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helloalycia · 5 months ago

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑 [𝐓𝐖𝐎] — 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀

one / masterlist / wattpad

summary: as you adjust to your new life as the Commander's healer, you're forced to watch her fall in love with someone else.

warning/s: mentions of injuries, violence, graphic deaths, the usual stuff that comes with writing for the 100.

author's note: second and final part is here! sorry it’s a little delayed, it’s been a busy one lately! pray i get out of my writing funk bc i miss it so much 😭 anyway, i hope you enjoy this one, i didn’t know how to end it, warning you now lol. Also any mentions of Costia are completely made up based off what i could remember, plus i tried to keep her appearance as vague as possible as she’s technically not got a face claim lol. Enjoy!!

Lexa fell into the role of Commander as if it were her birthright, which I suppose in a way it was.

Nothing fazed her, not the meeting on meeting that filled her days, or the responsibilities now weighing on her shoulders, or even the expectations everyone in the city had for her to be as great a Commander as the last one. She took it all in her stride, performing her duties the best she could. I couldn't have been prouder.

Working with her only made things better for us, since I wasn't sure I'd have seen her as much if I didn't. She was always busy, but she always made time for me. Though she had Titus to go to for guidance, she would still confide in me, a habit I was sure would be difficult to break. I, of course, offered all the help I could. Leading was important to her and she was important to me. What more was there?

It didn't make a difference to me, but clearly Titus thought more of it than I realised. It was a few months into Lexa's new role when he thought to bring it up to me. I was bringing a tray of mine and Lexa's dinner to her quarters one evening, the two of us having planned to eat together, when I saw Titus approaching me in the hall.

"Y/N," he acknowledged with a curt nod and narrowed eyes. "May I speak with you?"

"Right now?" I asked, lifting a brow and glancing at the tray in my hand.

"It won't be long," he assured me, barely giving me chance to reply before he continued, "It's about you and Lexa."

"What about us?"

He seemed mildly irritated as he spoke, "I know that you're a big part of her life, but in the past, you've happened to keep your distance. Now that she's Heda, I expect it to stay that way. No distractions."

I furrowed my brows with confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't follow..."

He tensed his jaw, lowering his voice. "I'm not blind, Y/N. I see the way you care for her."

"Yeah, she's my best friend," I remind him, though a small part of me was nervous at what he was implying.

He wasn't stupid, instead rolling his eyes at my response. "Be sure to keep it that way."

I swallowed hard. "That all?"

"That's all," he said with a hint of annoyance, before walking past me.

My fingers gripped the tray with frustration as I kept walking to Lexa's room. How could he know of my feelings for her? I kept them well hidden for many reasons. And even so, what did he expect from Lexa? To never fall in love? Be married to her work? That was preposterous.

Admittedly, his words had more of an effect on me than I thought, rattling around my brain as I joined Lexa in her quarters.

"...are you alright?" she asked me after accepting her dinner. "You seem distracted."

I blinked, meeting her eyes. It would have been easy to tell her that Titus was being confrontational and rude for no reason. One word and she'd boot him out, no questions asked. But as much as I hated him, he was somewhat good for her, having guided the previous Commander too. Lexa couldn't do this alone, she needed someone with experience. Experience I didn't have. Stirring discontent between them would be for nothing other than a personal vendetta, and a worthless one at that.

No, I couldn't do that.

"Sorry, it's just been a long day," I lied, offering her a small smile. "Bit tired."

"Well, eat your dinner and you can go off to sleep," she said with a soft smile, patting my shoulder.

I nodded, putting her at ease enough for her to dig into her own dinner.

Truthfully, Titus had nothing to worry about. I was too cowardly to make a move anyway.

—

17 years old...

I should have known it would happen eventually. What was I to expect? That she'd stay single forever?

It didn't make it easier to deal with though, especially because the girl in question was absolutely lovely and I couldn't hate her for any reason other than she was with the girl I loved.

Lexa and I were returning to the Tower from a meeting she had at someone's house in the centre of the city when they met. It was a little busier than usual today because of some sales on produce nearby, so we were manoeuvring our way through the crowd. As we did, Lexa accidentally walked right into an oncoming girl, a bit too harshly than intended, and immediately went to apologise.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I–" she started, steadying the stranger, but she stopped short when she looked up.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry," the girl apologised, smiling softly, and then her eyes met Lexa's, animated and beautiful and captivating Lexa in an instant. "I should've watched where I was going."

I glanced at Lexa, who was entranced, expression softening and mouth slightly open.

"Who are you?" she asked without thinking. "I haven't see you here before."

"My name is Costia," the girl introduced herself, as captivated by Lexa as she was with her. "I'm from Floukru, but I moved here for a change."

Lexa smiled, putting out her forearm respectfully. "It's nice to meet you, Costia. I'm Lexa."

Costia returned her forearm shake, but then realisation crossed her expression. "Wait, Lexa as in Heda Lexa?"

She was about to kneel, but Lexa stopped her with a chuckle, certainly surprising me. She was already infatuated, it was obvious, and I felt uneasy.

"It's okay, there's no need for that," Lexa assured her with sparkling eyes.

Everything about the way she looked at her to the way she couldn't seem to remember I was even here irked me. She liked her, clearly, and I couldn't blame her. Costia was everything I wasn't. She had the complete opposite features to me, a delicate nature about her, and she wasn't afraid to make her attraction to Lexa obvious.

I gave them space, not that they noticed, and my suspicions were confirmed later that evening when Lexa gushed about her crush on this mystery girl, having asked her out when I left.

The jealousy was poisoning me, but I couldn't blame anyone except myself.

It didn't take long for them to officially get together, to my dismay. And because of this, it meant I spent less time with Lexa because she was spending most of her free time with Costia. Titus didn't take this new development any better than I, looking just as bitter as I felt, though for different reasons.

He made it known to me when we were both in the throne room one time, waiting on the side as Lexa had called us in for our counsel on something, but was first finishing her conversation with Costia. I avoided looking their way, resisting the urge to roll my eyes from nothing other than an innate and unfair jealousy. Titus, however, was glaring holes in their direction.

"I don't like this," he mumbled to me.

I sighed. "I bet."

At this, he tore his gaze from them to glare at me. "You weren't this bad."

"Gee, thanks."

He rolled his eyes. "Costia is going to be a massive distraction."

I glanced at him disapprovingly. "She won't. Lexa is happy. Leave her be."

As if annoyed that I didn't disapprove as he did, he scoffed quietly and crossed his arms, continuing to glare at them.

Unlike him, I couldn't hate on their relationship, not even because I was jealous. Costia was lovely, carefree, kind and she made Lexa happier than ever. Plus, she was nothing short of nice to me every time she saw me. How could I hate that?

—

I thought I was finally getting used to them together, but there were still times when I felt like I'd been replaced, as horribly selfish as it sounded.

With the intention of grabbing Lexa for a meeting, I let myself into her room as I always did, but realised she was sat on the bed and Costia was stood over her.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," I said awkwardly, unsure what I was even interrupting.

As I backed up to leave, Costia stepped to the side to reveal Lexa with war paint swiped across her eyes.

"Doesn't she look daring?" Costia said with a proud smile, paint in her hand.

Despite the bittersweet feeling of it all, I couldn't help but smile at Lexa. "Of course."

Lexa returned my smile and stood up, before saying to Costia, "It was actually Y/N who first put this on for me. When we were kids. And then it just... stuck."

The memory was as fresh as ever, leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth. Oh, how things had changed since then.

"You had the right idea," Costia told me sweetly, before looking to Lexa with adoration. "It looks great."

I swallowed hard, forcing a smile. As they gazed at each other, I felt like a third wheel and decided to leave.

"What did you need, Y/N?" Lexa called before I could.

"Just grabbing you for the meeting, but I'll meet you in the throne room," I said nonchalantly.

She smiled, nodding. "Okay. See you in a minute."

Deflated, I left. Just another thing to get used to.

—

19 years old...

The scream was ear-piercing, strained with utter horror and ricocheting off the Tower walls. I woke with a fright, jumping out my skin. I didn't even need to be told – I knew who it was immediately and my heart squeezed into nothingness as I left my bed and hurried down the hall where Lexa's quarters were.

The guards that watched the halls were too slow for my liking, trailing behind me like lost lambs. I took the lead, concerned and confused and uneasy as I pushed her doors open. I feared what I'd find.

Lexa was who I saw first, on the floor in her nightgown as if she'd just gotten out of bed, leaning back on her hands and trembling so much I thought she'd shatter.

"Lexa!" I rushed to her side, kneeling down with worry. "What is it? What's wrong?"

In all my life, I'd never seen her afraid, not like this, and certainly not enough to elicit a scream like she had. What could it be?

I followed her tear-filled gaze, noticing a box at the foot of her bed. Reluctantly, I let go of her and approached the box, and it was a sight I'd never forget.

There sat Costia'a head, lifeless eyes forced open and fresh blood still staining her beheaded neck.

My hand came to my mouth immediately and I looked away, afraid I'd throw up if I didn't. I caught the glaring symbol on the inside of the box though – the symbol of Azgeda, Lexa's biggest enemy – and knew who was responsible.

The guards were just as taken aback as I was, freezing by the door when they noticed the head. Lexa's sobs pulled me from my momentary shock and I immediately looked to the guards with as much confidence as I could muster. They couldn't see their Commander falter like this, not if I could help it.

"What are you waiting for?!" I shouted at them. "Remove this now!" As they jumped at my words, and eventually into action, I continued, "And find out who broke in here last night! Up the security!"

They nodded frantically, carefully taking the box out of there and leaving Lexa and I alone. I returned to her side, where she was still staring at the spot where the box was, glassy eyes widened with horror.

"Lexa, I'm sorry," I said, pulling her in for a hug, hating the way she trembled. "I'm so sorry."

Her sobs were silenced in my shirt and she clutched me so tightly I was sure I'd have bruises, but I didn't care. I was still in utter shock, unable to believe Costia was dead at the hands of Azgeda. I knew we'd had tension with them for a while now, all because their queen didn't trust Lexa in power, but I never thought they'd stoop this low.

Costia deserved better... so did Lexa.

—

She wasn't the same after that. I couldn't blame her. Finding someone you loved, beheaded, at the foot of your bed? When you'd only just kissed them goodnight the night before? It was traumatising. Hell, it still haunted me!

We held a funeral, but Lexa didn't shed another tear after the morning she found her. She was much quieter, much more closed off, as if numb to the whole situation. Even when I visited her after the funeral, concerned for her well-being, she told me to leave. I didn't want to, but maybe space was what she needed, so I obeyed.

There were no leads on how the box was delivered, nor who delivered it. The guards were still searching, making enquiries, but it seemed futile. Horrifyingly enough, Costia's body was never found, so we could only burn the head. It was disgusting, the emotional warfare Azgeda were playing on Lexa.

Costia had nothing to do with any of this, she'd only been unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it was something Lexa never forgave herself for.

The girl I'd come to know as easygoing and full of life was gone, completely replaced by this shell of a person. At first, she was isolating herself from everyone, only throwing herself into her duties and responsibilities as Heda. It took a long several months for her to fully grieve Costia, for her to finally open up to me again, but she wasn't the same.

I couldn't recall the last time I'd seen her smile or laugh. It was as if her happiness had died with Costia and I understood why, but I hated seeing her like that.

We were in archery practice one day, the two of us sometimes training together like old times. I was growing tired, looking forward to when it would end so we could do something a little more fun.

"Do you wanna go for a swim after this?" I asked her, the idea coming to me at that moment. "In the lake, like we used to?"

She didn't spare a glance my way as she lined up her next shot. "I have more important matters to attend to, Y/N."

"C'mon, it'll be fun," I said encouragingly as she let the arrow fly through the air, finding the centre of the target with ease. "It's warm out and the lake will be refreshing."

"No," she said simply, going to collect her arrow.

I sighed quietly, watching her with a concerned gaze. Gently, I spoke, "Look, I know it's been hard, but I'm here for you and I think that, maybe, not working as hard might make this–"

"What?" she interrupted harshly, finally looking at me, though with a fiery glare. I jumped at volume of her voice, not expecting it. "Easier? How? How can it be easier when Azgeda are plotting to overthrow me every single day? How will a dip in the lake fix that?!"

I swallowed awkwardly, unsure what to say. It felt stupid now.

"We're not kids anymore," she reminded me with a sneer.

I frowned. "I know. Sorry. I don't mean–"

"You're forgiven," she cut me off, looking away with a clenched jaw. "End of discussion."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as she returned to her stance before the target, lining up another shot. And just like that, we were back to archery.

—

21 years old...

It was supposed to be a simple rescue mission. In and out of Azgeda's prison camps, rescuing our people and leaving before they'd even notice.

But everything went wrong when they caught us escaping.

Arrows were flying, swords were wielded and, in the midst of chaos, I saw that a few of our own were struck down. We needed to leave, fast.

Those of us who could mounted their horses, prisoners with them, and raced out of there whilst a few stayed back to buy us time. Lexa was one of them, mounting her horse and taking a few of Azgeda's soldiers out on the way. I was close behind, the last of our party to leave, and pushed my horse as fast as I could. Unfortunately for me, before I could even make it out of the snowy lands of Azgeda's territory, a loose arrow caught my horse's front leg and I went flying forward as a result.

The wind was knocked from me as I landed face first in the snow, the cold already seeping through my clothes and my whole body aching from the fall. But I couldn't stay put for long, already hearing someone on my tail.

It took me a lot of effort to push myself off the ground, finding my sword which had luckily not impaled me on the fall. As soon as I turned around, I saw one of the Azgeda prison guards hurtling towards me, his own sword raised as he let out a battle cry. I held my ground, grip tightening on my sword, and immediately blocked his swing as he came at me.

Luckily for me, my sword fighting had much improved over the years, mostly due to Lexa's constant need for training, and it aided me in this fight as I blocked every swing from my opponent. He was large and strong, albeit slow, so at my best opportunity, I parried his swing and used the power of it to go around him, stabbing him through the back.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I yanked my sword out, watching him collapse in the snow. My success was short lived however, as I heard barking from behind me and turned around a second too late. A wild dog – one of the ones the Azgeda army trained for battle – raced through the trees and leapt on me, going straight for my leg.

I screamed as its sharp teeth sunk right into my calf, at the orders of its owner who was approaching us but only watching as I struggled. Instinctively, I swung my sword, but the dog was merely inconvenienced, moving back to bark at me before leaping at me again. This time, I was knocked backwards into the snow, dropping my sword. It reattached its teeth to my leg, piercing flesh and bone and oblivious to my weak attempts at kicking it away. I felt like I couldn't breathe, the pain too strong to even acknowledge.

Suddenly, an arrow flew through the air, landing right in the dog's head and killing it instantly. It didn't matter to me though – my leg felt like it was in tatters and I was starting to see spots in my vision. Not even the cold of the snow was a bother to me anymore – I could have been dipped in fire at that moment and known no difference.

"Y/N!" someone shouted after me.

My people had returned, dismounting their horses as they fought off the Azgeda stragglers, including that wretched dog's owner.

Lexa was with them, having come back to my aid. She let her people deal with the remaining Azgeda soldiers, instead coming to my side with a concerned look. Her eyes glanced between me and my leg and, judging from her expression, it wasn't great.

"I need help over here!" she yelled to her solders.

Two members of our party rushed to my side, attempting to carry me, but even the slightest bit of movement had me screeching in agony.

"Be gentle!" Lexa ordered, and they were suddenly less rough. She took my hand, squeezing it gently. "You're gonna be okay. We're going home."

All I could manage was a weak nod, tears burning my eyes.

We must have made it back to Polis, though I couldn't be sure it was without disruption as I passed out not long after they placed me on a horse.

When I awoke, I recognised the healer's room at the Tower, though it felt strange being the one in the bed rather than the healer. I couldn't remember why I was here, still in a daze, and then I heard a sigh of relief and looked to my right to see Lexa standing up, touching my cheek with relief.

It was unusual seeing the tears down her cheeks and her red, puffy eyes staring down at me. She hadn't cried this much since Costia died years ago. Was I hurt that bad?

"What happened?" I asked tiredly, not quite adjusting to the aches and pains in my body.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," she said with a watery voice. "I should've got to you sooner."

Got to me sooner...?

And then it came back to me. Our people. Azgeda. The dog. My leg.

My eyes widened as I put Lexa's words together with what I remembered and then I was quick to try and sit up to see if my leg was okay, but Lexa tried to stop me.

"Y/N, just wait–"

"Let go!" I shouted, shoving her off long enough to finally see what I feared.

My lower left leg was gone. All that remained was a bloody, bandaged stump, ending at my knee. I could barely believe what I was looking at, eyes watering at the sight.

"It was the only way," she said regretfully. "It was badly infected and the bites were too deep. They couldn't save it."

Her words went in one ear and out the other. All I could see was the spot where my leg used to be.

"It's gone," I whispered, voice trembling.

Her hand rested on my shoulder gently. "Y/N..."

I touched my knee and then the spot after it, where my calf should've been. And then I felt something break inside of me and the tears finally fell.

Lexa sat beside me, pulling me into her chest and holding me tightly. "It's okay. You're okay. I'm here."

But it wasn't okay, was it? Nothing was okay.

—

The next few days were some of the hardest I'd endured.

Lexa stayed by my side the whole time, only leaving to bring me food or see the healers looking after me. I couldn't bear to look at her, nor my father, who stopped by regularly too.

Everything was so futile to me. Without my leg, I would never walk the same again. And how would I continue to be a combat medic if I couldn't even stand? How could I work at Lexa's side? I was useless. And I couldn't stand it.

My feelings left me in a pit of depression, my appetite gone and my will to recover completely absent. I couldn't see a future where I'd feel like myself again, and no matter who was there to support me, I refused their help.

I was sulking yet again, staring at the wall and soaking in my own misery since there was nothing else to do. Lexa had left to get me some food and, truthfully, I was glad. Her constant worrying and fretting at my side was doing nothing to help.

The logical part of me was grateful she cared, but the emotional part won over and I seriously hated having her around right now, not when I couldn't think straight about anything other than my missing leg.

My momentary peace was interrupted when Lexa returned, tray of food in hand which she set on the table beside my bed.

"It's time to eat something, Y/N," she said softly, hand resting on my hand, but I snatched it away.

Ignoring her, I continued to stare at the wall ahead, void of feeling.

"Y/N, please, you have to eat," she said, unfazed by my mood.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I purposely looked to the left, away from her, hoping she'd get the hint. Of course, she didn't.

"Don't be like that," she said, a little sterner this time, and it infuriated me because why couldn't I be like that? Who was she to tell me otherwise?

"I can do what I want," I snapped at her with a glare. "I'm not hungry, so just leave me alone already."

Her lips twitched into a slight frown, but she didn't move. "You're not going to get better if you don't eat," she said firmly.

"Get the damn hint and go away! I don't need your help!" I said bitterly.

She swallowed hard, green eyes flickering between mine with an unreadable expression, before leaving the room. I glared a hole into the space where she left, eyes burning with tears, and was overcome by an immediate guilt.

It was easier to push her away now, as much as it hurt to do so. At least this way she wouldn't notice how much of a burden I would become. Cripples had no place working under the Commander, best friend or not. And I wasn't sure I could handle being fazed out by Lexa in time.

Despite how awful the whole situation was, I couldn't bring it in myself to face her. She tried to return after my outburst, but I made sure Nyko refused her entry. I was surprised it worked, considering she was the Commander and could do whatever she wanted. She still found her way back in over the course of the next week, but I continued to ignore her, wanting her to lose interest on her own and stop visiting me.

I should have known trying to get Lexa to do anything was impossible though, as when she showed up once more, ignoring my request through Nyko to leave me alone, she had a whole speech prepared.

"I said I didn't want to see you," I mumbled tiredly upon noticing her walk in without warning.

She ignored me and stopped by my bed. "You don't get to request that."

I rolled my eyes, my usual self-deprecating attitude written all over my face. But unlike the past few weeks, she wasn't accepting it anymore.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she suddenly shouted, surprising me.

I finally looked to her, surprised to see her shooting me a fiery glare.

"I almost lost you, don't you see that?" she continued, giving me no chance to respond. "I watched you bleed all over the bed as they assessed the damage. Watched as you came to and from consciousness, as they cut off your leg. They thought you were going to die from the blood loss. And now you're okay and what? You're pushing me away?! For what? Pride?!"

I pressed my lips together, tensing my jaw, face hot with shame and self-pity.

"Well, I refuse," she said decisively. "I'm staying and you can't get rid of me. No matter how many times you try to tell Nyko."

Even as I closed my eyes, I could feel tears welling up. Why was she so stubborn?

Her voice cracked as she continued, "They're moving you back to your room tomorrow."

I looked away, unsure what to say, and then she took my hand between hers and I couldn't bring it in myself to pull away. Admittedly, I craved the comfort, though I didn't deserve it. Not after how I'd treated her.

"I'm not leaving your side," she repeated, less angry and more concerned.

It only reminded me why I was acting like this in the first place.

"For now," I said, voice hoarse.

She blinked. "What?"

Narrowing my eyes, I finally looked to her, speaking more clearly. "For now. You'll be here for now and then you'll get busy with Heda responsibilities, and then you'll realise I can't work with you anymore because I can't even walk. And then you'll get busier and busier and realise I'm just a damned burden and then you'll leave. And I won't blame you one bit, but it'll happen."

Her expression softened. "How can you say that?"

Embarrassed, I let go of her hand and wiped away a stray tear, looking away. "Because it's true. We're not kids anymore, remember? You don't owe me a thing."

"You're such a fool."

I scoffed, crossing my arms. How could she say that when she'd spent the last few years an emotionless wreck because of Costia's death, only ever putting her job first?

"No, you are," she disagreed. "You think I'd just push you away like that?"

"Yes," I said simply, looking down at my bed covers. "Love is weakness. Isn't that what you've been saying?"

"I thought that," she admitted, "but it's not. Not with you."

I rolled my eyes.

"I thought I lost you and I didn't," she said gently, considerately. "That's worth something. Because..." She paused, hesitant, then continued, "...because I'm in love with you."

She said it so nonchalantly that I had to truly digest her words, and even then I couldn't believe them.

With disbelief, I glanced at her. "What?"

She was trembling slightly, surprising me, and began to nod. Her eyes were glassy as they met mine. "I am. I can't lose you too."

For a moment, I saw the old Lexa, the one who I'd known most of my life, before Azgeda ruined her, and it broke my heart.

"Lexa...," I started, but didn't know what to say.

"You're not a burden," she told me with certainty. "Those one love never are."

I struggled to find words, heart beating exceptionally fast as she maintained eye contact. She loved me? After all this time, the girl I fell in love with loved me too? What?

"Please don't say I've ruined everything," she whispered, hopeless.

Remembering to move, I quickly shook my head, though my mind was still reeling. "You haven't. You–"

She cut me off with a kiss, pressing her lips to mine eagerly. She kissed me like she'd been waiting to forever, hands curling around my face and nose brushing against mine as she tilted her head to the side. I kissed her back, melting into her with ease and acutely aware of how perfect she felt against me.

I still couldn't catch up to what was happening, not even as she pulled back slightly, breathless and meeting my gaze. She didn't speak, as if waiting for my reaction before she could do anything.

"Are you sure?" was all I could say, stunned.

She nodded slowly.

I licked my lips. "Good. Because I'm in love with you too, Lexa."

Her lips curved into a small smile, eyes darting between mine, before she kissed me again.

#the 100 #alycia debnam carey #commander lexa #lexa x reader #the 100 imagine #lexa imagine #lexa x you

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id-rather-be-home · 9 months ago

Note

Oh I wanted to say something about this but I didn’t want to come off as I’m pushing my opinion into you bc some authors take it that way but after seeing your last ask I kinda am just sharing my opinion too now lmao.

Ok when you said that the fic will be bottom Will from now on I remember feeling so sad lol bc there are hundreds of bottom/sub Will fics and not bottom/sub mike nearly half of that. This fanfic literally felt like what the bottom/sub Mike enjoyers have been waiting for all along and after so long we finally got what we wanted and got it waaaayyy better than we could have hoped for. wwtwcs and maybe one other fanfic was our reward for patience almost, it is sacred. And i really love your writing (the characters AND the smut especially the way you write dom Will). Anyways then the Will in the fic said that he prefers topping and I remember literally shrieking with happiness lmao. I also enjoy the few chapters you wrote with Will being the bottom but still being the one in charge, like I said you write beautifully whatever it is you write. (Like i really don’t like reading sub/bottom Will, just something that’s not for me but you sure SOLD ME on it lmao it was beautiful 💜)

Anyway again, this is your fanfiction and you get to do whatever you want with it. I mean isn’t that how we got here and it became my favourite fanfic in the first place? Also just because there are so little solid bottom/sub Mike fanfics doesn’t mean you’re responsible to contribute to it even though you are one of the lead authors of it right now. I didn’t write any of this to pressure. not like you’re gonna care what a stranger on the internet is going to say but I’m just saying this as a person, like a little child I am🙄, who’s scared that one of the key elements in their favourite fanfic is going to change drastically (not your problem either obviously) I wasn’t gonna say anything but after your last ask, I wanted you to see the both sides of your own little fandom :)

this doesn't come across as pressuring to me so don't worry about that at all!

to be completely honest, when i got that comment on the fanfic i was worried that people actually weren't going to enjoy the sub!mike direction that it was taking me and so i tried to shift gears to bottom/sub will but it didn't really work out because i just... can't really write him very well??? top/dominant will just comes so much more naturally to me because for whatever reason that's what i feel would make sense for his character i guess

however, i've clearly gone off on my own for the fic by this point and have been doing what i want and what i think feels best for the flow of the story as well as the natural progression of the characters. and i have been genuinely SO SURPRISED by the love and praise that my work has gotten. i have literally converted some people to loving bottom/sub mike and i absolutely love that

that being said - i cannot imagine this fic taking any drastic turns from where it is already progressing! when i mention bottom or sub will appearing in some of the chapters, i'm referring to things that i've kind of already explored in previous chapters because will is NOT going to get much more submissive than what has already been seen

like, the chapter i'm working on now that i mentioned in the last ask - he's more 'submissive' because he gets eaten out and then wants mike to fuck his thighs because mike loves them, but will still controls a lot of the pace. also we get a bit of a glimpse into will's oral fixation but he can still be in control even with mike's dick down his throat lol

i don't think that will's preference for fucking mike in the fic is going to change because that's my preference to write which i guess is really what it comes down to at the end of the day

and when there are chapters of will bottoming (because i do have a couple planned) he's still very much in control while mike is submitting and just doing everything he can to please will and be good for him. like in the riding chapter i mentioned at some point, will literally makes fun of mike and taunts him by saying "you're whining like you're the one getting fucked"

so i do want to reassure those of my readers that come to this fic and love it because it is primarily submissive/bottom mike - that isn't going to change. it's going to still be primarily that with some bottom will sprinkled in where i have already planned it but it won't be anything drastically different

i have 3 bottom will chapters definitively planned and i doubt that the number will get much bigger than that if i'm being totally honest because writing him bottoming is always a struggle

i really do want to please both sides which is why i've been going back and forth on more bottom will appearing, but with each chapter i write, it's just less and less likely to happen so it really should be marketed as a bottom mike/top will fic since that's what it mainly is

and, anon, you do have a point that there are a heck of a lot more bottom will fics for people to choose from, so i am more than happy to provide something for the submissive/bottom mike lovers out there especially because it's something i love as well

i'm sorry that this was ramble-y or if it sounded a little harsh at times??? it isn't at all directed at you anon, or anyone else! i guess this is just me finally realizing that 'when we touch we are caressing stars' is going to be most enjoyed by those who enjoy submissive/bottom mike and that bottom will truly won't make too many appearances

#byler #spicy byler #when we touch we are caressing stars fic #answered 💌

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muse-stellium · 11 months ago

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|| Okay okay okay okay okaaaaay.

I'm still kinda processing things so this might be a lil all over the place and not to mention hella long I'm sorry the brain went brrrrr, but T8 thoughts tiiime. Absolute T8 spoilers below the cut

✦ First & foremost I do want to say that overall? I liked it. I wasn't amazed by it? It felt very reminiscent of things I've seen before, a lot of familiar tropes and all that, but I do think I might grow to love it someday. Do I think there are things they could've done better? Absolutely. But it also could've been a lot worse. Most of my greatest concerns didn't come into fruition, so even though I do think everything felt a bit rushed, I'll consider it a win lmao.

✦ Tbh I don't have a lot to say about everything that happened between Jin & Kazuya - which is wild bc y'know main plot - but like.. It feels too familiar. Too many familiar tropes to capture my interest I think? By the second chapter I was already going "this reminds me of this, this reminds me of that" every few minutes and just nothing felt.. unique with those two this time. I will say Jin's Angel form looks neat, and it does make me wonder about the Kazama clan's possible connection to Angel. But that's about all I have to say there unfortunately 🥲

✦ I both love and am kinda confused by all the fighters working together thing tbh. If only bc it feels a little disjointed for most of them to barely say a word to each other throughout all of the other previous games, and then to just suddenly come work together, to help protect Jin, who started this war in the first place 😬. – But at the same time that logic aside, that's also somewhat what I was hoping for?? Like I've been saying I wanted T8 to be some avengers assemble like scenario for years now lol. I just think there could've been more interaction prior that would've made it make more sense?

✦ In that line of thought, I am not a big fan of how the Jin vs Kazuya teams were divided for kinda the same reason? Mainly Marshall. Best buds with Paul all these years, they're literally the bromance of Tekken and all of a sudden he joins the bad guys all bc "yOu dIdn'T PaY mE" – I think it would've been a lot better if we could've actually seen how Nina recruited them? While I love her, she absolutely the Queen tm, she is.. a master manipulator. She absolutely manipulated them somehow into thinking joining G-corp was a good idea. Like maybe Marshall's financial woes run deeper than we know, and she used that to her advantage. Maybe she convinced Azucena with the thought they could protect her family and her farm, or maybe it was a Josie situation where Josie believed the Mishima Zaibatsu was a force of good, maybe Nina got Azucena to believe that about G-Corp with how she seemed to be up for fighting for world peace. But by not showing the reasoning behind it.. it just feels wrong and puts a lot of those characters in a weird light to me.

✦ ^ The same goes for my girl Nina this time around. 😔 We've been sitting here debating on why she would ever possibly join Kazuya with their history and her seemingly being such close allies w Jin before. It's completely out of character for her, there must be a reason, we've been wondering what the reason is and finally... we're not given one. It's just like "Oh, you work for him now." No comments made about it whatsoever. And there's some pro's to that? Namely yes it maintains her enigmatic nature, and it leaves a lot of possibilities open. But I think there's more cons to it than anything, bc this is absolutely just going to fuel the surface stereotype within the fandom that Nina's just a cold hearted killer who only cares about money. This game when taken at surface value (which I've noticed outside of on here, a large majority of fans seem to take things at), kinda gave her the appearance of a character with no depth whatsoever and that... tbh that scares me bc the treatment of her character within the fandom is already so bad...? And then to add the possibility that she may work with Reina of all people next time around just perpetuates that even further. Especially when you remember that this may be the first Tekken game for a lot of fans who came from Bloodline.

✦ On the other hand however, I will say I'm not as upset about what T8 did w Nina's character than what Bloodline did w her. I was hella concerned we'd be dealing w another bloodline scenario of her just being tossed aside, and in a way we definitely are? But at the very least, this time when I try to look from Nina's perspective, I can see multiple possibilities for why she just left / worked w Kazuya at all that would be within her character. W what happened in Bloodline I couldn't do that no matter how hard I tried. But here it's mainly just that none of them were addressed that's the problem. It's left too open, and it doesn't paint a good picture. — W the comment Lee & Lars made about "the G-Corp assassin", and how casual she seems to be w Lee in her character ep + intros, there's still the hella slim subtle possibility Nina could be secretly working for both sides. She did what she was tasked to do, and got out once her job was done. - There's the possibility that w how her T8 bio again brings up her doubts about hurting people for the first time since T2, maybe something finally clicked there mid battle. Maybe it was the realization that "oh joy there's another devil in the mix" and it'd be better w this new information to watch how this plays out. - Hell if we dare to hella hope about things lol, maybe w all the dbd easter eggs thrown out there this time and seeing her featured on a ship for the first since then, maybe she dipped to set up the plot of dbd 2 - It could be anything! And that's the problem.

✦ Overall bc of all of this, while I do think it's neat, and I do like a lot of it, it feels very... rushed. It really reminds me of when you go to reread old threads or your past writing, and in hindsight you realize "Wow I really rushed this part, I forgot to include this this & this bc I was too excited about what was to come next", which is kinda disappointing bc this was supposed to be this huge pivotal moment in the storyline. But then that also makes me wonder y'know.. what's to come next that they're possibly so excited to get to? 😶

Anyway! Hella hella long story short, I liked it. I'm not in love w it. I think it could've been done better. I might grow to love it later on, and I do have more thoughts on it like on what happened to Claudio & Zafina, Reina is a whole can of worms that I don't want to get into rn lmaooo, but this is already so long BYEEEEE

#✧･ﾟ:*𝒜𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓃 𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓇𝓉*:･ﾟ✧ - OOC #|| me typing this wheezing like how tf am I gonna format all of thiiiisss #|| I apologize in advance 😭😭😭#tekken 8 spoilers #t8 spoilers

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omegasamwilson · 3 years ago

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I literally had a panic attack when I watched Ayo take off Bucky's arm. I was born without my left arm and see a lot of myself in Bucky. I have a prosthetic and had to stop the episode and watch it later. And it really hurt me to see your completely disregard that and say I have no right to be upset. It really pisses me off. I'm fully acknowledging that Bucky did a terrible thing, and he needed to be stopped. But she didn't have to remove his arm. He wouldn't have hurt her. To see you refer to his arm in the tags as a weapon further hurt me. It's not a fucking weapon, it's his fucking arm. You're trying to twist this into a race issue when it's about fucking ableism. I'm brown not black so I don't know if you'll accept my concerns with your post

Hi, one, I apologize for what is sure to be a very long and very frustrated statement. But I’m dealing with a lot of shit rn (actually related to race and ableism specifically) but I wanted to respond because my ADHD ass will forget otherwise.

Okay. One, you say “he wouldn’t have hurt her.”

We, the audience, knows that. Ayo did not. What she knows is that the man before her was an assassin and sniper, even before he was captured and forced to kill by HYDRA. He was a WWII sniper and seemed to be quite skilled (I’m going to assume that’s one of the reasons HYDRA tried to experiment on him and picked him to he the winter soldier.) In any case, this newly reformed (and at the time, just barely reformed. As in, he was healed a month, maybe two months before the events of infinity war. So he’s been healed for a whopping seven months.) This newly reformed assassin, who had been the victim of either chemical or otherwise mental subjugation freed a terrorist from prison.

Not only did he free a terrorist from prison, he freed a terrorist that was obsessed with HYDRA. If any terrorist knew a back door to unlock the winter soldier again, it would be Baron Zemo, who knew each and every one of HYDRA’s secrets.

While Shuri is definitely brilliant, it’s entirely possible that HYDRA buried a safety within their “asset” just in case he was able to break his programming. It’s entirely possible that it was so well buried amongst the labyrinth that is the brain that even Shuri couldn’t find it. After all, Shuri isn’t a neuroscientist, and the brain is largely regarded as the final frontier. So it’s entirely possible that she missed buried programming.

So, we have a person that got rid of HYDRA’s programming seven months ago that just freed one of the only people on the planet that could have the information that could potentially reactivate the winter soldier. And THEN, we have a video of this man “acting” as the winter soldier in madripoor. This was uploaded on the internet and I’m assuming that Ayo saw it.

What proof does Ayo have that he won’t hurt her? That she won’t weaponize his arm and hurt her? What proof does she have that he’s not under Zemo’s control, that Zemo can’t control him in a second. The only thing she knows are that Bucky Barnes freed a terrorist that had access to all of HYDRA’s information, the terrorist appeared to control the winter soldier in madripoor, and it is entirely possible that there is buried programming designed to deactivate the winter soldier.

She deactivates it, realizes he’s fully in control of himself and says, “bast damn you, James.” As in, “fuck you for freeing a terrorist and acting like it isn’t a big deal. You are clearly acting on your own accord in this.”

And yes, it’s different being Black vs. being Brown. It isn’t to say that racism and ableism don’t intersect with Brown folks because obviously it does.

But l specifically asked for Black opinions bc of the demonization of Black folks, especially the trope of “big scary Black women” or “big scary Black men.”

It’s ironic I see this today when I have a story that is so relevant and anger inducing.

I work with white parents of Black children, usually through adoption since I work primarily with lgbt parents, but I do have some cis het white parents raising Black biological kids. One of the parents and friends got into it today because her autistic Black child got into it with their sibling (also disabled). The sibling intentionally triggered their older sibling and punched them and it escalated to the point where the bigger sibling finally reacted and shoved the younger sibling. It broke the younger kid’s glasses. The youngest is legally blind and needs very expensive and specific prescription classes to even have 20/40 vision.

The mom called the police on her child and the kid was arrested and charged. She is 15. Mom described the kid as aggressive and awful and terrible and all sorts of names. A ww called the police on her Black 15 year old child having a meltdown. And she played into stereotypes that Black people, Black women, are aggressive/scary/angry. A ww could’ve gotten her child killed for having a meltdown because she broke a white child’s disability aid.)

A ww couldve gotten her child killed because she played into anti-Black stereotypes. That white people need protection from them. Even when the white child was initially the aggressor in the scenario.

Sure, it’s different, but it plays to the same stereotypes. Poor white disabled person needs protection from the aggressive scary Black person, and we’re just going to assume that the Black person was being unnecessarily aggressive because it plays into all of the stereotypes about Black people. No, there’s no way that this Black person was making a decision based on a series of evidence that could point to them genuinely being harmed.

(By the way, in the scenario of the two kids, I think they both needed help and support, and that the police shouldn’t have been called period.)

Nope, it’s just an aggressive Black person being ableist.

The same systems that have everyone seeing Bucky as a cute little uwu cinnamon roll in need of protection are what caused everyone to see Ayo as an aggressive ableist Black woman. White people usually get the benefit of the doubt. The best intentions are believed even when the evidence clearly says otherwise.

The evidence Ayo had indicated that she had no idea whether the winter soldier could’ve been reactivated and whether or not Bucky could’ve been under zemo’s control. She had no idea. None. She made a decision based off that information. And the fact that Bucky didn’t react strongly indicated that he was acting on his own accord.

Mayhaps, Ayo might even have been trying to trigger the winter soldier. I just thought of this but it makes sense. That the WS would react very defensively and even potentially deadly to that level of fighting, even if his previous orders were different.

In any case, this situation isn’t comparable to every day disabled people because our disability aids to not double as weapons. Most people can’t do more harm with a prosthetic limb than they can with a regular limb. Bucky can. Bucky’s arm is also a weapon and that fact complicates matters considerably. If bucky’s arm were simply a regular arm with typical strength, it’d be a no brainer situation. But it’s not. We don’t know the wakanda enhancements of his arms, but we know in the comics, he could kill with a single punch using his arm. He uses his arm tactically to map his surroundings. He uses his arm to send off EMPs that can disabled weaponry. It even has a retractable blade for close combat. It is a disability aid that it also a weapon. It was designed to be a weapon. The normal conversations around disability aids don’t fit it because no one today has a disability aid that could kill someone in seconds and even cause larger scale damage with a targeted EMP.

And finally, I want to say this, I am truly sorry that you had a panic attack while watching the episode. That is never fair and it’s never fun to be triggered by television shows.

I do hope this helped to better explain and clarify my perspective.

#nonny mouse #ayo #tfatws #police cw #ableism #anti blackness

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marshthat · 4 years ago

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My Jedi master Eeth Koth headcanons!

Eeth Koth has been my comfort charcter for quite a long time, and still is now (and I hope still will be in the future also, bc I cant imagine me existing without my love for Eeth anymore).

So, I've decided to share my most prominent master Koth headcanons that I've accumulated at this point

As promised, I'm posting only general ones, without any specific implied pairings or other relationships!

note: (due not so much info about Eeth in Canon and Legends (unforgivably little actually), maaaaybe I'm projecting some of my own mental stuff on him, but eh, this is unevitable I guess :)

Have fun reading these!

1. Change of the profile

In his youth, Eeth was a Jedi Guardian, a.k.a "Jedi-on-the-front-line", and carried a blue lightsaber. But after the death of his master, followed by him joining the High Council, Eeth calmed down his inner rambo and changed his profile to a Jedi Consular. And so he chose a path of a diplomat, built a green lightsaber (with a hilt very similar to his dead master's one, as a remembrance) and eventually became famous in the Jedi Order exactly for his ability to resolve conflicts peacefully. (that's why no big missions on his part before the Clone Wars era apart from his participation in the Yinchorri incident)

2. The acceptance issue

Eeth pays a lot of attention to his appearance: carefully brushes his hair, makes sure his clothing is perfect, and so on.

Some consider this a simple whim, but in fact this will to have an ideal appearance is a consequence of some issues Koth now has because of his difficult childhood. Due to the fact that Eeth spent his first four years as a ragged orphan in the filthy slums of Nar Shaddaa, he sometimes feels as if he doesn't deserve to be in such a clean and nice place as the Coruscant Jedi Temple. (And the fact that his membership in the Order at first caused a lot of controversy among the Council masters only worsened this fear)

That is why Eeth tries his best to always look as perfect as possible - to be suitable for the beauty of the Temple and to not feel himself a stranger in its walls.

3. Long meditation hours and self-reflecting

He does meditate on his issues quite often, in order to get rid of every irrational fear he has, like the one described in the previous headcanon. Usually he does that in the evening, after all the tasks are completed - he gives himself time to reflect on what happened during the day, what he did and said and how the others reacted. This does help, but still some thorns can be very hard to get out of his hearts. His favourite meditation place is his own quarters in the Temple, where he can have a nice view on the evening/night Coruscant, which is somehow more relaxing to him than the gardens in the Room of Thousand Fountains.

4. A little peek into the apartment

Eeth’s master-quarters in the Temple are decorated with effort and thought. The most significant part are the long heavy thick and soft curtains, that, if closed, take all the light in the room away, leaving the nice pleasant semidarkness atmoshphere. Also Eeth has a lot of various cushions around the whole apartment, along with an enormous supply of aroma candles!

5. The tragedy of the Padawan

Eeth's first and only Padawan learner was Sharad Hett.

Sharad's will to quit the Order deeply hurt Eeth, even if he didn't say that out loud, as he put a lot of effort and dedication in his promise to be the best master possible for Sharad. Also he lowkey agreed with the accusations of other masters telling him he was responsible for Sharad's departure because Koth failed as a teacher - so he does feel himself guilty of failing both Sharad and the Order.

After the Hett's incident, he actually vowed to himself not to take any more Padawan learners, so as not to let anyone's expectations down again. (And, like master Saesee Tiin, chose to put his efforts into other fields rather then teaching)

(these panels still hurt me somehow qwq

Sharad made Eeth cry, for kriffs sake!)

6. But he's still very friendly to kids

Despite the unpleasant exprienece with his own Padawan, he did let go of his initial frustration and now he is quite happy to give younglings and young padawans some general lessons! Also sometimes he takes other masters' students to group trainings or supervises them during the Trials of Knighthood. And young Jedi do love master Koth a lot - because he's soft and very patient, and does allow them some liberties :)

7. The social butterfly

Eeth is a "social butterfly" or a "caretaker" (ESFJ mbti-type)

He is used to being among a large number of people, but even though it seems that he gathers these people around him, in fact this is not true - his natural charm and outgoing personality allow him to easily make new acquaintances, interact with friends and encourage conversations, but he more follows his more assertive companions, adapts his behavior and words to them in order to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible, than directs them himself.

In other words, he offers the fun, but enjoys more the others' reactions to it, than the fun itself!

8. Sweet tooth!

Eeth LOVES sweet things! He generally likes all sorts of sweets, starting with various desserts and finishing with sugary tropic fruits. (Gaining weight? Naaah, the zabraks physiology allows him to consume a lot of food because of the higher metabolism due to the zabraks having two hearts. And also he does a lot of physical exercise in the training halls. So it's not a problem at all!)

9. And he is sweet himself too

This love for sugary things is not only for sweet treats actually, but also for the scents of cosmetics too! (And he does use a lot of that stuff). That is why Eeth usually smells of something nice, either caramel, or vanilla, or fruity etc.

This is often favorited by his colleagues on the Council, who definitely enjoy the pleasant aroma Eeth always brings with him to the Council meetings.

10. Energy drinks!

He got badly used to them during the Clone Wars era, because he really needed an additional energy resource when staying up all night brushing through various diplomatic documents and strategy plans. Caf wasn't much of a help because it just turned out to be not strong enough for the zabrak, so he eventually replaced it with cheap but more effective sweet energy drinks. It doesn't really matter to him which drinks to buy exactly, but the meiloorun-flavoured ones are among his favourites.

11. Form of lightsaber combat

Form III - Soresu!

I actually did a separate essay analyzing why Eeth’s form of combat is definitely Soresu, but if keeping brief: he uses Soresu mixed with some Ataru moves. Ataru was his initial style, advised by his master due to Eeth’s small complexion and natural agility & flexibility, but after changing his Jedi profile to a Consular he also adopted the main Consulars’ style - Soresu (usually called “the diplomat style”, “the most peaceful among the seven'' etc.). Koth’s Soresu moves can clearly be seen in the “Grievous Intrigue” episode in particular. Also Koth’s stance in the "Intrigue" is different from the famous Kenobi's "point-fingers" thingy simply because Eeth's pose is not an opening Soresu stance, but the brace-ready stance, which in Soresu is described as “having much in common with the "Ataru guard," with the hilt held at waist height on the dominant side in a two-handed grip for greater control, extended vertically upwards”

12. The double-bladed saber

Eeth wields a double-bladed saber almost as well as a regular one.

And in fact, it was Darth Maul who has inspired Eeth to try this kind of a weapon - after the High Council sent him to lead the investigation on the question of a zabrak sith on Naboo in 32 bby, he got genuinely interested in the possible perks of two blades in his Soresu and eventually mastered the double-bladed saber on quite a level. But he still sees this only as an interesting training option, but nothing more. So the double-bladed saber stays in the Temple and is used only in the Training Halls, but never on the battlefield.

13. An earring (yes, in the singular form)

Eeth has one of his ears pierced (right one), and he actually has several different earrings, mostly simple, like basic metal rings, which he usually picks every morning according to his mood. But to be honest, this earring thing is purely only for himself - because you can’t really see his ears under his usual three-ponytails hairstyle.

Though, he did abandon wearing earrings during the Clone Wars era - because since the war began and the potentially dangerous missions became more frequent, it wasn’t really a right place and time for such things, especially knowing that the Separatists can use some specific traps (like the ones they used to magnetize Jedi lightsabers on Lola-Sayu). The prospect of losing the whole ear due to such a trap is not the most pleasant one indeed.

14. HUGS (and other tactile activities)

Eeth very very VERY much loves hugs!

And for him, tactile contacts are more than just a way to feel comfortable - for him it's a vital part of the whole communication process. This issue dates back to his master, Kosul Ayada, who was a herglic (a race that is actually not very good at speaking Galactic Basic), and therefore helped himself with gestures and body language. And spending a lot of time around master Ayada, Eeth also got used to supporting his verbal dialogue by body language and tactile contact.

That is why while speaking Eeth actively gestures, grabs the other's hands, squeezes shoulders etc. And the hugs are his way to express sympathy and also to feel safe and appreciated!

15. Driving skills

Master Koth can drive, and actually quite well. And by driving I mean not spaceships, but smaller things that stay on land, like speeders.

And because he is a diplomat who often attends various meetings with senators and ambassadors, he also has a personal speeder, allocated to him by the Order for the ease of attending senator events and other diplomatic ocasions.

(But he does use it for other personal purposes too, because why not to, if there is an opportunity)))

(A panel of Eeth casually driving a speeder like a damn pro is one of my fav Eeth comics crumbs,,,,,,)

16. Singing

Eeth enjoys singing! But he usually keeps this thing to himself, making the quiet manthra-like singing a part of his meditative prep - it helps him to settle down his tangly thoughts a bit and tune his mind and body for the actual meditation.

(the hc was inspired by Hassani Shapi’s singing in one of his films, because Shapi’s voice is really beautiful and I’m sad they didn’t give him even a single line in the Phantom Menace when filming Koth’s Council scene)

17. Space soap operas...? (not so serious, sometimes treated as crack, but sometimes not)

Koth (secretly) likes soap operas on the late-night HoloNet, and often stays up to watch a new episode of something before going to bed. His favourite series is called “Lekkus of love” (my imaginary in-universe show I usually use in my sw writings) and it's about a twi’lek girl’s life, filmed in the style of our “Magnificent Century”, with lots of romantic intrigues and twists.

18. LOTS of feelings

Referencing the previous one - Eeth is very emotional, actually! Yes, he’s a Jedi and he knows how to keep his mind clear, but he’s still sensitive enough to actually cry over sad episodes of "Lekkus…" because “Poor Ai’sha, she worked so hard to get her man’s attention, but he still chose that togruta girl? This is outrageous, this is unfair! :ccc”

Also this can be in fact explained biologically. He's a zabrak, and zabraks are supposed to have a hot, blazing, higly-emotional nature (to match their home planet, Iridonia, wich is also boiling with acid seas and all that - otherwise they won't survive)

19. Podracing as a favourite sport

Eeth enjoys podracing. He first got into it back on Nar Shaddaa, when he heard a lot about racing and stuff from smugglers and bounty hunters (and at that time he even dreamed of becoming a cool podracer - but that was of course before he was taken to the Temple).

Now he doesn't dream of podracing that much, but still can and actually does enjoy watching annual championships via HoloNet. He also tries to keep in touch with the latest news in the podracing world (that interest he shares with the young Anakin Skywalker, and they do sometimes occasionally discuss podracing when they both have free time)

20. Horns

Eeth doesn’t really trust droids with trimming his horns, so he usually does that by himself, in the freshener, and that always takes a while. Also unlike a lot of male iridonian zabraks, who prefer to keep the tips of their horns comparatively sharp as a sign of their brutality and masculinity, Eeth chooses to make the tips humbly rounded and smoothed.

21. A pet? (Also not so serious - but sometimes it IS the most serious hc!)

Eeth has a pet loth-cat! The loth-cat is a she-cat, and she's big, fluffy and always on her own mind. Agen Kolar sometimes points out that the loth-cat is very similar to her owner in a lot of little things, like the way the cat purrs when being hugged and how she is obsessed with being clean and ideal too.

The loth-cat is also a bit jealous of her owner’s attention, so she will every time make herself comfortable on his knees when Eeth is meditating or working with documents to show that this is HER man. (especially when smb comes over to Eeth’s apartment - that's the case when she just NEEDS to state who’s the real boss here).

22. Participation in the first battle of Geonosis

I headcanon that Eeth was not directly on the Petranaki Arena actually during the first battle of Geonosis in the AOTC. Since he's not on-screen in that symbolic circle of survivors but is still stated as a participant, I assume that instead of being a part of the main group, Eeth joined Yoda on his trip to Kamino. Maybe not directly on the planet but still somewhere there, helping to gather clone legions to guide them to Geonosis.

(p.s. I know that Eeth's on-screen absence is because of Shapi being replaced with another actor and the new character turning out not at all alike to TPM Koth, but this little hc actually kinda fixes the hole without ruining anything…?))

#star wars #star wars expanded universe #star wars legends #star wars the clone wars #clone wars #eeth koth #sharad hett #kosul ayada #star wars headcanons #ihonestly I can talk about Eeth for hours and days and month #Eeth is the best cinnamon bun in the Jedi Order

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their-name-is-morgan · 6 years ago

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Ok b so like, I'm gonna try to make this sort of specific, I live for some angst and I live for Abba so like.... Imagine Abba being in one of those days where he just feels like garbage , but then his nice softie s/o visits him and cheers him up and gives him luv bc uwuwuwu. im so awkward at writing this, anyways, it's a scenario if thats ok with u b, and the s/o is a female.

AAAAH B I tried my best to make this turn out decent!! I feel like Leo is extremely OOC and there might be some mistakes here and there, but it’s late and I’m tired...so I’ll fix this in the morning! ;;

I hope you enjoy it anyway, ilysm❤

Il loro segreto

Leone Abbacchio x Fem!Reader❤

Everyone has bad days, and everyone faces them in a different way. There are people like Bruno: he would try his best to help other people overcome their struggles, and seeing their smiling face would make him feel better in an instant. There are people like Fugo: he would allow himself to have a day off, and he’d spend that day doing his favourite things, talking to his favourite people, or even staying alone. And then there are people like Abbacchio.

Leone was a man of few words, he would talk when necessary, and he wasn’t the nicest member of the gang. His face appeared to be in an eternal scowl, with his dark, thin eyebrows furrowed and his lips rarely lifting upwards. One would think that he was a strong, confident man whose only emotions were anger and disgust, but there’s always more to a person than what they let the others see.

Abbacchio was like any other person: some of his days were happy, other ones boring, and other ones bad, upsetting days. On the latter he would isolate himself and even refuse to get out of his bed, too mentally exhausted to interact with other people. He would push them away, and then he’d feel guilty about it. His lips would quiver and his eyes would water, but he’d hold it in.

And that day was one of those days.

(Name) exhaled, her eyes fixed on the last message he had sent: “See you at 9” with a black heart at the end. ‘Edgy’ she thought with a chuckle, but the small smile on her face disappeared as soon as it came. They had agreed on meeting quite early in the morning and, when she noticed that it was pouring outside but his last access remained the same as the previous night’s, she had guessed that the rain wouldn’t have been a problem for him either.

But after an hour of waiting for his arrival in front of the smallest, saddest bookstore in town, she came to a sudden realization: what if something was wrong?

Was he okay? Was the rest of the gang okay? Was her phone being dumb and not showing her his true last messages? She needed to know. She was about to stand up and open her umbrella when she noticed a notification from a different chat: Bruno had just texted her.

‘Would you mind coming over? I know this is sudden, but there’s somebody here who needs you.’ The text read, and her expression twisted into one of concern. It wasn’t the first time that she received a text like that, from either the Capo –whom she considered one of her closest friends- or another one of the guys, and it was not a pleasant thing to read.

She didn’t even bother to reply, instead she started walking towards the Passione residence, which was not that far away from that spot. The rain didn’t stop, making her almost trip at least twice along the way, but she was determined to see her lover’s face and hold him as close as possible.

It didn’t take that long before three knocks on the door snapped Bruno out of his trance; he stood up and made his way to the front door, abandoning the crossword puzzled he had been trying to complete for the past forty minutes on the wooden table.

He slowly opened the door to reveal his friend, umbrella in her right hand and phone in the other, her eyebrows slightly furrowed but a polite smile still present on her face. He motioned to come in and guided her to the couch, where they both sat down;

“So, what happened?” she asked, fidgeting with her hands. He let out a sigh,

“I...will keep it short. You know how Leone can get and now I know he needs extra support that I can’t give him. But please remember, cara; if this is too much for you, if he somehow hurts you with his words or actions...” he paused, cautiously choosing what to say next, “It’s not worth it. He is my friend, but you are too and I wouldn’t want you to think that I agree with everything he says or does.”

She carefully listened, her expression concentrated. She warmly smiled as he finished talking and took his larger hands in hers, grateful for having such a caring and honest friend.

“Bruno, I will follow your advice if anything happens. But I’m pretty sure it won’t,” she reassured him, and he nodded and returned the smile, “Now, he hasn’t left his room has he?”

“He’s been in there since yesterday night. He’d making all of us very worried, (Name).” He confessed, his tone of voice sincere. The girl could only nod and direct her gaze on the flight of stairs leading up to the second floor, where the bedrooms were located.

Unmade bed, window shut, blankets and dirty clothes lazily piled up in a corner of the barely lit room. The smell not bad enough to be unbearable, but enough to make one’s nose wrinkle. The pitter patter of the rain soothed him, but unnerved him at the same time. Was it even possible to feel in such a way?

He sat there, intently staring at the blank, boring wall as if it was the most interesting thing. What else could he have done in his state after all? With his headphones too far away to reach and the overwhelming fatigue that didn’t seem willing to leave him anytime soon, he could only lose heart and sit there, with his back against the bed’s headboard.

His almost lifeless gaze fell upon his phone, which had been resting on his nightstand since the previous night. A feeling of guilt struck him at the thought that he hadn’t shown up for his and (Name)’s date, his chest tightening and a lump forming in his throat. No, he couldn’t cry. What was the point of crying anyway? His eyes alarmingly watered, salty tears threatening to roll down his pale cheeks; he tried to focus on breathing, when a soft, almost inaudible knock made his grip on the thin blanket covering his legs tighten and his eyebrows furrow.

No. He thought, his heart beating faster. Fuck, leave.

Silence. But then, another knock, this time a little bit louder. Who was it, and what did they want? He had harshly declined Bruno’s help earlier that morning, and made it clear that he didn’t want any of the other guys around. Watching Bruno retrieve his hand at his commanding voice made him regret his actions, but then again. What was he expecting from himself?

With his gaze fixed on the door, he flinched when he heard the voice of the person behind it.

“Leo?”

I don’t deserve you. He thought once again, his eyes burning. He suddenly became aware of the state he was in, with his normally silky hair now messy and tangled, tied in a low ponytail, no sign of makeup on his ghost white face, and his embarrassing attire composed by an old, short sleeved shirt –obviously too large for him- and a pair of grey night shorts, his legs exposed and, much to his regret, hairy.

“Leone, I just want to know if you’re okay-“

“I am, now leave.” Please, he wanted to add, before I say something I’ll regret.

He could feel her sighing, trying to come up with something to tell him that could’ve comforted him. But what exactly could’ve possibly made him happier? He had tried to think of something, to do something, but it only ended up hurting him more, making him lay back down, exhausted and ashamed of himself. Just the thought of it made him stomach turn, the thought of his beloved waiting for him under the pouring rain whilst he was laying in bed, frustrated... melancholic.

“Please tell me if there’s something I can do to make you feel better. I know you’re lying, but it’s okay,” a pause. Then shuffling, and the doorknob moved a little, “Can I come in, Tesoro?” she asked. Little did she know that the man was trying his hardest not to break down there, in that exact moment. Or did she? She’d never seen him or talked to him while he was in such a state, usually he would be angry and frustrated, drinking his pain away in the kitchen in the middle of the night, or even in a bar.

Silence means consent, she thought –as much as that sentence could’ve been wrong-, and she dared to open the door, moderately illuminating the chaotic room. He froze, not really sure what to do, if to yell at them or to gather all his strength to stand up and lock the door completely. But he simply stayed still, his chest rising and falling with every shaky breath he took.

“What are you doing here,” he asked, his words ended up sounding more like a statement, though. She slowly stepped inside, her gaze falling upon her handsome boyfriend’s body, partially covered by a thin, cream coloured blanket.

“I’m here to listen to you, what’s going on Leone?” she asked, slowly stepping closer to his bed. He eyed her for a moment, his eyes softening. He wanted to be mad and make her leave, he really did, she wasn’t supposed to see him like this and he deserved to suffer alone. He deserved to listen to all the horrible thoughts that his mind was full of, obsess over them.

He gasped at the light touch of her hand, which was now softly holding his, his long, bony fingers subconsciously intertwining with hers. That simple touch sent a wave of butterflies through his veins, making him shake and choke back a sob.

(Name) promptly took notice of this and sat down beside him, her eyes kind and a warm, welcoming smile on her face.

“You can cry, it’s okay to. Please look at me,” and he did, with tears finally spilling down his face, his cheeks flushed and the muscles of his chin trembling, making his lips quiver. His right hand clutched at hers as if his life depended on it, while his left was clenched in a fist, the knuckles slowly going white. (Name) worriedly moved closer to him, letting her free hand wander behind his head to untie his hair and run her fingers through it.

Tell me everything.

“I am... I don’t know. Fuck, I don’t deserve you-“ a stifled sob, and then he sharply inhaled, “You were waiting for me, but I was here. Being a useless dick even if they wanted to help. I just...” he suddenly stopped, allowing smaller sobs to escape from his parted, soft lips. The girl moved her hand from his hair to his back, pulling him closer so that his head could rest on her shoulder.

Slightly embarrassed by this position as she was the one usually laying her head on his shoulder, he tried to pull away, but her soothing touch and whispers sent a shiver up his spine and made him hold onto her for dear life, weeping and babbling about how he didn’t deserve her, about how he would miss her though if she left, and she thought she heard him say I’m sorry once or twice –and he’d rarely apologize-.

(Name) held him tight, noticing how quiet he was even while shaking and sobbing almost uncontrollably, wetting her cute, slightly elegant shirt. Not that she cared anyway, he was much more important than a stupid shirt.

“Leo,” she whispered at some point, making him blink, more tears rolling down his reddened cheeks, “You deserve so much and you don’t even realize it. I know you blame yourself for a lot of things...” he raised his head, his hair gracefully cascading down his back; their eyes met and (Name) gave him a small smile, which he returned, “But not everything’s your fault.”

He averted his gaze, his breath slowly calming and his shoulders relaxing.

“Hm. Just promise... this whole thing will stay between us,”

She chuckled, and shifted in a more comfortable position so that they could be even closer.

“Of course; now will you eat breakfast with me?”

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