#i haven't really been reading (or writing) creative fiction like... all year

[salubriwrites-blog]

A Weird Dive into my favorite ships

This started as an answer to an anonymous question but... it grew a little bit. I have no forward except to please drink water today! Love you!!!!

I'm actually pretty new still to writing fanfiction. I've been an avid writer since I was 10 and was even working on getting my own book published. From there I springboarded into TTRPG design where I wrote world building, lore, and characters for IPs like Call of Cthulhu and Vampire: The Masquerade. I only really just got into writing *fan fiction* in the last 2 years.

My first fanfic/ship was actually pretty silly. I was on the Encanto hype train when that movie first came out (can you believe its been 3 years???) and I loved, loved, loved Bruno Madrigal. He was the traumatized, distraught uncle living in the walls of Casita trying to fix the internal damage that came from Abuela's treatment of La Familia. His intentions were pure, and he obviously had gone through a lot to drive him to the point where we see him in the story. This was the first branch I would hit falling down the "I can fix them" tree.

The story is cute and has a happy ending, but as we all know in the real world, unlearning toxic behavior and overcoming life long trauma takes time. So I wrote a BrunoxOC story about it. I ended up orphaning it because I veered the story off in a direction I didn't like because the group I was part of were heavily influencing my creative choices. Boo, hiss I know, but I was still pretty new within the fanfiction genre so I buckled.

Moving on!

My second fiction that I put a lot more love into - sorta I may go back and rewrite parts of it now - was my YorickxOC fiction.

Yorick was my first ever League of Legends love. Fucking love that haunted beef cake. The Ruined Event did him dirty, the Ruined King Game did him dirty, and the book probably did him dirty too (I haven't read it). My Gravekeeper needs ALL THE LOVE because he is absolutely going through it in sheer solitude (though the Illaoi story where he goes to help destroy Viego's amulet gave me hope that now he gets visitors sometime on the island).

Remember Yorick Mori: Before the Ruination This was my first completed and quite hefty fiction weighing in at 153k words: it followed his story where he starts out on a lonely little fishing island called Portia (it doesn't have a name in Lore). He ends up on a slightly busier island that is situated off the coast of Helia (Blessed Isles capitol) and begins his journey to understand why he can communicate with the Dead. He meets a cast of charming monks that want to both see him thrive and maintain status quo. He even meets the owner of the bakery that barters with the Order of Dusk - whom he naturally falls in love with immediately. Rosalie McKahn is not a self insert. I don't make self inserts when I write OCs because I hold myself to a weird standard - also I don't see myself being compatible with most of these characters. Would I still like them to do unspeakable things to me? Oh shit yes. But from a story standpoint, I don't do self inserts. So Rosalie was not one of those. The story follows a young Yorick through his years of servitude to the Order of Dusk, uncovering dark secrets, finding confidence to become the man that he will need to be when the Ruination comes. Rosalie was not the only person who helped to build Yorick up in this story, but their love is what gives him the strength to keep fighting when the rest of it was bleak. This love eventually passes on to the Maiden of the Mist in the epilogue I have yet to write ^^;.

Then we got into the Heartsteel arc, and this was where I really found my love for the "I can fix them" dynamics. I have no shame in saying that I wrote all of "Making of Paranoia: Off Script" in a week's time while the music video played on a loop on my second monitor. I'm just not. That was where the neurons wanted me to go, and off I fucking went. I knew I liked Aphelios when he first debuted in League, but I was scared of him because he's an ADC with 5 guns. Skill Expression was not something I was confident enough in to pursue that character. But he was hot! He ha a backstory that excited me and had a lot of potential. I really wanted to explore Aphelios' dynamic with his sister and the Lunari elders - pigeon holing him into being a weapon of faith only.

I also knew I liked Yone, but was fearful of him for similar reasons. In the end I just nutted up, typed /mute all in game chat, and hit my head against the wall until I got M7 on Yone. His story is by far my favorite of all the League characters (rivaling Yorick's, of course). A man who spent his whole, short life trying to save someone who he thought was in danger of falling off the path of virtue? Only to come back and KEEP DOING IT but with extra steps??? WAITER ANOTHER PLEASE.

But I didn't really anticipate putting these two characters together within the canon sense. I didn't see a way that they could meet (though one of my friends has since written a beautiful fiction where it shows how they do meet, and how they do connect! https://archiveofourown.org/works/52384363/chapters/132517315 )

BUT THEN. BUT THEEEEN.

I was watching Paranoia for the 69th time that day and I saw THIS VERY SPECIFIC CLIP where the only person who looked the most remote bit of concern for Aphelios' well being was YONE. Boom, Off Script was born.

Off Script was definitely the first FanFiction where I really jumped into my current dynamic. It follows after the filming of that day, cut short after Aphelios fell into a water tank with one of the drones. Yone is going to check on him, and Aphelios is lamenting that no one else has come to see if he's alright. Not even his boyfriend, Sett.

This infuriates Yone because that's just not good boyfriend behavior, and he promises Aphelios that - should he be given the chance - Yone would treat him 10x better than Sett has, is, or ever will.

Also who wouldn't want to be treated like a princess by this specimen? Let's not fool ourselves. Anyway - Paranoia gave me a chance to explore this dynamic in a new way. Yone had issues of his own - I had to find a way to implement his Arzakana nature into a modern AU so I opted for "intrusive thoughts" that encouraged him to do some generally not nice things. In Yone's backstory he was a toxic person, used people up, whored his way through most of his opportunities, and was a bad brother to Yasuo. Yone initially followed Yasuo into the music making industry because he wanted to help his baby brother succeed - and he didn't really know what he wanted to do with his own life. Yone then got it into his head that maybe he and his brother could make music TOGETHER. Yasuo didn't want that because True Damage was doing it's own thing and - for just once in his life - he wanted something that only he had made, not with his older brother. Yone takes his poorly, and being the toxic brother that he is, makes a scene at an industry party and gets booted out. Yasuo cuts him out of his life. On his drunken, staggering tirade through the streets of Valoran City, Yone gets into an accident. He dies. But then suddenly gets resuscitated! I'm not a doctor so I just literally chalk it up to a freak accident that Yone comes back. While Yone believes that it's a second chance. He wakes up in the coroner's office in a cooler, and bangs and screams at the door the whole night until the coroner ME comes in the next morning to fetch the John Doe. Yone doesn't know who he is anymore, but he knows he can't be the asshole now cause that's what got him killed. So he spends time reflecting, soul searching. He knows he still loves making music, and though he gets a desk job and lives this semi-stable life, he still dreams of making music.

Enter Heartsteel.

Aphelios' twin sister is already a multi-platinum artist who runs her own record label - Lunari Studios. Aphelios is on the other side of the story - he's just kind of following Alune around and standing back as she shines. He knows he's talented - he knows a million instruments and helps Alune with her production, but he doesn't think that he could do it all by himself. When he and Sett start dating, it's more of the same. Sett is big and loud, people are drawn to him and his style, and it gives Aphelios someone to latch onto that isn't his sister for once. In Off Script, Aphelios' fate would have been the silent lyricist and musician for the band. He would have told himself that he was happy with standing back.

Except after the events of the music video, Yone won't let him. Yone encourages him to sing, to write bolder lyrics, to voice his opinion. Yone helps Aphelios find confidence, and in return Aphelios lets Yone help him. All Yone really ever wants in any AU is to help, but helpful people can be toxic too. Aphelios allows Yone to do that, but with his own confidence can help draw boundaries on when Yone is being too supportive, or investing too much of his own energy. In the Heartsteel AU I wrote, they are happy together ^^

I finished Off Script around the time of Worlds 2023. Which was when they announced my Babygirl!

And boy what a journey THIS CHARACTER HAS BEEN.

Hwei has it all. The trauma, the growth, the setbacks, the hips, the style, the potential. Surprisingly though - I am not a huge fan of the JhinHwei ship. Maybe cause I see too much of myself and who I used to be in its dynamic. I've been both of those characters in my past relationships, but this isn't the place for that kind of deep dive.

Hwei is neat because he introduced a new idea to my ship dynamic. He's not broken, just lost. He's looking for himself and every person he meets is just a stepping stone on his journey to peace of mind.

I wouldn't call Hwei self assured, because he doesn't know who he wants or what he wants to be, but he knows he has all the tools to reach that end. I like shipping him with multiple characters with Hwei in different stages of his self-realization because he is an inspiring character. He can terrify and and awe in the same breath, depending on which version of him we're visiting.

For this last one we're departing League completely.

I got into HSR after Genshin got a little stale for me. Also I got a fancy new phone that I could actually play Hoyo games on, and HSR is the best for mobile play.

I got into HSR in the middle of the Penacony story, but my friends warned me that I'd love Aventurine when I met him. I spoiled myself by looking at pictures of him and OOH BABY

You can fit so much trauma in this baby.

Aventurine is another fun one because yes - he has a tragic fucking story and I would single handedly help him repopulate Sigonia if given the opportunity. But once again, Teeeechnically not broken.?? He has ghosts he faces throughout the story, and must address each aspect of himself before crossing the river, but by the time he's come out, I like to think he's at peace with who he had to become in order to survive. From fighting in pits, murdering his former owner, tricking the IPC, I don't think Kakavasha would have done any of that stuff. Aventurine, on the other hand-

It's a common theme when you are in survival mode because of trauma. Is he fully cured? Fuck no, but will he continue to strive to be the kind of person he wished would have saved him when he was a kid? Fuck yes.

Which is why we need to impregnate him.

My friends warned me I'd love Blade. I was determined to not, but then I went through the Jingliu story and learned about the High Cloud Quintet and it was over.

I just think this guy's hot. I know a lot of people ship him with Dan Feng and Jing Yuan (it's pretty hot, ngl), but I kinda like Blade/Kafka or Blade/Stelle. The Kafka angle is not so much romantic as it is a mutual understanding that they are both going down this journey together and it can get lonely sometime. So more convenience than romance.

I'm working on a Blade/Stelle story right now where - Best I Am, Prey You Become. It explores Stelle abandoning the trailblaze to join the Stellaron Hunters, and as part of her initiation Blade if voluntold by Kafka to train her. Their relationship is mentor/student and she is obviously hot for him, but Blade is an immortal, tired old man who doesn't have time for that. Except Elio has other plans, as Blade's script reaches a conclusion - he finds something worth dying for. When it comes to HSR Fanfictions I take a lot more creative liberty because I didn't follow the lore to the letter. Also I love world building so!!!! I also built Sigonia-IV for that story, I just gotta get the neurons to activate x.x

[veeples]

writer interview

thanks for tagging me @narrativefoiltrope! <3 ik i don't really answer these ask/tag games v much anymore but i appreciate being tagged!

tagging: @lilas @bceky (teehee! i think it'd be fun if you answered on your game dev blog) and whoever wants to answer!

when did you start writing?

I definitely have clear memories of writing stories as early as 5th grade, so when I was like, 9-10 years old on an old Windows computer. And not too long after that, I started writing fanfiction for Inuyasha since I was obsessed as a kid.

I don't know if this counts, but in my professional job, I've been editing and sometimes writing policies for my lab for maybe four years now, but that's more technical writing than creative.

are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I end up reading a lot of what friends recommend to me, but what I read the most are sci-fi, speculative fiction, memoirs, and horror/thriller/mysteries! I'm open to quite a bit tbh and have more fun talking about shared reads than reading itself.

is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

LMAO nah, I haven't published fanfic in 2 years at this point so there's really no reason to compare me to anything at all. Professional I follow a template my co-worker made since I find the break down to be helpful for ease of use. I like authors who are really, really good with economy of language and pack a lot of punch with less words but I can't think of a good example right now.

can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

It's either my phone at 11 pm when I should be sleeping or my dinky lil Target desk! I use two screens at work so I can compare other policies or bring up websites for product information though, so that feels kinda fancy.

what’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

A lot like Erin I get inspired just chatting about OC head canons! Making up scenarios, usually in a jokey way, and wanting to explore it a little bit more in a drabble since I don't really do longform writing at all.

what’s your reason for writing?

For work it's just an extra project for me to have and do when I have free time, and I'm generally OK with it. It looks good on my yearly eval. Otherwise I just write as a hobby! Most of my writing I don't even share with other people </3. It's fun for me to do, I like my lil dolls and smacking them together. Art is harder and harder for me to do these days, so sometimes it's easier to just write a lil something when the need to create hits me.

is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

If I do share my writing w/ friends a good keysmash or emoji reaction makes my day! <3 Or I love when people point out particular lines they really enjoyed.

how do you want to be thought about by your readers?

For my work, I just want the policies to be comprehensible, easy to navigate, and a useful source of information. I write them with the intent that if I were to come into the lab as a new person, I could refer to the technical documents and know how to perform that particular bench work.

Otherwise: my readers are just my friends, if they're having fun than I am too! And if you hated it don't tell me :(

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Professionally I think I'm good at really getting down the nitty gritty details of how something is done. I know how I'd want it to read as someone who needs carefully detailed instructions, so I write for myself and I think it comes off as clear.

Creatively, I really don't know! I don't think I'm good at writing. Maybe my greatest strength is that I also don't give a fuck if I'm good or not??? If I'm not confident about it I'm just not sharing it lmao.

how do you feel about your own writing?

It's a creative outlet! I like getting to be indulgent, and I'm not as critical with my writing as I am with my art. :) I can be as experimental or serious as I want! But I also desperately want to delete old TWC fics/microfics that I posted on my main blog because I feel intense cringe at them at this point and don't want them to be seen anymore.

[babyitsbeautiful]

I gotta stop doing these life updates and just get on with it, but nevertheless...

Where do I even start?

I know I promised I would get back to 'crash through the surface' and I swear I will, I feel my creative muse has resurfaced but through a different fandom this time...

Twisters/Glen Powell/Tyler & Kate

I've seen this movie 3 times in the theater and once at a Drive-In but that was kind of a hot mess. Also, Glen Powell-- why, wtf, this man should be illegal in this movie. I live in TN but never got the whole cowboy thing until I saw him in this movie. (Men like that don't really exist here, btw)

I honestly have not loved another fictional couple this much since Gendrya. It's been a minute since I had an unhealthy obsession with something and I am living for it. It has got my love for reading fanfics back to the forefront of my mind again and I feel like I can finally pick back up where I left CTTS off just to get it and Gendrya finished for good. (Gendrya is still the main inspiration behind Beautiful Dangerous and the screenplay I am going to write, so they'll always be in my <3)

Anyway, a lot has been going on this year. A year ago around this time I found out about Lucy's cancer and I can't believe she's been gone for this long. Still miss her everyday. My brother is getting married in October and I'm serving as a bridesmaid, so that should make for a fun story.

But for the moment, I have A LOT going on in August including three out of state trips:

Poll Worker for tomorrow's Election

Nimesh Patel's show at Zanies

5 Days in Florida for my 32nd Birthday

Dermot Kennedy show at Blue Bird Cafe (tickets on sale Friday, wish me luck)

Train & REO Speedwagon Concert

Team Member for Creation Con Indianapolis, Indiana

Then an end of the month Bachelorette trip in Washington D.C.

In the in between days of all of these events, I plan to work on the next chapter of Crash Through The Surface and get that out sometime soon after finishing as well as work on some brewing fanfic ideas for Tyler & Kate in the growing Twisters fandom.

Seriously, go see this movie if you haven't yet.

I already have so many fics to start reading on Ao3 for Tyler and Kate, who needs a ship name BTW. Tate? Kyler? Wrangler Tamer?

Anyways, that's a little bit of where I am right now.

I'm trying to spend less time working on fan art and fics at work due to a new IT system that seems to know everything I download (pics for mood boards being the main) and it's honestly making me very self-conscious so after work is where I'll be letting my creative bitch reign supreme.

I have ideas for Twisters and an outline already for CTTS but any fresh ideas and suggestions are always welcome.

Twisters fandom, if you want a feel of what I love creating the most, search the #gendrya tag on my blog.

Love you all.

[msmargaretmurry]

friend, what do you do when you haven't written (fan)fiction in more years than you can say for sure, and you're bitten by a character arc for a story that keeps spiraling into more and more as you think about it? i am feeling VERY overwhelmed especially as it becomes more about that character arc than the original plot idea. i remember you saying that you thought HAW was going to be like 40k and obviously it ended up much longer - having gone through that process, what did you learn? is there any advice you'd give, especially to someone already nervous to start doing something for the first time?

hello pal! i'm sorry you're having an anxious time of it but i'm excited to hear that you're flexing your writing muscles, and i hope that i can offer some helpful reassurances here!

the short answer is: you just write it. you just do it!!! ultimately the two choices here are write it or don't write it, and not writing it is way less satifying. yes yes WAY easier said than done though, so onto the long answer. 💞

trying to write again when you haven't written in a while can definitely be nerve-wracking, so first of all, i want to say that it's totally fine to be nervous. very normal of you! obviously you want your story to live up to the idea in your head, so it can be really hard to shake the whole feeling of, oh no what if it doesn't? what if my grand foray back into writing is an EMBARRASSING FAILURE?? so i also want to say that it will not be, because there is no such thing as failing at creativity, and i forbid you from being embarassed of anything you create while learning. writing is a never-ending learning process. the best writers you have ever read are the ones who embrace learning something new every time they write. i would say this even if it hadn't been years since you last wrote, but especially since it's been years since you last wrote, but it is imperative to remember that you have to start somewhere. to quote the great sam reich, the only way to begin is by beginning.

my #1 tip for if you're working on a story and it feels like it wants to be long and you have a lot of thoughts and ideas and feelings about it is to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. don't make yourself try to remember it all. i use a note in my notes app for this, but you can use a physical notebook or a google doc or whatever works for you.

this isn't for writing the actual fic — you might end up with snippets of scenes in here but nothing more than a few lines. this is for literally anytime you think of something for your story, into the note it goes, as soon as possible, so you don't have to worry about remembering it. a fact you learn, a future story beat you want to hit, a line of dialogue you want to include in a future scene, a lyric that inspires you, a reminder to include a detail or reference. i also use mine to keep a list of subplots/running themes — things you don't want to fall off your own radar and wind up forgotten halfway through.

you don't need to check your note/document/whatever every time you write, but if you're an outliner you can use it to periodically update your outline, and besides that, occasionally referring back to it is great for a) sparking inspiration for where the story goes next, and b) reminding you to go back and be like, hm, how long has it been since i referenced [subplot]? maybe it's time for that to make another appearance!

i also ALSO use mine to keep a list of things i know i'm going to want to go back and edit for once i have a full draft. i don't know about you, but i am a CHRONIC edit-as-i-go-er and doing this has helped me so much with being able to take a deep breath, accept that something in the draft probably needs fixing, and know that i won't forget about it. i no longer have the HAW version of this note (because i delete things out of mine as i address them, so by the end of writing the story the note is empty 😂) but iirc it had things like — make sure it's clear that matthew is kind of a mama's boy, double-check the pacing/frequency of matthew's big intrusive thoughts, make sure we know where bowie is for scenes in leon's house.

regarding the story becoming more about the character arc than the original plot idea, try to let go of your expectations of what the story was supposed to be and instead try to approach it with a mindset of discovering what the story is going to be. this will give you a lot more freedom to let it grow and change without feeling like you're abandoning something. the reason HAW got so long is because, when i started, i had two big plot beats that i knew i wanted to get to (the first breathplay scene and the first kiss scene) and as i was writing, i kept thinking to myself, okay i need x y z and then i get to tackle that big plot beat. so i would write x y z only to discover that i still needed more development to make it feel earned. so i just wrote more development! this did mean letting go of the conception of the story's structure i had going in, when i thought it would be shorter, but it ultimately let the beats fall in the right places.

(obviously letting your story sprawl however it wants to isn't always the the best thing you can do for a piece of fiction. but in character-driven stories, in my opinion, it's vital to give the character the space they need. and if it sprawls too much, you can always edit it down later. you can learn stuff about your characters from scenes you wind up cutting or from versions of scenes that don't end up working just as much as from the scenes you nail.)

if you think it'll help with motivation, get yourself an alpha reader. enlist a friend that you trust to be what you need them to be in this role. for me, it's that i can trust when i send them the next 5–10k chunk of first draft that they will read it at their earliest convenience (not letting it sit for days), that they will be invested in following the story (i once had an alpha reader tell me that they had totally forgotten about a major story development in the week or so between one chunk and then next chunk, and it devastated me), and that they will understand that as i'm grinding out the first draft, i need enthusiasm and encouragement, and concrit ONLY if there's a major issue. concrit is the realm of my beta readers.

everyone's writing process is different, so if there's stuff here where you're like, ugh i hate that idea, feel free to ignore it! or modify it! just don't spend so much time tinkering with planning and research and playlists and outlines etc that you don't actually write. occasionally a good writing sesh CAN be 98% tinkering, but most of them should not be.

finally, let yourself enjoy the process. don't put pressure on yourself to finish it quickly so you can feed it to the internet for comments and kudos. comments and kudos are, of course, fantastic, and also it's fine to set yourself arbitrary goals/deadlines if that helps you (e.g. "writing"i'm going to write 3,000 words a week" or "i'm going to finish this section of story by the end of the month") but try not to get stressed if it's taking longer than expected to write, or it turns out you want to add more than expected to the story. it's worth it to have a story you're happy with.

sometimes writing can be really hard and frustrating, but that doesn't mean you're doing it badly. sometimes you need to talk an issue through with a friend. sometimes it takes a few tries to figure out how a scene should go. sometimes you need to let a plot problem rotate like a $2 hotdog on the gas station hotdog roller of your brain for a couple of days before the solution comes to you in a vision at the most inconvenient time possible. (jot it down in your notes app before you forget it.)

anyway. good luck and i believe in you ❤ you know where to find me if you need to complain about writing/talk through something/get a pep talk!

[novemberthewriter]

Hi! Thanks for the reblog! 🤗 You mentioned being into writing that explores the "meta part" of fanfic - YES!! Are there other people who do this/fics you can recommend?

yes indeeeed. below are works surrounding this topic i've really enjoyed over the past decade:

-> TRAD PUB. BOOKS

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell [link to NPR review] this came out when i was finishing high school + starting to get disillusioned w HP (for story reasons & 'the author is Unforgivably Shitty' reasons lol) so i was very intrigued with how this book worked as a metacommentary abt HP (seriously, it felt like the book was deconstructing a lot of the issues fans had with the o.g. canon) while being a cute fantasy in its own right. i haven't checked out the sequels yet

New Waves by Kevin Nguyen [link to LA Times review] i read this a year or two ago and enjoyed what it had to say about online vs IRL friendships, grief, hustle culture, and creative identity.

-> FANFIC PROJECTS

running after two hares by chaparral_crown on ao3 this is probably my favorite fic of all time. no exaggeration. i have the whole thing printed out on 200+ pages of copy paper bound with comically large binder clips. and it's not even finished! there's this fanon concept called HEU (Hannibal Extended Universe) where people consider all of the different characters that the main actors played outside the show (in other shows, film, etc) to be connected to the showverse. for some reason i've never been able to suspend my disbelief enough to get into a lot of HEU content. i'm picky about fic just as i am with any other creative writing i engage with -- i have been for most of my life. THEN. i come across this author's insanely popular HEU fic, and i've read non-HEU stuff from them before that i adored, so i figure 'why not' ... and this 'crack treated seriously' quickly became one of my fav things ever. the prose alone is so masterful. and it's such a DENSE read, like, you really gotta slow down to appreciate all the introspective asides and jokes and commentary about the text (show) and metacommentary about how unusual pairings thrive, inside and outside of fiction.

Starsky & Hutch Virtual Season [link to Fanlore wiki] i got into S&H fandom in 2012. i remember how intrigued i was at the concept of the Virtual Season, which had its heyday a decade before i got into the online fandom. this kind of fan activity is the precursor, imo, to stuff like people calling installments of their webnovels 'episodes', the concept of a 'dream season' (ex: how hannibal ppl talk about how season 4 would play out if the show hadn't been cancelled), etc. people weren't just writing serialized fic, they were cultivating a really unique Experience

-> COMMENTATORS / ESSAYISTS

Shipper's Guide to the Galaxy (has not updated their channel in years but has such a huge backlog of thoughtful content about the relationship between media and its fans, including entire segments dedicated to fic recs)

Fionapollo (discovered them recently! i used to watch a lot of art commentary channels that preceded this one, and i'm obsessed w this channel because they focus more on the philosophy of creative practice & cultivating community between fans and media, rather than feeding into toxicity for views. they cover negative topics sometimes, yeah, but not in a sensationalist way at all. super refreshing)

[wondrouswendy]

Tagged by the incredibly kind @nanuk-the-bat 😊 Thanks for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 86 fics!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

736,742 -- somehow it feels like this should be much higher, but there are several stories which haven't made it to AO3.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Alan Wake and Control. In the past, I've written for Hades, World of Warcraft, Overwatch, Star Wars, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, just to name the big ones.

4. Top five fics by kudos

The Coming of Butterflies - Zagreus/Thanatos, a Hades fic

Out of My Hands and Into Your Heart - Alan Wake/Fictional Alex Casey, an Alan Wake fic

Sometime Around Midnight - Majima/Makoto, a Yakuza 0 fic

The Water - Reaper76, an Overwatch fic

What We Leave Behind - Hanzo/the Cowboy, Overwatch fic

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. I try to reply to every comment because I really appreciate people taking the time to leave them. It's easy to just read a fic and drop a kudos. It takes more time to think of something to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Out of My Hands is a tragedy, so I think that qualifies as angstiest. However, I think several of my Trench/Darling fics are angsty given the nature of the pairing.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Runaway Rabbit had a very uplifting ending, for being a sex pollen fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in recent years, but I've received 2 hate comments in the past.

9. Do you write smut?

Yep. E rated fics are my most common on my profile!

10. Craziest crossover?

I'm not a fan of crossovers, but I have some ideas being cooked up for my third installment of my Fictional CaseyWake story that are crossover-esque.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not, I'd be extremely angry if that happened.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had a few translated, namely The Coming of Butterflies.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I've written several fics with @rangerzath. From OCs and beyond, we've written a lot together. We've recently started collaborating on comics, which has been a lot of fun!

14. All time favourite ship?

Trench/Darling

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't know about doubting. I don't want to close the door on anything. I want to get back to Days of Thunder and Forever and Always someday!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write characters in character really well, like I capture their voices accurately. So dialogue, then.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing stories. Not becoming discouraged. Staying motivated. Resisting the urge to publish prematurely. Descriptions take a lot of time and thought. I try not to be repetitive, too, so it requires needing to get extra creative for said descriptions.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I think there's a time and place for it.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

If we're talking about the original... then Inuyasha lol.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Out of My Hands and Into Your Heart. I tried my best to write a story detailing Alan's life before Bright Falls, his struggles, his moments of joy. I really just wanted to explore what could have led to Alan killing off Casey in The Sudden Stop. I wanted to explore the Writer's Journey(TM) and all the victories and setbacks creatives experience, because that vicious cycle is very much at the heart of Alan Wake as a series. I think I'll always be proud of it for what it accomplished, and I'm very pleased it's a finished story under my belt too. I'll tag @rangerzath @pintsizeninja @pinkomcranger @hearts-are-connected and @star-spangled-bastard (if you've been tagged already, sorry for the spam!)❤️

[fortunesfavours]

time travel in ten - sequential narrative collage piece done for my class, Artifact.

ramblings below the cut for those interested in the process/life update for friends who have noticed i've been gone

right lmao. i had two weeks to do this project and had a completely different idea that i just could not get myself to be excited about. emailed my prof in desperation, but it being like 10 pm meant that she was not about to respond. within 30 minutes, as it goes, i got struck with divine inspiration by whatever force of nature governs procrastination-induced genius, and i promptly spent the next 12 waking hours non-stop working on this.

my class, artifact, is a requirement for the foundation year at the college i attend. it centers around time-based media, ranging from the sequential illustration here to video later in the semester, and a bunch of other projects designed to get us thinking in 4d. artifact is the theme of the class - my peers are doing the same projects under a variety of different themes (tragically, haunting filled up too quickly and i missed out on enrollment in that one).

our first project was designing an artifact and doing a write-up of the story behind it. the girl to my left made beaded spiders members of a fictional cult carried. the guy across from me made an amulet of a long-dead god. you get the vibes. mine, which I still need to take professional photos of, is a pocketwatch that lets you time travel. cause, yknow. i'm me. it was gonna be about time travel.

i had originally intended to do a bunch of drawings of the watch's owner, building out her backstory and the world she lives in, and explaining why the watch exists,,,, then i couldn't bring myself to pick up the stylus. I just can't seem to find the energy for my usual digital art (sorry friends i miss yall i'm still here i swear).

here's the bit about my life so feel free to stop reading if you just care about the art 👍

I haven't drawn fanart or my ocs in months now, since last semester, and I miss it a whole bunch but right now that creative energy just. is not happening. i don't plan on abandoning it forever by any means, but p much everything i have is going towards school right now. sad as that is, i'm having so much fun, and i'm so proud of the technical improvements i've made. I've got so many things i want to create, mostly for my ocs. i still love crit role, but i've fallen of campaign three. i don't have the time, and the story hasn't been engaging me for a bit.

i've been really into dr who lately, and am eagerly waiting for the spare time to sit and watch all of candela obscura. i'm in a new dnd game. i've got friends! real life friends! irl friends who called me the wizard friend within a few hours of knowing me before i even opened my mouth about dnd lmao. i've discovered a new love of collage, and i've just declared my major in something unique to my school, a program called Studio for Interrelated Media. i'll be learning about illustration still through the extra electives i'll have room for, but i also get to explore printmaking in more depth, as well as event planning, installation, curation, and theatre work as well.

i miss being on here a whole bunch and want to be more active when i get more time. don't plan on abandoning this blog by any means. boston has been kind to me, and though i have had some Real Low Points, i've also been living the life i've hoped for since i was a kid. i'm good, really really good.

to my friends, ily, i miss you, and i hope you're well. can't wait to catch up on all yalls art and fic. sending all my love. <3

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @nanashi23

Who You Are:

Eon || They/them

I am an ancient hermit living in the suburban deserts of Colorado. Before becoming a hermit, I've did time in the publishing industry, but mostly greasing wheels, not the fun stuff.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, adventure, comedy, contemporary, drama, fantasy, horror, paranormal, psychological, sci-fi, thriller, and tragedy. New adult and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Science and Speculative fiction. As a queer person in the ADHD propaganda generation, something needs to remind people there is still hope, anger and passion in the world and that experiences cannot be commodified.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Mystery, because I just feel like I am not smart enough to make it mysterious. YA because I'm not sure how. Younger children's books because… I like to say fuck. : )

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Lost, lonely, angry people who like space queers and the occasional jackass. Yes, I think people will get it, especially if they just walk in expecting a good time and not a world shaking adventure.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Apparently hope? The more I read my own writing the more I realize I write about 9/11, culture wars, fighting against an enemy everyone thinks is dead because 'you won' some arbitrary battle. Tropes are hard for me because I am old. Disaster duos are my favorite one that I can say for sure.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Very little turns me off - especially if done with taste.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

Second book of what might end up being a trilogy. Book is called Starrender, coupled to Silvermoon. I started writing it in 2021. Book 2 I started in May of 2022.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

Creativity is compulsory, is my understanding of it. "I just work here," is how I describe it to other writers. I wish I could explain, but for me it's… therapy, escape, fun, joy. What keeps me writing? Me.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

This is a hard question because I have written as long as I can remember. What first drew me too it? See the above answer. Creativity feels compulsory. I have hyperfantasia, my day dreams are vivid, strong and indulgent.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

The easiest answer to this is dreams. My current set started as a dream and was fleshed out with my co-author. Something brand new, shiny. It's evolved a lot beyond that, especially since that dream was from 2013. Other inspiration comes from spite, I suppose? Did I write a trans wizard novel for obvious reasons? Yes. I still haven't made peace with that decision though, I wish I had spent that year working on something I loved more.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

The one I'm publishing in March 2023 - Terms of Light. Above all other things, I feel like it's a love letter to myself and to my spouse. It took me so long to find what home should feel like and I think this really embodies that journey.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

Yes - and yes. Self published Terms of Light (March 2023). I have been querying and trying to hook an agent since 2013 - no luck so far.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Trad pub - A marketing team. Self pub - control Both - A physical book in my hands and the ability to hand a book to someone. It's a strange phenomena but when you tell people you have been published and aren't able to hand them a physical book, they get strange. They've done whole studies about it. The perception of something available as free is lesser, even if the content and quality is not. I truly don't care about the money, I care about accessibility to stories that might not make it because they're not "on brand." (Read in 2014, LGBTQ+)

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Writing is appealing to me. I love it. I hate editing. I don't know why, but much like I dislike revisiting shows, books and other media I've visited before, editing has the same kind of yuck to it. Trying to get over that.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

Process is not something I think I would call what I have but… Since most start as a dream, I have a Dream Theater folder. Outline usually comes with the initial brain dump, and by outline I do me, high level, not too detailed vagaries about what's happening, cool things, and notes and thoughts. From there, I wait for a first line to hit me and… write until I'm out of steam. I can usually rock out the first 10 - 14 chapters of something in a month to two months depending on how hot the writing fever is… the middle slog does take it's toll on me. After Draft 1 is done, I force it on some poor alpha reader, and come back in a year when I'm potentially ready to edit it. Editing is it's own thing. I have no process for this, I don't know if I ever will.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

About a year. @winterandwords inspired me, I'm in a Discord server with her and she told me it was "better now."

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@winterandwords - Because they are an absolute delight. They write everything I've always wanted too and it is a visual and emotional FEAST in my mind. @sergeantnarwhalwrites - That guy rocks, what an encouraging soul! With a great sense of humor. Delightful. No idea how I found them, but glad I did.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Interaction!! Even if it's light, it's nice to see some things get notes. I feel less alone, even though I am also able to control my experience a bit more so I'm not inundated with activity.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

This is a hard one because… short of having more time in everyone's day to read and respond, I don't think things can be improved with what we have.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I react, I reblog, I respond when I can. I follow writers that have the same vibe and try and lift them up when I see they may not be doing great. Can I do more? Sure. If I had the emotional energy and time.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Writing. Publishing info.

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Any kind. I'm not particular. I usually do snips, reblogs of fun things as well as writing things, and of course, a little bit of SJW nonsense - because it's Tumblr. Ya gotta.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Anymore? No where. Twitter disappeared as soon as I started having privacy concerns. I'm building a website but… I'm a slacker ; ). TBC.

[storyteller-kara]

Writing Questions

Thank you @valisilissa-koilos for the tag!

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

My favorite idea I ever had would be my current WIP, The Fall Of Septhis. Out of all my stories I written in the past, this one is going to be my first finished novel. The idea at first was a small one for my bigger stories, until I expanded it more. Making it the first to come of many more down the line.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes?

I haven't been asked a ton of questions but one question I love and think about is the type of flower that represents my current WIP. I love the idea of having a certain flower that symbolizes something have the same idea to symbolize my story. Makes it feel more connected to our word even though it's fiction.

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part of being a writer is seeing how people take my writing and either ask questions or want more of it. To see people love my work and generally want me from a very small names writer makes me so happy. I love answering questions about my work it helps me expand on my own word more.

(I answer any questions lol)

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

My greatest motivation I would say are my friends. Such as @valisilissa-koilos and her wife. My irl friends and even the friends I also make online. For me to finally find people who support me with something I done on my own for years makes me always want to write more. Also music is a great motivation for me cause I can imagine so much from them.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

It would have to be from my old creative writing teacher, she told me there is no such thing as a bad idea. And that of you can dream about it, you can write it.

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I wish I knew how tricky English actually was. Looking back and even now I'm still a bit bad at English. I used to make up so much words which weren't properly spelled right. If I understood English was so tricky, I think I would have a better handle on it.

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

That would have to be my very short story called His Eyes. It's a short story with two of my favorite characters who absolutely hate each other to the point that their fate is intertwining with their hate. Out of all the short small stories I made of them, this one is my favorite. (You can read it here)

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

I would have to say Zelos. He's one of those characters that even though they believe they're doing the right thing or in general believe something is right, nine times out of ten it's not. Sometimes I feel like he sounds like he's been brainwashed, other times I feel like certain things he's say is so dumb.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

Young me: Did we ever publish those FNAF stories?

Older me: *light chuckle* No we didn't, but we made something even better.

Young me: So we still write?

Older me: Yes, we do. And we can finally call ourselves an author.

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

4 years, 40 facts about me loving napo... let's go 🏃🏻‍♀️

...or as @leonscape called it, 40 "Mopoleon" facts?! (picrew link)

the date of our "anniversary", June 19th, is one day after the date of the battle of Waterloo 💀

both our given names are of Italian origin

we're both leo zodiac signs

our birthdays are 8 days apart, in the same month

he's my first otome route ever played

i've only played his route once, in July 2019

i've never seen his dramatic ending

my first impression of him on a teaser tweet of ikevamp EN was that he looks like an asshole, and I didn't like his looks either...

my falling for him was utterly illogical as despite these thoughts I put him on my phone wallpaper a few days later (still before the release of ikevamp EN)

as of right now ao3 says he appears in 59 of my posted works: the total number of fics I have published with him is higher as a few of those are stand-alones in a multichapter fic (napoleon bday prompts 2019 +9, yumeweek 2020 +5, mini requests +4, headcanons +11 ) ...he appears in about 1/3 of all my fics!

we share a hobby of reading biographies! the official ikevamp character sheets state it as his hobby

our height difference is 18 cm

the @xxsycamore blog exists solely because of him, as well as my passion for writing - I started this blog because I wanted to express my love in some kind of creative way, as previously (and for the longest time) I thought my medium would be art instead of writing

despite that, my first ever posted fic is not with him but with Arthur!

I've always loved languages but he had influence over my choice of learning especially french in uni. It's hell but I don't regret it at all

I have a playlist with sleepy-themed songs for him 🥺

birds are my favorite animals (any kind) and he has a pet eagle!!

our mbti personality types are a so-called perfect match! infp + enfj

I don't like black-haired, blue-eyed men because of him, it was my type before him too! (not many such ikemens around but I have a handful of faves like that from other media)

as the fictional napoleon bonaparte is light years away from the historical figure, I thought I wouldn't be interested in learning about him - until I ended up reading multiple books on him, the thickest of which 680 pages... while I don't mix the two in my head, the napoleonic era history (+ russian empire history) is still pretty cool to know imo!

there's hardly any writer around here who hasn't received a napoleon request from me at least once... I'm so sorry...

it is implied in the game that napo has kissed boys (they were taking turns waking him up and they all know of his habit......) which gives me enough reason to headcanon him as bi....like me 🥺

I really suck at completing the bday creation challenges I host for him, as last year I did 0 prompts and the year before that 2....but in 2019 I did 10!

I love making bday gifts. I love birthdays. I don't have the exact number but last year a lot of characters received a bday fic from me but not napo 💀 partly because I was shadowbanned back then!

the only real tradition I have when it comes to his bday is to make homemade crepes since it's his favorite food! but my favorite part is eating them...

I still haven't watched the movie "Napoleon & Me"...

I don't have much napo merch, but I do have the Naplushieon doll which is plenty

I was still in highschool (11th grade) when I fell for him 🥺🥺🥺 it feels like ages ago

I love the song written for the ikevamp stage play and sung by his voice actor Nobunaga Shimazaki, "Lucida", so much you can even find it and play it on my blog... recently some kind soul uploaded the whole version on youtube (I've been waiting for so long....) and I haven't been the same since

my dream napo merch is the clothes hanger with his neck and face so that I can hang my silly little sundresses on him (I'm going to make it on my own actually, just watch)

after having so many random fic ideas for him that will never see the light of day, I accepted the facts at last and now I feel so much better and more chill

I'm currently working on fanart series where I try to post one tablet-drawn art of him every month... I have trouble keeping them simple as desired sometimes but I'm having lots of fun while learning (I still consider myself fairly new to drawing with my tablet)

once I wrote a death anniversary fic for napo!

the best napo song i've discovered so far is Wings by Su!YoON!

I don't know. anything. about his sequel. i just know the cgs. not that is hard to avoid spoilers LMAO

my most favorite napo cg is the 5th bday one (where they're in a field of roses) (it was on my phone's background for a very long time)

my most favorite napo card...that's a trick question but I think the one that is on the left banner in my blog (desktop view)

yes, yes I do want to go to Corsica one day what about it. I have a lot of other dream trip destinations too!

yes, I do love Napoleon cake (It's a russian recipe) (it was my bday cake in 2020)... but so do I love a whole lot of other cakes...!

Fact number 40 is that I love Napoleon a normal amount 😇 nono listen!! I do talk a lot about him, and here I tried compilating facts that are not too cheesy: believe it or not there are days I don't think about him, ok! I never pressure myself to get all the event bonus stories, or to always have a fic ready for him... in a world where im a worrywart about anything and everything, he's my safe place? my chill place? And if I begin to think about the gigantic mass of things surrounding him that are exactly aligning with what I love, with what comforts me, with what traits im looking for in a person, i'm going to get dizzy. So let's end this here with me saying, ily so much Napoleon 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 im such a nunuche sometimes but im your nunuche ‼️‼️

[asyastudieskorean]

9/20/2023 — Hello, studying world. Today I start my journey of learning Korean with my first university Korean class (online). We didn't have any work on the first day, so all I did was read the syllabus (the most basic, non-informative syllabus I've ever read, ha), set up my new desk space, and updated my student bio on Canvas. I haven't been a college student for about 3 years, so it felt like I accomplished a lot. When the readings and assignments start coming in, I'm sure reality will hit.

I've always wanted to learn Korean, and my goal is to reach a near-fluent level, but I know it'll be hard, especially with my full-time work priorities. Eventually, being able to teach and work in translation is my goal. FYI, Chinese, Thai, and Japanese are on my list, too, but I'll be realistic and focus on one language for the foreseeable future.

Last week, as it so happens, I had to move from my family and childhood home, and I am lacking in the positivity department rn, so I think having a place to chronicle my studies and the progress I make will be good for me. I tend to start a new blog on here when I'm having a hard time, and it helps.

So, the plan is to take two full academic years of Korean (that's 3 quarters per year at my university). That's just how much Korean the school offers. I graduated in 2020 from this same university with a BA in English with a focus on professional and creative writing, and I really enjoyed the overall experience studying here.

I spent a whole lot of time obsessing over grammar, reading new and old literature, trying to understand poetry, and just enjoying the inner peace I felt when writing fiction. It was maybe my most happy time because I had no other real responsibilities or worries besides school. All I did was read and write.

Anyhow, fast forward to now, after pondering different language learning options (which are limited in my area), I decided to take my Korean classes at the university level because the classes will show up on my official university transcripts, and I imagine that will be best when I apply for future Korean-related jobs. I am also hoping that by taking university-level language classes, they will have some sort of superior level of... intensity? accuracy? efficiency? Something like that. Granted, this route isn't the best for my finances, as there is no aid for non-matriculated post-grads, and the cost of a single class is quite ridiculous. But alas, here I am, with an empty wallet and hope in my eyes.

Upon reading the syllabus today, which could basically be summarized as "TBD," I realized the textbook I bought, the textbook I waited over a week for, the one listed on the online course materials list, is, in fact, not the correct textbook.

And, icing on the bitter cake, the correct textbook appears to be a rare Pokémon that isn't available anywhere except the dark corners of eBay, where shipping will take at least 2 weeks. Like how did other students get this? Did they order it two months in advance? Meanwhile, I have my first assignments and readings due Monday.

I quite literally just sent an email to my professor and asked what I should do, so we'll see what she says, but I really wasn't hoping to be that one student, emailing the professor about an issue on day 1.

Since this is my first post here, here also is a tiny bit about me:

My name is Asya ("Asia"), and I'm a 24-year-old English grad based in Washington; no, not the one followed by DC, but the state with a lot of rain and trees. Twilight? Starbucks? Amazon? Yes, that one.

Since graduating in 2020, I've been a freelance editor and writer. I'm taking Korean both for passion and for work purposes, and I really should have started sooner. But I guess we're all on our own timelines.

I've been on Tumblr for a long, long time, but I've never been part of the studyblr sector. I'm glad to be here. :)

[enemy-archive]

dear GO fandom,

I'm back to tumblr after literally ten years away. One evening, almost by accident, I stumbled upon season 2 of Good Omens. I watched it, and it launched a hyperfixation of the kind I haven't had in years.

I've just been noticing people here and there on this website mentioning that they're also back to tumblr after many years, and I'm curious what's up, like, how big is this phenomenon, and could it be something to do particularly with Good Omens, or is it something else?

personally, I'm taking pleasure in experiencing something I did as a teen, this obsession, and this fandom as a huge community of wonderfully creative, brilliant, and observant people worldwide who are going through the same thing. (It's low-key ruining my life and ability to focus on work and my responsibilities, but I manage).

It's also hugely about escaping from the homophobic reality that surrounds me, so I get to go drown myself in the love story of two unearthly beings, which is fiction, and fiction has its rules, so eventually, everything will be okay...

I also have a feeling of a drop going deep somewhere near, like this dramatic and fundamental lack of something in life that I can feel more clearly when I drown myself in thinking about this relationship.

that all and also the trap constellation of

*book I've read as a teen**loving neil gaiman writing* *LOVING john finnemore**having been huge doctor who fan in the past and obv being fond of david tennant**being mysteriously pulled in by michael sheen in masters of sex**just being obsessed with British things as a baby**heaps of queer representation to feel safe* etc... so the whole thing just feels like home to me.

These are really unformed thoughts, and what I was really interested in is whether anyone else feels something like that in regard to GO or not, and what are your thoughts about your experiences? Maybe there's already been a discussion on that, and I just haven't found it yet. Anyway, I just find this all really really fascinating.

[laughing-with-god]

Please continue writing the unsaid vow in Tumblr please. It's been two years since you released the prologue. please think about those loyal fans too who are waiting for really long time for it to continue till now. Some of us can't afford to pay in patreon. please consider this 🥺

hey thank you so much for the support but I just wanted to take this moment to explain something;

(long winded explantation and apology coming lmao keep scrolling if u aren't this anon)

I saw this account as my little sandbox of creativity. I just wanted to get some feedback on my writing really. It was always just a hobby that didn't cause me any stress and actually made me really happy at first.

And I know that you read and loved my fic, but saying things like "it's been two years". "think of your loyal fans" is kind of manipulative wording (I doubt you intended it that way so dw!!).

I have two jobs and school, and I'm barely making ends meet rn. It's hard to write and get lost in a fan fiction plot when I'm in survival mode right now. I haven't written anything in forever, it's not like I'm holding the chapters in my grasp and not sharing it with anyone until I get enough asks begging for it back.

When I posted that prologue, it was really just an idea I frantically wrote down and posted just to see if anyone was also intrigued by that idea. I know and I'm really sorry that it leaves readers frustrated with it being unfinished. If I could go back and tell myself not to post it I would. But at this point I just leave all my fics up because I know people like rereading them and I don't want to rob them of that.

I don't have a patron but the plan was to early release things there and then eventually post it on here for free. Again, I'm extremely broke right now with not enough food money so it was an idea to help alleviate that struggle. I haven't acted on that though because Ik ppl can't really afford that and also I just haven't had the time to write anyways.

[bettsfic]

(Love on Display is the series name for ASE and its sequel)

okay so for this commentary i went through my ASE tag to read the asks i'd gotten about it because i can't really remember the whole process, and found this response i'd written:

you know how like when you read or watch something, you kind of look for the character you relate to most? when i was rereading the hunger games last month i was thinking, i don’t relate to a single one of you bitches. and then annie shows up like “nope nope nope i can handle exactly 0% of this bullshit” and i was just, ah there i am

looking back on my mental health issues, the irony is that i was writing about madness in a time i was actually pretty stable, despite the pandemic being in full swing. i remember writing ASE throughout summer, sitting on my grandma's porch swing and admiring her garden, going inside only when it got dark enough for the fireflies to come out. at the time, i was approaching my third year of rejections on the original fiction front; i'd been querying agents for over a year and submitting short stories, and i felt like i wasn't getting anywhere. i was also about to start a phd program, which i was apprehensive about, to say the least. i wish i'd listened to that "i have a bad feeling about this" instinct.

tbosas had just come out (to almost no attention or acclaim; even now with the film coming out in a couple weeks, the gifsets i've been reblogging don't get a lot of traffic and the tag only has 250 fics in it) and so i read it, loved it, and immediately re-read the hunger games with the new lens of snow's origin story.

the hunger games is one of the few things that i think is completely worth the hype. it's a beautifully written series and i really admire it. tbosas i thought was even better, because it felt like suzanne collins had full creative control. it's not easy writing a villain origin story and i think she really managed to thread the needle with coriolanus as a POV character who is really the antagonist of two protagonists whose POVs we don't have access to.

anyway as soon as i finished re-reading the hunger games, i went back to read the one thg fic i'd written after the film series concluded, the baker's son. it wasn't as bad as i remembered it, because 2015-16 were the years i was really starting to figure out how to write, so everything from that time in my memory is hand-wavy at best. but i remember thinking, this could have been really good if i'd just taken my time with it.

back then, i never took my time with anything. i had so many ideas that i had to churn through them in order to get to the next one. when you're just starting out writing, you haven't followed through on enough ideas to know how to sort through them properly and find the ones that have legs. so i was still learning how to control my attention.

and so ASE marked a huge change in the way i viewed my own work and the reception thereof. i was getting nowhere in publishing, i was no longer in one single fandom and so i didn't really have a community, and i finally realized the only guarantee i would ever have is my own joy. that changed everything.

i know i'll always love the hunger games, because i genuinely believe it's good. it's engaging and entertaining and meaningful. before, i'd written for canons i actually didn't like, because communities had formed around them and i was inspired by what i felt was unmet potential in canon. but i know i'll never rewatch supernatural or the 100. in fact i didn't finish either of them. with big fandoms, sure, i get more traffic and comments. but i'd stopped writing for traffic and comments. i wrote ASE because it was fun, and i knew in 10 years i'd read the hunger games again, and i would want my perfect fixit fic. and i would want it to be long, and well thought out, and something i could be proud of.

i've kept that "i'm writing for my 40 year old self" mentality for all my writing. at 40, i want to look back at what i wrote at 30 and know it was time well spent because it made me happy during a hard time in human history. it's a lot easier to make creative decisions when you're writing for an audience of your future self.

with tbosas coming out soon, i'm hoping to finish the coriojanus fic i started in 2020 (i think it's 7k?). and looking back through my ASE tag i also saw how many ideas i had for finnick POV and i could see myself fiddling around with a few of those prompts eventually.

[catty-words]

notes on a haven (2024) listen

a/n one: i was reading the fidlar wikipedia page recently (as one does) and this pitchfork quote really struck a chord with me - "[the band doesn't] make music you'll grow old with...but that's not really the point."

reading that, my mind immediately leapt to marianas trench.

i started listening to mt's music in 2021, when i was deeply unhappy, in need of escape, and barely cognizant of either of those things. their music brought me much joy for the way it was endlessly fun and danceable and facilitated the imagining of scenarios for my favorite fictional characters. but lately - before haven (2024) had been officially announced - i'd been thinking that i wouldn't grow old with them.

i came into this album asking it to prove me wrong and it didn't and that broke my heart a little bit. my listening experience is forever colored by that first impression.

a/n two: i presuppose that the fundamental tension in all of marianas trench's discography is between sickness and love, where the sickness is both literal & the drive to perform selfhood and the love is both a person & the audience consuming that selfhood. you can disagree, but then explain why my masterpiece theatre (2009) breakdown did numbers?

"a normal life"

- marianas trench openers have a history of setting the tone and soundscape of their album with impeccable flare, but that's just not true of "a normal life". it's giving generic film score. it's giving netflix YA property script quality. it's giving self-consciousness about how hard it is to sing the word 'normal' prettily.

- i can't say it doesn't accomplish its goals entirely, though, i find a lot of thematic richness in the chorus.

the voices in the night evoke mental illness but also suggests the inability to stop writing lyrics, to stop chasing the performance. for five years, our protagonist has been living inside normality (or at least without performance), but something innate to him can't settle there.

- the final verse and outro, too -

- drive home an idea of compulsion. the need to create means lack of stability.

"lightning and thunder"

- a second's faster than we thought gets to me. i haven't come to any meaningful conclusion as to why, i'm just kermit-nodding.gif about it.

- i am a sucker for the way the energetic rhythm of the pre-chorus contrasts with how effing dark the lyrics are.

what we got is a compensation. the performance (one last show) is costing him his heart.

- the chorus suggests that coming back to this performance (after a couple years of [feeling] estranged) is fate, is a force of nature. but honestly? given how much of this album sounds bored with itself, sounds like it was forced out at every step of the creative process, i simply cannot take the premise of the song seriously. and it's even a highlight on the album for me! woof!

"i'm not getting better"

- a bop. thank god. this album suffers from a lack of certified bops.

- why is the opening instrumentation serving "blank space" by taylor swift, though.

- see??

every piece of the album so far has highlighted the way performing - the creative voice in our protagonist's head, being on stage for one last show, the dance he needs to leave - is unhealthy. to get better, our protagonist has to walk away from all this.

and my overwhelming reaction to this through line is. SO GO. the music certainly isn't making a compelling case as to why we need you to hang around.

- anyway, this song is also critical in establishing that the grand love in the protagonist's life is still A Person. i know, i know by the sound you make / you've been around, 'cause your heartbeat keeps me awake / i know, i know i should stay away and all that.

"down to you"

- this has been my main grower track. it's gotten stuck in my head the most, its the place where the campbell inspiration does the most work (reading the song as the narrative speaking to its protagonist makes all about you, with or without you a very chewy refrain), and i had to admit to myself that it belongs on a ship playlist that is near and dear to my heart.

- HOWEVER. because it's also explicitly about the protagonist's love object - a broken heart and stay with me tonight and you're all i want - it sucks ass. this demonstrates exactly zero progress toward self-actualization or seeing porcelain as anything more than a fix-all for our protagonist's life. GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER.

"now or never"

NO

a reaction that works both in the context of the love being a literal person and the love being the audience. do not give yourself up to keep serving either of us, that's not what we're asking you to do.

"into the storm"

- on the other hand, i find this a really powerful commentary on the protagonist's relationship with his love:

he chose to immortalize versions of both of them forever in his art, and they can't escape those versions because they're always on the radio. that's as bitter as it is romantic. that's haunting, a la phantoms (2019).

i also really like the way the of mine ambiguously applies to either the broken record or the radio. the cadence of the delivery sells the former, though, and i am gnawing gnawing gnawing.

"ancient history"

- okay, but.

we just did this in the last track? and it was much less on the nose??

- i will admit to being emotional over the toronto name drop, though. maybe it's because the have a piece of american dream lyric looms large in my brain, but i often feel like mt avoids being so explicitly canadian. i like that we've been given a setting to imagine a wistful re-encounter with love, and that setting is toronto.

"stand and fight"

- a track where the campbell inspiration feels like it's doing the least! what are we fighting? why do we need this generic pep talk? this would be cheesy regardless, but it would actually mean something if we'd built a concrete enemy to stand against!!

"turn and run"

- i have similar issues with this track as with "stand and fight" but i will admit that the dramatic turn in the instrumentals does hit for me.

- though the more fantastical setting (the edge of where the world drops) comes out of nowhere, i can't say i hate it. i kind of wish this energy had been present throughout the album. i wish this album had a more concrete identity and understanding of itself.

"worlds collide"

- i hadn't yet clicked with this track, but okay. i guess with a title like "worlds collide" it Would be about reconciling those voices in the dark (i.e. the sickness, the need to live in the spotlight) keeping our protagonist from his normal life (i.e. settling down with his love). i can get down with the intent to weave together the established threads.

the repetition of several key lyrics from this album really brings home that intent, too.

- and i obviously love that they chose masterpiece theatre (2009) lyrics specifically to include in the repetition section.

it corroborates my read that haven (2024) is taking up the mantle of performance costing the protagonist something essential at the same time that it is something essential to their selfhood.

- BUT. i find the music and the production uninspired. it's simply not a song with a strong identity of it's own, which honestly kind of fucks thematically speaking since the protagonist is struggling mightily to marry the contradictory forces of nature on his life, but i don't want to have to engage with this primarily as text for it to fuck. i want it to be good music first, and it's still mainly serving me generic film score.

"nights like these"

- bored.

"remember me by"

- a bop! thank god! this album suffers from a lack of certified bops!!

- since this album is supposed to have a narrative - even if that narrative is a meta-narrative about the shape all myths take - this necessarily feels like regression. we're back to talking about how the protagonist and his love first met? why?

- whatever. like i said: a bop!

- you've got me burning like a dive bar cigarette really does it for me in terms of similes. there's skeeze! there's an unhealthy element! there's a 'hot and quick' implication that really works! i fuck with this so hard!!

- also, the i'll give you something to remember me by sitting in the shadow of "into the storm"!!! he gave her an inescapable musical legacy! FUCK!!

"haven"

- unlike the album opener, "haven" does live up to the mt legacy of closing tracks Going Hard. i feel like it picks up the fantastical, gritty edge from "turn and run", which sets the closer in a distinctly storybook land. it also folds in the rain/water/force of nature motif that has otherwise not done much for me through the rest of the album's run and makes me care.

- ooh ooh OOH this part

just landed with impact for the first time. in the beginning, the protagonist was kept from belonging by the voices, and here, the pairing of but i try to belong here and i'm trying to be gone here suggests that the voices are a kind of coping mechanism insomuch as he isn't present on purpose in order to belong. EATING THAT SHIT UP.

- still don't think this song has any right to evoke "ever after" though, the narrative album that upstages haven (2024) in every way. like, why are you reminding me that you've done this better already? embarrassing for you.

- and then, of course, i still hate the way the resolution claims that this life of constant tension with performance fits our protagonist better than anything else. it's cheap and happens so quickly as to be disingenuous and - ONCE AGAIN - the quality of the music is not making a case that this is something at which the protagonist ought to keep salving away. a break (more permanent than a five-year lapse between albums) might be a relief for everyone.

- not to mention, the literary nerd in me is driven up a wall by this because when the hero returns, he's not supposed to fall easily back into his so-called normal life. he's supposed to be too changed by his experience to reintegrate. and i guess you could make the case that haven's protagonist started out ill-fit to his normal life, so slotting into it neatly in the end is still indicative of the you can't go back story beat.

but you know what? no!! the bitter-sweetness is what makes that part of the monomyth resonate with me. journeys - be they literal or emotional - leave lasting impacts. you're never the same person at the end in a way that's painful but Correct. this twee sentiment wrapping up the album sells that out in favor of maintaining the status quo.

self-actualization when, king?

[valiant-if]

Hope you don’t mind me asking but how did you get into writing and what’s your favorite genre

Hi, anon! I don't mind at all!

I first started writing when i was in 6th grade (about 11 years old). A teacher did a creative lesson block where they had us draw a character and then challenged us to write a story about that character, and my story ended up being so long my teacher didn't even bother to read it. (It's fine, it wasn't any good. I was eleven; what can you expect?)

I've been hooked with writing ever since. We had a computer when I was growing up, but not one powerful enough to play many games. I would usually get home from school and spend the next eight hours just writing in Word. (I rarely did homework because executive dysfunction.) When that computer eventually failed, I had to go to the library or use school computers to write. I did write by hand sometimes, but I've always had wrist issues, so I didn't do that frequently.

Man. To have the writing stamina I had in my teens, though. 😂

My favorite genre to write depends on the length of the project. For long projects, I like to write fantasy or sci-fi. The research required for anything based in reality is too hard for me to handle sometimes; without research, I just don't feel worldly enough to write realism.

For short projects, I really enjoy postmodern style of any genre. I had to write a lot of short stories for university, and at the time my style mimicked Kurt Vonnegut or Chuck Palahniuk. Not counting the short stories I write for interactive fiction projects, I haven't written a short story in a long time though.

My reading preferences are a lot wider though. I will read most stuff. (I'm not huge on nonfiction unless there's a specific topic I'm interested in.) I do have a particular love for "fine literature," which I feel like is kind of an unnecessary and elitist term for non-modern writing of any kind. I've been slowly working my way through The Romance of the Three Kingdoms for a few years now, but I don't read physical books as much as I used to (and that one is THICK).

Thanks for asking!