#i just think he wouldve worn these. in my mind

[kanakori]

saw these pants by ludovic de saint sernin and i HAD to draw tyler in them for... personal reasons

reference below, warning for bare skin

[katerinaaqu]

Unfortunately my mind came up with two more questions

1. More historic than classic texts related

Since men didnt marry until their 30s usually, and im very sure they did not tend to be THAT chaste nor was birth control safe or common (im assuming lol), what happened to illegitimate children? I'm guessing theyd stay with their mothers (who more commonly probably wouldnt be free citizens from all i could guess) if they didnt get abandoned (which probably ended deadly or in slavery often enough ig unless they got extremly lucky?) ....idk just a random shower thought x)

2. Actually text related, again Odyssey/Iliad bc the fixation is still fixating:

How do we know when Iliad/Odyssey was supposed to have happened? We roughly when Homer was supposed to have lived

But from what i remember from the one or two lectures I had on ancient history and troy, there are a bunch of inconsistencies of descriptions in homers work (iirc the example being used was a helmet not worn anymore at the time of writing) but they also mentioned that during Homers time they mightve seen the ruins and archeological finds of that time which he/the oral tradition couldve used as inspiration or more like, coming up with a story for these finds?

So what is that assumption of when it'd happened based on?

The descriptions , archeological finds (tho i think with the whole "did they find troy" story, they wouldve based their assumption of having found the city on the already established time frame of how old the city wouldve had to be), other text evidence? Cultural evidence?

DID Homer mix (to him) historic/archeological/cultursl finds AND (to him) current descriptions/customs/etc?

So many thoughts so many questions fjdjksjsdj

Im curious if/what you know about that, thank you again for your time!! ^^

Oh my! Thank you so much! Your questions are fire! Let's get down to it then! ^_^

Well I cannot say that really they DIDN'T get married before their 30s, it is just that this was considered the ideal age for them to marry

That is because in ancient Athens men had plenty of dues to fulfill to the city before settling for a life such as finishing their education or serving the army etc. In one essence it was considered the perfect time for them to be married given how they have finished all their dues towards the city and society but that doesn't necessarily imply they never got married before that age. It was just considered the ideal. Just like nowadays they say the ideal age for someone to have children is till roughly the mid-30s but that doesn't mean people do not have children early or later etc.

Oh that is a very good question. Indeed by n large the illegitimate children didn't have rights on the family's fortune and by n large they stayed with their mothers unless of course one would adopt them and recognize them officially but of course the status of the children differed massively depending on their parentage. For example if the illegitimate child (or Νόθος, Nothos, "bastard") was a product of two Athenean citizens or from an Athenean and a non-citizen (mētroxenoi) then of course the status was expected to differ. And that of course might have played much greater role for the time when the Athenean pure blood propaganda was high enough. One would expect that being illegitimate was a reason for someone to be stigmatized. Mythologically for example Odysseus was often called "Son of Sisyphus" being insulted that not only he was not legitimate son to Laertes but also a product of a man that was sinful and shameful. So even in myth it was a sign used for offending him (see also my random inspiration on Philoctetes where I partially use it) Historically they say that Diogenes the Cynical Philosopher mocked a boy that was born out of a prostitute who threw stones at public by yelling "Hey watch out you might hit your father!"

So being illegitimate was generally seen as a sign of shame for the individual. Most of information we have are from classical Athens for example the law of Solon Whichever woman her father or brother born of the same father or paternal grandfather should betroth on a just basis to be a wife (damar), from this woman the children are to be legitimate (gnēsioi). And we do see a series of laws as to who is considered illegitimate and what responsibilities or rights they bare. Other writers such as Aristpphanes also mention stuff even in their theatrical plays such as A nothos may not have the participation-right-of-close-relatives (anchisteia) if there are legitimate (gnēsioi) children. But if there are no legitimate children, then the estate is to be shared by the nearest kin. So by n large the illegitimate children have no right to the estate apart from those who were officially adopted although there seems to be a generally smaller amount of money called "notheia" that a father can leave to their bastard children if he sees it fit. I believe initially the illegitimate children still could hold some hope for succession but later on that was less and less possible to happen. Need to research more on that though. For example Plutarch mentions how a child that was born from an etaira (aka official concubine) shouldn't be even looking for their father anymore. Demosthenes also agrees Neither male bastard (nothos) nor a female bastard (nothē) may have participationright-of-close relatives (anchisteia) in the sacred and holy rites (hiera kai hosia) from the archonship of Euclid So yeah by n large we see a separation of the illegitimate chilren from their father unless the father seems to wish to adopt them. A classic example in Homer is Teucer and Ajax. Ajax is legitimate but Teucer even if he is older he is illegitimate. Ajax is the leader of the fleet of his city, Teucer's job is to support him instead and we can expect after Ajax's death Teucer was left alone with no kin due to his illegitimate status. The father usually recognized a child upon the tenth day of its birth in an official ceremony (decate) but that didn't automatically give them economical rites of succession, rather than religious ones. With the latter the classical athenean constitution basically considered anyone not owning land or rites of their family not useful for the prosperity of the land and so the bastard children fell often in this category since as it was above they rarely ever inherit their father's estate.

Which I find quite interesting given how many children in mythology are technically illegitiate born by some god or other and succeed. Quite possibly blood indeed runs thicker than water for high class bastard children over common ones I would suppose. Okay that is a very blunt analysis. I would be happy to search further in the future.

2. Yay! Here we go!

Okay the short answer would be; thanks to Schlieman! The dude dug up the city that we now know as Troy in the 19th century. Ever since the city was thoroughly examined by modern day archeologists and based on not only the descriptions in Homer but also the evidence provided from the city itself we do believe that Troy fell probably around 1200 BC. One key point is that we do not see for example in Homer Doriean greek tribes such as Macedonians or northern kingdoms of Epirus etc which are mentioned later as part of the campaigns of the greek heroes to the north such as Neoptlemous establishing the kingdom of Epirus or Odysseus traveling to Thesprotia to repent himself to Poseidon. We know the Doriean Greeks arrived to the area around 1100 BC so the fact that Homer doesn't include them in his narrative was an indicative of the time the war took place. It is also linked to the fights and wars that we believe happened among the greek kingdoms before the fall of Bronze Age kingdoms and the beginning of the "Dark Ages" at the Iron Age which was the time Homer lived in. Th layers of the city that we now know as Troy are very well preserved despite the fact that Schliman did a great deal of damage by digging deep. Archeologists have timed the layers they discovered based on evidence or stylistic details. The city itself named Troy is not just a hypothesis of modern archeology but it seems to be a roman hypothesis too given that we have found tablets from Roman times speaking on the city of Ilium/Troy. Possibly it was already a tourist attraction for the romans at that time given how it was their legendary origin city through Aeneas. Can we say with 100% certainty this is Troy? Perhaps not but we still have very good evidence to support it. Obviously we cannot be sure of the timespan given by Homer to my knowledge but it is safe to assume a war happened at that time in Troy we just establish it was probably a war over the control of the area the coastline and the crops and the passage with the east.

Homer is actually surprisigly accurate in some things (for ecample Meriones giving a boar tusk helmet to Odysseus and the helmet is very well described and fits the mycenaean counterparts) but yes he uses anachronisms a lot for example the mention of iron weapons in his narrative even if Iron was't widedly used at that time or round shields mentioned were more common in Homer's time than mycenaean times. The same goes with other weapons. It is more a case of anachronism rather than a case of inconsistency. We also see burial customs that are more consistent with Homer's time and later times as well rather than Mycenaean times. Or some politica ideals and so on such as the gatherings for voting among the kings or soldiers or the ideal of straightforward battle or being remembered in eternity which were all ideals we know were establishing by Homer's time but we do not know how much of it is true about the mycenaean times. Which makes sense given how Homer was mentioning things he and his audience were familiar with. Another we can see from subjects of shame and modesty such as Penelope covering herself in a veil for modesty. That we do not know if it was a thing in mycenaean times although in Homer's time we can assume it was more common which was done again in classical times where women should by n large be covered in the presence of men.

Yeah probably it was a mix of oral mythical traditions and historical traditions that survived from mouth to mouth given how we unfortunately do not have much written evidence from that time and since myth and history were often tangled together in ancient greek tradition it makes sense how both travel the same way. Homer probably hears the stories and the traditions and indeed mixes in some of the customs or details more familiar in his time and creates his story. Unfortunately given how the mycenaean scripts are scarce and all of them are logistics and not literature or history, is really hard to be 100% certain on their society and history but it does seem to be a very good amalgamation between history, myth and anachronysm. Homer also provides us so much detail on warfare and wounds that it is estimated he was at war possibly at a high position or that he was trained as a doctor among others. Many of the anatomical details he mentions are simply on point which makes it even more interesting as a hypothesis.

Obviously one cannot use Homer as a historical source to learn about the war of Troy but rather they can use it as a reference as to how these wars of the late Bronze Age Greece passed on to the immediate next generations a few hundred years later.

[superlock-in-the-tardis]

My story, if you’d like.

Let me tell you why I am so hurt at the moment and why my posts are mostly about Lou and a little bit about Buck.

I was very doubtfull about writing this, but, its kind of nice to put feelings to paper.

Little background:

911 has been my absolute comfort show, ever since season 3, when ive been feeling down, sad, worn out I would watch 911 episodes. After a while I started to ship buddie and decided to reactive my Tumblr, this was around season 6 and my gosh it was such a joy!

Since the start of 2024 Ive been having health problems (nothing serious but.. yk) and 911 was there, again, I think I watched every season 3 times or so this year. 😅

Then Tommy came back into the picture and wow did he take control of my heart! What a loveable character and what a great partner for Buck who would finally be getting off the hamster wheel!

And it was great, the scenes were awesome, Buck embracing who he is and wanting to grow up. Finally having someone who loved him for him, flaws and all. 🥺

In July I had a miscarrige and guess wich show got me through sitting at home sad? 911! RIGHT!

So it feels like Ive not only lost a great ship but I lost my entire comfort show, and thats why it feels so much bigger. I tried watching again this afternoon because I wanted to know if I could love it again so soon already but I couldnt. And I really hope I will get to love it again, but just not for now.

Now:

I feel so so bad for Lou, he endured months of horrible online hate (I mean, who in their right mind sends deaths threaths btw???), where no one but us fans would speak up for him.

Not abc, not anyone in the cast or even Tim did.

Then, judging by his interviews, he was blindsided by the break up and he wouldve loved to keep going and explore this relationship.

And Buck, by asking him to move in with him wouldve loved that too.

Now, its not hard for me to seperate Oliver from Buck so like I said I feel for Buck, for Oliver not so much at the moment because I am mostely disappointed in him. That will turn around soon though Im sure.

I know one thing for certain though and that is I will stay here on Tumblr!

I will at one point, maybe even next week, be following 911 again and hope that will mean I’ll love buddie agian as well.

I love all the people I met on here during the BT canon period and I will love you all now that it has ended, I hope you will all stay as well. ❤️

[marxthedumdum]

silly lil steven headcanons i have in mind that i wanted to show for no particular reason

▧ bro is beefy (can be either buff or dadbod) and is hairy asf. never shaves. stinky. worn out clothes. his hair at this point would be very long and, although fluffy, is very tangly and messy, it prob has knots everywhere ▧ cis man, biromantic, heterosexual n dark skinned ▧ old ass man, hes 40. but keeps his appearance when he was in his late 20s or 30s thanks to missingno fucking with his ass ▧ he regrets absolutely nothing abt strangling mike, thinking he deserved it. (with his bare hands instead of commanding miki to do so like in the og pasta) though whenever he sees a vision of his brother he'd try to make the 'ghost' go away by screaming/flailing at it, which is why his house is so broken since he sometimes punched the wall or anything in his abode super hard ▧ he still worries abt how the pallet town residents are doing, especially daisy oak, red and blue. so he sometimes stalks the town to see if theyre still having a good life without him even after what he has done ▧ sometimes he would come across red and blue having their own little rivalry with each other, just like he and Mike. he thought it wouldve been so awesome to battle blue if the whole incident didnt happen (then watch red beat blue's ass 2 seconds later after blue takes the champion title from him LMFAOOO) ▧ his team before the incident would be miki, nidoking, gyarados, raichu, gengar and snorlax ❥ ALR THATS ALL MY GENERAL HCS FOR HIM NOW UHHHHHH, CRIMSONOAK/STEVEN X READER HCS. ❥ he hugs like a bewear and would (accidentally) break your spine in the hug like one too, i hope youre able to take his hugs because he'll hug you A LOT ❥ give him a ton of kisses, especially on the cheek, and he'll blush SO hard ❥ he would let you style his hair (if you ask him ofc), daisy def has done smth sily with it like giving him pigtails or giving him her hairstyle (but long cuz steven's hair is, well, way longer than daisy's) :333 ❥ if you can give this man a shower or a bath i beg of you PLEASE do. as i said, this dude stinky af- ❥ he still has miki but will never let her be out of her pokeball in front of his partner in fear that you/daisy would go 'holy shit what is that thing???? get it away from me!!!" before running off ❥ the type of guy that will try his best to cook food for you sometimes, whether its breakfast, dinner or just to give you a snack. (he usually burns the food LMAO (be proud of him >:()) ❥ if you can teach him how to make macarons he'll be so fucking excited (theyre one of his fav foods next to deep-fried food :3c (hes a foodie guy)) ❥ he would get insane zoomies when he sees daisy, bros down bad and head-over-heels for her ❥ before his downfall, steven def has and often tried to flirt with daisy with (cringy) pick up lines, even before dating and after their relationship became official LOL- he doesnt do it anymore though pensive emoji ❥ would pick you/daisy up and give piggyback rides for the shits and giggles ❥ he sometimes gives daisy uhhh, daisies as a small gift as it reminds him of her. he would do the same to you if you also have a kind of flower as your name (like rose, blossom etc.) ❥ if youre poc/lgbtq+ etc. and someone was being racist/homophobic/transphobic etc. to you, steven would go hunt them down and give them the worst beating theyve ever experienced and could even die from that (do you know that one reddit post abt a guy who beat up someone for kicking his cat? thats him and daisy/you teehee)

[jacedified]

Listener Outfits

“ Summit Edition “

‼️ SUMMIT SPOILERS ‼️

i know the redacted girls gays and theys are probably all stressing about what happened to the king of the house of bennette or why vincent and porter are fighting.. again.. or what happened to sweetheart but i really wanna show off what i think the listeners wouldve worn to the summit from my pov :>

⚠️ WARNING ‼️

(i view majority of the listeners as fem btw so if ur not interested in fem!listener stuff pls scooch along 💗)

so first we have angel wearing a gorgeous off the shoulder black gown with gold accents.. i also imagined a black and gold feathered mask but i couldnt find any that suited what i was looking for.

next up we have baaabe.. another stunning off the shoulder gown but entirely in red with a sheer black train, i also imagine asher would have a matching red and black suit since hes their favorite accessory :D

here we have everyones favorite stealth Department Investigator, Sweetheart!! serving those blessed enough to see them in person the “undercover investigator at a ball” realness. i feel like the slit with the simple yet eloquently detailed dress is just as the french would say “tre magnifique” .. and you just know milo turned it out just as well in an all black suit detailed with pearls and perfectly picked jewelry

now one of my personal favorites and my second closest kins amongst the listener, DARLIN’ / tank / hardest bitch on the block.. wtv u wanna call her.

now see i wanted to go a different route because i feel like tank as much as she wouldnt mind wearing a custom made gown and have her hair and makeup done by professionals with the rest of the girls, i feel like she’d definitely serve in something like this still custom made and her make up still done but she did it herself bc she knows what fits her face best. shes giving a little bit of androgyny while still siding in feminine and i adore it. only thing missing would be like a small crown or headpiece of some sort that obviously matched what sam wouldve been wearing but not something to crazy or out there that it distracts from the entire outfit itself.

with lovely unlike with the rest of the girls i had a harder time figuring out what someone partnered with both the host of summit and the prince of house of solaire would wear.. but i settled on this as i feel its elevated enough to where everyone wouldnt wanna take their eyes off of her but also elegant enough for the eyes to be staying on because she looks so good. this paired with the silver and black crown i imagined her getting from vincent is just perfect

now youre probably wondering who else could i have possibly added to this list of nothing but wonderful women and pure beauties amongst the redacted cinematic universe.. the answer is . . . alexis :D

now coming from the house of solaire obviously alexis had to show up dressed down to the 9s, especially when darlin’ and lovely will be in attendance .. the nonexistent “whos the fairest of them all” competition happening in alexis’ head would only lead her to wear this gorgeous, obviously designer, all black floor length gown of which is more than likely one of a kind and a very special piece to her. when i imagine alexis, well i dont really have to imagine when i heard her voice during the imperium i kind of already knew what kind of fashion sense she would go for. and thats why she was honestly the easiest to pick for this.

and with all of that out of the way, i bid you all a wonderful summit’s night <3

art credits: jinyapham and ninanoon :D

[gornackeaterofworlds]

YO YO YOO— oop.

how about 5, 14, and that one about the favorite thing about writing them I forgot the number-

For Donnie? Or Leo you decide.

I haven't written for rise tbh, so this is all hypothetical. Choosing both!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Leo: I Am My Own Muse by Fall Out Boy I think. Mostly bc I saw an edit with it and it was absolutely fire.

Donnie: Finale by AJR. Yes bc of Tapaka's(?) animatic for the cas comic

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Leo: loser !!!! Not necessarily an aesthetic but he'd wear just the most loser ass fashion. That and trying really hard to be cool. I'm talking knee high socks with holes in them and booty jean shorts, the most idiotic redbubble shirts. Those vintage fuzzy head and wrist bands. Extremely ragged jnco jeans. During the pandemic he wouldve bleached his shirt in that ribcage pattern trust. But I'm also talking fur jackets, leather jackets, fur and leather jackets, skinny jeans, thrifted dog tags

Donnie: he'd wear anything if it fits an aesthetic he wants at the moment. He's worn suits, bad boy aesthetic clothing, futuristic clothing, preppy casual prom type clothing. If it looks good he wears it, he doesn't confine himself to a single aesthetic

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I have not written for either of these characters in a serious manner, so I'll answer as a hypothetical/what I've planned out when thinking ab writing them.

Leo: I like the banter humor. I hate how sly I'd have to make him. I cannot write 8d chess brain moves like what he plays

Donnie: I like how predictable his behavior is to picture(I have a very similar flavor of autism) I don't like how bitchy he can get. I'm a big fan of writing slow burns but an enemies/dislikers to lovers is not my forte(something I'm experimenting with in my bay fic)

[perenlop]

squirrelflight :3!

sexuality headcanon: lesbian but hasn't figured it out yet

gender/pronouns headcanon: trans

rate them out of ten: 8! i loved her in tnp. baby

favorite thing about them: i loved how spunky she was in tnp, but i also love how much unconditional love she has. people pretend shes this cruel and rude asshole, and she is to those who deserve it, but her bond with leafpool is so sweet and she really did keep caring about the three even after the secret came out.

least favorite thing about them: i guess she could be a little toooo grating in tnp? and also the new series attempting to portray her as a shitty grandparent and partner but tbh i kinda see that as the erins being pissed that people are dissatisfied with how bramblestar is written and they're trying to stir things in his direction from how hes portrayed as like a sad old man whos worn down by his nagging wife. idk i dont really care what the erins do.

why i first started liking/disliking them: i think i just found her fun in tnp! no special reason outside of that

do i relate/project onto/kin them? not really

favorite quote/moment: i remember her and leafpaw reuniting in tnp being very sweet...

my fav ship: not much comes to mind tbh. i think she should run off with a rogue.

my fav platonic friendship: her and leafpool!

a ship i hate: bramblesquirrel and squirrelash both. get behind me girl

do i prefer canon or fanon? kiiinda fanon because canon is a little weird sometimes

random headcanon: she got her white paw from scourge, but she also has his build.

what color do i picture them as: ginger

unpopular opinion: ig this applies to bramblestar as well? but like i do not believe bramblestar wouldve reacted to the secret well considering how nasty he was to leafpool and non clanborn kits in tnp. so i think squirrelflight and leafpool had every right to keep the secret from him, if they didn't, he wouldve held it over their heads. yeah the alternative isn't exactly fair, but i dont think its a dumbass plot hole thing on their part.

things i associate with them: squirrels, maple

song i associate with them: king and lionheart by of mountains and men,

favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them: i remember loving this map a lot

[oatchi]

im sure someone else is going to say sentinel and ive already worn out the send you rewrite for an ask game joke so. prowl :]

you are only the second person to send me an ask actually. comedically. being the sentinel guy has many downfalls (everyone assumes someone said sentinel already /JOKE) i can do tfa prowl yes :-)

favorite thing about them well hes simply the best prowl because he absolutely isnt prowl at all. like not even close. that is just a man who happens to share the same name with prowl. im (mostly) kidding i havent really consumed a lot of tfmedia especially not any with prowl prevalent so i dont know if theres any other really good prowls and i just havent encountered them yet or whatever but i really do like his character so much. we love to see an autistic robot. i think his growth over the show is very interesting and like... hes such a handsome little man (spoken the way you would about like a tuxedo cat) his design is so interesting and again its so funny because girl that is NOT prowl! not even CLOSE!

least favorite thing about them theres not a lot i dislike about tfa prowl, but i will say the end of the show........ the season 4 scripts literally imply that scrapper mixmaster and dirtboss and wreck gar are still out there.......... they were willing to perma kill starscream on screen. for just a single tfa constructicon life we could save prowl. i guess its more of a story critique, without season 4 to have the whole ghost prowl plot happen, his death sort of feels.. out of nowhere...? he was training, he became literally so comically powerful, i guess the only thing stopping him from being the answer to all problems would be to kill him. but like... without season 4 it just feels so abrupt. still makes me cry a little though god bless (salute)

favorite line anytime tfa prowl says "fascinating..." is so everything to me. he is entranced by the beauty of organic life. but i do have to love the quip he does to bumblebee in the season 1 finale where he says that they need to use bumblebees strongest power, and after bee himself lists a few things, he cuts in and goes "Your obnoxious personality." i love that so much

brOTP i dont have a specific relationship i like the most with prowl, but i do think him and jazz shouldve gotten more screentime together. they shouldve been better friends :(

OTP did you know prowl is at the very least like a million years old? because he was drafted for the war? as in, the great war? as in, prowl is closer to ratchet aged than anyone else? this is not ending the way you think i still think bulkprowlbee is everything but prowl never clarifies hes the second oldest at all because theyre all adults so he just assumes they know however hes got like godly cybertronian genes and all that ninja training that make him look so young so one day bumblebee very boldly says something about "old bots" in reference to optimus (note: in my mind, bumblebee is like cybertronian mid 20s and optimus is cybertronian mid 30s) and prowl looks at him so baffled and goes ".... you do know im older than him, right?" and bumblebee goes "...huh" and prowl goes "bumblebee, i was drafted for the great war. im closer to ratchet in terms of age than anything." and bumblebee completely shuts down and its not for the reason you think at all its 100% because he didnt know his boyfriend was a silver fox otherwise he wouldve made like 1000 more jokes about it. everyone else is also so baffled by this revelation. i want to talk about this more in my headcanon section

nOTP im not as opposed to it as some people are, but i do still think prowl/lockdown is a little strange. i think you have to make prowl like 100% not an autobot for that which i will admit is funny as fuck but it just genuinely makes no sense to imagine them shipped in a normal tfa timeline aligned situation. also not a notp per se but sometimes i see people ship prowl and lugnut and that baffles me endlessly. you do you but also thats the funniest thing i have ever imagined. how did you get to that conclusion at all

random headcanon autobots and their reactions to learning prowl was draft dodger in the great war (mostly the age part) optimus: dead silence and the most horrified expression you could imagine. he assumed prowl was his age, maybe a little older or younger, give or take. he needs a bit to sit down knowing he is commanding over two people who are literally like 100x his age. once hes over it he asks about the war because of course he does bumblebee: see otp answer bulkhead: so so so very shocked and he needs to process it so bad but he clarifies so fast and so panicked that it changes nothing and that theyre all still friends (or boyfriends if you believe in bulkprowlbee). the moment he gets over it despite what he said he starts worrying about his health like hes an old old man and prowl is like "bulkhead i appreciate it im pretty sure im in better physical shape than all of you perhaps even combined" ratchet: literally does not believe him. literally refuses to believe this. he is so shocked and in denial. and when prowl provides proof that its true, ratchet goes dead silent in horror for like 20 seconds with this absolutely incredulous look on his face, followed instantly by more rage, going "WAIT just a allspark-damned minute, youre a DRAFT DODGER?!" and now that conversation is happening. bonus jazz and sentinel because i feel like it jazz: is older than him, and its not a shock. hed recognize yoketrons teachings anywhere sentinel: DID NOT KNOW JAZZ WAS THAT OLD. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE HAT OLD. JAZZ. JAZZ COME BACK! OPTIMUS! OPTIMUS (FRANTICALLY SHAKING HIM BY THE SHOULDERS) WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE FREAK ON YOUR TEAM IS GREAT WAR AGE AND SO IS JAZZ? (10 SECOND PAUSE IN TIME) (OPTIMUS SHRUGS AND MAKES THAT "IDK" SOUND) DONT SHRUG AT ME I NEED ANSWERS

unpopular opinion uhhhh. hm. i dont know actually. i dont have a lot of crazy opinions on prowl. is the whole "prowl acts so smart but is so stupid" thing unpopular? can i say i think prowl is academically smart but he would probably wouldnt hesitate to jump off a cliff if prompted? but only because he thinks its a good idea/he thinks he can do it. i think prowl would do anything against orders if he thought he could

song i associate with them i have never thought about prowl while listening to a song in my life so im just going to go to my best friend the family jewels, album by marina who previously had some diamonds, and hold up Are You Satisfied? i think it fit him. a lot actually.

favorite picture of them this image i found on google at like 3 am once that was a wattpad fanfic cover i think. it makes me cry. its the funniest shit i have ever seen.

[ramudamemura]

Alright guys I’m rating the new hypmic outfits please don’t get mad at me and here’s an image for reference

ichiro— not digging the oversized thing for some reason even tho I normally do? Nothing glaringly wrong with it tho like it’s not that bad. I’m glad his pants are black/gray (?) tho because idk I think it would’ve looked cluttered with any other colors

i will say (and this is probably only valid for me but) black and red are my schools colors and I’m having flashbacks to spirit wear days which is slightly upsetting JCJSJDNSNNSHS Ichiro would never go to my school if he were real tho he’s too good for a place like this 💔

jiro— his shirt is so plain couldn’t he have used a more interesting font 😭 spice it up a bit,,,,BUT it’s not that bad either I actually really like him with glasses so that’s good! hmm I don’t really like the hat tho. Overall it’s ok

saburo— at least his hair doesn’t look like it did with that one other outfit 😭 you know the one . I can’t tell if his pants are jeans or sweatpants tho. Also like I said before idk why but I’m not loving Ichiros oversized shirt but I DO like the fit of saburos

actually I checked again right before I posted this and I’m pretty sure they’re jeans

**hey just realized buster bros are all wearing the same shoes in different colors so good for them ig**

samatoki— well 😭 his outfit kinda gives off art h*e vibes which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but I feel like HE would view it as bad and wouldnt like that. Also so much of it is unbuttoned and I can’t stop laughing. I kinda wish there wasn’t so much white in the outfit tho I mean what do I know I’m no designer but! Idk

jyuto— idk. idk WHAT to say. I am really not a fan of this sorry jyuto I just. What were you trying to accomplish here 😭 why are the sleeves of his jacket so long what’s going on. Where am I what is this

rio— I mean. It’s just an oversized green t shirt and baggy green sweatpants 😭 neither of them have any design on it so it’s kinda boring? green is my favorite color tho so I can’t be too harsh on him also I like the shoes but not necessarily with this outfit. But like I don’t understand like why is his outfit just. A t shirt and sweatpants with literally like nothing else 😭 is it supposed to be a minimalist thing??? Because I mean. Listen. LISTEN. This is not the way to go about it

ramuda— ok so I kinda like the general style like I like the shirt and shorts a bit but not the colors 💔 but it’s not that I don’t like that it’s colorful it’s just I don’t like the.colors they used ig 😭 idk but it’s kinda cool to see him with a middle part ig although I do like his normal hair better I think. Either way I expected better from him he’s supposed to be a designer like come on dude

gentaro— actually I like his a lot! It’s not too flashy and it looks nice and elegant and it fits his usual style!! Also it shows his arms and I cannot remember ever seeing them before so that’s interesting! I also like his hair but again I like his regular hair much better

dice— BRAID BRAID BRAID BRAID!!!! If I try hard enough I can pretend it’s not a mullet underneath the braid so that’s nice!! As for the outfit it’s meh idk. The print is too in your face in my opinion and idk I don’t really like it like idk what it is about it but I find it kinda :/ yknow and I also feel like it doesn’t really suit him like it doesn’t scream “dice”

jakurai— :////// Jakurai what the heck 💔 what is this I don’t like it at all like wh. That’s all im gonna say I think cuz I don’t wanna be mean since technically someone put a lot of work into these

hifumi— he kinda looks like a tourist idk man I feel like if I went to the beach I’d see someone with that exact outfit 😭 but I mean he pulls it off decently! I don’t think he should’ve worn dress shoes or whatever you call those tho I think he could’ve done better with a pair of sneakers but NOT like big clunky sneakers just regular ones

actually idk why but I have this really specific floral design in mind that wouldve kept the colors of his current jacket including being mostly black in the background that I think wouldve looked nicer but I can’t draw rn so

doppo— well I like this color!!! So that’s good!!!!! Not really sure what’s going on here tho I feel like they should’ve done a little to break up the shirt from the pants 😭

kuko— again I do like green a lot so he gets points for that!! But idk i actually don’t have much of a problem with this I just don’t know if green is his color but I like the pants! So! like they’re a good length idk I actually do like his I think

jyushi— I really like the like laced up bits by the shoulder!!! Also it’s super cool to see his hair in a ponytail or whatever that is!! If I close my eyes I can pretend he doesn’t have a mullet 💚

hitoya— idk what it is about this outfit but I keep laughing at him 😭 sorry hitoya

sasara— clown clown clown clown clown

anyway I know the colors are SUPPOSED to clash a bit but it still bothers me JDJSJDJJSS other than that tho the outfits ok but I do wish the pants were higher waisted!!! His shirt looks like umm the uniform for this one restaurant I’ve been to so that’s fun

rosho— I miss his glasses put them back please please they look good! I guess we got to see Jiro with them at the expense of Rosho???? Also I’m gonna assume he’s wearing contacts cuz. Anyways the outfit is? Idk? I’m not sure what’s going on here I don’t really know like I’m a little confused but at least it has a fairly simple color palette (and not TOO simple like Rio)

rei— now what the heck is this outfit what is going on here I don’t know what to think. I don’t. If he was gonna wear a cowboy hat why didn’t he make the rest of his outfit fit that? Why did he then decide to dress vaguely like a librarian and then unbutton his shirt??

**DISCLAIMER: any time I said “it’s not THAT bad ig” or anything along the lines of that it probably means I don’t actually like the outfit but I’m trying not to be offensive

[leovaldezaskblog]

Leo Valdez Hates Himself

2this is going to be an OOC post but i was thinking last week after a really tough therapy session about how much i relate to leo. 

its made pretty clear in the series that leo really doesnt like himself for a few reasons and covers it up with jokes and a sarcastic smile but i started really looking into some reasons that were talked about and it just hit me. this kid fucking hates himself so much. 

one of the reasons that was touched on quite a bit when we were getting to know him was that Tia Callida noticed his powers early on and tested him by placing him in the fire where (i recall correctly) he fell asleep or was otherwise comfortable. now let me just say that i wasnt really raised in a very traditional household but my extended family, my tias and abuelas are/were very religious, crosses over doorways and beds, portraits of jesus on the walls, a very worn bible on the bedside table, church every sunday, the whole deal. let me tell you, if i ever told my family that i practice some forms of witchcraft, they would loose their minds. imagine how people around leo wouldve reacted if they saw that he could SUMMON FIRE FROM HIS HANDS. he would immediately be feared by anyone who practiced religion seriously. 

now that were talking about the fact that he can conjure fire, id like to bring up how he blamed himself for the fire that killed his mother. that in itself would fuck a kid up. loosing a parent that young will really affect a kids head. but add the fact that he can summon flames at will and his mother died in a huge fire. obviously hes going to blame himself for killing one of the only people who really showed their love for him in a meaningful way. the trauma of loosing his mom is enough but blaming himself is a different story. in my situation, it was different because i was put up for adoption by my mother who said she wanted to be part of my life. when i turned 2 and began to know her voice on the phone, she stopped calling, the aunt she was living with always said she wasnt around and eventually the phone line was disconnected. i always had this awful feeling that i caused that. even though rationally that doesnt make total sense but growing up knowing your mom didnt want you then changed her mind about wanting to speak to you on the phone once every 6 months really hurts. 

lets move on to his ADHD now, shall we? this is the one that had me begin to relate to him in the first place. i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 7 because if someone dropped a paper clip on the floor and i saw, i had to go grab it. i was up and down from my seat, squirming, talking out of turn, sitting in my seat backward, not paying attention, had trouble with friends, the whole shebang. there was hardly a week that went by that i wasnt called annoying, too loud, too squirmy, too much. let me tell you that my ADHD is the root of a lot of my depression. i cant stop myself from talking even when i have the thought of “i need to be quiet”, i cant stop moving, my focus is everywhere, my speech is disorganized and then to hear that im annoying was just the worst. my peers said it as if i didnt already know. as if i dont live with it every day. that fucking hurts. im sure this was the same in the series. as much as you laugh and shrug it off, it hurts. knowing that you are fundamentally irritating to everyone around you, hurts and it makes your existence feel like a chore. you learn how to be the funny one so people will tolerate you and you bounce from group to group, never settling because if you do, they will get sick of you. we obviously see that constantly in leo where hes the funny guy who is helpful by fixing things.

ADHD to this day makes me feel stupid. i cant have a normal conversation about school or classes without crying or ending up suicidal, because i know that no matter what, how hard i try, i WILL fail my classes. i never had any clue until i was 17 that i had an above average IQ at 120 which is a point away from a Superior IQ. i thought i was fucking stupid because i couldnt get anything over a C at best and on average got a D. its so discouraging to want to learn when you know that you can put all your effort in and want to learn and then find out that you learned it wrong or just cant get the hang of it. its cannon that leo was solving college level math problems at 7 years old, he is cannonically a genius and you cant tell me he didnt deal with that hatred of himself for having trouble paying attention in his classes. 

im going to move on to a headcannon that i have but i wanted to throw it out there. i cant see leo as anything other than a repressed gay (maybe bisexual) kid. how hard he tried to be normal and get a girlfriend, how much stock he put into having a girlfriend, how much he felt left out for not having a partner. in mexican culture, being gay is one of the worst things you can be. of course its getting better but gay men still come up missing or wind up dead after coming out or being outed. the idea that hes gay would be unfathomable to him so he covered it up by flirting with every girl he saw and being so aggressively out there when speaking with girls he didnt know. he just couldnt handle the idea that he could be a man attracted to other men so he covered it up. maybe i just like this idea because i ship leo and jason but i cant help but feel like he repressed it so hard because he was terrified. 

i really think leo was terrified of himself. and that he really fucking hated himself.

[un2-verse]

AREE YOU SURE ABOUT THE CLINGY PART? I CAN GET ANNOYING 💀💀

ALSO IM SO GLAD UR HAVING FUN THO i hope its not crowded over there 🥺 if u get covid i think ima turn my bed into a coffin and suffer wit u what the fuck is my mind omg

ANYWAY THE CAT AND I HAD OUR MOMENTS YANNO HE SCENTED MY FACE AND DIPPED TF OUTTA THERE LIKE WOW WHAT A LOYAL MF he went back to the pub where my dad picked him up like why can't i have a normal family and pet

also ur tooth? whats going on;-; would painkillers help? toothaches are the worst ngl i know from having worn braces for 2 yrs fucking ew. i hope it goes away soon!! apparently rinsing salt water helps and since ur going to the seaside,,, 👀 might be the best remedy ahdusjd

HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL FOR U TODAY!!!!!!

I AM 10000% POSITIVE OMGGG I DOUBT ANNOYING SO SHUSH U COULD NEVER

me too!!’ thank u,,, it probably wont be because its pissing it down T__T uhm we could totally do that and binge b99 together ♡

OMG KDJSKSJDJSJDJSJ THATS SO SAD I ACTUALLY WOULDVE CRIED

i grind my teeth in my sleep and ive broken my wisdom tooth so i think its got infected or something T__T it hurts so much,,,, i’ve took some painkillers and its sorta helping but not much :<

OMG I ONLY JUST UNDERSTOOD THE SEA WAYER THING JDFJKDKDKXKDKD

I HOPE U HAVE THE BEST DAY MY ANGEL

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

Silver Bells

Summary: Richie is sick and tired of being badgered about relationships at his family Christmas parties. And his idiotic cousin always brags about his girlfriend. So when in need of a fake boyfriend to stop the annoyance, Eddie’s name comes out. 

Words: 9,774 

Ships: Reddie 

Stanley Uris lightly dragged his pencil down the side of the worn out pages of his bird book, passing the bushels of color from the photos. A thin feather-light gray line followed in it’s path alongside the faded dark brown framing of the particular page. He grinned, a kind man’s grin, and hoped to himself that once winter ended he would get to see a lot more birds again. The distant chatter of the dinner customer crowd was just as foggy as his table’s paired window. The snow falling down tapped almost silently against it and left a delicate layer of moisture perfect for finger drawn doodles. Surrounding the view was a strand of tiny bulbs of Christmas lights. It was all very warm and welcoming, enhanced by the smell of home cooking. Stan enjoyed his job there and was glad he got it. Working under Mr. and Mrs. Carson, a lovely old couple, was just his favorite. 

The only thing was the creepy little old timey paintings they had around the dining areas. A part of him loved them and another part hated them. Their eyes followed him everywhere. 

“Stan!” Richie abruptly came from behind the booth and set his cold hands on the very slim opening of Stan’s shirt on to his exposed collarbones with the intent to scare him. But Stan remained still as the dead. It was not in the least bit surprising but it still disappointed Richie to no end. “How did that not get you this time?” 

Stan made a small amused huff as Richie came round to slide into the bench across from him, eyes avoiding the painting behind his head. “Can’t be surprised by what you know is coming, Rich.” Was his simple explanation and it made Richie huff for himself, crossing his arms and leaning back on the cushioned seat. He sat still for as long as he could entertain himself, which wasn’t long at all, before he started to hastily remove his layers of warm clothing. Flakes of snow fell off like tiny beads onto the chair and table. 

“Here, eat your soup. Still warm.” Stan pushed the tiny meal he brought from the kitchen over to his friend who he knew needed it. Richie gladly took it and started to dunk the little bread rolls into it. “I only have like ten minutes for break so, what’s up?” 

Richie slurped his soup from the silver spoon and rolled his lips together in thought. Stan had mastered his mind-blocking of the unfavorable sounds of eating, loud chewing and other classic gross hits. It was a skill that had come with the job and was now just a nice bonus. He smiled to show his friend he was listening. 

“I have a problem.” Richie swallowed his mouthful and sat back again like just the sentence had exhausted him. He reached over to play with the end of the scarf he had carelessly thrown on the table. 

“I think that much is apparent, Rich.” Stan nodded with a playful little grin and Richie rolled his eyes which lead to his thing about following every one of Stan’s movements with his eyes. He did that from time to time & Stan as well. But where they differed was Stan only really ‘people watched’ those he did not know because he had all his friends movements committed to memory. Richie, however, only really did this with his friends. And he’d make key expressions that lead Stan to believe he was happy with himself for predicting these movements. It was like he needed some kind of reassurance that he knew them as well as he suspected. 

Stan partly dabbled in the art of observing and noting his friends habitual patterns. He grinned to himself and shook his head the tiniest bit, his own physical note of happiness. Like Stan noticed, Richie’s nose twitched like he had expected that reaction. 

The nose twitching reminded Stan of that show....Bewitched! He figured if any sort of power that character had existed in the real world that it would most surely not be allowed in a restaurant. Especially if the someone who had it was Richie. He could imagine the havoc he’d cause and it made him giggle. “They’ll kick you out for that, y’know.” He mumbled to himself. Richie’s eyebrow quirked but he just waved his hand to forget it. “Never mind that, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“A lot of my relatives are coming over for Christmas and everyone of them bugs me about school and relationships sooo...” Richie trailed off and scooted up to the edge of the table with a look of amused dread. “I told my parents I had a boyfriend.”

Stan put on a little smirk. “I know where this is going.” 

Richie raised his brow but he continued. 

“I’ll do it but only cause I have a swell outfit I’ve been waiting to wear...” Stan trailed off in his special Stan way and rolled his head back on his shoulders with a tiny smirk. 

“Oh no. I told them Eddie was my boyfriend. I mean, I thought it’d work cause my parents like him and I thought maybe everyone else would too. Then they’d get off my back a little.” Richie explained, waving with his hands like he was telling a great story. Stan began to laugh again which annoyed his friend but he didn’t seem to care. 

“I would have made a great boyfriend, y’know? Better than Eddie.” Stan put on a frown and leaned over to punch his friends arm but Richie remained conflicted. “Truthfully, I don’t know if that was the best idea, Rich.” 

From his more upright position, the eyes of one of the paintings locked on him. Stan would scowl or maybe just move if he was alone.

Richie frowned, looking offended. “Why?” He said with a very snippy tone. Stan gave him that look that he absolutely hated. It was the kind of look only Stan could do. It said all he had to say without a lick of speech. It drove Richie nuts because what it said was ‘I know something’. 

“Well, because you like him.” Stan said casually, picking up the salt & pepper shakers to perfectly center them in front of the menus. 

The only reaction Richie could muster was to scoff a few times and try to stumble his way through a reply. “That is ridiculous. Stan, where did you get that?” He narrowed his eyes because the confusion was loud in the back of his brain. “I don’t like Eddie.” He made sure to put the same tone on the word as his friend. 

“Bev and I talk about it all the time.” Stan said in a joking manner but it still pissed Richie off. 

“Well fucking stop cause I don’t.” Richie reached over and pinched him. Stan made a small ‘ow’ sound and rolled his eyes. 

Stan licked his lips and shrugged, leaning his forearms on the table. “Ok, so I was wrong.” He didn’t seem all that bothered and Richie knew it was because Stan still thought of himself as right. It irked the shit outta him. 

“I don’t, Stan.” 

“I didn’t say anything-” 

“You said it with your eyes.” 

“Ok. I said it with my eyes, sorry.” Stan laughed softly. “Anyway, why didn’t you go talk to Eddie about this situation? Considering he is your ‘boyfriend’." Stan stood from the booth with a kind smile and looked down at him. 

Richie pouted up at him like a child. “Eddie’s gonna be maaaad.” He frowned. “He'd have to come over and meet everybody and-” Richie put his face in his hands and chuckled himself before pulling his palms down so his skin would pull. 

“I think you should give em’ a heads up.” Stan patted his shoulder and laughed. But when Richie made the move to get up from the booth, Stan stopped him with a gentle push as he whipped a towel over his shoulder. “Finish your soup first then go find him. He’s probably at the bike shop with Bill.” 

Richie smiled and went for his food again. Stan went the backwards way back to the kitchen to avoid that particular painting. 

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Bill Denbrough had been many different things in his lifetime so far and a fool was not one of them. Although as he approached the middle of his senior year in high school with his butt planted firmly on a glossy floor and staticky balloons with bright yellow smiling faces as his only company, he realized that everyone was a fool. No exceptions.

He tilted his chin up and felt the thickness of the air from the cloud of dust forming around him. The sneeze he held back gave him the closest thing to a high that he’d had in months. It was kinda nice. The smiley balloons leered above him with a much more mocking energy than he had planned for. Had this been just a couple years ago, he would’ve sworn they were swarming around him. It was deeply upsetting when paired with the cheery winter tunes on the radio. ‘They're really rockin’ around the Christmas tree, huh?’ Bill smiled a cheesy grin back at one because he was alone and did not give a shit. The kind of smile that gave a soft click from the shift of spit and showed off his great teeth. One of the damn smiley things popped. He sneezed.

“Mmmm I didn’t like that.” Bill whispered to himself with a slight grin as he steadied his hand once more on the cherry red bike he was working on. “Not one bit.” He went on meekly but with a spark of amusement. He had to be amused because if he wasn’t he’d be really annoyed.

Bill had worked at Sherwin’s Bike shop for roughly a year working under Mr. Sherwin, a small and outgoing old man. Bill had painted big bubble letters on the windows and wrote fun little sayings on the signs like ‘Sherwin’s Schwinns are sure to win’ for a while. But when the kind old man went and died on him a month ago, he left the store all to some new guy that Bill didn’t very much like. Which was why he was stuck with an early shift that started with being the only one in the store. 

But now, he sat cross-legged on the bicycle shop floor some time later with his huge ‘Women want me, fish fear me’ shirt pooling into the lap of his jeans while he got stalked by smiling kids balloons. “All that worrying for nothing, huh? Turned out great, didn’t it?” Bill pursed his lips as he spoke to himself with such a heavy dose of sarcasm it would have annoyed anyone over thirty. And because he was becoming prematurely bitter, it sure did grind his gears too.

Grind his gears. That was a classic Mr. Sherwin expression. Bill hoped to God he wasn’t just going to straight up turn into the old man when he grew up, though he had loved him dearly. But his wardrobe spoke volumes on that idea. ‘Wearing a dead man’s shirt was like bad luck, wasn’t it?’ Bill paused from his work on the bike to think to himself. He sure hoped it wasn’t because he’d had enough of that in his life already.

It was the only damn piece of clothing in the store which made sense considering he had not thought to be prepared for spilling his coffee all over himself like an idiot at work. There had not been any time to go home for a change before he had to open but luckily, his favorite little old timer left this gem behind....’Almost as if he knew Bill would be an idiot.’ He was always one to tease him. The traces of his less prominent stutter that stayed with him was a popular subject to Mr. Sherwin’s comedy line-up. Bill missed him a lot but that did very little for him. People died on him, that was just the way it went.

One of his tools fell from the perch of his toolbox and shocked him enough to choke on his own spit. “F-f-fuck.” He cursed once he got most of his air back and stood, bringing the bike to full stance and laying it on it’s kickstand. And thus began the orchestra of disaster...

Once Bill had a small glass of water, he set it down to go back to his work but had misjudged his placement and it came to a crashing halt on the floor. The bike toppled over just a few feet away onto the tools which created harsh bangs of metal. Bill smacked himself on the forehead and bent to pick up the glass and cut his fingers. Blood trickled down his cupped hand as he rushed to get a towel that wasn’t covered in garbage.

“This is fine. Wonderful even.” Bill spoke in a voice so sickened with sarcasm and wrapped his hand slowly. He took a few moments to breathe in and out. It wasn’t as if he’d be alone much longer. His co-workers would be starting their shifts soon. That took a little weight off his shoulders and allowed him to relax.

Another balloon popped. 

And the glass doors abruptly opened. Bill almost jumped into the air but he was soothed as Richie came bopping in with a carefree smile. “Hey Bill have you seen-? Christ! What happened!?” 

Richie darted over and Bill was momentarily confused before remembering his cut-up hand. “Oh that...accident.” He tried to wave his hand to dismiss it but ended up flicking blood onto the counter. Richie rolled his eyes and tried to remember some of the medical shit Eddie had told him over the course of their friendship. 

Richie attempted to wrap Bill’s hand properly while the other man shifted around the counter looking tired.

“Hey, at least the good stuff in life only requires one hand, huh?” Richie made an obscene gesture and Bill only rolled his eyes with a look of distaste. He awkwardly chuckled and went back to his job. One of the floating yellow bastards began to deflate slowly and descended a ways towards the floor. Bill felt a flare of silly anger from his gut as he followed it with his eyes. The tension was so thick that Richie briefly looked up & over his glasses to check it out, turning to see what was so infuriating to his friend.  

“You do know that’s just a balloon, right?” Richie chuckled and Bill let out a small grin. 

“Damn t-t-things are annoying the crap outta me.” Bill shook his head and Richie pushed his glasses up. 

“Was Eddie around earlier? Kinda have to talk to him.” 

“No one comes just to visit me anymore.” Bill mock pouted and took his injured hand back from his friend. “Yeah, E-E-Eddie came in looking for you actually. He meant to catch you before he started work but said he was outta time now. So I’d go looking for him at the theater.” Bill said with a grin. Richie rolled his eyes because, of course. 

“I’ll come visit you later, Big Bill. Take care of your hand.” Richie snapped his fingers and made to exit.  

“Oh! Before I forget!” Richie piped back up, sliding closer to Bill again. “Where can a guy like me get one of those ‘Women want me, fish fear me’ shirts? Asking for a friend.” He waggled his eyebrows and made a mockingly curious face all his own.

Bill rolled his eyes but had to laugh at the way Richie spoke and moved. ‘That was his real kicker, he thought. Richie just fuckin’ moved and acted so ridiculous that it was truly his powerhouse. Especially considering it came off so natural.’ Bill shook his head a few times and moved to shrug and shove his hands into his pockets.

“S’not funny Bill. My friend really wants to know, ok?” Richie slapped Bill’s arm and broke himself. ‘His true weakness however was laughing before he could fully commit to a joke. Which could sometimes be even fucking funnier....so maybe it wasn’t a weakness’, Bill thought.  

They laughed endlessly for what seemed like hours. Every-time they thought the bug was gone, they’d just share a look and succumb to weird versions of their usual laughs. One’s that were more like hissing from being a victim of such restrain or their bodies would just rock in silence because nothing could even come out anymore.

“What’s the matter with you, that wasn’t even funny.” Richie spoke through restrained giggles. Bill shrugged and cradled his hand. 

“I dunno. I’ll s-s-see you later, man.” Bill patted him with his good hand and walked with him to the door as he spotted his co-workers beginning to walk in. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie bopped inside the theater with hesitance. Eddie was a pistol and he was not too excited to hear the whole spiel he would surely have prepared in seconds flat for Richie name dropping him as his ‘boyfriend’. 

Upon entry he could easily spot his tiny friend working as the ticket boy though since it was a slow day, Eddie was texting hurriedly under the tiny little booth. He grinned. Eds was not a champion at being subtle. It was by some miracle that he’d yet to be noticed. Just as Richie was starting to walk over, his own phone buzzed. 

Eddie: Work is dead. Bring me a Redbull. 

Richie held in his giggle and happily skipped on over. “Hey! You shouldn't be texting on the job!” The deep and loud yell was contrary to his bouncy demeanor and wide grin. However, Eddie jumped about a foot in the air and by the look of it, had a mini heart attack. 

“Oh fuck you. I thought you were Robert.” Eddie rolled his eyes and smacked Richie hard in the arm. Robert was Eddie’s manager, a nice little old man, who Richie knew well enough just by visiting Eds all the time. That and he personally rejected Richie’s application on three different occasions. 

“That was the point.” Richie gave some passers-by the side-eye as they looked up to stare at them. The theater was pretty dead so this was the most excitement they probably had all day. “I’m really good at impressions, huh?” He playfully tapped him. 

“It isn’t hard to mock Robert, Rich. Where’s my Redbull?” 

Richie rolled his eyes and leaned on the little booth. “I got here ten seconds before you texted me. I’m not a psychic nor The Flash, y’know?” 

Eddie frowned but shrugged before they fell into an easy small-talk. “So why did you come visit then?” 

Richie grinned again though this time it was a little nervous. “Can’t I just come say hi?” He chuckled and Eddie smirked. 

“You come say hi like every time I’m on the clock. But I can always tell when you want something.” Eddie playfully narrowed his eyes and Richie felt his stomach drop a little. He glanced away and let his eyes drag over the red and gold decor of the theater. He felt the familiar bitterness for not being hired himself, he loved this place. 

“So here’s the thing-” 

“I knew it.” Eddie shook his head with a smile but quickly quieted to let his friend speak. He rolled his lips together, sniffled and rubbed his finger under his nose. 

“You know how my family bugs me about how I never date anyone?” Richie asked and Eddie nodded. “Well, everyone’s coming over for this Christmas party in a few days and it’s a whole thing... dinner, activities, and all that jazz.” Richie made jazz hands with a flat expression and Eddie fought back a tiny giggle. “So in order to dodge all those annoying questions...I told my parents that I have a boyfriend.” 

“You came out to your parents? That’s great! How did they take it?” 

“Great but that’s not the point-” Richie had never doubted his parents would be ok with it. He had a gut feeling that they already knew, probably even before Richie himself did. “I told them I had a boyfriend.” 

“But you don’t have a boyfriend.” 

“Thank you, captain obvious.” Richie rolled his eyes. “That’s the um...-Well I told them that you were my boyfriend..” 

Eddie’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth but Richie was already set on a long tangent. 

“I only said it because they like you so much, Eds. And I just don’t wanna hear that whole spiel again about relationships and I figured I could get them off my backs by being in one. Plus my mom already had suspicions about me being in a relationship. And when I said your name, she seemed pretty psyched....so yeah.” Richie grinned like a child after they’d done something wrong and rubbed behind his ear. 

He recalled the moment he’d told his mother. 

                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had been mindlessly bickering about the yearly Tozier Christmas party while she cleaned the kitchen. The oven cleaner had gone right to his head and made him slightly more irritated than normal. The idea of this tradition was more so a burden to him now than it ever was. Being that once he turned around fifteen, all the questions were about dating and school. And his idiotic cousin who already had a girlfriend. 

“Mom?.....Mom?....Mom!?” Richie whined like a child as Maggie Tozier pulled her head out of the oven with a comical grin that looked eerily familiar, Richie dropped his own grin. “Is everyone coming?” 

“Yes, Richie. Everyone but your cousin. He’s got plans with his girlfriend, y’know.” She poked his shoulder in a very ‘mom’ like way. 

“Oh that’s bull.”

“Richie!” She smacked the back of his head lightly. “Wouldn’t hurt you to just tell me you're dating someone.” She pursed her lips in the same way Stanley Uris did when he ‘knew’ something. He sat up straight with curiosity. 

“What do you mean?” 

“C’mon, I know you do. You go out all the time with the same excuse. ‘Going to hang-out with Eddie.’ or ‘Gonna go visit Eddie at work’. How many times can you be bothering that boy, realistically? I know that’s a cover-up son. I’m hip with the lingo.” Maggie circle her face with an extended finger and Richie held back a burst of laughter. 

Though that had been quite amusing, Richie was momentarily thrown that she’d noticed how much he, quote unquote, bothered Eddie. It wasn’t that much. Of course not. 

“You know your aunts and everyone wouldn’t bother you so much if you just admitted to it and brought her over.” She threw her dish towel over her shoulder, neglecting to remember it was covered in the oven cleaner that made Richie lightheaded and irritable. 

The more Richie thought about it, his mother was on to something. No more long awkward conversations about setting him up with the local teenagers they knew. He gritted his teeth just thinking about it. He held up his hands in mock surrender and spoke without thinking, which he did a lot. 

“You caught me, ma. You’re one...ugh...smart cookie, huh?” He put on some on some old timey voice and bumped her on the arm. She rolled her eyes but actually looked pretty pleased.  “I have a boyfriend.” 

Richie had spoke before he realized he’d basically just accidentally came out of the closet. He wasn’t too concerned but still....

Maggie just lit up though, her smile was wide and loving. “His name....?” 

Richie panicked. “It actually is Eddie! That’s why I hang out with him all the time!” He gestured, very happy with himself. 

‘That was smart, good job.’ He patted himself on the back. 

That is until he realized the consequences of his words. 

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why don’t you umm...think about it?” Richie suggested, fearing a long rant from the boy. “Keep in mind, it’d sure help me a lot.” He grinned and Eddie chuckled, he felt better. “I’ll come back in like ten minutes.” 

Eddie smiled like he was more so amused at the other boy than pleased, at least that’s what Richie thought. He gently patted Eddie’s arm and began to exit just as he saw Robert make his way over. 

As he headed to the door, he caught the beginning to their conversation. 

“You’ve got some weird friends, Eddie...” 

“Do I now?” Eddie’s voice suggested amusement. 

“Yeah. I don’t like that Richie kid, but you know that. You should hang more with that um....Bill kid or the Mike one. They’re nice respectable boys.” 

“Alright boss.” Eddie laughed. 

Richie couldn’t help but laugh. Though that old man didn’t like him and rejected his applications, Richie fuckin’ loved Robert. 

                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Richie buzzed off for a while, Eddie moved on to cleaning the popcorn machine. His least favorite thing to do in the whole entire world. His thoughts easily drifted to the proposition Richie had given him. And as he cleaned the slimy grease off the counters nearby, he felt his stomach flutter. 

He liked Richie. Liked him. He so badly wanted to take this chance while he could because heaven knows he’d never actually say a thing to Richie about his feelings. He’d sooner die. 

He had mentioned it to Bill however, ‘well more like Bill found out all on his own because he knows me too well & I’m way to transparent but I digress.’ Eddie frowned deeply. Bill would be pissed if he found out Eddie had agreed to a plan like this. He could hear the whole speech about how this would only hurt his feelings in the long run now. But Eddie was thinking about saying yes. Really how bad could the harm be? Yeah he’d get his feelings hurt but he’d get to spend the day as Richie’s ‘boyfriend’...

Screw Bill. He was going to say yes. 

Ten minutes went by astoundingly quick and Richie was easily spotted in the corner of Eddie’s vision just as soon as he started to wipe down the concessions counter. He turned, mouth open to speak but Richie interrupted by sliding a can of Redbull to him. He grinned widely. 

“Oh you spoil me, Richie Tozier.” His voice was light and soft and he could almost feel a blush beginning to bloom on his cheeks. 

Richie happily leaned over the counter to pinch his cheek. “Anything for my Eddie Spaghetti.” 

Eddie swatted his hand away but missed it just as soon as it was gone. For a few comfortable minutes they were silent and smiley.  

Eddie coughed and looked down towards the candy case as if examining the order. “So I’ve thought about it.” 

Richie tried not to get his hopes up. 

“I’ll do it.” Eddie looked up again, once more wiping his finger nervously under his nose. Richie followed the movement with his eyes and looked as if he knew he Eddie was going to do it. He then lit up with a wide smile, so wide in fact that his cheeks pushed his glasses up. 

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And you said what!?” Bill narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms with all the grace of a middle-aged dad. Eddie gritted his teeth slightly as he responded with a ‘grin’ and twiddled his thumbs. 

“I said yes and it’s too late to change it.” He shrugged with a purse of his lips, looking rather smug. 

“No it’s not! Tell him I s-s-said no!” Bill spoke in all seriousness even though Eddie giggled like a child at that. “Be serious Eddie. This is only going to hurt you in the long run.” 

Eddie pondered that statement for a few seconds and pushed himself off the wall of the bike store. “One day being Richie’s boyfriend is better then nothing, Bill.” 

Bill rolled his eyes and tapped lightly at a bike handle. “I can’t believe you agreed to such a d-d-dumb idea.” He spoke as if he was wise beyond his years. Eddie loved and hated that trait, right now he mostly hated it. 

“Look. I’m not trying to be the bad guy, Eddie. But once the day is done, you and Richie will be too. W-Where will that leave you? S-s-sad and regretful.” Bill rolled his lips together and felt a pinch in his gut. Eddie’s eyes glazed over with thought again and he could tell he was biting his cheek. 

“I’ll be fine and I invite you to call my bluff afterwards if I’m wrong.” Eddie nodded. 

Bill sighed, momentarily giving up the subject in fear of causing too much strain. The two of them ended up watching one of those stupid and unsettling yellow balloons slowly deflate to the ground for twenty minutes. 

                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The day of the Tozier Christmas Party, Richie woke up supremely early to help his mother around the home. The cleaning, the tidying, the whole ordeal. His father sat at the kitchen counter reading the paper without a care in the world while his lovely & helpful son cleaned under the table. 

‘Under the God damn thing. Like seriously? Who was gonna see under the thing? Beside’s maybe Grandma Ruth’s frickin’ dog.’ Richie pouted to himself as he laid under the thing and heard Wentworth Tozier’s soft laughter. Richie decided to give him a little show. 

He moved to crawl under but purposefully misjudged his distance and smacked his head against the table. Wentworth burst into laughter, the kind Richie basked in with pride. Playing stupid wasn’t his preferred method to get laughter but it sure was effective in small doses. 

“Oh Richie....” His mother’s voice cooed from the other room as if she just knew what happened from the ‘thump’ sound.

“I’m ok, ma. Tip top shape even.” Richie stood up as he called out loudly to his mother, rag hanging out of his pocket as he moved to sit next to his father, still chuckling. “So’s the table. Am I done for the day now?” 

Wentworth ruffled his son’s hair. “Sure, sure. But before you go goof off somewhere, is my oh so wonderful son bringing someone to our little party this year?” 

Richie slouched and shrugged him off with a playful frown. “Just Eddie, you’ve met him.” He assumed his father did not no of the details yet. Maggie Tozier might be a gossip but right now she was a little preoccupied, he heard her opening and closing drawers to reorganize them now. Plus, she most likely would want Richie to explain it when he was ready. 

“Ahh Eddie, yes.” He nodded, not seeing anything weird in that idea. Richie pursed his lips. 

“I just wanted to um....” Richie stumbled a little, not quite expecting his nerves to rise as they were. It was a little shocking. He knew 100% that his father wouldn’t care about the gay thing and would love him either way. So was it the Eddie thing he was nervous about? He shouldn’t even care about that cause it wasn’t even a real thing. “Bring someone special, you know?” 

“He’s one of your childhood pals, Rich. Sure he’s special.” Wentworth casually spoke as he filled in another word in his crossword puzzle. “That’s why we invite your ‘Uncle’ Dan. He’s been my buddy since I was ten. Did I ever tell you how I met him-?”

“Yeah Dad. Just a little over two hundred times.” Richie wondered if all father’s had trouble recalling what boring stories they’d told at nausea. 

“Anyway” Richie paused to think. He really had to sell this to get him to believe Eddie was his boyfriend. 

So he took advantage of his nerves to give the best acting performance of his life...’and it wasn’t even that hard!’ His father turned to him, oblivious as ever. “Never-mind it’s stupid.” 

Wentworth smiled up at his child and chuckled, swallowing his first tedious sip of the coffee he’d been nursing. "I say a lot of stupid things, I won't mind."

Richie gave him a look a lot of children give their parents. One of begrudging amusement and familiarity. “Well, Eddie and I are dating, dad.” Richie blurted and bit his lip afterward, wondering if that had been too strong. 

“You don’t have to tell me that.” He rolled his eyes. “All kids your age are dating, son.” He shrugged and Richie blinked. How had he completely missed the point? 

“Each other, dad. We’re dating each other” Richie rolled his eyes. Wentworth grinned. 

“Oh. Alrighty then. Better warn him about your aunts, my boy. They’ll be swarming him with questions.” He stood, the chair squeaking, and patted Richie’s back softly. 

Richie smiled, no teeth, just a casual joyful grin. “Better warn him about you too, dad. You and mom can be quite the handful, I tell ya.” He laughed and felt instant warmth and relief as he leaned back and his father wrapped his arms around him briefly. “Thanks.” He mumbled into his arm. 

His father said nothing else. Just shook his son lightly and kissed the top of his head, a gesture Richie usually hated. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything had worked out perfectly. Eddie’s mother was going to be out for the day with a friend but not before she helped him bake some peppermint brownies. To avoid suspicion, Eddie insisted they were for his track team because they were meeting for practice today. She was none the wiser to the fact that Track was not even in season right now. 

To sell the point even further, Ben came over early in the morning to help them and to vouch for Eddie’s track story. 

“Eddie. You could have said cross country, at least that’s currently in season.” Ben rolled his eyes with a small laugh. Eddie bumped his elbow and shrugged. 

“Well, track’s what came out of my mouth so we’re going with it.” He sprinkled some peppermint dust on the brownies. Sonia Kaspbrak was getting her things together before she had to leave. “Besides, I’m not doing cross country again. Just track for me.” 

Ben recalled the one year Eddie had done both and all the times he’d complained about running through the ‘fucking disgusting woods, Ben.’ He laughed. “I could guess that.” 

“So what exactly am I helping you with now?” Ben asked, playing connect the dots with the candy cane pieces in his mind. 

“...The brownies.” Eddie said dumbly, arm hovering over the pan of food. Ben laughed again. 

“Yeah, no. I got that dummy. I met what am I helping you cover for?” Ben smacked his arm lightly as Eddie mumbled a small ‘oh’.

“Richie needed a fake boyfriend for a Christmas party to you know, get his family off his back.” Eddie shrugged, casually. 

Ben chuckled again. “Sounds like a nightmare.” He joked. Eddie laughed too after what he thought was a pause. 

“It’s a way to spend an afternoon alright. At least I’ll get some food and shit.” Eddie dusted his hands of crumbled candy and wiped them down his pant legs. “He’s coming over early, just as soon as my mom leaves to....”  He stopped moving his hands to think it over. “actually I don’t know.” 

Ben raised his eyebrows with amusement. 

The two of them finished up the dessert treat and once Sonia had left, with a bit of a struggle, Ben made his exit too. 

Eddie wrapped some tin foil over the pan and placed it on his counter just as a knock came at the door. Just as he swung the door open, a hug black garbage bag thrust into his arms. 

“Is your mom here?” Came Richie’s voice, slightly muffled as Eddie’s face was shoved into the bag. He threw the thing onto his carpet and rolled his eyes. Richie stood in his doorway with a wide mischievous smile and a Christmas sweater that was practically glowing from the twinkle. 

“No but if she was, your ass would be thrown out on the sidewalk by now. Do you have to make such a scene when you enter a room?” Eddie playfully smacked his cheek and Richie shoved him off, moving towards his bag of treasures. 

“The answer is yes, Eddie my boy.” Richie sat on the ground and started to untie his bag. “And look what I have brought for you, my dear boyfriend.” Richie chuckled and Eddie swallowed thickly. 

For a panicked moment, Eddie fully agreed with Bill. Just from the use of that word. It hit him in the gut and took with it his breath, he almost reached for his inhaler. However Richie did not miss a beat and was already pulling crap out of the bag to show him. 

“You gotta pick one so you can blend in with the Toziers, who dress soooooo very cool.” 

The garbage bag was full of Christmas sweaters, each one uglier than the next. Eddie let himself laugh again and took a seat on the carpet with his friend to dig through the pile of mess. 

And for a solid twenty minutes, Eddie didn’t have a care in the world. As long as Richie was making him laugh and displaying his lovely sweater collection, he was happy and carefree. 

After some fun, Richie and Eddie headed on their way together. The drive was surprisingly quiet, each boy inside their own head. Richie admired the falling snow and hoped that it would stick around to last through Christmas day. 

Eddie’s mind was happily pushing out the risks about the day and feeling the slight itch from his borrowed sweater. He was elated from the knowledge that under Richie’s own thin coat, his sweater matched with his. He grinned and twitched his nose. He was pleasantly surprised that he wasn’t feeling that nervous anymore....in fact the only bothersome feeling he was having was that kind of absent feeling? He shook his hands which somehow felt empty as if he forgot something....

“Shit! Oh my god, you’re so stupid.” Eddie smacked his forehead and yelled at himself. Richie just about jumped six feet in the air from the abrupt surprise. 

“Hey! What’d I do???” Richie blinked and Eddie turned to him with a look of amusement and annoyance, he gave that look to Richie a lot. 

“No, I was talking to myself....I made brownies for your family but I doubt they’ll enjoy them much if they’re still in my kitchen.” 

Richie chuckled for a few seconds before realizing they’d have to drive all the way back to Eddie’s house. “Oh crap.” He muttered, fidgeting in the drivers seat like he was going to turn. 

Brenda Lee was singing with a voice of jolly as Richie pulled into a gas station to turn them around. “Should actually get some gas here, Rich. You’re gas light’s gonna be on in like two minutes I bet.” Eddie laughed. 

Richie frowned. He was a really good driver but if he had one problem, it was forgetting to get gas or just pretending he didn’t need to do it. He did not like having to stop because it was an ‘inconvenience’. It made Eddie laugh because what an actual inconvenience it’d be if the guy ran out of gas in the middle of driving. 

As the boy got out of the car, Eddie turned up the radio and felt the vibration of Richie sticking the gas pump in. The radio started out in soft whispers and grew louder in a familiar nostalgic way. Eddie knew just what it was so he lowered his window for his companion. “Listen to what you’re missing, Rich!!” 

“...Another year over. And a new one just begun. And so this is Christmas...”

Richie instantly shouted out a loud cry of enjoyment. He finished filling the car up and hurried over to the window with the brightest grin Eddie had ever seen, he scooted back on his seat as if afraid of the sudden closeness. “This is why I hate getting gas. I miss everything good.” He leaned further into the car. 

“Then get in and lets’ go.” Eddie said, almost begging him to back up and stop leaning over him. 

                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie and Eddie made it back to his house and collected the brownies which were just too enticing for Richie not to try on the way back to his house. He ate three out of the huge pan full. Eddie smacked his hand the fourth time he tried to reach for one. 

Richie did a great rendition of Elton John’s ‘Step Into Christmas’ where he got louder and louder every line which ended just in time for him to pull into his icy driveway. He turned the car off and made no immediate move to get out, just leaned back and sighed. “We’re still really early so it’s still probably just my parents.” 

Eddie nodded. 

“You ready for the greatest time of your life, dear?” Richie asked a sweet voice and made Eddie grin and laugh. Richie took that as yes and hopped out of the car in a flash and before Eddie could even think to open his door, Richie opened it for him. 

Eddie whistled as he hopped out, careful not to slip though Richie looked ready to help if needed. “Oh how I love when you’re a gentleman.” He batted his eyes in some impression of a love-struck teen. He didn’t really know for sure what he was going for, after all Richie was the impressionist. 

Richie almost looked flattered for a second, blinking with a shy grin. But almost instantly after, he rushed to the door while Eddie followed after. 

Richie started speaking almost before he even opened the door,  “ 'Zat You, Santa Claus?” He questioned sarcastically as he slid inside with a smirk. “Oh no, just your loving son.” He smiled and then gestured for Eddie to follow him. 

“Dusting off the ol’ Louis Armstrong impression for the holidays, huh?” Wentworth spoke up from the kitchen counter. His newspaper spilled from his hands and spread over the table. His eyes still glanced over to read a few lines as his mother used the sports section as a placemat for cutting up ribbon. She glanced up and the look on her face was way more excited than Richie had expected and suddenly he was nervous again. 

The home was in the process of being decorated, evergreen garland wrapped their banister and bundles of lights nested deeply in the spaces between green and pine cone. Richie was willing to bit his mother had forgot about the annual Christmas sprucing again and borrowed some extra lights from their neighbors. The ol’ time-y 50′s radio that Richie had found at a garage sale was pulled from his room and sat neatly a-top their crappy fireplace. James Taylor was currently wishing them all a merry little Christmas. He smiled. 

“Eddie!” Maggie happily strolled over and stood before them.

“I’m here too mom.” Richie said sarcastically and she waved her hand with a matching smirk. 

“Hi, Mrs. Tozier, Mr. Tozier.” 

Richie could tell Eddie was a little nervous but who wouldn’t be if you had to pretend to be dating someone in front of their parents? 

“I made everyone some brownies...there’d be more if your son didn’t eat three on the way over here.” Eddie playfully smacked Richie’s arm and handed over the pan to Maggie, who looked grateful. 

“He is his fathers boy.” Maggie threw a look to her husband as she slid the treats carefully before him. He was not really paying attention to her and habitually reached out for a sweet brownie. Maggie slapped his hand and gave Eddie a look that said ‘See!’ and they shared a laugh. 

“Hey! What’d I do?” Wentworth questioned, darting his eyes between them. 

Richie felt a little odd at the moment. It was a new level of bonding that just occurred between his mother and Eddie. A simple shared joke about the Tozier boys...’Their Tozier boys’....it made his face burn a holly colored red that luckily no one saw. 

“I thought you kids might wanna decorate the tree before the family shows up.” Wentworth scooted out of his seat and followed them into the living room area, picking up a smaller ornament box while Richie took a larger to set on the couch. 

This was Richie’s favorite activity. God, he loved this time of the year. He started to carefully dig through the boxes for the best ones while Eddie sat down on the couch. “You gonna help me or what, Eddie dear?” 

Eddie scoffed, leaning his body over the box. “I dunno....you probably ate enough sugar to do it all yourself in thirty seconds, Rich.” He spoke softly but with his favorite tone...teasing. 

Richie rolled his eyes and leaned over the box as well, slightly taller so Eddie tilted his chin up. “You’re such a Grinch these days...” He sighed and lifted a clearly handmade ornament, admiring it in his hand. “I miss the boy in this ornament...he was much more fun back then.”

Eddie furrowed his brows and sat on his knees to get a peek of the ornament however Richie moved it from just under his nose. “Oh come on, what is that?” He scurried off the couch and fought him for it. 

Neither boy cared to notice Richie’s parents who were so obviously enjoying the show. Maggie smacked Wentworth’s arm to get him to look and when he did, he held back laughter. “These kids...” She rolled her eyes but let her hand rest over her heart. 

“Aha!” Eddie ripped the thing from his friend and got the look he wanted so badly. It was a handmade clay red and green frame with a photo of the two of them when they were no more than eight. Richie wanted to see the look on Eddie’s face so he instinctively rested his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. He’d been doing that lately a lot since Eddie was much shorter than him. “Awwww...” Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “We look so stupid.” He burst into laughter and thrusted the ornament back to his ‘boyfriend.’ 

“I gotta see this.” Wentworth jumped up and went over to them, Richie gladly handed it over. His dad smiled and shook his head and soon Maggie was over there just the same. 

“And who would’ve known those two idiots would grow up to be two idiots in love.” Richie mocked, hand on his chest before looking at Eddie. That’s when he realized the heaviness of his words. Eddie’s eyes were wide and for a half second, panicked. No one in the room seemed to know what to do but for different reasons. Richie allowed his parents to believe the air was tense because they’d simply not said the ‘L’ word just yet while he and Eddie didn’t make eye contact. 

“Ummm, ok. Who wants to hang the elf with one arm?” Richie held up the broken ornament with an awkward smile. Eddie chuckled, taking it from him, so everyone knew it was ok again. 

They spent twenty minutes hanging shit. There were tons of ornaments Richie didn’t even remember like a vintage looking yellow balloon with a black smiley face. He figured it was one of his dads, he was weird. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had only took two or three guests arriving for Richie and Eddie to fall into a comfortable routine. Mostly because nothing had really changed. Richie always put his arm around Eddie, Eddie always begged Richie for bites of his food when he was perfectly capable of getting his own, and Richie always played with the end of Eddie’s sleeves. 

By the time everyone was all counted for, Richie and Eddie were making their rounds with no problem. Richie could not believe how easy it was. They got told they were the cutest little couple like ten different times. ‘That was strange, huh? Nah, I’m a great actor so...’ Richie got distracted by Eddie looping their arms together. 

Eddie was in shock that he played the part so well. Even family members he’d met before found it completely normal for the two of them to be ‘dating now’. It pained him a lot. Even more than he suspected. 

The two of them and found a moment to themselves in the corner of the room on an old chair. Richie cradled a Pine candle that he raised to his nose every thirty seconds or so. “So, how weird is it for you?” Richie asked, head tilting to the side. 

Eddie frowned. “Very.” ‘painful’. He took the candle to smell it for himself. 

Richie deflated at that answer and he wasn’t quite sure why. That had been what he’d expected. He looked up to where his mother was showing everyone some childhood scrapbook and caught a comment. 

“I knew it. Mary, I’ll tell you that much. I knew those two were a couple.” 

Wentworth rolled his eyes, sipping the most classic dad drink he ever could, eggnog. “No you did not.” 

His mother turned with her lips pursed to start bickering about it and Richie did not want to hear anymore. “What about you, Rich?” Eddie handed the candle back over. 

Richie took in a nice long breath of it and rolled his lips together. “I mean yeah, but when everyone was trying to get us under the mistletoe I was excited. I’ve just been dying to kiss ya, Eds my love.” He grinned and leaned over to pinch his cheeks and Eddie rolled his eyes, slapping his arm to initiate a play fight. 

“Awww look how cute.”

Both boys stopped suddenly as Richie’s aunt Mary stopped in front of them. Their cheeks turned rosy shades of pink. 

“Hey Aunt Mary....” They both smiled awkwardly, dropping their hands into their own laps. 

“Now. I’ve heard from just about everyone on how cute you two are.” She put her hands on her hips and they nodded out of politeness. “But I would like to know how it started. I mean I’ve known you Eddie since you were about...yay big.” She paused to make sure her measurement was right, her hand hovered low to the ground. “So it must be a cute story. You guys were adorable then too.” She laughed. 

‘Crap.’ Of all their preparing, they lacked an actual answer for that. They never did come up with a full story. Richie turned to his friend, who looked equally lost and figured he should take the handle on this since it was all his idea. 

“Well, I think I always just knew, you know?” Richie started, hoping he could pull it off. So he tried to remember why everyone truly believed them. “But I’m pretty shit at being serious about things like that so I always just joked with Eddie about it, I’m sure you remember hearing some of that?” He asked her and she nodded, not even caring that he swore just then. 

“Anyway, I um....” He scratched behind his ear before awkwardly sliding it over to clasp Eddies for a more convincing look. Eddie didn’t even flinch, in fact, he looked rather interested himself. “It was after this really awesome day we had this past summer. We’d all hung out all day and at some point we were the only two left so I asked Eddie if he wanted to get ice cream. And what was it that we got...?” Richie laughed and looked to Eddie. This was such an unnecessary detail but he was basing this on an actual day they had and for the life of him, he could not remember their order from that day. 

“Rocket pops.” Eddie supplied him with what he remembered and shook their hands, for a few seconds they just looked at each other. 

“Oh yeah, Rocket pops. So I being an idiot, thought it’d be funny to scare Eddie on my way back from getting mine and so I did and you should’ve seen him.” He started to laugh. “He must’ve been going for a record jump. Eds Kaspbrak gets twenty feet off ground....” He laughed some more before gathering himself for his aunt’s sake. 

“And he drops his right? We didn’t have anymore money left either so I felt like the scum of the earth.” He pats their clasped hands with his free one. “So I gave him mine. He didn’t even care about my germs. And I dunno...something about that moment was too perfect. I was still out of breath from the greatest day ever, I think Bruce Springsteen was playing on the loud speaker at the ice cream place and he makes me overly confident like nothing else-” He laughed again “And it was so God damn sunny out....so like the perfect day, right?” He was going on one of his tangents. 

Eddie’s hand tightened it’s grip and Richie felt less nervous. “So I just kinda actually realized it for the first time and I knew that I had to say something right then and there or I’d regret it.” He waved his hand and when everyone was still looking, he let it fall. His chest tightened with embarrassment. 

“Awwww, you two are the cutest kids.” Aunt Mary said in that adult tone of voice that read like she didn’t believe they’d last very long and she walked away. However, Eddie smacked his arm hard enough to leave a hand-print. 

“Ow! What’d I do?” Richie rubbed at it and whined. Eddie shook his head and smiled. 

“How did you come up with that?” 

Richie felt himself grow even more embarrassed. “Oh well, you know-” 

“Richie! come here for a minute!” He heard his mother call and was instantly relieved to escape the moment. He gave Eddie a small smile and squeezed his shoulder in habit as he left the room. 

About five minutes later Eddie got bored and walked into the kitchen. He made a terrible mistake when he stopped at the door frame next to Richie where they were now...both under the mistletoe. ‘Crap’ 

This time, they’d done it themselves but no one seemed to notice a part from them. Richie looked up and back at Eddie, then Eddie did the same. 

Both boys remained still and focused on the other. There was something between them in this moment, Eddie was sure. And God he really hoped so. Richie had to be thinking the same thing. Who could say a story like that and not mean it?

Richie twiddled his thumbs as he looked at the smaller boy. That story had just come out of him really. But when he was saying it....boy he really wished that had been what happened. Looking at Eddie right now, he was oh so sure he felt the same way. 

‘This is it. He’s gonna say something’ Richie thought.  

‘This is it. He’s gonna say something’ Eddie thought.  

“Kids come here for a second!” 

They both jumped, maybe breaking Eddie’s record from the ice cream shop and felt their chances were blown. Even worse, both felt that maybe they were reading too much into it. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He's got to wear his goggles 'cause the snow really bites And he's cruisin' every path with a little surprise-” 

“Dad? Did you just say ‘the snow really bites?’ ” Richie asked his father with a laugh. Wentworth nodded. “That’s not right. It’s ‘the snow really flies’, dad.” 

Eddie chuckled as he plopped into the seat next to Richie. Richie’s dad pulled back with a shocked expression. 

“You’re kidding?” 

“No dad. I know that song in and out. No one knows the Beach Boys better than your awesome son.” Richie stuck his thumb to his chest and Wentworth scoffed, getting up and ruffling his sons hair. Richie watched him go and turned to his small friend. “How goes it, my love?” He pinched his arm. Eddie smacked his hand away. 

“Don’t do that, asshole.” He reached over and pinched him back. Eddie wanted so badly to start actually talking about how he was feeling like a normal person. But he really couldn’t get it out. Bill was right. This was a bad idea and any pain he was feeling was his own damn fault.

‘Little Saint Nick’ faded into ‘Silver Bells’ and Richie lit up like a Christmas tree. “Come on Eds, my dear. We should probably dance, you know?” He held out his hand and Eddie hesitated before allowing it. 

Teasing ‘whoops’ and whistles came from his family members and Eddie hoped he wasn’t blushing. Richie just played along, rolling his eyes and waving his hands at them. 

“-Children laughing people passing meeting smile after smile And on every street corner you hear

Silver bells (silver bells) Silver bells (silver bells)” 

Richie pulled Eddie closer. 

Eddie almost pinched himself. 

Both boys took to the dance as any boyfriends would. Laughing, spinning each other and pulling the other close. Eddie was in heaven. 

Richie leaned his head down as Eddie came close again, smiling into the shorter boys hair. 

“Hey Eds-?” Eddie looked up and their faces were now just inches apart. “I missed the moment last time....but this one’s just as good so...I wanna tell you, I have feelings for you. Like real ones.” 

Eddie almost passed out. “You do?”

Richie loosened up on the boy and nodded. “I know it might be weird and I dragged you into this but holy fuck, I didn’t plan on this. I have feelings and I think I always have.” 

Eddie jumped up and wrapped his arms around his neck and heard distant whistles again. So he just mumbled into Richie’s neck. “Me too. And I’m so happy you dragged me into this.”

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The losers club was huddled into one small booth at the restaurant where Stan worked. They had just gotten the great news from Richie and Eddie. All that was left to hear was Stan. He came strolling out of the kitchen after his shift ended and slid into what space was left next to Mike. 

He caught sight of Richie, who’s arm was around Eddie and he smirked the widest he’d ever had in his life. 

“Wow. Seems like another case of I was right and you were wrong, huh Richie?” He crossed his arms. Richie shrugged. “I knew you liked Eddie. Before you even knew.” He stuffed some bread in his mouth as the rest of the losers laughed. 

They spent the next twenty minutes having dinner together. Richie pulling Eddie close and the eyes of the ol’ timey paintings followed them all. 

[vivrcard]

i would put this under a readmore but unfortunately i cant find it on mobile which is a gigantic L. or maybe it's there and im just too tired to see it. anyway. obviously this is gonna talk about spoilers soo

i think what hollow knight really excels at is telling a story without being super obvious about it (and if u know me at all you KNOW i love when games do this). and i dont mean this in the sense of "oh hollow knight doesnt have a main story at all you just explore" because it 1000% does and it's all just. so bolstered by the exploration aspect of the game. i think in that sense, a lot of the main story is unraveling the secrets of hallownest as opposed to some big event where you have to stop a major catastrophe. the infection is very much alive and well, but you can go through a fair deal of the game playing as an explorer instead of a problem solver and you get rewarded with more lore tidbits the more you explore. i eat that shit up i love environmental storytelling type stuff so much

i think one of my favorite pieces of environmental storytelling is when you first go to the abyss. i didnt know what i was supposed to expect down there and honestly i thought people had been lying when they said there are thousands of dead children in hollow knight but uh. yeah. there sure are a lot of them! and it's soo fucked up especially once you get the void heart. like god. when i crawled out from underneath the broken bodies of all those siblings and watched as more fell from the sky AND i started trying to climb up. that hit so so hard, partly due to the mysterious nature of ghost along with the fact theyre a silent protag. again you really have to rely on all the clues the game drops you to 100% get whats going on. i love that ghost has an actual reason to be a silent protag too

i thought it was really interesting how the game approached the subject of loss in the sense that despite everything there were times where you couldnt save characters which made it so much worse. when cloth started helping against the traitor lord i somehow knew that something terrible was about to happen and i was right. theres literally not much i couldve done in that moment since id made some different exploration choices earlier on than what wouldve saved her. it's like.. idk. somehow it humanizes the characters even more. you see these guys over and over as you wander around and explore so to suddenly see, say, tiso lying dead at the bottom of a cliff after having spent the entire game going on and on about wanting to fight in the coliseum.. it's so fucked up. you really get to know and love some of these characters which makes the bigger ones SO much cooler.. like when quirrel showed up to help in the uumuu fight i just about lost my goddamn mind. he'd always been my favorite but dude. he was so cool. it's really something how one of the first things he tells you is that you need a new nail because your current one is really worn and then like. he shows up in that fight and he is the ONE thing capable of piercing uumuu. literally insane. i felt like a wild animal.

re: quirrel, i wish i hadnt been spoiled on his death a little bit but i think it was still impactful because again, the way these characters live and die is so .. something. human maybe? idk. i call quirrel my friend jokingly but i sorta mean it which is maybe silly but whatever. what matters here is how not all the deaths are these violent occurrences or something. not everyone gets stabbed to death. when i saw quirrel just sitting by the blue lake talking about how lucky he was to have a second chance and get to see the world in wonderment again it unlocked some emotion or another in me. frankly im crying while typing this lol. it was so well done. the fact that all you could do was sit with him.. i think i just sat there for a good ten minutes or so (partly because me and my roommate were sobbing). it's such an understated way to die. you sit with him and when you leave and come back all thats left is his sword. god. it's so much.

i think the hollow knight themself fucked severely. idk what i expected going into that fight but there were so many things that made me kinda stop and go oh. shit. this really was just a guy :(. theyre such a tragic character (maybe thats why the chsracter deaths that happen hit so hard as well–they have this element of tragedy) and i wish i could give them some sort of happy ending, but i guess putting them out of their misery really was one of the best and only things i could do :(. it's soo messed up especially since you can tell theyre still in there and not fully consumed by the infection of the radiance, like when they have to stop after doing an infection related attack or when they straight up start stabbing themself. they KNOW something is very very wrong and it's especislly fucked up since containing the infection/radiance is what they were made for. cant help but wonder if they saw themself as a failure

my final thought is idk what i expected with mr mushroom but that last cutscene left me with more questions than answers

[aestheticvoyage2018]

Day 292: Friday October 19, 2018 - “Toast To Shane”

It never crosses your mind that you won’t see one of your old buddies ever again - always seems enough to just know those good ones are out there living a good life and you hope you’ll see them on down the road somewhere and laugh a loud laugh telling old stories in front of our wives and kids. It’s a shock to the soul to learn one of the best has passed on. Remembering to love/live each 86,400 with a heavy heart today for you Shane. I’m blasting the Metallica all weekend in your honor.

Woke this morning to see a post about my old buddy Shane in my news feed.  Shane is NEVER on the facebook so it caught my attention.  No sooner than I had comprehended it, James had seen it too.  “Did Shane die???”   “Yea”   Wooof.  The air went out of me.   Just last month I was in James’ living room talking about how we gotta find a way to get us all together - that we had to connect with Shane.  Later that week he died in a single car accident.  None of us knew.  This private, kept to himself, family man, was gone.  And we were in shock.  I wrote the above paragraph and helped get the word out and my buddies followed with their own tribute, and some love and respect was shared spreading the tears out throughout the whole day....other guys being grateful to know.   His sister made contact with me, and I cried some more.  Got some more details.   Talked about what we could do.  Just blown back by the Universe.   We had a group text going, as I assume is normal in these situations, sharing funny stories and memories together throughout the day. Cliff reminded us that it was Shane that pulled him into our friend group.  If I knew that, Id longed forgotten. Terrible that the story ends, just like that.  An old teammate, an old friend, and well known nice guy and good person was gone.  I wished for a chance to connect with him one more time and felt a huge whole that I couldnt, no mater what, now.  Heartbreaking.  Fire and Rain.

His obit talked about him being a good Iowa and Cubs fan, and the post that drew my attention was about how Shane would have worn an Iowa shirt on MSU/UM weekend.  And so I donned my own Iowa shirt and walked down the road to the bar on the corner.  One of my favorite stories was the night before graduation, the guy that barley ever drank with us, got overly excited about Cliff’s tequila and had a fun memorable end to our college careers.   I told the bartender about Shane, and my buddies, and she poured out some good Mexican tequila for all of us and helped me toast to my friend. One of the few days Ive totally hated AC’s job - having to walk this day alone.  I hugged the bartender and she hugged me back, sharing, in her line of work, shes seen this more than shed like to admit.  I was glad that she knew what to do.  I dont especially like Tequila.  I could picture his goofy smile getting a kick out of the whole situation, best as it could be.  

I walked back in cold and silence thinking about how this was our fate, but to go too soon, is just not fair.  I cried some more, for his wife, and his daughter.  I sat out in the backyard in the moonlight and smoked a cigar and thought about how Shane was one of those big trees.   Loveable, respectable, sound.   His flaw being hard to stay connected with.  We pre-dated facebook after all!   His sister shared that they didnt even know how to get into his facebook because instead of deleting it, he set some random password that even he wouldnt know....thats our guy.  And if that turkey wouldve just deleted it, we really would have had no clue about his passing - his family having no idea how to get ahold of us after all.  And that was both the happiest and saddest part of all.   James texted me, and reminded how great it was that we had him in our life at all.  Amen, brothers.  My only hope is that the rest of my small circle of friends out live me....Shane, probably my closest and most disconnected friend was a devastating loss today.  I’ll always wish I couldve seen one more time.

Ive been blessed.  Ive never really to deal with this.  Pushing 40, and skirting tragedy for the most part, among those I love the most.  I put the cigar out with a sincere deep down rooted desire to do more and be connected more.   Sad that losing will make you feel that way - that you can do more. But how else to fill that hole?  3am, I went to sleep on the couch.  

Song: Metallica - The Wait

Quote: “It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were . . . and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.

So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?  ~Donald Miller

[chamaelhyun]

so i just finished reading stephen king’s it...

... and i have too much feelings for it i think i have to write everything down, more for myself than for anything else lmao

first and foremost, bill loves georgie so much just thinking about them makes me so fucking soft??? and georgie kissing him on his cheek that day legit brought tears to my eyes knowing what’s gonna happen to him

also, stanley did not take that fucking bath i refuse to believe it no sir

“it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” - richie tozier

eddie my dear boy why would you marry your mother smh

ben loves beverly so much okay!!!!

i feel like bill and eddie’s friendship is so underrated so let me just put it right here -- bill thinks of eddie as his only real friend prior to everything that happened that summer and eddie "would have died for bill", if bill had asked him he would have just responded: “sure, big bill.. you got a time in mind yet?”

"..richie’s mouth was like a half-tamed horse that has a way of bolting for absolutely no reason at all” uhHHH IF THIS AINT THE TRUEST THING LMAO

“maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up”

“HE HAD HATED IT WHEN RICHIE CALLED HIM EDS... BUT HE HAD SORT OF LIKED IT, TOO” OKAYYYYYYY 

eddie loves bill like a big brother or a father if this isnt the purest thing ever im crying

RICHIE LIKES PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS OKAY DO NOT TOUCH ME “i hate it when you do that, richie” “ah, you love it, eds” 

i’m such a trash but richie!!! winking!!! at!!! eddie!!!

uhh richie telling eddie about his ambition when they were hanging out in eddie’s garage??? good shit right here

from eddie’s pov -- richie has an “enchanting, often exhausting charm” okay

the savage bill that usually comes out when richie is being such a little shit, i love it!! “best part of you ran down your father’s leg” kids pls lmao

UGHH I’M SUCH A REDDIE TRASH BUT RICHIE??? PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS??? WHILE COOING “CUTE, CUTE, CUTE”???? sign me the fuck up

stan “i think that must have been my father” the man

“it was just richie. he could drive you bugshit.. but it was still sort of nice to have him around” oh eddie spaghetti

isn’t it adorable how whenever richie says something which eddie thinks is bullshit but he isnt really sure is bullshit, he just turns to bill for confirmation??? “is there such a thing as a sift bill” 

“you know about fucking, don’t you, eds?” uhhh richie dont corrupt my innocent little son like this??? (tho of course my son is well aware thanks to this taliendo boy?? whoever he is??)

uh ben is such a genius??? youngest architect y’all. this. my son. right here.

that time when they were caught by mr. nell building the dam and everybody -- even richie himself -- was like, “shut the fuck up richie gdi!!!” and stan was holding on to richie’s arm ready to squeeze him hard if he starts being a little shit it’s like one of my faves of them idek why it’s just so funny to me??

also, richie is such a trash for bill istg??? “..maybe just seeing bill’s eyes light up with their own excitement was enough” ???

ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE RICHIE MOMENTS (and there’s a lot considering he’s my fave loser) -- him making bill feel better and less guilty about georgie’s death and then comforting bill, tho awkwardly, when the latter started crying 

uh idk if i maybe missed it in the book or in the movie but why is almost the entire fandom saying that his parents dont give a shit about richie?? cause i think out of all the losers, his parents are fairly regular (bill said so himself) he even gets to joke around with them?? and from richie’s pov: “he could read both of his parents like books -- well-worn and well-loved books” so im really kinda confused??

“they’ll pinch my cheeks and tell me how much i’ve grown” “that’s cause they know how cute you are, eds -- just like me. i saw what a cutie you were the first time i met you” uhh richie how many times are you gonna call eddie cute?? well i dont really blame you, my son is a reaal cutie

also!!!! bev and richie’s frienship??? hello why was it not in the movie????? cigarette buddies??? my badass babies??? 

richie: “likes bev a lot. well, he likes her, but not that way.’

also richie: *blushes and flustered when bev teased him if he was asking her out on a date*

ben not believing himself when he told richie to shut up, oh child you have all the right in the world to make him shut up lmao

bill and richie are like two of the bravest losers but after escaping the werefolf from the neibolt house they both just hugged each other and cried and oh my god my poor sons they do not deserve any of this theyre just kids ffs

uhhh beverly on the plane on the way back to derry was just a mess who couldnt stop laughing and just?? if i could smack tom rogan i would gladly do so and her father too for good measure

ben and bev and eddie just hysterically laughing is my aesthetic my kids deserve all the happiness in the world pls

ben always stands up for bev he’s so sweet?? he doesnt even care much what others say to him as long as they arent disrespecting bev and i just????

my pure innocent eddie not understanding why bev isnt allowed to have boys into the house when there inst anyone else there oh boy so precious

what’s worse than frightening stan uris? offending him, that’s right

the losers have forgotten about each other for more than twenty years but when they remembered and met up again its like nothing has changed at all????

uhh richie trying to calm eddie down but the latter just rounded on him telling him not to call him eds!!! and not to pinch his cheeks!!! cause he hates it!!! and richie recoiled and just?? my heart hurts

BEEP-BEEP RICHIE

“i wish stan was here” you and me both mikey

“she wouldve died for him” why are they all willing to die for bill oh god these kids

“he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts”

dafuq richie is really so funny istg??? im not playing favorites with my kids here but he’s so funny?? his voices are so funny i hate him lmao

The Apocalyptic Rockfight (need i say more?????)

excuse me but richie (and bev) taking care of eddie after said rockfight

bill is like the president of the losers club and richie is his right hand man am i right or amirite

I JUST LOVE HOW THESE LOSERS KEEP SAYING THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? they’re so vocal about it and just??? idc if they were, like, brought together by this turtle to fight it,, their friendship is one of a kind and they deserve all the best thinsg in life

“stan did not have much sense of humor, and the bit he did have was sort of peculiar” UHH I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD

“i don’t call you dick, as in ‘you got any gum on ya, dick?’“ OHH EDDIE STRIKES BACK YES

uhm excuse the fuck outta me but richie called eddie “my love” do not fucking touch me

“the losers are still losing, but stanley uris is finally ahead” uhhh fuck you pennywise???

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE LOSERS ARE BEING KIDS AND JUST PLAYING AROUND TOGETHER HAPPILY this is how it shouldve been anyways they should all just be happy and protected 

stan catching the losers’ crazy yup

BEVERLY MARSH IS BADASS WHO DONT NEED PROTECTING JUST BECAUSE SHES A GIRL YOU TELL THEM LOSERS, HON

richie being so proud of them, of his friends?? losers or not losers?? he;s just proud that theyre all together?? im so soft

"he shouldnt be down here” - richie when he heard eddie coughing when they were in the smokehole im such a reddie trash i feel like i notice every little thing between them lol

bill is eddie’s hero it’s canon

EDDIE MY BOY STANDING UP TO HIS MOTHER YOU GO SON

uhh when the losers visited eddie in the hospital and not even richie was smiling uhh why dont you just step on my heart???

“no good friends. no bad friend. only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”

"it hurts, doesn’t it?” “yeah, why, sure. it hurts.” RICHIE CRYING CAUSE OF STAN SOMEBODY HOLD ME

richie asking for eddie’s aspirator and the others doing the same before they entered the house on neibolt street

UHH EDDIE IS LIKE THE LITERAL BABY OF THE LOSERS DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS he’s often called cute (by richie of course) and often described as fragile, vulnerable and beautiful. and also,ticklish. so yup. a baby. The Baby.

“sure i can. i was alone last time. this time i’m with my friends.” SEE AN ACTUAL BABY THAT MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

“anyone who tries to steal your aspirator, we kill him. but we kill him slow.” oh richie just say outright that youll protect the baby itsokay son say it

“hey eddie needs help okay?” richie making sure the baby is properly assisted by the losers (ok im such a trash really, sue me)

stan,,,,, makes me so sad istg yes he’s like the weakest among the losers in some ways but he was brave enough to go with them that summer okay and that says so much about my poor baby!! “i don’t have anything” YOU HAVE YOUR FRIEMNDS SON PLS DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS

IT IS SCARED OF THESE SEVEN KIDS HA

uhh can i just say,, i love all my children,,, but no to cheating pls????

these kids are such,,, kids lmao that part where eddie wanted a lick on richie’s ice cream (i think) and richie’s like no??? germs??? sharing??? your mom wouldnt like it?? then began to eat faster and eddie’s just like, i’ll chance it. so richie reluctantly let him have a taste but snatched it away quick lmao then stan offered his to eddie

“she says henrys gone crazy” “shit you mean he used to be sane??” richie istg

baby eddie!!!!! richie’s like no eds youre not going your arm is still broken and bill’s like he has to so walk with me eddie ill keep an eye on you (and protect you and carry you on my back and)

that moment when eddie called the others fucking pussies cause he’s doing that mashed potatoes all over it and he’s got a broken arm!!!!! ahhh i love this kid so much?????

and then after when the eye is gone and richie is mimicking eddie and was like “not too shabby, eds” and eddie was all “i hate it when you call me eds” and richie just goes i know and HUGGED EDDIE and says, “but somebody has to toughen you up, eds...” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

FUCKKKKKK it’s the part when my kid’s arm got cut off and my heart just hurts so fucking much????? he doesnt deseve this?? none of them does????

‘richie was weaving and tumbling toward him like a drunk at the end of a long hard night’ “--eds--” STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU

 “richie, don’t call me eds. you know i..i...” FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL

uhhh lets not talk about that thing that happened so they could get out of there im still so fukcing disturbed??? 

“son, you did real good” i wouldve smacked this turtle thing or whatever had i been a loser,,, i mean???

“we gotta get him out of here” “it’s too dark, you know.. it’s too dark. eds.. he.” RICHIE MY POOR BOY MY SON MY MOST PRECIOUS SOBBING OVER HIS BELOVED

“fuck you, bitch!!!” 

ben and beverly yes its what they both deserve

“even if we forget each other, we’ll remember in our dreams”

mike went through so much,,, i mean he was the only one who stayed in derry and looked into all that happened there beginning from god knows when. he was scared as fuck when the killings started again but he put off calling the others cause he wanted to be absolutely sure it is back before he disrupts the other losers’ lives??? he wasnt envious whatsoever of the success of the other losers even though the difference between him and them is so fucking vast?? he accepted it -- that he stayed in derry for a reason and that is to call the others back to finally end it hwen it comes back. he has done all these and more. let us not sleep on him. my boy deserves all the love and recognition he deserves. 

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH IT’S NOT JUST THE DEATHS OF MY KIDS it’s the fact that after everything theyve gone through together, they forgot about each other in the end

but maybe it was better for them too. to not think about the nightmares. to not think about the lives lost. but is forgetting really better than not knowing at all?

they went thorugh so much together and in the end they’ll forget

maybe cause as richie said, “nothing lasts forever”

[go-un-fuck-yourself]

day 20 4/4

morning was a little rough. but it got better as the day went on. it seems that if the day is going to be bad its only in the morning and as the day goes on my mind gets better. im starting to find out people who are testing positive in nj and its scary. one of my friends is dying. its freaky as hell. didn't read today, gonna try to sleep without reading and melatonin tonight. having my pillows cave me in almost seems to be helping. you'd think I've adjusted to a full bed for a year and a half but I've lived in a twin my whole life with no problem. last thing i watched was the first pirates so im stoked. cleaned out a bunch of stuff in my room and started using my kindle again which basically i only used for reading. maybe that'll motivate me as well. finding it hard to run because by the time im ready im hungry again idk its weird but ill figure it out its a very unimportant problem. im excited to do yoga again tomorrow. i havnt seen it down here but this happened to my mom today. a friend from town dropped off her crumb cake on the porch. so i think im gonna do the same. i was already thinking about what i was gonna do for my friends birthdays this month. i have been seeing people visit each other at their balconies and in person social distancing which i think is so cool. so i think im going to start baking for people.

1. its something to take up my time

2. im actually not tempted to taste what i bake cause I've done it so much

3. it gets me out of the house

4. it makes them and me happy

5. its something that i enjoy doing that i havnt done much since i moved

6. its social distancing and i can watch their face

7. it gets rid of the oreos in my house, hint hint as to what everyones getting

BUT do need to make sure i can afford this. i think my parents will understand. 

it does depend how far they are from me but i think i can make this work. i don't want to publicize it to get in trouble but also i do want my friends and the people that are close and special to me that they are not forgotten and that i do miss them and that communication and screen time just isn't enough right now for me and i cannot wait to hug them. I've been saying that to people lately. how when you're used to not just hugging but interacting with hundreds of people of a day and then you shift to maybe 5 a day it is so mentally and physically challenging. especially if you're an affectionate person and super open to physical touch. i told my friend on the phone today that i will cry in his chest the next time i hug him. i will not take any of this for granted from now on.

we had a big family FaceTime tonight which was great my cousins and i made fun of the old people. but i miss my family. today would've been a big reunion of family and friends for me if the event was on. and my roommate braided my hair and i out my earrings back in which i should've did on day 1. i did submit my score for the burpees and at some point this month i have to do the 4 workouts for the world wide support your box thing on top of the once a week thing for quaranteam. no biggie i have plenty of time. i just need to manage my time better during the week to make sure i run as much as possible. trying to eat a bigger breakfast and my granola bar in one shot or earlier that way im fuller longer. also have been getting up at a decent time super proud of that.  

i miss singing and dancing. the driving to residencies will get me to sing in the car. HA. 

i need to stop eating unhealthy. i think once this little fun is out of my system i won't have the urge to buy crap food to keep in the apartment. 

the best thing about today and it happened early on. 6 years ago today, i was supposed to go to my exes prom with him. but we were so on and off at this point. he asked this other girl that is basically me but nottttttt. still salty just cause i never had a good prom experience and were both really hot and we wouldve worn all black like a funeral cause were like that and anwayyyyyyyy. my friend sent me a few photos from that day because she's friends with the girl and she was there when they did photos and omg. he was so good lucking, still is but differently. and wow his hand was so awkward on her and it would've been so natural if it were me like it is now and UGH. oddly enough he was the first person to tell me about the coronavirus and i thought he was showing me a meme and he was like nah its serious blah blah i half ass read the article. we were at a bar i didn't wanna read this now i wanted to enjoy my time with him. i know he's alive and he's fine but he hasn't answered my check ins. i know he's working still but its just the point. i wanted to speak to him or ft him. i worry. ill never stop worrying. but he's a post for another day.