#i just have a lot of feelings about it kldshkldhg

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

the show talked about Blairs "dark" side but I never got that. She was worried Louis would never accept her dark side but what was there to accept. Is her dark side scheming and bullying? Cuz those just seem like what regular Blair would do. what was the difference between her light and dark cuz she always seemed grey. besides her "darkness" seemed like her forefront personality traits. what do u think?

I never understood, like, the perspective the show had towards Blair’s dark side, because, like you said, it didn’t - she is a whole person? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, it’s all very human. I don’t really understand why gg did a LOT of things the way they did, but, yeah. 

That said, I understand Blair’s whole understanding and perception of her dark side - I think it has to do with self-image, with what it means to behave in a socially appropriate way, to be prim and proper, etc. Blair cared about these things a lot, and I feel had this really complicated combination of repression and internalised misogyny going where she felt like there was a very specific Type of Woman she had to be. 

[ more under the cut ] 

this is why i feel like the whole Chuck/Blair thing in Victor, Vitrola was a big deal for Blair. admitting that she had sexual desires, that she could be up on stage on a strip club and to actually have fun doing it, and afterwards, how she chose to have sex for the first time in that limo (which I think she was doing to spite Nate, but I also think she wanted it for herself, like, she was sick and tired of being what she felt she needed to be re: Nate’s perfect girlfriend)- the fact that Blair was able to admit to herself that she could do those things and be that girl are a big deal for Blair. which!! is just to do with her character, really. gossipgirls has some meta about it that hits the nail on the head imo: here.

there is that one episode - school lies - in which she says something to chuck and she refers to herself as “his (nate’s) pure and honest girlfriend of many years” which... uh? pure?? the whole concept of sexual purity and virginity being given so much importance is something i am totally :/ about, do not vibe, etc, but it’s something that blair i feel internalised in a big way. of course, wanting your first time to be special is totally valid, i’m not criticizing that or anything, it’s just the whole thing of like.. thinking that there is something “pure” about you if you don’t have sex... the repression of it all... ugh! 

Compare this to Serena; who has no interest in being a socially appropriate woman. She wants to be a good person, but when Lily changes her dialogue at Cotillion, Serena rewrites it to be as scandalous as possible in an act of rebellion, because Serena doesn’t want to be part of that world. And while i don’t know if the show actually canonically said that she lost her virginity at 14 to an older man or if that’s just something fandom inferred, but like, serena has had a lot of sex with a lot of people, most of whom she didn’t love. and she didn’t care!! everyone slut shames her a lot, but like, from what i remember through seeing it at least, serena has never felt that her sexual experiences make her less deserving of respect + has never felt the need to apologise for them. 

So yeah, I understand Blair thinking she has a “dark side” because she’s built up an ideal woman persona in her head whom she aspires to be, and she will never be that woman because, like any human, she has flaws and shortcomings, and that’s why she feels like she has a dark side. And being with Louis brings out that feeling again because she is trying so hard to pretend that things are good and that she is in love with him and that they are happy together, but somewhere inside her she probably knows that she’s lying to herself and to him, that she’s in denial, that she cannot pretend this away, yet at the same time, she doesn’t want to acknowledge that. She was worried that Louis would never accept her dark side because she knew that Louis knew her in a very superficial, sees what he wants to see kind of way (Blair is very familiar with what conditional love feels like: case in point, Eleanor) and once Louis realised that Blair was more than just the person she pretends to be, the sweet innocent girl who can do no wrong, once he saw behind that he wouldn’t like her as a person. 

This, to me, is why Dan’s whole “It’s you, it couldn’t be awful” hits so damn hard! He was saying, actively, there are things about you that you don’t like or aren’t comfortable about, or could wish away, but I don’t mind, because I love you, and I love all those things about you. Oh god fuck now I’m thinking of the song Little Things by One Direction which is not where I envisioned this ask going. Anyway!!