#i hope this doesnt ungrateful to the mcr mutuals i do have bc i promise i am not.

[torosdottir]

its strange when things happen in mcr because i have my little circle and i love them and we have our own thing about it but its a bit weird seeing like tumblr fandom posts from the wider mcrblr community abt whatevers going on bc. well its all people who have me blocked or people who used to have me blocked on my old acct so i avoid them. and when i find myself clicking thru those circles i do see some batshit and often totally offensive takes so its not like i would necessarily want to be in those circles or could possibly get along with those people. but it does feel strange. like there's a whole fandom going on and im just stood on the edge. im used to being kind of on the sidelines in like regular life idk i have normie friends but to just about everyone it is clear that i am Different and Not Quite Like Them. which i think is why people fall into fandom and alt subcultures - bc those promise a sense of community for the Weirdos. so its strange to feel like i am. still on the sidelines. still a little out of reach. idk. its like that post about growing up as a lonely little girl and a part of u will always be that lonely little girl. its sad :( it feels like im not supposed to admit that it feels like im supposed to pretend to be cool and uncaring or smthn but no.. it is sad :(