#i haven't figured out all the people i am. / headcanons: grian.

[idk-how-cars-work]

I posted 744 times in 2022

That's 744 more posts than 2021!

169 posts created (23%)

575 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@google-searchhistory-official

@pogasm

@anarchist-mlm

@restonrosebleed

@idk-how-cars-work

I tagged 428 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#lgbtq - 19 posts

#dreamwastaken - 16 posts

#transgender - 15 posts

#<3333 - 14 posts

#iconic - 14 posts

#boost - 12 posts

#gender stuff - 10 posts

#hermitcraft - 9 posts

#hmmmm - 8 posts

#stories from the deep - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i am at a genuine loss for words. why. the longer i look at it the further into madness i descend. why is there a peen. wasn't he a fish.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Nobody:

My friend when Charlie Spring: T-R-A-U-M-A HE HAS TRAUMA AND HE'S 🏳️‍🌈G A Y🏳️‍🌈

29 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#4

MORE of my TBP headcanons because of course there's more

Mostly Vance and Bruce with Implided Brance but some Finn, Robin and gwen

No Grabber au I hate him sm

Robin tends to ba confidently wrong

Finney is a man of few words until you get to know him

Vance stole the switchblade

Gwen loves stuffed animals and figures

Bruce loves learning about Greek Mythology, Egyptian Mythology etc

And Vance is down to just like. Play with his hair while Bruce rambles on about how Zeus is the true villan and Hades isn't unjust

Vance is the kind of person who listens but can't remember (AHEM MORE AUTISTIC VANCE AGENDA)

Bruce reads very fast, so fast that he struggles to read aloud

Some guy called Vance a pussy once because of the choker and Vance beat the shit out of him

Vance's favorite Horror movie is Scream

Bruce hates horror in general but watches them with Vance for his sake

I've said it before I'll say it again: BRUCE IS VANCES BIGGEST INSTIGATOR.

Once Bruce got so mad he almost knocked a kid with his bat

Vance is absolutely petrified of spiders

But Bruce loves bugs

Bruce is SO FUCKING STRONG like he picks Vance up like he's nothing but an angry cat to him

And Vance loves it so much; he loves not having to be in control

29 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#3

HERMITCRAFT BODY MODIFICATION HEADCANONS: PART ONE

uh yeah I got bored and so here's what I think hermits would get in terms of body mods (tattoos, peircings, scarification, cosmetic surgery etc)

Disclaimer: these are my opinions!!! You can have them for ur designs if u want!!! No credit needed!!!

Disclaimer #2: all of these are for the hermitcraft characters not the real people.

Grian: He has a traffic smp tattoo on his lower back.

Scar: Jellie tattoo. He had his Earlobes peirced but they closed up. He also tried scarification and got a tiny heart next to the Jellie.

Mumbo: earlobes peirced, usually has either gold or pearl studs in

Tango: Septum peircing. Decked Out tattoo sleeve. Nipple peircings.

Ren: Earlobes; wears little hoops.

Impulse: micro tattoo of waves behind ears. Lots of ear peircings. Stretched ears.

Iskall: one tat on upper arm of iskallium and same ear peircings as Impulse

Xisuma: As many mods as he had bitches. None. Negative 1.

Gem: little mushroom with a fairy on upper arm. Earlobes peirced, often wears pretty dangling earrings.

Pearl: Earlobes, wears pearl studs.

False: none

Cleo: had a tattoo on ribs but then it rotted away.

Bdubs: none

44 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#2

FINALLY: THE PATCH PANTS TOUR

These are about 1 1/2 months old, so they haven't really bloomed into crust pants yet but I still love them.

Below: baphomet patch

(September 2, 2022)

See the full post

49 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

patches for my vest bcuz it's lacking

From left to right: not emo, I ENJOY THINGS A NORMAL AMOUNT, kein mensch ist illegal*, a Fresno nightcrawler with the text "Fresno, CA" at the top, Nobody likes Gender Roles, rainbow flag, ? , QUEER RIGHTS RIGHT NOW, red drips, Destructo Disk

*kein mensch ist illegal = no one is illegal in german

53 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

I'm not even surprised tbh except for the patch post?? I posted that like 2-3ish weeks ago??? Huh???

[fatedreamt-blog]

i’m gonna separate this into multiple sections because it’s... long. grian’s necronomicon doesn’t really have a connection to lovecraft’s works besides the name and MAYBE the appearance. 

1. PREFACE. 2. APPEARANCE. 3. HISTORY. 4. EFFECT ON OWNERS.  5. ABILITIES. 6. RELATIONSHIP WITH GRIAN. 7. CONCLUSION.

1. PREFACE. ( cw: none )

this is a meta about a book, so it shouldn’t have too many content warnings, but there’ll likely be talk about manipulation, demons, eldritch abominations, etc. i’ll warn more in depth beforehand, though! the book is incredibly important to grian, but i’ll talk more about that in section 6.

the necronomicon is a sentient being. it’s able to speak, but you can hear it if it lets you. usually, only grian can hear it, but if it deems others worthy, it’ll let them hear it. it’s usually unable to move on itself, however, and it can only properly utilize itself when it has an owner. it claims owners for fun, though, and likes seeing what people can do if given their desires.

2. APPEARANCE. ( cw: none. )

the necronomicon is the width of a 400 page book, is about 10 inches tall and 8 inches wide. it has a sturdy cover with necronomicon in white front on the cover. there are etchings of things like wings, skulls, arrows, etc. below its title is a “return back to [full name of owner] if lost.” 

despite it being around for ages, it looks brand new. the pages inside, as shown above, are completely black and blank. a surefire way to tell if a book is disguised as the necronomicon is by opening it up and seeing the black, blank pages. by that point, however, it’s already in your head and claiming you as its owner.

the necronomicon can disguise itself as other books to lure owners in, but it loses this shapeshifting ability when it claims someone. no matter the time period, the necronomicon will always look as if it belongs to that era to raise no questions. so, how long has this book been around?

3. HISTORY. ( cw: mentions of murder, death, demons )

it’s hard to tell when or how this book sprung into existence. some cite it as being the product of a demon summoning gone wrong, or it suddenly landed on a king’s lap from an alternate dimension, or something. stories and sources get mixed up, there are never any photographs of it, only drawn depictions. success stories of peasants turning into kings, soldiers turning into generals and winning wars and battles they had no possible chance of winning, popstars who seem to come out of nowhere -- they all point to - or perhaps, blame - a black book when on death’s bed. 

the necronomicon only truly leaves an owner when they’re about to die. a couple days before an owner’s death, the necronomicon vanishes. some may think that the necronomicon’s disappearance is why its owner dies, perhaps because it brings bad luck, or the owner becomes so dependent on the book that without it, they can’t function, but it’s neither. it’s aware of tragedies and, more important to it, the owner’s death. it does this because when it claims an owner, some of its power is shared with them to give them what they need to succeed. by disappearing and breaking the link, it retains all of their power given, instead of it dying with the person.

while it’s possible that the link can end before the person’s death, it’s incredibly rare and unlikely. because the necronomicon has such an effect on its owners - mainly an obsessive and possessive nature over the book - it’s impossible that they would willingly separate. even if you were to tear them apart, the link wouldn’t sever, leaving the owner to focus only on getting the book back, no matter the cost or the people they hurt. 

the link can only be severed by the necronomicon itself or a being of higher status - i.e, an eldritch god, more powerful demons, and more powerful angels. by severing the link, you release its hold on the person, and while a moment of clarity, some owners become too dependent and far gone that they still remain as if under the book’s influence.

the book appeals to those who are at their lowest point, have big dreams, or are so tortured and desperate that they’ll listen to anyone or anything. 

4. EFFECT ON OWNERS. ( cw: manipulation )

the necronomicon claims people. other people can pick it up, but the book won’t have the same hold or influence on them. they might get a weird feeling about it, or be curious, but it’ll be because of the person themself, not because the necronomicon willed them to. if said person is connected to its owner, it’ll let that person be able to hear them and talk to them, but ultimately, it’ll sway the conversation into giving the book to its owner.

when the owner holds the book, they’ll be greeted with a vision of their deepest desires. everything they’ve always wished for - praise, a lavish life, power, respect. nothing is too unreasonable. the book then rips that vision away before saying to its owner that this is possible if it lets them in. the necronomicon does extreme manipulation and coercing, and they’ll take any yes, even if hesitant, to fully have influence and control.

the owner becomes possessive and obsessive over the book the longer its in their possession. they won’t let anyone touch it, have enhanced paranoia over anyone even looking at the book, and will sometimes become so convinced that this is their only friend that they’ll isolate others. 

when someone holds the necronomicon or has it, the owner will become unlike themself, doing anything to get it back in their hands. in early stages, they’ll be aware of this, but the longer they have it, they’ll stop questioning it. in fact, in early stages, it’s possible they’ll still question the book and its intentions, but as it soothes and manipulates more, any qualm they may have had will disappear.

after a link is broken, it’s common that the owner is so far gone that their obsessive nature still remains. however, the book will not appear to previous owners at all. it’s also possible that the owner will relish the moment of clarity, but it’s extremely unlikely. 

the owner will feel lost without the necronomicon, which is why they like to keep it on them at all times. because they fear someone stealing it, the owner will want to keep track of the book at all times. 

owners will likely not get any sleep when claimed by the necronomicon. they dream of the past owners, of their success stories and the subsequent failures that occurred, they dream of falling into abysses, they dream of being lost and suffocating. it’s not a fun time.

5. ABILITIES. ( cw: mention of manipulation )

what makes the necronomicon so powerful? besides the already talked about shapeshifting and the manipulation of an owner’s mind, what can it do?

KNOWS THE BEST PATH TO SUCCESS. 

it has access to infinite timelines, and it can fulfill every dream you would ever want. listening to it - and an owner will, no hesitation - will yield excellent results. it keeps its promises of giving you success. 

CAN SUMMON ELDRITCH BEINGS.

it can open itself, but when an owner opens it, it can summon strong eldritch beings. they’re completely inky black, are abominations and unlike any creature or animal you’ve seen, and can detach from the book to move on their own. this takes a lot of power and energy, so the necronomicon will usually save this for life threatening events. typically, what it’ll do when in danger is summon tentacles. these are attached to the book, but it can grapple and hold and at least incapacitate and stop the threat. the tentacles can also wrap around the book, creating some sort of barrier or shield. 

TRAVEL THROUGH DIMENSIONS.

an owner can travel through and to multiple dimensions and timelines. of course, they don’t control it, the necronomicon does, and they’ll have to tell it what kind of dimension they want to go to. it strains the necronomicon a lot by taking two people, so it’s recommended that you only transport one person. 

another person can use the necronomicon by themself, but only if the owner has authorized it. most of the time, they won’t. 

the necronomicon can also access other dimensions on its own and look at them. the owner won’t realize when they do this. 

RAISE THE UNDEAD.

another thing that takes up a lot of its energy. it doesn’t do this often, and it usually doesn’t need to, but the event for it happens occasionally. the bigger the person is, the more energy it’ll need to summon. 

all of these can be dangerous, but it won’t do it on its own or if told to by people other than its owner. luckily, the necronomicon’s current owner doesn’t usually tell it to do these things.

6. RELATIONSHIP WITH GRIAN. ( cw: mentions of manipulation, mentions of trauma ) 

grian’s relationship with the necronomicon is... special, in a way. of course, grian is as obsessive and possessive with the book as others are, especially when strangers are around, but the necronomicon is a little more lenient with him. it doesn’t have as much of an influence because it doesn’t need to. the necronomicon knows that he’s desperate and will always try and have it back if it’s not there. while the necronomicon manipulated grian to hold it, as it does with its other owners, it doesn’t need to keep manipulating him to keep it. him wanting the necronomicon by his side started out because of its hold on him, and to some extent still is, but he genuinely does want the book around.

to others, not having the book around is an immediate reaction. they need the book now. for grian, it’s more of an itch. at first, it’s manageable, but the longer he goes without scratching the itch - without having the necronomicon back at his side - the more irritable and closer to acting like the other owners he becomes. 

grian and the necronomicon have a friendly relationship. the latter pities the former a little, and the former occasionally believes that the latter is his only friend. the necronomicon in itself is very much a trickster, being mischevious and a little shit, and grian doesn’t mind this. 

much like the other owners, however, he doesn’t get much sleep. the normal necronomicon dreams, coupled with his own nightmares from trauma, doesn’t allow him to sleep very often. he outright avoids sleeping, and shrugs off any concerns, saying he takes naps. he doesn’t take naps.

grian is somewhat dependent on the necronomicon, but is incredibly thankful for it. it got him out of his bad situation with sam and taurtis, and he can’t thank the book enough. in some way, he feels as if he’s in debt, and that’s partly why he stays.

7. CONCLUSION. ( cw: none )

the necronomicon is... incredibly powerful if fallen into the wrong hands. luckily, though, grian doesn’t utilize it fully most of the time. if put into a life threatening situation, he will. the necronomicon is a trickster and likes having fun, and its fun comes from claiming people and seeing what they do if given all of their desires. 

[fatedreamt-blog]

grian’s identity crisis has been a staple of his life since his youth, but it was amplified and encouraged when the events of his canon happened. as someone who received little to no emotional validation or actual love from his parents, and as someone who was the product of a loveless marriage, he often switched a lot between roles and behaviors in his childhood. he tried acting out for attention, being quiet, being rude, etc. this led to him not really having an identity, being disconnected from his family and peers, his culture, etc. this wasn’t exactly a big deal to him, and it’s something he didn’t have to deal with or even pay attention to until it got more severe.

he visited sam and taurtis and was threatened to take on the identity of taurtis after he was stabbed by sam. more on that later when i work on grian’s timeline, but basically, in order to cope with the fact that he stabbed his best friend, sam threatened to kill grian if he didn’t dress up as and accept the identity of taurtis. he’s had to adopt this role and identity - and many others - for so long, that it worsened his identity issues. he’s so split between these roles because he’s had to live them for so long, that it’s hard for him to realize which behavior is because of an identity he was forced to take, or if it’s actually him. another albeit minor reason is the fact that he was forced to make radical changes in beliefs and morals in order to survive. 

grian feels as if he doesn’t have an identity or personality. he feels lost, and gets uncomfortable and awkward when people ask him about himself because he doesn’t know what to say. while he feels as if it’d probably be easier to know himself, there’s also the fear of knowing and not liking who he actually is. grian, even if he isn’t, constantly feels like he’s putting up a front or a persona. it’s hard for him to develop close relationships, partly from trauma and the other part because he doesn’t want the other person to be disappointed when he realizes it’s not actually him. he could be completely honest and truthful and like himself, but because he doesn’t know what kind of person he is, he won’t feel like he’s being genuine. 

these identity issues are why he’s so dependent and attached on the necronomicon, besides the fact that it has that influence on people ( which i’ll... make a meta about the necronomicon eventually. it honestly has 0 connection to hp lovecraft’s works other than the name and maybe the appearance. but more on that in another meta ). the necronomicon helps him have some sort of identity, and part of it may be because of its manipulation, but grian does feel comforted by the book.

it’s hard for him to really develop an identity because he doesn’t exactly have the opportunities to. having connections with people helps him, but it’s hard for him to have an identity that doesn’t rely on other people or his relationships.

[fatedreamt-blog]

grian has a cat named astro and he basically just treats him like his roommate. it’s not unlikely to hear “ASTRO CAN YOU PAY RENT FOR ONCE” or “ASTRO STOP MOVING THE PILLOWS” from his apartment. he tries his best

[fatedreamt-blog]

important muse facts: grian is the tallest of all of my muses standing at 6′4″ n even being an inch taller than rhys + micah has heterochromia, w/ his left eye being blue n his right being brown. u can see it in this icon n a couple more but i don’t actually......photoshop it in, sometimes the lighting is Like That (tm)

[fatedreamt-blog]

OwOrm

[fatedreamt-blog]

grian has a half sister ( on his mother’s side ) who’s 16 years old and currently living w/ their mom in england. knowing how awful his parents can be, he’s trying to raise enough money and convince his mom to let jordyn stay w/ him and continue her schooling in the u.s. jordyn’s quiet and has little to no friends, so grian makes sure to keep in touch constantly and tell her how proud he is of her