#i hope you like it lydiaaaaa

[perfectlyrose]

the slings and arrows of fate (2/?)

a remix of pull your little arrows out by @lesbidar​

Summary: Sometimes the soulmate system doesn’t work out the way it’s supposed to. That doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love and be happy though.

Pairing: Clara/Rose

Word Count: 1797 || Rating: K+

AO3 || tumblr

The night of the party, Rose covered her soulmark with bandages in a fit of paranoia. She wanted to see Clara again, but she didn’t want to make things awkward with the whole soulmate thing, especially didn’t want anyone to catch sight of the words glowing through her dress.

In the few days since the revelation of finding her soulmark, she’d done some reading on the internet and discovered that soulmarks only appeared somewhere other than the wrist when the soulmark didn’t match or wasn’t reciprocated. Rose had decided that she could still befriend Clara but she was certainly not going to put the burden of her unreciprocated soulmark on the grieving teacher.

Rose smoothed down her black dress, lingering over the place Clara’s words now lived. She took a deep breath and headed out of her flat to meet the car her parents had sent for her. Nerves were dancing in her stomach more than usual as she hoped that the teacher would actually come to the party. She’d warned Jackie that she’d invited Clara so that they could chat but hadn’t heard if she had RSVP’d or not.

Only one way to find out, she thought as the car pulled up to the mansion. Rose thanked the driver and then stepped out into the driveway. She let her fingers dance over her hip once more and then set off for the door at a quick clip. Her mum would certainly have something for her to do before the party started that could take her mind off of things.

Rose was halfway through her second glass of champagne when she saw Clara walk in the door. Her jaw about hit the floor as she took in the purple suit the teacher had donned for the occasion. Remembering that she was trying to be just friends with Clara had just become a hundred times more difficult.

Taking a deep breath, she snagged another glass of champagne and wove her way through the crowd to where Clara still lingered near the wall.

“Fancy a glass of bubbly, Miss Oswald?” Rose asked with a smile as she sidled up next to her.

Clara startled and then turned with a smile of her own. “I would, thanks. And it’s Clara, please. I start looking around for students when people call me Miss Oswald.”

“Clara then,” Rose said. She clinked her half empty glass against Clara’s. “Welcome to the party. Wasn’t sure if you were going to make it or not.”

“I did RSVP,” she said, wrinkle forming between her eyes after she took a sip of champagne.

“I’ve learned not to pester my mum for information when she’s planning an event so I just didn’t know,” Rose explained.

“Gotcha.” She flicked her eyes over Rose. “You look nice.”

“So do you,” Rose said, taking the opportunity to rake her eyes over the teacher again quickly.

“I think I tried on about six different outfits,” Clara confessed. “I didn’t actually know what was appropriate for this kind of thing.”

“Well, you nailed it. Putting everyone else to shame in that suit, really.” Rose snapped her mouth shut as she realized that she had already stepped into flirtatious territory. She took a hasty gulp of champagne to cover her slip.

“Thanks!”

They stood sipping their drinks for a moment in silence, watching the crowd of partygoers.

“So, it occurs to me now that I’m here that stealing the hostess of the party for a chat about her son’s progress at school probably isn’t the best etiquette,” Clara said.

Rose shrugged. “Mum always likes to slip away from everyone for a while anyways.” She shot a conspiratorial look towards Clara. “She says being around this many inflated egos gives her a headache.”

Clara laughed and Rose swore she felt the words on her hip tingle.

“So, what are you usually doing on a Saturday night when you’re not roped into attending fancy shindigs for impromptu parent meetings?”

“This is definitely a first,” Clara said with a laugh. Then her smile faded and Rose watched as the sadness crept back in. “Usually I’m just at home with a glass of wine and a book, honestly. Used to be more exciting but...”

She trailed off, eyes staring off into the distance. Rose knew she must be thinking about what her Saturday nights were like back when the words on her wrist still shone and her soulmate was alive and well.

“Sounds like most of my Saturday nights,” Rose said. “Although it’s usually wine and Netflix for me these days.”

“I think I always imagined the life of an heiress would be a bit more exciting,” Clara mused.

Rose shrugged. “Pretty much live the same as everyone else, just without the stress of worrying if I’ll be able to pay rent.”

“Pretty nice perk.”

“It is,” Rose agreed. “Grew up with that worry so I definitely appreciate not having it now.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Clara looked up at Rose with curiosity. She didn’t really know much about the Tyler family, despite them being fairly prominent in London. She’d kind of assumed Rose had grown up rich but that apparently wasn’t the case.

She fidgeted with the glass in her hand, unsure whether to push the conversation forward. Rose had let it drop when Clara froze at the innocent question of what she normally did on a weekend.

(She’d remembered getting up late to find Danny making breakfast after his morning run and all the times her tea went cold while he kissed her good morning. She’d remembered the date nights they’d spent in their flat with take out and candles and a movie and the times they’d gone out to dinner or just to walk around the park hand in hand.)

Being somewhere where most people were attached at the hip to their soulmates made the skin on her wrist itch, made her want to flee, but Rose felt like a rock in the middle of the stormy sea. She felt safe for some reason and Clara wasn’t going to question it too much.

“So,” she started, “do you have parties like this often?”

“No, thank god,” Rose answered with feeling, making a face. “I might do a runner if they tried to make me come to these things more than three or four times a year.”

“Allergic to all the egos?”

“Something like that,” Rose said. “It’s all just so… fake. Everyone stands around and talks about all their charity work while wearing clothes that cost more than most people make in a month and it is just frustrating.”

She winced as she seemed to take in her words, perhaps thinking she’d said too much. “It’s also generally boring as anything but that’s secondary.”

“Sounds like good reasons not to like the parties,” Clara said. “At least you get to dress up though.”

“That and the food are the high points for sure,” Rose agreed.

“You hiding the food from me?” Clara asked, raising her eyebrows.

Rose grinned, tension Clara hadn’t even really noticed draining from her face. “Come on, we can sneak into the kitchen and get some before it starts circulating.”

“Brilliant.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jackie found them in the kitchen and took the opportunity to talk to Clara about Tony. Rose slipped out once they started talking, figuring Clara would find her when they were done.

Or not.

It wasn’t like Clara had any obligation to seek Rose out when there were other people to mingle with.

She pressed her fingers against her hip and then went to find another glass of champagne.

Rose was chatting with the wife of some Vitex board member when Clara walked up beside her and told her that she was needed elsewhere. They made it back to the kitchen and Clara just grinned at her while stealing another stuffed mushroom.

“You looked like you were going to fall asleep so I figured the least I could do was rescue you,” she explained.

Rose’s heart skipped a beat at the woman’s smile and she reached for a nibble herself.

Friends, she reminded herself. Just friends.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They spent the rest of the party standing on the edges of the room talking quietly. Rose tried not to notice the amount of times Clara touched her wrist (twelve) or the way she’d go quiet and then abruptly switch to a new topic when something obviously hit too close to home (five).

By the time she hugged the teacher goodbye at the door, Rose had figured out that she was never going to be able to be just friends with Clara - not when her smile made her pulse race and she was already comparing her laugh to music. Still, she could be friends with her as long as she could keep this all a secret.

She could do that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Back in her flat, Rose flopped on her bed in just the oversized t-shirt she wore to sleep in. Stripped of her glamorous armor and all the pretence of the night, she traced the softly glowing words on her hip.

Are you lonely?

Yes, Rose thought, closing her eyes as the ache in the middle of her chest threatened to swallow her whole. She’d deflected the question when Clara had asked it but here in her room with nothing but the darkness for company, she answered honestly. I’m lonely and might be falling in love with the soulmate who can never be mine.

How was that for a kick in the teeth? She’d spent all her life scorning the soulmate system only to find out that she actually wanted to have a soulmate, wanted to have that reciprocated connection instead of this one-way yearning.

She wanted to be Clara’s soulmate just like Clara was hers but it wasn’t to be.

Rose curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow and trying to will the emptiness away as she fought back tears.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Across town, Clara fought back a smile as she settled in for the night. The evening had been rocky, what with all the things that kept reminding her of Danny, but it had been wonderful as well. It had been a long time since she’d had such a good time and that was entirely down to one Rose Tyler who was nothing like she would have expected, just knowing she was the Vitex heiress. She was down to earth and kind and had a way of making people smile.

She also didn’t look at Clara with pity, even when she knew Rose must have caught a glimpse of her dead soulmark at some point.

Clara rather hoped she’d see her again soon. She reached across the bed and rested a hand on the side that had once been Danny’s and, for once, the sadness didn’t overwhelm her.

[karasimpno]

Hey bby, I hope you are doing okay! I saw your post about grief and I really feel that🥺 its so sad to think that you will never see that person, hear that person, they really just… aren’t there… Just know that there are so many people there for you and that they will always live on as you remember them💛💛 ilysm

Lydiaaaaa!!!! Ugh thank you so much I was literally getting so happy that you were on my tl earlier today I feel like I never see your posts anymore! Damn time difference.

But yeah, thank you. It's really been hard, it's always just so good to hear comforting words from a friend <3 thank you