#i identify very strongly with the closeted hick magician yes i do | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thegeminisage · 5 years ago

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also i have about 600 feelings about the issue of “merlin if you really loved and trusted arthur and thought he loved and trusted you in return you’d tell him you had magic” vs “merlin if you breathe a single word about your magic to anyone at all you will be executed on the spot”

LIKE how horrible it is for merlin that he can’t trust ANYONE even people who seem SO safe because even if they would have his back the more people who know the more dangerous it is for him and knowing puts them in danger too

PLUS the fact that when arthur is doing his daddy’s dirty work he gets so cold and scary and turns off his empathy and he’s willing to let people he truly feels don’t deserve to die die anyway and he ISN’T someone merlin can trust ever because he’ll always be beholden to what his father wants before all things

and like who wouldnt feel hurt and angry about being lied to about something that big but lying is the ONLY THING merlin can do even though he HATES IT and he wants to trust arthur but he CANT and aksdsldkfjghlsdkfjghsldfjg

#personal #merlin blogging #liz's meta #liz's merlin stuff #all the arthur finds out fics are like...it all turns out ok in the end!#granted ive only read a few bc im trying not to spoil myself too badly but #no! it wouldnt be okay! arthur is dangerous! he's indoctrinated!#i identify very strongly with the closeted hick magician yes i do #like. ok #i have this...extremely vivid memory #of my high school english teacher who was just the sweetest old lady #who had given me a discount in her husbands computer shop who'd helped me with extra credit who stopped the other kids from bullying me #she used to talk about religion a lot in class (illegal i know but she did)#and on the subject of whether or not dr. frankenstein goes to heaven or hell her answer was #a very sweet and satisfied smile as she said he'd go to hell #i can't describe in words how thoroughly this normally kind woman's eyes just went dead #and that's like. the MOMENT i realized i would never ever be able to trust anyone in this town no matter how kind they were #not to turn on me if they knew i was queer #also cemented my atheist status for life lol #but like that ugly feeling of paranoia...ouch ouch ouch oh babey thats some good shit #i dont know how it happens yet and ill kill anyone who tells me but like just IMAGINE #that arthur could one day take a good long look at himself through merlin's eyes and see that he looks like a monster and that even then #merlin doesn't leave him #LIIIKE COME ON #liz makes stuff

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