#i havent drawn tommy in So Long i had to look at my old art to see how i draw him lol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
cata-strophes Ā· 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
for the expression meme :] got asked on instagram for "c!Tommy in Try to hold despair" ^-^
2K notes Ā· View notes
vamytas Ā· 7 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
18th May ā€˜94
Ā Ā Ā Ā  Molly,
Thanks for your exhibition prints. Iā€™ve sold a few off the counter, the deer ones are popular. Still find it funny that people opt for the cuter kind, even if the forest frolickers are dead, although when one woman came in to buy a wallet for her husband and I told her the deer was a taxidermy she didnā€™t seem as eager to look around much more! Shame, that. Tried to tell her half the cost went to the RSPCA but she didnā€™t buy it. Iā€™ll see if Alex wants one. Have you sent some to Tommy? Heā€™d like the mouse driving the car (thatā€™s him, right...?)
I would say ā€˜same oldā€™ here if it was true but itā€™s not. The bloke I work with, Rob, the one who thought it would be a grand idea to throw Alexā€™s surprise birthday bash, he hasnā€™t shown up for work in a couple days and he wonā€™t pick up his phone. I could joke that it was Alexā€™s doing but at this point with the way heā€™s become such a recluse I wouldnā€™t put it past him. Maybe they eloped? Not that they have any reason to, didnā€™t catch on to anything like that. Not that youā€™d care, obviously (ha ha). I shouldnā€™t joke about it, though. Robā€™s somewhere we donā€™t know...or at least I donā€™t know. Thank god Alex is responding even if itā€™s minimal. I asked him if he knew anything andĀ  he said he didnā€™t. At the moment itā€™s a mystery to us but Iā€™m not sure if Robā€™s family have managed to get in contact, or if he has any family to worry over him, thereā€™s a lot of characters like that around here.
Donā€™t be a stranger, even if you have all the critics climbing all over eachother just to glance at your face. Are you really going to try and pull the Banksy thing?
Ā Ā Ā  Much love,
Ā Ā Ā  Seb
P.S. Have you installed your dial-up yet? Dataā€™s quicker to send than paper.
21 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Beep, beep ... nnNNRRHH
Happy to see youā€™ve joined the legion of the world wide web! I know a lot of people complain about the noise but it doesnā€™t sound much different to what we used to listen to. You havenā€™t sold your original 20 Jazz Funk Greats, have you? Not sure it would even rake in much with what we drew all over the back, unless you or Alex get put in the Tate. With the way youā€™re going I wouldnā€™t say itā€™s a far way off! Also need more of those prints! Running low. Youā€™re a popular girl here :) -- thatā€™s called a smiley.
As for the Earnshaw Update: heā€™s as much a hermit as your sister used to be when she started getting into The Cure. I donā€™t know what instigated it but heā€™s only been reachable by phone since his birthday, and only at night. Iā€™ve tried dropping in but his doorā€™s been shut tight and I donā€™t know where he keeps the emergency key. You should try talking to him (I can resend his address if youā€™ve lost it, he hasnā€™t got internet yet). Thatā€™s if I canā€™t tide him over by telling him youā€™ve got a gift, next time he picks up... if he does. Sorry, that sounds very doom and gloom. I really am worried about him, if only because he hasnā€™t been in this kind of stasis since... well.
Please get back to me as soon as you can.
Much love,
Seb
23 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Heā€™s alive!
Did you send that print to him? I came by his place tonight and he answered after the first knock! Smiling as ever. He felt colder than a Yorkshire winter, though, and pale. I told him I could help with the gas bill if he needed it but he waved me off. We went out to one of those clubs where everyone is in fishnets and knock-off McQueen, which is nothing new, but they were playing that new MTV gothic stuff, the kind he said he hated -- could be broadening his horizons. I lost him for a bit but he found his way back, heā€™s somehow easy to distinguish from the crowd now (for me that is, imagine itā€™s always been the case with you, ha ha!)
He also told me that Rob went on a spontaneous break to Rome. Rob in Rome! And that Iā€™d be getting a ā€œconfirmation of assuminā€™ such responsibilties required of a leather shoppe owner, as well as the salaryā€. Alex and him were closer than I thought.
Itā€™s all looking up here. Whatā€™s happening with you? Apart from the Guardian editorial, you donā€™t tell me much apart from work!
Much love,
Seb
27 May 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Concerned again.
I donā€™t mean to ignore the other topics covered in our ditties but Al has gone Weird. I know he always has been, in that ā€˜cool cousinā€™ kind of way but now heā€™s just... I donā€™t know. Heā€™s practically nocturnal. Thereā€™s more and more stuff popping up in his wardrobe that he used to say was aĀ ā€˜fuckinā€™ disgrace of shite tasteā€™ -- the chokers! There must be about ten discarded around his whole place. Iā€™ve seen some of his paintings too and theyā€™re dark, as in David Lynch meets Goyaā€™s black paintings, I mean theyā€™re good -- really good -- but it just seems excessive.
Worst of all, he keeps mentioning Ricky. Since the accident heā€™s been fairly healthy with talking about it but now it seems like heā€™s got this growing obsession with ā€˜what it all meant, his deathā€™, I donā€™t even know what Alex meant by that.Then heā€™ll ask me where I think Ricky is now and honestly I donā€™t know, I donā€™t like to think about it. I just keep saying ā€˜somewhere warmā€™Ā  because it seems like Alex needs the comfort. I donā€™t know if what happened to Ricky got to him more than he let on before, or if he was too preoccupied at the time with making sure I didnā€™t do anything drastic. Was I that needy?
I donā€™t know anymore. I donā€™t know what to suggest either. Sorry to end on such a downer of a note.
Love,
SebĀ 
1 June 1994Ā 
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: Dire.
I donā€™t know him anymore, Molly. When we donā€™t go out he just wants to talk about Ricky with me, like Iā€™m a proxy for some kind of loss heā€™s going through. But I donā€™t know what loss that is -- you? Itā€™s the only comparison I can think of. I feel like the kid stuck between two divorced parents with you two sometimes. Except he avoids talking about you all together and if I do bring you up, like how you were moving back to London, he just looks down, rubs his beard... a new habit.Ā 
(Beard, yeah. I forgot to tell you because it was a really gradual transition at the time that I didnā€™t notice, but he has this Jesus thing going for him. Before, I didnā€™t think much of it but now itā€™s like an inherent look he should have been born with, innate? I could never imagine him looking like it but now itā€™s hard to imagine him looking any different.)
Anyway, beards aside. Heā€™s getting... creepy. When weā€™re not drinking he just wants to postulate on death and ā€˜what comes afterā€™, heā€™s a right fucking misery to be around. Although I havenā€™t seen him drink much at all, do you think heā€™s on drugs or something? Itā€™s the only conclusion I can come up with, and I donā€™t have anyone else to ask about this because theyā€™re all in the same scene he is.
Please reply soon.
Seb
2 June 1994
To: MissMolly
From: S.M.
Subj: -
Okay there are some things Iā€™ve witheld for a long time because I didnā€™t want to cause you any unnecessary pain. As much as I know you say youā€™re fine itā€™s never a gift to hear these things but I feel it has a lot to do with how Alex is now.
After we moved to SF he started seeing this woman who I didnā€™t see much of myself,,Ā  she set me on edge but I can understand how he was drawn to her because I think it was mainly a sex thing to get over you. I told yu before that he was a catastrophic mess after you left and things got better but when I say catastrophic mess I really mean it, I wonā€™t state examples because I dont mean to make you feel guilty Molly but itā€™s the truth and I donā€™t know what to do anymore.
I didnt want to make uyo worryĀ  because i know you;re already dealing with enough already, and i didnt want this matter in particular to be especially distressing for you. But I think alex and this woman were into heavy stuffĀ  - not drugs but maybe that too. We went out while he was with this girl, in January, I think? it was to one of those fetish clubs, wasnā€™t my thing. But he left me there alone without telling me he was leaving, hhe left with the girl and didnā€™t even leave meĀ  a voicemail. I got home fine, couldnā€™t sleep though. But thenĀ  I went over to check on him in the morning and his back was covered in gashes and blood. he didnt wake up but he was breathing. i didnā€™t know what to do,Ā  i pretended i never walked in and he called me soon after to apologise for the night but iĀ  wouldnt say anything about his back because i thought it was a bdsm thing but with the way hes acting now i dont know if he was being abused? I dont know the telltale signs, just that heā€™d follow this woman around like she had him on a leash.
There are still parts of him I recognise but thereā€™s something about him which feels out of touch, like heā€™s not the same person but trying to be.Ā  I dont know how to put it, maybe Iā€™ve been away from someone who can actually talk about these problems for too long
The thing is I havent seen him with this woman in a while, since his birthday Iā€™d say. Despite it he seems a lot happier now than when he was with her (apart from the Ricky fixation) but heā€™s gone full blown Byronic Bohemian.Ā  Heā€™s invited me out almost every day in the past week and since this was an improvement from locking himself inside, I tried to go as much as I could. Each time Iā€™d lose him for a while because heā€™d gone off with a girl . He thinks heā€™s being discreet but Iā€™m not much of a dancer for these places so all thereā€™s left to do is watch. Sometimes he goes home with them and offers to pay me for a taxi, which is a step up from leaving me stranded, Iā€™ll give him that.
I know I shouldnā€™t have but I looked through his art yesterday (his emergency key is in a broken light on a wall outside his door), not his stuff under the bed but in his wardrobe. Thereā€™s five entire sketchbooks of you, some of the drawings are so beautiful, he still remembers how you look exactly but in others they just seem... off? Not that they donā€™t look like you because they do, even if itā€™s a few strokes, but for someone who knows you they just look like he;s trying to put through what he is now onto you?Ā  I donā€™t know. that doesnt make sense.Then there are some Ricky drawings in there too butĀ  I donā€™t want to talk about them.Ā  he writes stuff around you and Ricky, dates and places and random lines like ā€˜snake chokes on its own tailā€™ andĀ ā€˜saw him around Sebā€™sā€™.Ā  IĀ  think heā€™s scared of losing parts of himself and not being able to get them back.
Please talk to himĀ  Molly , you know his number and email . I know you think youā€™ll do him more harm than good but I donā€™t know what to say, if I point out how heā€™s acting weird he just resorts to deflective humour ā€˜itā€™s all part of being a la Americana nowā€™. But Iā€™m worried if I push it heā€™ll get angry. Sometimes I donā€™t feel safe with him and I donā€™t know why. Please reach him, I miss him, nothingā€™s right with Alex like this. Iā€™m getting homesick because thereā€™s nothing here that seems real anymore, everything feels like Iā€™m watching it through a TV screen and itā€™s muted, or the musicā€™s too loud to hear what people are really saying. I donā€™t want to leave Alex alone but I feel like Iā€™m in a coma here.
Do you think I could stay with you for a while?
Love always,
Seb
13 notes Ā· View notes