#i hope you know that i literally refresh my notifs every two minutes

[magicaltickles]

I guess you could say I know a thing or two 😉

Bet you’d like me to nuzzle into your neck while I’d tickle your back and tummy too :)

WHAHA

Anon pls you're killing me

Yes I would very much like that

I mean who said that, that's so crazy

[bubblyhoney]

sarah i have thought of another fic request or like a cute idea i guess! i didn’t have anyone in mind when i thought of it so you can write it for whoever you want honestly :)

okay so the reader is a streamer but streams games like animal crossing, standew valley, etc. then (insert who you’re writing for) says they don’t like that game, but later ends up buying it and the reader is like “i thought you said you didn’t like this game” and they’re like “well i like you” and they confuses their feelings and they end up playing the game together and reader gives them a tour of their island or farm

i feel like this request isn’t good, but the scenario seemed cute and i wanted to share it. sorry if this is confusing or just too specific cuz i know it can be hard to write requests like that! but yeah i hope it gives you inspiration and you like the request <3

new horizons

warnings: language, a Marvel reference (hint: natasha said it about tony), stupid idiots who don’t realize they like each other, use of pet names, Uno rage, Hasan Piker's presence

words: 1473

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

A/N: i’ve been trying to catch up a little on my requests (i’ve only got a couple so i’m not super overwhelmed) but school and outside life has been taking up most of my time so this one took me a while to make! tbh— ive never played animal crossing so i did google some of the game mechanics and i apologize if anything is inaccurate about the game…. but i liked relaxing and writing this cute one so thank you for requesting hails :3

requests/inbox status: open

-

“This game is trash.”

Your head quirks, fingers stopped on the screen. You’re in the process of giving your character a cute new nickname; it’s kind of hard to decide between “awkward dude” and “elderly skater”.

“Excuse me?” Your chat comes alive with emotes and ‘KEKW’s, obviously entertained by you and your almost-more-than-friends-friend.

There’s a story for that later.

Sapnap’s rough laugh comes through your headset and he audibly swallows, the sound of a water bottle dropping onto his desk echoing.

“I’m just saying—it’s boring. It’s like Minecraft but you don’t like… do anything.” The grainy image of his bearded face shifts and you see him pull out his phone.

“It’s— you can’t even compare it to Minecraft! It’s a completely different game system—you actually interact with other people live in the game.” You huff out a dramatic sigh, slumping in your chair with a pout. “Just because you go into this lucid state where all you know is ‘touch block, hit George’ doesn’t mean this game isn’t fun.” (He scoffs at your awful impression of his voice. Your viewers love it.)

“Jeez,” he mumbles, fumbling with the cap of his water bottle. “Touched a nerve there, bud.”

You roll your eyes, getting back to the village in the game.

“Don't ‘bud’ me.”

The call falls comfortably quiet, the sounds of him tapping obsessively on his phone and you clicking away filling the silence. A gentle bedroom-pop YouTube playlist remains in the background, prompting you to hum along and glance at the chat to see a flood of “check twitter” and “Y/N TWITTER!!”.

“What happened on Twitter?” You mumble, confused, and pull the website up on another monitor. Sapnap just makes a curious noise, swinging back and forth in a circle. “Oh my God,” you say to yourself, fingertips brushing your parted lips.

“What?”

“Hasan Piker just followed me and retweeted one of my not even remotely political old tweets. Like from a year ago.”

“That’s— wow. Congrats?” Sapnap’s voice cracks, and his ears flush pink the tiniest bit when you glance at his face on Discord.

“I’m gonna go on record and say that he could get it.” You shake your head in disbelief.

Sapnap falls uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal, so you look past the frenzied chat and to his screen— wait. He muted and turned his camera off.

“Um,” you start, furiously typing question marks in your private chat. “Where’d you go?” You mute and turn screen share off for your stream, concerned that he might’ve fallen off his chair and broken his neck and needs you to call the ambulance.

The characteristic ding of a twitter notification sounds through your bedroom, and you look at your phone quickly.

“That’s where I went.”

Sapnap Tweeted: “all Y/U stans can choke on my dick”.

“Jesus, Sapnap,” you say, and rapidly refresh to read the replies. This tweet was deleted. “That’s so— that barely makes sense, bro. Why— literally what?”

His snicker floods your ears and you relax in your chair. Crisis: averted. “Don’t fucking— what’s wrong with you?”

“I thought it would be funny,” he offers, shrugging, and fiddles with the straw in his water bottle, smile fading. “And also Hasan pisses me off.”

“Why, ‘cause he wants a piece of this? Jealous?” You think back to your viewers, knowing they’re probably spamming question marks and coming to ludacris conclusions about both of your absences. No offense to them. You remember your stan days very vividly.

“I mean, kinda.” He rubs once at his nose, glancing at the camera (and what feels like you) before taking a sip from his water bottle.

“Wow.” You watch one strand of his hair fall from beneath his hat and brush against his full eyebrows. “I’m uh—I’ll get back to my stream. You coming? Or is it time for a Sapnap-snack?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He snorts and leans his chin onto the balance of his arm.

“That means you like to take a little snack break mid-stream and come back approximately nine hours later and you didn’t even eat.”

“You know what— fuck you.” He flicks the camera as you laugh at the look on his face.

The teasing mood is easily kept as you switch games from Animal Crossing to Uno, all the while slamming Sapnap with +4’s and skipping the newly-arrived BadBoyHalo at any chance you can get. It unironically pisses him off and he has to take a Sapnap-snack break midway through (only a fifteen minute break this time, during which you and Bad take a “What Kind of Bread Are You?” quiz). The rest of the night is filled with devious cackles (you), loud and sudden bangs that sound suspiciously like someone hitting their desk in anger (Sap) and the stupid barking of Rat, AKA Lucy (Bad). She’s cute but a menace to the sound quality of Bad’s microphone. You sign off stream around 2 a.m. with various forms of thanks and kisses blown to the camera. It’s been a refreshing night, actually; you’ve been busy organizing a partnership stream all week and all your friends have been busy filming or editing or what-not. Quackity had time for a little Roblox every couple of days, though. He’s got your back.

The next time you see Sapnap is after a two hour stream of him try-harding in Valorant and you finishing responding to an email from your partnership in the VC.

“Okay, I’m back.” You hear him shift in his chair and click a couple more times on his keyboard. You perk up in your chair, closing the email browser you’d been looking at.

“Do you want to play anything else? I’m down for anything.”

“Absolutely not Uno. You can go to hell for giving me 6 cards that one time,” he jabs. You scoff, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair.

“Okay, the +4 was on me but it’s Bad who gave you the last two. That’s not my fault, sweetie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles, trailing off as the clicking of his keyboard stops. “Hey, um—Guess what?”

Your heart beats loud in your ears at the tone of his voice. He sounds nervous; that’s never good.

“I’m scared to guess,” you try, playing with a little Minecraft dog figurine you have on your desk with fidgety fingers. “What?”

“I bought Animal Crossing.”

Silence. You stare at his discord icon blankly, trying to reroute the wires of your brain.

“Tell me you love it.”

“Well… I haven’t actually played it— but you said you liked it, so.”

“So,” you repeat him, ears warming but continuing on. “Is that what you tell all your friends when you buy something they like? That it's because of them?”

He seems to choose his next words carefully, pausing a beat to consider your questions.

“Well, I don’t have a crush on all of my friends.”

“You—what?” You stutter, caught off guard and stumbling. What did he just say? “Don’t tell me you mean you have a crush on me.”

“I’m almost positive I just did.” His discord icon stares right back at you, taunting.

“You know, you’re very casual for someone who just admitted they like-like me.” Your cheeks flush pink and you have to press a hand to your chest to keep your breathing sounding stable.

“Yeah, I’m kind of cool like that,” he offers, a huff of a laugh punctuating his statement. The conversation moves into a lull that you can’t help but know is because of you. He must expect you to say something about it, right?

“You are very cool, Sapnap.” You tilt back in your chair, sucking in a breath to prepare yourself for your next words. “And—Isortakindofhaveacrushonyoutoo.”

He must understand you, for you can hear the grin in his voice when he asks “Really?”

“Y-yeah.” You feel like a preteen again, all shaky and giddy in front of the boy you just asked to a middle school dance.

“Um, alright. What do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” you answer genuinely and swing in a happy little circle in your chair. “We could play Animal Crossing.”

“I’m down.”

You swear you’ve never heard more beautiful words.

He keeps his camera off for most of the time you two play, too focused on creating his island and asking you questions about how to fish to turn it on. He silently flips it on when you help him decorate his lawn, needing to show you in real-time the decorations he has bought and where you think he should put them. He looks cute. I mean, of course he does. He always does.

You tell him goodbye late in the night, eyes saying a little more than just “see you tomorrow”.

You like him. He likes you.

It’s even better when you two have matching gardens.

-

A/N: anybody and everybody (especially my precious hailey) let me know what you think!! :]

[forthehpfanboys]

Gold Strings & Red Picks- PT 1

Pair: Ron Weasley x Reader; he/him.

Summary: The Weasley's invented a band! Having a band, means you need a band manager; someone to help find venues, gigs and sponsors. After finding one, Ron seems to be hopeless drawn toward them.

Warnings: flirting, swearing, bickering, sexual tension??, Punk Pining Ron but also Smug Ron, naming a guitar ‘Cherry Popper’, dm me if I missed any.

Notes: I plan on having some chapters kinda spicy. I made an entire gif for this and yes it is Rupert playing 👀 and god is this self indulgent. Hope you guys like it!

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWERE~

-

It was a Friday morning when you quit the Static Dragons and posted the news on every piece of social media you had. It didn’t take long for you to edit your bios to state you were looking for a new band, and it managed to catch someone's eye just as quickly. It was Monday evening when you got a dm on Instagram from a user called ddchrmrs-official. The user basically sent you a paragraph about how he was the lead singer of a band he and his siblings threw together and they were looking for a new manager. You agreed to meet with them and talk about the potential of the band and he agreed, using more than a few explanation marks after his reply. He even sent you a few of their songs once he deemed you worthy enough.

So, you found a dining hall, an equal distance from your house and theirs, and with the lead singer's approval, Fred, you booked it for Tuesday afternoon. Fred even made a post explaining the good news- why he was acting like one of the Weird Sisters followed him back, you weren’t sure. You couldn’t help but be excited too. The songs were good- more punk-rock than you assumed from the band's name. Something about the name Daydream Charmers gave off a softer, boyband type.

The day of the band meeting couldn’t have gone much worse. You missed your morning alarm, you couldn’t find your laptop charger and the clothes you picked out the night before ended up covered in stains from breakfast. GPS even gave you the fastest route and you still managed to be 10 minutes late, but you managed to find the right hall. It was a bit different compared to the pristine image shown on the website.

The roof looked like it was caving under an invisible weight and the actual size of the hall looked like a small barn. The walls were made of red and black bricks, most of which seemed to be chipped, broken or bending, like it was being crushed. The door frame was slanting, the door’s white paint was chipping, the sidewalk was splitting at almost every corner. You were desperately hoping the building was enchanted so it was bigger (and nicer looking) on the inside.

You parked your car on the pebble covered asphalt, right next to an equally old and rusty blue car. You had no idea how four people, a sound system, a bass, an electric guitar and a full drum set fit inside of the small wagon, but figured they managed to spell the inside bigger. You weren’t bothered by it- how could you be? You felt your wand hit your laptop inside the bag as you threw it over your shoulder after climbing out of the car. Shutting the door, you hurried up the broken concrete, shoving your keys in your pocket.

You chewed on your lip, adjusting the collar of your shirt as you approached the door. A smile pulled at your lips at the refreshing sound of genuine laughter and bickering. You had an internal battle of whether you should knock or just barge in. It sounded like they were having their fun and you didn’t want to interrupt anything. Soon enough, the laughter was dying down and someone was strumming a bass quietly, practicing a few chords from one of the songs Fred gave you. You raised a fist to knock on the door and the silence that followed was close to defining. Soft footsteps followed the silence and you swore you could hear soft breathing behind the door before it was yanked open.

“Hey! You made it! We were worried you got lost on your way here.”

You weren’t expecting to be face to chest with an individual. Their band's logo was printed across the front, red letters with a gold outline that clashed drastically with the bright orange fabric of the tight shirt. You tilted your head up, meeting cocoa brown eyes and a crisp white smile. His ginger hair was spread across his shoulders, his ear lobes were pierced with two shiny black flat stud earrings and the little white nostril piercing on the left side of his nose was reflecting the sunlight.

“Fred?” You asked, matching his smile. You could tell he had fun, you could sense it. His arm raised, inadvertently showing off his muscles, and rested against the door frame. 

“The one and only.” He grinned, clearly just joking. Before he could say anything else, he was rudely interrupted by a foreign voice behind him. Fred’s smile dropped into a frown like he was suddenly slapped across the face.

“Is it the pizza guy?” The voice asked from somewhere behind him, excitement clearer than crystal. Fred looked over his shoulder to respond.

“No, Ron. That’s not for another twelve minutes.” He rolled his eyes after looking back at you and letting out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry about him. His appetite is larger than Big Ben and it literally never stops. Anyway, I hope you like pizza! I tried to message you about it.” He pulled his phone out of his front pocket, unlocking it and scrolling through his messages and swiping right on notifications he didn’t care for.

“I was using my phone for GPS. Must’ve missed the messages.” Your hands slid into your front pockets, your weight shifting between your feet as embarrassment began to settle in. Maybe this wasn’t the best first impression. Before you could think about it too long, a low whistle was resonating from beside Fred.

Without warning, Fred was being nudged aside by a slightly shorter ginger, his piercing blue eyes staring into yours. They didn’t stay there very long though. They slowly dragged down your body, taking in your form, and his head tilted in appreciation.

“Oh.. I’m not gonna complain about the pizza when Merlin delivered us a cutie.” He gave you a dizzying side smile. “What’s your name, sweetheart? Surely, it’s something as handsome as you are.” Just as quickly as he appeared, Fred was pushing him back, faking a gag while driving the unnamed individual back with Fred’s hand against his forehead. 

“Ew! Ron, down! Seriously? Keep your yap shut! He’s our new band manager and I’d actually like to keep this one, thank you.” Fred groaned, a sneer pulling at his lips. He blocked the smaller ginger from the door with his body before turning back to you with a sigh. “I’m sorry. He’s usually not like this. Usually he’s moping about his ex-” You could see Ron jumping behind Fred to get another look at you. The reaction had you snorting into your hands.

“Fred. Fred, move, mate. I wanna see ‘im again!” The ginger whined, tugging at his older brother's t-shirt. He was dodging around Fred’s constant moving hands to get one more peek at you.

Fred let out a groan, his head falling backwards in agony before letting out a loud “George, please help!”

“Wait! Wait, wait!” Ron’s voice matched the panicked hand trying to hold onto the door frame before it was hilariously slapped off the wood and was dragged into the mystery hidden behind the lead singer. His begs and pleas began to echo and soften which you thought caused you to giggle a bit. 

“I’m sorry. We’ll put a muzzle on him or something. Come on in, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Fred shifted out of the door way, allowing you to enter the hall. It was bigger on the inside than the outside, that much had you relieved. Fred shut the door behind you with a satisfying click and let you soak the place in while he sat himself down on a velvet red coach. It was dimly lit, about half the lights were on, and the walls were painted a light tan, which easily could’ve been mistaken for white, if white wasn’t used for the tiling. 

Next to Fred on the couch, was a girl with long, slightly darker, ginger hair. Her hair went well past her shoulders, and a bright orange base sat on top of her crossed legs. She had gone back to laying a few chords once you entered, just relaxing as her two brothers basically wrestled each other.

“Ginny, this is (Y/n).” Fred spoke up, pointing from his sister to you, then back to her. (Y/n), this is the youngest Weasley in the family, Ginevra.” Fred smirked, but it turned into a pained expression when she landed a hard slap to his chest.

“Except if you call me that, I will break your legs. It’s Gin or Ginny, nothing else. It’s nice to finally meet you, (Y/n). Fred hasn’t shut up about you.” She smiled at you, reaching a tattoo covered hand out to shake yours. 

“Really?” You couldn’t help but grin. You shook her hand proudly, knowing it was probably your reputation that kept the oldest Weasley in the band chatting up a storm. “It’s nice to meet you too, Gin.” You gave her a cheeky grin before turning to the other side of the hall, noting another Fred standing in front of Ron, who was sitting in a chair quiet grumpily. 

The double picked up a deep red guitar covered in stickers and shoved it into Ron’s lap, causing the younger to gasp out a wheeze. It was obvious he had chewed Ron out for his behavior, but nevertheless, he gave his unplugged electric guitar a few strums, which seemed to satisfy Fred 2 because soon enough he was storming back to the couch, shaking his head the entire walk there.

He sat himself down on the arm of the couch, right next to his doppelganger. His arms crossed back over his chest once again. Fred 2 had the same length hair, different piercings though. He only had one set of black earrings, but had an industrial across his left ear. He had a straight line of freckles across his cheek bones and right across his nose. The spots went down his neck and across his forehead. 

“He’s bloody useless.” He grumbled out, his snake bite moving to the right as his tongue ran across it. “Oh, hi!” Fred 2 scooted over to the edge of the arm rest, reaching his hand out to shake yours. “You must be the band manager! I’m George, Fred’s twin bro-”

“Younger twin. I’m the oldest.” Fred interrupted, smirking again as he pointed a thumb to himself. His smirk dropped when he was smacked in the chest again- by both George and Ginny. 

“I’m his twin brother. Ignore him, he has a God complex.” George rolled his eyes, smiling at you while he shook your hand. He pulled his hand away before scooting back to rest his back against the back of the couch. You could tell he wasn’t comfortable, but  he seemed dedicated to the spot. “I’m sorry you had to meet Ron the way you did. Usually he’s tamer than that.”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh, your gaze turned down to your shoes. Your cheeks were beginning to heat up as his flirting rebounded through your head again.

“Nah, he wasn’t that bad.”

“I wasn’t?” Ron’s sudden voice behind you had nearly jumped out of your skin. You spun around, your backpack strings nearly catching on one of Ginny’s bass strings. You swallowed down a squeak. “Georgie was trying to convince me I was being inconsiderate and rude and that mum would smack me if she saw.” He was still holding the guitar by the neck, and that was when you noticed the bright gold strings with a red pick trapped between them.

“Well, it’s not like you were asking about my shoe size… “ Your eyes landed on the hands holding the black neck of the instrument and you couldn’t help but gawk at them. Rings covered his finger knuckles, veins popped out from beneath his skin. “Wow.” You didn’t mean to verbally gawk over the hands, so you had to force your gaze down to the instrument and ignore the urge to stare at the pale, freckle covered skin that was making your mouth dry. 

You shook your head, looking at the shiny strings. You had you stop yourself from reaching out and caressing the polished neck, the textures strings and hidden pick. It was clearly loved and carefully taken care of.

“Beauty, isn't she?” Ron grinned, showing off the red body drowning in decals- most of which were bright orange Quidditch themed or terrible chess puns. You almost forgot to check if they were a muggle band, but this told you enough. “My best friend got it for me, he’s a blessing. Mum didn’t approve, of course, said we all had better purposes, but dad said rock on.” 

“She really is. I’m guessing you named her?” The second the question fell from your lips, the three sharing a spot on the couch groaned in agony, but Ron was grinning in pride.

“Of course I have! Her name is Cherry Popper and she’s the love of my life. Unless,” Ron was taking a step closer to you, a twinkle in his eyes as he continued speaking, “you plan on cha-” His flirting was cut off suddenly.

“And that’s enough of that! Please sit down and, for the love of Merlin’s beard, rename the damn thing!” Ginny cried out, almost knocking her own instrument straight into the tiled floor. She ran a hand through her hair, her free hand holding the bass hard enough to make her knuckles pure white.

“I mean, come on! Name it something classic like ‘Bertha’ or ‘Jasmine’, or, and here’s my personal favorite, don’t name it at all!” Fred waved his hands while he spoke, counting the names on his fingers before doing jazz hands at ‘don’t name it at all’.

“Fred, that’s hypocritical. You named your mic.” George spoke up, pulling two white marble drumsticks from his jeans pockets and began to spin one between his fingers. 

“That was a joke.” Fred stuck his tongue out at his twin. “At least I don’t do it seriously. And leave Echo out of this.” Fred ripped the non spinning drumstick from George’s hand, holding it out of his twins reach.

“Shut up and give me Crystal back!”

“No, if you wanna talk about terrible names, we can talk about the band's name! Merlin, Fred, were you sky high when you made it?” Ron shot back, his arms crossing over his chest, one still holding the guitar.

Knowing this kind of fight could go for a good while, you slipped past him, patting Ron on the shoulder while you walked past while a pained gasp rented the silence that flooded the hall. You set your backpack on the white table, opening the zipper and pulling out your laptop. You sat down, pulling the laptop onto your lap before opening the notepad application.

“I made the name! And dammit, I think it was clever! It even has a unique backstory! At our school, we had a um- small business and it was quite successful. By ‘we’, I mean George and I and by successful, I mean we run an online joke shop. I thought it fit the shop pretty well.” Fred held a look of pride- a smirk was, once again, drawn across his lips as his eyes twinkled.

“Mate, it’s horrible.” Ginny spoke up, not even bothering to throw the truth as a curve-ball causing two of her older brothers to nod in agreement. She copied Fred’s movement by yanking the drumstick from his hand, but handed it to George, smiling at him. 

“Why couldn’t it have been something cool? You named your shop something cool. Why’d you give the band something’ shitty?” Ron rolled his eyes, leaning his back against the door, the guitar balancing on his sneakers and leaning against his ripped jean covered legs. His attention didn’t stay with his siblings for long. Soon it was shifting over to you, like he was naturally drawn toward you. He grinned at you, sticking his tongue out. The little gold ball stamped into the middle of his tongue had your full attention.

You swallowed thickly. The ball and his guitar strings were the exact same color and reflected the same light. You felt butterflies fill your stomach from the simple action and noticed, almost suddenly, the ginger was actually quite attractive and funny. You sucked on your tongue, hoping the blush across your cheeks didn’t give too much away. Ron looked back at his brothers, his side grin screaming he basically saw your body temperature rise.

“I was led to believe you all loved the name, but no! I’m starting to think you guys are just trying to embarrass me in front of the (Y/n), but since you think it’s so easy, come up with a new one.” Fred cried out, crossing his arms over the printed long sleeve t-shirt, and was pouting like a child now, sinking lower into the couch.

“It makes us sound like a cheesy boy-band going after 12 year olds.” Ginny scoffed, propping her bass up against the couch. She looked over at her slightly older brother, nodding her head in Fred���s direction.

“It does. We could’ve been Fire Wicks.” Ron pointed at Ginny and the teaming up began. “Or like Solar Skips.”

“Or The Red Bloods.” Gin nodded, pointing back at Ron while her other hand pulled out her phone. The game was ‘Who-Cares-If-It’s-Bad-Let’s-Prove-Fred-Wrong’ and you could tell it was for shits and giggles. You were going to pitch in an idea, but someone beat you to it.

“Or FireBolt Bitters.” Spoke up George, who was now gazing up at the ceiling, shaking his head in mock shame, but you could see the edges of his smile growing at the corners.

“Ooh, I love that one!” Ron leaned over, stretching his arm as far as it could to give  George a high five, before turning to look at you. He grinned at your confused expression. “Are you writing these down?” He pointed at your computer before giving you a wink. The butterflies came back, doubled in strength, and you couldn’t help but laugh. You shook your head no, laughing louder when he waved his hands in a panicked manner. “Write them down, mate!”

You rolled your eyes, typing random shit down just to please the younger one. Your eyes trailed across the dumplings, noting three quarters of them were smiling. Fred’s crabby expression made it was clear he didn’t get picked on very often.

“Charlie texted saying ‘The Copper Horntails’ would’ve been better.” Ginny said, looking up from her phone. She dropped the phone onto her lap, wincing a tad when the device collided with the instrument on her lap. She quickly forgot the pain and leaned back, enjoying her brother's pain.

“You asked Charlie?!” Fred squealed loudly, his hands holding his head. Right beside Fred, George had begun to tap his sticks together, improvising a beat to go with the arguing.

“You know what? That’s a great idea! Let’s ask Percy next-” yelled Ron over Ginny’s laughter and Fred’s agonizing scream. His smirk only grew when Fred tossed his head back. 

“Ok, damn! I get it! But I already made t-shirts so deal with it.”

“Fred, we have magic. We can always change the print.” George piped up, tapping the white wooden sticks against his thighs in some random pattern, his head nodding to a beat. He shrugged his shoulders, not focusing on his words all that much,

“George!” This time it was Fred’s turn to smack George in his chest. He glared at him before leaning over to whisper in his twin's ear. It was something you couldn’t make out, but you figured they were debating over your status. You rolled your eyes, reaching behind you.

With a clear of your throat, you gained their attention before pulling out your wand from your backpack. While waving it, you locked eyes with Ron, playfully chewing on your lip to try to hide your smile.

“But-” Fred scrambled to grab his phone. You knew he was going to pull up one of your profiles to show none of them mentioned magic or wizarding or anything.

“The quidditch stickers were a dead give away.” You pointed to Ron’s guitar with the tip of your wand before putting it back in your bag. “That, and the tiny blue car that somehow carried four band members, and all of their equipment even though, that should’ve been impossible. I do enjoy Firebolt Bitters, though.”

Your own smile grew when the siblings broke out into loud snorts and sniggers, save for Fred’s. Ron walked over to you, and you were sure his cheeks were hurting from how hard he was smiling. He laid his arm across your shoulders, pulling you into his side as he faced his band members.

“I like this one.”

A smile stretches across your face as your cheeks get warmer. Out of everything to come out of today, this was something even the strongest and most willed seer’s couldn’t have predicted. It wasn’t even half past noon and you’d already started to develop a crush on a punk guitarist who shares a band with his siblings. You were clueless on how you were going to do your managing and keep it strictly platonic when he grinned at you like you were everything he wanted.

[jaeminscoffee]

Happy Birthday, Love

Pairings - Jung Jaehyun x reader

Genre - Pure fluff.

Warnings- None, But this is extreemmeellyyyy long.

Summary - Jaehyun loves spending his time and money for you every single day, guess how he'd be like on your birthday?

This oneshot was requested! ♡

Autumn.

The absolutely perfect weather to either stay in and cuddle up, or go out with your significant other.

You were so glad that your birthday falls in autumn, it's the perfect season, not too hot, not too cold, and not too lonely with Jaehyun beside you.

The minute you opened your eyes that morning, you saw Jaehyun, your boyfriend of over 2 years, leaning over your side with a tray full of English breakfast, all perfectly set, looking absolutely tempting.

"Happiest birthday, sleeping beauty" he said, an enthusiastic tone, as hearts basically flooded out of his gaze. He leaned forward, placing the tray full of food on the side table, sitting beside you and placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Oh my god thank you so much!" you tried sounding nearly as excited as he is, but your voice came off groggy as you'd just woken up.

“When did you even prepare all of this?” you question, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you sit up straight on the bed, head against the headboard.

“I made sure not to snooze my alarm this time” Jaehyun let out a chuckle, standing up, tilting his head slightly towards the bedside table pointing at the dish.” Freshen up and have your breakfast, babe. I’ll need to head out now’ He said, a frown forming his feature as you mirror his expression.

“Work?” he nods slowly, you let out a sigh.”I wanted to spend my birthday with you thougghh” you drag your words, reaching forward, holding his forearm is a tight grasp. 

Jaehyun beams a smile at you, pulling you towards him using his other hand, keeping you closed in a tight embrace. “I’ll try coming back as fast as i can, i’m sorry” He dug his face into the nape of your neck, the feeling ticklish on your skin so you squirm. Pulling away, you know it isn’t the best idea to hold your boyfriend back from doing his job, but you really didn’t want to spend the day alone, and so you give him your best puppy eyes.

Jaehyun notices the way you were looking at him, cooing at you, squishing your cheeks between his palm. “They said it’s important”, He gave you one tight comforting squeeze, a kiss on the forehead and pulled away from your hold.

You whine but let him walk away nevertheless, not like you could do anything anyways,and he said it’s important. You watch Jaehyun, walk towards the closet, get a hoodie, pull it over his head and walk towards the bedroom, turning back waving one last time, walking out once you did the same.

After hearing the front door close, you fall back onto the mattress, reaching for your phone which was beside your pillow, turning it on to check for any notification. No, you weren’t all about wanting everyone to wish you, but you weren’t one to not want Anyone to wish you either.

So seeing only 2 of your girlfriends send you a dog meme and wish you, both made your day and made you grumpy.

Great, No Jaehyun, No friends, No nothing

You get out of bed, as the food your boyfriend made turned cold long ago, making your way towards the bathroom to get your day started, You open the drawer to take out your skin care products, where you see a black box, with a golden ribbon tied around it in a graceful bow, with a tiny red heart shaped tag tied to it,

You reach out for the box, examining it and then placing it down, removing the tag, reading whatever’s written on it.

‘Saw you ran out of most of your skin care products, got you the ones you always wanted, hope you like it 💕’

Your heart did a 360′ turn as you place the tag down, taking the box in your hand once again, carefully undoing the bow placing it on the basin counter, you open the box to see it filled with a bunch of papers, which you take out, discarding it in the trashcan. You find the box divided into two, filled with a bunch of the best products.

One side, they were the products from cosrx, one that you really wanted to get, but thought would be a waste of money because of it’s ridiculously high price. The other side contained products from Klairs, also ones that you wanted.

The smallest observation he made of you running out of your products, and keeping a mental note of your favorite products made you feel all warm inside.

You carefully arrange the products in the drawer, going out of the bathroom to place the tag in your bedside drawer, going back into the washroom to carry on with your morning routine.

-

After a long refreshing shower, you walk towards your closet to chose your clothes, when you find a bag at the very back, you don’t remember placing anything there, you’d swore you cleaned the closet not a week ago.

You walk towards it, taking the bag out from the secluded area of your closet, going back into the room to see what’s inside the bag.

You see ‘From Jaehyun, chosen by Taeyong and Johnny’ writing at the front of the bag. Not another present you sigh, chuckling to yourself.

You open the bag, to see a note inside it. ‘I better see you wearing this when i’m back home’

You remove yet another black box, this time, seeing the words Saint Laurent embedded into the cover of the box in beautiful silver. You keep in mind to scold Jaehyun later for buying such expensive stuff. But for now, you open the box, to see a really beautiful Yves Saint Laurent fall piece inside. Gawking at the simple yet pretty piet mondrian design, you walk towards the dresser, immediately discarding your towel, putting on the dress Jaehyun brought for you.

As conceited as it sounds, the piece looked absolutely dashing on you, you even did a double twirl in front of the mirror, totally loving Jaehyun’s.. well Taeyong and Johnny’s choice.

You sit in front of your dresser, opening the drawer to take out your make up products to doll yourself up matching the clothing that you wore. You felt like banging your head on the table as you were greeted with a white box inside of the drawing.

Another one of those tags you see, this time in pastel pink. 

‘Best of all deserves the best of products’

You smile at nothing in particular, taking the note back to where the other 2 tags were kept, placing the third one neatly on top of the other two.

You open the box once you sat back down on the dresser, finding Urban decay’s spectrum eyeshadow palette, E.L.F blush palette, Anastasia’s Beverly Hills contour cream kit, and a set of MAC impassioned lipstick.

You felt overwhelmed with all the gift’s you’d found in just your room,now scared to leave the room.

Nevertheless, you used all the products he’d bought for you and did your make up, standing up once you’re satisfied with the look, grabbing the tray and making your way out of the room to heat it up and eat it.

-

Feeling bored, sitting there all dolled up, with nothing but the same movies repeating on the television, You decide to head out to the mall until late, knowing for a fact that Jaehyun had the spare keys with him so he wouldn’t be locked out. You check your phone once again, to see no notifications. You let out a sigh, making your way back into the closet, taking out a white cropped denim jacket to match the clothing, walking back out once you were happy with your outfit.

You go to the front of your house, after getting the sling bag Jaehyun had gifted you last week, to choose a shoes to match the outfit. You go weak in the knees, when you find another cover, Jimmy Choo written in Gold on the white packet, you already knew what you’d be opening. 

‘Johnny said this would look stunning with that dress, but i said you’d look good in any shoe or clothing piece ;)’

The note read this time, you’re basically radiating positive energy now all dressed up with things your boyfriend got you without having you get to know about a single thing. The fourth note found it’s way to the other three. You take out the shoe bag, opening up to a romy 60 pumps, which had a golden designing towards the tip, it was such a show stealer as you stared at it, mouth wide opened.

After the moment of admiration, you slip it on, not even bothering to see the final look. You walk out of the house, with a bright smile on your face.

Maybe the day wouldn’t be as bad as you’d thought it would be.

-

The day passed by quick, you did not forget to thank your boyfriend for all the gifts he’d gotten you through text, for you to not get any reply back. The other members of his group hadn’t contacted you since morning either, weird from them as they’d been the ones to spam you for your last 2 birthdays.

You make your way towards the elevator, rummaging through your purse to get the keys out.

Reaching your floor you make your way towards the end of the corridor, where your house was situated at.

Your shared house wasn’t anything too fancy, it was extremely spacious, a little too spacious for only the two of you in the house, but Jaehyun's excuse for getting a big house was ‘The boys are for sure going to turn our apartment into their second house’ and so you couldn’t do anything but comply.

You turn the doorknob clockwise, opening the door wide open, humming soft tunes to yourself, closing the door behind you. Walking in a little further into the house to turn the light switch on.

You turn back around to remove your shoes, only to let out a loud scream as all eight of the boys, jumped out of literally nowhere scaring the life out of you.

“Happy Birthday Y/n!!!!” they scream out loud, opening champagne bottles on either sides of the room stood Johnny and Taeil, Popping open the confetti birthday poppers stood Mark, Haechan and Jungwoo, Yuta and Taeyong stood beside both Johnny and Taeil with a bunch of boxes, Doyoung stood in the middle of them all holding two large heart shaped helium balloons.

You started tearing up just a bit, overwhelmed as each of them discard things they held onto the floor or onto the table that was decorated with a bunch of food items, making their way towards you, taking turns in hugging you and wishing you the best of wishes you could’ve gotten on your birthday.

“Yo YO why are you cryinngg?” Mark asked, pulling you in for a second hug.

“Listen, princess we really wanted to wish you the first thing today morning, but two weeks prior today, Jaehyun came threatening us” Doyoung started.

“Oh god yes i remember him saying something along the lines like ‘Spoil the surprise i’ll make you write your names with your nose blood’ boy was that scary” Jungwoo added.

“Jaehyun basically kidnapped Taeyong and i to come help pick presents for you, i see my fashion choice is still the best” Johnny stated, playfully checking you out with a smirk on his face.

“Thank you so much” you say between your crying state, laughing as the boys continued whining about how Jaehyun bullied them over your birthday for 2 weeks jokingly.

“You see those boxes Taeyong and I were holding? Those are all from Jaehyun, ours is still in the backseat of our cars” Yuta huffs out, shaking his head at the amount of money he spent on one of your birthdays.

“Here comes Mr.Lover Boy!!” You hear Haechan scream, cutting you off even before you could speak, as you look back to see Taeil and Haechan holding a huge banner with a bunch of words, standing by the entrance of your apartment.

You start reading it, to be stopped and asked to start over again, but louder.

“Dear Y/n, the one who makes my busy days go so much slower, a lot more calmer and definitely a little better, Happiest birthday, my love. Waking up to your peaceful face, clears all bad thoughts from my head, you looking absolutely ethereal in the most minimal things you do makes me smile a lot brighter, Your tiny complains when i leave you melts me completely, your smile sweeps me of my feet. The one thing i want to tell you, You were, are and will forever be the reason of my happiness.-” The boys all hooted, whistling even, when both Haechan and Taeil lowered the banner, to Jaehyun standing there with the biggest smile on his face, a cake in his hand.

“I love you, Y/n” he said the moment he was fully on display “ And i wouldn’t want to imagine a life without you” he handed the cake to Jungwoo who stood beside you.

Pulling you in, wiping the continuously flowing tears from your cheeks as the boys kept cheering. He pulled you in for a long loving kiss, the cheers getting louder with every passing second, Pulling away once the both of you ran out of breath.

Jaehyun held you close, looking at you while holding the entire galaxy in his eyes, the smile revealing his dimples.

“Happy Birthday, Love”

[supersonic-womanofyou]

My first attempt at an interview fic! Read this on Ao3, or under the cut. 

Spotlight on Eric Bittle

 Interview by Elizabeth Chu

Photographs by Jack Zimmermann

  The internet personality, author, and baker talks about his childhood, his relationship with Providence Falconers captain Jack Zimmermann, being a LGBTQ role model, why he struggled with his overnight success, and his upcoming cookbook.

 I meet Eric Bittle in person for the first time on a Saturday afternoon, in a trendy coffee shop in downtown Providence. Even though I’ve heard of it in passing, I’ve never been inside. Eric obviously has, since when I approach the table where he’s chosen to sit, Eric is already chatting familiarly with one of the waitresses. 

 But after a couple minutes talking to Eric, I mentally revisit that assumption. Eric Bittle has a way of putting people at ease, of making even the most distant strangers feel like long-lost friends-- through his warm personality, but also through his seemingly-never ending supply of homemade baked goods. By the time I sit down across from him, I’m already in possession of a whole pie and two jars of jam. 

 Most of the celebrities I’ve met have on screen personalities that are vastly different in person, but the Eric Bittle I meet that Saturday could have been pulled directly out of his Netflix series or one of the episodes from his vastly popular vlog. He’s perennially bright and cheery, with a Southern drawl that’s been blunted by years in New England, but is still very present. When I mention it, Eric laughs. “I used to hate my accent, but I think it’s become as part of my brand as pies are. I’d probably lose all of my followers if I started talking like a Yankee,” he jokes.

 The source of Bittle’s accent is his hometown-- Madison, Georgia, a town of barely four thousand people. When I ask what drove him to move up north, he gestures to himself as a whole. “Not too many opportunities for a baking, skating, Beyonce-loving gay boy in Morgan County.” He turns more serious, though, when he continues: “I was bullied a lot as a child. When I think back to my childhood, to living in Georgia-- for people who looked or acted different, it could be suffocating. I remember feeling like my future was just so starkly outlined for me-- going to a state school, settling down with a nice girl, spending the rest of my life just pretending. It sounds like overdramatic teenage angst now, I know, but I always knew if I wanted to live honestly, I needed to get out.” 

 And so Eric applied-- and was accepted to--Samwell University in Massachusetts, which touts itself as one of the most LGBTQ friendly schools in America, under the motto “one in four, maybe more.” According to Eric, it’s where he began to come to terms with himself and his identity, where he finally said the words “I’m gay” out loud, where he continued to bake and vlog and began to think seriously about a career in both, and where, perhaps most famously, he met his now-husband, Providence Falconers captain Jack Zimmermann. 

 “We both played on the hockey team, but we weren’t exactly friends at first,” Bittle says about his relationship with Zimmermann.

 So, of course, I have to ask him-- what is it like, being a baker married to a hockey player? Eric and his husband seem like almost comical counterpoints in every aspect of their careers and personalities. Eric makes his living through baking and cooking, Jack plays in the notoriously-macho NHL. Eric has built a brand and a food empire off of cheeriness and Southern hospitality, Jack has a reputation of being a “hockey robot,” with his cold, generally disagreeable demeanor during interviews.

 “Well, with it all laid out like that, it really does sound like we’re night and day,” Eric laughs. “But honestly? We just work. We both love skating-- that’s what we bonded over in college, actually. We also both technically majored in history, even though we have very different specialities and did so for pretty different reasons. But even our differences are compatible. Like, I love talking, he doesn’t, so we’re never talking over each other or silent. Also, pro hockey players have to eat an insane number of calories, so Jack’s always there to eat my cooking, and that’s really all I can ask for.”

 Eric and Jack, who played on a line together briefly at Samwell, took the sports world by storm seven years ago when they kissed on the ice after the Falconers won the Stanley Cup, making Jack the first openly LGBTQ player in the NHL. The pair broke yet another barrier for LGBTQ people in hockey soon after, when Eric became the first openly gay NCAA Division I hockey captain. 

 When I ask Eric if he ever thought about following in his partner’s footsteps and pursuing a career in professional hockey, he just laughs. “Oh, definitely not. I love being on the ice, but I don’t think I would have made it very far in the NHL or AHL.”

 His fame may have started out in the (relatively niche) world of professional hockey, but since graduating from Samwell, Eric has found incredible success beyond the legacy of that historic kiss. His first book, published five years ago, spent several weeks on the New York Times Food and Diet bestseller list, and was applauded as a fresh, vibrant take on Southern cuisine and desserts.  Check, Please  reads as seventy percent cookbook, thirty percent memoir, with every page infused with Bittle’s indomitable, ubiquitous personality. His vlog, which he started in high school and has updated continuously ever since, has millions of subscribers, who tune in every week to hear Bittle talk about everything from pies and cookies to relationships and family. Finally, and perhaps most famously, Bittle hosted his own Netflix series last year, applauded as a combination of Marie Kondo and Queer Eye, in which he taught baking with his usual brand of positivity and universal appeal, interspersed with feel-good moments and life lessons.

 It strikes me that while Bittle’s career may have been jump-started by his relationship with Jack Zimmermann, he’s certainly managed to make a name for himself in the years since. To the hockey world, he may still be an afterthought to Jack Zimmermann, but to the baking world (and a good portion of Netflix’s viewership), the name Jack Zimmermann is an afterthought to that of Eric Bittle. 

 “Jack definitely gets a kick out of it when we’re in public together and I get recognized, and he doesn’t,” Eric says. “It’s kind of crazy, actually-- I definitely couldn’t have imagined all this ten years ago, back in college or in high school.”

 And what did Eric imagine himself doing? “To be honest, I don’t think I had any idea. When I decided to go to Samwell, I didn’t even have a major in mind or anything. I just wanted to get out of Georgia. And at Samwell-- I mean, I majored in American History, of all things. Talk about a useless degree! I literally just chose the major that let me take the most baking or baking-adjacent classes.” He pauses, and laughs. “It drives Jack crazy, actually-- I never have a plan for anything, really, big or small. I’m the kind of person who just crosses my fingers and hope it all shakes out for the best.”

 His husband’s opinion aside, this tactic seems to have worked out pretty well for Eric. His next, eagerly anticipated cookbook, which follows much in the vein of his Netflix show, is due to come out in two months this August. “It’s going to be focused on easy, cheap cooking and baking that’s still healthy and fulfilling. I think there’s a mindset that to make tasty, healthy food you need to have expensive ingredients and tools, or a lot of time on your hands, or have a lot of experience. But like-- I made food for an entire hockey team in a frat house on a college student’s allowance for four years, so I know something about cooking healthy on a budget,” he jokes. “I really just want to make good, healthy food accessible for everyone.”

 Well, he’s managed to do that, and more. Eric Bittle’s career so far has certainly been a whirlwind. He’s gone from publishing his first cookbook to hosting his own show in what’s only been a matter of years.

 “I do have to pinch myself sometimes, “ Eric says about his dizzyingly quick ascent to fame. “Like, Carrie Underwood tagged me in a tweet about hockey husbands the other day. Carrie Underwood!” The disbelief is clear in his voice. “I mean, Jack’s always been the bigger fan of country music, but the Georgia boy in me had to lie down for a moment when I saw the notification. So I think-- I still can’t really believe all of it, you know? It feels like yesterday I was still about to graduate college, with barely any plan and procrastinating on my thesis. And I guess sometimes-- sometimes I do feel a bit guilty, you know? Like-- there’s so many people fighting for this, fighting for what I’ve got-- getting books published, getting a show, everything else. I definitely had a leg up in name recognition because of Jack and hockey, and even when Jack and weren’t married yet, I never had to worry about having a roof over my head if the vlog wasn’t bringing in enough money or the cookbook wasn’t selling well enough.” He pauses, pensive, and it’s not the first time in this conversation that I mentally reassess my first assumptions about Eric Bittle. Behind the nationally famous smile and welcoming accent is a thoughtful young man still grappling with becoming a public figure and a role model, with a sprinkling of imposter syndrome, who doesn’t understand exactly what millions of people across the country see in him. 

 But perhaps that as well is an unfair assessment. It’s clear that Eric has a refreshing genuiness that few public figures possess, and that this is part of what has managed to speak to so many people from all backgrounds. That on some level, his modesty about his own fame is part of what constitutes his appeal. 

 When I mention this, Eric flushes a bright shade of pink. “Oh, aren’t you a flatterer. Well, I suppose so.”

 So after this cookbook, what’s next? Is fatherhood on the horizon? 

 “I did mention that I never have a plan, didn’t I?” he quips. But he does confide that he and Jack have been talking about having a family. “We’ve always wanted kids, but there’s always been something going on. Jack’s job and being on roadies all the time, me trying to get my career started. We don’t want our kids to be raised by babysitters and nannies, you know? We want to be there for them, so while it’s definitely something we’re considering, we’re trying to balance timing. But it has been a couple years, so.” He blushes. “We’re revisiting the idea.”

 “But other than that-- I have been approached about the possibility of some other projects and shows in the future, but I probably can’t talk about those,” he says. “And though it’s always been a dream of mine to own a bakery, that would be a pretty huge commitment. So I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m not really sure exactly what comes next.” Nevertheless, he grins, as if to say,  and isn’t that exciting ?

 Fatherhood or his own bakery-- I’m sure that no matter what comes next for Eric Bittle, he’ll forge ahead with his characteristic positivity and Southern grace, with plenty of baked goods along the way. *

[mosh-4]

“we’re really funny” pt. 2

harry styles imagine

“we’re really funny” pt. 2 - the aftermath of the tiktok

“we’re really funny”

.

.

.

you woke up the next morning to your phone blowing up. you rolled over to grab your phone from your nightstand. you had notifications from practically every social media app you had and text messages from almost all of your friends and family. you had multiple texts from your cousin.

             (y/c/n): im so sorry

             (y/c/n): that was such a bad idea

             (y/c/n): shit

             (y/c/n): i think some of the fans followed my Instagram

             (y/c/n): i posted those pictures from your wedding

             (y/c/n): it’s all good now. i made my account private

you let out a sigh and rolled back over to face your sleeping husband. you drew your attention back to your phone and replied to your cousin.  

              you: it’s okay. don’t stress. 

after you hit send, you opened your Instagram. you were thankful for your account being private, but now you had thousands of follow requests. they must have gotten your Instagram from the pictures on your cousin’s account that you were tagged in.

you scroll down to the picture from your wedding.

you smile at the picture. thankfully, your cousin hadn’t tagged you or Harry. you laughed to yourself at your comment on her post. why had you decided to wear those gigantic heels?

Harry stirred next to you before turning to face you with his eyes barely open.

             “good morning,” he mumbled still half asleep.

             “good morning, lovie,” you reply admiring his sleepy appearance. his hair was disheveled with curls all over the place.

             “hmmm,” he hummed opening his eyes to look at you. “so what’s the damage?”

             “i haven’t really looked. (y/c/n) said a bunch of fans followed her before she could make her account private.”

Harry reached for his phone on his nightstand. his thumbs tapped over the screen for a minute before he spoke up. he got on twitter and looked through his mentions. some of the pictures of the two of you together were already circulating. they were pictures that the fans had already seen, yet now they had paid more attention to your presence in each picture. some fans had theories that you two were together. others thought you were just a friend.

the pictures they had taken from (y/c/n)’s account added fuel to the fire. she had posted pictures of the her, you, and Harry from christmas and thanksgiving. he was also seen in the background of some pictures. the picture from the wedding seemed to be the most popular. even though he wasn’t featured in the picture, fans were trying to connect the dots between the you and Harry. if you were married, did that make Harry just a friend? the fans didn’t know what to think, which really fueled their speculation and theories.

             “i got a few messages from Jeff and Grimmy,” he said breaking the silence. “Jeff wants to know if we are going public, and Grimmy said if we were going public, he wants us to come on his show.”

you were silent for a minute. did you want to go public? so soon? yet, there was no purpose of keeping it secret anymore. you were married now. nothing was gonna change that.

             “should we?” you ask him.

his eyes moved to you before placed his phone on the bed and turning fully toward you.

             “do you want to?”

             “i’d be okay with it,” you said. “it’s not like they would know every aspect of our lives. they would just know about us.”

             “you’d be giving up your privacy though,” he said. “i can’t ask you to do that.”

you sat up. the sheets pooled at your waist as you did so.

             “hey dingbat,” you started. “i married you. i knew what i was getting into. i’m okay with it.”

he laughed at you. you only called him “dingbat” when he said something stupid or idiotic. you had a habit of calling the people you love by insulting names. it was one of your ways of showing affection. he never really understood it. maybe, it had something to do with growing up with your older cousins who would pick on you, but he wasn’t sure.

             “i know. i just worry about you. you could get mobbed by fans or paps. you are going to lose part of your freedom of flying under the radar,” he said taking your hand in his. “i just want to keep you safe.”

             “and i will be, haz. i’m always cautious.” you place your hands on his cheeks. “we’ll be alright.”

Harry was silent for a beat. you could tell he was contemplating the pros and cons of the situation.

             “so we’re doing it then?” he asked. “you’re absolutely sure?”

             “yes. i am absolutely sure,” you say dropping your hands from his face. “i think it’s time we let a few more people into our little world.”

Harry sat up with you reaching for his phone.

             “and by a few, you mean a couple thousands, maybe millions?”

             “sure,” you shrug.

he gave you a goofy grin before he began typing on his phone.

             “how should we do it?” he asked looking to you. “should i post something? or tweet something?”

             “you could post pictures from the wedding, and i can make my account public. i have wedding pictures on there.”

he nodded before his gaze was fixed on his screen while he scrolled. he started to smirk.

             “you’re gonna have to help me pick. you’re so beautiful in all of these.”

you gave him a goofy smile before tucking yourself under his arm. you laid your head onto his chest so you could see his phone screen.

Harry sent a text to Jeff and Grimmy letting them both know that they were going public before he went back to the wedding pictures. you both scrolled through them remembering the day.

             “i love this one,” you said stopping at the picture of the two of you holding each other. you could only see the back of your dress and hair with his hair and hands. it was beautiful and perfect for posting on his Instagram. it was intimate, yet there wasn’t a lot of PDA.

             “i do, too,” he said. “should i use this one?”

             “yeah, i like it. it’s perfect.”

you watching him as he uploaded the picture to his Instagram. he captioned it with your wedding date before posting it.

             “you should post one, too.” he said looking down to you. “we are doing this together, after all.”

you laugh.

             “okay,” you picked your phone up from the bed. “help me find a picture. we should do a different one than the one you posted. the fans are going to want more content.”

             “i swear to god if you weren’t married to me, you’d be one of them,” he laughed.

you sit up a bit leaning up to look at him with a shocked face placing a hand on your chest.

             “excuse me,” you scoffed. “i may have matured a bit, but i am still a fan of one direction. i know my people.”

he laughed before placing a kiss on your forehead.

             “yes, you do, love. yes, you do,” he murmured into your hair.

you scrolled through the rest of the pictures until you got to the fun ones taken at your reception. you both laughed at the pictures of your brother and cousins attempting to dance as if they were in a nightclub. there was one of you and your cousin in the middle of your secret handshake while you were dancing with Harry and she was dancing with her boyfriend. you finally landed on another one of your favorites.

             “ooo,” Harry said stopping you. “i like this one.”

it was a picture of the two of you dancing with you looking up at him laughing and him smiling down at you.

             “me too,” you hummed in agreement. “should i post it?”

             “yeah, i love that one. it’s got your smile.” he wrapped his arms around you a bit tighter.

             “you’re a sap,” you said laughing.

             “hmmm. i know.”

you entered your Instagram, and you made your account public. you uploaded the post and began to write your caption before you posted it.

you both laid back in bed while you scrolled through the comments and tweets about the two of you. you watched the chaos of your husband’s fans, and you laughed together at some of their tweets.

you both sent messages to each of your families letting them that you announced it to the world and that it was safe for them to share it as well.

Grimmy sent Harry another text.

             grimmy: so will i see you on radio 1?

Harry turned to you.

             “Grimmy wants to know if we’ll go on his show,” he said.

you looked up from your phone.

             “the both of us?”

             “yeah, you up for it?”

             “hmmm,” you hummed while you thought about it. “i guess so.”

             “it’s Grimmy. what’s could go wrong?” Harry shrugged.

you sat up.

             “literally everything. literally everything could go wrong. have you met him?” you joked.

he laughed in agreement. Grimmy was a friend, but he did have his way of embarrassing the both of you.

             “i’ll tell him we’ll do it,” he laughed while typing on his phone.

             “mkay,” you said laying back down on Harry’s shoulder.

you scrolled through the comments a bit more laughing at your friend’s and cousin’s responses and reactions. you were glad that you went public. you got to share your love with the world, and it was so refreshing.

you were so grateful for that damn tiktok.

hope you enjoyed! feel free to send requests - mosh

[peterspideyy]

just a fan

summary- what’s the worse that can happen when tom stumbles upon your fan account on tumblr?

warnings- fluff, swear words, sexual comments?

————

tom didn’t know how he got onto tumblr. you can’t blame him though. quarantine has got him doing stuff he’s never thought of doing before. he was on tumblr, reading fanfiction. or more specifically, fanfiction about him.

if his mates saw what he was doing, they would never let him live it down. he wouldn’t if one of them was doing it. but, something about how millions of people wrote about him made him so intrigued. he’s addicted.

his favourite ones are the stories about his characters. mainly peter parker. it reminds him of how he was like in high school. socially awkward around his crush. rambling when nervous. everything people where saying, was spot on.

see when tom finds something, he doesn’t stop. so, he must of read thousands of imagines across millions of accounts. every second of the day, whenever tom found time, he was on tumblr, reading. he actually made an account (without giving away who he was) to follow and like his favourite accounts and stories. he jumped around numerous of blogs, until he found yours.

something about yours, intrigued tom. the way your wrote about him, captivated his attention. how you described his actions and feelings, made tom swoon in awe at you. he was falling in love with a tumblr account. and he didn’t know your name. unless your name was ilovetomholland, based off your username.

so, tom did what any normal guy would do. he texted you. tom has done some pretty nerve wracking things in his life, but texting you was the most nerving.

hey :) i love your account!

tom sighed. is this a good first impression? according to your caption, you were 22. but, you could be saying that. minutes went by, and a notification went off. it couldn’t be. tom scrambled to unlock his phone to see if you replied.

hey! thank you so much, that’s so sweet of you!

it was you. you replied.

no worries, i’m stanley by the way!

tom laughed. hopefully, you won’t find out who he is.

i’m y/n!

weeks passed, and you and ‘stanley’ had became internet best friends, by sharing your love for marvel and tom. well, maybe only you loved tom. but you didn’t have to know that, you were infact texting tom holland.

tom does feel bad. whenever, you text about how much you love tom holland, he whinces. he can’t imagine, the amount of embarrassment and pain you will feel when you find out that you’ve been texting your favourite actor all this time.

there’s been so many times, when he has typed out ‘funny you say that, because i am tom holland’, with his finger hovering over the send button, but quickly deleting it. so many times, he’s wanted to tell you the truth. but it’s nice. it’s nice to talk to someone, who doesn’t know who you really our. to you, ‘stanley’ is a normal person. tom likes that.

months passed, and you and tom have became extremely close. the coronavirus has gone, and you really want to meet ‘stanley’. tom does too, but he’s scared on your reaction.

“mate, i forgot to tell you, but my cousin is coming in today, and she’s bringing her friend with her. they’re both going to be staying with us for a week or so.” harrison spoke, bringing tom out of his thoughts about you.

“oh, that’s fine,” tom replied, not really caring about what his best mate was saying, “what do they look like?”

harrison scrolled for a bit, clearly trying to find a photo of the two people, while tom waited for a reply from you.

“here they are.” harrison spoke, holding his phone towards tom.

tom looked up briefly, “oh they’re nice- WAIT!”

he couldn’t believe it. you were the friend. it was you. of course, over the months of talking you have sent photos of you, while tom sent photos of random people from instagram. sounds bad but, what else could he do?

“wait, you know y/n?” harrison questioned, pointing at you on the screen. tom sighed heavily. maybe this was the time he told harrison what he’s been doing.

“so, you have been reading fan fiction about yourself, and found this blog and y/n runs it? and you’ve been texting for months? does she know who you are?” harrison finally spoke, after taking in all the information tom just said.

“yes, yes, and no.”

“mate, you’ve gotta tell her!” harrison shouted in disbelief, shaking tom to get him to realise what he needs to do.

“she’ll be shocked enough when she comes here, and see’s me! does she even know i live with you?”

“well, not exactly. i don’t think she knows i live here either.”

“so she’s going to a place where she doesn’t even know who lives there?”

“can’t be worse than speaking to her for months, and not knowing who they are texting!” harrison shouted back.

“fine, you win.” tom exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

harrison laughed, “of course my cousin knows who i am, but i think if she tells y/n then she will act all weird y’know? especially when she finds out her favourite actor and his best friend is going to be at the house they’re living in.”

“when is she coming?” tom inquired, bitting the inside of his cheek.

“err, tonight?” harrison mumbled, unsure on how tom was going to react.

“TONIGHT?!” the actor exclaimed, tugging at his hair slightly. he couldn’t believe this.

“more like, in a couple of hours?”

“you’ve got to be shitting me! why have you only told me about this, now?!”

“i forgot!” harrison responded, shrugging slightly.

tom groaned loudly, leaving the living room to go to his bedroom. what will your reaction be? will you find out that he’s stanley? his thoughts got stopped, when a notification went off. he looked at his phone, to see that you texted him.

you’ll never believe what’s happening! i’m going to be landing in london in a few hours! hopefully we’ll see each other ;)

tom gulped. you certainly will see each other.

hours passed, and tom was pacing around the living room, nervously. harrison sat on the couch, watching his best friend, literally fall to pieces.

“tom, i’m not joking, if you walk around one more time i’m going to knock you out.” harrison joked, but it was laced with seriousness. tom huffed, sitting beside him.

ding dong

”harrison, i can’t do this.” tom panicked, shaking slightly as he stood up going to the window. there you where. standing outside his house.

“just go and answer the fucking door!” harrison belted, jumping up and down. he was so excited to see how you would react.

tom glared at him, before unlocking the door with a big smile on his face, “hey!”

when you saw who opened the door, you couldn’t believe your eyes. the tom holland was in front of you. you couldn’t breath. this can’t be happening right now. never in a million years, would you expect to see him. sure, you were hoping to casually meet him in the streets in london, but never ever in the house you were staying.

“hey tom! hi harrison!” your friend spoke, giving them both hugs while you stood there, with your mouth open wide.

“you must be y/n?” tom spoke, trying to hide his nerves from you and to hide the fact that he knows you personally.

“y-yes. and you’re, tom holland.” you laughed in disbelief, giving your friend the look.

“sorry to disappoint you.” tom stuttered.

“not disappointed at all, just shocked i guess.” you smiled, awkwardly hugging tom and harrison like what your friend did.

you both went inside, while harrison gave you both a house tour and said where you were sleeping for the next week or so. you and your friend both unpacked, while you were literally freaking out to her that you and tom holland were in the same house. tom heard the whole conversation, from the hallway, smiling to himself. maybe he won’t tell you about ‘stanley’, until the week is up.

ding

tom jumped, when his phone boomed a notification. he quietly looked at his phone, to see you texted him.

you will never believe who i’m living with!

“hello?” you spoke into the hallway.

“h-hi y/n!” tom replied, waving slightly.

“your phone went off as soon as i texted someone you know.” you laughed, still in shock that you were talking to tom holland. you were both so engrossed in each other, you never noticed that your friend left.

“y-yeh. instagram.” he replied awkwardly. hopefully you won’t think much of it? you smiled slightly, before typing on your phone again. shit.

tom’s phone went off again as soon as you hit send. you looked at him, confusion wrote all over your face, causing tom to blush massively.

“p-probably instagram again!” he mumbled.

you typed again, keeping your eyes on him, while you clicked send again. when you heard tom’s phone go off again, you gasped.

“y-your, i-it’s you?” you couldn’t form words. embarrassment filled you instantly, covering your whole body. you wanted to cry, at how stupid you have been. the amount of times you said ‘i want tom holland to raw me’ makes you cringe massively.

“right y/n, i can explain.” tom gulped. this wasn’t going to end well.

“n-no, i think i need some air.” you whined, briskly walking out of the door, to go into the garden.

“y/n! wait.” tom immediately followed after you, while you ignored him. tears threatened to fall, as you were hit with sunlight. you walked over to the swing, sitting down with your head in your hands.

“y/n? i’m so so sorry,” tom whispered, sitting down next to you, “i-i don’t know how i got onto reading imagines. or how i found you. but, i’m so glad i did. over time, i’ve fell in love with you. i’ve fell in love with how you write. i’ve fell in love with how you speak about me, without you knowing. i’ve fell in love with you. i know, i’m not stanley. but, it’s been so so nice and refreshing to talk to someone who doesn’t use me because of my fame. i know you won’t use me, but you wouldn’t of acted like yourself if you knew who i was. i wanted to tell you sooner, but when i found out you were coming, i was planning to tell you on your last night. but, i’m so glad you found out now. do you forgive me, darling?”

you sat up, cupping tom’s face before leaning in to kiss him deeply. tom melted at your touch. you pulled away, biting your lip as you lost yourself in his hazel eyes.

“i forgive you tom. but, i’m just so embarrassed! i said some weird shit about you.”

“it’s alright! it was quite funny actually.” tom replied, before smiling widely at you, leaning in to kiss you again. but, you stopped him.

“oh and, i love you too, stanley and tom.” you beamed, before crashing your lips to tom again.

maybe there is a pro about writing imagines.

————

a/n- hope you enjoyed this imagine! i wrote this at 1am, because idk i had an urge? chapter 2 for partners in crime will be up this week some time, but i’ll let you all know when :)

also, maybe this story is me letting y’all know that i am tom? i’m jk

unless....

[mcwriting]

starstruck (5)

It’s finally here!!! I’m so sorry this took literally 5ever but it’s here now! Ch 6 is also written but I don’t plan on releasing it until 7 is done. In the meantime, I’ll be releasing some other things I’ve had in the works for a while so be on the lookout for those ;)

Thanks to all who’ve followed me and been reading! I love you!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Fandom: Tommy Holland 

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Setting: LA in general

Word Count: 2013

Warnings: a little bit of language; general sad time emotions

Rating: K+ still i guess

                            __________________________________

You had run up the stairs upon entering your house, yelling out a quick “hey I’m home” to your parents to keep from rising suspicion. 

You tossed your bag onto your desk chair and went and sat on the big bean bag in the corner of your room, curling up into it under a blanket. 

It was nearing 4 o’clock and you knew that the beans would be spilled any moment now. 

You were absolutely nauseous.

You refreshed Instagram over and over until a notification came up at the top of your feed.

Tomholland2013 started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

Tears slipped down your cheeks again and you clicked on it, turning up the volume as the obviously anguished face of your worst nightmare appeared on the screen. The way his eyes puffed unnaturally led you to believe he, too, had been crying. 

He waited a few seconds for people to join and weakly smiled. It broke your heart to see him in this state, but it pained you even more to know how it had come to this.

“Hey, everyone,” he began quietly, waving to the camera. You recognized the background photos from his hotel room and continued to weep harder.

Comments were rolling in, concerned fans asking Tom if he was okay and what was going on. Even some of his celebrity friends appeared to be confused in the comments.

“I wanted to address some rumors going on about me and the mystery girl. That girl is y/n y/l/n. We met by accident at the premiere last week and snapped a photo together as I’m sure you’ve all seen. Fast forward to only a few days ago, when I helped take her to the hospital.”

He paused. Comments were getting more frequent as the live stream continued, more people joining by the second. 

Your breath was caught in your throat and chest was heavy and tight.

Am I having a panic attack? you thought before Tom continued.

“I took y/n to the hospital because she injured her head and I happened to be at the right place at the right time. That’s all that happened. We have only met those two times and I am happy that I was there when she needed help.”

You help back sobs at this point, not wanting to alarm your parents but unable to suppress the emotions you felt about his lying.

“Every other theory or suspicion is false. Those photos were of me driving her to the doctor. Y/n and I have had no contact since the incident, so please don’t bother her any further. I just wanted to come on and say y/n, I hope you’re feeling better and doing well, and to let all of you fans know the truth.”

He looked away from the camera when he said “truth,” and you were angered more.

This wasn’t the truth. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t the Tom you’d come to know and even consider a friend. 

“Finally, thank you all for the support on the movie and I love seeing your reactions. I will resume doing press this weekend when I head to South Korea and then China next week. I’m glad I could share this film with you and once again, I hope you’re feeling better y/n and that we could possibly meet again when you are okay. Thank you all.”

He gave a final wave and slight grin before ending the stream, struggling to tap the button multiple times and swearing a bit as he finally did it.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room and smash it to pieces and simultaneously lock yourself in the closet and never leave. Another part of you yearned to scream the truth over the rooftops and tell the world how horrible Tom was for this.

Now I know why I never liked him you imagined again. 

You finally worked up the courage to send one message to b/f/n.

I’m sorry.

You hit send and seconds later another text came through from someone else.

I’m so sorry. It’s done.

Who from? 

Clara twinkletoes, of course.

You tossed your phone away from you on the carpet and snuggled further into the bean bag, trying to muffle the sounds of sobs with your blanket.

                             __________________________________

Your parents called you down for dinner, but food wasn’t on your mind in the slightest.

You probably looked like you’d been hit by a truck as you made your way down the stairs, and your mom and dad noticed immediately.

“Oh my gosh, baby. What happened?” your mother fawned, rushing to you and placing her hands softly on your cheeks. 

“Tom Holland,” you mumbled, defeated. 

“Is that some boy I need to put in his place?” your dad asked sincerely, brows furrowed. 

You shook your head slightly and pulled away from your mother. 

“I thought that was the actor boy b/f/n likes but you don’t. Didn’t she go meet him last week?” she inquired.

“Look up his name online, I’m sure you’ll find the fabricated story somewhere.”

You apathetically began building your plate, scooping some lasagna out and grabbing a small bit of salad as your parents scanned the TMZ article that had been published with the help of an “anonymous source.”

“The source says y/l/n has shown previous disdain for the ‘Spider-Man’ star, but is grateful for the help he extended in her dire situation. Her social media is booming as both fans and haters flock to ask about her encounter, but no word has been published by her yet. It’s only a matter of time before the California native makes a statement. Most are calling her lucky, and we don’t blame her,” your mom read aloud. 

You thought you had no tears left to cry before, but more slipped down your cheek as you slid into a chair at the dining table.

“What is this?” your mom asked as she and your dad looked up from the article to you.

You started explaining everything over your dinner halfheartedly, trying not to let your emotions continue to get the best of you. 

They reacted with both concern and surprise as you told the story from beginning to present, choosing not to leave out the part where Tom had secretly been in the house a few nights previous. 

The lie was over, and the only way to move forward was with the truth, no matter how your parents would react. 

Upon finishing the tale, you looked up from your barely eaten meal to find both parents eyeing you sympathetically. 

“That’s it. That’s everything. Punish me how you see fit. Nothing could be worse than what I’ve already been through today.”

“Honey, we aren’t going to punish you. You’re an adult and you made some decisions that you can’t un-make. The consequences have already presented themselves. What matters now is how you move on from this,” your mom began. 

“And we’ll be behind you every step of the way,” your dad finished. 

You couldn’t help but smile and stood to hug them, welcoming their warm embraces. While cherishing the moment, you still couldn’t help but fear for b/f/n’s reaction.

“We may have to talk about you being able to sneak a boy into the house under our noses, though,” your father joked as you leaned into their arms.

                             __________________________________

You readied for bed after spending a few hours curled into the couch watching evening programming. 

You hadn’t looked at your phone once since receiving that text from Tom and dreaded looking at it, but decided to do so anyways. 

You saw that there was a message from b/f/n but decided to ignore it for now. 

Snapchat was filled with snaps from friends and acquaintances who had learned of the incident already. 

Leaving them on read was the only feasible option right now.

A quick scan of Instagram and Twitter shot your anxiety through the roof and you refused to make any posts just yet. 

The world would just have to wait for your mental health to improve.

Eventually you worked up the nerve to open the text from b/f/n, ignoring all others from family and other close friends. 

This isn’t you, it began.

You have a lot of explaining to do if you expect me to understand or forgive you, but I’m not writing you off just yet

Let me know when you’re ready to talk.

You honestly couldn’t believe it. 

Sure, you two had been friends for years and been through thick and thin, but you also knew how she could react in anger and be unforgiving for a long time. 

It took about 20 minutes of you staring at her texts and pacing the room to think up a reply, and your words still would never make up for all of it.

I really don’t know if I am ready to share, but I swear on my life that you’ll be the first to hear from me when I am. I’ll be in touch soon. Thank you, I love you.

With that, you placed the phone on the charger on do not disturb and you crawled onto the bed.

A certain scent hit you like a truck upon laying down. 

You inhaled sharply and tensed. 

That damned cologne was still there.

Sleeping like this was not an option, so immediately you got back up, headed out the door, and made your way to the guest room.

That would have to work tonight, and tomorrow you would have to decide between washing or burning your bedsheets. 

Those thoughts didn’t make it too far, though, because almost immediately after your head hit the pillow, you were out like a light.

                             __________________________________

You couldn’t do anything.

All day you had stayed in, afraid to be seen in public and even worse, be confronted about this. You couldn’t even make yourself go to dance in avoidance of your classmates.

Instead, you spent the day managing your anger and sadness through working out for almost two hours and eventually breaking down on the floor of your makeshift home gym. 

Your mom had taken off from work to keep watch of you and came in upon hearing you. She sat down on the floor and embraced you, ignoring the sweat covering your body and clothes. 

After finally managing to get up, you headed back upstairs and hopped into a long hot bath. Maybe that would cleanse you of all of this.

It didn’t. 

Later, you stripped your bed of the sheets and tossed them in the wash, dumping a scoop and a half of laundry detergent in for good measure. You also misted the bare mattress and pillows with linen spray just in case. 

You wouldn’t let anything remind you of him. 

The day went by too slowly as isolation set in. You couldn’t check social media because your feed was overloaded with inquiries, and you couldn’t talk to your friends because they were just as bad as the fans and haters. 

You were now sitting watching youtube videos while your mom watched tv. You weren’t paying attention until you heard the volume go up.

Upon looking up at the screen, you saw that she was watching Entertainment Tonight and they were running a story on you. 

It felt like your stomach had dropped to the floor when your name was said by one of the journalists. Even though you knew that what they’d say was false, you couldn’t look away. 

They basically recapped everything Tom and the TMZ article had said, but also mentioned that you had been talked about on other talk shows and gossip sites all night and day. 

Your mom gave you a sympathetic look, but you chose to ignore it all, rolling your eyes and continuing to try to figure out how to move on. 

Eventually you would have to leave the house and talk about it all, but today was necessary for self care and reflection.

                             __________________________________

That’s it for this one! It’s realllllll dramatic but oh well haha. Thanks for reading and sorry it took so long to put out!

If you wanna be added to the tag list, please send an ask or message bc I can’t reply to comments on posts since this is a side blog :(

Tag List: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @worn-off

[asherranceoftheheart]

Icarus Falls - III - The Good Doctor Comes Home

Story Summary: “You’ll never leave me alone right?“ “You think I’d actually let you go?”

A story about the slow descent and corruption of a lonely man, a demon who learns that bonds go both ways, brothers who deeply regrets their words spoken out of anger, and a conflicted man watching them all fall down from the distance. Here’s a Puppet!Chase AU that was written with extreme self-indulgence so beware and read the tags before entering.

Chapter Summary: Chapter title says it all lol but also a breather chapter Pairing/s: None, Platonic Character/s: Jack McLoughlin, Chase Brody, Antisepticeye, Henrik Von Schneeplestein, Mentions of Other Septic Egos Genre: Angst, Fluff Chapter Warning/s: Self-Deprecating Thoughts (Thoughts like I’m not as good as the others, etc.), Sadness, extremely vague mentions of torture (Archive Of Our Own Edition)  (Prev. Chapter)

Do you ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling both numb, and raw and sensitive on the inside and thinking ‘Ah. It’s one of those days…’ and wondering if it’s even worth the effort to open your eyes and move?

Chase felt emotionally and physically drained with a rocking throbbing headache as he woke up in a cold empty bed, tucked in like a child under the blankets. He stared up at the ceiling blankly, looking and thinking of nothing in particular until the memories began to come in crystal clear film in his mind. His hand twitched as he remembered the warmth of another person enveloping him even if that person had been his mortal enemy.

A part of him wanted to hate himself for missing, for yearning for the addicting affectionate touches that his enemy showered him with while he had been dreadfully sick. After all, had he become so desperate after nearly nine months of having no positive physical contact with other people that he would take comfort in the demon who was the main cause for why it was happening in the first place? However, a bigger part of himself was just tired, so very tired of the constant emotional olympics his self-hatred would force him to go through every single day.

He closed his eyes and for a moment, he allowed his own mind and heart to fool himself and pretend that the last part of yesterday never happened. He chose to believe in the fleeting happiness of the illusion that his best friend had never gone into a coma and tht Anti was merely a part of an excruciatingly long nightmare.

When he opened his eyes again, the sun had gone down outside but he can’t find the energy in himself to give a fuck about time moving on without him.

Chase heard his phone buzz with new notifications. He stomped down the flickering spark of hope that it would be any of his brothers finally answering his messages and calls. He knows that he can’t keep blocking out the world like this especially when the world needs him to be Jack McLoughlin so with an exhausted grunt, he slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position and reached over to the left bedside drawer to grab his phone.

He pressed the button on the side and was relieved to see that it was just Doctor Adam rather than one of Jack’s friends asking Jack if he was alright.

Dr. Adam: Mr. Brody? You haven’t replied to my messages for a while. Is everything alright?

The concern from the doctor melted some of the ice numbing his heart. This man really reminded him of Henrik albeit softer and more formal.

Chase: I’m ok doc. But I don’t think I’ll be able to drop by for a while. Think I caught a bug on the way back or something and I don’t want to transfer any of it to Jack. I’ll try to take a few more days off until I’m sure I’m okay. :)

Dr. Adam: Ah! I thought so… You’ve never missed a day visiting your brother unless you were really sick. So I was worried. But since you said that you’re okay I have to trust that you know yourself and your limits by now. Do take care of yourself! Get a lot of sleep, eat something even if it’s just buttered toast (altho I would prefer if you ate healthier foods…), drink lots of liquid, and make sure you take your medicine.

Chase: Yea, I’ve been doing all that Just keep me updated on Jack pls?

Dr. Adam: But of course, I know how much you worry over your brother. Anyway, I’ll leave you to rest. I hope you get well soon!

‘I hope I do too, Doc.’ Chase wiped a hand over his weary face with a loud sigh.

He placed his phone down on his bed when his eyes caught sight of something sharing the same drawer that his phone had been placed in earlier. It was his medicine and it was placed on top of what appeared to be a note. He knows what the pills were obviously for but the note awakened some of his curiosity and anger.

It was obvious who wrote that note.

He wanted to run over to his desk and grab his lighter to burn that seemingly innocent looking white paper as anybody with a shred of common sense should. However he knows himself. He knows his curiosity over what the note would contain would itch at him for a long long time if he didn’t find out what it said.

He inhaled deeply and slowly let the air out as a low hiss through gritted teeth while he mussed up his already messed up hair.

“Fucker,” Chase insulted both the demon for taking advantage of his thrice damned curiosity that could rival the stubbornness of a spoiled cat, and himself for falling for this obvious show of manipulation as he forced his arm to reach out and grabbed the paper.

He crumpled the note into a wrinkly ball and stared down at it with some trepidation. What horrific message will this paper contain? Was it going to contain some blackmail worthy secret? Maybe taunt him for his complete breakdown yesterday? Jesus Christ… He literally fell apart on top of the bastard. He’d wish he could erase the memory but Anti would probably take that as permission to completely fuck him up mentally and maybe possess him as a little treat.

Well, he can’t keep stalling for more time like a coward. He uncrumpled the paper, smoothing it out on his covered lap, and read it with some trepidation.

One pill every eight hours from the moment you wake up. Going to be busy for a while. Don’t wait up for me, little brother. You’re still sick so don’t have a breakdown every other hour. Remember I’M ALWAYS WATCHING

Chase stared down at the note that was practically dripping with sarcasm with an expressionless gaze. A form of calm had settled down upon him and he almost absentmindedly started to rip the note in half. He doesn’t know what to feel about the laughably simple note. Should he get angry? Should he spend the time away from the bastard trying to decode some sort of hidden message from it?

In the end, he decided that it wasn’t worth the energy to get annoyed or obsessed over the taunt. He spent the next few minutes tearing the note into teeny tiny pieces before he left it scattered all over the top of his lap in unsalvageable scraps.

The ripping and tearing actually brought him some satisfaction which he relished in no matter how tiny it was. He swept the mess off his bed with a wide wave and watched it free fall to the floor like snow during winter. The man slid off his bed and spitefully ignored the medicine before he dragged himself over to the bathroom to freshen up.

He took a short shower, changed into fresh new indoor clothes, and dried his hair with a towel before brushing it up until it stayed neat and fluffy on his head. A sudden burst of productive energy suddenly shot through his entire body when he looked over the entirety of his room and realized just how filthy he had let it become over the months.

Chase could almost hear Anti sneering at him at the back of his head, telling him how useless and broken he was when nobody is there to pull him forward like a fucking donkey.

A massive wave of spite mixed in with his burst of energy and he began walking around the room to gather up his dirty clothes to put inside a hamper that he carried over to his laundry room to load up inside the washing machine. Then before working the machine, he went back to his room to change his bed sheets and blanket to a clean one before hefting them all up to the laundry room. While the washer was humming and vibrating as it got to work, he grabbed two big trash bags from his current location before he walked back to his bedroom.

The first step to feeling better after another one of your long episodes is to clear up the clutter that built up around you. It will help you associate clearing up as another way of resetting your own point of view.

A tiny smile twitched up at the corner of his lips as Henrik’s gruff but gentle voice as he coaxed him from his bed in the past. He separated his trash into two bags and straightened up to look around his now cleaner room. Chase tied up the trash bags so that none of them would spill out before he opened up his window and smiled faintly at the refreshing evening breeze that brushed against his heated face.

Then he walked over to his closet to bring out the Roomba that he hasn’t used for a while, letting out a victorious ‘heh’ when it still worked and placed it in the middle of his room before turning it on to roam around the floor to suck up the dust that built up over the past months.

He gave his cleaner and brighter bedroom another look over with satisfaction pulsing in his chest before making two trips up and down the stairs to take out the trash that he just collected and move the piled up dirty mugs on his desk down to the kitchen.

“How’s this for being useless and broken, asshole?” Chase spitefully said into the empty air towards the absent being who insulted him daily when he was there. “Fuck you.”

Chase huffed to himself in the middle of the kitchen while he was crouched over his dishwasher, loading it up with all the dirty dishes. After he closed the thing’s door, he realized as his stomach growled rather loudly, that he was pretty hungry.

“I’m hungry but I’m not in the mood for anything too heavy or chewy…” Chase hummed while he browsed the contents of his fridge. He leaned over and grabbed the covered bowl at the back of the fridge. “Oh hey, this was the cream of mushroom soup I ordered a week ago… It doesn’t smell bad so I guess it’s still fine!”

He heated it up on the stove before scooping them all up into a clean bowl. He placed a spoon with it before he walked over to the living room. Chase turned on the TV before laying on his side at the couch while he slurped up his soup.

‘Man… If Hen was here he’d probably be telling me that this soup isn’t healthy enough for me,’ Chase chuckled to himself, eyes misting over with nostalgia over the memories of his most fussy older brother. ‘Then he’d threaten to tie me up on a chair and feed me his horrid homemade food.’

Henrik might be one of the smartest people in the world but his cooked food… There’s a reason why he was never allowed to cook for them during their weekly gatherings. He remembered Marvin telling him a story about his first time of coming into contact with Henrik’s Mystery Food and swearing on his name and magic that it had a living soul.

“It’s not that bad!” He would hear Henrik stomping his feet on the floor while imagining the lethal glare he’d give his brothers while they gently redirected him even as he’s protesting the discrimination loudly from the kitchen.

“Henrik please… Every single bite Jackie makes of your food immediately sends him to the hospital and you of all people know that he’s immune to nearly all sorts of poison.” Jack squeezed the fuming doctor’s tensed shoulders in an attempt to calm him down.

“Come on, Jack-Jack. You don’t have to sweeten the truth up for our mother hen,” Marvin’s delighted and mischief-filled voice would snicker from the other room where he was probably curled up on the floor near the window to get the maximum sunshine. “Henrik, your food tastes so bad that Jackie’s mind blocked out any memory of the taste to protect him from relieving the trauma.”

“As if your cooking is any better!” Henrik would shoot back scathingly.

“At least I can survive on it on my own and feed some of it to others!” Marvin would have puffed up as he readied himself for their banter.

“Guys please,” Jackie, ever the peacemaker, would try to calm the duo down while Jack wouldn’t even try and raise the white flag the second they start.

Chase laughed to himself at the present time as he recalled the loud racket Marvin and Henrik would make while they exchanged light-hearted insults. He would’ve been in the kitchen, humming and smiling while he busied himself with his cooking. A few minutes later would find Creator and Hero skulking back to his safe grounds with their tails tucked neatly between their legs and trying to help him but he’d just easily shoo them off to pout at the kitchen table.

‘I wish Jamie had experienced that before everything went to complete shit,’ Chase’s smile turned bittersweet at that stray thought. ‘Henrik and Jack would’ve loved him. He and Hen would probably spend some nights drinking tea in the middle of the night with each other. He’d have helped curtail some of Marvy’s sharp nature with a light smack on the shoulder. Jackie would’ve been so glad to have someone helping him act as the peacemaker of the family. Jack… Jack would’ve adored him. He’d gush about how Jamie was so spirited, so sassy, expressive and—and how he and Marvy always loved so fiercely…’

Chase licked his spoon clean (Marvin would’ve been looking at him with disgust and tell him that he’s a mannerless savage which… bold words for someone who would lick their balls while in their cat form) and dropped it down with a loud ear ringing clang on the now empty bowl before placing them on the living room table. He scooched over and laid down on his back on the couch and crossed his arms at the back of his head as a makeshift pillow while he reminisced.

Anti might insult him for doing nothing else but think of the past but it was the only thing that gave Chase the energy to keep moving forward even if he didn’t really want to. For the sake of all his loved ones who would’ve wanted to experience those memories in the future with them after all of these bullshit… Yeah, he’d trudge through all the painful days for them.

He closed his eyes and tried his darnest to remember anything memorable that had happened since the others left him behind but other than Anti’s unforgettable presence, everything else passed by in a blur.

“Damn,” Chase sighed, his smile lacking any light nor humor to it. “Anti really had a point when he said that I’m useless without the others huh?”

It is not your fault, Chase. Depression has the tendency to mix all your memories together in an unrecognizable blur. Do not worry. We are always here to help you remember.

“Unfortunately Doc,” Chase sighed as he sat up and grabbed the dirty bowl and spoon to place them together in the washer. “The only person left who’ll help me remember the past months is a complete bastard who I wouldn’t entrust my head to even if I had to choose between him and pain.”

Not that he really wanted to remember anything… He’s pretty sure that if he remembered anything it would just be of him whining about his loneliness, Anti fucking him up, and trying to keep up the Jack mask so that nobody else would find out that something had gone wrong.

He went back upstairs and moved the wet clothes from the washing machine to the dryer and loaded up the dirty bed sheets and blanket to the washing machine before heading straight for his bedroom. The Roomba died under his desk, having lost all of its battery while he was downstairs, and he scrounged through his dark closet for its charging adapter. Once the Roomba was set up and charging, he changed into his new pajamas and slipped back under his blankets.

He continued ignoring the set of pills on the drawer and turned on his side so that he could curl up under the sheets. Chase powered on Jack’s phone and waited for it to load so that he could check the comatose man’s social media. Another mentally and emotionally draining part of his imitation job was to maintain the Jack mask while pretending that the man was A-Okay and there was no reason for concern.

First, he pulled up Twitter and made a face when he realized that somebody posted something on the account while he was sick. Thank god it was just a little message to everyone that he was going to be on a break for a while because he was sick. It was still creepy that Anti could perfectly copy Jack’s mannerisms as he looked through the little retweets-interaction with everybody. Even he had some hard time fully copying his best friend’s posting quirks.

Either way, it was still annoying and stressful to Chase how the demon could keep pulling these kinds of shit with Jack’s social media. Maybe he should change to passwords and login info to everything while Anti was god knows where.

…

Chase sighed and shrugged. Then again, it’s not like that would be effective anyway. He knows that Anti was the one who keeps reblogging art of himself on the tumblr account even though he was pretty sure he changed the password nearly fifty times over the past few months. It never fazed him.

Speaking of tumblr… A part of him wanted to resent the community for giving the demon so much power through their attention via art, theories, and stories but he knows that it wouldn’t be fair of him to blame them for something that is completely out of their control. It’s not like they knew that the thing with Anti which they knew to be an ‘ARG-like’ story for the channel was actually his and his brother’s reality. Most of them were just people who were enthusiastic for the escapism their ‘story’ provided and he couldn’t exactly fault them for that.

He decided to update twitter that he’s feeling much better than before and that he’ll go back to filming videos tomorrow. The replies were almost immediate as the community reassured him that it would be fine if he took more days off to recover fully and he can’t help but smile at their unending support even if it was actually directed towards Jack. He knows that they wouldn’t mind it if he took an entire week off but he gets really antsy when he’s not putting up any content for the channel.

It feels like if he doesn’t keep it up, there’ll be nothing left for Jack to wake up to, all the hard work he put into this channel and community has been one of his brother’s ultimate joys. He doesn’t want to see Jack’s devastation if he also loses the community that he so dearly loved to the coma.

Besides… It’s not like he can afford to slack off while the others are trying their hardest to save Jack. This and taking care of Jack was the only thing that he could do to be of some use rather than become another burden to his brothers.

After he read and replied to a few more retweets, he turned off Twitter and moved his attention to the other big gathering place for the community. He tapped Tumblr’s app button and scrolled down Jack’s blog and let out a sharp, annoyed exhale when he saw that Anti had been busy reblogging things related to him or him torturing the other egos while Chase had been indisposed. A lot of the theorists hit the nail on the head when they theorized that the one who had been reblogging Anti-related things without any caption had been Anti.

It must have been something about Tumblr’s wonky programming but Anti can’t say anything or it’ll come out all glitched and zalgoed. Of course, he could’ve gotten maximum attention that way but he probably thought that it would be much better to have the fans stewing and trying to obsess over every single action that may or may not relate to Anti by having it all be a mystery.

Sometimes Chase wondered if maybe he and his brothers could make use of the community’s eagle-eyed observations that tend to hit right most of the time to help them find out a way to save Jack. He’s lost count of how many times they’ve managed to notice something that he hasn’t noticed such as a little subtle glitch on the video’s audio, a flash of someone in the back of his facecam, or even changes in the description or titles of the videos that was definitely not made by him.

Their skills would’ve been impressive if it wasn’t downright frightening for how obsessed they seem to be with Anti.

He reblogged a few cool artworks and edits with little words of encouragement under their captions. Then he’d like some of the little sneak peeks to the daily lives of the community members that always made him smile because at least these funky little people are doing their best to live. It’s a nice reminder and boost to the morale that there was a reason why he was also doing this other than to keep the channel up and running for Jack’s comeback.

Chase stretched out his arms and legs with a jawbreaking yawn as he felt the sleepiness settle in. He looked at the time on his phone and made a face when he saw how late  it was. No wonder his eyes were starting to blur with sleep. He decided to set his alarm clock up for the morning. He’s gotta wake up early to prepare himself to go under the Jack mask and record a video after all.

The tired man scooched underneath the blanket, covering himself up to his bed and curled up into a tight ball while tugging the sheets around him. A spark of pride welled up inside his chest when he thought back on how he managed to do a little bit of productivity in tidying up his bedroom. While he definitely started out the day rough and numb, he managed to salvage it by the end.

At the end of the day, it’s these teeny tiny baby steps that would bring you much farther than you thought when you look back in the future. So do not sell yourself short, Chase Brody.

Never forget that we are always proud of you no matter how inconsequential you believe your little progress was.

Henrik’s gruff but gentle voice echoed through his mind, easily drowning out all the insecurities and dark voices sneering at him for his pride. For the first time in a long while, Chase fell asleep with a faint but sincere smile on his lips.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

“Maybe you should’ve jumped higher for that trick shot so that you wouldn’t have fallen over and broken your foot,” Jack’s voice shook with silent laughter as he leaned on Chase’s side while they both watched Henrik scrambling around, fussing over Chase’s foot that was placed in a cast, and fluffing up pillows to squeeze behind Chase’s back while he’s relaxed on the couch and worrying his head over whether his broken foot was raised high enough.

Henrik spun around and levelled a death glare towards his creator who instinctively raised both hands in a show of harmlessness, the doctor bared his teeth at him, “If you keep encouraging him to do more reckless acts I will break your own leg.”

Chase coughed and choked on a laugh and gave his doctor older brother a smile full of innocence and sunshine when he swiftly turned around to glare at him as well while Jack sputtered in the background. Jackie was dying on the floor. He sounded like he was about to upgrade from his booming cackling to wheezing, dying laughter.

“Wh— You took an oath to never harm another human when you became a doctor!” Chase turned his head to look at Jack when he felt him sitting up straight and leaning forward with an outraged look.

“I did no such thing,” Henrik snubbed. “It was whichever fake Schneeplestein that magic made to explain my existence in this universe that made such an oath.”

“You’re still a doctor!” Jack yelled vehemently, slapping a hand on his knees.

Henrik sniffed. He looked down at Jack from behind his nose and made him feel like he was some worm tainting the bottom of his shiny shoes. Then the doctor dramatically turned his back on the pouting man obviously giving him the cold shoulder.

“Chaaaase,” Jack twisted his body to ‘sob’ into his best friend’s shoulder. “Henny’s being mean to me again!”

“There, there,” Chase snickered as he patted the older man’s curly hair. “I won’t let the big bad doctor bully you anymore.”

Jack turned his head so that his cheek was pressed on top of Chase’s shoulder and he stuck his tongue out at Henrik who rolled his eyes back at him.

A massive white maine coone glided into the chaotic living room, jumping up on the back of the couch, and strolled over to smack Jack’s face with his outrageously long and fluffy tail—while ignoring the annoyed yelp ‘Marvin!’ before the poor man started sneezing and cursing the magician’s existence—as he slid down a bemused Chase’s torso into his lap. He rubbed his fluffy body against his little brother’s chest with a loud meow for his greeting.

“Hey to you too, Marvy,” Chase chuckled as the cat began to purr.

Marvin’s purr grew louder until he was practically like a growling motorcycle and arched his spine when Chase’s fingers stroked him from the bridge of his pink nose down to his tailbone. The heavy white cat kneaded his claws into Chase’s baggy shorts before circling around—ignoring Chase’s agonized groan at his weight—and curling up into a smug self-satisfied ball on his lap.

“You satisfied now, Drama Queen?” Chase teased the magician with a fond smile while he scratched the cat on the perfect spot behind his ears. “I think we should put your cat form on a diet. You’re getting pretty heavy.”

The cat nipped at his fingers with a hint of a warning bite but Chase just tapped his prickly older brother on his nose as a gentle reprimand. He only got a bunch of annoyed chattering for his daring gall to touch his majesty.

“Marvin, you better not bite anyone again,” Henrik dryly warned the magician who hissed at him. “Don’t think I can’t sedate you into going to the vet and getting you neutered.”

Marvin let out an offended yowl and attempted to stuff his massive unit of a body under Chase’s shirt, drawing giggles from the man who tried pushing his fluffy butt away as his squirming body dragged his soft fur over his ticklish stomach.

“Marvin, you fucker!” Chase squealed and tried to pull out the squirming cat who somehow managed to find the perfect position and perk out only his head from under his shirt. “Really? You’re going to subject me to your stinky butt for the entire movie marathon?”

His only response was a thick tail that thwapped his sputtering face.

“Aww… It’s just his way of showing you his love, Chasey-wasey,” Jackie giggled without looking up from his phone. “Also I can’t blame Marv for wanting to snuggle up to you. You’re like a portable heater slash teddy bear.”

“Yeah well, I’d say Marvy would be like a teddy bear too if it weren’t for the fact that he weighs like a rock on top of my kidneys,” Chase deadpanned before smacking Marvin’s back through his shirt irritably. “Use your claws on me again and I’ll neuter you myself without the help of a vet.”

Jack snickered at the irritated mewl from the cat while Henrik huffed and rolled his eyes at their antics. The doctor sat on the right couch seat and pulled the side lever up so that he could fully recline his body and feet. Jack leaned over and grabbed the remote from the table in front of him and Chase.

“Everybody finally settled down for our movie night?” He asked, just to make sure so that nobody would suddenly whine in that childish sort of voice that he didn’t wait for them again.

coughJackiecough

Jackie gave him a thumbs up and finally looked up from his phone. He was laying on his stomach on the blanket he set on the floor with a variety of pillows forming his nest around him. His own bowl of popcorn and a massive bottle full of Sprite was set in front of him.

Chase makes an agreeing grunt while he leaned on him on his side, taking care not to move his cast while Marvin chirruped from under his shirt, his little head poking out directing his nose to the bowl of popcorn on the table. Henrik just shrugged and gestured his head towards the screen.

“Just get on with it. If anybody was not ready I am sure that they’ll be letting out some godforsaken complaint through their loud mouths,” Henrik scathingly said but his eyes glimmered with laughter, taking off the bite from his words. He merely arched an eyebrow at everyone when they childishly stuck out their tongues at him.

Jack huffed and shook his head at the brotherly banters. No family activity would be the same without these chaotic preparations and quips from the others. He pressed play on the remote and started the movie. He sat back on the couch with Chase, his smile unconsciously growing wider when the youngest ego scooched closer to him.

…

“Is he asleep?” Henrik asked in a hushed tone as he craned his neck to look at Chase’s face which was hiding away against Jack’s side.

Jack nodded with a gentle smile and pressed a finger against his lips in the universal sign for silence. He slowly began to shift himself so that he could move Chase into laying down fully on the couch and for his head to be placed on his lap. Henrik assisted him, carrying the younger ego’s legs into the couch and made sure that his injured foot was raised with a few pillows propped underneath and around it to keep it from moving.

Chase made a soft noise and pressed his cheek on Jack’s stomach while the older man petted his head, idly rubbing a thumb against the healed over scar that would ache from time to time especially when Chase is particularly emotional. The sleeping man sighed contentedly in his sleep and murmured something far too unintelligible for either man to hear. Henrik grabbed one of the free blankets remaining to place it over Chase, tucking him under the warm sheets.

“I’ll get the other blankets—Marvin!” Henrik hissed as the cat that had been watching them from the table, slowly walked over to jump on Chase’s chest. Chase’s breath hitched but thankfully he didn’t wake up. Chase wrapped his arms around the cat who had stretched himself out over his little brother’s body and tucked his head under his chin. “You’re so lucky he’s a heavy sleeper. If you woke him up I would have shaved you, you needy cat.”

The cat flicked his ears at Henrik and made a show of nuzzling the bottom of Chase’s chin and purring almost as loud as a starting motorcycle to spite the doctor by showing just how comfortable he was in his makeshift bed.

Jack rolled his eyes at the little drama queen before he looked back at Henrik with a pleading smile, “Blankets please? It’s pretty chilly around here at night.”

Henrik sighed and nodded. He carefully maneuvered himself out of the crowded living room. Jackie had spreaded out his entire body on his own side of the room, snoring lightly while drool trailed down his cheek. Henrik made sure that he didn’t touch on the territory of the unknowing human venus flytrap who’d snap his arms around your legs in a flash the moment you stepped within his area of attack. Last time one of them (poor Marvin… despite screaming and trying to squirm out of those iron arms...) fell for that trap, they had to deal with a clingy as a leech Jackie for the entire night.

He went upstairs to grab extra blankets and pillows for him and Jack since someone (Jackie…) hoarded most of them for their nest and one of the original blankets was placed over Chase. When he went back down, Marvin was already asleep, his cat body slowly moved up and down to his rhythmic breathing. Jack was staring down at Chase’s face with a blank look which generally meant that the man was probably thinking something that was bothering him again.

As he passed by his creator, he gave the man a gentle smack on the back of his head with his elbow. “This is not the time for complicated thoughts. This is family time.”

Jack jolted at the hit and his voice, turning his head to make a silly face at him.

“I know, I know, I just can’t help it, Hen,” Jack sighed and patted Chase’s head. He peered at the doctor when he saw what he was carrying. “Huh, you got those from the closet in the hallway?”

“Where else would I get it? Here,” Henrik made Jack lean over so that he could place two pillows on the back of his neck. “Support for your neck.”

“Thanks,” the other man gave him a thumbs up with one of his free hands. “Can you uh place my blanket over my lap? I’ll move Chase’s head a bit.”

“Wait your impatient butt. I am just going to move around the couch.” Henrik said as he walked over to his own spot to drop his pillows and blanket before moving over to Jack.

Jack carefully lifted Chase’s head so that Henrik could slip the blanket over his lap. He absentmindedly rubbed a thumb over the sleeping man’s head when his brows furrowed at the movement and he looked like he was about to wake from his sleep. Thankfully, he settled down once he was returned to his previous position only he curled closer to his creator’s warmth.

“Ah man, Chase really is the best little brother I could ever ask for,” Jack sighed with a fond smile softening the weariness from his face.

Henrik snorted, giving Chase a little pat on his head before he walked back to his couch chair and dropped his body on it.

“And you say you don’t play favorites,” Henrik accusingly narrowed his eyes at Jack who stuck his tongue out at him.

“And I’ll keep saying it no matter how much you guys accuse me of it,” Jack grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

The doctor rolled his eyes before spreading his own blanket over him. He turned over on his side and snubbed Jack with his back, ignoring the ‘Oh real mature, Henrik!’ that Jack shot towards him quietly.

“Goodnight Mister McLoughlin,” Henrik said in the snobbiest tone he could muster.

“Are you seri— Oh whatever, goodnight to you too, Doctor Schneeplestein.” He heard Jack huff and mutter something incomprehensible with his distance under his breath.

Henrik stifled a smile and his chuckle as he felt his creator fake pouting even with his back turned against him.

As he closed his eyes, he was highly aware of the sounds of soft breathing (or snoring in Jackie’s case…) coming from everyone in the room and he thinks that it’s the most beautiful sound he has ever heard his entire life.

He wished that he could stay in this single moment in time for as long as he wanted, to engrave it in his memories for when the nights are cold and when deep regrets are keeping him awake.

0-0-0-0-0

“Testing! Teeeeesting… Alright, the mic and audio seems to be okay,” Chase squinted at his face cam, flicking a finger in front of its lens to get its autofocus clearing up on his face. He brightened up when the camera finally focused just right! “Attaboy! Now we can finally start recording.”

He’s done his vocal warmups before he started setting up everything and even made sure that the house was nice and locked up and made sure that he doesn’t need to go for a pee break for one to two hours. Those moments are always a hassle and awkward for him and Robin to cut out. Not to mention it’s always a bit of a distraction especially when he is finally in the zone for the camera.

He also has his own lil water container filled with delicious fresh water in front of him, out of the camera’s point of view, just so he could freshen up his voice from all the screaming and yelling that he was about to do. While voice cracks are fun to jump from from a comedic point, it’s not nice to be known as the loudest Irish youtuber who still has voice cracks like a teenager going through puberty.

The phone has been muted and set on vibrate, and the games have been pulled up and listed on his desktop ready for recording!

Today’s video recording theme is… those medical surgery related games.

It had been an idea that had been drifting around his mind for a while but he didn’t have the mental and emotional energy to bother with the vivid reminders of his missing older brother. Maybe this was just another way of spiting Anti for what he had done to him a two days ago in his vulnerable state just like how his sudden burst of energy fueled him to prove that he wasn’t completely useless all alone by tidying up his wreck of a room in the middle of the night.

He knew that Anti seems to have it out for Henrik just as personally as he has it out for Jack since any mention of his brother has the demon hissing and spitting rage which he found rather peculiar since he’d have thought that the demon would be using what he’s doing to Henrik as another one of his taunts and considering he probably has the upper hand over the doctor right now. He stopped mentioning Henrik after that one moment when Anti had gone frighteningly still with his eyes glowing bloody murder towards him and then disappeared for a few hours. When he came back, he was covered in blood and Chase wisely didn’t ask him from whom it came from.

Since then, they never talked about it although Anti’s presence would be unbearable whenever he played any medical related game since it always felt like the demon was breathing down his neck (although knowing his luck he probably did but since he didn’t care enough to turn around and see that horrifying sight he’d like to believe that it never happened) just daring him to mention anything about his beloved doctor of a brother. The only time Anti made any comment about Henrik was literally that postcard hack on tumblr. That was a hell of a thing to open the app to.

He could feel the smugness rolling off Anti’s shadowed corner in waves during that day and he had to stop himself from vaulting over the couch to grab the demon who’s been pestering (severe understatement, he knows but still—) him for months and demand what the fuck he’s planning with the postcard.

Anyway, now that Anti wasn’t here (and thank fuck for that) he’s free to record and post this fun little thing for the channel. Honestly, it’s pretty odd to have the past two days of complete silence from Anti but it was also extremely refreshing and absolutely rejuvenating for his spirit. Oh, he didn’t doubt the ‘Always Watching’ threat from his last note but this was the most peaceful and private he’s been for the past months.

Chase adjusted the headset over his ears, checking to make sure that it wasn’t uncomfortable, before he stretched out his arms and body for the long recording session, releasing a satisfied groan at the obscenely loud cracks that his joints made with the stretch.

Okay… Close your eyes…

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

In the next few hours, Chase Brody will not exist. Instead, another man will take his place. How would he react to certain things and events? How would he act out a carefree skit of a parodied impersonation of their resident doctor?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Turn the chair around and…

Click

Something snaps into place as his lips stretched itself out into a familiar crooked goofy grin at the sound of his mouse clicking. The metaphorical mask slipping over his face felt so much more natural than when it was taken off at this point in time. He swung his chair around and greeted the invisible audience on the other side of the screen.

“Hello and welcome back! I am Doctor Jacksepticeye,” he both recognizes and doesn’t recognize the face that was looking back at him on the recording screen, “and welcome to my ER!”

It was easy, always so so easy to step into his shoes, to become someone who is dearly beloved by so many people, to become someone who has inspired this community to follow him. Every time he slips this mask on for the screen he always experienced this high knowing that for once he won’t be someone who was miserably alone and useless to his loved ones. If he immersed himself deeper into this mask, he could even believe that the people are seeing him and not Jack but that’s a thought that he’d brush off the moment it lingers at the surface of his mind.

However, while it was highly tempting to keep the mask up even by his lonesome, it always faded away the moment the camera stopped and left him far more drained than before he started recording.

Stop. Don’t think about that now.

Chase does not exist at this very moment.

Only Jack remained with that cheerful smile on his lips.

Finally, he allowed himself to fade into the background and push that persona forward to take his place.

In the next blink, Chase closed his eyes and Jack opened them.

0-0-0-0-0

The deep blue sky stretched over the horizon.

It was much too big. Much too hopeful.

It was too much for him who has been stuck in the darkness with no one but Him for company—

No.

No.

Do not think.

Not yet.

Later. Yes, later. In safety. In his family’s safety and warmth.

The door had been unlocked. Why? Why had it been unlocked?

Then he was running, stumbling about in the abyss like a drunk and suddenly there was light—

It had been too bright, too warm on his cold skin that it felt like it was burning his flesh off like the hot po—

No. Regroup. Stop.

Do. Not. Think. About. It.

He ran and ran and ran amongst the crowd, deaf to the rude words that had been tossed towards his way when he crashed into someone and jumped away as if he had been shocked, deaf to the concerned strangers’ questions before he shoved their wandering hands away.

Don’t touch him. Don’t fucking touch him!

It hurts. His eyes hurt. His ears hurt.

It’s so loud. He missed the blissfully subtle static that always kept him company in his cell—

Stop speaking… Stop speaking! Shut up… Shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup—

The colors began to shift around him and they… became familiar? Familiar streets. Familiar names.

There was that sound from the annoying dog barking from a neighbor’s—

Ah.

This must be another one of his games.

The front garden was unkempt. Why was it unkempt? There were no flowers blooming from the bushes that looked as dry and thirsty as he normally felt. His little brother loved—loves his gardening hobby. He loves seeing the smiles of the passersby and his family when they see the colorful flowers he’d carefully tend to every week.

Yes, this was just further proof that this was all an illusion. He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell Him to stop this farce. However, he knows that he must continue the show lest He becomes angry for his disobedience once more.

He walked on. There. The front door was in front of him. Instinctively, he reached into his coat’s pocket (since when had he started wearing this coat?) and of course, of course, the key was there.

The door is opened and he is greeted by a cold, silent hou…

No.

Wait.

He looked up. There was a voice. It was faint but there it is.

Which show was he putting on this time? A replay of that fateful day? Or perhaps it was another one of those games where He makes him pretend that he was finally free?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

He walked up the stairs.

One.

Two.

Three.

The fourth door.

The Recording Room.

What sort of cruel joke awaits him behind this door he wondered?

He was tired. So so tired… Perhaps if he pretended to be the brave, cool headed doctor that he had been He would grow bored of this show quick.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

The ice on the doorknob was a welcome sting to his constantly wandering, constantly moving mind. It keeps him still. Keeps him in the moment just like all of the pain—

Take all the shattered pieces of your bravery now, good doctor, and let it all out…

The door was flung open and the familiar—unfamiliar man in the room spun around in his chair and looked up at his heaving, shuddering body with a wide-eyed look. Yes, that face—that impossible face was the face of a comatose man as He often taunted him during their sessions— sat in front of him just told him that this was all just another one of His cruel mind games.

A flash of anger.

A dash of fear.

Then the ridiculous words streamed out of his lips as he pointed a shaking accusing finger angrily, fearfully at the shocked mirage before him.

“I-I am the good doctor,” he started, his voice growing louder to mask the racing, thundering heart attempting to rip itself out of his chest, “and that is my chair!”

“... Henrik?” At that trembling, fragile voice, the mirage shattered and suddenly his baby brother, the one who has always looked up to him like he knew all of the secrets held within this universe… the younger brother who had always, always undervalued his own existence… The baby brother that he so dearly loved was looking up at him, no traces of the impossible man were left behind. “Henrik, is that you?”

And for a second, he allowed his guard to drop, allowing the fragile piece of hope in his chest to wriggle up the surface of his beaten heart.

“Help me,” he begged. His voice was painfully raw and vulnerable as it clawed itself out of his throat.

Then as if he was just a puppet whose cruel puppeteer cut his strings out of nowhere just because he had grown bored of his broken toy, he crumpled forward, all remaining energy in his pathetically weak body dropping to a complete zero, and his legs toppled underneath him. He braced himself to meet the cold unforgiving floor of his cell while his warden cackled at his show of weakness…

But it never came.

Instead, someone caught his body and he was suddenly engulfed in that familiar softness and warmth as two arms gently but firmly wrapped themselves around his bony waist.

“I gotcha… I gotcha big bro. I gotcha,” Henrik closed his eyes and in a fit of broken exhaustion allowed himself to believe in this dream.

“Don’t let this be a dream,” he whimpered. “Don’t… Don’t let me wake up—”

“Shh… It’s not a dream. You’re home. You’ve come home. I promise,” he shuddered at that almost comforting voice and the hand that was stroking the back of his head tenderly. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. I promise.”

Chapped lips were brushed over his forehead and he slipped away into the familiar abyss.

Oh how the good doctor dearly wished that he could remain in this single moment of time rather than face the cruel reality of what was waiting for him the next time he opened his eyes.

[onedirectionfanfics]

The Shamrock Social Club by @harryonstage​

Somehow you land a consultation with Harry Styles, one of the most renowned tattoo artists on the west coast. He agrees to design your first tattoo and ink it on you himself, but over the course of your sessions together, mischief ensues… 

This month’s featured story, The Shamrock Social Club, brought together avid Tumblr fic readers and Twitter stans alike in excitement and anticipation for each update. It tells the story of a girl determined to get a tattoo and her wildly attractive tattoo artist, Harry—fondly known as “tattoorry” among readers. Check out our amazing interview with the brilliant author behind this masterpiece below!

***

How long have you been writing for?

God, as long as I can remember. I have memories of being in middle school, feverishly writing stories in my composition notebook when I was supposed to be paying attention to the lesson. I was conjuring up elaborate worlds and characters long before I ever planned on sharing them with anybody—before I even realized what I was doing.

Do you have certain habits or rituals you have to do while writing?

A lot of my followers joke about this, but I do a lot of writing in the bath. I turn off all my notifications and commit not to check my texts for awhile, and I cannot write without a giant warm beverage, usually coffee or rooibos tea with honey. I put rainstorm sounds on my bluetooth speaker. The thesaurus app and google dictionary are open at all times. Also, part of the creative process definitely happens long before I ever actually sit down to write—I’m constantly jotting stuff down in the notes app on my phone if I’m out and about when I think of a line to work into a scene later. I have all these sticky notes with like cryptic, half-baked ideas all over my desk at work… I’ll pick one up and all it says is like “The clicks a skateboard makes rolling down the sidewalk” or “The feeling of having an orange peel beneath your fingernails.” And I refuse to throw them away, even if I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. I think most people who write do that to some degree, though.

The ever famous question: how did you come up with this idea?

Honestly I was on tumblr and saw a collage of women with dragon and snake tattoos. I began thinking about the type of person who would want that symbol on them forever, and why. Minutes later, I wrote that “Tattoo You, 1981” blurb on my masterlist—of course named after the Rolling Stones album released that year—and then that became the preliminary blueprint for what is now The Shamrock Social Club. I literally thought it was going to be a one shot at most, but here we are nearly fifty-two thousand words later.

Throughout your writing in this fic, you show a great deal of knowledge about the process of getting a tattoo. Is this from experience or something you learned from researching?

Both! I have a few tattoos. One of them is a stick-and-poke. It’s been awhile since I got my last one though, so I had to refresh myself on the aftercare process. I called the actual Shamrock Social Club a few times to gauge what a master tattoo artist there would charge for something as large as the snake. I also wanted to be sure it was possible for an artist to fill in a tattoo as they work through the outline the way Harry does in the story. The researching process of a fic writer is so funny to me… I wish my readers could see me alone in my room at 2:00 AM eating dry cereal, deeply invested in a fifteen minute Youtube video comparing different types of tattoo inks.

When does a story go from an idea in your mind to paper? Is there a process you go through before writing it out, or do you just get straight in it?

I have so much respect for the writers who can just like, wing it. I personally need to have a story mapped out in bullet points beginning to end before I even open up a new document on my computer. That way, I get more time to sit with it and meditate on how close to reality it seems, and it helps me finagle the order of events and decide if there’s any room for improvement. Also, if I think of a detail or subplot that’s not in my original outline, it’s easier to pop it in and visualize how it synthetically fits with the story.

In all four parts (51k words), not once do you give a name for the main character or call her ‘Y/N’. Was this a difficult task? What was the reason for it?

This is a hot topic right now in the fan fiction community! Sometimes it’s difficult, but I think it helped make the prose in this story more seamless to read. As someone who has written original characters as well as self-insert fics, I think a strong enough writer can make a character feel personable and unique and real without an elaborate backstory, and I don’t feel that it takes anything integral away from the creative process for me. If you can get an audience to root for a protagonist in a couple of chapters through their choices, dialogue, hopes, and motivations alone, to me that’s a much more successful story… I deeply respect writers who are like “write for yourself, not for others!” but that notion doesn’t really keep me up at night. To me, it’s obvious that I’m writing for myself if I’m writing at all, and I’m very comfortable with that fact. Imagine that you’re in school for creative writing and your professor gives you an exercise with a few simple parameters… it’s a bit like that. I still only write about exactly what I want, but undergoing the challenge of writing for an audience has 100% made me a better, more versatile writer. To me that does not feel like a loss, or a compromise. Plus, I think it’s such an interesting way to engage with a story—you are explicitly the protagonist, actively steering your own trajectory with every choice you make.

Was the character ‘AJ’ inspired by anyone you know in real life, AJ?

Guilty as charged. I do tend to Stan Lee myself and my friends into my fics. Aijia, Iz, Steph, Ellen… all of those characters are based on my actual friends. It started out as a joke—I literally just needed a name for the roommate character, but someone suggested I name her AJ and I was like… why not? I love having fun that costs nothing and hurts nobody! Annie and I wrote ourselves into Under the Same Roof, too.

This fic very delicately tells the story of a girl who’s been sexually abused in the past in some way and is on a determined mission to self-healing. A topic not many will brave, but you did. Why?

This is such a good question. Honestly I was on the fence at first. As I was drafting the first installment, Nobody Fucks with a Snake, I knew I wanted Harry’s character to turn her away from the shop at first before he decided to take a chance on her, but I needed a reason why. Like, I needed him to see a glimmer of something in her, and simply him being attracted to her didn’t feel compelling enough to me. I thought it would be really meaningful and it would raise the stakes a little if Harry saw this like… tenacity and determination in her. One of my favorite scenes in the whole story is that pivotal moment in his office when we see Harry really start to understand the gravity of her predicament and how much this snake means to her. He’s so affected by her vulnerability, and it speaks volumes about both of them.

In the drafting process, I was talking with my friend Tanvi who also writes fic, and she wanted to know if there was some reason why Harry’s character feels such a strong urge to help this young woman, and why he goes to such great lengths to respect consent throughout the story. Like, does he have a loved one who was sexually assaulted? Is this a more personal issue for him? I considered this, but truthfully, I thought this story would be so much more poignant and effective if there like, wasn’t some special reason. Consent is necessary. Sexual assault is inexcusable and wrong. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

What was it like writing on an issue that makes a lot of people uncomfortable (but is still so important)? Did you feel like you had a responsibility to fulfil?

As a writer, it’s an enormous responsibility to parse trauma and heaviness and sorrow in a way that doesn’t glorify the pain, especially if you have a younger audience. Most of my readers are in their twenties, like me. I read something recently about how it’s true that writers shouldn’t cover topics such as sexual trauma, eating disorders, or major depression as to avoid romanticizing any of these terrible, life-altering experiences, but that doesn’t necessarily apply to people who have been through these hardships and turn to art or writing as an outlet.

I have an eating disorder. It’s something I talk about openly on my blog—as an aside, you should definitely browse my recovery tag! Through fic, I’ve written about what it’s like to have an ED. I’ve also used fic to write about having a stalker, and in The Shamrock Social Club, of course I write about the complex relationship one has with sex and romance and dating in the aftermath of being sexually assaulted. I write to focus on the triumphs instead of the pain, and I always try to make these experiences awkward, ugly, and honestly gross when they need to be. Without divulging too much of myself online, I’m well equipped to know what all of those hardships feel like. In fact, I’ve read many stories, fan fiction and novels alike, that portray eating disorders, stalkers, and surviving sexual assault in a really misleading light, and I wanted to create something I felt like accurately represented how insidious and terrifying all of that actually is. Most of all, for me, writing this story was so much more about the main character overcoming her strife, and finally feeling like she has agency and control over her own body again. At its core, the Shamrock Social Club is really just the story of a fiercely determined young woman on her own path to healing, who happens to meet a boy along the way. The writing process was very, very cathartic.

Your story got popular not only on Tumblr but across Twitter as well in a short period of time—an amazing accomplishment. How did you react to your (well-deserving) popularity?

Jesus, the memes that have been born out of this story on twitter and tumblr are… beyond hilarious. And trust me, nobody lurks on twitter more than me. I don’t know if I would use the word “popular” about this story or even about myself though. To put things in perspective, suddenly being under a magnifying glass is still super strange and new to me. I literally had about 500 followers for most of the eight years I’ve been on tumblr until the end of 2018, which is when I started posting fic. I think about this all the time, I could write a dissertation on how baffling it is that people suddenly seem to give me heaps of attention and put me on this pedestal when deep down I know who I am and I know how tumblr works and I know it’s just as likely that people could be sending messages and giving praise to literally anyone else. Everybody has something to offer, I just got lucky. In the grand scheme of things, this story has only reached a very small pocket of the internet and there really isn’t anything about me that makes me more special than anyone else, I’m just a person who had a few people’s attention for a little while because I wrote a story. I’m very proud and grateful to have people reading my writing and it isn’t lost on me how fortunate I am that anyone does in the first place.

The one thing I will say though, is that it’s profoundly moving to me the amount of sexual assault survivors who have come forward in the wake of this story. Anonymously or not, people have been so open, and have shared so much of themselves with me. It’s amazing how alone you can be made to feel when you don’t have an example of someone who has been through the same struggle as you and come out the other side, even if it’s a fictional character, and I think this story ended up meaning a lot more to people than I ever expected it to. I can’t wrap my brain around how special it is that something I wrote could offer some small comfort to another person who has survived something so awful. The response this story has gotten blows me out of the water to this day.

Who came up with the name ’tattoorry’?

Honestly I don’t remember but “tattoorry” is shorthand for “tattoo artist Harry.”

Lastly, anything you’d like to say to anyone who read your fic?

Thank you for reading my writing. On principal, I think that if you find something that makes you happy and it’s not hurting anyone, then that’s worth celebrating. The people who have engaged with this story made into into something so much bigger and more special than I could’ve ever accomplished on my own. 

Thank you very much, this was a lot of fun!

***

Thank you, AJ, for your time and dedication to these questions! Check out more of her work here! 

***If you would like to send in recommendations for next months featured story, please do so here.

[myspacetaeyong]

A hope in spring

Character: Donghae/OC

Genre: Romance, comedy

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2783

Summary:  After a lunch that didn’t go as expected, Donghae invites you to his dance practice. This time, things must go better.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Final

Today was the day you would finally date Donghae. Coincidentally, it was also the day you were supposed to meet him, Hyukjae, and Heechul at the dance studio – actually, just Donghae and Hyukjae. You agreed with Heechul that you’d go there together. And Heechul agreed to help you out with Donghae. So, today you both had missions; you wouldn’t lose your shit around Donghae’s dancing, and Heechul would help create the perfect environment for the confession.

You were just about to leave when your phone buzzed. It was a message from Donghae, followed by another from Heechul. You opened the first one.

“Hyukjae’s going to be a bit late :( So don’t hurry, ok? ^^”

 Should I reply? I already read the message… He’ll know I read it. Must get advice from Heechul. You opened the message from the second sender.

 “Guess what your love just texted me? The monkey’s gonna be late, which mean, I’m gonna be late. Shoot your shot, sunshine.”

“he messaged me too

I read the messag

what do I do?

do I repl?”

“I think that’s what most people would do, yes.”

“what do I say?????????

HE etold me `don hurry ok? ^^’”

“Tell him that you got his message, and leave anyway. When you get there act like you accidentally arrived early.”

“thank uuuuu ure my life saver”

“You owe me. Now text the man.”

Time to message Donghae.

“Okay ^^. Do you know how long he’ll be?” Is that too much? Will he think I’m desperate?

“Hopefully not too long :( I’m going to get lonely otherwise. And we need to practise.

But don’t worry!” He replied too quickly.

“I’ll see you, then. Do you need anything?” My heart, maybe?

“A support banner for me and Hyukjae? ^^

I’m joking.

Your presence is enough.” sjkdksjdkdjskldjadjadjkla

 Time to go. If you hurry, you can get there in about 15 minutes. The dance studio is in this new, fancy building belonging to one of the biggest entertainment companies in the region. However, Donghae… and Hyukjae, were just choreographers. Had they been idols, they would’ve been critically-acclaimed, international artists. Naturally, such power had to be contained. That didn’t stop them from being too popular on social media. You heard from Heechul, who heard from either of them, that Donghae got asked for selfies and autographs when he went out sometimes. And you were pretty sure they had a fancafe.

It was nice outside. Not too warm, and not too cold. There was a gentle breeze that blew the petals to the ground. It resembled snow, but it smelled a lot better. Maybe you could grab some coffees for the boys, a token of appreciation for allowing you to see them dance up-close. You’d seen the videos they uploaded, but this would be different.

What kind of coffee do they like? You wondered, approaching the coffee shop. Americano, maybe?

Your train of thought was interrupted by the cashier. ‘Hello! What would you like to order?’

‘Uh… Three Americanos… and… that pink frappe special thingy? In medium?’

‘Sure. Three medium Americanos, and a medium Spring Frappe. Will that be all?’

‘Yes, yes. Thanks.’

Soon after you had your drinks. Maybe they all wanted a frappe? Should I have asked? Too late, I guess.

 When you arrived in front of the company building you realised you missed one thing – you didn’t know what floor, what room, or how exactly to enter the place. You went to the front desk.

‘Hi…’ you gave the secretary a small smile. She didn’t return it.

‘Hello, do you have business here?’

‘Yeah, I’m supposed to see Donghae.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes…’

‘You’re the third person to try that today. Please leave the building or you will be escorted outside.’

‘But it’s true!’ you retorted. ‘I know him.’

She glared at you, and pointed at the door. So much for impressing Donghae. Guess you’ll have to call him. Ughhhhhh.

You went outside and called Donghae. It didn’t go through the third ring. He picked up.

 ‘Hey! What’s up?’ He was cheerful.

‘Hey… I got a bit of an issue. They won’t let me in the building?’

‘Oh, crap. I totally forgot to leave the name at the front desk.’

‘No, don’t worry about it.’

‘I’m really sorry, I’ll get you right now.’ He was worried. He felt bad. For me…

 A few minutes later you saw Donghae running down a corridor, and stopping to speak with the lady at the front desk. He looked a bit… angry. He leaned over the desk, picked up a post it note, and wrote something on it. Then, he stuck it to her monitor. He turned to you, and sprinted.

‘Did you wait long?’ he smiled at you. At. You.

‘No, it’s quite nice out here actually.’ You raised the bag. ‘I got some coffee.’

‘Oh, wow. That’s super nice. Is this mine?’ he pointed to your pink frappe.

‘Yeah.’ You half smiled.

‘I’ve wanted to try this for days! Man, you completely read my mind.’

You would exchange all the coffee in the world for the smile he just gave you.

‘I guess I did, huh.’

‘Totally! Let me show you around.’ He paused. ‘Oh, let me carry these, ’ and took the coffee bag from your hand.

He put his soft hand on your back, and guided you to the lift. He took the first sip of his drink, and paused. ‘This tastes like heaven. Wanna try?’

‘Sure.’ He tilted the drink towards you.

‘What do you think?’ It was incredible. You had to get one for yourself later. A big one.

‘It’s pretty good.’

‘Have you noticed how you always use words like “a little, a bit, pretty” before describing something? It’s cute.’ He scrunched his nose before the last part.

Who knew he was so observant? And most of all, he thought you did something cute! Win.

‘I didn’t.’

‘You do, man! Freaking cute.’ Man? Does he… think of me as his bro? Is this… a bromance? The lift dinged. ‘Oh, we’re here. Come.’

Donghae motioned for you to follow him. ‘They moved to a new building, and the practice rooms are so nice. They put these laptops and screens, and you can cover the mirrors now. And they’re much bigger than before! And! We have a sort of lounge area in this practice room. Which means, you… can sit down! Isn’t it great?’

It was really cute when he got excited. Everything he did was cute, but this was extra cute.

‘Yeah! Fantastic!’

‘It’s nice that you get me.’

Donghae opened the door. ‘After you.’ He’s a gentleman too.

‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He smiled again. ‘So, that’s the couches. You can sit there. Or, you can sit on the floor if you want. But your butt will get sore after a while.’

‘I think the couches are just peachy.’

‘”Just peachy.” That’s cute.’ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 You sat where Donghae showed you, and he placed the rest of the drinks near your feet. He sat down in front of you; he crossed his legs, and leant back.

‘Isn’t this exciting? You’re going to see me dance for the first time!’ he tilted his head to the side. ‘I’m a little nervous too.’

‘Oh, is it because of me?’

He closed his eyes and laughed. ‘You’re a… different audience.’ He leaned forward. ‘But, tell me honestly, have you seen videos of me dance?’

‘I mean… I follow you on Instagram and stuff… I watch them sometimes.’

‘That’s funny, you see.’ Donghae smirked. ‘Because I noticed something.’

‘What’s that?’

‘You liked every single one of my posts on Instagram. And you watch all my stories too.’

‘Huh… would you look at that…’ You looked away. Donghae noticed, as he did with every other thing, it seemed. He got up on his feet. He got closer, and grabbed your chin. Gently.

‘Why won’t you look at me?’ he whispered.

‘Donghaeeeeeee! I’m her-‘ yelled Hyukjae. ‘Why didn’t you answer? I messaged you like-’

Heechul pushed him aside to see exactly what he had interrupted. Then he slapped the back of Hyukjae’s neck.

‘Ouch. Don’t you think that was unnecessary?’

‘Don’t push it, or I’ll make you unnecessary.’

Donghae rushed away from you. ‘You’re here!’ He looked down and grabbed the bag. ‘Look, someone got us coffee!’

‘Oh, sweet! I love Americano.’ Hyukjae took a sip. ‘Aah, so refreshing! Thank you!’

‘Don’t you feel more American now?’ asked Donghae.

Hyukjae laughed. ‘I feel like Bruno Mars, man’

‘I’ve been told I sing like him.’

‘Who lied to you?’ Heechul said. He then looked at you, disappointed. He grabbed his coffee from Donghae, and sprawled next to you on the couch. ‘Why don’t you guys start?’

‘I just got here, let me stretch.’ said Hyukjae.

‘Yeah, stretching is important. When we’re done, you’ll get the best show ever.’

 The guys started stretching, so Heechul turned to you.

‘What happened before I got here?’

‘He told me that he knows I stalk his social media,’ you whispered.

‘We all know that.’

‘What?’

‘Literally everyone knows that you crush Donghae and stalk his Instagram, his Facebook, his Twitter-‘

‘Okay, okay.’

‘You think he knows you have notifications for his posts?’ Heechul raised his eyebrows at you.

‘Oh god… I hope not.’

‘I’m gonna ask later, don’t worry. That’s why Dr. Love is here.’

‘Please don’t call yourself that.’

‘You hate it because it’s true.’

You gave him a disgusted look, and Hyukjae caught that.

‘Funny, that’s exactly how I look at Heechul too.’

‘Listen here, you little-‘ Heechul was about to get up, but you grabbed his arm. ‘I’m not done with you!’ he threatened.

‘Get back to your story.’

‘I got shy and looked away and he grabbed my face and said “Why won’t you look at me?”’

‘He did what?!’

 Donghae and Hyukjae turned to the two of you.

‘Don’t you have some stretching to do?’ said Heechul.

‘I mean, if someone hurt-‘ Donghae started.

‘No one hurt anyone. Just my brain cells.’

‘So it was one of us then?’ asked Hyukjae.

‘Careful, monkey man. I might start liking you.’ Heechul smiled back at Hyukjae.

‘Take me on a date somewhere nice. I’ll wear that T-shirt I borrowed.’

Donghae laughed at the exchanged. He loved it when his friends got along. He looked at you and smiled. Your heart melted.

Heechul waved his hand in front of your eyes. ‘Ground control to Major Tom.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Stop gazing lovingly in the eyes of your man.’

‘But smiled at me.’

‘He smiles at everyone.’ He shook his head. ‘At least you admit to staring.’

‘I don’t stare.’

‘Uh huh.’

‘Is Hyukjae in on this?’

‘Slushie, if Donghae had more than one brain cell he’d know it too.’

‘Yeah, I get that. But is he in on /the mission/?’

‘He might be,’ answered Heechul, as he slurped his watered down coffee.

 Donghae ran to you. He held out his phone, with Instagram running.

‘We’re going to start dancing, do you think you can livestream it?’ He gave you the cutest smile. His eyes were twinkling too.

‘Sure thing!’ Sure thing? God.

‘Film horizontally, people need to see our moves.’ yelled Hyukjae.

‘Okay!’ you yelled back.

‘I believe in you.’ said Donghae. He put his hand on your right shoulder, and ran back.

‘You too!’

‘”Enjoy your meal.” “Thanks, you too.”’ said Heechul to you.

‘I thought you came to help me.’

‘I will, but I can’t do much when they’re dancing.’ he whispered. ‘They invited us to watch them work.’

‘Fair point.’

You looked back at the screen and Donghae already had 10k people watching. It was incredible how many fans he had, for someone who wasn’t an idol. You weren’t the only one who liked Donghae, as you’d noticed time and time again in the comment section. Shaking off invasive thoughts, you turned your attention back to the guys, and made sure to keep the camera steady.

After finishing the dance routine, Donghae ran to you. He took his phone back and turned the camera to the front.

‘What did you all think? Was it good? We worked really hard to give you a good performance.’

‘Stan D&H! Don’t forget to stream.’ added Hyukjae.

‘I hoped you really enjoyed this! We have to go now!’

 Donghae and Hyukjae quickly finished their goodbyes, and decided to take a short break. While Donghae was downing his frappe, Hyukjae offered you his hand. Naturally, you were confused.

‘Come on, I won’t bite.’

‘You’ve bitten me before.’ noted Donghae.

‘I’m just offering a dance.’

Donghae pouted. ‘You never offer me any.’

‘What are you talking about? We dance together all the time!’

‘We never slow dance!’

Hyukjae’s eyes doubled in size. ‘I wasn’t going to slow dance.’

‘Still, you never slow danced with me.’

‘We can slow dance if you really want.’ Hyukjae said, and raised his eyebrows.

Donghae smiled upon hearing that. ‘I do.’

 Heechul looked at Donghae. Then, he looked at Hyukjae. Finally, he turned to you. Things were not going the way he wanted.

‘Are you going to do that now? Because, if we’re interrupting, we’ll just go’ asked Heechul.

‘Oh, we won’t slow dance now! But we wanted to show you the main dance.’ exclaimed Donghae.

‘So you’re just going to kick us out to dance with Hyukjae, is that it?’

‘I think “kicking out” sounds a bit harsh, don’t you?’ added Hyukjae.

‘But that is what you’re doing.’

‘We need to teach the kids the dance. It’s not like that, you know we love you.’

‘Yeah, we really love you!’ said Donghae.

‘Okay, okay. We’re leaving.’

‘You guys were great!’ you said.

‘Thanks, you’re great too!’ said Hyukjae.

 He gave you a quick hug, while Donghae waved cutely.

‘Maybe we’ll host you again?’

‘You call this hosting, monkey man?’ asked Heechul.

‘I’ll up my MCing skills by next time.’

‘Yoo Jaesuk has nothing on you, Hyukkie.’ confessed Donghae.

‘We’re out!’ announced Heechul, as he waved his hand behind him, never looking back.

 Before you left the building, you noticed the lady at the front desk glare. Heechul walked with you half the way home, as he suddenly decided he needed a haircut.

‘I’m gonna look even more beautiful, slushie.’

‘Didn’t know it was possible.’

‘Just you wait. I’ll talk to you later, okay? We’ll figure this whole Donghae situation out.’

‘You really think there’s something I can do?’

‘Worst case scenario he doesn’t like you.’

‘Thanks, I feel so much better.’

‘I’m not a motivational speaker, alright? I gotta run now.’

 Later that day, you decided to message Donghae, and thank him for inviting you to rehearsal. You opened the app, and clicked on his name. Then you stared. You didn’t want to bother Heechul or your best friend yet. You could talk to him on your own this time. It would be fine.

“dear donghae,” No. Can’t write that. You deleted that.

“hey, are you done with rehearsal yet?” Does that sound too curious? You deleted that too.

“just messaging you to let you know that im thankful for inviting me to see you dance” Jesus. No. No. No. You quickly tried to delete that, but you accidentally clicked on the Call button. Well, shit. Before you could click End, Donghae picked up.

 ‘Hey! I wasn’t expecting you to call me. What’s good?’ said Donghae. He didn’t sound bothered by the phone call, which was good.

‘I didn’t mean to, sorry!’ You, on the other hand, sounded way too panicky.

‘It’s okay, don’t worry. It happens to me all the time. Sometimes I call and don’t even realise. Once time I butt dialled Hyukkie when I was on the toilet, and I wasn’t-‘

‘That’s fine! I don’t need to know! I have to go now, bye!’ you blurted, and ended the call.

 I’ll just leave a message explaining, then hope I’ll forget this.

“I wanted to say thanks for inviting me to rehearsal. Sorry for calling.” Sent.

Donghae is typing… Already?

“It’s fine! I hope you enjoyed it. ^^”

“Yeah! I’m your biggest fan.” What did I just type.

“I think I might’ve seen taller. :D” Eye roll. “But, who do you think danced better, me or hyukkie?”

“you!!!” Did I reply too quickly?

“Heh, maybe you are my biggest fan. <3” HEART. HE. ADDED. A. HEART.

 Your conversation with Donghae ended there. You went to sleep, hoping to dream sweet dreams of sweet Donghae. Little did you know that when you’d wake up, a spring frappe delivery from a certain someone would be waiting for you. One thing was certain, today was not the day you would finally date Donghae.                                                           

[coycolleen]

I’m breaking up with my phone

...or at least that's the plan. Then again, I told myself this nearly a month ago after I finishing this book literally titled, “How To Break Up With Your Phone,” by Catherine Price. I read it in three days (a personal record). All at once, I was intrigued, moved, dumbfounded, shook. And by Chapter 2, completely exposed. Hi. My name is Colleen, and I’m addicted to my phone.

Disclaimer: I did not buy this book (it was passed down to me from a close friend) but I never thought I actually needed it. Phone addiction? Me? Baloney! Of course, I should have known that denial and addiction go hand in hand, but alas, I had to accept that this is just how I am. A phone addict that can't do anything for 5 minutes without simultaneously scrolling through IG or refreshing emails. Except I don't want to be that person, not anymore. We attribute this to being able to "multitask" but the thing is, it isn’t even real. It's physically impossible to devote your entire attention to two things at once. Phones have made concentrating increasingly difficult and convince myself that I have ADD because of it. I want to change and reading this book forced me to want to take action. So now, my next step is to understand how the fuck I got to this point.

Last October, I celebrated my 30th birthday and since then, have been doing an alarming a healthy amount of soul searching. Months prior, I was experiencing severe anxiety which ultimately led to me quit my job. I noticed a major shift in the way I depended on my phone during this time. The 2016 version of me checked Instagram maybe twice a day, responded to 99% of emails only via laptop, and didn’t text during Netflix binges. The me of today does quite the opposite. I’ve become so obsessed with my phone to the point where it’s become a natural reflex to check it every 5 minuets, even if that means feeling the slightest pang of anxiety upon finding out I have zero new notifications. “We become convinced that the only way to protect ourselves is to constantly check our phones to make sure that we’re not missing something,” notes Price (p. 32). If you’re like me and already suffer from FOMO, 👏this 👏does 👏not 👏help!!!

Aside from risking your mental health, our phones are also contributing to this super cute new syndrome called “text neck” that I’m sure 1 in every 5 people must have. Have you ever seen memes reminding you to simply look up? That’s just.......sad. Our relationship with our smart phones is so damning where we don’t know how to function without one anymore. For me, I started realizing the downward spiral shortly after I took a job as a social media manager, where I was constantly refreshing, liking, commenting, searching for the next mannequin challenge, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and even more scrolling until my thumbs fell off. Social media quickly becomes your life and before you know it, you are completely consumed with internet culture in every move you make, every step you take...even to the fucking toilet.

There are endless studies on the effects social media has on your mental health, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. We’ve become so addicted to doing it for the gram that the concept of doing any activity without also posting it to socials is...not normal. Personally, I’ve had it. Officially. So I set a goal for myself in 2019: to regain control of my life. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking and am well aware this could easily just sound like a repeat of my quarter life crisis. But think about it, how many times have you told yourself, "I need to get my life together," throughout your 20s? I, for one, muttered it approximately 728 times since last summer. It seemed serendipitous that within the first week of January, the book just so happened to fall onto my lap. Sort of like a sign from the universe. Accepting Price’s 30 day challenge seemed like the perfect, most tangible starting point.

Breaking up with your phone, including social media, is not going to be an easy feat. I anticipate a lot of slip ups, a lot of excuses, a lot of “it doesn’t count” moments because it’s Andy Cohen’s baby shower and you can only watch the live feed within 24 hours! It's an addiction, after all, but I’m here writing with the purpose of taking full accountability. In the course of a month, I hope to have a better relationship with my phone, and hey, maybe even a better understanding of where the fuck my life is going.

Wish me luck!

[injusticeff]

Chapter Seven

Simone

Waiting in the Starbucks line for my daily iced caramel macchiato, I looked over my surroundings and took in the scent of the freshly grounded coffee beans. I don't think there's not one time where I didn't have to wait in a line over here. It was ridiculous.

I already knew how much my drink would be so I already had my money out and prepared for the cashier to take. I really just wanted to get in and get out because me, Junior, and Saint are watching all of the Shrek movies before Saint has to go to work tonight.

I know how much my baby love his Shrek, plus I love the message of not judging a book by its cover. It's hella funny too. A damn classic.

Once I finally made it to the front of the line, I told the barista what I wanted to drink before paying for it and stepping aside to wait. As I took the step sideways, I accidentally collided with someone causing their coffee to spill all over the floor and a little bit on them too. Luckily it was iced coffee or that would have been a world of hurt.

“Shit! I’m so sorry.”

“Don't be. My luck’s been trash ever since I found the beginning of the rainbow instead of the end.” The petite caramel skinned girl responded as she wiped some of the coffee off of her pants with a spare napkin.

I giggled but tried to keep it as silent as possible so I wouldn't seem like an asshole for laughing but this girl clearly has hawk ears.

“Oh, you like that huh? I’ve been working on my pick up lines all night. Rate one to five, go!” A smug grin spread across her face causing me to laugh again before shaking my head.

“Unfortunately for you, I have a boyfriend. But I could definitely buy you another coffee for spilling all of yours. Plus, you seem pretty cool.” I smiled at her causing her return to the grin and nod as we made our way back in the line. “So what’s your name?”

“Nae. What's yours?”

“Nae? Is that like short for something? And my name’s Simone.”

She shook her head. “Just Nae.”

Confidence was literally oozing out of this girl. Her energy was mad bright and I felt like I needed something bright in my life for once. Strictly as a friend though, fucking with a girl has never really crossed my mind because I'm so used to dick.

I'm getting back on a good note with Tiarra so another positive female energy will definitely help. I feel like if even an ounce of her confidence rubbed off on me, I'd be happy for life.

“So Simone, how many cups of coffee does this make for you?”

As if on cue, my drink was ready and my name was called. "That's actually my first." I pointed over to it before going to grab it then swiftly getting back in line.

“This is gonna be three for me.”

“And it's still early.” I gave her a cheesy smile causing her to roll her eyes and laugh as she nodded in agreement.

“I’ve tried to quit since forever but the beans, they just get me every time.”

The playful sarcasm was pretty refreshing since I'm so used to the hateful sarcasm I always used to be subjected to. It kind of reminds me of how my mom is with my dad during one of his shenanigans. Sarcasm was a super power she used to the fullest and it made my dad mad but then they'd both just end up laughing about it together. Goals as fuck.

We talked some more about random stuff before finally reaching the front of the line. She ordered her drink and a chocolate chunk muffin on me.

Feeling my phone vibrate in my back pocket, I pulled it out as I sipped on my ice coffee. I read the text from Tiarra from my notification bar. Damn, I totally forgot she was even coming to meet me here today as payback for her running out on her plans last time she was here.

From: 👑

pulling in the parking lot now.

I didn't really feel the need to respond so I just turned to Nae who was now getting her coffee and halfway through with her muffin already.

“Damn girl, is it good? And you wanna sit down?”

She nodded as she gulped down her drink like it was nothing before starting to follow me towards one of the tables. For some reason, I can't drink coffee too fast because it gives me a bad headache.

“Oh, by the way, my sister’s coming to meet me here in a couple of minutes so I hope you don’t mind the company.”

“If she’s anything like you then I’m sure we'll get along just fine.” She gave me a cheesy grin causing me to roll my eyes and wave her off. Honestly, I don’t know whether Saint would be happy or angry that a girl is trying to hit on me. There’s so many different ways this situation can go but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Once Tiarra finally walked through the door, I waved her over to our table signaling her to us. She smiled as she reached our table, greeting me with a quick “hey girl” as she dropped her bag in my lap.

“Hm, watch that. I gotta go get me a vanilla latte.” She then excitedly hurried off before I could say anything else, leaving me and Nae to just stare at each other in surprise as she raised her eyebrows at me.

This wasn't a very good first impression. Honestly, it was kind of embarrassing but I know Tiarra just loves her a cup of coffee. She's literally been drinking coffee for as long as I could remember. I used to hate the taste when I was younger, I really just started actually drinking coffee about a year and a half ago.

“So... what's your sister's name?” She asked as she downed the rest of her drink. Damn, that was fast. Guess she really wasn't playing about the whole bean thing.

“Tiarra.”

She raised an eyebrow before chuckling. “Uh, is she a prissy princess like her name implies or can I be cordial this afternoon?”

“Well... Tiarra is... well, she's very... charming once you actually get to know her. She's just got that tough exterior up but don't we all?” I laughed out nervously. I didn't want any problems. Tiarra might be a brat but one thing about her is, she never backs down from anyone.

Nae shook her head no in response. “I don't.”

“Well, then consider yourself lucky to not have those burdens weighing down on you.”

“Nah, I'd consider myself lucky enough to be able to let go and accept the past for what it is. I don't regret anything I do because at the time, I wanted to do it. So should I feel bad and down myself because society tells me what I'm doing is wrong? Fuck no, what is society doing for me right now? Look, the way I see it, all I got it myself so at the end of the day, that's who I live to please. Myself.”

My eyes stayed widened throughout her whole speech. Too be honest, a lot of that shit was true. I have all of these things I'm holding onto and worrying about but I never make time for myself and what I love.

All of these years, I've just wanted to be surrounded by the love of my family and now that I finally got that, I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. I have my baby boy, a man who loves me the exact same way I love him—maybe more, and my sister and parents. I've actually gotten to visit them now that officially free of the confinement I've been subjected to for the past four years. Man, it feels so good to finally be free.

The sound of a chair screeching against the floor broke me out of my thoughts, causing me to realize that Tiarra had taken a seat right beside me with her drink in hand and steaming hot.

“Hey sis, who's your friend?”

Earth to Simone. “Oh, Tiarra this is Nae. Nae this is Tiarra, my sister.” They shared a clearly forced cordial nod at each other as they were being introduced. I don't even know what their problem is, they have no reason not to like each other already. They just met.

“So, when'd you two meet?”

Thank God. I thought there was gonna be that silent awkward pause and I'm so bad at try to get out of those. “Actually, in here. We bumped into each other and I offered to buy her a drink to make up for the one I spilled when we bumped into each other.”

“Aw, my baby sis is so generous. Although, I would have went half and half because I mean, it takes two to not be paying attention and collide with each other.”

I quickly started sipping on my coffee at how the conversation was taking a turn. Nae made a “bitch I know you fuckin’ lyin’” face at her before turning to me with a nonchalant expression.

“I don't like her.”

Nae blurted out so loud that even the next table over could hear what she said. I nearly spit out my drink. Honestly, I wasn't even mad because Tiarra was being kind of a bitch but it still was hell of funny seeing them go at it over nothing. Although, if I didn't do something quick, somebody was gonna be dragging somebody up and down this Starbucks.

“Ok, so Nae let me get your number so we can hang out some time. I gotta get going but I could really see us being friends.”

Tiarra and Nae shared this intense silent glare for a few seconds before Nae finally turned to me with a smile. “Yea, sure babe. Here. Put your number in my phone and I'll call you so you have my number.” She handed me the phone and I did as she said then gave it back to her.

Once everything was settled, we both made our way out of the establishment departing in two separate ways.

“You know, I only did that so nobody would pop off. Why you always gotta act like that T?” I whispered angrily to Tiarra once we were out of earshot from Nae.

“I can't help that other females hate me ‘cause I'm a bad bitch. That's like being mad at someone for breathing. They don't have no choice.”

I rolled my eyes at her little analogy. She knows damn well she was wrong for that. “Whatever, you know what I'm talking about. You need to quit, one day you gonna run into someone who don't give a fuck.”

“And on that day, that person will realize they have met yet another person who does not give a fuck.”

I just shook my head because I was done talking about this with her. I swear she is the last person someone could get through to. She's so stubborn and she always thinks she right all the time and never sees a fault in anything she does wrong. I guess she got the self-esteem or both of us mixed into one because she sure does love herself.

“Hey, can I use your phone right quick? Mine died and I needa call my boyfriend to tell him to leave the door unlocked when he leaves. I need to make another stop.”

“I thought we were gonna hang out together.” I pouted, stomping my feet in a small temper tantrum.

She sighed. “I'm sorry, I just have so much shit to do. This weekend, I promise.”

I let out a disappointed breath before pulling out my phone and unlocking it then handing it to her. Starting to get my things settled in my car, I drunk the rest of my iced coffee then went to throw it away. By the time I came back, she was done with the call and handing me my phone as she embraced me in a hug.

“Alright, I'll see you later Monie. Don't forget to text me.”

I smiled because she hasn't called me that since we were little girls. We used to be hella close back then and I think her calling me that again is a really good sign.

Things are finally going back to how they used to be.

Xae

I laid the last petal down perfectly completing the array of other rose petals that now decorated our bed and floor.

Ever since that night, I’ve been trying my best to make things up to Bree by just focusing all on her. Shit, little mama deserves it with the way she’s been putting up with my shenanigans lately. I don’t know what’s been fucking with my head but all I know is that I need to stop before I lose the love of my life.

I was never the type of nigga to only realize what he has when he loses it because I won't have to lose it if I'm already giving it the recognition that I'm supposed to. I'm high all the time so I actually just be sitting there thinking about that kind of shit. Them other niggas be acting too impulsively to stop and just think sometimes.

Although I’ve done something nice like this for her before, for some reason, today I was especially nervous. I didn’t even know what I had to be nervous about. She’s my girl.

Initially, I was going to take her out on a date night but I wanted shit to be romantic. I didn’t want anything to seem like it was planned last minute or for things to be too cliché. So I gave her some money to go get her nails and feet done since she’s been complaining about her nails growing out since last week, while I set up any and everything I could think of. I just hope she doesn’t get home before I get a chance to finish.

Looking around the room one last time to make sure everything was in place, I smiled to myself because I just knew she would be surprised and I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she first lays eyes on it.

On our nightstand, there was a small bucket of ice with a bottle of wine sitting perfectly on top. There were rose petals literally everywhere. Soft slow R&B was playing lightly through my portable speaker while Netflix was already all prepared to watch. And candles decorated the perimeter of the room.

Everything looked amazing.

Finally hearing the door start to unlock, I quickly shut off our bedroom lights and closed the bedroom door to add on more to the surprise. I jumped onto the bed, frantically trying to fix and smooth myself out before she got back here.

I almost chuckled at myself because of how skittish I was acting but if I laughed now, it would just fuck up all the hard work that I put into this.

She finally opened the door, immediately freezing in motion as she took in her surroundings before her eyes ultimately landed on me. A grin spread across her face as she made her way over to me, leaning across the bed to plant a kiss on my lips.

“You are so damn corny, you know that?” She spoke once we pulled away from each other causing a light snicker to leave my lips. “Te amo mucho cariño.”

I knew what those words meant because she said it enough for me to be able to catch on. “I love you too. And I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me by doing something nice for you. We always going out and shit but tonight, I just wanted to do something personal that came from the heart. I already had all this planned and got you out of the house by getting your nails done.”

“Deceiving your girlfriend? Bad boy...” She took another glance around the room and smiled in satisfaction. “But considering how much work you put in and how beautiful everything looks, I can forgive you.”

“Girl, you had no choice. Come here.” Grabbing her by the wrist, I snatched her down in my direction causing her to squeal as she fell on top of me giggling.

I tucked some of the hair that was in her face behind her ear to get a better look at her while we just stared at each other. Melancholy soon took over me as I remembered all of the good times we had together just by the sheer look in her eyes. They told me how she felt about me without her even having to speak a word of it.

I slowly leaned down and our lips met each other once more as I felt her hand cup my face. I bit my bottom lip as I pulled away. “Please tell me you haven’t eaten yet. I made your favorite shrimp Alfredo.”

“Mm, so that’s what I smelled when I walked in. You just had everything all planned, huh? You must be trying to get some major pussy tonight.”

Chuckling, I rolled my eyes and mushed her playfully before getting up to offer her my hand. Once she took it, I led her to the kitchen where our food was still simmering lowly on the stove. I dished out both of our food as she poured us some of the wine from our bedroom.

As we ate and talked, I kept stealing some of her shrimp off of her plate which I know she hates because that’s her favorite part. Every time I did it, I got smacked somewhere; anywhere. Eventually she got fed up and launched a noodle at my face with her fork causing me to form an “O” shape with my mouth.

“Oh, it’s on.”

Scooping up some of the creamy noodles from my plate, I grabbed her by the neckline of her shirt and shoved them down that guy. “Xae! Ew! That’s feels like little worms!” She said as she tried her best to shake all of the noodles out of her shirt causing me to shrug.

“You started it—” I didn’t even get to finish before she tossed some food straight into my mouth with the leftovers slapping me in the face in the process.

That turned things into a full blown food fight that I knew neither one of us was going to want to clean up later on. It would be nice to have a maid right about now. She officially ends things by just taking her entire plate and smushing it in my face. There was literally a Parmesan sauce mask on my face.

“Alright. You win.” I surrendered causing her to stick her tongue out at me just as I scooped her close to me and started to spread the sauce equally on her face. “Never let your guard down, the battle is never over!” She couldn’t help but to bust out laughing which only caused me to do the same in response. 

Once we were finally able to settle down, we both looked around the dining room at the mess we made then looked at each other with that same ‘I wonder who’s gonna clean all this up’ look on our faces as if we could read each other’s mind.

“Let’s worry about this later. For now, we gotta get ourselves cleaned up.” She said, breaking the silence.

A mischievous look instantly formed on my face as I raised an eyebrow. “Shower together?”

“Shower together.”

***

I mean, you already know I had to beat them cheeks in the shower. It was only right. She might have won the food fight but I still had to show her who was the boss around here.

“Every time I step back in here, it looks more beautiful than the last time I saw it.” She sighed lovingly, referring to our bedroom. I was hoping she liked it so I’m glad all of my hard work paid off.

Now I just had one more thing to do.

Going to my side of the bed, I opened the drawer of our nightstand and pulled out a small red box. I chose red because it went perfectly with the roses.

I walked over to her with my hands behind my back causing her to raise her eyebrows at me. “Xae, what are you hiding? I can’t do another food fight, I just got all of that Alfredo out my hair—” I cut her off with a slow and meaningful kiss. One that made her forget all about what she was saying just a few seconds ago as she melted into the kiss.

“No more fights.”

Getting down on one knee, her eyes instantly grew wide at my actions as I pulled the box from behind my back and opened it up so she could see the ring that was inside.

“Bree, will you marry me?”

She stared at me for a long time as if she was trying to process everything that was happening. “Are you serious? Like, don’t play.”

“I’m not playing.”

As soon as I said that tears started forming in her eyes but after a few seconds, I realized that they weren’t tears of joy that she was crying. I got up and snaked my arms around her waist, pulling her into me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“No.”

I grabbed her shoulders and backed up a little bit to get a good look at her face and make sure I heard what I thought I heard correctly. “What you say?”

“No. My answer is no.”

“What? B-But I thought this is what you wanted? Is it not?”

She sighed, wiping her tears and looking up at me so that we were staring directly into each other’s eyes. “Yes... but I don’t want you to do this because you feel guilty and obligated. I want you to do it because you truly want to be with me for the rest of your life.”

“I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t want to.” I tried to reassure her which only made her straighten out her expression.

“Tell me then. Tell me I’m the only person that you one hundred percent honestly want to be with until the day you die.”

I opened my mouth up to speak but I couldn’t even find any words to speak right now. It closed just as quickly as it opened. Disappointed in myself more than anything, I looked down at the ring as I slowly closed the box back up. I felt her hand cup my face as she brought it up to look at her.

“I love you Xavier, with everything in me and I want you to propose to me when you’re ready too. Not just when I’m ready.”

Her being so understanding just made me feel even more like shit. She gently pressed her lips against mine and I could still taste the tears that were previously there. I’m so stupid. Why couldn’t I just say that I wanted to marry her? I brought the ring out so what the fuck was stopping me? It’s like something was literally stuck in my throat and stopping me from even making a single noise.

I guess maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting that reaction from her? Or maybe... just maybe...

It was something much deeper than that.

Tiarra

I slowly ran my hands down my face with an exasperated sigh.

This was all too exhausting. I had been finishing myself off to Saint's picture every day after me and my boyfriend have sex because for some reason, I just can't finish with him anymore. I was very good at masking it though. In fact, I've probably mastered it after all these years. Not a soul would be able to tell you how I'm really feeling or what I'm really thinking about.

No one except me of course.

Sometimes I'm part of the reason people be having trust issues. But what can I say? I get over on people before they have the chance to get over on me. I don't expect anything from anyone because expectations will only disappoint you. It's better to accept the fact that anyone's capable of everything and only people close to you can betray you; so, it's best not to get too close.

***Flashback***

“Baby, we can't right now. You know I gotta go pick my little sister up from practice.” I reminded him with a small grin as I pushed him away causing his lips to leave their previous spot on my neck.

He sat back and let out a frustrated sigh. “I don't even know why you always have to do everything for her. She's sixteen, she's not no baby. She should know how to drive her damn self.”

I rolled my eyes in response. We've already had this conversation over a hundred times and every time it went the same way. He was just going to have to accept the fact that family comes first, I don't know what he didn't get about that.

Pulling out of the parking space my car was parked in, I headed off in the direction of our school. I was already pushing my time and her volleyball practice was over in five minutes. I didn't want her to just be sitting out there waiting because I know I wouldn't want to be in that position. He's acting like he can't just get some pussy after I drop her off.

“You're so impatient, man. Why you always acting some type of way towards Simone anyway?” I'm not even going to lie, I was starting to catch an attitude because this was getting old. He always had a damn problem with something.

I looked over at him for a quick second as I waited for an answer, only to see him just staring out the window with an annoyed look on his face as he shook his head. “Nothing bruh.”

You don't have to tell me twice. I just shut my black ass up. I ain't sign up for this.

The rest of the ride was just angry silence from the both of us. Once we got to the school, I parked right out front before shooting Simone a text letting her know that I was here. After a couple of minutes, I saw her open the door as she laughed alongside this dude she had been talking to. They were actually a really cute couple, he had been chasing her down for half the semester and she finally gave him the time of day. With a bit of my persuasion of course.

Looking at my boyfriend, I noticed he was staring at them too. They looked like they were happy to be talking to each other. Ah, young love.

My boyfriend's nostrils flared at the sight of them before he averted his attention back over to me. “Look, all I'm saying is you always putting yo sister above me and shit when she not even doing the same for you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

He chuckled bitterly. “Yo precious baby sis been tryna hit my line for the passed two weeks now.”

“You're lying.”

Shrugging nonchalantly, he sat back a little farther in his seat. “Don't believe me if you want to.”

Honestly, I didn't know what I wanted to do. As far as I know, he's never lied to me so it's hard to just dismiss what he said just because she's my sister. If it's the truth and I don't want to believe it, I'll just be sitting there looking dumb.

“Where's the proof?”

“I, uh, reset my phone last night 'cause it was acting slow but that's besides the point. Point is, I'm sick of that girl always getting in between me and you. I promised her I wasn't gonna say anything though so do me a favor and keep your mouth closed about it.”

Scrunching up my face, I looked at him like he was crazy. How the hell am I not supposed to say anything about it? That was the first thing I wanted to do when she says bye to her little boyfriend and finally gets her ass in the car. “Fuck you mean? So, you making deals with her to keep shit from me now?”

“I told you, didn't I? Don't start with that shit man.”

Our conversation was cut off by Simone hopping in the car causing me to grip the steering wheel tight with clenched teeth. I wanted to say something so fucking bad.

“Hey T. Hey Marco.”

“Wassup?” He said as he responded to her greeting with an unconcerned nod.

I kept silent as my jaw clenched though because I already know if I opened my mouth, ain't no telling what would come out of it. I was fuming.

***Flashback ends***

I stared back at the number I had gotten earlier that was on my phone screen. I was really just contemplating and weighing out all the pros and cons. Pro: dick. Con: drama.

Drama that I've already had the pleasure of going through and don't feel like dealing with now. Sighing, I stared down at the number just sitting there on my phone screen. I was really debating on whether or not I should do this. I could be risking a lot if I decided to text his number but then again, it's nothing I haven't risked before.

Asking for Simone's phone because mine was "dead" was genius if I do say so myself. She didn't even give it a second thought. I really had to call someone so it looked legit but really I was just trying to get Saint's digits. Attempted and succeeded.

I don't know why but right now, I was starting to have second thoughts so I hurried up and called before I talked myself out of it. After the third ring, I heard his deep voice boom through the speaker of my phone.

“Hello.” He answered with a strong accent causing me to bite down on my bottom lip, already getting turned on by the bass in his voice.

“Hey, is this Saint?”

“Yea, who this?”

Well shit, I can't just up and say my name right now. I need to know that I can trust him to keep this a secret first. “Let's just say you have a secret admirer.” I responded in a more seductive tone.

“Sorry, ion want no girl scout cookies.”

The call suddenly ended causing me to just stare at my phone with a scrunched up expression on my face before rolling my eyes. Niggas is too childish. For real though. I guess I'll just have to try another time.

Feeling my phone vibrate, I saw that it was a text from Simone causing my heart rate to speed up. Please don't tell me that he snitched on me that quick. These hoes ain't loyal.

From: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

Hey T, you doing anything rn?

I sighed in relief. That was a close one. I couldn't decide whether I was going to answer or just pretend I'm sleep so that I didn't have to get dressed up and go anywhere. Being the nice sister I am though, I typed up my reply back to her.

To: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

nothin... why?

Honestly, I just might as well start getting ready now because I know she's about to invite me somewhere. Hopefully, we're hanging out at her house because I need some more pictures of Saint. I been using the same picture and I mean, he still looks fine but a girl needs variety to go along with her mood. Ya feel me?

From: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

Me and Nae are going out dancing and I want you to come with us. I know you and her didn't get off to a good start so I want y'all to start over and have some fun. You know I can't have fun and turn up without my big sister there so at least be cordial. ☹️🙏🏽

I rolled my eyes harder than I probably ever have in my life. I didn't wanna go anywhere with that bitch. I just know that it's not going to end well... for her, that is.

To: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

🙄 i don't like her!!

You could tell that bitch just thought she was the shit, I don't know how Simone didn't see it. She walks around like her shit don't stink. But you know what? Maybe she needs a bad bitch like me to take her down a few notches.

From: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

Pleeaaasssseeeee.

Sighing, I got up and went into my closet to find an outfit. I think a cute sparkly dress would do me justice underneath all the dim lighting. If you're going to stand out, at least do it right boo. Okurr?

To: Baby Sis 👶🏽🍼

fine 😐 but you owe me.

It took me no longer than ten minutes to get dressed, now I just needed to do my hair and makeup and I could meet them at the club.

***

Pulling up to the establishment, I vibrated in my car due to the bass from the loud music being blasted inside the building. This place looks lit to be honest. There was a line out the door and everything, it was packed.

I texted Simone to let her know I was here since we most likely wouldn't be able to just find each other in this crowd. She let me know she was almost near the front of the line before she told me to look up as she waved me over to them. Making my way over there, I flashed Nae a smile with sarcasm written all over my face causing her to roll her eyes in response.

“Behave y’all. I want us to all have fun tonight.” Simone told us in a stern voice.

“Woah baby sis, your mom tendencies are showing.” I responded with a light chuckle, making her do the same as her friend just stayed quiet.

I could already tell that this was going to be a long night. Once we got into the club, we all eyed our surroundings with smiles on our faces. Literally everyone in here was getting lit somehow. It’s like everyone who didn’t know how to have a good time was kicked out and replaced by someone who does.

We all immediately made our way to the bar to order a round of drinks. Nae's presence wasn't completely annoying once I had a few drinks in my system. I don't know about anyone else but after my third drink, I was feeling hella tipsy and insisted that we all go dance.

“Nae girl, you should find you a man. There are some cute niggas here tonight.” Simone yelled out to her as we all made a little sandwich with my sister by dancing mad close together.

Her friend just replied with a chuckle. “Not interested, if you catch my drift.”

“Oh, so you're gay? Now I get it.”

She stopped dancing and scrunched up her face at me with furrowed eyebrows. “What do you mean you get it?”

“The reason why you ‘hate’ me so much.” I replied, using my fingers as quotation marks. “You really secretly feeling a bitch but don't know how to express your feelings.”

I just smirked at the thought because honestly, I've never known a female to think of me in that way; at least not that I know of. She responded simply with a loud cackle, taking a few moments to catch her breath as Simone and I just stared at her. My face immediately fell.

“Don't flatter yourself slick. I wouldn't fuck with you even in your wildest dreams. You ain't my type.”

After she said that, she sized me up with her eyes with a disgusted face. I know this bitch didn't just give me no stink eye. She'd be lucky to even kiss the feet of a bitch like me.

I clenched my teeth. “Simone... I'm tryna be cordial tonight but this bitch is pushing it and I don't wanna have to whoop nobody ass in this club tonight.” Nae only laughed more as Simone just stood there speechless.

“You don't even look like you can whip your own ass. You been starting with me since this morning and you talking out your ass right now because you got a few drinks in you so please just give me a reason.”

I didn't say any words, I simply just sloppily pushed her with all of the strength I could muster up causing her to respond by doing the same as Simone stepped in between us.

“Hey! What the hell did I say bruh? Be cordial. Damn, can you not do that for a couple hours Tiarra?”

I looked at her like she had five heads. “Me? I'm your sister and you switching up on me by taking up for this bitch you just met today?”

“T, get over yourself. Wrong is wrong no matter who you are. I specifically asked you because I knew you would try to say something slick and just like I predicted, you did!”

“The bitch is gay, it's not like I was saying some shit she didn't just say. Damn, you acting like I called that hoe a faggot or a dyke or some shit.” I was getting heated now because it really be your own family. That's one of the reasons I still don't trust her ass now. She probably likes the bitch on the down low and don't wanna tell nobody but I already peep game. “Whatever, I'm out. Have fun with your new friend. I'm pretty sure you don't need me no more.”

Before she could say anything else, I left the club and made my way to my car to get home as quickly as possible. Now I know that she’s way too quick to switch up on me. And to think I was actually starting to feel bad about borrowing Saint's number off her phone. Psh.

Since she wants to play that game, I can too.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 11- “we will see if anyone comes out of the saloon anytime soon”-Lily

I am literally so shook LOL, I don't know what just happened but...  Dan used his idol on me and I wish he would have stayed because comp queen... I am not.  I KNOW I am going to be the next to go if I don't win the next immunity challenge and I just don't know which of these fakes to put my trust in. I HONESTLY went back to Landen and Lily and intend to keep it that way because I don't know what kind of fuckery just happened with everyone else.   AND CHIPS IF YOU WROTE MY NAME DOWN AFTER WE PROMISED NOT TO WRITE EACH OTHERS NAMES....  jk LOL.  I went from like sobbing last week to laughing this week, I am a MESS. 

3 minutes later

TOUCHY SUBJECTS!! This is going to be my comp to win because I have a method with this one that NEVER fails me when I use it.  To do it I just have to be INSANELY honest and then just get into the head of everyone else.  I write everyone's name down that is still in the game and I figure out what each person would say for each question and then I tally it up!   LOOK at me being all cocky and confident about it, watch me lose now, LOL.

1 hour later

I really hope I win this challenge so I won't join Owen and Dan in the jury anytime soon.  This one is another one that I feel like Jules will do really good on, so there is that.  She, Landen and Lily are the ONLY ones that have talked to me after tribal.   Also did I mentioned I left the alliance chat I made with Landen and Lily then made a new one, LOL.  I promise I'm only this crazy when I play Survivor, I have no chill, I'm either dead and float to the end or I'm chaotic and jump from person to person and burn bridges and play BADLY like a crazy person.

when two idols get played and you accidentally send out a frenemy lmaaaaoo ily Dan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOcx0U-XVpA  

ok now on to the show

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j3uV5Zc49fbFH4xLK-L0JQX82xsiA1dq/view?usp=sharing

dear diary, what the FUCK! i disassociate for one (1) day and everything goes bonkers.. all i can say is that i'm glad landen trusts me so much because whew.. what a messy man. but i love everything about him.. CFHGVJBKN no but for realsies this vote was CRAZY. but one of the biggest threats in this game.. at least to me just got out SOOO. i am thriving. i honestly think i'm genuinely in a really good position in this game because voting for ruthie last round secures my trust with so many people in this game.. aka autumn, lily AND while landen already trusts me so much <3 im even in more good graces with him by keeping in someone so close to him even though im still hmmm. on how close him and lily are. it's scary but.. i know he holds me dearly to him too so boom? UM! i don't know. working with jules and kevin is reassuring too.. chips and i are tight always.. the only people i don't talk to are joanna and ruthie but i don't think that will affect me in an matter. so. smiles.

HA!!! I may have had the most OTT confessionals ever last round but look who gets the last laugh?? LANDEN GETS THE LAST LAUGH! Because I was RIGHT. I knew that something was going on and something mysterious was being planned, I was utterly confused as to why this shit was happening around me, and I knew these people were off. I said They are PLAYING ME and why do I not know what's going on, there's something shady happening... And yes there was. I have to thank Kevin for making the dumbest move he could possibly make, which is to tell me and Lily. Sorry Kevin but you fucked me over twice and I'm not good with that, I'm not okay with his double dealing anymore! :) He was playing the middle and he got caught and If I want to make sure that Lily and myself continue to get through votes... That's the card I have to play. Last night I was working overtime as hard as possible to convince Chips and Autumn that they need to split the votes onto Ruthie and Dan, and to do that I was throwing Ruthie and Kevin under the bus. Oooops! Then they made it super easy by telling me the vote was on Lily which gave me the ammunition to flip things on Ruthie. Kevin might think it was just for that round, but I'm so glad, because this vote finally put me in a position of a tiny bit of power, I think. I'm still not like, RUNNING things, but I got an alliance of 5 and I think we really do have motivation to stick together, at least for now, and take Kevin and Ruthie OUT of this game. If I can just do that, that sets me up really well for the final stages of this game. I have to take out the double agents, get rid of the double dealing, set up this vote CLEAR, because I don't have an idol for protection anymore. Speaking of which... Yes I guess you could consider that a waste, but it wasn't like Lily got NO votes. I knew she would be getting 2 for sure, and I only knew for sure that Dan was getting 1. I was not going to risk Lily's life on the fluke possibility that there would be 2 or 3 Dan votes or that people would revote out Dan over Lily. No way. Lily is not only a huge shield for me in this game because of her social game, connections, and strategic prowess (she'd be more threatening than me in any FTC i think which makes people want to go for her instead of me), but she's someone who's ALWAYS going to have my back in this game. That is extremely powerful, I don't know if most people realize how powerful it is for someone to always have your back and be giving you information, that kind of relationship is necessary in Survivor and it always gives a type of power that could help me go on to win this game. And honestly, the more people think I'm playing FOR lily and that they shouldn't respect my game bc a lot of it is in the name of helping her and i BOTH get through things, they're wrong, but the better they think that bc that just helps make me seem a little less threatening and a little more like the ideal Buddy to take into Final Tribal Council! Where I hopefully have the story and the moves to wreck any opponent sans Autumn, Jules, Kevin, maaaaybe juls who all obviously cannot be allowed to make it there. :P I feel MUCH better about my spot in the game now. MARSHMALLOW MOVES BABY

INCH RESTING that only Landen, Lily and Jules have talked to me one on one since last night.  They are the ones that I was most wary of last round but I rely a lot on the of the social aspect of this game and if these people are too scared to talk to me after voting for me I'm not going to feel bad if I vote for them, haha.   I really have a good feeling about this challenge and I am once again praying to the survivor gods that I manage to pull out a win.  I NEED this.

I hate touchy subjects, I have never won it. Also last vote was a mess, two idols were played and that is insane. I was added really late to this new alliance chat and like okay cool, but I know I'm on the bottom of that alliance and they are trying to tell me that kevin is a snake but i trust kevin and like i can't go against that alliance because they are majority and tbh i'm not 100% sure who is all IN that alliance, they just told me to vote ruthie and i did and then she didn't even go home. i have voted for ruthie twice now and ruthie has gone home zero times, i'm worried she is going to come for me, but i've just been trying to vote with majority my guys

The anxiety I feel before immunity results is UNREAL in this game, haha. I have a really strong feeling that I won this one... and I am usually wrong when I start thinking that but I just HOPE that I did, I need this to squeak by.   I'm not really sure what I am going to do going forward, I feel like if I win this round I can either a) Cause a lot of ruckus and spill everyones tea when they finally decide to talk game with me or b) Have complete loyalty to Landen and Lily and just do whatever the heck they want to do to show that I AM loyal. I swear, every time I see I have a new Skype notification I refresh the blog to see if it is the results... and no luck.  Yet. Okay the people in the Atomic VL really need to stop so I will stop getting notifications, LOL. HARDLY ANYONE talks in this game right before results so I just have to deal with my anxiety over the results right here in my confessional. I am also searching and I'm mad at myself for remembering to search so late bc I doubt there will be time for me to look right before tribal tomorrow. I think?? That I might be onto something.  At the three broomsticks you can ask for drinks but there was an option to get a room and I'm HOPING that if I do that I will get one of those passes where I get to skedaddle before tribal.  I mean, it makes sense to me but it is probably going to be NOTHING. And it was nothing and I also DID NOT win immunity, grrr.  LOL.  I was actually way off and I can't wait to see what everyone said for everything. OKAY at least I got the one about me being the biggest liar right.

I'm not sure if i'm making moves or if my seeds are planting... but autumn has more social ties in this game than i do right now... and landen is playing a fantastic game from what i can tell. that's dangerous to keep around. i think he has a real shot at winning. and i don't want to be a goat. but every time i have had an agenda i have fought for it, just since merge hit, everyone who has been targeted i didn't care if they went. no agenda, no feisty joanna. but i'm creating an agenda... and i think landen might be my target... sorry b, just i want me to win this thing more than i want you to but... i also think that kevin is doing wonderfully. if i have any chance at this thing, which maybe i don't, landen and kevin both need to go.

I am fine with every touchy subjects answer I got... for the MOST part. Wouldn't bring home to your family? That's fine, I'm loud, aggressive, in your face with my opinions, boldly passionate, etc etc. They had to choose someone and I totally understand why they would pick me for that. Thinks he's running the game, I mean, I think it's obvious I DON'T think that, by how paranoid and messy I was scrambling the last couple votes, but I also know I come off as very pretentious and arrogant with having information, and have been on the right side of every vote, so I understand that people would put that about me. Loudest, DUH! Host favorite and juiciest confessionals I DEFINITELY don't agree with lol, I can be very boring and rambly, and I know yall dont like me TOO much. But Biggest villain... BIGGEST VILLAIN?!?! ARE YOU FOR REAL? ARE YOU FOR REAL, GIRL, ARE WE FOR REAL?? SOMEONE LIED TO HER SEVERAL TIMES. WHERE was the villainous behavior. WHERE WAS IT?!?!? I am one of the ONLY people in this game who has sold almost NOBODY out and who has almost NEVER lied. I sold ONE person out, and that was Ruthie. Who, might I remind you, BETRAYED HUFFLEPUFF before I did that, and NEVER established a 1-on-1 alliance with me, EVER, or even a smaller alliance with me. So it was hardly even a betrayal, especially as I was fighting to SURVIVE sdkfdskf. I played an IDOL for my closest ally, I spiraled as hard as possible to change the votes for every ally who was in serious danger, and I consistently did everything I can to do the right thing in this game instead of being a cutthroat mastermind like SOME PEOPLE (Jules, Kevin, im looking at you assholes!) AND SOMEHOW IM THE VILLAIN!??! I just... LOL. Girl where? Where am I the villain of the season? I'm definitely no OTTP hero, that's Lily, but as her designated sidekick I should at least be MORM! I mean, come on! As far as Kevin winning immunity and a bunch of other good superlatives, sigh. It's very questionable and makes me sketched the hell out. I wanna push on Jules but I feel like I'm gonna have to just push on Ruthie again, and I'm pretty sure that now that I'm without the idol I'll be going home bc of the stunt I pulled last time, soooo... Yeeeah.  That's that. I'll definitely push what I can tmrw tho, but for the most part I'm just gonna focus on school and my new cat collecting game, the game has been rly cute though so far and hopefully I find some way to stay.

look at me... number crunching like i can do math

I'm pretty sure that if Dan knew I just told Landen and Lily about the power he sent me- the anonymous note thing- he would break into hogwarts to yell at me.  I told them merely to establish a trust with them again because staying tight with them may be my only shot to actually make it to the end.

I'm so furious Kevin won immunity, because I had the perfect shot to go for him. I'm so angry. I'm so UPSET. I'm like.... WHEW i'm mad. It's so exhausting feeling like you're on the bottom every, single, round, no matter what happens, no matter how much you do to prove your loyalty and try to find an in with people, all it does is continually push you down even worse. I get ignored all day then I get called pushy and paranoid for asking why it's happening and trying to come up with a plan, then to make it worse I get labelled as "Villain of the Season". Like.... wtf? I guess I'm a villain for daring to try and survive and protect Lily, that makes me soooo evil and such a big bad, I guess I'm a villain for selling out Ruthie who never ever made an alliance with me and turned on me first, I guess I'm a villain for turning on Kevin after he consistently lies to me all day and plays the middle just to put me on the bottom, like, that's not a real ally. A real ally does whatever they can to do what is in the best interest of themselves AND their ally. They consider what's good for eachother. Kevin and others have proven to me at basically every single turn that they just consider me an extra vote, and, let's make this clear, an extra vote they don't even like. They use me because they know I'm a loyal player, and when they backstab me they get angry that I retaliate and do what I can to further my own position. It's just like extremely mind boggling and these are the type of mind games that wear me out so much because this game just psychologically is like brutal. It wears me down a lot and I'm just trying to keep a clear head about all this and find some way to stay afloat in the game and keep bearing a smile but it's honestly really really hard and at this point I don't know how much energy I have left to keep giving every tribal 150% at the last 30 minutes just to barely survive. Especially without an idol, like i'm just.. sigh. It's a lot but I'm going to keep giving it everything i have, because if there's one thing I don't know how to do, it's give up or lay down, even when all signs point to just settling and being quiet. It's not in my blood and I gotta play this game like me even if it makes me lose. A win is not worth compromising myself for, I'll never feel good about a victory that I feel like I abandoned myself to earn. 

And here we are at a stand still again. I feel like I’m in one of those old westerns but I’m out there with my gun in my holster ready to go and everybody else is at the saloon. Tumbleweeds go by and I’m like hello? Anybody there? Anyway... Landen is losing it. I’m here trying to keep hope and keeping my fingers crossed that my chills vibes get through on this holiday. So the past two tribals, despite being some of the most stressful of my whole life, have gone my way somehow. And I don’t think I’m appearing as too big of a threat at this point but what am I kidding I got votes last time. I have two alliances going which is more than I usually have. I continue to have the desire to stay hufflepuff strong despite voting for ruthie on the last vote. I also have an alliance with landen, Joanna, autumn, and chips. It’s an interesting group to say the least and I can’t say I fully trust the group. Autumn came forward as voting for dan at the last one and while I appreciate the honesty it does continue to make me weary of Autumn. I also think Dan was the one to start a vote on me and he may have been getting some traction on it but it fizzled. I hope that someone else doesn’t start to catch on to how suave I am and vote me out. I’d like to at least make it to my lucky 7 spot at this point!   This vote I think the best outcome would be Jules going. I have the least amount of strategic conversation with her so that would be ideal at this point. If it’s ruthie...I don’t want to vote her but I can’t risk getting myself voted out defending her. Shout out to you Ruthie. Best of luck. And we will see if anyone comes out of the saloon anytime soon...

can't believe the entire old hufflepuff tribe (minus Max) is back in an alliance together again.  I can't trust any of them as far as I can throw them but I love it. In other news, someone started a rumor that Chips told me to vote for Jules?? and he DID NOT.  But he is also not talking to me right now anymore.  I don't want to vote Jules, I am NOT voting Jules.  Jules also said she is not voting me but idk that I can trust it or not.  NO ONE is talking game right now besides me, Kevin, Lily and Landen.  Chips was talking to me earlier and so were Juls and Jules but none of them really knew a name and this is just a MESS.   I'm just trying not to get into any drama because I'm already branded as the biggest liar on the tribe when there are some people around here that have lied A LOT more than I have!! US TALKING GAME AND LILY RANDOMLY POPPING IN AFTER BEING MIA FOR AWHILE IN WITH- HAHAHAHAH okay edited, I cannot say what she said but I AM DEAD.. it includes the party emoji. I AM DEAD LOL, oh my god. I can't stop laughing. ANYWAY. So, Autumn says that the vote was Jules and now it is Chips??  SO BOTH SIDES ARE VOTING THE SAME? I'm so shook right now but this is good news!  I feel bad because Chips and I DID have a really good conversation today but if he was the one that just stirred all this shit up he needs to go.  I need a moment of peace! 

well. people be lyin to me. so. anyways. im tired. THESE PPL BE DOIN!!!!! THE MOST!!!!

i’m betraying the alliance i came into merge with while trying to keep it together. how does one convince someone to vote with them while pretending they don’t know anything? 

TOO MUCH INFO TOO LITTLE TIME ILL DO ANOTHER ONE AFTER TRIBAL

Tribal has been wild this round. Kevin won the challenge so he's immune. The new alliance I'm in wants to vote Jules because they are a powerhouse in all three categories - social, strategic, and challenges. Anyway, I told Jules I would tell them if I ever heard their name. I wanted to stick to that so I told them. I guess that was a mistake because they asked who from and I was already told they were working closely with Kevin so I just said Kevin. And then really shook them and I think they were shocked because Kevin is their final 2 (most likely) - anyway I didn't know what to say when they asked "From him?" because he never talks game with me. EVER. Luckily I got busy with life so I didn't have to respond... when I get back to my computer though apparently Jules has started asking why their name is being said to Landen and Lily and a conversation that I have had with Ruthie makes them suspicious that I am also telling Ruthie so the "loose lips sink ships" comes into play. Anyway, I definitely didn't actually say anything to Ruthie at all so I put that fire out. Then I try to tiptoe around the fact that I told Jules and Landen comes to the conclusion that Ruthie MUST be close with them if Jules knows because Juls might have talked to Ruthie about the vote. In the meantime our alliance comes up with a plan to throw me under the bus to Jules as well as for me to do the opposite to either Ruthie or Landen. For fear of an idol. All this drama happens and then I have to tell Jules that Kevin didn't say it and that someone else told me that Kevin had said it and they ask who... and then follow it up by telling me that Landen has been throwing me under the bus saying I'm lying and that they need to vote me. I guess our plan has started. I let Jules know that it was Landen who wanted to vote them. And then Jules comes to the conclusion that Landen is the common factor in these stories and asks if I want to vote for him. I agree because he has been trying to have me murdered and voted out all while at the same time planning to vote for Jules anyway. This plan is so eccentric and weird and nothing like I have ever done on Survivor. I felt so bad when I didn't tell Jules that they were being targeted for the vote but did not want to open this can of worms. Kind of hoping I get blindsided so I don't have to live with the guilt. But then also sort of hoping it works just because it is such a cool and fun thing we have done.

[hillarykylie]

Can’t stress how important this is.

💕 Your habits, practices, work ethics and daily routine will reveal a lot about you than you think and as most entrepreneurs would say, the route to your success 💕

I don’t have the BEST daily routine myself, but I’ve definitely made significant chances to my productivity and habits over the year which’s helped added value to my life.

Have long-term goals in mind, but start by breaking them down into small, achievable goals.

It’s a lot of effort and hardwork - since it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, but trust that it’s worth the process.

These are things which I have incorporated into my schedule:

• less distractions - less use of social media unless necessary

* turn off notifications / mute conversations temporarily unless crucial.

* stop refreshing your newsfeed for the umpteenth time.

* turn off your active / read statuses

* switch your phone to silent

• Filter who you follow / subscribe to on social media

* unfollow/unsubscribe to accounts/channels who promote constant negativity, hatred and encourage destructive lifestyles and behaviour.

* part of my journey to recovery from ED was to stop following Pro-Anorexia blogs who perpetuate/encourage anorexia. (I’d realised in hindsight how much I was regressing in terms of my mental health because I was constantly getting fed by toxic information)

* fill your following list with accounts/people who radiate positive vibes - mental health recovery channels/accounts - therapist accounts, quotes, or memes! (They make you laugh anyway) study blogs, fitness videos.

• less procrastination - this skill takes a bit of time to master but basically, allocate yourself a strict length of time to rest and recharge.

- I’m still guilty of procrastination now and then but it’s become more infrequent recently.

- of course if you’re drained, take breaks.

- getting your tasks done before doing what you like is a much better and rewarding feeling.

- one thing to combat my emotional procrastination is to set myself about 10-15 minutes to cry or have a breakdown and then get back to work (ik this sounds odd and bizzare, but this works wonders for me everytime lol)

It’s okay to feel defeated, exhausted and drained. Allow yourself to feel and don’t suppress these emotions. But set yourself a reasonable amount of time to let your heart out and cry. And when all that’s done, get back to work.

• if you’re a Student and find yourself struggling to catch up with work, schedule your day.

Be consistent & disciplined with your work.

You don’t always have to be ahead, but you can stay on top of work through consistency and maximum productivity.

Have a plan, set a schedule. I have a whiteboard in my Uni room which I list out all the important things I have to do - whether it’s essays, readings or laundry.

(Trying to get myself to jot down important events as well on my calendar)

* organise your notes, be consistent with your readings, start your preparation early so you wouldn’t have to burn the midnight oil when your deadline/submission is around the corner.

* write down/type the things you have to do and tick it off when you’ve done them

• TIDY YOUR ROOM.

I never realised how having a clean, tidy workspace and bedroom is associated with having a clear, focused headspace.

This is a skill I’ve only picked up recently. Honestly ask anyone who knew me before the age of 18 and they’d tell you how horrid my living conditions were, I was literally living in a pig sty.

My room isn’t the neatest for now but I’ve made it a habit to clean my room thrice a week, do my laundry, wipe my tables, the floor, change my sheets as frequent as I can, throwing trash, keeping my room as immaculately clean, hygienic and nice-smelling as possible.

De-cluttering has become a newfangled technique of mine in destressing.

Add fairy lights, make your room/home feel like a sanctuary you want to come back to after a long day.

• Take baths!! At least once every 2 days

Added the latter because I know it’s unnecessary to be washing your hair everyday especially when it’s winter.

I know a lot of people with depression like me in the past who have difficulty taking showers but personal hygiene affects the way you feel and perceive of yourself.

Notice how you feel so much more reinvigorated after a bath. It cleanses your soul.

• have a skincare routine - this is applicable to both men and women. essentially, take care of your skin.

everyone in our family has stringent facial routines. you don’t have to go to expensive facials to get clear skin.

But make sure you stick to your day and night routines and wash your makeup off (if you wear makeup that is)

As someone who struggled for years with cystic acne and covered it using makeup, I’ve completely stopped using makeup and have only been using ONE skincare brand for 9 months now - which’s completely transformed the vitality of my skin that I no longer suffer from acne or have frequent breakouts.

I added this because I believe the condition of your skin will affect the way you feel and your motivation. For me personally - my struggle with acne really threw my motivation and focus off course.

• READ, educate yourself.

You don’t have to bury yourself in text books or boring literature but find something that sparks your interest and delve deeper into them.

Read about people’s personal experiences, their stories and trajectories.

Thought Catalog, Elite Daily are two of my favourites.

• surround yourself with inspiring individuals who have the same work ethic and drive as you.

• instead of watching trashy shows about useless gossip and hearsay (trust me I’ve been there - binging Love Island), watch documentaries and videos where there’s an underlying educational value.

Ted Talks and podcasts are my pockets of wisdom.

love love Jubilee debates on YouTube as well where people are divided into two groups whose ideals/beliefs vie against each other - they’ve done rly controversial and intriguing debates such as on pro choice vs pro life, body positivity vs fitness and health, religious vs aesthiests, guns vs no gun policy

I especially love psychological documentaries, reality talk shows where substantive tangible issues are discussed and resolved like Dr Phil / Oprah / World’s Strictest Parents

I’m definitely not at where I want and NEED to be at yet, and there’re are still areas of improvement which I’m still trying my best to work on (e.g my punctuality - huge one)

I think a lot of my lateness is due to the fact that I’m always taking forever to pick my outfits and checking myself out in the mirror lmao

I also hope to lay off my incredibly stressful work ethic. I know I said it’s good to be consistent in working hard but my work ethic is pretty severe that it sometimes exacerbates my anxiety.

Instead of procrastinating like what the majority claim to be trapped doing to themselves, I tend to overwork and overstress.

like I’d feel extremely guilty and have panic attacks when I sense that I’m not doing enough work which actually yields perverse consequences.

I’m a workaholic with an Asian work ethic (the Singapore education system has toughened and conditioned all of us to be academically inclined and disciplined so yea this is an intrinsic quality in most of us) so it’s hard to just ‘relax’.

I spent weeks being ill and hospitalised yet I was still able to finish all my readings and submit my essays by the original deadline despite having an extension due to my illness.

[lifegoeson-wecarryon]

Youtube AU Chapter 3

YouTube AU That-Doesn’t-Have-A-Name-Yet Also this has a part with Trixies POV bc why not have some adorable fangirling Words: 1235 
AU Summary: Simon and Baz are popular YouTubers with a rivalry.
 Chapter Summary: Simon and Baz have yet another “fight” on twitter. First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[Penelope] I walk into the living room to see Simon on his laptop, eyebrows pushed together in frustration. “On Twitter with Baz again?” “He never gives up!” Simon throws his arms up in frustration, and I snicker. “Neither do you.” “Exactly! It never ends–” I walk over and sit next to him. “What are you two fighting over this time?” He looks even more frustrated, and I can’t help but laugh. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already.” “It- It’s hard to keep up with our back and forth insults, much less remember why we’re fighting! It’s probably something stupid anyway!!” “Your face is getting red.” “From anger.” “If you’re so angry, then why are you smiling?” “Fuck off.” I roll my eyes at him. Honestly, his crush is just so painfully obvious, no matter how much he tries to hide it. I lean over to get a better look at his screen. He’s on Baz’s Twitter, refreshing the page every minute. Each time a new tweet pops up, Simon immediately clicks on reply. I roll my eyes. “Really, Simon? You’re calling him an egg?” “Shut up, I’m running out of insults.” “What you’re saying is that he has the upper hand?” “I said shut up.” I roll my eyes again. Honestly, all they’re doing with this ‘lovers quarrel’ is fuelling the shippers even more, and neither of them even realise it. I snicker, getting an idea and pulling my phone out. I don’t use Twitter as much as these two- obviously- but I still have one. I use it sometimes. I go to the Twitter app and start typing.

pennyforyourthoughts- @wingedmage @fangsandflames Stop flirting and get a room you two. Honestly.

I chuckle when I click post, looking over to Simon for his reaction. He gets the notification that I’ve tagged him in something, and looks at me confused. He clicks on it. “PENNY WHAT THE FUCK?!?” I’m laughing so hard now, there are tears in my eyes. “It- oh god- it’s deemed appropriate.” “We weren’t flirting!!” “Are you sure, Simon? I know for a fact that you wouldn’t mind.” “Fuck off.” I know that’s Simon speak for 'I have lost the argument’, and I just start laughing even harder. My laugh is silent now and I probably look like a maniac, but it’s worth it to see Simon’s bright red face through my squinting eyes. When I finally stop laughing, I see that Simon is glaring at me. “Come on, Si. You have to admit that it was funny.” He tries but fails to hide a smile, and snickers. “Yeah, kind of. Good job, Pen.” “Seriously though, you two need to get a room. All this flirting is going to make me go insane.” He rolls his eyes, but doesn’t retort. A few minutes pass, and I smirk at him when I feel my phone vibrate. I reach into my pocket to grab it. I chuckle, looking at the notification.

fangsandflames- @pennyforyourthoughts @wingedmage Man, do I wish.

“Look Simon, Baz wants to room with you.” “Shut up, Penny!” “Haha.” He groans, standing up and walking off into the kitchen. He’s going to go eat some scones, knowing him. He’s bloody obsessed with scones. His computer password is literally 'sourcherryscone413’. It’s crazy. I feel a smirk come across my face as I pull his laptop back towards me.

[Simon] When I walk back into the living room, Penny is smiling at me innocently. “What did you do?” I ask, and she shakes her head. “Why do you think I did something?” “You only give me that look when you do something, Pen.” She chuckles, standing up. “I did nothing wrong, just posted some random nonsense using your Twitter. No harm done.” I quickly race to my laptop, opening it. There’s three new posts on my Twitter.

wingedmage- EFL: Speaking Inside Monday Only Night. Hungry And Sleepy. Ambitious. (1 of 3)

wingedmage- EFL: Carry Right Under Someone Human. Only Negative. Basically Anything Zombie. (2 of 3)

wingedmage- This has been a special message from Penelope Bunce. (3 of 3)

I turn to her, raising my eyebrow. “Penny, what does this all even mean?” She smiles. “I told you, it’s just nonsense. I was bored.” “Why couldn’t you just use your account?” “Your fans know what to do with it, I suppose.” “What?” “It’s nothing you need to worry about, Simon. You know I’d never say anything that would hurt you.” “You’ll say stuff to tease me.” “Only in private.” I shrug. She’s won this round, but she won’t win next time.

[Trixie] I’ve been looking at Baz and Simon’s respective twitter pages for the past half hour, laughing at their bickering. No one can convince me that it’s not another lovers quarrel. I’m sketching yet another Snowbaz fan art. I think I’ll make a comic, using some quotes from this 'fight.’ What can I say? I’m a huge fan girl, and everyone knows it. I refresh Simon’s page, and three new tweets have appeared.

wingedmage- EFL: Speaking Inside Monday Only Night. Hungry And Sleepy. Ambitious. (1 of 3)

wingedmage- EFL: Carry Right Under Someone Human. Only Negative. Basically Anything Zombie. (2 of 3)

wingedmage- This has been a special message from Penelope Bunce. (3 of 3)

For a moment, I’m confused. I open up a chat with my friend, Gareth.

pixiestix: hey hey gareth what’s efl mean buckleuptom: Why? pixiestix: what’s it meeeeean buckleuptom: I don’t know. What’s the context? pixiestix: penny hacked simons Twitter and posted something and I swear it’s a secret message buckleuptom: Huh. buckleuptom: Maybe it means “Every First Letter.” Or something. pixiestix: cool thaaaaaaanks

I crack my knuckles. Time to decipher some shit. All together, it reads: Speaking Inside Monday Only Night. Hungry And Sleepy. Ambitious. Carry Right Under Someone Human. Only Negative. Basically Anything Zombie. The first letter of each word is all capitalised. Maybe the periods are spaces. Let’s see… S I M O N. Simon. What about Simon? H A S. Has. What does he have? I let out a gasp when I read over the rest. A moment later, and I start squealing.

pixiestix: GARETH GARETH GEARTJ AJSHDBDHDJ buckleuptom: Calm down. What’s up? pixiestix: I FIGURED OUT THE MESSAGE OHHHH MY GOD GARETH I KNEW IT I KNEW IT buckleuptom: Trixie, you’re stuck on all caps. Calm down. pixiestix: sorry! im just!!!! super happy omg its canon pixiestix: well not really canon canon more like half canon buckleuptom: What? pixiestix: i know this is true because Penny confirmed it!!! Just now!!! aaaaaa Gareth do you know what this means??? buckleuptom: I don’t even know what you’re talking about. pixiestix: gareth!!! check simons twitter right now!!!!! buckleuptom: Fine, Christ, if it will make you calm down.

I wait patiently, spinning around in my office chair. Keris walks in, her long hair up in a pony tail. “Keris!!!!! Babe!!!! You’re not gonna believe this!!!!!” She smiles softly, walking over and planting a kiss on my cheek. “What’s got you so excited?” “Simon-” I spin back to my computer when I hear a ping, and check my messages.

buckleuptom: Oh. Oh my god. That’s beautiful. pixiestix: ikr!!!! buckleuptom: Although, you can’t get your hopes up. Penelope could just be messing with you.

I frown at my computer. Gareth always has to be a Debby Downer. Keris looks at me curiously, and I ignore Gareth. “Simon has a crush on Baz!” I blurt out.