#i implore people to tag their shit correctly

[lilacella]

NOONE would ever tag a purely platonic Sirius&Remus post "wolfstar". Noone. People would get mad.

But when it's prongsfoot it is a "platonic shipname" wtaf???

[dramaqueeenamby]

Focus | T. Odinson

A/N: It’s so late. I- Don’t ask. This ain’t proofread at all, so I apologize in advance. I’ll tag more of ya’ll tomorrow. A bitch is tired. Also, OC’s name is basically a huge hint for the ending. 

I don’t own the GIF. Found it on Google. 

Warnings: Trash ass Smut (first time, fingering, oral, etc).

Words: 4.5K

“You come to me, a king, so boldly, so forthcoming, so confident, with such a request inappropriate for a woman of your status.”

Heavy footsteps sounding throughout the room informed Ashake that he’d stepped off his throne, no doubt moving closer to her, each footstep sending a surge of fear up her spine. Countless prayers to the gods failed to abate her anxiety or the terror that wrecked her body.

Such a task for a servant, even for one with such favor among the Queen, it was uncanny.

A deep swallow and a small gasp when a long, thick finger moved under her chin, forcing her head up.

His deep eyes bore into her golden brown ones. Her features were soft, cheeks on the chubby side, her skin golden-hued and glistening under the heavy lights in the throne room. Thick eyebrows framed her eyes that were large and stretched, an indication of her nervousness.

Her long, thick, onyx hair with white highlights was tied back and braided down her back.

The teal gown was made of thin fabric that allowed him to see the fullness of her breast, the outline of her dark nipples, the curvature of her hips, shapely legs, and plump backside he could see from the front.

As the infamous God of Thunder drank in the sight of the young woman before him, Ashake prayed for a way to escape. This was beyond her scope of expertise and certainly bypassed her level of comfortability.

She loved her country as much as the next person, even Queen Masika, who Ashake considered more of a friend than an employer, but she loathed that she’d been charged with carrying out such a request.

Beseeching the strongest being in all of the realms for not only a litany of resources for her people, but soldiers, an army, to help them ward off the vile dark elves. It was becoming too much for her country, and they’d exhausted resourced from all of their allies.

Queen Masika was desperate for assistance, and though her pride made her swear that she’d never seek help from the god. Centuries ago, they'd been involved, briefly, but the split was far from amicable.

One thing Masika valued more than her pride was that of her people. And her people needed her to do something to save them, and fast.

But Masika could not find herself to leave her throne, fearing the Elves would hear of her absence and attempt to attack, something she refused to risk. So she opted for Ashake, her most trusted servant, sending her on a secret passage to Asgard as the Queen’s mouthpiece.

It was rare, most royals imploring each other directly, not through third parties.

But in times of war, protocol was often discarded.

As was the case here.

Ashake breathed in relief when he dropped his hand and stepped back, providing a modicum of distance between them.

Trembling in her stomach increased as she managed a few words. “If I may speak, your highness.”

Thor nodded. “You may.”

“We are a small nation, my king. Our resources are finite, our numbers dwindling. Both civilians and soldiers. The elves-”

“If I wanted a briefing, I could consult with a council,” he scoffed, turning on his heel. “Tell your queen that if she wishes for my aid, she must do so in person.”

Shit. Ashake’s confidence, brief from the onset, minimized with each dismissive comment that left his mouth. Still, she had a mission to accomplish, and she couldn’t allow her fear to prevent her from doing that.

“You would allow innocents to die?” She shouted after him, frozen in her spot as he spun around, eyes narrowing.

“Excuse me?”

Breathe. Ashake had come too far to back down. It was now or never. “You are a sworn protector of all inhabitants in the nine realms. You have a responsibility-”

“Remember before whom you plead!” He raised his voice, hiding hid surprise when he saw her fist clenched at her side. It intrigued him. Perhaps there was more to her than met the eye.

“Would you allow your personal feelings for Queen Masika to stop you from doing what is right?” When he failed to respond, she continued. “She will give you whatever you want.”

Thor stepped forward and chuckled with disgust, darkly informing. “There is nothing Masika has that I want nor need.”

Her stomach dropped, but she was relentless. “There must be something-“

“I said, Masika,” he interrupted. She furrowed her brows and tensed when he reached his hand over and his coarse fingers feathered her clavicle. “You, however, well, that is a different story.”

Now, she was confused. “I-I don’t understand.”

“Come now, I don’t take you for daft.” He smiled softly, and for some reason, it helped to placate her nerves, but why? “It’s simple, really. You desire my aid, and I…..” She watched his eyes roam down her body, lust dancing in his mismatched orbs. “You.”

A tiny gasp escaped her full lips. Did she hear him correctly? Surely, he wasn’t implying that..no. Impossible. He was a king. A God. He’d bedded Masika, arguably the most beautiful woman in all of the realms, why would he want her? A servant?

His sexual needs could definitely be satisfied by other women of higher rank and status than herself. Desperation seemed unbecoming of someone like the monolithic man before her, but why-

“You think too much, Ástvinur,” he commented, moving his hand down her arm, the back of his hand gliding down and moving to the small of her back. Slightly, he tugged her closer. “I will grant your request if you fulfill mine.”

At that point, she was only partially listening. There was no need to listen anymore. He was simply repeating himself, though she could understand why. Perhaps he thought repetition would breed acceptance.

He wasn’t entirely wrong.

“I-If I do this, then-then you will help us,” she whispered, eyes slammed shut.

She unconsciously grasped for his armor as he brought his lips down on her neck. “I will personally deliver Malekith’s severed head to your queen.” The cavalier tone of his voice in conjunction with his lips, soft and warm against her flaming skin, it was so….contradictory.

Forcing away the tingling in her stomach, she applied pressure on his chest, forcing him to stop, the cessation producing a frown.

From her.

“And I have your word on that?”

He stared at her. No malice. No arrogance. Not even lust. It was….intrigue? She didn’t have much time to evaluate because his smirk returned seconds later as he gave a small nod. “You do.” She swallowed. Again. “Now…..” Ashake watched him offer his hand. “Do I have yours?”

Screaming in the deepest pit of her conscious, begging for a listening ear, there was doubt. Was this all a ploy? Was the king toying with her? Was this just a game? Something along the lines of what caused the cessation of his and Masika’s relationship?

However, as curious and doubtful as she was, the fear of what she stood to lose if she didn’t do this, that terrified her. Masika, their people, a nation depended on her, and she refused to squander this opportunity.

She accepted his hand. “Yes.”

————

His bedroom was massive, but that seemed to be a recurring theme for Asgard as a whole. Everything was so large, so grand, so elegant. She wondered if her home too once emanated such sentiments before the war destroyed the majority of it.

A large, open balcony captured her attention, her feet carrying her near the shining sun. Lifting her hand to block the portion that screamed at her sight, slightly blinding her, she took it all in.

It was so…quiet. So peaceful. The skies were clear, not a cloud in sight. Smoke invaded neither her nostrils nor her vision.

“It’s beautiful here.” Ashake felt him behind her, and strangely enough, his presence was comforting. A warmth that sparked from his body transferred to her, creating an invisible layer of relaxation.

Meanwhile, Thor continued to observe her, watching and studying. She was breathtaking. “Indeed.”

Ashake lifted her chin and reluctantly pulled away from the breathing sight, gradually turning around to face him. She terribly wished to forgo sharing this, but felt it necessary, and judging by his size, vital. “I-I’ve never been with a man.” His fingertips moved across her clothed hips. She felt him still. It surprised her. Did she surprise him?

“You’re concerned I will hurt you,” he easily extracted the real reasoning behind her disclosure. “An unwarranted worry.”

She lifted and narrowed her eyes. “Says the God.”

The corner of his lips lifted, and she shifted on her heels. It was the first time she’d seen him smile. It was….nice.

Ashake reached for his arms as he brought his hands to her hips and tugged her against him. Her nails pushing into his skin, her head craned back, she met his intense stare.

“I will be gentle with you, Ástvinur.” Licking her lips, the young woman found her hands moving across the extensive span of his chest, his armor cool under her fingertips as thoughts of when he planned to remove it would occur. His body heat was comforting and, well, desired. “Nor will I continue if that is not what you wish.”

Her head snapped up at that. Was he seriously implying that….

No.

More mind games.

But the way he was looking at her, the way his hand moved to her cup her face, Ashake felt a sense of authenticity coming from the king.

She believed him.

And still, for reasons, she couldn’t really explain nor understand, turning back around, she started to undo her gown. Untying the sash around her waist, pushing down the thin straps on her shoulders, her eyes shut at the moment the material fell to the floor, pooling at her feet.

Stepping out of the soft dress, she slowly turned around. Naked in front of a literal god, insecurities swooped in as she moved her arms across her chest to conceal her breast.

Thor recognized the intent behind the action and quickly moved to grasp her.

Eyes meeting, she offered no resistance as he gently lowered her arms.

“Don’t hide from me, Ástvinur.” His hands went to the bare indentures on her waist when he sighed. She was so soft, her scent addictive, and the innocence gleam in her eyes as she looked up at him had his dick hardening by the second. “You are so....so beautiful.” His hand moved up ever so slightly, his thumb caressing the underside of her right breast. “And your body....”

Her face was inflamed, incensed by the loving words coming from his mouth. Never had a man spoke nor looked at her the way Thor did. It was both intimidating and exciting.

But before she could respond, Ashake’s hand was in his hair, her fingertips pressing into his scalp. Mouth partially open, she bit down on her bottom lip and moaned quietly as his mouth latched onto her breast, sucking and kneading her.

His tongue flicked against her nipples causing sensations she’d experienced but never to this degree.

She moved her hands to his shoulders and then his face, pulling him up and kissing him. Typically, she would never be so forceful. He was a king. She, a servant, for a kingdom that wasn’t even technically his. It was his right to be in control, but her body was playing to another tune, one that was equally reciprocating his desire.

Ashake felt his hands move to her ass as he hiked her onto him, their lips never parting as he walked them over to his bed. Carefully lowering her down, her arms remained attached around his neck as he finally moved from her lips to her neck and her breast again. He seemed especially fond of those.

Her stomach flipped when his hands moved down to her cunt, his fingers grazing her folds. A pop sounded when he released her nipple to examine the wetness coating his fingers. A smirk came across his face.

“Look at how you wet you are for me. What a good girl.”

She moaned when his fingers returned to her core that was seeping between her thighs and wetting the bed beneath them. A strange mixture of a moan and a groan left her mouth as he teased her entrance with his index finger.

He didn’t rush it, didn’t force it, eyes watching her facial expressions closely for any sign of discomfort or pain. When he saw none, he entered another and another, each digit both stretching and milking Ashake whose own hand shot out to grab his wrist as he began to pump her.

“Oh, fuck.” Eyes still closed, one hand grasped for the sheets, the headboard, anything, the other, still over his, for what reason, she knew not. A part of her wanted to tell him to stop, not because she was in pain, quite the opposite.

It was a level of bliss she hadn’t knew existed. She’d worked herself plenty of times but never had she been brought to this level of euphoria. His strokes, his movements, his speed, it was all of an expertise level that felt catered specifically for her.

Like he knew exactly what she wanted and how she needed it, and she fucking loved it.

“Your h-h-highness-“

“Ah.” He slowed down, dropping his fingers, his thumb tapping her sensitive clit. “My name. Say it.”

He slapped her pussy. “Thor!”

A chuckle. “Good girl.” 

Ashake wasn’t exactly how long he teased her. That’s what it became after some time. He was seeing just how undone he could make her with only his fingers. Perhaps it was an egotistical thing, or maybe he truly sought to bring her endless pleasure, not that the reasoning mattered. It felt good, and that was all she cared about.

Numbing and tingling through her body for a second or maybe third time, and she found the inner strength to speak again. “T-Thor, p-p-please.” Pushing his hand away and clenching her damp thighs together, she panted. “I-I-I need you.”

“Hmm?”

She hissed. He knew exactly what she was saying, and playing dumb only irked her. Did he want her to beg?

“I didn’t hear you, Ashake.”

Another gasp. This was the first time she’d heard him say her name, and of course, he chose the perfect time to say it.

“I-I.” He palmed her mons pubis, making her stomach flip. “I want you to f-fuck me, p-please.”

“There it is,” he grinned, moving back to remove some of his armor. Direly eager, she also sat up to help him, her hands roaming his chest in amazement. She’d never seen a specimen as beautiful as him. His muscles were strongly defined, large, ripped, and surprisingly soft under her touch. His skin was smooth and warm, that heat, she breathed it in, breathed him in.

“Now was that so hard?”

She glared as he chuckled, lowering his body back over hers before stopping to grab her ankles.

Falling back on the bed, she frowned as he moved his hand to the back of her thighs. “What are you doing?”

He said nothing, pushing her legs back so that they were nice and spread. She used what little stomach muscles she had to peer at him.

“Such a pretty cunt.” He murmured, eyes glossed with hunger. “I bet you taste equally divine.”

If Ashake thought his fingers took her to places unheard, his mouth completely snatched her soul. Thor’s hand shot out to stabilize her stomach as she shot up from the first lap of his tongue against her pussy.

Each flick and lick forced her to jerk back, desperate to move up the mattress and away from him. It was just too much, but each time she tried to separate, he tugged her closer, burying his face in her cunt.

He may have been the king, but at that moment, she was the divine one because he ate her out like she was his last supper.

Tears spilling down her face from it all, her moans and tugging eventually became too much as Thor released a quiet growl. Seconds later, in a shift she barely had time to process, she was sitting on his face, his arms restricting her thighs.

She was trapped, and even more, the depth of his mouth reached deeper. Ashake was sure that the entire palace knew of what was occurring with their king and this foreigner, but she cared not. Squeezing the headboard and scraping her nails against the wall, all she could focus on was the god underneath her who was convinced would be her undoing.

“Shit, Thor….”

Overindulgence seemed to be an issue on the Thunderer’s part. He was clearly complacent and comfortable, able to continue without respite, but for Ashake, that was far from the case,

Once again, he was taking her to a place where she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to return or not. This was no man, no, a mere mortal could not deliver to another human what Thor was giving her.

Satisfaction and absolute pleasure seemed to be the only things he knew how to grace her, and she was receptive and grateful for all of his blessings.

Eager as well.

Eventuality, he recognized that she’d had enough, and truly, while he was quite comfortable, he also desired something else.

Sliding down to his chest, she grabbed at his shoulders and smashed her lips on his. Moaning at the taste of herself on his mouth, she hugged him closer, partially paying attention to how he used one hand to rid himself of his trousers, that was until she felt something long, hard, warm, and thick against her ass crack.

Naturally, looking over her shoulder, her eyes fluttered as he kissed her chest only to double in size when she took it in.

His penis.

It-she truly had no words. She’d always heard whispers that Stormbreaker wasn’t the real thing to fear, and she now fully understood what they meant.

Her whole life became one big question, still not bigger than what lied before her.

“H-how is that-I don’t-is it safe?”

Thor chuckled. Her innocence was endearing. Alluring, as well.

“Come.”

Ashake held onto him as he laid on his back, staring up at her with intrigue. For her, she was just confused.

“What are you-“ She stooped, dumbly realizing the obvious nature of what he wanted. Her face flushed. “I-I don’t-I am still unsure if it’s safe.”

He gave her a small smile, and Ashake found herself returning it. With each second, she felt closer with and to him. “I told you I will not make you do anything you wish not to.”

The same apprehension she felt earlier toward his alleged reneging on his reward in their agreement was no longer present. She now fully believed him with everything in her. Why? Well, perhaps, he’d just fucked the disbelief out of her.

It was plausible.

Nervously chewing on her bottom lip, she inhaled deeply and reached behind her. Grabbing him, she foolishly tried to allow her fingertips to touch, but it was no use, his girth too encompassing.

Slow and gradual strokes, she felt his heat transfer and course. His eyes finally closed as she continued to work him, both for his pleasure and her preparation.

Finally, after gaining enough courage and swallowing her fear, she positioned him by her opening and slowly lowered herself.

It was far from perfect. There was burning, undeniable stretching, ripping (not literally), and just a feeling of being so overtly stuffed that she almost felt like she couldn’t breathe.

But he coaxed and walked her through it all, reminding her that she could stop whenever she chose to.

She didn’t.

Finally, when he was entirely sheathed inside of her, and Ashake felt comfortable with movement, she began a slow rock of her hips.

Forward and back, forward and back, forward and back. It was a slow, sensual rhythm, and she watched Thor’s face the entire time to ensure she was hopefully bringing him some type of bliss, especially after the indescribable orgasms he’d blessed her with.

“That’s it. Good girl. Look at how well you take my dick.” Placing her palms on his chest, she steadily increased her speed, her own moans In synchronization with his. “Just like that.”

“Yes, oh my god, fuck me, Thor.”

The heat was no longer restricted to bodies, it filled the room, dominated it. Heat from confidence, from sexuality, from the intimacy of it all.

“Keep going. Ride me, love.” Ashake cried as his hand came in contact with her ass, the slap echoing throughout the room. She didn’t care. If anything, it edged her even more.

Bouncing on top of him, the slapping of his balls against her, she milked down his glistening dick, her weeping pussy having made a complete mess all over him, her, and his bed.

But again, neither had any complaints, and when Ashake recognized the sparks in his eyes, for a second she was startled, but him sitting up and smashing his lips on her just sent another wave of her cream down their conjoined appendages.

“Mmmm, you’re so deep in me, my king. Please-ah-don’t stop.”

Her voice, her clenching, her screams, Thor was finally almost on the receiving end of overstimulation. Cradling her against him, he switched them over so that he was straddling her.

His thrusts were focused, powerful, and deep. Her nails broke the skin on his back, blood dripping down his shoulder blades. Afraid that she was being too loud, she attempted to muffle her cries into his neck only for him to pull away.

Kissing the underside of her jaw, he whispered into her. “I want them to hear it. To hear you. To hear how good I’m fucking you.” He grabbed her thigh and hiked it against his hip, making her scream form the deeper angle of his thrusts. “Let them hear that this sweet cunt is mine and mine only.”

The tears continued to spill as he absolutely wrecked her, her pussy throbbing as he continued to milk and drain her from anything that she had to offer. He wanted it. He wanted her.

And he’d have her.

Bodies spent and almost entirely depleted, Thor finally came, shooting his ribbon of warm, white, cum inside and all over her cunt. The sight of it thrilled him, especially the idea of what it could potentially mean for him, for them.

Ashake wasn’t entirely sure what she expected to happen after they were finished, but given how she knew how it was for servants who doubled as mistresses, she gathered the little bit of strength she had left and attempted to sit up.

Not even seconds later, his arm reached around her and pulled her into his chest. “Where are you going?”

He spoke into her neck, her back pressed against him, forcing her to look over her shoulder. “I just-I thought you’d-want me to go.”

“Stay, please.” He sighed into her skin, placing the softest kiss against her back. “I will depart in the morning with Asgardians Army and the Valkyrie-“

“Wait. Tomorrow?” Turning on her back, she brought the sheet up to her chest while his hand rubbed circles against her belly. “So soon?”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “A deal is a deal.”

She winced. She’d almost forgotten the entire reason behind.....this. The word “deal” was a lot more incriminating now.

“Well, I will come with-“

His eyes hardened. “No.”

She paused. “What do you mean-“

“I don’t want you anywhere near that place.”

“That place is my home,” she defended. “What? Do you expect me to never return?”

“You can return when it’s safe, and I’ve dismembered those elves with my bare hands,” he spoke coldly, chills down her spine. Recognizing the fear he may have caused, he brought his hand to her face. “Please-remain here where you will be safe from the carnage. When all is well, I will send for you.”

“Queen-“

“I will handle Masika,” he assures, grabbing her thigh and swinging it over him. Ashake easily scooted closed and laid her head against his chest, his hand on the small of her back. “I will handle everything.” A beat. “I will protect you.”

——————-

Masika stood on the balcony of her bedroom. The skies were littered with smoke, dark from burning buildings, and the streets covered with debris and sheet-covered bodies.

It was something almost out of a horror movie, and it made her sick.

“Victory is near, my people.”

“Are you sure?”

She turned around, his dark hair and beard both grown out and unkempt. The shield strapped around his forearm still cracked and dinged with the dirt and dried blood.

She waited for him to take it off, to remove his shirt as well before he made his way over to her. Arms around his neck, she stole a kiss.

“Have you heard from her?” His blue eyes bore into her. He was always so tense these days, but she could not blame him. He’d spent his life consumed by war.

It could change even the best of folks.

“Not yet.” He sighed. “Do not worry, love. Ashake is my most trusted servant. If anyone could handle this, it is her.”

“What about him?” Steve challenged. “We both know how he is.”

“What do you mean?”

“He could know.”

She gasped and dropped her arms. “No. Impossible.” She turned away. “She doesn’t even know so how could he?”

“When thunder and lightning reunite-“

“Child’s tales!” Masika spat, her voice rising in anger and volume. “You can’t seriously believe that foolery, can you?”

“Maybe you should.”

Masika crossed her arms and turned away. “And maybe you are a fool. Ashake would never betray me, betray her people. She’d soon rather die.”

Steve recognized that the conversation was at its end so he headed for the bathroom to shower and rid his body of the day's battles only to stop in the doorway. “And you’ve sent her in the arms of the man who will see us all dead before he allows her to die.” A beat. “I just hope for your sake, for all of us, you’re right about her.”

----

[redandfranticfeelings]

'tag things making fun of doug' because your personal enjoyment of an abuser's content should supersede the feelings of the people he abused by making them act out rape jokes? the fact that making fun of an abuser upsets you because you like him warrants some serious self-examination on your part. 'you can't make fun of an abuser around me bc i like his content and you can't criticize me bc mental illness' is some wendycorduroy shit. i'm surprised you'd do this given how critical you are of her.

and yes, people are allowed to not like you for still liking the show. ofc people can have problematic interests if they want, but content that has been directly used by its creators to abuse people is a special kind of bad. you’re allowed to like it, but guilt tripping people or implying they’re not allowed to dislike the fact that you still support it is incredibly callous to the people rob, doug, and mike abused. this is not, nor should it be, about your feelings. this is about the victims.             

you know what. upon further consideration, those asks were not kindly phrased. my intention was to emphasize that because the anniversary movies were vessels for abuse (injuries, rape jokes, etc) it was inappropriate to prioritize one’s own feelings over the feelings of the victims or block out criticism, but i phrased them in a way that was not productive and was attacking you. i’m sorry for my wording and for being a dick          

thank you for your follow up apology. i see where youre coming with this but i think there’s a few things that i can point towards me not giving up on the show altogether.

short answer: while i detest the way the company has been run and is executing public relations, and i am uncomfortable watching any video on their channel and have not done such for weeks, and i really want the harmed ex-producers to receive justice, i still believe there is a shred of hope for the show based on what recent producers have said, and that doug can reform himself by owning up to his deliberate ignorance, neglect, and egotism, though he is not the biggest abuser in this situation. i have a lot of emotional history with NC that means i need time before i’m able to drop the show altogether, if i ever can, and i just want to avoid anything that isn’t constructive and just intended to make anybody feel bad for liking the show/movies before this information was widely known.

long answer:

most of the criticism lauded against doug isnt so much being the direct abuser but being complacent and ignorant of people’s health. if i recall correctly, while it was a pretty unnecessary and terrible joke to make in my opinion, he didn’t pick up that the drill scene in TBF made anybody uncomfortable at the time? and in recent years he seems more concerned about what his cast undergoes, and a lot of them have said that he does ask about jokes that might hurt them and make sure they’re comfortable. i believe he apologized for it and acknowledged his naievity in the movie’s commentary but restating that apology would be beneficial now, yeah.

while complacency and ignorance is bad, i think he has been neglectful, not directly abusive. also, idk if you meant this, but your phrasing makes it kinda sound like his projects were intended as a means to abuse people; the abuse happened because of the movies, yeah, but it was because of doug being egotistical and ignorant, not malicious. the content of the movies reflect’s doug’s massive ego but it doesn’t reflect a desire to abuse anybody. if he did the shit that mike michaud or mike ellis did, that would be inexcusable for me and i would have lost hope for him.

if anybody is definitely abusive, it’s the CEO, who i love watching get bashed because he is indeed a sexist verbally abusive asshole who holds the power in the company and is using it for his stupid selfish needs. it’s also been stated that doug is restricted by his contract with the CEO and could just straight up not be able to make videos if he stepped out of turn, so while i wish he would use his walkout power more, he doesn’t have as much power as some people attribute to him. he’s complicit in abuse but i don’t think that’s the same as being abusive? the producers themselves seem to go back and forth about how they feel about him but a recurring theme is that he’s tragically ignorant of abuse, but not on the same level of abusive as michaud, if they call him abusive at all (most just seem to feel betrayed by him).

additionally, almost all creators who have worked with him in the past couple of years, have stated they had generally positive experiences with the network, even the ones who are now leaving. the only thing that seems to remain an issue is the awful, awful PR (that apology sucked, i criticized it myself) and the lack of communication towards anybody not chicago-based. i feel they need to ditch michaud (which probably won’t be easy, since he’s a shady capitalist fuck), formally apologize and maybe provide compensation for past producers who were abused by the higher-ups, and either improve relations or just restrict everything to NC, because at this point that’s the only show that’s going to be left if they don’t get their shit together anyway. but i do think that if they just take the easy solution of apologizing, even though it’s already way too late and they royally fucked themselves over, things can be a little better.

i’m also not against criticizing doug for not speaking out, because the least he could do is apologize at least privately and i’ve even emailed him imploring him to do at least that (i don’t expect a response though lmao). i just get hurt at people attacking the show and movies as being terrible and something no fan should like. a lot of people really attached to the series before this blew up, and for the most part the content of the show doesn’t reflect the behind-the-scenes issues.

i’m spreading relevant information on twitter regarding abuse and producers’ feelings, but so many people (obviously not the producers, but the fans/haters) involved in this are more concerned with just shitting on doug bc they don’t like him and a lot are trying to make him out as worse than he is. i want to spread what the producers say because i trust them, but i’m wary of fans who seem to just be in it for the drama or bc they never liked NC and they wanna spite people who did (yes, those people exist, they mocked me on kiwifarms).

i know this isn’t about me, but i’ve invested a lot of money and time and emotional energy in the show, it’s introduced me to new friends, and it’s been directly and indirectly responsible for some of my highest and lowest points of the past year and a half. my comfort ship has been very helpful in helping my loneliness. it gave me something to look forward to every day. not to pull the autism card, but it’s difficult for me to drop a special interest very easily and i’m jealous of people who can. i need time to grow entirely out of it if i can.

but even still, i haven’t watched a NC episode in weeks, even the new ones, due to my discomfort and shame towards the show and network (only NC thing i watched lately was the hyper q&a, which is on tamara’s channel, and i used it to fall asleep). i unsubscribed, and i really i only care about a few aspects of the show anyway.

if you want to hate me because i can’t immediately remove NC from my heart then fine, but if so, just unfollow me. i don’t want people to not post NC criticism, and i fully endorse spreading relevant information because i care about the victims and i want them to receive justice. i just want hate tagged so i, personally, do not have to be constantly reminded that a show that is/was close to my heart has so many awful things behind it, even if i’m not sure if i still love it anymore. and while i have been a bit guilt-trippy in the past i’ve been confronted on that already and i’m trying not to come across that way, and i’m sorry for having been manipulative at all. i’m paranoid about being abandoned and hated just for having watched this show but unless you’re like, a super close friend of mine, you can unfollow any time you want.