seems to register as Dad’s eye widened, part horror and part apology. Harry waves it away tiredly; though he’s no less embarrassed every time it happens, growing up in the Potter household with two extremely affectionate parents has exposed him to much worse. He’s accepted it as his lot in life.

“Er—yeah, anyway,” he coughs, ruffling his hair, “Bottom line—Sirius isn’t allowed to dye his hair.”

“I literally never agreed to that.”

“Too bad because you will,” Dad says, slowly moving towards Papa with a look on his face that Harry is loath to describe as predatory. If only it wasn’t so true.

“Oh?” Papa’s left eyebrow rises extraordinarily high, as it tends to do quite often. He crosses his arms over his chest in challenge. The motion makes his Dad smile.

“Mhm.” The two of them are chest-to-chest by this point, staring into each other’s eyes. Harry could probably conduct a whole rave party right here, right then, and they wouldn’t even notice. That is when he decides it’s high time he should step in—not literally, Merlin, no—before they end up doing something that makes him try to run away (again).

“So I was right—it is a kink,” Harry says dryly, once again regretting starting this entire conversation in the first place. He should’ve just turned back around and gone to the Weasleys instead.

“Harry, no—“

x

Three years later, Harry—who’s almost blissfully forgotten about the entire incident—walks into his parents’ house to an almost identical scene, just with his Papa on top this time. This time, he makes the sensible choice he still regrets not making all those years ago, and walks right back out the door.

Let those two sort it out on their own. Merlin knows his intervention hadn’t helped a bit the last time around.

[skitskatdacat63]

okay but Fernando IS kind of napoleon coded the minute I saw that I was like you are so right. is it the demonic short king energy??? what is it???

You guys are not prepared for the deranged Fernando-Napoleon web weaving post I'm inevitably going to make. Or should I say...Nandopoleon Alonsoparte.

No, because seriously there are way too many parallels and similarities, it's kind of insane. I was comparing quotes from s1e1 of Fernando, where his friends/family/himself are basically giving testimonials as to what he's like, to quotes from the personality/image section of Napoleon's wiki....theres so much that's practically verbatim. Just as people, as well as how they chose/choose to present themselves on a greater scale, I think is very similar. Their personality traits, their mindsets, their motivations, their goals and ways they go about obtaining that, all very similar imo.

But please, come and join me and @sweatyflytrap in the Nandopoleon brainrot, it's very disconcerting to me how well it fits!

[undertale-rho]

Underearth: Book 3 - Chapter 3

The Snowdin Province was the coldest region in the Underground. Fresh snow fell from magic-based clouds every few days, coating everything in a pure sheet of white. Yet, despite the bitter cold environment, Frisk waded through the virgin snow like he was walking on a city sidewalk in summer; the towering bamboo-like trees doing nothing to dissuade him with their intimidating appearance.

After a bit of walking, Frisk eventually made it to a chasm in the middle of the path, bridged by a strait bridge that hosted a gate with bars too far apart to stop anyone.

As Frisk got close to the bridge, a second set of snow-crunching footsteps started to be heard approaching him from behind. As soon as Frisk heard this sound, he stopped walking, waiting for whoever was approaching to reach him.

Seeing as this was Frisk's third time preforming these exact motions in this exact spot, he knew exactly who was approaching.

The footsteps suddenly stopped.

"Human." came a mysterious voice originating directly behind him. "Don't you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand."

Slowly, Frisk turned around to face the figure now standing behind him. As soon as he could, Frisk grasped the outstretched hand. A farting sound followed immediately. The figure, who wore a ridiculously goofy grin for a skeleton, then spoke again.

"Heheh, the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick. It's ALWAYS funny."

Frisk simply stared at the figure. Though this trick had made him laugh before, Frisk was now unsure whether that laugh was forced, or if he had actually found it funny. Regardless of what was felt before, Frisk simple released the skeleton's hand, and stared straight into one of the small glowing white orbs that decorated the inside of the skeleton's eye sockets.

"That's, uh. Your cue to laugh." the skeleton said, looking off to the side. "Or, uh, to emote at all...?" he then said in a cheeky sort of way.

Frisk continued to silently stare.

"Gee, lady, you really know how to pick 'em, huh...?" the skeleton mumbled. He then looked back up at Frisk. "OK, that's fine. Everyone's got their own sense of humor. I'm Sans. Sans the skeleton. I'm actually supposed to be on watch for Humans right now. But... Y'know... I don't really care about capturing anybody. Now my brother, Papyrus... He's a Human-hunting FANATIC." As Sans spoke, there was a shrill, unintelligible noise sourced further into the forest. "Hey, actually, I think that's him over there. I have an idea. Go through this gate thingy." Sans pointed to the large wooden structure situated over the bridge. "My bro made the bars to wide to stop anyone."

As Frisk looked up at the gate, Sans started pushing him along, over the bridge, and into a clearing.

"Quick," Sans said. "behind that conveniently-sized lamp."

Frisk simply stood there.

I was only told to not attack Sans. Papyrus, though? He's as good as dead. he thought.

"Uh, ok, I guess you don't have to." Sans said.

A few seconds later, Papyrus came tromping up to where both Sans and Frisk were standing. First thing he noticed was Frisk standing there, looking at him. Just as he was about to speak to him, his eyes caught sight of Sans standing right behind Frisk.

"SANS!!!" he screeched. "HAVE YOU FOUND A HUMAN YET!??!"

"Yeah." Sans replied.

Papyrus's demeanor changed almost instantly. "REALLY!?!?" he said. "WOWIE!!! GUESS THAT'S SETTLED!!"

Papyrus then ran off, seeming to completely forget about Frisk.

"That worked out, huh?" Sans said.

With Papyrus gone, Frisk started after him. Just as he was about to leave the clearing, Sans began speaking to him again.

"Well, I'll be straight-forward with you." he started. "My brother'd really like to see a Human... So, y'know, it'd really help me out if you kept pretending to be one."

Frisk looked back to face Sans, maybe slip up a little on the not attacking him, but by the time he'd looked back, Sans was gone.

As Frisk looked back, he started to get a feeling in his chest. Though he couldn't quite understand how, Frisk knew that there were 24 SOULs, besides his own, within the forest.

This must be LOV... he thought. Twenty-four. Besides Sans and Papyrus, that makes twenty-two.

With this in mind, Frisk drew the knife and began making his way deeper into the forest.

"SO SANS!" Frisk overheard a gruff voice say up ahead. "WHEN'S THE HUMAN SHOWING UP??? I WANT TO LOOK MY SUNDAY BEST... OR AT LEAST MY TUESDAY PRETTY-GOOD."

"Don't you only have one outfit?" Sans replied.

"YEAH, BUT I COULD STYLE MY HAIR!"

"Oh. Right. Good idea." Sans then looked over at Frisk. "Say, why don't you look over there?"

Papyrus then looked over at Frisk, then back at Sans. As he did this, Sans, too, looked back at Papyrus. The two then looked between each-other and Frisk multiple times before they both faced away.

"SANS!!!" Papyrus exclaimed before beginning to lose his balance. "I'M DIZZY. WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?"

Sans brought his hand up and presented the scene before them.

"Behold." he said.

They both beheld.

"OH MY!!!" Papyrus shouted. He then looked back at Sans. "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO LOOK AT A ROCK."

Sans then pointed right at Frisk. "Hey, what's that in front of the rock?"

Papyrus looked back, looking straight at Frisk.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS."

"Well. It's not a rock."

"NOT A ROCK...? OH NO!!! BY PROCESS OF ELIMINATION!!! THAT MEANS IT'S A HUMAN!!!"

Congratulations, you've won a gold star.

"AHEM!! HUMAN!!" Papyrus said. "PREPARE YOURSELF!! FOR HIGH JINKS! FOR LOW JINKS! DANGERS! PUZZLES! CAPERS! JAPERS! BEING CAPTURED!! AND OTHER SORTS OF FUN ACTIVITIES. REFRESHMENTS WILL BE PROVIDED... IF YOU DARE! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" he laughed as he ran off.

Sans looked back at Frisk. "And you don't even bat an eye, huh?" he, too, then walked off.

Over the next few minutes of wandering, Frisk had managed to find a few of the ambient Monsters of the Snowdin Forest. Specifically, a Monster that looked like some strange fusion of a snowflake and a wyvern. This Monster was accompanied by another that looked strikingly similar to the first, and a third Monster that looked like a snowball wearing an icicle.

As Frisk approached the group of Monsters, the three stood back defensively, one of them summoning a sheet of ice between them and Frisk. Frisk, however, ignored the ice sheet, and continued towards them.

"'Freeze' right there!" one of the wyverns growled.

Frisk didn't stop. Instead, he simply brought the dagger up and plunged it into the sheet of ice that stood between him and the Monsters on the other side. Upon being pierced, the sheet began forming cracks all along its surface, originating from the point the dagger penetrated. Not long after, the sheet shattered, turning to dust.

Upon seeing their ice sheet turn to dust, the Monsters attempted to flee. The two wyverns spread their small wings and attempted to take flight, while the icicle-wearing snowball Monster simply attempted to run. Having exceedingly short legs, however, it hadn't made it very far when Frisk made a grab for it.

Frisk, once in range of the snowball Monster, quickly extended his hand to grab it, making for the largest object on the Monsters body, being the giant icicle it wore. As soon as he grabbed it, though, he found that it was not a part of the Monster's body like he had first thought.

Feeling its hat being removed, the snowball Monster, seemingly losing the fear initially gained from Frisk's aggressive approach, stopped running and grabbed its hat to keep it on. When Frisk had pulled the icicle to him, the Monster itself was still attached. He then took this moment to bring around his other hand (which was still holding the dagger) and stab the Monster, turning it to dust.

Upon seeing this murderous display, the two wyverns also forgot their own fear. They both then began summoning projectiles of their own and launching them at Frisk, who dodged off to the side, into a nearby thicket. The Monsters pelted the area where Frisk had fled with their projectiles for a bit longer before evidently deciding that they'd almost certainly hit him a few times by landing back onto the ground. Once back on the ground, they went to where the snowball Monster had turned to dust.

Frisk, who had summoned a small shield to repel the projectiles, then sprang from his hiding place yelling, sprinting at the pair of Monsters. The Monsters, surprised by the sudden reappearance of the mysterious dust-covered creature simply stared at him, stunned. Frisk then took this opportunity to bring his knife sailing through the throat of the first, and across the head of the second. Both soon after turned to dust. Once all three Monsters were slain, Frisk could feel the LOV within him grow, and directing him to continue further in.

After another minute of walking, Frisk came across a sentry station that smelled of smoke. As he approached it, a large dog-like Monster sprung from the station, a knife in each hand.

"Did something move?" Doggo said. "Was it my imagination?"

Frisk stopped moving.

The Monster looked around some more, then growled. "I can only see moving things." he said.

His next sweep brought his snout near Frisk, allowing him to get a good whiff of the dust encrusting the edges of Frisk's clothing.

"H... hey!" he then said. "I can't stop shivering all of a sudden. Who... who's there!?"

As soon as Doggo stopped talking, Frisk shot the knife straight at the Monster's throat, sinking it deep in. He then took his free hand and grasped the Monster's head, using it to help him thrust the dagger down along the Monster's front. Once finished, Frisk pulled the knife out, and let the Monster collapse to the ground and turn to dust soon after. Frisk then continued walking, searching for his next target.

As Frisk continued through Snowdin Heights, shambling around, hunting down every last Monster, he also continuously ran into Sans and Papyrus. Each and every time, Frisk would simply walk through the puzzle before Papyrus had a chance to activate it. Papyrus would get deeply offended by this, and Sans would chastise him. Whenever Frisk reached a puzzle that was not directly supervised by either Sans or Papyrus, it had already been solved. Eventually, Frisk made it to the Gauntlet of Deadly Terror, where Sans and Papyrus stood waiting.

"HUMAN!" Papyrus shouted when Frisk had made it about half-way across a long rope bridge. "THIS IS YOUR FINAL AND MOST DANGEROUS CHALLENGE! BEHOLD! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!"

As he said this, Sans's eyes began glowing a deep blue color. He then brought his arms up. All at once, some rock on the cliff the two skeletons were standing on pulled away, and massive sawblades emerged and levitated up until they were level with the bridge; massive orange tubes ascended from the canyon below, spears emerged from under the bridge, and a cannon elevated out of the ground between the two brothers. The orange tubes then lit up, fire spewing from their orifice. Papyrus then raised one of his arms.

"WHEN I SAY THE WORD, IT WILL FULLY ACTIVATE!!! CANNONS WILL FIRE! SPEARS WILL SWING! BLADES WILL SLICE! EACH PART WILL SWING VIOLENTLY EVERY WHICH WAY! ONLY THE TINIEST CHANCE OF VICTORY WILL REMAIN!!! ARE YOU READY!? BECAUSE! I! AM! ABOUT! TO DO IT!"

He held his arm in place.

"Well?" Sans asked. "What's the holdup?"

"HOLDUP!? WHAT HOLDUP!? I'M... I'M ABOUT TO ACTIVATE IT NOW!"

Papyrus's arm still hung high in the air.

"That, uh, doesn't look very activated."

"WELL!!! THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO WALK THROUGH IT, AND IT WON'T BE ANY FUN AT ALL." Papyrus responded, disappointment infesting his voice.

"Hmmm... So this Human thing was a bust, huh?" Sans then asked.

"WELL. I MEAN. I'M EXCITED TO CAPTURE THEM. SO I'LL BECOME A FAMOUS ROYAL GUARDSMAN!!! BUT ALL THE TIME I PUT INTO THESE PUZZLES... IT'S KIND OF LIKE THROWING A BIRTHDAY PARTY..."

"Without traps and fire?"

"EXACTLY!! IT'S POINTLESS!!! MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT TO BE LAZY ABOUT PUZZLES."

"Me? Right about something? Really?"

Papyrus shot a look at Sans.

"YEAH!! WHAT AM I SAYING! YOU'RE STILL COMPLETELY WRONG! I JUST HAVE THE WRONG AUDIENCE! THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN UNDYNE WOULD HAVE HERE! FLAMES, VIOLENCE. IT'S RIGHT UP HER ALLEY! SO I WON'T WASTE THIS PUZZLE ON YOU, HUMAN. I JUST HAVE TO APPRECIATE THE FRIEND I ALREADY HAVE!!! A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON!!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!"

Papyrus then ran off.

After Papyrus was gone, Sans brought his arms down. As he did this, all the different parts of the Gauntlet moved back to where they were before. He then looked over at Frisk.

"Hmmm... Guess we didn't need your help to have a good time after all."

Frisk finished crossing the bridge. Once he'd reached the cliff on the other side, Sans began speaking again.

"Say, I've been thinking. Seems like you're gonna fight my brother pretty soon. Here's some friendly advice. If you keep going the way you are now..."

Sans stopped talking for a moment. Frisk looked at Sans, whose eyes were closed. A few seconds later, Sans opened his eyes again, revealing the lack of the eye-lights that shone within, giving him an uncanny look. Upon re-opening his eyes, Sans spoke one last thing.

"You're gonna have a bad time."

As soon as he finished saying this, a dark green aura erupted around Sans, followed by him vanishing completely.

As this happened, Frisk let out a frightened yelp, and fell backwards into the snow, his breathing erratic.

After a few seconds, his breathing slowed down to a steady even pace, and he stood up, brushing the snow that stuck to him off. Once fully calm again, Frisk focused in on the warm, heavy feeling in his chest. The feeling pulled him forward, leading him into Snowdin Town. Heeding this, Frisk continued into the cheery town of Snowdin.

Vengeance : Absentia

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