#i just don't -- care about exploring the s/c dynamic

[zmediaoutlet]

dean/crowley and sam/crowley

ahaha well --

dean/crowley

technically you don't have to 'ship' things that are canon. :)

that said: I mean, come onnnn. D/Crowley has mUch more canon basis than just about any other "okay, I guess they didn't technically show us kissing" ship in the show. I mean the fivesome alone! But also the obviously canonical pining from Crowley, the way Dean threatens a lot but you can't ever actually imagine him really going through with killing Crowley (because he's soft with guys who've fucked him <3), the way Crowley always Gets what's going on with Dean in a way deeper and more fucked up than anyone else -- even Sam -- even maybe Alastair. The spectator sees more of the game, as they say, and what's interesting about Crowley is that he would never, ever expect to be #1 -- but what he can get at as #2 might be just as useful.

what's also fun about D/Crowley is like -- while it's obviously a mistress ship to the side of the main canon event, it's very... free? Dean doesn't have to pretend to be anything other than what he is. Of course he does, because he wouldn't be Dean without a little gloss of pretense, but like -- Crowley knows him. Crowley knows his worst shitty parts. Crowley probably has a spreadsheet with how many souls Dean shredded in Hell and has polite comments arranged for every one, which he Will Not Say but they both know he could. Dean's guilt encompasses the whole planet but Crowley doesn't give a shit about that guilt, except how he can manipulate it to his own ends, and they both know that, and it's like... all the cards are on the table, you know? In that way it may be a little bit of self-harm for Dean, sure, but he's going into it with eyes wide open and knows exactly what he'll get out of it and it's. Well, 'free' is the only word I can think of. A little corrosive maybe but lots of things have been worse.

also the dude died for Dean, which we should always appreciate as the ultimate simp move. Dean's got a bodycount stacked much higher than Sam's dick. Why isn't the meme about Dean's murderous puss?

sam/crowley

would Crowley attempt to seduce Sam? Sure he would. Would he try to get him into a place where Sam might really consider saying yes to it? Of course. Would Sam actually say yes? lolno, not unless LITerally every other option (potentially including his own death) were wasted, because--

unlike the previous ship in this ask, Sam has self-respect. rip Crowley but Sam already learned his lesson with skanky demonsex and like. He's just not that sad. Plus there's zero zero zero interest or closeness from Sam -> Crowley, and Sam's a lot of things but I really don't think he's a 'self-punisher with sex', and he obviously just finds Crowley fucking irritating, lol. He's also never gonna kill Crowley because the network wouldn't let him, but where with Dean you can hear the shouted threat as very empty, with Sam you can hear that he would REALLY LIKE TO and keeps getting thwarted. Crowley might be useful but he's not Sam's friend, and---while I fully believe that Sam can have hatesex---Crowley doesn't feel like an option he'd ever choose. Not least because he knows Crowley would try to use it as a card against him, and he's smart enough to not let that happen.

As an interesting codicil to all this, I also sorta suspect that Crowley respects Sam more than he does Dean. He'd still use the opportunity if it were given, but where with Dean it's a fun way to needle him (we'll ignore his subsequent schmoopy pining, the dope), with Sam, it feels like Crowley would really just find it a disappointment. Like, he expects better. Adds a cool element to their dynamic.

[paintedscales]

Nomin tal Kheeriin

B A S I C S

Name: Nomin tal Kheeriin

Nicknames: Minmin (close friends from the Steppe), Moonlight (rare instances from Estinien)

Age: Twenty and seven summers (Endwalker)

Nameday: 28th Sun of the Fourth Astral Moon (actual DOB); 21st Sun of the Second Umbral Moon (start of her tenth summer Tsaagan Sar; when she freed herself from her binds and gave herself her name)

Race: Xaela Au Ra

Gender: Demigirl

Orientation: Demi/Demi

Profession: Reluctant Adventurer, willing Warrior of Light; Painter

P H Y S I C A L     A S P E C T S

Hair: Long and naturally straight. Often, Nomin's hair is seen as wavy, though due to frequently braiding it, her hair often retains a wave to it. It is a light blue in color, and is kind of oily looking on most days -- this is due to her traveling a lot. However, when she has access to amenities, she takes just as good care of her hair as she does her scales.

Eyes: Teal with aquamarine limbal rings and black sclera.

Skin: Muted ultramarine with inky black scales that bear cerulean striations and markings.

Tattoos/scars: Nomin has no tattoos and has no intention of ever getting any. Scars, on the other hand, she has several of. There are two big ones I don't draw currently just due to not really knowing how to go about it just yet. Regardless, Nomin has two large slashes on her back that have stunted the growth of scales within that region. She has two relatively deep arrow pock scars in her left shoulder and lower left abdomen. The scars I don't draw (yet) are relatively large aetherial burn scars that go from her hands all the way up around her elbows -- maybe a little past it -- from helping tear the Eyes of Nidhogg from Estinien. She has matching scars with Alphinaud in that regard in how I've planned my writing.

F A M I L Y

Parents: Somewhere among the Tumet. Dead? Alive? Who knows. Nomin doesn't really care. And not in a malicious way, she just... They don't occupy her mind. They don't matter to her. Later in Heavensward, she does start to see Edmont akin to a father-like figure.

Siblings: Adoptive. Nomin's siblings are Esenaij and Bayarmaa of the Sagahl. Later in Heavensward, after hearing that Haurchefant considered her like a sister, she warms up to the idea of Artoirel and Emmanellain being brother-like figures to her.

Grandparents: Nomin is sure she has some! But she's really not too interested in delving into her family history when it comes to that of the Tumet.

In-laws and Other: I suppose Alberic is more or less something of a father-in-law. I haven't really written too much, but I'd like to explore more of Nomin's dynamic with him. I think she gets along well enough with him, and is glad that he and Estinien were able to bury the hatchet.

Nomin also has three children with Estinien in some timeline or another. It's separated from the main stuff to kind of adjust it as needed. All their children have two names -- one of Steppe origin, and one of Coerthan/Ishgardian origin. Their first kids were twin girls, Bayarmaa/Cyrielle and Chotan/Fleurette Varlineau. Twelve years later, they have their son, Esenaij/Hamignant Varlineau. They all tend to prefer using their Coerthan/Ishgardian names over their Steppe names.

Pets: Mori - a horse earned from her time in the Jhungid; he is one of Nomin's most stalwart companions, and she cares for him deeply. Gürvel - a frilled lizard that was intent on stealing some of Nomin's vilekin; through a mutual understanding, they became buddies on the Steppe.

S K I L L S

Abilities: Painting; it's a hobby she picked up since she often drew in the dirt when she had nothing in the Tumet. When her adoptive sister, Bayarmaa, had been more than happy to go ahead and help teach her, Nomin was quick to pick up on it. She now paints gorgeous landscapes and sceneries -- she can even paint them from her mind's eye, often able to remember them in vivid detail. She does like having the actual thing in front of her, though.

Archery; Nomin had several teachers that helped with her archery and in giving her tips on how to hone her abilities. She has a keen eye and a steady aim that rivals even some of the best of the Dazkar hunters.

Survival; one doesn't just simply run away from their oppressors and start roaming the Steppe without picking up some things and learning how to thrive off of the land. Thanks also to the teachings of the Sagahl and their way of life, Nomin is very aware of stuff on the Steppe, and is more than willing to learn when she goes to new places so that she can take care of herself using what the land provides.

Hobbies: Painting, reading, gardening. There are also some board games that Nomin likes. She's actually quite fond of shatar and chess, though she feels like she could still never play kharaqiq properly.

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Her ability to get back up again. There are so many things that have knocked her down, or brought her to her knees, but Nomin is just too stubborn to stay there. She freed herself from her binds when she was ten summers, and she is not going to let that moment be in vain.

Most Negative Trait: Shutting people out. Nomin's very kept to herself, and with her past trauma, she just doesn't really want to involve a lot of people too deeply into her life. She keeps people at arm's length for a long time, and preferred it that way for a good portion of her time since escaping the Jhungid. Even if her Echo could help give her some insight on who to trust and who not to trust.

L I K E S

Colors: Pink and gold.

Smells: Plums, fried dough, wood musk (pine, spruce, and cedar more specifically), chocolate.

Textures: Polished wood, sand, porous volcanic rock, Angura fleece.

Drinks: Suutei tsai, chatsarganii shuus, orange juice, hot cocoa.

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: Nope...

Drinks: Only sometimes, but she does not really prefer it. Especially since the first time she drank wine, she was drugged.

Drugs: Depends on the drug. Medicinal is fine.

Mount Issuance: Nomin was not given one from a Grand Company, as she did not join one. She didn't like the idea of joining one because it was the 'thing to do.' She has Mori, and she rode him illegally throughout Eorzea regardless. She found it silly that she would need a permit of any kind to actually travel more quickly. However, with three signatures from Kan-E-Senna, Nanamo Ul Namo, and Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn after her varying feats, uh...her illegal riding became legal.

Been Arrested: I mean, can you technically count the necessary trial by combat thing in Ishgard? I feel like that should count, to be honest.

Tagged by: @sundered-souls; thank you! :>

Tagging: @blossomblade, @icehearts, @ahollowgrave, @halikyon, @starrysnowdrop, @sasslett, @ainyan, @sylaurin, @disciple-of-frost, @ubejamjar, @spiral-cut, and anyone else who wants to do it. Sorry if you've been tagged before!

TT u TT /

[doctorprofessorsong]

I posted 8,782 times in 2022

104 posts created (1%)

8,678 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wigglebox

@valleydean

@unlimiteddream90

@fellshish

@you-cant-spell-subtext-without

I tagged 2,128 of my posts in 2022

#destiel - 550 posts

#deancas - 447 posts

#the winchesters - 200 posts

#spnwin - 187 posts

#suptober22 - 175 posts

#castiel - 129 posts

#supernatural - 108 posts

#spn - 103 posts

#cas - 100 posts

#spnwin spoilers - 100 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and your art is so unbelievably gorgeous it makes me want to scream into a pillow there aren’t enough laurels on earth to throw at your fee

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Destiel fic recs

Well, it looks like the brainrot is permanent and there is no cure. I can't seem to get enough of these dudes. Please enjoy the fruits of my unending obsession with another rec list.

Love Bites by @malmuses (Explicit, 34k)

I don't know why I love a tiny creature Dean, but this fic had my entire heart from the first chapter. Not since OctopusDean said bloop has a Dean been this adorable. 

Dean, a vampire in bat form, gets injured by Cas' menace of a cat (affectionate). Cas nurses him back to health and, as Dean heals, he finds himself more and more enamored with his savior. 

Cas is delightfully awkward and Dean is entirely smitten and it makes for an adorably soft dynamic. Plus I want to put bat!Dean in my pocket. He’s so cute.

Boyfriend of Thursday by mnwood @deancasheadcanons (Explicit, 40k)

Look all I'm saying is Dean deserved to be a little slutty (affectionate). This one is a romp and a delight. Dean Winchester doesn't do monogamy or commitment. Instead he has a regular hook-up every day of the week.

But when he and his Thursday call it quits, he's looking to fill the open position. It feels like he's in luck when he runs into a hot dude at Chipotle. But Dean discovers that maybe his Boyfriend of Thursday is worth breaking the rules for.

I love an openly bi, confident Dean and this Dean definitely fits the bill. This Dean is really fun and in some ways very vulnerable and he is deeply respectful of his hookups which makes it a great read. This one could have gone the other way, making him shallow and capricious, but despite his rules and his rigid system, Dean deeply cares and that makes it really fun to read.

The side characters are fantastic, plus there is positive representation of polyamory and some really interesting casting that makes this one super entertaining.

Passing Ships by quiettewandering (Mature, 78k)

Something about Dean and Cas going against fate to be with one another has always made me a little feral, so it's no surprise that a fic based on the concept that Cas, a cupid assigned to get Dean together with his soulmate Lisa, fails spectacularly when he falls in love with Dean himself would immediately draw me in.

The Cas in this fic wants so badly to do what's right, but he can't help but care about the humans. He hits all the right notes for me and i had at least ten breakdowns over him. And Dean is also just so enamored and such a disaster and you just wanna smoosh their faces.

I Can See Your Halo by redamber79 @imbiowaresbitch (series, 2 works, Explicit, 9.8k words)

This one is s-p-i-c-y and just a bit sacrilegious in the best way. Um, let's just say the author explores some novel uses for the angel blade and Cas' halo that will live inside my brain rent free for a very long time. Ahem

It also serves as a fairly delightful fix-it with a really fun resolution that will also have a condo in my mind. 

It's scorching hot and a really fun read.

In It For The Long Haul by @ltleflrt (Explicit 25k) 

This is the fluffiest, softest fic to soothe what ails you. Dean, a long-haul trucker, meets an intriguing waiter at a truck stop and starts reordering his life to find ways to see him again.

This fic is just pure sunshine. Cas keeps choosing meals to make Dean happy. Dean keeps blushing and flirting. The angst is low. It's really just a good time for everyone. A soft story about liminal spaces and finding someone to share your life with. 

Racing Stripes by tiamatv (Mature, 37k)

I'm admittedly a sucker for a sci fi AU, but even if I wasn't I would still love this absolute gem of a story. Dean is one of the top racers in the world, finally about to live out his dream of racing in the difficult and high stakes Chicago Race. Unfortunately for him, revisiting Chicago also sets him on a crash course with the love of his life, Cas, who left him years ago for the promise of an education and a future, and even worse, Cas' dad who is dangling the same for Sammy in front of Dean’s nose. 

The worldbuilding in this fic is immaculate. An abandoned and rotting Chicago is almost it's own character, and there is a quiet desperation in the story of people who have become beholden to corporations to survive. The action sequences are also gorgeous with the pivotal race being so cinematic I felt like I could see every twist and turn. And don't get me started on the gorgeous weaving of canon into the fic. It was so clever. 

But the standout for me is the gentleness in Dean’s characterization. The way he wants so badly to do what's best. The way he longs for Cas. There is just something gorgeous about Racing Stripes Dean that made me want everything good for him.

Listen, I tell you a mystery by bathilda bagshot (wellthengameover) @the-lions-mouth (Teen, 25k)

Thee Dean and Mary parallel dissertation, this character study has everything. Mary trying to conform to cisheteronormative ideals while feeling the pull of hunting and a particular redheaded angel. Teenage and Stanford Era Dean to tear your heart out. Dean and Mary finding something of each other. And a happy ending for Dean and Cas.

It's told in snippets. Vignettes that delve into trauma and hope. They build an absolutely beautiful parallel story, gorgeous for their intersections and the places they diverge.

And there is a gentleness to it all. We see Mary and Dean in various states of distress and desperation. We see the effects of the cupids bow and poverty and loneliness and completely fuckery. But there is never any judgment, just kindness in the way they are written.

This one made me cry real human tears and it's definitely one that will haunt me.

See the full post

435 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#4

Destiel Fic Recs!

Congratulations or sorry, but here are some more Destiel fic recs to take over your life.

Penny & Pound by thalius @seasontwelvedean (Explicit, 67k WIP)

OK, I know some of you don't read works in progress, but this one is worth breaking that rule for, because it caused me approximately 25 internal breakdowns. Go read it yesterday. 

Dean's in love with Cas. That's a given. And lately he's been thinking about doing something about it. Especially now that Eileen is becoming a fixture in their lives and Dean finds himself more achingly alone with Cas right beside him. All he has to do is work up the nerve to ask his best friend out. What's the worst that could happen? He says no? Leaves and never returns? They start dating and Cas realizes Dean is the worst and they break up and everything is terrible forever? He's fine. This is fine.

This canon/canon adjacent fic is a master class in the disaster4disaater, Dean and Cas are the last to know it's requited dynamic. It's amazing and sweet and I found myself unable to sleep until I read one more chapter. If that's not enough, there's also some incredible stuff about Dean and Mary trying to work on their relationship and Cas trying to figure out where he fits into Claire's life. This fic is everything.

Strandlines by aeli_kindara (Explicit, 40k) @gravelghosts

Speaking of fics that make me feral, Strandlines is one of those stories where you have to stop reading and think "holy shit this is so incredible" and then stare at the wall for a good 10 minutes.

Cas finds himself back in the year 2003 with his memory scrambled. All he knows for certain is that he has one directive: save Dean Winchester. It's Stanford Era Dean with all of his brash, charming bravado and his aching loneliness. And Cas at his BAMF angeliest but free from the interference of Heaven.

The fic will make you ache. It's gorgeous. It absolutely dismantled me. The way Cas sees the man who wants so desperately to know he can be loved. The way Dean wants Cas to stay and how he wants to share everything with him. It's breathtaking.

 Plus there is a healthy dose of Fuck John Winchester as a treat. 

the home we make together by vaudelin (Explicit, 48k) @vaudelin

A post-canon fix-it that is so soft and sweet. After losing Cas, Dean has exhausted almost all his options to try and bring him home. One more shot. And if it doesn't work, he'll have to stop. He needs to focus on Jack, now a toddler. Dean has built a life for them. A good one. But he has to try it one more time.

What follows is a sweet, consensual possession domestic Dad!Dean and Dadstiel fic that will heal your soul. Toddler Jack is adorable and Dean and Cas finally have time without the world ending to try and figure out what they want their life to look like. It's the soft epilogue they deserve.

Falling Inn Love by MalMuses (Explicit, 58k) @malmuses

Sometimes you need some hilarious, tropey rom-com goodness in your life, and this fic goes above and beyond. It had me laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face as I tried not to wake my family (because I wouldn't put it down and go to bed). It also has a lot of heart. 

Cas' comfortable if unsatisfying life gets turned upside down when he breaks up with his suffocatingly controlling boyfriend and then finds that the company he's devoted years to has gone belly up the next day . 

Single and with no real plan, Cas is wallowing with his bestie (Meg, my beloved) when he gets an unexpected opportunity. His co-worker is willing to sell him a quaint little Inn in Kansas at a bargain price. Cas can finally pursue a dream he's had since college. 

So off Cas goes, sight unseen, to start a new life. But he manages to make a complete fool of himself in front of the town's most eligible bachelor within minutes of arriving and the dream home he purchased turns out to be a bit of a nightmare. Cas may be a bit Inn (sorry, but you know I'm not) over his head.

More below the cut

The Closest Thing We Have To Magic by EllenOfOz and TrenchcoatBaby (Explicit, 221k) @ellen-of-oz

As I have said, I'm very picky about AU fics because I need Dean and Cas to feel like them. This one manages to hit all the Destiel feels for me and it is so so good.

Set in a world where magic exists but is regulated by elite learning institutions, Dean is a graduate student working on his thesis. This is made more difficult when he's assigned Dr. Novak, a drop dead gorgeous new professor as his advisor. An advisor he can’t stop thinking about. 

Dean and Cas are absolutely messy disasters in the best way in this fic. Seriously, they are amazing. I'm a sucker for smart, competent Dean. And Cas is trying so hard to do the right thing. 

But I can't rec this without also mentioning the absolutely stellar world building. The authors have created such great mythology. From the way magic works to the use of the profound bond to the societal inequities created by the regulation of magic. Seriously, you won't want it to end.

See the full post

626 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#3

I'm gonna say something that is exceptionally hard to share because apparently some people need to hear it. The lgbtqia+ community is there to create a safe place for people who don't fit within cisheteronormative societal expectations, regardless of labels.

There have been a few hot takes about "pantomiming" or "performing" queerness and I want to say this is deeply hurtful to me personally.

I don't know where I fit when it comes to the gender fuckery that lives inside my brain. Straight spaces full of cis women often make me feel uncomfortable. Like I have to pretend I am someone I'm not. But I still (at this time) consider myself a cis woman. I enjoy and I am affirmed by my femme gender expression but hate being forced into feminine things. My brain often feels more like what society feels a guy should be like.

Nothing I have tried on feels quite right. Am I nonbinary? Gender nonconforming? Genderqueer? Mostly I describe myself as "a woman but in a way that makes most people distinctly uncomfortable." That makes me happy. That sentence feels right.

Talking about queerness as if it is one monolithic thing you can perform or pantomime makes me ache. Are my efforts for trans and GNC folks less meaningful if I am or am not part of the community? Can I joke about things being gender?

For me, queerness has always been looking at what society has to offer and saying: nope. I don't fit there. Queer spaces make me feel so much less alone.

And my openly bi status gives me a nice, clean place in those spaces, but it's my gender fuckery that makes me need them more.

The feeling that I could say: I'm not like other girls because I literally feel like I have to pretend around them, can I please come find shelter here? And that I might be told: nope, you are just performing queerness for clout. Or nope, you have to subscribe to certain external expressions to be considered queer. The idea that anyone could "perform" queerness because they acted outside of societal norms and that is somehow a violation? The idea that I might be expected to go from performing cis woman to performing queer woman where if I fail I am somehow not enough? Makes me feel invalid. It is physically affecting me.

So, I don’t know? Maybe think about that?

2,640 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#2

Which character from OFMD are you and who do you stan?

Let me tell you who you kin and who you stan in OFMD (or in SPNblr speak, what x coded, y girl (gn) alignment you have).

4,073 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'm gonna say it here too. Allow me to be crystal fucking clear.

It is not cowardly to stay in the closet. Full stop. You do not owe anyone any part of yourself you aren't ready to share

If you unable to come out because you fear for your safety or well-being or because you know it will cause you substantial discomfort, that is not a defect in you. It's a failure of the society in which you live and the community surrounding you.

If you just don't want to share that part of yourself, that is valid and I support you

47,179 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[calculatesguilt]

6, 13, 14, and 21. :)

6. Favorite female bot(s)

Ohhh this is a hard one there's so many that are good. Tbh it's probably Windblade, though Nautica is pretty up there :)

13. Least favorite Decepticon(s)

This is a hard one because tbh I don't care for Most Decepticons? I'm not a Villain guy so it's hard for me to find any interest in them especially when I feel a lot of the time the Decepticons get Fumbled and often fall into the trap of "revolutionary is now genocidal so we can't talk about their Points" in a lot of conts. BUT... If I had to pick I... don't really care much for Starscream.

I often feel he's overhyped and his position in a lot of conts. often feels like he's wresting the narrative away from other characters that don't really have any screentime (or pagetime depending on the continuity.) And I often don't like how fandom portrays him but that's another beast I don't wanna tackle.

14. Least favorite Autobot(s)

21. A pairing you love that no one else seems to

did you know there are only 10 works in the rodimus/perceptor tag on ao3. did you know there is only 5 pieces of art for them.

I GRIP YOUR SHOULDERS SO TIGHTLY

DID YOU KNOW THIS...

Okay this is actually a pretty niche one and mostly it's based off the fact that Rodimus and Perceptor are Just Like my fiance and I. They've a special place in my heart and I wish their dynamic was explored a little more in mtmte given Percy was chief scientific officer (which... one would think he'd have a bigger impact on the Higher Up positions... but whatever.)

This one and drift/percy though from what I understand before mtmte came around that was the fairly popular one for those two. HOWEVER..... I will talk about them because i care about them . so much.

Okay this got long so rest under the cut.

I think every day of my life about how drift saving percy is intrinsically tied to him becoming an autobot. and i think so much about how people do their dynamic WRONG. you see i don't think they'd be A Thing at all DURING the events of canon but i could see them tentatively stepping towards it once Perceptor is able to come to grips and let go of the whole idea that he Owes Drift for saving him.

There's some very interesting dynamics there (that i'm currently exploring with Expunge/Override) that I wish was mentioned even in passing in MTMTE and it really pisses me off that so many off the characters aren't allowed near their pre-existing relationships.

Perceptor and Drift do not have a single shared line in MTMTE. they have ONE panel where they're talking Off Screen in the TB's spotlight

my hot take that would get me ending up like this ^ is that it would've been so much better if it was percy who went after drift. not ratchet. he'd have more reason to (a. he has more ties to the overlord incident than . fucking ratchet. b. do you know how dangerous the whole "patient falls in love w the doctor that saved him" trope is? c. it'd be coming full circle paralleling when drift went back to rescue him on turmoil's ship. it'd be poetic.) and his Continued Existence is in of itself a rebuttal to Drift's struggle with "i only bring death to the universe"

(also drift deserves a REAL man that doesn't constantly belittle him. Like Me.)

[just-a-little-cellist]

Levi Ackerman - NSFW Alphabet

A/N: i'm bored so i'm just writing these nsfw headcanons for all my comfort characters, don't judge me. feel free to request - i posted request rules so go check it out :)

enjoy! nsfw under the cut :P

A - Aftercare (what are they like after sex)

The first time you have sex, Levi needs a lot of comfort. He'd never been that vulnerable with someone before and it took a lot for him to open up like that, so aftercare for him is the priority. Once sex becomes more frequent and he gets used to everything, he's the one to clean you both up but he still needs more emotional reassurance than he'll admit.

B - Body part (fav body part of themselves/their partner)

He isn't a vain person, so he'd probably say his arms just because of how much you love them. He wasn't too fussed at first but because of all the attention you give them he's started growing fonder of them.

His favourite part of you is your neck and collarbones. He didn't even realize he had a thing for that until he met you, and whenever you wear chokers he can't take his eyes off you.

C - Cum (where do they prefer to cum?)

Levi prefers to cum on your stomach, purely because it makes it easier to clean up. (He's always very mindful of any mess.)

D - Dirty secret (self-explanatory)

It obviously couldn't happen because of his status, but it sends a shiver of arousal through him whenever he imagines you humiliating him in public. It's something he wants to try in private, though he's nervous to talk about it with you.

E - Experience (how experienced are they?)

Levi is a virgin, since he doesn't have sex with people he doesn't genuinely, 100% trust. You'll have to guide him through everything at the beginning, however he's a quick learner and picks it up pretty fast.

F - Favourite position (goes without saying)

He likes missionary a lot because it lets him feel close to you, and he'll melt if you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. He also gets shy sometimes, so this position is perfect to hide his face in your neck.

G - Goofy (are they goofy or serious in the moment?)

Other than the odd sarcastic comment, he's generally serious. If he's in a vulnerable position then joking around doesn't calm his nerves at all.

H - Hair (opinions on grooming etc.)

Levi keeps his own hair neatly trimmed. He'd prefer if you keep yours vaguely under control but, as long as it's clean, it's up to you how you keep it.

I - Intimacy (how intimate are they during sex?)

It takes him a while to fully open up to you, but sex becomes one of the most intimate moments you ever share with Levi where he truly breaks down all his walls for you, just the two of you.

J - Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't tend to masturbate unless he's really desperate. Something about it just makes him uncomfortable, but he also has urges sometimes when you aren't available.

K - Kinks (again, pretty self-explanatory)

When you first started sleeping together, Levi had more of the control because he thought that was the way it was 'supposed' to be. However once you brought up the idea of him being submissive, your dynamic shifted. He was extremely hesitant at the beginning because he wasn't used to being in such a powerless position, though as soon as you managed to get him into a submissive headspace it became a regular occurrence.

Levi is a sub at heart who needs a soft dom more than anything. Some of the kinks you've explored that he likes are bondage, light impact play, praise, orgasm denial and marking (as long as the marks are hidden during the day.)

He also definitely has a bit of a humiliation kink but he's still working up the courage to tell you.

L - Location (favourite place to do the deed)

His favourite place is a tie between the shower and his desk. Sometimes when he's had a long day and doesn't want a full scene, he likes to have sex in the shower (also it makes clean-up easier). Although if he feels like subbing, as long as the door is locked, one of his favourite things is for you to cockwarm him while he's trying to work.

M - Motivation (what gets them going)

Showing skin is a sure-fire way to get him riled up. I personally headcanon Levi as demisexual, so he doesn't care when other people show skin, but if it's you? All you have to do is leave a couple buttons undone, expose your chest a little, and he is done for. Also, slipping casual praise into conversations will sometimes start pushing him into a submissive headspace, especially if you've done a lot of scenes with him recently because he starts responding to that tone of voice.

N - No (something they'd never do)

He doesn't like intense pain play - he's had enough pain the rest of his life so he needs you to be gentle with him. He also wouldn't want a harsh or strict dom, preferring to have you take care of him instead.

O - Oral (preference in giving, receiving etc.)

He enjoys both equally. Before you'd had sex you wanted to ease him into the experience carefully, so you gave him his first blowjob and he almost sobbed from the stimulation. Buuuuuuut alongside that he would also happily spend hours between yours legs - the praise you give him as he pleasures you and the feeling of you clenching around his tongue is almost enough to make him finish without any physical touch.

P - Pace (are they fast, slow, quick, rough?)

If it's just against the wall in the shower then it tends to be a bit faster, and on the odd occasion Levi feels more dominant he can get rougher, but he is usually perfectly content to let you decide the pace entirely.

Q - Quickie (opinion on quickies)

They're good sometimes, especially when you're both very busy with other duties. They're good to relieve basic urges, but Levi would never choose them over a full scene.

R - Risk (how open are they to risk?)

Levi is open to a bit of experimentation, but never anything exhibitionist. He can't risk the possibility of someone catching him in a compromising position, considering his importance in the military, so he insists that you keep all bedroom activities private.

S - Stamina (how long can they go for?)

As expected, at the start Levi had pretty low stamina since it was all so new and overwhelming. It gotten a little better since then but he also has a fairly quick recovery time to make up for it.

T - Toys (opinion on using toys etc.)

He doesn't particularly enjoy using toys on you, but adores when you use toys on him.

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He'll only tease you a little when he's in a dominant mood and you've been doing something to piss him off, but the rest of the time it's not something he does at all. (He kind of likes when you tease him though.)

V - Volume (are they loud or quiet?)

Levi is cautious to control his volume so that other people don't hear, but his whimpers of pleasure can get quite loud sometimes.

W - Wild card (random headcanon)

During a scene once, while he was deep into subspace, he accidently called you mommy. When he realized what he said he was mortified, and almost started dropping. You had to quickly assure him that it was perfectly alright, that you weren't upset with him, and that you don't mind it if he wants to keep calling you that. He only uses that name for you when he's really, really submissive, and it's adorable hearing the tiny whimpers of "P-please mommy..."

X - X-ray (what's going on... down there?)

So many people seem to think that this man has a monster cock. He is 5'3 there is no way. He's a little smaller than average, in length and girth, but that just means you can hear him whine when you take his whole length into your mouth.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is low most of the time. He has so many other things he has to focus on everyday, so sex doesn't cross his mind that much. Sex is more of a stress relief that he doesn't think too much about until it happens.

Z - Zzzzz... (how quickly do they fall asleep after?)

Being an insomniac, Levi takes a while to settle down to sleep, although it's always a little easier when he's comfortably next to you. (definitely the little spoon)

[beneathstarryskies]

Hey hey, if your requests are open could I request a Tobirama Senju alphabet?? 💕💕

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Tobirama is very good with aftercare. He will help you get cleaned up and pick out your favorite comfy clothes. If you feel up to taking a bath, he loves to take baths together. He’ll wash your body carefully and massage your muscles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Tobirama isn’t exactly someone with a favorite body part. He’s confident with his entire body. He’s a very intelligent and strong man, so he doesn’t feel the need to emphasize one part over another.

His favorite part of his partner’s body would be their thighs. He loves how warm they are wrapped around him, and the way they squeeze him when he makes you cum. He will spend so much time with his head between your thighs just kissing them and biting them before he actually begins going down on you.

He also really loves laying his head on your thighs while you play with his hair and he talks through whatever is on his mind.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Tobirama is super sexually repressed. So, when he cums it tends to be a lot and rather quickly. He tries to warn you, but sometimes he just can’t form words. You really need to learn to read the signs.

As far as where he’s not super picky. He likes filling your pussy with his cum, but he’s also really weak for you swallowing.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

When he misses you, he’ll jack off with a pair of your panties in his fist. It’s one of those things he feels a little guilty about afterwards, but he just misses you so much and he’s bad at expressing that.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s not super experienced. There might have been a few sordid one night stands, but he really doesn’t like the casualness of that. He’d rather be with someone he cares about and he knows cares for him as well.

He has a pretty good idea of what to do, and he’s a fast learner so he’ll be able to fill in the blanks rather quickly.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Probably when you’re riding him, especially if he’s kind of feeling grumpy and you’re trying to cheer him up. He might even pretend to be more disgruntled than he actually feels just so you’ll try harder.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Tobirama is never really humorous in general, and that extends to the bedroom. He will loosen up quite a bit with you than he would usually be, and he will definitely let a smile or smirk tug on his lips if you do something cute.

He just cares about you a lot and sex is one of the main ways he expresses it. So he takes it pretty seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps everything trimmed nicely even when he’s not sexually active. He just prefers to keep a tidy appearance.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Tobirama is very needy and clingy during sex, which don’t you dare tease him about. He knows it goes against his usual personality. This is a very strong, logical man but you can make him so weak. He’ll hold you close as he thrusts into you, and he’ll just start babbling sweet words to you like, “You feel so good around my cock baby.” He’ll start begging but neither of you even know what he’s begging for.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tobirama is ashamed to admit how often he jacks off, but it is pretty often. Especially if you’re away for a while and he can’t have you. As stated, he really likes to jack off with your panties.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Spanking, edging, lingerie, bondage, praise, and cockwarming. He would also like dom/sub dynamics, and he’d be a switch. Sometimes he wants to boss you around and fuck you however he sees fit. Other times you have him wrapped around your finger.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom is probably his favorite place because he likes to feel comfy and safe. Being with you is his safe place, and he doesn’t want to risk that time being interrupted. He loves for you to make him beg to be inside of you.

He is also fond of shower/bathtub sex. He would love for you to slip into the bath with him and stroke his cock slowly, and edge him until he’s panting and pleading with you to let him cum. He will turn the tables on you though, so don't’ dish it out if you can’t take it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It’s kind of hard to distract Tobirama from his work, but there’s some things he just can’t resist. If you were to come to his office with a skirt on and sit in his lap, he would resist at first. But if you guide his hand between your thighs he’d have a hard time keeping his hard exterior going. He’d play with your clit and finger you while still going over his work.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Tobirama wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt you. Pain is not something he’s turned on by at all.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He fucking loves getting his cock sucked, and will never turn it down. He has such a hard time not cumming as soon as you have your lips wrapped around him.

Tobirama was a little intimidated to give oral at first because it’s something he wasn’t super experienced with. So he takes it really slowly at first and tries a few different tactics to find what gets the best reaction. Once he gets the hang of it, he will absolutely love it. He’ll stay between your thighs until you’re overstimulated and tugging on his hair.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He tends to like to take his time because if you go too fast he won’t last long, and he really wants to drag it out for the full experience. Being with you is just the best thing, and he wants to just enjoy it.

That being said, there will be times when he is just so needy and frustrated he’ll fuck you hard and fast for some relief.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not really his thing. Every once in a while they’re fun, but he prefers taking his time to explore your body.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Tobirama rarely takes risks with sex. He’s down to experiment 100% but he doesn’t like doing things that are too risky.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He doesn’t always last the longest. It really depends on his mood and how horny he is. But he can and will go for multiple rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t own any toys really except for silk scarves for bondage. If you bring something to try out he’ll be okay with it, and he’s open to having things used on him as well.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases a little bit, but he has a hard time resisting when you start begging him to fuck you so he doesn’t even usually tease as much as he wants to.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Tobirama really lets loose with sex so he’s gonna be pretty vocal. It’s not even something he means to do. He talks a lot and is very good at dirty talk. He will also groan and grunt (and possibly even growl) without any shame.  

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Tobirama loves it when you blow him underneath the Hokage desk. However, at least once someone has walked in and you didn’t stop. His hand was tangled in your hair trying to keep you still while he tried so hard to have a composed conversation without the person realizing something was going on. You kept sucking until he came down your throat, and he had to stop himself from letting out a string of curses. You definitely got bent over the desk and spanked for that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Tobirama is a little bit bigger than average, about 7 ½ inches. He is thick though, enough that there’s always a bit of a stretch when he fucks you. His cock has a few nice veins running through it, and there’s a nice curve that helps him hit your walls at the perfect angle.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Tobirama is needy, but he’s also pragmatic. So even if he yearns, he knows other things might have to take priority so he can go without for a while if he needs to.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He falls asleep pretty easily afterwards, mostly because he is a firm believer in tender aftercare to help you both unwind. However, he always stays awake until you fall asleep.

[musical-chick-13]

What OTPs in your fandoms do you just not get? 🖤

Salty ask list.

Most of them, if we're honest.

I mean...okay, there are some that I don't get because they hit tropes I don't like. But if you like those tropes or dynamics or want this specific thing for one of the characters, I'd understand why you'd like that ship. (Like J*ime/Br*enne. Not for me, but I understand the theoretical appeal for people who are not me.)

But there are many where my feelings are, "Even if you like this trope/dynamic, I don't understand what any person could possibly get out of this." The answer to this question is for ships that fall under this category.

(NOTE: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I IN ANY WAY JUDGE OR HATE PEOPLE WHO DO LIKE THESE SHIPS. THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT FOR ME. I AM HAPPY FOR YOU IF YOU SEE SOMETHING I DON'T.)

Some of them are probably obvious. Raúl/Sofía from CtrlZ (which I've DEFINITELY already talked about at length), Ch*ck/Bl*ir (HE SOLD HER!! LITERALLY!!!! THERE IS NO COMING BACK FROM THAT!!!!!!!!!!!), R*ylo (if you wanted a "moral conflict from hero/villain tension, DarkShip" kind of thing, the movies didn't deliver on that because they tried to woobify him, but if you wanted fully woobified Kenneth, they didn't bother to make him likeable, so I genuinely personally don't understand how anyone could be in any way satisfied with anything that happened regarding this ship). I was never into T*n/R*se (but that's just because I didn't really care about either of these characters, and also look at what happened to the love of my life Martha as a result of it). I also am not into that era's dr/m.aster pairing for the same reason of "not really caring about the characters." j0ner*s I think had potential, but I felt like the entire development of their relationship was extremely rushed (he was her prisoner for most of it, and they were fighting for like all of season 7 and then suddenly he's like, "Oh you are EVERYTHING to me" and I was like, "dude, how." I was actually excited to see this one play out because of the differences in how they both viewed power and what J's more simple, present-oriented wants were, versus D's broader, more ambitious, future-oriented goals, as well as the fallout of their being related and how that would compare to the way everyone in-universe treated J/C, but then they just...didn't explore...any of that...at all.......)

But I think, honestly the biggest one is probably Th*smin. Like...aside from people just wanting 13 to date a woman, I cannot find any reason why someone would ship this at all. (I will henceforth refer to the "Th" part of the ship as "Th" and the other half as "Y.")

I'm going to put the rest of this under a cut because apparently I have more Things to Say™ about this than I initially thought I did. Also spoilers for the latest episode of the show in question. I won't tag them because if I do it will end up in the show tag, and some shipper will actually kill me for saying this, oh God, this is how I die isn't it, try to get Lea Salonga to sing at my funeral.

Again, this is ONLY MY OPINION, and I harbor no ill will toward anyone who likes this ship, nor do I think they're a bad person or something because that's really stupid.

Like...Oh, God, I'm going to get shot for saying this aren't I. I just don't think...their relationship is...built?? On anything???? I get Y's crush, because yeah, sometimes if you're a Super Cool Smart Wacky Alien Who Intimidates People and Shows People the Wonders of the Universe, someone is going to develop a crush on you. And I think the development of that was set up really well. But the alien in question?? She has NEVER indicated any type of romantic interest in anyone. And all of a sudden it's, "I wish we could be here forever" and "If I were to ever Settle Down™, it'd be with you" (which...girl...you did settle down...twice...once with your wife on Darillium and once watching over The Vault......like..... what..........???). She has never shared anything personal with Y and has never interacted in any way with her that was different to how she interacted with anyone else, up until this last episode. Most of Y's growth has been done apart from her supposed love interest. What is this relationship even based on???? Even people who do ship this in earnest, how could they possibly be happy with what they've gotten???????

I just...I think ultimately the thing that Bugs Me™ is that Y just doesn't...feel like a fully complete character sometimes to me. Everyone in the show keeps talking about how she's "One of the best people" and don't get me wrong, I do like her! But she's nice and competent and gets along with people, and lots of characters on this show are nice and competent and get along with people? I don't understand why she's so Special™. And that wouldn't usually be that much of a problem for me, but that Special™ness is cited as the reason why Th likes her. And then they expect me to believe that this alien lady, who has never been able to open up, discuss her emotions, or handle anything with any degree of maturity, who is practically allergic to emotional honesty, is all of a sudden willing to take the initiative, with pretty much no angst at all, to talk about her romantic relationship with a person she is full-time travelling with and thus would be extra interested in preserving the status quo with? (Presumably because, again. This character is The Most Special™. So things are Different™ in this case.)

And don't even get me started on how she clarified that statement of "one of the best people" with "even my wife." Like if you're just going to try to elevate the New Love Interest to be So Much More Important and Special and Better than the old one, I'd rather you not mention River at all. Yeah, yeah, that's probably not what Chris meant but it sure read that way on paper to me as an audience member.

I just cannot see this erratic, emotionally troubled alien who Struggles To Be Good, who is constantly going through an identity crisis, who is first and foremost a mess ever romantically bonding with someone who isn't also at least a little messy. And that's the thing. Y isn't messy. Not even a little bit. Even when they had an opportunity to introduce mess with the Mental Illness Implied Depression episode, they did nothing with it.

There's...there's not actually anything unlikable about Y at all. And so not only do these two characters seem incompatible to me, I find it very hard to be invested in Y sometimes. (See previous answer about how characters being ideal or hyper-capable will never be resonant or escapist to me.)

And I guess just (haha, getting personal, I'm so sorry I know that absolutely no one signed up for this)...why is it never people like me who get to Fall In Mutual Love With The Wacky Smart Charismatic Space Alien? Why do the people who get the Exciting Love Interests or who are seen as Desirable™ and Special™ always have to be the thin, pretty, "normal" ones under 35 who don't ever fuck up? Why do the messy characters or characters with emotional/personal issues of who have to take awhile to figure shit out never get to be happy or fall in love (if they even get written at all)? Even if a character with mental illness does get to have any of that, it's always in one context: the symptoms are crying prettily and it's not shown affecting their life in any significant way after the piece of media establishes that they have it. (Which uh, surprise surprise, is what happened here.) It's like, "Oh, mentally ill people can have Love and Happiness and Respect and Cool Story Things, but only if they come as close to resembling a neurotypical person as possible." You can't exhibit any of the ugly parts of mental illness (or really of just...being a human, really, it doesn't even have to be if you're mentally ill), because otherwise you're Not Worthy of [insert whatever happy ending trope here]. Everything women have to do to be Worthy of Love has to be Soft and Pretty and Personable and Universally Likable, and I've just seen that story too many times for it to interest me in any way anymore.

Like...Idk. There's nothing here of substance to me, and it also happens to hit basically every single trope that annoys me, so I'm just -_-

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Scars That Heal || Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Series

• Ch. 11: Under Pressure •

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blatant homophobia from Nicklesmart The Beatboxing Jester™️ in disguise as someone you know, internalized homophobia throughout the whole chapter. As usual, will put a skip marker for the heavier scene before and after if you need/want to skip. It is not light, ngl 😔 [trigger words: f*iry + the f slur, each used on exactly one occasion, and (as an insult) queer. I'm so sorry, this was not easy for me either and please do not read this if any of this in any way bothers you, i won't be mad if you skip the chapter 💕]

A/N: Next chapter will be all fluff I promise 🥲, I'm so sorry, but I needed something that could solidify Richie and Y/n's friendship for good, and her helping him through his worst fear is the best way to do that and will be explored in other ways throughout the rest of the series, specifically in the sequel. all that aside, I missed you guys and this series so much!!

LGBTQ+ RESOURCES AND SELF HELP LINKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

- 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

    Richie keeps his eyes trained on the dried mud on his navy blue slip-ons as he makes his way across town, his mind buzzing twice as fast as it normally did. He felt as if his entire body had been put through a blender; his skull still vibrating in his head turning his brain into jelly. His stomach empty and lurching as it twisted into knots far more impossible than what you'd see from a circus performer and his heartbeat could rival a hummingbird's. Not to mention he was walking with two extra legs he'd grow from time to time, another freaky affect the physical and mental toll these past few weeks had put on him and his eyesight. The caffeine he had been living on hadn't helped him one bit either he reckoned.

    Insomnia had become his best friend in the past few weeks, hence this last-minute trip to the old gravel pit just behind Derry Town dump. At least, this was the lie he told himself to pluck up enough courage to call Y/n up. Richie hoped she could talk him through it, give him some advice. He was never this nervous to talk to her and deep down in a corner he wished to bury forever - that small part of himself that begged to be free - knew exactly why. This small, repressed Richie Tozier that lived locked away in the center of his heart was calling the shots that day. Hell, he probably had been his whole life but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself yet, let alone his true attentions of seeking her help.

    All he knew is he was nervous as all hell, his palms were sweating, he couldn't stop fiddling with his glasses and he was sure one wrong move and he'd shit his pants. For fucks sake, he needed to shake this! He had already freaked Y/n out, that he knew. He could still hear her voice over the receiver. It was soaked in static and every 's', or 'c' sound she made felt like a pencil was being shoved into his eardrums cause of her shitty outdated telephone.

    "You," she had asked with a pause. "want to meet at... the dump?"

    "Yeah," he scoffed, scratching the same spot behind his ear for what had to be the billionth time out of nervous habit. "you got wax in your ears, L/n?"

    "Nope. Just, a little confused is all. You seem kinda... I don't know, squirrely," she said wearily, and through a sharp crackling hiss from the receiver he can make out a nervous chuckle on her end. "You sure nothin' jumped up your ass or anything?"

    He bit his lip. Hard. As if punishing himself for drawing her suspicions this early. What if she somehow caught on to what he was gonna talk to her about? Her walk to the gravel pit would surely give her enough time to get to that conclusion, and Richie wasn't daft. He knew he wasn't exactly subtle about... "insomnia". What with how many times he teased insomnia, called it that special nickname he knew it hated but secretly loved. That forbidden flutter in his chest when insomnia would laugh at his jokes, and the small but precious moments they shared from time to time when the others were late that would stay in his heart and mind for weeks to come. But it didn't matter now, as everyone knew; insomnia kept Y/n's company now.

    Thankfully his mouth was faster than his brain, and it fired a rapid response before a lull could form.

    "You bet your fur," he fires, his lanky arm had rested awkwardly against the wall beside the wall mount. "I am right as rain, toots."

    He of course hadn't seen it, but she had frowned at her phone. Her concern was growing with every word spoken from him.

    "Yeah," she snorts, throwing back a sarcastic remark. "Cause you sound it."

    She had eased a bit, growing soft and falling back into their usual banter. Their special dynamic always seemed to coax down his guard a bit.

    "You're talking like a 1950's gangster in a speakeasy," She straightened a little and had begun pacing as much as the phone cord would allow her. "Ya know... More than usual."

    Y/n smiled when she could practically hear the smirk taking over his face, and she certainly had no trouble picturing his hunched shoulders and intimidating snarl he was most likely dawning.

    "It's a little somethin' called moxie, kid," he spoke with curled his words, imitating all the gangsters he had seen in those cheesy old films. "somethin' you just don't have,"

    Y/n had rolled her eyes again, at least Richie could see her doing so when he heard her respond. "Right, right. My bad Baby Face."

    "Hey!" He barked, snapping his fingers and pointing at the floor as if she could see him. His voice lowered in a thick Chicago accent. "That's mista Baby Face to ya."

    "Mista Baby Face Nelson!" She strained, her annoyed shout tainted with a laugh. "Are we meeting at five or not?"

    Richie released a quick and silent breath, expelling as many nerves as possible.

    "You bet your fur."

    The exchange kept playing over and over in his mind and Richie wondered if the same rang true for Y/n. He hoped not, cause that would mean she was thinking about it too much. Hell, he was thinking about it too much now. A heavy sigh rolls off of his chest as every anxiety collectively manifests into its own dark thought.

    Fuck, he really had it bad.

    How pathetic he was.

    Eddie would surely be horrified to know what Richie really thought of him, that was for sure.

    And as if he hadn't felt crazy enough, the thoughts actually began to feel like voices calling him from the darkest shadows of his mind.

    'And the other Losers? You'll be lucky if they even look at you again.'

    Richie was surprised to find himself fighting back, pushing back as much as he could. Despite all the jokes and jabs, he couldn't be completely alone. A small part whispered in his heart that he wasn't, and he thought briefly of the turtle strangely enough but it was gone just as soon as it had come. All he knew was that whatever was telling him this thing was stubborn. But so was Richie Tozier.

    He treated it as an intrusive thought. Made a decision then and there that it was, never occurring to him what it could be if wasn't.

    No way. Not those assholes, he tells the voice. These are the Losers for fucks sake!

    The more he thought about it the more he was sure of it. God forbid Eddie did find out, which Richie had no intention of, and what would happen was in fact unclear. But no matter how he looked at it, he just couldn't picture the little spaghetti man ever cutting him out of his life completely. Not by choice at least.

    Now Ben, that lovable sappy haystack of his that was too passionate for his own good. Richie may not be the silent type but he does pick up on things, and Hanscom's affections for Beverly Marsh were far from subtle. Always opening doors for her and turning redder than a tomato when she smiled at him. Not to mention Richie was about ninety percent sure there was a poem of some sort involved. And that was just Beverly, Ben was always thinking of the Losers. Now Richie knew for sure that boy had no hateful bone in his body to the point it was fucking annoying.

    Mike, Richie felt, might be a little similar. The kid had a lot of heart, always going on about the animals on his farm. Would even go as far to say he considered them his friends, what with how much Richie knew about Mooriuel the calf and he hadn't even met her for cripes sake! Richie imagined he'd be a bit more shocked but would try some sappy speech when he came around. Would make a whole big thing of it, pat him on the back, and even invite a conversation. He scoffed at the thought, the image of Mike slapping him on the back and his signature grin... Yeah, he appreciated the hypothetical gesture but it wasn't Richie's style.

    He could easily see Big Bill sputtering up a storm, but managing a smile. He'd probably even manage to forget their differences long enough to say something stupid but supportive. And Beverly and Stan were the ones he worried about the least. Stan would probably be too indifferent to care, throw him some snarky ass comment like, "took ya long enough, dipshit," and Beverly? Well, Beverly had always been cool, very laid back. She never took shit, and she never dished it out if she didn't think it was deserved which Richie admired greatly. This was one of many reasons he was so shocked she had taken Bill's side in the fight.

    The thought brings him back down again, and as soon as the memory touches him so do the nerves in his jaw tensing up again where he had been hit. He could feel the punch all over again. And he suddenly remembers why he is here.

    He is here, he realized.

    Just around the bend, coming into view was the gravel pit. Old and crumbling it was, and overrun with weeds and bushes. One could easily scale in and out of it, and at the very bottom Rich had discovered one day was a beaten and tattered leather seat from a car that found its way from the junkyard just a ways over. This was where he told Y/n to meet him.

    Y/n...

    Jesus fuck, what would Y/n say? How would he tell her? Would she still wanna be friends with him? Would she laugh and crack a joke, not taking it seriously? Would she hate him for it? More importantly, why in the ever-loving fuck was he here and willing to tell her?

    His gangly legs tumble into a sprint as he picks up momentum descending the uneven terrain. The rubber soles of his shoes kicking up the layers of dirt and shaved gravel that lay beneath the rocks and he had to put effort into not crashing as he comes to a stop. He manages to avoid a nasty fall, completely ignorant to the fact that his right foot had been only inches away from a root peeking out from the rocks surely would have broken his neck had he made even one wrong move. He puffs out his chest, dusting himself off, and once again tries to dispel the nausea broiling in his stomach like hot tar.

    He closes his eyes tiredly as he drags his feet to the leather bench, letting his backside fall through the air and into the somewhat plush cushion with a deep groan. "Fuck."

    His fingers rub his tired eyes, his fingertips finding bits of crust he hadn't gotten earlier and his knuckles brush his glasses further up onto his forehead. Not quite knowing what to do with the overwhelming thoughts and emotions clouding him, his fingers dig further into his eye sockets until all he can see are inky splotches behind his eyes.

    Richie doesn't know why he would ever think those things of Y/n. He hadn't ever told her this, not directly at least, but she was just about the only person in the world he trusted most. He knew in his heart of hearts this was why he found himself dialing her number before he could even register what he was doing. Even after their separation and the bitter feelings they took with it, the Losers were and always would be his best friends in the world.

    So why did everything about this feel so wrong?

    From the moment the phone call ended, he felt like he was waltzing into a trap like some putz...

    "Well, look who it is..." snarled a voice from up above the surface.

    Richie's blood ran cold and it felt as if the remainder of the air in his lungs had been squeezed out like air in a deflating balloon. He whipped around at the voice, his head twisting up at the silhouetted figure so fast he was shocked he hadn't broken his own neck. The figure held their hands on their hips, thousands of the sun's rays spilling around them as they blocked out a part of the sun, an advantage they reaped from where they stood before Richie at just the right angle. His breath caught in his throat as he had recognized the voice immediately, but the figure didn't quite match the voice.

    The last thing person he needed to see right now was Henry fucking Bowers, that was for sure.

    The universe agreed so it would seem. The figure shifted, just out of the light revealing the teasing smirk of his best friend Y/n. Her hands snapped together, her palms forming a handgun, the barrel aiming right at Richie's forehead.

    "The jig is up," she snarled. "We knows it was you. You was the ones to steal from Big Bill's dame, and I wouldn't be surprised if yous was in cahoots, neithers."

    Despite the fear that had clutched his heart only seconds ago, a small chortle left Richie at how awful her accent was. Hadn't she learned anything from him? A smug smile overtook Y/n's face as he broke. She holstered her handguns and gracefully descended the pile of gravel. His smile expired not long after, and despite the thin veil of clouds creeping over the sun the light in the sky was much too hard to even glance at his friend without blinking back several painful searing tears from the harsh light. But he could still make her out.

    She was dressed in her usual ratty and eclectic garb; a mix of something far too big for her frame and something that seemed far too tight to be comfortable. Richie was certain she had never once owned even a thread of clothing that had always been hers. Her s/c brow had its usual, light glossy sheen of grease that Richie had learned very early on to not ask about. But there was something about her now, something he couldn't quite place.

    Though one question kept popping up in his mind. One that left an itch in his brain he couldn't quite scratch in his dazed state. And that was how could he have possibly thought she sounded like Henry Bowers?

    He finds himself looking down at the gravel now, wiping away as much of the sun's damage pooling in his eyes as he can. Unbeknownst to him, she watches him studiously, the ghost of her smile still on her lips as if she was enjoying his discomfort. His long and gangly limbs are folded awkwardly, still, onto the leather seat that sits on the ground. Finally, she takes a seat beside him with a huff as he had.

    As he rubs his tired eyes for a second time she takes a long look around, breaking the silence when her trip around the gravel pit lands on him.

    "Well, you've looked better." She quips, offering a smile.

    Richie snorts, pushing his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose with a friendly smirk. "This comin' from Raggedy Ann?"

    They both breathe a small laugh and for a moment - just one beautiful, fleeting moment - Richie forgets he was ever scared. This is what he needed.

    "So," she says, pulling his gaze towards her, sending him a cocky smile as a knowing look sparkles behind her eyes. "I'm guessing there's a reason I'm here, and not helping you with your summer training?"

    Richie, for reasons unknown to him, feels his muscles tense up again involuntarily. Like a puppeteer suddenly yanking the strings, ripping his shoulders up to his ears and his muscles bracing. He felt rigid and he was, but he was doing all he could not to show it. All his unease came back in steady waves marching up the sand, but what could he do now? He could already feel her eyes burning holes into the side of his head as he kicked around a sizeable rock with the toe of his shoe, studying him. Waiting.

    Finally, his shoulders slumped in a shrug, lower lip in an indifferent pout as he looked around at the sky hanging above the gravel pit.

    "Just needed a change from all those ugly mugs, I guess," he manages a laugh, and he rises to his feet to lazily chase the rock that had rolled out of his reach.

    He can feel her eyes on him still, and he doesn't know what to make of it until finally she breaks her silence with a chuckle and rises to join him. She catches the rock with the heel of her dirtied sneakers. They're worn down to the very last thread and several shades off from the original color. She kicks the rock back to him, and they engage in a lazy game of rock soccer.

    "I can understand that," she says calmly, eyes trained on the rock as it tumbles across the gravel with several chunky clanks. "Reckon it'll be good for you, too,"

    He frowns confused without looking up at her, winding one lanky leg back before one big kick. "Whad'ya mean?"

    "Well, you don't wanna spend your whole summer inside of an arcade, do you?"

    Richie's face freezes in a frown, the rest of his body going rigid. His eyes cement on the rock underneath his shoe, willing away the veil of tears that threatened to fall. Had he not been so caught up on why he was here, Richie might have had a clear enough head to realize Y/n wasn't there for that conversation, nor had she heard about it from anyone there. Instead, all Rich can think about is the small hypochondriac boy that had stolen his heart.

    He can hear the conversation he had with his best friend, all those weeks ago when school let out. And if felt like a lifetime since he had seen that squishable, pouty little disgusted frown Eddie always put on that made Richie's inside melt. As if reading his mind, Y/n spoke.

    "This is about Eddie, isn't it?"

    Her tone is gentle but veiled. Something was concealed about the way she held herself, ever since she had arrived, something that Richie couldn't quite place. And there it was. He was right about her suspecting him, he must be. Richie battles the lump forming in his throat, and he can feel his ears turning pink under her unwavering and unblinking stare.

    Richie does all he can to fight a snarky response, not knowing how else to navigate and survive the intensity of his feelings. All he manages to do is nod.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    "Rich, it's okay," she says, taking a step forward, his gaze is pulled to her eyes. And here it is, he thinks. The moment he had been dreading, the moment he hadn't even allowed himself to think about. "...I miss him, too."

    His face caught in another frown. That's definitely not what he expected her to say. Quickly as he could, he wiped away a spot of snot at his nose. He had managed to keep the tears at bay but now they had found another way out. He felt like a fucking fool, and he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Of course she didn't know what he was talking about. Why would she - how would she? His spirits were crushed, and he suddenly didn't feel like getting into it now. She seemed off today, not that Richie cared. All he wanted was for this whole day to be over with, not even knowing the worst had yet to come.

    She studies his reaction, almost as if she had been waiting for this and she blinks for what Richie is now starting to realize must be the first time since she got here. Y/n's face screws into a frown, and yet there still lingered an uneasy smile that taunted him. Her eyes squint suspiciously at Richie, her head tilting in an expression he never knew he had always feared would come.

    She laughs finally, a shrill and grating laugh he hadn't quite heard before and she nudges him playfully. "Oh, come on! It's not like you've got some faggy crush on him or something?"

    When he doesn't answer, she scoffs, turning away and shaking her head in disbelief for a moment.

    Richie felt he just might vomit. Or cry. Or both. He had never felt so distraught, so dejected. So broken.

    How could she be saying these things?

    He tries with all his might to conjure a response, any fucking thing at all so he wasn't some blubbering broken chump breaking down in front of her. But for the first time in his life, Richie "loudmouth" Tozier was speechless.

    That fuck-awful grating laugh returns, a sour look screws up her face as she looks him up and down in disgust.

    "Wait, seriously?" She gapes with a scoff, making him feel about two inches tall. "You actually think he'd want to be with some fairy freak like you?"

    "F-f-uck off," he sputters, though he does not feel better.

    The trembling in his voice, the vulnerability, hearing it in himself strips any remaining scrap of confidence he had left. He's crying now and there's no hiding it. And she heard it in his voice, he knew that now as he looks at her. Her lips curl into a malicious smile and she takes another step closer, Richie fumbles a step back.

    "He isn't some," her nose crinkles as she continues to advance on him, the fire in her eyes building as he stumbles back to escape her sudden venom. "rotten queer like you."

    Y/n spits the words out like they were poison on her tongue, and this was true in every way. Her fiery stare never left Richie, it burned holes right through him as she advanced on him like a wolf on a wounded doe. They were nearing the edge of the gravel pit, and Richie had nearly run out of room when her finger stabbed his chest like a sword's final strike to the heart, pushing him to the ground as she spoke those poisonous words.

    Richie felt his backside meet several jagged rocks that brought even more tears to his eyes, though none of them hurt as much as her words. She towered over him now, the sun beating down on her back and pouring over her shoulders, trapping Richie in her shadow. She shakes her head, and he can still make out the pathetic look on her face as she glowers at him.

    "It's girls he likes. It's me he likes." she points to herself, shaking her head. "He was mine the second he saw me, but you?"

    She scoffs again, and her shadow releases him as she kneels to balance on her feet, legs folded before him with a snide look.

    "You've always been the insufferable loudmouth he couldn't get rid of." A sharp laugh escapes her, the clutch on his heart tightening to dangerous amounts he fears it will give out. "Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about that now, huh?"

    His heart feels as if it has been ripped to shreds, the claws of the wolf had struck and now he was drowning in his own sorrows as pain as the heartbreak filled his lungs. Richie could no longer see behind the thick wall of glassy tears that blanketed his eyes, and the sounds of his own sobs amplified his embarrassment and despair. He was hopelessly broken, and he could feel himself crumble, each piece disappearing amongst the gravel underneath him until he couldn't be found. He blinked only once, but it was enough to send every tear racing down his cheek at once.

    Another malicious smile contorts her face, her e/c eyes burning darker until they looked almost a completely different shade. Her lips seemed to stretch on and on and on in a way only one thing could. And it was then that it occurred to him.

    Not one thing she had said to him is something he could have ever prepared himself for, each word constricting his heart and lungs and swelling his throat with the ever-growing lump.

    Nor was any of it something she would ever dream of saying, he knew this now.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    This wasn't Y/n, this was never Y/n. She had never showed, and if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own fucking head he would have caught on from the second "Y/n" arrived. Especially that entrance, Y/n surely would have fallen on her ass on her way down into the gravel pit never mind the fact her accent wouldn't be nearly as shit.

    But none of this mattered now. This thing that looked like his friend had him cornered, and It knew it.

    A wicked grin overtook the mask of Y/n's face that chilled Richie to his bones, and yet it also reassured him. Y/n was tough and could be scary from time to time, but he knew she could never be capable of the pure evil that now danced in It's eyes. Richie's body was already in motion, his arms and legs scrambling for any sort of grip that could take him up the side of the pit and to safety. But the gravel beneath him was always shifting, rolling out from underneath him when it wasn't raking his palms to pieces and all he was accomplishing was a small plume of dust that clung to his backside.

    Richie didn't know where it came from, but his actions were faster than his feelings as his fist collided with It's nose. And no sooner did the heel of his shoe collide in a painful crack that sent It's head back, did his eyes widen in horrific shock. The painful crack that would surely haunt him for many nights to come, had not been from the collision of his heel on It's nose but It's head - or Y/n's as this was still It's disguise - had snapped completely back and dangled completely off It's/her shoulders.

    The only thing connecting her head to her shoulders was the suit of s/c skin. Protruding from the center of her neck just under the skin was the end of her spine where it had disconnected, giving away a disturbing lack of muscles and veins in her neck as if it had been hollowed out like a pumpkin. Her head rolled back and forth limply, and Richie could feel bile climbing up his throat, ready to burst out his digested mac and cheese.

    His mind was screaming at his legs to run while all was still but a small part of him knew this was all a gambit, that it didn't matter if she was frozen stiff or not. Richie knew as soon as he booked it, It would spring to life with something even more twisted. That now, without his friends, he was as good as dead.

    And It was more than happy to prove Richie right.

    The clone of his friend sprang to life, It's head still rolling around on It's shoulders. Connected only by the skin of It's neck, and moving around like some fucked up slinky toy. Richie was already halfway up the gravel pit, bits of rock and dirt finding their way into his shoes as he kicked up the earth though that was the farthest thing from his mind.

    By the time Richie reached the top of the pit, he could no longer hear the thunderous boom of his heart attempting to break loose from his chest, which was saying an awful lot. His screams echoed out into the air only to be swallowed by the screams of other children and Richie didn't know how he knew this but he knew those were the screams of Betty Ripsom, Ed Corcoran... Georgie Denbrough. The bloodied screams of It's victims were drowning Richie as he ran for the junkyard, and he wondered if he might live to hear them stop.

    The screams were so fucking loud in his ears he could see them. Each of them a blinding, deafening, gut-wrenching, and blood-curdling scream that danced through the air like ribbons as they begged for their lives. Richie cried out and he couldn't even hear his own voice, but he didn't let this stop his legs from pumping as hard as they possibly could. He was nearly to the junkyard, surely he could use something to fend It off but he knew he was just buying time.

    He could taste the blood on his tongue from where his teeth bit into his cheek. In all his short life, Richie Tozier would not have guessed child-eating clown to be the way he'd kick the can. When ever the thought of death began troubling him, he always liked to picture something like a western. Him and his rightful enemy squaring off against good and evil, he'd shoot first and save the day but still sustain an injury and bleed out. But it'd be a hero's death. And that was something.

   But this... this was something born out of darker than evil and Richie was about to be pulled into the gravity well of this black hole and swallowed up. And he knew in his soul, the very pits of his stomach it would reach out with its shadowy arms and pull him into darkness.

    And it did.

    Richie had been rapidly approaching the edge of the junkyard without realizing and within an instant found himself on the ground, caved in on himself as he tumbled in the dirt and rocks accepting he was to join them soon enough. He closed his eyes and waited for death as a hand curled around his shoulder and pulled him around. Another jolt of shock shot through his entire body at the sudden contact, locking his jaw and paralyzing his entire body in fear as he was met with the new threat. He didn't dare open his eyes, and certainly not when he heard his best friend's voice again.

    "Richie! Richie?"

    It was her again, he realized. Y/n's real voice, the one that he heard on the telephone that was dripped in static. The one now dripped in fear.

   "Richie?!"

    When the boy opened his eyes, they were filled with terror and his sobs continued. A lense Y/n never thought she'd see Richie look at her through. Her heart broke in an instant when she realized he was afraid... of her. Instantly, she released him and let her backside fall back into the gravel. She watched through a thick wall of tears as he trembled, crying to himself, and never in all her life had she seen Richie Tozier so broken.

    It tore her apart.

    She didn't have to be a genius to realize what had happened here. Before she had even reached the junkyard on her bike she had heard his screams strangled through the wall of trees gating the area. When she had reached the gravel yard, she was happy to see him still in one piece but he was running for his life from an invisible force. The damn coward had gotten what It wanted and scared him shitless, but why would he disappear just because she showed? She had wondered.

    Now she was beginning to understand. It didn't need to be here to scare her. Just the sight of Richie in such a state was enough to tear her down and it took just about everything in her not to scream into the sky from a mix of fury and fear.

    Besides the tears that race down her cheeks and wet her legs, all Y/n could feel was a painfully numbing fear. Fear that Richie would never be the same. Fear that Richie would never speak to her again. Fear that Richie would never trust her again. Fear for whatever the fucking hell that thing did to Richie. Fear that It would do it again.

    All she felt now was fear for Richie.

    Y/n doesn't bother to fight the sob that breaks loose, her bottom lip quivers violently and her arms fall to the gravely pavement beneath her. As if her head had filled with lead, it grew heavy enough to fall into her chest where her chin landed, shaking several more tears loose.

    "I'm s-so sorry, Richie,"

    Y/n yearns to say more, but her body is physically weak from sadness and shame. Yet still, she repeats it in her mind hoping with everything in her it slips out of her mouth, or maybe if she thought them loud enough he'd hear them in his mind.

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I'm so goddamn sorry...

    "I'm sorry," she whimpers. "I promise..."

    I promise I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise I'm not gonna hate you. I promise I'm gonna be there for you, from now on. I promise.

    Her sniffles blend with his own, and Richie is unsure why this is the moment he knows for sure this is the real Y/n before him; maybe he was just too exhausted to think it through, perhaps it was the godawful sound she was making trying to keep herself from snotting as bad as he was but he knew It had gone. And the Y/n sitting beside him — crying with him, was the one he dialed up today. This was the Y/n he had been prepared to bare his soul to. His true self.

    So with one shaky hand — the other still tucked in close to his chest — Richie's left hand slid out from under him and across the gravel to Y/n's open palm. Her fingers were digging into the gravel, sharp edges of the rock digging into her skin as if to assure herself she was really real. Suddenly, she felt Richie's shaky palm slide underneath hers, carefully taking it.

    Y/n picked her glassy stare up from the ground to look at their intertwined hands, and she melted a little. Several of those fears — not all of them, but some — were ebbed away and she looked to Richie. He was still curled up in the dirt, his eyes closed and silent tears streaking his dirt-covered face. Each tear paved a path of clean skin, washing the dirt away in wild streaks where ever each tear had fallen. Several large and swollen beads of tears collected at his chin where they dangled, threatening to fall.

    She gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know she was there for him as she had promised him. And she was ready to sit with him for as long as he needed.

    For hours that feel only like minutes, they sit together in tear-filled silence, clinging to one another's presence and the knowledge that they are now all they have left.

    And there was no way they were letting go.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here are some LGBTQ+ resources for mental health and self help if you feel you need them:

How do I find LGBTQ friendly therapy?

An article on safe ways to find the best sources of help that are right for you

The Trevor Project

Self Care Tips for Trans and Non Binary Folks

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[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha” type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[firelxdykatara]

Hey, maybe don't ship kids with adults. A thought. Also, you insulted my dear fried Jo, and for that, you should be vary ashamed of yourself. Jo is nothing but kind, helpful, and an absolute sweetheart as are all my other friends that you so rudely disregarded the other day. Not to mention all the Poc you talked over just so you can keep your uwu harmless ship, when they tell you it;s WRONG. I don't like sending anon hate, but I hope you get your life together.

This is really funny, because a) I don’t have any kid/adult ships, but b) I don’t give a fuck what people do with fictional characters, and c) if I did ship kids with adults do you really thing some cowardly grayface in my inbox would get me to stop?

Anyway, thank you for the motivation! I’m gonna go write some more jiangtara now, they have such a great dynamic and I’m loving this exploration of their relationship post-war as she helps Katara find herself and discover what she really wants out of life! (Hint: it’s Zuko. Because I’m me and he’s her soul’s true mate.)

As for the rest, idfk who Jo is, but if they’re one of the people who I responded to from that post who was calling me a pedophile for enjoying a ship they decided was pedophilic (why they chose to look at a ship and immediately picture someone in their mid-twenties banging a 14-year-old I’ll never know, but that sounds like a them problem and certainly not mine), then I stand by whatever I said to them because every time I reblogged that post I was increasingly inundated with the worst takes imaginable, and none of the people who reblogged that post to clown on it was kind, helpful, or a sweetheart. They were, in fact, bullies shouting buzzwords because they decided something was canon that was never stated and then decided to project on me.

Even funnier, yall only seem to care about ‘talking over poc’ when it’s ppl in your camp making erroneous claims about the morality of a fucking ship (and shitting on literally everyone in interracial relationships and multicultural families irl in the process), and not when it’s yall talking over the many poc who ship zutara and have been saying you’re wrong all this time.

Clearly, you have no problem sending anon hate, since you had no issue clicking anon and sending this ask. It’s you who I hope gets your life together, since for all my sins (and there are many, no one’s perfect), I’ve never once felt the need to be an asshole in someone’s inbox over something they ship. Like most mature adults, I’m capable of curating my own fandom experience. If I don’t like ships, I filter them through my blacklist, and if I want to complain about them, I use the appropriate anti and salt tags so that people who enjoy the ship don’t have to see it in the main ship tags. Clearly, these are vitally important life skills you have yet to acquire, and I feel genuinely sorry for you.

Get well soon!

[sapphic-sex-ed]

About that last post. About the sissy culture and cuckoldry. Do you think it is wrong. Cause I know some guys who just enjoy dressing up femenine sometimes. He names himselve as a sissy. But I don't really see the problem with it. I'm probably again being ignorant.

Inherently, by their own theoretical virtue? No. In the context of a world of racism, antiblackness, misogyny, and transmisogyny? Yes.

There is nothing wrong with a guy liking to dress in feminine clothes. It’s actually radical and men should do it more. There is nothing wrong with a guy liking to feel feminine. It’s good to explore gender and gender roles.

When there is a sexual element to enjoying being dressed or treated femininely, you start to have a risk of problems. It’s normal for closeted transfeminine people to enjoy femininity in a sexual way, and it’s not a problem (autogynephilia is a transmisogynist myth). When someone who is absolutely and exclusively male gets off on femininity, it is almost always about degradation. Submissiveness is fine, but when your idea of being degraded is being like a woman, you think of womanhood as degrading, and therefore women as lesser. This is majorly misogynist (just internalized misogyny for trans girls of course). So, because s*ssy culture runs on misogyny and the fetishization of Black men, your friend should really not be calling themself a s*ssy.

There is nothing wrong with a guy wanting to submit to another man. However, the dynamic of c*ckoldry relies heavily on anti-Black racism and indeed misogyny as well (such as that women only care about “alpha” men and will cheat on “beta” men). There is pretty much no way that a c*ckoldry fetish can be unreliant on these oppressions. Therefore it is not acceptable.

-*Mod Star*

[janiedean]

(part 1) ur gonna roast me for this but im legit curious why mafia AUs are so bad? im asking in a non confrontational way, i get it romanticizing mafia is wrong, but i also believe that 1)most mafia AUs are a really toned down type of mafia;2)they do make for some interesting kinds of dynamics with fanart and with fics; 3)in a fic specifically u can create your own world and call something mafia and still make it so they don't kill innocent people but only idk members of other gangs or sth

(part 2) plus theyre a way to put ur charas in a completely diff context and see what theyll do. i mean i dont believe that writing ships in a certain context (like mafia) equals romanticizing that context. mafia AUs arent even my fav things to read (in fact i almost never do), im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

I’m not gonna roast you don’t worry xD okay wait let me check if I replied to this already if yes I’m gonna c/p because it’s half past midnight otherwise I’ll just go at it again wait *checks tags* fff obviously I don’t have a general post but anyway pls read this after you’ve done with my post and then this which is also choke-full of links. plus for a (not nice) laugh: here. AH WAIT I FOUND THE POST.

okay, so, let’s have it out of the way: I have nothing against mob aus or crime aus. I have a problem against calling them mafia AUs because in the US mafia = organized crime at large, in Italy mafia = ACTUAL EXISTING ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE ACTIVELY HARMFUL. now that I introduced the topic I’ll c/p you the reply I gave to another anon who while discussing the issue pointed out that most writers don’t even know Italian mafia is a thing, which is pretty much on the same discourse so...

*The thing is - in the US it might not be enough of a deal anymore and I honestly do get why people make the mafia = regular mobsters, since the mafia was the first foreign organized crime being exported to the US via italian immigrants (sorry if this sounds horrible in English but I just woke up and I still didn’t have coffee) so I understand that mafia became the umbrella term.But the thing is that - as you said, these people don’t even know that there’s a mafia in Italy anymore or where the word comes from.

 I’m going to link to italiansreclaimingitaly’s tag about the mafia and its perception outside Italy because they posted about this extensively and it’s an excellent resource, but meanwhile I’m gonna do a very short bullet point list and about the topic:

Mafia might not be a big deal in the US, but it still is here. We have the beauty of four different mafias (Cosa Nostra - the Sicilian one, camorra which is the one in Campania but has tendrils spread everywhere, the 'ndrangheta which is in Calabria and the Sacra Corona Unita in Puglia) which are all active [especially camorra and 'ndrangheta] and whose actions have direct impact (negative) on our economy and on our society. Actually mafias are one of the main reasons we’re currently economically fucked up, and if I start talking about how mafia culture keeps some areas literally backwards I could talk about it for three months.

There are still people who are killed for standing up against them. These days the most prominent personality is Roberto Saviano who is a writer who dared to put together a book documenting minutely the way camorra works and he’s been living under protection for years by this point. Like, they want him dead because he wrote a book. And I’m sorta sure that he was talking about leaving Italy and going to the US after years of sticking with it here because he can’t take it anymore but I don’t know if it was a taken decision or if it’s still debating it.

It wasn’t even thirty years ago that we had the stragi di mafia - in english it’d be something like the mafia slaughters, basically around the beginning of the nineties there were a number of bombs planted by the mafia targeting people who were trying to oppose it including judges Falcone and Borsellino, actually the anniversary of Falcone’s death is like... tomorrow. And they’ve killed people for way longer than that. Here is a list of only Cosa Nostra victims including the ones from the eighties/nineties. And people are still dying because of it. The slaughters I’m referring to are just the ones in the nineties which are enough of a number.

They also perpetuate a culture where if you testify against your mafia-employed relatives you’ll be shunned forever. There are women who testified against their families and couldn’t see their children anymore never mind that they weren’t automatically considered a relative anymore the moment they sided against the mafia. Some people have committed suicide after becoming witnesses also because our police force/justice system can be terribly non-supportive in this kind of situation so they got left on their own. Never mind that back in the day - it was the beginning of the nineties? - I recall at least a particular story of - I think, correct me if I remember wrong but I can’t remember the names for the life of me - where this guy testified against the local mafia when he either used to work for them or was forced to pay them the pizzo and in retaliation his six-year old (or five? Anyway he had a son younger than ten for sure) got kidnapped, killed and thrown into acid to dispose of the body. That happened in what, 1993? 1994? It’s pretty much yesterday. And now the camorra is doing the same - there’s a list here of camorra victims among which accidental passerbys that got killed because they were in the way which I can tell just by glancing is not complete. And I’m not even going into the 'ndrangheta. That is to say, here mafia still kills people and cripples our country.

Now, I get that it’s a word, but the point was: let’s say that instead of the Italians the Japanese came to the US first and the umbrella word for organized crime was yakuza rather than mafia and let’s say yakuza was still what it was originally in Japan while in the US it stopped being a big deal and people write yakuza!AU instead of mafia AU. Let’s say someone Japanese gets angry at that and goes like 'listen the yakuza is a real deal it does this this this and that and it’s a plague in our country so can you please at least look it up before writing your fanfic’, which is what had happened way back then when this whole mafia and fanfic thing blew up. A bunch of people told us to get over it because it’s just a word and if it’s a problem in Italy it’s not in the US so why should they care? Now, if we had been Japanese (or Chinese or Russian or Mexican) would they have said the same thing? Considering the general tumblr attitude I’m pretty sure they would have received either an apology or 'this is an important deal let’s keep that in mind’ with signal boost reblogs and stuff. 

It’s the fact that we should get over people not knowing that it’s still a real problem for us and that they can’t take five seconds to google it that is the problem imo. Especially when instead of mafia au you can just say mobsters au or tag it as organized crime and everyone is a lot happier, mostly because as the tag above explains romanticising the mafia is a good thing for them because it means they can act outside Italy with less stigma because everyone thinks that the mafia is dead or not relevant anymore, if I’m explaining myself. (And it’s active outside Italy - like, there was a mafia kill in Germany in 2007 where six people died (sorry the link is in Italian but there isn’t an English wiki page, if you look the city up you’ll find something probably) and it was because of the 'ndrangheta.

I’d really like to not get worked over it because it meant it was a thing of the past y'know, but the problem is that it isn’t and I’d rather spread some awareness in hope some of these writers look it up (because it’s a good thing that people know what mafia is since as stated they have tendrils everywhere - if you read Saviano’s book the entire first chapter is about how camorra regularly deals with Chinese import/export in Italy for one) than shrug and figure that since they’ll think everything is good for fanfic then it’s not even worth my time.*

Now, ^^^ that was the c/p-ed reply that should answer most of your doubts. What I didn’t address was:

im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

aaaand as we say here in Italy, this is where the donkey falls (sorry we have weird sayings), because in theory there’s nothing wrong with that... except that in 99% of the mafia aus I’ve seen around the thing is that they’re supposed to be cute.

like, I see a lot of shit with TINY MAFIA BOSS STEVE ROGERS with RUSSIAN ENFORCER BUCKY (????? bucky isn’t even russian???) and the yoi thing I saw before had the japanese character being the leader of a russian mafia gang which is... like... guys it doesn’t happen it really doesn’t, and a lot of them re-use wrongly terminology taken from the godfather without context or knowing what the hell it means, and it’s always from the criminals’ pov and they’re somehow seen as criminals doing justice where the police can’t (???) and like... no. mafia bosses/enforcers/employees are bad people period, and at least here if you try to leave or repent they kill your family in retribution. like, not even ten years ago there’s been a woman who used to belong to a mafia family (or one colluded with the mafia) who testified and her entire town/family shunned her and she couldn’t take it anymore and... killed herself drinking acid if I don’t recall wrong. it’s not even special cases. this shit is not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not adorable and it’s not good fodder for your imagine your otp scenario (srsly I saw one like.. let me find it,

LIKE. just look at this shit. in a regular context, the enforcer goes to the show owner to force them to pay a monthly sum to their boss lest they destroy their shop and their lives and their family’s life never mind that mafia culture is deeply homophobic so the mafia enforcer flirting with the shopkeeper is like completely fucking out of the question. I mean, people here like to shit on the sopranos but that show was actually excellent representation of Horrid Criminals Who Were Never Supposed To Be Good People and the small arc that happened when one of tony’s friends turned out to be gay (closeted) was REALLY well done. btw, it ended that when they found out he was gay most of the crowd rejected him and thought badly of him until I think they killed him also for other reasons, but that spiraled from finding out he liked dick. and that’s american mafia that they actually based on well-done research of the culture in Italy it came from, I assure you that here it doesn’t work that differently. like. the shit above is so inaccurate and frankly offensive, it’s like... I get people romanticizing problematic stuff but the thing is that when you tell them that it’s actually offensive you get brushed off as ‘ah well you’re being too sensitive it’s just a word u__u’. now, I’m all for exploring shit we wouldn’t be into, but not like THAT, because that’s like mafia romantic comedy and that’s not how it works. now, you wanna do a fic where the mafia characters are deeply flawed and bad people and the police tries to catch them? fine, great, go ahead. you wanna do a fic where the enforcer above deals with dunno an entire life of internalized homophobia when he finds the shopkeeper attractive and feels conflicted over having to con money out of him and doing horrible shit for a living and maybe understanding that crime isn’t worth it and then he actually collaborates with the police and gets shit from about everyone he knows and loves for that? okay, awesome, go ahead. nothing bad in that.

but the shit above is not exploring things we wouldn’t/writing darkfic, it’s THINKING THAT A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION WHICH IS STILL A THING IN OUR PART OF THE WORLD IS CUTE AND ADORABLE. and that only plays in their favor because it takes the bad aura out of the word and we really should not let that happen. like. that is what is bad about mafia aus and mafia discourse, that people don’t realize the mafia is alive and well and thriving and not a thing that doesn’t exist or a generic word for organized crime.

you wanna write the shit above? okay, CALL IT CRIME AU or mob au, not mafia au.

btw, add-on: idk if I mentioned it in the above post or not, but in case I didn’t, I said that people would balk at the idea of a mexican cartel au. sadly since then I’ve found out a fandom where not only there is one but it’s also extra cutesy and people apparently love it and it has a bunch of kudos/comments and idek I’m not even touching that with a ten foot pole but like... I’ve avoided it and everything that author wrote because to me it’s just... nope. like, nope. if you do mafia aus don’t make them fucking cute. (also: in the same fandom I had to mute a v. famous fanartist whose art I actually liked but did cutesy mafia aus and.. like... haahahhaahahahahaha nah sorry. can’t go there. nope.)