#i haven't really posted my cute girl october stuff here but

[dear-crybunny]

Once upon a time...

[0x4468c7a6a728]

Hi, I am invading your ask box! :3c

One day, I think I saw you do a large "lycoris recoil"-posting streak and realized I never even noticed you had posted about it before, which prompts the question: what are the anime you really enjoyed (and perhaps don't get as many opportunities to talk about)?

hiiiii :3

admittedly, it was really only around a year ago when i watched bocchi the rock that i seriously got back into anime (before that it had been some... rather unfortunate show choices as a teenager so i never really got that into it), i also don't entirely remember what stuff i have and haven't posted on here, so i'll just talk about the stuff i've enjoyed over the past year or so (in the order they're listed in my folder) at some level of detail and maybe there will be some stuff i've neglected on my blog! i've watched a good bit of stuff thanks to semi-frequent watching with my girlfriend

lycoris recoil - i enjoyed this show a lot! fun plot and i really liked chisato and takina!

adachi to shimamura - very cute show, i want another season!

bocchi the rock - not much to say here given the contents of my blog, i enjoyed this show so much that it got me back into anime and somehow catapulted me into a little friend group and also having a girlfriend somehow? thanks bocchi!

girls last tour - i read the manga before watching the anime, but as a whole girls last tour has ended up as one of my favorite pieces of art of all time, it's so good!

gundam the witch from mercury - show that tricked me into liking gundam with the power of yuri, there is now an hg aerial kit in my closet that i haven't gotten around to building

madoka magica - a show i somehow had not seen until this last october, i enjoyed it just as much as i thought i would from its reputation

nichijou - another one i somehow hadn't seen! extremely silly show that maybe sort of contributed to the realization that i could just be a girl? don't worry about that last part

yuru camp - very cozy show! watching it makes me kinda sleepy and remember going camping when i was younger, i appreciated the number of trains in the most recent season! (i got really excited when the ikawa line was in the show and then even more excited when they talked about how it's a rack railway)

and there we go! looking back i've posted about most of these, but it was fun to go through what i've watched recently and think about it again! hopefully this answers your question! :3

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye