#i hold them too precious i don't have the heart to make it tragic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

linkspooky · 8 hours ago

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Helloooo I finished the first part of your jjk fic!!

I FLIPPING LOVED IT FUCK I MUST READ THE OTHER PARTS DAYUM I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭)

I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

I just know you love your oc for the way you wrote him, links. You crafted his character with a lot of care, and there's nothing more beautiful to me, as a reader, than an author pouring all their love and passion to their characters and story (Wether it's fanfic or not this level of care on your writing speaks volumes about you as a writer! Keep writing. There are people who appreciate it a lot :D)

All the metaphors meticulously placed to subtly hint you what you wanted to portray for each character and also as a way for foreshadowing. I just love that level of care in media. It makes you want to reread it again and make sure you didn't let any detail slip on you first read.

From chap. 5 what I liked the most, aside from the convo between Gojo and Utahime, which showed Gojo's more sensitive side with that touch of sarcasm so you don't take him as seriously because hey, he's still Gojo The Strongest!

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you:

Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey."

Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Toji showed him that. Work is work. It doesn't matter whether you have strength and honest reasons to save people. You could still die at the hands of the same ones you risk your life to protect, and the world would still spin.

That broke Geto and eventually caused his breakup with Gojo because Geto realised that he was weak. That he did care. He never forgot Riko like Gojo. He felt guilty for letting his feelings overwhelm him and ruin his relationship with Gojo. He started to understand that compassion and empathy were a weakness. Those feelings were the reason he got so careless. It was his fault that Riko died:

Geto is a very tragic character. He can't help but feel everything. Feel for everyone. If he notices, he'll make time to listen to you and ease your pain as much as possible even if that means sacrificing himself for you... and Michi noticed that because they were similar. Michi found Geto as precious as Geto found Riko as such:

This part of chap.5 made me wonder if Michi could have caught feelings for Geto (maybe one-sided). Since their first interactions, I always thought they could have had something if the circumstances were different and, well... if Gojo wasn't there intervening lol.

(Maybe it's just me that I want them to be together. I know well that Geto and Gojo were made for eachother :)

Michi, despite his jealousy towards Gojo, he cared for both in his own way. I feel like what Michi was trying to with this whole plan (what a plot wist btw I gasped when I read it) aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Geto is too precious to be corrupted by any of them, so Michi couldn't bring himself to "steal" Geto from Gojo and "enlighten" him with the harsh reality of being in the Jujutsu world.

If someone had to change, it was Geto himself by his own will and... so he did on chap.7 when he was once again reminded of how little their lives meant if they weren't as strong as Gojo.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo.

I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Forgetting the dead ones is a necessity. A self-defense mechanism to keep them attached to their jobs more efficiently.

Sorcerers were meant to sacrifice their humanity to safe people, and once they die, they're ready to be forgotten and replaced by other sorcerers. It was a cycle.

Their lives are cheap, just like the lives of the prostitutes Michi was so defensive with.

How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

(I fear that was peak literature, links🫡)

Geto didn't kill Michi because he knew that Gojo could have killed both of them if he wanted... and he wouldn't have cared after doing so because he was programmed like that. He programmed himself like that to function in such a world.

At that moment, Gojo embodied the Jujutsu world's philosophy, and Geto knew that. Geto realised, once again, that he was weak compared to him. He was just one of those prostitutes, like Michi. Geto was, unlike Gojo, too weak to kill Michi.

Another detail that could be coincidence:

"Why does the story begin with the prostitute dying?"

That's funny (not really). At the beginning of jjk, the original story, first season, Geto, had already died by that time we just didn't know yet...

Thank you for this amazing first part of your fic links. I'll soon read the rest parts too. Idk if I'll be able to keep doing this asks all the time due to college, but I may send you an ask gushing about your writing from time to time! :p

Again ty for answering me and sorry again for bombarding you with this kind of yap sessions lmao

I hope you're doing well!💞

(Michi's official design just for you. He 's 29 in this not 18, he grew up from a Twink into a Mommy).

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭) I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

Michi is baiscally immortal. In the sense that his entire story revolves around the fact that prostitutes are treated like they're completely expendable by both our society, and also most of fiction. Michi the son of a prostitute and another victim of sexual abuse stubbornly refuses to die, because in this version his little life in worth something.

I'm glad you liked him. Michi is basically someone I created to characterize Gojo, by one being a narrator observing Gojo from the outside, but two being an unreliable narrator to illustrate that there's really no understanding Gojo the best you get as a reader is Michi's interpretation of Gojo which is heavily biased and flawed because of Michi's own projections and jealousies towards him.

However, Michi just kind of became a character of his own and left the role of Narrator. That's why I don't describe what Michi looks like at all until his conversation with Geto where he sees his reflection, like oh yeah, he's a person with a face. He has an identity of his own he's not just a pair of eyes watching Gojo. Michi himself is just a tertiary character in Geto and Gojo's narrative because he's observing from the outside but he's still his own person with his own story to tell.

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you: Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey." Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Michi is the midpoint between Geto and Gojo, deeply empathic like Geto and yet unable to relate to his fellow human beings like Gojo even if for completely opposite reasons. However, I do think Michi has given up on the idea that Gojo will ever understand him in spite of the fact that he still feels a lot towards Gojo.

However, Michi still desperately wants to be understood, which is why in spite of acting like a mastermind who wants to entrap both Gojo and Geto in his scheme he goes out of his way to try to explain himself to Geto and try to get Geto to see the world the way he does because Geto is the only person, perhaps in his entire life, that has given any kind of inkling that he might care.

Michi wants to be cared about, but he feels like when his mother died, there was no one else in the world obligated to care for him or take care of him. Geto is just someone who genuinely cares, Michi didn't think people like him still existed in this world.

On the other hand I think the reason Michi immediately connected to Geto, is because Geto actually wears his human weakness on his sleeve. Geto's inability to show human weakness is what destroys his friendship with Gojo, especially since Gojo doesn't want to see that weakness in his best friend who is the only person he sees as an equal. On the other hand Michi is attracted to Geto because of his unwavering humanity.

Geto really is too sensitive to survive in this world, and Michi knows that, while Gojo is oblivious to that, but that knowledge just kind of makes Michi find Geto as someone precious. Geto is someone who's actually not all that mentally strong, he's vulernable and weak, and gets hurt because he cares too much and he can't actually just suck it all up and handle the strain of being a sorcerer but those things make him human in michi's eyes. He doesn't want Geto to suck it up and be stronger, he doesn't want Geto to become someone unfeeling and untouchable, to lose his sensitivty and empathy even if both things end up driving him mad. And after the fact, Michi decides to do the opposite of Gojo, and stay by his side and walk the same path as him.

I think simply because Michi wants to protect him. He doesn't want the world to kill this caring person the same way that it killed his mother, even though Geto has completely lost his way.

Uh so word of god. Michi is in love with Geto. It's not what you'd consider traditional romantic love, because Michi doesn't really feel romantic love. If I had to compare it to anything it would be Itsuki fell for Sensui.

Loving Geto for being pure as the driven snow and continuing to love him after he fell into despair and became defiled.

I don't think Michi would ever sleep with Geto though even though he sleeps around with men a lot. Not because I'm like Oc X Canon is bad, but because he thinks Geto belongs to Gojo.

aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Michi's plans definitely shifted halfway through when he connected to Geto so quickly. I think it's like you said, Michi believed he had to show Geto the cruelty of the world. It's that logic that parents sometimes say, "I have to be cruel to you to teach you, because the world won't be easy on you." Also, like Itsuki above I think Michi detected those dark impulses in Geto brewing just under the surface, and wanted to drag them up. Because one, he saw a common spirit in Geto, and two I think he knew Geto was repressing himself so hard he was basically killing himself to function as a cog in society.

I think Michi just wanted Geto to leave cursed society though, he never could have predicted Geto would go on to be a mass murderer, and never would have wanted that to happen. Even if he still stuck by his side after the fact.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo. I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Michi's decision to ask Geto to do it instead of Gojo is simultaneously a calculation (he knew Gojo was going to kill him without hesitation but he was counting on the fact Geto would hesitate) and also a small act of mercy. Even though Gojo would kill him and forget about him soon afterwards, he doesn't think Gojo should be forced to kill his own family member because of how inhuman that act is.

Gojo shouldn't have to get his hands dirty and give away just another piece of his humanity for Jujutsu Society yet again, is Michi's logic.

Those women were doing their job, just like Gojo, Geto, and Michi, but they could die in the hands of anyone any day and then... the blame would fall on them for being "weak, because "they were looking for it when they got in the industry. " Lastly, they'd be forgotten and replaced with other prostitutes. How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

I'm glad you got the metaphor that basically the whole fic was built around. If you like this, it's an idea I explore further with Mei Mei's character in my most recent fic. Basically, Mei Mei like Michi has the same point of view. That Sorcerers are basically prostitutes who sell their body and enter a dangerous line of work where their lives mean nothing for money.

That every sorcerer is an expendable target, and when they die it's their own fault. That the system makes them put themselves in danger, and then blames them for becoming Jujutsu Sorcerers in the first place because they should have known the risk, nevermind how rigged society is against them. How the elders and people in charge do absolutely nothing to protect them.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the fics and I try just as hard to explore similiar themes in my later fics. I basically like to build each fic around a central idea, like "Don't you hate how prostitutes always die in the beginning of mystery novels?" So I hope since you're such a good reader you'll enjoy the themes of my later fics.

#askspookies #nobody dies au #geto suguru #gojo satoru #satosugu

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themattress · 7 days ago

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Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Continued from my last post.

- As I noted last time, as tragic as Jeralt's death is, it's the fall-out of it that I find more interesting and memorable. First off, the entries in his diary are truly haunting ("there's no heartbeat...no heartbeat!"), increasing the mystery and suspense around what Rhea has planned for Byleth given that she appears to have had those plans since their very birth.

- The reactions each of the route's Lords have to Byleth mourning Jeralt's death are very revealing of their character. Edelgard refuses to give Byleth any comfort, partly because it would be facetious of her to do so given that she holds a degree of culpability in Jeralt's death but primarily because she cannot stand for wallowing in the past, saying that "the future is fast approaching" and doesn't wait for one to get over their grief. Dimitri is exceedingly empathetic and comforting toward Byleth, admitting that it's because he knows full well how they must be feeling since he felt it too at Duscur and stating that wallowing in the past can be useful for deciding what you want to spend your future on...even if it's on something dark like revenge. And Claude, while giving a token showing of sympathy for Byleth, puts all emotion aside and is laser-focused on the diary Jeralt left behind and how it can provide clues for what the Church is hiding, what's special about Byleth, and what the enemy's aim is.

- While all routes feature the scene between the Flame Emperor, Thales and Kronya, only in the Blue Lions route are you on hand as Byleth to witness it in person, alongside Dimitri. Unfortunately, the English dub kind of screws this moment up. The Flame Emperor says that the Agarthans will have no salvation in the end given their crimes in Embarr and Duscur, to which Thales says those crimes were needed for the Flame Emperor to acquire the strength they need. Given the blatant disagreement between the two in this exchange, Dimitri reacting as though the Flame Emperor was responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur doesn't make much sense. But in the Japanese version, the statements were more ambiguous. The Flame Emperor merely asks "will there ever be a salvation?" after mentioning the Agarthans' crimes, to which Thales replies "Wasn't it all just for your own gain?"...an abusive gaslighting tactic in proper context, but without context sounding like the Flame Emperor has direct responsibility in what happened and is only placing themselves above it like a mob boss would a hit that they ordered. So in the Japanese version, Dimitri's reaction to what gets said is more logical.

- This exchange always gets me:

Sothis and her bond with Byleth are so precious and pure.

- Both this chapter and the next have a sorrowful music track playing during the Explore section that perfectly reflect the sense of loss Byleth is feeling. It's a perfect mood setter.

- I'm disappointed in Kronya. She has a nifty design and an enjoyably sassy and sadistic personality reminiscent of Larxene from the Kingdom Hearts series, and yet not only could she not have killed Jeralt without Thales' interference but here she sets a trap that everyone knows going in is a trap so it's easily defused, she is ridiculously easy to defeat which leads to her running away like a coward, and then she gets unceremoniously killed off by Solon ripping her heart out and using its darkness in a ritual to send Byleth to the Shadow Realm. And yes, I'm aware it's actually called Zahras, but seriously, listen to Solon describe it:

It's the fucking Shadow Realm!

With that said, we don't actually see it. Not until Three Hopes, anyway.

- Ummmmmm.....

I have a problem with this, but I'll get back to it next time.

- I'm sorry, but I can't take the big Byleth-Sothis fusion seriously anymore. I can only think of:

youtube

- Once again, we have a scene with Rhea that I'm torn between finding exceedingly creepy and exceedingly sad: her cradling a half-conscious Byleth and talking to them as if they were her mother, saying she doesn't wish to let go and promising to watch over them forever. Ultimately, though, my disgust at what her intentions are for Byleth wins out. Lady, you sick.

#Fire Emblem #Three Houses #Opinion #Analysis #Comparison #This has been a PSA

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punkforkos · 19 days ago

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For the ask meme: ☕ and🏆for Dante <3

☕️ - what are your character's go-to comforts, and why?

🏆- important/sentimental possessions

My heart is already breaking thinking about these AFSGH so let's go!!! <33 (Thank you for the emojis!!)

☕️ GO-TO COMFORTS ☕️

Dante's got two very different styles of go-to comfort-- the quiet, introspective & private kind and the loud, distracting kind.

Frequently, they try to get lost in the company of others, booze, drugs, sex... at parties, clubs, and bars. They're used to these environments and behaviors, which helps them kinda distance themself from whatever might be bothering them. A nice margarita, a pretty face to dance with (who won't ask them too many questions), and good music make for a rather nice evening, in their opinion. But this usually just distracts from the problems, rather than actually working anything out.

They get genuine comfort from seeking out close companions at quiet hours to talk a bit more honestly and let down their mask. Drinks would still be nice for moments like this. (I would say this is by far the most comfortable scenario for them. Not having to perform but not being alone)

They also enjoy looking out over the sea, walking along empty beaches and hearing the waves, or sitting in a darkened space and playing the guitar and singing for their audience of one. Or even just taking a nice bath alone to sit with their thoughts.

Hobbies that soothe them: Singing, dancing, playing guitar, cooking, drawing/painting (mostly abstract stuff to help them work out their feelings!)

Sleeping is also a comfort for them!

🏆 IMPORTANT/SENTIMENTAL POSSESSIONS 🏆

It's really sad but Dante doesn't actually get to hold onto many things for long. So their precious items tend to be few and far between!

Their guitar: This is their one truly precious possession that they've managed to hold onto for a while. And they cling to it desperately as both a comfort item and the last tangible item that they shared with their daughter. They used to play songs and sing for her because she loved to dance,, and now all they have are the memories of that. They play a song for her every year on her birthday, for every year they are apart.

Their submarine: In a way, this has also become an extremely important/sentimental possession of theirs... Dante spent a fair bit of time building up a life and a reputation on that sub, and it's the closest thing that they've got to a home. (Or used to be... they ended up losing it when they were arrested and sent to prison). Anyways,, that sub gave them power, too... which gave them security.

When it comes to clothing, gear, and other such things-- Dante is quick to try and keep their hold on it! They love fashion, they love owning things, but everything isn't as precious as you'd expect. They actually stole or won a lot of their possessions from other people, so it was never precious to begin with. But now that they have these things, they don't want to lose them.

However, when they receive things from others, as in... being given them... that holds much more weight to them. During the campaign, a party member made a friendship bracelet and a drawing of them and they've just held onto em... despite the fact that this party member now hates their guts!!!! it's complicated

Dante is genuinely one of my most tragic characters. They're so awful, a truly terrible person, but they're that way because of a series of misfortunes and heartbreaks and lacking any kind of stability at all. kind of doomed from the start but made worse by their own actions ^^;; they hurt my heart to think abt wahghhh

#i haven't shown any art of their daughter here until now!!#her name is maricela but dante calls her dove #she was their entire world and she got snatched away!!#kara rambles #ask game #the askerrr #dante meta

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depraved-gf · 10 months ago

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I know you aren't a therapist, but an analyst. Still, you "oddly" feel like a safe space; and I just don't know what to do with this. I lost my best friend a few months ago. My dog, Morgan. He meant everything to me and went where I went. Rarely left my side. I was careless one day, and he crossed a dangerous street. I turned a corner close to my house and saw him on the other side of the avenue. I didn't think, I instinctively called his name, he looked up; saw me, and ran towards me. A car ran him over, and I saw everything happen. I ran over, but the damage was too great. I heard him choke and felt his last little heartbeat in my own hands, life took him away from me. And it was my own fault. I had never loved anything as much as I loved him, and pictured us traveling to distant places again, together. I wanted to see him grow old and grey and take him out on a stroller when his little paws couldn't bear him anymore. I wanted to hold him when he passed, but never like this. Never ever like this. I can't forgive myself for this. I grabbed what I could pack in the back of my car and left the place I was living in with him. The shadows of the walls sit silently, and vacant; as they wait for my return. I don't want to go back. I can't. His ashes wait there too, I had a friend of mine pick him up and take him there. I was gone long before they started to turn him back to dust. WHY? I just don't understand.

I'm sorry if this makes you upset. This hollow I call grief overspills from time to time; don't worry. It's like a star's light, coming in waves, and slowly dimming.

hi, love. I may not be in practice atm, but I do have a degree in Psych (and thank you for the honor of feeling like a safe space - that really means so much to me). I've lost a pet (and people) in very tragic ways myself, so I'm hoping that maybe I can ease some of this heartbreak...

Firstly, sweetpea, you have the right to grieve however you wish. If being away from that space is what you need, you take all the time in the world if that's what you require. You do what YOU need to stay well and don't feel one ounce of sorry for it.

Secondly, it's the most tragic and unfair thing in the world to lose someone so precious to us, especially when it's unexpected and we have to watch the outcome, isn't it? Feels like you can't breathe sometimes, memories replay the most when we're trying to sleep, or move about our day.. It's painful and the guilt can be insurmountable. But most importantly, I don't want you to continue to hurt and blame yourself here. There's no blame needed to be given, love - no justice needed to be faulted on someone for an action. A series of actions has happened, and that's all this is. That's all anything in this life is really, baby. And sometimes, much to our dismay, they're very unfortunate. This just happens to be one of those times.

Lastly... And I want you to remember this part the most: No matter how much time you had with him, beautiful Morgan lived his life with the person he cared for the most - and he was in this same person's hands when he crossed the rainbow bridge. That in itself is the biggest blessing. Morgan lived and passed with someone who gave him a warm home, food, and an unfathomable amount of love - I can tell just by the way you write about him. Though he's not with us, Morgan lived the happiest life a dog could ever wish for. And though it's unfortunate he couldn't be with us longer, please be at peace knowing that you were the one who gave him such a wonderful life. He loved you with every ounce that his little doggy body and heart could. And he always will.

I don't know if you believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that somewhere, sometime after we've left this Earth, we are able to reunite with our loved ones. Whatever that looks like, be it a simple energy, or physical representations, etc. I may not be religious myself, but I firmly believe we'll see them again. There's too much we don't know about this world to believe that life and death is simply it. That's just me, though.

Overall, please, be well, sweet anon. Give yourself a much needed break. You more than deserve it. <3

PS, I like the way you described grief. I describe it in ocean waves myself. There's somethin' real pretty and ethereal about this planet and universe, isn't there?

#ask repressedh0e #Ask Psych repressedh0e

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anvoo · 11 months ago

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Me and Cat

Why did we break up? Cat's side: Cat right now struggles a lot with her own anxiety, mental health, and self-love. The routines that she has keep her functioning and surviving, and disruptions to them can really make her spiral and emotionally distressed.

My side: I struggle also with my own anxiety, mental health, and self-love. I escape from reality into a romantic relationship easily, I feel really emotionally dependent on it to survive and feel ok, I struggle to build routines that I need to function and survive, and disruptions to this process make it difficult for me to build these routines. I need them to survive and to function.

When it's a good day and we both are in a stable state of mind, we have a great time together and it's really nice, but when it's a bad day and we are both struggling, it could be really emotionally distressing and damaging to our well-being.

I cherish the connection that we have. I'm happy that we broke up on a good note and that our feelings and hopes for each other are still alive and heartfelt. The feelings and hopes that we share are precious to me, and being able to have them in my memory fondly, it's heart-warming. It's a bit sad and tragic in its own way, but I'm happy that it is like this.

I don't want to lose sight of the present and what's important. I want to be a kinder person. I see myself and my future being so much happier and more hopeful, and I look forward to that so much. I know I can do it. The present is also where everything is happening and where my happiness is decided. I want to do things that bring me fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment. Why escape or run when I know I can do well and feel good instead?

I'll stay open to whatever the future holds. I can't tell the future or say for sure whether or not something will happen, so I shouldn't worry too much about it. How likely or less likely, even though it may seem calculatable, it's really not. It's like asking if this or that is the right decision, but truthfully speaking, you wouldn't be able to say until the end of time. There is of course hope for "us" in the future, I'll do my best to stay open to all possibilities and to not forget the points above. But firstly, I want to be a kinder person, so that any decision I make, whether it's to contact Cat again, to be friends or have any kind of setup, or to revisit the idea of a relationship,... It'll be from a place of kindness, self-love, and care.

#journal #diary #motivation #thoughts #self love #self help #abstract #writing #relationship #break up #hope #future #present #kindness

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bbnibini · 3 years ago

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Fall Again (Kaedehara Kazuha)

"On this mountain path, where the red leaves lifeless lie...my heart calls for a companion, echoing the deer's cry..." (based on this)

(ao3 version) gift for @lexsssu and kei. may this humble offering make you future Kazuha havers!

The summer we shared

Fades into a blush of leaves

Bringing with it fall

Your first memories with Kazuha started when you were little. You were but one of the many children brought by the Kaedahara retainers staying within the residence; frolicking about, living the best of your young life while learning of your future duties for the clan. The end of summer brought cooler winds, and the trees in the courtyard were like blushing maidens as their leaves were dyed in sunset colour. A maple leaf had fallen on your hair, and the steady sleight of his hand startled you when he brought it to your eye level with a smile.

"I'm sorry for startling you. It was stuck on your hair."

You weren't even sure if you were allowed to talk so casually to the young master of the house. Though perhaps your younger self back then knew that a boy your age like the young master didn't care for such formalities. He only ever watches from afar as you played with the other children. Sometimes, his gaze lingers at all of you while he was taking his lessons. But when his attendants will ask him worriedly if he wanted to drive you and the other children away(you must have been so noisy to distract him from his lessons), he would plaster on a smile and decline.

"Do you want to play with us?"

You practised saying it in your head many, many times...but they were never said. Not until this moment--this blurry middleground of summer and fall that seemed to dye everything in sunset orange.

"Do you want to play with me?"

It was his turn to look startled. The way his face flushed as he clumsily tried to hide the bashful look he had with the maple leaf had been futile.

"Can I?"

You nodded and took his hand.

"Don't worry, master Kazuha. I'll share the blame with you if they ever find out."

Thinking back, that must be the start of it all. Like maple leaves falling on the ground, letting him in your heart had been your downfall.

In the many days of sunset orange, when the adults were too busy to even bother, laughter from a certain pair would fill the courtyard. It was warm enough to quell the cold that accumulated as the orange faded into powder white; it had also brought an end to those precious memories you didn't know you were already making with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cold and pristine white

Yet seeing you amongst them

Warms my freezing heart

He didn't do anything special. You understood that it was just him being him. His kindhearted parents raised him well to become the future heir, and you were merely basking in the fruits of their gentle guidance--an ordinary bystander. Even so, with every call of your name, with every smile given your way, with every look and every word, the feelings that scattered one autumn day only deepened, much like how the snow was doing right now to your feet.

You knew that they knew. You awaited the punishments to come your way, but they never did. The pang in your heart twisted and twisted; it wondered if your delusions were getting to you. What if you continued holding on? What if you got even closer with each other? Wouldn't it be more painful if this unlikely friendship would continue?

Or so you thought. You didn't have the heart to push him away--this lonely looking boy who never shared your luxuries of carefree childhood. Yet you knew you could never share these worries with him. What were you to him but some child his age? What could you know? No one seemed opposed to it, so why couldn't he enjoy his childhood, even for a little bit?

Your drifting thoughts matched the steady pacing of your feet. And it wasn't until the cold snow had reached your knees did you start to feel it through your clothes.

Where...were you? The firewood on your shoulders felt heavier every step, and the cold of winter was beckoning you to close your eyes; to rest under the pine trees a few steps away from you....just for a while--

"...!"

The call of your name coming from his lips felt like they were melting the snow on your feet. And as he brought you into his arms, the restlessness also melted away.

"Let's go back."

"Young Master Kazuha..."

You heard your name being called again--this time by your worried father who had just known that you strayed from the group of children gathering firewood in the forest. He brought the two of you in embrace, his broad and strong arms feeling unbelievably smaller than usual.

Even as the two of you were being scolded, it didn't feel so bad. His next words echoed your unsaid sentiments.

"We share the blame, after all."

He whispered the familiar words to you on secret, bringing warmth to the winter of your thoughts.

You didn't know what changed that winter. He now stood with you as you and the other children gathered around and played in the snow, laughing along. Gone were the longing gazes he sent your way, as he was finally there. The apprehension the other children had at first disappeared instantly at the brightness of his laughter.

From then on, you wished to stay by his side....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your gaze of knowing

Melts away the cold of snow

Spring begins anew

...yet even with the strength of your resolve, you knew those fun winter days will come to an end. One winter passed. Two. Three, until you lost count--you have grown old enough for such days to be regarded as your long past childhood. Along with it came the responsibilities you had as a retainer's child. It wasn't like you were going away. You planned to uphold your promise to stay by his side until the day you die. Boundaries were only meant to be made. The lines you weren't meant to cross grew even more obvious as seasons passed, and you only intended to follow along its path.

Young master Kazuha was old enough to take in a wife. He could only delay such duties for so long.

"But I don't want to get married." He told you, admiring the pink mop of cherry blossoms giving you shade overhead.

"Young master, it isn't a matter of choice." you scolded.

He wouldn't say anything back but a sigh. This caused you to sigh in return.

"Even servants have a duty of marriage to sustain future generations, young master."

"Even you?"

The rustling of cherry blossoms awoken you from your trance. You pretended not to know the implications of his questions. The pounding of your heart shouldn't ever be known, not even to the whispers of spring breeze scattering pink petals that looked eerily similar the the ones scattering in your heart.

"Yes, even I."

Ignorance is the kindest gesture you can return to him--for knowing what he meant will only lead to a thorny path.

Spring was the season of beginnings, but even you know such beginnings were only possible if something were to end.

"Young master Kazuha?"

He looked at you with the same gaze you pretended you were numb from.

"Let's not see each other anymore."

...it was a beautiful spring day, but you couldn't help but long for the harsh winters of your gentler past.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Standing tall and proud

You, with gleaming golden crowns

Waiting for the sun

Eternity.

In the land of fleeting beauty, only she remains constant. She was the pinnacle of Inazuma's legacy, as well as its stronghold. With the Raiden Shogun's rule, Inazuma in all its transience will remain with her.

Yet, were all her actions at present excusable?

The Kaedehara clan had fallen--its tragic heir had gone missing. No one knows where he had went...or so that is what most of the servants' narratives were, but you knew. Perhaps silence is the only way to protect him; their kind and gentle young master deserved freedom in this eternal land.

You didn't want to dwell on what ifs. In the blaring heat of the sun, among the sunflowers looking up at its radiance, he stood there, even brighter than summer itself.

He called for your name as he took your hands, kissing its back.

"I will always remember you."

He was a free man, freer than he was in the confines of his samurai household. Yet, you knew his life of pursuit will always remain with him, and the eternity the Raiden's land had promised was far too comforting to even consider the thoughts in your head.

'Take me with you'

'I won't ever forget you too.'

'Ị̶̛̺̜̣̝̰̣͚̫̓̾̈́̆̈́̊̔̍͂͋͛͌͘͝ ̵̢̨͉̟͖̱͚̆̐̏̚l̷͖̥̃͋͒̉̈́̈̎̃͆̽̈͊̃̈́̆̓̕o̶̡̧̡͖͙̖̙͙̥̻͍̣̗̱͖̦͍̺͙̒̏̏͛͗̌̄͊̽̓͆͌̚̚̕͝ͅv̶̧͕͔̤͚̰̟͙̭̟̠̫̞̀͆̊͗͗̅̊͠ͅͅę̶̘̦̲͓͕͂̑̕͜ ̷̡̢̯̯͙̞̣̲̥̥̞̞̺͕̲͔̆̂͆́̋̑̀̆̃̀͐̀͜͝͠y̷̧̬̜͕͉̣͉̱̩͚̪͒̓͒ͅǒ̸͚̳̠͚̘̯̼̗̳͖͉̫͇͕͔̿͛̉̈́͌̈́͐̑͌͝u̵̧̡̖̼̺̼̯̖̙̲̺̰̮̩̯̜͛̑̃̐͊͛͌̌̓͋́̒̌̚͜'

So he waited and waited for the three words he uttered on your ear to return, and even then, promised of waiting even as you parted ways--even if orange dyed the world around you again.

For like the sunflowers, you were his sun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many summers have passed, and you had left the comfort of eternity to seek out the world on your own. The Raiden Shogun and her eternity was showing its signs of fading in ironic tragedy. Yet you wondered why such fleetingness felt comforting instead.

They called the land you chose to reside in the City of Freedom. Their ruling archon was nothing more than myths and childlike wonder, yet Mondstadt thrived even in their absence.

Like the carefree breeze, its people were equally so. They did not mind your origins nor your reasons, and instead welcomed you in their land with kindness and hospitality. Often, you wondered if the Anemo Archon chose this path of rule to embody the freedom that he is--that perhaps, this might be even his wish.

"I received a vision! It's--"

You smiled to yourself as you stopped that train of thought. You knew your reasons for choosing Mondstadt as your new refuge. Deep in your heart, you were waiting too.

Rain was quite an unusual sight in Monstadt--you were far too used to sunlight and breezy afternoons that the sight of darker skies were comforting to you instead. You liked the sound rain made as it hit the roof, the smell of petrichor in the air--

"Hello?"

Such appreciative thoughts were brought to a halt at the sound of a familiar voice. But he did not speak again, so you weren't sure if you have imagined it instead. The knocks on your door however, reassured you that not everything you heard was imagined.

Your heart pounded at every step, silencing yourself from the hopeful yearning that keeps on resurfacing as you went closer to your doorstep.

But he was there. He wasn't only hopeful yearning. The orange hues of the trees from afar only seemed to deepen the sunset reflecting on his eyes. They widened as they gazed at you.

"I'm very sorry, but can I trouble you for refuge for the night?"

Laughter. You haven't shared one since that distant, summer day. You took the stray maple leaf out of his hair and echoed the words he had uttered to you on the day you first met.

"Did I startle you? You have it stuck on your hair."

..but this time, you chose to stay by his side.

That night, I listened to the hymns till dawn, not for serenity, but to seek a sliver of your soul;

That month, I flipped through all the scriptures, not for enlightenment, but to touch the pages where your fingers once lingered;

That year, I knelt on the grounds, my head embracing the dusts, not to pay obeisance to the Gods, but to feel the warmth you left behind;

That life, I wandered through ten thousand great mountains, not in search for an afterlife, but to cross paths with you –

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin #kazuha #kazuha kaedehara #genshin fic #genshin imagines #kazuha x reader #kazuha x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #reader insert #genshin fanfic #kaedehara kazuha #kaedehara kazuha x reader

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years ago

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Hey Quil!! I just finished Chapter 35, and I decided to write down my thoughts in an ask instead of in my little doc of notes. I kind of feel bad because I really enjoy the story, but you don't really have a way of knowing that, but I get very anxious that my reaction is too much.

However I think that this chapter might be one of my favorites, simply because of the tone and the build-up to the final words typed out. Your cliffhangers always kill me, but this one was almost overshadowed by the discovery of the entirety of the chapter.

I love the sort of looped feeling the story has right now. We know more as to what Fintan and Murad were doing, and what they wanted to do, and now I'm simply dying to go back and read previous chapters they were in with this new knowledge. I always talk about how these parts of stories are some of my favorites, because it's the pay off to some of the mystery.

While not all the problems are solved, the revelation of something so big is such a huge pay off, and I was at the edge of my seat. (Not literally, as I happened to be laying down but you get what I mean. I also happened to have the most dramatic instrumental music on and that added to my growing dread.)

I loved the careful uncovering of more and more information in each entry, getting Sophie's thoughts in between as both a palette cleanser and an outlet. Because having Sophie's reaction along with my own made the ending all the more impactful. I knew where the story was going, Sophie knew where the story was going, and it still went there!

Like I knew that the village would be destroyed, and later I knew it was because of Fintan, but I didn't want it to be. There was some deep part of me that was still clinging to something, anything that could have turned out alright.

But it didn't.

And that's such powerful storytelling. I have told you multiple times that you're such a good writer, and you totally are!! But tragedy is something I'm actually somewhat educated in, and I can actually put my praise into words.

The tragic elements that you weaved in through the story are simply incredible. Because having the reader go through the events with the character makes the result all the more dreadful. Sophie's reaction added to my reaction and it was this feeling that I cannot put into words. It was something so deep and sad when Phoenix's final warning was written onto the page.

And that's catharsis. Because I'm not just sitting there feeling one specific emotion. I'm sitting, at the end of the chapter, feeling calm, a little sorrowful, but at ease. Because the gnome's story has come to an end and I've reached it, even though it isn't a happy one. Sophie has to deal with the impact of this later, and so will the readers, but for now all I can reflect in is the mistakes and the tragic end of the gnomes.

The fatality of kindness, and how a simple character trait that is usually seen in positive light can cause such a tragic end.

And Quil gah that's beautiful!!!! Like idk if that's intentional or not but that's such a proper use of a tragedy that it blows my mind! The story you're telling has so many elements of tragedy, just like many dystopian tales do, but it also has elements of hope and comfort and accepting change!!!

Bestie this is a masterpiece that I could pick apart as an analysis!! I want to put Shattered Upside Down under a microscope and analyze the arcs and themes of it's characters!!! It's sometimes so hard for me to remember that this is a fic, because it's gorgeous!!! It's so pretty dude!!

Anyway, I could go into a lot more detail of the tragic elements and compare them to famous works of fiction and how well it holds up, however this is getting quite long, and I'm sure that that would bring me more joy than it would you.

I hope you don't mind me going insane of this, but is just so happens that your story is something that holds so many precious elements that I hold near and dear to my heart, and I can't help but bounce off the walls a bit and get distracted.

Please just know that you're actually creating one of the best fanfics I've ever read, and it lives rent free in my head <333

!!! OH!! my gosh hello to you too!! I'm so so glad you wrote down your thoughts in as ask because this has genuinely made my entire day. I'm sitting here happy stimming just looking and reading through all this and my brain has stopped making words anymore it's just :DDD on repeat over and over (update: made the words go and they're long so under the cut!)

I promise that whatever your reactions are, they aren't too much! I understand being anxious to share reactions but there is nothing but elation in my mind when someone talks about the au, and I very highly doubt that anything you say or do will be the exception to that.

!!! One of your favorites, you say? Now I'm curious which other chapters are up there; which chapters have stuck with you or really hit. Also this is so relieving and fascinating to hear because, like I mentioned in the ao3 notes, I've pretty much entirely lost track of how things fall. Like editing through it I was like okay cool fun, solid writing! But it didn't really hit me at all because I'd 1. written it and 2. known all of this for months. I already knew that Fintan had killed the gnomes, so it's so gratifying to know there was a successful build-up from an outside perspective!

Yes!! I literally just did a fist-pump irl when you mentioned the looping feeling because I have been trying to be so particular with that and wasn't sure how much, if any of it was coming through. In basically every chapter I have notes all throughout telling Editing Me to go back through and find particular, really specific sentences to reference and add back in--like Fintan's words in this one! Because when I first wrote them I wrote them in a particular way specifically so they could be brought up again later and talked about in a new light with new revelations!

This new revelation happened to be a particularly important one, and while it's not necessarily something that prompted Sophie to do anything, it's significant to the story and has been woven throughout. I mean, from the very first introduction of the gnomish village in like what. Chapter 4? Somewhere around there, there was a clear tragedy. The gnomes had lived there and now they hadn't and there was evidence of monsters everywhere. It wasn't hard to put together the pieces. But then...it turns out there's more to it than just that! And this detail they've been living with is actually part of something bigger that puts their whole lives there into a different perspective

it really is such a satisfying pay-off, you're right! It's not the end of the story and it's not the whole story (what was Fintan doing? what happened to him? what happened to Phoenix?), but it's still a big piece of the whole puzzle put in place. also hell yeah dramatic music!! I love dramatic music when I'm reading dramatic things it just all fits so well

Oh it's wonderful to hear that the pacing and Sophie's commentary played off each other well. As I was writing it and adding some of her interjections I wondered "is this too disruptive?" but when I excluded them it was just. Solid blocks of background text. Which is not the feeling I wanted to give it. I wanted this to be Sophie, someone who just ended up in the middle of all this, slowly uncovering with mounting horror something she's been living in all along without knowing it. And of course it's only natural to have reactions to things when reading them so because the story follows her excluding that was like...well now it's too far removed from her.

You got the exact reaction/feeling I was trying to accomplish with this style of storytelling!! The story still went there! Knowing the ending and reading it and seeing everything coming horribly together and wishing something changed but knowing nothing will. Dramatic irony at it's finest.

I mentioned that I was thinking about a certain twilight novella when editing everything so pardon me for bringing it up again, but when I read said novella it was such a fascinating feeling. You know before you even pick up the book that the main character is going to die. You know Bree Tanner is going to be tortured and killed and that her last moments are suffering. You see it all happened from Bella's perspective in book 3. And yet when reading the novella there's still a part of you that hopes that even though you've seen the ending that it's different this time. You still search for anything that'll indicate something different

and I find that feeling fascinating!! and then this diary came into the story and it was such a perfect opportunity to play around with that and I'm absolutely thrilled with how you saw it!

oh an educated tragedy analysis? I love this I'm reading this all in absolute rapture. I don't even know what to comment on I'm sitting here going "yes you get it!!" to everything. The gnome's story doesn't end well and Sophie doesn't even know the gnome's name, but she witnessed two months of their life taken dutifully down on paper descending closer and closer towards an end she already knew. And even though she knew the gnome was dead and had settled as much as she could with that, it brings it all up all over again with a new kind of sorrow. And we can focus on that! Because that's where we end!

Even though the answer to those questions wasn't a happy one, the answers are there now; now she can process and grieve and it's like. It's like this peace of mind even though it's so horrible.

The fatality of kindness oh I love that phrase. I love it when a character's best traits are their undoing but they still wouldn't have changed anything because that's who they are. the gnomes are kind and that's what killed them, but they never would've stopped being kind either. That sort of "if only you have done this!" thought that's co-existing with "if you hadn't done this you wouldn't be you." It's such a devastating pairing and I love it

I can say that I wasn't thinking anything about proper tragedy when I was writing this, I was just writing it. I've mentioned this before but I hardly do any editing for the au. Editing for me consists of being like "are there any obvious spelling or grammar mistakes" with the occasional word switch to make things flow off the tongue easier. So all of this was essentially first draft me just fucking around and finding out to see what I could do with the situation I'd created.

But yes!! The hope and change elements!! those are so so important to me like yes this is riddled with tragedy and terror and horrible decisions made by horrible people for what they think are the right reasons but that doesn't mean the world is bad. That doesn't mean you stop. You can break down and forget things for a while, but you don't stop. You keep hoping and you keep trying. Yes!!

A masterpiece!! that is very high praise thank you so much. Also I am incredibly flattered that you want to put it under a microscope because like. That's what I do with the stories I really like! so if you wanna do that to my story...woa :0

Seriously though if you ever want to analyze any part of the story I would be more than thrilled to hear it. That includes comparisons to other tragic stories!! You are wrong it would not be more fun for you than me I would adore that. Like 90% of my blog focuses on analysis in what world would I not love to see analysis of my own story?

I don't mind your reactions or going wild at all!! I love that!! I love seeing genuine excited reactions!! genuine reactions are the most rewarding part of sharing the story. I write it for me because I want to see where it goes, but I share it for others!!

oh my gosh one of the best fanfics you've ever read that is. that is a very high compliment I will not forget that. I hope the wings au continues to earn that praise and that you continue to enjoy it for as long as I write it! this whole ask is seriously so kind and touching, so thank you so much for sending it. I am going to be thinking about this forever <333

#kotlc wings au #shattered upside down #quil's queries #quil's queridos #xanadaus #i am holding this ask gently in my hands like oh. woaoh.#i both wanna cry and stim all over the place rn /pos #the diary is like a story within a story so I wasn't sure how it would land #so everything about this ask is like *holds tenderly to chest*#do you accept unending adoration as repayment for your lovely compliments?#long post

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danwhobrowses · 3 years ago

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One Piece Chapter 1024 - Initial Thoughts

Happy Volume 100 Day! Indeed, Volume 100 officially comes out today, it's a shame we didn't get more of those We Are One segments (just like the Nissin noodle commercials) but it wrapped up nicely

There's also a chapter to deal with though so let's get to it

Spoilers for Chapter 1024, Support the Official Release too!

I forgot to mention the special Popularity Poll colour spreads last time but here's our middle one mainly involving the Straw Hats, Vivi, the remaining Supernovas, Bon, Merry, Woop Slap (seriously how?) and some villains (Crocodile, the rest of Moria and Enel). Sneaky bit of Sabo on the side too who'll be fully displayed in the next spread

Oh Usopp, your braggadocios scamp you. He's spreading Fear of God by claiming some recent KOs are due to his Conqueror's Haki

Also claiming to have defeated 2 of the Tobi Roppo...I mean he contributed at least, maybe word it like 'I fought two of the Tobi Roppo and I'm still standing'

Plus he's riding a very unimpressed Alligator SMILE atrocity XD

Horsealina chan (aka Speed) is back to protect sweet child Tama, as it turns out the KOs are from Big Mom's Conqueror's Haki who's fighting on this floor, which must mean that Law and Kid are taking it to her

Also it's still worth applauding that Nami, Usopp, Speed nor even Tama have succumbed to BM's Conqueror's Haki

Luffy's status is still unknown to the crew though, and Nami does seem a bit nervous about it when asking Franky

Franky's right though, no news is good news because if Luffy was defeated or dead he'd be paraded around by the Yonko

Franky is also making motions to move Nami and Usopp with him to the performance floor, so the crew's gonna be converging soon

Some Heart Pirate action too as they fend off any attempts at enemies intervening on Zoro and Sanji's fight with King and Queen, seems like Law they don't like to be told to do stuff by the Straw Hats either

Everyone's bouncing from the Third Floor too thanks to Maria's arson attempts

Out in a blaze of Yohoho is Brook carrying Robin, but no you're not cremated just yet, need to be ashes for that

Look at Robin so peaceful, as Brook guards over her and also is eager to know how things are going

He calls Jimbei who's on the Fourth Floor with Kid's remaining crew, didn't know Kid has a feral female crewmate

Trust Jimbei to be concerned about the big picture of Kaido, but he also mentions how people are fleeing the castle, is it because of the fight in the Performance Floor or because we've reached mainland?

Showing Kawamatsu defending the line does make me think the former

But back to Yamato vs Kaido now, looks like some parent/child attack tennis

Since we can't avoid it now I know the Vivre Card Databook is saying that Yamato is female but since Yamato is identifying as Oden and was still canonically called Kaido's son I'm gonna continue to use male pronouns for the time being. Don't read too into it okay or leap at me for using the wrong pronoun because it's a can of worms right now and I don't want to be part of it

I mean, come on Yamato it's not like you expected Kaido to take it easy on you when you're trying to stop one of his endgame plans

Flashback time! And that's where the Dragon statue used to be...

Kid Yamato is precious, and also has Conqueror's Haki

Kaido all about not winning any Father of the Year awards, he's been starving Yamato, says if he wants to be Oden then he'd be better off dead, then threw him in a cave for a month

Yamato isn't alone though, there are three master swordsmen samurai in the cave too

And now he entices them, with a serving of food for one and a load of swords to fight over it

And the twisted cherry on the bastard cake: 'But I thought you were Oden', was there ulterior motive though? Oden would be able to inspire the Samurai right? I guess not for his own gain though given how he's treating Yamato

The Samurai grab the swords, but they hand Yamato the food: Samurai don't get hungry...unless they're Kin'emon and Momo, like how Kunoichi don't get hungry unless it's Tama

Full on Tama vibes from Kid Yamato eating their first meal in ages, I see that Oda

Dang then one of the Samurai just cut the chains off of him

Since I was given away on spoilers (like seriously guys use the 'Keep Reading' thing, it's the best way to hide spoilery stuff for those who don't wanna be spoiled) this must be Ushimaru, and he does look like those old Zoro pictures

He also now has an eye injury, but he feels disgraced, probably because he was captured rather than killed

Look at this little baby who is probably 5 foot tall hiding behind Oden's journal and doesn't know how to read yet

Looks like Yamato had 3 Dads, all of them Samurai, who taught him to read Oden's journal so he could fanboy more

10 Days pass and Yamato is weakening, seems like the Samurai feel that Yamato will need to be in the fight

Ushimaru though with the Shimotsuki crest on his back has had enough of prison, the Samurai are busting out and in turn giving Yamato freedom from the cave too

Amanowato, I feel like that's important, but the only thing I can find is a special dance (Amanowato Mai) that's performed on the day of the Annual Festival - October 15th...which is a Friday so maybe...

Back to the present and Yamato asks the tough questions, what right does Kaido have to steal freedom?

But Kaido makes a usual cruel response, there are no easy answers

And then we conclude with a clash of Thunder Bagua

Whooof, lot in that chapter huh?

We've got collective chaos with the Straw Hats as they do as expected begin to converge towards the performance floor, perhaps for the final hold off before Luffy and Momo arrive.

Oda though must've known that we were hoping for a Zoro flashback, because he then gave Yamato one instead XD It was cool to see some supportive people in Yamato's past, but while Yamato4Nakama fans will point that he now has a link to Zoro via Ushimaru we also have to note that Yamato's backstory may not have enough tragedy to be a Straw Hat (I'm joking in this btw, Carrot doesn't either unless the Dukes die but Zoro and Usopp's backstories aren't so tragic either)

Yamato giving me Tama vibes when a child is interesting, I do wonder why we have gone that route other than adorableness, but you can see where his strong admiration for Samurai lies too. Wonder how he got Oden's journal so young though

But yeah, no break which is good, I have a feeling though we'll get one next chapter after the colour spread is finished, 1025 could be setting something up big so Oda can pass out for a few days till giving us fire once again

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sadoeuphemist · 1 year ago

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"Ethically sourced!" my mother would insist, whenever protesters came by, or whenever a customer seemed on the verge of recoiling in disgust. "Not like hides! Not like skin at all. Teeth fall out all the time. You see? Rotten." She'd spill the selkie teeth out on the counter, their edges rasped like strange frilled fungi, fractal, branching, and turn them over, revealing the cracks in the yellowed enamel, the hollowed core, the rot. "Everyone loses teeth," she'd say, and smile widely, revealing the glistening sockets of her gums. It made her look more than her age. Doddering. Harmless. "Not like skin. Don't worry, don't worry. Selkies probably don't even miss them. I find them by the shore. The tide pools, if you know where to look."

This wasn't the sales pitch she gave to the men who showed interest. Then she'd lower her voice, cup her hand around the jar to hide it from the view of the street, as if it was contraband or worse. "What chance you think you have, finding a selkie skin?" she'd say. Voice low, eyes peeking up at them, almost seductive. "Running across a group of girls bathing by the shore? Lucky? Not that lucky, no. But these selkie teeth, you grind one up, put it in your tea. Your true love will visit. This - this is a piece of her." She'd hold up one of those rotten teeth, turn it, like it was a jewel catching the light. "Just a piece. But a tooth that her tongue passed over once in the dark behind her lips, embedded in her, kissing the bone. You can't make her stay, but you drink this, she'll come to you. She must. She'll visit you. You'll have a chance."

To the mourning, she'd tell another story. "It's like a missing tooth, yes?" she'd say, and smile again to show her gums, making herself look wounded this time, tragic, like the world and time had cut out parts of her, left those gaps. "I know it myself. Your tongue keeps coming back to the place where it used to be, feeling for something. The loss. The ache." She'd tap a tooth on the counter, letting it letting it ring out hollowly, turning it to show the cavity. "Grind this up. Put it in your tea as sugar. It'll be that old, sweet ache again. You'll see them one last time. I promise you that."

I don't know which of her stories were true. I never got to taste the tea for myself. We only had a limited number of selkie teeth, and they were much too precious for me to try one. After we ran out of teeth, we started selling selkie leather, a much more precarious proposition. The hide had been slashed up and ruined, but we cut it into strips, sold them as bracelets and charms. It was functionally impossible to argue that selkie leather could be gotten without exploitation, and so we resorted to a much seedier market, hawking contraband for real this time. With practice, I adapted my mother's tricks and honed them, learning how to lower my voice like she did, weave the lurid fantasies like she did. Other innovations, like clutching the leather beforehand so it would gain the warmth of a human body, displaying it draped over the brown of my skin.

The leather, I think, was total bullshit. Did nothing. We moved around too often to hear complaints. But the teeth were real, or at least no one ever came back to the store to complain about them. It was how my mother got the idea to start selling the teeth to begin with, grinding her teeth at night, dreaming. She never told me who she saw in her dreams. I don't think it was my father. I don't want to think it was him, but it might have been. Every time she'd put one of the teeth into a mortar, crush it, grind down the enamel, I'd flinch. Get sick just hearing it. That wound was love, everything she did to keep me fed and clothed and cared for. It must have been bloody once, newly-made and throbbing, a wound that ran all the way down to the heart.

Deep Water Prompt #3126

“Selkie teeth”, my mother says, shaking a jar of them. “Grind one up and stir the powder into tea. Your true love will visit you, or come as a dream if they are already dead.”

#fiction

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sillyrabbit81 · 4 years ago

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Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.8k

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of death,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 17 Part 19

Part 18

It was a crazy week, and by Wednesday, I had had enough and wanted it to be all over. It was the last day of school for the term. The kids were rowdy, and it was hard for them to concentrate. I gave up structured lessons after the morning session, and we did Easter craft. Still, even craft was hard for my kids. Most of them can't use scissors without assistance or had to use modified ones set into a wooden block. It wasn't a bludge, but it was much less stressful for both the kids and myself.

I had playground duty at lunchtime. Some of the older mainstream kids had heard about Liam, and a few would walk past me and sing the theme song to his superhero movies. Others would have a conversation with me and sneak in a movie quote. Lucky for me, most of Liam's films weren't appropriate for children, so there were only a few they could use. The kids would run away giggling, and I would shake my head. I wasn't upset by it, kids are kids, and at least they made their fun to my face.

The parents were awful. The mums would go quiet when I was near them, and I would hear laughter or whispering as I walked away. The dads looked at me just that little bit longer, making me feel uncomfortable. I just tried to remember Liam's arms around me, the way he made me feel safe in his arms. I found myself touching my earrings a lot. They soothed me.

The worst part was the other staff. Not all of them, just a couple of the younger ones and newer ones. Their eyes seemed to bore into me in the staff room and in meetings. The ones who had been here when Andy died were good. They appeared to be on the same page as Marla had been. The rest of the support class teachers and TA's were kind. They actually asked me to my face about it, seemed happy for me, and then that was it they moved on.

My boss, Michael, did call me into his office on Monday afternoon. He was good about it mostly, just concerned because apparently, the office staff had received a few phone calls from a couple of media outlets trying to get in contact with me. The staff were good enough to hang up on them. I was honest with Michael and said I didn't know what my plans were, just that we were dating. I did tell him about how it would be official on Thursday, but it worked out well because the office would be empty for two weeks, and by then, I'll be old news.

When I spoke to Liam on the phone, I had told him about how I was feeling. I was honest about it as much as I could be.

Liam was empathetic and seemed sincere when he said I didn't have to go. "If it's too much, we can wait for another time. The dress you have will be as good in a few months as it is now. Or we can return it all and try again later." Cheekily he said, "I'll let you keep the earrings."

I declined. I wanted to get it over with. I figured the quicker it was done, the quicker no one would care, and I can go back into hiding. It was like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it.

When I had gotten home from work on Tuesday, I had decided to do the hardest thing of all. I called Andy's mother.

Anthea was born in Greece and immigrated to Australia with her family in her early teens. She had met Andy's dad, Tim, a white Australian with Irish heritage, and they had a beautiful marriage. They had five children, three boys and two girls. Andy was the youngest son and was the unofficial favourite. She had always been lovely to me. She always called me Little Lana and would always hug me and insist I ate. On my birthday, she would make me galaktoboureko. She still calls me for my birthday and invites me over for Orthodox Easter and Christmas. I don't go, but I always make sure to call and send presents for my two godchildren.

"My Little Lana," Anthea gushed. "It is so good to hear from you. How are you going? Tim, Lana is on the phone! He will be so happy you called. Yes, Timothy, it's Lana. Yes, Tim says g'day. How are you? We miss you. How is work? How are your precious children? You do such good work, Little Lana."

Did I mention she talks a lot? She was one of those people who seemed to speak without having to take a breath.

"Hi Anthea, I'm doing well. Work is great, really good. I have a great bunch this year."

"Yes, you sound happy, Little Lana. Your new boyfriend must have something to do with it? He is very handsome. Not as handsome as Kamari mou but handsome. I showed all my friends, and they tell me you are still so beautiful and your hair is still so pretty and long. So long now. You've grown it."

I was stunned. I tried to talk, but the lump in my throat was so big, I couldn't swallow. I tried to say something, but all that came out was a huge sob, and I broke down.

"I'm sorry, Anthea, I am so sorry."

"Why are you crying? Stop it. Alana, why would I be upset? Why are you crying? Don't cry, silly girl. You should be happy. I do not expect you to be wearing black, like an old lady from my old country, for the rest of your life. I know you loved my son. but you're too young to grieve forever."

"I wanted to call you and tell you, but it happened so fast." I was still crying, but it wasn't so bad now. Anthea had comforted me in a way that I hadn't even known I needed. That she still loved me when I had started dating another man was incredible to me.

"You shhh, Little Lana. Listen to me. You have obviously called me for permission whether you know that's what you were doing or not. You have it, my blessing. Kamari mou wanted you to be happy also. He would not want you to be alone forever. You know this. Go speak to him, speak to Andy, and you will know."

"Thank you, Anthea."

"There now, Little Lana, you will be ok. Now no more speaking of sadness. I must tell you all the wonderful news. You will be an Aunty again soon."

Anthea talked to me for a little over an hour. Talking to Anthea was being talked at, but I needed it. I promised to call her again soon. She, of course, invited me to Easter but didn't expect a reply.

I felt lighter after talking to her. She was right. I had needed to know from her that she was ok with it. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been. I don't think I would have ended it with Liam. I think I was in too deep, but it would have been much harder to go on.

Anthea was right about something else too. I needed to talk to Andy.

So after school on Wednesday, I drove to the cemetery. I went and saw my Dad first. I didn't have much to say to him. I just sat there and let the memories come to me.

I remembered when I was six, and he shaved his moustache off, and I hadn't recognised him. I had run screaming to my Mum that there was a stranger in the house. I remembered how he would take us to see the fireworks on New Year's Eve, getting there early to get good spots and watch in awe as the fireworks exploded over Sydney Harbour. Nothing was as breathtaking as my home city on New Year's Eve. I thought about how he loved David Bowie, and he had even convinced my mother to name my brother after him. Dave and I had taken Dad to see David Bowie a few years before he passed away, and it was one of the most incredible nights of my life. The Labyrinth is still my favourite kid's movie, and Jareth was my first crush. He looked so good in those tights.

I went to see Andy. I don't see him very often. I go on Boxing Day, his birthday and our anniversary. As had become my ritual on those visits, I had his old phone and listened to his playlist. I laid down on the grass next to him and looked up at the sky. After a while, I started talking.

"Hey Butthead," I started, smiling as I said our private nickname. "I've got some things to tell you. First of all, I miss you. But surely you know that. And I know you know I will always love you. You were such a beacon in my life. A light for me when everything else was dark. I was like a moth to your flame. You drew me in, making me want to be close to you. You always made me feel like everything would be ok if I just stayed in your light. Things were so dark when you were taken from me. For so long, I felt nothing. Everything was dark.

"But then I started feeling better. I still missed you every day, but I wanted to find that again. Feel that love and safety again. I started dating about six months ago. Online mostly, you know, how the kids do it these days. I went on a few dates but felt nothing. Or if I did feel something, I felt like they weren't as good as you. Why would I settle for anyone who wasn't as good as you?

"I don't mean the same as you. I mean someone who moves me the way you did. Someone who showed me kindness like you did, someone who made me laugh, made me feel giddy. Someone I was attracted to. But also someone I wanted to do things for, someone who I wanted to go out of my way for, not because they forced me, but because I wanted to because I knew they would do it for me.

"I was about to give up. I only tried dating for a few months, but it felt so futile that I didn't care anymore. Then this guy started messaging me. He was sweet and funny, a Pom, but don't hold that against him. Anyway, I liked him instantly. It scared the shit out of me. I made him wait three months before I agreed to meet him. I was so scared because I knew I could fall for him.

"And when I met him, the sparks were there. It was instant. He was all the things I wanted. He's not like you. You're both very different. I mean, he doesn't like Mad Max for God's sake. But he makes me feel the way you made me feel. And Andy, I am falling for him."

*********************

"Lana, hold still." Jen was pulling my hair. I looked over at Riza, who was covering her mouth with a magazine. Her shaking shoulders gave her away, though, and I could see she was laughing her arse off. "I only have a couple more to do, and then you can go home and sleep."

I was at Riza's place. I had to see Jen after I spoke to Andy. Jen wanted to put my hair in pin curls. She had washed my hair and then got started pinning small sections of my already curly hair into curls.

I thought it was weird, but she said the hair has to be curled in the right direction for the style to work. She also said that the longer the curls were in, the better the result. That's why I was at her place, getting my hair done 24 hours before the event. How do celebrities live like this?

"How the hell am I going to sleep in this?" Riza's dropped all pretence and was laughing openly at me now. "Get bent, Riza."

"Hey! You're the one who looks like a 1950's housewife right now."

"1940's babe," Jen admonished. "Get it right."

When she finished, she wrapped my hair in a silk scarf. "Did you buy me an apron to go with the barefoot in the kitchen look?" I asked.

Jen laughed. She knew me well enough to know it was a joke. "Trust me. You're gonna love it."

"So when do I take the clips out?" I asked Jen.

"Not until I do your hair."

My eyes bulged. "I'm going to Liam's place hours before you're going to get there."

Riza pissed herself laughing, and Jen just said, "trust me."

When I got in bed, I rang Liam. I Facetimed him. Maybe if he laughs at me now, he won't laugh at me when I'm there, which would break my heart. His reaction surprised me.

"Why are you wearing a scarf? Please tell me you didn't dye your hair." He looked devastated.

"And what if I did?" I asked.

"You would still be you. It wouldn't change anything." He sputtered.

"Nice save," I laughed.

"I think being a redhead suits you. It makes you a little different."

I told Liam it was to protect the pin curls so they don't frizz. "You don't have to worry about me dying my hair until I start going white. I've never died my hair. It's my natural colour."

Liam's lip twitched. "I've noticed." He said.

I could have died.

On Thursday morning, I skipped the gym for obvious reasons, showered carefully so as not to wet my hair and started to get ready. I packed my bag and packed a bag for Perrin with his bed, crate, and food. I did a quick run through the shops to the dressmaker to pick the dress up from the dressmaker and to buy underwear for the dress. I didn't need a bra, but I wasn't going without underpants.

In the morning, I pottered, waiting for lunchtime to arrive and for Liam to finish his half-day at work. I was so jittery I had dropped my coffee this morning, and the mug had smashed. Not having anything to do and waiting for hours made it all worse. I had to do something, so I painted my nails and watched Kill Bill Vol. 1.

The story took me over, and soon I was transported with the action and exceptional dialogue. I decided the only person who could convince me to be an actor would be Quentin. I even went and got out my "Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino" hoodie for added comfort. When it was over, I did feel a little better and whistling the song from the movie, I got Perrin and went to Liam's.

By the time I got to Liam's house, the nerves had come back. I found it hard to concentrate and almost just walked Perrin into the backyard. I sighed and put Perrin on his leash and texted Liam that I was here, and walked to the park with Perrin. We had planned a way to introduce the dogs during the week. The snag was I had agreed to it before I knew about the hair situation. But I found an old bucket hat of Andy's that fit and hid most of my head. I still felt ridiculous, but at least the hat somewhat normal.

When I saw Liam, my heart leapt. I wanted to run to him, have him hold me, soothe away all the pain of the last week and fear of tonight. But we had to introduce the dogs first.

We walked to each other as Perrin and Cole had a little sniff of each other. There was no immediate dislike.

"Hello, Sweetheart." His voice took my breath away.

"Hi," I said.

"Cute hat."

"Arse." I was smiling, though.

"I've missed you," he smiled broadly.

I gave him a small smile.

Liam farrowed his eyebrows. "These two look like they are ok," he said. "Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

I nodded, and Liam leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before we started to walk. We went side by side, keeping the dogs apart. Liam put his arm around my shoulder.

"You're very quiet this afternoon," he said after a few minutes.

"I'm nervous."

"About the dogs or tonight?" He asked. "Or something else?"

"Tonight." I felt like a petulant child with all these short remarks, but I couldn't give him anymore just yet. I let my head rest on his shoulder to try to let him know he wasn't the reason I was acting distant.

Liam squeezed me. "You'll be ok. You're going to be dressed beautifully and appropriately. No one is going to laugh at you. You'll see. Myra and Boyd are all excited to meet you. This is Myra's boyfriends first red carpet, too, so you won't be the only virgin." He paused and chuckled. "Although, I had better keep you two apart. He's a sparky? I think that's the word. I don't want him stealing you away from me. I know how much you love tradies."

I laughed. Liam had said all the right things in a few moments, and I felt calm again. At least calm enough that I can have a conversation. "Thanks, Liam," I said and kissed his cheek.

We walked for about half an hour. The dogs walked together for a bit. Perrin, being so old, was pretty laid back about the whole thing and Cole, while curious, just seemed happy to be making a new friend.

When we got back to Liam's house, we let them leashes off, and Perrin had a sniff around the yard. Cole either followed behind him or bounced around in front of him as if he were saying, "come look at this place over here."

While Perrin explored, Liam stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes a moment, listening to the sounds of the city.

"You're such a good hugger," I told Liam as I turned around in his arms and put my arms around his neck. I buried my face into his shirt, seeking his warmth and familiar scent.

"A compliment. From you? With no sarcasm?" Liam teased. "It must be my lucky day."

"Just shut up and kiss me," I said, and I lifted my head to meet his. Our kisses were soft at first, but they became more than that very quickly.

Liam pulled away and said, "we aren't alone. Ryan is here." Liam suggested that Ryan stay with the dogs while we were out. He would be back on Sunday and Monday, too, to take Cole for a walk and play.

I sighed. "Riza will be here soon anyway. We better get these guys inside and settled."

We took the dogs inside and got them set up. Then and I met Ryan, who was working in Liam's study. I don't know what I expected from Ryan, but a Scottish Hercules was not it. He was at least as large as Liam, had dark hair and green eyes and although he paled in comparison to Liam, he was handsome and instantly likeable.

We shook hands, and he said, "it's nice to meet you, Lana. I've heard a lot about you, so it's nice to put a face to the name." His accent was noticeable but not thick, and he spoke with a confident calmness that must be essential in his job. He doesn't mention or look at my scarf, which is a relief. I smiled and said, "Same. I keep hearing all these names, so it's nice to meet finally."

Liam gets me to put Ryans number in my phone. He said I should call Ryan if I need to contact him if he's not reachable while filming. I look at Ryan, and he nods as he says, "it's my job."

I do it, but I roll my eyes. He's not my assistant.

We let Ryan get back to work, and we go out to my car to bring my stuff in. By the time I've set up Perrin's things and sorted out my put my bags away, Riza and Jen arrive.

Liam opened the door for them, and Riza stood stunned for a moment. "Damn, you're built like a brick shithouse." Riza was very petite, half a head shorter than me, so you'd think she'd be used to everyone being bigger than her.

Liam, bless his cotton socks, laughed and put his hand out. "You must be Riza."

Riza took his hand, "yeah, mate, how's it going?" Liam stood aside to let her come in. She was hauling a massive makeup case, and Liam offered to take it for her. I thought she would bristle at his offer, but instead, she just gave it to him.

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head, indicating my surprise. She just shrugged and gave me a strange look, and looked straight back at him. Riza is a pocket rocket type and prefers to be seen as one of the boys a lot of times. Andy even invited her to his bucks weekend despite her being my maid of honour, so the whole interaction was unusual.

Jen came in and introduced herself to Liam, and it was a much more civilised exchange than Riza's.

I gave them both hugs and kisses on the cheek. "Thanks for doing this, Jen and you too, Riza."

"No worries," Riza said.

Liam offered them both some wine and looked at me to see if I wanted one. I agreed, and we all sat in the lounge room.

Riza grabbed my hand when Liam had his back turned, "Sorry Lans, I think I got star struck. I'm a fucking dickhead."

Jen and I laughed at her, and I said, "serves you right for taking the piss out of me last night."

Liam came back with glasses and a bottle of white wine and poured us all a drink before taking a seat next to me. He sat next to me, resting his arm on the lounge behind me and put his ankle on his knee. His foot bounced, and I looked at him, and it struck me that he was anxious.

I put my hand on his foot to soothe him and turned to Riza and said, "did I tell you that Liam planned a trip to Mt Hotham this winter? I think it was June? Queens Birthday weekend? Before your Mum comes. Anyway, Riza, you spent a few winters there. Got any ideas for some good runs?"

That was it, the two of them talked about skiing, and the tension in the air lifted. I even swapped seats with Riza and sat with Jen for a bit. Once I could tell Liam and Riza were comfortable with each other, I asked Liam where Jen could set up.

Liam said to go to the master on the third, and he went to get up to take us there. I told him Jen, and I could be fine, and he smiled at me and kept talking to Riza. Jen and I smiled at each other and went up to get ready.

Part 19

#original character #original fiction #romantic story #happy ever after

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kazuharem · 4 years ago

Text

“Promises of Forever” ↠ Lucien x MC [SMUT]

AO3 Link: here

Pairing: Lucien x Female MC

Part I of the “Forgive and Forget” Series. This is “Forgive”

Part II: here

Warnings: Contains plots from chapter 13 and 16 -> basically the plot of Lucien’s Rainy Night Date

Description: Lucien’s POV from “Rainy Night Date” + lovemaking

Word Count: 10,660 (oops)

Genre: Angst, Smut

Summary: “When the daylight comes, I'll have to go. But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close"

Author’s Note: I started playing this game back in March, missed out on this karma, and is very bitter/frustrated by that fact. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen so hard for a 2D man, but here I am. I wrote this fic because there weren’t enough discussion about this date, which I think showcases Lucien’s true feelings. Especially when he gives the paper crane back to the MC. My horny ass just decided to throw some lovemaking into this scene. Ending is inspired by the lyrics of Maroon 5′s “Daylight.” Every line that I took from the actual date/plot will have * in front of it. I hope you guys enjoy it. ALSO LUCIEN DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD. I SAID MY PIECE.

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

Here I am staring at your perfection In my arms, so beautiful The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out Somebody slow it down This is way too hard 'Cause I know, when the sun comes up I will leave, this is my last glance That will soon be memory

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close 'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own But tonight I need to hold you so close Ooh whoa, ooh whoa, ooh whoa Ooh whoa, ooh whoa, ooh whoa

I never wanted to stop Because I don't wanna start all over, start all over I was afraid of the dark But now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

How did it come to this, Lucien asked himself as he pressed himself to the side of her building, watching as reporters rushed at her, like piranhas after the scent of blood.

*“Producer! What’s your answer on your program’s ex-consultant’s remarks at the press conference?” One shoved a mic into her face. Lucien winced, but held himself back from going to her rescue. His appearance would only make the situation worse.

*“We heard that you and Professor Lucien are not only co-workers, but also neighbors. Anything to share about him?” Another reporter jogged next to her.

“Yeah, aren’t you two neighbors? So you must be close!” The crowd clamored around her, and Lucien clenched his fists.

*“We heard that you two are inseparable. Could you please…” The reporter’s voice asked eagerly, and her eyes squeezed shut.

He watched as her lips pressed into thin, white lines. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get to work. Can you please stop asking me these questions?” She finally said softly, with an undercurrent of hurt, thinly veiled, but Lucien heard her all the same. The world seemed so dreary despite the colors, and Lucien knew it was because of her mood.

The poor security guards struggled, trying to clear a path for her so she can enter the building. Kiki and Anna appeared, extending a hand towards her, and pulled her to safety within the glass doors of her company. The world faded into shades of monochrome once more and it was then that Lucien exhaled a quiet sigh of relief.

How did it come to this indeed?

It was supposed to be a simple task, a mission he could’ve accomplished with a flick of a hand. It was supposed to be easy. She was incredibly innocent and quick to trust; all he had to do was show her a little bit of kindness. And yet, Lucien found himself bewitched by her, getting his eye sliced open to prove to Black Swan that he was still on their side. That had been nothing more than a mere inconvenience for him. And yet, when the grunts had attempted to capture her, he failed to accomplish that simple of a task and instead, had let her escape. Lucien recalled the look in her eyes as she bravely held the pen-the very one he had endearingly given to her-to her neck and crimson blood leaked from her neck. That look had destroyed him. Only she was capable of such a thing. If she asked for Lucien’s heart, Lucien would’ve willingly torn it out and present it to her on a silver platter. Except for the fact, Lucien’s lips flitted into a wry smirk, he had no heart. His heart had belonged to her the moment she showed him the true brilliance of the world, the indescribable colors that had changed and wreaked havoc on everything he once knew. And Lucien had willingly allowed her to do so. Black Swan may have saved his life, but this woman, this woman who had entered his life in an explosion of colors, this woman had saved his soul. And in that sense, she had saved his life as well.

Falling in love with her wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan. Those who knew him, knew him to be ruthless, emotionally detached, and ever-so-cold. But from the moment his world exploded into a vibrant myriad of colors, he was hooked. He had found himself wanting to see her every moment of the day, a message or call from her would allow a fond smile to spring up unbidden. Lucien remembered the poisonous jealousy he had felt when he attended one of her company dinners and her coworkers had asked her who was the most important person in her life. A little drunk and giving in to the green-eyed monster, he had confronted her only for her to tell him that it was him. The relief he had felt at that moment was ridiculous, like a tsunami of emotions flooding his entire system. He remembered gritting his teeth and clenching his fists at the sight of the officer who had shyly given her that ginkgo bracelet. He remembered the utter panic he felt when he found out she was in the hospital because of a stupid trick Black Swan had attempted to pull off and later, he remembered feeling the stifling frustration when the LFG CEO had barred anyone from seeing her. And Lucien remembered trying to focus on his research but hearing the idol singer’s bright voice float through the thin walls.

“Miss Chips! I brought the newest video game! Play with me!”

He had hoped she would refuse, but to his surprise, she had readily agreed. And he had tried so hard to ignore the sounds of happy entertainment before giving up and angrily leaving his apartment. That had been the moment he had realized that, that simple, oh-so-easy plan was not so easy after all.

How? How could it have happened this way?

When did he start feeling these irritating emotions that made his chest clench so painfully?

Was it when he took her to the New Light Library to help her with materials for the show and he had blurted out, *“Will you teach me how to love?”

Or was it when he had gifted her that gardenia and they had decided to take care of it together?

Or maybe it was when he had taken her to a firefly exhibition and she had defended the poor firefly struggling weakly to survive, saying that all life should be respected?

Was it when they went to the aquarium together and he had warned her, but she had refused?

Maybe it was when he had to go to Denmark, and she had followed him, getting sick in the process but had clung so desperately to him?

Was it because she had been the only one who had cared about him, about his birthday, and worried so excessively over his happiness?

Lucien had tried so hard to push her away, but every time she would come back, worrying when he got sick, calling when he didn’t respond to her messages. He had lived his entire life knowing only the cold shades of black and white. But with her, he was able to see the glorious pastels of a rainbow after a storm, the vibrant reds of the Canadian maple forest, the cerulean blue of the sea, the brilliant golden flashes of fireworks, and the warm orange flickering of the lotus lantern they had sent down the river together. She had been the one who had turned his birthday, which had been countless anniversaries that reminded him of the tragic events from his childhood, to something he actually wanted to look forward to every year.

He didn’t know the answers to these questions, but when Hades had tried to capture her for his foolish RESET plan on the day of his press conference, Lucien realized that for the first time in his life, he felt fear. Fear of losing her. Fear of her being in pain. Fear that someone saw the dazzling purity of hers and tried to use it for dark and polluted gains. For the first time in his life, Lucien had something to lose. Something so infinitely precious to him that it was more important than his own life. And yet, this woman had been hurt by his own hand.

Pain was not a foreign concept to Lucien. Being in Black Swan, it was readily available. He had utilized it upon his enemies, upon those who had cast doubt on him, and upon himself. But none of it could compare to the pain he had felt all those sleepless nights hearing the broken sobs of the woman he had hurt so deeply. For the first time, Lucien truly understood what a deadly weapon pain could be.

And now…

Lucien looked at the still clamoring crowd of reporters lurking around the entrance of her building and clenched his fists. Because of him, her life was upturned once more.

He had been keeping a close eye on her after he brought her from Hades’ dreamworld, fearing that Hades would discover the way out and go after her again. His hunches were right after discovering Hades’ minions lurking about her apartment community. He had disposed of them quietly, of course, but the reporters were a different story. Lucien knew she had been working late nights just to avoid the reporters.

Which was why Lucien was now sitting in his car, in the parking lot of her building, waiting for her to get off work.

Fool, a voice whispered inside his head, but he ignored it. He was currently the only one who could possibly protect her. As jealous as he had been with Gavin, Victor, and Kiro, he appreciated the fact that all three of them had protected her. But now, Gavin had gone somewhere, Victor’s whereabouts were unknown and couldn’t be reached, and he didn’t know what Helios was planning after abandoning his image as Kiro.

The dull gray lights suddenly morphed into a muted yellow and Lucien looked up. She had appeared at last.

He got out of the car silently and walked towards her. She checked her phone and let out an exhausted sigh, rotating her shoulders.

Show no emotion, Lucien reminded himself. He grabbed her arm and pushed her into his car before she even had a chance to react.

“AH!” She exclaimed in surprise, preparing herself to fight.

*“It’s me,” Lucien spoke softly to prevent her from struggling. She froze the moment she heard his voice and turned, wide-eyed, to look at him. Lucien forced himself to look straight ahead. “Fasten your seatbelt,” he commanded quietly, before starting the car.

She gritted her teeth, *“Why do I have to go with you? Where are you taking me?” She demanded.

Lucien clenched the steering wheel. Hearing her voice-albeit angry-reminded him that she was alive and breathing. And sitting next to him. *“To your place,” he answered her question passively, trying not to give light to the murky emotions that swirled within him.

She fell silent and he drove on. The way home never seemed so long, and the traffic lights were not helping, stopping them at every intersection. But Lucien was secretly glad; the longer he spent with her, the more content he felt. Even though she was still angry at him, Lucien cherished the time spent with her.

He could sense her eyes watching him, questions as clear as day on her face. When he couldn’t take the stare any longer, he met her gaze through the mirror. As if struck by a live wire, she immediately dropped her eyes. Lucien noticed how her fingers clenched white against the seatbelt and he gripped the steering wheel to prevent himself from doing something he shouldn’t (like grabbing her hand and smoothing out her tension). He hated himself for causing these reactions in her.

*“I came out to tell you not to go out for a while, unless you have to,” Lucien broke the silence quietly, his voice slightly hoarse. The reporters should stop bothering her after a few days.

Her eyes flitted to him in surprise, *“But I need to go to work! Don’t worry, I won’t tell the reporters anything,” she added hastily.

Silly girl, he mused silently, you misinterpret my intentions yet again.

*“Do you think I came all this way just because I was worried you might blab to the reporters?” Lucien asked aloud, pressing his lips together thinly.

She lowered her eyes, ashamed, and they fell in silence once more.

Nothing more than acquaintances, Lucien thought to himself bitterly. There used to never be awkward gaps of silence between them, but now silence permeated every possible space between them. She was only sitting next to him, but she felt oceans away. It was clear that she felt uncomfortable, with the way she was twisting her body away from him. And it was all his fault, Lucien supposed, getting stopped by a traffic light yet again. Her finding out who he was, however, was inevitable. And in that sense, Lucien thought that she should know earlier before she had completely given her heart to him. That way, she could still keep a bit of herself intact.

After stopping at the last traffic light before her apartment community, Lucien broke the silence once more, *“Anyway, don’t get caught up in any unnecessary danger,” he reminded her again.

*“You as well!” She piped up immediately and Lucien felt his heart clench.

Still worrying about me, my little fool. Worry about yourself first.

Instead, Lucien grated out a laugh, *“Who do you think can hurt me?

How ironic, Lucien sneered at himself, the only person who could ever hurt him was sitting right next to him.

They had finally reached the gate and Lucien rolled down his window so he could greet the security guard. *“Hello,” he said politely, smiling warmly.

The security guard’s eyes widened when he realized it was Lucien. *“Professor Lucien, worked late today? It’s been a while since I saw you!”

*“Yes,” Lucien replied evenly, “I’m dropping her off at home.”

*“Haha, you are still so close!” The security guard teased, and Lucien saw her look away hurriedly, fingers clenching on her seatbelt again. Lucien nodded, still smiling as he drove away. His smile faded when they had reached the entrance of her apartment building.

They had arrived at last. It was time to say goodbye once again.

Lucien reminded her again without looking at her, *“Keep in mind everything I have told you tonight.”

She huffed at him, *“I know what I’m doing,” and opened the door in her haste.

Lucien reached over and she stiffened immediately. She tried to push him away, but Lucien held her wrists.

*“Let go of me!” She glared fiercely at him and Lucien’s chest tightened in response.

*“Are you that afraid of me?” Lucien whispered. She stopped struggling at those words and stilled. It was then that he realized belatedly that he had said his thoughts aloud. Lucien looked away, unfastened her seatbelt, and leaned away from her when he was done. *“You forgot to unfasten your seatbelt,” he informed her quietly, internally struggling to keep his emotions down.

*“…Thanks,” she said grudgingly and got out of the car. She took only two steps and turned around.

*Lucien rolled down the car window slowly, “What is it? Did you forget something?”

*He couldn’t read her expression as she shook her head. “You, not me,” she exhaled and continued. “All those things you left in my apartment; I’ve packed them up. Wait here, I’ll bring them down.”

*“Are they heavy?” Lucien managed to ask. This entire scene was funny as if they were going through a breakup, but Lucien didn’t laugh, couldn’t laugh.

*“No. I can manage by myself,” she replied curtly, placing heavy emphasis on “by myself.”

Lucien pressed his lips together and watched as she walked away, away from him, just like she did the day she found out who he really was. And then again on the day of the press conference.

Did my little butterfly already fly away?

He had no time to linger on his thoughts, however, as he soon noticed two men in black seemingly appear from darkness and look up in the direction of her balcony. He cursed under his breath. Hades. They were probably there to observe her movements and report them to Hades. He shouldn’t be seen by them, otherwise Black Swan will know of his betrayal. And she must not come out at this moment. Scowling, Lucien pulled out his phone.

*<Rest early. Just mail it to this address.>

After sending the message, he started his car and took note of how there were two additional men in black tactical gear near the entrance of her apartment. Hmm STF, he thought to himself. Interesting. He drove off, circling behind another apartment complex as to not draw attention to himself. It was late, she should rest anyway, given how exhausted she had looked when Lucien had picked her up. And she seemed to be well protected for now. He knew Hades’ men wouldn’t try anything with STF agents around. For now, it was safer for her that he left. And he needed to figure out how to deal with Hades.

Two days later, a package arrived for him, but he had no time to open it due to all the work he had. He sent her a simple, “Thanks,” but he had gotten no response from her. Lucien had checked up on her occasionally; but after a few days, as he had guessed, the reporters stopped bothering her as the city slowly dissolved into mild panic over how the virus had developed. His worry about her safety decreased when he had noticed that she had STF agents following her, but that didn’t extinguish the longing inside of his heart.

The days slowly morphed into weeks and Lucien had been quite busy. Hades had not made things easy for him, but Lucien didn’t mind the workload. Every step he made in his progress was a step towards her happiness, her safety.

After working straight for twelve hours, he stood up and stretched. On his way to the kitchen, he accidentally kicked the box she had sent up. He looked at the box for a moment before making the decision to open it. He peeled the tape that bound the box shut and the box revealed its contents. With growing despair, Lucien glanced at the variety of books and movies that he had lent the girl. Each title brought a special memory. The last things in the box were paper cranes strung up in long lines, cushioning the books and DVDs. He touched the cranes tenderly, smiling as he recalled the day she had taught him how to fold these cranes. He had pretended to be bad at the task, causing her to huff at him.

*"Seriously, are you pretending not to know how?” The girl frowned at him as she watched his fingers fumble with the piece of paper.

*"No one has ever taught me this before,” Lucien admitted sheepishly.

She straightened her shoulders proudly, *"Well, better late than never! This teacher has full confidence in your talent!”

Lucien smiled at her confidence. *"In that case, I will await your instructions.”

Under her careful tutelage, they had made many paper cranes that afternoon. *Lucien fondly unfolded each of the cranes carefully, remembering that she had written a wish inside one of the paper cranes. She had whispered it while writing it down and he had overheard it, pretending he didn’t.

It was a wish about them.

*Does that wish mean nothing to her anymore?

Lucien sighed and refolded the cranes. Perhaps he should be thinking like her, letting the past dwell in the past, he mused sadly. But despite his thoughts, he found himself hanging the strings of cranes up.

*The light outside the window shone down upon the cranes and the raindrops outlined the gray and dusty memory. The pouring rain couldn’t wet these cranes, but somehow, one of them had faint blots on its wing. He reached out and gently held it in his hands. It was the crane in which she had written her wish. Lucien swallowed, trying to keep the choking emotions from surfacing.

*“I wish Lucien and I forever…”

The rest of her wish was blurred by tearstains. But Lucien knew the rest. It was the same as his. Every single time she made a wish-be it on the candles of his birthday cake, or the glowing lantern, or this simple crane-all her wishes had aligned with those of Lucien’s.

Lucien caressed the crane, *when he suddenly saw a dazzling figure in a cream-colored dress in the midst of the gray rain. His eyes widened. She had appeared like a mirage, the manifestation of his thoughts and longings.

*Lucien frowned, Silly…How did you end up here?

Without a second thought, he *grabbed an umbrella by the door and hurried out into the pouring rain. The clattering rain drowned his accelerating heartbeat.

*Lub-dub, lub-dub...

So engrossed was she in her task, that she didn’t see Lucien approaching her. He held the umbrella over her, and she looked up in surprise.

*“Why have you come looking for me?” Lucien tried hard to quash the happiness in his voice. She didn’t respond and continued to stare wide-eyed at him. Lucien spoke up again, *“Why didn’t you call ahead?”

*“I…” her eyes skipped from his, *“I just want to return something, then I’ll be on my way,” she mumbled.

“What is it?” Lucien asked as he reached out to her to pull her closer under the umbrella. She shrank back, but slipped. Before he could even form thoughts, Lucien’s body reacted. He hurriedly grabbed her before she could fall and wrapped his arms around her. A sigh left his mouth that was lost in the rain as he felt her familiar warmth and smelled her comforting scent. She was safe.

In her panic, she tried to push him away, but Lucien gently took her wrists. They walked silently with the rain beating down on them. Lucien could feel her gaze on him once again. She raised her hand only to drop it back to her side. Lucien cast a glance at her, *“What is it?”

*“You’re getting wet from the rain,” she murmured as a dusty-rose colored her cheeks.

Lucien chuckled, and couldn’t help teasing her, *“Someone else also got soaked.”

Her cheeks reddened further as she looked down at her feet. She seemed to be at an internal struggle with the way she kept gripping her purse. Her eyes kept scanning around, as if looking for an exit route.

Lucien pretended not to notice and led her gently to his front door. *“Didn’t you have something to return to me? You’re leaving already? Come in,” he invited.

Stay a little longer. Please, Lucien pleaded silently.

She hesitantly walked through the door and ruffled through her purse. *“I’ll just leave this here,” she said softly, producing a DVD and setting it gently on the counter.

Lucien glanced at the title and his heart clenched. It was a film he had recommended her, and she had promised to give him a film review.

*“Wait a moment,” he managed to say, stopping her before she could leave him again. Lucien picked the disc up and came closer to her, caging her between him and the door. He kept trying to find reasons to stay with her a bit longer, just like he had done so at the end of the press conference. But this time, Lucien decided to let himself be a bit selfish. *“You still owe me something, right?”

*“Wh-what?” She stammered nervously. He saw through her purpose. She had obviously wanted to deliver the disc and leave as fast as possible.

*“A movie review,” Lucien answered, holding the disc up.

*She lowered her head guiltily, but Lucien lifted her chin, searching her eyes.

*“Or does our big-time producer not even have time to watch a movie anymore?” he asked. She didn’t answer, but he saw through her anyway. Lucien’s lips curved into a tiny smile. “This is a good piece of work,” he coaxed gently.

*“But I don’t want to take it back anymore…” she mumbled, biting her lips. Lucien saw her scan the living room and her eyes landed on the paper cranes. A wave of sadness swept across her face and she closed her eyes.

*“You can finish watching it here,” Lucien offered.

*“ …I’m running late for the last subway,” she refuted weakly.

Lucien almost laughed, “I’ll bring you home when it’s over.” He knew she wanted to end everything between them, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. Lucien decided to be the bad guy once again to save her the trouble. *“Or, do you want to keep owing me this movie review?” It was easier for him to do the dirty work.

With no room left to argue, she nodded resignedly and Lucien’s heart soared triumphantly.

He handed her a towel for her to dry off and went to set up the movie. She sat down stiffly on the couch and Lucien sat by the window.

What are you doing? Lucien chided himself as he watched raindrops glide down the window. He could feel her eyes on him again. Breaking his gaze away from the window, he turned to look at her. *“It’s starting,” he reminded her gently when the opening credits ended. She hastily turned her attention toward the screen.

Lucien watched her. He had chosen this specific piece because it served as another warning: he was not who he said he was. Throughout all their time spent together, Lucien had given her countless warnings only for her to dismiss them and run back into Lucien’s arms. And if Lucien was being honest, he didn’t want to let her go either. The longer he spent with her, the further the line between Lucien and Ares blurred, until Lucien didn’t really know who he was either. But now, he had one purpose. To keep her safe. It didn’t matter if he was Lucien or Ares. Around her, he was simply a man wanting to protect the person most important to him.

After a while, she turned to look at him again and their eyes met. Flashes of sadness, surprise, and longing ran across her eyes. Silence filled the air, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or stifling like it had been last time.

Lucien paused the film. *“Is the movie not good?” He asked softly after a while, not wanting to break the pregnant pause.

She shook her head silently. Before she could answer, however, she sneezed suddenly.

*Lucien sighed and got up, bringing her tissues. He shrugged out of his coat to cover her small shoulders. “How do you still take such poor care of yourself…?” The words left his mouth, exasperated. Embarrassed, she shuffled in her seat. Lucien brought her a cup of hot tea and she inhaled the fragrance. Her lips touched the back of his hand as he tried to cover the mouth of the mug. Electricity ran from where her lips had touched his hand and left tingles up his entire arm. “Always in such a rush…” he said fondly. “It’s still hot, wait a bit before drinking it.” He was unable to keep the affection out of his voice.

She stiffened and Lucien knew she heard the tenderness of his words. He berated himself. “Why are you being gentle to me again?” She whispered brokenly, squeezing her eyes shut.

There was no going back now.

*“A very interesting question,” Lucien finally responded, “But, before answering you, I also want to clear something up.” He moved slowly until he was sitting next to her on the couch. Ignoring how she curled into herself as he approached, he asked the question he wanted to know from the very beginning. “Each time I push you away, why do you keep coming back to me?” Lucien felt the tiny flutter of hope within his chest.

Could it be?

She didn’t answer, but Lucien dared himself to hope. And for the first time, he felt he wanted to bare his soul to her.

*He leaned in closer to her when suddenly the paper cranes broke from the ceiling and landed around them. Slowly, he found the crane that contained her precious wish and pushed it into her hands. “That’s my answer,” he said finally. He let her see him for who he truly was for the first time. He continued, “But the process of achieving this takes time and patience.”

And there it was. His heart and soul and all the feelings it contained for the woman in his arms were all laid out in front of her.

There was a small gasp before she dissolved into tears.

*“Liar… You said you didn’t see it,” she accused him tearfully, hand holding onto the crane.

Lucien pulled her gently into his lap as he enveloped her in his arms, his heart finally feeling full after a long while. She clung to him just as tightly, her arms encircling his neck. “Silly… *Do I need to peek to know what you’re thinking?” He whispered against her hair.

*He pressed his lips against her neck, a silent promise of his answer to her question. He wanted to be selfish for once.

She tugged at his tie, lifting his head and she leaned in. “Kiss me properly, Lucien,” her soft breath brushed against his lips.

Lucien acquiesced. Their lips met, soft like the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings. He tasted the salt of her tears, but the sweet nectar of her lips overpowered everything. Lucien was hopelessly and irrevocably addicted.

They broke apart slowly, breaths still mingling. *Lucien held up his hands, just like he had when he accompanied her on her quest to find the truth. *“This represents two choices,” he began softly, gazing into her eyes. “The right is to finish what you came here to do. To return the disc and leave, ending everything between us. The left is to pursue the path you want. To act upon these emotions between the two of us, but the path ahead is unknown. It could be dangerous. Even I don’t know what lies ahead.” He offered her a choice; whatever she decides, Lucien would be willing to go along with it.

*Without hesitation, she placed her hand in his left hand just like she had back then. She looked defiantly at him, eyes shining with confidence. “I choose this. I will not run away.”

*“And if this choice brings you harm and turns your life upside down? You’d still choose it?” Lucien repeated the words he had spoken to her long ago.

*“Yes, I most certainly do,” she answered, leaving no room for argument. A warmth in Lucien’s heart blossomed and swelled. This woman! She came into his life in a whirlwind of color and always acted differently from Lucien’s every expectations. Lucien had never met anyone like her, and he knew that he never will. She was the only one.

*Lucien laughed and closed his left hand, clasping their hands together tightly. “I understand your choice.”

For tonight, Lucien decided to let himself pretend that the woman in his arms belonged to him and only him. That there wasn’t anything or anyone against them. That she wasn’t in any danger. That there was no Black Swan, no plot to overturn the world, no viruses, no pain, and no fear. That they were the only ones in this world and the only thing that mattered. That they were simply a man and a woman in love. And Lucien decided it was time to put his thinking and all his worries on hold. It was time to finally give in to the emotions that had been slowly consuming him. For once, it was time to let his heart lead instead of his head.

He leaned in to taste her sweet lips again, licking at the seam. He was granted access as her fingers danced along his collar to pull him closer to her. “Lucien…” the sound of his name on her lips spurred him on, igniting a fire that blazed in his stomach. He traced the inside of her lip with his tongue and was rewarded with a soft moan.

Her fingers worked nimbly on his tie and deftly unbuttoned his shirt as he mapped the crevasses of her mouth with his tongue. She moved to straddle him and he ran his hands down her body until he reached her thighs, where he gripped them to wrap them around his waist. Cupping his chin, she pressed herself to him, lips moving desperately against his.

Just for tonight, Lucien promised himself as he reached up to her face, brushing her hair back softly, just for one night.

He ran his fingers through her hair as he assaulted her mouth, biting, sucking everywhere he could reach. She finished unbuttoning his shirt and slipped her hands inside. Lucien shuddered at her touch, her fingers tracing fire and leaving sparks across his chest. He pulled away to stare at her. “I think I’m at a disadvantage here,” he pretended to frown.

Her laughter was infectious as it rang through the air. “Then you should catch up,” she quipped, bright eyes sparkling with mirth, cheeks ablaze with pink. She looked so beautiful that Lucien had to literally bite down the urge to take, to claim.

“So I shall,” Lucien breathed, fingers playing with the hem of her blouse. Still staring at each other, she slowly raised her arms and Lucien tantalizingly dragged the fabric over her head.

Lucien’s breath caught. She was dressed in a white lace bra that cupped her breasts enchantingly. A pink flush crept up her body and Lucien’s gaze changed. She shyly averted her gaze when she noticed how dark Lucien’s pupils had become. Lucien reached for her, crashing his lips against hers. “Mm!” She gasped against his unrelenting mouth. Lucien picked her up and stood up, causing her to squeak out a surprised, “Lucien!”

“As much as I’d like to have you right here, I think I’d prefer to have you on my bed,” Lucien’s voice was low, hungry. “Also people might see and the idea of sharing you is not particularly appealing to me.” He walked purposefully towards his bedroom; her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Despite his heated words, he took care to set her down gently on the bed, removing her skirt when he did so. He knelt on the bed to kiss her again, hands making quick work of her bra, and leaned back on his feet to look at her.

She swallowed hard when she met Lucien's heated gaze as he cupped her breasts. A small moan bubbled from her throat. Lucien watched, enraptured, as she closed her eyes and arched into his hands. His thumbs flicked over her nipples and he squeezed them gently, causing her to gasp softly. Beautiful. He was utterly captivated by this amazing woman in front of him. He bent down to suckle at her collarbone as he rolled her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, nipping her skin when he felt her nipples harden. He ran a hand down her stomach and teased a finger along the band of her panties, smiling against her neck when he heard a sharp intake of breath. Pressing a soft kiss against her neck, he let his lips travel upward and lightly nipped at her ear.

“Mm,” she leaned into him, “Lucien…” she sighed his name, setting his heart and body aflame.

“Yes…” Lucien whispered as he leaned down to devour her lips, “Keep calling me, I want to hear you.” He kissed her deeply as he cupped one of her breasts, his other hand pressing her closer to him. He sucked at her collarbone and a scarlet rose blossomed beautifully.

“Lucien…” she moaned, arching as she pushed herself into Lucien’s warm hand. The sweet sound sent fire coursing through Lucien’s veins.

“Yes, beautiful girl…Just like that…” Lucien sighed as her hands pulled his neck down in an attempt to be closer to him. She leaned back on her elbows to look up at him and Lucien gazed at the sight from the foot of the bed, awed. Half-naked, hair mussed, lips swollen, she was truly a sight to behold.

They stared at each other, heated gazes meeting, acutely aware of what was going to happen, what they were about to do.

She bit on her lip as he shed his shirt and made his way back to her. They met in a fiery kiss with Lucien nipping at her lower lip. She moaned in his mouth and he swallowed her sound. Her sweet noises of pleasure were for him and him alone. He moved down to her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the heated skin and felt her swallow.

He nipped at her collarbone and kissed a path through the valley of her breasts. He kept his gaze on her as her breath hitched as he slowly moved his hands up her waist, making her moan breathily. “Beautiful,” he whispered, his breath sending a cool puff of air across the trail of saliva he had created and she shivered. She held her breath as Lucien descended on her breast, his violet eyes never leaving her face. Lucien took her nipple into his mouth, making her moan sweetly. He swirled his tongue around the nub, making a satisfied hum when it instantly hardened at the stimulation. He brought his hand up to tend to her other breast. She moaned lowly, arching her back, her hands landing in Lucien’s hair. He bit down and felt her fingers tighten in his hair, earning her a hiss of pleasure from Lucien. “Beautiful,” he proclaimed, letting go of her breast. He trailed his tongue down to her stomach, to her belly button and pressed another soft kiss there. Lucien traveled further down, making her breath hitch in her throat.

She swallowed hard, her breath quickly becoming short and staggered. She had never felt like this before. The way Lucien looked at her and touched her, worshipped her. He made her feel beautiful, made her feel like a goddess. He never had been one to be shy with his affections. But this. Even though she could never guess what Lucien was thinking, she felt his love through his touches, his kisses.

Lucien traced the band of her panties with his tongue. He kissed the apex where her thighs met through the lace material of her panties and felt her shudder. Smiling, he closed his teeth on the band and very slowly, gently, he tugged. “Lift yourself for me,” he breathed, sending puffs of warm air across her skin, which raised goosebumps instantly. He hooked a finger around her panties and she obliged, raising her hips so that Lucien could take the material off. Tantalizingly slow, he dragged her panties down her hips, down her thighs, down her calves, and finally over her feet. Kneeling between her legs, Lucien gazed up at her. “Beautiful,” he voiced, wonder lacing his word. Her breathing quickened as she noticed how hungry Lucien's gaze was. Slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her knee, kissing a trail up to her thigh. He let his tongue trace over the skin of her inner thigh, his hand sliding up to do the same to her other leg. She trembled, needing his touch, she was so aroused. Tentatively, he kissed closer to her slick heat. Meeting her gaze, he slowly licked a stripe over the most sensitive part of her. He watched as she arched off the bed with a breathy moan, hands grasping at the bedsheets.

“Lucien…”

“Delicious,” Lucien murmured, his mouth on her, sending a wave of pleasant vibrations. He committed all of her actions and reactions to memory. Lucien loved the way she reacted to the simplest of touches. He loved the way she moaned his name, perfect lips parting in breathless pants. He loved the way she trembled. He loved every little sound that came out of her mouth. Wanting more, he lapped gently at her heat.

“Lucien-“ his name on her lips was a shaky moan.

Smiling, he let his tongue trace lazy circles around her sensitive nub, making her whimper with pleasure. He didn’t tear his eyes from her face as he sucked on her folds, tongue picking up her sweet juices. Her breathing was starting to become short pants and Lucien slid his tongue inside her. She keened at the sensation, fingers tightening around the bedsheets. Lucien started to pick up his speed, licking more roughly, sucking harder.

“Lucien…. oh…. ah…mmm….” she cried as her eyes closed at the sensations, head lolling back. Every sound she made sent fiery waves through Lucien’s veins. He increased his speed, tongue going further, harder. She was close, Lucien could feel it in the way her legs tightened, her toes curled, and the way she clutched at the sheets. “Lucien-please…” She pleaded, and Lucien doubled his efforts. Her moans were getting louder as his name left her lips in breathless pants.

“It’s alright, beautiful girl. You can release,” Lucien coaxed, pressing his tongue on that sensitive little bud. “Let go.”

With a choked moan, she came apart, back arching and her thighs tightened around his head, toes curled in pleasure. Lucien admired the way her stomach muscles contracted and her breasts bouncing slightly and quickly committed the sight to memory. He didn’t want to miss a single detail. She was breathtaking in her pleasure, pleasure that Lucien had given her, and Lucien didn’t think he had seen a more beautiful sight. Without any hesitation, he slid two fingers into her and put his mouth back on her, making her whimper. Allowing her absolutely no time to come down from her high, he began working his fingers and mouth. Fingers curling inside of her to find her sweet spot and he grinned in triumph as she mewled loudly, muscles involuntarily clenching around his fingers. “Please…” the cracked whimper sent fire straight through Lucien’s body and he growled softly, increasing his efforts to make her fall apart again. “Luci-Lucien…I Oh!” Indiscernible sounds made their way out of her parted lips.

"Come for me once again, butterfly," Lucien whispered, fixated on her as she threw her head back, mouth open with silent cries. "Come for me," he coaxed, fingers moving more urgently as he worked his tongue.

"Lucien-I... I'm...Oh... Lucien please!"

"Yes, come for me..." Lucien urged, followed by a soft nip of her sensitive bud as he curled his fingers inside her. With a shuddering moan, his woman fell apart beautifully once again as Lucien watched in rapture. The undulations of her body as she trembled before him from the full force of her orgasm. So tantalizing. So beautiful. Lucien didn't think he had ever been this aroused before. He pressed his mouth against her heat, tasting her tangy nectar as she shuddered around him. Withdrawing his fingers from her, he leaned back onto his knees, and while gazing down at his beautiful girl, he slowly ran his tongue over his slick fingers. She swallowed hard as a bright pink flush painted her cheeks when he popped his fingers into his mouth, sucking hard to clean them. She gazed back at him, chest heaving as her breasts bounced lightly from her exertion, looking like the prettiest picture of perfection. Lucien felt a sense of pride in his beautiful masterpiece.

"Lucien..." she struggled to catch her breath as she weakly sat up. He leaned down and pressed a heated kiss against her parted lips. She moaned into his mouth when she tasted herself on his tongue.

“I’m not done with you just yet, butterfly,” he whispered, catching her as she collapsed against him.

“Then you better take your pants off,” she demanded.Laughing breathlessly, Lucien leaned back to unbuckle his belt. Slowly, he unzipped his pants, eyes never leaving her face. Her hands joined his as they removed his pants and underwear together. He kicked the garments off the bed and kneeled between her legs. Slowly, Lucien palmed himself, still maintaining eye contact. He was already hard from pleasuring her and so he stroked himself roughly. “Like what you see?” Lucien’s voice was hoarse.

She eyed him, “Very much so,” And with saying that, she licked her lips.

Lucien chuckled but it died in his throat when she tentatively reached for him. He groaned when she wrapped her hands around him. She stroked him gently and Lucien swallowed thickly, throwing his head back with a low moan. Her touch was electrifying, carrying tingling sensations all over his body. Lucien whispered her name, hips gently bucking into her warm hand when he couldn't help himself. Another moan made his head tilt back once more as she caressed his tip with a soft thumb, spreading the leaking moisture all over. Lucien closed his eyes and began to lose himself in the sensations of her warm hand. He felt her lips on his throat and he shuddered when she bit down on the skin, sucking hard to make a red mark.

“Mine,” she breathed, tongue lapping against the mark.

“Yours,” Lucien replied, gazing at her with such tenderness that she felt like crying. He leaned forward and pressed her into the sheets gently, his hands coming up to frame her face as he rested his weight on his elbows. “I belong to no one else but you.”

“Lucien…” she whispered his name, tears springing to her eyes, “I love you…” Her confession was hushed, but her words pierced Lucien’s heart as well as his soul, shattering the walls he wrought up to keep out the world.

Instead of replying, Lucien kissed her fervently, putting all his emotions into the kiss. Silly girl, he mused silently, why would you love a person like me?

But that was just the kind of person she was. Doing the unexpected, the unconventional. She abided by no rules except her own. It was the thing Lucien admired most about her. And he had promised himself this one night...

And for this one night, he allowed himself to love this woman, the way she deserved to be loved.

Kissing her deeply, Lucien ran his hand down the length of her body, caressing every inch of her until he reached her dripping arousal. Dripping with need for him. And only him. That thought filled Lucien with wholly satisfaction. That he is the only one to see her, touch her, hear her, taste her like this. He slipped his fingers within her wet folds as she moaned into his mouth.

“Lucien…” she choked out his name in a breathy whine.

“What is it, butterfly? Tell me, what is it that you want?” Lucien’s voice was rough. He increased his speed and sucked at her neck.

“You…I want…you,” she moaned breathlessly as her thighs clamped around his hand.

Well, if it’s what she wants… Lucien thought he ought to deliver.

He slowly extricated his fingers from her, making her whine shamelessly at the loss of sensation. “Just a minute, butterfly,” he said hoarsely as he reached for the drawer.

Her arm came up to stop him. “No…” she panted, “I want…I need to feel you.”

The outburst made Lucien pause, his eyes widened in surprise.

She tugged at his arms, “Please, Lucien…I need you,” she implored. The way she looked at that moment should be illegal, Lucien thought to himself. Her hair was messy, her eyes were blazing with want. And Lucien would be the bad guy if he didn’t give her what she wanted.

He propped himself back onto his elbow and stroked himself urgently with his other hand. As he aligned herself at her entrance, he searched her eyes. “Are you sure?” His voice was strained, but he had to make sure she was absolutely sure about this, that it was her decision.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. “Absolutely,” she breathed against his lips before pushing her hips to meet his. In a swift movement, Lucien entered her. For a moment, it felt like he was home. She moaned, arching to meet him as their lips crashed.

Lucien pulled back and thrust into her, trying to find the spot that had made her unravel so beautifully. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him in deeper. Lucien growled, a low sound in his chest, as he adjusted his hips and was rewarded with the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

“Lucien!” She whimpered, rocking her hips to meet his thrusts, arms clenched tight around his neck.

“Keep calling me,” Lucien panted, speed increasing as their passion built. “I need to hear you.”

“Lucien…Lucien…” His name was a chant on her lips like it was the only thing she knew how to say. She was so tight and so perfect around Lucien as if made for him and him alone. Doubling his effort, Lucien pressed his thumb against her sensitive bud. “Lucien!” Her nails dug into his back and Lucien relished in the sweet pain, thrusting harder. He knew she was close with the way her thighs clamped around his waist and the way her walls tightened around him.

“Come for me,” Lucien commanded breathlessly, thrusting relentlessly into her, his thumb circling her nub. “Come for me, beautiful girl, I want to see you undone.”

One more thrust, and she exploded as waves of pleasure washed over. She tightened around Lucien and a choked gasp fell from his lips. Breathless and quivering with pleasure, she sank into the mattress, still clinging tightly to Lucien.

Lucien knew that in that moment, if the world ended right then and there, he wouldn’t have cared. He paused slightly to press his forehead against hers before continuing to thrust into her, his movements getting more urgent. She shakily cupped his face as she slotted her lips against his, silently urging him to chase his own pleasure. Lucien didn’t need any more heeding as his hips jerked frantically. His brows knit in concentration and his lips parted with effort. Lucien grunted as he felt her tightening around him once again.

“Lucien…Lucien…” she blabbered against his lips, entirely incomprehensible.

Lucien swallowed her every pant, every moan as he reached between her legs once more. He wanted to see her in the throes of passion as he came.

“I love you,” she panted, “I love you.”

It was those words that made Lucien utterly fall apart. He tensed as his hips stuttered to a stop, spilling heat within her. His body shuddered from pure bliss as he slumped into her arms, breathing harshly against her lips. Stars erupted behind his closed eyes, the most brilliant and vibrant flashes of gold danced in his vision. His actions coaxed another release for her as she climaxed around him. The feeling was indescribable, and Lucien thought that if he were to leave this world, he'd absolutely have no regrets.

Trembling, she fell back against the bed, pulling Lucien down with her. He took great care not to crush her and laid down on his side, his arms encircling her waist. Their pants mingling together until they weren't sure who was exhaling and who was inhaling. They gazed at each other, still breathless, still connected. He could hear both of their hearts beating in time, synchronized thudding to a beat that was unique to only them. Lucien had never felt more complete. He reached out to brush a strand of hair from her eyes.

“Lucien, I love you,” she breathed, staring deep into Lucien’s eyes.

He leaned in to kiss her, lips conveying the words of his heart, the words he was unable to speak out.

I love you too, my little butterfly.

Moments passed, the two of them were content to lay in each other’s arms. After a little while, Lucien gently extracted himself from her, prompting a soft whine. He pressed a finger against her lips, shushing her, “Let me clean you up. I’ll be right back,” he promised.

True to his word, he came back with a towel which he used to wipe her down carefully. She opened her arms invitingly when he was done, and he obediently fell back into her arms. Shifting slightly, he maneuvered them so that she was laying on his chest and he pulled the blankets around them.

“Are you tired?” He asked gently as he stroked her hair.

She shook her head, “Can we talk?” she asked shyly, voice muffled by his chest.

Lucien smiled, “About what?”

She shuffled so she was looking into his eyes. “I…want to know…about Black Swan,” she said hesitantly. “About how and why you joined. And…about Ares…”

Lucien simply nodded, unsurprised. He knew this conversation would come up sooner or later. “Are you sure you want to have this conversation now? It’s not exactly a happy story.”

“I want to know,” she bit her lip gently.

“Alright,” Lucien agreed without hesitation, “Where would you like to start?”

Her eyes widened in surprise, obviously not expecting Lucien to agree so easily. “How about…how you came to join Black Swan?”

Lucien’s lips pursed in thought, “Well, there’s not much to it,” he finally said. “A car accident happened when I was seven. It took away my parents and left me in critical condition. People from Black Swan found me, saved my life, and I’ve been with them ever since.”

She digested this information, “And…Ares?” she hesitantly said the name.

“Ares is the name I use within the organization,” Lucien told her gently, “I’m sure that you’ve noticed by now, that we prefer Greek god names.”

“But…” she dragged out the word slowly, “You seem like two different people when you’re…Ares and when you’re Lucien.”

Lucien sighed, “Ares is me. Lucien is also me. Ares and Lucien are one and the same.” There was a bitter tone in his voice.

She was silent for a few moments. “Maybe that’s true,” she murmured, “But I know you would never hurt me. And that includes Ares.” The last part was full of confidence.

Silly girl, Lucien sighed internally, “I did…certain things when I was Ares…Because of that, I have a certain image within Black Swan,” he started haltingly. She nodded like she understood. “I approached you as Ares pretending to be your version of the ‘Lucien’ that you know. I needed to get close to you so I could accomplish my mission. But…I failed.”

“How?” She asked him quietly.

Lucien chuckled, “What do you think? It’s all because of you, silly girl. I’m supposed to bring you to Black Swan, and I’ve had all these opportunities to do so. And yet, here you are.”

“Did you…get hurt?”

“Can you please worry about yourself for once?” Lucien tweaked her nose and sighed.

She wrinkled her nose, “I don’t need to worry about myself because I have you protecting me,” she smiled. “You said I’m an asset to you.”

“Are you always this trusting?” Lucien asked, exasperated.

*“You told me you would ensure my safety. And that you don’t engage in worthless endeavors. I thought that was because I am the Queen. But now like you said, I haven’t been taken to Black Swan, so what is it that you’re protecting me from? Why would you protect me from Black Swan when you’re a member of Black Swan?” She raised her chin, challenging him.

She had seen right through him. Lucien’s lips curved into a small smile.

His fingers traced gentle circles on her waist. “I think you already know the answer to that,” he murmured. “You should know…I never intended to lie to you, but my intentions were never good to begin with,” the last part of his sentence was a little quieter, as if Lucien were talking to himself.

“What changed?” She asked curiously.

Lucien heaved a self-deprecating sigh, “You,” he said, simple and straightforward. She looked at him, confused. Lucien cradled her face gently and smiled, “You did. You changed everything. You turned all of my plans inside out and my world upside down.”

Her brow furrowed, “Me? What do you mean?”

“You brought color into my world,” Lucien said simply, leaving her to wonder what he meant by those words. Before she could respond, he continued, “*You taught me all the beautiful things, like folding a paper crane. You showed me how beautiful a rainbow after a storm could be. *I used to not fear death, but I started fearing it only after I met you. And because of you, I want to live.”

Her eyes turned watery, “Lucien…”

“What?” he sighed, brushing his thumbs on her cheeks, “Why are you crying, silly girl? It’s all true.”

She sniffled, “I’m not crying,” she said hastily.

“Alright,” Lucien chuckled, pulling her closer and placing a chaste kiss on her lips. “You should sleep, it’s late.”

She pulled back to gaze into his eyes. “You’re going to hypnotize me, aren’t you?” Seeing his startled expression, she smiled wryly, “You were never this open with me before, something must be up.”

“Do you regret it? Your decision?” Lucien asked instead.

“Of course not,” she replied firmly, “I’m just glad that precious memories like these exist. And you can protect these precious and happy memories for us.”

“I know you made your choice,” Lucien started hesitantly but she shook her head at him.

“Lucien, I made my choice, but you must have your reasons. I’m choosing to believe that your reasons must have something to do with protecting me. And if it’s because of that, then I’ll allow you to do so. I respect your decision and your choices, just like you did with mine. And right now, I’m happy just to be able to be in your arms like this,” she gazed deeply into his violet eyes. “Being able to create these memories with you is enough for me. I shouldn’t be any more greedy and wish that I can cling onto these memories as well.”

Lucien’s breath caught in his throat. “Do you trust me?” His voice was low, full of unspoken emotion.

She nodded without hesitation. “I do. And I trust that you will come back to me.”

Lucien swallowed hard. “Then I will cherish and protect these beautiful memories,” he vowed hoarsely.

She beamed, and it was still the single-most bright and dazzling thing Lucien had ever seen. “Good.”

“Aren’t you afraid of me? And…the dark part of me?” Lucien finally voiced his worries.

“Lucien,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, “Just like you said, Ares is you. But it is only a part of you. Ares is not completely Lucien, nor is Lucien completely Ares. Everyone has a dark side, why should you be any different? I love and accept all of you, including Ares. I’m not afraid because of that. We may have different viewpoints and we might disagree with one another, but I’m not afraid of you. I was afraid, however, that all these memories we created together meant nothing to you. That they were all just part of the plan. I was afraid that your feelings weren't real. But now, I know how you truly feel about me and my fears couldn't be further from the truth. Your dark side is only a small part of you, but I love the whole you. As long as you’re Lucien or the part that is ‘Lucien’ exists, I will love you. And you already said earlier,” she touched the mark she had made earlier on his neck. “You’re mine.”

“Yours,” Lucien promised, voice thick with raw emotion. His heart swelled. He didn’t think he could love this woman any more than he already did, but she had proven him wrong. Again.

She smiled with satisfaction and leaned in, “I love you, Lucien,” she breathed across Lucien's lips, setting Lucien’s heart aflame.

He was going to do everything in his power to keep her safe. To return to her. So that the next time, they meet, they can love each other openly without fear. And that was a promise Lucien fully intended to keep.

“Wait for me,” he murmured, pressing his forehead against hers.

“I will,” she replied steadily.

There was a sigh of relief and Lucien tucked her under his chin, holding her close. “Sleep,” he commanded quietly, “It’s late.” He pressed his lips tenderly against her forehead, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into her back.

It was amazing how comfortable Lucien felt with her body against his, lying in his arms. He had not been this relaxed in a long time. She made him feel whole, as if she completed the missing part of his heart.

And maybe you are, Lucien thought to himself, smiling as he occasionally pressed kisses to her temple, the person at the end of my red string. My little butterfly.

When she had finally fallen asleep, Lucien looked at the slowly brightening sky. His heart tightened. He wanted to freeze this moment forever. The pink-tinged sky didn’t grant his request and instead brilliant hues of orange and red started spreading across the sky, as if taunting him. He didn’t have long before they had to part. Slowly, Lucien eased away from the sleeping girl. He put on the clothes strewn around his room and tenderly dressed her, taking great care not to wake her. He caressed the light purple mark on her collarbone and smiled sadly. It was time. He picked up the girl gently. A bright white light flashed around the room.

They reappeared inside the girl’s apartment. Lucien carried the sleeping figure to her room and tucked her in. He then took out his phone and sent a message to her phone.

He leaned forward and brushed her bangs back softly to press a soft kiss against her forehead.

“I promise you,” he whispered, “I promise we’ll go fly a kite when spring comes. I promise to celebrate all my birthdays with you. I promise to ensure your safety. I promise I will always come back to you. I promise that we’ll be together. I promise that I belong to you, and to only you.” He repeated all the promises he made her. “Wait for me, butterfly.” He hooked their pinkies together and kissed their linked fingers softly. “I promise.”

He then placed a tender, final kiss against her lips and breathed out the words that had been hidden under his heart for so long. “I love you.”

Lucien stood up and walked to the door silently, before turning around to take one last look at her. She was sleeping soundly. The gentle sun of the early morning cast a soft pink over her, a beautiful but cruel reminder that told Lucien he was out of time. The night he had promised himself had come to an end and now it was morning. It was time for him to go.

He had set a glass of water, along with two painkillers on her bedside table. There was also a paper crane standing guard. It was the one with her wish.

*“I wish Lucien and I forever…”

Underneath her wish, Lucien had added a set of words. Another promise.

*“For every forever that you wished for, I’ll be there.”

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

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