#i haven't posted in here in like 5 hundred years and i'm sorry

[sunlightpike]

(lovm spoilers in the tags i don't want to maintag this so here's your warning)

[moyokeansimblr]

Update

Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but

here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.

I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.

I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.

There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.

So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️

Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.

I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.

Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.

So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.

I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛

[dresupi]

Ughhhh

I haven't posted anything on Ao3 in 2 years.

I'm sorry. I'm slowly working on an elaborate 5 part Stranger Things fic, but I don't want to start posting until I have a buffer, and then like, I can't write the damn thing chronologically, so I have several chapters and several parts of chapters. Not a single one sequential though.

Figuring out this whole burnout thing is really fucking with me. I used to write so so much and it hurts me to know that, because sometimes, I don't write for days and days. And then I'll start again, only to finish a few hundred words.

That and whatever this chronic illness/collection of symptoms I have is, it makes it difficult to type on some days and I haven't gotten over the stage fright of doing talk to text so that's a no go.

I suppose I have excuses galore as to why this thing isn't reader ready, but it still stands that I miss writing and posting. And I miss reading through comments and responding to them. I miss all of you and it's so desperately lonely some days.

Not sure what this is other than me trying to make excuses and get my feelings out, but here it is. <3

[imagineee-123]

I saw your post about opinions on ai art and thought I'd give you my opinion. As a young artist, I despise it. I worry that my peers and the generations below me will see ai art generators and think 'why should I spend years learning to draw when I can just press a few keys and have what I want in seconds'. I worry that companies will use ai art and not tell anyone about it. I'm tired, I'm so tired of seeing wonderful drawings online and then having to go through their profile and zoom in on all the drawings to find ai type flaws. It feels like an insult to hundreds of years of culture and hard work.

I feel like a lot of the psychology behind ai art bros (not including companies) isn't 'hahahaha I'm going to steal art and put it through a digital meat grinder to make what I want and they can't stop me' instead, most of them believe that it's transformative, that it's ok to make and profit off of other peoples art as long as it's transformative and artists have created transformative work for hundreds of years so it's ok for them to do it too. I honestly believe that there will only be massive public backlash once ai starts digging it's claws into film and song, since only then will influential people start worrying about their jobs. (Actors, songwriters, ect)

Although I definitely do see hope. Even though many artists are giving up and leaving the internet, things like nightshade are being made, some ai users are tired of the ai not generating what they want and taking on art, ai companies are losing money because in a case of pure irony, even with subscriptions, their users don't want to pay them and their stocks are sinking. This is arguably the biggest art event in all of history, but I believe that maybe we can win it to an extent. Ai art will never fully disappear, that's just how it goes, but we can still put regulations on it....so yea. That's my 5 cents, sorry if I clogged your inbox, have a nice day/night

I really appreciate your reply! This is definitely a unique take. I really like how you mentioned the view from the other side when it comes to individuals and AI, I don't see people talk about that much.

I've sadly heard of/seen AI advertisements and such from major animation studios and even a prestigious school (Disney, A24, and Gobelins is what I'm referencing here), along with Starbursts using AI in an ad, and Airheads holding an AI movie competition. A recently trending TikTok audio is also an AI generated song (how the hell you spell chauffeur). But.. I've seen plenty of backlash for some of these things. I do agree that, unfortunately, we all have to wait for those in influential positions to care before anything changes.

I haven't seen too many people talk about AI in a more hopeful manner, but I do admire that. I don't think AI art will "kill" art in its entirety just for the reasons you listed towards the end. At the moment, AI is kind of a buzzword or hot topic, so there's a lot of attention to it. It'll eventually lose a lot of that spotlight focus over time. All we can do is speak our minds and protest in the ways we can while we await regulations around AI "art".

There's so much to discuss about this topic, and I really appreciate different opinions about it being shared. It does help me better understand the topic and think of things I probably hadn't noticed about it before. I love having conversations like this. Thank you for reaching out and replying to my post!

(Completely unrelated sidenote. It was like 12 a.m. when I wrote this. Spelling is hard when you're tired hdhdhudjwiw)

[alltheotherblogs]

I'm back!

I haven't posted in a few months. Busy, haven't had a lot to blog about, most of my journey of self betterment has really allowed me to be more comfortable with the thoughts inside my head and not have to spew them out somewhere. I've journeyed from a year long delusional episode caused by a lifetime of abuse, to being a real, genuine, very strong & talented grown ass man. I'm playing the piano at an impressive level, I am holding down my job with great precision, I'm ready to finally drive despite years of lacking help. I'm getting what I need, and I'm doing what little I can as someone who was born under the most unfortunate circumstances and treated with utter neglect and hate. Now a lot of you don't know that stuff, and that's fine. I don't share it a lot. But I was abused since an infant. It's not funny, but I find ways to joke about it anyways. My mom would german supplex little baby me's soft spot onto the concrete from the top rope. She died, thankfully. Overdosed on drugs like the degenerate loser she & most mothers are. I'm sorry to say but, if you had a 100% good mother, you were one of the lucky ones. Statistically, 1st world mothers are insanely abusive, and if you know me, you know I love my studies. And studies have always showed a dramatic increase in reported abuse from mothers since the 70's. It hasn't gone down substantially since, and hasn't even plateaued yet. What makes it even worse is that these articles containing these statistics are regularly censored, taken down, or otherwise hidden from view by the colleges which allowed them to take place, the thought police, or the websites they're posted to. But, even if you go and run the numbers yourself, on all abuse cases, unresolved, resolved, and dismissed, women come out as the cream of the crop in beating the ever loving shit out of children. Even if you just do convicted, it's still higher, which is surprised since the American justice system is dramatically sexist towards men.

But I digress from my genuinely biased tangent. A lot of you here know me well, that's why you follow me here... You're probably a friend who saw this in a YouTube description, my Discord account, or my other various social media which I don't use. What little people do know about me is; I am a writer. And a good one at that. I have a college grade understanding of the english language. On a very official test which I cannot name, I was given a score of 91-100. This is graded on a curve of course like most things. 50 is a passing highschool grade. Yeah, that 1600 on the SAT's is a 50 on this test I took. I got a 91. Do you want to know what that is equivalent to? Being 5 years in to a masters degree. For what little learning I did as a child, not going to school and not being properly home-schooled, I had clearly prioritized the right stuff. While my math was just good enough to pass, (Besides my 3D Geometry, I had a perfect score in specifically that) I managed to get a score so high in English, that I am comparatively as smart as someone who has spent five years and good amount of dough for a fancy piece of paper that doesn't do anything anymore. Not to toot my own horn, despite doing exactly that, but I am a writer through and through. It's my passion, my favorite hobby, and something I could do as a job till I die. That is all to say, I intend to finally post about what I write. I've written since I was a very small child, and I have had two books consistently going since I was a teenager. One is the now personally infamous "Last Cry of the Golden Eagle." and the other is the sci-fi horror titled "Those Prone to Violence." Let me elaborate. Last Cry of the Golden Eagle has been written. No, I'm not kidding. It had about three hundred pages, and I didn't like it. So I deleted it. To be redundant, I'm not kidding. I stand by that decision. I think it sucked, and if I'm not happy with what I put out, how can anyone be happy reading it? It was supposed to be about a group of mercenaries coming to terms with the death of their father figure, their leader. A group of people who all found a family in a group of space guns for space hire. It ended up just being a pseudo startrek ripoff featuring some sad buff guys with daddy issues. It needed a complete makeover, which really demotivated me, and despite STILL having it all mapped out in my head, to the point I've even dreamed it, I haven't put it to page. Not digital, nor physical. But a book I have been genuinely hard at work on for months now, especially in November, was my horror debut. Those Prone to Violence is the current working title of my sci-fi horror about a test which determines if you are going to be violent at a young age, and sends you to spend your teenage years in a special school, which in reality, is a prison. In which, all manner of human made horror is witnessed. This is all to say, I'm tired of sitting on these works. I'm fully intending to post them... And, where else but here? I can't fathom posting them to Reddit, but I will be doing an audio book reading on YouTube. I'll be posting chapter by chapter. And, hopefully, this will motivate me enough to finish it. I'll continue to write as a hobby, but there is no sense in writing only for myself. These books are my children, and my children deserve to see the world. I hope you enjoy. I'm going to post the first chapter now.

[rederiswrites]

Okay, sorry, had to do Adult Things now back to bucolic adventures and plants.

So I'd been eyeing several of this guy's listings on FB --he had a native shade plant, wood poppy, and a native understory tree, red buckeye, and some lovely irises I definitely don't need and haven't got space for, which means nothing I guess. And I had to head in his direction anyway for an errand, so I finally reached out to see if I could arrange a pickup. So at 5:15 on a lovely day in late May, I headed out.

The drive there really set the tone, as it turned out. Greening fields, grazing cows, weatherworn bank barns, standing for a hundred years and more now. Narrow road, winding through that special countryside half-tame, half wild mix of neglected field edges and overgrown old foundations mixed with neat lawns, well kept houses, and a general sense of established comfort. Everything lush and vivid green.

I pulled into the drive--there was no other house it could have been, there being no other house around--and was greeted by a rabbit. It stared me down as we decided which of us would keep the prime parking spot. I won, eventually, by which time the seller was coming out of the house.

Guys, I wanna be this guy when I grow up. Cutoff sweatpants, boots, and a tired white t-shirt. Hair grey and wild, haircut three months past due. And standing square in the middle of acre after acre of gorgeous gardens.

Look, I took some pictures. But you gotta understand, these were just random snapshots. I'm not cherry-picking; it just all looked like this.

Those are rows of daylilies; apparently over a hundred varieties. He's forgotten most of the names, but the numbers on those white posts correspond to a photo index in his phone.

Here, have a magnolia bloom a foot across.

Oh yeah, it's native.

He also makes junk sculpture, but sadly I can't find anyplace of his to link you to online.

(Note that those shots contain completely different vast expanses of manicured parkland than the others).

He had a mature version of my little baby Flying Dragon Hardy Orange.

Which filled me with joyous anticipation because it was amazing.

I gushed the entire time. He was an excellent exemplar of "crusty old man" and never directly replied to my praises, but he sure did spend an hour showing me things. So I don't think he minded too awfully.

And I left with this:

For $45. Two more comfrey plants, three red buckeye, two wood poppies (with bonus other plant I have already forgotten the name of), and a huge chunk of irises.

Here's a better shot of that clump of irises:

Beforehand, we'd agreed on what counted as a $5 clump of irises. When he sank the shovel into the ground, that all popped up together. We were both briefly silent, counting in our heads. Privately, I got to $50. Maybe he did too, but he paused for a second and said, "how 'bout ten bucks?" and I said, "I'll take that."

Finally, I had to leave fairyland and go to CVS and wait at stop lights and other real world things. But on the way home a cardinal flew up at my passage, and I had to go round an Amish buggy, and I bought some tomato plants from a neighbor. So maybe we live in the same place after all.

Just had the BEST adventure getting plants off a FB listing but you gotta wait til my camera recharges for pictures.

[heliosoll]

Main FAQ

I've noticed that people are asking a lot of the same questions so here's a more comprehensive FAQ!

1. How do you shift?

A combination of sats (here's a post about sats) and intention, plus occasionally vaunting if I'm in the mood. For vaunting, I just imagine myself talking to a person from my DR and live knowing that I will wake up there.

2. How do you leave your DR?

I always shift back to my WR first after shifting to a DR! I knock on a mirror three times while saying “waiting room” and that instantly shifts me to my WR. To shift back here from my WR, I’ll either do the same thing with the knocks but say “home reality”, intend to wake up here, or use one of the shifting doors (I have a room in the house with doors that all connect to a different reality)!

3. How long do you stay in your DR?

It depends! I don't have a strict schedule for how long I'm there. Sometimes I'm in a DR for years, sometimes it's a few hours.

4. How did you get into the void?

Same way I shift! Sats and intention + some affirming! I went to sleep using those, woke up a little later, and then affirmed that I was in the void. Currently, I've only been there once and I used it to shift to my waiting room. Yes, I do plan on going there again. No, I don't know when.

5. Was your DR animated or realistic?

All of my DRs that are animated here were realistic. So, Winx, Atla, etc were all realistic. The only ones that aren't fully realistic are my Monster High DR and my Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse DR! The MH looks like the 3D movies so it wasn't weird. It kind of just looked like a glossy version of real life. Our body proportions were also realistic so we didn't have giant heads.

6. Can I DM you?

I'm sorry but I don't like talking through DMs if I don't know you! Please send me an ask off anon so I can answer you privately (and make sure to tell me that you want me to answer privately)!

7. What happens to my body when I shift?

Please read this post!

8. Why haven't you answered my ask?

I have a life! aldjghjldgh no but seriously, as a loa and shifting blog, I get a lot of asks. And since I often like to explain things more and give longer answers, it can take me a while to get through them. Unless your ask was rude/too personal/has been asked a hundred times already, I do plan on answering it eventually. Just give me some time!

9. What's your main blog?

I'd prefer not to give it away however, I don't mind giving it to mutuals! But if we aren't mutuals, please don't ask.

10. Where have you shifted to?

Here's a masterlist!

11. What have you manifested?

Please go to this post, you'll see the list under the pink divider! I'm also in the process of making an updated list!

12. What do you think happens when someone dies?

Personally, I believe that whatever they assume/want to happen will happen. So if they believe in an afterlife, they'll experience an afterlife. If they believe in reincarnation, they'll be reincarnated. And so on and so forth. This, to me, works well with knowledge of the law and encompasses all beliefs!

Let me know if you think I should add something! I'll update if I notice more questions about the same thing!

[corneliaswalls]

Thank you to my dear lover @dependsonwhospitching for tagging me on this one, and also @cowboylarries and @harrysuits for tagging me as well, you all are lovely 💕

===Picrew + screenshots===

Picrew: I don't know what am I supposed to say about it, but that's kinda me, hi!

Lookscreen: I have the one and only, my dear vitya, is a draw by @qulfeeh and I just love it so much, it's been there for a while lol

Last song I listened to: to be fair, I don't even know that song haha it was on shuffle last night while I was studying and well, there you go

Last pic I saved: Gojou! Hahaha lovely man, I don't have the url but the author is in the draw I think, so beautiful.

=== four songs i've heard today ===

I haven't even listened to one yet haha but i'll put the ones i've been obssesed with lately

1.- Montero (call me by your name) - Lil nas x

2.- Yes girl - Bea Miller

3.- Verbatim - Mother Mother (I blame tiktok for this one)

4.- Kaikai kitan - Eve

=== seven comfort films ===

1.- The emperor's new groove (it's just TENG, Vera and I against the world)

2.- Titanic (yeah, I know, sorry! I see young leo dicaprio and I go wild)

3.- Love, Rosie (again, I see sam claflin in any movie and I go wild)

4.- Ratatouille (aka the best pixar movie and you can fight me on this one idgaf)

5.- The longest yard

6.- Shrek 2 (honestly all of the shrek movies, they're just neat I guess)

7.- Cinderella (idk but she's an icon)

=== get to know me ===

Name/ nickname: Alejandra and for nicknames Ale, Alex, Jandra, Al

Star sign: Pisces (yup, rumours are true, I cry a lot about e v e r y t h i n g)

Favorite bands/groups: Ofc not one direction

Favorite solo artist: Taylor, Louis, Harry, Katy Perry is great, Bowie, etcccc

Song stuck in my head: montero is on a loop inside my brain rn

Last movie: scent of a woman

Last show: jujutsu kaisen lol, I just finished it today!

When did I create this blog: last year? I used to have another one that I created in 2013 I think but fandom became too much and I just deleted it but here we are again!

What do I post about: Larry, taylor, my weird hyperfixations

Last thing I google: a microwave brownie recipe hahaha I was hungryyy last night

Other blogs: I don't have any

Do I get asks: meh, sometimes, mostly hate anons that I just ignored LOL

Why did I choose this url: my favorite Taylor's song is cornelia street, my favorite Louis' song is walls and bam! Corneliaswalls (so smart)

Following: no idea

Followers: no idea

Average hours of sleep: like 4 hrs?? 5 in a good day

Lucky number: 8

Instruments: I wish lol

What am I wearing: sweatpants, one of my dad's tshirt that I stole and the always trusty tpwk hoodie

Dream job: idk, maybe something related to what am studying rn but I also want to open a coffee shop one day, sounds nice

Dream trip: prob Japan, I'm that kind of person haha

Favorite food: pasta, pastapastapasta, any pasta. And those salad bowls that have like hundreds of things, yeah those are fine as hell

Nationality: mexican (arriba el centroooo)

Favorite song: rebel rebel - Bowie. I am who I am thanks to that song and man

Last book I read: red, white and royal blue, I think? Was good

Three fictional universes you'd like to live in: in one where I'm a millionaire, that's it.

Anygays, that was fun!! Now you know me a little bit more? I'm tagging @gettingdizzyoh @strongbabycali @skyfulloflarry @imbellarosa but please feel free to ignore if you want it. 💕

[undeservedfavor]

Update Varies

Links to follow, like, heart, share, subscribe and bookmark for more updates:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/undeservedfavor

https://undeservedfavor.tumblr.com

https://m.webnovel.com/profile/4313771242?appId=10

https://www.wattpad.com/user/undeservedfavor

The Bucketlist

Mini-Series of Short Stories

St. Valentines Day [EN]: Chapter 4

Two months has passed as they continued to work together until they finish the movie and gained so much awards and credit.

"Woohoo!!! Guys! Let's party! We all deserve it for all the hard work!" Director said.

"I think you guys need to talk about something. I don't know but while working with the both of you, we all feel sexual tension in the air." The celebrity Catherine said to Gisela when she noticed that Dorian is eyeing her from afar.

"H-he thinks he's so hot that he can get everyone. Though he told me he had indecent proposals in the past, 3 SMS, 4 Calls, 6 DMs, and 2 missed calls... He's not that hot." Gisela told the actress.

"Woah, so updated, are we?" Catherine gave Gisela a knowing look and a knowing smile.

"Can we talk?" After the Dorian's invitation, he and Gisela went to the nearest park.

"Whenever, I see that sand box, I remember Plage Solitaire. The most peaceful beach on the planet." Gisela just nodded to what Dorian said.

"I-im sorry." They both said in unison.

Then, they laughed a bit with embarrassment.

"L-listen-..." They said again in chorus.

"You go first." Dorian said.

"No. You should go first." Gisela said.

"Uhm, here you go... C-can we be together?" Dorian asked Gisela who shed tears immediately with the question.

"You don't understand. You don't wanna be with someone so-called 'Damaged Good'. I don't want you to regret it. You don't wanna be with me. You don't need to due to pity. You don't-..." Gisela's anxiety is overwhelmingly obvious.

"We do not know those things yet. Those are 'What ifs', you're far from a 'Damaged Good'. For me, you're a beautiful 'Work-in-progress' and hell, despite the controversies I had, I'm still in good condition, whatever you're going through, I will go through it with you. Whatever you're thinking, I'll help you overcome it. If there's someone who can try and understand you, that's me. For me, this isn't the time to waste time and fool around, this is not like the roles I play, this is real. You are real. I don't care how hard it is but no matter what, I wanna be a part of something so beautiful... A part of your plans in the future. Please. For old times' sake, let me be with you all the way." Gisela, lost for words nodded crying as Dorian also shed tears.

"Gisela, thank you. I love you..." Dorian whispered to Gisela as he caress the woman's hair, embracing her long and tight enough to make her feel safe.

"Let me drive you home." Dorian told Gisela.

They both started living under one roof at Dorian's condominium unit.

One morning, as they're lying on the bed, Dorian hesitantly asked about Gisela's list...

"Dear Piggy... A-are you still gonna continue with that list?" She showed him the list seeing number '6' crossed out.

"Back in the beach, I haven't really finished the list yet. Now, it's done. I actually skipped on number '6' and went straight to number 7, 8, 9 and 10. 'Cause you're not just any random guy... Technically you're my little Dino, but... You're the one." Dorian checked the list out due to his curiosity.

1. Earn a lot for the future. ✓

2. Quit the medical industry. ✓

3. Spend more time with the only family - Merian. ✓

4. Finish writing my novels and posting it to my writing/social platforms. ✓

5. Buy a house in Plage Solitaire at a chosen paradise to 'live and die' for. ✓

6. Have virginity taken by a random guy and leave him clueless afterwards. *Skip this part.* ✗✗

7. Get a writing job. ✔

8. Take care and fully pay insurance. ✅

9. Have the one closest to my heart, help me choose a casket and designs for the tomb.

Plus, choose a church for the blessing and perfect spot in the graveyard/cemetery.

10. Chose a great necrological service speaker. I want a great Eulogy.

Dorian just looked carefully at Gisela's face and embraced her tightly.

Then, she spoke...

"I know. I'm a weirdo." Gisela told Dorian.

"Piggy... You're kinda like scaring me with these things but if this is the way I can be with you, I'll understand, process and digest every single bit of it. I'm not even gonna ask you why you made this list in the first place but if you're ready to not give up on life, I'm gonna go with you if you decided to get yourself checked." Dorian said.

"I'll tell you when the time comes..." Gisela said.

The couple decided to go shopping.

No ordinary shopping but he's only doing it for Gisela even if he doesn't wanna consider the thought.

"You know what? I think this one will be okay. Ah! I know! Maybe I can also have a reservation my own. Same color as I've chosen for you. So when the time comes... We're still gonna go as a couple. Even if it's the after-life." Dorian joked a bit.

"Don't. Even though, couple shirts, couple rings and other couple stuff might be cute, I don't want you to think about a couple casket. You're a born villain. And villains don't die unless it's passed hundreds of years already. Plus, they don't even age. Time flies for them gracefully like a bloodline of a vampire." Gisela joked him back.

The next stop is to the cemetery.

They're choosing tomb designs.

"This is perfect, 'In loving memories of...-" Gisela was cut of.

"We can choose the designs Piggy but it's good to personalize those messages." Dorian said as he wrote things down on a paper.

You have lived a life full of love.

Soon, we'll meet and love again up above.

To the place where there is never-ending peace.

Love,

Your Dorian

Gisela smiled at Dorian and they went to the cemetery.

Gisela insisted to choose a spot.

"This spot is nice. The one near the tree." She said.

"I would already reserve those two spots next to each other. So that I can lie down with you forever when the time comes..." Dorian said Gisela shed tears and hugged Dorian.

"I don't wanna take you in this journey with me. You're not welcome this early to where I'm heading. Sorry for being so difficult but thank you for having number 9 checked off my list." Gisela said as she embraces her boyfriend.

A day after Dorian's shoot, he went home to Gisela and the house was empty.

Their things are scattered all over the floor.

The entire house was messy.

But...

There are no traces of Gisela everywhere.

She's missing.

"My dearest, why end up dodging the bullet once more? Running away and hiding again on me like that." Dorian whispered.

He searched everywhere for her and in a place he thought Gisela would go to.

"She's not here. She went through a deep trauma after she saw her parents died in the car accident. I know my cousin can be a handful, but please, don't give up on her." Merian said.

Dorian just nodded and headed off.

Dorian did not bring his car along to find Gisela in the hardest and most hidden places in the city.

As he was walking along the subway...

He found a cying woman.

With hands on her head and her hair covering her face.

Her hairs are tangled and all over the place.

Her skin's full of dirt.

When Dorian tried to look at the woman's face, he was shocked.

It was Gisela.

He brought the woman home and cleaned her up.

She fell asleep crying.

As soon as the woman woke up, she said she's gonna use the toilet.

"You sure you can stand?" Dorian asked. The woman just mindlessly nodded.

Dorian thought to check on Gisela when she's taking too long.

He did not lose hope until this sight.

He found Gisela lying unconsciously on the bathroom floor.

"Gisela!!!" He lifted the woman and brought her to the nearest hospital.

Dorian waited for hours for a doctor to come up to him and say that Gisela's okay.

"A-are you with her?" Dorian nodded as the doctor approached him.

"I'm doctor Ariel James Devant, Psychologist." The doctor introduced himself.

"We did not ask for a Psychologist, we need a Physician to have Gisela checked!!!" Dorian almost lost it.

"She's not physically sick. Not until now. We have pulled up a few counselling records of Gisela. In fact, I was her batchmate in Med-school, she quit and did not finish Med-school. So she just continued being a nurse. Because of her parent's car crash, her parents died in front of her in a car accident. She then became my first patient. I have checked on Gisela a few times and she never went back to the clinic afterwards. She's so indenial that something's physically wrong with her and insistent that she's nearing death, that she shuts down people who wanna have her checked by a professional or by any doctor. She has been diagnosed with constant fear of death that it lead to a severe case of anxiety." Doctor James said.

Dorian was not able to process what's happening and could not speak.

"People who has Thanatophobia, would not like to talk about death for it has caused them depression. On her case, it's different. For that's the only thing she wanna focus and talk about out of fear. Like her whole entire world revolves on the thought that she might, oh sorry, that she 'WILL' die. She already decided that for herself. Anxiety took a toll on her that her brain was mentally pausing because of too much stress, overwhelming worry, overthinking and unshown worry, sometimes this can cause nausea and problems with balancing." The same doctor continued talking.

"Maybe this is the reason why she 'slipped' in the bathroom. She lost consciouness in the bathroom because she might have hit her head on the floor. Now, there's internal bleeding, we need to have an operation ASAP to prevent brain mass. You have to prepare because the operation is risky, after that, she may go under a few days, weeks or even months in coma. Worst case is never to wake up." Another doctor spoke.

"My apologies, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is doctor Jessie Ulysis Voltaire. Neurologist and Physicist." He introduced.

After that, they all worked on Gisela's operation.

They spent hours to finish it and what they said was true...

Gisela fell into a coma for weeks now and counting.

Dorian held the woman's hand in his...

He got a Pig and a Dinosaur stuffed-toy that he put on the hospital bed beside her.

"Do you remember this Dear Piggy? You're Dinosaur's here to wake you up. You're my nurse. You shouldn't be lying there for a long time, at that bed. You're supposed to be the one who's taking care of me." Dorian said.

The woman was just unresponsive.

She was still deep asleep.

"You should have told me what you're going through. I should have understand. A-are you punishing me for loving you so much?" He said, sheding tears as he kissed the back of Gisela's hand.