#i hesitate to say the ptsd is evolving in a psychosis way but idk what else id call it if i acknowledged it lol
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. <- brainwormed
#always something#its always whether ill get a job or if theres a point in me doing anything#and then its the repetition and its thinking i know everything and can see how its all gonna pan out and everythings gonna fall apart#because i know exaaaaactly how eeeeverything works and me ignoring it and letting it worm into my dreams is me ignoring SIGNS and WARNINGS#and its alllll just going to spiral and fall in the same domino pattern but i keep kidding myself about it and pretending its allll fine#because everyone saysssss its fine but nobody actually knowsss they dont see the pattern that i do they dont realizes the chances are more#likely to repeat than to be something new because whasaaats changed theres toooo many variables#it is easier to have zero variables than to have all these extraneous issues and try to pretend theyre going to end up favourably#it is wishful thinking aaaat best but its just a lie about what u want reality to be not what it actually is#typed all this and realized im probably feeling insane bc of insane ptsd or whatever brain oh well#ah the world isnt a lie that ive been choosing to believe i guess i have to do my homework so future rohan isnt cooked#the gamer speaks uwu#i hesitate to say the ptsd is evolving in a psychosis way but idk what else id call it if i acknowledged it lol
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