#i just got unmotivated cuz of this app

[labselkie]

@kate-bishops-waifu ur my next vict i mean! person who im pestering with writing!

i’ve been doing these little guys to take my mind off this morning! nd it was literally a coin flip between her nd vi (but i will be doing an arcane drabble for someone next week yk)

“C’mon, I’ve got just the place!” Kate exclaimed, a gentle hand clasped around her lover’s. Her painted nails were fairly chipped, the dark purple paint peeling off at the tips. Ophelia’s nails were nearly the opposite, slightly sharp and coated in sleek black paint.

Even their fashion went together: Kate’s black jacket and loose cut pants over a purple sweater, and Ophelia’s layered black dress and silver jewelry. The brisk New York air cutting through them, even if it was just early autumn. They walked through a small shopping district, Kate’s smile wide and bright.

Barely minutes later, they stop in front of a quaint corner cafe, Ophelia’s eyes lighting up. The architecture was simple yet dark, and warm lighting glowed from the slightly tinted window.

“Is this new?” Ophelia inquires, barely able to keep her eyes off her girlfriend and the thick ponytail that nearly whipped her face from the wind.

“Just opened!” Kate chuckles, but, Ophelia’s ogling is short lived, as her lover tugs on her hand once more. “And now for the real surprise-“

A pet shop. A smaller store with dog beds and toys in the window. Ophelia nods in, a gentle, but quiet, suggestion to go in. And Kate just beams.

The place is bright! Almost overstimulating if it weren’t for the strong hand around Ophelia’s. There was the faintest smell of catnip, and the store was perfectly stocked with simple supplies. The cashier waves at their entry, and Kate grins like an excited puppy.

“Lucky would love it here,” Ophelia muses.

“Right?! One more thing, and then we can stop by the cafe-“

In the back of the store were a few stacked cubbies. Glass with small holes lined the walls, and a few simple metal locks marked doors. And inside? Cats, a young orange tabby sleeping in one, and a black cat in the other. That’s when Ophelia lights up, almost like when she sees Kate. She held a curled finger in front of a hole, letting the dark cat daintily sniff it.

Kate couldn’t be happier, her girlfriend’s joy was contagious. She leaned an arm on the top of the cubbies, tilting her head and looking just over Ophelia.

“This place isn’t new, but the babies are- They’re up for adoption, that’s why I brought you.”

Ophelia tensed, her lips parting ever so slightly in surprise. “You’d get one? But Lucky?-“

She’s cut off, “C’mon, he’s a sweetheart!” Kate giggles, before softening her tone. She didn’t want to discourage her girl, after all, getting a cat had been on their radar for a bit. “Sorry, sorry, I just thought that he wouldn’t mind, so long as I still give him attention.”

The cat has since rubbed up against the glass, sticking a paw through one of the holes. Ophelia smiles at it, before leaning into Kate.

“You’re a sweetheart,”

Kate lit up, before turning to the cashier and waving once. “Hey! How much for the adoption?”

[audhd-bitch]

Ok so I'm a 2nd year biology undergrad who's got ADHD-PI, so all those "study hacks" out there don't work for me lol. I have issues with emotional reg, initiation, motivation, and exec funct.

Here are some tips for ND students, from an actually ND individual:

Time ur meds to you study schedule

Pls get enough sleep the night before lol. Little/no sleep is bad for everyone. Your brain is too tired to do shit and will shut down way faster.

I'm not kidding, eat breakfast. Ur brain literally needs food to function and focus. Smoothies are easy to make and drink. Add protein powder if you don't know about ur next meal. Meal replacement drinks are easy too. You don't even have to prep. Just keep some in ur fridge.

Also I recommend an easy and non perishable trail mix with snacks you'll actually eat. Obviously eating well is good ect ect, but eating no food is worse than eating junk food. I have my favourites (Choco almonds and dried cranberries) in a ziploc. You need glucose for your brain to function.

Have a study IG/YouTube/Pinterest to inspire and get into the mindset. Tricks your brain into think studying is aesthetic. (This is a personal one, cuz I'm a huge nerd about aesthetics and feeling/looking academic lmao).

If social media isn't for you, implement the academia aestheticism into your actual life. Embrace dark acedemia, become soft/angelic-acedemia.

Use noise cancelling headphone and music. Fuck ppl looking at you with those awesome noise protectors on. Fucking rock on 🤘 I have a specific Spotify playlist that has no lyrics. But alternatively, one with lyrics if I want some rapper shouting at me not to give up lmaoooo.

Water!!!! Drink it!! Get a water bottle that's cute as shit, add lemon or flavour, get fizzy water, use a curly straw. Whatever you want!!! (Mine is a coral/ocean themed one from Starbucks)

Find a location that fits ur sensory needs (study w/ ppl, alone, quiet, bright, ect)

Find several locations you really like. I have 4 on rotation. Sometimes the same scenery makes me v unmotivated, but I still need consistency.

Sometimes you do need a break. Don't burn yourself out.

Keep on top of your school work. Have a study plan that works for you.

As for tests, make little questions. You can ask the questions yourself, or ask someone to quiz you/teach them the terminology. (active recall y'all 😎)

Use q-cards? Write down the new terms you learnt right after the class on the bus ride home. You literally have nothing else to do there.

Very important to have at least one class you love/like per semester. Serotonin doesn't work on command for us. I use at least one class as a crutch for the rest of my classes. At least I'm studying for one class than zero.

Know where the washrooms/quiet zones are incase of meltdowns

If ur uni has one, join a ND club. Or make one urself.

Study buddies!! Body doubling (just having someone there) helps with accountability as there is now an external source for responsibility/pressure.

Accomadations!!! Sign up for them every semester, even if you don't think you'll need them.

If u can, (and won't break ur focus) stretch between study sessions. Take a small walk around the tables.

A calendar on your phone is so helpful. At the beginning of the semester, I just get it over with and type everything down. And all these have alarms/reminders that go off on the day of the event. I have 2. One is just for my assignments and test schedule. The other is for general scheduling.

Also, download an app blocker. Super helpful if you find your phone v distracting. If you want to pause it, it gives you 5 seconds to decide. Usually in that time, it's not instant gratification anymore and I don't want to go on IG lol.

I have dealt with many setbacks. I was on academic probation in spring 2021, but now I'm getting As and high Bs.

My meds have helped me with energy/motivation/exec funct, and my study hacks have helped me with organizing/management so that I can succeed. I also have accomadations and access to the counsellors/docs. All these are vital to succeed. You need support and that's ok. ADHD is a disability and that is a neutral statement. Ableism/inaccessibility is what sucks.

If ur in school for ur parents, stop. (Easier said than done, ik. My mom is Japanese af) Put up boundaries w/ ur parents. You're now an adult and they need to understand this. If ur in school cuz you've been in the workforce and see how much it sucks to survive on minimum wage (like me) I totally get it. If ur in school to just learn, that's awesome.

Doesn't really matter why ur in school, as long as ur either enjoying it or have a goal. No goal, but enjoying it? Nice. Not enjoying it but u have a goal? You can do it. Neither of these apply? I would sit down and really think what I want. You don't need to go to school right after hs. I started my first semester at 21 years old. 🤷

Also, sometimes school doesn't work out and that's ok. Maybe you go back in a semester, a couple years, or never. In the end, try and do what makes you happy.

[irkedlyre]

I am so fucking tired.

I had a client at 7 which would’ve been fine normally but it’s fucking Chinese New Year and I could’ve been spending it with family or my roommates but instead I’m in a hotel room waiting for him to show up. He’s not even seeing me for a full gfe hour service either: my lkp found him and offered fucking half my usual rate for Valentine’s Day deal/sample. So I’m even more unmotivated right now.

So the guy shows up, and immediately said he doesn’t have the money in cash. But he can Apple Pay me or PayPal or cash app me. If I can get away with physical violence against him I would’ve done it. The kicker is he already agreeed to cash beforehand. So like ???

He tried to sweeten the deal by saying he’ll give me an extra 20. Fucking. 20 dollars. Like that would sway me. The god damn audacity.

He’s all like “oh, I spent one hour traveling to see you, just let me pay you with whatever cash I have now and I’ll cover the rest with Apple Pay/cash app.” Bitch I don’t give a shit I want to be home right now so unless you’re offering me 1k kindly get the fuck out.

They really think they’re slick like that huh. Dumbass waste of space.

I told him he can go to an atm at the lobby of the hotel or to literally any one of the 10 banks nearby. The hotel is surrounded by banks. Literally zero excuse.

He said he’ll go to the bank after 5 more minutes of bullshit. Said he’ll be back.

A minute after he left I booked the fuck out of the room and went home. Fuck that shit.

If he did go get money and came back then whoops my bad I guess but chances are he left. Cuz he can’t even afford me at half the price. This is why I personally don’t offer deals and cheaper alternatives other than a coffee date. Draws in the wrong fucking crowd.

Also the guy I saw before fucking shorted me and my duo partner 100. Also found by lkp. So. His clientele is trash.

The only good thing is I got to see my duo partner today. Happy fucking new year.

[acidmatze]

I need to go outside more but cant be motivated since walking is pain. Literally But i have to walk more. Understandably, I am not very motivated to do that because.. see... Its painful. I walk 100m and wanna collapse on the street and cry because everything is so much pain. The problem is: I would LOVE to be outside. I was outside most of the days all my life before depression got too bad. But also.. Pain. I am afraid and unmotivated because every step is a world of pain. I can use an exercise bike just fine, for eternities. But i dont have one. And i dont have access to one. So... i need to go outside where the pain is. So i was looking for apps but Pokemon Go is a nono since theres NOTHING around here. I mean NOTHING “Oh but the nearest pokestop is only 1,2km away from you! You can walk that!” Yeah and then i collapse in pain and cant walk back without crying my fucking eyes out and not moving ever again because i am way too scared. FUN! Geocaching is even worse. The nearest thingie is 10km away from me. That kind of..... defeats the purpose for me. Apps that just count my steps are boring as fuck. If i wanted to count steps I can do that myself. Is about as reliable as apps. Just typing this gave me a migraine and pain

Which FUCKING SUCKS because there are SO MANY COOL PLACES around here which i easily couldve visited 5 years ago cuz back then walking was getting more exhausting than usual but i could still push through and recover easily and i still had good days with no pain at all. Now a Good Day means I can walk the 750 metres to Lidl, do my shopping and walk back uphill, shower because I am drenched in sweat even in the deepest winter and then collapse for the rest of the day.

“Thats because youre fat” Really funny that you mention it.... MY WEIGHT HASNT CHANGED IN 5 FUCKING YEARS I was exactly as fat when i still could walk for hours and hours and hours and hours Its almost as if chronic pain and weight has nothing to do with one another

[lost-incident-kid]

Happy Birthday Miyu Sugisaki (for tommorow) might do some art for her idk

———

Edit: ah heck! Ive had this queued for months, but i forgot to actually do the art haha, i’ll get something done overnight so it might be rushed and look like trash, it might look reasonably ok. Who knows at this point. I dont trust the sleepy version of myself to create anything good but hey, theyv created some stuff that wasn’t horrifying before :/

Ok, starting here i legit just start live-blogging myself staying up alnight drawing. Ignore me. I didnt know where else to say it. I’ll delete it later.

Edit 2: this isnt gonna be done. Like frick, i just spent 6 hours on miyu’s fricking hairstyle, thats all done and even shaded and looking fabulous but ive only got a rough lineart for litterally everything else. This might not be done, but if it is then her hair is gonna be a fuckign masterpiece (i hope). Im writing this edit at 1:42am, and im gonna go to bed somewhere between 4 and 5, lets go! Hell yeah! I might do this! Perhaps! Im gonna try! 3-4 sprint time! Yeah!

Edit 3: frick, im failing to do this, miserably. Its 3:03am and i got distracted playing mobile games and didn’t get anything done. My existence is futile, existentially im a waste and I should not exist. The atoms within me deserve to be part of something better. Sorry. I’m a f*ck up and unless I get my sh*t together in the next like 5 mins (unlikely) then this aint gonna be finished.

Edit 4: ok, meltdown like 20% over. Its 3:52am, I think the issue then was the face. Faces r hard bruh, they suck do draw. They a festive lil ho ho ho. I was drawing everything too high up on the face cuz my dumb *ss forgot to draw the line thingys on the face or even look at a reference image for proportions. Ive done it now amd life is now a bit more on track. Might get this done if I continue work in the morning.

Edit 4.5: nothin much (hence the .5), its 4:14am, just downed 4 cups o tea for caffeine and sugar (all the coffee we got is decaf lol). I’m gonna get this sh*t done! Ive litterally only coloured down to the face, neck and the hair but still.... I’m gonna get it done anyway! I dont care about going to bed between 4-5 anymore! I’m getting this done!

Edit 5: its less than ten mins later (4:22am) and im taking a quick 20m break to watch youtube while I wait for the caffeine to kick in because im too braindead to continue right now. Like what art style am i even trying? Idk... its really fricking complex tho. Lowkey pretty tho, like if i finish this im gonna be so proud of it like it looks great. But its taking forever and im need break.

Edit 6: ok we back. Its 4:41am, caffeine has not really kicked in but i cant permit myself any more time anyway. Back to drawning.

Edit 7: holy frick, new episode of the vrains dub came out. Man... im leaving vrains fanart to watch the vrains dub. Am I obsessed? Is this hyperfixation? Probably? Either way, its 4:50am and im going to go watch the new episode. I’ll come back to this when im done.

Edit 8: HOLY FRICK GUYS! THE DRAWING APP IM USING KEEPS CRASHING AND SAYS ITS STILL THERE BUT WONT LET ME CONTINUE AND KICKING ME OFF THE APP?!?! ITS 5:06AM AND THE PANIC ATTAC IS BACC! The new episode of the dub isnt completely out yet, im watching that version on yt where its just smol clips of it. Not all the clips r up yet. I was just going on it while waiting for the next clips to go up and thats when the app did the thing and life got 280% sucky-er.

Edit: 8.5 wahoot it stopped kicking me off the app and it let me continue. Its 5:12am and we are FINALLY continuing.

Edit 9: its 5:36 Im tired sleep time I’ll finis thos in the morning goodbye yall have a greatt day

Edit 10: ok, so im a failure. We live in the timeline that god abandoned. I cannot sleep. I shall get more cups of tea, watch yt until the caffeine actually kicks in, and then continue. Its 6:03 right now, I shall be back. Perhaps half an hour?

Edit 10.5: its 6:11am. Not much has happened, just a slight change of plans. Ik its irrelevant but im liveblogging so i gotta say, my eye hurts so im gonna stop looking at screens. Perhaps gonna try to sleep again, if not then i’ll put read a book, redo my makeup (it smudgey) or straight up just listen to music and stare into the void. Litterally anything other than look at my laptop/phone. Peace out homies, i’ll be back at some point before 7 probably (unless i do go to sleep).

Edit 11: Its 6:41am, my eye hurts. Ive been staring into the darkness and listening to various fallout boy songs. Now i feel edgy. Its been half an hour, so im gonna continue drawing. Caffeine and sugar has worn off again so im tired and unmotivated but yno what, it is what it is. Aint life nifty, i gotta get this done.

Edit 12: 6:52 everything burns im in pain my eye is on frickign fire and it looks bloodshot but now also weird azz headache that i never got one like this before so im gonna turn off all lights cuz that seems to make it marginally better am i dying probably idk either way im not gonna continue for multiple hours it is stare into the void time and stare into the void time alone ok this should be the last update

Edit 13: It is 3:16pm, didn’t continue liveblogging cuz i got one heck of a migrane. Im back and well... Happy birthday Miyu for today! I’m still gonna try to get this god forsaken art done, but holy shit what is that art style i did. Its genuinely nothing like anything ive done before, I don’t remember doing any of the colouring but apparently I did and it looks better than anything ive done before and idk if non-fricked up me can replicate it. I’m starting to wonder if i got bored and just copied it or something, like idk how i did it. Look at it

The grey is the lineart I remember doing but man tHE FRICKIGN HAIR like i couldnt have created that, could I? I can see why it was taking so long yesterday like holy shit man that stuff takes time yno