#i hope it's okay to include dean in this uwu

[spnreactionblogging]

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

[awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat]

Dean Loves Some Honey

(Second Part of Cas Brings Home A Friend)

Dean felt something different touch his arm and opened his eyes to see Honeybee cradled on his bed and Cas standing in front of both of them. “Good morning to everyone except you, Cas,” Dean said, ruffling his hair with one hand and pulling up the covers with his other hand. “Jesus, how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me when I am sleeping? Some day, I might accidentally shoot you. You don’t understand that it is even more dangerous to be around me when I am vulnerable.” “Hello, Dean. Yes, I know, you don’t like being woken up this way. Honeybee couldn’t sleep and,” Castiel paused for a second, as if taking in all of Dean in a single breath, his bluest blue eyes fixed gently on Dean’s. “And he likes to be in your presence. I have observed that he feels comforted around you. I think he thinks of you as his other mother. The protective one. The one he can be safe around.” Dean opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. An unimaginable amount of suddenly festering affection mixed with slight amusement and a little sprinkle of confusion had rendered him speechless. So, carefully enough so as not to disturb Honeybee, Dean got up from his bed, completely forgetting that he was in his boxers, and covered the little penguin with his duvet. He stepped toward Cas. “You really love him, huh?” Dean half-smiled, one end of his mouth hooked well above the other, looking way too perfect. “Well yes, I am indeed his mother,” Cas replied, tilting his head slightly. “He’s like Jack.” Dean gave a small chuckle. He looked above, squinting a little, then met Cas’ eyes. “Yeah, except he’s not Lucifer’s son. And he doesn’t have supernatural powers. And he’s a penguin.” Cas gave him a look. Then suddenly, said “Sam is cooking bacon.” “Okay?” “And I made you coffee,” Cas added, taking Dean’s question as his cue. That’s it. That was the last straw. Dean took a step closer to Cas, and kissed his forehead ever so lightly. Then, pulling his head down, he placed the gentlest kiss on Cas’ lips. “Good morning, buddy. You win.” Dean smiled again, and weirdly enough, Can’t Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon started playing in the distance. I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch, thought Dean, sure that this was Sam screwing up with him. Then, trying to ignore him, he looked at Honeybee and said, “Looks like our baby is finally asleep.” He looked at Cas again. “Wanna get that cup of coffee now?” He added, donning his robe. Castiel smiled with the warmth of a thousand suns, his eyes happy and his face suddenly hijacked by tiny wrinkles and crowfeet. He nodded ever so slightly, as he held Dean’s hand as they walked out the room, together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello my dearest Hoes and Croutons. Some really amazing frens suggested that I write more Honeybee, so here it is! It is kinda short but meh... (I’ve been extremely lazy, I know.) Anyhoo. I really, really, reaaalllllyyy hope you like it. If you haven’t read the first part, I have included the link to that post here and I hope to god it works. 

Tags: @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @all-or-nothing-baby @petrichoravellichor @the-messedup-priorities-so-far @telefunkies @these-boots-are-made-for-rocking @dammitsammy @jensenackles-ismyreligion @shaolin-conductor @pooffa @moderatelypanickedbiromantic @staycejo1 @impulsivedandelion @zoerayne2426 @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @destielhoneybee @destiel-honeypie @im-so-fcking-ace @destiel-221b-sabriel

(Feel free to tell me to stop tagging you if you want uwu)

Thank you for reading aaaaaaaaaaa

[rkwxnb]

shout out to rookies!

This is going to be short. At least now that I’m typing this I hope it would be since I’m a few seconds from knocking out. On top of that, I know I’m going to forget really important people for the same reason of why I hope this would be short... also because as always, I am doing this last minute. ( peace!! ) 

Rookies as the great Miss Grande once said. “One taught me love. One taught me patience. And One taught me pain.” I hope you all feel me when I say that’s all on you, RK! --- “Thank you, -- my stay tune for my next muse.” 

Now that cringe moment is over with. I wanna do a roll-call at my special people! For those who stuck with me during the times, I was in rookies and while I was out doing god-knows-what.

RKCAP: This asswhole muse of mine who got into scandals and ruined one friendship after another, found his family ( by bond and friendship ) though this rp. Even until now I have to say he is the strongest muse in my whole rp-history. Having played him over at least two-years, before dropping his booty from wanting to become an idol, and evidently out of rookies. Outcast by his own family, with the help of the bro/anti-squad ( @aronrk - strawberry bruh! @rkkangjoon - lover joon! @rkgray - co-parenting daddy bruh + @rkxminhee - little minx min @rkwendy calm and collected sis @borark my get out of jail free card ) Not to mention, his little shit brother @rkohsehun NODDLEBOY! you’re all fam and I don’t have to tell you how many times I wish I can bring this boy back because of you lot! 

Special shout-out to his ladies Jieun- ( @yujurk ) and Elly ( @hyunark ) them girls are his solid. Soulmates and Lovers. They are the core reason that he is still sane. One can say, they are his everything. 

Yo seriously, Maddy you are by far one of the coolest people I’ve met. You’re insanely solid, my utmost respect to you. Shinobi-- the one-third of IwaBoKuro, see we’re even an ot3 in real life! You’re extremely dedicated to your muses, much like how you are with your friendships, never change bruhski! Saaaammmiiiieee!!! You are by far one of the kindest people I have ever come across, thank you for being you! Clara... gurl wait till Toshi’s turn uwu  Em, you’ve made me such a happy puppy by coming back to rookies! I wish you and baby girl the best in life!

To my first child, Stef, sana okay ka na babybear! I’ve known you since why before rookies and in fact, I remember suggesting you play Sehun when Minsoo’s fc was still Chanyeol’s so we can have exo bruhs! Pero despite all that, I’m seriously proud of how much you’ve grown, you are one of my precious people. Though we don’t speak that much any more, alam I’m always here for you!

To my child, Nana, fix yourself before you wreck yourself! I miss you lots crazy and I hope we get to talk soon. I really wanna hear what's happening with life and how you’re surviving uni. What’s more is we both know that Hyo-Min is actually the IT soulmates, and the whole of Rookies know it. ( if you’re a new mun and you’re reading this... It’s true, believe me uwu ) I hope we have muses with that much of a strong connection again! Love you my mad child! 

To my co-parenting mom, Jen, girl what you doing with your life?! We’ve had our ups and down, despite all that bullshit we’re at it again. To a degree, it’ll never be the same but I do wish if anything, our friendship will grow stronger instead. Your muses played as my muses lover, twin and admirer, but in real life, you once told me that you believe people have seven soulmates, though you’re a little shit that believes Yoongi is one of them. You did mention I maybe have taken a spot to, so no take-backs asshole. You’re stuck with me now. Peace!

RKTOSHI: This boy was Minho- then Dean... Then Yuto, heck back to Minho, then finally his sorry ass became Jisoo. He is one of the most complex and interesting muses I have ever played. The shit show he was a part of had been insane, from being a part of the Yakuza to being shot and finally a part of Nova ( like this hoe-man actually got signed! ) Aside from Soyeon ( sit your ass down Jen I already called you out ) he was a part of the Mensa-Squad with his @rkxkjd daddy-D ( KATIE LEE SIGN MY D ) and his @rkjohnny forever-hubby ( that now has his very own princess ). To the only women that kept him on a leash @rkyooa the one that got away and @dahyexrkarchive proxy grandma. Thanks to him joining the mgas he met his adoptive ma @rkjei! 

Yurim!! DADDY-DAE! You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, especially in real life. I utterly respect you from moving away from home and following your dreams. You’re an a-class writer; I wish you the all the best for your endeavors! 

Claraaaa ‘te~ The leader of rkpinoy squad-- seriously, even Johnny boy if from the Philippines. You’ve kept me sane and has been the voice of reason to many, including myself and my shit show muse. We once had an almost ship with Toshi and Wendy, but somehow I’m glad it didn’t work out because DANG LOOK AT YOU AND HUGO! Sana happy ka sa work and I’m always looking forward to your sports commentary be it figure staking, basketball, volleyball and cheerleading, Lab you sis! 

Bun, the 2nd-third of IwaBoKuro--!! Man, I love the fact that we embody our muses even outside the roleplay. Still completely in touch irrespective of the fact that you’re no longer in this rp. You still the best! Much like Dahye kicks Toshi’s ass ( literally and figuratively ) you do the same with me, except more in the game-mode xP Whenever you wanna come back, I’ll be sure to have another mess of a muse to latch on to yours like a leech. 

Nic, you angel. Even though we’ve only just gotten closer this year, I swear to God I am truly blessed for having you in my life. You’re one of my persons. You’re exceptionally strong and amazingly kind and considerate. I am sorry for all the bullshit you had to go through here and I’m hella proud you didn’t let those get you down and give up on your muses! 

Roe, my true soulmate. Holy shit. I reckon its more than five years since we’ve known each other. You’re muse almost married mine. Heck, we have plans to platonically get married ( because we gonna cheat the system ). I absolutely cannot imagine my life without you. You are my ultimate person. As you rightly said in your post, my ride and die. The strongest and fiercest of people, both in the real world and rp. You take no shit from anybody and would fight for what you believe is right, especially stand up to those who are getting bullied. Without being anymore sappy, I do love you with all of me and I am always gonna be here for you. Just because you are amazing and worth it all. 

RKNAEUN + RKAVERY: My two latest muses ( actually the ones currently in rookies ) I never imagine there would be a time where I would have only female muses in rookies. Considering my strongest muses here were the boys. But keeping you both and actually maintaining your arc ( plus organizing your points properly ) is something I’m actually proud of myself of. Since Avery is still relatively new ( her strongest bonds have yet to fully form, but one of them is definitely Hoby! ) I’mma focus on Naeun’s friendships! From the chaebol-childhood friends to fam @rkchaeyoung her idol unnie to @rksunwoo best oppa sunwoo. her dancing queen leader @rkhyojeong and her best friend 4eva @rkleeflix . I want to thank all of you for being her inspiration! 

Special shoutout to Amy we too old for optimism but I shit you know if I know anyone who’s going to make it through all this, it’ll be you! You are the most real person that I know. Oddly enough we got closer when I came back in rookies then my first time around here. You’ve been there for me in the toughest times, even though I know you were going through you’re own worries. I’m eternally grateful for that. With everything said and done, I hope I can return even slightest bit of happiness and comfort you’ve given me, because I know I can’t match all the times you’ve had to deal with me.Thank you loads for everything, me hearts you!

Thank you rkmods/admins. Without you, I would not have met all these precious people. Thank you for tirelessly listening to all of us whine about how unfair everything is and still remain here. Thank you for giving us your time and efforts to keep our escape from the real world alive. Most importantly, thank you for being the backbone of all this glorious foundation. You all is amazing. Happy RKFIFTH and I hope many more to come! 

Yours,  ( Lyn | @rkavery + @rkxsnn ) 

P.S. I lied this wasn’t short at all. [ sorry for the grammatic/spelling errors... lets be real if this post didn’t have those, then you can all speculate that I didn’t actually write it. 

[survivorinternational]

Episode 3 - "I wish you were BORN in 1920 so you wouldn't be in this org" - Emily

I was close to getting an idol without searching more than twice. Michael told me he had been gathering info and narrowed down to three locations, I had already searched one so thats two. Tyler was going to search one, micheal the other. So i thought: if i beat one of them to an idol search i will have it without then knowing. But idol was gone, rip. At least I have an alliance now, i like tyler idk about michael though. Anyone who can gather that much idol info must be shady to some degree. 

I am pretty good at Semantris but we are not winning this challenge.

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Oh yeah I guess maybe I shouldn't try too hard to not be a challenge target at merge. I guess I'll try to get the promised 6k ; my top 5 scores are 6k - 9k for comparison so it might not be the easiest thing. 

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So far Vilma, Richmond (Clash) and Ginger have said they will attend the watch-together. Hopefully we have a good time. 

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Day 5: God that music video is hilarious... basic... but funny Immunity win! YES! Still undefeated as a tribe. Continue to build social relations. Worked out most places that have been searched... Maybe i should do a spread sheet. Tomorrow Me and Tyler will search the last few places and hopefully find the idol. Day 6: GG Ruthie. Reward challenge, Word association, ok. Idol search has produced nothing... This is concerning... Someone must have it by now but no-one is saying. My guess is that its Stephen. Dean is more distant, this is also concerning. Dean is sitting out this challenge. Approached Tyler and Stephen about an alliance, Its going ahead, invited Jacob to be a 4th. If all goes to plan, I should know where all votes are going atm, It seems that most players trust me the most and are willing to work with me, but this is a double edge sword. Talk of a swap is happening... god i hope not yet.

So Laelaps comes up and tells me that there's an alliance of 4 forming with me not inside - Tyler, Stephen, Jacob and himself. Yes it does give me some comfort that he's told me and that we're still sticking together, but I don't like being possibly on the outside 4 to 2. I'm just trusting in my alliance of Jacob and Laelaps that even if they're playing both sides they'd rather take me, and I'm trying to appear less threatening to save myself here.

I hate to sound like that brawn comp beast girl but my tribe is full of inbreds and incapable of doing anything well. first of all, our music video was SHIT because only me and patrick actually tried and contributed something worth anything. second, this flash game is literally so easy..... and they're all like uWu I can't do it :/ like are y'all dumb dumb STUPID dumb? like what's up man? I've been doing this for like an hour at most and I've been getting 4400+ consistently and Patrick goes "my high score is 1920" bitch WHAT I wish you were BORN in 1920 so you wouldn't be in this org that was mean I'm kidding lol but im not I hate this tribe they're all so BORING I need some different timezones in my life. someone put vilma on my tribe. I don't know her and post season I really hope she doesn't think these confessionals are creepy. vilma I want to be your best friend everyone on my tribe sucks ): also last vote (sorry I didn't make a confession about it early) was okay - Ruthie wanted to go so we voted her out. ): rip her I love her so much. I was really looking forward to playing with her. but the good thing was it was easy and simple. if we go to tribal again idk if it'd be as simple lol. also im so bad at talking to these people???? they're so bland!!! maybe others are talking but im certainly not getting anywhere socially except with randy occasionally. I'd want to work with randy or Patrick. im not the biggest fan of liana or Daniel so if we went to tribal again that's who id want to go. I think I could make it happen too. maybe? who knows maybe they have it out for me fjdlkasjflas uhhhh okay bye bye

if the 24 hour challenge is word race i will flip 

I love European Michael, he is the best European. 

During the word making immunity challenge the Europeans were up at 4am kicking our butts and Tyler who isnt participating starts talking about a European girl on their tribe that seems to be good at everything so I go to check and I think it's Vilma and want to confirm with him. Then the next word we had to make was coincidentally V5, so guess what I wrote xD 

I think I'm coming off bossy in my tribe. Which I don't want to seem. But everything has got to be perfect and in order so there are no mistakes. We must win. 

You know what? im going to bed. If we lose the challenge so be it, itll be healthy to vote someone out. I am not slugging away through a 24hr challenge against a beast. I’m just not. And if Veni whats to make himself known as a challenge beast, he can do that, I’ll just be gunning for him come merge/swap. I know other people might do the same. But, you know, good for him.

So the w9 game is going on and my tribe has 3 and the others have 20 so it’s like for sure that we’re going to tribal tomorrow. And I have professed my love for randy and he returned it and I like Emily and we’re talking about our idol searches, so that’s 3 of 5 already. My tribe is just like a very quiet tribe nobody talks besides Emily. When I saw how good the other tribes music videos were I got very concerned about their amount of communication compared to ours. Idk who I want to vote out I think I like David a little more but I’ll see what the other two think. 

I am literally so happy I've got such devoted comp beasts like Vilma and Veni in my tribe ! And we're also close allies ;) It's cool, I don't need to slay comps to win this... I just need my social skills with me and they can continue to write words :) 

Patrick keeps calling Daniel David and if that doesn't tell you enough about my tribe idk what does. but who does it say more about? Patrick or Daniel? honestly who cares. Patrick, Randy, and I kind of banded together like "we're the only active ones lol let's vote together" so I think it's gonna be Daniel! sorry but the dude does NOT speak. and I know this is his first org over here and we're super boring... I feel bad. but yeah he's also boring! and he's sort of good at comps but not really dude. so I think it's gonna be him. after this tribal, im pretty sure that we are tribe swapping. yay final 14! I don't mind going to tribal honestly. I feel safe because I'm slightly more active than some of the other people. like it's sad to say im the most active member of my tribe but im constantly out with my friends or at work or neglecting my responsibilities. oopsie! yeah so im gonna hope and pray no one is planning a blindside on me but like if they were they'd be fucking stupid also there's no god damn way they're pulling something they don't care enough? like genuinely this tribe is so quiet. it's not that they're not talking to me. it's that they are not here. that makes the pre-merge easy for me because I can control what happens on my tribe for the time being... because it's easy? and everyone kind of thinks of me as a leader I think? because I TRY. that's IT. anyway lol yeah my plan is to vote out Daniel. and then swap onto a tribe with Vilma pls 

Our tribe results: *posted early in the afternoon that we lost* Tribe: *doesnt talk to me* Me, a few hours later: *messages everyone trying to start a conversation and no one responds for a while* Emily: *responds once and goes offline * Pat: *responds once* Emily: *gets back online and I see both her and Pat's green circles but neither has responded to me* Me: "are you bitches conspiring against me?" Whatever I will probably have to play my idol and I am thinking about playing it against pat or Emily.  Daniel is just new so that's a good excuse for him. 

If it wasn't a double tribal we'd all still be here but unfortunately we have to go to tribal tonight. Tonight for me could go very simply, keep my alliance of Michael and Jacob happy by voting out Dean who no one seems to have connections with, but I am getting a bit paranoid because besides Tyler, knowing seems to be talking to me or continuing my conversations which to me is a telltale sign that you're not included. The good thing is that I do have an idol and if I need to play it I will because better safe than sorry. 

All right, so we’ve got alliances out the wazoo rn. Along with a heavy handed dash of loose lips. So tyler tells me that sluggy made an alliance with everyone but me and dean, then sluggy tells me he had a super early alliance with michael and jacob. All this tells me that Micheal especially is playing the middle, being in two alliances with him already myself. It also tells me that sluggy cannot be trusted with info. But sureeee ill be in a 2man alliance with you sluggy -_- Right now I dont trust anyone, even tyler, but ill keep this info to myself, if sluggys playing me this might be a test to see if i tell tyler or anyone else. I just need to make sure I lay low and keep the target off my back. Fingers crossed I don’t get blindsided, but at least I know I am in no way in control of this tribe, keeps me on my toes. 

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So i think ive settled things enough to feel safe, i think everyones voting dean, deans voting jacob. The only wildcard is jacob who wants to split, but doesnt know who. Tbh if he does i dont want him to tell me who it is, ill only feel guilty if he does. As long as it aint me right? 

I guess to summarise the word race because I doubt I did confessionals during that. - Michael the helper was really cool and I really enjoyed our banter in tribe chat hopefully we cross paths again. We did add eachother on Snachat. - Me and Vilma once again were the most dedicated scoring 34/35 for our tribe together. She is absolutely my ride or die partner in this and I will do anything to get one of us to win the thing. - Survivor Africa watch was good, we watched the first 3 episodes though it was just me and Vilma (see the trend?). Sadly apparently that will become illegal if we swap and are not on the same tribe which is pretty sad. - Swap is incoming, everyone knows that. Question is, will it be entirely random? If so, I flipped a coin to test my luck and it failed me. My predictions have been on point this season so moral of the story: this swap won't work well for me. - ALSO I CALLED THAT IT'S WORD RACE I HATE YOU ALL BECAUSE I AM TOO DEDICATED FOR MY OWN GOOD GODDAMNIT peace out homedogs 

After that intense tribal council I am shaking so much, I did get to talk to Stephen and Tyler a bit alone afterwards in the call so it was nice to be able to get a feel for their true feelings without the disguise of text. At this point if Dean didn't have that idol, either Michael/Stephen have it, or it hasn't been found yet. The good news is that with it being final 14 i can expect a tribe swap into 2 tribes of 7, and that gives a lot of room for bonding, I'll continue to do what I've been doing with the friendliness and hopefully I'm not just swapped alone. I can always try to weasel my way into the cracks of a team if I am, but I'm not quite ready to play the victim card, I still have a long stretch of game left in me before I do that. 

Well what's cooking is that I really really think it's gonna be me this vote lol, no one has talked to me and well, yeha 

2 immunity wins in a row hell yeah! Ngl, I wasn't SUPER worried about this one because if we lost, I think it was almost certain that Ginger would go. Ginger didn't submit in the last immunity and barely helped in this one and has barely spoken to any of us. Clash and I had a call the other day which was good and gave us an opportunity to discuss a bit of game which was good. We talked about who we liked/disliked and I found out that he knows Ginger but doesn't like him. It's almost certain that next round is a tribe swap and I'm praying I get put with Clash. Right now, my ranking of who I'd want to go forward with is probably : Clash>Vilma>Veni>Ginger 

Oh bless at us winning but at the same time I don’t trust ginger so idk if that’s the best but let’s hope for the best and hope I am in a tribe with Vilma and randy next tribe swap hehe 

Where is this idol?? No one claims to have found it and I sure haven't either. Could use a clue right now. Too bad my tribe mates didn't agree, since THREE of them STRIKED at the reward challenge. I literally burst into laughter when I saw that. My I C O N I C fail of a tribe. Veni and I are the only ones who truly care about challenges. Well Allan cares a bit as well, but he also seems to have a life, so, I'm happy for him, although jealous! But I bet we would've lost every single pre merge challenge if Veni and I weren't overly enthusiastic about them. I just hate tribal, okay? Plus I guess I admit I'm somewhat competitive, because I don't think I could handle just throwing a challenge without trying at all. That would feel simply wrong. Veni and I went all out in the immunity challenge too, we napped in shifts and made sure one of us was around throughout the entire challenge so we had the possibility to score a point at all times. Plus we made a huge ass google sheet so we could just copy and paste answers whenever a new letter got posted. The first 15-17 hours or so I thought the Aussie tribe was for sure going to beat us (they were soooooo fast, but so was Veni thank god), but I guess they got sleepy by the end and we won!!!! YAYYYYY NO TRIBAL Veni almost posted a gif of himself as a chicken to the challenge chat I would've died if we got a warning for that He meant to post it on tribe chat https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/410716559632367616/599331778934603786/mmm_veni_2.gif I don't know who I'd vote if we went to tribal that's why I really would like to avoid it Plus I'm scared Veni and I's activity is pissing people off Don't wanna go home yet I'm having fun Ugh fuck I'm losing focus LOOK AT THAT FOUR AUSSIES GOING AGAINST ONE LITTLE ME HELP Ugh Veni will be busy in about 30 mins and then I'm gonna be in big trouble At least he let me shower I feel like a human again But it'll be tough If I was normal I'd just chill but I don't have it in me I don't know how to chill I love winning too much I gotta get that bag It's a thug life It's a thug life WE WON CHALLENGE WE GOT A BIG LEAD THEY CANT CATCH UP FUCK YEEE I CAN SLEEP EARLIER I am just glad we don't have to vote anyone out Would've sucked I feel like these past 24 hours brought closer together So I would've hated it if someone had to leave (Especially if it was me) But F14!! WOOP We're surely going to swap after the double tribal and I'm excited but scared!!! Excited because I'm ready to meet some new faces even though I've grown a liking to my flop tribe, and scared because I feel after the last challenge it's pretty apparent Veni and I were the more active members of our tribe and we could get targeted for that. My plan is to try to lay a bit low at swap, but still make sure I get to know everyone one on one to make solid new connections. I really hope I don't get swapfucked, hope to remain in the same tribe with as many og Faatasi as possible. Let's go!

Damn work keeping me to busy to do confessionals. Reward Challenge: This appears easier as we go on. Quite enjoy this. Aim for over 5000. Got 7200 in one of my first tries... Aim is 10,000 Settled for 8200, sick of looking at my screen. Some of these word associations don't make sense. Who doesn't associate Video games with words like Play or fun... REWARD CHALLENGE WIN! AWWW YER!!! Comfort Items get! And in comfort items... A Vote Blocker!!! BOO YAH!!! Immunity Challenge: I called this 12 hours before the challenge began. I am a legend. Seems that most people are busy this weekend. I will do what I can but i will be busy for a good 6 hours of it as well Veni and Vilma are thorns in my side with this, they just type so quick VENI DOESNT SLEEP WTF!!! I cant keep up, I tried my hardest but cant keep going at 3am. We lost :( Tribe life: Current Alliances: The UHC Alliance, The Idol Hunters Alliance. Sluggy has suggested an Alliance between Tyler, Jacob, himself and me which I agree to. Vote is very straight forward, We are all voting Dean as he isn't very active unfortunately. I wanted to try and keep him around but I think I was the only one chatting to him. If Dean has an Idol then it will be Jacob going, which is also fine with me as I think Jacob will be a hindrance later in the game Dean is voted out 5-1 The idea of a swap is brought up, which we all agree is likely to happen. In the UHC chat, Sluggy brings up the point that Veni could spill the beans about knowing each other out of this survivor. Its a good point and I really didnt want to but I told my Idol Hunter Alliance about the fact I knew Jacob, Sluggy and Veni outside of the game but I play each survivor without using my relationships from outside the game effect it.

RIGHT so here we go again u crack heads. Hate u all, this is for round 3 btw so dont get it TWISTED, sorry I made a VIDEO confessional and forgot to post it OOPSIES. Anywho, like the who’s from whovillie here we are partying minding our own business, well me at least because while I went out clubbing everyone else had to do the challenge. Sorry about it. They all love me anyway so ALL good in the HOOD. Here we are thriving Michael is absolutely carrying the team. So while the challenge was popping off Sluggy approached me asking if I was in any alliance, I high key avoided the question and just said who im trying to trust, and HIGH KEY dropped hints that dean wasn’t one of those people. He start saying if we should make an alliance chat, I was elated by the idea and smiles were HAD. The alliance included Myself, Sluggy, Michael and Jacob which is everyone expect Dean and Stephan. This is the exact same as the other alliance chat but without Stephan and Sluggy in his place! I like Stephan tho, so I went and dibba dobbed on sludgy real quick, like a speed demon u could say. Sluggy was out here trying to make ME make the alliance chat, like no thank u that can be UR job I need to tell people I was DRAGGED into it so I CANT make it SORRY. Anywho he made it. So we accidentally LOST the challenge, and much to my SURPRISE due to my lovely CONNECTIONS with these lovely people! I wasn’t targeted at all even tho I sat out and went clubbing. Yee haw, I exclaimed out of excitement. My target is Dean going into this tribal. A.) he seemed really arrogant and annoying during the music video round. b.) his video submission gave me NIGHTMARES now I can’t even hug my pillow without feeling UNSAFE and C.) we dont talk. So ooop here come the kiddies lining up in formation asking what we should do for the vote. Ooo I want to vote Dean but I simply never say it because im not a GOOSE well I try not to be a GOOSE. I say how I feel good with … but never include dean, I then wait for them to say anything negative about dean and oops I agree real quick and keep the convo focused on dean. People were talking in a alliance chats but I was highkey ignoring them because I COULDNT BE BOTHERED I talked to everyone in pm’s tho, love that for me. So Michael is over here being everyones friend so I threw him just a BIT under the bus for a later date. Like I built the ramp and the final destination is under the bus but we aint gonna push him yet. ANYWAY Dean went home yay he will be missed just not by me.