#i hope someone gets my crack humour 😔😔

[ghoossom]

guys. hear me out. I told my bestie about Rigatoni. and they said. what are you gonna end up now shipping him with mikhail. MAYBE THEY ARE ONTO SOMETHING, MAYBE WE SHOULD REVIVE MIKHAIL.

[supercutszns]

you may be right | hughie campbell

wc + pairing: 2.2k, hughie campbell x f!reader

synopsis: you’re left bloody and bummed after a mission with the boys. you do your best to clean up in the bathroom, and hughie, your not-so-subtle crush, offers to help.

warnings/notes: love hughie so bad but he was done so dirty in s4😔 NOTHINGG gets me like a nerdy man. also my first time branching out from pjo content so i hope u enjoy <3 ft. lots of blood, jokes about death, it’s the boys that’s a trigger in and of itself, questionable humour

No matter how many times you spit, a bloody tang lingers in the back of your throat.

“Jesus,” you hack, leaning down to press your forehead into the sink. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

You can’t even bring yourself to look in the mirror anymore. Everything—literally everything—is covered in blood. You feel it caked under your fingernails, in your hair, on your face.

The door clicks open behind you. “Still bad, huh?”

You grimace, looking past yourself in the mirror to see Hughie in the reflection. It’s sort of a relief that he doesn’t look any better. He stands awkwardly in the doorway, his head almost grazing the ceiling. “I mean, I can make out my face now, so, there’s some improvement?” You reply.

“How am I?” He asks.

You pretend to consider. “Pretty fucking bad, Hughie.”

His bloody face creases, and he sighs. “C’mon, we can share the sink,” you gesture. “This bathroom’s disgusting anyways.”

He smiles faintly, wiping his hand down his face. It leaves a streak of skin from his right temple to chin. There’s a bit of a lull as he comes to the bathroom counter, the door shutting behind him.

“Blood makes your eyes pop,” you quip, shuffling over so he can have some of the sink.

He laughs. “Yeah, thanks. I love what the red does to your hair.”

His eyes flick over you briefly, and you can’t help but smile back. A year ago you’d have wrung your own neck if you knew you’d be cleaning blood off your face in a shitty basement bathroom with a bunch of criminals, but now it’s an almost welcome break from all the running and fighting and other fuckshit. Besides, don’t all women dream about wiping blood off the guy they’re into?

You should’ve known this was inevitable. Your crush on Hughie had started slow, almost unnoticeably, but now you have to stop your skin from short-circuiting whenever you touch him. You’d hit it off the second you met. You were both out of your element, and he was the only one who responded to your awkward sense of humour. The only way either of you could cope with absurdity was by cracking up in the midst of a mission until Butcher threatened to sew your toes on backwards if you didn’t cut it out. You’re pretty sure the feeling goes both ways, but at this point your life is so fucked up that everything could be a figment of your imagination.

You both wash your faces in relative silence. It’s hard, watching someone else’s blood run down the drain. It’s also hard for you not to say something incredibly stupid. (In retrospect one of them is definitely easier than the other.)

“You holding up okay?” Hughie asks after a while. “You’ve been, uh … been pretty quiet.”

Crimson water drips from your wrists. There’s such unbridled concern in his voice that your hands stop scrubbing. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” you say a little too forcefully. “I’m just … I still don’t think I’m used to this.”

There’s a certain gravity that always catches up to you, when the adrenaline has left your system and you’re scrubbing away the consequences. Usually it comes when you’re alone, but right now all the blood left on you weighs twice as much as your own and you don’t think you’ll ever get rid of it.

You’re still hunched over the sink when Hughie says quietly, “Yeah.”

He turns the tap off, grabs a towel and passes it to you. “At least it’s not just me this time, though. You ever notice everyone else gets to leave with a bunch of sick scars but I’m the one that gets blasted with some guy’s insides?”

A laugh rings out of you, and you keel over even more into the sink. “Could you word that any worse, Jesus!”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re being blasted by some guy’s insides?”

“That is not—not like that!”

“Oh, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if it was like that, Hughie.”

He swats you on the shoulder through bouts of laughter. “That’s besides the point!”

This moment feels infinitely better than anything else the world could offer you. You lean on each other like drunks until the mood is sobered, but there’s a flutter in your sternum that won’t go away.

You’re running the towel over your face for the umpteenth time when Hughie lets out a hum. “Hold on, you have some on the back of your neck.”

“Hm?” Your vision blurs when you rub the cloth off of your face.

“Want me to—just—I got it.” Hughie fumbles for the cloth in your hand and you fumble back and it becomes a sort of fumble-off until you realize what’s happening.

“Sorry, sorry,” you mumble into a laugh. The fog in your head has just thickened tenfold. Your palms press into your eyeballs. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”

Hughie chuckles too. “I think we’re tired. And psychologically damaged.” He runs the cloth under some warm water. “C’mere, I’ll help.”

The fuzziness is much more pleasant now, at the very least numbing your idiotic nerves. You shuffle around until you’re directly in front of Hughie, trying not to stare at yourself in the mirror looking rougher than you’ve ever been. He sweeps the hair on the back of your neck and it tingles. “Thank you,” you murmur.

“No problem.”

You’re eternally lucky that Hughie’s as easy to talk to as he is to not talk to. The silence unfurls like a blanket, easy and warm. You almost want to live in it, this sleepy in-between. It’s nice not to think.

Hughie laughs almost imperceptibly behind you, and you feel it against your back. “Shit, sorry,” you mutter. At some point you’d shifted your weight onto him and hadn’t bothered to notice.

“No, it’s okay!” Hughie says earnestly, and your stomach twists again.

You can’t help yourself; you let your head loll back until it hits his chest. You notice the cloth has been abandoned on the counter. “How long have you been done?” You ask stupidly.

His lopsided smile peeks out. “A while. You kinda zoned out there.”

“Sorry,” you mumble again, your cheek smushed into his chest.

“Don’t worry,” he says gently. You think you’re dreaming, the way he smooths out your hair with his fingertips. “Want me to get the rest on your face so you can shower?”

“There’s still some on my face?”

“Just like, a little. Not that much. None at all, really, if you squint.”

You crane your head to give him a funny look. His cheeks seem pink, but that might just be the blood. “Mmkay, I can’t tell if you’re lying.”

“As long as you don’t look in the mirror right now, you never will.”

You squint at him, but he’s smiling so you know you’re smiling too, and the space between you is infinite and buzzing. You feel like a teenage girl. You feel like an average person. You feel like you’re not hiding out in a porn shop basement doused with someone else’s blood.

After you turn around, you lean back on the counter, the edge cutting into your hips. You don’t mind much, not when you’re already hurting everywhere else and not when Hughie is paying this much attention to you. Unprompted flurries of laughter pass between you two, a bewildered sort of communication coined for each other.

“Wanna get up?” He asks.

You nod, adjusting before hoisting yourself onto the counter with your palms. Hughie’s hands skim at your waist, like a last-resort effort to help. You hope so, so badly that’s not all it is.

Warmth crawls up your neck and peaks in your cheeks. You’re so used to being perpetually nervous now— both with high-risk situations and your schoolgirl crush. You keep waiting to feel the jitters now, with Hughie so close, the cloth sweeping over your pulse point like it’s daring you. But it feels different. Maybe it’s because you’re sleepy. Hughie’s company is the greatest luxury you have in this life, so you’re just going to enjoy it. It feels easier than anything else you’ve done the past few weeks.

You’d be lying if you pretended like this doesn’t feel like the closest you’ve ever been to another person. Hughie is one of the gentlest people you’ve ever met—and all his goodness goes to waste on you. You, and this life that tries to snuff it out of him. The tang of blood still wafts over you, but on Hughie it smells warmer, almost sweet, and it’s kind of fucked-up you’re thinking that, right?

“You smell good,” you say anyway, mostly because you want to see what he says back.

“Thanks,” he grins, “I should try adding blood into my cologne, I guess.”

You snort. His smile ticks wider, and you think he’s rosier under the scruff of his beard. He holds your gaze a second longer than acceptable, and soon it’s a second more, and another one, until there’s no point in looking away.

He rests the cloth against your jaw. The stillness in the room snaps you awake. You watch him raptly, admiring the notch between his brows when they furrow. “I want to do something stupid,” he admits quietly. “And probably weird.”

Your spine tingles. “What?” You ask. “Hughie, what?”

“Okay, forget it, it’s seriously weird,” he says, but doesn’t move.

“We’re underneath a porn shop covered in blood,” you deadpan. “Is anything weird anymore?”

He laughs a bit and his head angles down, losing your eye contact. A part of you lurches. You don’t want the spell to break. “Hughie.” He’s already looked back up before you finished his name. “C’mon.”

Tentatively, you touch him, right beneath the collar of his shirt. He leans a little closer. “Sure it’s not weird?”

“I’m sure.” Your smile is easy, infectious, the stubborn kind that reveals itself whenever you’re with him. Your noses brush and it sends a jolt all the way to your toes.

“If you hate this, it’s your fault,” he says pointedly. You want to scold him for his stupid-ass smile that you love so much, or maybe reassure him, but it washes away when he tilts himself down just enough to brush your mouth.

It was a test, a sample to ask This is what you were talking about, right? and you respond by holding his shirt and pulling him in to say Yes. A very earnest yes. Maybe too earnest.

You kiss him properly, just once, just in case this is all you’ll ever get. When Hughie slants down to kiss you better you understand it’s not. He feels it too. The warm, inescapable pull beneath his skin. Hughie Campbell likes you. Like, he likes you likes you. He likes you enough to make out with you when you’re covered in blood and dirt. He likes you enough to sigh when you run your nails along the scruff of his beard. He likes you enough to draw his mouth to the underside of your jaw, like there’s a magnet beneath your skin.

“I’m starting to feel like a vampire,” he admits against your neck, barely silencing your heartbeat in your ears. “All this blood.”

You chuckle, and your body relaxes of its own volition. “Are you into it?”

“Am I a bad person if I say kind of?”

The way he laughs sends ripples through your pulse point, and it’s infectious. The bathroom may be arid and metallic and your clothes may be sticking to your skin, but you’re giggling against Hughie’s warm body and your eyes are closed so is it really that bad?

“Guess what?” You ask, bliss splitting across your face.

His mouth ghosts the crook of your neck. “Mm?”

“I didn’t hate it.” You feel his grin imprint on your skin. “I actually kind of liked it.”

“Yeah?”

“A lot.”

Hughie pulls back. His face is a spectrum of colour, cheeks beet red, eyes an endless swim. “Think I could kiss you again when you’re clean?” He asks, nose wrinkled in a smile.

You can’t help but take his face in your hands and run your thumb over his stubble. His smile softens at the edges and you accept, unbelievably, that this is real. That you feel tender and giggly and satisfied. It was hard to think you’d ever find this kind of innocence again. But the feeling, so gladdening and complete, has overwhelmed you. Even though the blood on your skin will probably never go away.

“What do you think?” You ask, feeling coy.

You can taste his lips again when he says, “Well, I’m really hoping it’s yes, but I’ve got pretty bad luck.”

“You may be right,” you hum, vaguely to a tune of a Billy Joel song he played for you once, and he chuckles. “But not this time.”

“Oh, thank God.”

He cups the back of your head and kisses you again like it’s sacred. You want to live in this warmth forever. It might have made everything worth it. The fear, the exhaustion, the gore. It’s a horrible thought, but maybe kind of true?

“I’m glad you’re real,” you whisper.

You’re almost sure it’s recognition that flashes on his face. He kisses a spot on your jaw where the taint of blood used to be. “I’m glad you’re real too.”

[hyuniyz]

SKZ’S REACTION TO A MEMBER WALKING IN ON YOU

PAIRING. bf!stray kids x female!reader

GENRE. crack | humour | suggestive

WORDS. 917

A/N. i’ve returned from the grave 😔 everybody scream !! wrote this one under 15 minutes 😋 i’m so proud of myself. anyways i hope you enjoy !!

bangchan ( 방찬 )

★ HE GETS SO RED ITS NOT FUNNY. he knows how hard the members are gonna tease him about this oh he can already see changbin and han having a field trip. good luck because once he realises minho just saw his leader grinding on his girlfriend he’ll stand 5 feet away from you like no way we getting close after that happened. giving very much 🧍‍♀️acts like if he stands farther away from you it will solve everything. someone please go check on minho i’m concerned.

lee know ( 리노 )

★ unbothered. like so unbothered i’m not even exaggerating. when he hears han’s loud screech he separates his lips from your own and pays no attention to the way you tilt your head up to chase after his lips. instead he releases a deep chuckle at the way han tripped over clothes in his haste to escape the scene “what do you want han-ah” and han is mortified because how can minho be speaking so indifferently as if you’re not currently leaving open mouthed kisses against his neck ⁉️⁉️ han swears he’s never run this hard before. HE THOUGHT LEE KNOW WAS BAD BUT YOURE JUST AS BAD AS HIM. will never enter your room again he’s traumatised for life.

changbin ( 창빈 )

★ omg i definitely feel like changbin would act like nothing happened because gotta keep up the tough guy act you know but his red cheeks give him away. you’re fairly certain that from where you’re lying beneath him you can feel how his ears start burning up under the stare of hyunjin who doesn’t know if he should scream for his mother or run out of the room. chooses to do both and as soon as the door closes behind him changbin darts after him to convince hyunjin to keep his mouth shut.

hyunjin ( 현진 )

★ does not help the situation at all. when an unsuspecting jeongin barges in only to pause at the sight of his hyung withering on his own bed while his girlfriend kneels between his legs. my man takes a screenshot. jeongin.exe has stopped. it’s silent for a whole week 15 seconds until hyunjin just starts laughing as in hysterically as in mf nearly rolls off the bed but manages to catch himself. his laughter snaps jeongin out of his trance and he runs like his ass is on fire. when you turn back to a still laughing hyunjin and stress over how you’ve probably traumatised the poor boy he just waves you off and pulls you back in. got me feeling things 😔

han ( 한 )

★ actually looks like he’ll have a breakdown when chan walks in on han trying to adjust you in his lap. the way his hands just stop in mid air skkekeks. chan decides to put him out of his misery and acts nonchalant as if he didn’t just see his member manhandle his girlfriend. when chan simply asks what han wants for lunch his head snaps towards you so fast and he looks at you as if you’re the answer to all his problems. man somehow manages to mutter out a “we’ll have whatever you’re having hyung ” but he stutters so much that you’re surprised that chan actually understands and leaves without a word. han finally relaxes when the door closes and buries his head in your neck screaming a “he will never let me live that down” muffled against your skin

felix ( 필릭스 )

★ HIM 😭 a gem we must protect. seungmin is confused how felix actually looks like the one who walked in on a traumatising scene instead of him. because while seungmin is completely calm and relaxed felix is rambling on and on about how it was just a compromising position but nothing actually happened because he knew some of the members were home and he would never be selfish like that ☹️☹️ he’s so sincere i cry. his justification goes on for so long that you just lay back down instead of explaining because clearly he’s doing enough for the both of you. doesn’t stop apologising to seungmin until he threatens to punch him. runs back to you holding his hands above his crotch.

seungmin ( 승민 )

★ has his usual poker face on. it’s gonna take so much more to embarrass him but even he can’t deny the color creeping onto his cheeks while him and changbin have a silent staring contest and you lay breathless behind seungmin - his body concealing yours slightly. “what hyung” he speaks with the biggest threat in his eyes and changbin’s wise enough to retreat quietly without another word but you both hear his next words when he shouts loud enough for the members to hear “seungmin’s finally getting laid!” and that’s enough to send seungmin running after changbin. “what do you mean finally bitchass??”

jeongin ( 아이앤 )

★ i feel so bad for felix. if the loud ass screech he let out is any proof my man is definitively traumatised by seeing his YOUNGER brother get some 😔 he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to cheer i.n on or feel bad for himself for being single. I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE. i.n is the definition of calm and collected when he turns to felix who’s frozen with wide eyes. “what now hyun-“ he’s cut off by a screech “everything i see in this dorm is against my will” felix says before running off. it seems like he’s used to this, and maybe jeongin is too because he turns back towards you with a scoff acting as if the last few seconds didn’t happen. wooohoo 😩 he’s hot