#i haven't met anyone else with avpd before so i'm really curious to see what has worked for others

[asuddencold]

What is it like recovering witch avpd /genq? we have avPD (along with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and a whole mess of other stuff) but we're curious what its like

I'm not gonna lie, it's extremely tough.

I have a bunch of other stuff as well, so, before i could even do anything about avpd, i had to be chemically stable (get the right meds without abusing any substances (unfair)), stabilise the conditions caused by other disorders i have, find a psych i trust and can work with, and start sharing with them.

For me, what has helped the most so far is going by Actions over Thoughts when a situation triggers my avoidant tendencies. For example:

Situation: My girlfriend expresses that something i do in our relationship makes her feel bad

Thoughts:

I have made a mistake

I am an imperfect partner

I am a terrible person

Because she dislikes one thing i did means the entirety of me is rotten, my mistakes are unforgivable, and she's not blind, she will see that if she doesn't already, and she will judge me for it, reject who i am, and i would rather tear my eyes out than live through that therefore

I need to leave now, i can't ever be with her again, we should break up, this was a mistake, if i try and explain myself and why i did the thing i did wrong she will either dismiss it or hate me more for it, so i should shut the fuck up, never open my mouth again, never try to have an interpersonal relationship again, i am destined to ruin everything and should actually fucking die

Actions: Don't do ANYTHING i though about doing. It doesn't help me. And it doesn't help my partner. Instead, do the opposite. If the rot inside me thinks i should burn that bridge, it means that the healthy thing is to build it up. And so

I apologise to my partner

I explain myself and open up specifically to the point where i'm slightly out of my comfort zone. Will i tell her that the thing i did to make her feel bad is probably something i thought up in order to manage to be with people for more than a second without craving the sweet embrace of death? No. But i'll tell her that i'm not great with people, that it's hard to manage these new relationships and connections that i have and thus i make mistakes.

I try to strengthen our connection. By opening up, by hearing her side of things, by being understanding and kind, by de-escalating the situation (not that it needs much de-escalating. she's an angel who couldn't be hostile of she tried. but you know how avpd is). And, after that's passed, by doing things to soothe the both of us, like watching a movie or playing a game together, or cuddling, insted of withdrawing

And i keep moving forward. Keep trying.

What i tried to explain above is obviously an "advanced level" scenario. When i first started recovering, i wouldn't dream of having a partner or friends that i would actually be able to keep instead of running away, especially while sober. But everything is a continuous process of moving one foot in front of the other and getting up when you trip and fall. Sometimes it feels like you never do anything you want. You go against your own wishes so much that it can feel awful at the moment, but the rewards are the most amazing thing you've ever felt

Anon, i hope i hope that my answer helped you even a little, and that you manage to find peace one day and work towards recovering too. If there is anything i could help you with or if you just need someone to commiserate, you can send me a message anytime. I'd be happy to answer !