#i hope this is coherent i wrote this at 1 am

[sapphoscompanion]

Probably because i just watched Agua cadaver, but i think Laura is the jealous one. She was always leaving when Rosemary and her ex where talking, as if she couldn't stand it, and she had suspected him from the beginning (she said she was sorry for doing that but i don't believe her lmao).

I feel like there'd be some angst in their dynamic interpreting it this way: Rosemary is the more independent one, had a couple of boyfriends that didn't last, and is more carefree, follows her instinct; Laura, on the other hand, was married iirc for 27 years, and even if she swore off men, Rosemary knows the right one could come and sweep her off her feet, give her that sense of security she had before, take her away from her. And she could manage it, she's the independent one after all (or so she thinks).

So, however jealous she may feel, she'll never act on it, and silently support Laura because, well, any man who could see what a catch she is, could give her more than she ever could, more than a rusty land rover (even if she'd never abandon her girl to upgrade to the newest model), more than a job that hardly pays the bills, more than dirt and sweat and backache and a donkey dressed as Rudolph for christmas.

Of course she's too oblivious to see that Laura's finally found her place in the world, she's finally found meaning in life with her, and she would like to keep it that way, thank you very much. No matter the uncomfortable seats on the land rover, no matter the physically taxing job, no matter Rosemary's lack of observation skills (she notes this in Up the garden path), and the donkey is her most precious possession, actually.

And every time a man lays his eyes on Rosemary, well, who could blame him? Laura can and does. First it was that vicious murderer in A simple plot, and then her ex in Agua Cadaver, but anyway many men have before been fascinated by her knowledge about plants (as Laura is), her straightforward attitude (as Laura is), her smile (as Laura is)...

And Laura can't stand it. Now that she's finally found someone that likes her the way she is, that she can be her authentic self with, they're trying to take her away. She can't stand to watch it happen, so she leaves first. If she leaves first, no one else can leave her.

And she prays that Rosemary comes after her, she prays with her eyes shut and fists clenched. She begs Rosemary to stay, buys a gift she knows she'll love. She does everything she can to keep her from leaving, except telling her how she feels, of course. Rosemary is the straightforward one, after all. And Rosemary always stays, but for how long will Laura have to do this?

All her life, she thinks. Rosemary could leave at any moment, she's a free spirit. And Laura almost feels bad for clinging on to her like this, but she can't risk it. Her home is with Rosemary, and she hopes she can tell. And she hopes Rosemary's home is with her, too.

just out of curiosity, who do you think’s more likely to have a slight jealous streak? rosemary or laura? bc like… rosemary in ‘the invisible worm’ would suggest her, but i can see laura too.

yes this is for more fic ideas for the fic’s i’ll never write (as soon as i hand this goddamn essay in i will write So much i’m so ready)

[shadowlinktheshadow]

hello hi I am here to ask about the Shadow and Green thing hehe

um. 💀 well first problem is that that green doodle was done at 11 or so at night so I did that on a whim 💀💀

second is I remember what I was thinking of at the time but im not sure if I can explain it well 💀💀💀

ANYWAYS

rereading the four swords manga over and over, Green has started to grow on me as a character and I REALLY wish he had more screentime

sure, he got the whole desert temple to himself, the one to meet tingle, the one to fight Vio...

but especially at the end? I feel like hes a little forgotten. it gets a little iffy after the encounter in the dark forest (which. cant blame them. theyre writing off of canon) and with the whole shadow fight the attention is really on Shadow and Vio I feel

so ive been juggling an idea that what if Green had been the one to he launched into the dark forest with Shadow?

(tbf if he did people would complain that he had TOO MUCH screentime but. im a sucker for him so too bad >:) )

my main point for this is that I feel like Green and Shadow relate harder to "Link"

the reason for Shadow and Vio to have gotten together was that Vio was "different". Shadow saw Vio as independent and smart and wanted to exploit that. (I dont know what im sayingg) but its kinda surface level. "you're different. im different. let's hang"

but for Green and Shadow it's the same thing but with a new factor; Link.

im sorry to say as a Green fan now, but when I first read the book I was a "Green is just Link lol" believer (IM SORRY) I honestly thought he had no purpose besides being their guiding force for rescuing Zelda and driving the story forward 💀

there was a point that really changed my view (cant remember who) but their post made me start thinking of the responsibilities of carrying the color "green". he said himself in the manga, "I'm wearing green so im the leader! (IM the closest to Link!!)" but there's no way he didnt carry even a bit of pressure, a bit of worry in himself

because he WASNT Link.

just 1/4 of the real deal, a fragment of the original, a copy.

and for me, Shadow is the same deal. he was the reflection of Link, his Shadow. the same carbon copy and yet a whole another person at the same time.

that frustration. that sadness and anger at yourself for not being someone who is EXACTLY LIKE YOU. the person who everyone thinks you are. WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

if Green was trapped with Shadow, I dont think he'd have Vio's wit to immediately think of a plan that had a 50/50 chance of actually succeeding on the spot, so I think itd be more of Shadow weakening him. projecting his own thoughts onto Green, to make him feel the same pain. maybe Green already feels that way? then maybe to bubble up those emotions.

(im rereading this over (I wrote this first thing in the morning. its 10 pm now) and uh. I dont know what im talking about I hope this comes across at least a little coherently 💀💀💀)

[solitaryandwandering]

A Ramble: Love in the Big City Eps 1-2

I just watched episode 2 of Love in the Big City and I am... reeling. Cried when Kim Nam Gyu died, when Yeong and Mi Rae sang together at the wedding, cried at the crushing ending line. I loved the direction in these two episodes; one of the reasons I was super excited to watch this was because they're switching up the directors for each part. Such a cool way to signal transitions in Yeong's life. Now that I've seen the caliber Son Tae Gyum operated at I'm intrigued to see how direction will affect the next parts. Maybe I'll write up a thing about that in the end, but I'm hopeful others will as well! I am chomping at the bit to read the book, seriously!!

I have to mention first what a BALLSY move it was for them to open on Yeong's tryst with a man who was cheating on someone currently in the military. And he walks in the door, STILL IN UNIFORM. What a fucking slap in the face to hegemonic masculinity!!

After this first part what I am really lingering on are two things: queer loneliness and heteronormativity's relationship to misogyny. I'm just gonna put down my half-baked thoughts, I don't have the time or spoons to formulate coherent sentences haha

Though I saw Nam Gyu's death coming just based on vibes in the first episode, its impact wasn't lessened. Its significance didn't really hit me until I saw how empty his funeral was. Loneliness shaped his life - repression, liberation in meeting another gay man, falling in love with him way too fast, forming a dependent attachment, his desperation/obsessiveness in losing it so abruptly. He expressed his queerness in his photography, voyeuristic and seeking closeness with his subjects in the only way he felt was available to him. He had no friends, no relationships outside of his with Yeong. When Yeong breaks up with him and when he visits him drunk in ep 2, he says "falling in love is not a sin." To me, this shows just how removed from a loving community he has been, how nascent his queerness. He's still processing homophobia, it still influences every move he makes, everything he thinks. Clearly he has not had close relationships with other queers, where he may feel free to unburden himself. He falls back on heteronormative performance of romance, searching the best places for dates, not having anyone to ask. Knowing he's older makes this hurt more.

His story brought to mind the futility of AIDS-related deaths in the U.S., to be honest. I lost my gay uncle before I even knew him, and I know no one from his life. I know it's not a perfect parallel, but that funeral... this emptiness carries beyond one queer person's death. And Yeong's journey in these two episodes is about queer loneliness, of course. But his story is not as tragic as Nam Gyu's. He has (amazing) queer friends, and at one point had Mi Rae. He is much more connected to the queer community than Nam Gyu ever was. Despite his immaturity, Yeong is also much more familiar and comfortable with his queerness. I imagine this thread of self-actualization in the face of loneliness will continue in the rest of the show.

@twig-tea and @poetry-protest-pornography also wrote about queer loneliness in this show: here and here

And then we have Mi Rae, a vitally important relationship in Yeong's life, the love this part of the story is about. I met my best friend in college as well, so this part of the story was bringing up a lot of feelings too. To me, their friendship was as much about navigating heteronormativity as anything else, reflected in Yeong's reflection that "she learned that being a gay man sucks, and I learned that being a woman sucks just as much." Mi Rae is impacted by misogyny in every step of her character's journey: male classmates labeling her a slut and claiming her body for theirs, being groped, her challenges obtaining an abortion and mistreatment by a male doctor (where she literally claims her uterus back), her conflict with her parents (I'm assuming her mother had very rigid ideas of what a woman should be, based on her behavior at the wedding), hiding her past from her boyfriend, forced to defend herself when he questions why she lives with a man, shutting herself off from her relationship with Yeong (and thus rejecting her past) after the wedding. I looked up the status of abortion in Korea (a legal gray zone) and was reminded of how badly women there have it, which provided more context for her behavior.

Yeong must also traverse heteronormativity, which is what ultimately drives a wedge between the two and ends their friendship. In the beginning, their mutual rejection of heteronormative scriptures is what brings them together. He stands up for her against those male classmates, in an interaction steeped with assumptions of his heterosexuality. In rejecting her objectification he made himself a pariah for refusing to participate in normative masculinity. And their relationship continues thus, with her promising never to out him. She betrays him in a moment where she feels her participation in normative heterosexuality is threatened (and, indeed, it is a legitimately precarious position to be put in as a woman). Their brief reconciliation mainly consists of Yeong participating in a heterosexual ritual - he has no access to marriage in Korea. Her singing with him and letting go of her inhibitions for one last time was her goodbye to him and her ultimate acceptance of a more heteronormative life. One he can't participate in.

I hope that made any lick of sense. So looking forward to watching the next week. I am holding myself back from watching the next episodes right now. So hard.

[kwamiwayzz]

Why Jeckole (Jecka/Nicole) is the Most Popular Ship of Class of '09 - Part I

Or: Part I should be renamed to why is Aricole or Emicole not as popular as Jeckole?

After being in this community for sometime, and even waffling in-between thinking whether I still like this ship versus thinking they're just a repackaged, white American-version of another ship I love - that's another discussion for later, dear lord, I wanted to put all my thoughts down somewhere to why I think Jecka and Nicole have dominated as the most popular pairing within the Class of '09 fandom.

Disclaimer: I don't want this to be a whole post saying, "Jeckole is the best4eva, Emicole and Aricole sUX XD" but more of an explanation breaking down why this ship in particular is one that most of the fandom has gravitated towards when getting into Class of'09. After all, there has to be some reason to why it's still persisted among fans (old and new). There was even a Jeckole Week 2025 despite the fandom slowly fizzling out after Flip Side's release.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, time to dig into the popularity of SBN's most hated pairing. I haven't been in an English/Writing class since college, and it's been so long since I've ever written an essay, so let's hope (all my jumbled thoughts) everything I try to explain sounds coherent enough.

To the fans surprise (at least if you didn't know anything about SBN), he never wrote the interactions among all the girls with any queer subtext in mind. He mostly did it for 1) money, and 2) a way to get his fixation on teenage girls/lesbians out somewhere...The guy is a freak (and not in a good way). It's only a miracle that his game got this much traction and popularity.

He ended up playing himself because what else should he expect when his most hated pairing is one that the fandom loves. People can come up with all sorts of arguments as to how this game blowing up on TikTok led to teenage lesbians missing the point of the games or running off everything out of context and yadda, yadda, yadda...And maybe there is some validity in those arguments as well.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that Jecka and Nicole became the most popular ship even after SBN was "baiting" fans.

Shipping isn’t an unpredictable beast that grows completely independently of its source material. The ways writers craft interactions between their characters–and the places where they invest the most and infuse the most life–are powerful tools that impact how fans view and come to love seeing characters both separately and in romantic relationships. (Why Do Non-Canon Ships Become So Popular - And Why Should Writers Rethink When They Do? by sarehptar on AO3)

Fanart numbers is a completely different story, so I'm going to put that aside for now.

Starting with AO3 stats, Jeckole overshadows the other ships as one of the "Big 3" (Big 3 being Jeckole, Aricole, Emicole). On the left, it's the general numbers of pairs you could filter from. While on the right, it's after filtering the tags with "otp: true"

But wait...why are Ari and Nicole fics so criminally low compared to the monster of a ship that is Jeckole, when Aricole is considered canon? This same question can be applied to Emily and Nicole. Why does Jecka and Nicole still overshadow the other two pairs even though both Ari and Emily have canonically expressed romantic interest in Nicole in their respective routes?

[Full Text of Emily's Message Below]

you wont see this cuz they make us turn our phones off but i just want to write this for me. I'm glad we are dying together it just feels right and I can't think of anyone i would rather do it with. I may as well write this too... i am super fucking gay for you sorry i lied in the hallway and didn't tell u before we shared a bed and changed in front of each other. idk if that's rape or whatever but if it is sorry lol. i can die fulfilled cuz dying together with another girl is a bigger commitment than some soft ass bitch getting married to jack the construction worker or some other boring white guy who cant pronounce Beanie Sigel. but ya if you pass out first I'm gonna try to fall over on you so it looks like were cuddling <3

I think one explanation for this is that Ari and Emily's canonical romantic interest in Nicole, along with most of their interactions with her, are primarily isolated into one route. For Ari, this is through the Hate Crime/Abusive Exes Ending. While for Emily, this is through the Suicide Pact Ending. That's not to say that shippers can't fuel themselves off crumbs and scraps until the end of time--look at one of Aricole's most well-known artists, Misan. But when taking a peek into the Class of '09 fandom from an outside perspective, the first ship you'll most likely come across is Jeckole. Even some people who like Aricole, Emicole, or some rarepairs, tend to be multishippers who universally think Jeckole is a good pairing.

As I've mentioned in previous discussions with a few people on Tumblr, Jecka and Nicole's interactions span throughout all three games in multiple routes. Nicole's interactions with Jecka aren't confined to just one or two routes. It's understandable why others would see their interactions as that of your typical best friends trope. And that's completely fine too--I actually initially saw them as just that until I decided to try the game out on a whim one day.

However, after reading an essay from sarehptar (Echodrops on Tumblr), they mention something about "emotional energy" within a story:

When I talk about “emotional energy,” I don’t necessarily mean romantic emotions (and in fact, in the case of most non-canon ships, I don’t mean romantic emotions at all!). Rather, what I mean is the weight, power, and dynamism of the myriad emotions characters express for one another, including friendship/camaraderie, trust, reliance, frustration, anger, hatred, sadness, etc. For the purposes of this discussion, emotional energy is any of the meaningful emotional interactions that two characters share–especially those which drive the main plot of a story.

I figured in the context of Nicole and Jecka in the VNs, it made sense as to why many fans gravitated towards them compared to the side pairings. This isn't to say that Nicole doesn't have emotional energy with Emily or Ari. There's a reason why Aricole and Emicole are one of the main pairings of the fandom. However, among the three main leads that Nicole interacts with, there's only one person who she centers herself around (and vice versa to an extent).

And that's Jecka.

(Screenshot from the Anime Pilot because look how much of a wet cat Nicole is trying to win Jecka's favor back)

In every single route from the original game, Jecka is always introduced to Nicole no matter what choice she makes. Whether this is after talking to Crispin or Jeffery at the beginning of the game, she always ends up running into Jecka either way.

(Screenshots Below - On the left is on Nicole's first day of school. On the right is on Nicole's second day of school if she didn't meet Jecka on the first day.)

In both instances of her first meeting with Jecka, Nicole was readily available to give out her name to this girl she just met despite having the mindset that any bonds she makes will be completely pointless. She even goes on to talk about herself and her issues with her brother to Jecka within the first two days she's met her.

"But Nicole is probably just doing that because Jecka is a more tolerable option!"

That could be true, but the player doesn't get the same kind of introduction between Nicole and Emily, Nicole and Ari, or Nicole and any other student. With Jeffery, she was only messing with him. By the time Nicole interacts with Emily in Re-Up, they're already friends. I think they're already somewhat-acquainted before the Remedial English (Suicide Pact/Get Ms. Ames Fired) Route.

By the time Nicole interacts with Ari in Re-Up, they already know each other (though, Nicole finds her a bit of an annoyance). Ari also falls for Nicole quickly after their session with the counselor while Nicole is primarily in power once they start to date.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm dismissing the other two pairings when I bring up other scenes and interactions between Jecka and Nicole. You can view them as just best friends (or even friends-of-convenience), while seeing Nicole's relationship with Ari or Emily as a more valid romantic option, and that's okay. But the examples I'm going to talk about are to give insight on why this non-canon ship is so popular within the fandom despite never canonically expressing any romantic feelings towards one another.

(Side Note: I've probably re-read sarehptar/Echodrops's essay more times than I can count in the past few days)

To get this out of the way, I'm going to get into why Aricole and Emicole are often overshadowed by Jeckole.

You can argue that Nicole does center herself around Ari or Emily, depending on which route you choose in Re-Up. In the Date Ari Route, Nicole is constantly with her girlfriend (mostly abusing her), but that sense of push-and-pull isn't exactly as apparent. It's more of Nicole pulling, and Ari being pulled.

While I've seen arguments that Ari's more manipulative side can be seen from the Rejection Route, it still has the same vibe as the Date Ari Route except Ari is the one pulling, while Nicole is being pulled. I've seen fans love this aspect of this ship, and it all boils down to preferences. But that lack of push-pull within canon is probably why it's not on the same level of popularity as Jeckole. (That doesn't make Aricole a bad ship. Do not come for me!) Ari and Nicole aren't shown in canon to be equally on par in keeping up with one another.

The tension between them either leans more towards one character or the other, depending on which route the player goes for (Hate Crime or Abusive Exes). This is why some fans do the work themselves and combine aspects of both of these routes to get a more "equal playing-field" Aricole.

Okay, so if Aricole feels like a pull-and-be-pulled dynamic, then wouldn't Emily and Nicole be on more equal ground? They both have similar backgrounds with mental health issues and are both pretty unhinged people. Like others have said, they're the epitome of, "They make each other worse."

During Suicide Pact in Re-Up, Emily mentions how she planned to flush all her Seroquel down the toilet after feeling the adrenaline rush of everything she did when spending time with Nicole. This entire route has them fucking around, skipping remedial, making Jeffery's life worse--and they both get a rush from that. But when Nicole starts to see how unmedicated/unfiltered Emily actually is, she starts to get a little scared of her.

This duo starts out as if they're on equal ground, but the moment Emily turns into her unmedicated BPD-self, Nicole just gets pulled into whatever Emily does so that she doesn't piss her off. And I figure that Nicole's fear (and respect) of Emily is why she didn't try to save her, and only saved herself when they both planned to overdose in Ms. Ames class.

What is it that both Emily and Ari have in common despite having canonical romantic feelings for Nicole? Both of their dynamic with Nicole feel almost one-sided. I don’t just mean with their romantic feelings, I also mean with their dynamic in general.

“The games aren’t meant to be a dating sim!”

Yeah I know. But when Nicole doesn’t interact with Ari all that much, they’re neither focal points to each other’ narratives at all. The same can be said for Emily.

With Jecka, Nicole is almost always with her. They skip class together, they do drugs together, they got into a situation where they pissed off a mall cop, etc, etc. I also want to point out that Jecka is often the first person that Nicole goes to when she’s bored, wants someone to talk to, or wants to hang around, and is willing to (kinda of) change for. However, while the part about Nicole “changing” is a stretch, canonically-speaking, I was going to try and go more in-depth with that in Part II.

When Nicole isn’t around Jecka, Jecka ends up going back to her shallow high school friendships (like with Kelly), but admits to Nicole that she only sat with Kelly so she isn't alone. So…they’re both in the same boat and drive each other’s narratives of trying to survive the bullshit of high school through each other.

Anyway, this wasn’t meant to be a formal analysis at all, but I think I went a bit too far to the point where my brain feels absolutely fried now. I’m just hoping this doesn’t come across as ship-bashing when comparing Nicole’s dynamic with both Ari and Emily.

Who knows how long Part II will take me lol.

[carry-the-sky]

saw this fanfic writer interview by @cheeseplants floating around, hope it's okay that i'm jumping on the bandwagon! 👉👈

What fandoms do you write in?

good omens currently, but i have approximately nine million hellcheer wips collecting dust on my google drive 😭

How many words have you published in 2024?

~25k!

What is your greatest achievement this year?

i'm honestly not sure i accomplished much writing-wise this year 😅 i did join my first ever bang, and i'm nearly finished with the fic for that event (a before sunrise au, if that's anyone's jam), so i'll probably feel more like i actually Did The Thing once that's complete!

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

aside from my bang fic, i'm quite proud of the post-s2 one shot i wrote for the good omens song/poetry exchange, till forever falls ♡

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

i had perhaps the worst bout of writer's block i've ever had this past summer, and at one point i was genuinely like alright. this is it, i actually don't know how to write anymore. but we made it through!

What have you learned?

not writing can actually be the best way to write. i'm such a slowpoke and i'm always feeling pressure to be productive so that i can get a good grade in being 'relevant in fandom'. which is silly! i'm aware!! but i'm trying to give myself grace and step away when it starts to feel like a chore rather than something joyful. even if that means it takes me eight months to write a 15k one shot, oop.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

i've learned that i'm a much better cheer reader than i am a beta. i'm useless with actual writing advice, but if you need someone to keyboard smash and/or shower you with love, i'm your gal.

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Good Neighbours, Good Fences (and Other Misunderstandings), probably my favorite gomens human au

the stolen hearts of things, my dear @ninzied's firstprince heist au that lives rent free in my head

the space we'll fill with time, an incredible little fic by @garglyswoof that alters my brain chemistry every time i read it

What ideas are percolating for next year?

two semi-coherent gomens wips which i've been picking away at for over a year: a final fifteen time loop (don't boo me i have a VISION) and a 5+1 picnic fic. i would also LOVE to finish my kanthony soulmate au, lol.

Who do you want to thank?

honestly anyone who took a chance on my gomens stuff this year. i’m still a relative newbie in the fandom and it feels a bit like slinging words into the void sometimes, but i really appreciate the interactions i’ve had. ♡

tagging! (no pressure) @redbelles, @majicmarker, @ninzied, @possibility-left, @justhere4thevibez,

@ejunkiet, @evilbunnyking and anyone else who wants to play :)

[connorsjorts]

beloved connorsjorts, I am new to the fandom! I was here in 2018 when the game came out, but I was also a kid. Grew up and have now realized how romantic the Hank and Connor route was.

Do you think it was on purpose?? Or did they accidentally insert incredibly gay vibes bc the buddy cop genre is inherently homoerotic or something??? I mean they had the Tracis so they aren’t against gay couples or something, but there’s a world of difference between gay side characters and gay main characters in gaming, if you know what I mean??? What does it all mean???

Anyways, love your fics!!! You slay every day.

Hi and welcome to the fandom!! I hope you’re having a great time, and thank you so much for your kind words about my fics 🥹💖💖

I really wanted to write an in-depth response to this, I wrote out bullet points and everything! But feeding my baby is literally a full-time job rn and it would have taken an embarrassingly long time to turn those bullet points into something coherent considering that this ask has already been sitting in my inbox for a week 🫠

So, in the interest of ensuring that I actually answer your question: The short version is that while David Cage is unfortunately homophobic, imo that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t use a queer narrative for his own gain 🤷🏻‍♀️ He already did something similar by making the game an allegory for race—he uses social issues to make his stories seem Important. So I think it’s plausible that Connor’s story revolves around intentional queer subtext, and that yes, Hank plays a “love interest” role on some level. But because gay men make Cage uncomfortable and he didn’t actually want his Cool(?) White Man character to be queer, we’re left with remnants of this idea on the thematic and structural level only. Which like, thank god, in terms of the story—the man is not subtle, can you IMAGINE how over the top it would be if he had followed through.

Fig 1: Dramatic reenactment of the Eden Club in a version of the game where Connor Detroit is allowed to be gay

I feel like this is an unpopular opinion (I think most people think it’s just 100% accidental) but if anyone wants me to plead my case in Old Man Yaoi v. That Coward David Cage lmk. Otherwise I’ll be busy plunking out my next Human Disaster Connor fic 😌 Thanks for your question!!!

[sxddekarios]

a very wholesome magic lesson

i am back with a bg3 rebranding!! this is the first fic i've ever wrote, and it's my take on Gale's act 1 romance scene at the tiefling party. Him and Tav are both oblivious to the others' feelings. read on ao3 or here!

2.2k words (of fluff)

---------------------

“I think it’s best in my condition if I don’t get too excited,” Gale reminds himself.

“Well, who said anything about excitement? Surely you’re not *that* keen on a little magic trick. I’ve seen you do plenty of other magic.” Tav responds with her signature furrowed brows.

“It’s not … the magic, per-say. More what comes with it. Though perhaps I’ve had too much wine for this conversation.” Gale attempts to stop him self, as he usually does when he’s bitten off a bit too much to chew in the flirting department.

“For what conversation? I just want to learn some more magic. There’s no way I can go enjoy our celebration, and sleep, after this cliffhanger…” Tav trails off, trying to bait him into explaining without having to fish too directly (or embarrassingly) for it.

Gale raises an eyebrow at Tav, knowing that he’s never been able to turn down an ask of hers before. He got into this mess with the orb by being a pleaser, after all. “Have a glass of wine and I’ll see if I can handle making this much of an ass of myself” Gale sighs.

Tav grabs his glass of wine and takes a tentative sip. She makes a face, disgusted by the tartness. Luckily, she manages to swallow the offending liquid. “This is all you’re getting from me, I’m afraid. Unless you can magic this into something bearable, or you’re hiding some other vices somewhere in that tent of yours, you’re gonna have to deal with talking to a sober person right now.”

Gale looks at her in mock astonishment — “Have you no taste? Have you never drank wine before? This is a *delectable* indulgence that clearly you have not been educated on. Or, perhaps, you lack the sophistication that i’ve grown terribly used to in Waterdeep.”

Tav grimaces while preparing herself for her next attempt to shut Gale up …. at least telling him how he *should* shut up, that is. Letting out a deep breath, she grabs hold of Gale’s glass and chugs it. As much as she can anyways, which still takes an eternity too long to ensure she doesn’t choke. “It’s still horrendous. But we’re even now. Spill, before I do.”

Gale glances at the empty glass in disappointment, but holds onto it. He steels himself for his next words while keeping his eyes downward. “If you must know, I speak of … physical excitement. I can handle magic, but my heart may not be able to handle … more carnal conditions of the flesh. With the orb, I risk exploding with any activity, or *feeling*, that gets my heart beating too fast, my blood pressure too high,” Gale explains.

Tav raises an eyebrow in response. “Like, you’re gonna explode as in ….” she trails off again, hoping he’ll take the hint. She knows he must be referring to the catastrophic Netherese blast they had spoken of before, but she couldn’t help herself from teasing him about the double entendre.

The blush taking over Gale’s face and neck came on far too suddenly for him to blame it on the wine. “No! Gods no, not like that! The magic in the orb will destroy me and everything around me,” Gale exclaims. Much to his avail, Tav still doesn’t stop her line of questioning.

Crossing her arms, Tav decides to enjoy the flustered nature of a blushing, tipsy Gale. “Okay, but you’re still saying you’d explode …. literally …. because you’d explode …. sexually. You said you wanted to show me a *magic* trick, not fuck my brains out.”

She pauses for a second when he lets out an indignant gasp at her directness. “Unless I’m mistaken on what a magic trick is, in which case I think you should’ve lead with that,” Tav finished with a smirk, finally meeting his eyes. She can feel the exasperation exuding from the wizard, and she loves every second of it.

Gale has no choice but to shake his head in lack of a coherent response to Tav’s brazen words. “I suppose you’ve got me there. I can show you some magic, no nefarious subterfuge. And no explosions of any kind, mortal *or* magical,” he emphasized.

Tav worries at her lip for show. “You really won’t blow up, right? Or you’ll at least warn me if you feel too much … *excitement*, stirring? We can’t leave scratch an orphan.” She thinks of mentioning the chaos that Astarion would unleash without them to reel him in, but she didn’t want to darken the mood too much.

Gale smiles at her words and lets out a little laugh as he promises that they’ll be safe. He holds out his hand, palm up, for her to take. Tav takes a hard look at his fingers for a moment, trying to commit their beauty to memory, before gently laying her hand atop his and intertwining their fingers to be led farther out of the camp. Once they reach a more quiet spot a few minutes later, Gale stops, forfeiting her warm hand to turn to her.

“This will do. Now, I want to show you the true embrace of the Weave. It’s a full-body experience to wield the Weave and feel its support of your magic,” Gale says with a smile on his face and wonder in his eyes. Tav categorizes this as his professor face, imagining him introducing lessons to his students with this pure enthusiasm.

Nevertheless, she’s more comfortable bickering with Gale than sharing that heart-warming thought with him. “You know i’m a sorcerer, right? I’ve been using the Weave my whole life. Unlike *some* people,” she pointedly includes to rile up the wizard.

“Of course. You’ve received the gift through your ancestor’s carnal relations with some dragon, while ‘some’ of us have *worked* for it,” Gale smiled, letting her know that he was joining her sarcasm in jest. “Nonetheless, there’s a very different feeling to using the Weave that comes with the years of study a wizard has. *That* is what I wanted to show you. I know you can call on the Weave as second nature, and you do a wonderful job with it, but I want you to experience the pleasure of embracing the environment, carefully going over the incantation and hand gestures, and using this to manipulate the Weave to bring your spell into reality.”

Tav felt her heart rate sky rocket with Gale’s praise for her sorcery. She wondered if the feeling he spoke of was really common to all wizards, or if he had a deeper connection as Mystra’s former lover … or victim, if you ask her. Still, she tried to focus on the positive.

“Ah, so you took me here to teach me slow careful pleasure,” Tav teased. “Get on with it then,” she encouraged with a wave of her hand.

Gale laughed in response, a deep sound that flooded Tav’s head with a light feeling, and took over her lips with a full grin.

“As you wish,” Gale bowed his head towards Tav, and proceeded with his magic lesson.

—

After an hour of teaching Tav how to connect with the Weave in this almost spiritual manner, Gale smiled at her once again. “I know you’re genuinely a natural at magic, but you did a wonderful job with this. It’s hard for someone to harness this connection without the education of a wizard.”

Tav smiles back at Gale and considers herself. “Or, maybe you’re just a good teacher.” As sure of herself as she was in magic, she was more sure of Gale’s ability to educate others. From his admirable desire to help others to his enthusiasm for knowledge … to the voice, face, and *hands* that made it impossible to zone out on him. He didn’t need to know that last part, though.

Gale chuckles at her praise, a light blush spreading across his face. “That too. How are you feeling now?” He asks, hoping his little magic lesson has been half as joyful for her as it has been for him. He felt relaxed, renewed, grounded, and more connected to her than he had ever felt. Although, that last part may be because he’s still standing so close to her, holding her hand as he needed to guide her through the more intricate parts of spell casting.

Tav allows herself to stare into Gale’s glimmering brown eyes, feeling a psychic connection between them where her thoughts could become his without the need to be verbalized.

After a lifetime of men being upset at her, accusing her of expecting them to read her mind, here is a man who can simply do so. Of *course* it’s Gale. Tav feels her eyes well up as she revels in the intense hope, adoration, and yearning she feels for him. Gazing into Gale’s eyes, their hands still intertwined, she imagines what it would be like to press onto her tiptoes and softly kiss him.

Gale’s eyes widen with shock as the thought dances into his mind. “I - I didn’t think -” he stutters, “I wasn’t … expecting that. Not that it’s unwelcome — it was a most pleasant thought,” Gale adds in hopes that Tav doesn’t take his surprise as disinterest, or even disgust. “It just took me by surprise,” he reiterates.

Tav takes a moment to compose herself before exhaling a shaky “okay.” Then, she whips her head around as she smells bergamot wafting in from the distance. Gale follows her gaze until they both see Astarion stumbling into the clearing … closely connected to Shadowheart.

“Well, looks like we’ve got company,” Gale tries (and fails) to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “We might want to get back to camp before we have to witness whatever is going to happen here.”

Tav slowly turns back to gale, smiling as she notices his stony stare at the oblivious couple. “As long as we’re not able to hear them from camp…”

“Oh gods, I don’t even want to think of that,” Gale grimaced. “Why don’t we head back, and if we hear anything, you could come sleep in my tent?” He quickly adds,” I have a silencing ward. I’d cast one on them before we leave, but I’m afraid my concentration won’t last once I fall asleep, and I know how fitful your rest is.”

Astonishment, anger, and amusement fight for dominance over Tav. She conveys a mix of them with her slack-jawed expression. “You had a *silencing ward* on your tent this whole time? And you didn’t *tell me*?” She kept her outrage playful, although she was disappointed that he hadn’t shared this with her earlier.

“I’m sorry,” gale said in earnest as he took her hand and started leading her back towards camp. They left a wide berth for Astarion and Shadowheart to continue ripping each other’s clothes off.

“I started working on a ranged ward for your tent after I earned of your insomnia, but I never quite got it to stick. I didn’t want you to think I was coming onto you by offering a place in my tent to get some good rest. I don’t expect anything, and I could even sleep outside of it if you’re more comfortable with that.” He felt a bit less forward with the offer now that he knew she thought of kissing him — at least in that moment. Still, he never wanted her to feel pressure.

She gazed up at Gale as they reached their camp. “Really?” she asked, unsure if someone could genuinely be so kind. Last time she had an offer like that …. well, they lied about expecting nothing.

Gale squeezed Tav’s hand in reassurance as he took in the concern in her voice. “Of course. I’m sure our adventure would benefit from a well-rested leader… do you want my tent alone, or …” he trailed off, his bashfulness returning.

“No!” tav exclaimed. “I’m not taking your tent from you! We can share it, if you’re okay with that?” She hurries along in an attempt to be thoughtful and nonchalant at the same time, “whatever you want. Sleeping on opposite sides, together … I’m fine with either. Well, by together I mean … you know what I mean,” she shook her head as she tried to explain herself.

Then she remembered their little joke and smirked, “no undue *excitement* is what I mean.”

Gale returned her smirk with a laugh, “Right, always looking out for me. It’s lady’s choice though, and i’m happy with either as well. But I will say, I know you run warm. I also know that I can use a frost enchantment to keep you cool so long as we’re touching.” This was his masterful attempt at sweetening the deal without pressuring her by saying how much he longed to hold her in his arms … and damn him if it wasn’t going to work.

“Gods, you’ve really been holding out on me, haven’t you?” Tav admonished. “I’ll just, get some of my stuff, and then I’ll join you. I’ll bring my blanket so I hopefully won’t steal yours, but I make no promises.”

He smiled as he met her serious gaze at the threat of stealing his blanket. “Two is always better. I’ll see you when you’re ready,” Gale said softly, watching her head back to her tent. He silently thanked her for wanting another blanket, giving him a moment alone to bask in the excitement of a night with her. And calm down this excitement before she returns so he doesn’t scare her off.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

I was tagged by @lisziztaken. I'm not tagging anyone in particular but if you want to participate, tell people I tagged you.

Fic Writer Ask Game:

how many works on ao3?

108 mine, +1 translated work. I am removing the translated work's stats from the below answers when possible.

total ao3 wordcount? 620,229

Top 5 fics by kudos?

The Return

Emergency Contact

If the Sky Comes Falling Down (For You)

A Child of the Manor

Nature and Nurture

What fandoms do you write for?

BatFam. I did a couple MCU fics right after Endgame because I had a fight to pick, but those were aberrations.

Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every single one, but I don't anymore. Now I just respond when I have something to say, and even then, I'm often literal months later.

Angstiest Ending?

I've had a few recently. Maybe Spider Bite. The morning and what came after is pretty rough, too, though.

Fic with the happiest ending?

With a few exceptions, I do try to give happy endings! They may not be happily-ever-afters, but there's almost always hope and some form of resolution.

Do you get hate?

Not on Tumblr. But on AO3, The Return in particular tends to upset the stans because how dare I treat their precious little angel like a fallible human being! How dare!

Do you write smut?

Nope. Not interested.

Do you write crossovers?

Just once, I got possessed and wrote a Stranger Things / Batman crossover, because I had emotions about adoptive dads who Try.

Ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, at least once that I know of and was willing to call out. (To be very honest, I've noticed it happen more than once, but the derivative fics were so very bad, I just pretended they had nothing to do with mine at all.)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep! Some brave soul tried to translate all of Nature and Nurture. Also a translation of It Wasn't Real (But We Were Happy). If I knew how to efficiently search "inspired by" tags, I could probably find a couple more.

Have you ever cowritten a fic?

No. :(

All-time favorite ship?

In fic? Not really my thing. In media? Probably Eugenides/Irene.

WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't doubt I will, I know I won't finish Ghost, which is such a pity.

Writing Strengths?

I've been told I'm good at altered stream of consciousness narratives, like when a character is in crisis or ill or injured and can't think coherently. I also like to think I'm good at picking characterizations that make sense.

Writing Weaknesses?

I'm not a big fan of writing plotty fics, so I don't do it much. Also, longform fics. I have a few, but they take forrrrrrever.

Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

Not something I tend to think about? What an interesting question to include.

First fandom you wrote for?

Uh, this one. My first Batman fanfic on Ao3 was my first fanfic, period.

Favorite fic you've ever written?

Depends on my mood. I'm awfully proud of my longfics but also reread The End of Infinity (With You) kind of a lot but also also am stubbornly and perversely proud of the fics that receive negligible attention like Searchlight Burning or Little Brother or Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien.

[luzial]

Writers Tag Game

Tagged by @swordbisexual and @gefionne, thank you both!

This was more challenging than I anticipated it would be. I feel like I usually have a good handle on these things but I really had to think about it in this case.

Five things you will find in my writing:

1. Dreams or Dreamy Sequences. I love writing them and using them to show characters something they might not know otherwise and/or to give characters a chance to DO something they might not do otherwise. Obviously DA is a great setting for playing around with this kind of thing.

2. (Unnecessarily?) Specific Details in Descriptions. I typically picture scenes very clearly in my mind while I'm writing, often (though not always) because I am working from a reference image. I am never quite sure how necessary these kinds of details are or whether they add to the scene in the end, but obviously one of the goals of writing is trying to get readers somewhere in the ballpark of what you're imagining in your head, and I hope this helps without feeling bulky. (Getting in the ballpark is the key, imo. It's easy to get lost in the weeds thinking people need to see exactly what you're seeing when, honestly, that doesn't matter so much as whether they are able to picture something coherent, even if it varies somewhat from what you intended. But details can help make the moment memorable.)

3. The Same DA Characters Reused. There are a few of my favorites who I both love to write and feel confident in writing. It's efficient to reuse them because I can slip into their voices without having to listen to too much banter or reread too much dialogue. If I have a reason to do it, you're going to see Dorian, Varric, Cole, Cassandra, Felassan, and (obviously) Solas.

4. Alternate POVs. I wrote my first longfic in a single POV and I think that was the right choice for the story, but some of the most fun I had with it was actually writing alternate POV chapters that people requested. Now it's hard for me to imagine doing anything other than a one-shot with a single POV. I love the flexibility that writing in multiple POVs gives you, and the opportunities you have to reveal the way a scene unfolded very differently for one character versus the other. The choice of when to swap and who gets to give us their version of the narrative for a specific event is one of the most important parts of planning out a chapter for me.

5. Sentence Structure as a Tool. Run-on sentences and short/half sentences can both have big impacts, even if they're not grammatically correct. I think maybe my best personal examples of this are in my jealous!Solas at Halamshiral fic. There's a hell of a run-on and then, later, a bunch of abbreviated sentences. All of that was very intentional and, hopefully, encouraged readers to experience those sentences in the particular, uh, rhythm that I wanted.

Tagging @dirtheran, @galadrieljones, @littleglowingwolf, @fadedsweater, @sandetigerrr, and anybody else who wants to do it!

[writing-plurals]

Possible system here (still questioning) - What about an oc that isn't explicitly stated as being plural, but it's moreso heavily implied? Apologies, it's 11pm and I just discovered your blog while waiting for anxiety meds to kick in so I'm not the greatest at explaining things right now - the best example I can think of for this is Princess Luna from MLP:FiM. She just feels Like That to me, idk how to explain it. I hope this ask is at least somewhat coherent, I'm sorry if it's not!

You’re asking… how to write an OC properly, who is not explicitly stated as being plural, but you want to tease an audience into thinking this OC is plural?

And you are saying that you headcanon Princess Luna from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, as plural, because the show’s writers have succeeded in alluding to her being plural without outright saying it?

If both of those are the case then, yes your ask is coherent enough. If not, oops, it’s 1:30am here.

As for how to write that, I am not sure. Personally I have never written an OC who is implied to be plural, but it definitely depends on what kind of plurality you’re trying to achieve the illusion of…

If you want a DID system, but you don’t want to say it, you could write from the perspective of a heavily dissociative host who just thinks they’re very forgetful and doesn’t yet realize they’re a system.

If you want an endogenic system— say they’re plural since birth because magic baby Chosen One or something— then you can have them communicate via written notes but only write the character from the perspective of the person who fronts the most. They’re aware of each other, sure, but the readers won’t be aware of the extra “who” who wrote the extra notes. You see where I’m going with this? No? Oof.

If you want a system who’s actually like… a transdimensional hive mind of some sort, first of all that’s sick as hell. Second, you don’t need to reveal that they can control each others’ bodies, and instead you can just say they’re multiple people talking across dimensions via telepathy or something. I dunno. Workshop it.

Hope this helps!

-mod birdie

[sweetlywingedcreation]

Literally teaching myself to read guitar tabs so i can transpose them so i can play em on Webfishing's guitar...

My attempt at Riebeck's portion of Travellers from the Outer Wilds OST

My process (incase any one was curious how i did it) + The finished tabs for Travellers will be under the cut!

Okay so the process of how i did all this (as a guy who took maybe a few months worth of guitar lessons when he was 10 but knows basic music theory) goes as follows:

Step 1 - Find a song you like and grab the tabs for em.

For Riebeck's portion i got them from this youtuber i found named ortemigyrr

Step 2 - Learn how the fuck to read guitar tabs the way Webfishing has them laid out

This was my first draft. I took a screenshot, rotated it so it would match up with Webfishing's layout, wrote QWERTY over top since those are the keys you use for each string, and then started writing out what keys are pressed and where they are on the guitar.

Step 3 - Make sure you keep track of the notes

Just writing down the keypresses like wrtr ttrrrrr won't be of much use if you don't remember how fast and how long they should be played!

For my example here's the first 2 bars of 'sheet' music. I made single-spaced notes quarter notes, doubled notes are eighth notes, and the period next to the quarter note makes it a dotted quarter note.

3 0 0.0 | 10 20 24 0 W R T.R | TT RR RR R

You won't actually be using this to play, its just good to keep a hold of while you work!

Step 4 - Pick out what chords you need

Since Riebeck's songs has very quick switches on the same key so i grouped the chords together based on how easy it would be to switch between! (i chose 6 7 8 for this example but you can use any number from 1-9, this was just the most comfy for my hands)

Chord 6 030000 Chord 7 000210 Chord 8 002430

Step 6 - Convert the 'sheet' music into a readable tab

Once you have all your notes and you know what chords you will be moving between, mash them together to make a tab for Webfishing!

The finished tab for Travellers looks like this!

Hammer is = (shift key), Same chord is - (no change)

6------ 7=6 7=6 7=8 6 W R T.R TT RR RR R 6------ 7=6 7=6 7=8 8- E R T.R TT RR RR TR 8 6---- 7=6 7=6 7=8 6 E R T.R TT RR RR R 6------ 7=6 7=6 7=8 8- E R T.R TT RR RR TR

I hope this is like coherent enough, my brain started shutting down half way through writing this so i am praying it makes sense!

Been in bed sick all day so once i feel better i'll try to record me playing it (i will warn you i am slow and BAD at Webfishing Guitar)

but for right now if you read all the way to the bottom ily and thanks for listening to the rambling of a strange man obsessed with a fishing game :}

[arimiadev]

Hello visual novel fans and vampire lovers! It’s been a while since I last wrote a postmortem, so I hope I’ll be able to write this concisely (and coherently).

Dahlia was a short visual novel I created in under 36 hours for Velox Formido, a shortform visual novel game jam ran by robobarbie and Allie Vera. It’s inspired by Ludum Dare, one of the longest running game jams in the world where devs are tasked to make a game in 1 weekend based around a theme. I got my start making visual novels by entering Ludum Dare…which was 10 years ago, as of 2024!

I had my eye on this game jam for a while now, as this isn’t its first incarnation. I’ve been a bit burnt out the past year or so, not completely where I can’t make progress but to where I feel like my work has slowed down a lot more than my peers and feel I can’t make anything quickly. When I saw the jam was happening this weekend, I hopped on board once the themes were announced.

the themes

While Ludum Dare has a rigorous process of eliminating themes until it gets down to the final one, Velox Formido has it where there are 5 themes that win and participants have to use at least 2 of them in their entries. The final themes were…

Enemies with Benefits

Flower Symbolism

Doomed by the Narrative

Trapped with Someone

Forbidden Romance

I started crafting ideas as soon as the themes were announced, which was what the jam started- meaning the clock was ticking!

My first idea was a shounen rivals-esque sapphic story about two rivals meeting up for alone time. I started writing it immediately but moved on to another idea- being trapped with a vampire. I doubt I’ll ever use the first idea, so I’ve shared the snippet I was able to write for it here. Every new line is the other woman talking, so think of it as a quick back and forth.

Even though I had started on this idea, I wanted to write something more… mysterious. Frilly. Girls in cute dresses, to be exact. So I began potting an idea where a girl wakes up to find a vampire in her room, unsure if she’s had her fill yet or toying with her next meal.

the story

The “flower symbolism” theme was definitely my first pick, as I love the concept of it and played around with it in my last visual novel, Asphodelium. I named the characters Dahlia (beauty, change) and Camellia (admiration, longing). Dahlia represents a change in Camellia’s life, a sudden burst of newness. Camellia longs for something different, some way for things to change.

The other theme I picked was “trapped with someone”, as the premise is a girl stuck with a vampire in her room. I didn’t want it to be outright horror, but still a little creepy and tense.

Dahlia "I've had enough pitchforks stuck in my face for today." Camellia "And why is that?" Dahlia "Because your kind isn't too welcoming to my kind." Camellia "I was asking why you were here in the first place." Dahlia "Obvious questions get obvious responses. I needed a snack, of course." Camellia "And you chose my residence." Dahlia "Didn't you say this was your fathers?" Her words curl around the last word, like ivy growing against a trellis. She's clearly already had a "snack", but was it enough to satisfy her? Or am I the main course?

Both of them are somewhat young, but there is still the element of the unknown. This creature clearly already had a meal, but does she want dessert? Is she just toying with her food? Or is she truly delighted to find someone her age to talk to?

With the time constraints I wasn’t able to flesh out much of their dynamic, but I hope it was still an enjoyable taste! The story ended up being about 2.3k words long with 3 endings.

the art

I started doing the art about….12 hours before the jam ended. I love working with fullbody sprites as they offer me a lot more versatility with posing, but I knew I didn’t have time for that here. This time I went for 3/4ths bodies, namely just so I could cut it off at the end of their dresses. I spent about an hour on each of these.

With the time crunch I didn’t have time to do concepts for them- I just winged it! I knew I wanted Dahlia to have pigtails, though she was originally going to have a purple theme. Camellia was supposed to have proper curls in her hair, but because the game starts with her being rudely awoken, I went with messy waves instead. Think of it as bedhead rather than her actual hairstyle.

I also quickly did a main menu artwork towards the end of my crunch in about half an hour. It was originally going to be the cover art on itchio but Dahlia’s >:D sprite looks more striking.

For the backgrounds I went with free photos from Unsplash and edited them. Personally, I like the look of filtered photos as backgrounds depending on the aesthetics of the game.

I didn’t have time to edit the GUI aside from the textbox, which was NVL mode.

the presentation

Dahlia is stylized fully in NVL mode, with the textbox to one side of the screen. I love NVL mode for scenes focused on narration and setting the right mood.

I was considering making the game a different resolution, but because the NVL mode is to the side rather than the entire screen I wanted to make use of the widescreen resolution.

The game is set late at night, so each of the backgrounds had to be nighttime. To match with this, I tinted the sprites to match each of them. For example, the above tint looks like this:

transform nightcolor: matrixcolor TintMatrix("#8594d6") * BrightnessMatrix(0.03) image dahlia night = LayeredImageProxy("dahlia",nightcolor)

I wanted to try something more complex like a tint + another light source overlayed onto the sprite, but ran out of time.

Another part of the presentation I did was to have a variety of shots. I had a very limited about of art to work with (only changing mouths and eyebrows, no arm poses or eye positions) so I knew I had to be smart about how I composited the scenes.

One thing I’ve done in other visual novels was to have one character further away and have another closer to the camera but their sprite turned black. This allows me to give the illusion of depth without having a sprite of the back of each character’s head.

for instance, this is that technique in Canvas Menagerie

Doing this in Dahlia was a quick and easy way to make the visuals much more interesting rather than swapping between two mostly static sprites the entire game.

The way I do it in other games is on a per-sprite basis, meaning I set brightness and position each time. It’s hectic, really! But because of the time limit for this jam, I was able to come up with a much quicker way to set it up.

transform lefttt: zoom 0.5 xalign 0.3 yalign 0.05 transform leftttb: zoom 0.8 xalign -1.6 yalign 0.1 matrixcolor(BrightnessMatrix(-1)) xzoom -1

The lefttt transform is for the character in the back- in this example, that’s Camellia. The leftttb transform (b standing for “black”) is for the character in the foreground who’s shrouded- in this example, that’s Dahlia.

Basically, the leftttb transform sets the sprite to a bigger size than the farther away sprite, sets the position, and then makes the color completely black before flipping the sprite (because this should be us seeing them from behind).

I also did quite a few small animations in the game, such as Dahlia dancing around or bouncing up and down. You define it once as a transform and can reuse it again and again.

transform dance: ease 0.7 xoffset -59 linear 0.25 ease 0.6 xoffset 74 linear 0.19 ease 0.76 xoffset -70 linear 0.3 ease 0.7 xoffset 102 linear 0.2 ease 0.8 xoffset 0

If you’d like to see the code in action, then guess what- I’ve released the entire source code for the game on GitHub! Feel free to sift through it to see the components in action and copy some of the code for your own projects. All I ask is that you do not redistribute the game (i.e. download the code, make a build in Ren’Py, and redistribute that as your own game).

wrapping up

I’m pretty happy with how Dahlia came out. It’s short and visually distinct and helped “prove” to myself that I’m capable of making visual novels in a weekend still. I tried to avoid spoilers here, so if you haven’t played it already then give it a try!

— Arimia

[sgiandubh]

No Liberace's smile

Warning: this will take forever to read. It didn't take forever to write or research, though. But since I will be gone tomorrow and back well, next Saturday, let it be done with a bang.

S the Actor. S the Entrepreneur. S the NYT (3x!) best-seller Writer. Coach S. S the Lover. S the Womanizer. S the Husband. S the Father.

Is something missing, in this deck of Happy Families?

S the (closeted) Gay, of course.

It doesn't really matter the man himself took the time to deny it loud and clear. Twice. This avatar, fueled by idiocy, hatred and ignorance, makes regularly the rounds, each and every time we dare to celebrate something, anything really. It serves three tribes and serves them well: the Congregation of Domestic Bliss (aka Taiters). The Data Lounge crowd. And the Disgruntled Harpies, who once were some of the most fervent Ginger Jesus worshippers, but whose hopes, dreams and trust wrecked on the shores of Quarantein Ha-wa-wee.

It is the proper of calumny to leave a pungent, persistent trail wherever it fumbles around. Calomniez, calomniez, il en restera toujours quelque chose, Beaumarchais once wrote. Calumny, calumny, something's gonna stick - in a very lazy, but dependable translation. This one is particularly vicious, because it sounds coherent: he trades in make-believe, lots of actors are, precedents exist. And my favorite: it explains everything (fun fact: it doesn't even start to cover the shitshow).

Four exhibits should put us out of this dumpster. Chronologically and comparatively:

Exhibit A: Rough Beginnings (2009)

This one is the most touted on Tumblr, by that horrible woman Queen Puff thought was the same person as Paul C. (and was probably wrong). In a nutshell, she was in London then, she often went to the theatre, she was in the know, fuck knows what else, but she has SOURCES, too: there is nothing straight about his bat.

I suppose this person must have watched Nicholas de Jongh's Plague Over England, a play essentially narrating a scandalous episode of John Gielgud's biography, with a heavy-handed focus on homophobia in Britain during the 50's.

He got naked on stage! He kissed a man! Oh, oh, oh... the rumor! the scandal! (insert domestic fire shrieks) My eyes! Quick, let's fetch the smelling salts! And chlorine! I need a good rinse!

You would imagine Sodom & Gomorrah Ltd on that stage, eh?

Tumblrettes United of the disgruntled sort, did your talkative friend ever show you this devastating Guardian chronicle, signed by their in-house critic, John M. Morrison on February 27th 2009 (https://www.theguardian.com/stage/theatreblog/2009/feb/26/de-jongh-plague-over-england) ?

Should I sign it or use a pistol flare? It wasn't exactly scandalous, the only thing is the text was really, really piss poor. S is only gracing the above picture, hovering over the article: no mention of him whatsoever. Unlike Somerset 2019, a most Unremarkable Performance.

And S himself was very interested to explore precisely this kind of progressive-ish acting, as he clearly writes in Waypoints. This sounds legit - this is business, baby:

Exhibit B: Know your Classics, bi@ tches (2010)

*channeling Tears for Fears* Data Lounge, I am talking to you/[something, something]/These are the things I could do without...

Aside the already very, very tired stock stories purporting that "my dog's aunt knew Heughan and yeah, he was so, so, so gay I could cry", all you have (I checked!) is 1 (one) absolutely dubious BTS pic taken on the set of that terrible dud, Young Alexander, shot in Egypt, circa 2010. Prominently featuring S's waxed calves (see? gay AF!), an unbecoming, supremely effeminate white tunic and *gasp* a bong (no comments were made on that one, a pity). Yeah, you got it: I am writing and I am laughing at the same time. Freak.

How the hell do you want him to look but, pardon my French, queer as a three-dollar bill? You clearly have no idea about sexual ambiguity as social norm in Ancient Greece and also no clue about that fascinating Alexander himself, his life and his yeah, blatant, documented bisexuality.

Take one of the most interesting sources (yeah, only serious ones, with FACTS) of the Late Antiquity, a guy named Athenaeus of Naucratis. He left us The Banquet of the Learned, a fifteen-volume encyclopedic compilation on the pleasures of eating and drinking and doing it in style, along with some juicy gossip. For example, this (open in separate tab, it's worth it):

What do we read? Alexander's mom, dad and tutor (Aristotle, my favorite Greek philosopher, along with Diogenes) are worried he finally might not really be into women, after all. The future of the Macedonian Kingdom itself is at stake (that watery semen made me choke on my Coke) and this is a very serious affair of the state. The most cost-effective and discreet solution is to handsomely pay that Callixeina courtesan from (famous for pin-ups) Thessaly and be done with it.

Apparently, it worked, not without some resistance. If you ever have the curiosity to go on that (in)famous Wikipedia, you will find a whole page dedicated to Alexander the Great's personal life. It reads exactly like the ABC, do-re-mi summer soccer mercato, feat. the Fitness Harem. One of the major joys of Classical studies is to realize we really didn't invent anything new.

But I digress again, so onwards to ...

Exhibit C: Jobbing Actor on the Road, nothing straight about his Bat (2011-2013)

Once the Batman show is on world tour, things are looking a bit better and it is time to try and lockpick America. Still, the struggle is real:

Also, this:

This is something no one noticed. And this is very clear: how on Earth do you expect to commit to a relationship, any relationship, when your basic needs, according to Maslow's Pyramid (a roof, a job, a steady paycheck, etc), are not satisfied? What would you offer your woman? Your precarity? Your insecurity? Your fear and shame of the bailiffs? A pint of cheap Polish beer? A futon in Golders Green?

But let's conveniently not answer these questions. Let's pretend that poverty has no impact on one's sexual life or dating history. Let's just endlessly cackle and blather on a drunk tweet stating candidly - and perfectly truly - "there's nothing straight about my Bat". I hate to quote myself - for any good speaker, this is a defeat- but, LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE OF MORDOR:

Exhibit D: A French example - the case of Michel Serrault

The 1979 comedy La Cage aux Folles, later adapted for the US public under the name of Birds of a Feather (that Robin Williams/Nathan Lane forgettable gay movie) is absolutely representative for the live and let live French approach to homosexuality, ever since it was decriminalized by the revolutionary Penal Code of 1791. This is why I chose Michel Serrault, one of its two leads, to illustrate my Gay Anon post. Not to mention Serrault was a genius who could play absolutely anyone, from a retired hitman in Matthieu Kassowitz' Assassin(s) to Zaza Napoli.

This balding, ageing, cantankerous drag queen (sound is horrific, but you've got English subtitles - granted, you lose about 30% of the hysterical hilarity in translation, but it is what it is), as seen here in a domestic scene opposite her partner, played by notorious womanizer Ugo Tognazzi:

By the limp standards of Mordor, Serrault must have been a French LGBTQ+ institution, given his stellar, flawless acting, isn't it?

Incorrect, dolls. In his real, personal life Serrault was a devout Catholic, an exemplary father of two and a one-woman man. His wife, Nita Serrault, whom he met in drama school and never looked back.

It almost sounds like... but no, this cannot be..

The hard, gruesome life of shippers.

[watchtheblog]

Cutting Slack

hello to the hierarchy of my besties: irl besties, internet besties, fantasy besties; the hierarchy of my haters: just the three of you, followed by someone who goes by the alias k.s on google reviews; an ever dwindling number of exes who can read, a handful of people i’m just getting to know who are about to know me too well too fast, and anyone else who has stumbled upon this highly specific page on the internet!!

if you’ve been here before, you know the deal. i’m going to weave a web of little jokes into a somewhat coherent story and then as a reward for knowing me you get the opportunity to see 20 things i hope to receive for my birthday, which, i hope you know… is tomorrow (26 september); i’m turning 94.

The joke web:

In february 2023 after the company I co-created sold to one of the corniest companies on the planet, I quit because they wanted me to set forth eight hours a day I would be available to do work. Seven years into a job I’d put 8 hours a year into, this was a startling task.

Also, they wanted me to become a member of slack, or get on slack, or write to them in slack. Or do something, whatever one does, on slack. You can do a lot of things to me, but what you’re not gonna do is make me go on slack. Many have tried in the past and not a one has ever succeeded.

Not to sound like Mark Cuban - or myself in [redacted] years -  but an 8 hour workday was not for me. And I explained this. I told a woman alleging to be my supervisor that every morning I woke up, I did cult for 20 minutes, wrote in my journal for 45 minutes, went for a 1 hour walk, came home, showered, drank a little poison, read for one hour in my garden, did some dilly dallying on the internet, and then I went to an appointment*, and by the time I was done with all of that it was already 4pm and that’s wind down time in my culture. 

Where did she want me to find 8 hours?!

(*i realize appointment time is not a thing (everyone can understand) but I’m gonna have to save it for another post. appointment time is sacred in a directionless little bug’s life and it deserves to be explained properly.)

If you think I’m joking that I laid out this schedule to a woman who was born inside a human resources complaint folder and whose dearly departed soul resides within a ludicrously capacious bag somewhere, I beg you to get to know me better.

Fundamentally, she did not understand and spiritually I was not the messenger to enlighten her, so I decided to quit.

I am impulsive by nature but this decision was incredibly thought out. I wrote down a list of pros and cons and I titled the cons list “things I’m not aligned with” and I listed 11 things.

“I dont want to be managed!!!!!!” (this is a literal copy and paste) topped the chart.

To follow? “Corporate weirdness”, and, simply: “Slack”.

On the pros list I wrote: “Freedom”, “I will finally be free”. (LOL!) Underneath it, it says “Take a fucking risk.”

I sat with these lists for approximately three minutes, and then I wrote an email announcing my resignation. And then I quite literally never spoke to anyone there ever again.

This all leads me to one short pivot before we’ll arrive at our final destination of my birthday list. 

When I mentioned earlier that I am impulsive by nature, I mean that I quit my job because someone said there was a question posed to me in Slack and I needed to answer it came to Ohio to visit my dad’s (RIP) childhood home and my (then) girlfriend convinced me to call the number on a commercial real estate building and within 45 days I’d signed a lease and 90 days later I had packed, driven, and moved my entire life across the country. 

When I moved here, I knew no one so I did a lot of things you may think only people who are on reality dating shows do, like: go to an espresso martini making class, cook marshmallows over an open fire in a state park at night with strangers, slide down a snowy hill on a plastic saucer as an activity, or attend a local rat’s birthday party.*

*disclaimer for anyone here who doesn’t GET me bc I’m scared to be misunderstood: i loved all of these things I’m not mocking them; I’m simply holding a light to the absurdity of my *on the spectrum, agoraphobic weirdo* ass doing these things in earnest because i needed to not kms. ◡̈  kms stands for k*ll myself.*

(Of course all of these things on a reality dating show would involve two people, whereas in my case I did all of those things alone.)

As a treat for my efforts to be a member of society, the universe provided me with the unique gift of meeting the anthropomorphic version of my intrusive thoughts!! 

We’ll call her Gloria (for no reason) and in our first phone conversation she had called everyone in the state of ohio “fat, lazy and bipolar” and told me my business would fail.

One minute after we hung up, she texted asking if I wanted to sauna with her right now. Now mind you, I’ve been doing shit “for the lore” since before it was called “lore” and men were just telling me I was insane (simpler times!!) so I grabbed a bikini and drove 9 minutes ready to go in a sauna with a random lady I’d never met.

And go in a sauna with a random lady I did... fully clothed for a reason that both confused and relieved me. In that sauna, Gloria repeated the aforementioned phone topics and added a pointed “nobody wants to work out; you will fail” while staring at me in a box heated to 130 degrees.

“It’s okay. Everything is always working out for me” I told her as she persisted in her negativity, because I lacked the ability to just tell her to shut the fuck up (and also because that is true). 

I considered the possibility of her behavior coming from a good intentioned place, like when cars driving the opposite direction flash their lights to let you know they just passed a cop (as if that ever hits). I considered it was an act of humanity, one unstable woman to another; trying to save me from the hell she thought was inevitable given her own - self proclaimed - “failure”. (she had opened and closed a studio of her own.)

So I let her keep flashing her dumb lights at me, showing up to my studio uninvited in the middle of my buildout telling me I should see if my landlord would let me out of my lease, texting me little foreboding horror stories about the perils of being in the fitness industry, sending me local businesses that were closing as if to say “i told you so; i’m warning you.”

“You’ll see” she said multiple times, as if to predict my ultimate demise in a way I’d be able to reflect on in the future, remembering she’d warned me. 

In those moments and in the months of desperation and grind leading up to the opening of my business I had no other choice but to move forward blindly, confidently. Long before I met this psychopath I had prepared for the possibility of failure. Unlike this woman, however, that preparation involved the potential of having to say “I failed… now what?” rather than “I failed. I’m the rule, not the exception. The journey is impossible.”

It’s been almost two years since I left the career I thought would define me, and while I certainly haven’t failed, I’m not writing this from the other side. I’m writing this from the beginning of a long journey I’m prepared and excited to be on that began the day I decided to take a fucking risk.

Two years ago I couldn’t find 8 hours a day to work and now somehow I’ve found 14-18…

and not a single one of them has been spent on slack. 

The Gift Portion!!!  the intangible: for the dismantling of nextdoor dot com, for all my bad memories to be erased, to win the war against seed oils, for the ai to stop(!!!), that the person who sullied my google reviews finds God and healing bc going against me is a form of psychosis, for great deals on this upcoming amazon prime day, that natalia grace is ok, that i never hear a telephone ring again, for watermelon to be in season all the time, that nobody is ever mad at me, that all eggs would turn to donuts in a way that would not have negative implications for chickens or negative repercussions for farmers, that everyone bounces back from whatever inevitable side effects ozempic will have, that my frequently used emoji are all safe and sound after getting rearranged, and for everyone I know and love to read the source by dr tara swart, and that they are all happy, healthy, successful, and in love forever.

the ones you can buy: these shoes (size 38)  or these shoes (size 38) also these (and you guessed it! 38) i want to fix my brain here, a casual five day immersive neurofeedback experience this watch this large suitcase or this one i cant pick this gorgeana kind of urgently, this these shoes (great deal alert!!!!) (size 38) i think the trajectory of my life would change if i owed four of these and maybe some other things to go with it big year for shoes … huge a stunning linen spray this practical thing her this or something else from her(e) these, white, small also kind of urgently, these this definitely the max mara teddy coat in the absolute smallest size and this is the last time I’m gonna put it here!!!!!! ykto!!! (lol!!)

[according2thelore]

2023 top five!

@preseriesdean thought it would be fun for artists/authors/creators to post their favorite five creations this year, and i agree! it can be anything: your favorite posts, fics, art, edits, fanvids, anything!

i saw some folks turning this into a tag game, so here are some tags! @deanwinchesterpregnant @dyed-red @mercette @crucifysam @weirdbrothers @togethertogethersoulmates @pookeenpie

if you end up doing it, pls tag me! i'd love to see y'all's works! :)

-lizzy

so in no particular order, here are the five fics i liked the best/am the most proud of!

considering that everything i’ve written on this account (240k words of it good lord) was published since february 23rd, i’ve got a lot to work with!

i was in the fandom back in 2012-2013 until 2016-2017, and when i rewatched it recently with some friends, i realized just how many words and feelings had been broiling since. i wrote a LOT for spn back in the day (not published, just for the pure joie de vivre), but everything on the ao3 is completely new since feb!

1. tell me, why are you still so afraid?

or, the "what do you want, sam?" fic. this one might be a surprise! it did moderately well, but i'm really happy with it! i love writing weechesters/pre-series, and i hope this fic did them justice! it hit a lot of points i liked, and i had so much fun writing it!! i'm proud of it! :)

2. you're pretty when you don't speak

or, sam's wife pov. i was shocked!!! aghast!!! frankly agog!!! at how much folks loved this one! i had the idea in the shower of all places, lmao, just the idea that wait, being sam's wife must be so lonely. it was not the usual fare (and written in second-person pov), so i was expecting it to gently and quietly flop. but no! i wrote this fic in two sittings at one a.m. the night before a paleopathology exam, so i'm shocked any of it was coherent in the morning. thank you, dear reader, if you interacted w it at all! :)

3. romans 3:10-11

ahh, romans. to other folks that write, this was one of those fics that scratched in my bones until i sat down and wrote it all out. does that sound pretentious? it was stifling; it was all i could think about. even now, i look back on it and feel like there are things that are missing, extended scenes and extra themes that i wished i had teased out. the response was overwhelming and positive and i'm so glad you lot liked it! if you ever want more...idk...lemme know...

4. we didn't get it right, but love we did our best

or, the Heaven fic! this one took awhile to make, and a lot out of me to do! it's the longest fic i've made this year, by a lot! the planning process was a lot of fun (even though charlotte was mostly asleep), and i even colour-coded themes and turning points i wanted to include. the sense of accomplishment when it was done was a great part of this year!

5. there's no such thing as a clean break, when your heart starts bleeding out

or, the stanford!era fic where dean bleeds out on the highway and decides to not tell sam about it. one of my favorite things to write is a character getting more and more out of it as they lose control (or blood), and this one was a fun challenge! i love stanford!era dean, because he's so mangled and angry and sad. i feel like that one tweet that william shatner posted where he said ELECTROCUTE HIM!!! this also feels the most like the things i wrote back in 2014, so it brings nostalgia :,)

this was WAY harder than i thought! i loved and was so proud of so much of my work this year! a top ten would be easier, but i'm happy with this list!

thank YOU for reading! :)

we are holding hands now and there's nothing you can do to stop it. y'all keep this up and we might even have to stare lovingly into each other's eyes.

[sl-walker]

On Writing

Another bit of spring cleaning I think I'll get out of the way is this, since I think I finally have words to do so:

There is only one (1) story that I "write for myself" and that's the Arc of the Wolf. It's the one story, out of alllllll my stories, that I write purely for the love of writing it; for the story, for the art of the words, for the main character, who I have loved all my life. That one is my heartsong; that one is the one that I would feel pretty honored to call my finest work. It's the one I hope to finish before my grave.

And that's it. The only one. Thirty-two years of storytelling and twenty or so of sharing them with you, and that's the only one.

Every single other story is pretty much dependent on whether anyone's bothering to read it and chat at me about it. Yes, including Blackbirds. Yes, including Blindsided. Since most of you follow me for my Star Wars stuff. Even though those are, by many miles, my most interactive works, I still primarily tell them -- as in sit down and make words happen! -- for all of you and the pleasure of getting to hear what you think about them.

I really can entertain myself just fine, on the cusp of sleep, weaving and reweaving words and images and ideas into stories. I do it every fucking night, for that matter. I don't need to spend hours of my time picking at words and weaving them into a good and coherent narrative for myself; hell, if I want to, I can fast forward to my favorite bits, or rework them as many times as necessary in whatever fashion I want, and I never have to write a word to do it. Long before I had an internet, I wrote in notebooks with a single audience of me. I don't actually need you.

Do I want y'all to read what I write and talk to me about it? Hell yes I do. Am I gonna keep trying when you don't? Maybe, maybe not. Guess that's pretty much just up to me. Any which way, I don't owe anyone here anything at all, least of all my time and effort for fucking free, which is what fanwriting, and archive maintaining, and community building, etc. etc. etc. are.

If you want me to keep entertaining you, then maybe you need start telling me you find value in my work. Otherwise, you literally will just get what you paid for.

And if anyone wants to whine at me about feeling entitled to feedback, then take this to heart: I don't give a fuck. I worked hard for thirty-two years to become the very excellent storyteller I am today. I work hard every single time I sit down to write. If you're entitled to the fruits of my labor, then I oughta be entitled to your kindness.