#i just can't get over this play and how utterly bizarre it is

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

I am listening to it on audible and am still only half way through but so far have a few thoughts

1. ⁠It is actually very boring

2. ⁠You can feel the treachery, spite, vindictiveness, deceit, victimhood, maliciousness, envy, paranoia, delusion and manipulation in every sentence, Its oozes into my pores and makes me feel unclean just listening to it. I cannot think of a book I have enjoyed less.

3. ⁠The weird and constant mentions of his mum are just bizarre. I understand the tragedy of him losing her so young, but I am sure his reactions to it are not typically normal for what is now a grown man. He is batshit crazy.

4. ⁠He has long gratuitous sections about killing rabbits, deer, pheasants, and talks at length about the blood, gore and disembowelling. It literally made me feel sick.

5. ⁠He has a grandiose sense of self-importance that is utterly delusional.

6. ⁠His constant references to his drug taking are over the top. He acts like it is totally normal. I understand why this plays a part in his autobiography since he seems to have spent so much of his time taking them. But he seems to glorify it with no introspection on the dangers, and revels in spilling all the details with no cares for the people who have loyally tried to cover up for him over the years. Despite the fact he talks about leaking and planting by his family it is obvious how much they have covered for him.

7. ⁠He doesn't seem to give a damn if he destroys the monarchy, and after reading the book that is what I think he is intent on doing. He misses no opportunity to add in any malicious adjectives, unnecessary anecdote, unflattering (and unlikely) quotes about his family and throws shade and blame on to them whenever he can. He comes over as so petty and malicious. You get the sense that he feels that if he can't be king he will blow the whole thing up.

8. ⁠It is abundantly clear he has no real love for his dad, brother, or grandfather from the way he talks about them, and it is questionable that he even loved the queen. He shows no empathy or respect for them and makes them look bad whenever he can. He can talk all he likes about reconciliation but he has burnt every bridge and if he were my son or brother, he would be dead to me. There is no purpose to a reconciliation - if it is not for love then it is for his own self-serving purposes.

9. ⁠When you read the whole book rather than listening to excerpts, some stories fade into insignificance. For example the losing his virginity story is a minor mention in passing. But what you don't get from the excerpts is the whole sense of nastiness pervading every paragraph. Before reading it I really didn't like Harry, but blamed Meghan far more. Never before have a read an autobiography where someone has the chance to write the narrative of their own life in a way that is supposedly flattering, and I have found myself liking them even less, despising them in fact. He is an utterly nasty piece of work......and I am still only half way through the book.

I'm so glad you wrote it up. Thank you.

I think part of the sense of boredom is that the writing gets monotonous after a while. Also, you are immersed inside Harry's head and he really has no empathy for anyone. When I finished the first few chapters, I felt like I was reading one of those 80s anti-hero novels like American Psycho, where you are looking at things from the viewpoint of a sociopath. The way he focuses on the bedroom sheets and the hole in his shoe and even the way he spoke of women ("she was perfect, perfect, perfect") struck as very Patrick Bateman.

I agree as to the nastiness, hence the American Psycho reference above. One of the passages that most struck me was when the Diana Ghost Leopard shows up and his bodyguards are alarmed. He explains that they were alarmed because if the leopard mauled him the headlines would be horrible. It didn't seem to cross his mind that the bodyguards were scared because they did not want him hurt. He only thought of the headlines. That, to me, shows how warped his mindset is.

Ditto on the Diana segments. It feels almost sweet at first because the first chapters of the book deal with his childhood, but then it turns weird really quickly.

I'm surprised not that many people have talked about the hunting gore. It's very striking and, frankly, alien. I know hunters (at least in the US) and I've never heard of any describing the kills like this. It was truly disturbing, and I'm not anti-hunting. It's just that he seemed to enjoy the gore a little too much.

He is very arrogant, particularly for someone who was supposedly raised with an inferiority complex for being a spare.

Drugs seem to be a part of his identity, which surprised me since I'd bought into the "Hero Harry" image. I don't know if that was always the case, or if he bought into the California drug culture when he arrived there, but it's striking.

He does want to destroy the monarchy. That comes across very clearly.

He seems very detached from everyone in his family, and yet passionately attached to the image he has built of his mom (a tabloid-based image!). It's an interesting contrast. He has no empathy for Will's position at all or for his dad's struggles. His family relationships seemed to be stuck at a childhood developmental level--mom is the perfect nurturer, father is all-powerful, and brother is a rival.

It is all very nasty, and I'm surprised someone didn't step in to explain that to him.

[alicevanillee]

A (Weird) Look Into Drumless Albums: Daft Punk & DJ Sabrina The Teenage DJ

2023: In celebration of the 10th anniversary since the release of Daft Punk's 2013 'Random Access Memories', the duo (or whoever manages them now they've broken up) emerged with - alongside an anniversary edition - perhaps one of the strangest release decisions in dance music... ever? : an entirely drumless version of their beloved album, nary a kick nor snare in sight.

now, I should mention that RAM is not my favourite daft punk album, but credit where credit is due, you can't deny get lucky and lose yourself to dance.

nonetheless this version of the album spans between the actually quite alright (in the case of The Game of Love); something frustratingly lacking - Giorgio by Moroder without drums totally misses the mark and is... 9 minutes long; and the secret third thing in lose yourself to dance that is sorta what this semi-structured ramble is about:

Lose Yourself To Dance (Drumless Edition) is... agonising...ly.. good??? - like... alarmingly so

one thing daft punk had always excelled at (in my eyes) is creating a sound that makes you BEG for some musical satisfaction - Crescendolls on discovery is the clearest example - and playing that for the entire song.

What Lose Yourself gains without drums is this overwhelming internal feeling that at any point the drums are going to finally kick in and give that satisfaction that the track is building up to. Im being serious, go listen to it, its 6 minutes of the tensest build up with absolutely zero release, its brilliant - I haven't seen anything else quite like it and I strangely love it. It totally peels back the idea of what dance music needs and is still so excellently danceable in its own way.

So, the reason I bring this up is because DJ Sabrina The Teenage DJ's 'Destiny (Drumless Edition)' does this for almost all of its entire, majestic 3 hours and 56 minute runtime. And of course this album was probably just a joke about Daft Punk's release, and a continued meme about how the artist dropped a 4 hour album fairly casually - but like Lose Yourself To Dance, its really surprisingly quite good.

now, before you rush into it (I know you're TOTALLY BEGGING to, and have already put aside 4 precious hours to dedicate to the album.) I feel that the feeling im talking about here only makes sense when you know a bit of DJ Sabrina's other stuff: its (usually) some absolutely excellent sampling work with a massive side chained 4 on the floor that slides in halfway through. It's simple, but executed brilliantly. Check out all 7 minutes of 'Next To Me', and you'll get the vibe.

I'm not saying this version is better than the original... absolutely not, and same goes for Lose Yourself To Dance. But there really is something here when it stretches out for 4 hours. I think I may be one of the very few people who have actually sat through a large chunk of the album, but that feeling of anticipation turns from unease into a trancelike... calm?

Destiny Drumless is... like... incredible study music, especially with Sabrina's heavily layered style, the samples begin to wash over you without any pause (the album has basically zero dead air), and it becomes wonderfully tranquil to just... sit... and absorb what you can of the glossy synths and gentle pads as they pass you by.

While RAM Drumless is, really not great save for a few tracks and DJ Sabrina is fairly underground... I do sincerely hope that the joke about it catches on, because drumless dance is... utterly bizarre, but can really very much work with the right artist, and that weird feeling you get while listening is something im not sure exists anywhere else in music right now.

[houseboywife]

The Tower of Druaga: a game you can't play properly anymore

(insert image) Some people, upon reading this title, might think I'm talking about some kind of lost media. Not at all: The Tower of Druaga has been perfectly preserved. It has been rereleased on multiple platforms, and hell, if you wanted to you could even download and play it right now. Legally, of course. Right? Right. No, what I mean is that The Tower of Druaga is a game that was made to work only in a specific cultural context, at a specific cultural time, and playing it today would be an utterly miserable experience. And yet, the game was insanely successful when it launched in 1984. So let's see what it's all about, and why it is so utterly bizarre.

The Tower of Druaga has a pretty standard premise: you're the hero Gilgamesh, with your sword, shield, useful trinkets, and the like. Your goal is to climb 60 maze-like floors of the tower, slay the eponymous demon, save the girl and get the magic thingamajig. Each floor has enemies to avoid, a treasure to collect, a key and a locked door. Easy enough, right?

Except there's a catch. A big and huge catch. You see, each treasure contains items, and to make them appear you have to solve puzzles. Except those puzzles are completely arbitrary and are not communicated to the player in any way. They range from killing enemies in a certain order, to pressing a certain button combination, to crossing two arbitrary points in the map. Again, there is no indication on how to do any of this. What about the items? Well, here's an example. The first one you can get is a copper pickaxe that can be used to break walls. Pretty neat, but not necessary. Except that, if you miss it, you don't get any of the significantly better pickaxes later. Also, you have to break walls to get some items. Also, you can only use it twice in a floor before it breaks. Forever. You're not told this.

Some items have no effect other than making items spawn in later floors. Some are useless. Some have actively negative effects. But some items, oh some items are mandatory. And they might require that you picked previous items to spawn. And they might be locked behind nonsensical puzzles. And, of course, you can make the game unwinnable without knowing about it. The game doesn't tell you, it even lets you put in another quarter if you die. But if you miss a required item, you just can't win. Oh, and also: each floor has a time limit. Once expired, wisps start chasing you, and if they catch you you get zapped back to a lower floor. Without some of your items. Even the required ones.

Here's some examples just to put things into perspective:

Floor 5, white sword. Doesn't do anything, but without it you can't collect any of the future sword upgrades. One of them is required to win the game. To get it, you must block three spells from a wizard enemy with your shield, while moving.

Floor 19, book of light. If you don't get it, the next 3 floors will be completely dark. To get it, wait 3 seconds after unlocking the door.

Floor 25, nothing. Defeat every enemy to collect it.

Floor 28, gate detection book. If you don't collect it, the door on floor 30 doesn't spawn, softlocking you. To get it, stand on the locked door and draw your sword.

Floor 30, potion of unlock. If you don't collect it, a useful item on floor 31 doesn't spawn. To get it, walk three times over point A or B as illustrated in the following map. But also point A doesn't always work and you might need to kinda wiggle around a bit .

Floor 37, hyper helmet. Increases your health and is required to win the game. If you didn't collect the item on floor 36, turns into the evil elmet that decreases your health and makes you softlocked. To get it, defeat two druids and cross paths with a roper.

Floor 59, Druaga Fight. Just kill all the enemies, but if you accidentally absorb a spell using the hyper armor you collected previously, you get soft locked.

Floor 60: execute a specific series of actions to win, if you accidentally break a wall with a pickaxe you get softlocked.

I think this is sufficient to get that point across. And the thing is: people absolutely loved it. The Tower of Druaga attracted millions of fans, inspired a large amount of games including Zelda, had nine sequels, one manga, and even two animes. All for a game like this. Once this game got released in the future in the west, critics absolutely demolished it. And rightfully so: it really sucks to play now. Really, the only way to do it is to use a guide, because there's no way to find out realistically how to do any of that, at all.

And that's the thing, really: this game is pretty shit here and now, because it was meant to be played in a japanese arcade, in 1984. It makes little sense to review it now cause, well, an element of the game is missing. Sharing the secrets and tricks to other people can't really be done the same way anymore. Everything has been discovered, and if it released today the solution would just be posted on the internet on day 1. So every rerelease should be seen more as the preservation of a very important piece of media, a sort of time capsule to the past that can't really be replicated anymore. That's why, I think, The Tower of Druaga is really, really cool.

[maideninorange]

this might be a tough one, but... what about 5 birds you really like? doesn't have to be top 5! just SOME birds you like

Ooh! Birdies!

(You all know by now this is less a ranking and more me rambling lol. Also, I talk about animal deaths (in more of a scientific way to be fair) because birds of prey and other fun nature stuff. )

1. American Robins. Which are not actually robins but are a type of thrush we call robins because bird names in North America are a mess lol. I get flocks of these guys coming in and out, throughout all four seasons. They're also very cute little song birds, and can be such funny little guys too lol (My winterberry bush died this year, but one autumn I saw this pair of robins break from the flock gathering and start fighting each other up in the sky before resuming eating berries like nothing ever happened. Absolutely hilarious lol.)

2. Shrikes. Better known as butcher birds, these guys are wicked cool. You see they're carnivorous songbirds, with the exact build of one (sans a sharp beak for obvious reasons). Feet included. So how do they eat their prey, you ask? By impaling them on thorns and other sharp objects! They're cute songbirds, just to make that clear. Have fun! (They're more common outside of the Americas though, so that's a bummer. We got Loggerheads and Great Greys though, but I haven't seen any lol.)

3. Cowbirds. Or really, any sort of brood parasite. Cowbirds are here because their my resident brood parasite. I find it utterly fascinating on just a scientific, evolutionary level just how these guys evolved (as well as how their targets evolve in turn), like how do their young learn all this from a nest that isn't theirs? (Actually I do know some answers for cowbirds, but if I were to ramble we'd be here all day.) What makes cowbirds unique compared to others like common cuckoos and whydahs is that they are actually generalists when it comes to targets. Most brood parasites are specialists, only targeting one species (with common cuckoos being a really interesting case in this, but again, we'd be here all day). Cowbirds (with one exception) target pretty much anything that builds a cup-sized nest. It's really really fascinating, in that kind of cruel, bizarre way nature tends to be (and I haven't even got to touch on the mafia with my resident brown-heads).

4. Swans. They're dicks. Graceful dicks, but still dicks. And yet, it is in that dickery I find fascinating. Like, did you know swan wings are strong enough to break bones? Well they can! But there are such things as Trumpeter Swans, which well, sound like trumpets. It's cute and weirdly endearing in its own way, at least to me (although to be fair Trumpeters are calmer than Mutes so there's that. Also unlike Mutes, they are native to North America, so I hope I might see one one day). Also cygnets are utterly adorable, even with the knowledge they grow up to be nasty swans lol.

4. Wood ducks. Haven't seen these guys either, but they absolutely fascinate me. They nest in tree cavities, so what tends to happen once the eggs hatch is that the mother duck has to coax her ducklings out into this leap of faith (that actually isn't usually much of ones because small ducklings and laws of physics bullshit I can't remember)! It's incredible! They're also gorgeous birds, and the males sound like kazoos! (Playing clips of females making a typical (if not like a Mallard's at all) duck quack, and following it with the male's kazoo squack to friends and relatives is a fun one. Try it if you know what I'm talking about lol.)

And those are my five birds to talk about at the moment. It was a bit tough, but I think that's more because I didn't get to gush over too many various birds of prey (like owls). Feel free to send in any bird asks if you got any fyi! It's fun!

[priestessofspiders]

The Masochist

I'm a sadist. I figured I'd just get that out in the open first. Without going too much into the details, it feels extremely cathartic to hurt people. It's something about being in control, about someone else experiencing pain for my benefit, that just makes me feel very, very happy, like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Of course, it also just turns me on, but like I said, I don't want to get too much into the details of that side of things.

I'm not a monster of course. I don't go around beating people up in bar brawls to get off or anything like that. I'm only interested in acting out my fantasies with willing participants, and I care a lot about consent. I understand that the experience of being hurt can be just as pleasant for some people as hurting them is for me, and in the end I really am wanting all parties involved to be as happy and safe as possible. It's an unorthodox pastime, sure, but in the end it's all happening between consenting adults.

Fortunately for me, genetics blessed me with just the right balance of facial symmetry, fat distribution, and skeletal structure to be considered fairly attractive by mainstream standards. You'd be surprised how many people out there want to get the shit beaten out of them by a beautiful woman. As a result of this, I'm reasonably well known in my local BDSM scene, which is one of many reasons why I won't be disclosing that much information that could be traced back to where I live. It wouldn't be especially difficult to find me.

Because of my relative popularity, I have gotten a little used to complete strangers knowing who I am. It's why I wasn't too surprised when I was approached at a kink party and greeted by name by someone who I'd never seen before in my life. I'll be the first to admit I was smitten at first sight, she was truly gorgeous. I can't exactly explain what it was about her that made her so attractive to me, it's difficult to put into words. I can easily describe her of course; short, red hair in a pixie cut, slender limbs, expertly applied makeup, but this doesn't really explain the aura of almost divine beauty that emanated out from her. Unlike many of the other attendees of the party, she wasn't wearing any sort of fetish gear or even particularly revealing clothing. Just jeans, a gray t-shirt, and an unzipped gray hoodie.

While I'm inclined to swing both ways, I've always had a certain preference for women, but that predilection towards sapphism doesn't mean I'm likely to fall head over heels at the first sight of just any pretty girl. She was special, there was something different about her.

She introduced herself as Julia, and then immediately asked me a question which, in retrospect, should have raised more red flags. Speaking in a calm, measured voice, she asked, "I've heard you hurt people if they ask you to, is that correct?"

It wasn't an incorrect thing to say. She was right, and I told her so, but the phrasing of the question should have bothered me more than it did. Nobody phrases things like that in those sorts of spaces, they use jargon, community specific terminology, that sort of thing. Someone might ask something like "You're the sadist who's into impact play, yeah?" perhaps, but the phrasing of "you hurt people if they ask you to" is utterly bizarre. Nobody at that party would have said something like that. It's the sort of question an 80 year old who was just introduced to the concept of BDSM would ask.

It only got weirder from there. After my affirmative response, she nodded her head thoughtfully and told me she would meet me at my home, and asked me when I would be free. I told her I wasn't doing anything the next day, and she nodded again and said she'd be there at 2 o clock. Then she just walked away. She didn't even ask me for my address, or a phone number, or anything. The worst part is, at the time, none of this seemed in any way unusual. A complete stranger had just told me she was going to come to my home the next day, which she evidently already knew the location of, and it felt completely natural. I can chalk up some of it to a bit of giddy excitement at the prospect of indulging in my more unusual interests with a willing and beautiful participant, but that just doesn't explain it. I'm not an idiot, I know you can't just trust complete strangers because they're attractive. It's like the part of my brain that should have been warning me something was wrong had been completely turned off.

The remainder of the party went as expected, though I was somewhat distracted from my encounter. I didn't see Julia at all for the rest of the evening. I imagine she just left after informing me she was going to come to my house the next day. I left early and went home giddy with excitement for the day to come.

At the time, part of me was worried she wouldn't show up. It's funny, looking back on it now, that the thought of Julia not showing would have been a source of fear rather than relief. But she did, of course. The knocks on my door were perfectly in sync with the alarm I had set up on my phone to remind me of her impending arrival.

I opened the door as casually as possible, trying my best to hide my excitement, and found Julia standing there, smiling pleasantly. She didn't seem to have changed her outfit at all since the night before, either that or she simply had multiple sets of the same clothes like Einstein. To be honest I was a little embarrassed, part of me worried I had misread her intentions entirely, and that this was meant purely as a social call.

I showed her inside politely and asked if she wanted anything to drink, and she gently declined the offer, looking around my house methodically like the camera of a Mars rover surveying an alien environment. There was a bit of awkward silence that I attempted to fill with one-sided small talk whilst she wandered about the house, seeming to scan every nook and cranny. I followed behind, feeling increasingly awkward. Finally, she turned to look at me and spoke simply, "You will pierce my skin with needles."

I'll admit I'd never been especially fond of needle play. It had always seemed too gentle, too tame for my specific proclivities, but that's not to say I was inexperienced with it, and I was only too eager to indulge Julia if that was what she wanted. In the end, pain is pain after all.

Now of course, I gave my whole spiel about safety and consent, talking about the whole "traffic light" system, soft limits versus hard limits, etc. Julia nodded along, still smiling pleasantly, maintaining eye contact somewhat uncomfortably throughout my entire monologue. It was only when I got to the concept of safe words and asked what would work for her when she opened her mouth.

"There will be no safe word," she said.

Now I'm familiar with newbies to this sort of thing who get cocky and insist that they can take it, that they don't have any limits, but this felt different. This wasn't a statement of confidence, this wasn't bragging, Hell, this wasn't even someone with self-worth issues who thinks that getting hurt beyond their limits is what they deserve. This was a statement of fact. There would be no safe word. I wouldn't need one.

I wanted to argue of course. I wouldn't be a safe sexual partner if I just did away with important safety techniques because someone told me they weren't necessary, but my words just seemed to die on my lips as I looked at her unsettlingly calm smile. This was around when I started to fully realize something was wrong, but it was as if I couldn't do anything about it. The stage was set, and there was no changing the role I was about to play in the proceedings. Torturer, enter stage right.

She lay face down on the couch, removing her hoodie and shirt to reveal a completely unblemished back, skin smooth and pale as cream. Despite my growing anxiety, I was still, at this point, somewhat excited.

In case you aren't familiar with the subject, needle play is exactly what it sounds like; it's essentially a somewhat sexier version of acupuncture. I have a set of acupuncture needles with jeweled tips at the blunt end for this purpose, a gift from a friend of mine. I removed the needles from their case, making sure to clean them with an alcohol soaked cloth before setting them on a sterile tray for further use. Once I had prepared all of the needles, I began to gently pierce them one by one into the flesh of Julia's back, arranging them into a symmetrical pattern.

You don't go deep during needle play, as with all properly done BDSM the end goal isn't to seriously injure one's partner, but to explore different sensory experiences. When done correctly, one doesn't even leave much in the way of marks or bruising. Ultimately you're far more likely to receive a scar from an upset house cat from someone who has the proper experience with needle play.

Now, usually folks tend to have a fairly noticeable reaction to being pierced with dozens of needles, even if said needles are only inserted gently and to a shallow depth. While it's certainly not the most painful form of sadomasochism I've indulged in, it's far from mild. There is usually a hitching of the breath, a faint shudder, even moaning if one gets really into it. Julia, however, remained totally motionless, and the steady rhythm of her breathing continued uninterrupted.

I'll be entirely honest, I was a little concerned that I was doing a bad job. The whole joy of sadism, to me anyway, is to see the reaction someone gets from what I do to them, to know that they are feeling these sensations because of me. It makes me feel powerful, in control. To receive no response whatsoever was, frankly, a little embarrassing.

I'd finished inserting the last of the needles when Julia finally spoke.

"Push them all the way."

I shouldn't have to tell you that's not how this works. These weren't short needles, they were several inches long each. Pushing each one down to the base wouldn't just be agonizing, it would be incredibly dangerous as well; I could easily perforate her lungs at a minimum.

And yet, I found my hands moving to the last needle I had pierced her with. I felt myself grasp the jeweled head and begin gently pressing downwards, slowly burying the entire length of the needle into the flesh of her back.

It's surreal, not having control over one's own body, to experience taking actions which you do not want to perform. It's not like watching a movie, you can feel yourself doing it the entire time, all the while you're filled with a dawning horror that you're nothing more than a puppet on a string. To feel your own body betray you is the most viscerally upsetting sensation I've ever had.

One by one, each of the needles were pushed to the base into Julia's back by my trembling, sweaty fingers. I'd like to say there was no blood, that it was as though I were simply pressing sticks into wet clay, but that would be too kind to me, wouldn't it? No, I had to watch as deep rivulets of crimson bubbled up from the dozens of puncture wounds I was inflicting upon my still seemingly uncaring victim. She didn't so much as twitch, just continuing to breath methodically even as I saw bubbles of air form in the blood pouring from those wounds which pierced her lungs. My mind was attempting to retreat into itself, horrified at the loss of control I was experiencing, overwhelmed by the total absence of agency. My face was streaked with tears, ruining the makeup I had put on in the hopes of impressing her. God, to think I once worried about how she would think of me. It took me a moment to notice when she got up from the couch, putting back on her shirt, blood soaking through the fabric.

"Thank you for a very pleasant afternoon. I will be stopping by next week on the same day, at the same time. You will meet me then," she said, sliding her hoodie over the stained t-shirt. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded stack of hundred dollar bills, placing it on the coffee table while I sobbed. With that, she left and walked out the door.

Somehow, by the time I managed to pull myself together, I still had the wherewithal to feel self-conscious about the money. I don't do this sort of thing for pay, I've never wanted to do sex work. It isn't that I have any sort of moral qualms with that, but this sort of thing is basically a hobby for me, one that admittedly is a rather an important part of my life, but it's not my job. Being paid for it felt deeply wrong to me. It made me feel dirty, accepting that money, but it was more than enough to keep me financially stable for a week, and there was no way I was going to be able to go to my day job any time soon after what I'd experienced. I called in sick as soon as I was able to speak without crying.

I spent a while processing what happened. It wasn't just traumatic because of the lack of control, though that certainly doesn't help. I've often been self-conscious about my proclivities, worried that I'm somehow predatory, that I'm a bad person. Something that helps is knowing that what I'm doing isn't really that dangerous, that it's just a bit of unusual fun. Even at my most vicious the only lasting damage are a few bruises. To watch someone have needles pierced into their vital organs by my own hands, it's different. It's not just harmless fun anymore.

I came up with all sorts of explanations for what could have happened. Maybe Julia was a master hypnotist, and she had put me into some sort of trance. She could have replaced my regular needles with telescoping ones, like those prop knives they use in theater. Perhaps she was wearing some sort of prosthetic makeup on her back filled with fake blood. Maybe she drugged me. In my heart of hearts though, I knew that none of these rationalizations held any truth.

A week came and went, and I found myself waiting at my home for Julia. I didn't want to, I tried to call up a friend to stay with, but my vocal cords froze up whenever I attempted to ask them. I tried placing a reservation for a hotel room online, but my fingers refused to let me click the mouse. Even when I tried leaving on foot, I found myself steadily walking back to my house as soon as the clock struck noon. My appointment with Julia would be kept.

When she arrived, Julia was still wearing the same outfit as the last week, albeit cleaned of blood. She held a small package wrapped in brown paper and twine in her left hand. She greeted me by name cheerfully enough, and despite the terror I felt at the sight of her, I found my mouth twisting into an involuntary smile as I welcomed her into my home with a tone of similar warmth. Only the tears flowing down my face indicated my true feelings. My mind kept playing back images of me pushing the needles into her back, of the blood bubbling with the rhythm of her breathing.

She got right to the point, informing me that today I would be whipping her. Even now, I'm still not used to the way she phrases her instructions. When you use the proper terminology for these sorts of things, you're reminding yourself that it's not actually harmful, that it's just, in essence, a game. "Impact play" feels so much less cruel than whipping. But Julia doesn't care about what I feel. She just makes me hurt her.

I went to go retrieve one of the various floggers I owned, deciding I would choose whichever one I thought would cause the least damage, when Julia simply said, "Stop."

Instantly I froze in my tracks, not moving a muscle. I heard the rustling of paper from behind me, the sound of her unwrapping the object she had brought with her. "Turn around," she instructed. I did so instantly, without hesitation, despite how strongly I didn't want to see what she would present me with.

It reminded me somewhat of a discipline, a type of scourge used in certain Christian denominations as an instrument of penance, a tool for the mortification of the flesh. It was composed of seven lengths of slightly rusted chain, with three jagged knots of barbed wire sticking out along each one. She held it out to me, and I took it, shaking slightly. I felt like I was going to be sick. Getting a closer look at the discipline, I could tell that the links of the chain were sharpened to a razor's edge.

I must again reiterate; I enjoy hurting people. I like seeing people in pain, I like seeing people submit their bodies to me, to watch them be hurt because they willingly give me the power to inflict suffering upon them for my own pleasure. I know there are probably a lot of people out there like me who would be overjoyed to spend time with Julia, to be with a partner who truly has no limits, for whom you can do whatever you want to her and she'll just take it, wordlessly. They probably wouldn't even need to be controlled in the way that she does to me, or if they were, they may not even notice it. But I'm not one of those people. I enjoy hurting people, not maiming them.

She took off her shirt again, this time kneeling on the floor instead of laying down. By some terrible miracle, her back showed no scars from our last session. I was once again greeted with that same creamy, unblemished skin. She told me to begin, and I did. I felt my hand clench, white knuckled, around the handle of the discipline, and I began to swing it with all my might against her back. The rusted, razor sharp metal tore into her flesh like a knife through butter, leaving terrible gashes from which blood flowed like the tears of weeping saints. I tried to keep track of how many times my body swung that terrible scourge, but I lost count at one hundred lashes. By the time she told me I could stop, her vertebrae and the back of her rib cage were visible, peeking out from the ruined, bloody flesh of her back.

Like before, impossibly calmly given the utter ruination of her body, she stood up, put back on her clothes, and thanked me for my time, informing me once again that I would be seeing her the same time next week. She left me another stack of hundred dollar bills, more than the last time, and left. I curled in the fetal position upon the blood soaked floor and cried until I passed out.

That was months ago. Since then, it's only gotten increasingly worse.

I quit my job. I have long since run out of excuses to explain my continued absence, and the money from Julia more than pays for my expenses, so I just sent in a resignation email and didn't show up for work after that. I wish I could say it was an improvement, not needing to work anymore, but all it means is I have more time to focus on the terrible things I've been made to do against my will.

Every week is different, some new torture she wants me to perform on her. Each time she is completely healed from the previous session, and each time her requests seem to get more extreme, further from anything even vaguely resembling something remotely conventional. I don't want to go into detail as to the specifics, just reliving our first two meetings is traumatic enough, but it has become increasingly rare for me to use any of my own equipment, instead she usually comes in with some new object wrapped in brown paper and string. A potato peeler, a power drill, a nailgun, a branding iron, etc.

Most recently, the package she brought was small, compact. She unwrapped it to reveal a smooth, black, handgun, a Glock I think, with a suppressor already threaded into the end of the barrel. That session was very quick.

Even with the bullet wound clear through her forehead and out the back of her skull, she kept up that polite, gentle smile. I looked through the newly created tunnel of flesh and bone that marred her otherwise beautiful face as she politely thanked me for my hospitality, informing me that she would meet with me again next week at the same time.

[eisforeidolon]

I dislike hellers' mindset for many reasons. I think one of the most irritating ''reasoning'' they have is that they think everything in some way or other is a ''parallel'' to destihell or related to destihell. For example, Big Sky (?) ? It is related to Destiel because Jensen's character has a romantic dynamic with a character and it is somehow a ''parallel'' to destihell despite there being no connection between the two shows or between the two ships in the slightest. Does Jensen appear in the Boys? It is supposed to be some sort of a nod to Dean's sexuality because Soldier Boy is (supposedly) LGBT. The Prequel? For sure JohnXMary romance feast is supposed to be related to and a parallel to destihell and John's sexuality is also 'implied' to be non-straight, so that is also a parallel to Dean's sexuality through John's implied sexuality. Jensen's song and album? Related to destihell, castiel, or even to Cockles and a nod to the Hellers.

Like, I normally would not care about such things, fans can be delusional and have fun however they want. However, this sort of reasoning is just not exactly 'fun', when it involves willfully being delusional and believing in things that do not exist. Now, I am not a fan of Jensen that much, but I think this sort of reasoning Hellers have kinda comes off as disrespectful to Jensen. It is also toxic in many ways because we've all seen how Hellers can act when Jensen does or says something they do not like. They called/call him a homophobe, they attack him verbally or insult him, target him in some ways. I also think that saying everything Jensen does is about destihell is just reducing Jensen's actions and talent and job to all destihell and ship lenses. And it kinda comes off as annoying. There has to be a difference between having fun in fandom circles and attacking people / being toxic to the actors. Hellers cannot differentiate both.

It's just ... not remotely how parallels work. Like, at all.

They start from the supposition literally everything is proof of bi!Dean and/or their ship, someway somehow, and then come up with these absurd supposed parallels to "prove" it. It's very obvious from the outside that it's just about a personal obsession when they will insist literally anything is a quote unquote parallel validating what they already decided to believe. Even before you get into all the ways that their "parallels" either aren't things actually happening in the story, don't genuinely match up to each other at all if you look at the context, or are so pathetically surface level as to be utterly meaningless.

And yeah, it is disrespectful and insulting to Jensen - they really do tend to treat him as a blow up doll who should just do what they want and otherwise STFU. It's also disparaging towards all of the other people putting years of work into SPN and the other media being co-opted to pretend the most important thing about them existing is to send super sneakret signals about D/C being totes real. Even worse to insist those people and productions must be part of an evil homophobe conspiracy if they dare indicate otherwise. It's bizarre and creepy and honestly genuinely concerning in terms of their mental state they're at a level of obsession they can't realize that not only is it not true anything everything Jensen does is about their ship, but the whole rest of the world doesn't revolve around it either. Seriously, they've let their personal prurient fantasies only vaguely related to characters from a silly CW tv show that ended a couple years ago completely take over their brains to the point of harassing and slandering real people, while telling themselves it's an important crusade for Great Justice because they've been wronged by not getting to see their fanfic play out on screen.

It's not. It's just fucking bonkers and they need to wake up and/or legitimately seek help. Genuinely, this is not healthy.

[dilfdoctordoom]

As much as it might sound crazy I believe James really has no clue how tragic Gamora's death was. None. Honestly if you look at it there's a main character death hierarchy. At the very top is Yondu who got a thoughtful arc, died heroically, had a funeral and James makes sure he's not forgotten by having him in the holiday special and a moment in vol 3. There's Groot who sacrificed himself for the team and got the loving we are Groot moment. That's pretty much it but little Groot does get to live with the guardians, especially Rocket. Actually I'm convinced part of the reason we have a Groot 2.0 is because he's mostly seen as an extention of Rocket's story and happiness. Then there's Gamora who died at the hands of her abuser so her soul could be traded for a dumb stone they could have thought up a million different ways to bring into the story. After that she got nothing.

The other issue is James is so invested in Peter's letting go arc and how it involves that Gamora shouldn't be in his life he doesn't want to show she was important to the whole family or have her build new relationships with anyone. That's why they don't talk about missing her and Gamora is such a non entity to most of them. If she can't be in Peter's life she can't be a guardian because he's certainly not taking that title or the family from Peter. She's the one who loses out. All of this demonstrates a total lack of empathy for Gamora and zero understanding that her individual story had meaning.

Plus it's ridiculous how it never comes up that maybe if the family had talked about Gamora being dead in a serious way, gave her a memorial of some kind and shared the loss, Peter could have begun to process everything better and in healthier ways. Denying a tragedy doesn't help. Knowing that Gamora was safe somewhere instead of missing with no clue if she was okay would have helped too. James sets up all these extremes and then presents it as if mourning Gamora is wrong rather than how dismissing her life and death was not the way to handle it.

Alll of this!

I've got a lot of issues with how Gamora was ultimately handled (like how 2018 Gamora gets reduced to a disposable black girlfriend) and I don't believe every bit of it was intentional, but intent doesn't equal impact and the reality is, the impact is rooted in racism and sexism and that very much needs to be discussed.

I'd say the past week really confirmed that; the fandom reacted so viciously to the mere concept of this and the idea that male characters benefited from female characters (specifically, the ones played by non-white actresses) getting horrifically shafted.

I don't think Gunn is great at empathizing with his female cast and Guardians really, truly cements that idea. All of them are failed on some level and it's always to elevate a man. I don't believe for a second that he gets what happened to Gamora; that she was fridged for the benefit of her abuser.

I don't think the Russos did, either, because inventing a fridging cliff is just.... so bizarre even in concept.

Gamora's always the one that loses out to men's apathy. I want her to return at some point, Zoe Saldana is utterly captivating in the role, but I don't want her back if there are only men behind the camera. Her past 3 appearances have proved, over and over again, that a female voice is needed. A single woman in the writing room of any of these films would've been able to point out all the issues present.

[valjeans]

Ranking of all the actors who played each role in the last les mis cast then please

ok since literally one of you asked here goes:

Valjean

Chris Jacobsen Honestly, this man's Valjean is just something else entirely. His portrayal just has so much thought behind every action and I truly appreciate a Valjean that is just a little bit fucked up because he did fully spend 19 years in prison. You need to listen to his Bring Him Home to appreciate just how perfect his voice is. Not just my favourite Valjean of this cast but one of my favourite Valjean's ever.

Joseph Anthony Ok he fully got like 2 shows this entire contract but I saw one of them and was utterly amazed! He's only like 26ish but genuinely his acting was so great you'd never notice. Also it was very obvious that he started on the tour watching Dean Chisnall because his performance was very soft and nuanced like Dean's! Here's his Bring Him Home too if you're interested.

Luke McCall Always had a lovely voice but didn't exactly do much acting in his pre-pandemic era, very wooden. However, he came from the Staged Concert a changed man. His finale is genuinely heartbreaking from start to finish, I have quite often found myself in tears. He could have ended up at no. 2 but his vocals have REALLY let him down these past few months. Here's one of my fave clips of him in his vocal prime doing The Confrontation opposite Richard Carson.

Jon Robyns Look I love Jon, I really do...but his voice has just been in constant decline this year and I spend shows where he's on genuinely preparing myself for the inevitable cracks on all the big notes. His acting is really quite fantastic but god, until he takes some time to fix his vocals I honestly can't rank him any higher.

Javert

Richard Carson I wasn't sure about him to begin with but the way he grew into the role as he got more chances to go on was truly my favourite thing this cast. A fantastic, old school, PROPER BARITONE, javert. He's so perfectly cold and callous and his suicide is this perfect, unhinged breakdown at FULL SPEED (also truly incredible technique that he can do those big hyperventilating breaths and sing at the same time)

Bradley Jaden A truly extraordinary Javert on a good show, an incredibly below average one on a bad day. I think there was a point around June/July where he'd really found a perfect balance to his batshit suicide and coldness throughout the rest of the show. I also truly loved the way he embraced the valvert vibes.

Fantine

Kathy Peacock INCREDIBLE. The vintage Fantine we deserved. God I loved her. Here's her I dreamed a dream from her debut.

Jessica Joslin Another Fantine with a very classical musical theatre voice. I never really found her IDAD emotional enough though, like her acting was just never quite enough for me.

Ellie Anne Lowe ANOTHER Fantine with a very classical musical theatre voice. Only saw her once pre-shutdown but loved every single second.

Chanice Alexander-Burnett Look she was fine, a perfectly acceptable Fantine. I really never thought we got much from her acting wise though and I truly despised the riffs she sometimes did in IDAD.

Never sat Natalie Green but tbf she had literally one show and I'm sure I'll undoubtedly get a chance in the coming year!

Enjolras

Leo Miles If you've followed me long enough you'll know I was for a long time a Leo hater. However, I do not regret this. He has genuinely really improved in this past year and I love that for him! He's always had a lovely voice but he was so wooden. Now his Enjolras is absolutely heartbreaking, him and Connor's Grantaire are literally so in love with each other. Also pls listen to this note.

Joseph Anthony Just a really good Enjolras tbh.

Jordan Shaw Honestly...just all over the fucking place. Everytime I think he's maybe improved he'll just make the most bizarre choices ever. Like I've honestly gotten used to his more contemporary voice but I just can't get used to his absolutely batshit portrayal. Sometimes it can be fun to watch Chris' jaw literally clenching when he's being particularly bad. Also shoutout to Bradley who gave one of the best Enjolras' performance I've seen despite literally not knowing a single bit of the blocking. Him winging that new One Day More marching was iconic tbh. Also shoutout to Will Richardson who was fairly good but also nothing particularly special.

Eponine

Mared Williams One of the best Eponine's I've seen. A really interesting voice and such fantastic acting. The first time I've ever cried at A Little Fall of Rain. Here's her On My Own

Sha Dessi For the first half of this year she was absolutely nailing it, her On My Own felt so intimate. Unfortunately seems to have had some serious vocal issues for the past few months that have really let her down which is such a shame!

Jessie Hart To be honest she's still a fantastic Eponine. I'd definitely say the Eponine's have been the strongest all round, there's no a bad one! Her Eponine has an edge to her which I really enjoyed and her On My Own almost made me cry once. Also shoutout to Jenna Innes who I won't rank here but was an absolutely beautiful Eponine that I would have probably ranked 1st if she'd been a permanent cast member!

Marius

Harry Apps MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED FREAK OF A MARIUS. He's so weird and awkward and just a young guy in love, it's absolutely adorable. It makes his Empty Chairs such a heartbreaking contrast. His final one had me in actual proper tears.

Danny Colligan Honestly, don't have that much to say. He was fine, just a run of the mill portrayal tbh, and his voice is a little thin for my liking.

Michael Kholwadia Genuinely seemed like he'd just walked onstage for the first time and was winging it. His voice is nice enough but very wooden.

Cosette

Claire O'Leary Honestly she's just number one cause at least she can hit the notes.

Charlie Burn You know, she isn't the best vocally, but I do enjoy her acting, especially with Valjean in In My Life!

Phoebe Williams Don't really like her voice and honestly didn't think she did much acting tbh.

I'm actually not gonna rank the Thenardiers because I didn't get to see Georgie or Matt! I've also seen pretty much every single possible combination of covers and swings for the smaller roles if you want to hear my rankings of any of those just drop me an ask specifying which!!

[takerfoxx]

Okay, Rebuild of Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0, Thrice Upon a Time! The final Rebuild film, the definitive grand finale of one of the most popular, influential, controversial, and utterly batshit anime series there is. The Eva swan song of Hideki Anno himself, who was both made and broken by this franchise several times over! It is finally done. We got our closure.

So what did I think?

...

I kinda loved it.

Yup, it's good! Kind of great in some ways. Perfect? Hell no. Problems? Things that bugged me? Things I would have done differently? Most certainly yes.

But that's kind of the authentic Evangelion experience, isn't it? A messy story with a troubled production that is equal engaging, inspired, flawed, brilliant, horrifying, heartbreaking, problematic, thought-provoking, exhilarating, and just about every other adjective you can think of, good or bad. It will draw you in. It will break you. And it will ultimately end on a bizarre note that leaves you unsatisfied in a manner that you just can't get out of your head.

But before all that, let's start off with me gushing. Mari in Paris slaying rogue Evas with the Effiel-freaking tower? Bad. Ass. I know Anno's built up this reputation for offering something unapologetically cool only to yank it away, but let's face it: the man does love his robots, and he does deliver when he feels like it.

And after that, we get what is probably my favorite extended sequence in any incarnation of Evangelion, ever. And that's the whole part taking place at the survivors' village.

I. Fucking. LOVED that whole bit. Following Rei Q as she slowly became part of that community, how they welcomed her and helped her learn how to be a person, to form connections and make decisions for herself. Her childlike curiosity and joy in learning how to do simple tasks was soul food that hit like only the best comfort sequence of a hurt/comfort story could. And seeing grown-up versions of Kensuke, Touji, and Hikari, now with jobs and families and all that? Yes, please.

Granted, there were parts that...weren't so heartwarming. I'm used to seeing Shinji going into comatose states, especially after Kaworu's inevitable death, but the bit where Asuka force-feeds him was...really uncomfortable! Kensuke. Dude. I know you mean well, but maybe sticking those two in the same house when he's in that state wasn't the brightest idea.

Still, I should have learned. Every time Rei starts to reach out and connect with others, she dies, and this was no different. Yeah, that hurt. I should have seen it coming. I've seen it play out before, should've anticipated it happening here. Damn.

And...fuck. Seeing all those decapitated Rei heads made me hate Gendo even more than I already did. Good job getting the crowd to cheer for the good guys, I suppose.

Though, hey. Does the big decapitated Rei head and those other flashbacks mean that End of Evangelion did actually happen more or less, just without Shinji's involvement? Did almost everyone get turned into tang, Asuka eaten by the mass-produced Evas, and then washed up on the shore to fortunately not get strangled?

Okay, skipping ahead to the finale. It was big, it was tense, it had me going, "C'mon! I just lost Rei! Don't take Asuka away too!" But she went down. Again. Yeah, that's when I made my always watching the red and blue girls die post.

I admit, I got really tense when the crew held Shinji and Misato and gunpoint. Not that I expected them to shoot Shinji, but I was worried that something might kill them. Like, we've only known them for a little bit, but I do like them, and c'mon, nobody wants to see Touji's little sister die. Fortunately that doesn't happen, but it did have me concerned.

Though Gendo's brain blow? Yeesh.

Finally, we get Shinji vs. Gendo! You know, there are two ways they could have played this. First, give us what we've been wanting for years with an actual robot fight, or they could instead go with the more Evangelion route with something more cerebral.

Fortunately, they are smart and gave us both. The robot fight was cool (erm, mostly, but I'll get to that later), but the real meat is when they stop fighting and start talking, giving us that long overdue heart-to-heart we've been waiting more than two decades for.

I'll admit, I hate Gendo. Not in that he's a bad character, but he is so thoroughly infuriating that I just wanted to see him lose. But when we finally let him explain himself and got to see what he was like growing up, I'll admit, I did start to feel for him. Like him, I also have trouble making connections and shun the company of other people. I could empathize. I mean, not in the part about falling in love, but the rest of it? I got it.

And yeah, when he finally admitted that he was wrong and hugged Shinji, that got to me a little. Like, the man is still a monster, but given this show's history, that moment meant a lot. Granted, it wasn't a redemption, as he had done way too much to really be redeemed. But it was a reformation of sorts. Personally, I don't think he deserved to be reunited with Yui, but I'll let that bit go.

Rei! Yeah, I was glad to see Rei Prime. Long hair looks good on her! Damn, was she just chilling with Yui all those years?

After that is just so much emotional catharsis. We get to say goodbye to all these characters, say goodbye to Evangelion in general (seriously, that scene with all of the liberated souls really hit me), and Shinji finally gets the happy ending he always wanted. He resets the world for good, erasing both Angels and Evas, letting everyone get a chance at life. We glimpse Asuka, Kaworu, and Rei alive and well in the train station, with a now grown-up Shinji and Mari playfully flirting, as happy as can be. It's done. They won. We won. We can finally say goodbye.

Okay, criticism time!

Firstly, let's briefly touch base with stuff I've brought up about the last few movies. First, even with the advancements in technology since the first movie, the CG was all over the place. Sometimes it looked fine, other times it was like a PS1 cutscene. The ice breaking was particularly bad, as was all those mannequin Rei's. The Shinji vs. Gendo fight was well-directed, but man, the animation quality just did not measure up, especially when it would cut to the traditionally animated characters. The freaky Rei face could go either way, since it was meant to be disturbing, but even still.

The soundtrack issue wasn't as bad as before, and most of the time it did work quite well, but it could still get distracting at times.

And finally, okay, let's talk about this one last time. Firstly, it does seem I got Anno mixed up a little with Miyazaki when it comes to not liking Otaku and their boob fascination. Anno's issue was how abusive people were to him for the original finale of Evangelion and for finding Rei cute rather than creepy (that last one was kind of his fault, though), and the guy is perfectly okay with boobs. Okay, fair enough. But did'ja have to have so many creepshots? Nudity itself is fine, as it showed how detached both Rei and Asuka were from humanity, but some of those camera angles, man. Like, dude.

Well, whatever. It's a problem with all anime. Moving on.

Okay, let's talk about Mari!

Now, I got introduced to her mainly through fanfics and doujins, and she's pretty much accepted as part of the gang now, so I had a pretty good grasp on her personality at least. And let's face it: it's cool to finally have someone with no baggage who just thinks that piloting an Eva is awesome!

Still, I was surprised by how little of her there was. Like, I expected her to be a bigger deal. I get that they didn't want to get complaints of her being the Poochie by overshadowing the classic characters, but if she was Shinji's endgame (which, I'll admit, is still probably the best option for him, or at least the one with the least amount of baggage), then couldn't they have interacted more before then? Like, built up an actual relationship? She had more romantic tension with Asuka, to be frank. And if you hadn't looked her up and learned of her backstory like I did, you would've been confused as fuck when she popped up in Gendo's flashback or what the hell was going on during her talk with Fuyutsuki.

I'm not saying she should just push Asuka off to the side or anything. Just...give us enough to justify her being there, that's all.

As for Asuka...eh, her new backstory doesn't really work for me. Like, we already have a clone with a cloning complex. Having another doesn't make much sense, to be honest. Like, it explained her motivations okay, but I just feel her original backstory was more potent.

And finally, let's talk about the ending! Is it a lovely ending that felt earned? Kind of! Was it kind of unsatisfying? A little. Is it the ending I would have gone with? Nope!

Look, you know me. I like for things to have consequences, and to be frank, a full reset to create a world where everyone is alive and happy feels a little too neat.

So what would I have done? Well, I would still have done the (almost) everyone lives thing. Like, Asuka gets reformed and ejected like we saw. Give us a scene where Rei is absorbing the souls or essences or whatever from all the other Rei's and have her be reborn into a new body THAT DOESN'T TURN INTO TANG! Have Shinji make his wish or whatever to erase Angels and Evas, but NOT reset the world.

Like, sure, have Mari come in and save him and Rei, and they all get out. Have Asuka's escape pod wash up on a beach and let her out, and she finds Shinji, Rei, and Mari lying not far off, maybe have her give Shinji a small smack as comedic payback for the strangling thing, then they all link arms and walk off toward the village. Then over the credits, we can see what almost looked like was going to happen. The AAA Wunder's crew returns to the village, Sakura and Touji get a big hug, Ritsuko tells Misato's son about his mother's sacrifice and comforts him. The rest of the pilots arrive and are greeted by everyone, with Mari hamming it up, Asuka looking annoyed, Shinji embarrassed, while Rei is looking around in confusion like she recognizes the place. Maybe have Hikari and her kid give her a big hug or something.

Then we get a montage of the LCL slowly dissolving all over the world, cities being purified, the oceans being cleaned, and those Ark pods from the AAA Wunder starting new life. We see the kids...well, maybe not get older (Eva curse and all that), but maturing and participating in rebuilding the world. Forests are planted, animals repopulate, things are healing. Then as an after-credit scene we can have Shinji and Mari flirting in the train station to show that everything turned out all right.

But that's what I would do, not what Anno would do. And Evangelion has very much been Anno's story in every possible way, and to him, it was important to create a world completely without Evangelions. So how could I be mad?

So, this wraps up Neon Genesis Evangelion! And on the whole, I'm pretty damned satisfied. It was a messy journey, and I'm glad of it. And you know what? I'd say these movies actually bumped Evangelion up several places in my favorite anime list. Like, top five, possibly.

Hideki Anno? You crazy bastard, you did it. You actually ended Evangelion. It took you three tries, but you finally pulled it off.

So, what else is there to say, except...

[mamamittens]

I wonder if it would be interesting flavor text to add to Ambiguous Intent that Nikia once almost had a promising violin career except she never committed to playing professionally.

Hates doing it on command, it feels awkward. She just has it for a hobby sometimes. Took classes in college cause she was curious.

Or, you know what, fuck it.

Professional violinist for her childhood but didn't like playing for an audience or music to someone else's taste. Never liked reading sheet music, so all her notes personally were literally just the tabs.

Didn't like the pageantry of it all, really. On quiet evenings she'll tune her violin and play little songs just to fill her apartment.

Her little road trip to figure out her feelings she takes it with her to play in random places for fun. Alone, of course.

She does record some video for it cause sometimes it's too good to pass. Like, a stunning sunset over a national park forest, a sea of trees beneath her with a massive lake reflecting the setting sun. And she's standing there playing Auld Lang Syne.

She is not immune to the Rule of Cool.

Saves a frame of it for her photo album. And she's got several really good videos of her playing in these odd, scenic places. Just sandwiched between monologue video diary entries talking about her feelings and the bizarre position she's in now.

She has no intention of sharing these videos. She just thought it was a nice way to unwind after a particularly draining session reflecting on herself.

And the boys are floored. She never mentioned anything about violin playing. It didn't even come up in her background check because she played under a slightly different name when she was younger and never did national shows or anything like that.

Also, I thought it would be fun if Izou's daytime job is like, fashion consultation. He usually does outfits but he can help with decoration in a pinch. He loves custom making clothes but does have strong opinions. Is utterly thrilled when Nikia admits she always wanted to try a custom suit but never had the money or occasion to do one.

The minute he has a function he can bring plus ones, he's making her a suit and they can all go together for it. Or just him and Nikia if Thatch is too busy or in the doghouse as he tends to be from time to time.

He just really gets ahead of himself sometimes.

Anyway, back to Nikia! And violin! The boys definitely are not helped by the realization that they didn't know about such an important part of Nikia. Especially not if they're just discovering that someone revealed their murderer statuses to her and her trip is actually her trying to decide if and how she should/could run away from them.

Still waffling about them taking her to their own isolated cabin or then catching her at her own inherited property and keeping her there.

I feel like they may decide total honesty is the only thing to save the relationship at that point but not in a healthy way. But in a "you'll understand how serious we are about you and until you do, we're right here. All the time" sort of way.

Showering her with praise and affection, constantly reaffirming their feelings. She can't leave until they know she knows how crazy they are about her. Definitely having a bit of a honeymoon phase with her, though she's wigged out and nervous for a good long while.

Their solution to any discomfort is just more contact and reassurance. Perhaps devolving into heavy petting and maybe more???

It's so sweet it's cloying how affectionate and attentive they're being. Practically grinding against her boundaries until she gives in little by little. No space to breathe or think about leaving them. Just constant reaffirmation that life with them will be so good and sweet if she just lets them in...

She starts off refusing to eat at all and it steadily graduates to watching Thatch cook (sitting on Izou's lap with his hand between her thighs and the other holding up her chin to keep her eyes on Thatch's bare back while he does his magic) and to blindly accepting being handfed with little prompting (sitting on the counter with Thatch between her legs, the hardest part is not choking on a fork of wagyu steak as he times his movements just right).

Nights spent cuddled between them. Occasionally pinned in place to keep her from squirming away while they get handsy. Sometimes, if she's too resistant to affection, they turn to each other and spend the entire time talking about how much they love each other but would rather see her while doing (X) to the other. She can't leave and turning away does nothing but encourage them to get louder. Respecting her 'No' in the loosest way possible. Eventually she caves or spends the next morning being bribed to eat having one of them comment on how needy she is. How she can always tell them when she feels neglected and they'll fix her right up!

Like they didn't spend at least a solid hour loudly moaning her name while fucking beside her the night prior.

It's a long-ish term seduction.

And by the end of it the only thing she could never imagine less than them killing her is them leaving her. They're so proud!

No more secrets 🥰

In fact, she's rewarded for being totally transparent about her day and feelings. They won't stress her about their night job, but will let her know when they'll be gone, come back, and call every night. All in order to be certain that any hesitation about them is nipped in the bud!

Perhaps even affirmations every night about how much they love each other.

It would be sweet if it wasn't almost ritualistically when they're having sex. To the point that she tells them she loves them instead of that she's cumming. Same thing, really.

Woof, this really spiraled and returned to those fucky yandere vibes!

[button-mash]

What I played last week #13

Resident Evil 4 Remake [PC]

I had a really good time with this - someone was saying the other day how RE was always one of those series where they enjoyed the idea of them more than actually playing them. I think I am the same in a lot of ways in so far that I absolutely love them, have always really enjoyed the series and have loads of nostalgia for them, but I don't think I've ever bothered actually completing most of them...  I think I watched a mate complete RE2 round his house when I was younger, the first one I ever finished was 5 (which I weirdly became obsessed with speedrunning - never done that with any game before or since, but I was randomly the fastest solo time in the UK and top 100 in the world at one point!)

Beyond that, I finished Village and I finished one campaign of 2 Remake, but most of the time they've been games Ive sort of had fun with mucking around with but rarely seeing through to the end. 

That was the same for 4, which I must have started on various systems over the years about 100 times but never really bothered playing it through to the end for various reasons. I do think part of it is RE games have a habit of starting really strong and then fading a bit, but the series just occupies this weird spot where I have such a love and reverence for the series, and how it often effortlessly straddles the line between being genuinely creepy and atmospheric, all whilst being super serious about how utterly fucking stupid it is, which I think it lands because so many of the unlockables and easter eggs across the series involve the developers breaking their po-faced serious act and sneaking a nudge and a wink to show you they know exactly how daft they're being

I always uses Super Bunnyhop's line about RE2 Remake where he said something like 'the mastery of this remake is it that it remakes it not as it was, but how you remember it being', which I now think should be the benchmark for any good remake. I actually think 4 goes a step beyond this where it's taken great efforts to actually subvert what you're expecting and tried to keep things fresh, or streamline them or improve flow. They have a lot more room to do that in 4 compared to 2 as it's a significantly longer game, but it still masterfully keeps things familiar whilst still managing to surprise you.

It's a fantastic remake of a fantastic game - I do think it's maybe a touch too long and some sections feel like filler, but it's hard to get too far away from that when you're remaking something, and I actually think they do a good job of tidying things up where they can, and manage to completely change or even straight up remove some sections of the original without it feeling like it compromises the flow and feel of the original. Some of the moments are genuinely great - the Krauser fight being a standout for me. They've also done a good job with the characters too - they've subtly made Leon way cooler but without completely removing his goofy cornyness. Ashley is also significantly less annoying than she was in the original game too. The only weird spot for me was Ada Wong. Sphere Hunter's review pointed out that the voice actress sounded really bored, and I can't unhear it now - its like they accidentally uploaded readthrough lines or something, its bizarre. Also the Merchant's voice don't hit the same at all, which does unfortunately actually make the game 0/10 stranger!

It's hard to play something like this in 2023 and judge it as a 3rd person action shooter - the original influenced so many things and it's become such a pop-cultural mainstay in gaming that it's hard to avoid forgetting that it started it all - it's like the Godfather or Smells Like Teen Spirit, where it's easy for something to feel overplayed and over imitated... Yet every time you have a moment of 'been there done that' or something feeling dated or unoriginal, you have to remind yourself that all the games you've played that occasionally make it feel by the numbers likely wouldn't have existed at all without RE4.  

The fact it's remake still stands out as a notably fun and memorable experience means it's impact and quality really shouldn't be taken for granted I've completed the game another 4 times since I first drafted this, its RE5 all over again.

Katana Zero [PC]

After my 4th completion of RE4 Remake in a row, I decided I needed to break the spell and play a pallette cleanser. Decided to play Katana Zero on a whim, which I thought I had completed when it first came out, although I wasn't sure how because I didn't own it until the last steam sale, I think I thought I'd played it on Gamepass or something. I remembered thinking it was cool but not really liking it as much as everyone else seemed to. When I played through it, I was wondering if they'd added loads to the game since, because there was loads of story bits I couldn't remember at all. I checked when I finished it, and it turns out I'd actually owned it on steam and refunded it before my 2 hours were up, which actually really surprised me. I found an old post I'd made on a forum at the time which said "It's absolutely not a bad game at all, in fact I think some people will play it and have an excellent time with it, but you can also tell you've kinda seen almost everything within the first hour, and I just don't see me pouring hours into it trying to beat levels more fluidly and stuff. It's cool in a lot of ways, but it has ridiculously limited enemy variety, and I don't find the mechanics all that deep or satisfying in a twitch way."

I actually still agree with that in a lot of ways - the gameplay is fun, but it never really evolves and it starts to feel a little rote pretty quickly. I hate when games just shoehorn in pointless skilltrees and stuff, but I do think it's just a few new abilities or level mechanics or enemy types away from being something much more special. I'm surprised I completely jacket it in though, because I actually really loved the story and the setting of it. The Cyberpunkish/Noir setting is already very cool and well executed visually, but even with it's pixel style, it manages to be a genuinely really moody, atmopsheric, engaging story that I thought really engaging and managed to be really visually emotive - much more so than most games in this graphical style. It's a surprisingly engaging, oddly touching and often resonant story and I am surprised I just ducked out of it considering how much I enjoyed that part of it. It reminds me a lot of Hotline Miami in that regard - I mean it's got a lot of similarities with Hotline Miami in general, but I think the elements where it tries to lean into PTSD and tries to be a lot more serious are very similar, except I think Katana Zero manages to do them in a better and more compelling way. Yet some of this all felt so familiar that I am still sure I have completed this at some point in my past, I feel like im going senile

Either way, the story ends at what is very much the close of the middle arc, and it turns out that the story is supposed to be concluded via some free DLC coming at some point in the vague future. Im kinda glad I've only gotten into it now, because I think it would have been a bit of a bummer waiting like 2+ years just to get the conclusion of the story, but now it feels like something to look forward to.

Also made myself laugh because I somehow skipped over the mechanic where you could slow down time even though loads of the encounters are specifically designed around it, and completed most of the game instead just becoming absolutely ill at it blocking bullets in real time and that

Golden Tee Fore! 2006 [Arcade]

I played a bunch of this last week and have continued to play more, trying out a bunch of the different courses. Just an awesome game

Simpson's Bowling [Arcade]

I spent ages getting this running properly as it's quite a beloved game, but I was quite underwhelmed to be honest. It has a decent amount of personality (which you'd hope tbf), but as a game its somehow a mix of feeling way too simplistic, but also plodding and slow. It's really easy too, I bowled a 290 my first game, and I feel like I could confidently bowl a 300 within a couple of goes if I really concentrated. Too many other better bowling arcade games out there for this one to get a look really

[monotonous-minutia]

things that Actually Happen to Siébel in Carré’s play (upon which the Gounod opera Faust is based):

-He’s Dr. Faust’s student. This is mentioned in the opera, but elaborated upon much more in the play, because it’s a play and there’s room for that.

-Faust calls Siébel into his office in the first scene and tried to ask for romantic advice and advice about the world in general. Also asks him some very personal questions about life. It’s more than a little creepy. This is also how Faust finds out about Marguerite which doubles the creepiness factor.

-Tableau II (he breaks it into scenes within tableaus within acts, it’s kinda confusing but I love him anyway) opens with Siébel asleep in the tavern with his nose on the table, per the stage directions.

-Méphistophélès REALLY has it out for Siébel. He doesn’t just make his flowers wilt, he gives him nightmares about wasps and hallucinations that giant black dogs are chasing him.

-He also puts Siébel in a tree. Like literally puts him inside of the tree to get him out of Faust’s way. Apparently this also gives Siébel nightmares because he comes out thinking he’d been dreaming about being slowly suffocated.

-he breaks my heart a million times because he is absolutely, hopelessly in love with Margurite, to the point that literally everyone assumes they’re going to get married. Even though Valentine gave him his blessing, Siébel says he’s not going to ask Marguerite until basically she proposes first, because he doesn’t want to pressure her. When Faust abandons Marguerite, Siébel is basically the only person who will talk with her, but when they talk, all she wants to talk about is Faust. Every time she stops and apologizes for talking about the man she loves in front of the one who loves her, Siébel says “Don’t worry about me. Let’s talk about you.” Because he loves Marguerite so much that he deals with her talking about his romantic rival and devotes 100% of his energy to making sure she is okay and trying to help her solve her problems, even if doing so ends up with them not being together.

[eddissyfanfiction]

Fanfic recommendations based on The Scene™

As a first introduction to this blog and Eddissy, our recommendations for today all revolve around The Scene™. The beautiful scene that made us fall in love with this couple, the scene that introduced us to the wonderful characters of Eddie and Chrissy: the scene in the woods.

Uptown Girl by mandeelion (Rating: G)

Words: 1633

Status: one-shot; possibly more to come

The only thing he can think of as he takes in this utterly bizarre scenario between them is that Chrissy Cunningham smiles like the sun.

This is a cute one-shot that explores the situation in the woods from Eddie's POV. Currently, it is one chapter only but might be expanded in the future!

You Saw Me, I heard You by LillithMiles (Rating: G)

Words: 3628

Status: one-shot

Chrissy and Eddie talk for a little longer in the woods and it changes everything.

Another cute one-shot. Differently than the first, though, this fic explores how the interaction in the woods influenced both Chrissy and Eddie.

Smile Lines by theprocrastiwriter2 (Rating: T)

Words: 2406

Status: one-shot

Chrissy goes into the woods for drugs, but gets something better— Eddie Munson.

The making-the-heart-all-aflutter one-shots just keep coming! This is a very sweet piece that is written from Chrissy's POV.

wanna be your romeo by kattyshack (Rating: T)

Words: 3618

Status: one-shot (part of a series)

She brings a hand to her mouth, sucks on her thumbnail. The cuff of Eddie’s shirt droops over her hand, plaid and worn-down soft and it smells like deep fry and his leather jacket. “Well, I wouldn’t — I mean, I don’t want to eat your lunch.” “No sweat, Cunningham, I got this for you.” She blinks. “You did?” He smiles. Of course he does. And, gosh, does Eddie Munson have the prettiest smile; she thinks she’d do just about anything he asked, so long as he was smiling at her like that. Like that. Like there’s nothing else to look at but her, and she’s all he needs.

This fic explores Chrissy's relationship with food and does it in a beautiful way.

where the stars shine by eyeofthestorm (Rating: M)

Words: 4957

Status: one-shot

“Me? You’re talking to me?” he jabs a finger to his chest, pretending to check over his shoulder to see if there’s someone else around, someone more likely to receive a compliment like that from Chrissy Cunningham. She giggles, playing into his silliness, nodding with wide eyes. “Yeah. You.”

What we have here is an exploration into alternative way The Scene™ could have played out. The discussion of self-worth is, on a meta level, very philosophical and definitely enjoyable.

Meet Me in the Woods by lalababy19 (Rating: E)

Words: 35084

Status: finished, 10 ch.

When Eddie Munson finds a little pink note in his locker from none other than Chrissy Cunningham, asking to buy drugs, he can't believe it. Little does he know his life is about to be turned upside down because the cheerleader asked him to meet her in the woods.

This fic takes The Scene™ as a starting point and delves into an alternative universe.

can you make me feel good by svnny (Rating: E)

Words: 1650

Status: one-shot (part of a series)

Or Chrissy needs help and Eddie gives her some help.

Now, with all the cutesy one-shots, we thought it might be nice to include a spicy piece for you all.

Please, leave kudos and comments for those beautiful writers!

[fuck-you-i-am-spiderman]

✵ + Rotten OT4 ofc ofc 😘♥️♥️

😘😘😘😘 my loves!!! I didn't answer a few but you know I love them and I always have so many thoughts about them, always fluffy and silly and soft because that's just my vibe so I answered the ones that really spoke to me! @hersilentlanguage

who spends hours putting up lights only to get tangled in them and storm off? It's a group activity but Evie knows better than to be around Mal and Carlos when they get into the zone. Jay offers to help but he is shunned for being tall because "we don't need YOUR help, just go sit over there and look pretty alright, watch the masters at work" and "how DARE YOU UNDERESTIMATE US JAYBERT!". So they get it into their head that they can jump to reach the top, which results in several broken decorations that Evie shall never find out about she of course knows and chooses she'd rather not risk her sanity by entering the literal dragon's den; and when that doesn't work Mal is climbing onto Carlos's shoulders and they're trying to walk around and wind the lights around the tree. Evie rushes in when she hears loud cres and shouting, and somehow Mal and Carlos are both tangled and Jay is taking photos of them and spamming their numerous group chats with the evidence. It is decided that Jay and Evie are in charge of lights, though it doesn't go as smoothly when Jay uses them to twirl Evie towards him and instead it sends them both crashing into the tree and Mal and Carlos into a sea of giggles.

who accidentally eats a whole box of christmas chocolates in one sitting? Carlos. It 1000% is not an accident, no matter how much he tries to pretend it was. Evie tries her best to hide all of the chocolate and christmas snacks but Carlos always finds them. Jay keeps moving them all to the highest shelves but Carlos pesters Mal enough and she flies up to get them just to shut him up. Carlos cannot and will not be stopped and he feels utterly betrayed when his stomach starts to hurt and Evie is incredibly smug about it.

who insists on playing nothing but michael buble in the few days running up to christmas? Jay!!!! Without a doubt, he is serenading them with his own out-of-tune renditions. Mal blasts MCR to try and drown Jay out but he won't have it. He dances around the kitchen with Evie and wakes them all up with Christmas songs that they all pretend to hate, they all groan and try and play a game to see which one of them can successfully hide the cd (because yes Jay is old school and Carlos has a knack of changing all of their spotify logins so that Jay is locked out when he blasts Mariah Carey at 6am one Saturday morning, so Jay has to resort to playing his songs on CDs and mixtapes. But they all secretly love how passionate Jay gets about making sure their holiday starts with a bang...and if that bang comes from Evie knocking the speaker off the table like a cat then so be it

who gets their presents wrapped at the mall so the other cant go snooping? Evie, she doesn't go to the mall, she goes to Lonnie and Jane's room so the others can't snoop. And boy do they snoop, it's like a scavenger hunt, their own mission to find out what Evie has got them but she always bests them, and sends them on wild goose chases where they end up thinking she's got them a bath mat or something completely bizarre.

Who insists on hand-made presents only one year? It's kind of like their own tradition - something they started on the Isle, so they all make one another hand-made presents, Carlos likes making rings for Mal and Jay and necklaces for Evie. Evie loves making them new outfits and now with all the new fabrics and colours she has access to she can really let her designs flourish and of course she makes them things specially and works for months to come up with new items to make for them. Jay doesn't often make then hand-made presents, but he is really good at finding little things in small stores - little gems he finds and it's like he's back on the Isle, it's familair and he is really good at finding things they'll like. Mal struggles when it comes to gifts because she still finds it difficult to show affection and it always takes her a lot longer to come up with the perfect present. So hand-made gifts from Mal are often paintings or sketches because Mal uses her art to show the things she can't always say out loud.

Who puts mistletoe on every door frame? Jay and Mal. They're horndogs and they will take every opportunity to embark on this traddition with great delight. Though it does become a game of chase because Mal likes to rile Jay up and makes it her mission to pointedly avoid kissing him and his attempts to find her provide quality entertainment. They eventually end up hogging the mistletoe and Carlos throws water on them to cool them off. They're the dorks that have a sprig of misteltoe on them so they can "surprise" kiss Evie and Carlos...who always know it's coming and will roll their eyes at Mal and Jay's dramatics. Sometimes it becomes a competion between the four of them to see who can hide the most misteltoe around

who gets angry and almost tells kids that santa isnt real? Mal. She doesn't get angry, she just casually drops in that Santa isn't real and makes up stories about how Santa is an evil gremlin that actually steals children's presents. Though when the younger VKs are testing her patience she does threaten to turn into a dragon and burn all of their presents.

[breadknight-likes-things]

Bread's Game Journal 02/22/22: In Sifu, Mercy is The Coolest Feeling In The World.

*Spoilers for Sifu* There's something truly unique about the way Sifu handles the idea of a New Game Plus that leads to a secret ending. Unlike a lot of other games that go with this setup, it doesn't take all that long. Nor is achieving the proverbial "True" ending actually all that difficult. A statement that sounds bizarre when you consider how difficult the game itself has been up to this point, but then, that's just the thing. As a reminder, the only way to get the true ending in Sifu is to understand that vengeance won't solve anything, and exploit the hidden mercy mechanic in each of the boss fights. Essentially via letting all the bosses know that you can easily kill them, but are choosing not to, by breaking their structure meter twice in one fight. Doing so sounds like it's going to be a hassle, some of these bosses are a huge pain to beat at all, let alone beating in a specific way that requires you to be actively careful not to kill them. The thing is though, it isn't. By the point in the game that you're going back to fight all these bosses again, if you're anything like me, they don't stand a chance. Fajar becomes utterly predictable and can be beaten flawlessly before he even really has a chance to gain the upper hand. Shaun, a total nightmare when you first fight him, has become a big predictable lug who will fall victim to your kidney punch stuns over and over until the battle is over. Even Kuriko, who's extreme speed and difficult to predict patterns can't stand up to you after you've fought her a dozen times trying to get your age down for the next run during your first playthrough. This new lack of difficulty from a previously brutally difficult game makes you, the player, feel just as you should in these mercy giving situations. In the story of the game, the lead character wants these kung-fu masters to know that he's easily beaten them, and that they have to live with that knowledge. A feeling that translates perfectly to the player when you just trounced a boss that used to kick your ass up and down the room. I'll be real, there's a not insignificant chance that Sifu is my game of the year. Still too early to completely tell, but I doubt I'm going to feel the same things I felt playing this game again. I urge anyone who likes action games to give it a try.

[niallloverontheloose]

“Scott McCall would be classified as a genius if his family was wealthy and he had access to private tutors, and could pay for extracurriculars that look appealing to colleges.

The Teen Wolf fandom went so hard on ‘look what clever masterminds Peter and Gerard and Deucalion and Theo etc all are’ but NEVER took the slighest pause to examine what that said about Scott for outwitting every single one of them on multiple occasions.

If Scott was white, if new fans weren’t so predisposed to hate him or look down on him because of the gross influence of the meta crew and their followers, if Scott were ANYONE else, people would absolutely be citing that character’s actions in getting Allison away from Peter at Macy’s in Season One, his plan in Season Two, his preparations for facing Deucalion in S3, his strategies for things like trying to trap a Dread Doctor in S5, etc, etc, as proof positive of the fact that this teenager is SMART AS HELL and thinks on his feet AND deduces things from clues AND strategizes ahead of time AND has a widespread vocabulary AND takes things he knows and applies them to situations he faces AND displays pretty much every other indication and marker of high intelligence out there.

We all know damn well colleges are not just about how smart a candidate is. It’s also about prestige, connections, what a college thinks an applicant can ADD to their school or its reputation…… The world of Teen Wolf absolutely was poised to have supernatural beings in all kinds of academic institutions, wielding influence and shaping minds there….. And what are the chances that any and all of those supernatural beings WOULDN’T be falling all over themselves to recruit the first True Alpha in a hundred years, the werewolf who as a teenager was so influential he took down the infamous Beast of Gevaudan, the Alpha Pack, faced the Wild Hunt and more?I

f Scott were literally anyone else, nobody would have even NEEDED to cite his intelligence as proof that he could have walked into any college he wanted to and been welcomed, nobody would have overlooked how eager the wider world of supernatural would have been to add him as a feather to their institution’s cap…..

The only reason fandom never imagined Scott McCall being actively sought out after the show for his True Alpha status alone was purely because it was Scott, and Scott didn’t deserve respect and recognition in any aspect.”

~*~*~

And that's why the Scott McCall defense squad is the butt of every single fandom joke. 

They'll claim that Scott "demonstrates an extensive vocabulary and preparing for his SATs" even though Allison corrected him in Magic Bullet: 

ALLISON: How did you— You got here at the same time I did.

SCOTT: Oh, yeah, I—I - I just took a shortcut. Really short shortcut! 

ALLISON: What is going on with you today? You are acting all kinds of bizarre. 

SCOTT: I'm just stressing about classes. I'm not doing as good this year.

ALLISON: Not doing as well...

SCOTT: See? Exactly! 

and Stiles had to help him study and learn new words because Scott can't even learn/memorize a bunch of words on his own.... I mean, Scott "academically not the most accomplished"  and "Lydia's mom is the only reason I'm still in high school"  McCall had to drop AP biology (a class literally ANY student could attend to despite of their grades and school records) because it was too hard for him...

Scott McCall's canonically a below average student with shitty at worst/mediocre at best grades even before the Bite; but Scott stans love to erase canon and trying to blame the fact that Scott the brightest crayon in the box on his lycanthropy. Scott's utterly shit at strategy and long term planning, and he can't even wipe his own ass without his "super smart" and "smarter than everyone else" – even Scott admits it – friends Stiles and Lydia, AKA the actual planners and strategists of the group.

Canon Scott has the emotional intelligence of a piece of toilet paper and got played by Theo Raeken like a cheap throughout Season 5. And yet his delusional squad will insist Scott is a genius and smarter than Stiles and Lydia 🥴