#i haven't explored everything yet so maybe it will get answered later

[yaeggravate]

ok. who commissioned a mural of nibelung heavily pregnant with teyvat

[thoseboysinblue]

I Kissed Someone New Last Night

Christian Pulisic x reader

You visit your best friend, Christian, in Milan after a break up.

Word count: 4150+

Warnings: Fluff, swearing, mentions of weight loss, mentions of death of parents

Song Inspo: Kelsea Ballerini's Penthouse (Healed Version)

Requested: No

"Come to Milan" he pleads with you through the phone, "I'm worried about you, y/n."

"Christian, you know I can't do that," you frown at him.

"Please," he says quietly, "you've lost too much weight, you're not taking care of yourself, and no offense but you kind of look like shit," he tries to lighten the mood just a bit.

The truth is, there is nothing stopping you from hopping on the next flight to see your best friend and both of you know it. You broke off your engagement a few months ago, after finding out your fiancé was cheating on you. You also recently quit your job because no matter how hard you tried you always were bumping into him and you desperately needed a fresh start.

You had considered moving to Florida to be closer to Christian's family, the only real support system you had left. And even though he was far away, Christian never failed to be there for you through every heartbreak you had endured in your short life.

The night your mom died when the two of you were in high school, he dropped everything to be by your side, staying with you through all of it, holding you when you cried, staying strong for you when you completely fell apart.

He flew home as soon as he heard the news of your father's passing a few years later, and again, he was your rock. As everything in your life seemed to crash down, he was the constant, steady presence.

His family had welcomed you with open arms, including you in their holidays, family vacations, and trips to visit Christian and watch him play. They always made sure you felt like you had a place to call home. In recent years, you had opted to go to Christian for holidays so that he wouldn't have to spend them alone, the two of you setting about creating your own traditions. That was until your ex came along and you felt like you should spend holidays with him, but it broke your heart knowing Christian was spending them alone again.

Christian never really liked your ex, he couldn't put his finger on exactly why, but something about him made his guard go up. And it broke his heart when he found out he was right all along, maybe if he had said something he could have spared you the heartbreak, but you seemed happy and he wasn't going to interfere if that was truly the case.

"Come see me, I'll take care of you, I'll feed you pasta and let you get drunk on Italian wine. We can see the city together, I haven't gotten to do much exploring yet. It will be good for you to get away, take a break, get some fresh air, come on y/n, please?" he continues to plead with you.

"Ok" you whisper and you see his face light up, immediately grabbing his laptop and searching for flights before you have a chance to change your mind.

"How soon can you leave, looks like I can get you on a flight tonight, or tomorrow," he grins into the phone.

"Christian, you don't have to do that, I'll book something," you roll your eyes at him. He never failed to be generous and take care of you, whatever you needed, you didn't even have to ask most of the time.

"Nope. Not happening. Tonight or tomorrow, y/n? You better give me an answer or I'm closing h my eyes and clicking on whatever I land on," he chuckles.

"Fuck it, tonight," you grin at him, the first genuine smile he's seen from you in as long as he can remember.

You have to admit that the thought of landing in Italy tomorrow morning to spend however long you wanted with Christian makes you a little dizzy.

"Ok, pack your bags sweetheart, I'm sending you your boarding pass now," he smiles at you, "fuck I'm so excited to see you, it's been ages since we've gotten to spend time together."

"Christian, I just saw you this summer in Florida," you chuckle at him.

"Yeah, but that was less than 24 hours and you had the dickhead with you so it doesn't really count," he huffs at you.

"Christian this boarding pass says seat 4C, you did not just book me a first class ticket did you, you jackass."

"I sure did, because I can, and because I wanted to, and because there wasn't much left on the flight anyways. Now, get off the phone and start packing. Call me when you leave for the airport. Love you, y/n."

"Love you too, Chris." you shake your head at him before you hang up.

A few hours later, you have taken care of anything that might need your attention in the next few weeks since you were unsure of exactly when you would be back. You had packed and showered, and were set to leave for the airport. Making one final check that you had everything you needed, you call Christian, who answers sleepily, "I'm headed to the airport," you smile, even though he can't see you. "Ok, I'll see you in the morning," he says through a yawn, "safe travels."

"Thank you for this" you whisper but you can hear him snoring through the phone so you quietly end the call, after whispering another "love you."

You phone dings when you turn it off of airplane mode and you look down to see a message from Christian.

Christian: ciao bella 🤌🏻 there will be a car waiting for you to take you to my apartment. I'll be in training when you land, but should be home when you get there. Can't wait to see you 🫶🏻 Love you.

Y/N: oh god, am I going to be subjected to your attempts at learning Italian?

Y/N: thank you for the flight and arranging the car. I'll meet you at home. I can't wait to see you either. Love you, Chris 🫶🏻

Christian: do not insult my Italian, y/n. On my way home now, see you there 😍

When you arrive, he is waiting outside for you, pulling you into a warm embrace. It feels like he might crush you, but being in his arms heals your soul just a tiny bit.

"You've bulked up," you chuckle, your head resting against his chest. "You're skin and bones" he whispers leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

"Come on" he says retrieving your bags from the car and thanking the driver, waving off your attempts to help carry your things.

He leads you inside his new apartment, sitting your bags just inside the door before intertwining his fingers with yours, "let me show you around," he smiles at you adoringly.

He leads you from room to room, letting you know his plans for each of the ones that aren't quiet fully furnished yet. He grabs your bags as you follow him up the stairs opening the door to what you presume is his bedroom.

"Christian, this is gorgeous," you say taking in the room, the view out of his window to die for.

"It is," he smiles, never taking his eyes off of you.

You and Christian always share a bed when you are together so you aren't sure why it makes you slightly nervous to think about staying with him now, but it does. Your stomach flips as he moves your bag into the walk in closet, sitting your toiletry bag on the bathroom counter.

"Are you tired?" he whispers tucking a loose strand of hair around your ear and settling his hand on you jaw, smiling a the way you lean into him and shake your head, your eyes already a little brighter.

"Hungry?" he grins when you nod.

"You feel up to going somewhere, or do you want me to cook here, or we can order in?"

"We can go out, but can I have a few minutes to freshen up? You know I always feel gross after a long flight."

"Of course," he smiles, leading you into the bathroom, grabbing a towel for you and turning on the shower.

"Thank you," you whisper, wrapping your arms around his waist, "for everything," a couple of tears slip from your eyes which you try to hide from him but he definitely notices.

"Always, y/n" he breathes out, kissing you on the forehead.

After your shower, you wrap yourself in a towel, walking into Christian's room so that you can grab some clothes out of your suitcase. Christian is sitting on the bed when you walk out of the bathroom and his heart sinks when he realizes just how thin you've gotten. He knows it's just from the stress, and that you tend to lose weight when you are dealing with heavy emotions, and that you always return to your normal with a little TLC, usually from him.

He doesn't say anything, he knows he doesn't have to, you can read perfectly well the look of concern on his face.

"I'll be fine, Christian," you whisper as he nods.

"I know you will be now," he offers you a weak smile, but the look of concern is still evident.

You quickly get dressed, noticing that Christian has already unpacked your things and placed them on the empty shelves in his closet, your heart fluttering at the kind gesture.

"Come here" he gestures, patting the empty space on the bed beside him.

You waste no time in climbing over him and tucking yourself into his side, your head resting on his chest as he scratches your back.

"You know I'm here for anything you need, right? Forever." he speaks quietly.

You nod, allowing the familiar sound of his heart and his scent to wash over you. You never feel more cared for than you do when you are wrapped in Christian's arms, his warm embrace always soothing you, no matter what is going on in your life.

"You sure you don't want a nap," he asks quietly, a small yawn escaping his lips.

"We can nap if you are tired, Chris," you whisper.

"That's not what I asked," he chuckles.

Your stomach rumbles loudly and he kisses you on the top of the head, "food first, then naps."

He takes you to a small restaurant close to his apartment, filling you with as much pasta as you can hold before you make the short walk back to his place.

Once you arrive back at Christian's, he closes the room darkening shades in his living room and the two of you settle down on the couch to watch a movie.

Before long, you fall asleep wrapped up in Christian's arms and he does the same. You aren't sure how long you've slept when you stir slightly, waking Christian up.

"You ok?" he whispers into the dark, a sigh escaping his lips when you nod and nuzzle your face into his chest. You let out a giggle when his stomach rumbles, "you can't be hungry again, Chris."

"I'm starving, actually" he chuckles when you move slightly allowing him to stand up and pull you to your feet. He makes the two of you a sandwich, both of you eating before heading up to get changed for bed.

You wander out of the en-suite bathroom in Christian's room after finishing your skincare to find Christian sitting in the bed, already under the covers.

You give him a hesitant look, chewing on your bottom lip, "you sure you want me to stay in here, I could stay in the guest room or..." you trail off as he stands up and makes his way over to you wrapping you in a hug.

"Why wouldn't you stay in here, we've been sharing a bed since we were kids, y/n," he says quietly his hand stroking your back.

"I don't know," you whisper, "I just wasn't sure you wanted me in here."

"Of course I do," he says taking your hand and guiding you towards the bed, "but only if you want to be in here. I can definitely get you set up in the guest room if you would feel more comfortable."

"No, this is fine," you offer him a smile, your moment of anxiety passing.

"You know, I think my parents always thought we were up to something when we kept sharing a bed when we got older," he chuckles, "led to me getting the talk from my dad on more than one occasion."

"No, really?" you groan, your cheeks painted with embarrassment as you try to hide your face with your hands.

"Mmmhmmm" he laughs pulling your hands from your face, "I think they were worried that we might figure out that one of us is a boy and the other is a girl when we were younger, but as we got older, I think there were secretly rooting for it."

"I figured they would eventually put a stop to it, but I guess they trusted you far more than the trusted me," he grins.

"Guess we've disappointed them then," you chuckle tucking yourself into his side as he kisses the top of your head.

"Sleep well, y/n, wake me if you need anything," he whispers as he turns off the lights leaving the two of you wrapped up in nothing but the darkness and each other's arms.

The next several days in Milan Christian works to improve your mood as much as he can, enjoying when he catches flickers of you returning to your normal self.

You wake up early with him, enjoying quiet mornings before he has to leave for training. He even asks if he can bring you along for a few sessions giving you a chance to catch up with his old Chelsea teammates. You spend afternoons wandering the city and learning Italian with him. Evenings, which he knows you typically dread, are spent, snuggled up together watching movies or binge watching some of your favorite series.

Being constantly surrounded by Christian's presence is working wonders for you, you can feel yourself healing from everything you've been through the past few months. During a face time with Christian's mom she mentions that she can tell both of you are in a better place mentally and physically and that she's glad you are getting to spend some time together.

You cannot deny how much you enjoy being with him, here in a safe bubble, seemingly protected from the outside world. And Christian, he's enjoying your company more and more each day. Things are seamless and comfortable between the two of you, conversations are easy, and the silences are never awkward.

He has been thrilled to have you with him as he embarks on a new season with Milan. You've been able to travel to away games with him and we're blown away on your first trip to the San Siro.

One particularly warm evening after a match, you walk out of the bathroom in a pair of pajamas that show far more skin than any others you've worn around him. You pretend not to notice the way his breath hitches in his throat when he sees you and the way his eyes follow you as you slip into bed next to him.

"You ok?" you whisper, resting your head on his chest noticing the way his heart is hammering away.

"Couldn't be better," he sighs, trailing his hands over the exposed skin on your back and shoulders noticing when your skin erupts in goosebumps, a reaction he's not used to from you.

"I've got the next couple of days off, I thought we might take a little trip to Lake Como tomorrow, have some lunch, see the area," he says quietly, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"That sounds nice," you whisper, turning to place a kiss to his chest.

"And I have a surprise for you tomorrow night," he smiles as you turn to look him in the eyes, resting your chin on his chest.

"You know I hate surprises," you grin, a glint of playfulness in your eyes.

"I know, but this is a good one, and you're not getting it out of me," he grins back at you, tickling your sides and making you squeal.

"Now, let's get some sleep, we have an early morning tomorrow," he says, reaching to turn off the light and gesturing for you to turn on your side so that he can be the big spoon.

"Good night y/n," he whispers, "love you," as he places a feather light kiss on your shoulder, so light you almost don't notice it.

"Good night, Chris, love you too." You whisper back to him, intertwining your fingers with his.

The next morning, you both wake up early and have a quick breakfast before leaving for the day's adventure. Lake Como is more beautiful than you could imagine and you share a lunch that borderlines on romantic at a small cafe that overlooks the lake.

"I can't believe we are here," you nudge him with your shoulder as you walk down a small path towards the waters edge.

"I'm sure you could sweep some lucky girl off of her feet here," you chuckle at him noticing the way his cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

"Probably, but that's not what today is about is it," he rolls his eyes at you, "today is about me and you spending time together, not me scoping out potential date spots."

"I know, but what better place to fall in love than Italy, Christian," you say, twirling yourself around in front of him, missing the absolutely smitten look on his face.

"Maybe," he shrugs his shoulders, his eyes never leaving you.

"Are you going to tell me what this surprise is?" you ask him, looping your arm through his and resting your head on his shoulder. Noticing the way his skin reacts to your fingers tracing over his skin.

You like Kelsea Ballerini right?" he asks, as he rests his head on the top of yours as you both of you stare out over the water at the colorful houses dotting the horizon.

"I do, her new album is practically an anthem for my life right now, why?" you breathe out, shuddering as his arm wraps around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

"She's playing at the stadium tonight, and I might have gotten tickets for us," he says lowly, tilting his head up so that he can look you in the eyes and see your reaction.

"Playing at the stadium, as in your stadium? In Milan?" you nearly squeal, turning to fully face him as he nods.

"Thank you," your voice comes out low, barely above a whisper as tears well in your eyes, "for this, and for everything, you've always been the one person I could count on no matter what, and I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

You press a gentle kiss to his cheek, lingering a bit longer than normal as you notice him swallow dryly.

Leaning back slightly, you take in his features, suddenly mesmerized by his beauty. You've always known Christian was attractive, that much was obvious to you, but Italy has done him a world of good. His summer tan has lingered a bit longer, freckles dancing over his skin, and his eyes seem a bit brighter and more full of hope than you've seen them in a while. You catch your gaze lingering over his lips, noticing how soft and plump they are and wondering what they might feel like pressed against your own.

Christian has been your best friend for as long as you can remember, there isn't a single core memory of yours that doesn't involve him, being here with him the past couple of weeks, his patience, support and attentiveness have healed parts of you you didn't know needed healing.

Part of you never thought it was possible to develop feelings for him beyond friendship, and yet, when he's looking at you the way he is at this very moment, it makes you wonder if there couldn't be something more there.

"You're staring," he whispers, enjoying the flood of color that rushes to your cheeks.

"Am I not allowed to stare at my best friend? You're kind of beautiful you know?" you say, your eyes never leaving his.

"You're the beautiful one," he whispers, leaning down and glancing at your lips, almost as if he's thinking of kissing them before kissing the tip of your nose.

You turn, facing the horizon again as his arms squeeze your waist. "I love it here," you breathe out, feeling him nod as he rests his chin on your shoulder, but you aren't quite sure if by "here" you mean your actual location, or if you mean in Christian's arms.

"We should go," he gives you a gentle squeeze and slides his hand into yours.

The car ride home is quiet, he can tell you're lost in your own thoughts and he'd give anything to know what you are thinking about as you stare out of the window. Truthfully, he's a bit lost in his on thoughts as well, trying to come to terms with everything he's been feeling over the last few days.

Back at his apartment, you start getting ready for the concert, Christian ordering dinner for the two of you to eat as you get ready. You pick out a flowy dress, something that accentuates your best features, wanting to look pretty for yourself, and you catch yourself thinking that you also want to look pretty for him. You want him to be proud to have you with him, not that he's ever made you feel otherwise.

Once you are finally ready to go, you walk out of his bathroom about the same time as he walks out of his closet, also dressed and ready to go. You both silently stare at each other, soaking one another in before his lips curl slightly at the edges as he makes his way over to you.

"You look beautiful as always," he smiles, pressing a kiss to your cheek, dangerously close to the corner of your mouth.

"So do you," you blush slightly at his compliment as he takes your hand and leads you to the car waiting to pick you up.

The concert is amazing, Christian never leaves your side, and most of the night he has one or both arms wrapped around your waist.

As the first notes of "Penthouse" ring out around the stadium he moves so that he is standing behind you, both arms around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder as he gently sways with you to the music.

Tears well in your eyes at the words that seem so very personal to you, a few spill over as Christian grips onto your hips turns you around. He brings his hands up to cup your face as he brushes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs as the music fades out.

You're staring at each other, both of you knowing exactly what is coming next, as she belts out the healed version of "I kissed someone new last night, and now I don't care where your sleeping baby," Christian presses his lips to yours.

The kiss is soft and slow, and without a moment's hesitation you grip your fingertips into his t-shirt as you melt into the kiss; his lips slotting perfectly against yours, just as you had imagined they would. Suddenly, it feels like all of the pieces have fallen into place.

He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours, "I love you, y/n" he says quietly, only loud enough for you to hear. A couple of tears fall from your eyes, as you nod and say "I love you too, Christian."

"No, baby, I need you to understand what I'm saying. I'm in love with you, I am desperately in love with you," he says as he bumps his nose against yours.

"I know, and I'm in love with you too," you grin, a squeal escaping your lips as he picks you up and spins you around.

"Stay in Italy with me, I can't bare for you to leave me," he says as he pulls you closer to him, burying his face into your neck, "we can both start over here, and we can start building a life together," he says hesitantly, searching your features for an answer he is hoping will be yes.

You nod and he crashes his lips back to yours in a much heavier yet still reserved kiss considering you are in public.

"So you're staying," he mumbles against your lips.

"I'm staying" you grin, "until you're sick of me."

"That's never going to happen sweetheart," he smiles sweetly, "never."

Tag list:

@chelseagirl98 @neverinadream @masonspulisic @pulisicsgirl @swimmingismywholelife @lovelynikol16 @nyctophilic0vitnir @lunamelona @tall-tanned-tattoo @lizzypotter14

[neonscandal]

Thanks for your posts and metas, @neonscandal .... Before I found your blog, actually I ship tododeku and kiribaku. But thanks to you, I became bakudeku shipper (until now). Your metas are amazing and always based on canon. Sorry, I'm not good with words, but I hope you know how great your blog is (you are definitely one of my favorite tumblr blog). 💐🌷

And WOW these last 10 - 15 chapter, really are the best. Even my mutuals who are anti-bkdk can't deny Bakugou and Midoriya's bond anymore. Also, love Uraraka and Toga's bond....

Do you think it's possible that at the end of BNHA, Bakugou and Midoriya have ambygous relationship (kinda like Tiger and Bunny)....? I know it could be hard to be canon in shounen series.....

P.s Do you think SatoSugu (from JJK) is queerbaiting?

⚠️ Vague spoiler warnings through chapter MHA 410 at best. Covers JJK S2 with a vague mention of a character who pops up later in the manga.

It's funny you say that because I also love a good tododeku or kiribaku situation. Like yea, people have their OTP but... realistically? Characters should be just as messy as people in real life. ✨ They're going to date around before things fit together with that OTP, right? At least that's how I look at it. So I love exploring offshoots.

You are far too kind in these rough times but I appreciate you saying that (and reaching out). The swarm of asks lately have been so funny. I tend to carve out time to address them quicker than some of the other things bouncing around my head (literally, the exact opposite happens with fic updates 🥺) so I'm just happy I'm writing something. If someone else enjoys it then that's the whipped cream and caramel on my sundae.

DUDE. I hadn't read 409 or 410 yet because holiday chaos but I feel like we're beyond allegations at this point haha ALTHOUGH, I didn't see the cliffhanger from 410 coming at all so I wonder what that means for the larger story.. Got any theories?

Regarding endgame... honestly the last two chapters gave me a little anxiety. "This is our tale?" Too good to be true. Especially when we know from chapter one "this is a story of how I became a great hero". Also, I've had some thoughts since 406 about how their connection is being framed up which I haven't had time to write but it feels like a lot of fanservice for Horikoshi (and subsequent editors, etc) to not commit. Additionally, in all the ways this story subverts the typical formula for shonen, it would also feel like a fumbled opportunity to turn everything on its nose with such a wildly popular series. So I'm holding out hope but conservatively preparing for one of them to just... not make it even if we get a confession *shudders in Supernatural flashbacks*.

I hope this makes sense as I struggled to recommend stories where this wasn't the case when asked about BL. In my opinion, good representation in mainstream stories (gender identity, orientation, race, religion, disability, etc.) is when, whatever makes a character different isn't their whole identity. Specifically in the context of more traditional stories (not centered on BL for instance), they should be involved if not just as integral to the plot as any other character wherein their diversity isn't sticking out like a sore thumb. But even that characterization requires nuance which is what makes it so hard to articulate? Maybe it's simpler to say that their character arc shouldn't just be based around identity. As a short answer to your question, I don't think that SatoSugu is queerbaiting. I think they are authentically and intrinsically coded to one another in subtext and out loud straight from Akutami but that, sometimes, relationships don't work out or love is unrequited. They may not have had the same feelings despite their inherent complement to one another and that's okay.

As above, characters should be just as messy as real people and that's what makes what didn't happen between them all the more tragic because it's heartbreaking in how relatable it is (not the cult leading and murder though). Seems like a convenient answer from a delulu shipper unless you take into consideration how Kirara Hoshi's identity is given the same level of subtlety. They aren't defined by their identity nor are the characters jarred by some particularly grandiose reveal nor are they perturbed by the nature of their connection to Hikari. I'm by no means an expert but I think that these characters are executed well in the sense that they have a complexity that doesn't hinge on what would otherwise make them different. They aren't "othered", it's just a fact of who they are and the story continues. It's a facet of who they are without cheaply being all they are. With Gege Akutami's own pronouns not expressly confirmed, perhaps that informs the care around those with differing identities.

I haven't seen Tiger & Bunny yet but now I know what to check out next!

[vole-mon-amour]

Going with Minthara and her plan is truly something else.

My Durge broke a Vengeance oat as soon as I pointed the grove on her map.

Wyll left immediately, wasn't even at the camp when I came back.

Karlach left as soon as I entered the goblin's party (and Dammon was killed by Minthara, which is another yikes moment.)

Gale hates me and himself and wanted to leave, but I convinced him not to. Gale going "...and I participated" like... Yeah? You did? You could've left? Or does the mechanics of the game do not allow the character to leave if they're in your party? Either way, he blames my DUrge.

I haven't saved Halsin and haven't even met him. I just didn't enter the prison room and went straight for the slaughter, so Halsin hasn't appeared just yet. Maybe later, I don't know, but I fucking miss him and his voice.

Minthara's sex scene is very nice and horny (she literally sits on a dragonborns' face), but then she tries to kill you just like Lae'zel (btw, in this run I saved her but didn't invite her to the camp. So no idea where she is.)

Shadowheart is simply drunk and doesn't really care and thinks that the ambush was meh and that a child could've done it.

Astarion rejected my DUrge with "I'm flattered, but I think not. I have standards." The approval was negatively neutral. Like? He seems in the elevated mood because the wine is way better and he really doesn't mind the killing, but what's the point when there's no Astarion romance? Maybe I should've went full into killing and doing everything to earn his approval, IDK. At the beginning I still tried to help the tieflings and look where that got me. (Sure, on my first playthrough I spent WAY more time exploring the map before the party happened & I was still struggling getting Astarion's approval until I figured it out and the romance happened. But to have that approval for the romance without exploring the map much? Yeah, I should have probably went full on with killings, hmm.) UPD: Oh, and Astarion hasn't tried to bite me even ONCE, which I find incredibly weird. I can't use his bite either cause its not showing.

Zevlor screaming that I betrayed them and watching all those spiders and goblins attacking the tieflings... :/

And all the time I was forcing myself to choose all those options that come with Minthara bc I'm curious what all fuss is about, but I don't think I enjoy it very much. The tieflings were frightened and didn't fight back. It really IS like slaughtering children (Shadowheart's words) & I felt awful about it.

It's obvious that Larian wants you to go with the good path. Sure, they give you the option to go this path, but the consequences are awful.

And to play the entire game just to see what comes out of romancing Minthara and from trusting the Absolute? I'm sure that nothing good. I'm surprised the sun is still shining tbh. With the slaughter and the betrayal that happened at the grove, the shadowcurse should just spread on those lands, too.

Like, going with the same choices (Saving Halsin, helping Karlach, Wyll etc) is boring, but going with this path? Yiiiikes. Maybe I'll just look it up on YouTube. I want new achievements, but I'm not ready to explore the map all over again & I'm not sure if there are any for the choices you make with Minthara.

Oh, AND the game offers you the dragonborn for DUrge by default, yet many options as you answer Minthara are, "There was no honor in this" or "I did not enjoy that." So they want you to resist the urge? And kill Minthara and save everybody?

[bg3screenshotdump]

Don't know if you have done it on your blog but can you introduce us to your Tavs? Like a Character Profil Template. :)

This has been in my inbox for ages, and if i wait until I have everything perfectly set up like i wanted before answering i believe i'll never answer :'D

so perfection and fear of being cringe and seen be damned i'm doing it it now !

so far the only things i have for my tavs on this blog is their respectives tags you can find in the sidebar of my blog :')

so i'll just list them here and i'll make them more detailed pages later, when i have time and feel confident enough to share more of the backstories i imagined :')

( warning, piss poor writing in coming i suck at writing in my native language and it's even worse in english )

Delsys - My 1rst Full release Tav, half wood elf orphan, beastmaster ranger who ended up serving as a guardian of the druidic order that found and raised her. she's a big introvert and has piss poor social skills, litteraly her only friends are her owl companion, Verbena and Trilli ( even if she feels disconected from her two very extroverted and playful friends ) she's been following the orders and lead of the druids for most of her life so she's really not confident in her new role as the leader of the bg3 party, ( she's not confident about a lot of things actually, tbh the only thing she's not insecure about is her archery skills ) and unfortunately for everyone she tends to hide those insecurities behind a tough and apathetic mask

Trilli Bumbleroot - archfey warlock/bard forest gnome - lover of music, dancing, nature and village festivals, she's just a little gal who loves traveling, i'm still not entierly sure of who i want her archfey patron to be, but she took a contract when she left her village in order to have enough power to protect herself on the road. During her travels she eventually came across Delsys ( who wasn't born yet ) and Verbena's druidic order and she's been bestie with Verbena ever since and unfortunately for the other druids when the both of them put their mind together tomfoolery ensues

Verbena Ferngrass - Wood elf druid - high bimbo of the same druidic order that raised Delsys ( and she kind of sees her as a little sister ) she's a big extrovert, a big flirt, she values her personal freedom and fun above all else, she thinks with her vag and is always pulling Delsys into all kind of situations™ She considers Trilli to be her best friend ( and they kiss sometimes )

Vetra - Githyanki war cleric of Vlaakith - soft and curious soul who's been battered and hardened by her training as both a warrior and a priestess, now that she's in faerun she starting to feel a bit more free to be explore and connect back to the parts of her personality she had to hide behind her now no-nonsense tough persona

Kastyn Firebeard - warrior/maybe paladin ( haven't decided yet) - mercenary coming from a blacksmith family, don't have much of a backstory for her yet :') just that she was disatisfied about her life in the mercenary group she was a part of, mostly because she had no control over the missions they took, and those missions sometimes went agaisnt her moral code

Healstra Ssiwin - lolth drow Sorceress - Bit on the fence about her story and personality :'x i'm not sure why exactly she chose to go to the surface,i initially made the Astromancer robes mod for her, so i had in mind that she wanted to see and study the stars but idk, i'll think i'll need to document myself on drow a bit more to get better ideas :'D

Cyn Clarilieu - my EA tav, basic noble human turned paladin ( is now tall and buff thanks to the full release Bodytype 3 ❤️) good aligned, annoyingly too self-righteous at times

Shani Cotton - Halfling rogue - Street urchin turned criminal in Baldur's gate lower city, magpie brainded if-it-shiny-i-want-it ,quite loose morals so she doesn't care if she has to kill or maim to obtain what she wants

Oriann Aleviir - my co-op tav, half drow - cringefail 8 dex blew-her-own-face-off-with-fire-spell wild magic sorcerer, terrified for her life 24/7 and will make every bad choices out of fear and gullibleness ( highly manipulable, will probably end up a squid as a result )

[oh-my-may]

HELLOOOOOOO

Very quickly I wanted to share some thoughts on Wuthering Waves so far.

I have completed the main quest up to act IV and I think it goes up to 6 in total? So I am more than halfway done with what the main story has to offer so far. I must say, although it does follow the typical anime rpg plot of recent games, I have been enjoying it!

It took me the first two chapters of the story to get behind all the game specific terms like Resonator, Tacet Fields and Discords etc. but I think as of right now I'm pretty secure in my knowledge of it.

I don't wanna get too much into the lore yet but there's so many things about the world (Solaris 3, right?) that I do not understand (yet) but given how I still have main story to play through I reckon some of my questions will be answered later. But the first thing is HOW BIG THE MAP IS? I think it might be like that for me bc I'm not used to playing open world games on mobile and maybe if I played it on PC I'd have a different impression but like... on mobile it seems huge. The Resonance Beacons are kinda oddly placed I think... like there should be a few more but maybe I'm spoiled from hyv games. From what I can tell on mobile it looks good, too. Can't wait for WuWa to come out for PS5 so I can fully enjoy how beautiful it looks. (no, I don't have a PC to play it on atm)

Scar is really cool, overall I really like the "villain" organisation so far (I know their name but wouldn't trust myself to properly spell it on here lol). Maybe bc they're some lf the only characters in this game that know what colour is lol. Scar's eng VA is *chefs kiss* and I think so far he's the most interesting character overall. Chamellya (? Is that how you spell her name) also seems really cool. Haven't met her yet in the story but I've seen several posts and I really look forward to getting to know more about the Fractuids (????or whatever their name is). Call them the Overseers, that's easier to remember and spell HAHA. Wonder what their motive is for abducting Jue and reviving the other big thing (it starts with Th I know, but can't remember it rn... Threnoid or something? Guys I told you I'm still learning)

When directly asked, Scar said that it brings the Lament and all that but like... why would they want that to happen??? Are humans bad? Is something bad gonna happen to them and they know? And what about putting TD parts into human bodies?? Why?? AND WHERE DO TDS COME FROM ANYWAY?

Okay so far for that. Also I quite like Jihnsi, which is suprising to me... I do find it weird that most characters in this game share almost the same color palette, I think it's cool that she's devoid of any color and she's just... pale. Everything about her is so pale and I think that's really cool, somehow. Just like the Overseers it makes her stand out to me.

I haven't met Jiyan yet :( Apparently I will in the next chapter but I have to level up quite a bunch until then... so lemme give you some other thoughts.

First of all I like the open world! I wanted to save exploration for until I have finished the main quests completely but since you have to level up in between the game leaves you no other choice. I haven't even unlocked the entire map yet (as I said I think it's HUGE on mobile lol) but so far it's been very cool! I like the twist they put in the puzzles, somehow they came up with new mechanisms that aren't just repetition of other games open world puzzles. I like that most challanges aren't time gated (like the sniper ones, I'd be dead if they were on mobile HAHA). Besides the challenges where you fly around as that bird and have to fly through rhose rings.. it goes so fast I can NOT control that at all on mobile. Will save those for a later opportunity ig.

The battles have been fun so far. Again I have to say how dynamic the system feels it's really fun with Intro Attacks and all that, the dodge attacks are really cool and yeah... on mobile I just press buttons and can't be as smart with my moves because I barely know wtf is going on and I can't control my fingers as diligently on the tiny buttons lol. Does the mobile version have controller support yet? I think I read somewhere that it doesn't, but I'll probably be the first to jump to it lol.

(Rn I wanna mention that I saved this post until this point and finished writing it afterwards until suddenly the wifi at work disconnected and then I lost hald the post :((( so I have to kinda rewrite half of it, yaay...)

SO. AGAIN.

The echo system is really cool and innovative. Its pretty new to me personally as a system to exchange for the artifact/relic stuff. Its cool you can use the echos ability. I just figure its gonna be a pain to farm later, given how you're not always guaranteed to get an Echo from every enemy snd the stats are random too... I haven't gotten too much into the system yet and what set or whatever is best for each character... but I'm glad that auto euqip is a thing already haha. I'll probably have plenty of time to figure this all out later.

I have arrived at a point in the game where the game wants me to level characters... the game recommended team level 40 for the Scar fight when I had my team at 25... Currently I use Rover, Verina and Chixia and habe been quote enjoying them. I'll try and use Rover as long as possible, so far I really like her playstyle! I also like that the game basically adds two new elements to the roster: light and darkness, basically. Seems pretty cool. Do the elements interact? Haven't gotten too much into the meta yet, so are there like reactions like on genshin or just status effects? To conclude my thoughts I'd like to add that I'm not sure yet how worth it is leveling up my characters rn? I know that Verina is very good and as I said I'll try and level Rover for now, but as for the third slot... although I like Chixia I ultimately wanna get Jiyan or some other 5star lile Calcharo? I also have no idea (yet) how to effectively farm level up material. There must be something like a ley line or calyx surely, I just haven't found it yet. Overall I'd like to spend the 240 energy the game gives me but besides bosses I haven't really found something on the map... oh yeah there was spme forgery challenge ig that's like for weapon stuff? We'll see...

Since I have lots of leveling to do (6 levels to continue the main quest...) I figured doing normal quests is the most effective way to do that, although I have noticed that not all quests give Union Exp? I find that a bit odd. Also are there any of these smaller quests worth paying proper attention to? Like that tell important lore? So far I've only done a few and they didn't really seem significant ... some photo taking and infiltrating an enemy camp, which was pretty cool because Rover dressed up as one of them snd snuck arpund the camp, but it didn't seem that important in the grand scheme of things? Do let me know if there are certain quests that are really cool.

I have done Lingyangs character quest and it was pretty sweet. I liked the camera switch in the cavern a lot. He's also just generally a very cite character, he falls out of the character colour scheme and he's just adorable :( I did get him as my first 5star on the 50 pull banner... sadly I don't like his playstyle :( I think I dislike the way gauntlet characters feel on mobile? Idk. I also dislike that lightning 4star gauntlet man (forgot his name. He was one of my first 4stars and his trial felt weird playing him idk...) in terms of gameplay. I do think this is just a mobile thing for me, at least with the controls. As I said, when the game gets controller support this might change.

I'd like to mention a few things that bother me, too. No game is perfect and I do think that kuro games is definitely able to fix these things. First of all I've noticed that in the open world when expllring it's often very silent? As in... there's no background music? Idk if it's just programmed to set in very late? I know that there is music, since it does play when I log in... but when I walk through the world and change areas it's so oddly silent for so long... it's kinda scary sometimes haha. Also I often hsve the problem that spoken dialogue randomly cuts off mid sentence without any trigger? Like it just doesn't play the entirety of the sentence? And this happens quite frequently, especially in the first few chapters of the story. Also when the text appears on screen... it seems that sometimes it is so long that it doesn't fully appear on screen? It doesn't scroll down or anything the longer texts are just not displayed? Idk.

Another thing I noticed is that the Rover's voice over often seems very monotonous and almost... empty? Like there's no emotion or anything... at least for female Rover. I do like that she gets quite a bunch of spoken lines, but sometimes they seem oddly off against the other characters... one example that really botheres me wss in act 4, when Scar gets arrested (and Scars voice over is phenomenal btw!). There's this moment where he wants to flee and in the lsst second Rover jumps in and says something like "not so fast" or something like that and its just... the character is in action and there's high tension and the line just falls so incredibly flat? I think it may be a directing problem, maybe they just didn't tell her what the context was but like... it really bothered me. I generally like the Eng voice over, although I do find some of Yangyangs pronounciations weird? It irritates me how she says Huanglong a lot of times? Like I get it that its closer to the Chinese pronounciation but other characters say it with an english accent too? Or her breathy "Rover" all the time? I think this is just me but it was quite annoying.

Other than that (and I already mentioned it) it will tske me some time to get used to the colour palette of the characters... i do like the character design, but almost every character has the same colours to them? It's all mainly black with white/grey details and occasinally some shade of blue/red or green in between. Very few characters fall out of that scheme, like Encore, Verina or LingYang. Or the Overseers, but they're not playable (yet?)

Other than thode pretty minor problems I'm excited to explore the world a bunch now. Very excited to see how the story ends as of rn. The devs are very attentive to player feedback so I'm vurious to see where the game is headed. I do think it has lots of potential. As I said, I can't wait for playable Scar and just generally to explore more of the world. Are there gonna be more countries added to the world? I'd say yes as of right now but are there mentions of it in the story? Very excited for it!

Also I'm looking forward to meeting Geshulin in the story. Ive seen short clips of him and to say I'm obsessed would be an understatement. This game nails it's morally grey male characters.

I'm not used to taking screenshots during mobile games, so I have only this one of Scar for now, maybe I'll mamage to make it a habit. Bye for now! (Wish me luck on Jiyans banner)

[pain-in-the-butler]

I hope this question doesn't bother you, but I wanted to ask you a bit about that weston arc rewrite you mentioned once in your tags? Like, any kind of info is welcome.

Hi again, friend! It's not a bother to be asked things like this in the least! And I'm definitely excited to ramble about my writing, so thank you! Here's some bare bones of what I've thought up for this AU so far:

Cricket's O-U-T. Yana did fine with the sports angle, especially in retrospect (at the time, everyone was sick of it), but I want to focus on character drama because I think it's juicier -

Instead, I'm changing the angle of the Weston arc to consistently be about the school's social dynamics, with the emphasis on becoming a prefect's fag like it was in the canon arc's first half -

Being a prefect's fag in this AU means automatically becoming a prefect when the prefect graduates (can't remember if this is what it means in the canon story). Therefore, these positions are sought out by students who care about the hierarchy to any degree -

Maurice Cole is going to have a slightly different role this time around. He's not Redmond's fag yet but he wants to be more than anything. As a second-born son, he sees it as the one chance he'll get in life to feel what it is to have an inheritance, and so he and that enormous chip in his shoulder covet the position like anything -

I want Cole's villainy to be much campier. Instead of threatening actual violence and humiliation, he merely threatens to kick boys out of his posse. However, he has pretty big plans for the school — plans that would make particular students want to stay in his good graces... -

Students in different dorms will get along and become friends. The standoffishness between dorms was really just there in the canon to make it easier for Yana to hide certain details until later down the line, but it doesn't actually make much sense. There won't be so much rivalry this time -

While I'm going to try not to venture fully into Dadbastian territory, I do want Ciel and Sebastian to examine their relationship more closely following the Campania incident and consider what they would feel if the other was out of their lives forever. Is Ciel just a meal and is Sebastian just a loyal dog? Or do they actually maybe care about each other's well-being? I wonder.................. -

Sebastian wouldn't be a professor this time! Sorry, but I just never bought him becoming a dorm master so easily. Where'd the old one go? Do the Blue House students not see Seb's arrival as weird at all? Don't they have any loyalty to their last dorm master lol?? The idea's frankly too underdeveloped -

Instead, Sebastian is going to work in the Blue House kitchens as a chef. He isn't very excited about being so out of the way from the action, but Ciel has his reasons for wanting him there... -

The student body will talk about Derrick Arden going missing as if it is an actual big deal. But there will be more details that muddy the waters around Derrick's disappearance... as well as revelations that come to light sooner than they do in Yana's telling -

Now for the biggest change: it will be addressed to the reader from the get-go that Ciel is pretending to be his brother. I have always wanted to explore what it would be like if we knew from near the start that Ciel was faking his entire identity. The Weston arc may not take place close to the beginning of Kuro, but I think it's as good a chance as any for me to showcase how revealing Ciel's identity early on pointblank has a lot of potential for drama and character building

There's a lot that I haven't really decided yet, to be honest, but there are also a few twists and tricks that I would LOVE to mess around with. I kind of let my stories slowly incubate over time, though, so I hope when I actually get to writing this, everything will be in place and I can just go for it. It should be a very fun project, if and when the time comes...

Thank you for asking! I hope this answer piqued your interest... though it'll probably be another two years before any of it gets written lol 😈

[muninnhuginn]

hello! for the wip ask game: 🌀🌧️☔

hi! sorry for taking ridiculously long to answer this, but thanks for asking ^^

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

Went for the placeholder summary of the angsty CXS-QL siblingisms fic I've been stalled on for months:

It's not that Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn't like Qiao Ling as a sister. It's just that she has her family; he has his. That's all there is to it. That's all there will ever be.

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

This is from the siblingisms fic. Hopefully makes sense without much context, but tldr Cheng Xiaoshi and Xiao Li are at the store having accidental emotional (un)honesty hours:

Cheng Xiaoshi muttered, “I’m not going to make the mistake of pushing myself into somewhere I’m not wanted.” That hadn’t been what he’d meant to say. “Not that I think– Maybe when we were younger, it was one thing, but Qiao Ling has her own stuff on, nowadays.” Better. Xiao Li's expression was unreadable at that, so Cheng Xiaoshi cleared his throat and continued, “You do get that, right?” It came out more pleading than he was comfortable with. He clearly hadn't convinced Xiao Li, whose eyes narrowed. For a second, Cheng Xiaoshi thought he might leave it be, but then he moved closer. Cheng Xiaoshi resisted the urge to shy back, well aware there was a shelf directly behind him. “Look,” Xiao Li said, resting a hand on Cheng Xiaoshi’s shoulder. “You’re young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Now is the time for you to make mistakes, alright?” The grip on his shoulder tightened until it verged on painful. “Make your mistakes now so you don’t make them later.” Xiao Li looked away then, allowing the harsh lights of the store to catch his wrinkles. He seemed old, all of a sudden. “Don’t presume you know what’s going on in someone’s else’s mind.”

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I've got two here. One Link Click (donghua version), one White Cat Legend (cdrama version specifically).

The Link Click concept is something I may attempt one day, but eh, for now it's just in my head. So, the hospital-boat loop in season two. I subscribe to the idea that Lu Guang never meant for Cheng Xiaoshi to loop back in his place at the hospital. And I'd love to explore the implications of that if you actually follow them through. Lu Guang may not have even *realised* that Cheng Xiaoshi went back at first, so in this concept, when he realises what happened (due to CXS casually referencing the phone passcode of trauma LG did not know he knew), he freaks. Thinks CXS could have seen something when was possessing him (s2 finale spoilers obviously :V). And in trying to dig to figure out *what* Cheng Xiaoshi knows from his possession that time (which is... basically nothing) Lu Guang would basically give the game away to some extent. Hadn't decided if to make it full reveal or not, but that was the gist (still not written a proper reveal in general, but at some point I should at least try rather than dancing around it).

The other concept. So, honestly, I *know* there are probably fic with this as the basis but none of it is in English so I'm stuck pawing sadly at the sidelines. White Cat Legend (cdrama not donghua) time travel fix-it with qiubing. Where they both go back and don't realise the other has also gone back and so spend the whole time suspicious of each other. I hadn't gone any further than that because I know time travel fix-it deals tend to be longer than a short one-shot which is all I trust myself to write, but their whole canon loyalty/distrust dynamic is so compelling. They're both falling on swords for each other whilst refusing to clear any of the misunderstandings up. So turbo charging that dynamic with time travel and giving them the chance to fix everything if they'd just talk *properly* to each other is like catnip to me.

[paintedscales]

By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh...I adore them...”

Good evening, Vasheden! Thank you so much for the ask. I don't think this one comes from a prompt list, which thank you! I really appreciate the interest! ; w ; /

I wanted to answer something that's been sitting in my inbox for a while at this point before I went to bed tonight. :'D This one has been on my radar for a while.

So...in my writings that I've been off and on working on, it was Estinien who got smitten first. After everything, and after their time meeting and understanding that they both buried the hatchet on the Steppe, it was Ghimlyt Dark for him. The way I have it framed in one of the drabbles I wrote is that he found Nomin having collapsed due to the Exarch's meddling at an inopportune time, and when he went to defend and whisk her from the battlefield, he was just...

Hm...

He understood that, as the Warrior of Light, losing her would have been detrimental to everyone. But as he was bringing her back to safety, he started having other thoughts. Like what if it wasn't just because she's the Warrior of Light? I'm saving someone who has just as much experience as I do, and can relate to the same things that I do... There was kinship on the Steppe, and then I think Ghimlyt and being so close to losing her in that moment was just that little click for him that was just, "oh...I don't want to lose her because I'll lose someone who understands me better than anyone else."

From there, for him, it just starts to grow. Not that he ever speaks up on it. I think Aymeric probably picked up on it when Estinien brought Nomin to him, though. Maybe. Not sure yet. I haven't really explored how I want to go about that.

As for Nomin...

It was while she was on the First. After remembering what little fragments and moments of delirium in Estinien's hold during Ghimlyt, and also being told that she was rushed into Aymeric's care thanks to him, Estinien lived in her head rent free.

Much like how I imagine Estinien, Nomin has also experienced the fact that she did reconcile and come to understandings enough with Estinien on the Steppe that it felt apt to call him a decent enough friend. It was a lot of dancing around similar trauma bonding, but bonding nonetheless.

On the First, she thought of him, she thought of him so much. Remembering being held by him and feeling grateful that he rescued her from getting killed by Elidibus. So when she came back from the First and she met with him again, just seeing him triggered that happy response. That tail flick. When that happened, she realized, "oh...oh... I actually do want to be with him. I want him at my side as much as I want to be at his."

And that was fun (not)! Because Nomin didn't actually know what to do with those emotions. I don't think Estinien did, either. So...I think both of them just shelved those emotions for later. Fast forward to Endwalker before traveling to Ultima Thule where they both confess to one another. :p

[iiusia]

Your little story snippet got me curious, so if you don’t mind me asking: who are Mariam and Olivia? :0 I’m so so intrigued!!

!!!!!!! you dont know how much this means 2 me i am always thinking about these guys forever and ever....

okay SO. mariam and olivia (and eli, though he appears only a bit in the snippet) r my silly little ocs (that are MAYBE adapted from a dsmp fic. shhhhhhhh they are so much more 2 me now).

mariam and eli are brother and sister and olivia is like... a really close childhood friend, pretty much a sister at this point. their story as I've developped it in my mind so far is: (under read more cause this got LONG)

they live in the same small-ish town and olivia is over at their house a LOT... like pretty much living with them, bc [nebulous part of the story that i have yet to develop but that basically keeps her dad away a lot]

at some point though that [nebulous event] comes to an end and olivia starts seeing them less and less bc frankly. her dad is not a Good Man (and all the implications that come with that)

the snippet i posted happens a few years later when olivia shows up at their door bc its the place she feels the safest in, yk?

they sort some legal stuff out, olivia starts living with them For Real

and THEN there's a whole arc that happens when she leaves 2 go to uni but thats whole other story LMAO

but yeah that's the basic idea!! now for characterization olivia is the Definition of repression. she LOVES repression its her favourite hobby... she's the type that can talk a lot and make you feel like she's not able to keep a secret until you realize that 4 all she talks she doesn't really Say Anything About Herself. she's also the type that convinces herself that since she Understands, objectively, what she's gone through and that it was wrong, she doesn't have to actually deal with it bc like. it happened. it was bad. she got out. what's more to say? surely this will have no impact on her psyche [VERY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]. (a huge part of the story after she gets to uni is about how she's terrified of people thinking that what happened was her fault to the point of distancing herself from everyone who knows about it)

mariam.... mariam is so special 2 me always... she's the oldest, the "adult" and she cares about these kids SO MUCH... it's maybe not obvious outwardly bc she's not really the demonstrative kind but she shows it in her own way. her instinct is always to be very.... business-like with it? not quite the word but basically she does her gestures quietly and without fanfare and then you find out about it like 3 weeks later and you're like oh...... she really does care a lot. but also worth mentionning she is more mature so she does know that people have different needs when it comes to knowing that they're loved so with eli she does make an effort to be more Obvious with it. she's also SO scared all the time... she's terrified that something will happen to them always but she doesn't show it because she doesn't want to freak them out :(

eli.. i know you didn't ask about him but i still will answer because hes just so perfect 2 me... he's the youngest (in the snippet i would say he's 13? maybe? haven't figured out timeline yet). he feels everything so strongly all the time he is FULL of emotions. him and olivia understand each other in a way where they dont really talk about it ever because they don't Need to (or so they think. ahem). he's also a mischevious little guy.. loves exploring and disappearing for hours at a time and almost giving mariam a heart attack. he loves so strongly it physically hurts sometimes ... my little guy :(

anyways heres another snippet for u..... in thanks

[sharlmbracta]

comment excerpt:

ADHD is a boon to creativity the challenge is consistency… or seemingly so. I think in general living, you need to impose structure to survive as an adult with ADHD, especially if you go no-meds like I have. I don't think that's nearly the case with creative activities though creativity is our domain, man. It's more about trusting your mind to do good exploration when you let it run free.

Everything that ever really stuck for me about music theory, stuck AFTER doing that. Not from reading and practicing but inadvertently actualizing it in my noodling, which I've come to realize is my mind's way of sorting out the information.

It's really interesting how the knowledge comes sometimes. I have been playing guitar for 20 years, largely self-taught. l've spent a lot of time pouring over different techniques and studying theory, never really feeling like I got where I was supposed to with it. I certainly enjoy what I play, but it's always felt like the understanding that other people have, escaped me.

But now, I tend to think I just never actually realized how much theory I had picked up over the years of scattershot study. Maybe I don't have the most well-rounded foundation, but my actual output on the instrument conveys to other, more learned people, an understanding that they always seem to want to know more about, like somehow I have figured out something they haven't.

My answer has always been "Well, I never practice, but I always play." Most other players l've met, are far more 'on-grid' than me, more predictable and consistent in their decisions and application of technique. You never know what I'll play, or why it actually works. One of my best friends is an incredibly talented and dedicated musician, with high mastery of guitar, piano, and especially trumpet. HE does not understand what I do half of the time, puts all of this analysis into it, trying to crack the code. He wants ME, to teach HIM what I know.

And yet, I don't even know the code. It's all impulse from my perspective. I don't know why things come together like they do. I just know that they do the majority of the time. I know enough theory to point out what worked about them — I do that sometimes, get into a mode of reverse-engineering what I play under the lens of modern theory and it helps me internalize — feed that intuition I'll need later. It's still terrifying for me to improvise in front of people, but every time I do, people tend to presume I am much more serious and studious than I have ever been — like I meant for things to work out this way, when I probably had little clue what I was going to play before I began.

It's like I am fully present when I play, just not cognizant. Maybe it's just that the strain on memory in those times doesn't permit my brain to consciously process it all, but it seems like it still does SOME kind of recall that is almost absolute. I can do anything a normal musician can do, it's just not accessed in quite the same way. I just put in the time and it worked out.

I WILL however say. It was not always that way. For the first 5-7 years I had a hyperfocus for it that just would not let go, so I would in fact practice for hours every day. Now, I worry less about it because 'm more focused on learning new stuff and being exposed to different music that inspires me to play and write more music. At some point, I found I just had the skill-born freedom wanted on tap and it just became about discovery for me.

A lot of my best skills are like that. I don't know how or why l'm good at them, or why I can randomly rattle off in-depth information I otherwise don't ever consider. I think our ADHD brains internalize things differently. It's not that we forget things, it's more as though much of the information stored in memory comes out somewhere outside of consciousness, more in the space of intuition. The problem with ADHD isn't as much one of storage as it is recall mechanisms. The better relationship I have with my intuition, the more my skills in things I want to do just seem to come to me by just following my own impulses to engage and letting my brain get whatever it thinks it needs… and just accept that I might never know that directly.

Learning with ADHD is often akin to tending to a garden and watching as the flowers bloom.

- differentbutsimilar7893

[elshells]

🫂- What was your inspiration for your WIP?

Thanks for the question! I think I've answered this before but it's lost to the void now so I'll happily answer again!

EMBR of the Earth: Years and years ago (I don't remember how old I was, maybe early teens), I was trying out my uncle's VR headset. There were a bunch of simulated scenarios to experience that lasted maybe two minutes; you could explore a sunken ship, walk with dinosaurs, ride a roller coaster, things like that. But the one that I tried was about an extraterrestrial encounter. It was a simple concept. You were just alone in this forest at night, walking past the wreckage of a spaceship. Everything was quiet until you hear a noise, and then you see a robotic shape in the distance and round, glowing blue eyes watching you. And that's how the scene ended; the rest was left up to your imagination. I didn't actually start writing EMBR until years later, but I thought about that scene a lot and it definitely spurred forth a lot of ideas and speculation about where I wanted the story to go, even if I haven't found a clear path yet.

Agent Ace: It's a combination of reworked fanfic and a Wattpad writing prompt. When I first started sharing my writing online, I wrote fanfiction and then branched out to original fiction (bonus points if you can guess which fandom I wrote for!) Back in the day, when I was primarily a Wattpad user, I participated in writing contests run by Wattpad officials (I don't do that anymore because those competitions became sketch as hell). One such contest was to write a novella in the span of (I think) six months, based on one of the many writing prompts offered by the judges. I don't remember what my prompt specifically said, but the gist of it was that a detective infiltrated a vigilante group. I had been flirting with the idea of writing a superhero story for some time before this, and so it felt like the perfect time to jump into a new project! At this point, I was solely writing original fiction, but I ended up reusing some plot beats from my old fanfiction that got me started. That's the only element of that story that stayed the same; characters, setting, and everything else developed on their own.

Encore: The idea for this one came from my era of watching YouTube let's plays. I love playing horror games, but I don't have a PlayStation, so if I was interested in a game that wasn't compatible with the Xbox, I would look it up online and watch other people play it. One of these games was called Until Dawn, which, if you haven't heard of it, is basically an interactive horror movie. You play as a cast of cliche teenagers trying to survive monsters in the mountains, and there are multiple endings based on how well you did (i.e. how many people died). One of the characters (I think her name was Sam) was unique in that she was designed to survive no matter what choices you made, at least until the big climactic scene at the end. If you made one wrong move, she would die, but that was literally the only way you could kill her, so it was like she was the game's 'Final Girl.'

During the credits, there's a cut scene where she's in a police interview after getting rescued, and depending on your actions and on who's still alive, she blames herself for the death of one of the other characters. She says something along the lines of, "It was my fault that he died, and I would do anything to stop it from happening." Later on, this line got the wheels in my head turning. What if the Final Girl wasn't the only one to make it to the end? What if she could save the others? And what would she give to subject herself to the horrors all over again if it meant that she wouldn't have to be the last one standing.

Enter time travel, Final Girl Cece Harper, and the contract binding her to a shady musician, and the rest is history. :)

[radellama]

the fun section of the writer's ask game

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

MY OCS ATM. AND THE VERSIONS OF EVERYONE FOR MY STAR TREK AU. I put a lot of effort into them and making them feel real and understandable within their story!

Harland is super fun to write cause it's a chance to explore a world and characters I love while being respectful of the canon of the game, but seeing what aspects I can go further into with Harland. And all the snippets of Abe and Orc I've started writing is just AUGHHH THEY'RE COMING ALIVE!!!!

22. Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

Magland... Abe and Orc...... There's some I want to write, like Leon x Ada or Hylink (again.... Sigh....) that I think I'll have fun with. I just like writing pairings that have interesting dynamics or bounce off each other in silly ways

23. Favourite author

Ahhh man. It's hard to say cause I feel like I haven't read anything consistently enough lately to say for sure. I can say when I was younger I really loved CS Lewis and as a teen I really enjoyed what little I'd read by Niel Shusterman, and maybe throw in Adachitoka for good measure

24. Favourite genre to write and read

SCI-FI / THRILLER ALL THE WAYYYYY BABBBEEEYYY

I like other stuff like fantasy and drama and whatever too ofc but like. NOTHING QUITE SCRATCHES THE ITCH LIKE THESE TWO, ESP IF THEY'RE A PAIR.

Sci-fi is soooo broad and fun, it's interesting when it's low concept or high concept and I like that it's so easy to inject philosophical dilemmas into the bones of the story and leave you thinking, and I like how interesting it is when you can draw parallels to current life (it's especially interesting seeing retro future sorta stories, both the fun aesthetics of 90s shit but also just seeing what people thought the scientific advances could be the further back you go, and seeing things that used to be sci-fi become just sci)

AND THRILLERRRRS.... I find them more interesting and scary than horror, though I've often been mistaken for a horror head even tho I feel like I don't watch horror that much... (Unless it's overlapped with thriller I guess lol) Idk I just find that the kind of stories you can tell when you drag out the tension and let the scares settle in to the atmosphere instead of demanding attention front and centre affect me more. I like when there's some kind of conspiracy or danger to work around and it gets more horrific with worse implications the further you claw into it. I want the fear to linger in my mind instead of only speaking to my body (think like how a jump scare isn't really scary other than startling you, vs something that actually unnerves you and gets worse the more you think about it)

I guess all that to say. I like thinking about things and want the story to haunt me with everything it's got. I want to still be thinking about it years later cause there was something in there that lingered....

25. Favourite part of writing

Already answered here

26. Favourite writing program

Libre, I guess? There's certain things I miss from Microsoft word/google docs but fuck them LMAO 🖕🖕🖕 I just wanna be able to write easily and have basic formatting options, ya feel. Libre does the job so I use libre

27. Favourite line/scene

Of my own writing?? I feel like I haven't written them all yet..

Here's a Wip of a scene I really love from much later in harlands story that I really love:

"Well aren't you just a bundle of contradiction." Flea mused.

"Pardon?" Harland asked.

Flea sauntered up to Harland, circling around him as he spoke.

"A friend to both sides of the war." He swatted Harlands hair from his shoulder, watching it fall as he avoided eye contact. "A pacifist whose work has made weapons."

Harland opened his mouth to defend himself, but flea dragged his finger across his chest. Harland couldn't help but get distracted as the general's nail tugged at his collar.

"I don't make weapons." He said, unable to hide the slight waver in his voice.

Flea pouted at him condescendingly. "You may not make them, but would they exist without you?"

Harland clenched his jaw.

"Even when you fight-"

"I don't fight." Harland interrupted.

"EVEN WHEN YOU FIGHT," Flea continued, "you are offensively defensive."

Flea smiled, enjoying Harland struggling to keep himself composed. He stood in front of him, tracing his jawline. "What a contradictory mess of a man…”

28. Favourite side character

Ummmm. Every single one. Idk. Too hard to pick from media but I can tell you that I really like the kitty cat baker lady, shy cow girl and orc's sister from Abe and Orc. And obviously, my most favourite side character from their story is the Penis Wizard

29. Favourite villain

MAGUS BABBBEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!!!! IHYRYGJPOGJOJGLVJB I NEED TO WRITE STUFF ABOUT HOW INTERESTING HE IS SOMEDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

Oh man there's so much. I will say it's my screenplay, Misled Millionaire, that was an integral part to making me wanna study film. I've planned so much without it feeling ready and I knew I needed to learn more to do the idea justice, and I still have hand written notes from 2019 that I kept, and even found the original quick note I wrote in my phone all the way back when I just had it as a silly little idea:

Reclusive millionaire searching for new life purpose, unlikely friendship with a fake psychic.

The story has changed quite a bit, but the gist of it is that a younger entrepreneur type is feeling lost and lacking despite ticking off so many boxes that should mean he's successful and happy. While he tries to find himself, he grows dependant on his new friendship with a little old lady who gives him fortunes, until one day he can't find her when he really needs her. When I've made progress on other stories, I'll write the screenplay and hopefully direct it myself! So no stealing my ideas!!

Send me some writing asks

[liminalpsych]

Treasuring the cringe

tl;dr: I found out that people are still reading a niche fanfic I wrote over the course of my entire adolescence, roughly two decades ago. But writing that story very literally kept me alive some days as a depressed, closeted teen, and so I treasure the story and have left it online even though I find it painfully, embarrassingly cringe-worthy at this point in my life.

Full story:

Just the other day, I joined a Discord about fanfic from my very first active fandom. I wanted to see what the fandom was like nowadays (I was honestly surprised to stumble across an active Discord server) and if there was anyone from back in my day. *shakes cane* “Back in my day” (in the fandom) was 1997-2005 or so. Maybe even later, through some of college. Age ~11 or 12 onwards.

I mention all of this, and the person in the chat says, “I think there’s not a lot of people here you would know of — most of us are new, young people who might not have been born in 1997” lololol okay thanks, I’ll just feel old then*.

They ask me if I’ve got any experience with fanfiction in the fandom. I answer yes, because my longest story I ever completed was in that fandom (worked on it from ~13 y/o right up until I turned 19), at ~110k words or so. They ask for a link.

Me: Ahahaha oh no, i wrote it over the course of my high school years and it’s … not held up but uh. Might still be on ye olde FFN, lemme see if I can find it

Me: anyway, please don’t judge me, I was young and dealing with a lot 😉 *links the fic*

Other person: Oh look it’s that one!

Me: oh no

Them: I’ve read it multiple times!

Me: oh whew

Them: It’s the top place on the TV Tropes Fanfic Recs page for the fandom

Me: …I can never show my face in the fandom again.

Another person chimed in with a very lovely reframe: "Be proud of younger you, for if not for them you would not be the person you are today."

Which is indeed a large part of the reason I haven't deleted that fanfic from the internet. Certainly it's divorced from my current internet presence, because I find it painfully cringe-worthy, and still get embarrassed when my memory presents me with some of the more questionable plot choices.

But when I felt the most despair, when I just wanted everything to stop, when I wanted to just not feel like this anymore, I grabbed onto any silly little thing to keep going. Just one more day, and then another.

And the fact that I hadn't finished the story was one of those silly little things that kept me going.

"I can't die yet, I owe it to my characters to finish their story."

"I can't die yet, people have been reading this story and deserve to get an ending to it first."

"I can't die yet, then I won't ever find out what happens." (I was a pure discovery writer/pantser at the time.)

So I let it stay up, because it was an important, influential part of my life, and in a way it saved my life on multiple occasions. And a story written over the course of several years, during a time of rapid personal growth and identity development, is a fascinating reflection of the that process.

I look back and I can see the anger I was denying in myself, the anger I couldn't express in my daily life, all expressing through the main character. I see an exploration of the relationship with my parents and authority and imposed morality and the hypocrisy of the structures imposing that morality, all things I was struggling with at the time. I see a reflection of my own trauma, the toxic family dynamic I grew up on, drawn in abstract allegory without even realizing it. I see the struggle with my own sexuality, closeted even to myself but showing up on the page. I can even see hints of my still-in-the-egg gender identity showing up in some of the narrative choices and POV characters, though I don't think anyone else would recognize it as such.

15-20 years later, I'm in such a better place. I'm consciously aware of many of the things I was subconsciously or unconsciously expressing as a teenager. I have a lot more hope, and a lot better relationships with myself and others now.

If you have access to your very early writing, it can be a cringy but valuable, insightful process to go back through it and see what you notice now. Things that were subconscious or unconscious at the time, but showed up in your characters, storytelling, genre, plot, dialogue.

* I don't actually have qualms about getting older. I was the youngest in my various friend groups for most of my life, so it's nice not to be the young one anymore. And you could not pay me enough to go back to my adolescence or my 20's. My thirties have been pretty great so far. I expect my forties will be pretty good too.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

(about my prisoners taking the change "better": they're just good at pretending like everything is fine! trust me, kei has left the cafeteria with shun (eiko is still there) and he's currently having a breakdown in his cell DJDKSLSLSL also, sure, most of them like miki, but not a lot of them like eiji. so yeah, some of them are actually happy that they got a new guard even though they lost miki)

Eiji doesn't like Akane's tone, but Miki stops him before he can say anything to her. She doesn't want this to start with a fight.

"We tried our best to find any clues, but.." Miki shakes her head. "T-there weren't any.. Sorry. About the instructions.. Um.."

She looks at Eiji for a moment. She needs him to say something this time. He sighs.

"I guess, if Guard 002 thinks we should get to know you all better, we can try and interrogate you all later. I don't know if you were in the middle of the second trial or it just started, but it looks like we have to do your original guard's work now."

Miki meanwhile notices Ichiro and she gets confused for a moment, but she realizes that he's probably talking about a stuffed animal.

"O-oh, sorry, I haven't seen it. Did something happen to it? We can look for it if you want." She smiles.

It's okay, she's used to dealing with prisoners like him and usually they quickly start to listen to her once she shows that they don't have to worry about anything when she's around.

"I want him back," Ichiro doesn't answer Miki's question about something happening to Keiko. "He's about this small, very squishy," he holds up his hands to show an estimation of Keiko's size. "Grey," he adds on as an afterthought, as if the guards couldn't have guessed.

"We're halfway through the second trial," Haku helpfully informs Eiji. "Yui-san hasn't been interrogated yet."

"You didn't have to tell him that," Yui snaps. What? Is Haku telling Eiji that just so he won't have to be interrogated again?

"Say, pretty lady," Daisuke pops up beside Miki, leaning in a little closer. "You just got here and you're throwing yourself into stressful guard work already? How about taking today off just to explore the place? Maybe it's a lot different compared to wherever you were before this." He glances at Eiji from the corner of his eyes, smirking playfully. "And I think someone could use the rest."

[buckyownsmylife]

Don't Breathe - Chris Evans smut

The one where your best friend and your boyfriend are fucking behind your back.

Warnings: smut, cheating, chris x your best friend, humiliation?, chris is an asshole in this, exhibitionism, the betrayal is real

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: this is sort of a companion piece to breathe, hence the same picture. While that one explores the extremes of loyalty, this one explores the extremes of betrayal. I also couldn't bring myself to create another moodboard. I wrote this story in one sitting, in the last anxiety episode I had and it helped me get to the place I am today - a better place than I was before, so while I'm grateful for it, I'm only publishing this to give myself some closure. I haven't edited it. I haven't asked anyone to beta read it for me because I simply can't look at it anymore. But it might help some of you, and it might even arouse some others (yes, there are people who have cheating kinks. Let's all be grown-ups and accept that sexuality is a complex and difficult thing. I won't accept kinkshaming in this blog). I only ask that you do not ask me about this story, how it came to be or any sort of part two's because I literally can't stand to look at it. Thanks, you guys!

“Bitch really has no idea, huh?” Chris chuckled as he welcomed his mistress on his lap, licking his lip at the sight of the voluptuous body on top of his. He’d been dreaming about it for a while now, imagining it was her he was fucking when she was away and he had to fuck his girlfriend.

“Not a clue.” He was a bastard, he knew it. He was a son of a bitch, a good for nothing. He didn’t deserve to ever be happy again, not after this, but he couldn’t come to regret it. Not when your best friend was rubbing her cunt against his dick so sensuously, tempting him with her full pout and big breasts.

“She’s always been dumb,” she commented, like she wasn’t speaking about the woman she claimed to love more than anything in the world. Maybe that should have worried Chris, but for whatever reason, it just made him harder.

He really wasn’t worth shit.

“Can’t even figure out that every time we disappear at a party, I’m really just sucking your dick.” Chris chuckled as he buried his thumb on her mouth, chuckle turning into a groan as the beautiful woman twirled her tongue around his digit.

“I mean, this was how it started, wasn’t it, baby?” He reminded her. “You ditched her in the middle of the club to meet me in the bathroom and offer some help with the package I’d been hiding in my pants… Didn’t even have the time to doubt it before you were dropping to your knees and crawling towards me.”

The little vixen smirked at the memory, face suddenly lighting up as she let go of my dick to get out of bed. “Hey!” He complained, still smiling because he could see she was up to no good. “Where are you going?”

She had my phone in her hands when she climbed back to bed, a perfectly plucked eyebrow high in her forehead as she typed away in it. He’d never let you learn the password but what could he possibly hide from his mistress?

“Call her.” It wasn’t as much a request as it was a statement, since when she threw the phone on his chest, it was already ringing. A panicked look broke free on his face before he shook his head, smirking at her insanity.

Goddamn it if it didn’t make him harder than he’d ever been before.

“Hello?” Your sweet voice was the perfect dichotomy to the act he was partaking in, and he had to bite his lip so you wouldn’t figure out what was happening as your best friend leaned over his cock to take it in her mouth.

“Hey, honey,” Chris greeted, trying to keep his voice as smooth as possible. He could totally do this. He was an actor, after all.

“Is something wrong?” You questioned, and for a second both him and your friend froze, fearing you’d heard something. “You just left, I figured you wouldn’t call me until tomorrow.”

Chris chuckled lightly at your innocence - and the clear happiness you felt at him deciding to call so soon. He already knew what to say to plunge the knife even deeper into you.

“Oh, you know…” He trailed off, biting his lip again as your best friend swallowed his cock. “Just missed you.” He didn’t miss the smirk on her eyes. She didn’t need to speak or even stop sucking him for him to know that she was enjoying this, so he kept going, entertaining you with mindless conversation until you remembered you actually had to call her.

“Oh, I promised I’d call her… We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” You assured him, blissfully unaware of the betrayal you were suffering. “Bye, baby. I love you.” You disconnected the call before he could even lie about that too, but a few minutes later her phone began ringing.

She was still giggling when she picked up, now having stopped sucking him to rub her tight wet cunt against him again, teasing them both. “Bitch, you’ll never guess,” she greeted as soon as you said hello, and just as you asked what was up, she lowered herself down on Chris’ cock.

Your man’s cock. While she was talking to you. “I’m fucking someone right at this second.” He could hear your stunned silence, but you knew your friend had always been crazy - especially sexually.

It was the difference between the two of you that made him so obsessed.

“And he doesn’t mind?” You asked, clearly surprised, and Chris almost laughed when your best friend answered, “Oh, no. He gets off on it. Would you mind staying in line and listening for a bit? He’d really enjoy it.”

You hesitated only for a moment before agreeing, and that’s when she allowed herself to moan out loud. “God, what a fucking dick!” She cursed, fingernails gripping his pecks as she rode him for dear life. “I swear to god, you have no idea how it feels like to be fucked like this.”

You remained silent. Chris could almost picture it, the way you had one fingernail in your mouth, chewing on it as you tried to decide between keeping your promise and listening to your best friend fucking (your) man or leaving the phone on and going to do the laundry.

You were such a perfect girlfriend. So devoted, everything Chris should marry. His family loved you - hell, he thought he loved you. And here he was, fucking your best friend while you listened to her moans of pleasure.

He felt her eyes trailing down his body and he already knew what she wanted. They were a perfect match in bed. He manhandled her onto her stomach, knowing you were listening to her surprised scream and loud moan as he penetrated her from behind.

“So, so good…” She moaned. Chris had no doubt her eyes were rolling to the back of her head. “Would you ever stop fucking me, baby?” She teased, making Chris chuckle, knowing the sounds of his hips slapping against her full ass were drowning his voice from you. “Would you ever stop fucking my tight little pussy?”

He leaned over her, body completely enclosing hers in bed when he gripped her jaw to whisper in her ear. “Not a chance in hell.” Her delighted moan made it all worthy to him. He pulled out of her to turn her around once more, spreading her legs so he could have a taste of her pussy.

Eyes connected, he watched her reach for the phone and take it off the speaker so she could talk to you properly. “This guy eats pussy like a pro,” she informed you while Chris grinned between her legs, her fingers tangled in the strands of your boyfriend’s hair. “And he tells me it’s the best pussy he has ever had, don’t you, baby?”

Chris could only nod, obsessed with the taste of her sweet pussy on his tongue, the loud sounds of slurping undoubtedly reaching you. He could only imagine how you were feeling, confused and maybe a little bit aroused. It was like sound porn, after all - and it was starred by your very own boyfriend, but you had no idea.

He hummed against her pussy. You could never taste as sweet, try as you might. Even her painted lips tasted better, and he knew it wasn’t because of the lipstick she wore since you two often shared.

She moaned loudly when he shoved two fingers inside of her, having memorized her sweet spot ages ago, when this still made him feel bad and he’d often hurl when he got home to find you in bed, waiting for him.

And yet, he couldn’t stop. He waited for her to turn off the call so he could climb back up her body, kissing every inch of the way until he was buried deep inside her tight pussy again.

“You make me crazy,” he whispered, knowing this would never be enough. He would never get his fill of her. He might love you in one way or another, but he wanted her, and he would never let her go.