#i just found out it was released in 2020 and tbh that cant be right

[ash-in-lavender]

guys being so real hot girl bummer by blackbear fucking SLAPS. however. imagine my horror when I realized the lyric "they can't fit me in a Trojan" is not in fact about him being so large of life that he is too big to fit into a Trojan Horse (which fit over 20 soldiers in it) but. about his penis. in a condom.

[jacksallys]

hello !! i was tagged by @calumthoodshands & @ashesonthefloor to do this <3

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs then tag ten people!

okay i dont wanna shuffle my on repeat bc... some of us have been listening to a lot of hsm recently so <3 its not an accurate representation of my music taste rn. so im gonna shuffle my all i want is for someone to love me as much as i love these songs playlist bc thats probably the closest thing i have to a favourites playlist or smth?? idk

r u mine? by arctic monkeys i feel like this one is self explanatory... i just like arctic monkeys a little idk. maybe im in love w alex turner !! its not my favourite off of the album and tbh i feel like i probably dont ?? apreciate it as much as i should honestly bc it sorta slaps (i have no memory of adding this to this playlist tho?? im pretty sure i just added all of am but)

boys will be bugs by cavetown this song reminds me of simon snow. thats my only explanation for loving it this much. also its a little fun to cry to idk. i would Not fuck someone up if they were mean to bugs bc im slightly terrified of them but <3 its the vibes idk

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant !! this song god i hate the fact that i love it but <3 the vibes !!! yes pls i cant explain it but it has such ?? main character energy for a song. makes me feel like im in the opening scenes of a dumb coming of age film. its just so so pretty idk. maybe i romantisied my age w this a lil as well, who knows idk 

love story by taylor swift do i have to explain this? no. its self explanatory. sometimes its awfully Freeing to loop this and cry for an hour (tho my sisters realised that besides love song this is one of my sexy Breakdown songs so she always checks on me if she hears it)

out of touch by dove cameron !!!!!! one of my favourites by her. god its such a banger n im lowkey sorta in love w her and just the vibes of ?? this song. the aesthetic is a lil cute idk. also have i mentioned im in love w her <3

hopelessly devoted to you by glee cast well. in my defence. sometimes,,, i feel things. okay

love song by yungblud hm. well. lets just say that,,, as of Right Now (perhaps ive had it on a loop for the past four hours idk) ive listened to this song,,, 788 times this week. and over 2000 times since it was released in december,,, within !!! one week of it being released i. listened to it so much that it replaced she looks so perfect as my top song on spotify. i have a sexy and slightly healthy coping mechanism and this is it <3

turbulent by waterparks god this is the first song that i heard by waterparks that ??? made me get really into their music. maybe i played it a little too much during... i wanna say the summer of 2019. yes. that summer. its a banger and tbh i havent actually listened to it in a sec so :))

sex by the 1975 ahhhh ok at this point ive made it my only personality trait that. the 1975 is my favourite band,,, this is ?? a banger. not my favourite song by them at all (give urself a try hehe) but it always reminds me of when i saw them live in feb 2020... this was? the second song they played. idk its just :)))) nostalgic n a banger

lemons by brye ft. cavetown i think i found this song ??? looking for songs to put in my carry on fic playlist but lowkey... it slaps. idk its just a bit of a banger honestly 10/10 would recommend??? just... the chorus... its Chill but also not? like it is but. idk my brain is mushy i think i need a nap

idk who to tag so !!! @compulsiveidiota & @boomerangbassist

[rockstar-tay]

https://music.apple.com/us/album/manic/1479627997

Okay so I REALLY wanted to talk about this like the day after it dropped. But tbh I was not in the right state of mind to be able to give it the attention it deserved, and not have a negative frame of mind to try to twist how the songs make me feel. So it’s long overdue.

Prior to me listenin to this record I knew a few songs Halsey had done. I wouldn’t say I was a big fan... I found it kinda difficult to get into a whole album of hers for some reason. 🤔 Honestly I can’t even tell you why tho. And now that I’m thinkin about it it’s actually kinda hard for me to get into EVERY song on anyone’s album so it’s not just a thing with Ashley.

The album as a whole: First of all I gotta say that a tweet she sent the day before the release made me so happy. She said that everyone should listen to it from front to back the first time, and not just skip to a favorite. That’s been like my philosophy for YEARS when it comes to new albums coming out. Like I really think they pick the order of the songs for a reason. They don’t just fuckin pick at random that that specific song is gonna be track 5. 😅 Ok sorry. Got a little sidetracked there. So personally I don’t feel like there’s a story being told in order. I mean there totally could be and it might just be because I’m not thinkin about how the meanin of each song relates to the next. I think each song highlights significant events. Like you might not think so when you just listen to the tempo of some of the songs, but when you pay attention to the words you’re like, “ohhhh wow.”

🌟 Noteable Tracks 🌟

🌟 Ashley - She picked the PERFECT openin song 👌🏼 The.. how the fuck do you even describe it? Random ass synth-like noises? At the beginning? Like as that’s goin on I can see her backdrop on stage showin static images or somethin while the crowd is screamin for her to get on stage. And yooo the sound clip at the end.. the spoken part. That’s heavy.

🌟 Clementine - This song totally makes me think of being back in elementary and learning this as some sorta nursery rhyme kinda thing. I think the like four notes that are mainly played throughout the song, and then how she layers her voice in the chorus. But the lyrics are definitely talkin about some adult thoughts and feelins.

🌟 Graveyard - There’s gotta be some dance studio out there that has done a contemporary dance to this banger. HOW could anyone just fuckin sit there and listen to it!?! You GOTTA move when it gets to that first bridge. (Professional dancers could probably even dance to the first verse with just the guitar but I cannot.. dance anyway so idk 😐)

🌟 You Should Be Sad - SHE SLAYED THIS SHIT!!!! Like when a woman says, “I’m so glad I never ever had a baby with you.” You FUCKED up. But for real at the same time I’m so confused it’s country influenced, and yet I like it??? 😦

🌟 I Hate Everybody - Is now my pinned song on my Facebook. Just so fuckin relatable.

🌟 Without Me - Fuuuuuck I’ve loved this song since she releases it as a single 😍😍😍😍 It’s just so good. Lyrically. Musically. Spiritually.

🌟 Finally - THE most beautiful song. County influenced again which.. I’m not a country person. But THIS SONG AND YOU SHOULD BE SAD SLAP AND I CANT DENY IT!

🌟 More - Ashley’s voice is on DISPLAY in this one. It’s so relaxin. And I could listen to it on repeat for hours. Oooohhh someone who meditates needs to listen to this when they do that (if they do meditation that way?)!

🌟 Still Learning - Again I can see another dance studio doin somethin to this. But ugh. “I’m still learnin to love myself.” LIKE WHO ISNT!? I think that daily people are challenged with how they truly feel about themselves. No matter where you’re at in life. So it’s cool that this song is out there to let everyone else who’s feelin the same know they’re not alone. I mean obvi she’s talkin about things specific to her.. but yeah.

[rosekun25]

March 2nd 2020 ~23rd Birthday~

Dear Tumblr diary, 

It’s hard to write. I thought I would be dead by now. It’s kind of weird. Kind of expecting something totally random to come and wipe me out TBh. 

Anyway Today I woke up kind of early, too early and went back to sleep because I was mad at myself for not sleeping in on my birthday. Its cuz I gotta be up at the asscrack of dawn for my new job. 

BUTTTT THE FINAL FANTASY DEMO GOT RELEASED. OMFG I ALMOST CRIED IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I WAS SO HAPPY!!! 

BEST PRESENT EVER!!!! But it took forever downloading so I went back to sleep. 

But when I woke up the first thing I did was go to Dennys for my free birthday breakfast :) 

The waitress was kind of mean and she ignored me for a good twenty minutes. I almost left without tipping her but I realized that would be a dick move. Anyway, when she got back I could tell she kind of felt bad. She hadn't charged me for my drink or the extra fee for my blueberry pancakes. She probably got super overwhelmed, so I tipped her double. 

 After that, I went to the library and I missed the bus so I stayed at the book store for a minute. I called one of my friends and she was happy to take me to Albertsons to pick up my cake. 

It has Cinderella. Technically I wanted the cake with all of the Princesses but They only had Cinderella left. I feel like that was god or someone interfering because I actually found out a few days ago that it was Cinderella’s 70th anniversary. It made me super happy :) 

I also got this frozen cake for my surprise party at work 

But anyway After that I was cleaning up my house and I was having trouble deciding if I wanted Texas roadhouse or Sushi and my grandmas took me out to Crackerbarrel for Dinner. 

I had Turkey noodle soup and Roast Beef :) 

We also had Birthday cake. 

There was a little girl sitting right next to us. She kept looking at the Birthday cake and I wanted to give her some. But I didn't want them to think I was creepy so I asked the waitress if I could give the little girl my free dessert. Because I already had cake. The waitress said it was fine and went to slice a piece of cake for the little girl. I remember fairy godmother telling me I was just as sweet as Cinderella and I was happy. 

After that, We stopped at Starbucks and I got my free birthday drink 

I love love love that they wrote Happy Birthday on the label <3 

It was so nice to not be alone on my birthday <3 

Anyway here’s a couple of things I bought myself No Rose you don't buy yourself presents. Oh okay I wouldn't have gotten anything then 

I bought this at Hot Topic. It was the only one left in the entire store. Its a male extra small but it fits me. 

Retail value is 59.90 

The next was Kairi 

Retail value 34.90 

Anyway It was buy one get one free so the Kairi hoodie was free. But it would have been 17.90 if it wasn't. I think its a rip off Sora is more expensive than Kairi even though he’s a smaller size. I ended up Price Matching Sora because I wasn't going to pay 54 dollars for something the website had on sale for 35 dollars. so I ended up paying about 38 for both of them. 

I bought myself this too. I was hella mad. Idk where the hell the one that was actually mine went because I bought this a long ass time ago. I think it was 25 cents and I got this one for 10 dollars. Kind of a rip off but Idgaf. 

I bought myself this next. Man, why can't they just do the manga? Yes, they have digital but I want the physical manga. I also cant understand why i keep buying these. Oh well. 

Anyway I’m about to turn on Cinderella. I’ll see y’all later :)

~Rosemary <><

[eno-o-ugh]

Questions to ask for 2020

Dear E,

HelloOoOo, its been awhile i havent do any posting here. So, just few days ago i found this set of interesting questions to ask for 2019 & 2020 but it actually quite drives me to think more towards 2020. I wanted to put it here just for fun or for my own reading in near future. Kaja! 🤩😎😏

What was one of the moments you were most proud of this year? What does that tell you about what you want to spend your energy/time/money on next year?

One of the moments is where i find myself struggling with my issue and heartbreak, but i still manage to give myself away as much as i can for people around me without mentioning about the war inside of me. Tbh, i never regret it. I still wanna be able to pour out my energy and time for people who need it because somehow it helps me too.

When were you genuinely surprised this last year?

Im genuinely surprised when Farah got engaged early January and decides to get married after raya. Because by that time i realized something which is, “This is it! Im at that phase of my life where everyone at my age will start to carry huge different commitments/responsible in their lives. And i will too” But then, one by one of my friends got engaged/married and im no longer surprised hahhaha.  

What was your best failure this year? (i.e. what thing that didn’t go well eventually taught you something critical?)

I can say that my best failure is when i dont meet their expectations of me. Like when they thought i would feel sad/pity for some issues but i didnt. Like when they thought of how my mind works/thinks in certain way but its not. No one can actually explain my thoughts/actions well. I wanted to say that they always misunderstood me, but i end up saying nothing to them and let it be. Because it is a waste of time to ever explain myself.    

What was your most overrated success? (i.e. something you thought would feel great that was sort of a let down?)

Most overrated success is when i first rent a room and live on my own. Ya, its most overrated because everyone else did it better than me and earlier than me lol. 

Who really enriched your life this year in a big way? Who is someone you want to get to know better in the year ahead?

Person who really enriched my life last year is Fatna. I can literally talk about anything with her. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Anger or disappointment. Excited or confused. Health or wealth. In seriousness or trivial. Like you can name it, anything. All of the words that come from her always knocked me to reality, gave me something to ponder upon and so solid to be ignored just like that. And for that, im so grateful to have her last year. Someone that i want to get to know better is the one that has strong soul to overcome anything on their freaking own. 

What community are you a part of right now that you find most nourishing? What kind of community are you craving?

Im in a community where everyone is struggling/surviving/working to support their lives. Some even did part time jobs to gain side income. Its probably because they have certain goals set to be achieved. Maybe to get married or they will have children or maybe just simply to support their luxury lifestyle. Its not that nourishing, but some sort of intriguing perhaps. I cant wait to be in a community that always giving/lifting/sharing with others. But right now, i understood when everyone need to be selfish and put themselves first. I hope later on everyone will come to realization that there is no use to be selfish.  

What goals—personal or professional—are you releasing in 2020?

Personal; To increase knowledge and understanding of Islam and practicing it better. Professional; To make a change in my job/add something new. 

Who did you feel most jealous of this year? What is that person up to that you want to bring more of into your own life?

On instagram, i started following artist (women) that already fully cover their aurat and have family of their own. I guess im jealous of them. Being able to be a better muslimah which is better than their previous self, a devoted wife and mother. I guess im longing for that feeling to be one of them. I’ll try my best, to practice goodness in my inner self first.   

Where and with whom were you most resentful in 2019? How can you get straight about your own needs and articulate them so you can stop feeling that shit in 2020?

Tbh, ive already make peace with it and try to forget it. But in this case, it just the matter of answering this question okie? I felt most resentful with my friends whom befriend my ex and also befriend my ex’s new girlfriend. Because they all knew it all along but no one, not even a single one of them be upfront with me and tell the truth about it. Everything just sort of unfolds by itself. Better yet, they really showed me who they truly are. It makes me wonder, whats the use of having friends who wouldnt dare to tell me the truth that i need? The way how to stop feeling that shit is to be neutral with them. Im not going to be so close yet not so distant with them anymore. I knew the boundaries better these days.   

What piece of art, movie, or book really inspired you this year?

Art; . Music; Stone // Alessia Cara. Movie; Toy Story 4. Book; The Art of Letting God

What conversation was most memorable in 2019? What made it stick with you so powerfully?

Every deep conversation that i had with my girls (Sheera, Farah, Fatna, Zatie, Zila, Aida) are so so memorable and powerful. Every. Single. One. It could be because im at my lowest of low and i took every word from them personally. I couldnt thank them enough for always listening to my rants and always try their hardest to come up with something to say when its already good enough for them to hear me out. 

If you had to articulate a mantra for 2020, what would it be?

Whatever that had happen and will happen, youve got yourself and Allah all along for better or worse.

When were you most physically joyful in 2019? How can you get there more in 2020?

I find myself physically joyful when it all in balance. Like the amount of time spent with family/friends are equal with time spent alone. I personally like that part of my life so muchhh. I guess by knowing what worth my time is how i’ll get more joy and satisfaction in 2020.

What is one question that you found yourself asking over and over again this year? What version of an answer are you living your way into?

Tbh, theres a lot of open ended questions. But none of it is repeated. I always try my hardest to control my thoughts and its not easy, i swear. But its something i need to keep doing to prevent myself from overthinking/overanalyzing every single thing especially when i know im that type of person. I have only one chance of life, and i know im not going to let myself imagine the variety versions of how my life could be. So, im just keep doing and keep going. Nothing else.   

What was the most sacred experience you had in the last decade?

Many. I could cry if i need to tell all of the story. But one of it is when i joined Farah for the usrah session at her in-law’s. During that time, i felt at utmost peace and calm being surrounded by so much purer and beautiful souls. I feel so small. I can feel my heart being the softest its ever been. I always almost cry when they read the hadith/quran translation/during halaqah/during tazkirah. I pray i get to experience it a lot more this year and spend my tears for matter like these.   

What makes you despair and what gives you hope right now?

People. Theres different type of people with different kind of character. And i will never know what their intentions in my life are whether its bad or good. But bad people will always make me despair and good people will keep on give me hope.