#i hc that gen adds dumbapples to EVERYTHING

[rottenpumpkin13]

SOLDIER Vlogging Shenanigans pt. 7

[There's static as the camera shuffles in the dark. Light peeks through the lense as it films four sets of feet underneath a table. Dozens of voices fill the darkness along with laughs and clatter of silverware against dishes]

"—Gaia's name are you doing, Gen?" Angeal's cut-off question is heard, followed by Sephiroth's muffled laughter.

 [The camera is hidden in Zack's lap, pointing upward at Genesis sitting beside him in a cafeteria booth. The commander proceeds to cut up a Banora White, dunking the slices into a piping hot soup of some kind]

[Zack turns the camera back to himself. He grimaces] 

Sephiroth grunts. "Do you remember when Lazard said we sometimes exhibit behaviors that might benefit from therapy?" A pause. "This is what he meant." 

[There's a clangor of clattering plates as Genesis slams his fist on the table]

"Oh goddess, LET ME LIVE!"

—

[The video next cuts to a different angle, Zack is now filming Sephiroth sitting across from him in the booth. He's eating lunch. Angeal is beside him still watching in horror as Genesis eats the Dumbapple-French-Onion soup]

"What's up, vlog! We're currently at lunch and Genesis—"

[Zack points the camera directly into Genesis's bowl]

"—is commiting culinary atrocities," Angeal finishes for him. 

They both laugh. "I don't know how to explain it, but Genesis has the eating habits of a toddler," Zack adds.

[Zack turns the camera back to a laughing Angeal ignoring Genesis's scathing glare. The video blurs as the camera pans the Sephiroth quietly eating]

"Okay, and since we're eating, I want to take this opportunity to answer one of your fans' burning questions—"

[The camera flickers to Angeal, then to Genesis]

"Drumroll please, fellas!"

[Angeal and Genesis drum their hands on the table. The camera pans back to Sephiroth, looking miffed, his lips pressed into a thin line]

"Would you rather," Zack pauses for dramatic effect, "Eat earthworm pasta OR cockroach stew?"

Sephiroth keeps a straight face. "Cockroach stew."

[The camera quickly points back at Genesis choking on his Banora White juice]

"You answered that alarmingly quickly," he points out.

[The camera points to Angeal]

"I mean, considering pasta is your favorite food, I assume it'd be easier to eat." 

[The camera points back to Sephiroth, who's shrugging as he puts down his fork]

"I assumed that by stew he meant a soup-like dish, which would ultimately mean the cockroaches aren't whole, thus making it easier to drink up quickly."

"Alright, what if the cockroaches are whole?" Zack asks from behind the camera. 

Sephiroth finishes chewing before wiping his mouth and replying: "I'd simply add dumbapples to it and hope for the best." 

[The camera shakes violently as the three SOLDIERS double over in a laughing fit. The motion-blurred camera pans to a displeased Genesis, who's in the process of getting up, tray in hand]

"I'm done with you people," he declares before stalking off across the cafeteria.

[The camera turns back to Zack, still laughing, who waves at the audience before ending the video]