#i hope he gets raging chlamydia

[themotherofhorses]

His Lady Wife: Alternative Ending II

aemond x reader

another alternative ending to ‘His Lady Wife’ where their daughter grows up and finds out the circumstances of her mother’s passing.

a/n: i am so sorry for basically making you all fast w me this ramadan but, i’ve had uni stuff and life stuff to deal with and a huge case of writers block so i haven’t had much time to write, but its the day after eid and its here so its an eid present from me!!! it isn’t my best work bc i was struggling w it so much so feedback is appreciated BUT I will not be accepting anymore alt ending requests for HLW bc i’m sick of it (but i do have some left to finish and post so its not the end dw) + i’m open to any new ideas i love you all ty for being patient <3 ALSO heads up, bc its set so far ahead from the original plot, its written in third rather than my usual second person :)

also, thank you for all the lovely comments and messages they really do make a difference and a huge thanks to my favourite people ever: @themotherofhorses @devthlyangels / @chainsawsangel for inspiring me to write again, if you like my writing, you’ll like theirs more i promise

maera. maera targaryen.

she is her mother’s twin, and she knew that from all the portraits of her plastered around the red keep.

her looks. her heart. her soul.

but her stubborn, unforgiving nature? that was her father’s, through and through. that targaryen fire runs hot in her veins. the father who she adored with every ounce of being.

as soon as she was born, an agreement was made, including her mother’s handmaid and her mother’s family that she is not to know of the circumstances of her mother’s death until her eighteenth nameday. that her childhood should not be tainted with the tragic memory of her mother. instead, she was told that her father loved her mother dearly and that she died sadly in childbirth, that nothing could have prevented her death.

it was when she was ten and five, she accidentally found out the truth about her mother’s death.

maera was an inquisitive girl, always seeking knowledge, filled with questions, it’s what aemond adored about his daughter. they would spend hours in the library reading together in the pursuit of knowledge, and every time he looked at his daughter, he saw his wife.

 "father?“

aemond looked up from his reading and smiled softly. those eyes. those eyes that told him he was home.

"what was my mother like?”

aemond chuckled softly and shut his book.

“you ask me this question all the time my sweet girl. she was good. she was kind. perfect. so, so perfect. just like you.”

maera puts her book down and squeezes her father’s hand.

“i know. i just miss her. we both do.”

maera idolised her father. he was everything she could wish for and more. so, for his thirty and fifth nameday, she decided to surprise him with something different, a memory of his dearly departed wife.

but in order to do that, she had to find out more about her mother. when she sent a raven to her grandparents, she found out that she used to love dancing and music, so she found out the song that was played on the day of their wedding and learnt how to play it on her violin. she then asked her handmaid, who was her mother’s handmaid in another life, who told her she used to write poetry, so she wrote a poem about her parents ‘beautiful relationship’. but that wasn’t enough for maera. she wanted more. so, she did what any girl of her age would do, look through her father’s things.

she thought she struck gold when she used a half-used bottle of perfume, but then she found something more valuable under father’s pillow, a letter… the letter, dated the year she was born, the year of her mother’s untimely departure.

but what was written inside wasn’t was she expected.

her initial reaction was disbelief. there was no way the letter could be real. her parents adored each other. her father was a good man. he would never, ever do such a thing. so, she read it again. her second reaction was confusion. why would her father hate her mother? why would she think he would remarry? why would he celebrate her death? so, she read it again. and her final reaction? anger. the unbridled targaryen rage. she needed answers. and she wanted it straight from the man himself.

maera waited in her father’s room, letter in her hand and tears in her eyes, awaiting his return. when he walked in, he was confused. confused to see her in his room and with tears streaming down her face until he saw the letter in her hands. his blood of fire ran cold for the second time in his life, the first being when y/n died.

“maera… i-i can explain…”

she couldn’t react with anger. no. that’s what her father would do. so, she shut her eyes and breathed in deeply and nodded for him to continue.

“i will not keep anything from you. we were going to wait until you were older to tell you the truth, but i know what must be done. your mother was better than me in every way possible. looks, personality. she was perfect. so good. so loyal. and i let my insecurities get the better of me. the blacks plotted against us, using her as a pawn. they framed her for adultery… and i, i believed it.”

they both took deep breaths, maera to control her anger and aemond to control his tears.

“she kept telling me it wasn’t true. It’s a scheme. but i am insecure man. i was such a fool maera. i didn’t even believe you were my child. so i stripped her of everything. i put her in a tiny room, i didn’t believe her cries of discomfort. i was the worst husband in the world.”

maera couldn’t make eye contact with her father. she felt the bile rise to her stomach. her father wasn’t the man she thought he was. her parent’s relationship wasn’t the perfect relationship she wrote about. she felt betrayed.

aemond could see the disgust in her daughter’s eyes.

“maera i regret everything. if i could go back in time i would change everything. i’ve changed from that man maera. i’m better. for you. for her. and i will never, ever, forgive myself for what happened to her.”

aemond looked at his daughter, hoping for a response.

“you killed her.”

aemond nodded, a deep look of shame on his face.

maera let out a shaky breath.

“i thought you two were perfect. i would pray to the gods for a marriage like yours.”

aemond attempted to hold his daughter but she stepped away. he felt his heart crack and eyes water, but this was his punishment.

“maera… it was good. it was so good.”

“but then you ruined it. you ruined it with your insecurity. you ruined my mother’s life. she would have been alive, i would have had a mother.”

he nods.

“maera… i’m so so sorry.”

maera scoffs.

“sorry? sorry for what, father! for ruining my life? for ruining my mother’s life? for killing my mother?”

aemond flinched at her words. before he could say anything, she stormed out, and aemond knew better than to chase after her.

as soon as she went to her chamber, she sobbed in to the arms of her handmaiden, the closest thing she had to a mother. she explained everything. how she found out, and what happened between her father.

“that’s why you are so cold towards my father, aren’t you?”

her handmaid nods, with watery eyes of her own. she knew that when maera would find out about her mother’s death, she would bring her the justice she was owed.

“your mother was my bestfriend. he didn’t deserve her. but will you do now, sweet girl?”

maera spoke with none of that targaryen heat of her father, she spoke with conviction.

“i would say i have no father, but i do. he is a wretched man. he tortured my pregnant mother and i will make it known. he didn’t stop at his nephew. at a child. his next victim was my mother, and i will make sure that everyone in this goddamned realm knows that. he will face a fate worse than my mother, and i swear that on her name.”

taglist: @fultimefangirl @hc-geralt-23 @whatsonthemirror @69cocktimusprime @immyowndefender @burntoutpetals @uselessbutinteresting @bibli0thecary @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @bellameshipper @graykageyama @krispold @malfoytargaryen @imnotyourbcbe @poisonedsultana @caramelcandescence @azaleapotterblack @sakusasimpbot @malamistka @carriellie @wolflover384 @lolcaca @siriusdumblittlepuppy @kaemond-zafiro @trshngyn @maliaaaa @rebirth-of-destruction @sevikascupcake @targaryenmoony @fictionalcharacterslut @actualhawkesworld @riaapen

*tags w a line through didn’t work!

[homemadepastasauce]

A Wild Night

Genre: Smut and hot trash

Pairing: Female Reader X Doyoung, Jimin, Jackson, And Mark

Warning: Not something my mom and I are proud of, Y/N as usual has their legs open 24/7

Alternate Title: Girl goes to party and fricks guys she's barely on a first name basis with.

Author's Note: My first ff! If I made any mistakes no I didn't. If you got any request, request them, I write for anime and kpop ( don't take my account seriously though).

Disclaimer: Y/N doesn't rights, and I feel as the president of the Y/N Sucks Hate Club it's my duty to do this. Also, don't do drugs.

Ok, let me set the scene. You were the guest to one of the biggest party in all of LA, and boy were you excited. You may or may not have slept your way in with the bouncer, but that's a story for a different time. So, you get into the club and the music, weed, and vodka hit. You love that smell. It's powerful. You look around and see unhealthy of amount of hotties. This was your dream come true. First things first you hit the dance floor with a load of people touching up on each other. The DJ dude was crazy too, he was playing all of your favorite tunes. Vibes, absolute vibes.

For like thirty minutes you were busting your moves, like a complete dance machine. You were lost in space, but then you felt two strong arms grab onto your hips from behind.

The stranger whispered in your ear, his breath smelling of slight booze, "You have got to be the most good looking stranger I've seen in a long time." This statement filled your raging ego with pride, it brought a smirk to your face.

"So what website did you get that one from?"

He chuckled, "So, that's how your gonna act, huh? I can't say I don't like it. I'm Doyoung."

"Y/N"

"Say, would care to have a drink with me, Y/N?"

"Sure, but you better not waste my time with this small talk."

"Oh, I promise there won't be a lot of talking when I'm through with you," he grabs your hand and walks you over to the bar.

"Hey, bartender, let me get two shots of Grey Goose with a couple squeezes of lime," you say with a big smile.

"How'd you know I like vodka and why lime?"

"Lucky guess, and lime gives a little kick to it," you replied.

Actually if you were being honestly, it wasn't a lucky guess, you always ordered that. He's just easily impressed. You could tell in no time this guy would be banging your brains out. Drinks are easy baits to get what you want, everyone always seems to fall for it.

💫⭐Quick starter recipe for success by Y/N, an established piece of trash⭐💫

Regular vodka = boring and basic (you didn't even try, easily forgettable)

Vodka with a lil spice to it = a squeeze of lemon? lime? orange? (heck even a slash of henny is a positive plus plus)

"So what do you want and hope to achieve out of this, Y/N?" The bartender sets down your glasses and walks away.

"I don't know. You were the one that came up to me, I'm just going with the flow." You were messing with him, of course, both of you only wanted one thing and one thing alone.

"You're a strange person Y/N," he leaned in close to your ear, "but I know what you want."

You chugged the spicy shot down your throat, "I don't know what you're talking about. If I wanted something from you, I wouldn't said, "I want something from you."

You took out the eight dollars from your purse and set them down on the counter. Doyoung looked confused, almost like he wanted to say something but didn't. You got up from the barstool and made your way to the back bathroom, much quieter than the bar or dance floor. But before you could close the door, Doyoung snapped out of his trans and walked towards you.

"Hey!" He held the door with a strong grip, "You can't just leave, I wasn't done with you." Hmm, you weren't done with him either. You smiled knowing you already had him wrapped around your little finger.

"You're an idiot."

"I'm a what?"

"An idiot," you said confidently, "Get inside and lock the door." He did as he was told, no questions asked with an annoyed look on his face. And at that moment you knew he was about to rearrange your guts.

He started to unbuckle his belt, "You know when I first spoke to you, you seemed interesting enough, but you're just like the rest." The rest? Huh? Anyway, his words didn't faze you, it was the big mount in his unbuckled pants that did. You placed your purse to the side and sat on the sink counter. He does nothing but stare at your body as you slowly take your undies off and throw them on the dirty bathroom floor. Nasty.

"Are you just gonna stand there or are you going get to work before I do," you threaten. He smiles at your bluff and comes close to your face with a sinful look.

"You want this, huh? Know that I'm leaving as soon as I finish."

Ok? Are you supposed to be sad?

He takes his at LEAST nine incher inside you and starts to go ham. No warm-up, no tease. Nope, just right inside.

"You have quite an ego for someone this dry," he teases. His words enraged you, like how dare he say such a crude thing to a whore like you? But for some reason, it just made you even wetter.

Maybe because he looked so scrumptious? Or maybe you couldn't hear it due to all the moans you were letting out? But dear holy moly he was making you feel so good. He was using his fingers on your grandma-looking nub and pounding into you Micheal Jackson style. Holy crap it felt amazing, not the best you've had, but amazing nonetheless.

"Mmmmh," he moaned, "I'm gonna... I'm gonna..."

And before he could say another word, he came inside.

Doyoung cleaned himself up, zipped his pants, and left. Leaving you a complete mess that didn't even get to finish. It was fun while it lasted you had to say. But what a selfish prick, he was hot too. You cleaned up his and yours mess, and put back on the underwear you threw onto the dirty public restroom floor. Yeah, you weren't the smartest book on the shelf.

How’d he do, though? He was definitely good, but not spectacular and a little stiff. Your rating? 7/10.

After your little "bathroom break" with Doyoung, you decided you wanted to have something... not Doyoung. You walk up to the second floor filled with stoners, and people who clearly wanted to jump off a cliff. No problem though, stoners were chill and you could pretty much go up to them and ask if they wanted you to swallow their kids, so that you did. There was a guy smoking the devil’s lettuce, lounging on the couch with two others waiting their turn. Hot dang they looked yummy.

“So what are you boys up to?” You say with a smile.

“Isn’t it obvious?” The boy on the middle said with aggression, “We're blowing one up.” 

“Chill Jimin, she's just trying to make conversation,” he said passing it on to him. He rolled his eyes and started to smok in silence.

The one on the left looked up at you and said, “So which one of us do you want?” 

“How do you know I want only one, what if I want all three of you?”

“Like at a time?”

The guy in the left began to speak again with smoke coming out of his mouth, “No dumbass, look at her, she wants all three filled. Clearly.” He winked. He was just gorgeous, ready for an adventure.

“Jimin, was it?”

“Don’t be so condescending, Jackson said my name not even two minutes ago, don’t get smart with me.”

“Jimin, enough, pass it on to Mark and be nice while you’re at it.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

You rolled your eyes and pointed to a secluded corner out of public view you’ve been eyeing since you came to the floor, “See over there is where you guys are gonna meet me if you wanna have a good time. If not, you’re gonna take the biggest L of the night.”

The guy on the left got up and pasted it back on to the one in middle, aka, Jimin. He scoffed, “Seriously Mark?”

“Ah, yeah, this is a once in a lifetime thing.”

“True that,” the other got up made his way to the corner, following you. 

“How are you guys are being so careless right now?! She probably has like five STDs... and three STIs, and... probably a kidney stone, too!”

You could hear him, but payed no mind. It’s not your fault his friends had good taste, even if there's a ninety eight percent chance they'd get chlamydia.

You got on your knees and started to feel up on their pants. You could feel them getting hard as you unzipped both of their pants. Chile, they were packing full on heat. You started to lick and slurp them up, using your hands, too. There moans made you want to have their babies. Not literally, you weren't that crazy, but figuratively.

“Keep going.”

“Yeah, don’t stop until I say so.” 

You did what they asked like a pro, but before you could deepthroat one of those precious horse pps, you feel someone separate your legs and roam there only source of pride straight into your rectum. In and out. In and out. Gosh darn it felt good. You're not stopping. One of them go into the your vag and the other says in your mouth.

“FDUR, I’m close keep going!!!!”

Already? I mean all of you were close but still.

And not even a half a second you felt three liters of pancake mix fill up your holes. Mhmm, now that’s a job done right. They pulled out and left you right there, not even caring to look back. But it was fine cause you got what you wanted in the end. 10/10

What a night, huh?

[wormstacheangel]

Since your last post implied it I would love to know about your AU recommendations ❤ I am obsessed too!! Thanks in advance 🙏🏻

hello! I hope you don’t mind if I just make a basic list of some of the AU stories I have read or want to read. Not in any order I just went through my bookmarks on AO3 :) Also I need to read more...Under the cut because it got too long! 

Angel's Wild (not gonna lie this is my favorite fic. I have read this almost a dozen times now)

Summary: But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels. 

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right? 

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Checked Out

Summary:  Castiel Novak can think of many writers who would not be welcome under the roof of Heaven’s Gate library, where he is the librarian: Ayn Rand ranks highly (no explanation needed), as does Charles Dickens (he hasn’t forgiven Charles for the month he lost to The Pickwick Papers). And, of course, Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester, local author and obvious a-hole, who is entirely too handsome to be true and who is clearly totally lacking in profundity, intelligence, sincerity, and self-awareness. Unfortunately, though, Dean’s been invited to do a book signing at Heaven’s Gate - and Castiel’s about to be confronted by some unexpected feelings when he finally meets Dean for the first time.

A Ghost Story

Summary:  Castiel Novak has haunted his family's estate for 150 years, awaiting the return of his lost love. Upon their reunion, Dean Winchester learns of his past reincarnation. After the night of Castiel's resurrection, the two try to find out why they've been given a second chance. The answers may be hidden in the forgotten memories of Dean's former life - but sometimes the truth is better left buried.

Patient Love

Summary: Castiel Novak is 27 when he suddenly loses his twin brother Jimmy, and his whole world turns to ashes. How do you deal with losing half of yourself when your whole life always revolved around the two of you, like yin and yang and black and white? How do you deal with a broken soul and old demons looming over you with no one to hold you back anymore?

After 10 years as a Navy Special Warfare Operator and more than a dozen deployments in both Afghanistan and Iraq, a battlefield injury forces 28-year-old Chief Petty Officer Dean Winchester to chose between being stuck behind a desk for the rest of his career or going back to civil life. When he learns about his friend Jimmy’s death, Dean makes his way back to Kansas with his heart in his throat and broken pieces at his feet.

Things are already complicated and painful enough as it is, but when former lovers Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak meet again after 10 years of radio silence and a galaxy of wounds and scars solidly standing between them, it feels like both a curse and a blessing has been placed on them both. Is there any hope in putting back their broken pieces together after a decade, and how do you deal with grief and broken dreams?

The Unbroken

Summary: Dean’s life had been made of running. He ran from a curse that had desolated his life ever since he was a child — whenever he got hurt, he turned into a goddamn human-torch, killing everyone around him — and he ran from himself and his own self-loathing.

But managing all that at the end of a world full of Croats lurking around every corner was easier said than done.

Until a mysterious man with tousled dark hair paired with blue eyes as clear as the sky during a hot summer’s day stopped him from free falling, literally. In one fell swoop, the stranger had not only saved his life but also calmed the wildfire threatening to burn everything in its wake.

There was something about Castiel that made Dean want to stop running but also hid something darker — something Dean couldn’t quite put his finger on. And between soft, pillowy lips and feather-like fingerprints, Cas could very well shatter Dean’s world and maybe help save the whole world in return.

While You Were Sleeping

Summary:  A Destiel version of While You Were Sleeping! Castiel is alone and floundering. He has a crush on one of the passengers who passes through his subway station every morning. When the man gets pushed onto the tracks, Cas saves him. But when they get to the hospital there's a mix up and Cas finds himself engaged to a complete stranger. Enter, the rest of the family, including big brother Dean. How will Cas navigate the relationship with his supposed future in-laws? What will he do when Sam finally wakes up? And why can't he stop thinking about Dean?

Purgatory, director's cut

Summary: this doesn’t have a summary but it is dean and cas in purgatory and it’s soooo cool! I promise it’s amazing and worth the read!

Basic Lessons in First Aid, Magical or Otherwise

Summary: Most people probably wouldn’t take the naked, heavily wounded man they found in an alley home with them. Most people probably wouldn’t also offer that man a place to stay and become his best friend after realizing he’s suffering from an intense case of post-traumatic retrograde amnesia. Most people probably wouldn’t then risk almost everything they know to save said man, and maybe save the world in the process.

But then again, Dean Winchester, RN (with a specialty in supernatural care), has never been like most people. He may not have a magical bone in his body, unlike his brother Sam, but he’ll do whatever it takes to help. Even if Castiel has questionable opinions about Star Trek.

What Greater Gift

Summary: Story idea: The most wanted woman in town has announced that she’ll only marry the one who can open her front door with the key around her cat’s neck. Many men try to hunt the cat down, chase and trap it, but to no avail, the cat is simply too quick, smart and clever, and always finds a way to evade and avoid them. You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key.

From a prompt found on Tumblr. Saw this and I couldn't resist a Destiel AU, and I've been wanting to write Witch!Cas for ages.

I know when you go down all your darkest roads

Summary: Dean and Castiel go undercover as a couple going through therapy, in order to catch a monster that specifically targets couples dealing with issues, feeding on their distress, anger, and pain.

They end up going through a lot more than a case, unfolding feelings left untold for so long, discovering parts of each other they never intended to uncover.

But will the feelings raging inside them be enough to bring their walls down?

A Fish Out of Water

Summary: To tie up the loose ends of a hunt, Dean is forced to go undercover and visit Brock Pleasure Ranch, a horrifying establishment that markets its inhabitants to people with ‘monstrous’ tastes.

It should have been a simple thing, to persuade a mer to give him a few scales for a spell. All part of the usual Winchester byline: saving people, hunting things.

But Castiel is far less of a ‘thing’ than Dean expected. He might not be human, but he’s definitely a person. And that means he needs saving, too.

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia

Summary: Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

Just as lost as I

Summary: Dean's been in love with Castiel for centuries. He keeps it buried, never letting himself get too close, but when Castiel goes missing he doesn't hesitate. He's going to find him if it’s the last thing he ever does.

Love Bites

Summary: Cas Novak graduated with a 4.0 in Mathematics, but not even Naomi Novak’s money could help him at job interviews. Anxious and dissatisfied with life, at nearly thirty he’s still washing dishes in the back of his best friend Hannah’s café.Until one night when his cat drags an injured bat into his apartment.

Dean may be a vampire, but he’s not an asshole (well, not much.) He feels like he owes the awkward guy for rescuing him from the cat’s clutches, so he sets about changing Cas's life.

A silly story about families who aren’t quite what they seem, fake boyfriends, and falling in love with someone who’s never, technically, met you.

The Bad Cop, Worse Cop Adventures of Freckles and Feathers

Summary: Miami. A place with beaches, babes, palm trees, and a growing drug-fueled crime organization. To help combat the drugs littering the streets, Captain Singer puts together a Tactical Narcotics Team composed of Miami's two finest and fearless officers. Charming casanova Dean Winchester has fought tooth and nail, rising through the ranks for this position. Trench coat toting Castiel Novak knows more hand-to-hand combative techniques than he does people skills. Between Dean's big mouth and Castiel's take-no-shit attitude, their introductory meeting ends on a less than stellar note and a couple of hard to shake nicknames.

After six months of partnership, the nicknames have stuck and so has the sexual tension. When a murder in the middle of the night launches their biggest lead on a cleverly evasive drug lord, Dean is shocked to find Sam at the center of it. Sam comes clean with his involvement and Charlie, their witness, seeks revenge against the man responsible for killing her friend. As the stakes rise higher so do Dean’s feelings putting everything in jeopardy. Is a cop with everything to prove, a cop with everything to lose, one computer hacker witness, and a damn good ADA enough to save the day?

The Care and Feeding of Castiel

Summary: Dean’s quiet time in the bunker is interrupted by some stranger-than-usual behavior from his angel. Oh, and feathers...there are a lot of those, too.

First Gentleman Wanted

Summary:  President of the United States Castiel Novak is popular, charismatic, and knee-deep in campaigning for a second term. He’d be the ideal candidate if it weren’t for the fact that he hasn’t dated once while in political office. With his opponent’s relentless PR team calling him incapable of emotional commitment, Castiel’s staff decides to remedy the situation by finding their boss a fake, picture-perfect boyfriend. And when Dean Winchester enters the scene, he and Cas become America’s new favorite couple, except they’ve got a whole lot of history between them and complicated feelings to resolve.

The Graveyard Shift

Summary: Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

The Path of Fireflies

Summary: After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Summary: Heaven is white.Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.-Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

Doing this made me realize I need to read more longer fics. I usually just read the short ficlets on tumblr but I need to broaden my horizon and read more. But yes! These are the AU’s currently in my bookmarks. Hope you find one to enjoy :)

[deivll]

    lucifer sentence starters     episode 4 - 6.

you broke into my house?

you were taking forever in the shower.

are you sleeping with this idiot?

never been thrown out of anywhere before in my life.

something very disturbing's just happened. it's horrific, really. for the second time, i've been thrown out of a woman's house.

i mean, i appeal to the virile urge in all wo/men.

you need to go undercover, because you're our best way in.

why is she able to refuse my charms?

people don't have power over us. we give it to them. you have to take your power back.

i need to take back control. i need to behave like i always have.

i mean, it seems obvious now, actually - i need to have sex with her.

are you gonna help me or not?

you're quite adorable when you're flustered.

i'm not flustered, i'm nauseous.

okay, look. let me make myself perfectly clear: i will never, ever, ever sleep with you.

playing hard to get? i like it.

wow. you've never been rejected by a woman, have you?

the odds are definitely in your favour out there - probably not batting for the same team, but you never know. go forth and conquer. i know you want to.

i promise, if anyone here hurt your sibling, i'll find them. and i'll punish them.

if you weren't so pent-up sexually, we'd be firing on all cylinders, i'd say.

i certainly don't need any help getting wo/men into bed.

do you honestly think you can just ask people to have sex with you and they will?

you forget. i love pain.

men - they always want to talk!

we can get him/her back to where s/he belongs, if you could just provide me with a weak spot.

seriously, darling. are you well? the berries are ripe and ready to be harvested - i mean, look at me.

don't. please.

if i get an STD from this thing, i'm gonna kill you.

is there anyone you suspect that might do this to you?

do not shush me.

a deal's a deal - especially one with the devil.

i do believe there's good and evil and right and wrong.

does it scare you?

i mean, how could i be scared of something i don't believe in?

do i scare you?

either way, he's going to get someone killed. probably himself.

this love thing makes you all quite stupid, doesn't it?

just hand over the cash, and no one gets hurt.

i believe that's a fair request, actually, so just pop her around and the money's yours.

greedy little jackal, aren't you?

what is it about you and guns, eh?

what's up, jackass?

hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.

i happen to be an expert on punishment, and i'm not sure it fits the crime here.

chlamydia, the clap, a raging case of crabs - that's what you deserve. not death.

why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?

why does everyone say that before they're punished?

come on, shoot me.

son of a bitch, that really hurts!

i don't bleed!

i don't lie. but i don't always tell the whole truth.

can't sleep when you're not home.

the models don't appear to be wearing any clothes.

you were shot and you bled. no sharp objects until we find out why.

the danger of getting hurt is positively thrilling.

now come on, tell me your most dangerous desire.

we need to get out of here now.

i am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

i got a taste of danger, and i want more.

that whackjob's gonna totally get me killed.

tomato, tom-ah-to.

see, that's why we make such great partners - the 'he said, she said' of it all.

when do i get my own gun?

i wouldn't trust you with my kid's lightsaber.

if i'm gonna be forced to work with you again, i call the shots.

bloody hell! that hurt! do it again.

you know, i'm quite skilled in restraints.

let me guess, you did him a favour.

i process tragedy through my work.

that favour you owe me... i'm calling in my IOU.

i was trying to prevent more death.

well, aren't we the little saint?

you are the oldest young person i've ever met.

i'm not gonna drink at a bar where everyone hates me.

did you ever consider that they hate you for that very reason?

well, somebody's not being crowned homecoming queen, are they?

surely you've heard the expression 'deal with the devil'...?

people come to me to ask for favours and more often than not, i'm happy to oblige.

i don't need your sympathy, but thank you.

firstly, let me state that i'm in no way standing up for my associate, but on behalf of myself, and only myself, i think you're a complete sack of arse.

sadly, the only thing broken was that incontinent troll's nose.

if i'm not going to look out for you, who will? hm?

maybe next time, i won't be around to save your ass.

you and my backside used to get on well.

is it my thanks you want, or a kiss?

i don't do favours for guys like you.

what is it with the men in my life?

act like a child, get treated like a child.

witnesses said they heard you making threats at the door.

no wonder he can't get it up.

so you're just gonna sit around and wait for revenge? that's rather lazy.

i was promised a gang war, and instead, i get a crybaby. this is boring.

you know, they really don't make bad guys like they used to.

after five years behind bars, a brothel would be my go-to.

i can't be held responsible for what happens after i give someone a favour.

if there's one thing the devil knows, it's that people need to take responsibility for their own bad behaviour.

enough danger for you yet?

you do remember that bullets hurt, right?

you had your hero moment. stay down, or you're gonna get shot.

ass saved. you're welcome.

you're addicted to creating chaos and seeing where the chips fall, to hell with the consequences.

you're having another one of those 'gut feelings', aren't you?

you've already wasted so much of your life.

oh, well the good news is that whilst all dogs go to heaven, you'd be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in hell.

you were never as good as me.

keep your enemies close, right?

who gave that order?

if you come clean now, i'll go easy on you.

if you really want to do something, you should.

shall we move the party upstairs?

so what unpleasantness felled this heap of unrealised ambition then?

let's pretend for one second that you're someone else - someone nice. someone mature.

i mean, getting murdered is probably the most exciting thing that ever happened to him.

i gave up an epic foursome to be here.

call me when you've got a murder with a pulse - or at least someone good-looking.

i was hoping for a good shag just as a palate cleanser to wipe the foul taste of boredom from my mouth.

i need your help like i need a third boob.

- knew that was a mistake the moment it came out of my mouth.

i'll have two tropic wonders and your face smashed into the ground.

i believe they call this interrogating!

we were like fish and chips - salt and pepper - hipsters and condescension!

if we're gonna work together on this, you're gonna have to trust me.

nobody steals from me and gets away with it.

he's not gonna change.

i thought you said lying was a bad thing.

you're not from around here, are you?

you can't just smash two people together like barbies and think that that's gonna fix things.

pardon the intrusion, you village people rejects, but one of you has stolen something that belongs to me.

please identify yourself, so i can punish you accordingly.

i thought we were past you thinking you're invincible?

a few bad apples shouldn't paint us all in a bad light, now should it?

you like being considered a criminal, don't you?

he's hiding something. we need to force it out of him.

i've sat in a parked car and not had sex.

have i done something to offend you?

ooh, whip out the cuffs then.

why shy away from a little bondage fun?

despite all your weirdness, i actually really like working with you.

i have never lied to you. and i will never lie to you.

been a while since i had a good hunt.

you'd never lie to me, right?

stick within the limits of your intellectual capacity.

why do they blame me for all their little failings?!

don't call me that, please!

[xo-dailypier-blog]

[Post 2 of 3]

How about I take a break from all the #dramz to bring you all your BURNING QUESTIONS.

That’s right, all the question included were sent in by you guys. If you want to be included in my next Q&A post, send me una pregunta (sorry, I’m actually bi-lingual now) and you just might see it on here.

Let’s get started!

ANON said : “Jack and Bree were getting pretty friendly at the ABC party.”

Yeah and the #BreeHive were less than pleased. But can you really blame Bree? Jack is so hott(two t’s). Sucks about his skills in bed though, maybe he’s a good listener?

thanks for the q -- DP

ANON said : “who are some sneaky bitches that havent been mentioned that you think we should be keeping our eyes on aka im trying to avoid chlamydia.”

OMG, where do I begin?

1. AINSLEY

There’s no chlamydia here, but has no one stop to think about where it is that she came from? She drove in here on her fucking motorcycle (lesbian?) and has had an interesting fixation on the Circus Family™️. I did a little research to find out since the ALDRIDGE’S are FOOLS.*

Ok, so, here’s the skinny: Ainsley’s mother, Charlene, had an TANTRIC AFFAIR with one, Henry Aldridge. This went on for years until Ainsley was BIRTHED. So what does that make Ainsley? That’s right! If we didn’t have enough proof that this town is the second circle of HELL, we have another DEMON clown to add to the CLAN.

But that doesn’t explain her interest in the family, or the alleged dart board with her half siblings’ faces on it. Is she trying to get to know them, or destroy them?

I guess we will see!

2. LEON

This particular one DOES have chlamydia, but that’s the least of your worries. This fake ass Jax Teller has a history of VIOLENCE! Meaning that he KILLS for sport. He just moved here to carry out the DEVIOUS plans that the (alleged) secret society (which he is a part of) requested of him so I don’t have too much dirt AT THE MOMENT, but what I do know tells me that you all should STAY AWAY! Or else.

3. IVY

Does she have chlamydia? Probably not (keyword: Probably), BUT what I do know is that she’s had a few unconventional ways of getting to where she is. Like she totally has had multiple affairs with married men in hopes that they pay for her pet school or whatever. Some even say that she has ruined multiple marriages in her quest for financial gain.

So in short Ivy Affairchild is a home wrecker, so ladies and gents hide your partners cause she’s scams whomever she want!

Sidenote - When Adam was deployed, they totes were pen pals and their messages got SUPER EXPLICIT. She sent him COOCH SHOTS for his viewing pleasure and EVERYTHING. The GAG? Adam had been in a RELATIONSHIP at the time! Disgusting. Let’s hope she doesn’t procreate with Adam and brings us another fucking Aldridge.

4. MARLEY

She had chlamydia a few months ago but momma got that CLEARED UP. And as of right now? Marley Callahan is really shaping up to be That Bitch. All of the guys and girls were WRAPPED AROUND HER FINGER during the event from Noah, Devin, Jocelyn, Adam, Kessa (*throw up emoji*) and even our Beauty Queen Jack. She might not be a home wrecker like SOME people, but she can absolutely take your boo! You go Marley!

Sidenote: Oddly enough she hooked up with Ivy Affairchild during the event, maybe she can vaginally give her some Bad Bitch Energy.

great question anon! -DP

ANON said: “who are your top 5 favorite people?”

Five is pushing it. I’ll do top three.

(We’re going to exclude Alegenda and Daddy Sorrentino, for obvious reasons.)

JAMIE CARTER - Though he has sociopathic tendencies, such as stealing paintbrushes and acting like nothing is wrong, he really warms my heart. He might surround himself with egoists (not naming any names). But I think he is a sweetheart that should be protected at all costs. YES, I still ship him with ALEGENDA, someone has to remove the Aldridge last name from this queen. Alina Carter sounds SO much better anyways.

DEVIN TORRES - Again, he has the same sociopathic tendencies as Jamie. Let’s not forget the time he ASSAULTED his team mate in a DRUG INDUCED rage! But times have changed and DaddyDevinTorres is no longer on the #Roids. I think he is incredibly funny, super romantic, and extremely good looking (obvs). At the moment, I will refrain from discussing he and Alegenda and how he belongs in the Alegacy, even though that is what I believe.

IRIS KARAM - All of my hope for sane people in this town have gone out of the window. With the exception of her. Iris is such a shining example of how to act. Some would even go as far as saying that she is a stronger, more elusive, more powerful version of Fraudi. She’s beautiful, actually Australian, and most importantly she has great style (that didn’t come from a bogo sale). In fact, I loved her Summer Crush looks so much that I’m gifting her with an Unlimited Gift Card with money wired from Lancaster Tire & Auto for all of her shopping desires! Check your Email girl! I’ve already sent it! xo

Honorable Mention: BernBern<3, i don’t know much about him to put him on the list, but I just want to swallow his [redacted].

again, great question anon! -DP

Welp! That’s all of the questions I have to answer! Until next time, make sure you are sending in your BURNING QUESTIONS.

kisses, DP

[1921designs]

It will look like a sunset

I WAS TWENTY-SIX, having spent most of my twenties delaying adulthood, and he was twenty-four and enjoyed a reputation as a partier. The pregnancy was a surprise, and we married four months later.

As my belly stretched outward with the tightness of the baby, my limbs grew heavy. I napped constantly on a long hand-me-down couch, the summer heat giving me nightmares. I dreamt of a woman floating in the corner staring at me, and I woke with my heart racing. One afternoon a hummingbird flew through the open door of the apartment to the window in the corner and beat at the glass. It was panicked, trying to turn glass into sky. I wrapped my hands around it, the hummingbird heart pulsing against my palms, then released it on the stoop.

They say that a bird in the house is an omen. It can mean pregnancy. Or death. Or both.

Eight years later, the police came to our door. When the younger one asked about my foot, I said that it didn’t hurt. I told him it was no big deal, but when he asked for my driver’s license, I stood up and found that I couldn’t walk, that my foot was the size of a football, and it was bleeding. The bowl Caleb had shattered on it wasn’t a little bowl like I had described. It was a heavy ceramic serving bowl, and I would need to wear a soft boot for a month and get a tetanus shot, and there would always be a scar shot through the top of my foot like a red star.

In the beginning of our relationship, I slept in his cabin in the woods with no indoor plumbing. I had to pee, so I let myself out. The ground was snow-covered and cold and I didn’t feel like walking to the outhouse, so I went around to the side and squatted in the moonlight. The moon turned the snow into a million stars while my gentle lover slumbered in the warmth—such happiness.

We didn’t want a church wedding, but our families insisted. Faith was what made marriage sacred. Faith was what kept people together.

I had doubts about marrying him so soon. Sometimes he would disappear for a straight week and return apologetic, smelling of alcohol. His friends gave each other looks that said they knew something I did not. One friend said jokingly, “How on earth did Caleb get you to go out with him?” Coming from a friend, the question seemed odd, but I thought it was just the way they ribbed each other.

When I met him, he charmed me. My best friend said, “You’ll love Caleb. He lives in a cabin in the woods that he built by himself.” A former wilderness ranger, I was attracted to ruggedness and solitude. Caleb was a writer, and he was funny. One day he joked in bed about what our rapper names would be. I said mine would be “Awesome Possum.” He improvised a rap song titled “Get in My Pouch!” I couldn’t stop giggling. I had never met a man who could make me laugh like he could.

My love for him was real, and I didn’t want to be a single mother.

The young policeman told Caleb, “Go to your parents. Get away for a couple of days. Just let things calm down.”

The young policeman told me, “It’s all right. My wife and I fight. Things get crazy. Sometimes you just need time apart.” I nodded my head in agreement, but I wanted to ask, “Do you beat your wife, too?”

Before our son turned two, we moved to Caleb’s home state of West Virginia. He wanted to be closer to his family. There would be more opportunity for work there. His parents owned a rental house that they would sell to us. There were many compelling reasons for the move, but once there, he was the only friend I had. The loneliness was inescapable. This was common, I told myself. My parents had been married for over thirty years, and I don’t remember my father ever having a close friend. I told myself that he was enough for me.

When the older policeman saw the swelling, the black-and-blue, and the toes like little sausage links, his expression turned to dismay. “That’s bad. That looks broken,” he said. “Ma’am, does your husband have a phone number we can reach him at? We need him to come back.”

They waited outside, and I called Caleb. “I’m sorry,” I said. “They are going to arrest you.”

He said he already knew.

He left his phone on while they arrested him so I could listen. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Did she hit you?” one of the officers asked.

“Because we can arrest her, too.” Caleb answered honestly. He said no.

We were together for almost two years before he was violent with me. First he We were together for almost two years before he was violent with me. First he pushed me against a wall. It was two more years before he hit me, and another year after that before he hit me again. It happened so slowly, then so fast.

While the older policeman arrested Caleb, the younger one waited with me for the paramedics to arrive. “Is he going to lose his job?” I asked.

“No, probably not,” he said.

“Is he going to leave me?” I asked.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said.

I wanted him to hug me so I could hide my face in the folds of his black uniform. I crumpled into the rocking chair instead. “He’s going to leave me,” I said.

When our elderly neighbor developed dementia and one night thought a boy was hiding under her bed, Caleb stayed with her. When the child of an administrative assistant in Caleb’s department needed a heart transplant, Caleb went to the assistant’s house and helped him put down wood floors in his basement to create a playroom for the little boy. When my dad needed help installing new windows in the house, or mowing the lawn, or chopping wood, Caleb was always ready to help. I was so grateful to be married to someone so generous with his time, so loving.

The young policeman called for an ambulance. The EMTs looked at my foot. They didn’t ask about what happened. They just told me it looked bad, that it could be broken. They asked me if I wanted to go to the emergency room, but I declined, so they instructed me to see a doctor and made me sign a waiver saying they weren’t responsible if I didn’t get follow-up care. And then I was alone in our home.

Two years after we moved, I started graduate school and finally made some friends, but it was hard to spend time with them. I had to lie: I shut my arm in the door. I tripped on a rug and hit my face on the table. I don’t know where that bruise came from. I think I did it in my sleep. I think I’m anemic. I just bruise so easily.

Once Caleb said to me, “You probably wish that someone would figure out where those bruises are coming from. You probably wish someone knew, so that things could change.” He said it with such sadness.

After the arrest, I hobbled around in denial for a few days until a concerned

After the arrest, I hobbled around in denial for a few days until a concerned friend pushed me into getting the foot examined.

I was embarrassed at the urgent-care center. I told the nurse, “It’s okay. He’s already been arrested. I don’t need anything. I’m safe,” but he didn’t seem to believe me. The nurse put me in a wheelchair even though I insisted I could walk, and the doctor touched and turned my foot with such care that, out of some sort of misguided impulse, I almost blurted out, “Mom!” But I was thirty-four years old, and the distance between my mother and me was punctuated by so many mountains that she couldn’t have saved me.

Caleb wanted to change. He got therapy. He went to anger management. He did everything right. We were allies. Together we were going to fix this problem.

He started taking medication shortly after our sixth anniversary. Every time he was violent with me, he would go to a psychiatrist who increased his dosage. I thought the psychiatrist could fix him.

He wasn’t supposed to drink on the medication, but he did. One night he was in a stupor and staring at something. “What are you looking at?” I asked.

“Myself,” he said. “That’s me sitting in that chair.” He pointed at an empty chair across the room. “That me is laughing at me.” His eyes were confused, sad.

“Are you manipulating me?” I asked, worried.

“I’m not the one who manipulates you,” he said. He gestured toward the chair again, his voice quickening, earnest almost. “He’s the one who manipulates you.

It’s not me.”

I was so tired. I didn’t know what to say. “You should go to bed.”

His eyes turned from sadness to rage. He stood up and went to the stairs, then turned back to me and said, “I hope you get chlamydia and die.”

Shortly before I left him, I told a counselor that my husband was hitting me and showed her the bruises. She held me while I wept in her arms. I then told a close friend that he yelled at me and called me names, but I didn’t yet tell her he was beating me.

My counselor said, “You are taking everything he says and playing it on repeat over and over again. You have to stop the tape.” But I couldn’t stop the tape. I heard over and over:

You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt. You are a fucking cunt.

And then his voice became my voice:

I am a fucking cunt.

“You can’t hold the things I say when I’m mad against me,” he said. “That isn’t fair. Those aren’t the things I mean.”

At the urgent care, the doctor said, “This will take a long time to heal. It will change color over time. It will look like a sunset.” As I drove home, I heard the words over and over:

It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset. It will look like a sunset.

I could never bring myself to leave. Instead I was a regular at the Travelodge. I always returned home before morning, keeping the hotel key card just in case, then climbing into bed and wrapping my arms around Caleb’s back. All of the usual suspects drew me back—concerns about our six-year-old, money, where we would live, and love. I still loved him. I told myself he would get better.

In sickness and in health.Those were my vows in that little church in Idaho where we held hands while sunlight filtered through stained glass and spring lilacs bloomed outside. Caleb was sick.

He only hit me in the face once. A red bruise bloomed across my cheek, and my eye was split and oozing. Afterward we both sat on the bathroom floor, exhausted. “You made me hit you in the face,” he said mournfully. “Now everyone is going to know.”

A month or so before his arrest, I thought I was losing my hair from stress. In the shower, red strands swam in the water by my feet. Chunks were stuck to my fingers. It didn’t matter. I hadn’t felt pretty in years.

When I rubbed the shampoo into my scalp, the skin was tender, and I realized I wasn’t losing my hair. He had ripped it out, and I hadn’t even felt it.

I went into a cave when he hit me. I curled into my body like a slug, then traveled into a deep darkness where I felt nothing. I heard his voice, his fists, the blasts in my ears from the blows to the side of my head. I heard my own screaming.

Deep in that cave, it wasn’t real, even as it was happening.

What was real was when we lay in bed, our son between us—my head on my husband’s shoulder, his head resting on mine—and our son said, “The whole family is cuddled up.”

“I’m not the type of person to hit a woman,” he said. “So it must be you. You are the one who brings this out in me. I would not be like this if I was with a different woman.”

The same night that Caleb pulled out my hair, he punched me in the spine with such force that my body arched back as though it had been shocked with electricity. I was jolted out of my cave. He did it again. “No,” I screamed. I could not protect myself.

My only protection was the darkness—the dissociation. I hadn’t felt him ripping out hair, but when he hit me in the spine, the pain was too intense. That part of my body was too vulnerable. I couldn’t curl up. I couldn’t wrap my arms around it.

I was present for what was happening. I stopped breathing for a moment. He paused.

It was as though he, too, felt that I was present, and he stopped. I couldn’t have been human to him in those moments.

He never raped me, so there’s that.

I left him two days after he was arrested, but I wasn’t ready. I still wasn’t ready.

We were one of those couples that others liked to be around. We laughed a lot, respected each other, and supported each other’s work. We loved the same things: cooking Thai food, impromptu dance parties in the living room, Friday Night Lights marathons. We always found time for date nights. We vacationed in Greece, New York City, and Glacier National Park. We emailed each other silly videos during the day when we were at work. He phoned me from the car, five minutes after leaving the house, just to talk.

The day that I left him, I called Rebecca, a kind and accepting friend whom I knew would help. It wasn’t an easy call to make.

She lived with her partner, and they let my son and me stay with them for a month until we had our own place. She and I had only known each other for a little over a year. I told her about the beatings, how Caleb broke my phone when I tried to call for help, how he pulled me out from underneath the bed by my ankles, how I hid shaking in the closet while he raged, how he always found me, how there was no safe place for me.

When I saw the fear in her eyes, I understood the magnitude of what was happening.

happening.

Of everyone I had dated, he was the gentlest. I loved his soft hands, his embraces, his kind heart.

He wrote me love letters, rubbed my feet, took me out to lunch, got up first in the mornings with our son so that I could sleep in. He took care of me. He was more often kind to me than unkind.

Sometimes, when I’m cooking dinner by myself, I can feel the way he would lay his head on my shoulder while I stirred a pot, the way he would turn me around and kiss me, tell me how much he loved my cooking, how beautiful I was, how lucky he was.

On Thanksgiving Day, Caleb took our son to his family’s annual Thanksgiving dinner. While they ate turkey and dressing around the oak table I had eaten at so many times before, I returned to my home with Rebecca and threw as many things as I could fit into laundry baskets, then stuffed them into the back seat of my car. I packed my son’s Legos, enough blankets for us to sleep on the floor, and my work clothes, but I left behind anything sentimental. Our wedding photo was on a table, the glass broken. I had thrown it on the ground.

After packing, Rebecca and I ate at a Chinese buffet attached to a casino because it was the only place open in three counties. The future loomed before me like a buffet full of hungry, lonely people.

My favorite photo of Caleb and me is a self-portrait taken on a beach at Ecola State Park on the Oregon coast. We had hiked down a steep trail, stopping to lunch on smoked salmon and bagels, and ended up on a beach. The tide was low, and sand dollars dotted the shore. We scooped them up like prizes. We ran into the surf. We hugged. In the photo we are both smiling, our heads pressed together.

When I look at that photo now, I wonder, Where are those people? Where did they go?

Just to the right of us was a cave. I had wanted to go in it, but the tide was coming in, and I was afraid of getting trapped and drowning.

Six months after I left Caleb, I went home to Idaho for the summer. After that I was moving to another state. It was over. The counselor at the domestic violence shelter was proud of me. So many women never get out. I didn’t feel proud. I didn’t want to get out. I wanted to keep dancing with Caleb, keep sending funny didn’t want to get out. I wanted to keep dancing with Caleb, keep sending funny emails to each other, keep cuddling with our son between us.

There are days when I still wish that he would beg me to take him back, promise to change, actually change. This will never happen. Even if he never hit me again, my body will always remember that fist on my back.

In Idaho, the state where Caleb and I met, where we had our son, I drove the sun-baked streets. There was the apartment where Caleb sat next to me on the couch, nervously wiped his hand across his forehead, and said in a halting voice,

“Kelly, I want to marry you.”

There was the house where our baby slept in a basket by the bed. When he cried, I nursed him while Caleb draped his arm around my waist, nuzzling his head into my hair.

There was the riverside trail where we pushed the stroller and fantasized over which fancy house we would buy if we ever had any money, where our toddler threw sticks into the river, where Caleb scooped him up and held him upside down while we all giggled.

There was the river where, in winter, our dog slid out onto the ice and into the cold water. Caleb stretched out on the ice and reached his hands out to our dog while I watched, terrified. “I can’t lose you both,” I screamed.

I wondered if it would have happened if we had stayed in Idaho.

But then there was the house where he first pushed me up against a wall, where he backed me into the corner, where he threw our baby’s bouncer. The neighbor watched, worried, from her stoop while he put the broken pieces in the trash can on the curb and I cried in the window.

The same house where my mother took me into the backyard and said, “Listen to me. I have friends who have left their husbands. I have seen it on the other side. It is not better on the other side. Try hard. Try hard before you give up.” I tried so hard.

[chusset]

Kitchen Confessional

so @carolionel i know I’m like...working on a lot of different shit at once lol but this one has been in my head for quite a while so I thought I’d start it. Like I think I briefly mentioned the idea before that maybe while on an Alch mission, Jo gets snatched up by a few Alchs and, though she manages to escape some hours later, she is unwilling to talk about what happened, and just decides to try and move on. Well! That doesn’t work so well....

Anyway this is probably just one part of two or so so anyway!! I hope it is gewd

---------

Jolene nearly choked Klaus. Though she felt like she could choke anyone right about now.

"Here's zhe medicine....” Klaus said, looking miserable as he handed her a bottle of pills. "Just take these for two weeks and your chlamydia will clear right up. Leon, too, make sure he has zhese. There's plenty for you both...."

Jolene sighed and nodded. "Sure. Yeah, thanks, Klaus...Look, you can't...mention this to Leon, alright?"

Klaus didn't meet her gaze as he marked something on his clipboard, seated in an examination room of the hospital. "Well...patient confidentiality, I suppose...But...You really should talk to Leon...I know you two could work through this. He'd be hurt, but if you just tell him you made a mistake and cheated---"

"I didn't!" she snapped, going from quiet and still to looking murderously furious. "Don't you dare fucking suggest that I---"

"Woah, woah! Calm down!" Klaus, stumbling away from her with his hands up in defense. "Jolene! Calm down! Vhat's zhe matter....? H-How else did you catch the..." He paused, brow knitting as he looked to her. "...J-...Jo...did something happen...?"

She didn't answer. She snatched the bottle from him and stood. "You can't tell Eloise, either. Or anyone.Think you can manage that, shorty?"

Klaus swallowed but slowly nodded, seeing just how miserable she looked. "Yes...Yes, of course, I won't breathe a word..."

"Good..." Jolene took her jacket and left, silently going through the hall back to her own lab.Leon was in there, examining the ingredients on a side of a bottle. "Ahh, Jo, good, you're back..." he said, quiet in thought. "I've just been looking at this medicine for stomach bugs, and I thought we could replace the ingredients of--"

"That's great, honey, but I-I'm kind of tired..." Jolene said quietly to him, going to give his hand a squeeze. She looked tired, as well as her age. Her spell did good in keeping wrinkles, gray hair and weight gain at bay, but it did little good in disguising the exhaustion on her face. "You go ahead and tinker with it, hmm?”

Leon frowned, fixing the glasses on his nose. "Jo...are you alright? You're not catching something, are you?" he said, sliding off a red glove to gingerly feel her forehead. 

"I'm fine," she shrugged, setting down her bag. "I'll make dinner, okay? You go ahead and do whatever you wanted to do..."

"Let me help with dinner, hmm?" Leon said, sliding his arms around her. "Eloise brought over some vegetables she got from the market earlier, I can fix up stew..."

"It's okay, babe, I've got it," Jolene said, kissing his forehead and smiling softly and tiredly. "You just let me make you something good, okay?"

Leon nodded, not wanting to upset her. She already looked like she was on the verge of tears. She'd been so upset for weeks, quiet and looking like she'd cry at any time. She looked weak. She didn't look like the Jo he knew.

"Jo..." he said after a moment. "You've been very quiet since...well, since that Alch held you hostage. I know it must've been horrifying, and it's clearly affected you...You know I'm here to listen if you just want to talk or anything..."

Jolene stepped away, not looking at him as she turned to go in the kitchen. "I'm fine. They didn't hurt me. Just smacked me around a bit, I've taken worse. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

Leon watched after her and sighed, knowing better than to bug her. He went back to examining the medicine, thinking briefly of a few notes he and Jo had taken on it a few weeks back. He glanced around for his notebook, before remembering it was on her legal pad with the pink paper. He plucked her satchel from the floor, rifling through it a moment before finding the legal pad. He pulled it out, and paused at seeing a bottle of medicine just beneath it. Thinking it was an experiment of hers, he plucked it out, examined the label. He slowly paled, his brow knitting as he rose with a shaky hand still holding the bottle.

Jolene chopped vegetables in the kitchen, figuring even she couldn't mess up a simple soup. She suddenly felt a presence, and turned around to see Leon in the doorway leading to the kitchen, his expression unreadable. "Hey, I told you I could get dinner on my own...What's wrong?"

Leon took a moment before swallowing, and asking her quietly, "Who do you need medicine for chlamydia?"

Jolene stopped chopping carrots and wobbled briefly, anxiety pulsing through her. She swallowed and set the knife down, going to wash her hands before turning back to Leon. They made eye contact for a long moment before she sighed softly and looked away. "I...didn't want to tell you..."

"Clearly."

"I didn't think it was important..."

"You didn't think it was important!" Leon snapped, looking absolutely furious now rather than sad. "You're joking! Is this why you've been so moody? Guilt too much for you, or were you just trying to figure out how to tell me that you..."

"Leon, wait, just listen..." Jolene asked quietly, struggling not to cry. "I can explain..."

"Unless you weren’t ever planning on telling me!" he cried, throwing the bottle of pills down at her feet. "How could you? I thought--- Jo, I know we can argue, but we've always been so mad about each other--"

"A-And we still are!"

"They warned me, too!" he cried, eyes beginning to swim with furious and hurt tears. "I barely moved in when people around here started telling me to be wary of you! Oliver Franchott said you'd sleep with anything with two legs-- and of course I soon learned not to believe anything out of his idiot mouth, but it was others! Sympathetic looks when I told people I was with Doc Ainsworth, warnings of "Be careful", "don't get too invested"--- All I ever heard was stuff like that for weeks, and I always, always thought they were just idiots who didn't know a thing about you, wh-who just think you're mad as a hatter and that's it, who didn't know what I knew about you, that you were passionate and caring and loved me, and...." He seethed, rubbing tears from his eyes while Jo stayed quiet. "I should've listened to them, shouldn't I have? I bet it was Sebastian! I see how you look at that him, constantly! And the way he looks at you--I should have known! I should have figured!"

"You should have figured I was a slut who'd cheat on you with ease..." Jolene said quietly, glancing away from him.

Leon was too furious to say anything but. "Yes," he seethed, hand trembling from where he held on to the counter. "So who the hell was it, huh?" he asked with a humorless laugh. 

Jolene stayed quietstill before looking up at him, her expression broken and hurt. Her expression immediately stilled him back into silence. He hadn’t ever seen her look that way. "....Those Alchs raped me," she told him plainlysoftly, blinking back tears. "They tied me up, beat me...and then raped me. Repeatedly. And I guess one of the five Alchemists who hit me and pulled my hair and touched me everywhere had....the clap. I should have gotten tested sooner, but...Well, shit, Leon, that wasn’t exactly the top item on my mind," she said, sounding bitingly bitter.

Leon listened to her and processed this before sighing shakily, all fury draining from his face and being replaced by a look of weak horror. "Jo....” he began brokenly. “Jo, I-I didn't...I didn't know. I am so sorry, I---"

"Because crazy Doc Ainsey is just a slut!" she screamed, rage splitting from her now. "Because Doc Ainsey can save everyone in this God-forsaken While and still not be worth shit. She neeeever wanted any love or affection, just another dick in her to fill that empty void! She'd throw the most perfect relationship she's ever had away just for another quick bang! Run right back to her ex as soon as one dick between her legs ain't good enough! Because Doc Ainsey's trash, she's nothing---"

"Jo, Jo, no, that's not what I--- I'm sorry, I am so sorry, I-I was just angry and--"

"I know you were fucking angry!" she yelled, fists clenched as miserable tears slid down her cheeks. "I could see that as you told me how everyone around here apparently thinks I'm some slutty pariah that'll ruin your life. And apparently you should have believed them. Well, you believe whatever you want to hear, Leon!”

“Jolene..." Leon said quietly, stepping closer to try and hold her hands. "Please, Please, I'm s--"

"Don't fucking touch me, Leon!" she cried, shoving his hands away. Her breathing was ragged and tight, and she trembled as she held her arm out to keep him at bay. "Don't0--don’t touch me. I want you out."

Leon's expression broke. "Jo, wait--"

"No! Now! I want you out right fucking now!" she screamed, and she looked so furious that he quickly stepped back, knowing when she was on the verge of losing it. "I don't want you back here! This is my house and my lab and my world! You come into my clinic, into my house, into my bed and you have the fucking gall to speak to me like I---" She seethed and shook her head, furiously fighting the urge to snap as an eerie calm washed over her. "I never want to see you again. Go back to 2-Fort for all I care."

Leon held his hands up defensively but sighed shakily. "Jo... Come on, please, let's just talk, I'm sorry--"

"I told you, get out, get out right fucking now before I haul your ass out myself. Make a spectacle out of you. Then we can match!”

Leon swallowed hard but knew he wouldn't be able to get a word in. He hadn't ever seen her so hurt and furious, and he felt horrible for getting so upset that he pushed her to that point. "O-Okay, Jo..." he told her quietly, and quickly started for the portal door. Jo watched after him, breathing jagged as she tried to calm down. As soon as she heard the portal door close, she sank to the floor and cried, hugging her knees to her chest and feeling like she'd break.

--------

Eloise hummed contently, fixing up dinner while her six-month-old son sat on a blanket on the floor, playing with his stuffed animals and rattles. There was a knock on the portal door, and baby Leon looked up at the sound. He quirked his head and cooed, kicking his chubby legs with delight. 

"Yes, that means company's coming over..." Eloise told her with a smile, giving his head of dark hair a gentle pat as she went to get the door. She smiled at seeing her son's namesake, but frowned when she saw just how distressed he looked. "Leon? Dear, what's the matter?" she asked, and her son shrieked happily at seeing grandpa.

Leon sniffed and rubbed at his aching temples. "....Do you mind if I stay here a night or two?" he asked her quietly.

Eloise's brow knit and she nodded. "Of course, of course...Why don't I make you a cup of tea and we can talk?"

Leon swallowed and nodded, knowing that if anyone would know what to do, it would be Eloise. "That...That would be wonderful...Danke..."

Eloise put dinner to simmer and got her and Leon cups of tea. Little Leon sucked on his binky, sitting happily in his mother's lap while he played with his stuffed tiger that Lionel made him. Eloise cuddled him close and listened to Leon as he told her about finding her pills, getting into an argument, and Jo finally confessing what happened. 

"I didn't...mean to get so angry like that," he sighed softly, briefly drying his eyes as a few tears welled in them. "I-I know I should have calmed down and asked her about it before I...." He looked up to Eloise. "I don't think she'll be able to get past this...She's already been so hurt and changed....Sh-She needed me and I...I didn’t know..."

"Leon," Eloise said gently, and her baby made a small cooing sound and looked up at her at hearing his name. She chuckled softly and gave him a kiss on the head. "Not you, silly....Leon, I'd slap a man across the face if he insinuated I had cheated. Especially with an ex that was now a good friend...And I would be angry at him for a very long time."

"That's reassuring..."

"But that's me," Eloise said, reaching to give his hand a gentle pat. "You and Jolene are both...very ill tempered and compulsive. You both are quick to get angry, and you know this about each other. And when two hot-headed, compulsive people get together, these sorts of things happen. Mean things are said, regrets are made, people get kicked out of the house for a night or two...I don't think you've ever had to deal with something like realizing that the love of your life might be cheating on you. And she's never had to deal with realizing that the love of her life would believe this..." 

"I don't believe it..." he sighed shakily. "I know she loves me, b-but when that sort of thing is just staring right at you..."

"No matter how much you love someone, seeds of doubt can be planted easily. I know I would instantly jump to that conclusion if I found chlamydia medication in Klaus' bag. No matter how much I love him, and no matter now much I know he loves me, it's just a textbook case for a possible affair," Eloise told him. She sighed softly. "I've felt something was wrong with Jolene...I usually don't like to invade my friends' emotions, but she has been so...weak and sad and tired and lonely..." She blinked back tears and shook her head, always feeling her friends' emotions on a hard level. "...I think she's just needed a lot of tender, loving care, but hasn't been letting herself express that or accept it..."

Leon sighed shakily. "I've seen, she's been so distant and quiet...I've tried comforting here, but she won't let me..."

"Maybe make her feel like you want to help. I feel like she's nervous that you feel like you need to comfort her, as her lover...If she didn't even feel she could confide in you about being raped...Do you two ever really talk about how you feel?"

He thought a moment and sighed. "No...We'll tell each other when the other does something that bothers us, but...that's usually the extent of it...We're honestly not very open emotionally..." he admitted. 

"You two love each other a lot," Eloise said with a warm smile. "And this...this will pass. Give her a bit of space for now, but you are what she is most passionate about in this world. She'll forgive you. And once she does, you can both see to it that her heart starts healing," she said, giving a gentle kiss on her son's forehead when he squirmed. "You got a wet diaper? Come on, Mama will change you..."

"I can get him, you go ahead and finish cooking..." Leon said, gently scooping up the baby, who smiled and kicked his legs. He snuggled little Leon close, talking quietly to him as he went for the nursery. "Grandpa will have a sleepover with you tonight. I'll eat dinner with you, and maybe your mother will even let you stay up til 7:30~"

The baby just grinned up at him, not understanding what he was saying, but just happy to be cuddled and loved. "You're just like your mother..." Leon chuckled softly, laying the baby down to change his diaper. Little Leon whined at his legs being bare, but was soon contently sucking on his pacifier again in a fresh diaper, reaching up for Leon to take him again. "You're happy now, hmm..." the doctor smiled fondly, picking the baby back up and bouncing him. He sighed softly and gave little Leon a hug, feeling like he just needed some comfort now. The baby sucked his pacifier happily and nestled into Leon's arms, always very calm when he got snuggled.  Leon just held the baby for a while before he heard Klaus come home downstairs, and he sighed and started down with the baby. Little Leon grinned so wide when he saw Klaus that the binky fell out of his mouth. He made a noise of excitement and held out his arms, and Klaus smiled and eagerly went to scoop his son up.

"Hi, buddy!" he exclaimed, hugging his son close and kissing him all over, making the baby squirm and giggle. Once he'd properly given his son plenty of love, Klaus looked up to Leon, his expression softening. "...Did you talk to Jo?"

"Yes...how do you know?"

"She came to me for medicine earlier...I know I shouldn’t say anything, but...What happened?"

"Let's talk on it later, sweetie..." Eloise said quietly, coming to kiss her husband's cheek. "I made beef stew and pasta salad. And I picked your favorite up from the store."

"Dutch apple pie?" Klaus asked with a spark in his eye, looking like an excited little boy being told he could have candy.

"The very same," Eloise giggled at his expression, giving him a loving Eskimo kiss. "Oooh, I missed you today

Leon sighed deeply and a bit sadly, wondering what it took for them to be so deeply in love without complication. Of course he loved Jolene madly, and he honestly wasn't interested in a relationship that entailed gooey pet names and affectionate cooing around every corner, but surely Klaus and Eloise had some other secret that kept them so happy?

"Mmm, well..." Eloise thought when Leon brought the topic up at dinner. "I suppose it's a lot of things...For one, everything with 2-Fort just made me realize that my darling may very well be with me one moment and gone the next..."

"And I feel the same about her past with fighting Alchemists," Klaus said, taking her hand to gently kiss her knuckles. "From the very beginning, we've always known good and well that our time may be short..."

"And he just made me so happy...' Eloise smiled warmly. "I used to be embarrassed about how deeply I adored every inch of him, but now I couldn't imagine keeping quiet about that. I do, I love every bit of him, and he deserves to know that all the time."

Klaus blushed at this and chuckled shyly. "And she never lets me forget that I'm loved...Sometimes we'll get in an argument, but I think after a while, we both just get tired of being upset with each other, and we work it out easily..."

Eloise warmly kissed his cheek. "I think we both just...want to be madly in love, and life is hard enough as it is without arguing or getting upset with each other..." She looked to Leon. "Maybe you and Jo just need to have a plan, like...when you start to argue, take a moment and think, 'is this really something I want to be upset about, or something I want to upset them about'?"

"I know the both of you usually like to be right, so it may be a process..." Klaus chuckled softly.

"That's true, but I think the both of you definitely deserve that. And when you get in the habit of NOT arguing, soon enough your default will always be...happy," Eloise said with a shrug and a smile.

Leon sighed softly. "...The thing about arguing is good...I just...I get nervous that we'll wind up some boring old married couple..."

"Oh, so, like Klaus and I."

"You know what I mean," Leon chuckled softly to Eloise. "We used to run around and get Alchs to dissect and we'd discard their bodies at Franchott's jail....We'd be so into each other after that that we left cleaning up the lab til the next day...And we used to make love in any place we could find that was empty..."

Eloise and Klaus quickly shared a nervous glance at this.

“Well...” Klaus continued. “Remind her of that time. Of course, I highly doubt she’s been very eager to have sex, but it’s the sentimentality for you two...”

Leon sighed through his nose and nodded. “I think I’ll go back after dinner...see if she’ll want to talk...”

“I think that’s a lovely idea...” Eloise nodded encouragingly.

“Can I bring Little Leon along? I don’t think she’ll try attacking me if I have the baby....”

Little Leon grinned unsuspectingly to the doctor, his face covered in pasta sauce as he ate. 

-----

Lionel was the one who answered Jolene’s portal door. Upon seeing Leon, he squeaked and fumbled to slam the door.

“Hey!” Leon grunted, sticking his foot firmly in to keep the door from closing. “Lionel!”

“J-J-Jolene says t-to tell you t-to f-f-fuck off!” Lionel cried, leaning his entire weight against the door that Leon could easily slam open. 

“Lionel, just listen---!” “She! Said! F-F-Fuck! O-Off!”

Leon gave the door a firm push so he could at least look at Lionel. “Listen to me!! I just want to talk with her!” 

Lionel stopped leaning on the door, tears sliding down his cheeks. He looked up to Leon with a trembling lower lip. “W-We both know that I can’t st-top you...but please...D-Do you really th-think she’ll ap-preciate another man f-f-forcing his w-way in where she d-doesn’t want him to?”

Leon was about to argue that this wasn’t similar at all before sighing softly with a nod. “...I don’t want to push things any farther with her.”

Lionel blinked in surprise before swiftly nodding. “That’s...very g-good of you. Th-thank you.”

“When can I see her, though?”

Lionel sighed and looked away. “She says she’ll be happy if you never speak to her again. But it’s p-probably just her e-emotions talking...I-I’ll call you when she seems alright...”

Leon swallowed, but nodded and accepted this. “Will you...tell her that I love her?”

Lionel considered this a moment. “Um...she’ll probably hit me for opening the door to you if she knew...”

“Right, right...” Leon sighed and nodded again. “I...I’ll wait for your call.”

Lionel nodded, about to step back inside before shooting forward to embrace the much taller man. “She’s so miserable without you,” he croaked before Leon could react. “She loves you, Leon...I know she’s exhausting and makes you want to pull your hair out, or maybe scream sometimes, but she loves you.....”

Leon let Lionel hug him, just glad that the young man couldn’t see the tears welling up in his own eyes. “...I love her, too. And I’m...I’m going to make things right with us again. I swear it.”

[mygaybraindump]

The Ankle Monitor

Filed Under: Regrets

This took place recently, a week or so after an incredibly traumatic exam, and I had just returned from a brief vacation, where I visited my family in the Midwest, where the pickings are simultaneously slim, yet nowhere near it.

I wanted a blow-and-go, and within a few minutes of typing "2 wk load" into my profile description, I had close to 80 profile views but only messages from creeps. One not-so-creepy guy wrote that he'd swallow me, and after I sent him a dick pic, he was willing to follow through. When it came to the meeting details, I didn't want to host, as my apartment was a mess (for reasons I won't get into), so I had hoped I could go to him instead. But he could only travel and I hadn't hooked up in a while, so I figured 'fuck it', let him see the mess, and gave him my address.

He got a bit lost on the way but managed to find the place alright. I went downstairs to let him in, and noticed that he was carrying a large backpack, like he was ready to go hiking. We went back upstairs to my apartment, where we got to business.

I sat down on my chair, took my shorts off, and he took me from zero to 100. I would have to rate the blowjob itself a 6 out of 10. It had its high points, but for all that he advertised in our conversation, it was a letdown. In between the good parts, he attempted to deep throat me, which felt like I was ramming my dick head first into a flesh wall, and at times I could feel his teeth. He also said that he gave great handjobs, but he is the second guy to stroke my dick like he wanted to start a campfire. It was very unpleasant and left my dick red and sore. At the end of it, I jerked myself off in his mouth, and he swallowed every drop. He stroked himself all the while and came when I did all over the wood tiling.

After I cleaned up our messes, he asked to shower, which I felt was reasonable. As he stripped down (he’d kept his pants mostly on throughout), he loudly proclaimed that he was "on probation". This was an entirely unprovoked admission, so I asked him "for what?" This would prove to be a source of instant regret. He pulled off his pants to reveal an ankle bracelet, which is supposedly actively tracking him, and explained that he and this woman had had some sort of verbal altercation regarding some form of road rage/car accident, and in the heat of their exchange, he turned around and mooned her. He got slapped with a sexual offense charge. He went on to add that he'd had some sort of argument with his mother recently, which resulted in the cops being involved and then pressing charges against him. As a result of losing his car and somehow his home, he was now homeless, hence the massive backpack.

Yes, I had just been sucked off by a (temporarily) homeless man who was nothing short of crazy. He took his shower (and he left my shower kind of messy, which is low-key rude), and instead of just dressing up and leaving, he kept talking. Like...gtfo mothafucka. Nope, he kept going on about how he became homeless, and where he goes to peddle money, and how this one guy might offer him a restaurant job, etc. He also randomly had close to $5k in his bank account from his car insurance, which I thought would have been his way to find a sublet or something to house him but I did not ask out of fear it would prolong the conversation.

After what felt like an endlessly awkward thirty minutes, he went about his way, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

...until I felt the slightest soreness from my penis when I went to pee the next day. Initially, I attributed the soreness down under to his aggressive handiwork and thought that it would take a day to heal, but as the week dragged on, it transformed into a low burn (almost an itchiness but in your urethra) when I urinated. It reminded me of the time I got chlamydia from a guy who also gave me oral...and I thought, oh fuck, here we go again.

I managed to snag a last-minute doctor's appointment, and after talking to him, he agreed with my clinical impression that this might indeed by chlamydia, and that my penis is somehow unusually susceptible to contracting chlamydia via oral sex. (For most, chlamydia is difficult to transmit via oral sex, but my dick likes to be unique, I guess.) Anyway, he prescribed me antibiotics, I peed in a cup, and I went on my not-so-merry way home.

Update 2021/05/30 - I asked this guy if he got tested or if he got his results back. He said no and immediately followed up by with “my dick don’t burn”. While that’s fine and dandy, I barely touched his dick (only with my hand at that, and you don’t get chlamydia by handjob). I said that mine did, to which he asked if I had a UTI, which in men is rare. He then said “fuck off, leave me alone” and then blocked me. *Sigh*