#i just keep thinking about that 1 Saturday we spent together

[thepoetryofascension]

🗣️ YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM; YOU LOVE THE FANTASY THAT YOU PROJECTED ONTO HIM.

🗣️ YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM; YOU LOVE THE FANTASY THAT YOU PROJECTED ONTO HIM.

🗣️ YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM; YOU LOVE THE FANTASY THAT YOU PROJECTED ONTO HIM.

🗣️ YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM; YOU LOVE THE FANTASY THAT YOU PROJECTED ONTO HIM.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Thailand is back in charge

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - There is so much to love about this pair. But one of the things I truly adore is what great communicators they are about what they want & need as friends & as lovers. As boyfriends? Not so much. But the way they can (and do and did) communicate speaks well to their ability to communicate in the future, once they have resolved the inevitable doom the BL gods will reign down upon us over the next 3-4 eps. I guess what I am say is... these two are gonna be awesome husbands.

The break up was sad but inevitable.

Yay for a crying kiss. I do so love a crying kiss! 

Can we talk about the fact that all that tension was worth it?

Excellent kiss all round from GreatInn. Possibly one of the best of the year. Their only issue in winning this category in 2024 is that they're up against OffGun, TayNew, and JimmySea, not to mention BillyBabe... and MosBank coming soon. But I gotta say, for a new pair? Fantastic work boys.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I literally spent this whole show saying “Oh, Poor Joe!” Which is now the actual name of his character: Poor Joe. He's like the country music sad sack. How much is this narrative gonna keep kicking him while he's down?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Star Hunter + MosBank + a beloved familiar face? You ready? Let's go. I got a lot to say.

Unexpected supernatural historical paranormal mythological Sign-esk elements happening in our dream sequence opening. I’m not mad about it. But I do think it’s going to be mishandled in the dubious hands of Star Hunter. My BLabies, no matter what else, with Star Hunter we can rest assured there will be chaos and narrative mess. And now, lucky us, there will be a supernatural mess. But at least it will be sexy and high heat.

Honestly, I'm not worried about MosBank and I know what to expect from Star Hunter,. So we're all on the same page.

Meanwhile, enter a cute side couple (normal for this studio). WAIT a second I know that face! That's Tenon of PitchBank fame (side couple, and only good thing about, Golden Blood). I’m sad to see his pair busted, but delighted to see him pop up again in a BL.

Tenon appreciation time: He kisses beautifully everyone, and he is a killer eye-emoter. We are in for a real treat with this actor. (Especially if we get to a place in the narrative where he pines. OH PLEASE MAKE HIM PINE.)

Okay back to the show. I love Tenon but I also LOVE his infiltrating, wicked smart, younger brother character. This role is great for him. I adore an industrial spy. I enjoy a rich boy pretending to be an intern in his family's company (yes it's a trope, just not common in BL). Excellent work Thailand. No notes.

In conclusion?

It’s a cheesy silly office BL and I am enjoying it immensely because I have no expectations. So don't burst my bubble. Star Hunter is bound to do that on its own without tumblr's help.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 11 of 16 - Oh my God they are all so cute! I love the beginning bit when Peem was feeling down and Phum tried to cheer him up. Ridiculously charming. All the sides were super adorbs too. The actual name of this show is "We Are Cute". Meanwhile, Kluen = the only boy in a BL ever to take his unfinished drink with him? I like him even more now. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - New take on the umbrella trope to be trapped under a parasol together. NO SINGING. Honestly? I am not loving this as much as I really wanted to love it. It's the middle of the rankings for good reason. I do like the idea of historical Cinderfella BL though. Why isn't that what I'm watching? The play with in a play is a dangerous trope to deploy, it only distracts my with attractive possibilities. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - I'm gonna try to cycle back to ending this rap-up week on Saturdays, which means the recap for this episode will be in next week's weekly (so to speak). Meanwhile, I am doing a Trash watch on this show. Hopefully that will get updated tomorrow.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - It’s fun enough. Kind of a pulpy lark. Best + Seng = a surprisingly good match.

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Good kiss from the sides. No surprises there. The main’s kissing was fine too, I guess. I like that they had a genuine struggle with being an idol and not being able to date. It’s nice to see that depicted on screen in a BL. I wish we had a bit more of a montage around the rise & success of Moo's boy group. But I understand the money in play for this kind of show prohibits that. All in all? It’s fine. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Oof. This ep was painful. So much awkward desperation and confusion. Oh Japan, must you?

Crazy to be in a place and time where there is no other noted non-Thai BLs airing. Not even from Korea. What is going on? Are we in 2020 all over again? Please no.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing. I've put the search on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down. Also, who knew Frank & Big could kiss like that? Not me.

ARGH could Monster Next Door please just start airing. I am SO tired of waiting for Big to lead out a BL. It should have happened years ago. *grumbles in chronic second lead syndrome*

In case you missed it

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1 ans was meant to drop yesterday. We thought maybe Gaga, but nothing so far.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution.

As others see us: NuNew's 'Awful' Performance in BABYMONSTER's 'SHEESH' Goes Viral - I don't like BL being noticed by Kpop stans. I flipping LOATHE this song and I'm not wild about Babym. This is all 'round uncomfortable making and I want it to stop.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases Still Coming

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds Gaga) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

6/26 I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) 10 eps - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Forget "boyfriends but they don't realize it." These two are married but they don't realize it.

Praise be, he didn't leave his full drink behind. BEST BOY.

It was a great make out sesh.

THAT LIP BITE.

All round excellent ep this week, We Are Cuties.

Top tier flirting banker from the fuck buddies though. Man, their innuendo is on point. And I do mean that point. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[bl00dst41ned]

*.·:·.✦ my little secret (jude bellingham ‘series’ pt.1) ✦.·:·.*

pairing: jude bellingham x female oc (Mariah)

summary: in which Jude chooses the wrong time to break up with Mariah

author's note: saw @mwahuniverse’s post. here it is. might be a three to four-part series so if you want to get tagged for the other ones, comment or drop it in my asks (part 2 is already ready and out Friday or Saturday hehe)

series masterlist

word count: 654

Two lines.

It felt like Mariah’s eyes could not get away from these two lines on the pink stick.

These two lines, as simple as they looked, were about to change the entire course of her life.

Not believing the sole test even after staring at it for minutes, she quickly picked up the other tests:

Two lines

“Pregnant”

“Pregnant, 2-3 weeks”

The young woman’s vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears that she tried to dry with her hands. But the overwhelming feeling took over, tears now strolling down her cheek.

Not tears of sadness, but of happiness. Happiness from growing life in her belly. Happy to start a family with the person she loved, Jude.

Speaking of him, Mariah checked her phone, seeing that her boyfriend should be back. She rushed to hide the tests and order some of their signature meal they only eat together.

Behind the door could be heard keys jiggling before it opens. Jude doesn’t have time to walk in that he is greeted with an overly cheerful Mariah. He gave her a quick kiss on the temple before heading to the living room with his girlfriend on his steps.

“I have something to tell you” Mariah started with a smile as they sat on the sofa.

Weirdly, Jude sat as far as possible for her, something he started to do for a few days now. Mariah had picked on his change of behaviour but decided to ignore it.

“Wait, let me start” Jude interrupted in a stern voice, which caused Mariah’s smile to slowly fade.

“I think we should stop this”

“Stop what?” Confusion laced her voice.

“Us”

His words hit her like a car crash. Nothing could have prepared her for this moment. Jude, the man that she loved, just broke up with her for no apparent reason. Broke her heart when she thought their love was sealed by the little seed that was about to grow in her belly.”

Her breathing got heavy and palms became sweaty but she tried to cover it.

“Wh-why ?” She managed to ask in the least shaky voice she could let out.

“I just don’t feel like doing it anymore, I kind of lost interest” He nonchalantly responded, breaking Mariah’s heart even more.

“Yeah, we should end it now, you go your way and I go mine”

The more he spoke the more it felt like he stamped on her heart. As much as she tried to keep face and not show anything, her body decided otherwise since her hands lightly shook from trying not to burst out crying.

As Jude kept on ranting as if he didn’t care how Mariah felt, her phone buzzed repeatedly.

She opened her phone seeing a DM from an unknown girl, named Leslie

missleslie

*sent one attachement*

tell my man I can’t wait to see him again 😘

Mariah opened the attachment seeing a mirror photo of her, Jude laying in the background on his phone. The same phone, set on the coffee table. With the same outfit he wore right in front of her. The same Jude that just broke her heart had spent the day with another girl.

“Who’s that?” She turned her phone around showing the picture to him.

He let a light smirk grow a bit before he just sat back unfazed

“What d’you want me to tell you?”

After all their time together, Jude had always cared for her, making sure nobody, not even him, hurt her feelings. But now it felt like all of it had gone away.

“Just go, bro”

To which he did. He walked out of her apartment without a word or even a look. He just left her.

Once the door closed, Mariah took out the test, looking at each of them intensively. She bursted in tears, not able to control them.

She cried and cried until there were no tears left to cry.

like and repost for support (hope you enjoyed it)

masterlist for more

[puckpocketed]

i wasn’t even joking about the thomas speer princess treatment btw. btw. i know the sharks have a Reputation for goalie breaking but to give you all some counter propaganda… he did good work with kahkonen and blackwood and i expect given the chance he’ll do the same for georgiev

Published October 17 2023, How a coach’s visit in Toronto helped Mackenzie Blackwood get comfortable with the San Jose Sharks - by Curtis Pashelka (link)

SAN JOSE – Mackenzie Blackwood was about a week away from leaving Toronto and heading to the Bay Area last month for the start of training camp when he got a visit from San Jose Sharks goalie coach Thomas Speer.

The two had previously only talked on the phone, and that was after Blackwood had been acquired by the Sharks last June and subsequently signed to a two-year contract extension. So Speer’s visit gave the two a chance to get to know each other a bit better and get on the same page prior to camp.

It was also a personal gesture that Blackwood appreciated.

“That shows a lot,” Blackwood said Monday. “To come and spend some time and go out of your way to come work with me. Yeah, I was appreciative.”

Speer, now in his second season with the Sharks, is tasked with helping the team solve its goaltending woes after years of being well below average. The Sharks haven’t had a team save percentage over .901 since the 2017-2018 season and last year, that number sunk to an NHL low of .881.

So far, the Sharks are off to a better start, with Blackwood stopping 51 of 52 shots in the Sharks’ 2-1 shootout loss to the Colorado Avalanche on Saturday. After the game, Blackwood was quick to credit his teammates for keeping most shot attempts to the perimeter, but also Speer for the work they’ve done together over the last several weeks.

“He’s been good. Lots of help for me, working on keeping my game tight, not overplaying stuff, and keeping my feet underneath me a little bit more,” Blackwood said. “If you get stuck, re-adjust, and keep moving. Staying square. So just a lot of little stuff that we’ve kind of chipped away at, but it all adds up to something big.”

Not surprisingly, Blackwood will get the start again on Tuesday when the Sharks face Brent Burns and the Carolina Hurricanes at SAP Center. But with the way the Sharks’ schedule unfolds this month, with seven games over the next 13 days, both Blackwood and Kaapo Kahkonen figure to get a fair amount of work.

Speer worked with Kahkonen last season, helping to change his game and improve his confidence. Kahkonen had a .895 save percentage in his final 18 games last season compared to a .869 mark over the first 19 games.

Kahkonen played well in the preseason and aside from one goal late in the second period, Quinn felt the Finnish-born netminder had a positive outing in the Sharks’ 4-1 loss to the Vegas Golden Knights last Thursday.

“The one thing about (Speer), he cares so much about the guys he coaches,” Quinn said. “Great tactician, but he has the ability to connect with the people he’s coaching and that’s what makes him a great coach.

“He doesn’t coach everybody the same. He knows every guy’s a little bit different. … But the connection he creates with his goalies is pretty special.”

Quinn said that after Saturday’s game, no one was happier for Blackwood than Kahkonen.

“Big hug, big smile,” Quinn said. “To me, you can’t win (on the ice) until you win in (the locker room). We think we got two guys that could do that, which would make it difficult for the coach. But those are great problems to have.”

Certainly, that’s where the Sharks want to get to under Speer. who is in his 11th year as a goalie coach, working with both amateurs and professionals at a variety of levels. Before he came to the Sharks, Speer spent three seasons with the Stockton Heat, the former AHL affiliate of the Calgary Flames.

“I’ve had coaches that I’ve gotten along with, but it’s nice to have a guy here that you get to spend every day with that knows the game, knows my game, and knows what I need to do. Very detailed,” Blackwood said. “And you get to know him, he’s a great guy. So far, everything has been great.”

[justagalwhowrites]

Someone New: Part of For You - A Collection of Requests Benefitting Palestine

Joel is new to Jackson and his family is eager to play matchmaker.

Event Terms: Commissioners could choose to donate between $15 and $50 via Ko-Fi for one fic of 1-2k words. Payment due after completion of the fic. Donation with a match by the author paid to PCRF upon completion. Commissioners had the option to choose to keep a fic private and all fics may not be shared here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC Ashley (NOT a reader insert)

Warnings: Smut :D Unprotected P in V sex. Daddy kink. Age gap (Joel is 56, Ashley is 40.) Light Dom!Joel and Sub!FOC. No use of Y/N. 18+ Only MINORS DNI

Length: 3.6k

For You Masterlist | Full Masterlist | AO3

A/N: Written as a request by the lovely @ashleyfilm! She requested "Jackson era Joel from the tv show, so Pedro, and me (Ashley, plus size, I’m 40, I have black hair and glasses, my eyes are blue green with some hazel, I have tattoos, I’m short. A little goth, wear all black where it’s possible in an apocalypse haha) in this scenario I have a cool exterior and I’m independent by nature, but when you get to know me I’m funny and loving, but keep to myself. Joel and I would both like each other but have no clue, while Tommy, Maria and Ellie would all know and roll their eyes at us, try and talk sense into us. Eventually we come together and I’d love some smut. Some daddy soft dom Joel, I’m sub, the only time I want to be told what to do is during sex. I like giving pussies a pronoun so like she likes it and her if you know what I mean. And some fluff would be nice too." Shared with permission. I hope you all enjoy!!

Tommy was starting to drive Joel insane. 

It had taken some adjustment, coming to Jackson. 

There was the adjustment of being back around other people at all, for starters. There was the adjustment to being a father again. There was the adjustment of being in a place he cared about, one where he wanted to contribute instead of forced to to keep FEDRA’s boot off his neck. 

It had been a lot to swallow and, not that anyone was asking, he thought he’d done a damn good job of it. Ellie was happy, going to school every day and making friends. He had his ways to play his part in the community. 

So what if he was doing it all on his own? It’s not like it’s a crime to keep to yourself, he wasn’t sure why Tommy kept trying to push him further than he wanted to go. 

He doubted it was because Ashley was asking him to.

Ashley, the woman Tommy kept damn near throwing him toward at every opportunity. Ashley, who was years too young for him to even be thinking about the way he did. Ashley, whose plush curves and bright eyes had caught his attention from the moment he met her, even as she kept her distance from Joel and, it seemed, just about everyone else in Jackson. 

It didn’t matter how much Joel would enjoy things being different, that the little time he’d spent with her had been some of his favorite since coming here. She wasn’t interested - couldn’t be interested - and he wasn’t about to force it. 

Tommy, it seemed, had other ideas. 

“I’m not sure why you won’t just see if she wants to go,” Tommy said one night as they sat in the mess hall for dinner. “What’s the harm?” 

“Don’t particularly feel like gettin’ shot down,” Joel replied, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes. “Got enough goin’ on without worrying about that, too.” 

“Worrying about what?” Maria asked, taking her spot next to Tommy. Joel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing he was about to be outnumbered. 

“Joel won’t ask Ashley to the dance on Saturday,” Tommy smirked a little. “He’s convinced she’d say no…” 

“Who would say no to what?” Ellie joined them, too, sitting next to Joel. 

“Ashley to Joel and the dance, apparently,” Maria said, giving Ellie a knowing look. 

“Oh shit,” Ellie’s eyes went a little wide. “They’d be so cute together, Joel pretending to be a person who actually does something besides be grumpy…” 

“OK you tryin’ to get yourself grounded?” Joel asked, brows raised. Ellie rolled her eyes. “Because it sure seems like it. And I don’t need y’all match making for me. I am doin’ just fine without worrying about all of that. Leave it.” 

Ellie and Maria gave each other a knowing look that Joel was about to call them on when Tommy distracted him. 

“You’re going to the dance Saturday anyway, right?” He asked. “Just because you’re too chicken shit to bring a date doesn’t mean you should sit it out. It’s a big party, the whole town will be there, you should at least come by for a few drinks. You’ll miss out if you don’t.” 

“Yeah, I want to go!” Ellie said, turning to Joel and pouting a little. “You’re really going to make me go all by myself?” 

“I’ll go to the dance,” Joel sighed before looking between the others and gesturing between them with the fork. “S’long as you three are done meddling.” 

“We’ll behave,” Ellie smirked a little. “I promise.” 

Joel shouldn’t have believed them. He should have known better. 

But that didn’t make him any less surprised when he showed up to the dance Saturday evening and looked for Tommy and Maria, only to find them sitting with Ashley, her dark hair styled to pair with the black dress that seemed like it was made to highlight her every soft curve, curves that Joel had spent hours dreaming about exploring with his hands and mouth. 

He was going to strangle Tommy. 

“Joel!” His brother called, waving him over, as if Joel would have missed him. “Over here!” 

“C’mon old man,” Ellie teased. “Stop being such a fucking coward.” 

“We’re talking about your language later,” he muttered, letting Ellie lead him to the table, hoping that no one had put too much pressure on Ashley to put her in this position. 

“Well look who decided to join the party,” Tommy smirked. Joel ground his teeth. “Ashley, you know my brother Joel.” 

“I do,” she gave him a cool, tight smile and took a sip of her drink, looking back out toward the dance floor. 

“Hi,” Joel said before feeling like a bit of an idiot and pulling his eyes from her to turn back to his brother. “How are you Tommy, Maria?” 

“Oh, we’re good,” Maria smiled a little, looking more like Tommy than Joel thought was appropriate. He wondered if married couples started looking alike before too long. 

“Just peachy,” Tommy said as a new song started. “Oh would you look at that, I need to dance with my wife. Maria?” 

He offered her his hand and she smiled wider before taking it, giving Joel a meaningful look before being led onto the dance floor by her husband. 

“Oh, I think I see Dina,” Ellie said before clapping Joel on the back and leaving him there, alone with Ashley, before he had the chance to argue. 

Joel just stood there, awkwardly, trying not to stare at her, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. 

“So,” he said eventually. “Um… that seat taken?” 

She looked at him, brows raised. 

“Just by your brother.” 

“Right,” he said, taking it anyway. She looked back toward the dance floor and Joel looked her over while he had the chance, how the darkness of her clothes seemed to suit her, the sharp intelligence behind her glasses, the beauty of the tattoos he could see on her exposed skin. He wondered what each of them meant, wondered what it would be like to take his time tracing over each one. 

“So,” she turned her attention back to Joel. “Liking Jackson so far? Been here… what, a few months now?” 

“Yeah,” Joel nodded. “S’good. Different than where I’ve been for a while but that’s a good thing. Ellie likes it, all that really matters.” 

She nodded slowly, taking another sip of her drink. 

“Seems like she’s a good kid,” she said. “Sure got a mouth on her, though.” 

“Yeah,” Joel laughed, leaning his elbows onto the table. “She’s somethin’ else. I tried telling her she needs to watch her language, this ain’t the QZ.” 

“That’s a hell of an adjustment,” she smiled a little and damn, Joel really liked to see her smile. More than he’d liked seeing a woman smile in… he wasn’t sure how long. “Trust me, I know.” 

“You spent some time in a QZ?” He asked, brows raised. 

She nodded, taking a final sip of her cocktail. 

“Portland,” she said. “I was there at the beginning. One night, I was sneaking liquor at industry night at my favorite club, the next it’s a war zone. Got used to it after a while, though. You were in Boston with Tommy, right?” 

“I was,” Joel nodded. “Took us a while to work our way there but found it eventually.” 

“And you both ended up all the way out here.” 

“Suppose so,” Joel said. He nodded to her empty glass. “Can I get you another?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “That’d be nice.” 

He went to the bar and got them both a drink before rejoining her at the table. 

Joel was surprised at how much he liked talking with her. For how much time he’d spent thinking about her and looking at her, he hadn’t spent much time actually talking with her. She wasn’t what he’d expected. 

Where he’d always known her to be a bit distant and cool, he was starting to realize that, as soon as he was past the caution she seemed to approach the world with, she was really very warm and loving, thoughtful and kind. They talked about music, about what they missed about before, the quirks of life in Jackson after living in a QZ. 

By the time Joel got her onto the dance floor, he was ready to get her home. And he was starting to think she wanted the same. 

“Can I walk you home?” Joel asked as the Tipsy Bison was almost empty and he wasn’t able to come up with any more excuses to stay. 

“You can,” she smiled. “But… I think I’d rather you walk me to yours.” 

He smiled back. 

“Think that can be arranged.” 

Joel draped his arm over her shoulders and the two of them walked slowly through the dark town, the streets quiet and the stars bright. 

“Well,” Joel said as they came to his front walk. “This is me. Still want to come in?” 

“Yeah,” Ashley nodded. “Yeah, I really do.” 

He smiled. 

“Good.” 

He took her hand and led her to his door. 

But things shifted as they made it inside. Joel tilted her face up, finding the right angle, thumb brushing her lips, waiting for her to make a move. 

But she didn’t. Her breaths got quicker, her eyes searched his and, after a moment, he felt like he couldn’t wait anymore. 

“I’m gonna kiss you,” he said. “Because it’s all I’ve been thinkin’ about doing for a while.” 

She just nodded quickly and he kissed her, covering her mouth with his. 

It had been a while since Joel had kissed anyone, even longer since it was a first kiss. But Joel could tell this was different, something special. It was like an electric current ran over his skin, sparking at where your lips met and shooting out through the rest of him. There was a sharp, sudden pang of need deep inside him, the drive to be closer to her, as close as he could reach. More than that, he wanted to know that she was safe, cared for. That she had what she needed and what she wanted because he was giving it to her. 

“Joel,” she breathed as they separated, just enough for him to look in those blue green eyes of hers. “Will you take me to bed?” 

“Yeah baby,” he said, want seeping into his voice. “Yeah, I will.” 

He kissed her again, his hands sliding down from her face to her arms to her waist, moving her toward the stairs as he did. He only pulled away from her when they needed to go up to his room, not wanting to stop touching her for even a few moments, his skin almost aching as he watched the round shape of her ass in her black skirt going upstairs ahead of him. 

Joel pulled her back against him at the top of the stairs, the few seconds she was apart from him too much. Her arms stretched up and went around his neck and his hands roamed over her back and sides, luxuriating in just how soft she felt, how he could find places on her that seemed made for him to hold. He guided her to his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He slid his hands back up her body over her arms, his callused fingers slipping over her soft skin. 

“You gonna let me make you feel good, pretty girl?” He asked, voice dark and low. “Because I want to touch every damn inch of you.” 

“Please, Joel,” she whispered, her fingers tightening desperately on his curls at the nape of his neck. “Please, I want you, I need you, I…” 

“Shhh,” he hushed her. “Don’t worry about a thing. Just let Daddy take care of you.” 

He kissed her again and found the zipper on her dress, sliding it down, down, down, until he could slide the straps down her arms and let the fabric fall to the floor. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, his eyes ranging over Ashley’s body, tracing over her curves and tattoos. “You are the most beautiful damn thing I’ve ever seen.” 

He reached around and unhooked her bra, sliding the straps down her arms and dropping it to the floor before cupping her breasts, the fullness of her so soft below his touch that he couldn’t help but groan. 

“You gonna let me take care of you, baby girl?” He asked, voice husky. “You need me to take care of you, don’t you?” 

He wasn’t entirely sure why he said it but something inside him just knew, he could sense it in her. That she wanted someone to guide her, someone she could trust to take charge and give her what she needed.

He could tell by the way she nodded that he was right. 

Joel guided her down onto the bed before pulling his shirt and casting it aside. His eyes ranged over her body as he took his jeans and underwear off, too, his cock already thick and achingly hard. He worked himself, not able to stop himself as he drank her in, memorizing her. 

“Want you to touch yourself for me,” he said, stepping closer to the bed. “Spread those pretty legs, put your hand in your panties, show me how you like to touch yourself.” 

She took a hesitant, shaky breath and slid her hand down her body before slipping them below the fabric, stretching it tight over her pussy for a moment before her hand dipped lower. He could see the outline of her fingers clearly, watched with his mouth watering as they stroked her pussy lips before slipping inside. 

“There you go, baby girl,” he groaned, stroking his cock in time with her fingers. “You just keep on doin’ that for me.” 

He moved to the bed and she frowned as he reached out, looping his fingers around the waistband of her panties to start tugging them down. His eyes moved from her face, down her body to where her pussy lay just below the fabric. Her fingers were still. 

“I tell you to stop?” He asked. She groaned and he saw her fingers start to move again. “That’s my good girl. Want your pussy all nice and wet and full when I see her the first time.” 

He pulled her underwear down slowly, revealing her wet slit with two of her fingers buried deep inside herself as he did.

“Oh, there she is,” he breathed, casting her panties aside. “Fuck, such a pretty little pussy ain’t she?” 

Ashley just moaned, thrusting her fingers deeper. Joel licked his lips, desperate for a taste of her. 

“Spread her open for me, baby,” he said, spreading her legs wide and settling between them. “Lemme see.” 

Her hands trembled as she slid her fingers from her dripping entrance and delicately opened herself to him. 

“Fuck me,” Joel groaned, taking a thumb and brushing it over her tight little hole before trailing it up to her swollen nub. “Gonna take a lot before she can take me. Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you.” 

He pressed his mouth to her entrance, just a kiss at first, a taste of her musky sweetness. His thumb stayed against her clit, rubbing her in slow and gentle circles as he dipped is tongue inside of her. 

Joel started slow, easing her into it. His tongue worked deeper, his thumb harder. Eventually, he added a finger, then two, starting to stretch her open as her hips canted up against his face, her legs squirming, delicious moans and gasps pouring from her lips. He looped an arm around her thigh to hold her still, pulling her leg against the side of his head and leaving his nose to work her clit as his hand splayed wide on her plush thigh. 

“Fuck, I’m going to come,” her back was arched, fingers wound tight in his quilt. “I’m coming, I’m coming Daddy, I’m coming!” 

He smiled against her as he ate her through her orgasm, pressing his aching cock down into the bed as he felt her pussy flutter over his tongue. 

When her climax eased, he pulled himself from her tight, wet heat and rose to his knees, stroking his dripping length as she came back down to earth. He nudged her legs apart and down, leaving her fully exposed to him. He ran his fingers over her slit, gathering her wetness and bringing it to his cock as she looked at him, her eyes a little wide. 

“Is…” she swallowed, hard. “Is that going to fit inside me? I don’t know if that’s going to fit…” 

“It’ll fit, baby girl,” he said, working himself as he lined himself up with her entrance. “You can take it, so nice and wet for me. You just relax and let me inside you.” 

He pressed his cock against her tight center, moaning and just how hot and wet and fucking soft she felt. He watched, almost obsessed, as she opened to take him, the stretch almost obscene as he saw himself start to disappear into her body. 

“See baby?” He panted as he sank just the first few inches of him into her cunt. “You can take it, taking it so good for me. She stretches so fuckin’ pretty for me, so goddamn pretty.” 

Her hands flew to his biceps as he leaned over her, pressing himself deeper, her fingers scrambling over his muscle as he worked her open. Joel fought to think of anything but the fact that he was almost fully inside the woman he’d been longing for for weeks now. He couldn’t come too quick, he couldn’t let this end now. He had to take his time, had to feel her come around him. 

And then he was buried inside her to the root, the entirety of him in the entirety of her, her walls stretching to hold him. 

“There you go,” he praised her. He splayed his hand wide over her thick, soft lower stomach, pressing into her skin as his thumb slid down to her clit and started stroking it. “Did so good, taking me so well. You ever been this stretched baby?” 

“No daddy,” her nails dug into his arm. “Feels so good…” 

“Good girl,” he said, working her clit a little harder. She moaned and rocked her hips against him. “Aw, does someone need to be fucked? Someone need me to make her come?” 

“Yes,” she pleaded. “Please, please, please Daddy, please, I need to come, I need…” 

“I’ve got you baby,” he said, leaning over her and kissing her deeply, the taste of her mouth mixing with the taste of her pussy that lingered on his tongue. “Gonna make you come so hard for me.” 

He pulled back before thrusting forward, hard and fast and making her gasp, her hands flying from his arms to his back. But he stopped her, taking hold of her arms and pinning them over her head with one of his large hands. 

“You can use those when I tell you,” he said. “Right now, need you focused on taking,” he pulled back and thrust back in quickly. “This.” He did it again, fucking into her hard and fast. “Cock.” He did it one last time before grinding himself deep. “Tell me when you’re about to come.” 

He picked up his pace then, fucking into her deep and firm, grinding his hips down against her clit, feeling how her breasts moved against him as he forced her walls apart with each heavy stroke. 

Joel didn’t let up, too lost in her and just how damn good she felt to do anything else. He wasn’t even sure how long he’d been fucking her - just that it wasn’t long enough - when her breathy, desperate voice broke through the lust-driven haze of his mind. 

“I’m gonna come,” she keened, her pussy to tight around him that it almost hurt. “Gonna come, I’m gonna come Daddy, please…” 

He freed her hands then and she gasped, her fingers immediately finding the broad expanse of his back. Joel took her face in his hands and looked into those eyes of hers, unlike anything else he’d ever seen as he felt how her body took his. 

“Good girl,” he said, breathless and needy, too. “Come for me, come all over my cock, that’s it, so good for me…” 

The chorus of praise continued until she cried out, her whole body seizing as her channel gripped him so tight he was almost afraid it would force him out. But he held himself deep inside her, kissing her as she moaned into his mouth as she throbbed around him. His orgasm took hold, amazed for the half second he was aware enough to think that he’d been able to hold off this long, emptying himself deep inside of her. 

“Fuck,” she moaned, panting for breath as they both came down from their shared high. Joel had all but collapsed on top of her and he adjusted, pulling himself gently from her body and feeling their combined spend leaking from her as he did. He lay beside her and she turned to look at him. “That… I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like that.” 

He smiled a little. 

“Me either.” 

She smiled back. 

“I think we’ll have to do that again sometime,” she said. 

“Only if you let me take you out first,” Joel said. “Don’t think I can get enough of you in bed. Think I’m gonna need as much as you’ll let me have outside it, too.” 

Ashley reached out and carded her fingers through his thick, shaggy curls. 

“I think we can make that work.” 

[medusapelagia]

Learning to Love 4

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Billy Tags: enemies to lovers, internalized homophobia Words: 1143

Billy hasn’t seen Steve since the day of the test. There isn’t any need for them to study together anymore, and the pretty boy had left the basketball team months before, so the only way Billy had to see him is looking for him in the parking lot. But he is not always so lucky. More times than not he has to pick up his stupid step-sister and bring her safely home, losing the only occasion he has of seeing Steve.

He doesn’t miss the time they spent together. And he absolutely does not miss getting cozy on Steve’s couch and drinking beer while watching a movie. And he is definitely not still thinking about that night when Steve fell asleep and his head slid onto his shoulder and he felt his warm breath on his neck.

It's not that.

It's just that he is worried about him. 

"Are you still moping?" Max asks, opening the car's door.

"The fuck do you want?"

"I'm tired of seeing you moping around, ok? You are still an asshole but when you were hanging out with Steve you were a little bit less of an asshole."

Billy glares at her. "What are you saying?" He replies in an icy cold tone.

"Nothing. Just that it was nice when you were friends with Steve. So, tell me, how bad did you fuck up?"

Billy pushes on the gas pedal, "I didn't fuck up."

"So why is he avoiding you?" Max insists.

"He is not. We don't have any more classes in common and he passed his test so now we have no reason to meet."

Max remains silent for a long moment, then she whispers "If there was an opportunity to meet him, would you be an asshole as usual?"

Billy lifts an eyebrow "What are you talking about?"

"The party wants to go to the arcade on Saturday and Steve is Dustin's friend, they searched for Dustin's cat together or something like that. Anyway, Steve is going to drive Dustin and you could drive me and Lucas."

"Lucas?" Billy growls, "Are you still hanging out with him?"

She sticks her tongue out "He is my boyfriend! Get over it!"

"You are too fucking young to have a boyfriend! You are thirteen for Christ's sake!"

"Come on! Everyone at school has a boyfriend! Why do you hate Lucas, huh?"

Billy doesn't reply, his eyes fixed on the road.

It's not true that he hates Lucas. Well, he doesn't like him very much, to be honest, he is sniffing around his sister after all and Billy is fiercely protective of his pack, but that's not the true reason behind his attitude. The true reason is that Billy knows that if Neil would even suspect that the girl is having a relationship with a boy he will lock her in the fucking basement.

That's what he did to Billy the first time that he saw him holding hands with Thomas; he beat him with the strap and locked him in the basement for two days, giving him just water and bread. He is pretty sure that Neil will not beat her, not if he wants to keep his shiny new wife, but he is pretty sure that he will not let her go to the skate park or arcade anymore. So, no, Billy doesn't like Lucas.

“Think about it. Driving Lucas and I and finally talking to Steve, or ruining my weekend and staying in your room all day.” She says while she gets out of the car, leaving Billy staring at the front door of their house on Cherry Lane.

***

Saturday afternoons Neil and Susan go to Indianapolis to spend the day, leaving Billy in charge of Max, which is something that annoys both of them, but this time Max is determined to convince Billy to drive her to the arcade

“Come on! If you don’t drive me I’ll go on my skateboard!”

“You will not do such a thing!” Billy snarls, grabbing her arm harshly.

“I deserve to have some fun, Billy! The only reason I asked you to drive me is because I think that Steve’s friendship is good for you and I wanted to help you make peace, but if you are going to be an asshole as usual I’ll skate to Lucas and then I’ll ask his parents to drive us to the arcade!”

Billy glares at the girl, he wants to talk with Steve more than anything but he doesn’t like to be used like that.

“Fuck you, Maxine. You don’t know shit! So stop acting like you have all the answers in your fucking pocket.”

“Oh, I don’t know shit? I know why we moved here, Billy!” She retorts, covering her mouth as soon as those words come out.

“You… what?” He growls, grabbing her and pushing her against the wall.

“I didn’t tell anyone!” She assures him.

“Because there is nothing to say!” He screams, freeing her from his grip. Billy goes back to his room, slamming the door so hard that the poster above his bed wobbles.

Nobody can know what happened in California. Nobody. Not even Maxine.

A soft knock on the door breaks the seething silence in Billy’s mind.

“Fuck off!”

“I’m sorry. Billy, I’m sorry, for real. I didn’t mean… please. Come with me to the arcade. I saw the two of you together…” She whispers behind the door “You looked… you looked nice together.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you mean and I’m not going to drive you anywhere. You are grounded!” He replies, lightening a cigarette between his lips.

Max stays outside his room for a few moments before walking away and Billy finally relaxes. Did he start to feel something for the pretty boy he tutored? Maybe. But there is no way he is going to admit that, not even to himself.

He is lifting some weights, his body covered in sweat, when he hears the roar of a car that stops exactly in front of his house. Surprised, he looks out of the window and sees a familiar Beemer and immediately screams “MAXINE!” but the girl is already running toward the car with her backpack on her shoulder and Steve is holding the car’s door open for her when Billy gets on the porch.

“Maxine, come immediately back, you know that you are grounded.”

She sticks her tongue out “My mom is not here and she didn’t tell me I was grounded, she just told me that I should stay with you, not where. So get your shit together and come with us because I’m not getting back inside.” She replies bravely and if Billy’s look could kill she would be dead by now, but no, she is still there, smiling triumphantly at him.

Steve lifts an eyebrow “You coming or what?” 

[theyumeeighth]

“ᴡᴏᴀʜ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴛᴏᴏ?”

Minoru Mineta x Black!Reader

SONG:

Synopsis: The reader and Mineta are best friends with 3 things in common. They're both in love with each other, they both play guitar, and neither of them know that abt the other.

Pronouns: Fem

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: None, just fluff

A/N: Making this bc I can't find ANY on tumblr and I'm OBSESSED with Minoru

My fanfics are not bald friendly

3RD PERSON POV:

It was a bright and sunny saturday morning, birds happily chirping outside of your window.

You were lying in your bed reading a book to unwind, you so desperately needing a break from the shit Class 1-A ends up getting into damn near daily. You loved UA, don't get me wrong, but you didn't expect to be saving the world at 16. You thought you'd at least get a 10 year head start! The book you were reading was extremely interesting, which was surprising given the fact that you had stole borrowed it from Bakugou. It was a story about AI taking over the world, and a group of kids banding together to put a stop to the terror. Just as the story was really getting good, you feel your phone start to vibrate, pausing your music in the process. With a groan, you glance at your phone, the contact picture making your face heat up. It's your best friend, Mineta, which was weird because he usually spent his saturdays sleeping in or hanging out with Kaminari. You smile to yourself as you answer the phone, "Helloo?" You say, dragging out the last syllable. "Oh! Hey- Hey [name]! Shit, sorry, didn't actually expect you to pick up heh, figured you'd be busy" he stammered out, tripping over his words. You laugh at his reaction, the heat in your face picking up. God, he's just the cutest you think to yourself as you clear your throat, "Well I WAS kinda busy, but I'll always pick up if it's you Noru. You're up earlier than usual tho, what's up? Denki broke up with you?" You giggled as you teased him. Mineta's laughter echoed through you headphones, making you heart skip a beat. "I'm offended by that, I'm WAY out of Denki's league," he joked back, still laughing. His voice suddenly softened as he cleared his throat, "No no uhm.. I was actually calling to ask if you'd wanna hang out? Just us? Been a bit since we've had some time to ourselves, y'know? BUT NOT LIKE A DATE OR ANYTHING Y'KNOW JUST CUZ YOU'RE LIKE MY BEST FRIEND HAHA JUST TWO FRIENDS... hanging out..." his voice went up an octave at the end as he began rambling about how he "wasn't being weird" and just "really missed being around you." You smile softly at this, letting a small chuckle escape your lips. "I'd love to hang out man, no worries. Though is it cool if we just stay in? Don't really feel like walking today, yesterday absolutely KILLED my legs." You gently reply, recalling yesterday's intense training session. "Yeah!! Yeah yeah uhm totally yeah that's awesome bro haha we can definitely stay in," he stuttered out, clearly surprised that you agreed and also very flustered. He sucked his teeth before letting out a deep breath, his voice shaky as he asked, "Wanna come to my dorm? Since we always hang out in yours..." You stopped for a minute and started to think. You can't recall ever seeing his dorm actually, as he was right about yours being the hangout hotspot. "Sure! Better have all your porn mags away before I get there tho ya freakazoid." You heard a very quiet 'yes!' Come from his end before he cleared his throat again, nervously laughing as he spoke, "Alright then! Just uhm... come over whenever you're ready! And unlike YOU i actually keep my dorm clean." You scoff at his remark, "My dorm is spotless, thank you very much. Cya soon Noru." "Yeah right, cya [nickname]."

You stood up from your bed, tossing your bonnet on it as you searched through your 'very efficient clothes pile', which was your excuse to never put clothes up. After throwing on a band tee and some joggers, you made your way to your vanity to get ready.

HIS POV:

Ho. Ly. SHIT. SHE ACTUALLY SAID YES. SHE'S GONNA COME OVER TO MY DORM. I quickly look around, making sure my room is infact spotless like I had told her over the phone. I smiled at the fact that the only messy part was my desk, which was just covered in my homework, and my dresser. "Phew, good thing I don't gotta clean up! Tho i probably should atleast make myself look decent..." I made my way over to my mirror as I took a moment to look at myself. My hair was a mess, my face had dried up drool on it, i was still in my pajamas, and I hadn't brushed my teeth yet. I looked like i had just rolled out of bed, which i had but still! She didn't need to see me like this, that's so embarrassing for me. All i could think about as i got ready was how excited i was to see her, but I quickly felt a wave of anxiety rush over me.

Fuck fuck fuck what if she thinks my room is silly, what if it's not up to her standards, what if i accidentally make her uncomfortable fuckkkk what if I-

3RD PERSON POV:

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Am I allowed... to look at her like that?" He began, his voice soft and sweet, "Could it be wrong, when she's just so nice to look at?" Ah, so he was writing a love song, you didn't expect that from Mineta to be honest

The sound of you knocking broke Mineta from his spiraling, his face heating up as it hit him just who exactly was at the door. "C-COMING!! BE RIGHT THERE!" He shouted, sounds of shuffling heard through the door. You shifted from one foot to the other, nervousness slowly infecting your body. You looked down at your outfit, feeling a tad underdressed. You don't know why, you were just gonna hang out in his room, but you felt like you should've put a little more effort into your look. You were brought back to reality by the sound of Mineta opening his door. He looked up at you, meeting your gaze and smiling widely, "H-hey [name]! Sorry for not opening the door sooner, you caught me at a bad time hehe," he said, his voice small and awkward. You took notice of his forehead, it was slightly covered in water, letting you know he had just finished showering. The imagery of him showering made it's way into your head, causing you to blush and avoid eye contact with the boy, "Nah nah no worries man, you all good. Uh, can I come in or am i just gonna stand here...?" He blushed at that and laughed, "Yeah, of course! Sorry, here," he opened the door wider and moved to the side, allowing you to enter. As you made your way into his room, you felt your jaw drop in awe. His room was... normal? It was spotless just like he said it'd be, and he had a desk littered in homework and figurines, a nice bed with a fluffy green blankey, posters on his wall, and... oh my god is that "A guitar? You play guitar?" You asked him, your eyes lit up. He blushed harder at your expression as he scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah, I'm working on a song right now actually! Denki wanted to get one for Jirou, and I tagged along, and ended up with her." He said as he carefully picked up the guitar. It was a beautiful [favorite color] acoustic guitar, complete with a lavender strap on the back. "You wanna hold her? She's tough, so I know you won't damage her." You laughed as you happily accepted his offer and took the guitar into your hands, gently lifting the strap over your head, "So... her? It's a girl?" He blushed and started fidgeting with his hands, "Uh, yeah, just feels right to let it be a girl, y'know?" even though he knew the real reason he thought of it as a girl was because it was your favorite color and reminded him of you. He watched as you fiddled with the strings for a bit before playing a little tune. He didn't recognize it, but he also made no effort to as he looked at you in astonishment. "Woah... you play too?" He asked, staring at you absolutely starstruck. "Yeah, you're not the only one with a secret rockstar career man! I've been playing since I was young actually, it was my mom and i's favorite bonding activity... can I hear the song you're working on?" You asked, your voice quiet. You saw a look of panic rush over his features before leaving just as quickly as it appeared. "Uhm... fine. But you can't laugh, okay?" You giggled and held out your pinky, "Promise i won't laugh." He interlocked your pinkies and smiled, taking the guitar back from you and making his way to his bed. As he put the guitar into his lap and messed with the tuning a bit, he looked up and patted the spot next to him. "Sit." Was all he said, and you happily accepted, climbing into his bed. He cleared his throat and sighed, his fingers beginning to pluck at the strings.

You felt a pang in your chest, anxiety telling you that you wasted your time and that you'd never be able to have him now. You brushed it off as he continued, "And she smells like lemongrass and sleep, she tastes like apple juice and peach. Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture. And she... means everything to me, oh.." his voice sang out, and you felt tears sting the corners of your eyes. You couldn't tell if it was because of you enjoying the song, or the jealousy brewing inside of you. "I'd never tell...No, I'd never say a word" he scrunched his eyes up as he began the next part, almost as if to prevent tears, "And oh, it aches...but it feels oddly good to hurt." You smiled, taking in the raw emotion he was displaying. "And she smells like lemongrass and sleep..she tastes like apple juice and peach. Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture...and she means everything to me, oh.." He suddenly looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours as you noticed tears threatening to fall, "And I'll be okay admiring from afar, cause even when she's next to me, we could not be more far apart..." You swore your heart stopped as you two stared into each other's eyes, sharing the same teary eyed look with one another, "And she tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall...But to her...I taste of nothing at all" as he finished off the verse he broke his stare, looking at his legs as tears silently fell. With a shaky voice he continued on, "And she smells like lemongrass and sleep. She tastes like apple juice and peach. Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture..." as he repeated the chorus one last time, you remembered the fact that he did in fact keep a polaroid picture of a girl in his phone case, "And she means everything to me...Yes, she means everything to me! She... means everything to...me..." he finished, sighing as he brought his hand to his face to wipe his tears away. You felt your heartbeat speed up, because the polaroid he kept in his phone case was of you. You both had matching polaroids of each other that you kept. This song was about

"Me?" He sniffled as he looked up at you, "wh-what?" You laughed, tears escaping your eyes, "The song. You wrote that about me, didn't you?" You saw his expression change from confusion to one of heartbreak and embarrassment, blush covering his face. "Oh... yeah... I-I did... you probably think I'm super weird huh? I get if you don't wanna be friends anymo-" his sentence was cut off as you brought your lips on to his. His eyes widened as he processed what was happening. You were kissing him. He wasn't dreaming. YOU were kissing HIM. his eyes softened as he returned the kiss, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek. You took a mental note of the fact he was a sloppy kisser, probably due to lack of experience, but you didn't mind at all. You found it sweet, you were his first kiss. He pulled away, a goofy smile plastered on his face, "So... you're not mad?" You threw your head back as you let out a loud laugh, "OF COURSE I'M NOT MAD DUMMY, I KISSED YOU!" He blushed and crossed his arms, "HEY YOU CANT BLAME ME YOU'D ASK THE SAME IF YOU WERE ME" He shouted back in defense. You wiped the tears from your face as your laugh shrunk into a giggle, "Jesus you're an idiot, I love you, Mineta. A lot. I have for a while now." You watched as he covered his face with his hands, blood slowly trickling down from his nose, "I-I-I don't know what to say [name] I- holy shit. You love me... YOU LOVE ME. I LOVE YOU TOO." You smiled and kissed the back of his hand. "Guess that makes us a thing now..?" He simply nodded in response, too flustered to form any more words. It was a good enough answer for you as you rested your head on his shoulder. You sat like that for a bit, before his voice cut through the silence.

"Denki owes me soooo much money."

[internet-girl-friend]

Do You Believe In Masochism?

12:45pm

In November 2023 I flew down to Los Angeles to meet an internet friend irl for the first time. The plan was that he'd pick me up from the airport and we'd drive directly to Pioneertown together.

"Hey so can I borrow your phone to let my family know I arrived?" "You got into a stranger's car and drove out to the desert with no service?"

I did. But my trust wasn't misplaced, and anyway, how else was I going to see the elusive, cult pop sensation Sky Ferreira?

She played Pappy and Harriet's and came on an hour late in a cloud of weed smoke, and the show was perfect... despite that and the fact that a veggie burger I'd had at the venue before made me throw up during her set.

While nothing could ever really compare to seeing her with my long-distance friend in a small desert dive, tonight I will see her again and I won't have to listen to I Blame Myself from my knees in a bathroom stall (at least not because I'm sick).

1:44am

I just got home and my ratio of Food I've Eaten to Beers I've Had is not in favour of me waking up feeling ready to move on Saturday (the Uhaul is booked).

We all met at Fringe Café right across from the venue -- me, Braydon, Grace, Brandon, and Allison. I had a hot dog served in a Bahn Mi bun and it gave me fear that I might meet the same fate as I did during I Blame Myself (it didn't).

People were lined up at 6:00pm, all of them no older than 19. I laughed to Allison "she's going to be late, they don't need to be waiting." Doors were at 7.

We arrived in the venue around 8 hoping to catch the opening act; once again, too early. The opener simply did not exist and we waited until 9:45 for her to get on stage, paying $8 for a goddamn PBR.

Before she came on, I heard two girls in the bathroom say "my 12 year old self is quaking," and another girl one-upped by saying that her 11 year old self was quaking. I was quaking as I was and I felt as though I might not be changing as much as I should be, and if I have been, I might be changing so much I was comin' back around.

I don't want all of these posts to seem as though I am complaining about being old when in reality I am quite young, but it just seems like being 20 is in trend right now or something. I don't think that I am caring for my inner child by liking music for over a decade; I think it is just good music.

Last time I saw Sky she played an encore -- Red Lips. This time she did not no matter how badly we begged. Both times she seemed decidedly shy. She wore huge sun glasses and a reflective jacket probably meant to keep people like me from getting the shots they wanted -- fair. Her vocals get better and better; she hit every note and has adapted the melodies so beautifully since she released Night Time My Time in 2013. I imagine that for me, seeing Sky is what Swifties feel like. She is such a significant part of my music and identity development and NTMT is an album I simply have not and will not outgrow.

I danced the entire time -- too enthusiastically to really see what the crowd was all about but I could sense from the space that I had to dance that the show wasn't close to sold out. They actually downsized the venue. It was supposed to be at Vogue which has about a 1200 person cap to Hollywood which has about a 700 person cap. To me, this is insane. Seeing her live is like seeing an ethereal cryptid.

I always want her to play the Ghost EP but it's wishful thinking in the same way that truly believing Masochism will ever actually come out is. Brandon and I joked that if we spent the $80 she was asking on her long sleeve that one day it will sell for $2000, which won't matter because we didn't buy it anyway, and if we did, we'd never part with it. Masochism was slated to come out this year. She's got three months and I am waited with bated breath. I fear I might suffocate.

COST OF THE NIGHT:

We got guest list for the show so it was free.

Food & beer: $15.00

Beer x 2 @ venue: $17.00

Beer @ tertiary venue which I didn't even write about: $9.00

Money sent to me by a Mystery Man <3: +$10.00

Total spent: $31.00

I will tell you right now, I cannot afford to be doing any of this, but I sure am having fun.

Must pack. Until next time (Saturday when I have another show).

[sparrow-mask22]

The Umbrella Academy Story of The Mothers (8/8) umbrella edition: Anita

TW: Childbirth, mentions of infertility, mentions of weight loss drugs, mentions of murderr at the end.

October 1, 1989. East London, England. 17 seconds before noon.

Anita Gill was used to the hustle and bustle of the flower market. It was a Saturday morning, and the air was thick with the scent of roses, lilies, and carnations. Vendors shouted out prices and special offers, their voices carrying over the din of the crowd. She and her husband, Ronnie, had been working here for as long as they could remember. They knew the names of every flower, every stem, every petal. They knew the best ways to arrange them, how to make them look their most beautiful and alluring. It was their art, their passion.

Anita glanced over at Ronnie as he expertly arranged a bouquet of roses in a vase. He had always been the more confident of the two of them, always the one to take charge and make decisions. Even when they were children, he would lead her through the playground, making sure she was safe and sound. And as they grew older, that protective instinct only seemed to intensify.

It was one of the things she loved most about him. It made her feel cherished and protected, like she was the most important person in the world. And in return, she did everything she could to make him happy. She copied everything he did, mirrored his movements, echoed his words. It was a small way of showing him how much she cared.

"You know, Anita," Ronnie said, his voice gentle as he handed her the finished bouquet, "sometimes I think you're too good for me. You're always so patient, so understanding. You make me feel like I can be myself around you. It's like you're the sun, and I'm just one of your rays, you know?"

"Well whatever happened to Mr. Lone Wolf?" Anita teased, returning his smile. Ronnie grinned back, taking her hand in his. They stood there, surrounded by the beauty of the flowers, the chaos of the market, and the quiet certainty of their love. For a moment, the world seemed to fall away, and it was just the two of them, floating in a sea of color and scent.

"He met a crazy lady one day, and it changed everything," Ronnie answered, leaning in closer. "She showed him what it meant to be part of something bigger than himself. She made him realize that even the loneliest wolf can find a home. And now, here we are." He brushed a stray hair from Anita's face, tracing her jawline with his finger. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Anita. You're my heart, you know that?"

Anita blushed at his words, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. She'd always known that Ronnie was special, but hearing him put it into words like that made her heart swell. She took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "And you're my everything, Ronnie. You always have been. We'll get through this, together. Just you and me, forever and always."

The couple had been together for eight years, and they had never once fought. They had always been in perfect sync with each other, their minds and bodies moving as one. It was as if they were two halves of the same soul, destined to find each other amidst the chaos of the world. And now, as they stood in the bustling flower market, surrounded by a riot of color and scent, they couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder and gratitude for the life they shared.

Unfortunately, the universe had other plans for Ronnie and Anita. After eight years of trying, they were faced with the harsh reality that they were unable to conceive a child. The news was devastating, like a punch to the gut. They had always dreamed of starting a family, of raising a little girl with Ronnie's amber eyes and Anita's dark hair. But now, those dreams seemed to be slipping away from them.

They spent the next few days in a haze of disbelief and heartache. Ronnie found it hard to concentrate on his art, and Anita struggled to keep up her job at the flower shop. It was as if a piece of them had been torn away, and they were left to pick up the pieces and find a way to move forward.

Anita was on the weight loss drug Ayds (not making this up they were real things), a popular product in the 1980s. The couple had been trying everything they could think of to conceive, but nothing seemed to work. They had even tried in-vitro fertilization, but it had been unsuccessful. As they sat at the kitchen table, surrounded by stacks of medical journals and countless failed pregnancy tests, Ronnie reached across the table and took her hand in his.

"I don't know, Ronnie," Anita said, her voice barely a whisper. "I don't know how much more of this I can take. It feels like everything we do, everything we try, only leads to more pain. It's like we're living in a nightmare, and we can't wake up."

Ronnie squeezed her hand, his grip tight. "I know, baby. I know it hurts. But we can't give up on ourselves. We can't give up on us."

Anita looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "But what if there's something wrong with us? What if we're not meant to have a child?"

Ronnie shook his head, his eyes locked on hers. "We'll find out. We'll get to the bottom of this. I promise you, we'll find out what's going on, and we'll fix it. We'll find a way, together." He leaned in and kissed her gently, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

The couple decided that they needed to take a break from the constant stress of trying to conceive. They booked a week-long trip to an island resort, far away from the hustle and bustle of their everyday lives. It was a chance for them to reconnect, to remember why they loved each other so much, and to find some peace amidst the storm.

However, the day before they were about to leave, at noon that same day, Anita began to feel queasy and dizzy. She thought it might be the effects of the air conditioning in the flower shop, but when she got home, she decided to take a pregnancy test, just in case. To their utter shock and disbelief, the test came back positive. And to top it all off, she already had a tail-end second trimester bump. It was surreal, like a dream come true.

Ronnie walked in from work, his shoulders slumped and his eyes tired. He hadn't been sleeping well, either. The stress of their situation had taken its toll on them both. He didn't even notice Anita standing there, lost in thought, until he heard her gasp.

"Ronnie..." she started, her voice shaky. "I think... I think I might be..."

He turned to her, a mixture of surprise and hope flooding his features. "You mean... you think you're pregnant?"

She nodded, her hands trembling as she held up the pregnancy test. They stared at it in disbelief, as if the words printed on the little plastic stick were some sort of cosmic joke. But there it was, as clear as day: the unmistakable blue line that confirmed their wildest dreams.

The two glanced at the box of girlhood memorabilia, sitting innocuously on the shelf beside them. So many dreams, so many hopes, and yet fate had seemingly conspired against them. But now, as they gazed at the pregnancy test in disbelief, they felt a new sense of hope, of possibility. They couldn't believe it was real, but they couldn't deny it, either.

Ronnie took Anita in his arms, her tiny frame enveloped by his strength. He felt a wave of emotion wash over him as he held her close, their hearts beating in perfect rhythm. He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering there for what seemed like an eternity.

Because their family was Indian, they had a whole slew of traditions and customs surrounding pregnancy. They decided to celebrate the news in true Indian fashion, by inviting their closest friends and family over for a small feast. "We need to do something special," Ronnie told Anita, "to honor this little-" he excitedly rambled but was cut off by Anita's gasp.

Ronnie turned around to see Anita staring at him with a look of disbelief on her face. She was now visibly pregnant, her belly full and round. He couldn't help but feel a rush of love and protectiveness for her, and for their unborn child.

But then Anita's water broke a mere 6 minutes after they found out about the pregnancy. "It’s time…" she breathed, already feeling the first contractions starting.

Ronnie immediately went into action. He carefully helped Anita lay down on their bed, and then quickly gathered up some clean towels and blankets from their linen closet. With shaking hands, he placed them beneath her as she leaned back, wincing in pain. She closed her eyes, gritting her teeth as another contraction hit her hard. Ronnie knelt beside her, his face etched with concern and determination.

"Should we call for help?" Anita asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "You've never done this before... Maybe the midwife should be here." Ronnie hesitated for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought. "No, there isn’t any time for that. We need to stay calm and focus on breathing. I've read up on this, and we can handle it." He took a deep breath himself, feeling the weight of responsibility settle heavily on his shoulders. "I'll be right here with you, okay?"

She nodded, her grip on his hand tightening as another contraction wracked her body. "I love you," she managed to choke out between clenched teeth. "No matter what happens, I'll always love you." Ronnie's heart swelled at her words, but he couldn't help feeling terrified deep down. He couldn't lose her, not now, not when they were finally going to have their family.

Another contraction hit, harder than the last. "You're doing great," he whispered, wiping the sweat from her forehead. "Just a little bit more, okay? We're almost there." He helped her into a more comfortable position, supporting her as she leaned forward, her hands braced against the bed. He could see the contraction taking hold of her, could feel the tension building in her body.

And then, with a sudden burst of energy, she screamed. The sound seemed to echo through the room, bouncing off the walls and filling every crevice. Ronnie felt helpless, unable to do anything but watch as his wife bore their child into the world. He could see the head, the tiny hands, the curled-up legs. And then, with one final push, Anita gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

The moment the baby was out, Ronnie cut the umbilical cord with a pair of surgical scissors he'd retrieved from the medicine cabinet. He held the tiny, slippery form close to his chest, marveling at her perfect features. Anita, meanwhile, lay back on the bed, exhausted but glowing with pride and love. "She's beautiful," she whispered, her voice still ragged from the pain. "She's absolutely beautiful."

Ronnie looked up at her, a mix of awe and relief etched on his face. "You did it," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You're amazing." He glanced down at the little girl again, his heart swelling with love. "So, your family’s tradition is to name your first daughter after your mother, and my family's tradition is to name our first daughter after a specific type of flower. Are we still sticking with Lila, or do you want to choose a different flower name?"

Anita smiled, her exhaustion momentarily forgotten. "I think Lila it is," she said. "It's always been my favorite flower, after all. And now that we have our little Lila, it just feels right." She lifted her newborn daughter, cradling her gently in her arms. "Hello, little one. Welcome to the world. We love you more than anything."

Ronnie felt a lump forming in his throat as he watched his wife and their newborn daughter. He couldn't help but marvel at the miracle of life, and how lucky he felt to be able to share this moment with Anita. He leaned in, kissing her forehead gently. "You did it, you really did it. You're the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met."

Anita looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "I couldn't have done it without you, Ronnie. You were there for me every step of the way." She held Lila closer, her heart overflowing with love and gratitude. "She's going to grow up knowing just how much she's loved."(Well not until she meets her own lone wolf, that is, but that's another story for another day.)

And they lived happily ever after…until 1993 when Ronnie and Anita were brutally murdered by the blonde time traveling pedophile who’s in love with my future husband. And said pedophile adopted their daughter, Lila, and raised her as her own. But that's another story for another day.

(Sparrow Edition coming soon)

[capyphoenix]

My theory on the timeline. Because please make it make sense. The whole situation baffles me. In my mind and calculation it’s seems like the baby will be born mid March… conceived sometime in June on the earlier part (considering we believe her 7 month comment)

They split up/went on a break right before she went off to Brazil to celebrate mini’s birthday. (Just think all other years it was celebrated together in Monaco, with MG making it all about happy family. And here out of the goodness of her heart she flew to Brazil to make a big celebration for P *sarcasm obv*) Then my theory is she found out she was pregnant during or right after the wedding of her sister in Brazil. She spent extra time there and then when she returned back to Monaco she left Mini mg in Brazil (question is why? - here’s my theory to break the news to Max that she’s pregnant!) keep in mind mini mg is in Brazil at this time so Max and Mg have time to talk it out/get back together on special conditions etc. this why she possibly had to wait this long to reveal that she’s pregnant. As well as, Max delaying the news to his family, because he was figuring out about what mess he got himself into. So they went summer break whatever, 1. Why the f*** was she horse riding when she obviously knew she was pregnant! There is no way she didn’t know she was pregnant as well as the odd hand placement of Max on her stomach at the table photograph? Like girl was hinting. So then of course she went Austin cause you know ‘happy family’. Oh and don’t shit me about MG’s “heartfelt” post of supporting P for her first week of school and where we heard about “single Parent” bullshit. Honestly MG who are you trying to Bs?? And then a while afterwards Voila Max and MG show up at someone’s wedding. You’re telling me he’d go to this wedding and not her sister’s? 👏👏

My theory is they tried to get pregnant. But they broke up, and then she found out they’re expecting and rekindled whatever is left between them which also explains why Max is as stiff as a board with her. (Another one of my predictions is that they won’t make it till 2026) And I wouldn’t put it past MG to get mini to get ‘closer’ with Max by manipulating Max into believing that ‘hey, she needs your love to believe that she won’t be loved less when our baby comes’. And then MG exploits this to keep portraying happy expecting family 

I don't think she left mini MG behind in Brazil after Julia's wedding. I think we knew they are back because Kvyat posted about birthday dinner with her that Saturday.

And you think she hasn't used mini MG before now to pull the we have to stay together card? Please.

[up-in-space-reading]

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 9: It's Snowing

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3458

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: N/A

Unnamed Chat

[10:30am, Monday]

Jake: hey ter what do u do when ur scared

Terry: Um.. Terry: I don’t know if I’m qualified to give advice about this

Jake: idk if i can ask amy out

Terry: Ah, right. Now this I’m more qualified for Terry: If you think that taking a risk this big comes with not being scared at all then I’ve got bad news for you man

Jake: shit.. for real?

Terry: Real Terry: If you try and plan too much or overthink then you’re gonna psych yourself out Terry: Just ask her when you’ve got a moment alone

Jake: we just had a class together alone and then walked to the next class together alone.. Jake: and i still couldnt do it

Terry: Give yourself a pep talk right before you hang out and when you’re all pumped just go for it

Jake: hmm okay Jake: i can try

Terry: I don’t know what else to tell you, this isn’t a dip your toe in and check the water kind of situation

Jake: ur right ur right

Terry: Best of luck, it’ll be fine

Jake: thanks ter

Terry: And if it all goes wrong then you can listen to Taylor Swift and cry ;)

Jake: im gonna kill gina

-

He’d already spent all weekend making himself feel guilty that he hadn’t asked her out yet, and his determination was waning each day that passed. All of Saturday he kept thinking how he should’ve asked her on Friday, and how he should ask her today instead. Then when Sunday rolled around he kicked himself for not asking on Saturday, and over again by the time Monday came around.

The excuse he made was that he didn’t see Amy in person on the weekend, so how was he supposed to ask? He couldn’t text her, he was a gentleman and wouldn’t do Amy the dishonour of asking her out via text.

Sunday night he tried to hype himself up that he’d ask on Monday, then he saw Amy on Monday morning for their classes that day and once again the cowardice took over. They had come so far since their toleration of each other a year ago, Jake was so scared to ruin it all.

The two of them sat in their classes, Amy took diligent and detailed notes as per usual while Jake tried to keep up with her. But he couldn’t stop the smile creeping across his face knowing that Amy would automatically make a copy of her notes to give to him, and how he found hers to be less confusing than his own disjointed notes.

Everything was colour coordinated between topics and headings and classes, she would use the copier in the library so Jake had the pages too, she even started sending him the ones she typed up. He had mentioned once that he felt bad, like she was doing all the work and he just benefited from it.

“Notes are nothing, you have to actually complete all the assignments I’m just giving you the information told to us written down. Besides, I like doing it” was how she had responded matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t the biggest thing in the world that she went out of her way to help him.

How he probably would need to repeat classes and would be stressed from head to toe if it hadn’t been for her just giving him notes. But the pages also felt like parts of her, her handwriting and always correct grammar. The colours of her specific highlighter set which Jake would borrow to colour in the pictures he drew in the corner of his copies when he was bored.

She had woven herself so easily into his life and Jake was in no way eager to untangle himself.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:26pm, Monday]

Cameron: Phone break over Cameron: Back to the essay plan

Ferris: 5 more mins???

Cameron: You’ll feel bad about yourself if you don’t do it

Ferris: uuggghhh ur right

Cameron: I know I am, now look up from your phone and talk to me like a normal person

Ferris: u got it

-

“When was the last time you ate?” Amy asked seemingly out of nowhere when Jake had put his phone down.

“Uh I don’t know, like one-ish” Jake answered, confused.

“Have this” Amy reached into her bag and pulled out a granola bar, handing it to Jake.

He held it and just stared at it, unable to form words at the gesture.

“You focus better when you’re not hungry” She answered his unasked question while returning to her studying.

“Thanks” He said quietly, opening the bar and eating it.

He ate the granola bar and mused on the metaphorical weight of it. She had it in her bag just for him, he knows that because she doesn’t like this brand (he had to listen to the five minute long rant about it) so she had it just for him. She knew what helps him focus, although now his mind was transfixed on a damn granola bar so much he barely had room for essay plans.

Finally, after at least 20 minutes of mild crisis and definite overthinking he’d hyped himself up, Amy wouldn’t have brought a granola bar for nothing and she wouldn’t copy all her notes for nothing, and she wouldn’t help him for nothing.

She wouldn’t spend nearly five hours with him on a Thursday evening while they had dinner together and laughed and told stories for nothing. She didn’t even suggest inviting their friends to dinner.

Jake cleared his throat.

“Hey Ames, can I ask you something?” He tried to mask the nervousness in his voice.

“Yeah sure” She didn’t look up from her book but her pen did notably stop moving.

“I was just wondering if-“

He was cut off by the sound of a phone vibrating against the table, Amy’s screen lighting up with the contact name ‘Mom’. She quickly pressed a button to stop the vibrating and let the call go to voicemail.

“Sorry about that, go on” She said hurriedly, now looking at him directly.

“Um I was just gonna ask-“

Her phone started vibrating again, same contact name and Amy groaned in frustration this time.

“Sorry I’ve gotta take it, she’ll just call again if I don’t” She was holding her phone, annoyance written all over her face at having to take the call.

“That’s fine, go ahead” He smiled at her, not quite reaching his eyes, “tell her I said hi” He joked, making her laugh lightly before she got up and walked off to go outside, answering the call on her way out of the library.

Jake sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, he rubbed a hand over his face and groaned in frustration probably a bit too loudly for library etiquette. The confidence was gone, when she got back he was going to brush it off and move on.

So much for psyching himself up over a damn granola bar.

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[08:10am, Tuesday]

Pineapples: good morning sluts

Queen G: whats got u in such a good mood

Pineapples: idk just feel like today is gonna be good

Mr Grapes: Love that energy! Today IS going to be a good day

Four Eyes: Good morning!

RoRo: i am not on board with this energy

Queen G: yeah idk about this

Pineapples: u two are no fun

RoRo: good

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:55am, Tuesday]

Ferris: i hate to do this to u but im gonna be late to class

Cameron: Seriously?? Why??

Ferris: thought i had time to go get coffee but the coffee shop did not have time for me

Cameron: Fine, I’ll let the professor know

-

[09:10am, Tuesday]

Cameron: You can’t show up to class late bringing coffee for both of us!

Ferris: but i did and u cant do anything about it Ferris: and i havent gotten a thank u yet

Cameron: …Thank you Jake

Ferris: ur welcome! Ferris: now stop texting me ur distracting me

Cameron: Oh my god

-

She was embarrassed he had walked into class late, sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee in front of the whole class and professor. Amy didn’t want that kind of attention on her during class, the only attention she wanted was when answering a question correctly.

But she couldn’t stay mad for long, he had bought coffee for her too without her even asking. The coffee wasn’t the only thing warming her up on what was a severely cold morning, her heart over the moon at his thoughtfulness.

Jake wouldn’t have just bought her a coffee for no reason, right?

The lesson continued on and Amy was thankful for the distraction, getting to focus completely on her notes and the work assigned instead of Jake. Although, he was always there even if she didn’t realise it – the smell of his cologne mixed with coffee on his breath, his foot almost touching hers as they sat next to each other and the occasional bouncing of his leg which caught her eye.

They walked out of class together and as Jake told her about the coffee shop situation, she decided that today was the day she asked him out. She had to do it before she lost her nerve or was left alone long enough to over think and talk herself out of it.

She swore she was going to do it, they walked all the way to Amy’s next class together. He had just followed her there, despite not having the next class together. There was finally a break in the conversation.

“Uh Jake?” She tentatively approached.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to know-“

His phone pinged with a notification, and she just about wanted to destroy every phone in existence.

“Sorry just a sec”

“No problem”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen quickly, eyes going wide as he began swearing under his breath.

“Shit, I’m late” He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back up at Amy, not noticing the way her next class were filing into the classroom, “What were you saying?”

He asked her to continue, and Amy wanted to so badly but he was late and she was nearing to be late. The moment had gone and she’d lost her steam.

“Don’t worry about it, get to class” She shook her head and smiled, trying to play nonchalant and being thankful that Jake didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay, see ya”

Amy said goodbye back as Jake started to rush away towards his next class, once his back had turned she deflated and sighed before walking into her next class. Once again, grateful for a distraction from Jake.

To make Amy’s luck even worse, her and Jake didn’t get a moment alone for the rest of the day. Charles joined them to study and then he and Jake had dinner together – Amy was invited, but after the failed attempt earlier that day she wasn’t in the mood to socialise.

That evening instead of studying she spent her night getting lost in a book, a romance one where she childishly pictures her and Jake in the positions of the main characters. She goes to sleep hoping tomorrow she’ll have the courage to ask him- tell him how much she wants to be with him.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:35am, Wednesday]

Ferris: hey uh will u have a spare minute at all today? Ferris: i know we dont usually study today but yeah

Cameron: Um I’m not sure, I have a few classes and then I’m having a meeting with one of my teachers

Ferris: meeting??

Cameron: I wanted to discuss some of the syllabus for this semester and this is the first chance she’s been able to fit me in since we got back from holidays

Ferris: ah ok fair enough

Cameron: Why do you need a minute? Is something wrong?

Ferris: no nothings wrong i was just wondering :)

Cameron: Okay, have a good day!

Ferris: i will try

-

As it turns out, Amy didn’t have a spare minute all day.

Jake was fidgety all day, he had woken up and decided once again that today was the day he was going to ask her out – but he’d thought that for the past two days and so far hadn’t been successful so the hope was dwindling.

He ran into Gina at the coffee shop who said he probably didn’t need any more caffeine judging by how nervous he looked.

“What do you mean?” He asked with an offended look on his face.

“You have the same look on your face when we’re in line for a rollercoaster” She had responded.

“How do you even remember information like that?”

He order was called out and Gina waited until he was standing next to her to answer.

“Because I’m a good friend and you always look so scared before a rollercoaster it’s a bit funny” She smiled deviously upon saying her last point, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

Gina’s order was called before he could answer and when she had picked it up she dragged him to sit down at a table together, Jake has resigned himself to the notion that he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“So spill, you never keep secrets from me” She punctuated her sentence with a sip of her drink.

“I know but I dunno if I wanna tell you this one… yet” He fidgeted with his cup on the table, not being able to hold eye contact with Gina for too long.

“Alright fine. It’s nothing bad, is it?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No it’s not bad, it’s actually pretty good but I’m just feeling… a lot” He had trailed off, unable to find a better word for the tornado of thoughts and emotions he felt on a daily basis.

“Well I’m here whenever you need” There was a few moments of silence between them as Jake gave Gina a smile that showed he understood her.

“Now that the gross stuff is out of the way I gotta tell you about my date on the weekend”

“I don’t know why you dragged yourself into Sasha’s business but I need to hear all about it-“

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[05:25pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: hope ur day hasnt been too hectic :)

Cameron: It kind of has unfortunately Cameron: Sorry for not being able to chat more

Ferris: thats okay

-

He was lying on his bed and wondering what to do, he hadn’t seen her all day or spoken to her much and it made him miss her. Finally, he was fed up with being scared, Jake gave himself a pep talk.

You’re gonna tell her and it’s gonna be fine. If she doesn’t like you back then that’s okay, you will just pretend it never happened. If she does like you back then… we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it. You are not a coward, you aren’t your father, you can ask out the girl you like. It’s not even that big of a deal- except that it kind of is- but it isn’t so its fine. You can do this Jake Peralta, don’t be a coward.

A newfound excitement surges through his body and without much further thought he’s slipping his shoes on and leaving his dorm in a rush. He all but runs through the building to get outside, hoping the frosty air will cool him down a little as adrenaline pumps through his veins.

He exits the building and the first thing he notices when he gets outside is that it’s snowing, lightly falling and probably getting caught in his hair. He pays it no mind as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins typing furiously, not bothering to look where he’s going – he knows the way to Amy’s dorm like the back of his hand.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[06:23pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: r u in ur dorm? Ferris: can i come over? Ferris: draft message: plea

-

He wasn’t able to finish his frantic messages as he bumped into someone also walking down the path looking at their phone. Without thinking Jake’s arms go to steady the person he bumped into, ready to apologize profusely and keep speed walking to Amy’s dorm.

Upon looking up at the person who’s shoulders he now had a hold on he realised he’d bumped right into Amy. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, a scarf wrapped around her neck and Jake noticed how pretty the snow looked as it fell into her hair.

She instinctively reached out for him to steady herself, her hands settling on his biceps and Jake felt like his skin was on fire despite the harsh cold. Amy breathlessly said his name as they stood there holding onto each other and not moving.

“Where were you-“

“What are you-“

They had both started speaking at the same time and then stopped to laugh at the mistake.

“I was on my way to your dorm” Amy spoke first.

“I was going to your dorm” Jake responded in slight disbelief.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise at his explanation, and her lips were slightly parted as if about to say something but not knowing what.

“Why?”

That was the response she had finally settled on and Jake swore there was a look of hope in her eyes, her hands holding onto his arms just a little bit tighter. He knew it was now or never, and how could he lie to her any longer. Amy was all he wanted.

“I was coming to see you, to ask you on a date, and- if you’d be interested- ask if I could be your boyfriend”

It was rushed and frantic sounding, but Jake smiled the whole time because it was finally happening and as he said it Amy’s face didn’t turn into one of disgust but something softer – one of relief and joy.

“That’s a bit of a coincidence then” She joked, earning a laugh from the both of them.

“Oh” was all Jake could manage in that moment, trying to process how Amy was on her way to ask him out.

He immediately felt so silly for all the hesitation and trepidation he had been feeling, he was scared for nothing. Amy liked him back, Amy had been rushing to ask him the same question he wanted to ask her. He wasn’t being rejected.

“Well in that case-“ He was able to speak now that his brain had caught up, and pretended to kneel down, Amy still holding onto him.

“Don’t you dare kneel” She scalded him, but there was no bite or malice behind it as the smile spread across her face gave her away.

Jake laughed and stood again, using his hold on her shoulders to bring her closer and carefully sliding his hands down to her waist.

“Amy Santiago, will you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend and going on at least one date with me” He looked into her eyes, trying to stop tears of joy welling up in his.

“Jake Peralta, I would love for you to be my boyfriend, and I will happily go on a million dates with you”

They both laughed again as Jake brought his forehead towards Amy’s, touching lightly with their noses so close he could feel the heat coming off her. He didn’t know why they were laughing, nothing particularly funny had happened but he supposed this is what it’s like to be so happy you don’t know what else to do.

But he knew what else he wanted to do.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked quietly, so only she could hear.

“Please” Her response was immediate, no hesitation and Jake could only guess she had been waiting a while for this moment.

He leaned in and pressed their lips together, and it was everything Jake had imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and she tasted like how her lip balm smelled. Amy’s arms moved to wrap around Jake’s neck as she fully leaned into him, while his wrapped around her back to hold her even closer.

Jake could feel her smiling into the kiss and couldn’t help but smile back, when they finally pulled apart he was out of breath and trying to figure out whether it was all a dream.

Amy placed one more kiss to the corner of his mouth and finally Jake could confirm it wasn’t a dream.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: Another chapter out so quick because the passion with which i wrote this section is craazzyy! last chapter i said there would probably only be one more but that was a lie! This is probably the second last chapter and i'll have one last one to wrap it all up!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was so fun to write and i'm really happy with it! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos - i'll have the next chap up as soon as I can <3 <3

[rewordthis]

Hazy Outlines: an impromptu Saturday art class

Saturday, friends!

Class is starting, even if there are still some things not running smoothly… I’m determined to do this anyway, so stick with me. Will overcome the obstacles together.

⚠️ (Apologising in advance because heavy text post with no pictures is boring af, but pics wouldn’t load for whatever reasons… Pff, bear with me, please. And if there’s anything you need to ask, please do! I’ll answer as quickly and as best to my ability! 🫠)

Now I’ll be handing out your first ever practical exercise fliers!

Well, technically not, since you’ll excuse me for making you go search for a square or rectangular box in your home... as this is going to be your assignment for the week. 😎

Yeah… you didn’t see that coming, I’m sure. Did I mention that this is a beginner’s exercises class?

I’ll need everyone participating in these classes to have a cube-like box or an object with 90° angles and straight corners and sides for this first exercise. It can be any material you got readily, any size (just… please not a trunk or something… 😑) a box of tissues would suffice. As long as it is square/rectangular with clean corners (not curved) and with no texture.

Well go on! Go bring it— I’m waiting…

You’ll have to place it in an angle and use a source of light coming from its left. You want it on the table while you sit down? You want it right in front of you, on your desk? You can put it on the damn floor for all I care— actually any weird angle will work better because the contrast will be greater… — all I’m asking, is you put it in perspective.

Now, all you’ll have to do is to decide on a spot to sit. But! Before we begin, I’d like to give some guidelines for the way we’ll work. Let’s go:

1. First of all, we will talk about the grip.

When you’ll be holding your pencil, you’ll have to keep it tilted in an angle. Not entirely parallel on the paper, but having the tip to be near-flat on it. For this, you’ll have to find a grip that allows your arm to move freely.

We won’t draw anything the way we write. Writing is a different function we do with our wrists (small clean lines) and drawing a whole other one we do with our entire arms (faint, broad lines).

Find how you are more comfortable holding the pencil without having your fingers brushing on the paper. Most of the times, the standard way is to use the whole grip to hold the pencil; this is the overhand grip but it needs a lot of time to get used to it and it’s better for fairly big areas. Another way is the loose grip. In loose grip, you hold your pencil way back (from the middle of it usually) and have the butt of the pencil resting on your hand like when you normally write. Personally I have a fairly different way of holding my pencil which heavily depends on the area I work in every occasion, but I just keep it from the butt and swing it when I need to do object placement etc. and then switch in a more steady grip as I add details.

Make lines on the paper. Try it out and see how it weights on the paper and your hand and see which grip feels more comfortable for you. Ideally you’d have to spent at least a couple days trying deferent grips in order to find what works for you. Don’t rush with this… it’s ok. The exercise is meant to be short so taking a few days off for this won’t have a negative impact. Quite the contrary, actually. 🤗

When you feel comfortable enough with your grip, make 6 boxes at one of your paper’s sides. Leave the first one blank. 👉 From boxes 2-6 fill the boxes with the pencils you have, starting from the bigger hardness. Aka, box 2: 2H hardness, 3: H hardness and so on. 👉 For the hardnesses you don’t have, use the closest hardness to fill, trying to keep deferent tones. For example; if you miss the 2H you’ll use the H with lighter strokes and then use it in its box adding one or two layers. Make sure there is a distinct deference in shade from box to box and keep the strokes facing the same direction. Think of it as the spectrum spread in shades of grey.

2. Now, it’s time to do the placing.

Observe the object and let’s try to measure it. In order to do that, you’ll use the tip of your pencil.

When you measure, you generally need to find a shape that is obvious to pick up, so you won’t miss your measurement later on if you forget it. 👉 Are there specific proportions by the object itself that you can use to divide it? This is the most preferable way, because you’ll learn to understand shapes. 👉 But, maybe there are shadows that create a clear division on it. This comes in volumes. 🔸 In any way, what you’ll do is to align your pencil over that shape — starting with the tip and at the end of it placing your fingernail to hold its length. After that, you move your pencil on the same axis to see how many times that shape fits into the object. Start either by the Y or X axis and once you find how many times it fits, try to divide your paper and fit the object on it by putting light marks for every division part and keeping it as centered as possible. Then proceed to do the same on the other axis.

👉 While doing this, hold your paper upright in front of you.

👉 Now it’s the time to connect the marks. This is the tracing phase so make as light marks and lines as possible! And as mentioned, draw the lines from your shoulder and elbow— not your wrist. The lines need to be continuous and decisive.

👉 When you finish tracing the object try to see if any side is bigger/smaller than what you see in reality.

After this stage, we’ll do the outline which will not be much darker because you’ll have to correct anything that is off. It can’t be perfect from the beginning, so keep in mind that you may need to measure again. You just need to define the line a bit more than before but it can’t be too bold. Correct the lines and begin to trace the outline. After that you’ll put in the shadows.

When you think that this is as good a transfer and positioning you’ve made as possible, we’ll start the shading process.

For the shading you’ll use as a guide the boxes we made at the beginning…

3. How to shadow.

During this process you will start by the lighter shade which you will apply to the object. 👉 White parts (extreme brightness) will not be covered, so keep in mind to shade around that (there won’t be too many spots anyway) — you can always use the eraser if you go over something however, so fear not. 👉 Your first shade should be done in one direction. 🔺 Do NOT cross-hatch the shadows. They need to be smooth. 👉 Add the second layer of shadows with a small tilt of the tip towards a slightly different direction (clockwise or counter clockwise it doesn’t matter; we only need a change in degrees like the clock hands from 12 to 1 or 12 to 11); that’ll it be enough. 👉 Keep adding layers to your shadows by slightly adjusting the tip of the pencil until you reach the darkest shade (deep black shades will also be very small areas like the light ones).

Good job! You finished your first practical exercise. That wasn’t so bad now, was it?

🔹 This exercise is best done slowly, and by this I mean take your time with getting comfortable with the pencil and making smooth faded lines throughout the week. It shouldn’t take you more than an hour daily and mainly about 15— 20 minutes. The drawing itself should not take more than an hour. There are tutors that insist on practicing everyday and doing lots of practice and exercises… 😮‍💨 but you really don’t. Not yet. First you need to train your eyes and your hands into what drawing actually is and overdoing it in the beginning may lead to learning things incorrectly or feeling burned out.

Anyway…

You have the whole week to make your first attempt at drawing something as closely to the real thing as you can. Try to recreate everything you see. The lines, the planes, the shadows on it, the shadows behind the object (I’m asking for the immediate background of the object so try to put it in front of something that is as plane as possible). 👉 If the object has too many colours/designs etc, cover it with something as plain as possible like a cloth. This’ll make it a little harder to draw, but you don’t want to be confused by anything more than shadows, volumes and shapes just yet.

🔹 You’re allowed to use only ONE paper. If you have a tablet, you can use that, too. This is you learning the basics after all, so feel free to present both your attempts.

🔺Don’t exhaust yourself, though! Like I said, this is a 1hour☝️exercise tops!

Now the technical stuff:

How this is going to work: ▶️ first of all, take a picture of the object from the same angle you’re going to draw it, so I can evaluate your try and give you tips to work on the next assignment! I’m opting for a tailor-made tutorial because everybody is different. ▶️ Then by the end of the week post the photo and your finished piece (the digital, too; if you do that) with either the specific tag or a mention at me. I want to see what you made!

There are no bad tries here, only things we’re going to learn and mistakes we’re going to fix!

Now, sketch! That’s it. That’s the exercise. Simple, right? :)

[runningandraisingmyheathens]

The past 48ish hours have been something else. Mariah’s birthday was yesterday. All she wanted was to see her sister and her nanny. So, I made it happen. We got there Saturday night. Stayed at an airbnb close to nanny’s. We didn’t get in until 7, didn’t get to nanny’s until 7:45. We ate dinner and hung out. I got everyone back and to bed by 9:30.

We were all startled awake at 1:30 to the terrifying pierce of the fire alarm. I panicked. Couldn’t find my glasses. I’m running around and screaming ‘get up, get out of the house!��� Of course, it stopped once I actually was at the door. Kai was the only one who also was there. Mariah and Josie never got of bed. We’d all have died if there had been a real fire. Anyway, I’m too jacked up and on alert to ever get fully back to sleep.

I drag myself out of bed at 6:30 to go run five miles before having Mariah open gifts. We walked the dogs and went straight back to nanny’s. We then drove to where Madison lives. Madison’s new family held Mariah’s birthday party there. They did everything, all we had to do was show up.

It was a very busy time with swimming and water slides. And Josie being a complete poot because they were jealous of Mariah. Josie was also upset because they felt like the other kids left them. So I spent a lot of time soothing that whole situation out. As it was time to leave, Mariah didn’t want to leave Madison. So, we decided she could stay the night there. Then it was a huge mess with Noah, Josie, and Renna crying because they couldn’t stay. Noah’s was the saddest thing. He just clung to her. So, it was decided Madison would stay with us instead.

Fast forward to bedtime. Mariah wants Madison to sleep with her. Josie doesn’t want to let her. Noah and renn also want to sleep with Madison. Josie starts having literal hysterics. Renna starts screaming that she hates me. Madison has an anxiety attack because Renn’s screaming. Noah is freaking out cause Madison’s having an anxiety attack. I get Madison calm. I finally get renn to sleep by saying she could sleep with me to pacify her. The Josie starts going again. I put them in my bed where they hyperventilate for the next hour. Renn leaves because she’s tired of listening. She goes to sleep in the living room where I wanted her to sleep anyway. Josie finally calms down and goes to sleep. Kai meanwhile has been quietly in her bed sleeping the whole time. She said this morning ‘God, I just sat there thinking ‘shut up, all of you!’

Got up early and we packed up. Madison got picked up. Noah and Mariah wouldn’t let her go. Madison’s lip was quivering the whole time. It was absolutely heart breaking. I hate knowing they all hurt that much. It’s not fair. I wish I had tried harder to keep them all together.

It was the same when we went and said goodbye to nanny. Noah has been very quiet since we came home. I know he’s sad. I asked if he wanted to talk. He just wants to be alone for awhile. Mariah is overly chipper. It’s so hard watching your children hurt and not being able to do anything to fix it.

After we got home around 5:30, I didn’t stop moving until 9, when I finally got to sit down and eat dinner. I’ve cried several times. I got a text saying Madison is back in the hospital after saying she wanted to die. I thought something was up when she kept giving Mariah all her stuff.

So. That was my weekend! It’s been a lot, and I could do with a good night’s sleep and about a week of therapy.

(Also someone should tell Keith that after knowing all this, he was stupid to bring up packing and moving to me today of all days)

[indigo474]

1-26-25

there is something absolutely wonderful about not having to leave my house. I have everything I need right where I am. this was me yesterday. I worked 7 hours handled 60+ calls. who knew thinking was so exhausting. I was spent-mentally done. it was so nice to not have to go anywhere and only do what I wanted to do. I watched 2 documentaries- johnny manziel - what a story that was. and Martha Stewart - amazing women . I read my first biography in elementary school about Thomas edison- Ive read a lot of biographies and auto biographies.. I never heard of Johnny Manziel -last week at the Tom Segura show he did a bit about Johnny football. speaking of football the eagles are going to the Superbowl. how exciting. Ryan texted me today and invited me over to my aunts house to eat. I of course went. he invited me to Sunday church on Saturday night- I told him I would let him know how I was feeling. I woke up this morning exhausted and texted him I wouldn't be able to make it- I had a slow morning. i'm sure God and the Universe will forgive me- I actually worked 7 days in a row which would probably explain the tiredness. anyway I went over and it was just nice- no drama - nice conversation - we ate and played Uno and laughed and said to myself this is what it feels like to be loved. we didn't have much time because Ryan had to get back to I don't even know what to call where he is staying. he showed me his jail TV and tablet. he was upset he couldnt give it to someone in jail and even wrote the warden. he asked if I wanted the tv. I was thinking the other night how i'm sure Ryan was sexually abused by my uncle. when I say sure I mean I am positive and for me to think anything else would be naive of me. it wasn't my responsibility to protect him. I was a child too and the adults in my life didn't protect me. I no longer need to carry any guilt about that. the plan is to work out next Saturday. I have my day pass secured. lots of things going on in my head this week. me still trying to process the past. it was a very strange thing I went though. in a way x did me a favor. I wonder what made him decide against the whole I'm a sex addict thing. my guess is the kids. I just may have forgiven him but the kids... well. i'll never know and it doesn't matter and dam he didn't have to be that fucking cruel- he was never really kind but those last few years were brutal. its actually fucking crazy- it was crazy and I was crazy and i'm just glad I survived which isn't me being dramatic because I almost didn't . I think about all the life Ive lived and all the things I've done and all the tears I've cried and all the laughs I've laughed in the past 6 years-amazing. I've decided I am either going to meet and be with the love of my life or i'm going to be alone-those are my only 2 options. I've suffered enough I'm not looking to suffer anymore- I'm not looking to add to anyone's suffering. who knows what will happen. I'm going to keep working on me. I've read a lot about complex trauma and its easy for me to get down on myself but i'm not going to- I actually feel better just typing out my feelings and getting them out of my head. I have so much to be grateful for and that is where i find my peace- I think it was this week or maybe last week - one morning I was having a hard time getting motivated to get to work. Madison came home and I don't remember the exact conversation but I wasn't my usually happy self and she said to me you know Mom we have so much to be grateful for... it was sweet to hear her say. I think it was the first time she's ever said those words to me.its usually me saying those words to her. of all the things I have to be grateful for I would put her at the top of my list- she's a good human being. I put together my book case. I don't love it and I probably would have been better off thrifting a book case but- its doing what its suppose to do.

[novel-nook-blog]

Camp nano – week 3 🪽

Monday 7/15

Today's weather is killing me! It's so hot I think my brain is boiling. Uf! BUT all in all, it was a very productive day. I had a job meeting and I've also done some work around my potential clients (this is a job offer I took just for funsies) – it's a finance job and it's so off my uni major that it makes me laugh. But when I got home I started writing right after a stand-up comedy with Matt Rife that is on netflix (why haven't I found out about this sooner?!). But tbh it was so hard to get words out of myself, I'm currently stuck at the beginning of chapter 3, the first draft version sucks (yeah, it's THAT horrible) so I'm trying to figure out a new way of writing it and it's difficult. I don't like writing beginnings, it's all about the backstory but not so much because you don't want to throw everything at once on your reader. Meh. But I have to get through it so I can get to the good parts.

Wordcount: 321

Tuesday 7/16:

What a day! I woke up super early and got right into writing. That stopped at around 300 words in... when I was inspired to cook lunch that took so long to do, as always when I'm cooking 😂. And after lunch I visited my grandparents so I got back to writing an hour ago (11 pm). Fun fact, I was carrying a book with me all day long everywhere I went and haven't read a single page 🥲.

Wordcount: 1042

Wednesday 7/17:

It's almost 11 pm and I need to write some wordsssss. Ngl I was avoiding writing today a bit. I only wrote 180 words so far and I'm so tired, but we'll see if I get it done.

It's 5 minutes before midnight and I'm done for today. I finally finished chapter 3, that makes me glad and anxious at the same time because the part I was avoiding for so long is slowly approaching. But after that dreadful part that's ahead of me, the good ones will slowly come in.

Wordcount: 1077

Thursday 7/18:

I don't think I'm going to write today. It's almost 9 pm and I'm sooo tired. I had a doctor's appointment today in a city that's kind of far away from where I live. And now, as I finally got to my bed, I just want to read for a bit, so I think I'm going to do that.

Wordcount: 0

Friday 7/19:

It's baad. It's 11 pm and an hour ago I finally got back home. Today I had a pottery date with my best friend and we spent most of the day together. I had a wonderful time! But I'm so tired to write anything so I think I'm gonna head to bed. I'm not sure how much I'm going to write on the weekend, because my mom wants to go to an aquapark. But I'll keep you updated.

Wordcount: 0

Saturday 7/20:

It's almost 1 am on a Sunday and I'm finished for today. I had a great day with a lot of swimming and sunbathing and reading. But even though I'm exhausted, I needed to write some words... I don't have as many as I need but my brain is fried and I changed a whole dialogue part I need to write now and I don't have the capacity in me to do so in this unholy hour. I need my sleep.

Wordcount: 731

Sunday 7/21:

This is THE day!! I enjoyed the sunny weather outside by the swimming pool with a good book and my laptop and I wrote 2k words! I feel like I haven't done that in a long time (and before summer break I wrote around 3k daily).

Wordcount: 2030

[syeunko]

Boston homecoming

I looked back at my unfinished goodbye post for Boston from two years ago now, and I had this Joan Didion quote in there: "a place belongs forever to whoever claims it hardest, remembers it most obsessively, wrenches it from itself, shapes it, renders it, loves it so radically that he remakes it in his own image.” Then I'd written, "Boston belongs to me."

Which is 1) not true and 2) funny because I left Boston. And I most definitely did not remake Boston in my own image. But I'm back now! Like Colin said, "The prodigal daughter returns..."

On Monday, Bella picked me up from the airport, smiley and bubbly as per usual, wearing the matching green shirt I'd gotten for us to wear when we moved into 372 McGrath. It was a full circle moment.

I had my first meal at 223 Pearl St in my empty room, on the floor, with Junwon. It felt right, though it probably shouldn't have.

Sam (and Junwon, but mostly Sam) built my very complicated furniture. In the pictures I took of them assembling my furniture, Sam is hunched or huddled over the instruction manual or the furniture parts. The posture reminded me of how Sam had earnestly prayed for me during my last MNP I cried through before I left for NY.

On Thursday, I went to the Symphony July 4th picnic, where I saw Kevin and Grace. Seeing them - my spiritual anchors and my closest friends - felt like I had really, truly returned to Boston.

I met up with Glo on Friday afternoon. When I left Boston, I remember feeling disappointed we wouldn't be able to capitalize on our friendship potential. While catching up, Gloria said, "I didn't expect you to come back." I responded, "I didn't expect you to still be here." We agreed that we were both glad that I was back, she was still here, and that we could hang out more.

Afterwards, Yeojin and I had dinner at home. With Yeojin, I become more extroverted, expressive, and open, probably because she is so introverted and quiet. I decided during our surprisingly lengthy conversation I like her a lot. I like watching her reactions and large doe eyes process things in real time, and I think I'll learn a lot from her.

In true Allison fashion, we (including Alex) grabbed a nice brunch on Saturday. I love them so. They are so amusing (Allison) and cute (Alex). That is all.

Christine graciously cooked me a roasted salad for dinner, which we ate with Alisha. I definitely felt my old(er) age, but it was nice feeling like I was in college again; our conversations were extremely frivolous yet extremely entertaining.

I spent all of Sunday with Esther. After lunch, I cried and sniffled at her in a cafe, where she suddenly slapped an open water bottle in a failed bug assassination attempt, and water splashed everywhere. We laughed so hard (I think I have the most deliriously stupid yet glorious laughs with Esther), and then I cried again when she offered to keep me company for the rest of the day because I was so sad. How lucky am I to have a friend like Esther - "my heart is vibrating with tenderness."

Today, I walked to MNP for old times sake. It took me an hour and twenty minutes. I stopped at the bridge Hanna would always force us to take selfies at, and I took a shy solo selfie in remembrance (idk why I'm acting like someone died). To me, MNPs are like showers: I never feel excited about them but I always feel better afterwards. Kevin led worship again today. Him leading is my favorite not only because the worship is objectively the best but also because it's so comforting. Esther and I got to pray together; "Thank you God that we get to pray together in this moment!"

After we shared and prayed with each other, Esther said, "The way you speak kind of reminds me of Job." She opened up the bible and pointed to "Job Continues: My Life Has No Hope." I just about died laughing. Alas, such are the overdramatized and over-romanticized lives of Enneagram 4s. She is currently at my desk finishing up a discussion post as I write this, and I am reassured again by her presence.

That about sums up my first week back in Boston. It had so many good, sweet moments, but so much sadness too. I miss Duke and my family a lot, which is bittersweet. In some ways, being back in Boston is exactly what I'd imagined, but also nothing like I'd expected it to be, and I feel a lot of grief in that lost hope. But I shall still trek along in hopes and with gingerly-held faith that things will only get better from here. I'm home!