#i hope this is less gloomy than the previous one 😅

[theflyingfeeling]

how abouttt detective au?:)

Am I making Aleksi a detective, solely because of this outfit? Why, yes I am 😌🔎

~

It's not like Aleksi has had that many cases during his relatively short career as a detective, so the comparison may not be fair. However, this has got to be one of the strangest ones he has ever encountered.

"So where did you last you see your friend?" he asks the four men standing in front of him, fidgeting with their fingers like schoolboys in trouble.

"Right there!" the one with the bass says and points at an empty stool behind a drum kit.

"And then he just went...poof?" Aleksi looks at them sceptically.

"Of course not," they tell him in an uneven choir, their tones ranging from annoyed to desperate.

"So...how exactly did it happen, then?"

"Well, we were practicing balancing our guitars on our fingers, you know, as you do," the blond one with the curls explains.

"N-naturally." What kind of band is this? A circus one?

"And then one hit Olli's head, so we had to take him to emergency room because he couldn't count my fingers correctly," the taller blond one continues. Indeed, the bassist seems to have stitches on his forehead, near the hairline.

"In Olli's defense, you couldn't count your fingers correctly either even though no one had hit you on the head with a guitar," the one with long dark hair comments.

Aleksi looks between the men like a spectator at Wimbledon. They all seem more than eager to tell the story, and Aleksi's not quite sure which one of them is the most reliable narrator.

"So Tommi drove us there, because Joel has no self-preservation and Niko drives like a grandma and-"

"Excuse me?"

"Just accept it, man," the curly-headed one says to the one apparently called Niko.

"At least I can drive a car, unlike you, who, I quote 'doesn't believe in automobiles'."

"What?" exclaims the one called Joel. "What do you mean you don't believe in cars? What the fuck does that even mean?"

Aleksi has a feeling the men are getting slightly off topic.

"I just think things would be simpler if we still used horse carriages," the curly-head says condescendigly.

"And when have you even been on a hor-"

"Gentlemen!" Aleksi interrupts Joel. "I'm afraid we don't have a moment to waste if you wish you find your friend."

"Yeah, sorry, Porko will shut up now," Niko glances at this..Porko, who sticks out his tongue in the most mature manner.

"We got to the emergency room, and the whole place was packed, and they said we'd have to wait for a couple of hours before they would take Olli in," Joel sighs.

"But we didn't have that much!" Porko cries out. "Olli was already on the verge of losing consciousness. He couldn't even see anymore!"

"Umm, actually," Olli says, scratching the back of his neck, "I had just rubbed my eyes too soon after washing them with disinfectant."

How do these guys survive on a daily basis?

Niko continues recalling the events. "They finally took him in at, like, seven, which was when our reservation at Dine Cellar started."

"It's my birthday, you see" Porko winks at Aleksi.

"Congratulations?" Aleksi mumbles, trying to not blush.

"It was my birthday before it was yours, Mr Centre of the Universe," Joel protests, and Aleksi can't help but think that each piece of information he's gathered from these men is more bizarre than the previous.

Niko shoots a deathly glare at the two squabbling men before going on with the story. "And I had to go with Olli because the nurse thought he was scared of medical operations."

"...When in reality I just felt so bad about ruining the evening, and when I feel bad, I often-" Olli paused to take a shaky breath, "I start crying, and I can't help it." He sniffles. "And look what I've done now! Tommi's gone missing, and who knows if we'll find him alive!"

"Naww, you didn't ruin anything, sweetie," Porko pouts at Olli and hugs him to his chest as he sobs.

"Yes, it was, in fact, your guitar smashing on Olli's head that put us in this situation," Niko says dryly. Aleksi crunches his eyebrows, still none the wiser about how their friend disappeared, seemingly into thin air.

"What about the rest of you? Did you stay at the hospital?"

"No, we were starving, so we drove to the closest McDonald's," Joel answers.

"And Joel threw a temper tantrum because they were out of Happy Meal toys," Porko chuckles, still holding Olli close to him while the man kept cuddling to his side.

"Yeah, first of all, what does that have to do with anything?" That is a reasonable question, finally a man of common sense! "Secondly, have you seen the Venom figurine? It's also a nerf gun, come on, how fucking cool is that?" ...Nevermind.

"Anyway," Porko begins again, "Then Niko called and said they were done with Olli's stitches and that they were ravenous as well, so we ordered more meals to go and returned to the hospital to pick up Niko and Olli."

"Yeah, what took you so long though?" Niko squints his eyes.

"Nothing, we were there perfectly in time, don't you remember," Joel mutters, while Porko sucks on his lips, as if to surpress a laughter.

"Well," he pats Joel on the back, "birthday boy here got really bad heartburn after his burger and fries and wouldn't stop whining about it, so Tommi had to drive by his apartment so that he could get his meds."

The events are still nowhere near the actual occurance Aleksi is supposed to be investigating, but by now he is sort of used to it. He wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if the next plottwist included something as crazy as-

"Yeah, and that fucking huge demon pigeon was back on my balcony again!"

...Sure. Why not.

This time Porko does a much poorer effort in holding back his chuckles. "Oh yeah, I forgot about our dear friend Bob. Tommi had to go up Joel's apartment and shoo it away, otherwise Joel wasn't going to let anyone in a five mile radius sleep that night."

"Did Tommi do this willingly?" Aleksi is beginning to wonder if Tommi had known exactly what he was doing when disappearing off the face of earth; perhaps he had just had enough of his friends' tomfoolery. Aleksi certainly isn't going to judge him for it, if that turned out to be the case.

"As willingly as he does anything for his friends," Porko answers with a longing glint in his eye and a palm cluthing his chest. "He's a good man."

"Yeah, unless you touch his drums or anything in his car," Olli adds, with a tone that revealed he has done both, with less than pleasant consequences.

"Then we were all sorta worn out, so we decided to stop by the liquor store," Joel says. "Then we went to get Niko and Olli from the hospital and came back here."

"With the liquor?" Aleksi asks for confirmation.

"Yes," they reply in unison.

Somehow, Aleksi feels like this is a turning point in his investigation.

"Did Tommi drink a lot?"

"We don't keep count, man," Niko smiles at him sarcastically.

"So it's no use asking how much you guys drank?"

"I mean, see for yourself, if you think it'll be of any help," Porko shurgs and gestures towards a table behind the sofa, filled with empty cans and bottles.

"Right. What's the last thing you remember from last night?"

"You really wanna know?" Porko raises his eyebrow at Aleksi and smirks. It's enough clue for Aleksi that no, perhaps he does not want to know.

Suddenly Olli's eyes grow large. "Oh..oh! Oh no!" he cries out, hiding his face in his palms.

"Do you remember something?" Aleksi inquires.

"I do! Oh no! Oh, Tommi!" he exclaims miserably. They all look at him expectantly, like waiting for an oracle to vocalize a prophecy.

"I remember lying there," he points at the sofa, "and seeing how he got up and climbed to the window and he...he jumped!"

A collective gasp escapes the mouths of his friends.

"Why would he do that?" Porko asks, his voice equally sad as Olli's. "He has so much to live for..."

"You know what, I knew it," Joel nods, his eyes glassy. "I heard the sirens this morning, while y'all were still sleeping. I bet they came for him."

"You mean the sirens at half past five this morning? Yeah, that was Porko wheezing while snoring again," Niko says. "Which means..."

Then they all rush to the window and open it to get a better view at the courtyard opening three storeys below them. Luckily, there's no sign of anyone having smacked down on the concrete.

Truly a curious case, Aleksi has to admit: a drummer sitting on his stool in one moment, vanished in the next. If Aleksi manages to solve the mystery, the union of detectives might finally give him the status of-

His train of thought is interrupted when the door opens and a tall man walks in.

"Tommi!"

"Morning," Tommi(?!) says. "What're you looking at, guys? And who are you?" he asks as he sets down his packback and steps over to the drum kit, already averting his focus on his instrument rather than his four friends with their gaping mouths.

"Where did you disappear last night?" Niko is the first one to ask the million dollar question.

"Home?" Tommi looks at him with side eyes and fixes his cap.

"Through the window?" It's Olli's turn to interrogate him.

"Porko had passed out in front of the door and wouldn't move."

"You could've just dragged me out of your way, you weirdo?"

"I rather used the fire ladder than found out what the sticky stuff you were covered in was."

"But why didn't you answer your phone when we called you this morning?" Joel demands to know.

"Left my phone in the car."

"And where did you leave yourself when we came to rang your doorbell, huh? We were really worried about you, man," Niko's voice almost breaks down.

"Guess I was buying breakfast. Seriously, what the hell is this fuss about, guys, are we gonna play or what? And who is that guy?"

The four men exchange embarrassed looks and, as if by silent agreement, Niko takes the ad about Aleksi's detective services they had taken from a bulletin board a few blocks away, rumbles it and tosses it in the rubbish bin.

"He's Joel's new one-nighter," Porko says, and Aleksi turns to look at him with wide eyes. "Bro, you must have been so drunk to not remember those crystal eyes."

"What?!" Joel whisper-shouts at Porko, who nudges him silent.

"He's staying for breakfast, aren't you?" Porko turns to meet Aleksi's stare.

Well. It's not like Aleksi had anything better to do.