#i hope his downfall is the monster he makes of himself in his pursuit of strength

[heehoothefool]

About The Solo Leveling Season 1 Finale

Okay. This episode kicked ass. It's so good. The timing. The pacing. The animation itself was top tier as usual. But man I need to talk about the writing.

I have not read the manga, assuming there is one. I have gone into this anime blind and I've enjoyed it the whole time.

That said, I was actually a bit disappointed early on when Jinwoo's design and demeanor changed into the stock standard Handsome Cool Guy Badass With A Little Bit Of A Soft Spot Who Is Generally Kind Of Unrelatable.

It's a really common personality type for Level Junkie protagonists to end up with and like yeah it's great that they're badass and all but like. Man give me a level junkie with a little more complexity than I Need To Get Stronger To Prove Myself/Save My Loved Ones/Whatever excuse they have this time and As I Get Stronger I Become Cooler Than Everyone And I Have To Look And Act Like It. I was really excited to have a more Shounen style protagonist in what was clearly an otherwise very deeply serious and fucked show, and felt a little bit of disappointment when that got taken away.

But as the show went on, I began to pick up on a possible Alternate Direction for his characterization to take, and I really do believe this last episode confirms it, at least to me.

Our boy is going through a corruption arc. Like. Full send. He's losing himself in his strive for power and strength, and other characters are not only noticing, but actively commenting on it and reacting appropriately.

People are afraid of him! They're acknowledging his powers and they're aptly afraid! They're bringing up how much he's changed and still changing and this isn't always treated as a good thing! His sister is deeply worried about him! She's growing more concerned every time we see her!

And the confrontation with his false old self, potentially his twisted inner self/thoughts, oh my gods! He is going to slowly turn himself into someone unrecognizable. Jinwoo has died and he has come back wrong and he's trying to insist that he didn't but everyone can see it in his eyes. He is not Jinwoo. And with every level he becomes more and more distant from Jinwoo. And that's not necessarily a good thing.

[wygolvillage]

have you ever wanted to read a rewrite of the plot of castlevania: lament of innocence that replaced leon with sonia (bc lets face it she deserves better), doesnt overuse the dead wife trope, and has LESBIANS IN IT??? NO??? well too bad here it is

fair warning it might be a bit cringe? im hardly a writer lmao

Sonia Belmont was a peasant girl of insignificant origin, however, she found herself at conflict with a nobleman after her dear friend Sara Trantoul was arranged for a marriage with Count Mathias Cronqvist, who lived not far from her village in a remote castle that few dared to visit. Sara, however, did not wish to marry into nobility, let alone marry a man, and Sonia helped her make an escape to another town.

Mathias was furious with jealousy and rage, and pursued Sonia. They did battle, and Sonia was the victor: Count Mathias Cronqvist was dead. However, having killed a man of significant power and renown, Sonia was now wanted for murder, and she opted to hide her identity so as to not arouse suspicion. She tried to convince Sara to leave her side, out of fear that they may be found due to her previous connection to the Count, however Sara refused out of love for Sonia.

Sonia became a vigilante knight, trying to do battle against injustices in the world in whatever way she could. She often would have to take trips across the countryside to pursue those she thought wrongdoers, often other men in positions of authority like the detestable Count who had targeted her dear Sara.

In 1094 she received a letter informing her of a man named Walter Bernhardt who had been kidnapping townsfolk, however when she arrived at his palace she found it empty. In fact, the letter had been a trap, and when she returned to her home she found Sara gone- with signs of a struggle. When she asked around the town where Sara had been taken, all the answers pointed to the dilapidated castle near the village where she and Sara had grown up.

The Count was dead, of course... There was no way he could be behind this. Still, she followed this guidance, and found that the area around the castle was covered in thick trees and darkness, and her hometown was no more, enveloped by a forest of eternal night. Curiously, the castle was no longer in the crumbling state it had been left in, but instead looked as if it had been built the previous day. One man remained in a shop in the forest, someone who Sonia had known years ago before she had killed Mathias: Rinaldo Gandolfi. He recognizes her, and tells her to stay away from such an awful place, and that his whole family was slaughtered by the vampire that lived there. She refuses, stating her intentions to rescue Sara, and Rinaldo acquiesces. However, he does let her know that should she need any goods for her quest, he will provide them. He gives her a whip said to be able to kill vampires.

Rinaldo explains that he spotted the vampire with a large crystal that was the source of the darkness, and that as an alchemist he theorized it was connected to legends of a Crimson Stone that can impart great power to one who pursues a path of evil, and to be wary. He also stated that the crystal was what had restored the castle to its current state.

Sonia enters the castle and finds it infested with horrible monsters. She fights through the mindless horde, but after facing a first boss, a mysterious red headed vampire appears in the room and identifies himself as Walter Bernhardt. He taunts her a bit with an unwinnable boss fight, says she’ll never find Sara and teleports away.

Sonia pursues Walter through the castle’s various areas such as the House of Sacred Remains and Anti-Soul Mysteries Lab, but is ultimately unfruitful in her search, often being led through the mazes only to find traps with terrifying monsters laying in wait. At one point she tries to confront Walter and he drops her into a pit containing the Forgotten One, and has to fight her way out.

Eventually, after completing the castle’s areas, she finds Sara, but finds that she’s too late, and that Sara has been turned into a vampire. Sara laments her fate, terrified that she’s lost her humanity. Sonia escorts her out of the castle to be cared for by Rinaldo, horrified at what Walter has done and furious at him.

She storms through the castle once more, heading for the Throne Room to confront Walter. However, when she defeats him, he reveals that it was not him who turned Sara- it was his master who had orchestrated the whole thing. Walter dies of his wounds soon after, and Sonia wonders who Walter’s master was- though she does not have to wonder for long.

Mathias Cronqvist, revived from the grave as a vampire by the pure evil in his heart, then reveals himself.

“Sonia,” he begins. “I want you to understand that you took everything from me. My life, and the only woman I thought was worthy of my grace.”

“You’re a monster,” Sonia spits in his face. “You stole much more from her than I ever stole from you.”

“I loved her, Sonia, just as you do. Now she and I can be together forevermore, and you will be punished for your sins.”

“How can you claim to love her?! You’ve never loved, and you never will! True love does not drive people to hurt!” Sonia then attacks him.

The ensuing fight is a near-equal match, and Sonia eventually prevails, but is grievously wounded. Just as she thinks it’s over, Mathias pulls out a large red orb from the wall behind the throne, one that Sonia now realizes is the Crimson Orb Rinaldo spoke of. The roof of the castle opens, and the full moon shines upon the glistening orb in his hands. As he does this, the castle begins to crack apart as the crystal had been removed.

“The blood spilt in the village you called home, and the despair all around us... This shall give me strength! Even Death will be at my command!” He announces to the sky, and the orb begins to emit a horrible red light. “After all... the Dark Lord is given power by the negativity in the hearts of mankind. All that fury and hatred for me will only be your downfall.”

He is then transformed into the ultimate force of all evil, the Dark Lord. He takes on the name Count Dracula, abandoning his former humanity.

Sonia cannot hope to win, but she fights on in exhaustion in the midst of the crumbing castle. Dracula laughs as she collapses. Sonia spits out blood, and in her assumed dying moments as Dracula approaches, she curses his name and tells him, in an oddly prophetic way, that one day he shall experience true loss, his children shall turn against him, and her descendants will cheer on his downfall.

Dracula is enraged by her words, and is about to deal the final blow before Sara jumps in front of her. Sara tells Dracula to let her live, or else kill her as well.

Out of perceived "love" for Sara, Dracula lets the two women go, and Sara carries Sonia to safety as the castle falls to eternal ruin. The fog of eternal darkness recedes from the forest and the sun rises as they meet up with Rinaldo.

Sara retreats into the shadows to avoid the sun's rays, but Sonia follows, telling her that no matter what she will go wherever she leads her.

"But I am inhuman. I am a monster, just as Walter and Dracula were." Sara avoids her gaze.

"To be inhuman is to reject love and kindness and to seek evil ends. Dracula made that choice himself... And you have chosen to save me." Sonia embraces her tightly.

"You love me, despite my newfound home in the night..."

"If the night is your home, so it is mine. The Belmont family shall henceforth walk the path of shadows in pursuit of the Dark Lord... and we will hunt the night for eternity."

And then the credits roll yaaaay

After the credits it is stated that Sonia has had a child, and though that child shares the cursed fate of a Belmont and a bloodsoaked lineage of a vampire, that child will one day be hailed as a hero.

The End :)

[ckret2]

thanks for answering! with the comics being published in such a weird way (at least for me) i always get confused with what happened when. it hurts to think about how different prowl was before the war and how he is after; he was like "don't kill civilians" and "the government sucks" and now he's like "people can die as long as their is a benefit i guess :/". when do you think prowl started his headlong jump into amorality? with mesothulas he was kinda there but was his death the trigger?

It is SO painful! It always irks me a bit when people refer to Prowl as a "bad cop" before the war because, before the war?? He was quite possibly the only halfway decent cop on Cybertron. He was the one calling out corruption and putting a leash on a Prime who would have been happy to do far worse otherwise; he was persecuted for standing up to the corrupt system; and he kept speaking out about it anyway. Ignore the fact that he was genuinely good before the war and you lose what it is that makes his character tragic.

I actually don't think Prowl is "amoral." I think, by the end of the war, Prowl still has essentially the exact same moral compass he started with—protect the people, protect as many people as possible, the best action you can perform is the action that will result in the greatest good. His moral compass always points straight north. What changed is that he decided, in order to head north, it's not enough to weave around the mountain throwing up obstacles, trying to find a passage that will let you through the mountain range and keep heading north. Weave long enough and you might find yourself heading south trying to get around these mountains—like the people who are so determined to save one life that they'll sacrifice dozens, or the people who will stop to save ten people in danger right here when that means losing the opportunity to save a hundred people in danger ten miles away. Those are roundabout acts of smaller good that ultimately take you farther away from being able to reach the greatest possible good.

Instead, Prowl decided, the best and fastest way to reach north, and the way he should reach north, is by drilling straight through the mountains. The faster you reach north—which is "the end of the war" or "the absolute guarantee that this genocidal warlord will never hold power again" or whatever—then the faster you reach the Greatest Possible Good, so isn't it not only acceptable but morally correct to damage a few mountains and lose a few lives if drilling straight north gets you there sooner? Isn't he ethically obligated to drill through the mountains? If he knows that's the fastest way to reach north, would he not be committing an evil to do otherwise?

Because that's the thing. I don't think Prowl has ever, once, been apathetic about the loss of a life. I think he personally hates every single life that has to be lost. Other Autobots criticize him for "thinking in numbers," because they think that's the opposite of empathy, because they DON'T think in numbers and so "a thousand Autobots died today" is less important to them than "your friend Ramp died today." But Prowl does think in numbers—and so Prowl understands better than the others that the loss of a thousand soldiers means one thousand individual different people with lives and hopes and dreams are gone forever; and that's why he's willing to say "it's fine if Ramp dies as long as a thousand other people live." It's not because he doesn't care about Ramp. It's because he knows that all one thousand and one soldiers matter equally, and Ramp is not more important than all the others just because Prowl knows him. Thinking in numbers is Prowl's empathy. Thinking in numbers is Prowl's saving grace.

His downfall is in the steady increase of how many Ramps he's prepared to lose. He hates the loss of every one; he does it only because he truly, deeply, utterly believes that it's necessary. But "necessary" changes from "necessary to save a thousand other lives," to "necessary to get this important intel from the Decepticons, which, eventually, will likely save a thousand lives," to "necessary to cover up this intel about Autobot war crimes, which will prevent aliens from turning on us, which will prevent Autobots from losing morale, which will mean that dispirited soldiers don't find themselves without allies and without Autobots nearby who care enough to save them when they're in trouble, which ultimately will probably save a thousand lives—" He strings out causes and effects with so many little pieces in between that, ultimately, he could have chosen a hundred other methods to achieve the same effect, and by the time the effect is reached the cause he started with has resulted in a hundred other effects that might cancel out the original good he was going for. He got so good at playing the big game, because he thought he had to For The Greater Good, that he couldn't keep up with all of the small consequences. He hates the harm done and lives cost every single time but he was never able to break out of the perception that they were "necessary." He drilled under the mountains and, although his compass is still pointing true north, he can't see it in the dark.

To me, that's the opposite of amoral; that's moralizing so hard he tripped over his own math and undid his own good intentions.

BUT UH TO ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU ACTUALLY ASKED: I definitely think that Mesothulas was, if not the one who taught him the "do the lesser evil for the greater good" philosophy, at least the one who talked him into it. I think it probably started as far back as Sentinel Prime: "Sentinel was wrong to talk about letting civilians die in the process of quashing insurgents; but, with Sentinel dead, now the insurgents have killed more people than the civilians that would have been caught in the crossfire if I'd let Sentinel do his original plan; so maybe he was right? Maybe in the long run that kind of cruelty would have been for the greater good? It would mean more civilians alive today." And then again, "Zeta was evil to kill civilians to power a weapon to stop the Decepticons; but we helped the Decepticons kill Zeta and now they're in a position to kill far more people than Zeta ever did; maybe Zeta had a point? Maybe that's what it costs?" He hesitates over throwing out Zeta's weapons when he's ordered to; I don't think he plans to use them at that point, but I think he's reluctant to dispose of them, because he fears they might be necessary.

And that's important to emphasize: he fears they might be necessary. He dreads the possibility. But, if they ARE necessary...

It's not totally clear when he worked with Mesothulas, but I think it was around this time. Mesothulas didn't put the idea of using atrocities to pursue the greater good in Prowl's head, but he exploited he fact that the idea was there, wheedling and persuading and justifying because he wanted Prowl to do those things because he wanted Prowl to commission him to make the kind of weapons that only such a train of thought would allow. I think that Carpessa was the result of both of them talking Prowl around in circles until he felt it was the right, regrettable, necessary thing; and I think the moment it was done, Prowl realized that the results didn't justify the atrocity, hated himself for what he'd done, and swore he'd never sink that low again.

And I think that was true. I think he never did sink that low again. I think that was Prowl's very worst moment.

But I also think he came out of his relationship with Mesothulas now convinced that, yes, the lesser evil is necessary in pursuit of the greater good; he just has to be careful, from now on, to make sure that the evil is lesser than the good; to double, triple, and quadruple check his math; and to make sure that, for the ends to justify the means, the means can never cost more than the end is worth. Mesothulas made Prowl a monster; Prowl throwing Mesothulas away was his declaration that he would only be a disciplined monster.

[tamemaki]

#1 and 16 KomaHina for smutty prompts?

Warning: Rated E, for Explicit Sexual Content & Swearing, please be careful! / words, 2.1k / post-SDR2 future foundation ♥

(1; grinding, 16: edging / orgasm denial)

“K-Komaeda.“

Damn him. God damn him and his fluffy head of hair, as his head is nestled between his shoulder and his neck. He’s sucking on Hinata’s skin like some sort of animal, coy and marking, his own slender hands lifting at the hem of his dress shirt, crawling all over Hinata’s waist.

Ever letting Komaeda into his office was his biggest mistake mistake mistake. The biggest mistake of his post-apocalyptic, post-killing game, post-biggest-most-awful-event-in-human-history-ever-ever-ever life, after he’d decided to let…

Well…

After the whole giving an organization the rights to do whatever they pleased with his head in the pursuit of true hope, thing. That was… still pretty bad on the scale, as far as everything w-went, fuck, but this?

Maybe not a close second, but it’s still somewhere up there, Hinata gasps as the boy above him grinds downwards-

and he can swear he feels Komaeda’s smirk seep against his skin.

“H-Hinata-kun.” He can hear him moan, a whisper breath warm against his ear, as he tightens his grip on the back of Hinata’s swivel chair, grinding his pelvis down, and Hinata feels his hips jerk up by instinct, trying to meet the sweet heat of the other boy’s motion.

It’s fucking hot in the room, suffocating with the boy squirming on his lap in the office. He can’t fucking remember what the hell he’d been working on just twenty minutes earlier, when he’d let this innocent little monster walk into his room with water and a “How’s your day been, Hinata-kun?”, before he immediately slinked over and made his way onto Hinata’s lap. And Hinata had let him, wrapping his arms around his waist to listen to Komaeda’s rather mundane but charming story about the cafeteria worker who had smiled at him this morning, how it’s brightened his day hopefully, complete with a hand-clap and all, when all the while shifting around in Hinata’s lap, chasing the slow building as he fidgeted in his seat and tried his best to stay sane-

When the making out started.

And then he was hard.

And well.

Then.

And well then

“F-fuck.”

Hinata breathes, into Komaeda’s neck, and the boy ridges against him, the boy’s own charming, enthusiastic hardness pressed against his leg, eager to please. Komaeda’s on top of him laughing, breathy, trying to chase the friction of his jeans against Hinata’s thigh. When the boy arches and lets out a moan right in front of him, that’s when Hinata’s about two seconds from done.

Komaeda draws back, comes up from Hinata’s neck, and looks down at the markings on his neck fondly. He traces his fingers over them, normally pale cheeks flushed pink and chest coming up and down.

His expression is pleasant- breathless- as he presses his forehead against Hinata’s and his eyes cloud over in that overly fond, lash-dripping expression. Love. That Hinata loves. That spurs Hinata on, the excited eagerness that Komaeda bathed him in.

It’s embarrassing, but it gets him going more than anything else. The way the boy strove to please, how he bathed him in praise and affirmation. Komaeda’s not a wordsmith, and what comes out of his mouth can be pretty damn terrifying sometimes… but Komaeda was expressive, and he never kept anything in.

When Komaeda was happy, it was impossible to miss. When he wasn’t, he was a challenge and a half.

Komaeda was passionate, he did what he wanted, and God knows Hinata might have needed it. Maybe Hinata was pitiful, to be a man who still needed to have his ego pumped every once in a while.

But maybe it was normal, and everyone needed to feel loved. Needed. Like they were worth loving. Like they were worth something.

Like they could do anything.

And sometimes, Komaeda, who had his own faith and challenge was exactly what he needed to push him off the edge and out of his comfort zone.

Just…

Sometimes it lead to make out sessions in the office, hard and clumsy hands as they’re strutting against each other trying to push each other to reach that something and honestly Hinata is pretty sure that’s not what he’s supposed to be doing. Pretty sure there’s many things he should be doing, but Komaeda, flushed and muffling his whimpers, on top of his papers, on the top floor of the Future Foundation building was not one of those things.

“C-close.” He hears Komaeda whimper, suddenly, on top of him as he keens into his neck, and it’s really bad for the coiled dissipating pressure in his stomach as he rutts against Komaeda. Hinata only nods, trying to focus as the boy starts kissing him softly, before melting open mouthed, drinking in the other boy’s breath, edging himself forward, chasing the other’s lips and the feeling travels into that heat between his legs. “Komaeda.” He groans, and feels the other’s smile on his neck. He nudges Komaeda into position, so each thrust forward grinds just right, and Komaeda let’s out a gasp that has Hinata groaning.

It’s so close.

His boyfriends eyelashes are flirting against his forehead, eyes shut, losing synchronization against him. Mouth hanging open and arousal in his breath and panting and grinding is so hot and Hinata’s trying to-

A few more-

J-just-

Hinata jerks forward, the pressure’s just about to peak- when his hips are pinned down by Komaeda’s hands. He almost cries out, in expectation, disappointment, before his wide eyes stare at his boyfriend who’s looking away to the door of the room. His brain slowly registers the ring of the phone in the background. It doesn’t stop him from giving his panting boyfriend the most bug eyed what did you just do stare that he can muster, because Komaeda broke them both and Hinata’s so-

“Oh.” Komaeda laughs. “It’s just the phone.” He says. The fluff haired boy leaning back, playful fingers trying to fumble with the phone but Hinata’s not having it. Not disconnecting to connect to whatever bastard was on the other side of the phone, that god sent down to smite him after having sent Komaeda to him. Probably also to smite him.

The boy was going to be his downfall. He was almost sure of it.

Did he care?

Maybe once upon a time.

But the phone doesn’t stop ringing, so Hinata hitches up Komaeda’s legs, carrying him off his chair and Komaeda’s legs move from around his waist, to one in between, snug against him. It’s nice like this, pressed against the other boy’s chest and he seems pleased, as he picks up the phone.

Hinata’s about to stop him before Komaeda says “Hello?”

There’s a silence on the other side of the line before a monotonous voice mutters.

“Why are you there?”

Oh. Togami.

He groans internally. Why couldn’t it have been Naegi or something?

There’s a bit of a shuffle on the other side of the line, a mumbling, he hears the phone travel through space and then a lighter voice enters the line. “Hello Komaeda-kun! Togami-kun says he has to go.” Naegi’s voice drawls off, as he seems to follow the other man out of the room before the door clicks shut, before brightening again.“Is Hinata-kun here?” Naegi takes over a more serious silence, and Komaeda passes the phone onto Hinata, before settling into a relaxed press into his leg, breath returning calm but heavier.

Hinata feels his own breath weigh again, and when he speaks into the phone, it’s a bit throatier than he intended.

“Hello?” He says, slowly sliding against the boy before him again, as they settle into slow presses back and forth. It’s pleasant, not overwhelming. He can feel it building, the feeling of pleasure in his groin, and then it stops. When Hinata looks at the boy again, it seems like Komaeda’s had enough. His hands are travelling down, and Hinata’s eyes widen as the boy slowly unloops the front of Hinata’s belt, before staring at him with a half-lidded expression, and Hinata’s throat runs dry.

“Hello Hinata-kun!”

“Uhuh?”

Uhuh. Uhuh. That stupid sound is all Hinata can make out before Komaeda drools onto his hand, forcing eye contact the whole way through, before his slender hand travels down and-

“I think Togami-kun just wanted to ask for a progress report?”

“Uh-Uhuh.” Hinata says, cursing the way his breath jolted when his boyfriend’s hand made contact with his dick.

There’s a silence on the receiver. “So?”

“Oh- uhh-” Hinata breathes, or at least tries to, as his boyfriend starts to unzip at his own trousers and- god, Komaeda’s dick strained against his boxers like tha- “Yokohama’s good.” Hinata says. Like a normal human being.

It’s good. Yokohama’s doing great. It’s chill. It’s really fucking chill. Peachy.

“Ah, so the impact assessment on Yokohama’s nearly done?” Hinata hears an enthusiastic chirp on the other side of the line. “That’s great!”

“Hinata-kun, good job.” The cheery whisper beside his ear causes him to shiver in closed-eyed sensation. Hinata’s not sure if this ego-spoiling is necessary as his boyfriend’s pumping him for all he’s worth. Hinata angles up his hips as Komaeda busies himself, lavishing his neck with his tongue. Like everything else, it adds to that swirling sensation in his gut. When he opens his eyes, he sees Komaeda exposed to the air.

“W-well… Sorry for interrupting you, anyway, Hinata-kun, you’re probably really busy. Say hello to Komaeda-kun for me! Both of you, do your best!”

And the line drops.

Hinata clicks of the phone back into the receiver, hovers above Komaeda who stops his ministrations for the moment, to give the most sickeningly cheesy look he can muster. Komaeda’s spoiling him today, with attention and affection, and it’s a lot.

As embarrassing as it is, he appreciates it. Needs it.

“You’re really killing me, here.”

“Anything for the Ultimate Hope, right?” He leans in, Hinata feels his face flush.

Bumping his forehead forward, strands of Komaeda’s hair falling to the side of his face… he takes Komaeda in his hand, earning a delightful shiver. Komaeda returns the favour, and it’s a room of focussed silence but for the punctuated grunts and shaken breaths. When Komaeda’s breathing heightens, when he starts to shuffle on the desk, lets out a moan and buries himself into Hinata’s neck, he knows Komaeda’s close. If his own breathing is any indication, he was too. Synchronization, of messy movements as Komaeda comes undone before him, wrist going halfway, but more than anything, it’s when Komaeda looks up and smiles-

“Hinata-kun?” Breath haphazard. He’s glowing. 

“Yes?” Eyes half lidded, Hinata reaches out to stroke his cheek

                                                                                          when the door unclicks.

Whizzing around, Komaeda hand comes off of him immediately, but Hinata’s not quick enough to let go before Komaeda’s shuddering into him- hitched breath as he jerks into Hinata’s palm and he can feel the thick, viscous sensation dripping pooling in his hand.

How Komaeda can suddenly be breathing so calmly, nuzzled into him, is beyond him; skilled fingers tucking- forcing- Hinata’s hard, weeping-in-disappointment pre-cum sheened cock into his trousers, before tucking himself in so put-together is beyond his imagination.

The sole zip in the silence is the most saddening sound in the world.

There was absolutely no win, today. Not for Hinata, currently hard and engaged in a staring showdown with the most unimpressed gaze he has ever met in his life. The stars had aligned in the most saddening astrology forecast for him. He’d been doomed from the start.

This was the worst.

At least Komaeda had been able to…  

But Hinata…

There was no happy ending for him here.

It was so unfair…

As his boyfriend steps away from him, dusts at his jeans, runs a hand through his hair with what Hinata knows is a pre-cum stained hand, how he can manage to smile… Komaeda must be wearing his lucky underwear, because Hinata can’t see any of it through his jeans but he knows. He knows, in Komaeda’s shudder, what happened.

“Hello Togami-kun! Ah… how wonderfully unexpected!” He might look clean, but his breath…

A dead giveaway.

And Togami knew.

Togami.

“I’ve just finished with Hinata-kun, so he’s all yours.”

How Komaeda kept composed under Togami’s stone gaze is a talent that apparently evaded the Kamukura project because Hinata felt like he was going under just staring at his desk.

“See you tonight, Hinata-kun!” A cheery call, and with a wink, the door slams.

Togami raises an eyebrow. “Hard work?”

It makes Hinata want to groan, the fact it’s not the hardest thing he has to deal with, unfortunately.

[sulietsexual]

Tell us why you ship Dangel! They have such a complex, layered history and are so horrible for each other yet still have this chemistry and connection...

OMG, Darla and Angel, they are such an amazing and dark and fascinatingand multi-faceted ship. So here, Nonnie, have an essay exploring their relationship and showing why they are soamazing together!

Darla and Angel have one of the most complex relationships in theWhedonverse, which combines hate, love, lust, violence, dependency, anger,responsibility, selflessness, selfishness, darkness and patience. First andforemost, Darla is Angel’s sire. She made him which means he will always belinked to her. She chose him because she saw something great in him, a darknessshe could share. Together they were a near-unstoppable force of evil, pushingeach other to greater heights of sadism. If Angel had never been re-ensouled hewould have stayed with her. Even when he has been re-ensouled he tries toreturn to her, because she is his constant. They do not love each other butthere is a deep connection there. They are each other’s “mate” for all intentsand purposes. Darla represents Angel’s darkest place and she will always be theperson who will tempt him the most. Wolfram & Hart recognises this which iswhy they choose to use her as a weapon against him.

When she returns as human, Angel recognises whyWolfram & Hart have brought her back. He understands instantly why theychose to deliver her to him because he knows how dark he can and has beenaround her. Darla, too, knows this, and it is a driving factor for her in herpursuit of him, possibly as a way to ignore her pressing soul and the feelingsand emotions she is not used to. When Darla returns as human, she once againfeels the pull towards Angel that she did as a vampire, but due to the presenceof her soul, these feelings are deeper, more real and affect her much more thanthey ever could have when she was a vampire. For the first time in centuriesshe is feeling real, deep human emotions, and I think she genuinely starts tofall in love with Angel over the course of Season 2.

Angel, meanwhile, tries to stay away from her,but once her soul kicks in he finds it impossible to resist trying to help her.In a way his helping her is selfishly motivated; he wants to see her throughthe adjustment of having a soul because no one was there to help him. Throughher, he can offer the support and understanding that he never had. He also feelsresponsible for her because he is truly the only one who can completelyappreciate what she is going through. He wants to help her but he can’t helpher in the manner which she wants – he refuses to turn her, as it goes againsteverything in his nature. He also knows that if he did turn her he would unleasha monster, one who could tempt him even further than before.

However, as soon as he finds out Darla is dying thedynamic changes. Now he truly is selflessly helping her. He recognises howWolfram & Hart have manipulated her, how cruel and vicious they have beentowards her, all to get to him. Once more, he feels responsible for her as shewould not be going through the hell she is if it weren’t for his battle withWolfram & Hart. He looks for ways to save her, and in his search he finallyfully sees her as human and his feelings for her start to change. In his eyesshe becomes someone he could love and someone he cares for enough to try tosave. In his most selfless gesture he offers up his life in exchange for hers,wanting her to have the chance that he feels he never will, the chance to leada normal human life, completely uninterrupted by supernatural forces. He wantsso badly for her to be human, to experience her life the way she was meant to.When they are informed that nothing can be done for her, his breakdown is inequal parts about her and about himself. He is devastated that Darla will nowdie but he is also devastated because he sees that there is no redemption, nosecond chances for her and by extension, himself. The greater forces will neverallow them peace and in that moment he realises that.

This is perhaps why he offers to turn her. He sodesperately wants her to be given a second chance that he contemplates siringher, saying that it might be different given that he has a soul. However, bythis point in time Darla has realised that she has been given a second chance.Not the one they were both hoping for but a second chance nonetheless; thechance to die the way she was meant to. Through Angel’s sacrifice, through hiscaring, she has accepted her fate and made peace with herself and with him. Sheasks Angel to make peace with it too, and he embraces her and says that shewon’t be alone in it. This is probably the most touching moment in theirrelationship, as together they accept the inevitable and connect on a level theyhad been unable to connect on before this.

This connection is only allowed a few minutesbefore it is brutally ripped from them, once again courtesy of Wolfram &Hart. As Angel watches helplessly, Darla is sired by Drusilla. This event has aprofound effect on Angel and on Darla. Darla is no longer the evil counterparthe needs to stay away from. She has now become someone real, someone human whomhe cares for deeply and was willing to give his life to save. To be forced towatch her die and then be turned into a monster again is more than Angel can takeat that point. He is left devastated that he was unable to save her. When hereturns to the hotel he is babbling incoherently, remembering the details ofhis own siring and thinking over what Darla just went through. He gathers hissenses enough to try to save her again. He doesn’t want her to rise, howeverthis time it’s less about the monster she will become and more about her. Hehas finally come to genuinely care for her and he doesn’t want her to gothrough existence as a vampire again. Yet when he comes face-to-face with her,these feelings are ultimately his downfall. As she looks up at him and asks“Angel?” he hesitates. He doesn’t see her as a demon anymore and in that onemoment he is unable to distinguish between Darla the human and the demon thatnow wears her face.

Darla, meanwhile, is suddenly a soullessmonster again, however, she is now a soulless monster who has recent memoriesof being human, of feeling human emotions and of connecting to Angel on a humanlevel. This is extremely important to remember, because it explains Darla’sconflicting and confused feelings towards Angel, and why his presence throwsher for a loop. Darla was a soulless vampire for four hundred years and she allbut forgot what is was like to be human. To become a vampire again after beingnewly human for so long allows her to develop very complex feelings forAngel, feelings which she fights and denies, because they are so foreign toher, but feelings which are ultimately her downfall, because she allows them totake control of her. 

Once Darla has been turned, things become much morecomplicated for Angel. Where once he could easily see Darla as demon and nothesitate to kill her (as he has done to protect Buffy) he now knows what it isfor Darla to be human. He has feelings for her now and has seen the true Darla,the one he never encountered as Angelus. This makes it infinitely harder forhim to kill her and in order to do so, he needs to access his darker urges. Heneeds to become darker in order to eliminate someone who has become importantto him, whom he now cares for. It will cause him pain to kill her, some ofwhich he experiences when stalking her and Drusilla. He admits that he is tooclose, that he has felt her heart beat, he has smelt her human scent and he isstill too close to those feelings. He cannot kill her directly so he choosesinstead to set her and Drusilla on fire before turning his attention towardsWolfram & Hart, seemingly forgetting about Darla in the process.

By the time Darla resurfaces Angel has losthimself so completely in his own darkness that any feelings for her human sidehave all but disappeared. She has reverted back to being his dark place, tobeing the demon that turned him and fed his most sadistic urges. This is whywhen he loses faith in humanity he automatically turns to her. He has just beentorn down by Wolfram & Hart and made to face all the evil that exists inhis world. He wants nothing more than to forget the world, to “feel somethingother than the cold”. In the moment he decides to sleep with Darla it is notabout losing his soul (which he knew would never happen with her) it is about acomplete escape from his good side. He wants, in that moment, to completelygive into darkness and Darla has and always will provide him with that. Withher he is allowed that darkness, soul or not. He uses her for his own selfishreasons but he would only do this with her. Sheunderstands his darkness, she will always encourage it and with Darla he cancompletely give himself over to it.

Darla, in turn, is still so caught up in herleftover human emotions, that she pretty much uses Angel back. She is hoping to turnhim into Angelus, to bring forth the soulless monster she once knew andconnected with, the demon who can sever herlingering feelings of humanity. She gives herself over to Angel completely,because she is hoping to see the return of Angelus andtherefore, the return of her mate, her darkest place.

Unfortunately for Darla (but not for Angel)sleeping with Darla has the opposite effect and actually provides Angel withanother important event, his epiphany. He recognises this and even thanks herfor it, although she in turn is disgusted and appalled by the turn of events.The gratitude that Angel feels for whoever provided him with his epiphany istransferred to Darla and he once again decides not to kill her, warning her tostay away as the next time he will not be so lenient. He then leaves her in hisroom, leaving her and everything she represents behind him.

When Darla returns Angel is able to distancehimself from her. Possibly spurned by the memory of what happened the last timehe felt compassion for her, he keeps himself aloof and refuses to engage her inany way. It is only after he has heard the heartbeat of the child she iscarrying and comes to the realisation that it has a soul that he allows himselfto feel for her. As her pregnancy unfolds Angel is unwittingly drawn closer toher, especially once the child’s soul starts to affect her. In one of theirmost beautiful scenes, Darla confesses how much she loves her child, and in thatmoment she and Angel are bonded together deeper than they ever have beenbefore. They have created a child with a soul, something no one thoughtpossible. They both love him more than anything in the world and will doanything and everything to protect him. This bond is one that neither Buffy norCordelia will ever share with Angel. Darla is the mother of his child and assuch he will always be connected to her through Connor.

In the hours that follow, Darla’s condition worsens, and as she starts to feel the child’s soul more she starts to realise what sheneeds to do. The revelation that Holtz is in their time allows her to realiseall the evil that she and Angel did and, for the first time, fully feel andappreciate what it means to have a soul. As she collapses outside Karatos andtearfully tells Angel that they can’t make up for anything they have done, hesees her completely for the first time. He recognises what they have donetogether and apart, what she has gone through as a human, then a vampire with asoul. He tenderly holds her hand and kisses her fingers and in that moment, heloves her.

Long after staking herself, Darla will remain apart of Angel and a part of his life. She lives on in his son. Theirs is acomplex, rich, complicated and deep relationship. Darla will always hold a partof him. She will always represent his darker half yet at the same time, throughConnor, she also represents the good in him. She will always be connected tohim and in the end, he loved her. Darla will always be a part of Angel and this is why I will always love this pairing.