#i haven't listened to it yet but i just saw it in my queue

[captain-habit]

Poe did a song for Alan Wake 2????

I love how weirdly fitting that is.

[casablancarossa]

Dream of me a little longer ... a taemin x reader scenarion

Help because I haven't been able to shake this scenario off my head and I'm resurrecting my tumblr to get this weight off me TT TT

Pairing: Taemin x female!Reader Genre: Fluff? maybe a little of Angst ? Warnings: None, just mild language. W.C: 6k+. I know it's long... Author's Note: Yes okay it's long, I promise its a nice lil moment. And I could not be bothered to split into two chapters. Some text is in blue.. it's implied it's spoken in Korean. Heavily written after watching Metamorph concert and listening to "I think Its Love"

☼ Sometime in the past... ☼

"Hey, Lee Taemin! Come on! We need to board the plane!"

A young woman called out, waving over a kid with plush cheeks and soft eyes and roughly tussled hair. Their hurried steps through the crowd of people made you turn your head, before looking up at your mom who was making sure you wouldn't get knocked down.

Fortunately the nimble boy, managed to avoid bumping into you but running straight to his brother with a cheeky grin, boasting about how agile he was to getting back to them but was questioning, where they were going. His mom sighed, looking her two boys, ruffling their hair stating they were going to surprise their dad who went off for a work trip.

Whilst the conversation went on, you felt your mom nudge your shoulder. "Hey y/n, look at that boys bag, he must be a senior to you!"

Sure enough, you followed her gaze and saw that this boy and you had the same backpack that had the school logo sewn into the shoulder strap, however judging from the wear and tear, the boy looked to be just a bit older than you. "Such a sweet girl, is she going to Kyunghee Elementary School too?", the boys mom asked.

Your mom stood there a little bit taken back, unsure how to form her words. She struggled with the language unlike you, and your dad was fluent, but had left minutes ago for the toilets. You could see that the other woman was also flustered, and quietly whispered to themselves trying to form an English sentence to re-communicate.

"Yes auntie! I go to school there too next month!!", you interjected, unaware your mom was flipping through her notebook looking for her practiced sentences.

"Oh! Your Korean is...very good! Ya, Taemin-ah, say hello, she goes to your school", the older woman chirped happily, encouraging her son to step forward and say hello to you and your mom.

You dad finally popped up beside you, breaking through the queue forming as he pecks your head and inquired what was happening. From what you bothered to listen to or tried to understand, you posited that the Lee family were on the same aisle as you and your parents and offered if you would like to swap seats so you could sit with the boys and play with them for the period of the flight and your parents did not seem to mind.

The younger of the two stepped forward, it was the boy with the school backpack.

"Hello, I'm Lee Taemin..."

"Oh, hello, I'm Y/N..."

☼ Sometime before May '08... ☼

You slumped back into your chair, twiddling your thumbs as you sat in front of the monitor screen. You were staring at the empty chatroom, unsure how to type your message. Sighing, you shift yourself in your seat staring down at the icon on the screen turning from grey to green. Danggit. Why is he online..., you thought to yourself.

TM: Oh I finally caught you online.

YN: Yeah... was just talking to my friends about homework..

TM: How is school?

YN: Did you hear? Boys from your year are saying that they know BoA eonnie through you.

TM: I haven't even spoken to her yet. All the sunbaes are busy...

A dry smile curled from the corner of your lips as you continue to type, passing conversations here and there. Despite having a conversation with him, you thought back to the years leading up to now.

~~~

Taemin rushed through the streets on his little bike, scarfed and bundled up, quickly waddling and knocking at your front door with much urgency. Your mom had answered the door for you, but you weren't too far behind, peeking around from behind, offering him a little wave. He quickly pestered you to get on your bike and take ride around the area with him, subtly implying he had good news to tell you before quickly bribing you with your favourite ice cream and salted egg snacks.

Hanging out with him was easy and it really didn't take much convincing on your part to drop anything and go out with him. If anything, his mom encouraged it as it was one of the rare times Taemin would be very sociable and free to express himself. Although the reason for why he had to drag you away from your studies, has yet to be explained, you carefully followed behind Taemin, who was acting fun and carefree, whenever he got excited about something. You watched him not even come to a full stop before he bounced off his bike, singing to himself.

During summer, you had spent nearly everyday with him, dancing in his living room while both of your moms were busy with their quarterly kimchi-making marathon in the other room. Sometimes, you would sing too and he would sit at the floor, staring up at you happily, excited that he was part of the rare few who could hear you sing so passionately. Taemin was more of a dancer and he was good at it despite not having any professional lessons. You could tell he was going to be great one day. Even then you could see, you were just a passing star around his sun.

It wasn't until the music room had been fully finished in your school, that following fall, that you would catch Taemin very late in the evenings, practicing piano, claiming that he would need a musical skill and he wasn't sure that his dancing or singing would get him there. When his mom brought home a keyboard, he would endlessly harass you to watch him play a new piece he had learnt and asked your opinions, if it sounded too rushed or felt off-key.

Days would go on, where Taemin would play the piano for you and you would sing for him and it was your own little world with him before the realities of school would come knocking.

You shook your head, waking up from your little reminiscing daydream as Taemin bounced out with a bag full of goodies in his hand. The pair of you drove to the nearest playground, and he begins to recount of a story about him dancing with other people in front of a panel of judges before being interviewed and you only listened on, in wonderment, wondering internally what this meant for Taemin as he had be purposely vague. The young boy didn't fully elaborate on what happened but seemed to be excited for this new chance he might get. The surprisingly warm afternoon shifted to the familiar brisk winter evening, and before you knew it, you two decided to walk the bikes back to your home, throwing the vehicle on the yard before running to the window to let your mom know that you have arrived. Her head spun quickly smiling, standing to walk towards the window with an open box in hand, commenting that you and Taemin might as well be busy and start crafting, sliding the jewellery making kit box out the window. You and Taemin began to meticulously design bracelets for each other from the kit, sitting at the covered front porch, staring at the sky as the first snow was about to stick.

"Hey y/n, let's swap..."

"It's literally the same bracelet"

"Yeah, but this way, I made yours and you made mine. Think of it like a pinkie promise, to be friends forever, support each other through everything, be with each other until the end"

"Sounds stupid.. and serious, but I like it. Okay call."

~~~

That was almost 2? No, maybe 3 years ago now. It didn't take long before news spread around the school that Taemin had auditioned for SM Entertainment and managed to get in. Everyone teased him about how he might find a pretty noona to date there instead, or how he might get fame to his head and forget all about his friends in school. Taemin did get bullied here and there, but that came along with the fact he was about to be a star. He remained adamant he wouldn't forget anyone. He repeated the same sentiments towards you when you teased him about it and he huffed quietly, more hurt that you would also think he was capable of forgetting you.

Much to your surprise, he really didn't. Despite seeing of him less as he focused on training, you were the one person he constantly checked up on. If you weren't at home, he would ask your mom if he could leave a letter, usually left on a scratch paper and very hastily scribbled messages. He would have encouraged you to join the scary world of the internet because he found a new site where you can message each other and keep up to date with what is going on in each others lives. More often than not, it would be Taemin that had more stories to share, which was way better than what you believe to be, is your very boring mundane life, focusing on your studies.

And you did follow through anyway, creating an account and adding Taemin by the username he left at the end of his last letter.

. . . .

TM: Earth to Y/N???

YN: Huh?

TM: It said you were typing for so long, I thought you had slept on the keyboard :D.

YN: oh ... no ... sorry, mom asked me if I could hang some laundry in the room.

TM: Ah, so... you're coming with my mom right?

YN: it's in a few days right? I wouldn't miss it... What are your hyungs like?

TM: Annoying TT TT

You smirked at the screen before dropping the forced emotion, realizing, Taemin's not there to question the sad look on your face. Your head turned back slightly to see the half-packed suitcase on the floor along with scraps of scrunched up paper, filled with drafts of apologies to Taemin.

The temptation to just tell him the truth right there and then would be all too relieving but by the time you had shifted your attention to the screen, Taemin's profile icon was greyed out and he had left a solid paragraph about his plans to work hard and have everyone including yourself be proud of him, he ended with a goodbye..

... Y/N-ah, wear our bracelet okay? So I can see you in the crowd. I know you'll be front row anyway, but just in case you get stuck behind someone. Missed ya you stupid face! Please cheer me on .

☼ Sometime during '12... ☼

"Hey Dad, you sure I can drop the luggage here?"

"It's your old room, be comfortable" , he yelled from downstairs, his voice growing distant, exiting the front door to grab the rest of your luggage.

You open the sliding door, seeing a more smaller and emptier room than you imagined. A roll of thick futon laid in one corner, along with the rest of your sleeping amenities, a handful of pillow and a very comfortable thick blanket. It genuinely smelt like happier memories, back when your mom and dad decided that Seoul was going to be the last stop and nothing in their career could make them move. Not yet an adult, but grown enough to understand the circumstance which led to your dad coming back to Korea full time and your mom back home with a busy law career and more importantly, finally allowing you to travel on your own to visit him.

"You sure I was the only person who stayed here?", you half joked, knowing full well that your dad had been offering spare rooms to his workmates during late night after-work drinking sessions.

"Eish... if you are going to be like your mother, I won't rescue you from spiders..." he mocked back in a sassy pouty tone.

"I'm kidding, but seriously though... try not to spend life alone.." , you mumbled, looking at your father, who looked half the man he was. He had gotten more frail in the years, probably since no one was home to make him home cooked meals, and he was grey around the edges and a little paler compared to you, but you had his eyes, which were full of light and passion. "Mom is waiting for you back home..."

The man stumbled past you to drop the remainder of your bags, which was on oversight for a 2 month visit, but packing like you are there for a much longer duration. He ruffled the top of your head, making light conversation of how you and your mom were back home and began asking if things you wanted to do in the summer.

Nothing came to mind about plans. If anything you wanted to open your old messaging site and see if any of your old classmates were still online and if they remembered you, would they still like to meet up? But the nagging voice in your head kept on telling you, not to login. What if he left messages? What if he is still leaving messages...

You had asked your dad if you could borrow his laptop in the meantime while you unpacked and thankfully all the keycaps were in familiar alphabets as your grip on the Korean language had decreased in your time away, but hopefully it was enough to reconnect with some old friends.

There was hesitation in your fingertips on why you didn't want to click on that login button. So much weight behind one action. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in, taking that leap of courage, you navigated towards your unread messages.

He had not been online for over 3 months, but that is the maximum display of how long a person was last seen. It could be over 3 months at this point. His last message was also from that time.

TM: Are you well? Me and the hyungs are practicing again for our comeback. It's going to be exciting. TM: You know... it feels like we are a team now. TM: Are you still singing? TM: Do you still read these messages? Y/N-ah. Reply soon okay? I'm no longer angry at you.

You scrolled back to see, he had been sending messages every few months, some of them were sad, some were filled with anger and mildly insulting languages. A scoff managed to escape you. Wow, you really are a man now Taemin. A set of paragraphs caught your attention.

As per, hot blooded teenager goes, Taemin had cursed you out for not showing up. He blamed you for not enjoying his debut stage and being made fun of his hyungs for not having his friend support him. He continued to say that if you were going to disappear, you shouldn't have given him hope that you were going to show up, after the long months on not being able to meet up because he slept in the dance studio often, much to his mom's disappointment. Taemin caps off the message wondering if his mom ever gave the CD to your dad.

CD? You don't remember such thing. Granted, you and your mom were the first to leave Korea, but your dad, for as long as you recounted, had stayed in the same address.

"Appa! Do I have any old items in the room?!", you screamed from your room, perking your ear out from over your shoulder.

"Yes! Check the wardrobe."

Scuttling towards the sliding door of the closet, you quickly brush it open and see a stack of old clothes. minor household items, and a random shoe box with random Doraemon and Hello Kitty stickers adorning the sides. Bingo. You inspected the box first. It looks like no one has touched it in years and there was this crisp crackling noise as if it had been tightly glue shut, but the glue had worn off.

In it was a collection of items you used to collect, stamps, arcade tickets, cinema tickets and an assortment of handwritten letters, all done in Taemin's writing. Did dad save these? At the bottom, was a thin parcel with aqua coloured wrapping paper. It had the signature of Taemin and 4 others with the message 'We hope to see you soon', ending with a love heart. Without opening it, you assumed it was a copy of their first album, an album that you currently have sitting in your bedroom back home with other SHINee related items.

Yes, you were a full on Shawol and you would be stupid enough to have Taemin as your bias. But you supported from the back, because Taemin was right, you were just downright despicable for not saying goodbye to him even when your mom encouraged you to leave the letter to his mom, who was 20 minute bike drive away.

No one knew where you had went; the ambiguity between your parents meant that your dad was not bothered to inform others where you had been whisked away to, as long as he got updates that you were safe and smiling. The door to your room slid open quietly. He leans across the frame, seeing pages scatter around and the CD in its wrapping beside you.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't recognize me as much, but that kid comes by the neighbourhood often and walks slowly when he passes by the building...", your dad's words were comforting. "I know it was mostly your mom and his that were friends, but I had overheard him ask about you and your mom around the neighbourhood, guess people didn't forward the message to me at the time.."

"It's okay appa... it's for the better that he doesn't know..", there was a defeat in your voice. "I was such a bad friend to him..."

Your dad clicked his tongue before rolling down his sleeves, almost as if he just said 'Come on, lets go out'.

And you did. Instead of taking the car, the two of you had opted to take public transport and walk around for the afternoon. Seoul had changed so much in the years you were gone. It felt like a completely different city. The air was different and contrary to popular belief, there are little nooks around the area that seems quiet and slow, like a brief relief from the bustling main road.

However this meant, you could hear it clearly, SHINee's Sherlock playing in stores to lure fans in to buy from their stock. Bright as day, you heard his voice. He had improved so much with his singing that he did sound like Jonghyun. Or maybe, it's because his voice dropped, but you knew his lines and its like being back in his living room, on the rare occasions he did sing, you would listen.

The pain wracked through every muscle in your chest. Taemin paid extra attention to you when you were younger. Hung onto every word you said and would follow through every promise he made. There was time he used his pocket money to buy you snacks for lunch because you had your "bad Korean tongue days", wherein by you embarrass yourself since public speaking was not your strongest suit and reading a block of Korean text was as daunting as the time you had to explain to his mom why he got injured, falling off his bike on your behalf.

Ah, the true pains of puppy love, you thought to yourself as you continued to absentmindedly walk beside your dad, who was nudging you this whole time, asking if you wanted to investigate the commotion down the street.

It had been apparent that there seems to be a film crew nearby and shocking amount of high school girls roughly around your age, squealing in excitement. You had pushed through halfway into the crowd with your dad, still unaware of what was happening, although the soondae soup restaurant you wanted to go to was just after where the crowd had formed. You might as well be nosy and see what the fuss was about.

Well didn't curiosity kill the cat, when you heard a name being screamed from behind you.

From across the crowd, 5 good-looking guys where strolling with a camera man following them and a host with cue cards and mic, interviewing them. It was Shinee in the flesh, but more importantly it was Taemin in the flesh with about 25+ raging teenagers in between you two, but no doubt he was the same petite frame, trudging along the back, behind his band members, camera shy and playing that extra coy, innocent angel look towards the fangirls.

Soon, unbeknownst to you, you had been slowly pushed through the crowd, now walking in the inner circle that surround Shinee and film crew. But this is a blessing in disguise was just few feet away and you could probably grab onto your dad and drag him out of the pandemonium.

"Ah appa! There's a gap here, come on we'll miss the special lunch menu!" you managed to shout, but to your detriment it had caused Taemin to turn around.

His eyes flittered around, scanning the group of people before him, thankfully the crew had stopped walking and were interviewing Shawols on the street. He could hear the sound of his heart beating in his ear. That voice, it struck and resonated in him, it took a while to focus his eyes at the general direction of the sound that stirred him.

There amongst the crowd, two hands holding in the air, someone from the other side trying to drag their dad back out of the group of people, on the wrist of one, was a lilac and green beaded bracelet with a cat charm in the middle. His eyes darted down to check his own wrists and just as he expected, buried in the dark earth toned bracelets, his stylists made him wear, underneath hid an identical bracelet albeit in alternating colours to the one he just saw but it had a cat charm too. His flipped the charm with his index fingers, revealing the very rough and badly embossed marking on the back, revealing your initials, same as the way your charm would have his initials too.

☼ Sometime after now... ☼

"Sonyu eonnie!! I'm here", you eagerly called out for you friend as you rush down the steps of the arena.

You looked around and saw that bar a few stragglers, the venue looked like it had just been recently emptied as the clean up crew haven't even began brushing confetties off the floor. It was a pretty big venue too and that impressed you a lot to know that it was packed judging from how long you waited in the car park for, to let the exiting crowd to reduce.

In a stretched out booth were a bunch of monitors, scattered and tangled wires, all set up to keep an eye on the concert, control mic levels, music levels and lightings. Your sunbae from an old school sat in the middle, smiling from ear to ear as she waved you over but yelling to be careful and not trip over any rogue wires.

"Oh? Someone looks like they had a good work day. How was the concert?", you chirpped, taking a seat beside the hagard looking woman who was slumped back into her seat with cables in her hands.

"It went great, no accidents, things ran smoothly, Taemin sounded nice too"

The inner corner of your lips twitched at the name. "Shinee's Taemin?"

"Oh are you a fan? You should have told me! I could have gotten you in for free", her words caused panic inside of you.

The last time you saw him in person was at a fan-sign event. Boldly wearing a mask, you stood at the front row to cheer him on. You may not be as close as friends, barely even acquaintances, but you had bumped into his mom, weeks prior, saying how delighted Taemin would be to see you and offered a ticket that she was going to give to friend's daughter. When you asked it to be a surprise, she didn't utter a word to her son. When it was time to line up and have a poster signed, you quickly turned on your heel and ran away. You also knew, he probably didn't recognize you, despite the minor scene you had caused that did get the Shinee members' attention.

You went out of your way to find Taemin's mom, who still lived near the area you grew up in, and apologized to her for not following through with the plan to surprise Taemin, and asked if she could just not tell Taemin that you were around. She was quick to beg if you had any way of being contacted by Taemin. She promised that she would be discreet in how she would drop the topic on him. You hmm'd and haa'd at the prospect before stating that you had been staying at the same address since you were a kid, being generous enough to leave a note of the address in case Taemin or his mom had forgotten.

After that encounter you never really heard from Taemin for almost 6/7 years? His mom had been in contact quite recently, after bumping into your mom when she visited Korea and the communication has been somewhat regular.

Sonyu eonnie, nudged your shoulder trying to get your attention. "Hey hey, some of the staff are going out to eat and maybe drink to celebrate. Do you want to join me?"

You weren't going to turn down food and drinks, so you nodded and waited for her to get ready, calling over the other PD-eonnies who were part of the crew that was going out to eat. It didn't take long before a crowd gathered all talking about what food they wanted to eat and where was going to be empty enough to host a big group.

Ever so slightly, the formed group would attempt to make it out of the hall, now suddenly being probably the last of staff to get out as the clean-up crew had already finished minutes beforehand, and you were happy enough to be able to partake in conversations and the staff were so welcoming towards you.

By the time you guys had walked through the double doors that led to the hallway with the staff exit, the group gathered, waiting for everyone and whether a decision had been made within all that ruckus. You and Sonyu kept on insisting for soju and barbeque, giggling as suddenly everyone suddenly craved for barbeque and began to speak to about their favourite cuts and how their respective partners were good and grilling meat.

In the chaos, you didn't notice it, but some of the staff members began bowing and waving towards the other side of the hallway.

"Well done Lee Taemin. You worked very well! Thank you for working so hard!"

Echoes of along those line were all cheered out and you followed the gaze of the crowd and Taemin was smiling and waving back, thanking the staff members for all of their hard work and for taking care of him. But even then, he was distracted, because he knew, he wasn't imagining it. He knows that you know that he can recognize you. He has been staring at you and tried to stay calm about it.

As if you were teens again, time stood still and he couldn't believe his eyes but he even second guessed himself, unsure how to confirm it was you, his childhood friend, someone he thought would be there for him until the end.

With the spirit and mood being so high, you could partially make out that the staff was inviting Taemin to come out as well and the remaining SHINee members who had stuck behind to leave with Taemin. You shook your head as if to say, you didn't want Taemin to agree to join, because that would mean you had to interact, it would be rude not to. Before another comment could be made, you were hurriedly whisked away, Sonyu dragging you to your car and quickly searching the BBQ restaurant on her phone.

It wasn't a far drive either, but hopefully you could eat in peace without Taemin nearby, knowing that your stomach wouldn't settle at all with the anxiety going through you. Sonyu patted your shoulder inquiring how you were and you replied that you were fine.

"I'll stay in the car for a bit and just let dad know where I am, if you can go in and get our order in now, we don't have to wait for me", you told your eonnie, which she took at face value, hopping out of the car and rushing to her friends.

You really didn't know how to make of the situation. Abandoning your friend would not make a good impression with the rest of the team, however, acting like Taemin doesn't exist in front of everybody might make everyone think you were downright crazy. It was a coinflip and at the point your stomach had growled so much that you decided, Fuck it. I will eat a whole pig.

As you prepared to get out of the car and close the door behind you, a voice, loud and clear spoke up.

"Y/N?"

Maybe if you pretend you don't know who he is calling out, you could still walk away from this place. So much for some soju and BBQ tonight.

"Y/N please, do you remember me?" Taemin repeated chasing after you a bit before darting forward to block you next step, with his arms wide open. "I know you know I recognized you"

"I'm sorry but you must be tired" you denied the allegations, before ducking from his spread arms. and continued walking the opposite direction of the restaurant.

"You're breaking mom's heart over this", he yells out, causing you to spin on your heel.

You have always held his mom with such respect, she was indeed like your second come whenever you were back home in Korea and from your impression, Taemin's mom never really brought up Taemin or the idea of contacting Taemin on your behalf and was content in keeping in contact with you from time to time, along with your mother. So to you, it was an insult to you that Taemin has claimed that you have hurt his mom's feelings.

"Are you really going to make a scene in public?", the bewildered stare in your eyes was enough for him to stand down, knowing a crowd would form if they recognized him through his cap and mask. You hissed through gritted teeth. "Besides, why do you care?"

"You were my best friend, the only one who didn't... ", Taemin paused before closing the distance between you. "Yes it was ages ago and I have tried to heal from it, but school? Training? My so called buddies? They were hell. You were the only friend I had who understood"

There it was. He still had it, the crack in his voice that pulled at your heartstrings. There was no point in denying that you had closely followed Taemin as a celebrity, and even more so recently when he has done lives and spoken to fans. Taemin was so bubbly and happy and maybe it was just for show to the fans, but deep inside, did you really take the façade in its face value. Like he said, you were the only one who understood his struggles before he developed friendships in the company. But why now, did he make you feel like the balance of his happiness and sanity rested on your hands? "Come on Taem, it's been what? 15 years? More?", there was hint of pain tangled in your voice.

"And you think mom hasn't shared stories? You think your mom didn't tell her the stories of you supporting me?"

"Oh-- so now it's a crime to be your fan?!"

"No..."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I just wanted you to come back! You could have contacted me, instead you made mom hide the fact that you two have been talking" he rattled, trying to suppress how loud he was yelling at you. "I needed you in my life and you didn't think of asking me instead of asking about me"

A struggled laugh managed to break from your throat. You had been facing off with someone who for the most part was your idol, your celebrity crush and not as your childhood friend or as your childhood crush .The irony was not lost on you that plenty of girls would kill to be in your shoes, to hear Taemin scream, he needed them in his life. But he was right, nothing was stopping you, but you feared even a friendship with him, would rattle the fandom and hurt you.

Your stifled laughter, caused Taemin to roll his eyes and let out an angered growl. pacing in front of you, trying to scan the surroundings and whether the interaction had generated public viewing, but it has been relatively quiet, any passer-by maybe just assumed that the two of you were a couple fighting.

"Like I said. it has been 15 years. I don't really think there anything for us to go back to", you muttered defeatedly, finally looking at him in the eyes, while struggling not to let a tear fall.

He bit his lip. You hate it when he does that. He rolled his eyes, quickly moving to grab your wrist and pulling the sleeve of your coat further up to you elbow. "Then why are you still wearing it, if you don't care?", he says while lifting your arm up. Surely within view, on your wrist and his, were similar bracelets of lilac and green with a very worn out cat charm. Taemin's initials were decorated on your charm while yours were on his, although you noticed it seemed like Taemin had gone over the carving, to make it stand out more, whereas yous was faded and blurry. It took a lot of strength to not buckle where you were standing. It was embarrassing to admit that you never took it off unless you were going into water. It didn't matter to you that it clashed with outfits or looked out of place with the rest of your accessories. It was the only trinket that reminded you of a happier time with him. A time that you got to share with him. A promise to be there for him, even if you were away. Like you always said and thought. I'm just a passing star in your sunlight Taemin.

Your breathing had slowly picked up, it was causing your heart to almost implode within you. Dammit. There can't be waterworks, not now. The tension was different and sharp enough to cut through skin. This caused you to raise your head slightly, looking at him with teary eyes, almost pleading with him to not press on the matter further. What right did the two of you have to pick up where you left of. Both now older with years of stories, characteristics and emotions that it felt impossible to catch up on all of that, for what was puppy love. There may be tension, but the way his eyes meets yours lets you know that you were on the same page, the same emotional wavelength, the same questions. You two were only kids back then, but had you stuck around or come back sooner, would Taemin try for something more? Would you have allowed him to? Would he have fought for me, if it went any further? His fingers finally release and the grip on your wrist drops. "You know, when I saw you at the arena, I almost went crazy", he began, dancing around his words. "It's like my heart was about to burst", his own breathing had began staggering as if what he was about to say would cause a panic attack, "I never forgot you, I hated you when you left, because it's like you pulled the support plug away from me before I had a chance to breath. I hated you because for years, I dreamt about you randomly as if you were here and I thought I could distract myself from it, but I could not. I hated you, because I never got a chance to love you."

So direct, so raw, Taemin laid his heart out right in front of you, his eyes burning with passion holding tears that would eventually cause him to come undone, but he was staying strong, his resolve to admit to you how heartbroken he was and not understanding at what capacity he held you in his own heart.

Your own desires reflected his own, granted a bit biased, but you had never let the fact you admired him a celebrity clouded the fact that you did wish, that you fought your own mind sometimes, to make the push to interact with Taemin all those years ago. You questioned the words that fell from your lips, almost catching them as they left.

"Well I'm here now!" you exclaimed, relaxing your body and opening your arms out slightly, as if it was to taunt the man in front of you. "What will you do then? You can't expect me to believe you after all this --- ".

Taemin didn't falter in the next few moves. As quick as you announced that you were indeed there and present.

"Give me a chance, to prove that this is real--" he began and before you could reply, his hands had cupped your face, pulling himself towards you and plant a kiss on your lips. It was timid but not of his own volition. Like he was holding back. Like he was restraining so much passion within him to not weigh the kiss. Like he was respecting you enough to let you know, you could pull away anytime if you didn't like it.

But you did. it was like the thousand unspoken words between the two of you were finally said in a single kiss. Not necessarily deepening the kiss, catching your breath momentarily, but definitely going for another, and you had found your body leaning in and up, your fingers cling onto the sides of his jacket sleeves, gripping tightly. Taemin's hand wander to your back, pulling you in, his own hands clawing at your jacket. The silent agreement that you both feared losing each other was loud for anyone to see. When you finally pulled your head back, your eyes met him and there was a peaceful happiness in them, because you both knew, you did kiss him back with as much intent and need. "You know, we have a lot to catch up on, I don't think we were the same kids as before", you mumbled at him, fixing the collar of his jacket.

"Yes but now we are a bit older and know what we want, what we are like. We can approach this as adults now. All I know is what I've wanted back then and want I was now is still the same, but now it's more serious more adult let's say", he whispered, now fully encapsulating your frame in an embrace and refusing to let go of you.

You tilt your head and stared at him, questioning his words.

"Since then and even until now, I wished for you to love me. Yes it may have been different forms back then but I think I knew, it's love, that I felt for you."

A smile crept up your lips and quickly pecked the corner of his lips before pushing past him to walk towards the BBQ place. "Taemin-ah come on, don't want to miss out on your first date do you?!", you called back out to him, giggling as you his face light up and rush towards you to walk back to the restaurant that you had tried to walk away from.

There was a slight pause as you two had reached the doorstep, it was so loud inside, you don't think anyone realized , the two of you were mere distance away, practically confessing to each other.

"It's going to be hard to pretend like I'm not into you right now" he whispered in your ear as he swing the restaurant door open, greeting the concert staff and his hyungs. "Sonyu noona! I saw your friend tried to bail, I took the liberty to dragging her back in so we can enjoy some food!", he gleefully lied before setting you across from him on the table.

Your face was flushed with embarrassment before kicking Taemin lightly on the shins under the table all the while Sonyu was inquiring what had taken your phone call with your dad for so long.

Taemin smiled coyly before trading glances with you throughout the night, assured that for the first time, he could dream about you and wake up knowing, you were still there for him.

[tiikerikani]

I hate to be That Guy (who starts the queue)

(but somebody has to do it)

I'm trying to keep this brief because I need to sleep so I can do this again tomorrow.

2023.12.09 – Tavastia-klubi, Helsinki

It's cold. I decided to start hovering by the door at 5:15, though I'd already been standing around outside since 5. (Doors were at 6:30.) I can't feel my toes. Why am I like this???

Janne pops out and is going to the mall across the street (he returns later with a bag of food from the supermarket). He thanks me for the miniature and says it's "fabulous".

Senpai comes out carrying a backpack and says hi to me, then goes down the street the other way. I assume their hotel is over in that direction, as I saw three more band members exit carrying bags and going that way.

The space feels so small now, now that I've been to several newer and bigger clubs. I'm dead centre and I don't remember the barricade being so close to the stage in here. I can literally reach over and swipe a set list if I wanted to. When it's this close, being in the centre is no good for taking pictures of Senpai but that's okay today because I'm mostly trying to get more pictures to match my miniatures.

Leo's got an invisible microphone, lol :P

Senpai asks who's coming back tomorrow. A bunch of hands shoot up into the air. "IF ONLY WE COULD HAVE ACTUALLY GOTTEN TICKETS!" "YOU SHOULD DO A THIRD SHOW!!"

Yes my too-much-gesturing is 100% Senpai's fault

Too many of them wearing sneakers today

The Regular Groupies were talking to ... somebody who waves at me. "Hello!" she calls. It's her again!! "HOW DID YOU GET IN TO TAMPERE!??" I don't recall actually seeing her there last week but she'd have known because miniatures appeared there (and she's definitely Teemu's significant other, as the two of them left holding hands).

Janne says that "the set list is the same [tomorrow] but the atmosphere will be different". It won't be the first time I see them on a Sunday and yeah Sunday crowds are generally a bit more subdued.

I also asked him to suggest a song for me to learn next (with the caveat that I might not take it up). He named one of the old old songs; it's in the music book so I wouldn't have to work out the chords/melody. ("Have you learned all the songs from the book???" What, no :D ) He says it's fairly easy but still has interesting subtleties, and that he wrote it with Teemu so it's also, like, written on a piano and thus more playable on a piano.

"But if you want to do a new song..." he continues, "there's the one that we haven't performed yet? Don't remember the name, it goes like..." He's thinking of Jamesin takki and I think it's funny that I'm filling in the song title for him. "It'd be really challenging, I'd say it's the hardest song on the album. It has the modulation and it's in a difficult key...E-flat minor or something?" ("I'd transpose it, I'm lazy :D")

But oh no I know. It's the one that made me seriously reconsider my silly idea to learn the entire album on the piano, which I came up with before I listened to the whole thing.

Yeah I dunno about that song.

(Edit: I just checked my notes, it starts in F-sharp minor, which is much more reasonable. He was probably thinking of Ilman mua, which IS in E-flat minor and which, yes, I did transpose but could just as easily learn in the original key.)

I also think it's funny that they have to take all the equipment and the barricade and everything down just to put it all back up tomorrow. The equipment I understand, to keep it under lock and key, but I think the barricades come down so they can get the stuff out the door? Dunno.

I'm feeling lazy, here's the set list. (It is also on my arm as usual but I've had to come up with new symbols and I wasn't sure I'd remember what they meant by the time I got home.)

[Concert write-up archive and master calendar]

[musicreveiwsbyezti]

'Cause I heard it in the wind And I saw it in the sky And I thought it was the end But it's just the topster of July

This month I was too busy being depressed and studying for my advanced math mature so I haven't been listening to much new. But I sure did finally check out some bangers.

The ones that I don't rate:

Dethklok-The Dethalbum (Death Metal/Tv series soundtrack): I binge watched Metalocalypse and so far it's one of my favourite cartoon series ever. The music written for it is not just a great parody of death metal but also holds up as great music. However I am way too biased towards it to give it an actual honest review. It has its flaws but it is still a fun listen.

Pig Destroyer-Prowler in the Yard (Grindcore): Idk it's just doesn't hit as well as Terrifyer. PITY is somewhat more artsy feeling for me, with the whole spoken word intro and outro. It might grow on me but I don't bet on it.

7th: Terrorizer-World Downfall (Grindcore/Deathgrind): Grindcore is better with high pitched shrieking vocals than with gurgling deep vocals. Also it just doesn't have that many memorable riffs I think.

6th: 200 Stab Wounds-Manual Manic Procedures (Death Metal): It only took me now to jump on the 200 SW hype train and my God they do deserve it. They feel so OG Death metal yet so original it is great. Led To The Chamber/Liquified is on of the best instrumental track I heard on a death metal record. I hope they keep up the good work and won't end up on the bad (deathcore) route like some bands (Cryptotopsy) did.

5th: Sleep-Sleep's Holy Mountain (Doom/Stoner Metal): I got into Sleep through Dopesmoker, but this should have been the start. The more natural, laid back, stoned the fuck out sounding vocals fit the genre much more than the orthodox chanting sounding ass vocals on Dopesmoker. Also the amount of genuine gold riffs they produced on this is insane.

4th: Lingua Ignota-Caligula (Death Industrial/Neoclassical Darkwave): I will be honest, I still can't type the name of the artist and the albums title down properly, and I first thought the album title was California. Anyways this is the modern Throbbing Gristle-20 Jazz Funk Greats I'm calling it. Everything blends together like a beautiful and uncomfortable smoothy with cherry topping. If that doesn't make sense then I agree I just keep throwing out my thoughts on the keyboard.

3rd: Morbid Angel-Altars of Madness (Death Metal): Remember the part about me binge watching Metalocalypse? Yeah I keep hearing Nathan Explosion on the vocals. I have zero clue wether it makes it better or worse but I'm leaning towards the first. It's a must listen for death metal fans, but I somewhat think it's over rated.

2nd: Nomeansno-Wrong (Post-Hardcore): This is the finest wine Post-Hardcore has ever produced. The riffs, the bass, the lyricism, everything is in a perfect harmony on a song about the singer being tired of standing in queue. It's rather unheard of besides RYM so I highly recommend giving them some love.

1st: Contrastic-Contrastic (Avant-Guard Metal/Deathgrind): THAT CZECH AVANT GUARD DEATHGRIND GOT ME MOVING LIKE A 4TH DIMENSIONAL DIETY WHILE SIPPING ON MY WHITE MONSTER ENERGY DRINK IN THE MCDONALDS PARKING LOT. Sex with Four Walls alone makes it one of the best grind album ever made.

That's all, see ya.

[avislux]

Anime Expo 2023 recap

Well it's long since I've lost my fervant passion for Bocchi The Rock. I still love it, just not to the extent that I'm thinking of it every second. I went to Anime Expo 2023 for 4 days, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Made some friends. Got to see Rie Takahashi in person. I wish I was more excited for that but I was excited enough.

Day 1

Panels all day long. Got up to 6 to arrive in LA around 7:20. Encountered some traffic on the way surprisingly, so I made a note to get up earlier. Lined up for the queue to get in then for the first panel of the day, Colorful Stage with Tomori Husonoki and Hinata Sato. Unfortunately I don't know these two seiyuu that well. I downloaded the game but haven't played it yet. Dunno if I will, I have enough time invested in gacha games. They basically talked about the game and answered some trivia about it. The voice actors visited Santa Monica and they said it was like a pilgrimage for a Japanese show that was shot there. Next up went to the Eminence in Shadow S2 premiere which had Cid's VA Seiichirou Yamashita. I got in while the panel was on going so I missed part of it. Apparently he speaks decent English. Kind of an entertaining guy I think. He didn't say "I am atomic," though. Then saw the first ep of S2. Checked out the entertainment hall for a bit before lining up for the next panel. To my surprise and excitement, they were playtesting Taiko no Tatsujin. Apparently I was the first person to do Oni difficulty. Lined up for the TOHO Animation panel after. Room was full though I barely got in. I was lowkey hoping they would announce something for Takagi-san with Rieri on the panel but that was not the case. They showed some upcoming shows such as JJK, spice and wolf. Last was Spy family, which Takuya Eguchi appeared for. I was walking out to line up for the spy family panel up until Eguchi appeared. Then I stayed. Spy Family Panel with Eguchi was right after that. A friend saved a seat so I got to be near the front. He basically answered a bunch of questions about himself and the show. Did a live reading of one of the lines in the first episode where he is in the train. He also did another scene I think it was about protecting children. He's pretty entertaining. I've listened to the Spy Family radio so I'm kinda used to hearing him. He really likes drinking. Half his answers were related to beer. What's the best way to eat peanuts? With beer. They also gave away a shikishi with his "absolute masterpiece" of a drawing. "Do you guys really want this?" he asked. After the panel, played some Taiko in the entertainment hall. Saw a real pro FC Hibana Ura. Lined up for the Mashle panel. They had the EN and JP voice out for this. Aleks Le apparently went to Japan to work with Kobayashi. They made molds of their fists. No cream puffs though. I'm not the biggest fan of Mashle. I like gag humor but the show's humor doesn't really hit for me. Aleks wore a robe out and brought one for Kobayashi.

Day 2

First was Twisted Wonderland panel. I do not play or care for it, I just wanted to see the voice actors. It has a more female demographic it seems. It was Natsuki Nanae, Chiaki Kobayashi, and someone else I forgot. They did some trivia on stage. Got to check out the exhibits today. Found a lot of bocchi stuff. Lined up for the CDawgVA panel with Ironmouse. Not a huge fan but I saw a clip of them last year and it seemed good. I lined up 30 mins in advance rather than the typical hour. The line went out the hotel. It was fun. Although I wish I left it early as I needed to catch the next panel. The Yakuza panel filled up, I didn't think it would. A lot of people were there to camp for the FGO panel that was next. I watched the panel on stream instead while in line. Strangely, once the doors closed, the line collapsed on itself. Anyway, I got to be on the right most side for the FGO panel and I was able to get into that. I don't care about FGO at all but I needed to see my oshi. She covered her mouth with her hands as she walked out due to all the cheering. The panel itself wasn't very smooth though. It seemed very awkward for the guests. It seemed like they answered questions the guy wasn't asking. Not sure. Overall the guests didn't talk much so they didn't seem like they were necessary for the panel. I just stared at Rieri all the time. She tends to make a lot of cute gestures as others are talking. The panel itself announced a bunch of Fate stuff and updates for the game, none of which I cared about. RIERIIII.

Day 3

I woke up particularly early today for the Rurouni Kenshin panel. Needed to line up early then book it to the queue for the event hall. It worked, I got seated near the front. And for the moment, I was happy. I got to see Rieri up close. She apparently shopped at vintange stores while Soma Saito bought a guitar. Apparently Rieri only addresses Saito as Saito-san whereas she uses "kun" for others. First time for both of them to be in America. Overall a better panel than the FGO one. They got to talk a good amount. I'm trying to remember more from the panel but it's not coming up. It was a good panel though I hope they release the vod somewhere. I checked out the Aniplex and A1 panel for a bit before dipping to explore everything. Had to line up for the Yamada panel at least an hour in advance, and I got in somewhere near the middle or so. This one featured Koki Uchiyama. The whole time he didn't seem like he wanted to be there. Maybe he was tired. I don't think a whole lot of interesting things happened but they announced an English dub. Uchiyama talked really fast. I then stayed to camp for the Rascal movie. It was fine, won't rock your socks off but wasn't bad. Checked out the entertainment hall again before leaving

Day 4

Just lined up for the Horimiya panel and saw that as my only panel for the day. Uchi is here again and he seemed more energized. They actually did some live readings in this panel. Rest of the day was exploring things.

[swanimagines]

I haven't stopped listening to Mr Sandman since the end of the serie, can you do a one shot where F!Reader is quietly singing(unconsciously) the song and Morpheus asks him what is that? please

Fandom: The Sandman

A/N: Not really a oneshot because the scenario isn't detailed enough for one, but here's little something I wrote from your prompt.

Also a note that this is the last Morpheus request I have in my inbox rn, but you're welcome to send more! It's kinda weird how I don't crush on him (yet?) but I've really enjoyed writing for him for some reason as I build my queue and see the love they get (which encourages me to write more) so more requests for him are welcome 😊 Reminder that you may also use my prompt lists if you don't have ideas of your own!

Word count: 627

Visiting Morpheus' palace every night as your physical self was comfortably wrapped up in your bed was something you didn't think would happen. You were surprised that it had happened so often, but Morpheus had told you that he liked having company and since you had shown him so much kindness, he wanted to offer you company too.

In the Waking World, you were quite lonely. There were some people you saw on a regular basis—your work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances—but they all had their own lives outside of yours. The few friends you made only ever called or met when there was an occasion, which made you feel unappreciated and like you were contacted only if someone was bored, not because people actually wanted to talk to you.

You had told this to Morpheus when you were plotting freeing him from his glass prison, knowing how he was treated in there and the moment you had learned he was there purely because Roderick Burgess was greedy for power, and not because he had done something horrible, you started laying out a plan of freeing him. He didn't speak, and seemed to doubt your honesty until you actually filled your promise, but now he did trust you. He enjoyed you sitting there with him as he worked. Sometimes you read, sometimes you doodled something or then you spoke with him if he wasn't too busy.

Tonight, you seemed to be deep in thought as you doodled into a parchment of paper, smiling softly at each stroke. Morpheus was deep in his own work, but he was distracted as he heard you hum a tune.

"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream, make him the cutest that I've ever seen, give him the word that I'm not a rover, then tell him that his lonesome nights are over, dum dum dum..."

He frowned as he lifted his gaze at you, and you noticed it and realised the next moment what you had just said, and you felt heat creeping up to your face.

"What is that?"

You laughed nervously, placing your hands over your cheeks and trying to hide yourself from him momentarily. "Um... nothing." You shrugged, turning your eyes back at your doodle. "Just... something silly I've been listening lately, it's quite an earworm."

Morpheus raised his eyebrows and then an amused smile spread on his lips. "A song about me?"

You smiled at him bashfully, fiddling with the quill in your hands. "It's a really old song and when I started visiting you here, I just... I don't know, I ended up listening to it in Spotify quite often. It brings me comfort when I'm not here."

His eyebrows rose slightly, before he smirked at you smugly. "I am flattered to be remembered so fondly by you when you are awake." He chuckled at your embarrassed expression, before getting back to his work.

You bit your lip, your face still feeling hot and your heart thumping, but managed to continue your doodle anyway.

And once you relaxed, you had started to hum the tune again without noticing, but this time Morpheus didn't react to it apart from a small smile on his lips. He wouldn't say it aloud, but he was pleased that you enjoyed something that reminded you of him, even if it was only a song.

He had offered you kindness in return to you freeing him, and it felt good knowing you were enjoying your nights with him, even if your nights went by just sitting together, barely speaking.

Maybe one day he'd appear in the Waking World and spend time with you in your world for a change, surprise you by taking you out on dinner, show you how much he appreciated you too...

---

The Sandman taglist: @jesllianaquilesrolon @stygianoir // send in an ask to be added, and specify which of my fandoms you want to be tagged on! Don’t just say “can you add me to your taglist” as I can’t know what taglists do you mean by that!! ALSO IF YOU WON’T INTERACT BEYOND LIKING, I’LL EVENTUALLY TAKE YOU OFF THE LIST!!

[moonslust]

Thank you so much @killerqueenlux for tagging me <33333, I haven't even started but I can tell this is gonna be almost empty cause I know nothing about me.

MUSIC

fav genre? *screams into the void*

fav artist? Queen but also way too many people

fav song? White queen live at Hammersmith 1975 <3

most listened song recently? Live forever by Oasis

song currently stuck in your head? Howdown Aldi Death Queue by Sam Fender

5 fav lyrics Oh my god I have no idea...this would take me a lifetime

Radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? fuck...I barely read I don't even know what the genres are,,,,,,I hate this

fav writer? ????????? I'm just gonna say Oscar Wilde because I saw a statue of him once in Ireland which was pretty cool (ok I know some quotes but I still have to start reading his books)

fav book series? Casi Angeles counts??

comfort book? my diary but also this fic by beautyandbravery called "falling into your ocean eyes". I think of that fic whenever I'm sad sigh

perfect book to read on a rainy day? Larry fanfics

fav characters? Larry? This sucks.

5 quotes from your fav books that you know by heart?

Ok so these are from instagram :) I haven't read all the books but I know these quotes by heart.

- "Le temps d'apprendre à vivre il est déjà trop tard" which means "by the time we learn to live, it's already too late".

- "I don't know, poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions".

- "Eppure c'è una gioia, una gioia benedetta, una consolazione, proprio nel dolore" which means "and yet there's a joy, a blessed joy, a consolation, right in the pain".

- "No era una serpiente. Era yo, tal y como soy ahora. Las serpientes no hablan" which means "I wasn't a snake. I was me, just as I am now. Snakes don't talk". This is from a spanish fic called "Dancing with the devil", where Louis is the devil and falls in love with Harry...*sighs* I adored it so much I bought a physical copy of it.

- "The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you'll be free"...so true bestie.

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator what does this mean? | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? Rom-coms? But also Horror or Crime and mistery

fav movie? oof, tough one, I'd say...Alice in Wonderland

comfort movie? Rapunzel but Luca just made it to the list too

movie you watch every year? It's gotta be an Adam Sandler one

fav tv show? Friends, is it a tv show? Man I don't know shit...

comfort tv show? Friends

most rewatched tv show? Friends

ultimate otp? Rapunzel and Eugene

5 fav characters? my head is burning from thinking I'm sorry, I basically do things and forget all about them in life.

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

I tag whoever wants to do this :)

[curiousconch]

The Moments in Between (Part 2)

Book/Pairing: Open Heart 2 / Rafael Aveiro x F!MC x Bryce Lahela

A/N: This is my shot at a love triangle, because I always found the book lacking in acknowledging the dynamics between the LIs as well as the impact to the chosen LI where others are interested in the MC. If you're reading this hoping for a full-on Bryce, my apologies, but you'll probably be disappointed. It’s supposed to be sprinkled with smut, but I ended up writing fluuuuuffff.  If you haven't read Part 1, click here.

Music Inspo: Jealous by Nick Jonas

Raphael looked on while Casey giggled against Bryce's lips.

He knew Casey was just experimenting on her curiosity. She and Bryce had a sibling-like bond. But as he couldn't stop himself from averting his gaze, he thought of how Bryce hadn't been exactly discreet about his flirtations towards the same woman Raf has just declared his love a few weeks back.

This bucket list tour around Boston was simply meant to be one last ride of the gang together. But things took a really wild turn when Aurora decided to streak across the park, and now Casey's making out with someone else as he stood close by.

He never wished for something to be so unreal as this moment in his life.

His fists clenched, very much unnerved by the feel of this heaviness in his chest. He questioned himself, wanting so much to contradict the constricting pain he felt. It was as if he wasn't the one who gave Casey the go ahead anyway.

He was never one to feel possessive. Yet the knowledge of her being wrapped around someone's arms made him shiver.

His mind wondered - was this the way Casey felt every time she saw him with Sora a few months ago? Did she feel the the same stabbing pain when he held another's hand? Did her eyes almost shined with tears when she saw how his ex kissed him?

Raf tried his best to shake off the upsetting knots beginning to form in his stomach. But he just can't.

Well, Superman has finally found his Kryptonite, he thought.

The sound of Casey's approaching nervous laughter pulled him out of his reverie. She stepped towards him, and he struggled to paste a smirk on his face. It was futile, knowing very well how she can see right through his facade.

Looking down at his shoes, he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jacket, suddenly conscious of all of their friends staring at him.

"Well, I won't be doing that again," she mumbled as she leaned close, so that he's the only one who can hear.

"Hmm..." Raf exhaled, careful not to let slip any hint of bitterness.

Her left brow raised at him questioningly, her arm looping around his, nevertheless.

Was I too obvious? His inner voice questioned.

Instead of saying that aloud, he shook his head lightly in response, intent to dismiss her doubts. It was more of an effort to dissipate his own insecurities before it imploded. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, while his thoughts waged a silent war with his emotions.  

"Well, that's a wrap!" Kyra finally broke the uncomfortable silence, everyone else agreeing to call it a night. Relief then coursed through him.

After saying their respective good nights, their group began to disperse in separate directions.

He let his arms fall across Casey's shoulders, guiding her to the direction of his apartment. He wanted nothing more than to settle the conflicted feelings he had with an inconspicuous night cap - they originally planned to spend the night together, after all.

Peace was beginning to calm his heart, but it was cut short by a heavy hand on his shoulder. He immediately knew who it was.

He turned as Bryce looked at him intensely, his brows furrowed.

Raf looked at Casey, and as if reading his thoughts, untangled herself from him and walked a few steps ahead before stopping at a distance, certain she was out of earshot.

Once the two guys were alone, Raf crossed his arms and waited for Bryce to speak his piece.

"Look, I mean no disrespect. You know me, bro. I didn't think much of it, and that did not mean anything." Bryce spoke with an edge in his voice, rubbing the back of his head.

He hesitated, but invoking no reaction from Raf, he continued.

"Honestly, I was really interested in Casey before she shot me down every time I asked her out.  It boggled me, man. I finally found out why when I saw how she looked at you, when we all had dinner together. I backed down and moved on ever since. I see her as nothing but a good friend, now."

Raf listened intently to Bryce's revelation. He thought back to the time before things actually started between him and Casey. Once upon a time, he stumbled upon them exchanging flirty remarks. He dismissed them as just part of his nature, a behavior he thought that Bryce commonly expressed to other girls around him.

Later on, he noticed that she was very close to him, but he attributed it as affection similar to that of siblings. He never entertained the possibility of how dangerously close she was snatched by someone else. It turns out he had more to process.

He finally mustered the strength to nod to Bryce, offering his hand. His friend took it, his posture finally relaxed. However, against Raf's better nature, he didn't say anything further.

Sensing his unease, Bryce took this as his queue to let go. With a friendly salute, he walked away, knowing that he's done his part.

Raf rubbed his temple, closing his eyes for a few moments as he wrestled with himself. He can't help being upset, uncertain as to how he should respond to these very foreign emotions rising within him. He struggled to accept the only possible reason of his unrest.

It was when Casey walked back to him, inquisitive of what just went down between the two guys. As she neared him, she immediately saw the creased lines of his forehead, the same expression he had earlier that evening.

She knew that facade, it was Rafael's contemplative frown.

His whole body jolted as arms wrapped around his waist from behind, breaking him out of his lost thoughts, the familiar scent immediately invading his senses.

"I thought brooding was Batman's thing?" muttered Casey with a playful voice, her head leaning on his back, her hands laced together. "Care to share the meaning of that frown on your face?"

This girl really knew him inside out.

Defeated, certain that Casey was giving him the chance to come clean, he pulled free from her embrace and spun her to face him. His thumb rubbing on her cheekbone, caressing her with so much gentleness, afraid he's going to break her.

He looked down at her, pausing for a few moments, then kissed her. His eyes shut close as he meditated the feel of her mouth crashing on his, her soft lips gifting him the same intoxication he always tasted every time he did this.

And as he broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes remained closed, lost in thought.

"Earth to Rafael..." her voice snapped him out of his own trance, an amused look stamped on her face as she gazed up at him, a single brow raised.

"I'm sorry, Casey." He sighed, pondering if he should express his innermost thoughts.

Is this love too fragile? Am I going to cross a line, steering them to a point of no return? Is it the right direction, wanting to let her know that he wanted so much to claim her for himself? They haven't been able to talk about that part yet, knowing that Casey's career is at a crossroads. It wasn't just the right time.

He can't ruin this, not again, he decided.

"I'm still trying to process this myself, I've been contemplating a lot of things in the past few days, and tonight seemed to push me to a tipping point," he resigned.

She cupped his face in her hands, knowing that the man she loved is currently buried in his conflicted feelings.

"It's okay, Raf," she assured him, hoping to quell the building guilt in her chest. "I'm sorry too, I didn't really think that through."

Aware of the mess that she's just made of things, she perceived how careless it was of her to choose to act on the mundane notion of kissing a brother. Well, a brother figure, at least. She thought of it as some kind of experiment, being caught up with the daring mood everyone else was in.

So selfish and so stupid, Casey, she thought, mentally punching herself.

She realized how Edenbrook closing impacted the status of their recently-renewed romance, only just fully-grasping how their relationship might now be hanging by a thread, with the possibility of her moving away from Boston.

She wondered if that's what Raf was thinking about earlier, when they were both standing in front of the hospital where they first met.

Sensing how Casey was now tormenting herself with what happened, he felt compelled to tell her his truth.

It's time I man up, bear my own weight in this relationship, he determined.

Not wanting to let go of his resolve, he took Casey's hands in his and began his admission.  

"I never thought I would be this kind of guy," he whispered, breaking free from her own thoughts. "...but when I saw you and Bryce..." He paused, contemplating the best way to continue.

He sighed as he leaned against her, his head nestling against her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, taking in the sweet scent of her hair.

"I know I said I love you, but I just can't help myself. I feel numb just thinking about how other people will hover around you, when I'm no longer near you." He brushed through his hair, conscious of the heaviness of his confession.

"You can call me obsessed, I know I might not have the right to be... " He faltered for a bit, but with a powerful shove of willpower, he continued, "So yes, I guess, I just got jealous."

"But I've spent a long time holding back, Casey." His current sentiments echoing the very same words he told her at the gala. "It's time I own up to it, because I know you deserve nothing less than 100% of me. So this is me, facing you, facing all of my feelings for you, even the bad."

He wondered if he should stop, but decided to conclude his speech with one last statement to make it clear.

"I guess it's just that I'm so crazy about you, how much loving you changed me. I'll never be the same person without you."

There, I said it, his mind exasperated, yet instantly relieved.

Casey was stunned, her eyes widened with surprise. It wasn't with Rafael's admission of jealousy though, it was in the acknowledgment of how worried he was about her leaving Boston. It is the vulnerability that this man in front of her willfully showed her, despite the uncertainty of their future.

It was his version of telling her: I don't want you out of my life.

In a moment of clarity, she was able to comprehend that Rafael's jealousy was not coming from a place of mistrust. It was his reassurance that he intended to stay beside her, no matter what was required of them. It didn't matter which path she chooses in her career. Whether she stays or she goes, he chooses to be with her.

It may mean braving a long-distance relationship, maybe something more. What's important was he's telling her loud and clear: he's in it for the long run.

And at that moment, she was certain she wanted exactly the same.

"Aha! So the Clark Kent gets jelly too..." she exclaimed, unable to restrain her chuckle.

He smiled despite himself. Give it to Casey to always lighten up the mood.

She gave him a light pat on his back, comforting Raf.

"Thank you for being honest. But it takes a lot more than jealousy to beat down the most stubborn person you've ever met!" she declared, sticking her tongue out as she released him from her embrace, gazing him.

Rafael can't help but laugh, grateful for how easily she  figured out how to disspell the conflict between them.

She then pointed at the lamp post above them, apparently inviting him to a callback of perhaps one of the earliest fond memories they shared.

"My samba moves are a little rusty. Mind if you help me shake it off?" Casey's broad grin was infectiously bright, even in the dim light that surrounded them.

He took her hand, kissing her fingertips and twirled her once. He pulled her to him, letting his hands fall on her hips,  as she leaned back against his chest.

"Don't mind if I do, my Lois."

And as their bodies swayed, all the worries sashayed away. For in that moment, they remembered that night they once danced in the streets, and the odds that they were able to overcome since then.

It's more than enough of an assurance that they will always find a way.

Their love will.