#i instead went 'omg i have leftover loan this term!' and fucking spent it
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hella1975 · 2 years ago
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im genuinely the dumbest person alive
#im so fucking angry with myself im SO stupid#like yes im only 20 ive never really handled my finances alone before#this is only my second year of paying rent EVER there was bound to be mistakes#and im lucky to have a family that can support me when those mistakes inevitably occur. but my fucking goddddd#basically i didnt plan ahead and turns out my TOTAL student loan for this year covers my TOTAL rent this year#but ofc the installments dont cooperate and the sums are different per semester etc#so instead of looking ahead and going 'oh shit my last loan won't be enough to cover my last rent installment'#and using that very easy to make observation to figure out that i need to be saving the leftover money from my loan throughout the year#i instead went 'omg i have leftover loan this term!' and fucking spent it#im short £600. im going to owe my parents £600#and yes in the grand scheme it's not a huge amount of money like it could have been#but not only will i not be able to pay my parents back until july bc i CANT take out of my america savings#and i definitely cant start saving up £600 ON THE SIDE OF TRYING TO SAVE A GRAND FOR AMERICA#but on top of that being in debt to my mum is the worst thing in the entire world and now i have no choice but to be in debt for 3 months#before i can even start paying it back. like that's 3 entire months that she's going to use it as a stick to beat me with#like not only does she sometimes REFUSE to take money that i earn waitressing bc she insists on having the debt paid through actual labour#but she's also just a complete bitch about it and i know it's very spoilt to expect not only to be covered when i get into debt#but to also expect her to be nice about it but like. im not asking her to CODDLE me i get initially it makes sense for her to be angry#but she could at least acknowledge that i ALWAYS beat myself up over shit like this way more than anyone else will#like im so mad rn im trying not to cry just bc im so FRUSTRATED and the entire time she's fucking shouting in my face#about how she moved out at seventeen and had three jobs at uni and no one to support her etc etc#and just name-callling shit im already calling myself like it was an HONEST MISTAKE#she's acting like i purposely went behind her back and took £600 when i was very visibly horrified when i figured it out#and i immediately came clean to her regardless of how scared i was to admit it. im just so mad like i know i sound spoilt#and like im huffing and puffing over something that could have been SO MUCH WORSE if i didnt have my parents to cover me#but like. i can pay her back within 2 WEEKS of waitressing. ive never handled my rent before. i didn't do it on purpose#and im more annoyed with myself than she can ever be and she KNOWS that about me. so like. please dont shout at me lol#it's just i was SO proud of myself for saving for america and how hard ive worked and i should have known i was gonna fuck it up somehow#& now the £1500+ i'll total have saved for america that i worked so hard for is gonna be tainted bc i owe £600 all bc of my own stupidity#hella goes home
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