#i just sit around waiting aimlessly bored of everything

[deadallover]

Even on days when I have plans with friends I spend the entire night alone sitting in bed miserable waiting for my friends to be ready without any idea of when they will be. And then they're always ready once I get tired at like midnight for me and I wasted the whole fucking day waiting. fucking timezones. Shitty fucking life.

[qlossytbh]

𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐮!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢�� you were in an accident and both you and spencer are figuring out how to deal with it.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 angst, typical criminal minds content, reader gets beat up, physical violence, descriptions of physical injury’s, lots of freaking out, mild panic attack, angst + comfort, established relationship

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2.5k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 this fic is inspired entirely on billie’s eilish’s the 30th. haven’t been posting but i’ve got a lot of almost finished drafts and requests im getting through atm

𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Sometimes, Spencer hated his limitless memory.

Because of course, it worked wonders when he had to remember important dates, or endless facts that came remarkably handy in cases. Things no one else even considers remembering. Amazing for remembering favorite things of his favorite people, or remembering things they’d previously mentioned liking.

It was amazing until it found ways to haunt him.

He remembered when Morgan pulled to a stop, glancing up at the red light in front of him. He remembered when Penelope typed away aimlessly in the back of the car, reading out a few connections she found between this particular Unsub and the third and hopefully last victim. Everything was fine.

They almost had the case figured out. Hotch had called in, (exactly twenty-three minutes ago) informing them that that you and Emily had a lead on the whereabouts of the Unsub.

He remembered the tone in Morgan’s voice when he picked up the phone. “What?”

Both him and Penelope had glanced his way absentmindedly, not really thinking much of it.

“Do they know who yet?” He had asked, taking a sudden sharp turn towards the left. The pair watched as Morgan’s face fell, and his grip on the steering wheel had tightened. He remembered the look on Penelope’s face as she quickly glanced over at him, who probably looked equally as worried, if not more. Something hadn’t been sitting right, at all— he remembered from the second the day had started something inside him was telling him that.

“What’s going on?” Penelope's voice was shaky when she set her computer down to the side. Spencer just kept his eyes on Derek, narrowing them slightly at the subtle gulp in his throat and the way he nervously looked over at him. Not Penelope, him.

“Derek—“

He remembered when he told him that you had been hurt and how he was unable to think of anything else.

He looked forward towards the road, avoiding the way his co-worker and friend sat up in his seat, straining against his seatbelt as his chest turned to face him. “I don’t know exactly what happened, Hotch just told me she was ambushed and they’re now waiting on the ambulance.”

“Ambulance?” He could’ve sworn his heart dropped into the very pits of his stomach.

Penelope covered her mouth, tears already boring into them with a soft gasp that came from her mouth. “Is she okay?”

Derek’s mouth twisted into a straight line as he opened his mouth to speak and Spencer swore he had never felt as much panic course through him.

He didn’t usually freak out, but he swore his head just stopped working right there and then. All he was able to think about was getting to you. “They don’t know—“

“Drive.” Spencer told Derek. With a firm nod and no room for complaint, he stepped on the gas pedal, signaling on the sirens as he swerved through the streets.

Six minutes and thirty five point two seconds.

That's how long it took for them to get to the scene, where two ambulances and cop cars seemed displayed around the small suburban home. He felt time move as if it were in slow motion.

The car hadn’t even come to a stop and Spencer was already stumbling throughout the door, pushing his shaky legs towards the already chaotic scene.

Unbearable noises surrounded him— people clattering and shouting about, orders being thrown around aimlessly, sirens and bypassers stopping to gasp and gaunt at the scene.

Two officers were down on the floor, covered by a simple thin white cloth and he felt the nausea settle in. Just the thought of one of them being you made his knees grow weak and the bile quickly hike its way up his throat.

Before he could rush around in attempts to find you, his eyes landed on Hotch, hunched over a moving stretcher surrounded by about three, maybe even more, medics.

It all seemed visceral. An automatic response. Soon enough his legs were pushing him towards the stretcher that made its way towards the ambulance. “Hotch—“

He turned around, and allowed just enough space to reveal your absolutely destroyed form. Your eyes kept fluttering open and close, seemingly bothered by all the noise and light. Your breathing sounded strangled, covered by the oxygen mask you had on but the sound alone was something Spencer was sure would haunt him until the day he died.

He still remembered.

Spencer felt like he had been punched in the stomach. All he could do was push one of the medics aside and hunch over you as you fought against the universe itself to regain consciousness.

“Hey,” He cooed, voice tightening and nearly breaking in a cry. He cleared his throat and blinked through his tears, smiling down at you.

You couldn’t say a single word, but you mustered enough strength to lift your pinky, grazing it against his knuckles. Your face showed a much different reaction though, furrowing your brows in what seemed to be excruciating pain.

“She’s mostly unresponsive,” The medics informed. Spencer followed them alongside Hotch, until they got to the ambulance, clicking the stretcher upwards.

“Hey, listen to me,” He whispered, ducking down so he was closer to you. “I love you, okay?”

Your small fist grabbed the fabric of his shirt, not wanting him to leave your side, but it was hurting you too much to hold on. Your fist feebly fell and the medics somehow pushed him off and you were taken into the ambulance and he really didn’t know if that was the last time he’d see you.

He watched the doors slam shut, frozen completely in his place. He remembered watching the ambulance drive away and having to stop his legs from running after it. He remembered Hotch trying to grab his attention from the disappearing ambulance.

He remembered thinking non-stop but for the first time ever, wanting to stop it and not being able to.

Something so alarming started to awaken within him and he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself.

He spent thirteen hours and sixteen minutes in the hospital that night and next morning. Hotch and the others came by in turns to keep him company in the cold empty waiting room, but he didn’t budge.

The second to stay the most was Emily, given how she was also attacked at the scene but much less severely. She ended up with a few bruises and scratches— she silently wished it had been more.

Maybe then the damage on you would’ve been less.

He remembered sitting with Morgan and the others when the doctors came in, informing him that you had gone into hypovolemic shock and they needed to perform an emergency surgery to stop the internal bleeding that was causing your vitals to plummet.

Spencer even remembered, word by word and syllable by syllable that there was a high chance that you may not even wake up from the surgery due to how much trauma your body had received.

Three broken ribs, dozens, maybe hundreds, lacerations scattered across your arms and stomach, a ruptured spleen and a concussion. That wasn’t even including all the bits of physiological trauma you now had to attack once— and if— you woke up.

Spencer seriously felt his resolve to remain calm crumple the second the medics mentioned that the Unsub used a metal pole to beat you nearly to death.

He had asked for every detail and he remembered each one and how utterly hopeless they all made him feel. He cried, because he simply didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t know how to fix it, or how to help— he wasn’t even sure he could.

Because what if he had been there instead of Emily? What if he was able to stop it? What if more backup was sent in, what if when you had told him you felt off this morning when going into work he’d tell you to stay put and rest it off? What would’ve happened then?

What if he would’ve gone with Emily instead of you, what if you were actually lifeless when they had found you? What if you didn’t wake up? What if this meant he’d never get to hold you for a last time, and had to stick with the memory of seeing you bloody and bruised. What if you never actually—

“Reid,” Spencer looked up from his palms, which holstered themselves on his knees by his elbows. Emily smiled at him meekly. “She’s awake,”

Spencer looked around, blinking heavily and realizing he was in the same cold hospital waiting room he’s been in for the past day and a half.

He opened his mouth to speak, but realized it was incredibly dry. Too dry. He cleared out his throat with a firm cough and nodded, standing up feebly.

They walked down the quiet hallway, something so heavy hanging in the air. Just the patterning of his shoes and Emily’s heels bouncing off the walls along with the shuffling of their clothes. Spencer swore he wouldn’t be okay until he saw you but even then he didn’t think he’d be okay. How was any of this going to be okay?

Emily led him to a door and when they pushed it open, you were staring at the wall, seemingly in some kind of deep whirlwind of thoughts. A small knock offered by Emily caught your attention. You turned your head to the side, probably expecting another endless round of nurses. But to your surprise, there stood the one person you’d been wanting to see after this whole ordeal.

A broad yet tired smile made its way onto your face while laying back into the pillows. Spencer took you in, letting out a shaky breath. Your hair was disheveled, and your eyes looked tired. Soft and welcoming but hiding something so much deeper underneath that he’d have to be an idiot to not notice it.

There was a stitch on your forehead and the lash line of one of your eyes protruded a growing dark purple bruise. There were machines and cables and needles stuck beside and into you. And the more Spencer noticed, the more he wished he hadn’t.

“Hey,” Your voice was raspier than usual, small and steady, Spencer noticed this.

But then you smiled just like you used to before the accident and he couldn’t have found you any more beautiful.

“Hey,” He finally answered, walking up to the side of your bed. “How— How are you feeling?”

“I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Emily said, slipping past the door and leaving the two of you to your own accord.

“I’m okay,” You whispered, sounding so small and frail it nearly broke any ounce of self control he was mustering to avoid breaking into tears. “The pain meds are helping a bit,”

He gave you a silent understanding nod. His hand held onto the railing of your bed, not entirely knowing what to say or how to act. You watched him intently, noticing how he couldn’t really bring himself to look at you.

“Do you remember anything?” You turned to stare at the wall, trying to recall anything about the attack, but you unfortunately— some would argue fortunately— didn’t.

You shifted in your bed, scrunching your face in pain in the process, which Spencer noticed. Again. Of course he did.

Spencer looked down at you, dangerously entering territory where the back of his eyes burned, and his own mind bit at him, and he just didn’t know what to do with all the huge feelings that swarmed around inside him.

“Not really,” You muttered, scrunching your nose with a small huff. Spencer reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and letting his hand cup the side of your cheek.

“You really scared me,” You leaned into the touch of his palm.

“I’m sorry,” He shook his head before he even spoke, blinking rapidly to prevent any tears from falling.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I almost died,”

Okay, they were starting there. Great.

You had said it in barely above a whisper, staring at your lap and preventing Spencer from getting a look in your eyes. Your lips tugged into a frown. And Spencer said your name, trying to catch your attention.

Suddenly it all hit you. The gravity of it all. It came in stronger than a tidal wave, than a slap you didn’t even see coming. You felt the burning in your ribs, the rips and tears in your skin, the slight swell of your eye, the rattling of your own skull.

Spencer pulled out a chair and sat on it to level himself to your height. He reached out a hand and laced his fingers with yours.

It felt hard to breathe.

More silence.

“You okay?” You sucked in a sharp breath that came out as a little squeak, and suddenly you wanted to cry. Because you were tired of feeling so broken and feeling how every inch of your body hurt.

You shook your head and as soon as you did, a broken sob left your mouth. Your hands flew up quickly, attempting to hide the broken fragments of your gaze. Spencer heard every shard of the glass his heart had been made of around you shatter. He sat up, attempting to hold you from the side in any way he could, letting you cry out all the trauma you received in the past two days.

And you did cry it out, and your ribs burned, your head was pounding and you felt every ache and bruise in your body worsen. Seeing you like this hurt him more than any pain that had ever been inflicted on him.

Spencer pulled away from you once you had calmed down enough and brought one hand to the side of your face, leisurely dragging his thumb against your cheek bone and anywhere any stray tears fell.

“Dang it,” You sniffled, bringing the back of your palm up and rubbing your nose. “This is not how I wanted you to see me after my mini coma,”

Spencer knew you couldn’t keep serious for more than fifteen minutes at a time even if your life depended on it. He’d let you stall the situation this time however. He knows the two of you needed it.

“You look so pretty,” You smiled at his words, looking at him with so much gratitude and leaning into his palm, trying to find refuge in it.

“I bet I do,” You narrowed your eyes at him and he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your lips. You grabbed the wrist of the hand that held your face while he kissed you and gave it a small squeeze, hopefully letting him know how much you cared and appreciated him.

He pulled away, sitting back into the chair but intertwining his fingers with yours, reminding himself to always drag his fingers comfortingly across your knuckles and allow you to know he wasn’t ever leaving your side again.

“They had to change my IV needle,” You decided to stall for a bit. “The vein on my right arm wasn’t doing the job.”

“Really?” He knew that wasn’t entirely possible and that the doctors probably did an ass job at inserting it there in the first place, but he let you wonder on. “How’d that feel?”

“Im afraid of needles, but!-“ You shuffled a little bit around on your pillow for more comfort, huffing proudly. “I squeezed my eyes and tried thinking back on that book that talks about marxist criticism you read to me last week,”

He smiled warmly, bringing your hand over to him and kissing your wrist. “My brave girl,”

You let out a laugh, and he knew then he’d sleep a little better that night. He always did when you were by him.

“Hey Spence,”

“Yeah?”

“Can you stay?” You asked earnestly.

Spencer squeezed your hand. “Your pain meds are hitting you stronger than you thought if you think for a second that i’m leaving your side,”

You smiled. “I’m not going anywhere angel, I promise.”

The two of you basked in each other's silence. You closed your eyes and tried to alleviate the burning in your lungs as your breath shaked from the crying. Spencer just watched you, appreciating a while longer the small freckles and marks across your face.

“Spence,” He hummed, “I’m scared.”

He sighed heavily. Suddenly realizing that this wasn’t something easy to come. And he was too, because he almost lost the love of his life and he didn’t know what that information would do to him, much less to you.

For the first time, Spencer was out of smart answers and reasons why this would all be okay. It was hard for him to think he’d never feel this scared of loosing you again, and that idea haunted him.

“So am I,”

[katsu28]

summer's golden haze - chapter four

pairing: lando norris x reader

summary: a confession, a second first date, and the start of something special. (4.8k)

a/n: happy birthday landooo!!! my gift to him is a girlfriend 🙂‍↕️

previous chapter | masterlist

A loud clang from the kitchen startles you from your sleep, blinking awake to a still dark room.

Your head throbs a little bit, but the headache isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. It’s easy to ignore, especially since your mind is occupied by the snoring boy sprawled out under you. 

Lando’s fast asleep on his back, one arm slung over your torso loosely while the other hangs off the end of the sofa above his head, legs tangled with yours. You don’t remember cuddling up like this during the night, but you’re not complaining. He’s warm and comfy, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest soothing. 

You almost don’t want to get up, but your curiosity about the noises coming from the kitchen wins out in the end. Very carefully, you wiggle out from under his arm, peeling yourself away from him as slow as you can so as to not wake him. 

Once you’ve successfully extracted yourself, you can’t help but drop a kiss to Lando’s forehead before you go, pushing his curls away from his browline to do so. He lets out a little sigh, rolls onto his side, but remains deep in slumber as you pad out of the room. 

The ruckus turns out to be Camille puttering around the kitchen making coffee—an essential hangover cure.

“Sorry, sorry, I was trying to be quiet. Did I wake you?” She hisses, cringing. You wave an absentminded hand, stifling a yawn as you plant yourself on a stool at the counter.

She slides a mug of coffee towards you and you gladly accept, leaning over the steam wafting from the piping hot drink. It’s taking all of your willpower not to gulp it all down in one go and burn your throat. 

Camille lets you sip and sit as you attempt to wake yourself up a little more, but you can tell she’s dying to say something. You sigh. “Say what you wanna say.”

“Oh thank god. I hate you for making me wait more than five seconds, but whatever. Anyways, Lando stayed over last night?”

“Mhm, yeah. He did.” You bob your head noncommittally, staring hard at the dark liquid in your cup. Despite your laser focus, you can still feel Camille’s eyes boring into the top of your head, and when you finally do look up at her, she’s looking at you very pointedly. “What? We talked for a bit, and then we fell asleep.” 

“And that’s all that happened?” 

“Uh…” Your voice goes higher pitched than necessary, one eye squinting shut. You want to tell her everything, but you haven’t had the chance to speak with Lando yet. You’re not sure what “everything” entails yet.

Lando shuffles into the kitchen right at that moment, rubbing furiously at his eye with one hand while the other scratches at his stomach aimlessly. He extends his arms high over his head in a loud yawn and stretch combo, in doing so revealing a strip of tanned torso that has you nearly choking on your sip of coffee. 

That earns you two confused, yet amused looks, for wildly different reasons. 

“Hot.” You say lamely, in a very poor explanation. Lando’s expression turns slightly smug. “The coffee. Burned my tongue.” 

“Morning, sunshine!” Camille chirps happily. Knowingly. She beams at Lando and it stops him in his tracks, blinking unsurely at her chipper form like he’s hallucinating instead of responding. “Cool, just stare at me like I’m an alien.” 

“Sorry, I just—how are you not hungover right now? You could barely walk straight last night,” He asks incredulously. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She hums, winking at him. 

Lando pulls himself onto the stool next to yours with a groan, but doesn’t hesitate to give you the best smile he can muster in greeting. “Morning. How’d you sleep?” 

“Good,” You say softly, wrapping your hands around the mug in front of you. “You?” 

“Really good. Best sleep I’ve had in months, actually.” 

“On a shitty couch with no back support? Interesting.” 

Lando checks to see that Camille isn’t paying any attention before he responds. “Maybe it was the company.” 

You feel your cheeks blaze hot under his intense gaze, but you can’t bring yourself to break eye contact with him. You still need to address what happened last night. It’s still something you haven’t quite wrapped your head around yet, and you feel the need to stall so you can gather your thoughts some more. 

“Coffee’s fresh on, if you want some,” You blurt. 

Lando takes your reaction in stride, as if he senses you need time. “Oh, that sounds amazing right now.” 

Instead of going to pour himself his own cup, he eases yours out of your hands and takes a hefty sip from it in one fell swoop, before you can even tell him it’s just coffee. He doesn’t like plain black coffee. Then he shudders, face scrunching up in adorable disgust. “Blegh. Needs milk. Sugar, too.” 

“That’s because it’s mine, and I happen to think it’s just fine the way it is, thank you very much.” 

“You don’t wanna share?” 

Your nose crinkles in the same way his had a few moments ago. “Not if you’re going to dump a fuckton of sugar in it.”

“Not a fuckton! Just a spoon or two. Maybe three.” 

“Get your own, Norris.” You roll your eyes playfully, and Lando cocks his head in challenge, lifts your mug back to his lips for another long sip, this time obnoxiously loud. Paired with the adorable crooked troublemaker’s grin, you have to fight the need to kiss him again. 

You want to, but you can’t. Not yet. 

Samira and Maren trudge in a little while later, looking much worse for wear than you all. Neither of them even have it in her to reply to any of your good morning’s, only to make it over to pour themselves a generous mugs of coffee. 

“See, that’s what I thought you lot would be like right now,” Lando says, waving a hand at your two zombies of friends. “That’s what normal people are like after hitting up four bars in a night, you psychopaths.”

“If my head wasn’t pounding right now, I’d punch you in your pretty boy face,” Samira grumbles, glaring at him through bleary eyes. “What’re you even doing here, anyways?” 

“Who d’you think brought you all home last night?” 

“Then why do I remember Max doing a horrible rendition of We Belong Together by Mariah Carey?” Maren groans, face screwing up in confusion. 

In perfect timing, you hear the front door open, and then Max’s booming voice.

“Your savior has arrived!” He saunters into view with his hands behind his back, as if he’s hiding something behind him. The closer he gets, the more you can smell something mouthwatering wafting from whatever he’s just brought. 

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear, I guess,” Camille chuckles. 

Max juts his lower lip out, smacking one hand over his heart. “Aw, you guys were talking about me? All good things, I hope.” 

“Always, mate,” Lando assures him, but not without shooting you a cheeky wink as soon as his friend turns away. 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Samira grits out, glaring at no one in particular. “You’re all being way too loud right now.” 

“Guess that means you don’t want the food I brought?” 

“...What is it?” 

“Sugar and carbs.” 

“Hand over the box right now and you’re forgiven.”

The four of them get into some other conversation quickly after that, giving Lando the privacy to lean over towards you, lips nearly ghosting over the shell of your ear. “Think we can slip out and have that talk now?” 

You cast a glance at your friends fighting over the pastries in the box. They won’t even notice you’re gone. 

Lando’s mouth is on yours as soon as you’re out of sight and earshot, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. You almost forget what you’re supposed to be doing, but catch the thought at the last second before it slips away. 

“Mm, Lando, hold on—” You mumble, splaying a hand flat across his chest. He lets out a distracted sound of question, squeezing at your waist. “Less kissing, more talking,” You chide. 

Lando pouts, but obliges, taking a step back to put just the smallest bit of space between you. “Fine, fine, I’m listening.” 

“Look, I don’t—I’m not normally one to do things that scare me. And when you told me who you were, I immediately shut down because I thought no, that’s not me. I can’t do that, that’s too scary to be me. I wanted to play it safe.” 

His heart beats strongly under your palm, if not a little quicker than usual with your fingers curled into the softness of his rumpled jumper.

You’re not looking at his face right now. With how vulnerable you’re being with him right now, you aren’t sure that you’ll be able to utter the words if you look him in the eye. 

Instead, you’ve got your gaze trained on his hand on top of yours, the collection of bracelets on his wrist that you remind yourself to ask about another time. 

“Getting to know you, realizing how much I like you, I think it also made me realize that life is too short to always play it safe. Some people are worth stepping out of my comfort zone for. What we are, what we could be—you’re worth stepping out of my comfort zone for,” You say softly, but firmly. 

It’s nothing but the absolute truth. You’re putting yourself out there in a way you’ve never had the courage to do before. But Lando, he gives you courage. He makes you want to try. 

“So this is me, doing something scary, asking if you’ll…take a chance on me?” 

Only then do you muster up the courage to look him in the eye, and when you do, you’re met with the biggest, most smitten grin you’ve ever seen grace his face. Dimples on full display, eyes squinted with happiness, he’s smiling so hard it almost looks like it hurts. 

“I’ll take every chance I’ve got on you,” He says earnestly, cupping your face in both hands. “And if I’ve got none left, I’d find some more, ‘cause you’re worth it a hundred times over.” 

“Sorry it took me so long to figure my shit out,” You say sheepishly. 

 He gestures towards himself suggestively, waggling his eyebrows. “I knew you couldn’t resist all this for long.”

“You’re so dumb,” You scoff, shaking your head at his antics. Even so, your affection for him has never been clearer. You may say he's dumb (you know he isn’t), but he’s yours now. He’s yours now and you've never been more excited to see what’ll happen. 

“Well, you like me, so…guess you’ve just got to deal with it.” 

“Yeah? And what do you think I should do about that?” 

“What do I think? You wanna know what I think? I think you should…” He trails off, pushing in closer, closer, closer, until his mouth hovers a millimeter from yours. Careful fingers tilt your chin up to guide you the rest of the way, meeting your lips gently. 

You’d kiss Lando all day if you had the time, just because now you can, but there’s still the issue of the when and how you’re going to tell your friends. Reluctantly, you pull away. “We should get back before they notice we’re missing.”  

“Probably, yeah.” You wait for him to move but he doesn’t. He just looks at you like he can’t believe you’re real. 

“What?” You reach up hastily in an attempt to smooth out your hair. “Do I look okay?” 

“You look perfect.”

“Stop being so sweet. I mean, do I look like I’ve just been kissed within an inch of my life?” 

“I’m taking that as a compliment.” 

You press one more quick peck to his lips in lieu of a response, giving his hand another squeeze before turning on your heel to head back. Lando follows behind like a puppy, close but not too close. 

All eyes are on you the second you step back into the room, four pairs flicking from Lando to you, back to him, then back to you. Granted, it probably would’ve been a smarter idea to return at separate times so as to not raise suspicion, but it’s too late for that now. 

“...What?” You try for a lighter tone to throw them off, tilting your head to the side. 

One second passes. Two, three, four seconds. You almost think you can pull this off. Then—

“You fuckers!” Maren huffs, seeming much more alert and awake now. “You couldn’t have waited another day to get your shit together?” 

Definitely not the reaction you were envisioning in your head, if you’re being honest. 

“‘Scuse me?” Lando asks, looking both bewildered and a little bit offended by the outburst. He aims a sideways glance at you for an explanation that you can’t provide.

All it does is confuse you, but for some reason, Samira begins to giggle uncontrollably. Even Max looks a mixture of happy and smug. 

“I just lost thirty bucks to Max because of you two!” 

“You bet on us? What the fuck, mate!” Lando exclaims incredulously. 

Max lets out an offended noise from the back of his throat. “You expect me not to take my chances on easy money? Get real, mate. I can give you a cut of it if it gets your knickers out of a twist.” 

“What they mean is, we’re glad you finally figured out you belong together,” Camille says earnestly, only a tad apologetic. Lando takes this moment to sling an arm around your shoulders, tucking you against his side and pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“Right, well, in other news, I actually came over here with a purpose other than providing joy to everyone,” Max interrupts the tender moment, clapping once. “Lando, we’ve got Keegan’s thing today, so we gotta, y’know—gotta get going, yeah?” 

Lando inhales sharply, shoulders slumping. “Right. Fuck, I forgot about that.” 

“Yeah, I know you did. Too busy wooing your lady and all,” Max teases, aiming a wink in your direction that has you throwing up a playful middle finger at him. Lando turns to face you, frowning. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta—I wish I could stay, I really do. I totally spaced on this thing one of our mates has going on today, we promised we’d go—” 

“It’s okay, Lando,” You say, endeared by his scrabbling for an explanation. He didn’t really need one to begin with, but it’s cute that he feels the need to explain himself. “Go do your thing. I’ll see you when you’ve got time.” 

“You’re the best. How did I get so lucky?” He sighs, dramatically dreamy. Humor twinkles in his eyes. 

“Bye,” You chuckle, moving to peel yourself away from him. You want to get in on one of the pastries Max had brought before they’re gone. 

“Wait, wait.” Lando slips his fingers through yours, tugging lightly to stop you before you can get even a few steps away. “Before I go. Do you have any dinner plans tonight?” 

Your brows pinch in the middle. “No. Why?” 

“I want a do over of our first date. One that doesn’t end in…y’know.” You hum in thought, like you’re even contemplating turning him down, and he lets out a little frustrated whine that makes you giggle again. “Come on, let me take you out. Wanna wine and dine you properly, baby.” 

The term of endearment rolls off his tongue so easily, so casually, like he’s called you it all along. It makes you concede. 

“Where are we going?” 

“That’s for me to figure out before tonight,” He hums. You raise a semi-skeptical brow. “I’ve got ideas, I swear! Just wear something pretty and be ready by seven. I’ll be by to pick you up then.” 

“Okay.” You nod. Lando perks up, beaming bright. He kisses you again, briefly but enthusiastically, before turning to follow Max towards the front door. “See you tonight. And you better not be late!” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” 

The rumble of a car driving away echoes out soon after the two boys disappear from sight.

You sigh lightly, returning your attention back to the enticing box of pastries on the counter. You pray the one that had been calling your name in the little peek you'd gotten when Max first handed them over is still there. 

Your hand gets smacked as you eagerly reach for the box, not hard enough to bruise but hard enough to make you curse. You look up to see all three girls waiting expectantly for you to fess up and tell them how you’d gone from awkwardly avoiding Lando to what they'd just witnessed. 

“Can I at least eat first?” They shake their heads firmly, and you whine. “What? Come on, I’m starving!” 

“Explain, then eat.” 

Your shoulders creep up towards your ears in a shrug. Seeing as it was kind of just a gut feeling more than anything, it’s a little hard to articulate with words. You try your best at it anyways.

“I…realized I was making a mistake by walking away because I was scared. You guys know I’ve never been great with change, but I dunno, maybe change is okay sometimes.” 

“Oh my god, our girl is growing up.” 

-------

The closer it gets to seven, you find your nerves growing with every tick, tick, tick of the clock. You’re not even sure why. It’s just dinner, and it’s just Lando. You’re comfortable with Lando. You like Lando. 

So why does it feel like you’re about to do something so much bigger than that? 

Dinner might as well mean canon event in your mind. Things with Lando are literally brand new, not even a full day old yet, but it feels like something monumental. Your first date ended in shambles (thanks to your own doing), so the urge to make sure this one goes perfect is high.

The pressure is on, and you don’t do too well under pressure. That doesn’t even include the fact that your feelings for him are stronger than anything you’ve felt for anyone before. 

The moment Lando pulls up in front and you lay eyes on him climbing out of the car though, all your worries start to melt away. He looks so happy to see you again, even though you haven’t even been apart for a full day. It makes you remember that there’s no reason to get all worked up about anything with him.  

“Hey, you,” He says, leaning in to wrap an arm around your waist as soon as he’s close enough. “Missed your face today.” 

“Just my face?” You tease.

Lando’s head lists to one side, nose scrunching adorably. “Maybe other parts of you too.” Your eyebrows lift towards your hairline amusedly at his words and he groans, nudging you gently in the ribs with a large hand. “Oh, get your head out of the gutter! I didn’t mean it like that.” 

You giggle, dotting a kiss to his pouting lips. “So what’d you come up with for our second first date?” 

“Why don’t you get in the car and see?” He offers out his arm and you take it gladly, accepting his help into the car too. You think he’s about to start the car when he slides into the driver’s seat, but he catches you by surprise by sneaking in another kiss instead. “You look amazing.”

“You clean up pretty well yourself,” You shoot back. He’s gone for simple but put together with a classic white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms and some dark trousers, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t pull them off fantastically. 

“All for you, baby.” He grins, winking boyishly. “I got us a reservation at the nicest restaurant in town. Well, nicest according to the loads of travel blogs me and Max looked at. Fancy seeing if Greek summer gal dot com knows what she’s talking about?” 

“With a name like that, how ever could she be wrong?” You play along, lacing your fingers through his. He dots a kiss to your temple. 

Lando chats about his day on the way into town, all the way until his phone rings. His brow furrows, and for a split second you think it might be work calling again. If it is, you have half a mind to answer it yourself and chew them out. 

“Sorry, d’you mind seeing who it is?” Lando lifts himself off the seat, shoving a hand into his pocket to squeeze his buzzing phone out and passing it to you. A wildly unflattering photo of Max flashes across the screen. 

“It’s Max. Want me to answer?” You offer, giggling at the silly sight. He nods gratefully, keeping his eyes on the road. You tap the accept call button, putting the other boy on speaker. 

“What’s up, mate?” Lando says, hitting you with a ‘get a load of this guy’ sort of look. “Kinda in the middle of something here.” 

“Yeah I know, that’s why I’m calling. You can’t go to that restaurant.” 

Lando’s expression morphs into one of confusion, one you’re sure that you’re mirroring as you squint back at him. “Uh…sure we can. I made a reservation, everything’s set already.” 

“I know, asshole!” Max huffs. “Someone must’ve leaked your name on the reservation to the press or something, ‘cause I just drove by a few minutes ago and it’s crawling with people. Like, swamped with paparazzi and fans.” 

Lando’s knuckles tighten on the steering wheel, face screwing up into something between anger and despair. “Shit. That’s not good.” 

“Just thought I’d let you know before you get there,” Max says. He sounds guilty, but he has no reason to be. You’re glad he’d been able to get a hold of Lando beforehand. “You can still go out, just…maybe find somewhere else to go, I dunno.” 

“Thank you, Max,” You chime in. 

“Yeah, thanks for the heads up, mate. Cheers.” 

Lando flicks on his blinker to pull off to the side of the road the first chance he gets after Max hangs up, and when he does turn the car off, he immediately goes to bang his head against the steering wheel. “This is so bad,” He groans. 

You smooth a hand down his back in an attempt to soothe him. “It’s fine, Lando. We can just go somewhere else.” 

“I wanted this so badly to go perfect, and again, I’m the reason why it’s all going to shit.” 

“It’s not going to shit. And you wouldn’t be the reason for it, even if it was,” You insist firmly. He straightens up in his seat, turning to face you with doubt crinkling his face that you immediately want to rid him of. Your hand finds his, prying his fingers off the steering wheel to intertwine. “I mean it. I don’t care that we’re not going to some fancy restaurant. All I care about is that we’re together.” 

Lando squeezes your hand, bringing it up to his lips to press a grateful kiss to your knuckles. “You’re too good for me, you know that?”

“I know.” You shrug, feigning nonchalance. It makes him chuckle, brings back the twinkle in his eye.

After driving for a bit, you eventually find yourselves at a little gyro spot to grab some food. You push open the door to get out once Lando has put the car to a stop, but at the very last moment, you turn back to face him. 

“You should probably stay here,” You say, gnawing on your lip. 

Lando pouts, but doesn’t make a move to exit the car. He must know it’s for the best. Even so, he digs out his wallet, pressing a few bills into your hand. You click your tongue, giving your head a shake. “Don’t look at me like that. I asked you to dinner, I pay for it.”

“Alright, fine.” 

“Mint. Get me something good?”

“‘Course I will. Salmon, right?” You quip, smiling innocently. His hatred for fish is something you’ll never tire of poking fun at him for. 

“Don’t even joke about that, you monster!” Lando exclaims, slapping a dramatic hand over his chest. You laugh out loud. “And don’t you think about getting fish either, or I’ll never kiss you again.”

“Well, someone’s dramatic!”

“I’m serious!” 

You leave him behind at that, giggling to yourself about his theatrics.

The lady working the counter in the little mom and pop gyro shop is very kind, compliments your outfit and calls you a beautiful young woman while you wait on your food—even gives you an order of veggie kroketes, on the house.

She kind of reminds you of your own mother, whom you make a mental note to call when you have the time. You’ve been having such a good time here, you’ve nearly forgotten the rest of your world outside of it.

You wind up finding someplace not far away to enjoy your food once you’ve gotten it. A hidden spot, a little off the road—not a place anyone would come across unless they were looking hard enough. Perfect for two people who’d rather not attract attention. 

Lando procures a beach towel from the boot of the car for the two of you to sit on as you eat. 

“I’m sorry about the restaurant again. I usually don’t use my actual name when I do things like that, but they were just about booked up and I really wanted us to go, so I did,” He sighs, tracing a finger along the patterned cotton. “I had no idea it’d get leaked, I swear. Guess I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Does that usually work? Using your name to get things.” 

Lando’s cheeks flush pink and he smiles guiltily, ducking his head momentarily before nodding. “Usually, yeah. I don’t do it often though. Almost never, really. Only for special things, and this…well, I wanted it to be just that. Special.” 

“It is special,” You say, letting your knee bump his. 

He scoffs lightly like he doesn’t think the same, lifting his half eaten wrap in the air. “We’re sat on the side of the road eating takeaway.”

Even a date like this truly is something special to you. Spending time with the person you’ve become so close with in such a short amount of time—the one who makes you feel things you’ve never felt before, who makes you feel like you can truly be yourself—it’s something you were starting to think you’d never have. Lando’s come along and changed all that. 

“Do you think you have to impress me?” Lando doesn’t say anything, just lets his mouth snap shut, but you can see it in his eyes that yes, he feels the need to impress you. You’re not sure why, but you suspect it has less to do with you and more to do with his own feelings. “Because you don’t. I couldn’t care less about your name, your money, or anything else that comes with it. I like you for you, not for what your status can get us.” 

Lando stares back at you long and hard, as if he’s searching you for any ounce of indication that you’re not telling him the truth. You’re certain he’ll find nothing, because even though you’re still getting to know each other—flaws, fears, and all—you’ll never lie to him. 

“I’m sorry,” He says eventually. “I dunno why I thought—” He cuts himself off with a shake of the head. “Y’know what, nevermind. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be better.” 

 “You don’t need to be better,” You hum, resting your head against his shoulder. “You just need to be you.” 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re really good at this pep talk thing?” 

“Never had to give anyone this many pep talks before.” 

Lando pokes his fingers into the ticklish spot between your ribs in response. You reach to bat away his hand, but he moves quicker, leaning in to drag his nose against your cheek. 

“Is now a bad time to tell you I did actually get the fish?” 

Lando rears his head back faster than you could’ve imagined, looking so absolutely horrified at your insinuation it has you breaking composure almost instantly. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was two seconds away from gagging out loud. “No you did not.” 

“I didn’t, but wouldn't it have been funny if I did?” 

“That is so not cool,” He grumbles, lips pulling into a pout. You have the urge to kiss it away and you fight it for a moment, but then you remember you can kiss him whenever you want, so you do. It seems to make him forget about his disgust, because he kisses you back immediately. 

You’re one who’s dazed when you finally resurface for air, but you manage to smile sweetly. “Better now?” 

“Getting there. Maybe a little longer would help.” 

“Just a little longer?” 

“A lot longer works too.” 

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[rmadridcore]

Between Us - Part 1

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Reader

Summary: You and Kylian have been inseparable friends for years, but when unspoken feelings bubble to the surface, everything changes.

Word Count: 2.5K

Part 2 Part 3 Epilogue

Masterlist

Author's note: Hi! Omg this feels so surreal. I have been planning to start writing for the longest time and I can't believe I managed to finally get to it. This is my very first fic so I would LOVE to hear all of your opinions, I’m open to your feedback 🩷 Also, english is not my first language but I’ll try my best to make sure there are no errors. There will be more parts to come shortly. I have the second part almost finished and I’m planning for it to be 3 or 4 part series with a possible epilogue. Anyway, have a nice read and please tell me what you guys think! 🫂 P.S my messages are always open if you have any questions or if you would just like to chat 💌

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“What are these for?” Kylian yells playfully as he roams around your room, inspecting everything with the curiosity of a child. His voice echoes from the bathroom doorway, where you're busy applying the finishing touches to your makeup. Turning around slightly, you see him holding up an eyelash curler, a puzzled look on his face.

“It’s used to curl your eyelashes,” you respond absentmindedly, focused on perfecting your eyeliner. Kylian squints at the strange device, his lips curling into a mischievous grin.

“Looks like a garlic press,” he snorts, placing the curler back down on the cluttered sink, where your makeup is messily scattered.

He’s been wandering aimlessly around the room for what feels like hours, clearly bored and restless as he waits for you to get ready for the charity gala. He’s always waiting, never complaining, even when you take your time. It’s something about Kylian that never fails to surprise you — the effortless patience he has when it comes to you.

You leave the bathroom, stepping into the room where he’s perched on the edge of your bed, fiddling with the fluffy blanket as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. He’s dressed to perfection in an all-black designer suit, looking like he stepped straight out of a high-fashion photoshoot. The way the suit hugs his broad shoulders and the glimmer in his eyes when he sees you makes your heart flutter.

“You look stunning,” he says with a proud smile, his voice soft but sure. The blush creeping up your cheeks is impossible to hide, and he notices, grinning even wider.

“We don’t have to stay until the end,” he reassures you as you both settle into the backseat of the sleek black car waiting outside. He knows you too well, senses your discomfort at the idea of a long night surrounded by the elite. “We’ll stay for dinner, make our appearance, and we can leave whenever you want.”

His thoughtfulness touches you deeply. He knows how much you dislike these events — how they’re filled with pretentious people who only show up to flaunt their wealth. But you endure it, for him, and somehow that means more to him than he ever lets on.

You’ve known Kylian forever, since you were six and his mom invited yours to bring you to his seventh birthday party. The memories are blurry, but the birthday card you gave him that day still sits in his drawer. Unbeknownst to you, it’s one of his most cherished possessions.

As Kylian’s fame grew over the years, with him moving to Monaco and becoming a global star, you stayed in touch. He made sure of it. It wasn’t easy, especially as your feelings for him began to deepen, becoming more complicated and overwhelming. Falling in love with your best friend, a best friend who is adored by millions and surrounded by beautiful women, felt like the cruelest twist of fate.

It was a secret you carried alone, a burden that weighed on your heart every time you saw him with someone else. The girls that threw themselves at him didn’t seem to bother him; in fact, he enjoyed the attention. And why wouldn’t he? Kylian was magnetic, and you couldn't blame them for wanting him. What hurt most was knowing you could never compete with that — not when he saw you as just his best friend.

“I’m very glad you could make it. We’re always so happy to see you here,” a man across the dinner table says warmly to Kylian after you both take your seats. Kylian responds politely, his charm ever-present, before the man’s eyes land on you.

“I see you’re here with company. Would you care to introduce your beautiful lady to us?”

Kylian’s arm drapes casually over the back of your chair, his fingers brushing lightly against your shoulder.

“This is Y/N, my best friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

The man chuckles, embarrassed, and offers an awkward apology. Kylian laughs it off, but the words linger in your chest, twisting something deep inside. His best friend. That’s all you’ve ever been, no matter how many times he brings you as his date to these events, holds your hand, or tells you how beautiful you look. Each gesture feels like an evil tease, a reminder of what you want but can never have.

You watch him as he chats with the guests, his side profile as striking as ever. His sharp jawline, the curve of his nose, the way his eyes light up when he’s animated. To the world, he’s handsome, charismatic, sexy. But to you, Kylian is beautiful, in every sense of the word. It’s not just his looks; it’s the kindness in his heart, the way he smiles, the way he makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room.

“Are you comfortable? We can leave whenever you want,” Kylian leans in to whisper, his breath sending shivers down your spine as it brushes against your ear. It’s such a simple question, but the intimacy of the moment makes your pulse race. How you long for him to whisper sweet nothings, to share his thoughts with you and only you.

“No, I’m fine. We can stay a little longer. I heard the dessert’s supposed to be amazing,” you whisper back, earning a soft chuckle from him.

After dessert, most of the guests get up to mingle, dance, or grab drinks. You excuse yourself from the table, telling Kylian you’re headed to the bar for a cocktail. He offers to come with you, but you decline, not wanting to interrupt his conversation.

You order a Mimosa and settle on one of the stools, enjoying a rare moment of solitude when a voice breaks your thoughts.

“Hey,” says a deep voice beside you. You glance over to see a blonde guy, probably in his late twenties, with a genuinely sweet smile.

“I haven’t seen you here before. People who attend these things are usually regulars,” he says with curiosity.

You smile politely, a little taken aback by the sudden conversation. “I’m here with a friend. His foundation is involved.”

You swallow the lump in your throat as you call Kylian your friend. Even though it’s the truth, it feels like a lie.

The blonde introduces himself as Louis, and you exchange small talk. He’s polite and charming, though the jokes he cracks don’t quite make you laugh the way Kylian’s do. You’re pleasantly surprised at how easily the conversation flows, but when he asks if you’d like to dance, you glance at your empty glass and decide it’s time to return to the table.

Back at the table, Kylian is chatting with a seven year old boy, Leo, who you remember from a party at his parents’ house Kylian has brought you to about a month ago. You greet Leo with a huge smile, and the boy rushes over to give you a hug, his small arms wrapping around you tightly. Kylian watches the interaction with a proud grin, his eyes twinkling with affection.

After chatting with Leo about his football obsession, his new kitten called Sushi and his annoying grammar teacher at school, his parents came to say goodbye and head home, as Leo’s bedtime was getting closer.

“How was your cocktail?” Kylian asks once Leo and his parents leave.

“Delicious,” you reply with a grin. “You sure you don’t want anything?”

“Nah. I’m on my best behavior tonight,” he says, leaning his cheek on his hand, his gaze locked on you.

The way he’s looking at you, through his long lashes, eyes full of warmth, almost makes you lose your composure.

The amount of self-control you've developed over the years, thanks to him, is staggering. There have been countless moments when you've had to stop yourself from plastering kisses all over his face, from giving in to the overwhelming desire that courses through you every time you’re near him. It’s beyond your ability to count how many times you've held back.

If only he knew how you dream about the taste of his lips, how you’ve imagined his touch in ways he could never guess. Sometimes, the urge to shout your love for him feels almost unbearable. To tell him, without hesitation, how much he means to you, how deeply you care, how profoundly he has changed your life. You’ve fantasized about spilling everything, about finally unburdening your heart of the love that’s been trapped inside for so long.

Maybe, just maybe, if you told him, you could breathe again. You could sleep peacefully, without the weight of unspoken emotions suffocating you at night. If you could just embrace these forbidden feelings, let them free, maybe you wouldn’t feel so lost, so torn between what you have and what you desperately want.

But no. Kylian has helped you build up an incredible amount of self-control, without even realizing it. He’s made you master the art of restraint, but in doing so, he’s also kept you from building the courage you need to tell him the truth. To risk everything, even if it means losing him forever.

And that’s a risk you’re still too afraid to take.

The night passes, and as guests begin to leave for the after-party, you and Kylian head to the car.

“You can go to the after-party if you want,” you offer sincerely. “I don’t mind going home alone.”

“I’d rather come home with you,” he says, stopping in his tracks to hold the car door open for you.

You hesitate, but his insistence is genuine. No matter how many times you’ve told him it’s fine for him to go out without you, he never does. He always chooses you.

“You know that if you keep asking, it won’t change anything, right?” Kylian grins as he playfully nudges your side. “I’m your permanent plus one for quiet nights at home. Get used to it.” He opens the car door for you with a flourish, always the gentleman. You roll your eyes in mock exasperation, but inside, your heart is doing a victory dance. Another cozy night in with him — it’s everything you secretly want.

The drive back is calm, filled with the comfortable silence that exists between two people who have known each other forever. It’s a silence that speaks louder than words, a silence that tells you neither of you needs to fill the gaps. Kylian’s presence is enough to bring you peace, and you wonder if he feels the same.

Memories flood your mind, like that one time after a particularly tough match. Kylian had come straight to your apartment, his face heavy with disappointment. He didn’t need to say anything; you knew exactly what he needed. He had flopped onto your couch, resting his head in your lap as you softly stroked his hair. For hours, he laid there in silence, listening to the steady rhythm of your breathing. You didn’t offer words of comfort because he didn’t need them, he just needed you.

It’s moments like those that make your heart ache. He needs you, but not in the way you want him to. To him, you’re his safe space, the person who can make the world quiet when it’s too loud. But what if you want more than that? What if you crave the noise, the chaos of love, the passion that makes your heart race?

When you arrive home, you quickly wipe off your makeup, exchanging your dress for a comfortable pair of sweats. Kylian’s already on the couch, lounging in the sweatpants he keeps in your closet for nights like these. He’s scrolling through Netflix, looking for something to watch.

“Who was the guy you were talking to at the bar?” he asks suddenly, not even looking up from the screen as you take a seat next to him.

The question catches you off guard. “What?” You blink at him, surprised. You hadn’t even realized he saw you talking to Louis. He could’ve asked about it a million times already, but why now?

“The guy at the bar,” Kylian shrugs, still trying to make it sound like a casual question, but there’s an edge to his tone.

“Oh, Louis? I just met him tonight,” you reply, playing it off like it’s nothing.

“Seems weird, that’s all,” Kylian mumbles, finally meeting your eyes. His brows are furrowed, and you can’t quite figure out why he’s bothered by this.

“We only talked for like 15 minutes,” you say with a shrug, trying to diffuse the sudden tension.

Kylian says nothing for a moment, just nods and changes the subject, asking if the movie he picked is okay. You agree, and the two of you settle into your usual spot on the couch. About three minutes into the movie, he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and you rest your head against his chest. His scent, fresh and familiar, wraps around you like a warm blanket.

These moments, these “friendly cuddles,” are frequent in your two decade long friendship. But to you, they mean so much more. In these fleeting moments, you let yourself pretend. Pretend that you’re not just his best friend, but something more. Ten out of ten strangers would think you were a couple, relaxing after a long day. And in these moments, you let that fantasy wash over you.

His hand moves absentmindedly, gently stroking your back. His chin rests on the top of your head, as though your bodies were designed to fit together. It feels perfect. But it’s also tragic.

Because Kylian isn’t yours. He never will be. No matter how many times you share these intimate, quiet moments, no matter how much his presence fills the empty spaces in your life, you’re always going to be his best friend. And while he never leaves your thoughts, you wonder if you ever truly cross his mind in the same way.

The movie plays on, but you’re not watching. You’re lost in the sound of his heartbeat, the warmth of his body against yours, and the ache in your chest that never seems to go away.

How many times have you thought about telling him? Telling him how deeply you’ve fallen for him. But the fear is always there, lurking in the back of your mind. The fear that if you tell him, everything will change. The easy laughter, the shared silences, the comforting hugs. All of it could disappear in an instant.

The movie ends, and Kylian stretches, letting out a content sigh. “That was good,” he says, still half-drowsy. “Y/N, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” you reply with a smile, but inside, you’re screaming.

The guests at the gala had moved on to an after-party, but here you are, curled up on the couch with the one person who unknowingly holds your heart in his hands.

As you walk towards the door to go to bed, you pause, wanting to say something — anything. But the words don’t come.

And so, the night ends like all the others. With him, but not truly yours.

—————————————————————————

[honey-milk-depresso]

“He wonders…” TWST boys dreaming about their crush (Heartslabyul)

Heartslabyul | Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde (literally just Idia) | Diasomnia

Ace Trappola

Ace would never admit it to you that he actually fell for you. And hard. Most of the time he just tried to cover it up by teasing you a lot. In reality, Ace can’t help but constantly dream about you all the time. And he hates it.

The thought of your laughter and smile while he drones out makes him dazed and hypnotised while in the middle of class, before he’s snapped back to reality by the teacher sharply calling for his name with a stone cold glare to wake him up.

When he’s in his basketball match and you suddenly pop up in his head in a pretty outfit while asking him out on a date, his lips subconsciously pouting a little while his cheeks darkened in red shade by just a tad bit, eyes clearly not focus… and he gets hit straight in the face by the ball.

He went to the infirmary for that one, since Floyd threw it to his face a bit to hard and it gave him a nosebleed. Ace hates it that you came to the infirmary to see him, with a worried look and nagged at him things that ring out white noise to him as he starts to dream of you again while you’re here.

The effect you have on him is very clear to Ace, that you are bold enough to run rent-free in his head almost everyday and not spare him an ounce of mercy. You’re the one teasing him all the time. That’s so unfair, as if he’s in a game he has no chance of winning.

His cheeks slowly turn red again, and he looks away. “Excuse me? Are you even listening to me? I said be careful next time!” You grabbed his face by cupping his cheeks and turning him towards you. “I was seriously worried you broke your nose!”

His dreamy thoughts of you raced in his head once more. You’ll be the death of him until he could finally utter out his confession. <3

Deuce Spade

The moment he fell for you, his teenage hormones didn’t help him even try to repress it. Once he dreamed about you, he really dreamed about you.

From how he dreamt about you on a date with him on a motorbike, or the both of you having a picnic together, to dreaming of you in a white dress… n-no wait, t-that’s too early- w-wha- “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!” He shouted in the middle of the hallway while walking to class, suddenly embarrassed he yelled that while other students were around.

Every time he dreams of you, he makes it obvious that he is, unintentionally. Deuce would look dazed and almost vulnerable, cheeks flushed slightly pink, and most importantly, smiling stupidly to himself as his cheeks rest on his hands. Of course, Ace would take advantage of this to scare him while in this state, but even then would Ace start to get bored of it. Because he’s still not making a move.

He wants to tell you his little (very much an understatement) crush on you… but when you really face him he suddenly goes quiet and talks about everything but his confession. Not only that, he knows he dreams about you, and Deuce feels rather guilty for doing so and can’t overcome his shyness because of it.

As a result, Deuce came to his seniors for advice and all of them said the same thing: it’s better out of your system now than later. His dreams of you became more and more frequent, where he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to pursue a romantic relationship with you. “Deuce?”

Deuce blinked, suddenly realising he was with you in PE Class and he’s just sitting down looking aimlessly. “Come on, silly. Don’t doze off in the middle of class,” you smiled. He blushed, he was dreaming of you again. It’s now or never for his dreams to become reality… <3

Trey Clover

It’s not easy knowing if he’s dreaming or not, and he rarely does anyways. He doesn’t even know how could ever dream something so sappy and romantic… until he does.

Trey would only realise he ever has a crush on you the moment he realises he spent 5 minutes thinking about you without realising he was. He dreamt about how you two would bake together, smear frosting and batter on each other, laughing together as he hugs you from behind…

…Ah. He definitely has a crush on you. As much as Trey want to deny it, the thoughts of you loving him in a way that most definitely wouldn’t be classed as “just friends” is something he can’t reject either. So he sort of just… accepts the fact he does indeed have a crush on you.

Trey ultimately treats you the same: your kind upperclassman you can always come asking for his help. It’s just that he makes himself more obvious that he wants the relationship to bloom into something more, and open up parts of him you that he doesn’t often show. He can be a mischievous little guy if you really ask for it~ ofc he is I hate him Argh *kisses him* >://

When his dreams of you frolicking in a field of daisies while smiling warmly at each other with loving eyes makes him really embarrass, and it’s something Cater definitely teases him about because it’s just so sappy, he still wonders. And he wonders if you dreamt of him in similar situations. Not in a creepy way but… he’s be really happy if you do, he hopes you do. Because that way, he knows that perhaps his feelings are being reciprocated.

When the time is right, when the both of you are alone in the kitchen, when you two are fooling around with oblivious joy, to not care about what anyone says about the two of you teasing each other with frosting and toppings… he would tell you… tell you tha-

“Trey? Are you gonna tell me the recipe on what we’re baking today?” You giggled, snapping him out of his thoughts. Huh… his own dream had come true. Now it’s only a matter of time, just when it’s right. “Oh! Of course. I have a little surprise for you afterwards, I hope it makes you happy.” <3

Cater Diamond

He shamelessly dreams of the both of you on dates, taking couple selfies together, and so much more. The only thing is that Cater doesn’t tell anyone that, although Trey pretty much has a hunch of who he’s thinking about when he sighs dreamily with a love stricken smile.

Cater dreams very fondly over each selfie you took with him, dreaming that one of those selfies would have you kissing his cheek, or the other way around whichever you prefer. Every flirt he sends your way back then was always platonic, and you knew. But now, it seems that he desperately hopes you do pick up that there’s something slightly different.

He dreams you picked up on his flirts and just kiss him on the spot, he dreams you fell in love the moment he fell for you too, he dreams that one day the both of you could live together… wait- JFKSKDJF OKAY WOW- HE WENT THAT FAR HUH-

Cater smiled sheepishly to himself, blushing furiously as the sudden realisation hits him that his feelings for you has grown beyond just a crush. Like a… super crush…crush. Yeah, that’s it. That’s gotta be trending.

Trey shakes his head as he listens to Cater ranting about how stupid he is for realising (and as if Trey would have DEFINITELY immediately know he had a crush on anyone I wish it was me-/hj )and tells him he should really try to tell you since you’re not really picking up on any signs he throws in. “It’s either you do or you don’t Cater,” Trey’s words would always ring in his head.

If only he could skip pass the whole confession anxiety and cut straight into the acceptance of being in a romantic relationship. If only he could… “It’s either you do or you don’t, Ca-”

“Cater?” “Gah!” The poor boy being startled by you, causing you to flinch. “I-is there something wrong?” “Wrong? Me?? Pshhh, nah, never!” “…you’re not a very good liar right now.” He sighs, suddenly feeling his cheeks burning hot. It’s either you do or you don’t…

“Well, maybe one thing’s on my mind…” <3

Riddle Rosehearts

He dreams about you the moment he fell for you, but the latter feels quite guilty about it. He knows what he’s thinking are romantic fantasies but why does he dream of such when he shouldn’t? When you two clearly establish that you two were only friends?

His dreams of you at a tea party where your hands covered his, or how the two of you play croquet alone with one another, or how the two of you kiss under the rose shelter… no. He shouldn’t… Riddle believes that his thoughts were unacceptable, especially when you two are friends. And you think you two were only friends, right? Then he can’t.

Unfortunately his dreams turned him to spending less time with you, so that he’d stop dreaming of you in such way. Of course, it didn’t work. He dreamt of you more frequently than before, and sometimes even nightmares of you leaving from him for good. He knew deep down he wanted you to stay, but why such dreams?

“Well it’s pretty normal to feel some romantic feelings for your friend. I mean I had a crush on someone when I was a kid, of course, backfired hard and we moved on.” “Trey, that doesn’t sound like a good example.” “Aha… well, I wasn’t serious about it since I wasn’t thinking serious, but if you really are serious about those dreams you have of them, Riddle, you should just tell them. You never know, maybe they feel the same way about you, too.”

The boy pondered for a while. “You feel the same way”… what if you do? And yet again he dreams again. He made it his plan, to apologise to you and explain why he did so, and tell you he’s come to accept his feelings and confess. Simple, practical and straightforward. He just hopes you think it’s genuine, because he really is.

He’s thought of the scenario over and over again, smiling softly to himself about how you’d nod your head and throw yourself at him to hug Riddle, and- “R-Riddle..?” He perked his head up with a startled look. You were right in front of him, suddenly bumping into you. “Er… how are you?” You smiled sadly, and he remembered how he had secluded you from himself. “W-wait, y/n I… I’m sorry…” “A-about what?” With his cheeks tinted pink, he took a deep breath… <3

Reblogs help!^^

[spaceshipellie]

easy mode (smut)

ellie williams x reader

minors do not interact!! 18+ content

brief summary: smut with plot. reader is terrible at video games but gf ellie offers a ‘reward’ if you complete it.

cw: ellie being a tease, fingering and eating out (r receiving)

note: this is the first smut i’ve ever posted so please be nice lol i hope you enjoy!

faintly beneath the sound of music coming from the speaker that sat beside you whilst you painted, you could hear ellie’s curses and game rage from the next room. 

she was probably playing that apocalypse game again. you really wanted to try but knew you were shit at any video games involving shooting and aiming. 

however, you couldn’t distract yourself from her voice, and after staring at the same corner of your artwork, you decided to give up and pack the stuff away. you were in a restless mood for some reason. you either needed to move and go for a walk or get some attention from your girlfriend. if you were being entirely honest, right now you’d rather have the latter. 

after packing away the paints, you crept quietly to the door of ellie’s game room. hearing you come in, she quickly took a glance at you before averting her eyes back to her screen.

“hey babe,” she said. you were right. she was playing that game. 

“hey.” you took a seat on the sofa next to her set up, scrolling aimlessly on your phone. engrossed in the game, she continued playing, under the breath curses filling the room. 

after a few minutes you hear the creek of her chair as she turned to face you, game paused. 

“you okay?” she rolled her chair forward slightly so she could poke your leg with her foot. 

“yeah.” you adjusted how you were sat to sit forwards, pulling her closer by her knees, leaning on them and looking up at her. she smiled down at you and brushed a piece of hair behind your ear.

“what’s up, baby?”

“nothing, i just got bored of what i was doing and wanted to see you.”

she leant down and kissed you. she had that little smirk on her face before pulling your arms up to wrap around her neck, subsequently pulling you up from the sofa all together so she could hook her hand around the back of your thigh and pull you onto straddling her lap. the way she sits back in her game chair and looks slightly up at you like this was ridiculously hot.

her hands find their place on your hips and she leans into you to kiss you again. slightly more heated than the one before. 

“you wanna play with me?” she says after you both pull away, fingers toying with the hem of your jumper, slipping under it. 

“you know i’m crap at games like that.” you laugh.

“i’ll help you.” 

“you’ll get frustrated at me.”

“no i won’t,” she pretended to be offended. “come on, babe, it’ll be fun.” she pulls you tighter to her, arms fully wrapping around your waist.

“okay.” you kiss her. hands on her cheeks. “okay fine, but i’m warning you, i’ll be stuck on the same part forever.”

she laughs and playfully pats your ass as you get off her to sit in the chair next to her. the arms of your chairs bump into each other as she picks up the controller and leans into you. 

“okay so this is to move, crouch, run, look around, aim, and shoot,” she says, pointing and toggling with the various buttons. she looks at you and smiles at your slight wide eyed expression. 

“you got it?”

“uh, yeah,” you take the controller from her. “so move, crouch…”

“that’s run.”

“okay, run, crouch?”

“yep.”

“look arou- no, shit that’s move.. look around, aim, and shoot,” you beam looking up at her, excited that you got it right, and she’s already looking at you. 

“well done, babe. now you have to play,” she says putting a hand on your knee that’s touching hers. 

“okay okay okay,” you repeat, sucking in a breath.

“you don’t have to be nervous.”

“i know! i just get stressed, everything happens so fast, i can’t coordinate my hands.”

she laughs at your rambling and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“right, ready?”

“yes-no! wait,” you say abruptly before she can hit ‘play.’

“what?”

“can you put it on easy mode?”

she smirks at you.

“to start with at least?” you give her a pleading look.

“sure. right, ready now?”

“yeah.”

she hits play and immediately you start making the character run around aimlessly, not really sure what to do.

“do i want to be looking for stuff right now? or is someone going to come out and shoot me?”

“you wanna explore this bit and find supplies and ammo and stuff,” she explains.

“will someone come out and attack me?”

“maybe.” 

“fuck.”

“it’s okay,” she laughs again.

you played for a moment just running around exploring the abandoned buildings. 

“you missed some stuff in there,” ellie pointed.

“oh, how do you know?”

“when you get kinda close to stuff it shimmers a bit meaning you can interact with it, see?” she says as you get closer to the items.

“oh yeah, i see, thanks.”

“now you should be able to craft some stuff if you press this button.”

“okay, what should i do?”

“bombs are helpful and arrows.”

“how do i know when i need to craft stuff?”

“you see up here,” ellie points on the screen, “it says how many items you need of what to make something, so after you’ve picked up a few things or if you’re about to be fighting some guys then check if you can make anything.”

“okay, thanks,” you smile, feeling like you’re getting the hang of it and make the character walk through a crack in the fence.

“this is fun–oh fuck fuck no,” you blurted out seeing that this new area was covered in people. 

you hear ellie laughing next to you. “okay you’re going to have to probably stealth and kill a few guys through here.”

“what do i do?”

“first go behind that car or something and crouch… yep, good, now figure out how you want to go about it.”

you looked at her a bit dumbfounded and panicky. she looked at you, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“i have no idea how to go about it, help.”

“you’re so cute.”

you shoot her a sarcastic smile. “ellie… help.”

“okay, if it were me i would stealth around as much as possible and try and take out a few of them like that. sometimes you can do the whole thing like that but no offence, baby,” she looks at you, “i don’t think you will be able to do that. but it’ll take out a few of them first before you get spotted and they start firing.”

“oh my god, okay. what about the bombs i just made?”

“yeah you can lay some around and hopefully they’ll walk into them.”

“okay.”

“you got this,” she said, hearing the nerves in your voice. she’s enjoying this too much.

you started to sneak up behind one guy.

“okay okay okay, don’t fucking move,” you muttered. you pressed the button to stealth kill and succeeded without being caught.

“ahh i did it!”

“good job babe.” you blushed at ellie’s praise. she was leaning back in her chair but moved a hand to rub your waist briefly.

you managed to kill another guy in stealth mode but at the last second got caught and the other guys started firing. 

“fuck me, fuck no, no, shit, shit,” you yelled, desperately trying to run behind a wall. 

“am i saf– no! oh god no,” you said as shots came at you from another angle and you got hit a few times, your health flashing red. 

ellie leaned forward in her seat. “you need to run away, babe.” 

“i’m trying.”

you ran but in your panic you kept bumping into things and getting hit with shots.

“there’s too many of them, i’m-oh my god, fuck this shit.”

“hide behind something to heal yourself.”

“i can’t, they’re everywhere, stop, oh my god,” you slammed pause in a panic, “ellie i can’t.”

she laughed at your struggling. “you can, i mean you’re probably going to die here but it’ll start at the beginning of the fight.”

“so those two guys i killed i’ll have to do again?”

“yes.”

“that’s so unfair,” you pouted.

“that’s the way it goes,” she was still smiling devilishly at you.

you laughed, putting the controller down and leant your hands on her knees. “i don’t know why i get so scared, like it’s actually happening to me.”

she leant forward and kissed you. “it’s fine, just try not to get caught so quickly.”

“oh thanks, that’s so helpful,” you said sarcastically. 

“i know, i am.”

“okay, right, i’m going again.” you said, getting situated back in your seat. “i’m going to just let myself die and try again because i’m fucked.”

you tried again and got further than you did last time before dying again.

pausing, you turned to look at ellie, who once again had leaned back in her chair, watching you. her eyes just shifted from the screen to your face, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards.

“you’re doing good, i swear.”

“i think i’m getting the hang of it,” you said looking back at the screen. 

“well, you are on easy mode,” she teased. you snapped your head around so fast.

“fuck you,” you laughed, playfully pushing her arm. “i’ve never played this before.”

“you’ve watched me play a hundred times.”

“yes but that’s not the same,” you said, leaning back in your own chair, level with her.

“you’re saying you never learnt anything from that?” she said in mock horror. 

“probably paying too much attention to you,” you smirked to yourself.

“oh yeah?”

“you’re sexy when you play video games,” you looked at her, trying to stop your smile from widening so much as you leant forward again, ready to press play. 

her tongue poked the inside of her cheek, eyes looking over you. suddenly, you yelped as you felt her grab you and pull you back, slightly twisted due to the chair arms but the top of your back pressed into her chest and she buried her face into your neck, attacking it with kisses, arms wrapped around you. 

“you’re sexy when you game too,” she mumbled, smiling at the sound of your laughter. 

“sorry i thought playing on easy mode wasn’t good enough for you,” you teased. 

she groaned into your neck before bringing her lips up to your ear. “if you get through this fight scene, i’ll reward you.”

your stomach flipped. “reward me how?”

ellie kissed behind your ear and slid one of her hands down to your inner thigh. “however you want, babe.”

“right, this is serious now, don’t distract me.” you ordered, reluctantly pulling yourself out of her grip but oh god did you want that reward.

she laughed at your change in demeanour, enjoying how wrapped around her little finger you are.

you were extra frustrated now when you died again.

“fuck,” you muttered under your breath. 

“you can do it, baby. go on,” you could hear the smirk in ellie’s voice without even looking at her.

“shut up.”

you were trying so hard not to die. you didn’t even care if you were severely injured by the time this section was cleared, you just had to clear it. ellie was mostly silent through this, obeying your “don’t distract me” statement. eventually, the music shifted and the character on screen said “i think that’s it” and your stomach flipped again.

“i did it,” you said to yourself before whipping around in your chair to look at ellie. “baby, i fucking did it.”

she was already looking at you, her smile playful and wicked. she leaned forward, keeping her face close to yours. “you fucking did it.”

“can i have my reward now?” you asked, not realising that your voice was going to quiver like it did.

“you can. what reward would you like?” 

she’s such a shit. she knows exactly what you want but she’s going to make you ask for it.

“i think you know.” 

“i think i do,” she said, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, “but i’d like to hear you say it.”

“i fucking hate you.”

“i love you too.”

“ellie.”

“yes, baby.”

“i want you to touch me.”

you could cut the tension with a knife. her tempting lips were just inches from yours, but you knew she was in a teasing mood, which you didn’t mind. 

“how do you want me to touch you?” her voice was more hushed and lower than before. you couldn’t help but shift in your seat.

you gently took her hand in yours and played with her fingers, lifting them and kissing them. you looked straight into her eyes. “with your fingers, please.” 

you could tell how the ‘please’ made ellie feel immediately. two could play at this game. although, she’ll probably still win.

you kissed the pad of her thumb, knowing she would push it gently between your lips. her hand found its place on your jaw. she ran her thumb over your bottom lip, eyes looking between your lips and your eyes. 

“anything else?” she asked. 

“maybe your mouth, too.” you said sweetly. her eyes darkened at your deliberate innocent tone and she took a moment before slowly closing the small space between you. her lips met yours in a soft, plush kiss, hand still holding your jaw.

“like that?”

“yes please.”

she laughed darkly for a second and kissed you again, hungrier than before, her hand sliding from your jaw to the back of your head. 

“come here,” she mumbled into the kiss. you moved out of your seat, and climbed onto her lap. her other hand eagerly pulled you as close as you could be to her. your hands found themselves running between her shoulders and her hair. 

you moaned into the kiss. she let out a “fuck,” as she stood up, carrying you with her, your legs wrapping around her waist. she hastily moved towards the sofa you were sat on earlier and laid you down, never breaking the kiss. her body weight on top of you, lying in between your legs was delicious, no matter how many times it happened. 

one arm supported her weight, the other glided up under your top, fingers teasing the curve of your boob. she started to kiss down your neck whilst also shoving your top further up, until she was kissing your bare stomach up towards your chest. 

“lift up,” she whispered, yanking your top off. her hand immediately went to your boob as she started kissing and playing with the other. 

“you did so well, baby.”

your back arched into her. 

“my good fucking girl.”

your hand went to her face. “ellie.” 

“what is it?” she looked up at you.

“i need you.”

“you have me, don’t worry.”

she kissed you again before shuffling down, hands never not touching you somewhere. lips grazing your skin. she hooked her fingers into your sweats, kissing your skin at the hem. you squirmed beneath her and she looked up at you.

“you worked up, baby?”

“yes,” you stuttered out.

“good.” she simply said before continuing leaving wet kisses on your exposed skin, slowly pulling your sweats down. she peeled them off your ankles and tossed them across the room.

she knelt on the floor and wrapped her hands around your thighs, pulling you to the edge of the sofa. she held your legs open, leaving kisses on your inner thigh.

“so pretty.”

ellie took her time touching and kissing everywhere but there. your hand went down to run through her hair lightly, getting impatient. 

it made your body jolt when she licked a line up your cunt. her fingers rubbed gentle circles on your thighs whilst she worked her tongue on your clit. 

your hand tightened its grip in her hair and you moaned, your body writhing. her hands tightened trying to keep you in place and keep your legs open for her.

she sucked on your clit, leaving it sensitive and admired her work before glancing up at you, smirking at the sight of your hands now pinching your nipples. one of her fingers delicately ran a length up your cunt, circling your clit slowly. your body jolted again at the new form of touch. her finger played around at your entrance.

“you did such a good job at the game,” ellie said sweetly, “although i also enjoy watching you struggle.” she laughs to herself. her finger traced up to your clit again. the mix of her praise and teasing was torture. she was enjoying just sitting there, having your legs spread so she could play with your pussy. 

“i like you helping me.” 

“you do?” she added slightly more pressure. 

“yes.”

“i like teaching you.”

she pushed two fingers in, the abruptness making you whimper. her eyes were glued to your face for a moment whilst she moved her fingers in and out, deep and slow.

“oh fuck,” you moaned. 

“that’s it, good girl.” ellie said before attacking your clit with her tongue, the combination driving you insane.

her tongue flicked and her fingers continued the way they were, the rhythm making your stomach knot and your toes curl. 

“fuck ellie,” you moaned. your back arched and she held your hips down firmly with her free hand.

she kept going until you could feel yourself about to cum. your moans and whimpers got louder and you let out a cry before your body softened and went limp. ellie continued licking and moving her fingers at a slower rhythm to make sure you were definitely done.  

your hand moved some hair out of her face and she withdrew and looked up at you, slowly removing her fingers.

she came up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on her lips mumbling suggestively, “what game do you want me to help you play next?”

[wintersera]

countdown || winter x g!p reader

notes: I KNOW MY ASS SHOULDVE PLANNED AHEAD, but anyways it’s out! i didn’t expect to write this much tbh but we move. reader is also an idol btw and an 02 liner

cw: g!p reader, switch!minjeong, switch!reader, exhibitionism, little bit of begging

wc: 3.9k

[10:00pm]

“have a very happy new years. everyone stay healthy and eat well. oh! and don’t forget to greet your friends and family a happy new years as well!”

that was it, the end of the new years event. all the cameras were turned off as you and your label mates wished the fans a happy new years. you, in the middle of the youngest and oldest of le sserafim, waved at the fans and blew them all a kiss before you were led by the hand of your leader, kim chaewon, to the bottom of the stage. but you couldn’t leave your fans without saying another goodbye. you let go of your leaders hand and ran back on to the stage throwing a heart sign to one of your favourite fansites before chaewon shouted at you to come back “okaayy okay, wait a second unnnie” laughing at your leader increasingly losing her patience.

“lee y/n, hurry up we need to go” her brows furrowed a little while eunchae pointed out the crease in chaewon’s brows. she cracked up way too much “hong eunchae, it really isn’t that funny” she didn’t say much after that, she just held onto yunjin’s shoulder in attempts to surpress the laughter “sorry unnie, you just looked a little silly”

[10:20pm]

once you had gotten changed out of your stage outfits and into your casual clothes, that being an oversized black hoodie and your pants that you wore almost everytime you went outside, the staff members called you towards them, making you sit down on their chair so they could get you out of the makeup. removing your stage makeup was a hassle, getting those coloured contacts weren’t for the weak, although you should be used to it by now. it took a long time to get everything off, including the extra accessories that were wrapped around you like crazy. but anyways, you finished up washing your face before sitting down to wait for the other members. since you were the first one to be done, and you tend to get bored easily, you wander around the halls looking for something to do, whether it be finding an idol friend of yours to record a silly video, or just to chat to one of the staff members, you needed to do something to cure your boredom.

by chance you saw kim minjeong, your girlfriend, aimlessly walking around the place much like you were doing. now was the perfect time to ask her to come see you after she had gotten out of her performance outfit.

you hadn’t seen minjeong in what felt like years, it was a few months and you saw eachother when she flew back to korea calm down. being so busy with her world tour and her two comebacks this year, you only managed to go on a few dates this year, and sometimes when she did have breaks, you were busy because of your tight schedule as well. since her groups comeback, ‘drama’, you didn't see her for a good two months. did it hurt? absolutely, you missed seeing her, missed her touch, her smile, her everything.

luckily she was here, approaching you actually… wait she walking here? snapping out of your little daydream, you realise that minjeong was right infront of you.

“what’s up with you? you look like a lost puppy”

“oh wait, hi jeongie” smiling wide at her, yeah you looked like a puppy in her eyes to be honest “i was about to ask you something you came at the right time because i was about to ask you a question” you say while playing with the hem of your hoodie “so… you know how we haven’t seen eachother in months right? i was just thinking about spending some time with you somewhere after you get changed”

“where exactly?” she asks with curiosity. not so much questioning you in a bad way, just curious of what you had planned. she tilts her head to the side, wanting to charm her way into you giving her an answer, it didn’t work, although she was very cute.

“you’re not tricking me with your little head tilt” chuckling as your face turns light pink “it’s a surprise you dummy. just text me when you’re done and i’ll come to your dressing room” she nodded her head and gave you a peck on the cheek before she walked away satisfied by seeing how bright your face got. you weren’t exactly discreet with your relationship anyways, people were shipping you before the two of you were dating, for some reason, which made it easier for you to carry out skinship whenever you’d meet up in public. meaning that small kisses on the cheek, hand holding and hugs meant that the fans thought you were queer baiting aggressively, oh they were so wrong.

“i’ll see you later loser”

[10:40pm]

a good twenty minutes go by and you were waiting outside of aespa’s changing room, phone in hand just in case minjeong called or texted. the stylists really took their sweet time trying to get minjeong out of the stage outfit she was wearing, i mean to be honest, it did look like her dress took time to put on, especially with those strings and stuff at the back, and the various other little things that were included in the fit. a couple more minutes and she comes outside, surprised that you were to her side when she opened the door “oh, hi. thought you we’re gonna wait outside the building”

“well, i thought it would be better to wait for you here. and also because it’s warm in here” you reply back to her.

minjeong wore this casual white skirt despite the weather being cold, it was a little too short as well, but it’s not like she cared about it anyways, she had a hoodie to wear as well so i guess she was fine, she also had these white leg warmers to keep her from shaking, although you didn’t understand how leg warmers could keep her toasty. she looked pretty, really really pretty that it made you think of a ton of inappropriate things, that could wait for later though “i’m gonna go ask your manager a question, i already got the green light from mine, and i’m hoping, HOPING, your manager agrees” you dramatically throw your hands in the air, looking up to the sky. minjeong just looks at you like you’re stupid, although she loves how playful and reactive you can get when it comes to her. she nods accordingly, allowing you to go into the changing rooms “stay here pleeaaseee”

“what for?” she throws another questioning look at you.

“a surprise, you’ll see” smiling at her cheekily. you knock at aespa’s door, they open and greet you with a ‘heyyy’ you close the door checking if minjeong was listening “minjeong step away from the door”

“aw mannnnn”

you spend a couple of minutes explaining the plan to minjeong’s manager, she agreed that it would be a good idea, and since aespa didn’t have anything scheduled for the next week, you could take minjeong out on a silly little birthday thing with the help of your manager. you came out successful, a smile on your face as you look at minjeong “come on, follow me babe” minjeong follows you eagerly, hand in hand as her manager bids you two a fun night, maybe she got the implications of to why you booked a night at a fancy hotel, well you hope she didn’t, that would be kinda…. strange, but besides the point, you walked to your waiting room for your manager.

“are you for real gonna take the managers car?”

“you know i can’t drive YET, and plus, if i get an uber that’s gonna cost me so much money, y’know they’re overpriced” your manager was sat there waiting for you and minjeong, crossed legged and everything “are you ready to go yet?” your manager asks “oh yeah, we’re ready” pushing herself off of the chair, your manager escorts the both of you two the company car.

[11:00pm]

after ten minutes of driving towards the hotel, it should’ve taken five but your manager got lost trying to navigate the car down a street. you don’t know how she ended up in that damn street, but google maps said otherwise, you finally end up at the reception desk waving goodbye to your manager that dropped you off “a hotel? and a really… pricey one?” again, questioning you.

“only the best for my favourite unnie~” you jokingly teased her, although you were younger by a year, she’d told you not to call her unnie after you had gotten closer, excluding the times you met on camera and during the times you met while you were still on the job and in public, of course.

“yes ma’am!” you chuckle.

“that’s not any better” hitting you lightly on the shoulder.

after speaking with the receptionist about your room, she gave you the keycard and gracefully pointed towards the elevators where the guy who carries peoples luggage smiled sweetly at you, even though you didn’t have big ass bags or anything, he offered to carry your handbags. you respectfully declined as you didn’t have much to carry anyways, but he kept insisting. besides the porter being too much of a nice guy, you ended up on the highest floor of the hotel, the fifth floor to be exact. not too high and not too low, just enough to see the sky clearly and just enough for people not being able to recognise you both when you step out into the balcony.

finally stepping into the room, minjeong was greeted with a small cake on top of the room's table that you bought from one of her favourite bakeries. written on it was ‘happy 23rd birthday minjeong’ accompanied by a small little smiley face next to the text that you personally drew on yourself. she noticed a few balloons in the corners and a few more decorations here and there.

“you did this? for me?” fighting back the urge to have this big loser grin on her face.

“like it?” worried that she wasn’t gonna enjoy something so sudden for her birthday. your hands reach the hem of your hoodie again, bunching the fabric up

“i-i do like it, i love it actually. why the expensive hotel though?

“i thought it would be nice to celebrate elsewhere and um…” your face heated up at the thought of explaining why you exactly booked a hotel, specifically at night, and on her birthday “well… i haven’t seen you in so long, i missed you a lot and so, y’know, hotel room.. you and me… alone. i mean we don’t need to do anything, i-i just wanted to spend some time wi-“ minjeong cut you off, pressing her hand against your lips.

she giggles “thank you y/n, i’ve missed you a lot too. the whole tour and the comeback… it’s been like a few months since we haven’t seen each other, i’ll make it up to you” she leans in closer and closer. you weren’t even inside the room properly yet, both you and minjeong were still standing at the entrance. you wasted no time and dragged minjeong towards the bed, you sitting down on the edge while minjeong straddles your lap. her lips grazed against yours gently. the kiss was slow, steady and loving. minjeong’s small giggles as she presses her lips continuously on yours made your heart skip a few beats, god she was so cute. tiny little whimpers fell from her mouth as you relax into her touches. the feeling of your own body made minjeong moan, she loved feeling your curves, quite frankly she loved touching everywhere. from your neck, down to your collarbone, your arms, waist, hips, thighs, your entire body really.

the kiss gradually turned passionate, with minjeong grinding on your lower half while she deepens the kiss. her eyes opened, half lidded as she took your face in her hands and stared at your dazed expression. her lips parted again, smashing her lips onto yours as she kept rocking against your bulge “mmmngh… minjeong” you whined into her mouth, your bulge growing extremely hard and becoming undoubtedly uncomfortable against the fabric of your pants.

without even saying a word, minjeong gets off your lap, complaining to her that you miss her touch already, she laughs a little, the dissatisfied look on your face made her crack up knowing that she would clearly tend to your needs regardless. she knelt down at your legs, parting them open and slotting herself in between your thighs, face way too close to your crotch “jeongie?” you weakly call out for her.

“hm? what is it” jerking her head up while her hand reaches around to tease your cock.

“please” you whisper loud enough for her to hear you, but also quiet enough so that you wouldn’t get so embarrassed “i’m… feeling shy” that came as a surprise to minjeong, usually because you were the one making her feel embarrassed.

“hahah, cute. y/n we’ve done this so many times before, you’re so full of surprises today, aren't you” she says as she unzips your pants slowly. the adrenaline made your head feel fuzzy, after all it’s been months since you were intimate with her. your breath became shaky as she finally took your pants off, your hand covering your face as she fiddled with the elastic band of your briefs “relax y/n, i’ll make you feel good” finally pulling them down. your hard cock sprung up making minjeong exhale. she licked her lips hungrily, paying attention to how you were twitching without her even touching you.

“hurrryyy, minjeong i need you” your desperation was as clear as daylight. the way minjeong stared at you like a dumb puppy made you want to take her head and shove your cock so deep into her throat, but it was her birthday so you let her have control… for now. she acted dumb, asking how you wanted her, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. you pleaded, begged for her to use her mouth which you missed so much “jeongie, mouth… please” you whined. it didn’t help as she was having too much fun with teasing you, a smug smirk on her face, and if you weren’t on cloud nine already, you would’ve noticed a mischievous glint in her eye.

“hmmm, beg for it again. you sound so cute when you say please” she noted your uncharacteristic shyness and took advantage on it, laughing while she looks you straight in the eye. again, you covered your face, turning your head to look at the wall instead of her.

“don’t make me beg, anything but that. i’m embarrassed, please don’t make me beg” gripping onto the bed sheets when she moved her hand around your shaft “s-stop, i don’t wanna beg” you were the one to always tease her, karma, you guess. all that teasing you did finally came back to you, and now you were lost.

“but you want it don’t you?” yes, you did want it.

“p…please, want your mouth around my-” you caught yourself stuttering and slurring your words. the more you spoke, the faster minjeong stroked your cock “mmh, want it around m-my cock please” no words were exchanged afterwards. minjeong went straight to your cock, taking it all with ease. her tiny mouth was always so skilled when it came to pleasuring you. every single time that she sucked your dick, you were always so surprised that she could take your girthy length. seeing her mouth so full of you made you practically rock solid, even though you were pretty much as hard as you could get. she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and pushed herself further, taking your dick all the way back to her throat, tip hitting it whenever she bobbed her head up and down. this caused you to grab her head with both of your hands, you let your head fall back all while she was suddenly very focused with swirling her tongue around your tip.

fuck, you wanted to fuck her mouth, hold her mid length hair into a ponytail and push your cock all the way in, chasing your own high and disregarding your girlfriends comfort, but you remembered that you wanted to let her do whatever. her endless switch up between fast to slow, to then slow to fast, and then fast to slow, made your head spin.

savouring the taste of your dick in her mouth, minjeong hummed in satisfaction, the low hum causing you to moan back in response. minjeong felt your thighs tensing, your hands tugging her head urging her to come closer, and your cock twitching inside of her mouth. you were oh so sensitive to the point where you couldn’t take the abrupt pace minjeong was going at “close- so close” you moaned out, careful that your voice wasn’t too loud just in case the people next to you could hear.

your breathing became irregular, sharp inhales and exhales as your legs begin to tremble “m..minjeong, gonna cum- i’m gonna cum” you sharply inhaled again before you called out minjeong’s name once more, cumming all in her mouth and holding her head still so that she could swallow it all.

[11:50pm]

minjeong gave you a few minutes to come down from your high. your legs were still shaky, but you managed to put your clothes back on before suggesting that you should go to the balcony to watch the fireworks. you left minjeong to it, taking pics of the cake while you wash up in the bathroom, which didn’t really take long. with new years in mind, you bought these cheap ass sparklers that you could possibly light up on the balcony. you weren’t too sure if you were allowed to use them, but it’s not like you were going to light it up inside of the actual hotel room. minjeong guided you excitedly to the balcony, hands intertwined and laughing like you were kids again.

“waaahh, the view from here is insane. i’m glad i booked this room in advance” taking in the fresh winters air “and the balcony is big enough for us to light this” you took out the sparklers from your bag with a childish grin on your face.

“awww cute, you bought sparklers as well” her eyes lighting up as she looks at the package “can we light them up now?”

“YES, yes we can- sorry i got excited” opening the sliding door to find the lighter you also packed, you came towards minjeong and asked her to hold the end of the sparkler, you did the same and lighted hers up first. minjeong took out her phone and recorded you lighting it up, her excited squeals being caught on video while you were in the back laughing as well. it was a sweet moment for the both of you, cherishing the last minutes of 2023 with each other.

[11:55pm]

the last spark, and then it went out. you both looked at eachother and went towards the railings, your shoulders touching each other as you both gaze at the skyline.

“i’m so glad i met you y/n, i can’t wait to spend another year with you. this time i hope we get a vacation or something, a few weeks off with you would be good enough for me”

“me too, i hope our schedules this year aren’t too heavy. i know hybe is like chill with us, but i don’t know about sm… oh well, i just hope we get to see each other more often”

[12:00am, the first of january 2024]

all of a sudden the bells chime, cheers from the people on the streets could be heard throughout the city, fireworks were being set off from every direction, painting the sky a beautiful colour. to see this with your lover was truly a blessing.

“minjeong…” you whisper again “happy birthday and a happy happy new years” you say sweetly before kissing her on the lips.

in all honesty, you still felt kind of horny. coming from behind minjeong to pull down her panties, the cold air hitting her inner thighs which made her jolt “w-wait, people can see us from up here” she said, swatting away your hands that were about to reach under her hoodie.

“no one’s gonna pay attention to us, everyone is focusing on celebrating new years. it’s only us” pressing your cock against her bare pussy. you unzip your pants again, letting it fall to the ground “plus it’s dark and we’re very high up, so no ones gonna notice our face either” you move aside her hair, pressing a kiss on her nape before you let your hands roam underneath her hoodie, and then under her bra.

“y… your hands are cold” her hands grabbing on tightly to the bars, attempting to stifle her moaning as you pinch and pull at her hardened nipples. ever so gently pushing your cock inside minjeongs already soaked pussy, you tease her asking if she got wet by sucking your cock. she reluctantly agrees by nodding her head

“go on, say that you got wet” that was karma for asking you to beg.

“i-i can’t, they’re gonna hear us” whispering under her breath while also attempting to keep her moans low. you reassure her that no one’s going to hear the two of you, it was just you and her alone in the moment and no one else “…fuck, fine… sucking your dick made me wet, you happy?” you moaned in response to that, smiling and saying “yes” while you slowly pumped in and out of her pussy.

you were clearly pussy drunk, your hips moved on their own, grinding your cock hard into her. minjeong felt warm and her pussy was tight, almost making you drool as you kept pushing in further and further. the sensation of minjeong clamping down on you made you almost moan too loud, catching yourself off guard you covered your hands just in case anyone heard you, ironic right.

i guess you could say the cold made minjeong even more needy, she wanted to keep you as close as possible, asking you to wrap your arms around her waist as you kept pounding into her tight pussy “y/n, y/n- keep going, feels amazing~” you assumed that you hit the spot that she loved oh so much, her moans becoming higher as you rammed harder.

“like this jeongie? mmgh.. you want me to fuck you like this, huh?” taking one hand out of her shirt to place it on top of one of her hands that were still gripping onto the steel metal bars.

“y/n- i’m close, so close… fuck me faster.. go faster” obeying her, you move as fast as you thought was needed, slightly bending her over. at this point you were getting too dizzy, knowing that you were also close to orgasming, you hold her waist, practically slamming her into your cock “oh god… about to— hnngh, cum” minjeong’s pussy throbbed and clenched around you so tightly that it made your eyes roll back, her legs spasming as she came around your cock, breathless as she called your name out weakly. you followed, grabbing her waist and pulling her in, not letting go so you can spill every last drop of semen inside of her.

“god… i’m… exhausted” you say between breaths. with new years over, and another plan to take minjeong out on a date when you wake up, you carry her back inside kissing her forehead “happy birthday again jeongie” smiling sweetly at her

“mmmm, thank you y/n”

a/n: they at the cake as well don’t worryyy

[specialagentlokitty]

Damon x reader - don’t call me that

can i request one where reader always call damon some kind of pet name that when reader called him by his name he gets pouty?? - Anon💜

Sitting on the couch, you were aimlessly flicking through some films trying to find something to watch when you heard the front door open and close.

“Hey love!” You called.

“I thought you had work?” Damon asked.

You shrugged a little as you leant your head back to looked at him in the doorway of the living room.

“Closed for the night, had some paperwork to do so I decided to close up but I finished it all an hour ago. The owner said it was cool. Where were you?”

“Some crap to do with Elena wasn’t really paying attention.”

You laughed a little bit and shook your head at Damon as he walked over and jumped over the couch to sit next to you.

Holding his arms out, he waited for you to crawl into his arms and held you against his chest.

He picked up the tv remote and carried on flicking through the films you were looking at while he ran his fingers through your hair.

“What time do you start tomorrow?” Damon asked.

“It’s my day off, one of the college kids wanted some extra shifts so the store owner is gonna train them up on some stuff.”

Damon grinned a little to himself and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Does that mean movies, snacks and cuddling?”

“Of course it does my dear.” You chuckled.

So that’s how you guys spent the rest of the night, you ordered some food, gathered some snacks from the cupboard and binged loads of films.

You woke up the following morning with your head tucked under Damon’s chin, his arms wrapped tightly around you, your legs tangled with his while he was still fast asleep.

You wiggled free from his grasp and padded out to the kitchen to get a drink and look for something to eat.

Humming to yourself, you settled on making some pancakes and got everything out and ready while you started to make the batter mix.

It wasn’t long before you heard Damon getting up and wondering around.

“Hey breakfast is my job.”

“You were still asleep.” You shrugged.

Breakfast flew by and you had to go meet the others to discuss some stuff, and while you didn’t really have to be there Damon did.

You decided to tag along because you were bored and Damon gave you a gentle kiss before he entered the door before he gestured for you to follow him into the boarding house.

“You don’t have to be here you know.” He whispered.

Looking up at him, you nodded.

“I know, but it’s my day off I wanna be with you.”

“I know I’m just to damn irritable.” He smirked.

Rolling your eyes, you slipped your hand into his, and played with the ring on his finger while he half listened to whatever was being said.

He was scrolling through his phone, occasionally showing you something he thought you would like or something you found funny.

What caught your attention was someone saying his name in an angry tone and you looked up to see Ric scowling at Damon.

“Are you even paying attention Damon? This is important, it’s Elena’s life we’re trying to save.” He snapped.

“Yeah yeah I know, but this isn’t going to work and you know it.” Damon shrugged.

“It’s our only choice at this point.” Stefan sighed.

“Just go in there and kill them all, problem solved.” Damon said.

Everyone sighed at him.

“It’s not that simple, we do that and they kill my sister. Would you do that if it were (Y/N)?”

“I would’ve killed them all the moment they took (Y/N).” Damon growled, “it’s not my fault you’re all to scared to do anything about it.”

“We’re not all as reckless and stupid as you.” Jeremy snapped.

You felt Damon tense up, and you gripped his hand a little tighter, making him turn his attention to you.

“Calm down my love…” you whispered.

He nodded his head and took a deep breath.

“What? Nothing to say?” Jeremy scoffed.

Damon growled a little bit didn’t do anything and Jeremy stood up.

“You owe everything to my sister, (Y/N) hasn’t done anything for you!”

This time Damon rushed forward, pinning Jeremy to the wall while everyone tried to pry him off the teen.

You stood up.

“Love come on, let him go.”

Placing a hand on Damon’s arm, you tried to get his attention.

Nothing would work, no matter how many pet names you called him, no matter how much you asked him again and again to let Jeremy go and he wouldn’t.

Sighing, you took a step back and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Damon let him go right now.” You snapped.

Damon whipped his head towards you and dropped Jeremy, walking over he stood in front of you, placing his hands on your cheeks.

“Don’t call me that…” he pouted.

“You wouldn’t listen.”

“Don’t call my name, I don’t like it when you call me by my name…”

Reaching up, you placed your hands on his arms and sighed, leaning slightly into his touch as you closed your eyes for a second.

“I want you to apologise to Jeremy, he’s just worried about his sister and wants her to be safe.”

Damon grumbled something under his breath and walked around you, slipping his arms around your waist as he put his head on your shoulder.

“Will you stop using my name if I do…?” He mumbled.

You nodded and he sighed.

“Fine, I guess im sorry but I’d do it again.”

“That’s as good as im going to get isn’t it?” Jeremy asked.

Damon nodded his head and Jeremy sighed rolling his eyes.

They all went back to discussing what to do while Damon turned you around, hands planted on your waist.

“Are you happy now?”

“Much. Thank you darling.”

Leaning up you kissed his cheek and led him back to the couch to carry on with the meeting.

He sat there and just listened, still slightly pouting at the fact that you had called him by his name and not one of the pet names you usually called him

[strayflowersstarsandlove]

𝑻𝒐 𝑫𝒊𝒆 𝑭𝒐𝒓 - hyunjin x reader x felix au fanfic

CHAPTER 2

3 - It's not living if it's not with you

Your thumb skims a cross his smooth cheek, barely brushing the faded mole underneath his eye. Everything and nothing at all swirling in circles in your head as you absentmindedly touch his face, not a distinct, single thought behind your eyes, the look in them distant, vague.

Hyunjin sits patiently and stares at you, he lets you run your fingers over his bushy eyebrows and the plump outline of his lips, sighs ever so softly when the tip of your nail edges down his throat and loops around his thin silver necklace. He knows you love touching him like this, absentmindedly, aimlessly, a mute request for comfort, for something familiar and reassuring to feel beneath your pads so you can escape your head and ground yourself.

"What did you do today?", he asks after a little while, nudging the side of your knee with his own, you shrug, little to no recollection of the day's events for there are none. All of your days kind of blur into one, it's been like this for a while now. The same routine repeats itself over and over again in a in infinite, grey loop.

It's like Hyunjin died and all the colors in the spectrum of the rainbow died with him, skies turning slate gray, water turning to mud, trees shedding their green leaves no matter the season as if all life and color had been drained out all at once.

"Went to work. Got home. Showered. Ordered pizza. Doomscrolled. Went to bed", you list out your activities for the day, for any other day you weren't ending having sex with Felix.

Hyunjin plops his hands down in his lap with a smack, growing frustrated with your flat monotone and the way you seem completely unphased. "So you just waited out another day, no-wasted another day, just so you could go to bed and conjure me up like this? Aren't you tired, y/n? Aren't you tired of reliving groundhog day every single day?".

Shoulders coming down in a slump, you tut. You are tired. Energy depleted. Even if you have realistically been doing nothing at all. For the past 2 years it seems. Funny how living in a bubble of nothingness can feel so exhausting all the same." Yeah.. I am, I guess. But it's alright. Don't really want to pick a fight right now", you reply non commitedly, dropping your stare to the illusion of the white ground beneath your feet.

Hyunjin growls, a guttural sound rolling in his throat as he stands up and flails his arms out theatrically, "I WANT you to pick a fight with me! Fuck, if it means I'll get a reaction that's more than a shrug then fucking fight me! Cuss me out, I don't care! your life is fucking boring and you're just letting it be, what the hell happened to you? You are the shell of who you used to be! And the worst thing about it is that you seem completely fine with it. Deaf, empty. Flat. You're letting your life pass you by and you don't give a damn".

The white emptiness all around you echoes with the thunder in his voice. You've never seen Hyunjin this upset before, it startles you, the intensity in his gaze strinkingly disproportionate to the usual gentleness in his orbs. "What the fuck are you on about now? You died, Hyun. You fucking died. And yeah, you're right. I don't give a damn anymore, I haven't been for the past two years because what's the fucking point?", you snap, a surge of visceral annoyance bubbling up within you.

"The point is exactly that! Only one of us is dead but you're the one acting like you're not living", he shouts.

Nausea rises up to your throat, your stomach heaving. You stare at Hyunjin balling up his hands into fists, the fiery passion burning behind his eyes so strong he almost looks intimidating, "you are throwing your life away, y/n. I can't fucking stand it, I can't. It's like watching a flower wilting and wilting in a draught and not being able to give it a single drop of water, it's infuriating".

-"I lost everything, I don't have a family anymore, don't have a home anymore, I don't have you or any of our friends, I don't have a fucking heartbeat anymore and I can't watch a sunset and I can't sketch your face and I can't pet my dog, I can't do fucking anything but wait for you up here, watch you ghost your way through your days, watch you as you fuck my friend here and there and then curl yourself up in a ball in bed until you dream me up again in this weird fucking limbo and I can't, I fucking can't".

Angry, yet silent tears are rolling down Hyunjin's cheeks, he swats them away and nervously rake through his hair. You blink at him, wishing you could let your own tears flow, but none come out. None ever will. You had used them all up on the day you found out he had died.

Never in your whole life up until that point you had cried so much, so copiously, your eyes were so swollen and stingy and red you had to visit the ER and get some eye drops and absolute rest in your pitch black room, curtains drawn, blocking out the sun that never properly shone on you from that day on. Your body had not been able to produce any more tears from that day on, both physically and mentally, you had shut down completely. There was no prickling, no pressure urging behind your eyelids, no emotional turmoil big enough to trigger any voluntary or involuntary instinct to cry.

"I am not living, Hyunjin. I am merely surviving, I'm only just investing enough energy so I can get myself through another day. I'm sorry you cannot live vicariously through me cause my existence turned a little too dull for you", you confess plainly, as if you had not just admitted to the most miserable truth residing in your heart.

You only cared about being awake enough to reach the end of the day, just so you could see him again, hear his voice, touch his face, feel some semblance of belonging, pretending your relationship never had to be cut off so abruptly, the love of your life plucked away from the world so carelessly, like a flower ripped from the grass it was flourishing in.

You and him were in no way perfect, neither was your relationship. Loving him was red, and purple and blue. Fiery, intense, but delicate and sweet. You fought, not a lot but you fought. And some of the fights were turbulent, they lead them to you refusing to speak to each other for a few days at a time, the vicious silent treatment generating all the more incomprehension in turn, which usually then lead to more arguing but to some very intense make up sex too.

And deep talks. Endless deep talks. All of your inner colors and shades, all the good the bad and the ugly coming out in hushed tones underneath the moonlight, steaming cups of tea burning the reddened skin on the palm of your hands. McDonald's runs at three in the morning. I love yous shouted out of anger and frustration, giggles, his way of peeling apart your layers, making you feel seen with every turn of a leaf.

Hyunjin chokes, a sob like pained whine in his throat, he cups your cheeks, squeezing a little too tight, but you don't protest. He shuts his eyes and keeps them close for a sec, he kisses your lips, his mouth lingering on yours as he dares not raise his voice above a whisper, his breath coming out short: "I love you, fuck I love you, y/n. I don't want you to live so I can live through you, I don't want you to die for me, every single day, either, like you've been doing so far", "do you want me to live for you?".

The question tumbles out of your mouth like it's second nature, like saying please and thank you and hello. If you could bury a body for him, slice off your arm and feed to him, if it meant bringing him back to the real world, you could live for him too. If he just asked.

"I want you to live. For yourself. For love, for happiness. I want you to live because the world has not ended just because my life did...", he trails off, soft whispers hitting your skin as his lips trace your cupid bow, "I need you to live, y/n. And I need you to start living again soon, I need you to live again and laugh again and love again, I need you... I need you to feel alive because I need to die. I really, really need to die".

A wall of bricks crumbles down on your head, splitting in chunks upon impact. Or at least that's what it feels like. You look at him incredulously, any primitive form of words dying in your throat as you stare at him.

He sighs, heavily, like it's hurting him to do so: "I don't know how any of this works. No clue. But I know I'm not meant to stay here, in this limbo of sorts. Not for this long. These past two years might have felt like a blink to you, but to me the dragged out infinitely. I am losing my... human-ness, if that's a thing. I can't feel you anymore, not as much as I used to when we first started meeting up here". Hyunjin brushes away the hair on the crown of your head, nimble long finger through your strands, eyes squinting as he makes a pained face.

"My lips don't feel the same, they cannot perceive how soft your skin is, my hearing is getting weaker, my eyes don't work as well as they used to before. My limbs... The feel so heavy, y/n. I drag my entire body weight on these legs, and it's so hard. I am becoming numb, and weak. I am slowly disappearing, my love. And I don't know why or how, but if I don't pass over properly, if I don't get to finally rest, I never will."-

-"My soul will pulverize along with this body. I need to leave, to reach my final stage, whatever that may be. I might just forever rest or reincarnate, anything. I'm not meant to stay here forever. I have to leave. But I can't do that, I can't leave you until I know you're okay. My life will have been worthless if I don't get to see you appropriating you life again, do you understand? I will have lived and died for nothing, if you don't move on".

Oxygen stuck in your airways, you gasp, the torpidity in your body and your mind slithering away like suds in the drizzle of water, panic seizing your senses, "you're leaving?", you murmur, and he grimaces, nodding slowly, "I don't think I have more than a year left. It's hard to explain, to give it a time line, a deadline too... It's like a silent ticking time bomb within me, and it's eating me from the inside, making my form feel less and less... Human. I know it's going to go off sometime soon, I can hold it back only for so long", he tries to explain, elaborating his thoughts with so much strain in his voice he sounds like he's scraping the base of his heart to claw at some courage.

Trying to desperately make sense feels like a regurgitation of what it first felt like to see him appear in this weird space I your head, a space between dream and reality, sleep and wakefulness. It felt odd, insane, unexplicable at first.

But then it turned into comfort, into the safest place you knew, the one you had been running to every night. But now it's just dread. Hopelessness. The line between staying sane and becoming actually ill in the head blurring all at once as you find yourself grappling with reality. Your safe space turning into a castle of glass that could break at any moment in time.

Fear swallows you up. Your heart failing to beat properly as the faintest falter in the rhythm sends daggers piercing through your chest. Hyunjin cannot leave this place too. "How-how long have you known?", "I've always known".

An eerie quietness sinks in the atmosphere. Your heart plummeting in your chest, tumbling down your stomach with a thud. The blank stare in his eyes when you had confessed you were sleeping with Felix,the surrender in his voice when he had tried to calm down the rage that erupted from you then, when it felt like he had so passively accepted he wasn't going to be able to hold you back from diving head first into the worst of coping mechanisms, the alcohol first, the meaningless sex next.

"Is this - is this... Is this why you fucking SHRUGGED when I told you I had accidently drowned my liver in alcohol and ended up in bed with Felix? Had you already given up on me then? On us? You already knew didn't you?", you chide incongruently calmly, teeth gritting, hurt and anger at being left in the darkness blindsiding you once again.

"You were clearly in so much pain, y/n. You were mourning, I don't get to judge how people mourn, how they cope with pain, much less you. What was I supposed to do? Yell at you? Scream my head off accusing you of not caring about me or not loving me enough in death as much as you did in life? How could have that ever helped the situation? You were going to do something drastic if I had let you know at the time, and trust me, TRUST ME it hurt. It ripped my heart to shreds, it burned my entire soul to know you were fucking my best friend".-

-"But I was dead then and I am dead now. I cannot do shit about it. I cannot stop you from doing anything. I was just hoping it was going to be temporary! that-that... that you were going to eventually stop. Or fall for him. And be happy without me. But none of that happened and now I'm disappearing and I don't know what to do anymore".

The metallic taste of blood pooling in your mouth floods your taste buds as you bite down hard on the inside of your lips, rubbing them together int a thin line, Hyunjin breathes raggedly, he puts his face in his hands, crying into the sleeves of his shirt, "I just want you to be happy y/n, selfishly, I need you to be happy, cause my heart is fucking heavy for you and I cannot take it through with me. I need you to let me go, even if it means I had to spend two years letting you go first, even if it means I have to push you away right now, I need you to let me go".

Chapter 4

[freakassfemme]

[i'll crawl home to her] pt 1: ser - yara greyjoy x brienne of tarth

Summary: Brienne of Tarth, after escaping the grasp of the Ironborn queen, finds herself wandering back to Yara Greyjoy instead of the safety offered to her at Winterfell.

Warnings: mature content, smut to come, drinking, f/f, lesbianism (but that's a blessing), implied hostage situation, canon divergent

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: THEY DIDN'T LET BRIENNE AND YARA FUCK BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WOULD KILL ME! Anyways, I randomly thought of this, and it was going to be one part, but I decided to do a mini-fic and do like 2-3 parts, depending on my heart's desire. Happy reading :)

NO MINORS BEYOND THIS POINT

Not many men were able wrangle Brienne of Tarth. She was six feet and three inches of pure skill, and she carried the heart and honor of a warrior that often saved her when her strength could not.

This honor took her to the ends of the earth, wandering aimlessly, over and under and around and through every bit of trouble imaginable, yet she always emerged unscathed. But when the task was completed, all ends tied and everything said and done, Brienne would hesitate.

And wait.

And hesitate.

And wait.

She was nothing without a job.

So the soldier would make her home for the night in brothels and under trees. Occasionally, she would crawl into the arms of another knight just to find a warm bed or another task to busy her. She lived to serve, to be faithful to something or someone, and until she could find another lord to bend the knee for, she would wander.

Sometimes this wandering led to a fair bit of trouble.

Brienne wasn't entirely sure how she had gotten there that night that they met. Boats weren't really her thing - she was more favorable to the stability of land and a horse, so to anyone that asked, she had no idea what she was doing there, drunk and sword-to-throat with some Ironborn brute.

He was but a man, and so it was easy to pin him to the wall when he started to get a bit too handsy with her. Cockiness wasn't really something Brienne admired in a man. She would much rather a man shut the fuck up, if you would be so inclined to hear her say so, but this poor sailor hadn't heeded Brienne's warnings. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't really one for mercy this late at night.

Brienne had planned to hang him from the mast, in all honesty, and she would've gotten away with it, slipping into the night without a trace. Not many men could wrangle Brienne of Tarth.

But Yara Greyjoy was no man.

It was embarrassing to admit the raw force behind Yara's sword surprised Brienne caused her confidence to stutter, then her own sword. She had fallen much easier to Yara than she had any man, and perhaps that stirred something a bit more complex than shame within Brienne.

That was eight months ago, three months since she had escaped the grasp of the Ironborn queen, and only just a few weeks since she had safely saw Sansa Stark to Winterfell. And here she was once again, sitting in a tavern or brothel of sorts, ale in hand.

It wasn't that the men (or the women, for that matter) trying to seduce Brienne were particularly boring, but rather her mind was preoccupied with the leaving and the waiting, her heart had been skipping every other beat for hours, and she was fucking tired.

"Won't you stay?" Sansa asked, taking Brienne's hand between both of her own. "You would have a place here, you know."

Sansa had said it so earnestly, with so much devotion and promise in her eyes. Gods, she had looked just like Catelyn, and for a moment, Brienne saw the both of them swearing that oath all over again.

She saw it in the way Sansa smiled up at her with those lakes of eyes. The curve of Sansa's pink lips against her milky cheeks, the regality in her new robes -- watching over Sansa, caring for Sansa, loving Sansa... it was a future Brienne knew she would be happy in. It was the promise of a home. She would not have to roam Westeros any longer. Still, something lingered in the back of Brienne's mind that made her hesitate, as she always did.

It was a difficult offer to say no to, especially knowing the respect and security that came with staying with Sansa, the queen in the North. It had ripped at Brienne's heart, tore her throat raw with dryness. It was a solid deal, probably the best thing to ever happen to her, but it wasn't enough.

Brienne knew she was fucking herself over. Her selfishness would be the death of her. An offer like this was not easy to come by, especially for a woman knight. She was robbing herself of an easy, good life with a powerful woman who cared for her in a place where both of their presences were revered.

It had been difficult, but not impossible, to say no. But the guilt followed her out of Winterfell.

"Another one," Brienne said, slamming her pint on the table. She pushed her palms into her eyes, trying to rub out her exhaustion.

The man behind the bar looked at her curiously.

"Do y'have coin to pay for all this?" He asked, rubbing a glass with a towel in a rather stereotypical fashion. He was about twenty or so years older than her, but he looked down at her in almost disbelief, mockery playing on his lips as he took her in.

Brienne pulled her hands away and scoffed.

"What, do you think I'm trying to rob you?" She said, half joking, but it didn't quite reach the bartender. The man raised his eyebrow. He did not pour her another glass.

She rolled her eyes, then reaching below into the pockets of her armor. Inside was tucked a small leather pouch, and she fished out a small stack of coins given to her by Sansa before she had left. She slammed a few on the bar top, then gave the man an exasperated look.

He took the coin and looked it over in his hand for a long moment before he refilled her stein.

"Thank you," she said sarcastically as he handed it back to her. She raised the cup up in a satirical toast, and the bartender chuckled, but left her be with her fourth refill of the night.

Then her fifth, and her sixth.

Brienne was about to call it a night. She had no reason to believe this particular bar would be the place where she would find what she was looking for other than the history that was attached to it. She was searching with twigs of clues at this point, but something indescribable within her overtook her senses, packed her few bags, and forced her return to this shithole.

Halfway through her sixth pint, the smell of piss started to irritate her beyond belief, and she reached into her pocket again. She slid her last payment of the night across the bartop and sighed as she stood.

"Finally calling it a night?" The man asked, still cleaning those stupid glasses. Brienne nodded silently, and he wished her well as she began to work her way to the exit of the bar.

Brienne's head pounded as she dodged an impressively-dirty man sneering at her, sidestepped a woman with quite a few missing teeth reaching for her sword, and squeezed through a few sweaty couples getting rather promiscuous in the dining area. Just as the door was in view, she was suddenly cut off.

A short, blonde beauty stepped in front of her, smiling sweetly as she looked over Brienne from bottom to top.

"Excuse us, ser," a soft voice whispered from behind Brienne. Before she could react, she felt a set of hands reach around and run up her front.

Brienne opened her mouth to say something, cheeks bright red.

"Oh, she is no ser," the blonde woman said, licking her plush lips. Brienne tried to speak again, but her eyes wandered over the woman's revealing, lavender-colored dress that was more likely a few strips of fabric covering her most private areas. The blonde giggled and cupped Brienne's chin, then turned her around.

The redheaded woman now in front of Brienne looked pleased.

"Oh, this is quite a delight now, isn't it?" She asked, pressing her front to Brienne's cool armor. Brienne swallowed heavily.

"I am sorry, I think you have mistaken me -"

"For whom?" The blonde woman cooed in Brienne's ear.

"Perhaps dessert," The red-haired woman teased as they both guided Brienne farther away from the door. Brienne opened her mouth again, but the redheaded woman covered her lips with a finger, and drunken Brienne blushed furiously.

"We would be happy to make dessert out of you," one of them whispered, Brienne couldn't tell whom. She considered staying here within the embrace of the two courtesans, and she let them back her into a wall. After all, would it really be so bad to be lavished by two women on a god-awful night like this?

Or perhaps just the one, as the blonde woman seemed to have slipped away, but Brienne was more than happy to make do with the redheaded lady in front of her.

Brienne, sighed, and shook her head to let out her nerves. Then, she bent down, just enough to slam her lips against the woman's. The lady gasped against Brienne's mouth and let Brienne wrap her strong hands around the other's much smaller figure, pulling her closer.

The woman tasted like something sweet mixed with something deliciously sour, like a tart apple, and Brienne let herself melt into the embrace, eyes slipping shut and even growling softly as the woman's lips wandered to Brienne's throat.

Her fingers carded through the smaller woman's hair, cradling the other in the crook of her neck. When the woman bit down on Brienne's collarbone, she couldn't help but let out a low moan, eyes shooting open with surprise.

For a second, Brienne's eyes watered, making it impossible to see, until the thrill wound back up inside her and cleared her vision.

That was when Brienne saw her.

Though her back was to Brienne, it was impossible to mistake her for anyone else. Strolling in with a group of loud men following behind her, bartender preparing her a drink without any order, her raspy voice calling confidently for a particular woman, but especially by the way she pulled a seat back by the top of it and sat herself on it like a king, legs spreading and arms opening to welcome the blonde woman from earlier into her lap.

Brienne's body stiffened against the redheaded woman, and for a few minutes, she watched Yara Greyjoy engage with the prostitute.

She watched the way Yara ran her tongue down and bury her face between the woman's breasts. Both laughed at Yara's little party trick, and Yara leaned back, taking a sip of her ale as the blonde woman straddling her began to slip the top of her dress off, revealing her upper half.

Brienne watched with a burning storm in her stomach as Yara ran her hand up the woman's chest, pinching at her nipple to feel for a reaction. The woman whined, then grabbed ahold of Yara's neck, bringing their bodies closer and pressing against the Ironborn lady. Yara chuckled and slipped her hand downwards, still relentlessly searching for responses.

The blonde woman pulled Yara closer, and Yara curled into her, head resting on her shoulder as her hand slipped up the woman's upper thigh and into her dress. Brienne felt her anxiety boil, running down her spine and into her hands that clenched at the base of the redheaded woman's back.

Her eyes narrowed, breathing growing heavy in a way that had the redhead woman giggling as she watched the woman in Yara's lap gasp, back curling.

Yara looked up at the blonde woman, smirking and whispering into her ear. Brienne glared as she smiled sweetly back down at Yara, saying something coyly that had Yara barking with laughter, shaking her head. For a moment, Brienne caught a glimpse of Yara's full face, and she felt months of tension and complexity swell inside of her.

Her heart thumped so loudly she worried it might burst out of her chest, and Brienne nearly choked on the lump in her throat when Yara's deep eyes locked with hers.

[chronicbeans]

The Priest

IDK I was bored and decided to make a silly goofy reader insert with an OC for a random story. I think I'll call that random story "Love After Life". Silly goofy.

TW: Funeral Home Setting, Death, Delusional Thinking, Hallucinations, Immortality, Religious Imagery, Priests, Chronic Fatigue, Apathy, and Depression

You have always been intrigued by the strange priest who comes to the funeral home. You actually work as a funeral attendant, so you get the pleasure of meeting him often. He is just the oddest man you have ever seen. Especially in his mannerisms.

He seems to just wander aimlessly, as if he were a lost spirit, with no purpose. He'd visit, possibly to hold a funeral service, then just linger. The mortician who works in the morgue down in the basement of the funeral home often complains of his just... making his way in and complaining about something. She never says what it is the priest complains about, just that he complains about disturbing things.

Your mother, when you mentioned him at dinner one night, seemed to brighten up. She said something along the lines of "He has always been around here. Quite a strange fellow, isn't he? Strange, but kind. He does have a record of saying depressing things, though, so be careful. He might cause your spirits to go down."

You are currently arranging flowers around the casket of the latest funeral. Nobody has actually arrived, and it is sent to be in around a few hours. It is for a lady named Mariella, who passed away in her late forties. She had requested in her will to have her funeral in the local church, so you had to drive here and set everything up. You hear the door open, turning to see the priest. As always, he has arrived exceedingly early.

Dressed in a cassock, with a clerical collar wrapped tightly around his neck, alongside a rosary in his hand, he moves with the silence of a ghost to a pew. He sits down, staring straight ahead. His hair is dark brown, and his skin seems to be an almond color, or something along those lines. Despite this, he looks a bit paler than usual, as well as sickly or fatigued. His eyes also seem pale as they wander around the room, before landing on you. The dark bags beneath them seem to accentuate their paleness, giving them an eerie leer.

Despite this, he seems rather young to be a priest. That isn't to say that there aren't young priests. It is just that in the Catholic Church, which is the branch he preaches for, the clergymen tend to be older. If you had to guess, he seems to be in his mid thirties to early forties at the most. It is a bit hard to tell with the blue mask covering the lower half of his face. Wait...

You open your mouth, saying "Good evening, Father. I hate to sound rude, but are you sick? I umm..." He tilts his head, seemingly shocked that you talked to him. Then, he shakes his head as he says "No... I am fine. Thank you for asking, Mr./Ms./Mrs./Mx. ...?" "(L/N). You can just call me (Y/N)." He slowly nods his head.

Everything grows silent, again. You check your watch, noticing that there is still some time before the funeral is scheduled to begin. Nobody has arrived, yet, either. "Why did you ask if I was sick? Do I... Is it that noticable?" You look over to him. A bit confused by the question, but not exactly shocked. That mask on his face is pretty noticable... "The mask? Yeah, it is-" "No... The smell..." You raise an eyebrow "What smell?" You sniff the air, smelling nothing but the flowers you have arranged for the funeral, alongside the odd smell every old building, like the church, seems to have.

The priest grows quiet, again, before saying "I... forget I said anything..." Then, he mutters something to himself, but it is too muffled by his mask for you to hear. You slowly begin to realize what your mother meant by him being a bit eccentric. He seems to take everything a bit strangely, or too close to heart. Maybe he just has a messed up sense of smell or something? You can understand having an oversensitive nose. Oh, GOD. What if he thinks you think he smells bad or something? Now you gotta apologize...

"Hey, I am sorry if I seemed rude-" "How do you not smell it? God... I smell awful! Nobody seems to notice it..." He presses his hands against his mask, as if to make sure it is secure. The blue material crinkles against his hands, his usually half-lidded, fatigue filled eyes now wide. His dark eyebrows crinkle upward, a look of worry on his face. "I look awful, too..."

You, at this point, are highly concerned for him. All you did was ask if he was sick! Now he is speaking about... an odd smell and looking awful? You have sent him into a spiral! You look back to the arrangement, deciding that it looks okay enough to step back and console him. You are more well-versed in consoling grieving people, but this shouldn't be that different, right? You hope so, at least.

You sit next to him, which causes him to flinch and stare at you. His eyes look so... milky... now that you see them up close. He holds his hands up, signalling for you to move back a bit. You scoot a bit further away as he says "Stay back... don't look at my face. It's disgusting. I smell disgusting. I shouldn't... I shouldn't be here..." You swallow thickly, before saying "You don't look or smell disgusting! You look and smell perfectly fine!" You immediately shut up, thinking to yourself about how awful that reply was.

He seems to think the same way, too, as he looks even more distressed. He clutches his hair in his hands, pulling on it in distress as he cries out "Why does everyone say that?! Why can't they... why don't they notice it! Why doesn't the mortician notice it?" You are immediately intrigued. You look down at your watch. About an hour left. As much as you want to know the juicy details, you gotta calm him down quickly. "Hey... I am clearly not helping. What calms you down, Father? Do you want to vent your frustration to me? What do you do?"

He looks around, before standing and walking over to the casket. He just stares at it, holding his shaking hands up to his mask. His brown hair is frizzy from how he was clutching it in his hands before. You decide to stand, but keep your distance. "What are you doing?"

He looks back at you, stammering "I... I like to be with the others when I am distressed. Is that too much for this old man to ask?" You chuckle, shaking your head "You aren't that old. Also, might I ask what you mean by the others?"

"I'm dead."

You freeze up. You have no idea how to respond to those words. You hesitate, before asking "So... the smell you are speaking of...?" He looks around, having seemingly calmed down a bit. He continues "I've been decaying, yes. Do you... do you want to see it? You seem calm enough to trust. Most say I am crazy when I tell them that I am dead."

You fidget with your fingers, before nodding. He beckons you over, to which you approach him. He takes one last peek around. Your stomach is churning. What will it look like? Maggots? Rotting, necrotic flesh? Will his lips have turned black from rot and fallen off? He begins removing his mask, revealing...

Nothing. He looks perfectly fine. A bit handsome for a priest, actually. His lips are soft looking, his face is either clean shaven, or he just doesn't grow facial hair. Either way, his tan skin looks smooth, if you discount the pale, sickly tone of it. You hesitate, knowing how badly he reacted the last time you mentioned not noticing the strange smell he spoke of, but you simply cannot lie to him. He is a priest, after all, and lying is a sin. Maybe a compliment will lift his spirits or soften the blow?

"I am so sorry... I don't see anything. You look handsome, by the way." You immediately want to slap yourself, realizing what you just said. This man thinks he's dead and decaying, and you just said he looks handsome! That was probably the WORST thing you could've said!

He recoils, his eyes glaring down with a mixture of disgust, horror, and just the tiniest hint of flattery. "Disgusting! How could you say that?! Should i call the police-" "No, no! I meant that I just don't see any decay! You... you look like a normal man. I am sure you have heard that countless times, but it is true. Calm down. I'm not into that sort of thing." He relaxes again, nodding. "I apologize..." "No! No, no worries. I immediately realized what I said was stupid after I said it! Haha!"

Now everything is awkward... oh, (Y/N), why do you have to make everything awkward? He is just standing there, staring blankly ahead. The sounds of footsteps approaching the doors begins, causing him to put his mask back over his face. Without another word, the two of you get in your places.

...

The service goes by without a hitch. You decide, to save yourself the embarrassment, to just go to your car and let the mourners linger. However, much to your dismay, the priest approaches you and begins to talk.

"Hello... Is there anything I could do to make up for my poor reaction to your compliment. I understand that you are aware of why I reacted that way, but it was still unacceptable for me to have such a sudden outburst. You were just trying to be kind to me and comfort me."

You begin fidgeting, before asking "I still don't know your name, Father. I have told you mine, so it would only be fair if I know yours." He nods. "Such an odd request. I have always found you a bit odd... If that is what you want, however, I will oblige. My name is Claire Cotard. If I see you around, I will see if I can get you to accept another form of apology. Just telling you my name doesn't seem fair." "Really, you don't have to-"

Father Cotard leaves before you can finish your sentence. Really, you don't need anything else. It wasn't like he actually ended up calling the cops or anything. It was completely reasonable, too, considering the situation. Plus, now that you know his name, you can ask around about him.

In fact, you can even check the wall! The church, with how old it is, has a lot of history. It was even around during the witch trials in the area. Sure, this place wasn't a Catholic Church back then, but it still has that on the wall dedicated to telling the church's history. On that wall is a list of every priest who has worked here, listed by each individual year. Father Cotard works here, so you can see how long he has been doing so.

You sneak your way to the history wall, looking over to the metal plaques of the clergymen's names. The etching is small, due to how many names are crammed into each one. However, you can make out Father Cotard's name on the years...

No, wait... that must be wrong. He is all the way back on the plaque for the 1600s! That is definitely wrong... He is also on the ones for the 1700s, 1800s, and the 1900s! He is on every plaque! It doesn't even say "Father Claire Cotard II" or "Father Claire Cotard III". Just "Father Claire Cotard". So, unless there happens to be a couple other people with the same name, there is something fishy going on here.

Looking over to the portraits, you are even more confused. There is one of a man who looks EXACTLY like him, painted in 1639, which is labeled as a reverend during the witch trials. There is a photo from 1922, with a man who also looks like him. Then there is a painting of a lady, dressed in clothing straight out of the 1800s, confessing her sins to yet another man who looks like him.

It is all too much to take in. You go home for the day, deciding to ask your family about him. You step through the front door, taking a quick shower. You try to relax, but it isn't really helping. Getting changed into your casual clothes, you head downstairs for dinner. To your luck, your father is already sitting there. Yeah, some say it is weird to be living with your parents as an adult, much less an adult with a career plan... But they can't work, don't have any income, and already spent all their retirement money. You want to make sure they are okay.

He laughs, saying "We ordered takeout tonight, sport! Hope you don't mind!" You weakly nod, before asking "Hey... do you know anything about Father Cotard? I saw him at work today, and got to talk to him. He seems mysterious." Your father shifts in his seat, thinking to himself, before smirking coyly and teasing "You better not be getting a crush on him, sport! He's a clergyman, and a Catholic one, at that!"

You groan in frustration "Dad, I am being serious! Also, that's gross... I barely even know him!" He laughs heartily "I know! I know! I just couldn't help but tease you, sweetie. You never ask about men, women, other people in general. Let me wrack my brain for a moment." He looks down at his hands, which he has neatly placed on the kitchen table.

After a brief moment, he says "I can't think of anything. You know what I do wanna know, though? Whatever the hell he is using to look so young. He's been working as a priest ever since I was a kid, yet he looks not a day over 45. Meanwhile, my old self has got a bald head, with the only remaining dregs of hair left being grey and thin!" He then laughs, again, seemingly joyous. "That's another reason why you shouldn't be crushing on him! He's older than your papa!" "DAD I SWEAR TO GOD-!"

"Dinner's here! What is it you two are talking about?" Your mother sits down, placing a box of pizza on the table. "Well, honey, our little (Y/N) here was asking about Father Cotard!" "And dad keeps making jokes about me having a crush on him. Which I DON'T. I don't even know him that well! I just spoke to him for the first time today."

Your mother giggles "You two, always bickering. Well, let me see... All I really know is that he often wears a face mask, goes to your funeral home often, and... well, he never really seems to age. He also seems to suffer from chronic fatigue. I have actually seen him using a wheelchair, sometimes. When I asked, he simply said he was too exhausted to stand and that his medication wasn't refilled. Apparently, it was due to "inaccurate data" on his medical record? Either way, his pharmacy and insurance said no to the prescription."

Your dad looks over to her "You actually TALKED to the creep? He walks around like a zombie, and you actually APPROACHED HIM? Wow... Look, I know he has that chronic fatigue, which might contribute to his demeanor. I won't fault him for that... but you can be fatigued and have some life in your eyes, right? Like... a spark of joy. You can even be depressed and have those small sparks of life and joy and just... Anything other than that empty look he has."

You stay silent, looking over to your mom. She sighs, nodding "I know, dear. I just think he has problems. Problems being depression. Not just a small little bout of it. Maybe something like melancholic depression. That type hits pretty hard. You feel fatigued, can't enjoy activities... You have troubles sleeping and feel hopeless. I worry for him... If that is true, he may be close to thinking about..." "Dear, don't think about it too hard. I am sure he will be fine." Your mother grows quiet.

At this point, the air is heavy. You have already finished your pizza. You silently get up and get ready for bed. You toss and turn, hoping for sleep, but what your mother said is worrying you. You didn't have the guts to tell either of them about what he said... How delusional he seems to be. The possible hallucinations he is having. What sort of man believes he is dead? Strangest is how he doesn't seem to age... What if that really was him in those pictures?

You want to find out. You need to find out.

[cursedomain]

the night's veil

The night dust settled quickly into the air. Looking around the area was pretty empty, the stone ground was cold I could tell by the temperature of the air around me as well. Everything was cold. It’s been cold since I left him. The days feel longer, I wait for a conversation, just something. I don’t feel warm anymore like I used to.  It’s the worst at night, alone in my room I look around.

My cat usually will meow here and there, I feel her presence lightly, still I am alone. I can not change this. We haven’t talk in days yet I still feel we will again soon. Slowly through time I realize I won’t feel the warmth I felt with him. I shiver at night from the cold temperature. Two blankets doesn’t even solve my problems.

“It was no one else’s choice but mine.” I repeat to myself, the daunting truth hurts the most at night. What can I do to change this? Crying hasn’t brough anything back nor has it changed my situation. My friends are also very much so not here. They said they would, I knew they wouldn’t be. It’s the truth, you can give your all but it doesn’t guarantee you will get it back. I have to sit and understand this.

Looking around, I realized I’m still aimlessly walking, being I left my room 30 minutes ago, I lost track of time and track my thoughts. My headphones played a bittersweet song, just on replay. Tears continued to go as I walked but I paid no attention to them. They will just be more bothersome if I paid mind to them. I kept going, hoping someone would save my thoughts.

Thinking of his black hair which was long and soft, or the smile he gave when he saw me even if I was mad or he was mad. Things can change,  just as always. Sadly, change is not something that is easy to accept. I thought I was bored, but truth was I just not in a usual chaos which I usually found comfort, I realize after my actions of course, it was finally something healthy. You realize things later on in life mostly, sometimes maybe in the moment, this was something I realized a bit after the choices I’ve made.

I wish he would hug me and tell me it’s ok, but I know it won’t be okay. Our story has ended and the next chapter is waiting to start. The stalling can only go on for so long before I soon just lose my chance and have to accept the changes for my new life. Things are as they are, you can only choose how you’ll react, never how it goes on both sides, that’s a forbidden fruit we each try for.

I found myself at my dorm again. College will be over before I know it, and my heart won’t yearn for him before I know it as well. Time will tell when everything will be okay. When you find someone new you will not wish for change, hopefully just hopefully, it won’t always be this painful. Laying down in my dark room, I closed my eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of a happier time with him, because I just can’t let go tonight.

[storiesfromhalcyontale]

The teen and the boy

I was laying in my bed aimlessly, another day stuck in this orphanage and another day alone. It honestly sucks, it sucks so much that this is how my life turned out to be. Just when I thought everything would be happier, my best friend goes and becomes a bully and abandons me.

Life honestly sucks at the moment.

I sat up in my bed and looked around, my room didn’t have any flare. No personality, it was just one of them bland rooms the orphanages give you because they think your stay is temporary. But mine wasn’t, at fifteen years old I’m still here. Ten years later, still here…

Still here…

I grabbed my phone from the bed-side table and began going through instagram, just looking at some posts that people have made, liking the post and making sarcastic comments every once in a while. Honestly, it was rather boring but I didn’t have much else to do. It was a weekend and school was closed for the next couple weeks anyways. From what I’m aware of, they’re in talks with that ambassador kid about incorporating monsters into the school which, to me at least, is a pretty cool idea. My phone pinged: I looked at the title and my heart froze.

POP SENSATION MADAME SATO DUE FOR NATIONAL TOUR!

Madame Sato…

Madame…

Sato…

I could feel my heart rate pick up as I carefully placed my phone back on the bed-side desk and laid back down on my bed as my heart bounced around my chest. She was having the best life and I was stuck here, her son was stuck here. There was a quiet knock on my door as I looked towards the door.

“Come in.” I said with a slight shiver in my voice, I kept my eyes glaring carefully at the door as I watched Sharon enter.

“Morning Shoto.” Sharon waved at me as she took a seat on a chair in the room, she had some documents in her hands and she seemed to be looking through them carefully, “Hopefully I’m not bothering you.” “Not at all.” I responded carefully, I mean it was better than having a panic attack over my dead-beat mum. “I was wondering if you could do me a favour.” Sharon added as she was sorting some papers. “Huh?” I sounded confused, a favour? “You see Shoto…” She began speaking, choosing her words carefully like her favourite model from the latest issue of Vogue, “…there’s a new child coming to the orphanage today. His name is Toby.” “I see…” I murmured, sitting up to listen more closely to what Sharon was saying, “I don’t see what this has to do with me.” “I was getting to that.” Sharon would laugh slightly before continuing, “He’s about seven and is getting dropped off here by his parents at some point today.”

What…? He’s getting abandoned here…?

“I was wondering if you could help him out at some points to get used to getting used to the new changes since you know how he’ll be feeling-“ I cut Sharon off quickly, having already formulated my answer. “Of-course I’ll help him!” I answered quickly, jumping up from my bed in a confident manner. It felt like history was repeating itself. After my dad died, ‘Madame Sato’ gave up her parental rights to me and since I had no other family I was sent here. Though my guess is that Toby’s parents were still alive and didn’t want him, which in my opinion was worse than what I went through with my mum. “I don’t want him to go through the same loneliness I went through.” “Fantastic!” Sharon would smile and clap her hands together, “I’ll call you down when he eventually gets here.” Sharon would leave the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I couldn’t believe it, a kid only two years older than me when I was left here was going through the exact same turmoil I had done… 

All I had to do was wait though. I’d walk over to my desk and open my laptop as I began looking for jobs, I saw an opening for that new bar in town.

‘Grillby’s seems like a nice place to work at’ I thought to myself, looking at the job listing carefully, ‘The owner seems really nice too. He gives off that nice “owner-dad” energy.’ Too bad I was only fifteen or I’d definitely go for the job, but for now I can’t go for it. I continued to look through jobs, most weren’t really interesting apart from the part-time job at Grillby’s. I turned on Spotify and put on my headphones, choosing to listen to my go-to band Nightmare as I put on the album ‘the WORLD ruler’ and I began to go through English Literature homework, which is something I’ve been putting off as I don’t particularly like the novels we are looking at.

I continued to listen to music and do my homework throughout the entire morning, making small corrections to already finished homework here and there. After all, Miss Wayward was a perfectionist and I didn’t want her coming for my head because I forgot a capital letter for a noun. She also wanted us to do an entire essay on Macbeth for when we got back to school which was only about fifty percent done. The rhythmic tapping of my keyboard and the song ‘the WORLD’ really helped soothe my nerves to be honest. It is from one of my favourite anime after all.

“Shoto, could you come downstairs?” I heard Sharon shout in between songs, I paused the playlist and took off my headphones. He must be here, I thought to myself as I ran down the stairs quickly to meet Sharon at the foyer of the orphanage. Sharon was standing in-front of a boy who looked like he had been crying, he had a bag and a suitcase with him. He was clinging onto Sharon’s arm too… “Toby, I want you to meet Shoto Sato. He’ll help you throughout your first day here. He’ll also show you to your room whilst I do some filing alright?” Sharon looked down at Toby with a gentle smile. Toby kept clinging onto Sharon’s arm.

“Hey, there little man.” I knelt down on one knee and looked at Toby gently, “Let’s say you and I find your room and help you get sorted hm..?” Toby would gently nod his head as I stood up to talk to Sharon. “Where is his room?” “I’ve situated him two doors down from your room.” Sharon would say as she handed me Toby’s suitcase, “Shoto, please make sure he’s alright.” “Will do.” I responded in an unusually bright voice, I honestly didn’t want to scare Toby so I had to speak happier than I am at the moment.

Me and Toby would walk through the orphanage with the other orphans whispering about Toby. It was just really curiosity, looking down at Toby I could tell that all the whispering and the gossip about ‘the new kid’ was really getting to him. Soon we both got to his room.

“Could you go in, I’ll follow behind you.” I ushered Toby into the room and then turned to the now gathered audience, “Can everyone please keep the gossip to a minimum? I know seeing a new kid is interesting but Toby is really taking it hard.”

“But Shoto-” One kid started but I cut him off. “No buts.” Soon the audience turned away and I followed Toby into his room and placed his suitcase at the foot of his bed. Toby seemed to be unpacking his bag, he seemed to be close to tears. I noticed he took out a small knight figure from his bag, it was from an old lego theme from years ago…Alright…a talking point. “Huh, I recognise that character from somewhere. The little guy in your right hand.” I would sit on the floor. Toby turned to me, looking at me nervously.

“His name is Clay Moorington…” Toby would mumble. He would look away from me, clearly embarrassed. “Ooooo I see!” I gasped, I wanted to sound welcoming to Toby and a friendly face in an unfamiliar place, “Isn’t he from some lego show or something?” “Yes he is actually…” Toby would take a seat across from me. “Could you tell me more about it?” I would ask, Toby would nod his head and begin rambling on about this lego theme and television show called Nexo Knights. Honestly, the show sounded alright…not exactly my cup of tea, I was more of an anime and musicals person myself, but it was certainly interesting hearing his passion and interest in this show! By the end of his info-dump he seemed to have warmed up to me slightly. There’d be a knock at the door. “Let me get that.” I’d stand up and walk over to the door, opening it would reveal Sharon standing there.

“Ah! Shoto, is Toby settling in fine?” She’d ask as she waved to Toby. “Yeah, we’ve just been sitting talking about Nexo Knights for an hour.” I’d respond. “Good, do you mind going to your room? I've got some personal stuff to talk to Toby about. Just really rules and the monthly check-ins.” “Alright.” I’d turn to Toby, “I’ve got some homework to be getting on with but if you need anyone to talk to just knock on my door, Alright?” Toby would nod at me as I turned back to the door and walked past Sharon. I’d walk back to my room and sit on my bed, I couldn’t really be asked to get on with my homework again.

Later, there’d be another knock on my door.

“Come in!” I’d shout in a slightly cheerful tone, Sharon would walk in and pull up the same seat she used earlier.

“Shoto I…I honestly don’t know what you did but Toby seems a bit more happier.” Sharon said, shocked, “He seemed much more receptive than when he first got here.” “Oh that’s because he was overwhelmed.” I sternly said, “He didn’t know where he was or really had any friends. Me giving him an ear to hear him ramble about his favourite television show was just to show him that everyone here is friendly.” “Clearly! Shoto, he talked really nicely of you.” She complimented, “He said your ‘Really really nice.’” Huh…didn’t expect I’d be complimented on my kindness. “Thanks.” I answered back as Sharon would leave the room. A simple gesture of kindness to a kid I barely knew…made an impact? Huh that’s really strange I thought to myself as I yawned, I went back to scrolling through instagram. I should probably watch that Nexo Knights show so I can understand what Toby is talking about. I’d exit out of instagram and onto some sort of dodgy streaming app and type in Nexo Knights. I proceeded to watch through a couple of the episodes before falling asleep.

[fuckyeah-dragrace]

Breathless kisses with Kameron and Asia!!!

you got it boss! coming right up! and secret girlfriends?? yes ma’am <3

23. breathless kisses

Kameron was sitting at her desk going through old reports, watching the clock tick by.

10:30, 10 minutes.

The day was long and Brooke was in a meeting so she wasn’t needed for any protection. She leaned back into her chair, fingers twirling a pen as she glanced back to the clock.

10:32, 8 minutes.

She sighed and looked through her upcoming schedule aimlessly. It was tedious and boring most days but there was always someone who made her day better.

Asia always stopped by Kamerons desk at 10:40 in the morning, feigning that she needed to fill up her water. She always came smiling brightly as if she hasn’t been in the building since before the sun came up.

It was the one part of the day everyone was busy and the hallways were empty for just the two of them. They could talk for 5, maybe 10 minutes about whatever they wanted and exchange little kisses and touches before they returned to their busy office life.

It’s not that they were ashamed of dating each other, far from it. If Kameron had her way, Asia would be attached to her side every second of the day so she could kiss her. It’s also not like the office would be upset at them for dating but it’s just a lot of attention. She likes having Asia all to herself and having their relationship just be theirs. It made it more special than how much it already was.

10:35, 5 minutes.

Kameron was getting antsy. Her nails tapped against her desk as she waited. Waiting was always the hardest part. It took everything in her not to just run down the hall and make a left into Asias office and pull her into her arms without any intent of letting her go.

She groaned and rested her head down on the desk. There was the faint sound of clicking down the carpet that perked Kamerons ears. She looked and smiled widely to see Asia coming down the hall.

Asia rolled her eyes with a smile. “Have you been waiting this whole time for me?”

“B’s in a meeting.” She said quickly, hopping over the front of her desk semi gracefully and making Asia laugh. They were standing face to face and Kamerons hands were on Asias waist, pulling her closer. “Hi.” She said softly.

Asia giggled. “Hi babe.” Her hands came up to her strong shoulders before trailing up to cup her cheeks. “Missed you.”

“Missed you more.“ her thumbs rubbed gentle circles onto her hips. She watched Asia relax into her hold, an easy smile gracing her lips. She leaned in and pecked right by Kamerons lips, giggling as she watched the redhead pout. “Gimme a real kiss.”

“It’s not 10:40 yet. You don’t get your kiss till then.” Kameron whined and rested her head on Asias shoulder.

“You’re so mean, A.” The brunettes body rumbled with a chuckle as she pet the red locks, her nails scratching against Kamerons scalp in that way that made her body melt completely into her hold.

Her arms wrapped around Asias waist as she propped her head up on her shoulder. She smirked to herself and brushed away some of the brown curls and gave small sweet kisses to her neck.

She felt her inhale sharply and clear her throat, not giving into Kameron's games. It only spurred her on more as she started to nip her skin.

"Kam." She whispered, her hands gripping a handful of her hair.

"What? I'm just waiting." She pulled way with a cheeky grin.

Asia groaned and shook her head. "You are such a child. Fine, you can get your kiss." Her eyes lit up and she pulled her closer. She brought her hands up to Kameron's cheeks and she pulled her close, finally connecting their lips.

Kameron relaxed as her soul seemed to leave her body. No matter how many times she kissed her, the reaction was still the same. That tingly rush down her spin, a wave of heat in her chest and her entire air supply leaving her. She smiled and squeezed her hips gently in her warm hands.

"I have a little more free time today." Asia mumbled against her lips. "Round a half an hour."

"Oh do you now? I do too since Brooke is working with Nicky which means they're totally going to suck each other's faces off." That got Asia to giggle and Kameron took the opportunity to slip her tongue into her mouth, eliciting a small gasp from Asia.

Kameron pulled away, still keeping one hand on Asia's waist as she closed the door gently to her office.

"Well let's not waste it, baby."

[asmodeus0kai]

Changing fates

Chapter one: Fox Gone

Masterlist - Bio - part 2 - Part 3

Life is full of beautiful things. Everyone knows this. Full of love and friendships that last forever.

.

.

.

But why did things become so different for y/n? Did they do something wrong?

Maybe they got bored of y/n.

Or was it because of her lack of a vision?

That was all that ran through the poor girls thoughts as she wondered around aimlessly.

Everyone used to adore her as she helped them with everything. They always let her help.

So why did they suddenly change?

She loved being helpful to everyone, never expecting or getting anything in return.

But now whenever she tries to help she gets either ignored or glared at.

Unless she was helping her brother, Mika, out. Mika was not Y/n's brother by blood but they could sure pass as it.

Mika loved having family that cared about him, she always made time for him, no matter how busy they are. Mika got concerned when his younger sister was suddenly getting ignored. As a sixteen year old boy he wasn't able to figure it out no matter how hard he tried. His sister was only two months younger then him.

He sister said not to worry about it much and to focus on his work.

Archons he shouldn't have listen to her.

-

Y/n didn't know what happened.

One moment she was sitting on a rock near a lake in liyue and the next thing she knew she was in what looked to be a fantasy-like scene from a picture book.

She didn't know where this was but she felt at peace. For once she felt all her worries fade away.

" Such misery. After all you have done for them they abandoned you. They had no more use for you did they?" A feminine voice rang out from behind the blonde haired girl. It didn't have a malicious tone to it.

It just felt like she was being. She never like being pitied, it made her feel alone and judged. But the way this voice sounded brought none of that. If anything it felt...like she went through the same thing.

Y/n didn't even jump when that voice came out of nowhere. She was so used to it with Xiao and Rosaria as well as other people. Turning around, Y/n is met with a white haired women with yellow eyes and unusual pupils.

Not feeling any danger, Y/n smiled at the women and bowed a little as a sign of repect.

" Hello strange, yet respectable, stranger" Y/n's voice was full of respect and amazement at at the women who was floating mid-air without a vision.

The women chuckled, it put y/n's already relaxed mind to ease.

" I am afraid I am going to have to skip introductions, as I am very busy, but I am a god. I saw how your life took a turn. You are a sixteen year old girl who's kindness has been taken advantage of but everyone except a few. That being the children and your brother. The kids and your brother care for you deeply." Y/n didn't respond.

Y/n had looked down with her hair covering her eyes, she thought that she wasn't being taken advantage of. But then again who wouldn't want to take advantage of a person's kindness.

Y/n:" So they only took advantage of me... But why did they stop suddenly?" The unknown god scratched the back of her neck.

Unknown god:" That was my fault, I forced a pair of twins into Teyvat because the world that they were about to travel to was in the process of being destroyed" y/n waited for the women to continue as she didn't feel the need to comment on what she is saying just yet. " I separated them cause we started fighting. The twin that just is looking for their sibling is the one that is now being used for their kindness. But it is only a matter of time before they find out."

Y/n:" I see... But why am I here? I am not trying to sound mean or any-" Y/n is cut of by the Unknown goddess putting her hand over y/n's mouth.

Once the goddess was sure that y/n would stop rambling she took her hand back off her mouth.

Unknown goddess:" It is because you are not suited for this type of world. In this world there are bot many people like you for a reason. That is being taken advantage of to the point where they work themselves to death. Like you almost did. Not to be mean but you have been helping people since the age of ten, which kid can easily be manipulated at." The blonde haired girl's eyes widen in shock. She had forgotten to take care of herself. Both physically and mentally, forgetting to eat and sleep at times.

She was probably only alive because she ate meals with the kids.

Did she really look other for others that much?

Y/n:" Wait... What about Mika and the kids? I would feel terrible if I left them behind."

Unknown goddess:" I will take care of that don't worry. You'll meet the one who cared about you but before that I will need to put you through tests as well as some of them. I hope you're prepared cause your first test begins... Now" The goddess sent a red cube at Y/n.

Hitting y/n, more red cubes spawned or surrounded her.

Once the cubes surrounded y/n completely they faded away rapidly showing that y/n ,herself, had disappeared.

The unknown goddess soon gained a frown

Unknown goddess:" Beware y/n your past will one day catch up to you. So train your powers wel and make lots of allies... You'll need it young goddess of Chakra..." The unknown goddess paused before continuing " You will be safer there then in Teyvat, no one will suspect you are a god due to quirks. Now it is time to watch how the others will react to the little Uzumaki going missing."

[fridayyy-13th]

for the honesty hour, what got u into tma?

okay okay SO. sort of a long story, buckle up. this tale actually technically starts a couple years before i even listened to the podcast; it's not really a necessary part of the story but i think it gives some neat extra context.

so back in 2018, i was getting into horror for the first time, particularly psychological horror (i still can't really deal with slashers or gore or anything, so psychological horror is my spooks of choice lol). and in the art class i was taking, one of my desk neighbors would give me recommendations. they had recommended Doki Doki Literature Club to me, and i'd loved it! so when they recommended me a podcast called The Magnus Archives, i went home and checked it out...by poking around on the wiki for a little bit to suss out the kinds of spooks it entailed. poking it with a long stick to see if it would bite me, as it were. i read through the wiki synopsis for a random episode (which was MAG 034 - Anatomy Class), decided it was too scary for me, didn't listen to it, and subsequently completely forgot about the entire thing.

jump forward to 2021, i once again had a vague awareness of Magnus due to following some artists for fandoms like Hermitcraft and YTTD who also made art for TMA. at this point it was kinda just in my periphery? i hadn't really given listening a second thought yet.

...and then in December i got covid for the first time, totally smacking down all plans of going out to do stuff or visiting friends.

so like, i had absolutely nothing to do for the holidays. i mean, i'd started playing Deltarune chapter 2, so i had that going for me, but that was it. i was bored outta my mind. and then one evening, i was scrolling aimlessly through tumblr at like 12 in the morning when a piece of jmart fanart caught my eye. i wound up searching the TMA tag, and after watching @/faerie--kei's fantastic Home PMV, i was Deeply Intrigued and Very Curious. the next morning i decided to start listening, and the subsequent two weeks absolutely rewired my brain.

and yknow how i mentioned that back in 2018 i had been told about this podcast, but didn't pick it up til three years later? the entire first thirty-three episodes felt strangely familiar, and then i listened to MAG 034 and went "OH HEY WAIT I READ ABOUT THIS ONCE DIDN'T I." and then it became my favorite episode!! so it came full-circle; the episode that initially scared me off became one of the ones i love the most.

i actually think i finished MAG 200 on the evening of Christmas Day? so that was a nice little gift to end my holiday, lol. i remember sitting on my bed after 199 like "wow. this is it. and i know how it ends." (due to aforementioned PMV.) "but maybe it won't actually end that way??? One Can Only Hope :)" and then i listened to 200 and yeah. ouch. i have been insane about this podcast ever since.

so uh the short answer is "the throes of boredom caused by sickness." i'm actually re-listening to it currently, much more slowly, since it's been a couple years. it's just as good as the first time, maybe even moreso because now i don't just have a vague idea of where everything goes, i know exactly when and how things go downhill. fun times :D