#i just made it to the haligtree again in my elden ring ng+ so I'm sure that'll be plenty engaging lol 😭

[kuromi-hoemie]

bleh meetings until 3 today 😵‍💫

[achievunlock]

That weird emptiness after completion

Yesterday, after over 270 hours throughout last 8 months, I finished Elden Ring. And it feels weird. It's bittersweet.

To begin with, it was never even a game I intended to play. My boyfriend challenged me to try to see how I would play, and reluctantly I tried. I happened to find a playstyle that worked for me, and in all the places where he struggled I breezed through. And that god me hooked. I felt proficient, I could choose my battles, I controlled my pace. It got to the point where I sprang way ahead of him at his game (which wasn't very appreciated), so I slowed down and took a break for a few weeks.

Every time I though I was done with the game, he would nudge me back to it, and again reluctantly I would. It's always so hard to get back to open world games, where you have to remember what all the stuff in your inventory does, where to go next, who had a quest for you etc. And in many ways Elden Ring makes that harder than other games without any quest log. But also it's smart, because it conditions us to remember, as any unfinished tasks stays in our memory, and especially if it's not written down anywhere. So even during my times off from Elden Ring I would still remember the quests and people I needed to talk to and continue.

Before I knew I fell in love with the game world, that epic sense of scale, the unique environments that I have never seen anywhere else. Most of those 270 hours I spent just exploring, running through the grassy and snowy plains to first discover Sites of Grace and map parts, without engaging with the enemies, and then re-running them when I was ready for combat.

At first I really wanted to avoid the "legacy dungeons" (again seeing my partner's many deaths and struggles in those). In the end I got to love those too, with Leyndell and Haligtree becoming my favorites.

I never actually thought I'd finish the game. I thought it would get too hard and I would not manage. And yes, it was hard at times (looking at you, Rennala), but I always managed, and it felt good to finally have that win after so many failures.

As I was approaching the end and struggling a lot against Maliketh and Malenia, I realized how much those fights reminded me of my struggles (and eventual victories) against bosses in Devil May Cry 3. I remember counting over 30 tries in a row on some of the bosses there. Elden Ring made me feel like I did those many years ago - willing to give up, but still pushing through, because I was emotionally invested in a tragic story that I wanted to see through to the end.

So now I'm done. And it feels so empty. Back in the day I would just start over another run of DMC3 and another until I've beaten the hardest difficulty, and then again, to improve my ratings and finish with as many S and SS rankings as I could. But Elden Ring is different. I am not ready for another 100+ hours run, and there's no point just running around a completed game.

Because Elden Ring was never on my to play list, I've been wanting to finish it just to be able to move on, but for now I can't move on - it just doesn't feel right. I don't wanna leave that world.

So me and my partner created new characters, to deal with that weird state of grief after completion. Again, I do not commit to completing the game. Only time will tell. I will dabble a bit, try out a completely different style of combat. Until the DLC comes, and then we will be back!

This experience made me reflect on how it's so similar with other large open world games. Earlier this year I completed Hogwarts Legacy - and it felt just as empty. As I approached the end I created 2 new characters to start the game over. After completion I sped-run the last part with one of the characters and that kinda did it. I felt I was done. Before that I completed Ghost of Tsushima which I also fell in love with. As soon as I finished the game I started NG+, I played half-way and got tired, I was ready to move on. Elden Ring though it's slightly different, because you can make each playthrough pretty unique, and it's so long that by the time you finish you don't really remember how it was in the beginning.

Let's see how far I get on this new character, but I hope I can move on soon, and finally get to the games I've been planning to play for a while, before Elden Ring.