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#i jsut wanna be held and be selfish nshti like that andn i want him to hold my hand when i start to gte
mapleshmaple · 6 years
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#ghjgk i want. i dunno what i want btu i want pap and blue and maybe even paprika ot notice that when im#particularly depressed nshit- that i curl up into myself and try to make myself as small as possible#so that i stop taking up so much space nshit cuz ufkcing reasons and im. i dont wanan overhsare i guess btu its a psychological thing#i do andn i just want blue to ppick me up in the little ball ive wound myself into and hold me??#i jsut wanna be held and be selfish nshti like that andn i want him to hold my hand when i start to gte#insecure and retreat back into my shell andn his just encompass mine cuz im tiny and his hands're big and theyve#done so much good and hes done so much good? and hes genuinely one of the coolest people ever#and i jsut wanna spill my metaphorical guts out- or maybe he jsut can read what im thinkingn on my face#even though its hard for me to emote nshit cuz my brains stupid and he jsut#he get s it and he knows what im talkign about and thinking abotu and loves me still despite what i tell myself#and hes jsut really!! really great and hes so wonderful andn its. frustratingn i guess bc i feel like i cant do him justice??#adn that whenever i wanna write or draw somethingn really self indulgent with him it just sounds stupid n dumb and hjkgmhk i udnno#and i feel the same way with pap too btu im dumb and scared that hes just gonan#not like me?? because im so fuckign short and sans is short and im scared hes gonan see someone else when im with him#like see me as someone else and he wont be able to look at me?? because i get compared to how i look like my mom a lot#andn i get compared to my aunts a lot too cuz my moms one of eight and its a lot and ghjgkmh fuckign i duno
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