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pattypanini · 4 months

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Lay All Your Love On Me

Chapter 12- Triple Threat

Josh Kiszka x Reader and Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 6.1k

TAGLIST

AN: Hi everyone! Long time no see, lol. But fr it has been too long and Marley and I have been so sad that we haven't been able to write as much. We're sorry for how late this is but so happy to get the twelfth chapter out finally. We're trying to find a good schedule for writing over the summer so bare with us. Thank you so much for your patience, we love you all so much and couldn't do this without your support 💗. So enjoy the twelfth chapter, Triple Threat.

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, penetrative sex, threesome (NO INCEST,) oral (f and m receiving), sex toys, butt stuff, cursing, angst, dirty talk, praise, possessiveness.

Josh’s POV

It’s been four days since you’d found out about it. You hadn’t bothered texting her or talking to her. She’d been calling out sick from rehearsals, even though you’ve seen her walking around campus. So you’ve been stuck with Sophia as her understudy.

You know you hurt her, but she hurt you far more. She can be the first one to contact you again, whenever she is ready. You can’t lie though, you have been missing her.

You are currently walking back to your apartment with your AirPods stuck in your ears. You’re trying your best to drown out your own thoughts. You’ve been swimming around in your head delving way too deep within these last few days.

When you finally push the key into the door and walk in you’re met with Jake sitting there in silence.

“Josh, we need to talk.” He looks up at you from the couch.

“No. I don’t want to fucking talk to you Jake. Just give me some space.” You spit back at him.

“You can’t just keep putting it off. We need to talk this out, man to man.” You roll your eyes and bring yourself into the living room. “Listen you can’t be mad at y/n because of this, it was all my fault I wanted her and you guys weren’t together.”

“We were still something Jake, and you knew that.” You narrow your eyes at him as you clench your fists into tight balls.

“Then maybe if you felt that way you should have made it official sooner. She was happy with both of us man, it’s over now between us so just move on with it. She clearly loves you Josh. Has she reached out to you yet?”

“No not yet, and I don’t plan on reaching out to her.”

“Why not, you know she's the one for you. I’ve never seen you so happy Josh, seriously. And when she was around me it wasn’t as nearly as happy as when she was with you. She lit up and looked like she had no worries.”

You never realized how she acted around you. You think for a second before you finally come to your senses.

“Clearly I wasn’t enough because she ran off to your dumbass,” You roll your eyes at him.

“Like I said, maybe she just wanted a little fun in her life while she was still single. She did say if she could have us both she would…” He trails off and thinks to himself. “...hey Josh.”

“What?” You say with a deep sigh not wanting to hear whatever he’s about to say.

“What if she could have both of us, you know…for a night?”

“Jake-” you abruptly cut him off.

“I know what you're about to say and I know we said we weren’t going to do it again but…”

“I don’t know Jake. What would I be gaining from it?” You give him a pointed look.

“What do you have to lose? You’ll have a fun night with her and you know she’d like it. Just one time and I’ll be out of your guy's life.”

“I feel like this is just for you, Jake. You just want one more time with her.” “I mean it would be a benefit but it would clear the air and make things less awkward. It’ll be like a therapy type of thing you know? Closure?”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You make your way to your room and collapse onto your bed. You don’t know what to think. It’s not like you and Jake hadn’t done it before. You would never tell people that but sophomore year a girl that we were both talking to begged us to have a threesome with her. You both talked it over, and maybe it was the alcohol that you both had in your system, but the more you talked it over it made sense. So you made plans with the girl over the weekend and gave her the time of her life. She swore to never share and you never heard anything of it again.

And it wasn’t that you were against the idea of doing it again. It was the idea of Jake being able to get with y/n again. You didn’t know if you were ready to see that happen. But maybe it will relieve some tension between everyone. Jake would be out of y/n’s life, and maybe you could rekindle things with y/n.

You hate thinking about her, after everything that happened. But she has such control over you. And you hate that, but you need her, even after everything that happened.

You are debating sending her a text message to check in on her. You feel bad for ignoring her the past few days. But you needed the space, and so did she obviously. Your feelings cave in on you and you pull your phone out from your pocket.

You pull up her message thread and just stare at the texts for a moment, debating if you really wanted to do this or your emotions were just getting the best of you. You think about what you were going to even say. It felt like the first time you’ve ever texted her again, not knowing if she would even give you the time of day. But you needed to try, you didn’t want to lose her.

So, you come up with the best response you could think of. Not too pushy but also being assertive.

5:23pm Josh: Hey Y/n, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but I really want to talk to you, and see you. I miss you.

You reread the message probably 20 times before clicking the send button. You try to distract yourself but you can’t help but look back to see if she saw it or not. After an hour goes by, a notification pops up on your phone.

6:31pm Y/n: What do you want?

6:32pm Josh: I wanted to talk to you. I miss you a lot, mama.

6:44pm Y/n: I don’t really know what to say to you.

6:47pm Josh: Y/n, I’m really concerned about you. You keep missing rehearsals and things are not going well with Sophia as your understudy. This musical is very important to me, but it’s going to go to shit if you don’t start coming to rehearsals again.

6:52pm Y/n: Really?! All you fucking care about is whether I show up to the rehearsals? You don’t care about my wellbeing or why I’m not going to them?

6:54pm Josh: Well…I know you’re not going because you’d have to see me.

6:56pm Y/n: Have you even given one thought about the awful things you said to me the other night? Calling me a bitch and a slut? Calling me those things is not okay in the slightest.

She was right, it wasn’t okay. You’ve always struggled with saying things you didn’t mean when you were angry.

6:59pm Josh: Look, I’m really sorry. I was committed to you in my head and I realize we were never actually dating. I said some things I did not mean at all. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.

7:05pm Y/n: Even though you thought we were committed you didn’t act committed either. You were all over Sophia TO MY FACE to make me jealous. I just wanted someone to treat me right and I didn’t show it off to you. I know what I did wasn’t necessarily right but we were never together. I told you that I needed to tie up loose ends and you understood that, it was only until you found out it was your brother you had a problem. So what is it, me being with someone or your brother?

7:09pm Josh: I didn't want anyone to see you in that way, while we were hooking up, but finding out it was my twin brother? Yeah, it did make it sting a little more.

7:11pm Y/n: I still want you Josh. The night you said that out relationship was fucked I almost died on the spot. I cried the entire night thinking about how much I fucked up, then those flowers showed up. I just want to be with you, and I wanna be yours.

7:13pm Josh: I know mama, I want you to be mine too. Do you forgive me sweet girl?

7:15pm Y/n: I think so

7:17pm Josh: Do you want me to come over later?

7:19pm Y/n: Yes, please come over. How does 9 sound?

7:20pm Josh: Sounds perfect, I’ll see you then.

You sit up from your bed, pleasantly surprised with how well that conversation went. You roll off the mattress and make your way to the living room, where Jake was.

He looks up at you from the couch. “I texted her.” You say blankly.

“Okay… what did she say?” Jake asks, suddenly very interested in the conversation.

“Well we talked and we both apologized for everything. Although I don’t like the idea of you being with her I wasn’t with her officially at the time because I was a pussy and didn’t do it earlier. But I’m going to see her tonight and I didn’t mention the idea to her or anything but…”

“Yes I wanna come. What time?” You see him perk up, sitting up straighter.

“9 o’clock.” You weren’t too thrilled but decided this needed to end once and for all.

“I’ll be there.” He says pointedly.

Y/n’s POV

You hop out of the shower deciding after multiple days you needed to make a good impression for Josh. You were happy that he texted you. Not talking to him made you lose your mind but you couldn’t be the person to make the first move. You felt refreshed, not only physically but also mentally. All of the upsetting thoughts that have been flowing through your head were finally cleansed and you could start over with Josh.

As you make your way to the room you pass by Char’s room.

“Hey Josh is coming over tonight and I know what you're going to say but…”

“JOSH? Seriously y/n after everything that happened between you two? You told me yesterday that if he..” Before she can go any further and jump down your throat even more you cut her off.

“I know I know Char, but you also saw how sad I was when things ended. He’s the one for me, he's the one I want.”

Charlotte closes the book she was reading and sits up on her bed. “He said such awful things to you though.”

“We all say things we don’t mean when we're angry, Char. Besides, I wasn’t saying the nicest stuff either. Mistakes were made on both ends and now we're going to resolve it once and for all.”

She gives you a questioning look. “And by resolve you mean make up sex? But hey I trust you, I will be gone for the night so you guys do what you gotta do.” She shoots you a wink to which you just roll your eyes at.

She begins to pack a night bag and you make your way to your room. You go to your drawers and pick out a cute matching pair of panties and bralette. You slip on a pair of gray sweatpants and your tattered blue Michigan crewneck. You quickly run a brush through your hair realizing that Josh was going to be arriving any moment. As you make your way to the kitchen you fill up your water bottle and sit down on the couch and patiently wait for his arrival.

Before you know it the sound of the doorbell echoes throughout the dorm. Char runs to the door bag in hand and lets Josh in with an upsetting look.

“Bye y/n, see you tomorrow!” With that she was out the door, leaving you and Josh all alone.

The tension in the room was heavy, and the silence you could cut with a knife. You both stand there in your kitchen staring at each other in total silence.

“Hey.” Josh says curtly.

“Hi.” You give him a small smile to hopefully ease the tension a bit. You lead him to the living room and take a seat on the couch. He follows you and takes a seat on the other side of the couch.

There is silence for a brief moment, before you are the first to speak.

“I miss you a lot, Josh. I’m so incredibly sorry.” And you were telling the truth. You were sorry. It never should have gotten this far with Jake, but you still didn’t regret it no matter how wrong it was.

“I know baby, I’m so sorry too.” He reaches over and grabs for your hand. “I want you to know that what happened between you and Jake was not my business. Although it hurt me that you would do it behind my back I understand why you didn’t share it. I should have treated you the way you deserved to be treated. If Jake could do that for you I understand why you went back to him, but I’m here to do that now.” He leans in to push your hair behind your ear. “I need you y/n. And I hope you can accept my apology, even if it’s not today.”

“I accept your apology Josh.” You lean your head into his hand, as he begins to gently rub your cheek with his thumb. “I’m also really sorry. I should have never done any of it behind your back, especially with your own brother. You both were great to me and I appreciate the time I had with both of you, but I want you.”

You watch as a grin forms on his face and he reaches for his phone in his back pocket. He pulls it out and begins… texting someone? You can’t understand how this would be a good time to be texting. When you’re both in this vulnerable, heart-baring state?

He sends the message and looks back up at you. “Well I’m glad you loved your time with both of us, but after tonight it’s just me mama.”

“No I totally understand Josh I just, wait…what did you say?” You hadn’t processed what he actually said. You think over his words in your head…

“Well I’m glad you loved your time with both of us, but after tonight it’s just me mama.”

“What do you mean after tonight?”

“Well Jake led me onto something you had said. Something about how ‘if you could have both of us you would’ and whatever context that was for, you’ll be able to have that.” He says with a smirk on his perfect face.

“A-are you serious?” Your eyes widen, as your heart rate picks up.

He couldn’t possibly mean it.

“You mean, we’re all just gonna talk tonight?” You are in denial.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re not that dense are you?” He gives you a sexy smirk and you begin to put the pieces together.

As if on cue, you hear a knock at the door. Your body goes numb and feels as if you could pass out.

There is no way this could be happening.

Moments go by and you realize you never answered the door. You bounce up off the couch and quickly make your way to your door.

You take a deep breath before opening it, knowing exactly who would be standing on the other side. You hope in your mind that it could be Char coming back for something she forgot, or a surprise visitor, but it's not.

On the other side of the door was no one other than Jake. Standing with the same demeanor as his twin brother. You make eye contact with him and immediately feel the nerves swirling around in your belly.

He is dressed in a black button up, only buttoned up to his navel, and white linen pants. His hair is still wet, you assume from the shower he must have just gotten. He smells of musky teakwood, you almost collapse right then and there. He looks positively delectable.

“Hi, darling. Long time no see.” He says stepping over the threshold into your dorm with a small brown box, causing you to back up a few steps.

“Hi Jake.” You shut the door and stand there looking at both men. You are hoping that Josh is going to hold up on this offer.

Josh stands up from the couch and makes his way over to where you and Jake are standing.

“How is this for a peace offering, mama?” At first you think Josh is being rhetorical, until he gives you a look as if he is waiting for you to answer.

You choose not to say anything, in fear of saying the wrong thing .

“Is my baby girl not going to answer me? Do you still not understand mama?”

You shake your head at him as Jake turns your head towards him.

“Since Josh only wants you to himself, which I think is very selfish,” he says as his eyes travel down to your lips, “He’s agreed that we can all have one more night together, all of us.”

“Oh.” You let your mouth fall open in shock.

Jake pushes your jaw up to close your mouth. “Only if you want to though.”

“I do I do,” you say almost too fast “but isn’t it like incest?”

They both let out a chuckle at your question.

“No y/n it is not, we know what we’re doing. It isn’t our first time.” Josh alluded.

Your eyes widen and can’t believe what they just admitted.

“You’ve done this before?” You were in complete shock. You knew how they both were in bed, but this? This is a total curveball.

“Once, with some random girl a long time ago. But with you,” he looks you up and down with desperate eyes, “it’ll be so much better with you, right darling?” Jake says beginning to pressure you back towards Josh.

You feel Josh’s arms wrap around your chest, pulling your back against his chest. Jake makes his way towards you, connecting his hands to your waist. You are sandwiched between both boys. You begin to relax your body and your heart rate evening out.

“That's it, relax for us mama.” Josh whispers seductively into your ear. He gives you a squeeze around your chest before leaning down and kissing your neck.

You watch as Jake slowly drops to his knees in front of you. “We both know that you wanted us both y/n, you're going to finally have that. Tell us baby, what do you want us to do?” His hands travel up the sides of your legs to your hips. His submissive eyes look up to you, something you had missed looking at.

“Just touch me please. Both of you.” You say with a shaky breath as Jake’s hand starts to make its way underneath your sweatshirt. You feel Josh’s kisses turn into hard sucking on your neck. You began to feel your legs go weak beneath you.

You feel Josh’s lips detach for a brief moment. “Wanna go to your room mama, so we can have you all spread out for us?”

You pull their arms off of you before grabbing both of their hands and leading them back to your room. Once you enter you are swiftly pushed back onto the bed by Josh. As he makes his way to your shirt you feel Jake begin to pull at the hem of your sweats.

You feel like you're on another planet. That a filthy dream you have had is coming to life. You would have never thought this would ever happen, but now it is playing out right in front of you.

After discarding your clothing on the floor you are left in nothing but your matching set. You feel Jake’s hands move up and down your thighs, creeping dangerously towards your core.

“Were you expecting this to happen tonight mama? I don’t think most people just wear something like this to makeup with their boyfriend.” Josh says as he massages your tits through the thin lace.

Boyfriend?

You can’t decide if this was his way of asking or something he had just said in the moment. Either way you were too distracted to decide with the current situation at hand.

“I didn’t expect this to be happening tonight. But it isn’t out of the question when you come over, Josh.” He gives a satisfied hum to your statement as his fingers slide underneath your bra strap. He reaches under you unclasping it and pulling it from your body.

You feel Jake's finger’s slip under the waistband of your panties. “I think this is getting to her more than she wants to lead on, her panties are fucking soaked and we barely did anything.” Josh walks around to take a look himself.

“Such a slut for us mama. You sure you’ll be able to handle us both?” Josh says as he takes over the lower half of you. He grabs your ankles pulling you down towards the end of the bed, making you wince.

You aggressively nod your head, afraid of them stopping. Josh kneels in front of you and grins as he pulls down your panties and throws them to Jake.

“So wet darling, I can’t wait to have it all over my cock.” Jakes says as he examines your drenched underwear. He brings them close to his mouth before licking up the center of them. “Hmm you taste so good. Josh is so lucky to be able to taste that right now.” Before you have a chance to look back down at Josh, you feel his tongue being pressed into your core.

Your hands fly down to grip onto the sheets. “Oh fuck.” You whine out as Josh's tongue laps up your slit.

Josh pulls his head away for a second, “Missed your pretty voice so much, and this sweet pussy of yours.”

You feel the bed shifting around your head as Jake makes his way towards you. “Are you gonna make me feel good darling? I can’t wait to feel those pretty moans around my cock.” As he brings his cock closer to your face you grant him access and open your mouth wide for his. Right as you begin to move up and down his shaft you feel Josh grab your inner thighs and widen them.

As you try to focus on Jake you can’t help but get distracted by Josh beneath you. You release your hands from the firm grip you have on the sheets. You move your hand up to Jake’s cock, stroking what didn’t fit into your mouth. You feel Jake push his cock further into your mouth, making you gag.

“Yes baby, just like that. Gag around my cock. Feels so fucking good” He reaches to your shoulders and begins to fuck himself into your mouth. Your mouth and throat are filled with every inch of Jake.

Josh continues lapping at your cunt, making sure to pay special attention to your swollen clit. You can feel your orgasm creeping up on you. Your noises caused by Josh were being muffled onto Jake cock making him release his own filthy noises.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum keep gagging on my cock, yes just like that baby.” Jake says in his whiny voice. “I missed your pretty mouth so much, always making me feel so fucking good.” He drops his head back as he releases a primal growl.

You start to grind your pussy against Josh’s mouth, causing him to moan into your wet folds. Before you can reach your own release you feel Jake’s cum hit the back of your throat. He pulls himself out and immediately attaches his mouth to your nipple. Your back arches off the bed and you can tell you close.

“Josh, I’m so close. Oh God, please don’t stop, feels so good.” As he continues to suck and lick your clit you feel him insert a finger into you. You reach your one hand into Jake’s hair and slide your other down your body and into Josh’s hair. You never knew you could feel this way, never in your life have you felt this good.

The knot in your stomach became overwhelming and before you could do anything the wave of pleasure took over you. As your eyes squeeze shut and hands clutch around Josh’s hair you let your body relax beneath the brothers. When you open your eyes you can’t believe that they are both in the room with you.

“You cum so gorgeous, mama.” Josh smiles up at you from between your legs. He kisses all the way up your legs to your thighs and stomach. “You're so perfect, did you make Jake feel good?” You nod down to him as Jake walks to the end of the bed. Jake lifts your foot and slowly kisses up to your ankle. “Can you make me feel good now, mama?”

You nod and begin to sit up and reach for his cock through his pants before he stops you. “I had something else in mind, baby.”

“Like what Josh?”

“Well after last time we were together we experimented and I wanted to see if you wanted to do it again, but with someone else now.”

“Like having him in my ass?” You say, not knowing how you feel about it.

“No, no not like that. I’ll be pleasing that perfect pussy of yours and Jake will just get to have a little fun with your tight little ass. Does that sound like something you wanna try?”

It wasn’t something you had thought about, but you weren’t opposed.

“It’s definitely something I wanna try.” You confess to him. He begins shedding off his clothes, until he is completely bare.

“Yeah?” He gives you the sexiest smirk. “Flip over for us. Hands and knees. Now.”

You immediately obey him rolling over onto your stomach, pushing up to your hands and knees. You feel their eyes scan over your body. You hear footsteps walking away from you, causing you to turn to look over your shoulder.

You see Jake walking back over to you and Josh carrying a small wooden box.

“W-what's that?” You stutter on your words, excitement pulsing through your veins.

“Oh darling,” Jake pops the box open for you to see the contents, “just a couple toys. We figured you’d want to try them out.”

“Well what are they?” You question him, as he reappears at your side on the bed.

“Take a look for yourself.” You sit down onto your heels as he hands you the box and lets you examine.

You unclasp the small lock on the front and open the lid slowly. Inside you see three butt plugs ranging in different sizes, glass anal bead dildo, and a small vibrator.

“Can I try them all out?” You say in a half joking tone, hoping they would catch onto the serious part of your tone.

Josh looks at Jake and you see them communicate with only their eyes, in some way that you would never be able to understand.

“We can do whatever you want mama. If you wanna try them all you can. We’ll work your way up.” Josh says as he pushes your hair behind your ear and rubs your jaw before grabbing a chunk and bringing you back onto all fours. Josh makes his way behind you before lining himself up with your core and slowly pushing in.

You feel Jake reach into the box and pull out the smallest butt plug. “Open.” You open your mouth and Jake presses the cold metal into your mouth. You lick the metal and he pulls it out with a pop. Josh begins to thrust faster into you, filling you up in a way that you haven’t felt in a while.

After getting comfortable with the pace you feel a cold gel being massaged onto your asshole by Jake who is standing off the bed looking down at you. “Tell me if you want me to stop okay darling?”

“Yes Jake, oh fuck Josh.” You try to give Jake some type of attention but Josh quickly steals that from him.

“Remember who you belong to, mama, tell me who’s are you?” Josh asks as he grabs some hair and yanks on it softly.

“I’m yours Josh, no one else's.” You say in your shaky voice.

“And you know after today Jake doesn’t get to have you anymore right.” He says, pulling more forcefully and he continues to drive himself into you.

“I’m not his, all yours and.. OH FUCK!” Before you can finish your statement you feel the cool metal butt plug entering you. “Oh Jake, that feels so good. I don’t know how long I can last, it feels so good guys.”

“Let your body relax mama, just let us make you feel good, and fill you up.” Josh adds before slowing his pace slightly. “You wanna put in a bigger plug baby? I think you can take it. Can you take it like a good girl for us?”

That alone could have sent you over the edge. “I want the glass one. I want you to fuck me with it Jakey.”

Jake smirks down at you. “Gladly darling. I wanna make this time memorable for me.” Shooting a daring look at Jake, like there is some type of underlying anger between them even though they agreed to do this. You know that they are both slightly jealous but you wanna make sure Josh knows that you are his.

“Joshy, can you put it in for me? I wanna feel you fill me up in both holes, and then Jake can fuck me with it.” You say looking back at him with seductive eyes.

“God mama you’re gonna be the end of me.” Jake hands Josh the beaded dildo. Before placing it in your ass Josh licks up and down the toy and slowly pushes it into your lubed asshole. After having the first bead pushed in Josh hands it over to Jake and slowly continues his thrust.

You feel each rivet of the toy make its way into you. After two divots Jake stops and lets you adjust.

“Is that too much, or do you want another?” Jake questions softly.

“Another please, and Josh goes faster. I know you guys are trying to be nice but I need it harder.”

Without speaking to one another Josh picks up and the pace on your pussy while Jake begins to fuck the glass dildo in and out of you slowly, but enough to give you a deeper pleasure.

Your arms give out on you and your body falls onto the mattress. Josh was able to fuck you deeper, hitting a part of your pussy that was left untouched for a while. As he continues on your pussy you feel Jake pull the toy all the way out, leaving your ass feeling empty.

“Look at that pretty hole Josh.” Jake points out. You look back to Jake and see him spit into your ass that is now left open for both of them to see. Throughout it all Josh never slowed down or faltered his movements. You knew you were getting close to your second orgasm.

“Oh my god I’m so close. Put it back in, fuck me harder Jake don’t hold back. I need it.” Jake swiftly grabs the toy and pushes it back into you. As the boys fill you up Josh pulls you back up onto your hands.

Jake leans down and kisses your ass before biting hard down onto it. The feelings that were roaming your body were becoming a sensation of overwhelming bliss. You never wanted it to end, but you knew after tonight it would never happen again, so you took in every feeling you could. You let your body let go and let Josh and Jake lead you to your climax.

“Joshy I’m gonna cum please please harder. Jakey harder oh my god.” They both quicken their pace and bring you to your peak. Your orgasm washes over your body and you feel your arms giving out on you again. Jake slowly pulls out the dildo and Josh shortly after brings himself to his climax. After finishing you he collapses on top of you. His warm moist body being pressed against you was something you had missed.

You almost forgot Jake was in the room until you heard movement in front of the bed. After Josh moves off from on top of you, you flip to your side and look at both of them. They look to you, waiting for some type of response for what just happened.

“I- that was the best sex I’ve ever had. I don’t even know what to say.” They laugh at your comment as Jake and Josh begin to cloth themselves.

“I’m glad you had a good time mama.” Josh says as he sits beside you on the bed and plays with the hair framing your face. “But you know that’s the only time right, and the last time with Jake.”

“I know, and that’s okay. I’m yours Josh and that’s the only way I’d ever want it. No offense Jake.”

“None taken. I enjoyed our time y/n. I’ll head out and let you guys talk things over.” Jake grabs his things and leaves with one final smile and a wave. You felt weird, but glad that things came to an end the way they did. You turn your attention back to Josh who was staring down to you with loving eyes.

“So tell me mama what was your favorite part?”

“You.” You say with a smile as you play with the jaw string of his sweats.

“Are you saying that to make me happy or are you saying it for real?”

“For real Josh. You made me feel so good. If I could have you do both things I’d take that in a heartbeat.” You sit up and make your way to your drawers and pick out a shirt and shorts for bed.

“Alright baby if you say so. I’d much rather do both parts but I feel like the way things played out was healthy. I know if anyone else knew about this they’d probably call the cops but for the situation I think it helped work everything out. You got to have a fling one more time with Jake but me being here made it feel like I could control it a little, I know that’s weird but I was more comfortable with it than just letting you be with him alone.” Josh explains as he plays with the comforter he’s sat upon.

“I know Josh. I wanna talk everything over. Like everything but my mind is very foggy from tonight and I’m tired. Do you wanna go to bed and go to breakfast tomorrow and talk it over? I’m not trying to cut things off short and act like I’m trying to escape the conversation but I think talking about this tomorrow would be best for both of us.” You turn the lights off and climb into bed, Josh following you under the sheets.

“I agree. There are certain things I want answers to but I don’t want to force you into answering them now. Let’s talk it over tomorrow. Thank you for going along with tonight. Were you uncomfortable in any way?”

“Not at all. At first I was worried because, you know, incest. But after being a part of it I understand it now. But this can never be spoken about to anyone ever.” Josh nods his head aggressively, making you laugh.

“Goodnight Joshy, thank you for giving me a second chance. I don’t think I’d be able to live life without you.”

“I don't know if you’re just saying that because you're tired, but I wouldn’t be able to live without you either, mama. Good night, love.”

As he presses a kiss onto your lips and pull yourself closer to him feeling some sort of completeness. A sense of whole, and you wouldn’t trade that feeling for any other guy in the world.

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#greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van smut #gvf #gvf fic #gvf smut #josh gvf #josh kiskza fanfic #josh kiskza smut #josh kiszka #jake kiszka gvf #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka x reader #jake gvf #threes0me

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forever-will-last · 1 month

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New Upload Schedule!

So, it's been a while since I've updated. I've moved (yay!), had a bunch of other personal stuff going on (boo!), and literally today, the day I'm posting this, is my birthday! Yay for being 26, boo for having to move and becoming unemployed right before losing my health insurance! When will I meet the CEO of my dreams who will give me health insurance?

In the last couple of weeks, through a lot of internal debate as well as conversations with a close friend, I have reflected on my fics and the most sustainable way to continue writing going forward. Cadina Week, as fun as it was, proved to be extremely detrimental to my writing habits and accelerated my burnout much faster. (The timing was also pretty rough, as my personal life kinda hit the fan right after Cadina Week ended, and the entirety of July just kinda... Went down the drain, and ended with me moving, so, you know! Fun times lol)

I refuse to give up on these fics, but I've needed to give myself more realistic deadlines to upload, so I don't set the unrealistic expectation of myself to return to writing at a pre-Cadina Week speed, as I simply don't think that's possible right now. And, of course, on top of all of this, I started another WIP because the writing demon within me does not know the definition of SLOW DOWN. Luckily, this fic has a completely fleshed out plot, and at the time of posting this, is around halfway done in terms of chapters already. My initial plan was to drop it all at once, but as you may have seen by me dropping the first chapter today, that wasn't really a sustainable plan either. So now I'm doing weekly uploads for not only this new fic, but also, for my other fics (for the most part, as you'll see below).

So, without further ado, presenting my new uploading schedule!

MBAU Mondays: Expect an update to i thought i was a fool for no one (but baby i'm a fool for you) aka mbau (marching band au). This fic has 16 total chapters, so after 16 weeks, uploads on Mondays will stop. I'll reevaluate my upload schedule after that point to see if things need to be shifted around.

Wildcard Wednesdays: Most Wednesdays will have an update to Welcome to the Psych Ward! Some Wednesdays will have an update to sbau/one night with me and she's making vows (she's making vows). There might even occasionally be a random one shot or other crackfic idea outside of Psych Ward! I cannot dedicate a specific day to sbau since those chapters are simply significantly longer than anything else I write, and take considerably more time than one week if I'm writing sustainably. Please note that my primary focus is going to be on the other two fics, and Wildcard Wednesdays may not always happen if I need some extra time for the other fics!

Thousand Pics Thursdays: Expect an update to a thousand pictures in my mind; in a painting of the past on Thursdays! It's a lot slower than previous uploads, I know, but let's be real, that was never a fully sustainable writing/posting method. As I continue writing, if I find myself accumulating a large backlog of chapters for a thousand pics, I may occasionally have a Bonus Thousand Pics Tuesday. It entirely depends on how this new process goes as to whether or not that'll happen, but we'll see!

Thank you all so much for your patience, and I look forward to trying this out and hopefully getting back to regular uploads AND actually having a sustainable upload schedule!

#upload schedule #my fics

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goldenlaurelleaveswrites · 6 months

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Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe

Juleka vs. the Forces of the School Dance i

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

Hello everyone!!! I wanted to start out by thanking you all for your ongoing support and patience! This has taken me far longer than I had hoped, as I wanted to have this fic done before 2024. Obviously, that didn't happen 😂😅 I ended up needing to take a break to rest after my fall semester because it was super intense. I also had to take some time away from creative writing for personal reasons. your support, patience, and kindness has meant the absolute world to me, and I can't thank you enough for it.

Another reason why this chapter has taken so long is because chapter 17 was becoming massive (as in 20k words and counting). I debated this decision quite a bit, but in the end I've decided to break chapter 17 into smaller parts so that's why the chapter count has gone up 😅😅😅 It's much easier to revise shorter chapters, and I think it's probably easier to read shorter chapters too. This also gives me a bit more time to finish what is now the second last chapter.

I need to give a huge shoutout to the LBSC crew for their ongoing support, and for talking me off the ledge multiple times when it came to this chapter. And also just for being there for me the past few months. And again, another huge thank you to all of you for your support.

I Hope you enjoy the chapter!

ps. if I don't respond to comments on this chapter it's not because I'm ignoring any of you, it's because I don't entirely trust myself not to accidentally spoil something 😂😅

A thousand akumas fluttered in the pit of her stomach as she put the lid back on her lipstick with a satisfying click. She sat back in her chair and sighed. She was used to the feeling of butterflies, except right now it felt like there were silver and black akumas fluttering around insider her, and that mixture was a new feeling.

On one hand, tonight was the night. The night Luka and Mari were going to the dance. Together.

But on the other hand… she grimaced as the reminder for the ‘Operation Fairytale Ball Phone Meeting’ pinged on her phone. Usually they all got ready for dances together, but Marinette had needed the extra time to put the finishing touches on her dress and it hadn’t felt right for the rest of them to get together without her. But, Alya had wanted to go over the plans for the dance one more time, so Alya had scheduled a phone meeting…

She had fifteen minutes until the call.

She silenced the reminder on her phone, and turned her attention back to her reflection. The purple in her hair was nice and vivid, and the waves she had put in her hair added a touch of glamour. And her makeup looked amazing, if she did say so herself. She had gone for a soft but still vampy look with plum and black kohl softly smoked out across her lids and deep plum lips. She smiled as she tilted her head to the side, watching the way the light caught her highlight. Those makeup masterclasses had definitely paid off. In more ways than one.

She straightened her head. And then frowned.

Her bangs had slipped across her eyes again, obscuring her face.

Usually, she liked wearing her hair that way. It had started as a security thing. Her hair had acted as a shield to hide her away from the rest of the world. And there were times she still needed that.

But tonight…

Tonight she didn’t want to hide.

She reached for a bobby pin, but her hand stopped halfway to the tin of them she kept on her dressing table. Originally, she had planned on wearing her hair down, the way she normally did. But then she wouldn’t really be able to show off the back of her dress…

And given what Alya had planned for the night—to say nothing of the schemes she was positive Alya had hidden up her sleeve—she could do with a touch of Tigress.

She grabbed her brush and a black satin scrunchie, and made quick work of pulling her hair up into an elegant, high ponytail. Once the ponytail was secured, she grabbed a couple of bobby pins and pinned her bangs just enough so that they didn’t cover her eyes, but still framed her face to keep an element of drama.

That was much better.

“Hey Jules, have you seen the- Jules. You look beautiful.”

She was unable to control the grin on her face as she turned to the door of their room. Luka was standing in the hallway, he was wearing his good jeans, but his hair was still damp and he was wearing a t-shirt. But even though he wasn’t ready, she couldn’t help but preen under his words.

“Thank you.”

A sappy grin was making its way onto his face. “I’m really proud of you.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you have.”

“No I-“

“Look at you,” he said quietly as he made his way to stand behind her, and direct her attention back to her reflection.

“It’s just hair…” she mumbled, trying to fight the growing warmth in her cheeks.

“You and I both know it’s not just hair. And it’s more than that. You’ve been-“

“A pain in your neck?” she asked with a laugh.

“You always are. But you’ve been more sure of yourself lately. More confident. You’ve been coming into your own. It’s nice to see.”

“You’re such a sap, you’re going to make me ruin my makeup,” she mumbled, waving a hand in front of her eyes to keep them from tearing up. Once she was sure she wasn’t going to cry, she stood and hugged Luka tightly. He returned it just as fiercely.

Once they broke apart, she smacked his arm. Lightly. Ish. “Why aren’t you ready yet, dummy?”

He chuckled, shaking his head as he rolled his eyes. “I need to iron my shirt but I can’t find the iron anywhere.”

“Check the greenhouse, last time I saw it Ma was using it as a door stop up there”

“Figures,” he mumbled under his breath. He was halfway out the room when he turned back. “I really am proud of you, you know.”

“I’m proud of you too.” After all, he was finally not stepping back. “Now go,” she said, smiling as she shooed him out. “You need to get ready, you are not making me late tonight.”

“I thought it was fashionable to be late?” he called from the hall.

“Shows what you know about fashion!” she quipped back before turning back to her mirror and began adjusting the pins in her hair so that everything was just right.

Once she was satisfied, she added a final spritz of hairspray and then began packing her supplies for the evening into her clutch. Lipstick, powder, keys, hand sanitizer and cream, and emergency candy. Just in case. The finishing touches were her jewelry—the black lace choker she had made for herself and a pair of amethyst earrings—and a couple of spritzes of her favourite violet perfume.

As Roarr would say, she had her war paint and armour on, and she was ready for battle.

And not a moment too soon.

The screen of her phone lit up with an incoming call, the icon for the Adrienette group chat flashing on the screen.

“Hey,” she said once she had tapped to accept the call.

“Hi bijou!” Rose’s voice came from the screen as the group chat icon filled the screen. Rose had insisted it would be a voice only call since they weren’t all getting ready together, that way that could all surprise each other with their finished looks.

“Hi, Juleka,” Mylène said.

“Hey,” Alix’s voice crackled to life over the phone.

“Hi, Alix!” Rose chirped. “Are you excited?”

“Sure,” came Alix’s nonchalant response. “I mean, it’s a dance. There’s only so much to really be excited about-”

“Juleka?” Mylène’s voice cut Alix off. “My mascara is really clumpy! How do I fix it?”

“Wipe the excess off your wand with a tissue and then brush it through. If you have a lash comb, brush it through your lashes too. That should break some of them up.”

“You’re a life saver, thank you.”

“Are we going to get started, or what?” She had thought at first that maybe Alya hadn’t been on the call—a foolish thought—but it seemed Alya was still officially not talking to her. Which, after last night… she wasn’t entirely sure it was a good or bad thing.

Either way, it was an awkward thing.

Rose and Mylène had been in a tizzy all day, trying to get them to talk to each other. Alix had made a few attempts, but after a while had clearly given up and resorted to sighing and rolling her eyes with great exasperation. But Alya… Alya was stubborn. Marinette and the rest of the class had picked up on it too, except Adrien that was. Even Bustier had noticed something weird was going on.

Honestly, it felt more than safe to assume that the only reason she was even included in this pre-game call, so to speak, was because the rest of the girls hadn’t given Alya a choice. Looking at the screen, Rose had been the one to initiate the call.

“If we have to…” Alix groaned.

“We do. Nothing can go wrong tonight,” Alya said firmly.

Well, they were sort of in agreement there.

They were just… diametrically opposed…

“So, I just texted Marinette,” Alya continued, “She just got out of the shower so she’ll only just be starting drying and doing her hair, which means we all have time to get there and get everything into place…”

Despite the fact that she could have listed the schemes backwards in her sleep, she listened carefully to Alya’s every word. She mentally sifted through every word and intonation, looking for any potential clues for what other schemes might come into play. Because she knew Alya. And after their… talk last night, there was no way Alya was showing up without a fresh set of schemes ready to go.

Which meant she needed to be ready for anything.

But she was feeling apprehensive about the evening for more reasons than Alya was giving her.

An odd clash of elation and dread was brewing in her stomach like a hurricane. She knew all the schemes that had been plotted at the meetings she was present for. She knew Alya undoubtedly had more schemes that she didn’t know about ready to set in motion. She knew she had to be and was ready to deal with those schemes.

She also knew Luka and Marinette were going.

Together.

Of their own choosing.

But she wasn’t expecting much beyond that in the sense that, well… school dances were… school dances. They were fun. But they weren’t the magical and romantic settings that movies and tv likes to play them off as. So while she was elated that they were going together, she couldn’t see much more than that happening tonight.

Apart from all the stupid and ridiculous schemes she would have to derail, that is.

As much as she wanted Luka and Marinette to stop being idiots, they were idiots. Sure, she could give them gentle nudges, but tonight, her priority was to just let them enjoy themselves. They had already taken one step away from idiocy by going to the dance together. Tonight was about letting them just enjoy their one small step towards reason.

But even knowing that… she just couldn’t shake the feeling that something big was going to happen tonight.

“School dances are just so romantic!” Rose squealed, breaking her from her thoughts.

***

The thing about school dances was that they were just about the furthest thing from romantic.

The music was always too loud for an enclosed space, and the base too high. And the music choice was always just what was most popular. Which was fine. There was nothing wrong with music being popular. It was just that Bob Roth had bought XY’s place to the top of the charts, so the playlist by default, was dominated by XY’s music- or rather, the music he had stolen.

To say nothing of the smell. The school dances were always held in the gym, which perpetually smelled like a phys-ed class. And the boy’s locker room. Even the smell of strong perfume and cheap cologne couldn’t mask the eau de body odour. Somehow, it just made it worse.

Awkwardness permeated the very air; whether it was people trying to ask their crushes to dance, or people worrying over what they wore or who came with who. And of course there were the chaperones. It was impossible for anything to be romantic when M. Damocles and Mme. Mendeliev were watching the dance floor like a pair of hawks, on the lookout for any inappropriate behaviour.

How could anyone think school dances were romantic?

“This is going to be so romantic!” Rose’s squeal was high pitched enough to be heard over the music without shouting.

Well, anyone except Rose.

“Rose! Juleka!” She turned at the sound of Ivan’s voice, which somehow managed to travel through the pounding base. Ivan and Mylène were weaving through the crowd towards them. Nathaniel was trailing behind them, in the wake Ivan left as people parted to let him and Mylène pass.

“Are Alya and Alix here yet?” Mylène asked as she joined their group, almost shouting to make herself heard over the music. “Rose, you look lovely! And-” Mylène’s eyes widened a bit as she looked at her. “Juleka! Your hair”

“It looks really nice like that,” Ivan said with a shy smile.

“You look gorgeous!”

“Doesn’t she?” Rose asked brightly, taking a firmer grip on her arm as she leaned against her.

Her cheeks were suddenly hot and she had to remind herself not to hide her face in her hands given she couldn’t rely on her hair to hide her blush. “Thanks. You all look great too!” she added, gesturing to Ivan, who had a small, faux sunflower clipped to his shirt to match the floral print of Mylène’s dress. Mylène had twisted her hair up into a bun, which was also adorned with a sunflower clipped into it to frame a loose tendril by the side of her face. “You too, Nathaniel,” she added as she glanced at him. He cleaned up pretty good.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice almost lost to the crowd. “Oh, I see Marc! If you guys don’t mind, I’m going to go…”

“Of course!” Rose squealed, grinning. “We’ll see you on the dance floor?”

Nathaniel nodded with a smile before slipping away.

“So…” Ivan said slowly, “I know you all had some sort of plan but if Alya and Alix aren’t here yet, maybe you and I could dance?” he asked, turning to Mylène.

Mylène was just nodding when a familiar voice carried through the music.

“I bet you I could dance for an hour straight!”

“I bet you would trip over your feet in the first ten minutes,” she heard Alix say as she caught a flash of pink hair moving towards them.

“Yeah? Well how about we-”

“Absolutely not!” Rose said indignantly as Kim and Alix joined their quickly growing group. “This is a dance. It’s supposed to be romantic. And bets aren’t romantic!”

“Thank you, Rose” Max sighed as he stopped to stand on her other side before adding under his breath, “I think.”

“Aww, c’mon! What’s wrong with a little fun- Whoa! Juleka! I don’t think I’ve ever seen both your eyes before!”

She couldn’t help but chuckle at how utterly Kim he was. Before she could reply to what she assumed was his attempt at a complement, Rose opened her mouth.

“And?” Rose asked, her high voice holding an edge of danger.

Kim’s eyes widened as they darted to Rose, in all her swirly, pink, white kitten-print glory and swallowed. “You look really pretty! I just- I wasn’t expecting you to- I mean, you never wear your hair up…” he said, tripping over himself as he tried to both clarify his compliment and appease Rose.

She nudged Rose gently with her elbow and gave her a look before she smiled at Kim. “Thanks. You look pretty good yourself. You all do,” she added, glancing to Max and Alix as Kim puffed his chest out in pride.

“Oh, hey Luka!”

“Hey, Kim. Everyone” Luka said just loud enough to be heard over the music as he slipped between her and Max, shooting Max a grateful smile as the shorter boy made room for him.

“Did you escape in one piece?” she asked.

“Escape?” Ivan asked, his brows furrowing. “From who?”

“Damocles cornered him when we got here,” she snorted. “He wanted to know how lycée is going for him,” she added with a smirk as Luka groaned.

“I feel like he and his sister have a bet going about me and Dingo or something. He kept asking about our science classes and showcase performances…” he said, his voice trailing off as he oh so subtly scanned the crowd around them. “So has anyone seen Marinette yet?”

“No sign of her yet,” she murmured before gently elbowing his side and shooting him a smirk. She hadn’t called him a ‘sap’ out loud. She wasn’t that mean. Besides, she didn’t need to say it for him to get the message…

He rolled his eyes before turning back to the conversation. He was lucky the lighting in the gym hid the pink tinge to his ears. For the most part…

She turned back to the conversation as well, which had somehow worked its way back to Kim and Alix trying to have a competition that Rose wouldn’t outright destroy them for for having at the dance. But she only listened with half an ear, if that. Luka was there to help keep Rose in check should she decide Kim and Alix were ruining the ‘romance’ of the dance too much.

And she had other things to worry about…

Surreptitiously, she scanned the crowd, looking for any signs of Marinette. And crossing all her fingers that Marinette would arrive before Alya… though she wasn’t holding her breath…

The crowd ebbed and flowed around them in a blur of coloured lights and party clothes. Their group was far enough off to the side that they weren’t being overrun by the people dancing, but they were still close enough to the action. She caught sight of Nathaniel and Marc dancing on the fringes of the dance floor. A girl in a yellow dress—similar to the one Chloe had worn— crossed her line of vision, holding a cup of punch, which only served as a reminder of one of the more harebrained schemes Alya had come up with for ‘Operation Fairytale Ball.’ The thought of the schemes left a bitter taste in her mouth, and a lead weight in the pit of her stomach.

Things had been bad enough when she was only contending with one set of schemes… but after last night… there was no way Alya didn’t have contingency plans…

Another song passed with anxious anticipation. And then she saw it. The unmistakeable flash or orange by the doors to the gym.

“Alya” Rose shouted, standing up on her tip toes to be seen past Kim, “over here!”

Whether she had actually heard Rose, or more likely, seen Rose’s glitter clutch as she waved it and Ivan and Kim’s large forms in the crowd, Alya turned in the direction of their group. And then started weaving through the crowd towards them with a determination that didn’t bode well for her plans for the night…

“You look great, Alya!” Rose chirped once she had joined their quickly growing group.

“Thanks,” Alya said, flashing a grin. “You all do too,” she said, smiling to all of them. But then Alya’s gaze landed on her. Alya’s hazel eyes widened in surprise for a moment, the way everyone’s had when they had first seen her with her hair up and away from her face. But then they had narrowed. And while she had still smiled at her, it was rather frigid.

And she hadn’t said anything to her, so it seemed like Alya was still dead set on the whole no talking thing.

“I like how you did your hair,” she said to Alya. And it was true. Alya’s hair looked great.

Alya, for her part, didn’t seem sure how to respond. On one hand, Alya still seemed determined not to talk to her, but on the other…

“Thanks,” Alya said slowly, her face guarded. “Yours looks nice too,” she added, with just the slightest hint of suspicion detectable in her voice. But it was clear as day in her eyes. And then Alya turned to look at Luka, and her eyes widened all over again as soon as she saw what Luka was wearing.

Alya made a strangled, chocking sound that she quickly tried to cover in a cough.

“You ok?” Mylène asked worriedly, taking a step towards Alya to place a hand on her back.

Alya nodded, “Fine,” she said hoarsely before blinking to do a double take at Luka. Luka blinked at her, his face shifting into something guarded, and Alya’s eyes narrowed again, her mouth setting into a grim line as her gazed flickered back to land on her.

She should have known Alya would take his outfit choice as a sign of her ‘betrayal…’

Luka nudged her shoulder. “I’m going to go get something to drink. Want anything?” His voice sounded almost tinny through the base.

“No, but you should-“ He was gone before she could finish telling him he should wait until Marinette go there. Now that Alya was here… Marinette could show up at any time, and she didn’t like the idea of Luka going off on his own and leaving Alya with an opening.

“So, where’s Nino?” Kim asked, seemingly wonderfully oblivious—as usual—to everything. “We need some good song recommendations for a dance off and he’s the go to guy for that kind of stuff.”

“He isn’t playing-”

“Well, yeah,” Kim laughed, “that’s why that other guy is up there,” Kim said as he nodded to the hired DJ. “But I’m sure we can make requests.”

“That’s true…” Alya said, turning to Alix as she pulled her phone out of her purse “But remember-”

“I know, I know,” Alix groaned, holding up her hands. “But they’re not even here yet.”

“Who isn’t here-” Kim started to ask.

“Nino just texted, he and Adrien are almost here,” Alya said as she read something off her phone.

“I know!” Alya shouted over the music.“And Marinette should be here any minute! And-“ Alya began frantically waving. “Nino and Adrien are here!”

“Do you want to dance?” Rose grabbed her hand, beaming up at her as she tugged her towards the dance floor.

She wanted to. She really wanted to. But she also didn’t want whatever Alya had planned to go ahead. Which meant she needed to be ready for-

“Hey dudes.” Nino was grinning as he and Adrien joined their group. But then he caught her eye. His eyes widened, dnd then his gaze dropped, like he couldn’t look her in the eye. Nino had always been a bit of an open book. Subtlety wasn’t exactly his forte.

And this all but confirmed her worst suspicions.

He was definitely in on whatever Alya had cooked up.

“You look great, Adrien!” Alya said.

Adrien, who had looked morose and like he had every intention of at least half-sulking the entire evening, looked up. “Oh, thanks.”

“Yeah, you clean up good, man! Do you think you can dance in that getup? Because Alix and I were going to- oof”

Kim’s obvious attempts to get Adrien to join in on the impromptu dance off were quickly cut off by Rose’s elbow.

“I probably could, but they’re not really made for that kind of dancing.”

“Yeah, Kim. Those kinds of clothes are for dances like the waltz. You know, the romantic kinds? There’s nothing more romantic than a waltz! Just imagine, a candlelight waltz, or a waltz under the city lights,” Rose sighed dreamily. “There’s nothing that could be more romantic than that.”

“Yeah? You really think?” Adrien asked, immediately perking up. Even after their fight, he was still concerned about that?

“There’s Marinette!” Mylène’s voice was almost lost to the music.

Bewilderment crossed Alya’s face. “Her dress…”

She whirled around, tugging Rose along with her.

Marinette wasn’t wearing green to match Adrien’s eyes, as per her prediction. And despite Alya’s suggestion—demand more like.

“She looks gorgeous!” Beside her Rose practically swooned. “She looks like a princess!”

Marinette’s dress was simple; a sweet heart neckline and spaghetti straps, with a full and voluminous skirt made up of what looked like layer upon layer of gauzy fabric. It was a soft shade of blue, caught somewhere between summer skies and calm seas. It was the blue of where the horizon met the sea. It was the blue that lived somewhere between the shade of Luka’s eyes and Marinette’s. A simple silver pendant that looked remarkably light a floral treble cleft matched her shoes.

And her hair was down. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Marinette with her hair down; she always had it pulled back, even at sleepovers. But now it cascaded over her shoulders in loose waves.

It made her look… freer.

Rose was right. She did look like a princess. She was about to elbow Luka in the ribs when she remembered he had gone to get a drink.

Shoot.

“Wow, Marinette looks great!”

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.

Now was not the time for Adrien to start noticing what he was missing out on.

Despite her initial reaction to Marinette’s dress, or more specifically she assumed, its colour, Alya smiled smugly. “She sure does,” she said.

“I’ve never seen her with her hair down…”

“Maybe you should tell her to wear it down more often…” Alya suggested.

Adrien shrugged blithely. “Maybe, but I like the pigtails. They remind me of Ladybug.”

There is was.

Because even with his so-called Lady standing right in front of him, he couldn’t see her, he was so blinded by the scarlet and spots.

“Hi guys!” Marinette said a little breathlessly as she pushed through the last bit of the crowd standing between her and the rest of the group.

“Hey,” she said, louder than she usually would so as to be heard over the pounding music.

Marinette turned to her and the smile that had been gracing her face grew even wider. “Juleka!” she gasped before pulling her into a hug, “you look incredible! I knew that dress would be perfect for you, and the shoes and your hair!”

“I know, right?” Rose chirped. “I think you should wear heels more often,” Rose added added as Marinette pulled away.

“And Rose! You look fabulous! You all do!” Marinette squealed as she looked around their group, grinning at everyone. But she was also oh so very obviously looking for someone who wasn’t there. She had to fight back a grin at how transparent Marinette was. “Has anyone seen-”

“Girl, that dress looks great on you! It really brings out your eyes!” Alya said as she pulled Marinette into a hug. Though she knew Alya had misgivings about the colour Marinette had chosen, the compliment was obviously genuine. Marinette did look incredible, and the colour of her dress made her eyes all the bluer.

Marinette smiled at Alya as she released the hug. But there was something guarded about her smile still. The way it had been every time she had smiled around Alya the past few days. “Thanks. You look great too.”

“I can see why this took you so long,” Mylène said as she looked at Marinette’s dress before pulling her into a hug as well, “just how many layers are there in the skirt?”

“I lost track around seven,” Marinette laughed. “But where’s Luka?” she asked.

“He went to go get a drink, he should be back any minute,” she replied as Rose pounced on Marinette, enveloping her in a hug. From across their little group, she caught Alya eyeing her suspiciously.

And really?

That was what was eliciting that look?

What did Alya expect her to do? Ignore Marinette’s question? Did she expect all of them to ignore Marinette’s question.

“Oh, ok-”

“While you’re waiting for him,” Alya interrupted before turning to Adrien, “You like this song, right Adrien?”

“Yeah, it’s fine-”

“Why don’t you two dance? The crowd is so thick it could Luka a while to come back, plus if M. Damocles wants to talk to him again-”

“But-”

Another flash of yellow in the crowd caught her eye. This time, it was Chloe.

Chloe had proven to be very effective in coming between Adrien and Marinette before… she just needed to get Chloe to notice him…

Behind Chloe, she saw Aurore and Mireille drifting through the crowd.

She shifted a step to the side so that she was closer to Adrien, and reached up and began to wave. “Mereille, Aurore! Over here!” she called as she continued to wave, keeping her gaze on Chloe’s ponytail.

She hadn’t expected either of them to hear her, and evidently they hadn’t heard or seen her as they disappeared back into the crowd. But that didn’t matter. Because Chloe had noticed her. And more importantly, Chloe had noticed who was standing with her…

“Oop. Chloe incoming,” Alix said, but it was too late.

“Adrikins! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Hey Chloe,” Adrien said, rather unenthusiastically.

“Aren’t you going to compliment my dress?” Chloe asked as she looped her arm through his and began tugging him towards the dance floor.

“Where are you going?”

“To dance. Obviously, Césaire,” Chloe snapped before dragging Adrien off.

She turned back to the rest of her friends as Adrien and Chloe started dancing, to find Alya glaring at her suspiciously. But she just shrugged innocently. It wasn’t like she had called Chloe over. Alya couldn’t reasonably accuse her of doing anything.

Just Alya couldn’t get mad at her for helping keep Mendeliev from finding some of the scheme…

“Hey, angel,” she said quietly, leaning down to whisper into Rose’s ear, “you and Mylène hid the flowers are under the tables right?” Rose nodded. “Mendeliev is poking around over there.” She straighten up and glanced knowingly towards the tables that had been set up for people to sit at when they needed a break from dancing. Mendeliev wasn’t exactly poking around them, but she was circulating amongst them. And Mendeliev was eagle eyed…

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rose’s eyes widen as she followed her gaze.

“Alya! Mylène! I need a girl talk real quick!” Rose sad, grabbing them both by the arm and not waiting for a response from either of them. “I’ll be right back, bijou!” Rose called over her shoulder before saying something into Alya’s ear.

It was hard to tell from behind, but based on the way Alya picked up the pace towards the tables, she felt safe to assume Rose had told her Mendeliev was alarmingly close to the flowers Alya, Mylène, and Rose were supposed to use for one of the schemes. Alya shot a conflicted, yet suspicious glance over her shoulder at her as she hurried towards the tables.

“Welp,” Alix said, “I guess that means it’s time to check out the snacks.”

“Wait!” Kim called as Alix began to saunter away, “I thought we were going to have a dance off now! Or! I bet you I can-” whatever it was that Kim had been saying was lost in the noise of the crowd and music as he disappeared after Alix, pulling Nino along with him.

Max sighed. “I suppose I had better go make sure neither of them choke if they end up having an eating contest or something.” She shot Max a sympathetic smile before he turned and trudged after Alix and Kim.

“C’mon,” she said to Marinette, nodding towards the end of the gymnasium the refreshment tables were set up in, “let’s go find my brother before Damocles corners him again.” Marinette nodded as she looped her arm through hers.

Marinette’s brows twisted in confusion as she began to follow her through the crowd. “Before Damocles corners him again? What-”

“Did you know Damocles has a twin? And that she’s the principal of Saint-Saëns?”

“There’s two Damocles?” Marinette asked in disbelief as they began to weave through the crowd.

“I’m afraid so.”

“You don’t think she also dresses up Knightowl, do you?”

“I hope not,” she laughed. “Luka hasn’t said anything about it but you never know-”

“Jules!” She pulled Marinette to a stop as she turned in the direction of the voice. Luka was smiling apologetically at someone she recognized from the year below her as he awkwardly side stepped towards her. “I thought I had lost you Jules- Marinette.”

She didn’t bother to hide her smile at the look on her brother’s face. She had never seen his eyes so wide. And she swore she could almost hear the sounds of his brain short-circuiting. His plastic cup clattered to the ground, thankfully spilling only a few drops as it had been almost completely empty. “You- you’re beautiful,” he said, almost reverently.

She glanced at Marinette at the corner of her eye, even as Marinette unhooked her arm from hers to take a step towards Luka. Her smile only grew. Marinette was equally wide-eyed, and she was practically glowing.

“Your dress, it’s incredible. I knew it would be, but… wow,” Luka laughed breathlessly.

“Thank you,” Marinette said, almost shyly. “But Luka, your tie.” Marinette reached out as if to touch it, but stopped just short, her hand awkward hovering a few inches from Luka’s chest.

The sap looked down to grin at the floral tie, which was the same shade of pink as his cheeks and ears, before smiling back up at Marinette. “Yeah, I-“ she watched as her brother reached up to rub the back of his neck as a bashful smile and flush crept across his face. “It made me think of you.”

***

Phase ’And Their Eyes Will Meet’ had gone off without a hitch.

At least, from her perspective.

The best part was, she hadn’t had to do much. And that meant that there was no way Alya could turn around to try and pin the phase’s failure on her. Especially given she had alerted Rose to Mendeliev getting a little too close to the faux flowers for comfort. She had almost felt sorry for Adrien as Chloe dragged him off to dance with her.

Almost.

But knowing what she knew… yeah. She didn’t.

Plus, it got him away from Marinette. And more importantly, Alya.

And that had given Luka an opening. Of course, the DJ had just had to put on an XY song, which meant Luka and Marinette weren’t dancing… They were hovering by one of the walls of the gym, glasses of the saccharinely sweet punch completely forgotten in their hands as they laughed over something. Sure, they were maybe leaning a bit into wallflower territory, but they were together.

The other good thing about them standing there by the wall was that it was relatively easy for her to keep an eye on them and the things going on around them as Rose spun her around the dance floor. She would have been more than happy to sit this song out too, to be honest. It wasn’t like any of them had a soft spot for XY. The complete opposite in fact. But even the sourness of the memory of their music being stolen wasn’t enough to dampen Rose’s spirits. She had practically begged to dance, and when had she ever been able to say no to Rose? Especially when she used her puppy eyes…

“I can’t wait until they play a slow song!” Rose somehow both sighed and squealed as she pulled her into an enthusiastic spin.

“Neither can I,” she chuckled, blinking as she teetered on her shoes and tried to steady herself. While she was able to keep an eye on everything from the dance floor, keeping everything she saw straight was another thing entirely with Rose leading…

“Sorry,” Rose said, cringing as she smiled apologetically.

She couldn’t help but smile at how unabashedly Rose was leaning into the rose-tinted romance she perceived the dance to be. “It’s ok, maybe just a little less… gusto?”

Rose nodded brightly before tugging her a little closer, her smile dimming a little. “You’re still doing ok?”

She blinked down at Rose. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Rose shrugged as they continued to dance. “Yesterday… it was a lot. It was a lot for me and Mylène. Heck, it was even a lot for Alix. We’ve… none of us… well, I don’t remember the last fight any of us had like that. I don’t know if we’ve ever had a fight like that before…”

“It was a lot,” she agreed, nodding slightly.

“I know we talked it out last night, but this morning, and during the phone call… Alya wasn’t exactly…”

“Talking to me?” she snorted. Rose nodded, and she sighed. “You and me? We’re alright. I promise,” she added, squeezing Rose’s hand. “Me and Alix and Mylène? We’re fine too. I talked with them both last night.”

“And you and Alya?”

She bit back a groan, but some of it still slipped into her sigh. “I don’t know where we are right now. But I know that she needs time to let it go and- what is she doing?” She craned her neck to get a better view of what she had seen over Rose’s shoulder.

Alya was dancing with Adrien. It was very obvious that Adrien was trying to lead the two in the dance, and it was even more obvious that Alya had taken the lead. And that she was steering him right towards…

Rose turned to look over her shoulder in the direction she was looking and sighed. “I forgot about that plan…”

“What plan was that?”

Rose turned back to her, and to her surprise, rolled her eyes. “It was one of the ones Alya came up with. One that we weren’t supposed to tell you about,” she added apologetically. “We tried to tell her it wouldn’t work but…” Rose’s words trailed off in a shrug. “I suppose she didn’t listen.”

That was an understatement.

“Hey,” do you think we could maybe take a bit of a rest?” she asked as casually as she could. “I’m getting a little tired, I’m not used to wearing heels and we’ve been dancing for a while…”

Both were true. They had been dancing for three songs now. And she wasn’t used to wearing heels.

But that pang of guilt still lodged itself in her chest. She still wasn’t sure what the best course of action would be, with the girls. Telling them everything—well, not everything—or keeping quiet. She knew she would have to decide one way or another eventually. But today- tonight didn’t feel like the right time.

All she was sure of, was that she needed to keep Alya away from Luka and Marinette.

“Of course, bijou!” Rose said brightly. “I was getting hungry anyways. Want me to go grab some snacks?”

“Sure. I’ll wait over with Mari and Luka?” she asked, nodding towards them.

“That sounds good! I’ll bring snacks for them too, we can all rest for a bit.”

She pecked Rose on the forehead before they parted ways. Rose heading towards the refreshment table, while she headed into what felt like what was going to turn into a storm…

***

The music was still pounding.

The gym was still dimly lit by the lights and the disco ball that had been pulled out from the school storage for the occasion.

The gym still unfortunately smelled like Kim’s locker. Maybe even worse now that people had been dancing for a while, not to mention topping up their perfume and cologne in the bathroom. She had nearly choked on the clouds of clashing scents when she had ducked into the ladies room.

And while somewhat expected, it seemed Luka and Marinette were still no closer to stopping their mutual idiocy than they had been when they had arrived at the dance. Or last week. Or last month…

The only thing that had changed in the past hour of the dance had been…

She narrowed her eyes as she watched Nino sling an arm around Adrien’s shoulder with a laugh. Normally, that wouldn’t be something she would even bat an eye at. Nino was just like that, always slinging an arm around his friends’ shoulders or ribbing them when joking around, or slinging an arm around Alya’s waist. For all the ways he presented himself as a chill, nonchalant kind of guy, he was actually very touchy-feely and outwardly affectionate to the people close to him. In some ways, he was quite a bit like Luka, being more than content to let things be and happen as they did.

And he was a terrible liar. And a terrible actor.

She wouldn’t have batted an eye at the way he had slung his arm around Adrien’s shoulder, if not for the almost mechanical way he had done it. Like it was timed, or he was overthinking it in trying to make it look casual.

And of course, there was the fact that he had shot a not-so subtle glance at Alya where she was standing over by the refreshment table, sipping a glass of the overly sweet punch.

She almost frowned before she remembered herself. It wouldn’t do to look suspicious; she was at a dance after all, she should look like she wasn’t trying to unravel Kwami’s only knew how many unknown convoluted schemes Alya had cooked up. She turned her attention away from Alya and back to Mylène. Or rather… at the spot just over Mylène’s head where she could see Nino and Adrien talking.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a whirl of bubblegum and serene blue. Rose and Marinette flew through her field of vision, laughing and giggling as Rose swung them in a twirling dance that wasn’t so much a dance per se as a whirling tornado of pink and blue, puffy chaos. A smile curled across her face at the sight; she had needed to take a break from dancing. She still wasn’t used to wearing heels, so there was only so much dancing she could do at a time. And Marinette had seemed disappointed to not be dancing to this song while Luka was in the bathroom trying to dry off, so of course she had no objections to Rose dancing with Marinette for a while.

Her smile faltered.

It had seemed like an accident…

But she of all people should know things aren’t always what they seem.

And it was just a little too convenient that Kim’s water had ended up all over Luka. Sure, it was easy to brush off; Kim wasn’t exactly what anyone would call observant. And he had been goofing around—as usual—when he had bumped into Nino and sent the water all over Luka’s side. But the fact that it had been water as opposed to the syrupy punch that had ended up all over Luka’s sleeve made it feel too deliberate. For all her flaws, Alya wasn’t mean. She wouldn’t stoop to completely ruining Luka’s shirt.

And of course, there was the fact she had been Nino. That, and she had seen Alya give Nino what she assumed was meant to be a covert look a couple of minutes before it happened.

It was just water. But it was enough Luka had ducked out to the washroom to try and dry off some of the water with paper towels and the hand dryers.

And now…

Her gaze narrowed in on Nino and Adrien again. Nino was nodding his head towards Rose and Marinette, his movements painfully stiff and awkward looking. She couldn’t tell what he was saying from here—there was no way on earth she could hear him from that far away over the music and frustratingly, lip reading was harder than she had initially thought. But she had a hunch.

She watched Adrien and Nino as Nino continued to talk with exaggerated motions. For her part, she nodded along as she listened to Mylène talking about her plans for the first couple of weeks of the summer break. Adrien nodded again, and Nino’s face broke out into a look of relief.

That couldn’t be good…

The song—one of Clara Nightingale’s recent releases—was still going, but she recognized the lines enough to know it was nearing its end. And-

Nope.

Adrien was walking away from Nino now, making his way through the crowd of people dancing with his usual supermodel grace.

That was not good.

Nino was watching Adrien go as he made his way towards Rose and Marinette.

It was definitely not good.

And across the dance floor, Alya was also watching Adrien heading towards Marinette and Rose, grinning like the cat that had just caught the canary.

“I’m going to go find Luka,” she said, rather abruptly if the look Mylène and Ivan gave her was anything to go by.

“He’s probably still in the washroom though, right?” Ivan asked.

Max pushed his glasses up his nose before nodding. “That would be the most probable answer. That cup was quite full-”

“I said I was sorry!” Kim interjected, earning a look of good-natured ire from Max.

“But it also doesn’t take that long to dry off a shirt. He can live with a damp sleeve and he’s missing everything.”

“That is also a good point-”

She shot Max a smile, and then before anyone else could protest, she slipped away from their group and began fighting her way through the fringes of the dance floor. She was sure to make a show of looking around like she was looking for someone and wasn’t really watching where she was going—lest Alya spot her and decide to make more accusations—as she made a beeline for the spot it looked like she would cross paths with Adrien.

“Oh, excuse me- oh, hey Juleka.”

She turned to look down at Adrien—who she was towering over even more than usual in her shoes—with feigned surprise. “Oh, Adrien. Sorry about that, I didn’t see you there.”

Adrien shot her one of his easy, effortless, supermodel grins. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “So, are you enjoying the dance?”

She nodded. “I am. Yeah.” Ok. This was awkward. She had been so laser-focused on intercepting Adrien before he could reach Marinette and, she assumed, ask her to dance, that she hadn’t even thought about how she was going to keep him occupied.

And for all his obliviousness, even Adrien seemed to be picking up on the pure, tangible awkwardness that was filling the air.

“So…” he said, letting the single word trail off.

What was she supposed to say? What could she possibly talk to Adrien about now?

Come to think of it, what could she ever possibly talk to just Adrien about? They had nothing in common other than their teachers and classmates!

“Are you having fun?” The words blurted out, but that was fine. That was a nice, safe, impersonal topic.

Adrien grinned again. “Yeah, it’s great! I’m glad father let me come, it’s a lot of fun dancing with everyone. I was just on my way to ask Marinette to dance- oh, looks like Luka is back.”

She held back a sigh of relief as she turned to look behind her where Adrien was craning his neck to see. Luka was back, and even though the song hadn’t quite ended yet it looked like Rose had released Marinette from their tornado like dance to reunite with Luka. Marinette was busy inspecting Luka’s sleeve—probably to make sure he had properly dried it or something—while the dork stood there blushing and staring at the top of Marinette’s head like a lovesick idiot.

But a ways behind them…

She could see Alya staring at the two. Her brows furrowed and there was the familiar gleam in her eyes, the one she always had when she was plotting and scheming…

“…but Nino said I should try to dance with Marinette, I’m sure they won’t mind if I interrupt-”

“Why don’t we dance?”

Did she really just say that?

Why? Why? Of all the things she could ever possibly say to him, why did she have to go and say that?

She wasn’t sure who was more surprised. Her. Or Adrien. He was staring at her, his mouth gaping open not unlike that of a fish. And honestly? She couldn’t really blame him…

“Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds fun.” They stood there awkwardly, looking at each other. “I guess we should…?” Adrien asked, his question trailing off.

“Oh. Yeah. Uh…” she glanced around, trying to spot Luka and Marinette so that she could get Adrien as faraway from them as possible. The two were dancing to the upbeat song that had started playing. Marinette was glowing, she was smiling so brightly at Luka. And Luka was looking at Marinette like she was the sun, the moon, and all the stars rolled into one as he laughed at something Marinette had said.

Her thoughts soured as she glanced around for Alya. There was no way she wanted Adrien anywhere near them lest Alya—or Nino—find a way to interrupt.

Alya was staring at her, her eyes hard and her mouth downturned in a frown. Nino was standing beside her, looking like he was trying to placate her. But Alya looked like she was ready to do business.

She definitely wanted Adrien away from those two, and any plots Alya cooked up on the fly, as well.

“Let’s go over there,” she said, nodding her head to the other side of the dance floor where the crowd was thinner. Far away from Luka and Marinette. And far far away from Alya’s interference…

Adrien nodded, and began heading in the direction she had nodded. The wove through the crowd until they were on the fringes of the far side of the dance floor, far away from any of Alya’s plots and schemes.

Hopefully.

Adrien turned to her with another practiced smile and placed a hand on her waist.

She couldn’t stop herself from stepping back in surprise.

“What are you doing?”

Adrien’s brows furrowed. “Dancing?”

“It isn’t really the right kind of song for that kind of dancing,” she said, nodding to the people around them who were bobbing and swaying to the fast beat of one of the other songs from Clara’s new album.

“Oh,” Adrien said, his brows still furrowed. But then he smiled and chuckled as he ran a hand though his perfectly coiffed hair. It was such a Chat like movement she almost grimaced. “Sorry about that, guess I’m not used to school dances since father never really lets me go to them,” he said, his voice full of its usual model charm.

“No problem.” Nodding, she began dancing, trying to ignore the awkwardness that was making it feel like she was moving her stiff limbs through jello. She was never a big dancer, but it was also never hard for her to dance. But this? This was painful.

But at least if they were dancing they wouldn’t have to make small talk…

Clumsily, Adrien mimicked her movements. “So…” he said again, breaking the silence between them.

There went that small comfort…

“You like Clara’s new album?” she asked, desperately looking for something- anything to talk about that would maybe hopefully dissipate at least some of the awkward tension. Or at least distract her long enough to get her through this song.

Except that was a mistake. Bringing up Clara’s new album. Because it had another Ladybug song on it. Quite a few actually. And a song a lot of people were speculating was intended to be about Tigress…

With no mention of Chat in any of the lyrics…

Adrien’s face darkened into almost a scowl before he seemed to remember himself. “It’s fine,” he muttered before brightening marginally. “The lyrics about Ladybug’s eyes are spot on,” he half laughed, half sighed. “She really is brilliant- Ladybug that is. Clara’s first song, the one about Ladybug and Chat Noir is still my favourite though.”

Of course it was.

And was he- was he humming that song about Ladybug and Chat Noir?

This was more than painful.

“Hey, you seen Chloe recently?”

“What?” Why would he be asking her that?

“I haven’t seen her for a while now, and I saw another girl wearing a similar dress-”

“Last I saw her, it looked like Sabrina was trying to keep her from noticing. I think I saw Sabrina talking to the girl earlier, probably trying to convince her to change.”

“Oh.”

Was he seriously disappointed by that? Was he actually hoping Chloe would see the girl wearing a similar dress? Something that would almost surely end in akumatization, if not for the poor girl then for Chloe. Except, it wasn’t really surprising because of course he would. Because where there were akumas, there was Ladybug. A wave of disgust washed through her. “Why are you asking?”

Alarm passed so quickly through Adrien’s eyes she would have missed it if she hadn’t been watching for it. “Oh, you know. It seemed like there’s always an akuma at school dances.”

“Hopefully the evening won’t come to that.”

“Of course,” Adrien said, casting her a charming, supermodel smile that was completely repulsive.

She nodded, trying to return his smile. It wouldn’t do her any good to try and disagree with him. But trying to smile at him made her stomach feel like it was flipping inside out.

Thankfully, he was Adrien. He took her smile—well, her rather poor attempt at a smile—at face value. “I wonder if Ladybug likes dancing…” She ignored him as he continued to muse about whether Ladybug liked to dance and what kind of music she liked and wax poetic about her in general.

The song was still no where close enough to being over when she caught sight of Alya and Nino. She had to bite back a groan at the sight of them. They were standing, chatting with Luka and Marinette. She had been able to keep Adrien away from those two, but she had overlooked the crucial fact that it wasn’t just Adrien she had to be worried about. If anything, he really should have been what she was least worried about.

Alya was the mastermind of all the plots.

Alya was the one doing her utmost best to be a wedge between Luke and Marinette.

And she had been so stupid to get so caught up on the Adrien plots that she had overlooked the reality she was contending with.

Still… the night wasn’t over. Maybe Alya was keeping Marinette and Luka from enjoying their time together right now, but the night was still young. And the song would be over—though not soon enough—and she could make her way back to the two idiots. She just had to grin and bear it a little longer. And at least with Adrien waxing poetic about Ladybug, she could focus on figuring out how to keep Alya away from Luka and Marinette.

#juleka vs. the forces of the universe #juleka couffaine #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #rose lavillant #mylene haprele #alix kubdel #ivan bruel #le chien kim #max kante #adrien agreste #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #alya salt #adrien salt #chat noir salt

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bitethedevil · 2 months

Text

More Than Our Fathers (Raphael x Demigod!Reader): Chapter 6

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six

Fic Summary: It was in the years after the Fall of Netheril that fate decided to push the two of you together: the daughter of the God of Divination and the son of the Archdevil of the Eighth. An unlikely pair, but you learned throughout the years that you had more in common than you thought: you were both driven by ambition and you both longed to become more than what your fathers made you.

Read this on AO3

Summary: The days grow long as you are waiting for the adventurers to succeed. You finally give in to Haarlep to kill the time.

Word count: 4,548

(AN: I have to admit that I have given up on my posting schedule for this fic. My inspiration for it comes and goes and I've been writing a bunch of other stuff as well. Thank you for your patience with it.)

WARNINGS: NSFW

Raphael’s post-coital bliss did not last for long after he was finally let out of his chains and back into the House of Hope. He immediately went off to check on the house to gauge the damage done by the adventurers. You stayed behind in the boudoir to avoid his potential fit of rage while you hoped that the mortals had at least left behind the contract.

Haarlep entered the boudoir with a smile and a spring in their step.

“I know I’m not supposed to be here, but he is mad,” they said with an almost giddy tone. “I am seeking refuge with you. I’d like not to get incinerated. It gets rather old after the first fifty times.”

“Do you know if they got to the contract?” you asked.

Haarlep sprawled out on the bed with their arms behind their head.

“They did not go in the safe, oddly enough, so they shouldn’t have been able to,” they answered with a shrug. “The poor thing was in quite the state after I was done with them. They left not long after.”

“That’s something…” you mumbled. “Wait. The safe? How did they know about a safe? Did you...?”

“Shhh,” they shushed with a grin on their face. “Nothing happened! He needn’t know. If he did not want me to cause trouble, he should remember to keep me fed…Did you two have fun while you were away?”

“Did you?” you asked.

“I’ve had worse,” they said and stretched their limbs on the bed. “I’ve had better too. Then again…someone like them compares to someone like you like water does to the finest wine. It does the job of quenching one’s thirst, but it is ever so unsatisfying when one knows a better option is just out of reach.”

They reached out to touch you, but you moved away from their grasp. They gave you a teasing smile. You both looked towards the entrance when you heard Raphael enter. It was clear from his heavy steps that he was irritated. There was a scowl on his face when he came into view. He shot a sharp look at Haarlep.

“And what are you doing in here?” he asked with a sneer on his face.

“Seducing your wife,” Haarlep answered with a smile.

“Out,” he ordered. “Or you can seduce a cell in the dungeons. You have already had more than what you deserve for the many next weeks to come.”

Haarlep pouted and slid off the bed. They gave you a little wave before disappearing out of the boudoir.

The two of you were alone.

“The contract?”

“Is where it is supposed to be, untouched,” he answered coldly. “Though Hope is not. Neither is anything else that were not nailed down.”

“Well, that is something,” you said with relief.

“Is it?” he asked. “I do not make a habit of letting that which is mine be snatched from my hands so easily without a fight. Today you have forced me to.”

“It was that or your life, Raphael,” you said. “This is a victory, not a defeat. The plan will go on as it was. If it’s revenge you are after, you can have your fill of it after they have handed you the Crown of Karsus.”

He mumbled something under his breath in Infernal before grabbing a carafe of wine and going to the balcony. You let him cool off while you got properly dressed.

You followed him out to the balcony after a while and sat down beside him. You both sat in silence. Raphael had lit up the hookah that stood between the two of you and started smoking. That had seemed to calm him down somewhat.

He glanced at you. His eyes ran over the length of your body. He was no doubt reminiscing about what had happened while the two of you were in the pocket dimension. Though he was no fool. He was aware that it had been a one-off and that most likely contributed to his sour mood earlier.

You still felt odd about it. Raphael might have seen you that way ever since you first met, but you had never looked at him like that before you got married with him, and even then, it had been an odd thing to feel those feelings for someone you had known for so long.

You did not want it to happen again. Those kinds of things only seemed to complicate matters and the last thing the two of you needed when things were going so well, was complications. You would try to keep your desires in check in the future.

“About earlier…” you said and broke the silence to address the elephant in the room.

“It never happened,” he said and blew out a trail of smoke into the air. “I understand. Though you must also understand that you using my desires against me in the fashion that you did will never happen again either.”

“Of course,” you said. “It was low of me to lure you with that, but I did what I had to do. Though you did the exact same thing to me in there.”

“I have never been one to pass up on a golden opportunity,” he said lazily. “And you were easier to convince than I had thought.”

“It never happened,” you said.

“It never happened,” he repeated with a faint teasing smile.

“To ensure it doesn't happen again, I have thought about taking Haarlep up on their offer,” you said with a sigh.

“They will be elated,” he said. “Though, I do selfishly hope that you might reconsider one day.”

He smiled at you. You smiled back. You were not going to promise him anything.

“That said,” you said. “What you decide to do with that is up to you. I obviously won’t dictate what you do with your own body, but if you do decide to feel those sensations through them, I would appreciate if you kept it from me.”

One of his eyebrows arched up in slight surprise at your statement.

“Understood…” he said and took another puff from the hookah.

“And don’t tell them yet,” you said. “I’m still thinking about it. I will be giving them my form and I am not completely in love with the idea of that, knowing the things Haarlep gets up to.”

Raphael chuckled at that.

“Yes, they are quite a curious little thing,” he said. “Tell them that they are not to use your form under any circumstances without your permission and if they do, I will deal with them personally.”

Raphael offered you the hose to the hookah. You leaned forward and took a drag. You coughed slightly as you exhaled, which made Raphael smile in amusement. It was nice to see him in a better mood.

“It’s nice of you, but I might just deal with them myself if they offer my body up to anyone without my permission.”

“You are free to do so,” he said with a slight shrug. “Though it would be wonderful if you could convince them to take another form than mine when you do so. Only pleasurable sensations are supposed to transfer to the original form, but you would be surprised to know what Haarlep can consider pleasurable. It makes them annoyingly difficult to torture.”

“I can imagine,” you said and then started wondering. “How did you end up with Haarlep anyway? Did you buy them, or did they just follow you home one day?”

“A gift from my dear father,” he explained. “It was many years ago. It was a lazy attempt at distracting me and keeping an eye on me. They have been a nuisance to me ever since.”

That came as a surprise. It made sense why Haarlep was so spiteful and troublesome then.

“So they could be spying on you for Mephistopheles?” you asked. “Why keep them around then?”

“My father is a clever man, but lazy when it comes to things that do not interest him,” Raphael explained. “I do not particularly interest him, though he needs to keep an eye on me. Had I killed Haarlep, he would simply have sent someone else, someone who might be more difficult to weed out. I feed them with information that is half-interesting so they can report back, but no more than that. Keep your enemies close, as they say.”

It did make sense, though the thought that there was a spy from the second most powerful devil in the Hells in your house was a bit concerning. You made a mental note to be careful with what you told them in the future.

“Does Haarlep know that you know?”

“I am sure they do,” he said. “We have known each other for centuries and though they underestimate me, they know I am not stupid.”

You nodded. You were itching to bring something up now that it seemed he had calmed down a bit. You wanted to touch him to see if the timeline had changed enough for him to survive or if you had simply delayed the inevitable. Some things were harder to change than others. You carefully held out your hand to him.

“Speaking of your father…Can I?” you asked and looked at his hand. “I just want to see where we are standing with how things are now.”

“Will you make a fuss if you see my death again?” he asked and looked at your hand.

“Yes.”

He smiled and then sighed before putting his hand in yours. You held it as you peered into his future. There was no death in the nearest future. Instead, you saw yourself through his eyes. You felt cold metal in both of his hands. With one of them he handed you the Scepter of Savras. With the other he was holding the Crown of Karsus.

The present Raphael smiled at you in amusement as he watched a small smile form on your lips and tears of relief starting to form in your eyes.

“If I still am dying, then you have an interesting way to show your grief this time,” he said with a chuckle. “What do you see?”

You returned to the current reality and looked at him with a smile.

“Our victory,” you said in a small fragile voice. “You…you’ll keep your word…and we will win.”

“Obviously,” he said in a self-assured tone, though you could see in his eyes that the news brought him relief as well. “Now we just have to wait.”

Silence fell over the two of you for a while. You wiped your eyes and leaned back in the chair as you savored the feeling of relief. When you opened your eyes again after a while, you could see that Raphael was studying you. You looked at him and started studying him as well. A smile tugged on his lips as you did so, but it did not stop him from looking at you in silence while sipping his wine. You broke first.

“What is it?” you asked.

“Nothing at all,” he said with a smile, his eyes still locked on you. “I am merely thinking.”

“Do you have any enlightening thoughts that you want to share?” you teased.

“I am thinking about how I have always known you were beautiful, though I feel that you have somehow only grown even more so after we have gotten married,” he said with casual confidence and a mischievous smile. “The rest of my thoughts I would rather not share.”

“Oh, spare me, you idiot,” you sighed and rolled your eyes.

He chuckled. The faint blush on your cheeks and the little smile you tried to hide did not go unnoticed by him. Though the ‘thing that never happened’ never happened, he now knew that you were at least the tiniest bit interested, and he was going to milk that for all it was worth.

The days seemed to grow longer and longer as the two of you waited, now that you both knew what was going to happen. You were going to win. You listened in on all of Raphael’s meetings with Korrilla. The adventurers were still stumbling around Baldur’s Gate for now, but they had two of the Netherstones now and seemed to actively be preparing for the final battle.

Waiting was torture. Especially when it felt like you had read every single book Raphael owned that was written in Common. There was little to do except pacing around the house. Your thoughts moved to Haarlep again. That would at least be something to kill some time on. You also had to admit that you were curious about how it would be to sleep with an incubus.

You decided to pay them another visit and just see where things would take you. You knocked on the door and after you heard a bored ‘come in’ you entered. When they saw that it was you, a smile widened on their face. This time they were at least under the covers of their bed, though it looked like they were still naked. It looked like they had been reading before you entered by the look of the open book in their lap.

“I thought you were him,” they said and looked you up and down. “He is so restless these days. It’s a pleasant surprise that it’s you. What can I do for you, goddess?”

“Nothing really,” you said casually and shrugged as you moved closer to the bed. “Just restless too and wanted to see what you were using your time on. What are you reading?”

“One of Raphael’s old diaries,” they explained. “There are plenty of mentions of you in here. Do you want me to read some of them to you?”

“Uhh,” you said and considered it for a moment. “No thank you. I think I’d rather not know, actually.”

“A shame,” Haarlep said. “It’s some of his better works too. You can’t buy better smut than this. He has quite the vivid imagination when he wants to. A pity it is no where to be found when I sleep with him.”

“Yes, I definitely do not want to know…” you mumbled.

You sat down on Haarlep’s bed instead of the chair beside it like you had done the last time. Their eyes lit up and they smiled at you. They devoured your body with their eyes.

“That’s a pretty dress,” they said and reached out to run a hand over the red silk of the dress you were wearing. “The color looks good on you.”

You smiled at them and to their surprise you did not move their hand away. There was clear excitement in their eyes, and you saw their tail starting to thrash under the covers.

“Thank you,” you said.

“I’m sure that you would look even prettier with it off, of course,” they purred.

They kept looking at you for your reaction, as their hand discreetly moved to the back of the dress. You felt a claw hook under one of the ties that held the dress closed in the back. When you did not make a move to protest, they yanked it loose.

“Can I expect getting drowned or worse if I continue?” they teased and hooked their claw under the next tie. “Or are you finally giving in?”

“I might be…” you said. They looked at your lips and leaned forward to capture them with theirs. You put a hand on their shoulder to stop them. “With some conditions, obviously.”

“Tell me,” they said eagerly and stared at your lips. “Anything. I’ll do anything.”

They were practically shaking with excitement at the prospect of seeing if that myth Raphael mentioned between incubi and succubi were true. If it really was the way to reach the highest peak of sexual bliss for an incubus to corrupt a creature of the divine.

“You will not use my form unless I allow it,” you said firmly, still trying to hold Haarlep at an arm’s length. “You do not want to know the consequences if you even think about doing it. I’m serious.”

They nodded.

“Of course,” they said. “I promise.”

“Good because—”

You did not get the chance to finish your sentence before they were on you. They caught your lips in an almost bruising kiss as they pressed you down into the mattress. Their tongue invaded your mouth, and you tasted their sweet and bitter spittle.

Their mouth did not leave yours while they tried to pull the dress off you. When they had no luck, they dug their claws into the fabric at your stomach and tore it apart. You could not care less about it as the spittle was beginning to have its effect on your brain…and other parts of the body.

Your brain felt wiped from any thoughts that did not include sex. It was completely becoming mush. You started aching. It started as a tingle in your clit which quickly turned into a throb. You felt yourself grow wetter than you thought you were capable of becoming. You would surely stain the sheets.

Haarlep’s hands were hungrily exploring your body and you felt his heavy hardness against your thigh. You wanted it inside you more than you had ever wanted anything in the world. It was no wonder that so many succumbed to incubi. Your legs wrapped around their back as you tried to pull them closer.

They purred and growled in an almost animalistic fashion as they kissed and nibbled at your neck and breasts. Their hands slid from your waist down to your hips. Their fingertips were under you, kneading your ass, before pulling you closer to them. One of their hands went to your dripping sex and with two fingers they dipped inside.

You dug your nails into their shoulders as a loud moan escaped you when they moved inside you with their fingers. You saw their body shiver at the sound and their pupils became even more dilated than they were before. Their fingers delved deeper, seeking that magic spot that would drive even more of those sounds out of you. They knew exactly what they were doing.

Between Haarlep’s ministrations and their spittle that was coursing through your veins, you felt as if you were ascending to another plane of existence. Your moans were loud, uncensored, and almost pathetic sounding, though you did not care in that moment. All you cared about was that delicious feeling.

It did not take long before you fell apart with a moan that was loud enough for the whole house to hear it. Though the familiar feeling of relief that you usually would feel after an orgasm only lasted seconds before your body started screaming for more.

“More…please…” you begged in a breathless voice. You had never begged for anything in your entire life but now you were.

“Oh, trust me, darling,” Haarlep said hurriedly as their hands wrapped around your thighs. “We are not done yet.”

They rubbed their cock against your wet folds while they left messy kisses and licks up and down your neck. They groaned and growled while they did so. Their breath sounded shaky. They were losing patience. So were you. You needed to feel them inside you more than you needed air.

You barely even registered them positioning themself at your entrance before they slammed their cock inside of you. You heard a puff of air leaving them as they soundlessly moaned at the feeling. They did not move once they were inside. One of their hands grasped around your waist and their claws dug into your back as they savored the feeling.

“Gods,” Haarlep purred breathlessly in awe into your ear.

In the back of your head, you wondered what it must take for a fiend to use that specific interjection in any situation. They started moving inside of you. It only stayed slow for a couple of thrusts before their pace became faster and more brutal. Haarlep’s moans were now as desperate as yours when they took you.

After only a minute or two they pushed themself deep inside you and exclaimed a moan that was more high-pitched than you had ever heard Raphael’s voice be. Their whole body was shaking. Their facial expression was one of pure bliss before it turned into one of wonder and awe. It was as if the haze in your brain vanished for a moment when you felt them coming inside you.

“That…that has never happened before,” Haarlep muttered while completely out of breath.

“Was that it??” you asked.

You could have sworn you heard the faint sound of Raphael cackling somewhere in the house at Haarlep’s premature ejaculation. Your entire nether region was still on fire and wanting more. You were not ready for it to be over. Haarlep crawled off you and reached into the drawer beside the bed. They threw a bottle of antidote at you.

“Apologies, truly,” they said breathlessly and leaned back against the bedframe with a wide blissful smile on their lips. “It’s true. It’s all true.”

You downed the antidote in the hopes that it would work fast to quench your unbearable arousal. After a moment you felt the feeling fade, though you suddenly felt overly aware of the pain from the scratches and bites that Haarlep had left. That’s not to mention the excruciating embarrassment at how loud you had no doubt been.

“I might just find myself a tad religious for the first time and send a prayer to your father later just to say thank you,” Haarlep said with a wicked smile. “You’ve ruined me, darling.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” you said and closed your eyes for a moment as your body settled into its normal state. “Though I had hoped that it would last a little longer…”

“Next time,” they promised. “Next time I will make sure that you feel more than satisfied.”

You smiled weakly at them. You no doubt looked a mess.

“So, you have my form now?”

“I do,” they said. “Do you want to have a look?”

You nodded. A flash of fire danced around Haarlep before they were suddenly in your form, smiling at you with your lips, but with Haarlep’s distinct wicked smirk. It was odd to see yourself like that.

“Ugh, no,” you said and studied your own form with a wrinkled nose. “Change back.”

They did. They looked you up and down with eyes that were both exhausted and pleased.

“How will I ever be able to keep my hands off you, now that I know how you feel?” they purred. “And worse, why would I ever care to fuck Raphael when I have you?”

“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves,” you said.

You lifted up the scraps that were left of your dress.

“Feel free to borrow from my wardrobe. There should be something that fits you,” they said and pointed to one of the three wardrobes that were in their room. “You’ll find dresses in that one. I would get up and get one for you, but I am not sure I can walk at the moment…”

You now had Haarlep following you around the house every time Raphael was out. They were insatiable. When you weren’t sleeping with them, they were teasing you and keeping you from doing anything else. How in the Hells Raphael had ever gotten anything done with them in the house was a mystery to you.

You had snuck out of the boudoir, the only place where you had some peace from Haarlep, to go to another area of the house to read. You had barely sat down in the armchair before you heard them sneaking up on you. You sighed, but you could not help but smile despite your annoyance. There was something oddly endearing with how obsessed they were.

Their tail smacked the book, by accident, of course, when they passed you. They moved behind you and placed their chin on your head. Their clawed hand brushed over your cheek in a teasing motion.

“What are you reading?” they asked with a purr.

“A book.”

“Deeply fascinating,” they said, and their hand tickled you under your chin. “Though why read when you could be doing literally anything else? Me, for example.”

“Haarlep…” you said in a warning tone.

“Yeees?”

“I just want to read in peace,” you said and tried your best to ignore them as their hands caressed your face in a very distracting manner. “I’m still sore from last time. Give me a day or two.”

“Oh, you poor little thing,” they cooed and kissed the top of your head. “Did I tire you out? We could just cuddle then.”

“We both know what that leads to…” you said, still trying to read your book, even when their tail snaked around your arm that was holding it.

“If there is one thing I know about you half-mortals,” they said and moved to your side. “It is that that mortal side needs to be touched frequently…or you will grow lonely and shrivel up and die. We can’t have that.”

“That sounds like something that is really not backed up by any science,” you said. “I’ll also remind you that I’m immortal and I do not in the least feel lonely since you won’t give me a moment of peace.”

You yelped when you felt them scoop you up from the chair in their arms. They sat down in it and placed you in their lap.

“That sort of thing can sneak up on you, I’m sure,” they said and snatched the book from your hands to place it on the small table beside the chair. “I, personally, would not want to take any risks if I were you.”

They gave you a satisfied smile as they wrapped their arms and their tail around you, holding you close. You looked at them with a tired look and a hint of a smile at their annoying persistence.

You barely heard Raphael come around the corner. Haarlep tightened their grip around you and looked up at him with a smile. You turned to look up at him too. He smiled at you.

“Are they bothering you?” Raphael asked.

“Yes, constantly.”

Haarlep’s tail smacked your thigh, and you quickly grabbed it without even looking away from Raphael. They bit into your shoulder just to annoy you. You elbowed them in the stomach.

“Wonderful to see the two of you getting along,” he said with a smile. “Haarlep, I need to have a word with my dear wife in private.”

“Our dear wife,” Haarlep corrected with a wide smile and rocked you from side to side in their arms.

“Don’t forget your place just because she has taken a liking to you,” Raphael said, narrowing his eyes though still smiling. “Leave.”

Haarlep sighed dramatically and released you from their steel grip. They left and Raphael waited until the two of you were alone.

“They are on their way to fight the Elderbrain as we speak,” he announced. “They have freed Orpheus, and everything is going to plan.”

You sighed in relief and smiled widely at him. It was finally happening.

#raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #raphael x reader #baldur's gate 3 #nsft #bg3 fanfiction

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buckymorelikefuckme · 1 year

Text

how to marry a millionaire | chapter one

mafia bucky x spoiled brat reader

words: 3k

warnings: sexual language, no smut (yet hehe)

a/n: eeeeep!!! i'm so excited for this fic, y'all have no idea omg. with that said, though, i don't have a posting schedule for this, so pls be patient with me while i write it and post chapters whenever i can ♡ any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated! xoxo

masterlist

This club is doing absolutely nothing to lift your spirits. Honestly, you hadn't had high hopes that it would when you'd decided to come earlier in the evening, but you were fucking bored sitting at home all alone and feeling sorry for yourself. After all, pity parties are much more enjoyable when you have at least one other person to share the pity with. Instead of bitching to someone else, though, you sought to drown your sorrows in Amaretto Sours and loud music.

You sigh heavily, swirling your straw in slow circles in your drink as the news you received that morning paraded in the forefront of your mind.

Henry Spofford III, your most recent sugar daddy, died in his sleep at the ripe age of 88. He'd been in excellent health, mostly because the best doctors and healthcare money could buy were at his disposal—which had been the deciding point in you coming to an agreement with the old bastard—so to hear of his passing had come as a shock. Your lip curls in annoyance when you recall the conversation you'd had with his lawyer over the phone.

“Henry died in the early hours of the morning,” he said in lieu of a greeting when you accepted the call. “I'm sure this is hard for you, and I'm very sorry for your loss.”

“I—what?” you stammered, coming to a standstill in your massive closet where you'd been trying to pick out an outfit for the day.

“I regret to inform you that, while Mr. Spofford had intentions of including you in his will, his untimely passing prevented him from doing so.”

You suddenly felt like the room was spinning, taking staggering steps over to the chaise in front of the floor to ceiling windows that overlook Central Park. Before you had a chance to utter a response, he continued.

“As you are aware, Mr. Spofford paid the lease on your penthouse for the year. Since we're approaching August, you have five months left until the lease is up for renewal. Obviously, what you choose to do then is entirely your business, but you will no longer have his money to support you.”

“Right,” you replied faintly, bringing your clammy palm up to your forehead, feeling a migraine coming on. “Of course.”

“I'm sorry for your loss,” he repeated, and you were pretty sure he wasn't talking about just Henry.

You drain the last of your drink, slamming the empty glass on the bar probably a little too forcefully. What a fucking joke. You knew you shouldn't have gotten into that relationship. Not that there was anything romantic about it, not for you.

“Another?” the bartender asks, raising his voice to be heard over the music, nodding to your glass.

“Keep them coming,” you instruct.

See, the thing is, Henry dying is terribly inconvenient. He was the wealthiest sugar daddy you'd had so far and was so easy to manipulate into giving you whatever you wanted. You'd had your eye on a brand new Bentley Continental GT and were so close to convincing Henry to get it for you. Looks like that will have to wait a little while now.

God, why was the universe so cruel to you?

A fresh drink was placed in front of you and you grabbed it, taking a long sip without thanking the bartender.

This puts you back at square one. Searching for replacements always made you cranky. You'd have to kiss so much ass to find somebody as rich as Henry, and you were already dreading it.

“You are much too pretty to be pouting like that.”

You don’t try to hide your eye roll. “How original,” you drone, not even looking beside you where the voice came from.

The man laughs. “Oh, this one has bite,” he muses.

You look heavenward for patience. “Listen, unless you have obscene amounts of money to support my truly heinous shopping habits, I’m not interested. Fuck off.”

“Would a Birkin get you to actually look me in the eye?” he asks.

With an aggrieved sigh, you let your gaze fall to the man occupying the seat to your left. And then you promptly feel your thighs clench involuntarily.

Holy fucking shit this guy is gorgeous. Dark hair styled expertly, stubble across his sharp jaw lightly peppered with gray, light blue eyes dancing in amusement. He's leaning casually against the bar, his arm resting on top of it, dressed in an admittedly expensive looking suit, no doubt tailored to his exact measurements. Your eyes catch on the watch on his wrist and you nearly moan. You know a sixty thousand dollar watch when you see one. Perhaps you were too hasty in blaming the universe for your misfortunes.

Interest sufficiently piqued, you shift slightly to face him a bit more. His lips quirk up on one side.

“I don't want just any Birkin that every other basic bitch has. I want the diamond encrusted crocodile one,” you say, tilting your head and smiling sweetly.

“A woman with taste,” he praises, smirking.

“Clearly,” you acknowledge as you raise a challenging brow.

He laughs again, his eyes crinkling on the sides. It makes him look charming, but if there is anything in your years of being a sugar baby has taught you, it's how to read people. This man reeks of power, and not in a typical CEO or old money way. Even the way he's sitting screams easy confidence. He’s oozing danger and normally you would take that red flag for what it is, but you're just tipsy enough to ignore it.

You rise from your barstool, smoothing out your dress and fluffing your hair. He watches your every move with extreme focus. Thank god you picked a curve-hugging dress that showed off your body.

“I expect my Birkin within the next two days,” you inform him, blowing a kiss as you turn and walk away.

A man like that will know how to find you. Call it a gut feeling. You knew, one way or another, he'd come across your path again. Whether or not he would have the promised bag remains to be seen, however.

You're returning home from some retail therapy. As much as you absolutely adore spending money, especially when it's someone else's, you weren't completely irresponsible with it. You always saved at least half of whatever Henry gave you in a separate bank account from the one he'd wire your allowance to. So, with a fat chunk of change collecting dust in the aforementioned account, you figured you deserved to treat yourself to some goodies after the previous harrowing day you had.

“Hi, Walter,” you greet as you enter your building with arms laden in various shopping bags.

“Good afternoon, miss,” the doorman returns with a pleasant smile. “I believe your friend stopped by while you were gone.”

You pause, frowning. “My friend?” you ask.

He nods. “Yes. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes.”

“Oh.” A smile tickles your lips. “Is he still here?”

“No ma'am. He said he only wanted to drop off some things for you.”

You're practically vibrating in your skin. “Are they up front?”

“He said he had a key,” Walter replies with a knowing grin. “Finally settling down, miss?”

A key? That has your smile faltering, makes something unsure twist in your stomach. But as soon as the feeling appears, your mind recalls that Walter said he’d dropped off things, as in plural, and just like that, you dismiss whatever uneasiness that tried to make itself known within you.

“Thank you, Walt,” you say sincerely.

You quickly make your way to the elevators, impatiently pressing the button for one of them to open. It only takes a few seconds and then you're ascending to the top floor where the penthouses reside. There's only two, and you have the one with the better view, because fucking duh.

You dart out of the doors before they're even opened all the way, jostling your shopping bags in the process. You huff, adjusting your grip on them as you make a beeline for your apartment. It's a struggle to dig your keys out of your purse and unlock your door, but you eventually do and hurry inside, carelessly dropping your shopping bags in the entryway and kicking off your heels. Rounding the corner, you stop in your tracks once you see the display in your living room.

“Fuck,” you whisper, heart hammering.

Not only do you spot the beloved Hermès logo on a tan velour dust bag in the center of it all, but there are also Dior boxes, and Chanel, Prada, Givenchy—there are so many brands in front of you, and the sheer amount has your panties growing damp. You bite your lip to keep from making an embarrassing sound.

Your hands shake when you pick up the Hermès dust bag, slowly opening it and taking a peek inside.

“Oh my god,” you whine upon seeing the specific diamond encrusted crocodile Birkin you asked for.

You have no fucking clue how he managed to actually snag one of these. Not only are they one of the most expensive designs, but they're fucking rare and hard as shit to find. God, he really must have so much fucking money and connections to have acquired it in less than a day. You've hit the goddamn jackpot.

The next thing you reach for is the small Tiffany & Co. box, opening it to reveal the Victoria Vine drop necklace that you know is at least twenty thousand dollars. After that, you're like a kid on Christmas morning, and soon you're sitting on the floor in a sea of empty boxes, bags, and tissue paper, the smell of luxurious leather filling the air. Your earlier purchases are all but forgotten on the entryway floor at this point. Glittering jewelry and clothes and perfume and so much more all around you. You could weep, honestly.

There was an envelope resting on top of one of the boxes that you had ignored in favor of finding out what the contents were within. Now that there's nothing left to open, however, you finally rip it open to pull out the card. Jesus, even this fucking stationary smells luxurious.

In scratchy handwriting, the card reads: Have I passed your test?

An address is listed, followed by, 8pm. Don't be late. -JBB

You run your fingers over his signature, suddenly realizing you don't even know this man’s name, or anything about him for that matter, other than he's ridiculously wealthy and even more ridiculously handsome. But you're much too intrigued by him to pretend like you have to think about whether or not you’re going.

Checking the time, you curse under your breath when you see you only have four hours to get ready. You already have an outfit in mind, and you smile smugly to yourself as you undress and step under the warm water. He's not gonna know what hit him.

If you take an extra ten minutes to use the showerhead to get off, no one else is around to know.

Whoever this man was, he was doing everything possible to show off his wealth. You'd just been putting on your finishing touches to your makeup when you'd gotten a call from the concierge downstairs saying a car had arrived to pick you up.

When you stepped outside and saw the black SUV, an Escalade to be sure, you had to tamp down the excited thrill that wanted to rush through you. The driver was waiting by the back door with his hands clasped behind his back, dressed in an all black suit and tie. He'd greeted you with a polite nod and opened the door for you to slide into the backseat.

Now, as you’re driven through the bustling streets of the Upper East Side, you allow yourself a moment to appreciate the car. You’ll always love the feel of buttery smooth leather against your bare legs.

A gratified smile toys at the edges of your lips. You've had a taste of what this man can offer and you'd be damned if you let him slip away. You will make sure he's wrapped around your pinky finger before the night is over.

Fifteen minutes later, you arrive at your destination. While the driver is making his way around to let you out, you check your reflection in your small compact mirror and quickly put it back in your gold clutch. As you step out of the car you gain the attention of a few passers-by. Honestly, you’d expect nothing less. You know you look like sex on legs.

You're wearing a cream colored dress that has a high neck, but the back dips low, resting right above your ass, and the hem is more on the indecent side. For your hair you'd gone for a very 90s Pam Anderson updo, looking both effortless and sexy. You kept your makeup simple yet sultry and your jewelry is tasteful, a few dainty gold bands on your fingers and some teardrop diamond earrings.

The stars of the outfit, though, are the Kate Strass Louboutins he'd gifted you. The way they sparkle makes it hard for you to keep your eyes ahead of you because you just want to stare at them. These aren't your first pair of red bottoms, and you're positive they're far from the last, but they are your new favorites.

Upon entering the restaurant, you immediately notice how quiet it is. A peek into the dining area explains why. It's empty, from what you can see. You huff a quiet laugh. Oh, he’s trying hard.

The hostess rounds the corner and greets you with a smile. “Good evening, Miss. Mr. Barnes is waiting at his table for you. Follow me.”

Barnes. Now you're getting somewhere.

You walk behind the hostess quietly as she leads you to a table where a lone man waits patiently. He's wearing another form fitting suit, all black and incredibly sexy, and the same watch from the first time you saw him is glinting on his wrist in the low light of the room. He stands as you approach, coming around to pull your chair out for you with a small smile.

“Your waiter will be with you shortly,” the hostess says as you sit down and Mr. Barnes returns to his own seat.

As she walks away, he relaxes back in his chair, crossing one of his legs over the other as he takes you in. “You look stunning.”

“I know,” you reply, smiling when he laughs. “Thank you.”

“I'm surprised you're not using your new Birkin,” he replies.

“That's not a date bag, silly,” you inform him playfully.

He grins. “My apologies. I do see that you're wearing the shoes, though.”

“I am,” you confirm, delicately sticking one foot out to admire the sparkling heels. “I can't stop staring at them,” you sigh wistfully.

“I'm happy to see you like them.”

You hum and return your gaze to his. He’s staring intensely, his blue eyes calculating.

“Do I get to know your name now?” he asks.

You smirk. “Are you pretending you don't already know it?”

His lips quirk up on one side. “Yes,” he decides.

You roll your eyes. “I think you should tell me your name.”

“You don't like the mystery?” he wonders, tilting his head.

“Something tells me you'll want me to know for later,” you tease coyly.

He laughs. “Touché.” Sitting up straighter, he leans in. “My name is James Barnes.”

Your brain perks up, trying to recall where you've heard that name before. You know you have, but honestly, it's hard to keep up with who's relevant in Manhattan anymore these days.

“It's a pleasure to officially meet you, Mr. Barnes,” you purr.

“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine.”

You grin. This should be fun.

James lifts a hand, beckoning someone. The waiter rushes over, introducing himself and asking what you'd like to drink.

“We’ll have the Montrachet Grand Cru,” James replies without even looking at a menu.

“Very good, sir. I’ll be right back with that.”

After the waiter leaves, you cross your arms and rest them atop the crisp, white tablecloth. James matches your stance.

“So,” you begin, a slow grin etching across your lips, “how much did it cost you to rent out the whole place?”

“Why would it cost me anything to rent out my own restaurant?” he asks in mock curiosity.

Your eyebrows raise ever so slightly. His restaurant? Impressive. That still doesn't explain the absurd amount of money he spent on those gifts, though.

“You won't lose profit closing it like this?” you prod.

With a secretive smile, he explains, “I have my hand in quite a few… business endeavors.”

“I see,” you respond.

You have a feeling his other so-called “business endeavors” aren't quite as legal or upstanding as a high dollar restaurant. It should send off more warning bells in your mind, but it only proves to further pique your interest.

“Besides,” he continues, “shouldn't a spoiled princess like you get the royal treatment?”

A surprised laugh escapes you. “Spoiled princess?” you repeat.

“Don't act like you're not,” he says with a knowing grin.

“You say it like it's a bad thing,” you reply.

“Oh, on the contrary, I love it.” His smile turns sly. “I love when a woman knows exactly what she wants, and how to get it.”

You lick your lips, noting how his eyes drop and follow the movement. “Well, it's a good thing I do then, huh?” you say quietly. “I've got my sights set on something big, too.”

“Bigger than you think,” he smirks.

You roll your eyes with a laugh. “God. I guess I set myself up for that.”

He leans back, elbows on the arms of his chair and rubbing at his bottom lip. “I've got my sights set on something, too,” he tells you, voice low and contemplative.

A pleased thrill hums throughout you. This man is the whole package. Everything you could ever dream of wanting in a man, conveniently wrapped up in a perfect, little bow is sitting right in front of you. Handsome, funny, and most important of all, filthy fucking rich.

You're gonna sink your claws into him and never let go.

#avengers fic #marvel fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes #mafia bucky barnes x spoiled brat reader

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flurry-of-stars · 3 months

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Hihi! It’s been a little while, huh? How’s everyone doing out there? I hope you’ve all been well! (。･∀･)ﾉ I figured it was about time to give a little update just for those who are waiting for chapter updates or new fics and such (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡

So, to keep a long story short, life has kept me unable to write very much this past almost month. Actually, today is the first time where I’ve actually had the motivation and energy to write anything (っ- ‸ - ς) I’ve tried to keep my creativity up during this period but it’s a challenge. This situation shows no signs of letting up anytime soon so it’s sad to say, it’ll be like this for a while yet ( • ᴖ • ｡ ) I still want to write. Writing and being creative is something that’s incredibly important to me (๑/////๑" ) But I do worry about my work being affected by my current situation. The last thing I want to do is upload work I’m unhappy with. So until this situation improves, I might upload smaller fics or rambles that cross my mind for now. I do have one fic that I finished last month. It’s only like 2k words and I wanted to wait until after I finish my 100 follower fic to post it, but I may post it ahead of schedule. I’ll be focusing on my 100 follower fic when I do have proper time to sit down and write at length. I’d really like to get it done before the end of June (since June is apparently the wedding month and it would fit hehe) but no promises (·•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ ) I will still be drafting and plotting for the next chapters of THH. I did start on chapter 5 before everything happened and I have the whole chapter planned out, but I don’t want to properly sit down and write it until things improve a little. Maybe a few hundred words here and there when I feel up to it but progression will be slow. I’m very sorry to those who are waiting for it. I just don't want to give you guys chapters to read that I'm not proud of. Genuinely, thank you all so much for your patience (´｡• ◡ •｡`) ♡ Wishing you all a wonderful week! 💛💛💛

#Flurry chats✦

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literary-motif · 4 months

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how do you write so much? i marvel at you. answering requests, writing your own, + the xanthus novel? tips pls

Truthfully, I have slacked off on writing during the exam period. Now that I am done, I am in a sort of in-between time where I have no school and not too many responsibilities, which is why I have the possibility to indulge myself and just sit down and write.

I tackled the bulk of the requests that piled up in March-April in a week or so because I was itching to return to creative writing after being stuck in the academic sphere for weeks.

The titles in my master list without links -- the yet unpublished fics -- are done and ready in my drafts, so they are all already written. For the last few days I have only been writing the novella and a little something here and there. I have only been able to keep up this rigorous schedule of posting a fic (or drabble, not to overwhelm you too much) per day because of all the requests I had had pilled up for too long and the guilt I felt for keeping you all waiting for months. This is my way of making up for lost time, I suppose.

As for tips, I am not sure. It sounds easy but I just sit down and write, even when I don't feel like it. There was a quote I read a while ago that went something like "if you only write when you feel inspired you might be good at writing poems but not novels" and it has stuck with me ever since.

The most important thing I keep in mind when writing is that it does not have to be perfect. I allow myself to write absolute garbage because a first draft is better than no draft, and I find it easier to return to it later and fix the dialogue or paragraph or chapter/story as a whole. Taking the time and having the patience to revise your work later, on a different day perhaps, has worked wonders for me.

I also always listen to music when writing. I know it can be distracting for some people, but I have a way of tuning out the lyrics so it does not bother me. I've been listening to the same dark romance playlist on Spotify for days in order to write the Xanthus novella, and I find it helps to keep me motivated.

Thank you for the ask and happy writing! Take your time with it and remember to have fun with whatever you create.

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knickknacksandallthat · 7 months

Note

sorry to bother but do you have a plan of when part 4 will come out

ofc it’s perfectly fine if you’re not ready, from the looks of it this is a really big project

Hi anon!!

Oh my goodness, no it's no bother at all! Honestly, I would much rather be talking about fic writing than doing boring things like making a living (which consumed MY LIFE last week).

Ha! And you said it - this fic series has definitely been all-consuming. But I really love this particular AU, so let me tell you I've been working on it non-stop whenever I have time and have the following figured out so far:

My outline currently has the next fic at 12 chapters, though I have a sneaky suspicion that it'll become longer.

I have 53K written so far (but that's before editing😅).

It will have alternating POVs between Jean and Jeremy.

I wish I could give you a better sense of timing, but honestly it all comes down to my work schedule and what free time I have. At this point, I feel like I'm aiming toward April - but don't quote me.

And because I haven't posted something about Once in a Blue Moon on here for a while, here's a new snippet to chew over while I keep hustling as a thank you for your patience! 🥹

OIAB scene under the cut:

The LA airport is hot and muggy. It makes sweat bead down Jean’s neck and uncomfortably gather beneath his collar. Though he wears the lightest long-sleeve shirt he owns, the material still feels constricted and stifling, sticking to his skin. He has the insane urge to tear the garment off him and walk around bare-chested just to feel some relief. Of course, he would never do so. In fact, the mere thought of it makes him pull his sleeves down farther, covering the backs of scar-ridden hands. At least his head is cool. He runs a hand over his buzzed scalp once more, the fuzzy feel of it still odd to him. Abby had suggested it so they could see his stitches better. And since so much of his hair had been pulled out anyway, it seemed to make sense. Still, he hates how foreign the feeling is. He’s a stranger in his own skin. Has been, for some time he thinks. He glances up anxiously at the clock on the wall, his knee bouncing as he waits. His flight landed ten minutes ago, and he thought his captain would be waiting here to greet him. Apparently, he thought wrong. Laughter erupts from behind him, and Jean jumps. He immediately spins around, only to find a family standing nearby, laughing at the antics of their two-year-old. He watches them for a moment before slowly turning back, clasping his hands in front of him and clutching them tight. Anxiety slowly begins to creep under his skin. Had he gotten the day wrong? Or the time? Did something happen between Palmetto and here that caused a delay? Should he call someone to ask? He opens his phone and looks through the few contacts on his list. Abby Winfield David Wymack Jeremy Knox Kevin Day Renee Walker Jean scowls. His preference would likely be Abby or Renee, though he thinks the latter would have no information useful for this. Wymack, he would tolerate. He skims over the fourth name on the list because he’s never thinking of that fucker again in his entire life, if he can help it. Then he stares at the fifth name, the contact information for him uploaded without his knowledge into this new phone Abby got him. Jeremy Knox. Starting Trojans Striker. #11. Played 52 games last season, scored 41 goals, and had 36 assists. Captain of the USC Trojans for three years straight. Fifth-best striker in the NCAA. (Fourth, now that Riko is gone.) Weaknesses: favors left side for goals, left knee injury in his sophomore year of high school, and overly attached to wellbeing of teammates. Jean scowls again. If Knox is anything like the person who recommended him, he’s bound to be both a waste of Jean’s time and breath. After all, he can certainly strike punctual off the list.

Thanks again for the ask, anon!

#sassy baguette #oh we got a whollleeee arc coming up for this one #just you wait #jean moreau #jeremy knox #once in a blue moon #my works #all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #fic asks #lovely people #thanks for the ask anon!

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celestialcrowley · 8 months

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Ello, ello, ello!

I’m late (fashionably) to the party, but…

I’ll start off by saying how awful I am at tagging my moots when it comes to ask games, but know that I love all of you. Please never hesitate to pop into my inbox anytime for a chat. 💚

For everyone who has become invested in my Good Omens fanfiction, thank you for your patience. I promise I am working on chapter two. I’ve only recently returned to my normal work schedule. I have been getting overtime since October.

Alright, let’s gooo!

I was tagged by: @paperclipbean — thank you so much!

1. Were you named after anyone?

🪐 Not that I’m aware of, and hardly anyone calls me by my actual name. It’s usually either Ginger, Khasper the Spicy Ghost (affectionate) or Pippin.

2. When was the last time you cried?

🪐 I don’t exactly remember, but maybe a month ago. I miss my girl. My dog. She lost her battle with arthritis at 13.5 years old. The anniversary of her death is coming up in February. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year.

And now you know what the hobbit behind this tumblr looks like.

3. Do you have kids?

🪐 I don’t, but my best friend has two wonderful sons, and I see them as my own. If I actually had a child, just picture Louise from Bob’s Burgers.

4. What sports do you play or have you played?

🪐 I currently don’t play sports, but I used to partake in tennis, badminton, wall ball, basketball, volleyball and gymnastics.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

🪐 Not really, but it does also depend on if something is said that warrants the use of sarcasm.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

🪐 Personality. I am good at reading people. I may not always talk. I observe. I’m neutral on most everything, but — well, if someone has a bad personality or is mean to animals, that’s a no go for me.

7. What color are your eyes?

🪐 Nothing fancy. Green.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

🪐 I am the spooky connoisseur.

9. Do you have any talents?

🪐 I suppose if reading books, writing fanfiction and reading people count as talents.

10. Where were you born?

🪐 I am a born and raised Florida bean.

11. What are your hobbies?

🪐 Writing, drawing, stand up paddle boarding and listening to true crime podcasts. I can recommend a good one if that’s anyone’s thing.

12. Do you have any pets?

🪐 Thing One Mycroft and Thing Two Patch

13. How tall are you?

🪐 So tall. I’m 5’5’’.

14. What is or was your favorite subject in school?

🪐 It was history and science.

15. What is your dream job?

🪐 The one I have now. I am a kennel technician responsible for the care of police and military canines.

No obligation tags: @ineffabildaddy @sad-chaos-goblin @skinnyscottishbloke @peregrintook @ritz-writes @bildads-shoes @peachworthy @phoen1xr0se @shadesofdeviant @scarecrowcloud @tragic-cosmic-magic @pretendygood @notagoodlad @ineffablemiscreant @ineffablemoist @azirapalalalala @crowleysgoat @justtofollowgaiman @xxxtosoxxx

[shouts like michael sheen] OPEN TO ALL!

#the ghost speaks

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maple-seed · 1 year

Note

heyyyy are you going to post a couple chapters of thrown when you come back on or will you be going back to once a week? Hope you’re doing okay💖

I am doing as well as I can. Thank you. I'd also like to thank everyone else who has sent me kind words, I do appreciate it even if I did not respond.

This is a good question and one I was planning on making a post to address.

Ideally, I'd like to toss in an extra chapter here and there. I had all of the chapters laid out on the calendar and generally liked to keep the fic events aligned to the real world time frame. I would love to get that "caught up" before the final chapter, but I'll be honest and say I don't know if it's possible.

I'm going to be very candid here. There are some days when I am "okay" but I have to admit that on those days I am mostly numb. There are other days when I am drowning in despair. Also days when I am seething with rage. Some days I vacillate between all of those. It's not a very productive state to be in. In the last three weeks, the only thing I have written was my sister's eulogy.

Thrown has themes regarding trauma and loss and healing and I don't know how well I'll be able to manage that now that I have extra helpings of the first two and feel like I'm doing very little of the third. Additionally, you just won't believe how your calendar fills up when your best friend/little sister dies suddenly and without explanation at age 25. People want to see you all the time, and you need to see people even if you don't want to, and there are an awful lot of things to take care of like bank accounts and utility bills and just physically moving and storing all of her stuff. Right now just logistically finding time to write, let alone motivation, is a struggle.

Realistically, when Thrown comes back it will probably be returning to once a week. I was always very proud of myself for keeping to a regular once-a-week schedule and I would like to return to it. In order to do that I will need to get a lot of writing done, because I know that with my current state I will need several more buffer chapters to be able to post regularly. I'll be around on tumblr and I'm hoping that getting back to reading/reblogging will get me back in that headspace.

I might change my mind later, and just post chapters as I can, without a regular schedule, but this doesn't appeal very much to me.

TL;DR: When Thrown comes back it will probably be once a week. I don't know when it will come back. It absolutely will come back, though, the story is not abandoned.

I hope I'll be getting around to responding to comments I've missed soon. Thank you everyone for your patience.

Tagging the Thrown taglist below the cut.

@mischief2sarawr, @imalovernotahater, @norestfortheshelbywicked, @purplekitten30, @ozymdias, @pdraxxi, @goblingirlsarah, @chantsdemarins, @n3rdybirdee, @marvel-love24, @lokiprompts, @ladymischief11, @gigglingtigger, @lilmilkbun, @huntress-artemiss, @ellooo0ooo, @femme1fatale, @clairewinchester14, @glitterylokislut, @psychospore, @ladyloki3, @skinij3fx, @iamlokisgloriouspurpose, @lunarnights95, @callxmexnadine, @lilibet261, @valeave, @f2mhg2lt2rta, @fruit-caught-on-camera, @ladymischief11, @paetonnn, @confusedpanda-777, @honeyrydernot, @sarcastic-siren, @wolfsmom1, @lokisgoodgirl, @cakesandtom, @unlucky-number-13, @rinnwylde, @javagirl328, @josiedoesdoodles, @rose7420, @ultrasnakesona, @vickie5446, @superficialdomina

#asks #personal #loki thrown

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ikatako38 · 4 months

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It’s… been a while. It’s long past time for (another) candid update about the future of TPWCH.

TL;DR: While I am grateful for everyone’s patience and understanding, I am very frustrated with myself about my upload schedule. On top of everything else, a recent, very difficult breakup is making it hard for me to find motivation for anything. That being said, I am still slowly working on Chapter #22.5 - 3, and the 2nd Anniversary Art.

Since this time last year, I’ve only uploaded 2/3 of a chapter of the main story. While my readers have been nothing but patient and understanding, for me personally that’s… soul-crushing.

I could speculate on and on about why that is. More irl friendships and relationships to juggle. Classes getting harder. Spending the entire school year giving my all into a relationship I rarely got anything back from. Worsening ADHD symptoms. An awkward class schedule.

I think in some ways, I had less need for the fic, too. I had friends to talk to about my feelings. I felt less lonely. I didn’t need the escape so desperately as I did last year. Or maybe the better reason is that the dark turn of the fic after the end of Part 2 meant that it was no longer a comforting place to escape to. I think that’s a big reason why I leaned so much into happier stories like the End-of-Part-2 Specials and Squidmas Special. While I genuinely consider Part 3 the most interesting part of the fic, the one which from the very beginning I was most excited to write, it’s hard to actively choose to spend so much time in such a dreary place. Especially when I could just mindlessly scroll through TikTok for a few hours instead.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself. Realistically, I wrote all of Part 1 and half of Part 2 while I was still a high-school senior with a half day. While of course I knew that college is hard, I just never expected it to be so time-consuming (hashtag gifted-kid burnout lol). Anniversary special and end-of-part-two special took about two months each. Squidmas special was another month. I spent a month on an art trade that was supposed to provide some content I was really excited to share with you all, but the trade never got returned. Those things add up. I can at least take solace in the fact that those who are most invested in the fic can reach me at any time through Tumblr asks and the Discord server (which, by the way, you should join if you haven’t already! Thing is, I haven’t really been receiving anything expressing interest in the fic or upload schedule, so I guess I can only assume I’m not really letting anyone down.

So… what now?

As if that wasn’t enough fun news, I just went through an extremely difficult breakup. We were very close, but it this person was and is extremely manipulative, so while I certainly feel betrayed, I mostly feel intense guilt and regret. I’m experiencing insomnia like I’ve never experienced before, and although I’m past the crying phase it’s very hard to find the motivation to do anything, especially something like writing that requires concentration without constant stimulation. On the bright side, I can tentatively say I’ve found some new meds that might actually help

I’m still working on the 2nd Anniversary art. I’m still working on Chapter #22 - 3. Just… slowly. On the other hand, I’m indefinitely pausing all crossposting so I can better focus on moving the story forward. I’ve taken down the content schedule; I kind of doubt that anyone is looking at it anyway.

I am eternally grateful for the community that’s built around the fic, and everything that the community has done to support the fic, especially near the beginning. That being said, it’s hard to overstate how discouraging it is to grapple with myself for months to finally get a new piece of the story out, only to be met with… pure silence. I know it’s my own fault for being inconsistent, but it also just kinda makes me wonder whether people are even reading what I write and seeing what I draw. That’s what motivates me, and the reason I post online is in the hopes that I’ll be able to find more motivation to work on my hobbies! Unfortunately right now, I’m stuck in a cycle of less content → less feedback → less content. I was hoping reposting on FFN and Wattpad would help break that cycle, but it just ended up adding more stress and distractions from what I really wanted to work on.

I’m also starting up a secret personal project, which will take up some of my time. I’m not sure it’ll ever be published, but it’ll hopefully help me work through some things that have been going on in my life.

Current Progress

I’ve known since the beginning that the majority of Chapter #22 wasn’t going to be exactly fun for reasons that are probably obvious, but I’m genuinely really excited to share Chapter #22 - 3 with everyone! I think you’ll really like it! It basically becomes a montage of the first few weeks in the Metro, flipping between Eight completing tests, and the memories he recovers. Those memories are going to drop a ton of lore about the Octarian Domes and Eight’s life before the Metro. That also means a couple new side characters will be introduced!

The chapter is currently sitting at around 2100 words, and it’ll likely end up somewhere around 5000. I’ll release another sneak peek next Monday! Beyond that, I can’t guarantee much. It took me almost a whole week just to write this… 🥲

But I’m not giving up hope, and hopefully I can have some more content out to you all soon! Thank you all for being the best reader community I could ask for!

#tako’s updates

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holdmeclosertinytaron · 1 year

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RHW: Chapter Three

Story Page / Playlist / Wattpad / AO3

A/N: I am so unbelievably sorry that this is only just getting to you! I've been on holiday to the coast this week and totally forgot to schedule the chapter before I left. Then when I got there, I had pretty much no signal and no access to any decent internet so when I tried to post it, it failed. However, it does mean you get two chapters this week which is a bonus! Thank you for your patience.

And thank you, as always, to my saving grace during this whole writing process, @brayndilyn. You are amazing and I'm so lucky that you popped into my DMs that day last year. Life is brighter with you in it!

Warnings: Explicit language, narcissistic behaviours, rough relationships with maternal figure.

Word Count: 7.4k

December 23rd, 2021

Last minute work obligations for Taron and planning a book tour while also trying to continue her job for Liliana resulted in them not seeing one another since they’d had dinner and drinks. It wasn’t for lack of trying, either. They had both offered multiple dates that they were free but their schedules never lined up properly which neither of them enjoyed.

Despite their busy schedules, they had maintained their regular text conversations and it had reached a point that if Liliana hadn’t heard from Taron for as little as a few hours, she noticed she’d started to pout which worried her. The attachment she had for being friends with Taron again was growing stronger and his absence had begun to affect her more than she cared to admit.

It wasn’t a secret that she had been far happier since getting him back in her life. Though it only heightened how unhappy she had been before. If she was this sad not hearing from him for a few hours, she dreaded to think how she would feel if the happiness she’d only just gotten back was taken away. No doubt she would be worse than before the book launch. The thought alone scared her.

If Liliana had been completely honest with herself, not something she was regularly, she would have told herself that the feelings she had for Taron were slowly beginning to transform into slightly more romantic feelings of late. It had been Evelyn’s comment about them being a power couple that made her realise. She didn’t hate the comment her best friend had made, and found herself fantasising about a life with Taron on the tube home that evening.

It wasn’t difficult to imagine the future and what it could look like with Taron. Them being together and doing all the things; the small domestic activities like cooking together or watching TV curled up in one another’s arms, and the grand things like holidays abroad and attending events on one another’s arms. At work she found herself drifting off to think about him until Evelyn came into her office and knocked her back to reality with a thud.

Liliana’s feelings were unrequited. He couldn’t ever feel that way about her. He was an award winning actor and she was, well she was Liliana. She had a published book and that was as interesting as her life got. How could he ever think that way about her? He never did when they were younger. What would have changed in the years they weren’t in contact with one another?

As their road trip to Aberystwyth approached, Liliana couldn’t stop thinking about being in such an enclosed space with Taron for so long. Her stomach twisted any time she thought about it. Every night before bed she gave herself a peptalk, telling herself that she had to play it cool and see if she could get a read on Taron to decipher how he felt about her. If he felt anything about her at all.

It wasn’t the time to be making any grand gestures. They’d only been in contact again for a little over six weeks and she didn’t want to ruin what they had built back up. Especially not so close to Christmas.

On the morning he was due to pick her up for the drive home, she’d been a ball of nerves since her eyes opened. She anxiously flitted around her flat trying to get everything packed and tidied up before he got there. She cleaned every room twice and had reached the point of moving things from one place to another and then decided that she preferred them where they were before so moved them back. It was a vicious cycle that she couldn’t get herself out of. Until Taron arrived.

Taron had arrived a little earlier than planned to pick Liliana up, which was absolutely unheard of with London traffic, and Liliana wasn’t quite ready. She’d been in the middle of grabbing her toiletries when he texted to let her know he was there.

I’m just finishing getting my stuff together. I’ll buzz you in and you can come wait up here if you’d like? Instead of sitting in the car x

No problem. I’ll be there shortly x

No more than a second had passed between him pressing the buzzer and Liliana letting him in, pulling her front door open so he could walk right in without having to knock. Not that she would have wanted him to knock. All of her friends let themselves into her flat and she wanted Taron to feel comfortable enough to do the same.

With her suitcase now packed completely, she moved to the living room to get her handbag ready. When it came to roadtrips, no matter how short, she took them seriously. She stood in front of her bookshelf and stared at her many books to decide which one to take with her. Her own book, which was selling out everywhere at a rapid pace, sat front and centre staring at her and she smiled to herself.

‘I know you said your flat was tiny but this is petite,’ Taron commented as he walked through the front door into the narrow entryway that led to each of the three main rooms. He stepped around the suitcase Liliana had left and into the living room where she was trying to pick a book. ‘You know you’re only going for a week, right? That’s one hell of a suitcase for that short a trip.’

His words were light and teasing but Liliana went into panic mode. ‘If it’s too big for the car I can get a smaller one. It’s just got all of the Christmas presents I need to take and I don’t have any spare clothes at mum’s or anything.’

‘I was joking,’ he said quickly, putting his hands on her shoulders. ‘It’s fine. There’s plenty of space. Hello, by the way.’

‘Hi,’ she smiled, allowing him to pull her in for a hug. He smelled good. Fresh and clean and warm. Her arms tightened around his middle a little before she pulled away. ‘I just need to decide on a book to bring with me, or two because I get through books like I do cups of tea, and make sure everything is switched off and things are tidy and then I’m ready. Sorry I wasn’t ready to go when you got here.’

‘Don’t be sorry. I’m early. I was shocked at the lack of traffic, especially considering it’s the day before Christmas Eve.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ Liliana said, pulling two books from the shelf and putting them in her bag. ‘I can’t believe it’s already here.’

She walked through to the kitchen with Taron hot on her tail. The room was small and barely big enough for them both to stand in there at the same time. Their close proximity heightened their senses and Liliana had to clear her throat to break herself back into reality.

Taron cleared his own throat and offered to help Liliana check the switches. He himself had spent a good fifteen minutes checking each room of his flat to make sure that everything was in order. Liliana accepted his offer and asked if he could triple check the living room for her. He saluted playfully and headed back to the other room while Liliana took a deep, much needed breath.

‘I may have gone overboard because I got us some snacks for the road and I didn’t know what you’d prefer so there’s a selection of goodies from chocolate to snack bars to fruit,’ she confessed as she left her bedroom and pulled the curtain closed. ‘Knowing me I will also buy more snacks if we make a stop anywhere on the way there.’

Taron chuckled. ‘That sounds amazing. I’ve packed a couple of bits too and I always stop. I thought we could maybe stop for lunch? Even if it’s a drive-thru meal somewhere. You ready to go?’

Liliana nodded, reaching forward to grab her suitcase but Taron stopped her, his hand already on the handle pushing it down so that he could carry it easier. ‘I’ve got it, don’t worry. You just make sure that everything is locked up properly.’

‘You are a menace,’ she laughed as she followed him out of the flat. ‘But thank you. Make sure you watch me lock up. I will ask multiple times if I actually did lock up. I have already asked Marjorie across the way if she’ll keep an eye on things for me.’

Taron watched intently as Liliana locked the door and tried it to make sure that it was actually locked. ‘It’s locked. Come on, let’s get going.’

***

‘See that, that is why I refuse to drive in London. I hate how impatient other drivers are. Did you see the way he gestured at you?’ Taron had switched lanes on Wandsworth bridge over the Thames when a car sped in front of him and caused him to slam the brakes on. Taron had simply brushed the incident off but Liliana was baffled. ‘We’ve been on the road for five minutes and I already don’t know how you can drive so casually here. It’s awful.’

Taron chuckled softly from next to her, turning his attention to her when they hit a red light and he had to stop. ‘When was the last time you drove?’

Liliana thought for a moment. She had driven once in London, right when she first moved, and hated it so much that she hadn’t driven since. But even before that she rarely drove.

‘Oh god at least eight years,’ she laughed. ‘I never really enjoyed driving anyway. I much prefer being the one in control of the music. Which, by the way, I am excellent at, thank you very much.’

As they got in the car, Taron passed the auxiliary cable over, telling Liliana that she may be in charge of the music, just as long as her music taste was better than it was when she was a teenager. She’d laughed him off but quietly deleted three songs from the playlist she’d made the night before just in case.

‘You are going to have to give me some songs to add otherwise it’s going to be a Harry Styles road trip which personally, I wouldn’t be against. But that’s me who’s a fan of his.’

‘You know I met him once,’ Taron said casually, keeping his eyes on the road. Though he didn’t fail to notice her face turn towards him suddenly, no doubt with wide eyes. He’d just about seen her drop the phone into her lap.

‘You met him?’ She asked, blinking rapidly. ‘Harry Styles? What? When? Huh? How do I not know about this already? My two favourite men.’

She’d let the last sentence slip on accident but couldn’t take it back. Taron had heard it, and the twitch of his lips made it clear that he definitely had heard it. He laughed lightly and indicated into the junction so he could get on the motorway for the big portion of the drive.

‘It was a couple of years ago now in LA. It was this big meeting thing with Joni Mitchell. There were a few other people there too. Ellen Degeneres and Portia.’

‘Yeah, yeah cool. But you met Harry Styles?’

‘I did. We didn’t speak much but we had a good chat. Then there was this group photo that circulated the internet for a few days. He looked so much more put together than I did. I think he had this black cardigan on with a pattern on the front or something. I was there in a white t-shirt and a baseball cap.’

Liliana’s eyes widened. ‘I think I know the photo. Was it around this time of year? Joni had Christmas lights around her neck. I’ve seen a cropped photo of Harry and her. But you were there? Holy shit, Taron.’

She sits with the information for a little while, unable to process the fact that her best friend knows the man whose music got her through some of the hardest days of her writing process. Just as she thought about it, Sign of the Times started playing.

‘Do you think you could introduce us?’ She asked, letting her inner fangirl out. ‘That would make my entire life, honestly. Getting to meet Harry? Oh boy.’

Taron turned to look at her briefly, his eyes soft and full of adoration. ‘Absolutely not,’ he said, shaking his head before turning back to the road in front. ‘You’ll fall for him and I’ll lose you again.’

‘You won't lose me again,’ Liliana laughs solemnly.

Taron’s words sat heavy on her chest. I’ll lose you again. He’d lost her once before. She’d left him. What was once her strongest friendship with her favourite person on the entire planet had been thrown away so that she could run away to another country for a life where she didn’t have to be around her mum. The giddiness she experienced knowing that Taron knew Harry vanished and she was overcome with a solemn, uneasy feeling.

‘I’m really, really sorry,’ she whispered. She’d moved back to face forward and had let her hands drop to her lap. ‘For leaving. I’m sorry for leaving.’

‘Please don’t,’ he whispered back, sniffling once to rid himself of the tears pooling in his eyes. ‘It’s in the past. The only thing that matters now is that you’re here. I’m here. We’re here.’

Wordlessly, he reached over to grab her hand, resting them both together on the centre console. They weren’t holding hands but they were touching, and it was enough for them both to know that they were safe and with one another.

Taron didn’t need Liliana to apologise for leaving. He didn’t want her to. It may have taken him over a decade but he knew why she had to leave. He read her book. It told him things even he didn’t know growing up. It told him more than he could have ever imagined and his heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces as he read the intricate details of her childhood. The details she hadn’t shared with him before.

As much as he wanted to bring up what had been revealed to him in the pages, he didn’t want to make Liliana talk about it if she didn’t want to. He couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for her to put everything down into words, to come to terms with what happened in her life. It can’t have been easy to publish that and have so many people read it and know about it.

He was in awe of the strength it must have taken her to bare her soul in such a way to the entire world. Reading the book that she’d so delicately written made Taron see Liliana for the strong, independent, powerful, yet softly adorable woman she was.

He didn’t bring it up for a little while. He let himself enjoy the comfortable silence, no matter how overrated he thought it was, and let Liliana have a few moments to herself. His hand remained touching hers the entire time and he wanted so badly to run his pinky finger over her to reassure her but he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since their dinner and he was over the moon to see her again and spend a few uninterrupted hours with her.

‘Lil,’ he said after a little while, unable to keep it in any longer. She turned to him with red rimmed eyes and when he turned to her momentarily, his heart cracked just a little. ‘It’s none of my business, and we absolutely don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but it’s been on my mind ever since I read your book.’

Liliana’s heart stopped. She knew that he would more than likely have read some of the book since she’d seen him last. But she hadn’t expected him to read the entire thing cover to cover with his busy schedule. She’d expressed feelings in the book that she hadn’t ever expressed with him and now he knew. He knew everything she’d been too afraid to tell him.

Taron was back to facing the road and he took a long, shaky breath. It was just as hard for him to bring up as it would be for Liliana to talk about. ‘I never realised the full extent of how bad you had it when we were younger. You always just threw your hair up and smiled like everything was fine when it really wasn’t. I wish I could have recognised it more at the time.’

‘Taron, it’s fine.’

‘It’s not fine, Lil,’ he sniffled. ‘It’s not fine. It was never fine.’

‘But it’s not your fault. We were kids. You were a kid. It wasn’t your responsibility to help me or see what things were like at home. I didn’t even realise the full extent of it until I was in Edinburgh and away from the situation. It took a lot of reflection, and a lot of crying in a therapist’s office, to realise what things were like. When we were kids, I didn’t know any different. It was just the way that I lived.’

A tear fell down Taron’s cheek and Liliana wiped it with the pad of her thumb, a sad smile on her face as she started to cry herself.

‘Look at us. I’m crying and none of it even happened to me.’ He took a long, deep, shaky breath and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his t-shirt. ‘I regret that we lost touch.’

Liliana squeezed his hand once to tell him that she agreed and he smiled a very small smile at her.

‘We just completely lost touch and didn’t speak for fourteen years. I hate that we didn’t talk.’ His words were quiet, barely above a whisper, almost as if he were talking to himself rather than Liliana. ‘Now that we’ve finally reconnected, I would love nothing more than to stay in touch. I want us to keep our promises this time. I think that’s why I offered to drive you back to Aber. It gives us some uninterrupted time to just be together and talk about anything. Or nothing. I just want to be around you, Lil. I want us to be friends again. Real friends like we were before.’

‘I would love nothing more than to be friends again,’ Liliana smiled.

‘Things will be different this time around,’ Taron said strongly. ‘I won’t let anything like that happen to you again.’

They fell into another silence and Liliana focused on the road ahead. She thought back to being a child and how different her life really had been from the other kids in her class. Taron’s hand on hers kept her grounded as she remembered.

While all of her friends were out playing on the street on their bikes or playing with a ball in the local field, Liliana was cleaning or cooking dinner for the family. Even when she was as young as nine. She would go to the shop daily when they had run out of bread or milk or sugar and they needed more. When her friends were being called inside to get in the bath, she was making her mum a cup of tea so that she wouldn’t get into trouble.

Liliana would do everything in her power to make her mum happy, just so she could feel safe in her own house. If Eliza wasn’t happy, she would brush Liliana off completely. It had started before her dad left but it only got worse when he did. Eliza resented Liliana and took her anger and frustration out on her. Liliana being the kid that she was, would always plaster a smile on her face and act as though nothing was wrong, using the free time she had to go outside with Taron or visit his family when she needed somewhere safe to be.

She wiped a tear away without Taron seeing and blinked hard to stop herself from falling apart right there in his car. Taron had remained quiet but he knew she was going into a place that would make her sad and he wanted to cheer her up so he racked his brain for things he could distract her with.

‘Tell me more about Matilda,’ he said, remembering how Liliana had lit up the first time she told him about her.

‘She’s a little firecracker,’ she laughed, pulling up a photo of her on her phone to show Taron quickly while there was no traffic around. ‘She turned ten in August but if you knew her, you wouldn’t believe she was any younger than 21. She’s so smart. Smarter than I ever was at her age, and she’s got these beautiful brown eyes that just scream innocence. It’s one of the only differences between us; our eye colour. And our height. She’ll be taller than me soon. Her dad is a giant though so it doesn’t surprise me. She’s everything I ever wanted. Tell me more about Rosie and Marie. We were cut off the other week.’

‘If Matilda is a firecracker then they are little rascals,’ he chuckled, his head shaking. ‘They are to me what Matilda is to you. They’re my half siblings but I would never call them anything but my sisters. I hate the whole half sibling thing. They are my sisters and it’s as simple as that.’

Liliana nodded furiously. ‘Yes! Matilda is my sister. I’d be so mean to be like ‘no she’s just my half sister’. She isn’t half a sibling. She’s a full sibling.’

‘Exactly. They are honestly so amazing and I can’t wait to see them. They’re similar ages to Matilda. Maybe one day we could take them all out somewhere and they could get to know another. Continue the legacy of friendship.’

‘That’d be cool. Matilda loves meeting and talking to new people. Another difference between the two of us. Thank you for cheering me up. I don’t know how you always manage to do it. Even when you don’t know I need cheering up.’

Taron grabbed her hand affectionately. ‘It’s because I know you, Lil.’

***

‘Do you want me to come inside with you for a little bit?’

‘I’m okay, thank you though,’ Liliana responded with a smile.

She turned to her left and looked at the house she grew up in. It still looked like the same house. The bricks were still red and the path from the steps was worn and full of weeds. Yet somehow it felt different than it had the previous year and she couldn’t quite figure out why. It was the only house on the street without Christmas lights outside but she didn’t think that was it.

‘If you need anything, just let me know,’ Taron replied with a smile. Liliana returned it and took a deep breath. ‘I’m here for you, Lil.’

‘I know you are, thank you, Taron. I’ll text you later?’

Taron nodded and watched as Liliana stepped through the gate and up towards the house. He didn’t know what was waiting for her at the other side of the door but he could only hope that it was something good.

Rather than use her key to get in the house, Liliana knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. Much to her surprise, Hudson, her mum’s husband, opened it with a smile, pulling her into an awkward side hug.

‘It’s nice to see you. Your mum’s just nipped to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I don’t envy her.’

‘Neither do I,’ Liliana said through a forced smile. ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas. I’m sure your sister will be down any minute. She’s making some Christmas biscuits and is waiting for them to cool so she can decorate them. Every time someone’s knocked at the door today she’s come to see if it’s you. I think she’s more excited for you to be here than she is Santa. Not that she’ll believe in him for much longer. Especially with her starting high school next year.’

‘High schoolers suck,’ Liliana sighed. ‘You go get yourself in the house. It’s absolutely freezing out there and I don’t want to let it all in.’

Hudson walked through to the living room just as Liliana heard a door shut upstairs. She watched as her little sister, who wasn’t so little anymore, peered over the bannister and beamed as soon as she saw her.

‘LILI!’ she squealed as she ran down the stairs, launching herself into Liliana’s arms and knocking her to the floor in a heap of hugs. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too, little bug.’ Liliana’s voice broke and she tried her best not to cry. She held Matilda close, swaying her lightly. ‘Come on, your dad was telling me that you’ve been making biscuits and you know I love a good old Matilda biscuit.’

Matilda stood up and waited impatiently for Liliana to join her before she dragged her through to the kitchen. The dining table was covered in biscuits and bowls of icing of different colours. Bowls that were used to make the dough were scattered across the work tops and the sink was full of trays and cookie cutters.

The amount of flour that was on every surface made it look like it had been snowing inside and Liliana was sure there was biscuit dough on the walls in places.

‘Oh my this is a mess,’ she commented with a beaming grin. ‘How about I help you clean it all up before mum gets back?’

Matilda nodded begrudgingly. ‘The biscuits aren’t cooled enough anyway so I guess I can help clean up. Do you think you could help me decorate them? Please? It’s been ages since we last baked together.’

Liliana nodded, turning the small kitchen radio up a little so that they could listen to the Christmas songs while they cleaned. All I Want for Christmas is You played into the room and the two girls smiled widely at one another, instantly breaking out into their best dance moves and singing along.

Matilda started to stack the pots she’d used next to the sink so that they could be cleaned while Liliana carefully wiped the walls that were definitely splattered with biscuit dough and scraped the sides of flour so that she could clean them properly.

Once the room was clean and tidy, and the biscuits were finally cool enough to decorate, Matilda grabbed two aprons from behind the door and threw one to her big sister.

‘If you wear this then we won’t get icing all over your nice jumper,’ she said, tying her own apron behind her waist.

‘When did you get so grown up?’ Liliana mused, holding the sides of Matilda’s head so she could bring it to her lips to plant a sloppy kiss. ‘How do you want to decorate these?’

‘With as much icing as we can!’ Matilda dipped her finger into the green icing and licked it clean, smiling so brightly as she did that she lit some of the darkness in Liliana’s heart.

‘I should have known. I forget that you’re little miss obsessed with icing. They’re your biscuits so it’s up to you what we do with them.’

Matilda thought for a moment, tapping her foot against the chair the same way that Liliana did when she was her age. Liliana smiled at her little sister, so in awe of the person she was becoming. When she was Matilda’s age, her life looked so different. She was glad that it was different for her sister. That she wouldn’t have to go through the things she did.

‘I’m taking some to Granny and Grandad’s house tomorrow so they need to look super good. Can we do melting snowmen on the circle ones?’

Liliana nodded enthusiastically. ‘Of course we can! I might have some spare chocolates in my bag if you want to go get them? We could use it for buttons? Or eyes maybe.’

‘Oh yes please!’

Matilda jumped down and ran through to the hallway to retrieve Liliana’s handbag, walking back with it on her shoulder and strutting as if she were the grown adult. Liliana laughed at her and took the bag to see what she had left from the car journey.

She pulled out a bag of M&Ms and some Jelly Tots, the perfect things for snowmen buttons. ‘These are perfect.’

‘Jelly Tots, my favourite!’ Liliana poured some of the jelly sweets into Matilda’s hand and watched as she ate them happily. ‘Thank you. Other than the snowmen I want to take to Granny’s tomorrow, I don’t know what to do with the others so let’s just do whatever.’

‘Aye aye, captain,’ Liliana saluted. ‘Are you excited to see your Granny and Grandad tomorrow?’

Matilda nodded. ‘Yeah. Are you coming with us?’

‘I’m not, sorry sweetheart. I’m going to stay here and either go for a walk or go and see my friend if he isn’t busy.’

‘Are you going to be here for dinner tomorrow though?’

Liliana shrugged gently. ‘That depends on if mum wants me here, sweet girl. Hopefully I’ll be here.’

Her mum walked into the kitchen and scoffed at Liliana. ‘What’s it matter to me if you come for dinner or not? You come and go as you please anyway.’

‘Mum, please let’s not do this right now,’ Liliana begged, already feeling tears forming. ‘It’s Christmas.’

‘When was the last time you asked if you could come, huh? You just turn up. Like you did today. You turn up and then you leave at the drop of a hat and we don’t see you for months at a time. You aren’t around enough so why should I care if you’re here or not for dinner?’

Matilda cowered into her seat and reached over to put her hand on Liliana’s, looking up at her through thick eyelashes. Liliana gave her a small smile and motioned for her to leave the kitchen, for her own benefit. She didn’t need to hear the horrible things her mum was no doubt about to say.

Liliana watched as her mum flipped the kettle on and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. It was a mug Liliana had made her in school and painted meticulously. She wondered if her mum remembered how happy she had been to receive it. Probably not with how she slammed it onto the work top.

‘I always come at Christmas. You know that. I would love to come more often but I have to put myself and my happiness first.’

Eliza rolled her eyes at her oldest daughter and put her hand on her hip. ‘Do you know how selfish that is, Liliana? You don’t care about Matilda, or me, or put us first. It’s always about you and how you come first. You should have stayed closer to home and not run away to Edinburgh and London. Look at what you moving away has caused. You’re selfish.’

‘That’s not true and you know it isn’t,’ Liliana just about managed to get out. Tears had pooled in her eyes and she knew if she stayed then things would only get worse and she didn’t want that.

She wasn’t going to be the reason that Christmas was ruined for Matilda so she grabbed her bag, walked outside, closed the door behind her and started to walk.

The last thing she wanted to do was leave Matilda again. She wanted to go back and get her but she knew that it was too soon to be around Eliza again. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left Matilda after a row with her mum, and it wasn’t the first time her mum had called her selfish either.

September 15th, 2011

‘North Road, please.’

Liliana sat back in the taxi and exhaled a long breath. The greying clouds above the car reflected her mood. Dull and ready to burst at any given second. She rested her head against the window as the taxi drove through the streets of Aberystwyth and to the house she’d grown up in. Her small suitcase filled with only the essentials was on the seat next to her and she put her hand on it for no reason.

Despite the deep rooted feeling of anxiety she had whenever she was home, she was excited to head back and start her new job in London. She started working at a publishing company, Between the Lines, at the end of the week with Evelyn, who she had met at university. The flat she was moving into was small and a good half an hour commute to work but it was her own and she could do with it what she pleased. Moving to London was all she had wanted.

The taxi pulled up outside the house with the red front door and Liliana thanked him and handed over a five pound note, telling him to keep the forty-pence change. He nodded his gratitude before driving off when the back door was closed, leaving Liliana standing outside the house on her own for the first time since she was a teenager.

She couldn’t tell if the house was bigger or smaller than it was when she was younger. It seemed taller, as if booming over her and showing her just how vulnerable she was in its presence. But at the same time, it seemed narrower, less scary than it once looked.

As she walked up the short, tiled path to the front door she breathed deeply. A whole other life was at the other side of the door. A whole other family. A family she wasn’t a part of. Not really. Her mum and stepdad were happily married with a new baby and it was the first time that she was seeing her new sister since she’d been born a little over a month earlier.

Something that she couldn’t quite decipher washed over her as she pushed the door open on its hinges. Her feet were heavy, stuck to the wooden floor and unable to move, but she felt like she was floating. As though she wasn’t really there. Like she was dreaming and nothing was really happening.

Everything looked the same as she slipped her shoes off and stacked them on one of the steps above her mum’s. There were old family photos on the wall, some of her grandparents and some of Eliza with her siblings. Out of all the photos, there was only one of Liliana. It was a photo from when she was a baby dressed in white with the most unfortunate looking bonnet on her head. She was both happy and devastated that it was covered by coats.

‘Liliana, is that you?’ Her mum called from the living room. Liliana psyched herself up and forced a smile on her lips.

‘Yeah, mum. I’m just putting my shoes away and then I’ll come in.’

The living room door was slightly ajar and as Liliana pushed it open, she could see her baby sister asleep in the moses basket next to the sofa. Even just the sight of the tiny baby curled up all small and tiny had Liliana fighting back tears. Guilt had built up since the day she was born that she hadn’t seen her and even though she was still so small, Liliana hated that she wasn’t there when she was even tinier.

‘Can I hold her?’ She asked her mum quietly, scared to wake the tiny baby.

‘Yeah. I’m going to go get in the shower while you’re here. I’ll not be long.’

Liliana nodded through a teary smile and dropped her handbag on the sofa so that she could take a proper look at her sister. Her hands were curled into tiny fists next to her head and her lips were pouted slightly, something that Liliana did when she slept. With one hand underneath her neck to support her head and one under her bum, Liliana lifted the baby from the basket and held her close, staring at her.

At almost twenty-two, she didn’t expect to have a new sibling but as soon as her sister was in her arms, she could feel the emotions manifesting wholly. Tears dropped down her cheeks as she sat on the sofa and just stared at the baby. She enjoyed the dumpy weight of her sister in her arms.

Liliana held out one of her fingers to stroke the little one’s fingers and they gripped around it tightly, not letting her go.

‘I’m not quite sure how it’s possible but I love you more than I’ve loved anything before,’ she whispered quietly, pressing a dainty kiss to her sister’s forehead. ‘I won’t let anybody hurt you, Matilda, I promise. I’ll always be your protector.’

Matilda stirred slightly but Liliana rocked her back to sleep, so in awe of the tiny human in her arms.

‘Look at you,’ Eliza spoke up from the doorway when she’d had her shower. ‘It’s about time you came to meet her.’

‘Mum, you know I’ve been finishing university and trying to get my life together. I haven’t been able to be here all of the time like I wanted to be and I am sorry.’

When Eliza told her that the baby had been born, Liliana went to book a train ticket straight away to meet her, even if it was just for the day. She wanted to help her mum and meet her sister and be there for her family the way she had always wanted to, but Eliza had continuously put the visit off for one reason or another.

Liliana could understand some of the time, like when she was too tired for visitors. But then the excuses that she needed to get used to looking after a baby after not having one for over twenty years, and needing to take time for herself, became more common and Liliana stopped fighting. She stopped trying to tell her mum that she could nap while Liliana looked after Matilda or she could have a bath or shower. Liliana would be there for whatever she needed. Eliza never let her though.

Eliza scoffed loudly. ‘You’re just selfish, that’s what it is. Spending more time away from us, your home, and swanning about Scotland as if nobody else matters. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Liliana’

Liliana tried her best not to bite. Instead she casts her gaze to Matilda who was so sweet and innocent and who she would do anything in her power to change the way she was treated. When she looked back up to her mum she saw just how tired she looked. For a second she felt great sympathy for her. She wasn’t used to not sleeping at night and waking up at all hours to look after a baby. And that’s what it took for her mind to race with thoughts of her mum being unable to look after Matilda.

She didn’t want the same things she went through to happen to Matilda. She wanted her sister to have the best childhood with loving parents in a loving home that always felt like a safe space and somewhere she could run to when she was feeling down. Liliana didn’t want Matilda to feel like she had to run away to a different country for university just to get away from their mum.

Eliza’s new husband, Hudson, worked long hours and was only there on an evening and night time when Matilda was a little more settled. He wasn’t there during the day when Matilda would scream for hours at a time with no let up. He wasn’t there when Eliza was rocking her trying to get her to sleep and growing more and more agitated with her and wanting to leave her on her own to cry.

‘Mum, I know that university has taken me away and I hate that I haven’t been here for the start of Matilda’s life but I’m here now. I’m here to support you however you need it. Even if it’s just to go shower in peace and make yourself feel like you again.’

She knew there was a chance that Eliza would blow up but she didn’t think it would happen while she had Matilda in her arms.

‘Why, are you planning on moving back home? Are you finally going to do what you were destined to do and get a job on the seafront and get one of the crappy flats in town? Which is it? How are you going to be here, Liliana?’

‘I moved to London last week,’ Liliana said calmly, rocking Matilda again. ‘I have a job with the same publishing company that I worked with for placement a couple of years ago. It’s a huge opportunity for me and I’m going to be a shorter train ride away than I was in Edinburgh. So I can be here whenever you need me. I want to be here, for Matilda.’

Eliza shook her head. ‘You need to stop butting into our lives here. Leave.’

‘What?’

‘You haven’t been here for the past four years so what makes you think you’re going to be here now? You’re never here and I don’t think you ever will be. You just want to say that you’re here. But you won’t be. I want you to leave my house.’

‘But mu-’

‘Out, Liliana. I mean it.’

Liliana was transported back to being eleven and hearing her mum scream at her dad to get out of the house. Her heart sank and anxiety built from the bottom of her tummy to the top of her head. She stood up carefully and kissed Matilda’s head again before placing her gently in the moses basket.

‘I love you, little bug. I love you so much.’

She cried as she pulled her shoes on and got her suitcase from the small cupboard, and she cried as she left the house and locked the door again.

***

Despite Autumn’s fast approach, the air was warm and Liliana knew exactly where she needed to go to clear her head. On top of Constitution Hill the sun was warm and she’d taken her jacket off to enjoy the rays against her arms.

The tree behind her was beginning to transform, its leaves changing from a vibrant green to a reddish brown. Another sign of the changing season. The bark of the trunk was harsh against her back but nowhere near as harsh as her mother’s words had been to her less than an hour before.

A sob escaped her and tears spilled down her cheeks and pooled on her chest. Her breaths were sharp and uneven, as though hands wrapped around her throat and squeezed her of every ounce of breath, trapping her in a world of darkness.

Fear was second nature to Liliana. It had been since she was a little girl. But there was something about the fear she felt on top of the hill that was unlike anything she’d experienced before. She sobbed to herself for what felt like hours but as she finally began to calm down and her breathing regulated again, she pulled her phone from her bag and unlocked it.

Her thumb hovered over his contact. The one person she needed to speak to. The person who would understand what she was going through and who would be able to talk her down from doing anything crazy.

She put her phone away, unsure as to whether he would have the same number as he did four years ago, or if he would even answer if she tried to call him. So she stared at the sea instead, trying to figure out what she was going to do.

She booked a train ticket home for that afternoon. It wiped her out of money until she got paid two weeks later but she couldn’t stand being in town any longer. She needed to leave.

To go home.

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