#i hope you like it blaire ♥️

[half-bakedboy]

MERRY CHRISTMAS @trashforaleclightwood. HERE’S MY HORRIBLE ATTEMPT AT ANGST THAT I HOPE YOU LOVE. 

Read Winter Not-So-Wonderland on AO3

Alec hated winter. Winter in New York was colder than it needed to be, busier than anyone wanted it to be, and had treacherous weather that changed people’s lives. As the scalding coffee burned it’s way down Alec’s throat, the memories flooded through him. Bright lights, wide eyes, screeching metal, the burning smell… 

Alec shook his head abruptly, shaking off the dread creeping up on him as it always did this time of year. Christmas Eve was always one of Alec’s favorite days of the year. Family tradition dictated each of the Lightwood children would open one present. Jace would open a piece of sports equipment and lock himself in the basement for the rest of the night to try it out. Izzy would open a new makeup product and spend hours putting it on and taking it off. Alec would open a book that he’d spend the night getting lost in. And Max would get the same as whatever sibling he had attached himself to that year. 

Last year, Max opened two tickets to a late night screening of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. He had begged Alec to read the book with him a few months prior after Alec’s first boyfriend, Magnus, gifted it to him. Max had immediately became obsessed with the series as every 9-year-old did. When Alec found out a local theater was doing a special Christmas Eve showing, Alec convinced his parents to let the brothers skip the family movie night. Magnus picked them up in front of their house and the three started their adventure as the snow started to fall. 

The bell above the front door of Alec’s favorite cafe sounded, breaking Alec from his thoughts once more. Luke’s booming voice and a squeal from Clary had Alec looking away from his Harry Potter book for the first time in hours. 

“I thought we had lost you to LA, you son of a bitch,” Luke yelled, pulling the man into a tight hug. Alec couldn’t see his face but a pang of sadness shot through his heart. Clary pushed her father away to throw her arms around the man’s neck. 

“You didn’t tell me you were coming by!” Clary practically screamed. Alec couldn’t help but think the whole exchange was less than business like but that wasn’t rare when it came to Clary. He thought maybe the thought was just a bit of anxiety seeping out.

“Biscuit, how could I not see you and your father for this holiday?” At the sound of his smooth voice, Alec’s entire body froze, the book in his hand dropping with a loud thump on the table. Luke seemed to notice, his eyes widening as they shot toward Alec. 

“Are you here for Christmas? Please tell me you are!” Clary asked hopefully, her eyes begging her words to be true. The man chuckled and stroked a hand through Clary’s hair. Alec’s heart constricted, his breath quickening. He remembered how those comforting hands felt on him. 

“Yes, Biscuit, I am going to be spending Christmas here. In fact, my company is opening a new store in New York so…” The man waved his hands, an extravagant gesture that somehow looked normal coming from him. “As of yesterday, I’m home,” he finished. The squeal from Clary knocked Alec out of his daze and his hand flung out to grab his book for comfort. The motion was too quick, though, and before he knew it his coffee was pouring onto the table. Any other day, he wouldn’t have cared that his book was covered in coffee, but this was Max’s book. The one thing of Max’s that Alec cherished so deeply. He cursed loudly and grabbed the novel, wiping it rapidly with his hand. A pair of manicured hands handed him paper towels and he froze again. 

“Alexander…” The man said softly, his hand resting on the small of Alec’s back. Alec jumped at the touch and ignored the hurt look that flashed across the mans face. 

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, the panic obvious in his voice. He closed his eyes as memories overtook him again. 

“Magnus, do you think there will be other Ravenclaw’s there? I’m wearing the hat you brought me so people can be sure to know I’m a Ravenclaw!” Max yelled excitedly from the back seat. He had taken his seatbelt off so he could lean over the center console to show Magnus the blue and bronze winter beanie he begged Magnus to get him. Magnus chuckled and patted his head gently. Alec looked on, smiling softly and tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach. 

“Of course there will be. Ravenclaw’s have a way of finding each other, anyways. It's cleverness that comes with the territory,” Magnus replied smoothly. Alec pushed Max’s head so he was sitting back in his seat. 

“Will you please buckle up?! It’s insane how many times I have to ask you,” Alec said, clearly annoyed at his sibling. Magnus chuckled and rolled his eyes dramatically, peaking over at Alec.  

“That’s Alec’s Slytherin showing. Always has to take the lead.” Max’s bubbling laughter filled the air as he reached back for his seatbelt. Alec was looking back toward him, shaking his head at the banter between the two people he loved most. He saw the quick flash of terror in Max’s face before…

Alec was brought back by Clary’s soothing hand on his shoulder and Luke’s baritone voice saying his name. When his eyes opened, he saw Magnus with his eyes shining with tears. His own lingered but he had gotten used to keeping them hidden. He brushed off Clary’s hand and pushed himself off of the wall he had slumped on to. 

“I’m okay, I’m good…” Alec trailed off as he noticed the subtle tremble of Magnus’ body. They couldn’t take their eyes off of each other and Alec knew that Magnus hadn’t forgotten that night either. He felt Clary squeeze his shoulder even tighter and reached up to place his hand on top of hers. “I’m okay, Clary, really,” he muttered. Clary nodded and moved back behind the counter, busying herself with mindless chores. Luke noticed the intense stares of the two men and followed closely after her. 

“Are you okay?” Alec broke the silence, taking an unexpected step forward. Magnus nodded slowly, his hand instinctively reaching out toward Alec. The movement stopped when Alec flinched away. He couldn’t help it. The sight of Magnus had brought the accident to the forefront of his mind. Christmas Eve was already hard enough without the added reminder. 

“Alexander, I didn’t… I heard you moved upstate,” Magnus commented, waving his hands again in a familiar way that had Alec’s breath catching in his throat. Alec shrugged, placing the soft cover book in his back pocket and shrugging on his jacket. 

“I moved back. Figured it was time to… move on,” Alec said softly. His eyes met Magnus’ once more and he couldn’t help the soft sigh that left his lips. He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, Magnus had turned toward the door. “Are you free?” Alec said abruptly. Magnus stopped his hasty exit and peeked over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, yes, of course I am,” Magnus practically exclaimed. Alec let a soft smile spread across his lips as he left the cafe with Magnus. He could feel the frigid air against his face and see his breath mingling with Magnus’. If he was truthful to himself, he would realize how much he missed this. 

“How have you been? I’ve… I’ve really missed you, Magnus,” Alec admitted. The hazy breath in front of them became heavier at Magnus’ relieved sigh. Magnus stopped his stride and turned toward Alec, tears still shining in his eyes. 

“I wasn’t sure if I should have come back. Our last conversation…” Magnus shook his head, his eyes wandering to the dusting of snow across the pavement. He shuddered and Alec knew it was his own memories haunting him. 

“Our last conversation wasn’t fair. We both bought Max those tickets and neither of us took off his seatbelt. There wasn’t anything you could have done to change things,” Alec said sternly. It had taken months for Alec to believe that. When he’d finally done so, Magnus was gone. 

“Guilt was the hardest thing to get over. Max…” Magnus trailed off with a shake of his head and a tear slid down his cheek. Alec moved quick, wrapping his arms around Magnus tightly. He was expecting memories of that night to overwhelm him at Magnus’ tough as they had done before but instead, another memory came 

“Alec, help!” Max screamed. Alec went to turn toward the shout but a heavy weight jumped on his back. He crouched down to absorb the impact and his hands flung back to keep the child on his back. 

“Max! You can’t just jump on people,” Magnus yelled. Alec was about to agree until Magnus continued. “That is absolutely against the rules!” Alec rolled his eyes before he dropped his hands, Max sliding off his back and landing on the floor with a grunt. He shot up onto his feet and jumped over the back of the couch, effectively providing a barrier between Magnus and himself. 

“You’re both children and I have no patience for this tonight,” Alec said. He meant for the bitterness that usually encapsulated his tone to show but he couldn’t help the laughter that shone instead. 

“You love us, Alexander,” Magnus teased as he placed a quick peck on Alec’s cheek. Max gagged but quickly regretted the reaction as Magnus pounced over the couch. The two tumbled to the floor, Magnus pinning Max to the ground and messing up his perfectly styled hair. 

“Magnus!” A cheery voice squealed. Magnus pulled away from Alec quicker than Alec wanted, but a smile overtook Alec’s face at Magnus’ wide eyes. Alec walked over to the new arrival, his eyebrow raising. 

“Max, you know your crutches don’t grip on the pavement when it snows!” Alec chastised. Max rolled his eyes in a familiar way and moved toward Magnus.

“You would think this one would stop being so ‘big brother’ now that I’m double digits but here we are,” Max said, his voice getting louder to make sure Alec could hear him. Alec rolled his own eyes and watched the two. “You disappeared,” Max mumbled, placing himself in front of Magnus. 

“I did. I’m… I’m sorry, Max,” Magnus said. He went to look away but Max launched himself into Magnus’ arms, surprising both men. 

“Max, Jesus Christ, you can’t do that anymore!” Alec yelled as he grabbed a fallen crutch off the ground. Max held to Magnus tighter, Magnus doing the same. 

“Uh-uh, Alec. Dr. Jenny says that I can do everything I did before,” Max teased. He squirmed out of Magnus’ grasp and stole the crutch back from his brother. “Which is why you both are taking me to go see Harry Potter. It starts in 10 minutes and it’s about a 2 minute walk for an abled kid so we’ll be cutting it close.” Max started in the direction of the theater, leaving a shocked Magnus and a chuckling Alec behind him. 

“So…” Magnus started, not taking his eyes off of Alec. Alec just chuckled and started after his brother. 

“He hated last winter until the last drop of snow melted off of our lawn. He hated Harry Potter until he found his Ravenclaw beanie shoved in the back of his closet. Max spent a lot of time hating what had happened to him. Then one day he didn’t,” Alec said by way of explanation. Magnus looked over at him, his golden eyes shining in just the way Alec remembered. 

“And you?” Magnus inquired. Alec nudged his shoulder against Magnus’ and looked up at the sky before meeting Magnus' eyes once more. 

“Winter isn’t looking so bad right about now.”