#i havent like. drawn. like i used to for almost a full year now. idk wats up w that

[skenpiel]

i filled a whole canvas with shitty little rose doodles te other day and this was the only one that came out even half decent LAWL. can u tell i lik e stylizing -_-

[six40seven]

September 16-18th

I didnt go to school. I told Niki i was feeling too sick to and she just nodded and said it was fine. Just by her body language i could tell she was distracted by something else and i didnt want to bother her more then necessary. I wanted to say thanks to all the people on here sending kind messages and concerned asks. I am okay. I was just a little rattled these last few days and well, of course today. I havent slept in almost 32 hours. There is no way in hell im closing my eyes and waking up somewhere strange again with no recollection of how i got there.

This doesnt make sense, and i can tell youre telling me in your head “Ran you need to sleep.” And i know you’re right but it was just horrifying. I have a hard enough time remembering what i do when im awake. Why would this suddenly start happening to me. Its unfair. I was doing fine. Now im not, and i dread falling asleep again. Im too afriad to ask Niki to instal a lock of sorts so last night and the night before and really any time I’ve been feeling the urge to sleep.. well I’ve began to tie my foot to my post. ITS NOT TIGHT. I just dont want to wander off again.

Fall break is soon. I mean sorta. I attempted to attend school online the second day home after the ordeal but my connection was too shit. I guess its the trees blocking the signal. Or maybe the mountains. Speaking of trees, i havent left my house since that day. I dont want to risk whatever happened happening again, worse while im awak. Not that i think it will but the way the trees just… tempt me sometimes. I cant risk walking to the bus or walking even out of my house. WHEERE i use to consider it a blessing to not live in the town houses, i now regret never moving closer. Fuck. Its been so long since I’ve been outside im worried my skin will fall off my body and ill die if i spend one more day barred in my room.

Its okay, for the most part. besides the natural (?) urge i have to be outside all the time. Ive sort of forgotten to document much these o past few days. But i dont think anything else significant happened. As far as related to me. Niki didnt come back the first night and i spent all that time in ym room with the blind drawn and the lights on. I was afriad if i turned the lights off i would nod off. I ended up watching YouTube and Netflix on my laptop as well as cleaning my entire room.

Usually my room is a trash heap, i like it that way, its like having my own nest. But that first night. I couldn’t stand all the things and i pretty much Ed cleaned everything top to bottom in less then 3 hours. I found a few interested things while i was doing that, including but not limited to: a box full of my old Polaroids and camera, a stuffed animal i thought i had lost which went back onto my bed, and a total of 20 spare dollars made mostly out of 1 Dollar bills and quarters.

The only thing of real interest was the Polaroid camera. I thought i lost that thing years and years ago. I only know i had one at all because i have some older pictures pinned places and tucked into my phone case. Theyre all of people i dont really know but i like to think i do so i can carry some part of them with me. They must have been important to me at some point yk. So i decided to look through and sort out any of the Polaroids i remeber or anything like that. These are my findings. I’ll explain them after i show them to you.

starting at the left top and going left to right. It reads Nov 1st 20##. all of these are from when i was a kid. maybe when i was in 4th or 5th grade? Im not entirely sure the exact age i was. The photo shown is a picture i must have taken of some sort of important journal entry, i cant really read it but at least if i ever needed to remeber taking a picture.. I remember, thanks past me.

The next one, in order, is a picture of two shadows. Maybe three. Probably me. Maybe Niki… or Eryn. we were close when we were kids and hes in two of these already. So ill just mention him. idk if he will be okay with me talking about him on here. I dont think he knows i have this account. hopefully he doesnt find it. Not that i would care very much. He just doesnt like me. The caption is just a date. oct 3rd. no year. I wonder when it happened? sometime in my childhood probably. I havent used this camera in years and years. I lost it so long ago.

The third is a weirdly saturated picture of a park in my town. The bigger town. Its just weird. And the caption says… evacuating or something. Its sorta weird. also Niki might have taken this picture because her name is on it too. Seems like her type of thing. from what i remeber as a kid, when we still lived in the big town, she was into weird saturated pictures. Something about scene. I dont know really.

The fourth is on the second line of pictures i found in the Box. On the bottom left. It says July 20## again sometime in my childhood. It shows aforementioned Eryn crouching ont he ground showing something to everyone. Or the viewer. I can see myself, or younger me. Younger me off to the side. Someone else took this picture. I dont remeber this happening. But it was important enough to keep so there it is. Thats pretty much it.

The fifth, wow thats a lot of numbers. Its got a smiley face :) on it. and its a picture of the lake. Yk the one bordering the left side of the bigger town. Its one of the smaller more muddy parts so its all gross. Probably from a hike that i wanted to remeber with Niki or something. I loved the lake when i was a kid. It was fun to swim in but after… after awhile i stopped going and then it closed because of something weird and now you can only go hiking near and around it.

The sixth. A picture of me and ****** hugging. Eryn in the background. It reads Eryn & ##### July. Its a cute picture. I dont know… who ****** is? Yeah i dont know. but i must have known them at one point because thats them. Yeah. They look familiar in the worse way and i pretty much threw that one back in the box as soon as I could. I dont like lookign at it. My stomach hurts when i do.

The seventh. And last a picture of a cat. Even when i was a kid i also apparently liked cats. It reads Spring 20##.

So yeah. I just wanted to say im glad i was able to find them and document them somewhere. I also thought while im explaing photos and stuff ill go into a little detail about what i discovered from that night. Posted on here.

The first piece is clearly a path somewhere in the forest. If i were to say, somewhere further in the mountains, near where the older remains of mines are. The only thing wrong about this piece is that…. When i posted it, theres no wya for there to have been snow. So either the photo is altered in some way, which is unlikely, because from what i can tell it was posted in the middle of the night. Or it was actually snowing wherever i was. even though all the previous days it had been raining.

The next picture looks like some sort of underground tunnel, lined with bricks and ending in step leading up to a barred and maybe locked? I dont know, barred iron gate. I have never seen that place before. Ive been in a lot of abandoned buildings that I’ve found near here but I’ve never seen something like this. The only explaination i can give for the location is possibly a sewer enterance somewhere in the basement of one of the older buildings, not from the big town but rather from the smaller town nearer to my house. Again, it looks like its snowing. Which makes no sense in any context, since it was snowing when i woke up (even though i said i thought it was) and because if this was underground where would snow be coming from? The title says… I heard you. Im here. I dont remeber this. Obviously. and i dont know who i would have.. heard? It doesnt make any sense.

The third picture… i dont have much to say. It looks dark. Maybe its related to the second picture, maybe its on the otherside of the gate. But I’ve never seen a place that dark before. Especially if it has walls. which I think it does. so it must be in a building somewhere out in the forest. Sorta supports my abandoned building theory. Or abandoned mine shaft? I have no idea. But the capture is clearly a long hallway. the caption says something is wrong. No duh. I am clearly self aware even if i dont remeber. I wonder if i act different..

Anyway, thats all for the last few days. I probably will end up attending school tomorrow. Niki isnt home yet, its near the end of the day so if she isnt home by now im assuming shes staying overnight at the office. wouldn’t be the first, wont be the last. I might get a snack before trying not to fall asleep a third night in a row. If anyone wants to chat with me, ill be open to the distractions.

[lisboy]

@x3carlyx3 thank you for tagging me hehe (i’m super late oops)

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better : @planetyardium @goldenvarnish @button-button-button @no2da @livinka-n-diland @bibliophilesbian @mononoke-maiden and uuh anyone who wants to (dw if you don’t want to do it, it’s cool ! 👍🏻) 

2nd RULE: BOLD the statements that are true ((commentary in double parentheses))

APPEARANCE: · I am 5'7"(~170 cm) or taller · I wear glasses {or contacts} · I have at least one tattoo · I have at least one piercing  · I have blonde hair · I have brown eyes · I have short hair · My abs are at least somewhat defined · I have or had had braces

PERSONALITY: · I love meeting new people ((it depends i guess. sometimes i love it, sometimes i kind of hate it until i’m used to them ; idk) · People tell me that I’m funny (or at least that my behaviors are funny) ((people usually tell me i’m weird, probably because i do dumb shit like sitting on the floor or wear funny clothes ; but really i’m not)) · Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me · I enjoy physical challenges · I enjoy mental challenges · I’m playfully rude with people I know well · I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it · There is something I would change about my personality ((i think too much about the past, i can’t seem to forget mildly embarrassing stuff i did like 8 years ago and it still makes me cringe, guh))

ABILITY: · I can sing well · I can play an instrument  · I can do over 30 pushups without stopping · I’m a fast runner · I can draw well · I have a good memory · I’m good at doing math in my head · I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute · I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling · I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch · I know how to throw a proper punch ((ooh id love to know how to punch...)

HOBBIES: · I enjoy playing sports ((ive always been bad at sports and i overheat so fast i can’t really play anything without becoming so red i can feel my skin burn lol. But i kind of like stuff such as badminton or long jump, even though i suck at it. It can be pretty fun though !) · I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else · I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else ·I have learned a new song in the past week · I work out at least once a week ·I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months  · I have drawn something in the past month · I enjoy writing · fandoms are my #1 passion  · I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: · I have had my first kiss  · I have had alcohol ((i mean i don’t drink because alcohol is disgusting, but i know what it tastes like) · I have scored the winning goal in a sports game · I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting · I have been at an overnight event · I have been in a taxi · I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year · I have beaten a video game in one day · I have visited another country · I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts ((i’m really not fond of concerts but i went to see mitski last year. There were too many people, the volume was way too high for me and it was sooo hot even tho it was only february, but i enjoyed the music i guess. It made me realize no matter what the concert is i won’t 100% enjoy it :/ ))

MY LIFE: · I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” ((i am full of love for my friends !!) · I live close to my school · My parents are still together · I have at least one sibling ((my little sisters art blog is @planetyard-art you should check it out !)) · I live in the United States · There is snow right now where I live ((i WISH)) · I have hung out with a friend in the past month · I have a smartphone ((i technically own a very very old smartphone, but it’s so old and broken i can’t even write texts anymore. I need to change but phones are expensive and addictive hmm) · I have at least 15 CDs · I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: · I’m in a relationship · I have a crush on a celebrity · I have a crush on someone I know · I have been in at least 3 relationships · I have never been in a relationship (my romantic life is nonexistent lol but i dont rlly care) · I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them · I get crushes easily ((ive had like 3 crushes in my entire life tbh, it’s almost funny))· I had a crush on someone for over a year · I have been in a relationship for at least a year · I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM SHIT: · I have breakdanced · I know a person named Jamie · I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce · I have dyed my hair · I’m listening to one song on repeat right now · I have punched someone in the past week · I know someone who has gone to jail · I have broken a bone · I have eaten a waffle today · I know what I want to do with my life · I speak at least 2 languages (i know french & english, i used to be good at spanish but i havent spoken it in almost 4 years ! i still understand it fairly well though. And i kinda..... know a bit of japanese........ but even after 5 years of official academic studies i'd be unable to speak to someone for more than 10 mns ive got so little confidence when it comes to japanese) · I have made a new friend in the past year (hmm.. ive talked to many new people but i don’t really consider them friends. They’re nice and all but we don’t hang out outisde of class so we’re not close, which is a shame !)