#i jsut have a lot of issues and im angry all the time when it comes to ''twins'' i hope everyone who does the stereotyping i mentioned | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hitoshisbabygirl · 4 years ago

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Keys hit the table and the usual grunt of cuss words fill the living room of the shared apartment of Bakugou and his roommate [ ]. Hearing the angry blonde enter [ ] felt herself getting up as she entered into the shared living room of them “Bad day?” She asked as vermillion eyes glanced towards her concerned [ ] ones. “ ‘M fine'' The usual grunt filled the room as he pushed back past the worried girl. Frowning and used to this curt greeting of his from the last few days [ ] sighed and went back to their kitchen yelling to the blonde that she started a shower for him, getting no real response from him.

Bakugou and [ ] had an odd relationship. They started to live together because of the boys burning his kitchen on their day off when they all lived together. He told the others ‘She was the only smart one out of his dumbass friends and the only one he could trust to not burn his place down’ and with that the usual group of Sero, Denki and Kirishima moved out of his place and to the place beside him ,the group wanting to still be around the grumpy blonde. [ ] was used to coming over with Mina and the group being around before Bakugou asked her, quite aggressively one day ( Oi you're moving in with me, i'm tired of these dumbasses destroying my place on their days off of patrol) which is how they ended in this arrangement

Even with Bakugou being a handsome and very popular hero with ladies, he never had anyone over, no awkward run-ins with [ ] staying there, nothing at all. He rarely even left the house to visit the others unless he knew he had the time for it. Bakugou was dedicated , being the #2 hero he had little time for much outside of work. He refused to take brakes, no matter how much [ ] and the others tried to get him out hed huff and puff about work until he actually had fun at whatever function it was that he was dragged to so he could get fresh air

He'd been like this since highschool when she met him. Angry , confidence that was more like cockyness, a temper to be messed with, prideful and not afraid to speak his mind, good or bad. [ ] could remember from when she used to get paired with him how smart he actually was, but how he could also belittle you if you didn't realize he gave you backward compliments. She owns him over with taking him head to head on, in practice battles and in the work behind the scenes. Bakugou wouldn't admit it but [ ] kept him together, more than he let show on the outside. From bandaging him up after an intense fight, to letting him vent when he was angry ; [ ] was there for everything, his good , bad and ugly.

Hearing the showeer turn off [ ] continued to find them something to eat as the silence in the room was comforting. As dinner started she took his hero clothes to the washer, starting the load so he'd have a fresh outfit, even with him having multiples of the hero costume, he was quite fawn of the one that he had gotten during highschool, the measurements needing to be increased heavily for his now large size but that was nothing for [ ]. As a gift once he got his own agency she had repaired the old threads, even going far enough to bulking them up so they'd be less prone to ripping or shrinking. That was the one time [ ] had seen emotion flash through the stoic blonde before he thanked her, genuinely with a rare smile that blessed his face.

Soon though, she felt a presence in the room. Turing around she was met with those same vermillion eyes, this time the look in them unreadable as he stared his friend down “Yes Kasuki?” [ ] said as she turned back to the boiling pot of rice on the stove “What Are cooking?” He asked as he stood over the aisle to see what she was stirring. “Rice so far, do you want chicken, fish or beef to go with it?” She asked as she turned to the still staring blonde, his eyes wavering as she stared back at him “Are you okay Suki?” [ ] said again as he pushed himself up , crossing around the aisle before going to her side “You don't have to do this for me” He said as she ignored him “ So Chicken is fine?” “[ ], i'm not a child you don't have to keep treating me like one” Sighing the girl turned to him, seeing that he was hunched over the counter, stretching his back as she could see the pained expression as he pulled out the muscle “Sit down yeah? Consider this an early birthday present to you” [ ] said as he gave her a glare “That doesn't mean you have to constantly cook and do shit like this for me, I have two weeks before it anyway” “Katsuki, sit down and take the kindness i'm giving you and hush” Pointing with her stirring spoon [ ] shooed the now grumbling and fussing blonde away. Just a usual day in the apartment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hearing a loud cuss from the living room [ ] got up to see her roommate slump against the door, face tensed in apin as he ganced to the concerned girl “Shit, fix your face princess ‘m fine, just a bit of - fuck…- jsut soem pain is all” Reaching for the blonde [ ] helped him in, the larger male trying to hold up his weight as much as he could as she helped him to their bigger bathroom, sitting him on the toilet “Do you have any cuts or anything? Should we go to the doctor?” [ ] asked as a large hand sat over hers that went for his shirt “Im okay [ ], just some bruising and some little cuts here and there okay? Don't worry your pretty head about me” Feeling her face heat up she ignored what he said and started to help him out of his clothes, showing her a dark and slightly bloody mess of his rib cage. Wincing from the sight alone she started to lightly clean around the open wounds and surface scrapes around them. As she did he told her about the recent building that was destroyed from him using his blast too intense in one area like the villains he fought wanted him to. Another bad habit of BAkugous was beating himself up when he felt like he did poorly, which took a lot of trying to get him to let out. He would just overwork himself instead of relaxing and taking time to cool off and realize he wasn't the issue. “Any pain when I push here?” with a slight push bakugou hissed, eyes closing as she pressed deeper on his rib cage “Sorry sorry” Wrapping him up as tight as he could take [ ] stooped to look over his injuries, a frown on her lips “Stop it” Bakugou said, causing the girl to blink at him “ Stop what?” She asked as he met her eyes in the mirror “You're pouting. I'm a big boy thats what me being a hero is for i can take it , don't baby me” Her frown now deeping [ ] pushed his shoulder “Well you need a break , last week you were babying your shoulder now your ribs, im calling you in sick” Growling Bakugou went to sat something until he saw her face ; fear. She was afraid one night he wouldn't come home, that it would be the others telling her he was gone permanently. With a deep sigh he reached for her hand, pulling her back to him as he gave her a hug. Concerned and trying to come to her racing heart she looked up to those deep eyes of his, the same concert starting to fill them “ [ ]...i'll take the week off it makes you happy and rest, I’ll be okay alright? Just...please..I dont want to disappoint the one person who helps me even when im stupid and tells me what i need to hear without just agreeing with me” Shocked at his words all [ ] could do was rub his arm and bury her face in his warm chest, inhaling the smell of smoke and burnt caramel from his skin “Oi princess..” He rasped out as she just hummed , not moving from her spot. With ease the still injured blonde picked her up effortlessly and placed her on the sink, causing her to cry out. Slowly he let his hands trace her face, their eyes studying the other as he pressed his forehead to hers “Thank you..for dealing with me” He whispered against her lips as they slowly closed the gap between them, lips sealing in a soft peck. As soon as it happened it was over, Bakugou pulled away before he got too invested. Biting his bottom lip he gave her a lopsided smile, heading to his bedroom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4/20, The day of the birthday boy Katsuki rolled in a lot faster than he thought it would. Sitting up slowly he looked around his dark room, the bright light of 2:00 am mocking him as he got up to go to his kitchen. Seeing [ ] humped over at the computer sparked the explosion heros curiosity. Finishing his glass of water she came over to her, seeing that she had one last piece of paper in her hands that strangely looked like….

“Are those my reports?” a deep voice rumbled out. Letting out a screech [ ] jumped, turning in the swiveling chair to an almost adorable sight. A shirtless and sleepy Bakugou was rubbing his eyes as he let himself focus on her “Uhm...well yeah they are. They're all done now!” [ ] said as she gave him a wide smile whined the blondes' frowns deeped “You did all of my paperwork?” He said in disbelief as she looked at her hands , picking at her hand “Well yeah...I wanted you to have a non stressful birthday” She admitted as he scoffed , getting closer to her as he wrapped his arms around her neck and the top of the chair “You're so sweet...too good for me….” He grumbled as he hid his face in the nervous girl's neck. Gasping as she felt his hot lips kiss the junction of her neck she couldn't help but lean over more . letting him absentmindedly kiss her all over her shoulder and neck, little ‘Thank yous’ spilling from the tired man's lips. Still following his same path he worked his way up to her cheek, basking in the little laugh she let out as he nuzzled under her chin. Slowly what happened a few days ago repeated itself, they were face to face as his still sleep swarming eyes stared back at her curious ones. Tapping her bare leg from her seat she moved as he took her by the arm to his room. Hearing her heart in her ears [ ] sucked in a breath as he flopped on his luxury bed, making grabby hands at the standing girl. Giggling [ ] crawled in the bed with him as he pulled her on top of him “[ ]....” He groaned as she looked at him. Licking his lips as whispering Bakugou spoke “ I really like you...You and shitty hair dont have to do much for me all i want is you…” He said as she gave him a wide eyed look, not sure she heard him right “Yeah im finally admitting it...ive had a crush on you for a while...i never noticed it until Shitty hair called me out for having a worse mood when that good for nothing vibrating little shit tried to steal you from me at the banquet” As the comfortable silence filled the room he spoke up again “ And i really...wanna kiss you….but im scared you wouldn't like me back...after all these years of dealing with my shit and how i can be...your like a godsend to me..” As he opened his eyes to her he was surprised to feel her lips press against his , full and warm. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her in his lap as they kissed more and more, the kiss becoming deeper as she pulled away, whispering a soft ‘ I love you’ as he kissed her again until they drifted to sleep in eachothers arms.

#mha #bakugou katsuki #fluffy #ah domestic Bakugou #4/20 happy birthday Bakugou!#hbd baby #I love this man 🥺#my angry pompom #bakugou x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha #katsuki bakugo x reader #this was supposed to post yesterday but yknow it didn’t work 😀#i hate it here sometimes #ahem anyway #enjoy!#💕💕

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gelatinbfb · 4 years ago

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leafy character analysis i wrote in a quick brain explosion state, enjoy :)

(also pls dont think i hate leafy bcz i can sound mean here i love her a lot as a character and im just willing to point out how i think she is lol n i find her rly interesting)

under the cut !

leafy values others a LOT and its evident by her simply wanting to help her friends as much as possible in every way she can even if its not helpful for herself. she thrives on the help she gives to others because she cares THAT much. while that is a big deal she still can be very egotistical and sees her good deeds as very important and while she IS helpful she can end up being very not-humble about it. and she tends to get controlling and freaked out over others not accepting her help (because she can be VERY overbearing) since she expects a positive reaction ALL the time from others. she does have her limits when it comes to helping ofc like when she only accepted to help pen if he gave smthng in return

leafy cant process or comprehend how others could simply refuse her help anyways and since she is Very emotional she instantly gets pissy. and also bcz of her tendency to be a bit self absorbed and overly-proud of her "helpfullness" it makes it worse. you can also kinda see her control-freak attitude and high self image by her neverending niceness chart and putting everyone in boxes

when firey basically was friends with her in a STABLE manner unlike any other friendship leafy had, and when he ditched her for a silly misunderstanding it basically broke her and twisted her around making her show off her vengeful side entirely and turn more harmful and greedy rather than the always helpful jolly person she tries to be/ends up being like

its important for me to mention here that leafy sees others as beneath her imo, even if she doesnt like to admit it/doesnt realize it consciously. a lot of times her helping for others resembles somebody pitying somebody and underestimating their abilities or babying them basically, this kinda shows her controlling nature tbh ..

leafy has a tendency to be controlling probably bcz she freaks out upon any dis-order esp others disliking her or not accepting her help

after being chased and almost executed over being a thief and having everybody hate her she did kinda mellow down and lose it so ig thats where the wanting to stab and throw knives at everyone came from..

in bfdia (in general) she did end up being kinda annoyed and vengeful over people yet still w anting to be friends cuz she was lonely (obviously) and wanted to be on good terms with everyone again lol

in bfb.. shes more of a disaster

after experiencing all that shit she is still overly helping and all but the exact same controlling freaking out leafy

upon gaty just wanting some time to think and not blindly accept her friendship leafy jsut instantly gets angry and annoyed which shows her sheer impatience upon anyone rejecting her or her actions (yet again..)

she grabbed her team members for beep JUST by seeing who needed help the most in her eyes,, even if they were not in any need of help she decided on it herself. this just shows me more of her thinking that others cant take care of themselves and leafy thinking she is a deity or some shit to others just bcz she helps people she views as "incapable" lol

and while she IS still very friendly and willing to help her nasty side shows a lot upon anyone being an inconvenience, aka balloony lol,, , in times like these i rly wonder if leafy actually cares for others from a level deeper than exclusively the surface because she ends up being SO controlling. especially with how she has a loyalty chart and bossess around everyone in her team and uses them when its necessary for her

perhaps she tends to be overbearing and more controlling when shes under some sort of pressure, in this case the contests perhaps,, she can end up forgetting or not giving a fuck about others as long as they do as she says because she views them as mere tools in such cases

and since shes already discomforted by lack of order and lack of control, she tries to fit everyone into boxes to do as SHE tells them to do and not anything else

i do believe leafy has good in her and she genuinely tries to help others and be nice but she is unable to realize that not everyone is in need of help and not to mention that she undermines everybody by seeing them as lesser and so trying to control them since she thinks they wont be doing things right if it isnt what she tells them to do lol

i think leafy has a hard time comprehending everything around her so she relies on making charts and keeping track on others relationships with her and how much she trusts them etc etc but since thats not how people Work it ends up being harmful since she expects everyone to fit her views and how she comprehends them, she ends up believeing no one else but herself has free will and a mind of their own (which continues the cycle of her trying to help in a fit of pity and power hunger to keep her world/mental state together)

in the end leafy is very in need of more self realization and trying to care for others feelings and needs in a way that OTHERS have and not the way she views them as being, and her loving others deeply wont solve her issues with listening to what they actually want

#leafy bfdi #leafy bfb #character analysis #bfdi #bfb #g.txt

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dangan-happy · 4 years ago

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a lil bit of Monica in my life

for, Rantaro, Shuichi, or Kokichi

TW! Pinch at a suicidal thought and mental health issues,

I have been pretty sick lately, like, more than sick. And not like in the physical sense, but the more.. mental sense. But that’s because somebody who I really love and admire told me jow.. it’s really not me, but the ppl around me. The ppl around me fucking suck. And I have known that for a while.. but didn’t say anything or want to admit it. They make insensitive remarks, dismiss my problem, they don’t listen to me, none of them listen to me. They just bring up my mental problems, knowing exactly what I’m going through, just to get a reaction out of me, and get mad when I’m offended. They say how I’m “overreading it”- when they always make it seem like I’m a waste of time. Saying “I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you”, or “I’m sorry I even tried being Ur friend”, when all I asked was for them to listen to me. I’m glad they tried to help, but all asked was for them to KEEP their promise…

And for a long time… I though it was just me. Because it always happened to me. But it’s not. I just always excuse ppl. I always try my hardest to be nice when I tell them to stop- and stop, over and over again. I always tell myself that it’s “just because their young.” When they are several years older than me. I say how they wouldn’t understand want I’m going through- when I told them to stop all the time..

And I am so done. It gets me so so angry. These are adults. These are ppl who should have known better- These are ppl who should have protected me, these are ppl who should have been there for me, but NONE of them would come forward. None of them, nobody wanted to be there for me and MEANT it until it was too late. I shouldnt have to be strong, I shouldn’t have to grow up so early. I shouldn’t have to know all THIS stuff. I wanted to just be ur average 13 year old girl. And I still want to. Not this. Not this at all. And I keep on just.. excusing them for years and years because I was scared. I was scared of being abandoned, alone again. I was scared of being hurt when I confront them. I’m scared that if I don’t be nice anymore, they’ll stop.

Im scared of what ppl r thinking of me, im scared, so scared. Im scared that if I just cut them off, it won’t be the right thing to do. I say I don’t care but I do. I care a whole lot.

Maybe it really is my fault yknow? That this has all happened to me. Maybe it’s just my BPD, and I’m just being really selifish, or I really am over exaggerating, or I should jsut realky just.. disappear-

… I just.. want to know what I have to do to just be.. alright.

But I know nobody can supply that answer for me and tvh I don’t even know what I’m doing or what I want. Or what I have to do to get back to be.. healthy…

I’ll just.. like some comfort- pls.. and- ty..

Hey anon! Aw man, feeling mentally sick is the worst. I mean, I guess it's called mental illness for a reason. Yikes, it sounds like you're kind of sort of trapped in a snake pit. I get it, I usually don't wanna call people around me out either, partially because I'm just as much of a dick as they are, but hey, that part's not important. Wow, it sounds to me like you deserve a whole lot better than you're getting. Bringing up mental problems just to get a reaction is pretty fucking low, I gotta say. Why are they getting mad? You're the only one who has the right to be mad or offended in that situation. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, and no! You're not overreading it! I wanna throw something at them, I don't know how, but I'll figure it out. Ugh, ewww, that's so petty and gaslight-y. Honestly, I don't think they're even trying to help, much less keep promises. Anon, it's so totally not you! These people are toxic as hell. Like I said before, snake pit! Good, I'm glad you're noticing that it's not you. Honestly, you seem like you're too nice for your own good. I would never give people like this that many chances, and honestly you really don't have to keep doing this. If you want to get the hell out of dodge, do it. Yup, called it. You try too hard to be nice. You don't owe anyone anything, especially not these assholes. And they're older than you? Jeez, I can't even see my opinion of them any more, it's so low it's gone underground. Yeah, I think it's fine to tell them that, because they really don't have any idea what's going on with you. These guys definitely aren't even trying to understand, and honestly it's really disappointing.

Yeah, you totally should be angry! You're so right, these people are freaking adults who like, could have done the bare minimum and gotten their shit together to actually help you out. God, that's so fucking irritating anon, you deserve so much better than that boatload of train wrecks. I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it! Oh damn, you're only thirteen? And you're being forced to be the "adult"? Yeah, you shouldn't have been forced to be this strong and isolated. I'm really really glad you know that you don't want to deal with this shit anymore, that's a really big step forward, and you gotta hold onto those feelings. They can help you going forward. I don't think you can exactly be a quote unquote "normal" thirteen year old anymore, but you can totally get your life pretty damn close to that. Your life doesn't have to be this way forever. I'm so sorry you're scared. Honestly, you're the one who should abandon them if anything. They don't deserve your niceness, they lost that chance a long time ago from what I can see.

It's such a hard situation, I know. I'm right there with you. I say I don't care all the time when I really do, and it fucking hurts. But you gotta move on. As painful as it is, if you're gonna get yourself into a healthier headspace, these people have to go. You need people who are genuinely supportive of you, and it sounds that the people you have around you now are causing a huge part of your struggles. So in my humble opinion, it's time for those people to go. It's hard, but it's gotta be done. You're going to have to be strong for a little bit longer. Look for people who are actually good people. And hey! It's sure as hell not your fault! You're not being selfish, and I don't think any mental conditions are to blame either. You're not overexaggerating, and you better not even think about disappearing! You're the good person here, not the others. You don't have to go down with a sinking ship anon, I can't stress that enough. I think you need a clean break, a fresh start, and some actual support, professional or otherwise. Yeah, you're right. I can't tell you exactly what you should do, but hopefully the suggestions I gave can give you a starting point. It's ok, no one knows what they're doing all the time. I barely know what I'm doing on a daily basis. I'm so freaking proud of you for wanting to be healthy, and you can get there. I know

you can. You're a fighter anon, and I promise you, you're close to winning if you play your cards right. You're not the problem anon, you're not overreacting, and none of this is your fault. You don't need to pay for other peoples' failures. You've done that enough, and you have every right to break free. You're gonna get out of this, I promise. Find the way out that works for you, do some research, reach out to people who you can trust, things like that. You can do this. Just remember you're not the bad guy, ok?

Hey there anon, mental sickness can be even more draining than physical sickness sometimes, and I'm real sorry to hear that you're going through that. Yeah, I can totally relate. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, where I was tangled up with people that were just draining me and giving nothing back in return. And it's fucking exhausting. Yeah, even if you know these things deep down, it's hard to actually face it and accept it. That's not on you, it's never easy to do. I'm gonna be blunt, the people around you are treating you like shit, and you sure as hell don't deserve it. Trawling for reactions, gaslighting, and plain old disrespect are all things you're getting when you haven't done even the slightest thing to deserve it. You're not overreading anything, you're seeing it clearly, I promise. Kokichi's right, these people aren't helping at all. And hey, I'm really glad you know it's not you. I know it can take a long time to see that, but you're seeing it now, and that's real good. I do exactly what you're doing. I'm pretty notorious for being nice to people when they definitely don't deserve it. Honestly, those people are leeching off of you, just draining the life out of you. I know, it's so easy to just excuse people and tell them to stop, but these guys aren't listening. And they're older than you? That's inexcusable. The fact that you're the one with the most maturity in this situation is insanity.

I gotta agree with Kokichi again, these people have no idea what you're going through, so they can't say shit about what you're going through. Unless they've walked a mile in your shoes, which they haven't, they can't speak to what you feel or what you go through. Good! Be done with them, this is the start of really moving forward and making the changes you need to get healthy. You're exactly right, these people should have been there and protected you, and it's too late for any redemption, at least right now. You're not in a place to forgive them, right now I think the most important thing is to just get out of there.

I know you don't want this, and you don't deserve it. It doesn't have to go on forever, ok? I know it's scary, but you need to get yourself out of this. Honestly, them getting out of your life would be a good thing. Breaking off like this is never easy, trust me I've been there. I know, but I really think cutting them off is the right way to go. The only person you gotta think about now is yourself. It's not your fault, BPD or not, and you sure as hell aren't better off disappearing. It's still your life, and you can still take it back. Yeah, we can't tell you what you should do, but Kokichi's suggestions for contacting people you trust, maybe getting professional help, and making it a clean break might be good places to start. You can make it, I promise you can get yourself to a place in life where you're healthy. It was never you, it was always these people. You don't owe anyone anything. Just focus on you.

There isn't much I can say that Rantaro or Kokichi haven't said already. Though...I don't understand what you are going through. Though, I do know that you are not the one at fault. This is entirely the fault of the adults in this situation. They clearly do not understand what you are going through. You have every right to be angry. You're not overreacting. You're not being selfish. You're not wrong for wanting all of this pain and abuse to end. The people around you have clearly been toxic, and I'm afraid that they will continue to be toxic.

It's going to be difficult especially if these people have been in your life for a long time. Though...it may be best to cut those people out of your life. Perhaps call and talk to someone you know you can trust and get some profrssional help. It's a big step, and it can be rather painful, but it'll be better for you in the long run, anon...at least I think so. Though, definitely talk to a professional about this one day, alright?

I don't know how to answer that, but I know that you'll get your answer someday. It may take sometime, and it may hurt at first, but I know you'll find a way to be okay. You're only 13 years old, after all. You have a whole life ahead of you, and I know with how patient, kind, and strong you are that you'll be able to make the life you want for yourself. You're a good person, anon, and I know you'll be okay and happy one day, and I hope that day comes soon.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #kokichi oma #rantaro amami #shuichi saihara #mod kokichi #mod rantaro #mod shuichi

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astro-break · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on the 8th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7

Love that every time its a MTC centric episode im so busy that i can’t watch it the day it airs

I like how the beginning of the episode kinda mirrors the events in MTC’s story in ARB

hey hypmic you wanna try making it Less obvious who the culprit is? like damn you’re just giving away secrets like its candy. First Ramuda, the Ruikawa and now these two assholes. Might wanna keep your cards close before you spoil the ending of the anime oh wait they already did that nvm :p

Samatoki please have some sense of self preservation and ask what its about before accepting something. but I guess it also speaks to how trusting he is of those he lets close to him which also explains a bit more as to why he hates Ichirou’s guts

Love that Jyuto is actually choking the information out of someone and Samatoki is actually gathering intelligence and creating boards out of it. Most people expect the opposite from their characters and it such a great dynamic

I find it hilarious that Rio uses older computers but that brings up the question of “How far into the future really is hypmic?” bc those computers look to be from early 2000′s which would be A N C I E N T and completely unusable for hacking come a time when WWIII happens

Iris on a bike has no rights looking as hot as she does. The vehicle CGI is really nice too and so is her character model on top of the bike. Loving how Iris completely owns the two cops

The MTC love here is jsut. through the roof i can die happy now that i’ve seen Samatoki aggressively caring for his teammates animated and voiced. like, please. just. help. I can.t/ MTC care so much for each other I would hug them all and tell them good work, you can finally go rest now uughghghgh MTC guys. MTC

But mannn Iris is so cool, approaching MTC without any fear

I find it hilarious that Saburo would pose as a game dev from dubai which yknow doesn’t make any sense if you think about it. but whatever it just makes me laugh at how easy it is to fake a lot about yourself because yeah! it is easy!

The whole conversation about cops and good cops seems a bit off considering ACAB but considering Japan who has largely swept both BLM and ACAB under the rug it isn’t surprising. That isn’t to say that Japan doesn’t care, its just that these movements aren’t on the spotlight so topics like these don’t carry as much weight

lol yeah he should have expected to be stabbed from the front lol

SRKHFSKJD Rio please stop living in the water, i can’t believe he did that lol

Love the SamaJyuto subtext in the translation lol

Jyuto’s sequence is kinda cute in a way ahaha

The kurosawa-esque b&w screens are a nice touch to the song as well as the MC Name drops and hypnosis speaker drops. Idk about Rio’s 2DIE4 reference though since it doesn’t really rhyme nor does it add much to the rap itself

The song itself is pretty nice but it isn’t a bop like Fallin’ was. It has a different more gritty feel to it that i don’t hate but isn’t my style

Of course Iruma pulls this situation into his favor, its so typical of him.

Rio didn’t speak much here and took a general backseat to everything. I wonder if it was because during the time of recording this episode, Rio’s VA, Kamio Shinichiro, went down with The Virus (you know the one) so he couldn’t record much. Who knows but best boy. just let me hear best boy’s voice please

Ramuda’s phone vibrate actively annoys me oh my god it makes my skin crawl

If Ramuda’s sleeping on the couch then that really does confirm that Ramuda lives in his studio. Not surprising considering everything we know about Ramuda but at the same time, please get like a futon or smth sleeping on a couch will only hurt your back

Ramuda just busting in is fun

but im not sure how to feel about two divisions shoved into one. like this is basically telling us who is the important divisions, Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. Obviously BB are the protagonists of the series what with the staff coming out to even say that Ichirou is the hero, and if you know what happens then you know why Shinjuku is also highlighted which. also gives away the ending of the anime. again. I’m just glad that the team decided to stick with the irl results bc if they didn’t, they’d have a lot of angry fans

Back to my main point tho, this just. pisses me off. I love FP and MTC and to see them sidelined like this doesn’t feel fair. they deserve full eps to themselves bc if I’m being honest, these two teams have some of the best inter team dynamics out of the current cast. I understand that budget issues and episode constraints exist but this is just kinda frustrating that my main division has been tossed aside and the team that gets the most overall development gets thrown away too

Im not surprised that they cheated because gambling anime is about who can outcheat the other and the mind games played. thats the thrill of gambling series is the psychological factors in it

Ramuda emulating Gentaro’s speech is cute

The mindgames are not present at all and I expected that lol

thats.... midly gay gentaro lol do you always go around pressing shit into people’s mouths while leaning in close? thats pretty gay lol i love the homoerotic subtext present in this episode. First SamaJyuto and now GenDice

no speaker summon sequence? thats slightly disappointing but whatever. the anime is really doing FP dirty by cutting a lot of corners with their episodes

I never noticed that Ramuda and Gentaro hold their mics in their left hand while Dice holds it with his right. neat detail

I love how even in a battle FP still keeps their preppy attitude

Gentaro looks so awkward to the little sway and kick thing in the song lolol

This is probably one of the songs that I like the least. Jackpost is a very Dice song and not really fitting for either Ramuda and Genaro. I think i’d like it more if it was a dice solo or dice centric but the emphasis was pretty cleanly spread so that makes it pretty hard to enjoy

Oh hell yeah FP meshing as a team is just, so cute. Though that foreshadowing with Ramuda and his candy is just. wow

Yup they kept the og brackets so I think the anime’s going to stick with the IRL results. Which means that any tension they try and build won’t work for ppl who are already familiar with the series but I hope they don’t take that fact as an excuse to slack off

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypmic spoilers #hypnosis mic rhyme anima

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archiefm · 5 years ago

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... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...

DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )

shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....

finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve

grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa

very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism.

if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn

he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.

from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog).

his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.

his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess

hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway

as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right

his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way

had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.

he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.

during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.

he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.

he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.

u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone

not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.

takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.

in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life

works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee

lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond

fan of karl marx. v big on socialism

insomniac with chronic nosebleeds

cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter

always confused or annoyed

statistics

basic information

full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.

physical

colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.

psychological

dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.

skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.

likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.

dislikes: the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)

full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)

tw homophobia

born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.

his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.

when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.

by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.

after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily.

of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.

if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas

study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet

ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea

friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots

ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up

does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is!

#huntingtonintro #is tht the tag....... idk..... msg me xo

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drfeelgood-21 · 5 years ago

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The past 5 Years...

I feel like some of you should know where i have been these last 5 horrid years, and it took me a long time to actually come to terms with writing this post. But here we go Back in 2013 i joined Tumblr,made friends, made posts, and learned about some amazing music. MY journey for Metal had just begun. Fast forward 2 years, Im now running a successful metal/rock blog with a side of whatever the fuck i like. I had many friends that i would chat with on the daily through Snap,Facebook, and kik. I was there for many of you as you were there for me. I graduated High school and had a job. I was going into College. My hometown Uni that I always dreamed of going to. I was excited and this sets forth the downfall of my life... Part 2: 2016 hits, Im still getting over the emotions of The Force Awakens (Star Wars FTW) Type O Negative grew on me hard, and i started a smoking addiction to cigars. My energy drink addiction mixed in with that. Full time college and a full time job were hell but i managed. My grades were great, the financial stress wasnt. I was Paying for Uni out of pocket and it lead to some hard times. May came along and well I found myself a girlfriend who ended up cheating on me. I partied hard with friends, got drunk, did some insane shit and even hosted a party with my bestfriend Scott that got over 200 people to show up. The end of Summer approached and I found this bright eyed beautil woman named Natasha. I fell hard. The only issue was, i was her Manager and i told myself to not do it. Luckily for me i was already applying for new jobs and was picked up by a huge branded Franchise company so we started dating.....Little did i know at the time i was helping her cheat. Little did i know this was her game. We spent the next two years “In Love” by this it was a blind game of abuse and manipulation. She scarred me so bad that i thought i was a narcissistic asshole. She found out about my use of tumblr and made me delete it and take off every single friend of mine from here. One night she slapped my face to awaken me and ask who Emily was ( a friend from tumblr long ago) She was jealous of a message i had sent Emily back in 2015 ( this ould be a good time to mention its January 2017) I didnt see abuse at all. I could only see me trying better every day for her, but she was never happy. She constantly needed sex, constantly needed love, amd had trouble not being with me. At the time i of course enjoyed it because i thought it was love. I ended up getting an apartment with her late 2017.. We lived together till June 2018....I broke up with her She cost me the following -Best friendship with Scott -Friendship with anyone i talked to on social media ( Alot of you) -My college career -She spiked my depression - Made me feel like i should kill myself -Connection with family members - Trust -Connection with others I know that this post will probably summon that anon that hit right after the break up but just Fuck off. I was angry ,depressed, and really fucking suicidal, I got injured at work and couldnt move for 2 weeks. (Dislocated my knee) But when i got back to work, i got a message from an old friend who just used me for sex, so that happened.. 2018 sucked except for starting to branch out into the local clubs. 2019 Though....That was the year of rebuild. Worked my ass off at work and on myself. Figured out a lot of stuff, made New Amazing friends. Started back up old friendships and got my own Duplex so life in 2019 wasnt bad but i will admit i was drinking through a lot of it. 2020 had a slow start. But in the end of January this one girl approached my friend group and asked if she could dance with us. Of course i said, and we actually spent the rest of the night all together and she attached herself to my best friend Amber. We spent at least an hour talking about Emo bands and style, until she got picked up by a friend. I had her snap though and decided to message her the next day and tell her it was great to meet you we should hang out again soon. I was Nervous, i hadnt done something like this for four years... When she said yes to hanging out again my heart skipped, It wasnt officially a date but it was interest. We hung out a couple more times and i know i told her i liked her the second time, but i started liking her when she said “ you’re making me break my stoic reputation” February 1st the morning after we went out again, i asked her to be mine...It was fast but i really hadnt felt this way since 4 years ago....One things for sure though..every time im with her the feeling grows stronger even though i did shut myself down. Its jsut scary how comfortable i am around her because i feel so vulnerable and i dont know if its just me getting my trust back, but I do know that im in love with her. Shes beautiful in so many ways and helps me rediscover who i am..what I stand for. I wanted to tell her that i love her after a nice actual dinner date...I had it planned.. But this Covid bullshit made me rush it. I had to tell her before she visited her parents back home.... little did we know at the time that she would be back home sooner than expected. I was at work when her dad surprisingly picked her up and made her move back home to Quarantine from this fucking virus. I sure as hell felt numb reading the letter she left me. These are weird and hard times, and its sucked this past week. I cant get my mind to shut off, im stressed, i go to work, i take care of family. Im Feeling drained and exhausted, but one thought of her and it all goes away.. I miss her. I just want to see her and hold her. Today was probably the worst day ive had in a long time....Im not doing well but im back Tumblr , to all whom even care anymore. Thanks for sticking around

#long #personal #might delete #life #ollie

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paradoxspaces · 6 years ago

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last upd8 thoughts for the night, under a cut for spoilers! kind of rambly but i cant stop thinking about this and its 3 am so excuse the quality

ive always thought that dirk was the character I was most similar to personality-wise, but i didnt realise how much I genuinely liked him until I had to experience his character get pretty much drug through the mud in the epilogues. there were a few moments in meat where I had to stop for a bit bc I was getting angry about his characterization or bc reading some of the ways he was talking about other characters really threw me off and was kind of genuinely upsetting. im in no way a full dirk stan (and rip if you are) but I did relate to him a lot and bc of that it felt weird as hell seeing him suddenly become a fucking malicious transphobic freak 24/7. like dirk was kinda manipulative and shitty but also his big arc was about releasing control and being a better friend/person. he was, at the end of the day, really devoted to his friends! he wanted to do better by everyone he cared about specifically bc he cared about them so much! what happened??? to all of that?????

idk i used to give people a lot of shit when there were those theories back in the day about ‘dave not being really dave’ bc he was acting weird in a pester or the people on the meteor not being themselves bc they were different but the first time I read the dirk pov I literally did not believe it was really him bc it was so unrecognizable. like how he was talking about john felt….bizarre and awful and it was just difficult to read him suddenly become an irredeemable shitbag. idk i usually dont have dirk feelings but this epilogue (meat at least) has made me both like him more in hs proper and dislike him more overall.

now that i guess im talking about spoilers more straightforwardly: meat both resurfaced and complicated my feelings wrt dirk but even without that like. I dont think i can read candy 13 and im fucking mad about it. I literally never thought this would be an issue with hs but afaik its not a kind of ‘decapitate me’ joke ref but a full on su*cide scene which I (who was at my most proto-dirk-kin at 16/17 when i was, you know, actively very su*cidal) wont be able to read which is fucking annoying!!! since when did we do that in hs!! sicne when did main characters, who we literally saw grow up and deal with trauma and mental illness, just fucking kill themselves???? wha t the fuck is going on??? some parts of this seems like they tried really hard to be like edgy ‘adults only’ fanfic bs and idk i guess thats a funny bit sometimes but somehow i thought we could avoid randomly introducing su*cide into the plot.

ALSO IM PISSED ABOUT VRISKA 2KFOREVER.

(i feel like its….unlikely that we will get anything more than this considering the length of these sections but i do kind of want something else. im not done with candy and dont know when i will be but it jsut feels so weird to have the story end in this like metatextual rumination rather than a story about the kids.)

(and this is not to say I dislike the epilogues as a whole. im still thinking through meat and as ive said i have to get through candy, but these are my like immediate overwhelming thoughts. mostly the dirk stuff was killing me and i needed to get it out. maybe i like the epilogue i dont fucking know yet. i really have no idea how i feel. confused???)

(also why is everyone suddenly super horny and sexy why is this epilogue trying SO HARD to be like ‘no kids allowed’. you can have ur characters age up and talk about sex while idk still preserving the general tone of ur piece and ur characters and not have them suddenly be obsessed with fucking so that we know that theyve ‘grown up’ [im talking about Jade :((((])

#this has been a text post #homestuck #homestuck epilogue #upd8

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chikotos · 8 years ago

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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hotshotshitshow · 8 years ago

Photo

other other #1 asshole

i hate this drawing of her intensely i need to redraw it asap

Basic Information

Full Name: Basira Emere Redoul Nicknames/Aliases: The Psychopomp Titles: Age: idk but shes in her 30′s Gender: lady Orientation: polyamorous pansexual. prrrrobably somewhere on the grey ace spectrum. Species: human for the most part but she was originally a fantroll. also she is part ghost Birthday: november 21 Occupation: grief counselor/modern day psychopomp (she helps terminally ill patients come to terms with death and ready themselves spiritually for it) Powers: ability to pass between the world of the living and the spirit world at will, ability to turn her physical form into a ghost at will, ability to see and intereact with spirits while still in physical form, incredible physical strength Living Family: Sevara Redoul, Rizopa Redoul, Svinya Redoul, Elvita Redoul, Obyren Levine Hometown: Current Residence: the town of Last Chance

Physical Characteristics Height: 6′10 Hair: naturally black but she dies it lots of different colors, but its usually peacock green Eyes: dark blue (bloodcolor) Body Type: very tall and built like a fridge. Distinguishing Marks: she gots tattoos literally all over her body, but im still in the process of designing them. also has a slight underbite. Left or Right-Handed: right Quirks/Habits:

Medical Information Addictions: cigarettes Aids/Augmentations: poor eyesight. has glasses she wears on occasion Allergies: Conditions: Physical Abnormalities: she tall Blood Type: Mental Illnesses: Other Notes: None

Mental/Personality Attributes Known Languages: English Positive Traits: sweet, cares about everyone and their well being, maternal, generous, inclusive, tries to (appropriately) make light of situations, extremely patient and understanding, sort of a goof, very encouraging and probably thinks youre awesome Neutral Traits: acts a bit too familiar with some people that never met her before Negative Traits: Can be self-assured to a fault/a bit egotistical, doesn’t like being proved wrong, thinks she knows more about people than they do, nosy, can’t take criticism worth shit Optimist, Pessimist, or Realist: realist at heart but tries very hard to be an optimist Introvert or Extrovert: cusp i think Fears:

Likes/Dislikes General Likes: music in general, writing (songs n stuff), playing the upright bass, feeling like she did something Good, physical affection (SHE LOVES HUGS AND HOLDING PEOPLE), old timey cartoons, dancing, vintage cars General Dislikes: criticism, not being included, feeling inadequate (its hard to write about her dislikes because she tries really hard to see the grey area in most things slkdmfsdlk) Favorite… Animal: peacocks Color: Food: meat, especially barbecue Music Genre: LKSDMSKM ALL OF IT. but mostly psychobilly (are u seeing a trend here yet), swing, rockabilly, jazz, thrash metal, deathrock, classic rock, AND JSUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING OK SHE LOVES MUSIC. especially if she can dance to it and its really energetic Season: fall/spring

Relationships Best Friend(s): sev, vin Other Friends: Acquaintances: Significant Other(s): porsche, maude Rivals: Enemies: Pets:

Other/Trivia Meaning of Name: Religion: Astrological Zodiac: scorpio Chinese Zodiac: Celtic Zodiac: Element: MBTI Type: Hogwarts House:

oh my god it is my goal in life to hug her ok. she absolutely uses her size to her advantage and likes picking up the other person to hug them and hold them its like a dream ok. she is an incredibly affectionate person but has had to learn to reel it in and be more guarded otherwise sometimes people get the wrong idea.

people getting the wrong idea about how touchy feely she is paired with some of her therapy work she does means that even though she is a naturally very open and giving person, she has had to learn when to be more guarded and not open up to people so quickly.

she does not experience attraction often but can definitely recognize when someone is attractive. if she likes someone enough she will get super flirty and try to be suave and smooth and charming and it works for like the first three minutes but shes a huge dork so it gets goofy sorta quick

she has the patience of a saint and it takes an awful lot to rile her but the one thing that is absolutely off-limits for her is telling her shes not a good person or pointing out her flaws. she recognizes this is an issue and is trying to work on it but. it is extremely difficult for her. when angry, she gets very in your face and if pushed, there is a point where she will get physical.

SHE IS SO SENSITIVE OK YOU CANT WATCH MOVIE WITH HER BECAUSE SHE GETS SUPER INTO IT AND CRIES AT ANY VAGUELY SAD PART

as a psychopomp, she helps those who are near death prepare themselves for whatever comes after. once they have passed, she is always the one to meet them on the other side and offers more support and comfort in any way that she can. she also helps them figure out what will happen to their soul next, whether they go to whatever afterlife they believe in, whether they are reincarnated, whether they come back as a ghost, etc etc. she also helps them become reborn if they choose reincarnation and ready themselves for their new life.

most of her spiritual psychopomp duties happen in her sleep. spirit world time does not adhere to physical world time, so she could deal with anywhere from a handful of souls to thousands of souls in one nighttime. this is very emotionally and mentally draining, so waking up in the morning is a huge pain in the ass.

she is not the only psychopomp, she is one of many but she just works with one particular population

charahub page (there is a lot of info repeated here word-for-word but there are a few different things)

#basira #loser palooza

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stitchedcurses · 5 years ago

Text

im just gonna vent vibe under cut

ok so like i forgot i had a tumblr and im so thankful rn bc i just wanna vibe (i.e. vent) without upsetting anyone ahhaaaaaa

im like sorta sad bc two people that i really care about hate each other??

or, to be more accurate: one of the people (person a) hates the other and the person who is being hated (person b) has literally no idea that’s even happening?

and im not going to impose my views or opinions on people, and i can understand that person a might not like person b because of a misunderstanding that happened, but, i was there when it happened and i listened to the perspectives of everyone who was involved, so i feel like i have a good understanding of what happened and i feel like i can safely say that it was all a misunderstanding and it happened because of a lack of communication!

but, because of person a’s personality and experiences they had in the past (that were similar to what happened) therye really upset at person b and were very heated about the situation as a whole. (they listened to one side of the story and were immediately upset and didnt listen to person b’s side. i dont think person b is evil, or all to blame, but i can agree that they handled some things poorly. both people did, but person a only listened to one side of the story and didnt get the full picture)

i thought that maybe once time passed theyd maybe be more calm and look at the situation more rationally once the heat of the moment had passed, but theyre still very angry and mad at person b. (this entire situation happened like 6 months ago, so its been a good while)

this, in and of itself isnt good, but its something im okay with respecting because i can understand that emotions are powerful and i cannot change person a’s opinion, nor should i impose my views on them

what’s making me really upset though, is that person b is trying to make an effort to be nice to person a, and person a is making really really mean vague posts about them? posts accusing them of being selfish and deceitful and fake, when none of these things are true at all and thats whats really upsetting me because i think its just such a mean thing to do?

and i dont want to say anything to person a because they have a right to post what theyd like on their social media, since it’s theirs and i have no business telling them what they can and cannot post but it makes me so sad to see? because before i knew who they were talking about i was like “wow this must be such a horrible person and im so sorry you have to deal with them” but now that i know who theyre talking about, i can safely say that those things arent true!!!

theyre not true at all, and person b and person a share a lot of mutual friends! and i can see that those mutual friends have interacted with the post, and im pretty sure they dont know who person a is talking about and so it makes me really sad to see? because i think if they know who person a was talking about they wouldnt agree, but its also not my position to tell them nor do i think that telling anyone who person a is vaguing about would help! i think it would make everything much much worse...

to person a’s credit, they have given 0 hints as to who theyre talking about and so i can respect that i guess? theyre venting but keeping the drama to themselves and i respect that...

person a talked to me today about everything, and said that theyd try to change their attitude only for the other friends that they care about, and they told me that they likely wont ever change their view on person b.

i told person a id respect their choice, and in their defense all the vague posts were made before they talked to me and vented their frustrations, so im sure that the vague posts were just a way to vent! but reading over them, therye so mean and hateful that it really hurts to see that?

maybe i shouldnt take it so personally, but i have had to deal with people being vague and back and forth and secretly hating one another all my childhood within my family and it makes me so tense and nervous and anxious and rationally, though i know i shouldnt feel this way, im so anxious and i keep having such scary thoughts thinking that all of my friends actually hate me and that i annoy them and bother them, and i know i shouldnt think this way but this entire situation is giving me flashbacks to all of my family problems and i made this group of friends to get away from those problems so now i kinda feel like i dont have any safe place at all and i really dont know what to do

i cant talk to person a about how i feel because i already told them its ok and telling them how i really feel now would only make them feel worse and theyre already so angry and touchy right now and i cant tell person b because theyd feel really bad that person a hates them and its just really difficult because i cant talk to anyone outside of them because i dont want them to talk to anyone else about the situation that's happening since i want it all to stay secret / private and ive just been on the brink of crying on and off all day today from this

i just wanted to have fun with the people i care about but its just upsetting to me because ive talked to person b about person a and theyre very sweet when talking about them and they have said they seem nice but person a is being just so hateful (for lack of a better word)

theyre the type of person to hold a grudge and ive had issues with them before, but weve moved passed all of those but they still have some little habits of passive agression that make me uncomfortable

but at the same time, this person is such a wonderful friend who i care a lot about and they care about me a lot, and i know that they do which is why im only more conflicted with everything.

i understand that the issue is between them but i feel like its all my fault somehow and im jsut really upset about everything. i dont know why this makes me feel like a bad person,but it does... it makes me think i havent defended person b enough? i dont know... im really tired and sad about this.

i dont know what to do and i know realistically everyone wont get along but i think person a has anger issues that they should maybe work with and learn to deal with and person b has a bad habit of taking everything personally and getting very anxious and paranoid, but they know about their problems and i know that theyre working on them...

im just kinda shocked i think? because i know person a can get angry and ive known that, but ive never seen them direct such hatred towards someone that im friends with and who many of their friends are friends with. it makes me feel like person a is maybe a little stubborn? theyre holding a grudge against a person that all their other friends are friends with and so theyre taking their word over the word of many people... im not saying they should be blindly faithful and im likely looking into this too much, but im just trying to understand for my own sake why im so hurt by this and i think that it has to do with the fact that it makes me feel like person a doesnt trust my judgment nor the judgment of any of their friends?

i feel like person a in this situation has let me see another side of them? and it makes me think about some abusive family members and how theyd be angry and wouldnt listen to anyone elses views and i think that maybe its not so much person a, and it might be more my experiences?

but it still hurts me a lot, a lot a lot and its making me wonder if theis friendship is going to last? i feel like the next time i see person a i wont know how to react to them and im worried i might cry

a friend right now offered to talk to me about it but im afraid and my throat is so tight i can barely talk without my voice shaking and i feel like if i do start talking ill start crying and they wont be able to understand me...

this is so long but i feel a little better i think. realistically i dont think anyone read this, and im okay with that! on the off chance that someone did, then thank you, im sorry for whining and im sure it sounds silly... i know there are bigger problems but im stumped right now...

#vent #d//o//nt//re////////bl/////og #plz i will bl//o//ck u if u do i just really want to get this off my chest but i dont want this to spread???

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perry-the-deer · 6 years ago

Text

When im in a red shift i just get a constant fear of ‘whos gonna go next’? and i used to not have it! i really did red shifts were upbeat and happy and made me happy and smiley and brave and excited and i loved them!! and Reds my core so like,, im constantly Red, even if im,, not in the shift fully at the time. And it used to be nice! but now, people have left because of my red shift and ive lost Yellow and i kinda feel bad everytime im in a red shift around green mostly because i talk?? and im supposed to be Dumbass Mute Boy but he doesnt understand it anymore and i feel awkward since i dont know asl yet. ontop of that thanks to Yellow leaving after promising me she wouldnt and that everything was going fine between us my brain, isnt, letting me trust people who say theyll stay.

i need constant reassurance but i feel like thats too needy. I need constant reminders but thats too needy. Im too clingy and needy and sad all the time and i want to cry and scream a lot but i feel like if i do around anyone or i vent too much im gonna be seen as a burden but i cant just keep it all inside all the time and my brain keeps saying its just teenage drama and it is i know it is but!! if everytime someone promises me they arent gonna leave they do leave then trust issues are going to fuck me up and i hate saying that hate it i hate myself i hate it it sounds so fucking stupid and petty and i sound so angry over nothng but

every single time. Every. Single. Time! i know its my fault i know i deserve this i know i lie and do things wrong i know i know i know i know but im trying im trying please im trying so fucking hard and i know im pathetic and a mess and i deserve every bad thing that hapens to me and i know im a hhorrible fucking person but i jsut. im trying. im trying please just understand im trying to get better im trying to correct myself im trying

Im told by people that im a compulsive liar and im narcissistic and manipulative and bossy and get angry quickly and im a bad fucking horrible disgsting person that shouldnt be alive and sholdnt be able to speak or move or breathe and ive believed it all for so long and its drilled into my head that im this bad horrible disgusting human being that shouldve been killed when i was little that shouldve been aborted or stabbed by mom or i should be 100% emotionally numb from csa or i shouldve died from the multiple times ive tried to kill myself or i shouldve given in to the abusers ive had in my life and im still alive and i dont fuckin deserve it

i dont deserve any of the nice people in my life i dont deserve green or blue i didnt deserve to get to meet up with blue i dont deserve a second chance with X i dont deserve my dad getting nicer i dont deserve to be alive i dont deserve anything i just deserve to be left and hated by everyone and die from feeling a rope tight around my neck

i dont deserve to grow up i dontdeserve to talk or laugh or smile or cry or scream or exist or anything ishould jsut fuckign diei i should stop existing emotionally and leave the gorp mysefl so i have a breakdowna dn finally fuckgin take the pilsl ive been meanign to take for yeayrrs

i just want to die and leave and have everyone leave i want my life over i want it over i know im only 14 i know i have alot left infront of me i know i know i now i know it can get better but im sick of waiting ive been told every single day that it gets better and itll be okay eventulyl but im sick of waitin andwith the last bits of hope and luck i have its never fucking going to get better

#ventpost #csa tw #suicidal thoughts tw #overdose tw #i dont know what other ones they are

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loi-et-love · 8 years ago

Conversation

SZ: hi.

first thing first..... T H A N K S ....for so many things... talking to me, being nice to me (even when i was pain in the ass) .... being frank and open..... talking whatever came to your mind (well that you do with everyone) ..... answering to some long emails... with equally wrong emails....

you know i had drafted a mail earlier but had to delete it ... thought might as well write something new and fresh..... and this is what you have done to me ..... When i have free time .... i think "let me write to aditi" ..... sometimes..... i even wake up in the middle of my sleep to check...... if there is any message from you.... but unfortunately only calls or messages i get then at that time are from GC .... some how he just knows when i am busy.... or sleeping in office hours and he will call me..... the joke i tell my mom is "if i want GC to call me ..... i should sleep" and hola ...tring tring ....

initially when we started talking...... i did want to know why is she talking so much to me .... but then i let go of it ..... realized later you are talkative.....

i dont talk to many people..... and i dont remember when i had written 100 odd emails .... to someone ...... i guess there have been days when we have completed more than 50 odd emails in a single day.... like today we are already near 42......

two reasons i dont talk to many people in office is 1) my last name: they have pre concieved notion about me and feel uncomfortable talking to me ...... and i dont like when people are uncomfortable .... and they do make it previous obvious

2) whatever little interaction i have had with some ..... i just dont connect... i dont feel the need to ... or in simpler words..... i dont find anyone else interesting enough

yes i like you,.... want to know you..... but i want to know you at your pace and your convenience .... i am not in a hurry..... but then its like you kind of sweet like an ice cream..... and i get worried... what if it just melts away .... so i want to know things about you......

all those questions hanky panky and all is just to get you open up..... as i always say.... i was also 24 for one full year..... and i know things that happen.... i am no saint either.... and i had a car since i was 16..... so had my share of back seat action too....

sometimes...... its obvious that i am the distraction .... that keeps you away from ex......... sometimes.... its just that ... you have too much stored in yourself ...... and you dont have the channel to release it all..... so you just treat me like an "agony uncle" or lets say punching bag.... i am ok with that.....

And you are currently occupying lot of my mental space..... whether is sleeping or awake ....

like today i didnt need to send the photo which i sent in morning ...... or didnt need to think about you when i saw rainbow ..... didnt need to go for walk ..... i went yesterday also .... the reason : well yesterday i knew you would be busy from 6-7 while driving to go home and today i knew you would be sleeping while i was awake so i thought might as well go for a walk

talking sarcastically or flirting or being funny is natural to me and so is the serious attitude.... seen a lot of things in life....

you dont like flirting we can always stop.... it will be difficult but i can stop.... no more checking out .... btw its not the ass which i check out first in a lady....... its something else

chalo will send across this email when you are back from lunch..... and done with your work

ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U T I F U L ....enjoy have a nice day .

I: God!! nobody is ever going to let me read this email with full concentration. *angry face*

Will you stop thanking me?? I didn't do anything FOR you. i'm selfish that way. So stop!! I did everything because I wanted to. I didn't do any favors for you. I talk to you because i like talking to you. I'm nice to you because you have been nice to me (no indecency). I'm frank and open... Well, that's just who I am. I speak my mind. And I respond to your long emails because I love talking to you and I love long emails. Long emails signify how much willing you are to talk to me. It shows your effort, that you are ready to type so much because you so much to say.

Maybe you can send me that email you deleted. I would want to read everything you type to send me because that's what you wanted to say to me.

I know how you feel. you have done the same thing to me too. I was late for lunch and made Kaalu and H sir wait becasue I wanted to finish writing an email to you.

It's true that I am talkative but I don't talk soooooo much with everybody. I'm friendly with everyone but not everybody is my friend. So, I talked so much with you because I chose to and not because I have a compulsive need of talking.

And BTW you spoke to me first. I had my seat changed and you had asked me something. I think you had asked me what I do here, etc. and then why my place was changed. I remember it was dark and there was nobody in the office except you and me and you were filling your water bottle and laughed (that cute laugh I love) when I told you that because French Translator and I talk a lot they changed my place. (I know it was silly of me. I didn't even care that you're a C (last name) and I shouldn't have and I should've maintain a decorum with you)

"i dont talk to many people" Tha'ts what Kaalu said, you don't talk to too many people. And if you talk, nobody hears your voice. So, it's more or less like you don't talk at all.

And those days are the best days where we write over 50 emails to each other.

I know why you wouldn't talk to people here in OIA. I saw and felt how lonely you are. and then you talked to me one day and I felt "god! ye accha baat karta hai. Decency toh baapre.. chalakti hai!! Has a nice soothing, amazing voice. English mast hai." And then Idk how and when I started talking to you. I don't remember. All I know is that I must've blabbered a lot for no reason, forcing you to be in the conversation. Do you remember how I started talking to you so much after you spoke to me once? (answer me) I actually you spoke to me twice. once ws in the elevator when we were going down. I think we started talking about cars and books when we would leave. And then you would advise me like an uncle to drive safe and use this direction than the one I use. Ufff... how annoying I found you then!! Treating me like I'm 10!

So, as i was saying i thought u r introvert n shy n lonely n dont have many friends here. but i was happy to see you chitchatting with anand sir then.. Sometime in february i think. I was relieved..

I don't understand what preconceived notions they would have about you.

People know you're C because you speak THEIR language. (That's how I found out). I would always see you talk with Kapil. And I wud make a face like why does this man have to talk to him (Atul), bichara.. paka raha hoga Atul ko! But then i found out u r a Chaturvedi and I slapped my forehead. Like whyyyyyyy............... But then your last name never felt like a hindrance for me. You last name never bothered me. Is that strange for you? (answer me)

So, you know how I feel about you not being here right now? So, you know how I feel about you leaving? There is nobody interesting in this office. There's nobody who reach my standards and actually hold a conversation with me. You have no idea how ecsatic I was to talk to you everytime!! I would wait for NL to leave so that I could talk to you. But you would shoo me away like a dog.. :( That did hurt me when you continued to do it for a few days but I didn't say anything because i know you didn't mean it

You have to ask questions to know me. Don't ask me questions about what hanky panky I have done. I won't answer that. i don't kiss and tell. I told you about Aditya. I told you I have daddy issues. You figured out I have trust issues. It takes time to get to know people. And it's more fun when you get to know them as the time passes by. Fast-fast karne me koi mazaa nahi hai. I have been very fast in my life and i've realized this now and i always prefer to go slow.

I want to get to know you too. You conceal so much behind this fluffy (hehehe) exterior. But it takes time.

You are not the distraction. Dude. I have many distractions. Do you think you are the only person in the office I flirt with? Think again! Yeah, it's true that you are the only person I actually enjoy flirting with!! ('im not buttering you up here)

Nobody can keep me away from BB. BB and I... We have the strangest chemistry. We wouldn't talk to each other for months (which felt like years) and we'd gravitate back to each other. It's just how it is. Nobody can stop what's happening between me and him. and you're not a distraction. I don't use humans anymore. not that person anymore.

This is true "you have too much stored in yourself ...... and you dont have the channel to release it all" But you aren't my agony uncle or punching bag. I have just been awfully mad at you, once !! Just once!!.

You are just completely different for me. You hold the weirdest place in my life. Never anticipated to go this far. I didn't know you'd give me your number and i would chat with you like its the end of the world!!

And you are currently occupying lot of my mental space..... whether is sleeping or awake .... --> i don't want to ruin the moment, but i do do this to alot of people. What you said in another email that i have made your boring life here in OIA, interesting and now you look forward to it. There was this intern (also Adi, he's a southernese) he too said the same thing. He wasn't somebody who would talk a lot but with me, we would talk for 9 hours straight for 2-3 weeks! He didnt have any work and nor did I. and he still cannot believe it. Yeah, so i do have an effect on people. (I won't say i dont enjoy it. i jsut hope it turns out to be a good experience for them)

If you thought about me when you saw the rainbow, then i think of you everytime i see XUV on the street. I wait for you to text me on whatsapp. I come to work and I check my email first for any email from you.

Today when i came to work, i really thought that you're lying n u have come back n you'll come to work today.

" it will be difficult but i can stop" --> really? it'll be difficult???

What's the first thing you check out in a girl? and what's the first thing u checked out in me?

"ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U TI FUL ....enjoy have a nice day ." --> i have to hug you for this. There's a way of saying things. it also matters who is saying to you.

I'm too disturbed after wat NL said yesterday. I jsut want to go to him anymore.. i'm not Veena or Marina. Nor do I behave that way (although i did speak things with you, i hit on you, that's different. but really, i didn't do it with NL)

"ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U TI FUL ....enjoy have a nice day ." --> you made my day. (you too have an effect on me, okay. you just don't realize it, although I say it out loud so many times) this made me smile shyly. main sharmati nahi hu.. thank you :*

#personal #SZ #AC #love office affair

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