#i havent heard anything about my grandma since early may before my birthday because she had a stroke then

[fnvbennygecko]

sigh

[fall-out-of-formation]

can i ask for any and all of the numbers that you havent done? because tumblr rules are made to be bent and i want to ask as many as i damn well please thank you bye

Hey, bean. I wanted to let you know that the tags that you put on my selfie caused me to make some weird pterodactyl noise and it scared my cat. And I just spelled pterodactyl correctly on the first try for some reason? Oh, and the lighting was from my grandma’s bathroom. 

Woah. I wasn’t necessarily expecting this. But I like challenges, so imma do it. I wonder how personal and detailed I should make this? (Also I appreciate so much that you care about what I have to say? Like, holy shit.)

1. Any scars? Yes. Both kneecaps: I lost control of my scooter and ended up sliding down a hill on my freaking knees. I have a weird scar on my chest from when a kitten got mad at me while I was holding her. Four areas on my legs have scars as well. See question 2.

2. Self harmed? It’s like, the amount of time that goes by doesn’t matter. I see so many tumblr friends celebrating their milestones, and I’m so happy for them, but I feel sad for me. I went three years without doing it once. But it always comes back to me in moments of panic.

3. Crush? His name is Hunter and he’s an idiot. New ship: #Charter

4. Kissed anyone? A couple meaningless kisses in my youth, and then I experienced adult stuff with someone I love with all my being.

5. Coke or Pepsi? It depends on my mood, and I don’t understand how people always love one and hate the other. They’re both good, in my opinion. They have their subtle differences, both are good sodas.

6. Someone you hate? I’ve had it with the Kardashians, man. And the obvious: Trump.

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? Affirmative, but not going to go into detail on this post because I’ve got some younger mutuals that might take a peek at this and I don’t want them to judge me 310. Ever been in love? #Charter.

11. Last time you cried? Last week. I was freaking out because I was all by myself for way too long. 

14. Birthday? September 20!

19. If you had one wish, what would it be? A way to contact lost loved ones. I wanna call my uncle so bad, just to see how he is.

20. Do you love someone? I love a lot of people. But it’s still a strong love.

21. Kiss or hug? I love both, why do I have to choose :(

24. Favorite band? August Burns Red, The Devil Wears Prada, Twenty one Pilots, Lord Huron.

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? April 7th, 2011. My momma had a fiance. His name was Gary. He was such a sweetheart. Smart as hell, talented, and so easy to talk to. He and I decided to take a walk on the nature trail, and my mom stayed home because her stomach was hurting. It was a freaking beautiful April day, one of the first warm days of the year. Gary and I talked about the latest annoying Comcast commercial, we talked about black lightsabers and how they could even exist, and he asked me about my music interests. I was just explaining to him what a “scene kid” was when he fell. He died before I could say goodbye. He died before I could even understand what was happening. November 14th, 2013. The day I had to put my cat to sleep. From age four to sixteen, I had the weirdest connection with a kitty named Angel. My mom had adopted her for me as an Easter present, when I was little. We bonded on the very first day and we were inseparable for her whole life. She supported me and she could tell when I was sad. When I was eight, my mom had yelled at me for something. I was crying on my bed. Angel jumps up and starts playing with my tears. She knew it would help. One day she was rolling around on the floor, showing her belly and being cute. I didn’t usually touch her belly because I knew she didn’t like it. But for some reason, I did that day. And I felt a tumor. She fought her cancer with as much bravery as any human. But I couldn’t make her suffer any longer. She died in my arms, and with her, died my childhood. My comfort, familiarity, sanity, connection, everything died with her. I have never mourned so hard in my life as I did that night. January 7th, 2014. I am working my shift at Panera bread. Just counting down the minutes. Wanting to get the hell out of there. I heard a woman yelling, and I didn’t understand who it even was. It was my mom. She was telling me that we had to go. Immediately. Her brother had passed in his sleep. He was in his early forties. He wasn’t supposed to die. He’s supposed to walk me down the isle at my wedding. He’s supposed to take me to the August Burns Red concert next year, because that’s what he always does. He’s supposed to take me camping in May. We have way too many conversations that haven’t been had yet. We’re supposed to go fishing. And get taco bell afterwards. He’s supposed to answer the phone at 3 a.m. when I feel like shit, because I know he’s probably feeling like shit, too, and we can help each other feel better. 

27. Something you would change about yourself? I have no motivation. At all. I’ve got loads of clean laundry from three weeks ago sitting in the middle of the floor. I can’t fold it, I just can’t.

28. Ever dated someone? I’ve dated two guys seriously. I don’t count the rest.

29. Worst mistake? In the seventh grade, I was a witness to a situation that caused the loss of a teacher’s job. Maybe the outcome would have been different if I hadn’t been too scared to defend him. That’s a long, weird story.

30. Watch the movie or read the book? Both. Preferably, book first, then movie.

31. Ever had a heartbreak? See all three situations in number 25.

32. Favorite show? 2 Broke Girls, Yu Yu Hakusho, XFiles

34. Any talents? I used to dance competitively. And some people like the photos I take! 

35. Do you wish you could ever start over? Yes. Get me out of here

36. Any bad habits? I’ve been biting my nails since I had teeth :(

37. Ever had a near death experience? I was at a metal show, up against the barrier, and the crowd stormed the barrier. The barrier almost collapsed and I might have been crushed. Or any time I get in the car with Hunter.

38. Someone I can tell anything to? Hunter. 

39. Ever lost a loved one? See 25, haha.

40. Do you believe in love? I do. Not the fairy tale stuff, but I believe in what I’ve got going on.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike? trrrrrrrruuuuuuuump.

42. Are you okay? It’s complicated. 

43. Relationship status? #Charter.