#i haven't been on here properly in like a week i feel so bad that my 'coming back' post has to be abt such a serious topic

[peachsayshi]

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ blessings ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

↬ summary: nanami kento tries to be the perfect husband and father but when a tough night fighting curses ends badly it results in nanami snapping at his daughter. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ minors / ageless / blank blogs (dni) ↬･tags: nanami x female reader; hurt/comfort; nanami has a daughter; domestic drama; being a jujutsu sorcerer is hard; momotarō is a famous Japanese folk tale :c ↬･ wc: 3,383

↬ notes: hi, everyone! I'm currently not really active at the moment so please don't feel disheartened if I haven't been responding to your messages or tagged posts. I'm taking a small break and only coming online for a bit to catch up on some messages, read fics or queue posts. I'll be back to properly posting and interacting soon but in the meantime I wanted to share that I finished up this draft over the weekend. I was actually debating if I should post this but then just decided to go for it! sending all my love xx

nanami’s head is heavy, completely clouded with despair, and it tints his brown eyes a shade of murky gray. the walls of his beautiful home feel narrow, almost claustrophobic, which explains why he’s struggling to catch his breath right now. stepping into the hallway, he instinctively peeks into the dining area to find you and his daughter eating dinner together. she’s sitting on the chair, her legs far too short to even touch the ground, holding a half eaten onigiri between her small hands. you are by her side, sneakily tidying up after her as you brush away the stray beads of rice trickling onto the table. 

a little glow blooms in nanami’s heart at the sight of you both but there is a vicious creature residing in the pit of his stomach that veils the bright light away. 

he quietly takes off his jacket, his bruised fingers loosening the tie around his neck. he clears his throat before announcing with exhaustion to you both that he’s finally home. 

your eyes meet his, the muscles on your face falling immediately. he can practically feel the blood rushing through your veins as worry washes over you. the reaction makes his chest uncomfortably tight, but he knows that he can’t hide his expressions around you like he used to. 

you both move together so fluidly now, like a single body of water that ebbs and flows to its own natural current. 

he escaped the night’s fight with a few cuts and a couple of bad bruises, but there is currently a student on shoko’s table who barely made it through. the young man arrived at jujutsu tech only a couple of weeks ago, but his naive and charismatic qualities turned into fatal flaws in the world of sorcery.

he bit off more than he could chew by trying to take on a special grade curse.  

shoko promised nanami that she would heal the boy, but admitted there was only so much she can do in regards to the aftermath of his injuries. the sorcerer couldn’t bare to leave him behind, but gojo refused that he stay and insisted that he return back home to his pretty wife and adorable daughter immediately. 

“I’ll handle things from here,” is what his superior said, while nanami’s guilt climbed up his throat. 

that student was his responsibility... 

...and he failed him entirely. 

“papa’s home!” his daughter chirps. the pitch of her voice ringing in nanami’s ears to pull him back to the present and far away from the scene where life and death were dancing together in a tango.  “papa, look, look...mama and I made onigiri!” 

her feet bounces up and down, and there’s a touch of a pink against her cheeks when her mouth stretches into a beaming grin. the innocence in her eyes makes nanami falter and he can feel himself falling deeper into the abyss. for a minute he resents himself for selfishly bringing such a beautiful thing into this world, only to gamble with the fact that she may potentially be in his shoes one day. 

he begs for that outcome to never happen, beseeches whatever higher power above him that exists to spare her from this life. she should never have to go through this, never have to experience these heartbreaks that only wither a person down. 

“I can see that,” nanami replies in a low voice before shifting his attention to his feet. 

right now, he can’t stomach an ounce of her purity, and it radiates around her like a halo. she's so unbothered by his presence, so completely unaware of the sudden change in the atmosphere around her... 

“we made tuna, salmon, and veggies...” she babbles on. 

“how nice...” nanami curtly interrupts, before anxiously running his fingers through the strands of his messy blonde hair. 

“which one do you want, papa?” she questions eagerly, pointing her sticky hands at the plate to show off the selection of triangles. 

“sweets,” you interject just as nanami turns on his heel to walk in the other direction, “how about we finish up eating our dinner, and we can save some for your daddy tomorrow...”

“nooo!” she whines far too loudly, which forces nanami to stop dead in his tracks. he glances over his shoulder to see her puffing out her bottom lip with disappointment, “you said...you said we make it so we eat together!” 

she’s only six. 

she can’t perceive that her father is struggling to hold himself together. deep down inside nanami knows that, but it isn’t enough to keep his cool. he doesn’t know why his daughter’s insistence causes him to pinch the front of his brows with annoyance or why he shoots a frustrated look in her direction. 

he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly picturing shoko calling the student’s parents to deliver the news that the man who was supposed to protect their child was unsuccessful in his duty. 

he doesn’t know why he feels at fault for everything that happened, even though the circumstances of the events were completely out of his control.  

he doesn’t know why he’s imagining himself on the receiving end of a very similar call, or why he can’t stop picturing his precious daughter on that table instead…

all of this pummels into him, and the monster emerges out from it’s cave.  

“be quiet and stop making such a fuss.” 

his voice comes out sharper than expected, and the expulsion of his frustration allows him to see the crystal clear picture before him. 

the room is dead silent. 

your face is in full shock at the hissing tone of your sweet husband snapping at his darling baby girl who he only ever speaks to with a gentle voice. 

what truly unravels nanami is the look that his daughter is giving him - her angelic features are sullen, but her eyes remain wide with surprise. her bottom lip is slack, and the only sound he can hear is her uneasy breathing. her eyes, the most beautiful gems in existence, twinkle as tears begin to form and she tries to quickly blink them away before turning her attention back to her plate.  

nanami doesn’t know he managed to stop time itself but the three of you remain frozen in place. 

he regrets his words immediately. 

he wants nothing more than to pull his precious girl close into his chest and smother her with apologies. the part of him with sense tells him to follow through and make things right with her, but instead he begrudgingly continues to wallow in his own self pity as he walks over to his room. 

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

the house is unusually quiet now, the music of domestic joy morphing into hushed murmurs and whispers outside your room door. you settle your crestfallen daughter into her bedroom before moving to check on your husband next. 

fresh out of the shower, nanami is seated on the edge of the bed with his exhausted eyes pressed firmly into the palms of his hands. he exhales a heavy breath, his dirty work clothes still piled just outside the bathroom, and your heart nearly collapses seeing him in such a state of disarray.

you kneel before him, two hands sliding across the soft material of his sweats as you brush them along his thighs before carefully bringing them up to circle around his wrists. 

“kento?” 

he allows you to pull his palms away but your throat constricts when a band forms tightly around your neck. you swallow the lump with an upturn of your brows as you are greeted with red, exhausted eyes. you cup that handsome face in your hands, your thumbs sweetly motioning back and forth across his cheeks as you try to soothe the tension away. 

after all this time together, it hurts you to see that he still tries to hide his tears. nanami constantly holds himself to the highest standard, always ensuring that he can solidify himself as the rock for you and your daughter to depend on through thick and thin. it’s so rare for you to see him crack, to watch him crumble under the overbearing weight of the things that he is burdened to carry. 

“you had a rough night,” you point out in a low, sympathetic voice and he simply just nods his head in acknowledgement. 

his eyes flutter close again when you lean forward to press a tender, reassuring kiss on his brow. “you want a talk about it?” 

the way his voice shakes makes you shiver, but you tentatively listen as he relays the events of the night before finally concluding that satoru called him only a few minutes ago to reassure him that the student in question is alright. 

“he lost an eye, but at least he’s alive...” he concludes somberly, the warble in his final statement prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck as you pull him in for a protective hug. 

nanami receives it with gratitude, strong arms circling around your waist as he buries his nose into the crook of your shoulder and breathes in.

your scent is a reminder of his permanent sanctuary.

a safety, a reassurance of home.

you stroke his blonde locks between your fingers until he exhales, "i'm so sorry," he breathes, "I...I didn't mean to snap like that..."

a tiny smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and you unravel yourself to cup his jaw into your palms once again. "I appreciate the apology, but I don't think I should be on the receiving end of it..." you hint sweetly.

nanami closes his eyes guiltily. "I'm a horrible father."

you click your tongue with disappointment, your face falling as your disapproval pinches between the space of your brows.

"you're just human," you remind him defensively, "you're a wonderful father, the best man that our daughter can look up to"

"did you see the look on her face?" he replies, his voice unnaturally small. the tender expression he gives you is filled with regret, and it's enough to make your heart ache all over again.

"kento," you contend, "don't do this to yourself. we're both going to have days where we mess up, but that doesn't mean that the problem can't be fixed."

you thread his hair between your fingers, like your brushing through rays sunlight. "she's waiting for me to read her a bedtime story," you explain, "but I'm sure she would rather be with you instead..."

"I doubt that," your husband replies as he reaches for your hand to kiss the inside of your palm.

"we will always love you, kento," you answer back, "unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

he didn't even know how desperately he needed to hear that, for your certainty to remedy away all his sorrows, until they actually left your lips.

your husband's throat tightens, tears pricking his eyes once more but he hides them away when he leans in to seek out a kiss from the woman whose heart he deeply adores.

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

nanami leans his shoulder against the frame of his daughter's room. his heart patters lightly, making him realize that he might actually be nervous. it's strange, he thinks, that he would feel hesitant to approach his own child considering that he was her guardian but nanami had never allowed his professional life to fracture into his personal one like this before.

she's seated on the floor next to a pile of books and her stuffed rabbit secured tightly underneath her arm. there's a warmth in his chest when when he makes note of the soft toy, because he purchased that himself the day she was born and the pair have been inseparable ever since.

he clears his throat, bringing his scuffed knuckles to gently knock on the door.

"my love?" he calls out to her.

his daughter perks up, her breathing changing slightly as it rises and falls with a hint of apprehension. she glances over her shoulder to see him.

"where's mama?" she asks, her question shattering the man into a million pieces at her subtle dismissal.

"taking a shower," he answers cooly, "but I'm here to get you ready for bed..."

her lovely eyes refuse to lock into his own, and she simply tucks her lip between her bottom teeth to avoid giving nanami a reply.

she looks so much like him when he was a child. he remembered when his parents used to scold him too, and how he would also hide away in his room. the only difference is that nanami's parents were far more traditional - a time where elders were never submissive to young hearts.

"may I come in?" he requests politely, ensuring that his daughter knew she had a choice if she wanted to speak to him.

her nostrils flare slightly while she considers him, but to his relief she nods her head eagerly.

nanami steps into her room, always feeling largely out of place amongst her things. "did you find a story for bed?" he asks.

she again quietly nods her head and picks up her favorite book; a compilation of japanese folktales with beautiful illustrations. you both have been reading one for her each night ever since she got it it as a present from her grandparents.

he crouches on his knees to meet her at eye level. "you've really been enjoying this one, haven't you?" he carries on, hoping to coax more words out of her.

“yeah,” she replies in the same mousy voice of uncertainty. she shifts her attention away when she stands on her feet, clutching onto the stuffed bunny tightly while her other hand swings the book by her side.

“and what tale are we reading tonight?”

she shrugs her shoulders with indifference, a hint of pink blushing her cheek. “I dunno. I…I can just until mama is ready…”

nanami visibly slumps. her rejection an entirely new painful experience that he's never endured before. he scratches the back of his head anxiously, finding himself at a loss for words. the seconds pass, an awkward bubble surrounding both father and daughter. it’s only broken when nanami exhales a sigh, and reaches his hands towards her waist to draw her into his frame.

“darling,” he addresses tenderly, “can you look at me?”

“no, you were mean…” she blurts out, her bottom lip trembling slightly.

nanami’s heart sinks.

that’s the first time he’s ever heard those words from her lips.

“I know,” he murmurs shamefully.

her mouth forms into a tiny button of a pout but she meets his eyes for the first time as he acknowledges his behavior.

nanami arches forward to kiss her forehead, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, sweetheart. I’m so sorry if I upset or scared you”

she fidgets with the book in her hand. “did you not want onigiri?” she asks, her innocence tugging the corners of her father’s lips into a small grin.

“it wasn’t the onigiri, my love,” he reassures, “daddy just…had a bad day at work…”

“why was it bad?”

nanami sighs once again.

she still doesn’t know that he’s a sorcerer. you’ve both reduced his position to her by simply explaining that nanami “helps and protects people".

thankfully your daughter doesn’t pry too hard to ask any further questions.

“someone I know got hurt. so, daddy was a little shaken up when he came home…”

"shaken up?"

"scared, my love"

his daughter shakes her head in disbelief, “nu-uh, you never get scared, papa” she rebuts.

nanami huffs out a laugh, flashing her a full grin now as he brings his fingers to his chin to to ponder her sweet statement. he quirks his brow and cheekily replies, "we can't all be brave like you," in an attempt to lighten the mood.

his daughter narrows her eyes towards his hand, her mind instantly distracted with other things already. "you got hurt too papa!" she gasps, dropping the bunny by her side to point at his knuckles.

nanami glances at his fingers covered in red marks.

"wait!" she exclaims as she places the book by his side. "I have something!"

she spins on her heel and rushes towards one of her drawers. meanwhile, nanami just takes her in with his love soaked eyes, watching as she rummages through her stuff with determination until she scurries back his way.

"got it!" she squeaks with a smile, and to his surprise she jumps right into his arms with such nonchalance it nearly make him crumble on the spot.

your voice echoes in the back of his mind: "we will always love you, kento. unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

"mama bought it for me," she explains, regaining her father's attention once more.

nanami rests his cheek on her shoulder, and inhales her powdery scent as he keeps one arm warmly secured around her waist. he watches her peel off the plaster of the band aid, lbefore grabbing his hand and placing it unevenly over his knuckles.

"now a kiss!" she adds, as she brings his hand to her mouth and exaggerates a loud "mwah" sound for emphasis. "mama says the kiss is what makes it all better"

nanami instantly feels significantly better from this remedy of love. he extends his digits out, and looks at the hot pink "hello kitty" band aid that now rests comfortably on his knuckles.

"thank you, my darling," he coos and peppers her cheek with a few kisses before turning her to face him once again. "you made me feel a lot better"

she flashes him an equally large smile in return, showing off her missing teeth.

"I did?"

nanami chuckles as he scoops her up in his arms to give her a well deserved bear hug. she laughs as he stands on his two feet, and sheds away any lingering thoughts of apprehension that may have stuck.

"you always do," he reassures, his soul vibrating back to life when he feels her return his embrace. “you think you can forgive me for how I spoke earlier?”

“yeah,” she confirms and squeezes him just a little tighter. "I love you lots, papa"

"oh, my angel," he hums, "you have no idea just how much I love you too..."

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

after winding down from your evening pampering session, you decide to pass by your daughter's room to check on your little family. you peer through the cracked door to find nanami spread out on your daughter’s bed, with your daughter curled into side and her head resting on his chest.

“did I come from a peach too like momotarō?” you hear her ask, but your heart flutters at the sight of your husband’s pearly whites.

you’ll never get over how much you love seeing him smile with such genuine emotion.

“no,” you hear nanami reply calmly, his finger lightly holding the page open. “you remember your mother explaining how you used to live in her stomach first?”

“oh yeah,” your daughter replies with a hint of disappointment over the fact that she was not birthed from a piece of fruit as mentioned in one of her favorite folk tales.

“shall I carry on?”

“uh-huh,” she answers and she readjusts her position to get even more comfortable. "I think if we look hard enough we might find momotarō..."

"you think so?" your husband wonders with honest curiosity.

"I know so, papa!"

"how many peaches do you think we need to check?"

"hmmm," she mumbles, "maybe a million?"

"a million?" your husband dramatically replies, "that's a lot of peaches don't you think,"

"I mean, it's less than a billion..." she responds quite matter of factly.

you catch his gaze from between the door that’s ajar. his expression fully relaxes, and you smile knowingly in his direction at the sight of father and daughter making up.

“papa?” his daughter questions upon his sudden silence, but your husband keeps his focus on you as he hums in acknowledgement before replying, "you're not wrong, but it'll still be quite a challenge to cut through a million peaches..."

"we might need some help," your daughter adds on.

you blow him a secret kiss as to not interrupt further, and quietly close the door before heading back to your bedroom.

[eccentricallygothic]

| Too Sweet |

Description: You and Steve try to put 'it' in for the first time after his serum procedure. 

Pairing: Soft-Dark 40's Post-Serum Steve Rogers | Lover!You. 

Warning(s): Soft-Dark!Steve, 40's misogyny and courting bc let's be so fr, obsession, daddy kink, allusions to spanking, dumbification, power imbalance, corruption kink, fluffy smut, p-in-v penetration that y'all are STRUGGLING with, dash of breeding kink, they love each other, smut with plot.  

Note: @chxrryhansen 's new Too Sweet Steve edit is responsible for this and she doesn't even know it, pfft!

.

"Steve!" Your protest is half giggle and half whine as you wince before landing a punishing smack to your lover's shoulders. "Ouch!" His body is also vibrating due to the humor that the two of you find in this strange situation. 

"Come on, baby" he rasps out against your ear, his elbow that presses into your pillow besides your head causing it to dip towards itself. "I am trying my best here, bear with me a little" try he sure is doing. You can almost feel him fighting against his impulse to just fuck all and push inside your tiny entrance that has never faced a girth this big. 

"I knowww~" you whine as you press your knees against his sides that have become wide and muscular since the procedure. "But it's still ouchie" Steve sighs as he freezes the little bit of pushing that he was doing.

You feel bad, you really do. 

Because it is as hard for you to hold back as it is for him.

Pressed up against your lover that you haven't properly had like this in a week, your bare skins nearly leeched to each other's, one of his rough manly hands fondling your breasts as the one he's holding up his heavy body with strokes your hair to comfort you, the feeling of his stern muscles digging into the tender insides of your thighs and then his cock that you need to save your life at this point so close to your weeping walls yet so far away that you can lose your mind from the frustration. 

But it just hurts so fucking much! 

You had always thought your lover's size to be a decent one because it kept you satisfied and very happy. 

But now…

This. 

You did not want to be an ungrateful brat, as Steve would say, because you weren't a stranger to the valor that he held for his country and you had always done your best to cheer him on so you weren't to be misunderstood.

But good Lord above, they had swapped your cotton candy lover for a rough and tough beast who couldn't bear you being out of his sight for more than a few minutes. 

It seemed that whatever voodoo they worked in that fancy machine had also amplified his obsession with you, like everything else. 

Steve sighs as he kisses your cheek softly. You understand that he's a man and he has his needs that he has been compromising for a week because you recoil at the sight of his cock each time he tries to seduce you. "I've already stretched you out with three fingers, baby. At this point I might as well put my fist in there" you're on thin ice and you know it. 

No man is as considerate as he has been all these days as it is. 

Your cheeks burn and you flush hotly in embarrassment, letting out another whine as a result before landing a flustered punch on his arm. "I- It's not my fault if your fist would still be smaller than your dick!" Though your tone is one that has gotten you bent across his lap more times than you can count, the manner in which the indirect praise boosts his ego saves you this one time.

And his fingers weren't the easiest thing in the world either because they've grown three times their size!

"Aw, is Daddy's cock too big for your little baby pussy, honey?" You cannot help but let out a horrified guffaw as you cover your mouth, eyes wide. 

"Oh, my GOD, Steve!" He is grinning at how appalled you look because of his obscene words. "Stop with that! I told you the other day that it's not right!" You have no idea how, but two months ago your lover had picked up this strange pet name for himself that he liked to use whenever you two were having an intimate moment. 

"Oh, but baby" your back arches in an instant as you grunt and feel your claws fly to his shoulders that they dig into. He has started to push again. But your pussy is nearly as stubborn as he is, it seems. Because neither wants to back down. "Who put it in your pretty little head that you can decide what's right and wrong around here?" 

Your thighs tremble at the authority in his tone and you whine, feeling your ass cheeks clench at the way the girth of his tip feels around your sore band of muscles. Fuck, this is like losing your virginity all over again but only worse. 

You almost feel mad at yourself.

Because you're so wet and prepared.

Ready.

Just why can't it go where you need it most?!

"N- No…" The smell of his shampoo hits your nose when he dips his head into the crook of your neck to make a new love bite, both to try and distract you as well as mark you as his. "D- Didn't mean that, Shtevie, sowwy~" you mumble meekly and he deeply hums against your skin. 

"Good girl" if it weren't for the way in which one of his hands lovingly caress your scalp, you would have teared up due to how small you suddenly feel. "Now shush up for Daddy and let him do this bratty little pussy in" an involuntary gasp leaves you again but you suppress it by kissing his moist temple so he can't hear it and think you are being disrespectful. Your baby pussy has irritated him enough this past whole week already. 

"Owiee…" You grunt again as you feel it breach its way into the initial curve as it has been doing for hours now. "S- So big, Daddy" what? No! You're not like your naughty lover! Y- You're just trying to somehow calm him down so you don't get in trouble! 

Like you did when you initially did not respond to his unrelenting advances in school and he ended up scoring really low in a test because of that so he dragged you out of drama class to bend you over and teach you a thing or two about manners and how to treat those who are nice to you. Then he made you apologize, kiss his cheek and cook him dinner at your house to make it up to him. 

You are glad he did that though, because Steve is your once in a lifetime and there can never be another like him. 

He just knows best. 

But that doesn't mean you are okay with getting punished just because your pussy is too tiny!

"Good babygirl" your lover grunts against your nipple that his mouth is latched onto now, hips doing their best to not damage you but still weasel his cock past the hard round shaped barricade of your pubic bone. "I know it's scary but you can trust Daddy because he knows that if that pretty little pussy can push out his brats one day, it can surely take this cock too." Steve loves how you shudder under him at the thought but still answer him Yes, Daddy. 

Because you are all his to do with whatever he pleases.

That is the reason why he shook hands with HYDRA and wiped out SHIELD the day he was transformed. 

Because HYDRA had promised him a comfortable future with you where he would not have to part with you for too long but still provide you the life that you truly deserved as his sweet little girl who loved and accepted him in a state that everyone had treated as a laughing stock. 

You were worthy of the world.

And he was determined to give it to you. 

.

I didn't mention the hydra plot twist up there because well, surprise! 

[mrs-kodzuken]

embers of love ⟢ atsumu m.

warnings: forgetful!tsumu, girlfriend!reader, arguments, mentions of best friend!osamu and bestfriend!suna, kissing-ass tsum tsum, fixing a relationship, mentions of proposing, cussing, angst to fluff to smut at the end (unprotected sex, creampie, rough but loving)

It's been two weeks since you've last had an actual, meaningful conversation or interaction with Atsumu. Being his girlfriend of six years, you had expected that he would always be attentive to his career more than you. Honestly, his career was very important to him, and you could see in some aspects if he slacked just a smidge with giving love. Some.

But this, this was ridiculous for him to be doing. You waited impatiently for Atsumu Miya to return home. The house you guys put a down payment for when things got rather serious, and you both realized that it is way better coming home to a home instead of an apartment.

You've known 'Tsumu since you guys were second years and then you both fell in love. Who knew that such young, sweet, innocent love would get you to where you are today?

You heard keys jangling into the keyhole of the front door and you remained in your spot on the couch you both went shopping for forever ago. The blonde man walked in, set his keys down on the tray, took off his shoes and started walking towards the bedroom.

It was as if he didn't realize you were even there. He probably didn't, the exhaustion radiating off of him in waves. It made you feel bad for what you were about to bring up, but it needed to be talked about before you cracked and brought hell to him.

"Atsumu," Your voice spoke out into the room, he stopped in his tracks. "We need to talk." You firmly demanded of the professional volleyball player.

He sighed, "Y/n, can we jus’ do this 'nother time? I'm fuckin' tired." His aggravated tone tore through you, fueling your anger even more.

Your face hardened as he tried to continue walking and ignore you.

"Miya, give me one reason why I should stay with your ass right now." You finally said the words you were so scared to say weeks back. However, you're done now, there's no going back for what you just said.

"’Scuse me?" He whipped around so fast, demanding to know where this suddenly came from. Not only had you referred to him as his last name but, you had spoken about leaving him? Were you out of your mind?

"You heard me. I'm tired of this shit." Your fists balled up, standing from your seat on the couch. You finally had his attention, and you weren't going to let it go now.

"What shit? Me goin’ ta work every single day ta provide a life fer us that ya wanted?" He retorted, crossing his arms obviously not wanting to have this conversation.

"Oh wow! You're so big and strong for going to work every day! I do the same fucking shit too, you ass. That's not what this is about. This is about how I haven't properly talked to you in two weeks and then before that it was almost a month!"

"Atsumu, I am your girlfriend. We've been together for six fucking years! Don't you think I'd want to see you, talk with you, love you?" You sounded exasperated with having to explain yourself as if he didn't see what had been going on through tired eyes.

"Ya know how important my volleyball career is 'ta me. 'S not my fault ya can't handle bein' by yerself." He scoffed, his words like ice to you.

You could've sworn your eye just twitched in anger.

"Why is this going over your head you blonde asshole. I'm saying that if you still want me here, want me to have my part in this relationship, then you also have to have yours." You seethed at him, entirely over his recent behavior because you didn't deserve it.

"I do, yer just so fuckin' needy. Dont'cha think that I should get a fuckin' break from havin' to do unnecessary shit when I hav'ta work late 'nd get up early?" His voice was beyond tired and ready to climb in bed and sleep. It was loud, bouncing off the walls and bouncing right into your ears.

Oh, he wanted to get loud.

"So, I'm needy now? Wanting the bare fucking minimum from a man who can't even see past his own actions to realize that he's about to be single is needy?" You scoffed at him, "I didn't realize that actually wanting you to be caring like how you were in high school was deemed unnecessary." You shouted, pushing past him to the bedroom, done with this conversation.

You had a bag packed already; it wasn't everything you owned because you didn't expect that you would actually get into a predicament like this. Perhaps staying one night over at a friend's place, not this.

You couldn't stand the tears that gathered in your eyes as you gripped your bag and tried to rush out of there. This has to be the worst argument yet.

"Now where tha' hell you think yer goin'?" He tried blocking your way, obviously still pissed and wanting to continue even if it didn't get anywhere. A habit that he possessed since high school that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get him to let go of it.

"Leaving." You didn't spare him a glance as you put on your shoes and grabbed a coat.

"Hah, don't fuck tha' first man ya see." He ridiculed, not caring that you were leaving because of him in the first place.

"Fuck you, Miya!" It sounded wobbly and raw, but you said it. You slammed the door shut and with it your heartbreak of the man you desperately loved and wanted to love you.

With a dial of your phone, you called someone who'd always let you crash at his place.

"Hello?" Suna's voice answered over the phone.

"Rin, can I please stay over tonight?" Your voice cracking, you knew you had to pull yourself together because this was the first time you've left like this and called Suna like this before.

"You're always welcomed here, you know that. What's wrong?" He asked, shuffling on the other side of the phone made you pause for a bit.

"'Tsumu and I had a bad argument." You didn't really want to get into it all over the phone, but it was almost a ten-minute walk to get to Suna's from your house.

Rin cursed under his breath and let out some other obscenities about Atsumu before speaking on the line, "You can stay here as long as you want, so don't worry. Have you talked to 'Samu yet?"

"No, no. Your house is closer and it, you know, it just happened and stuff so." You swallowed thickly, trying not to cry again over the hurtful words Atsumu is capable of.

"Okay, well, I'll be here and put the kettle on too. Want me to stay on the phone?"

"No, it's okay, Sunarin. Bye." You ended the phone call, using the last bit of time that you had to walk to his house to collect yourself.

You were sure that 'Tsumu didn't give two shits where you were right now, those hurtful words he said coming to the front of your mind. It was horrible to think that with a small conversation the behavior could have been fixed from him. It's not the first time either.

Fighting with Atsumu was pointless half of the time. He liked to be hurtful; he liked when it would get so bad too because he could say it was the heat of the moment instead of taking accountability. That really was a deciding factor if you did go the route of breaking things off with him.

God, that physically hurt your heart to the extreme.

Finally, you were at a safe haven for now. You didn't bother knocking on Rin's door, knowing he left it unlocked for you. You could feel the warmth of his house and it held a familiar smell too, like a home away from home.

"Rin?" You called, taking off your shoes and setting the barely packed bag at the entrance of the home.

"In here, Y/n." Rin spoke from the kitchen, nonetheless probably had the kettle on and tea ready for you.

Before even getting two steps into the room, you were engulfed in a tight hug. Rin was never one to really give hugs, only in special situations like this one for example.

"Wanna talk about it over your favorite tea that your best friend made for you because he cares?" Rin asked into your hair, trying to gauge your emotional state right now.

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine." You replied, not trying to let the new line of tears fall.

Within twenty minutes you were done explaining how long you've felt neglected by 'Tsumu and you hated using that word too. After thirty minutes you were trying to get Rin to not call Osamu, which would just make things worse for you.

"'Samu, you need to talk some sense into your shitty twin." Were the only words spoken by Rin before you tried grabbing the phone from him. That's when you got a facetime call from Osamu.

"Ugh, now look at what you've done. You made him facetime us." You rolled your reddish eyes at Suna who just put his hands up in defense.

"What happened, Y/n?" Osamu's face showed up on the phone screen, concerned tracing over his features most likely due to your appearance, you thought.

You sighed, "It's just 'Tsumu. We had a bad argument." You didn't really want to go into it in depth like you did with Suna only because looking at 'Samu was like staring Atsumu in the eyes.

"How bad? Need me ta' talk some sense inta' him fer ya?" The phone screen started blurring a bit as you watched Osamu start getting up and shuffling around.

"No!" You cleared your throat from embarrassment. "I mean, no 'Samu, that won't be necessary, okay? He just said some mean words and I did too so it's not like I'm all innocent either." You eluded eye contact to phone 'Samu until Rin shouted from behind you.

"Yeah, but he told her not to fuck any man she sees when she left, 'Samu." Rin's irritated voice spoke right after your own.

"Oh, that sonofa--don't worry, Y/n. I gotcha." And with that, the facetime call hung up. You stared at the black screen, not sure of what to do now either.

You groaned, "Rin, I don't want to think anymore tonight." You slumped on the expensive couch that he had. It had such a luxurious and soft velvet feeling, which could definitely be able to easily put you to sleep.

"Need me to get the drinks?" He asked, gesturing at the kitchen. Rin had his own bar in his house for some reason. It never failed to amaze you on all the hobbies he was able to pick up, and for this one it was bartending at his house.

"I'm good. I'm just going to shower and sleep, if that's fine. I don't want to deal with Miya's' shit anymore." And that made you pause. Did you really not want to deal with him anymore or was it his behavior?

Quite frankly you didn't know but you'd rather get black out drunk than think about it.

"Okay, well you know where everything is so. I'll be around if you need me. I'm here for you." Sunarin glanced back at you once more before leaving and it brought back memories of when you both were in high school too.

Suna was always there for you. Always knew how to crack you up and comfort you when you were sad. He's always been the best, especially when he welcomed you into the Miya twin's antics too.

While you were getting ready to sleep your sorrows away, Atsumu was ten minutes away wondering when you were going to come home. He's too proud to send you a text first of course, especially after those malicious words to you that he never thought he'd say to you.

He sat on the couch with his phone in his hand, his hair a mess after running his fingers through it to keep him calm. He was hesitant to text or call you to ask if you were coming home or going to leave him. That thought made his heart drop into his ass. So, he was about to dial the next best thing, his twin.

That's when he got a call himself from none other than his own twin. The blonde cursed under his breath, knowing you probably talked to 'Samu first.

"Hey, 'Samu."

"Don't 'Hey, 'Samu' me. I heard what ya said to Y/n. Now what tha fuck were ya thinkin' talkin' to a woman like that?" Osamu's voice came out in such an irritated, almost angry tone that it took aback Atsumu.

"She's tha one who talked 'bout leavin' me! 'Samu, is she at yer place? S’gettin' late, and she hasn't come back yet." He couldn't help but to run another hand into his already messed up hair.

"'Tsumu, get yer shit together or she's gonna fuckin' leave yer ass. And quite frankly? I don't blame 'er. Ya were bein' a real piece of dickwad shit ya'know?" 'Samu scoffed on the other side of the phone as Atsumu tried to beg once again of where you were at.

"'Samu, I know that okay?" He got up and paced around the living room. "I just, God, I don't know how ta' get her ta' forgive me when I was bein' like that."

"'M not goin' to give you all tha answers but ya need to make it up to her and actually be sincere about it. Now stop messin' around, you already bought a ring, dumbass. Ya watch yerself too, there's plenty of guys who know how to treat a woman right."

Before Atsumu could say anything or question what his brother meant by that, he heard the familiar beeping of the phone call ending.

"What tha fuck?" 'Tsumu thought aloud, even though there was no one home to hear him.

Before Atsumu could even let his brain process, his body was up and moving around. Soon, he realized he was making a little get-away for the two of you guys. It was like he woke up from a hazy dream he was sleeping in and needed to take control before he lost someone that he never thought he'd lose.

Soon enough, a get-away was planned for the two of you and Atsumu had made sure enough to spoil the hell out of you by leaving a lot of detailed instructions too.

He paid for a suite hotel room, ordered your favorite bouquet of flowers to surprise you in the bathroom, arranged a spa day for the two of you and a manicure and pedicure especially for you, champagne, and dinner reservations every night.

He also rented your favorite movies, shitty snack foods that you love, and he hates, rose petals in the room for when you both arrive and fake candles because he didn't want to accidentally burn down the room.

He only hoped that you wouldn't leave him the next time he saw you. Atsumu prayed to anything and everything that he would get another chance and be able to apologize to you before you could even say anything.

After collecting everything he needs and packing a bag for you and him, he was on his way to Suna's, determined to come to you and apologize the right way.

Atsumu knew you like the back of his hand, if you weren't with 'Samu then you were with Suna. The more he starts to think about how much he's missed you and hasn't really seen or talked with you in a while, it hurts. He could see why you wanted to dump his ass.

He had to make it right; he thought after he quickly parked and got out of the car. His skin chilled not only because of the weather but knowing you probably walked through this upset after he said words he wishes he could take back now.

Banging on the door, he didn't waste any time calling for you, "Sunarin! Open up, I know Y/n's in there!" He shouted, not caring that it was well late into the night either.

After a few moments of dogs barking and a couple front porch lights turning on due to his loudness, the door finally opened. Instead of Suna, like Atsumu originally thought, it was you instead.

The harsh knocking woke you up first since you had been sleeping on the couch and it's not like you could ignore it either. 'Tsumu was very adamant about things like this.

You opened the door quickly to cease his pounding on it and was met with familiar eyes that seemed to long for you.

"What do you want?" You cut to the chase, not wanting to hear the familiar sweet-talk he would always use to get out of you being frustrated with him.

"I'm-I'm here ta apologize ta ya Y/n." Atsumu's heart was pounding at the sight of you. Now he always thought you were beyond gorgeous but right now with your hair a mess and red, tired eyes he couldn't help but to feel terrible because he was the cause of this. Of your pain.

"Don't want to hear." You said, shutting the door, planning to ignore his advance of receiving your forgiveness. That is, until his foot was blocking the doorway.

"Please, please Y/n. Jus' let me apologize fer hurtin' ya. Please." He begged, wearing down at your already weary state. You were supposed to be pissed at him for the shit he's caused you, granted you have thought about ending things but now you're not so sure.

"Fine," You stated, leaving the door cracked to where you could shut it if needed be.

"Thank ya," He took a deep breath in before continuing. "I realized after ya left that I was bein' petty about our argument, and even before then too. I haven't been tha best boyfriend lately 'nd you deserve better from me. I'm goin’ ta be better fer ya startin' right now."

The emotion in his eyes as he started became thicker and so did the tightness in your throat. This was all you wanted, a promise that he would be better for you, so you didn't have to beg him to love you like you needed.

You didn't say anything, "I'm sorry fer spoutin' some shit like I did before ya left. I was jus' so mad and exhausted which isn't an excuse, I know." He ran a hand through his hair like earlier.

"I jus' hope ya can forgive me fer bein' so stupid. I realized that I could actually lose ya, yaknow? And that—it really scared me." He finished, hope and nervousness filling his eyes as he waited for a response, a movement, anything from you.

You took a sharp intake of air, "I was going to leave you, you know. I was tired of your shit and being treated like shit from you. I won't hesitate anymore the next time something like this happens, I'll just leave." You glared at the man who has your heart. You didn't want to forgive him but something so small, so tiny had told you to.

Atsumu looked so relieved as he blew out a sigh. "Thank ya, hon. Really. Thank ya so much." He reached through the door opening and hugged a bit of you that he could get.

Seeing your rugged state and blotchy eyes was something he never wanted to see again, especially if he was the cause of it.

"Can ya come with me?" He asked, in hopes of you saying yes. Since you had already stated that you weren't leaving him, his other part of treating you well was still needed to do.

You glanced backwards to make sure you both haven't woken up Suna and then nodded. You presumed that continuing what else that was supposed to happen would be best at your house instead of Suna's.

As you gathered your bag and folded the blanket on the couch, you sent Rin a quick text that you were headed home and would update him.

Getting into the warm car made you fight back the urge to fall asleep, knowing that you would be home within less than five minutes. However, that didn't stop the nulling of the ride from easing you to rest again.

Atsumu was thankful that you had fallen asleep in the car. The hotel was a few towns over, and he didn't really want to explain to you why he was taking a different route. Not to mention that it was the middle of the night too.

He was becoming tired after the hour and a half drive, but he fought to stay awake to check into the hotel and surprise you.

"Honey, hon, wake up." He nudged your shoulder, trying to wake you up gently.

"Hm? Are we home?" You asked, peeling your eyes open, except you weren't in your driveway. You were at a hotel; it was a very tall and large building at that too.

"Atsumu, why are we at a hotel?" You suspiciously asked, an eyebrow raised hoping that he didn't think he was getting lucky just because you forgave his behavior.

"Its'a surprise, come on honey. The valets are goin' to park our car fer us." He said, smiling and gathered a suitcase that you didn't even realize was in the backseat.

You followed along with your brows furrowed and confusion written all over your face. After checking in and getting the room key, Atsumu handed it to you, "I'll carry yer backpack too, ya can get the door, hon."

You assumed he was trying to be sweet and kiss ass since he hurt you but at the same time you felt bad because you had yet to apologize for your hurtful words to him as well.

The carpet of the floors was gentle as you walked down the long hallway and finally reached your room. Number 528 on the gold plate of the door.

You swiped the room key card, and the click was heard as you pushed open the ungodly heavy door. Immediately, you gasped.

The room was absolutely beautiful, red rose petals were scattered throughout the room, and fake candles lit up around the room as well. The lavender scent cascaded through it too, your eyes began to water, you couldn't believe that this was all for you.

"'Tsumu, did you do all of this?" You asked, breathlessly, your voice in your throat hitched as you turned towards him.

"Yes, I did. M’sorry fer hurting ya, hon, I promise. I'll be better fer ya from now on. I swear." You closed the distance between you and him as he let go of the door and it shut.

"I'm sorry too. I also said some hurtful words that I promise I didn't mean. I was just angry and wanted to be treated better by you." You sincerely said, happy now that apologies were out of the way, and he had gone out of his way to plan something like this for you.

"What about practice tomorrow?" You pulled back from the hug you had engulfed him in.

"I took some days offa work fer ya." He smirked his usual, "I gotta make sure ya feel loved yaknow?" Atsumu picked you up and carried you to the bed.

The white bedsheets were a stark contrast from the red rose petals you started playing with. 'Tsumu un-did the covers for you and tucked you in not before shutting the lights and getting in himself.

"I'm sorry this all happened so late, we should sleep in." He murmured from behind you. His warmth radiates like a heater to put you to sleep.

You didn't say anything about the half hard thing poking you in the back as you drifted off to sleep. Neither did 'Tsumu as he shifted his hips away from your ass to make you understand that he didn't expect sex from you.

"S'okay 'Tsumu." You mumbled before drifting to sleep with him holding you. He was glad you both made up, but he was more so excited to treat you well over these next few days.

After four days of gifts, love, and sweet-talking from Atsumu, you were getting needy, and you both knew it. It had started with him treating you to dinner every single night, breakfast in bed, kisses and random hip grabs throughout the days and even a spa day too.

It was like falling in love all over again from high school. This was the love you craved from your boyfriend. And naturally, it made you want to give him something special. Atsumu hadn't even been the slightest bit sexual with you since this little get-away had started, and that makes you feel all the wilder.

That's how you got yourself in the predicament now. You both were back into the hotel, getting changed for bed. You specifically wore your sexiest pajamas just for his eyes. He told you that tonight was a movie and snack night instead of fancy dining. You were all for it and enjoyed every second of being with him.

However, halfway through the movie, you couldn't help but to shift a lot more. Not really paying attention to the movie but to how you could tell you were having an effect on Atsumu.

You could see it as his jaw clenched and his eyes were fixated on the movie instead of how you were purposefully rubbing your ass on him with the excuse that you're just getting settled.

The dam broke for him and you when you didn't stop grinding on him but instead was using him to get yourself off and a moan slipped out. Suddenly the TV was shut off and you opened your lidded eyes to look over at your boyfriend.

"Y/n. What...?" Atsumu choked out, understandably trying to hold off on the need to make love to you.

"I'm sorry, 'Tsumu. I just want you so bad," You mewled, happy with the work you meticulously planned.

"Ya do? God, fuck, I've been waitin' fer ya ta say somethin'." Atsumu groaned out, as you gave him consent to whatever was about to happen between the two of you.

His strong hands flipped you around to your back and you gasped, forgetting that being a volleyball planner and hitting the gym a lot can cause him to manhandle you.

It's definitely been a while since you both have had sex.

He stuck a hand in your pajama shorts, realizing that you hadn't even put on any underwear either and groaned with need. His cock was painstakingly hard by now from your earlier ministrations.

"Fuck, yer so hot. So needy fer not wearin' any panties too." He chuckled with need.

Soon, you were positioned into a mating press, your legs folded against your naked chest. Above you, Atsumu was roughly giving you the pleasure you needed because with every thrust he gave, his trimmed pubic hair would rub your clit.

You couldn't help the moans that he tore out of you, missing the way he hurts you so bad by going a bit too hard.

"Uhg, fuck, I can't-" You moan to Atsumu, his eyes directly focused on the way his cock disappears inside of your pussy and the white ring you've formed on him.

God, he loved you.

"Yes, ya can. Yer not cummin' yet," He groaned as you squeezed him more when he started rubbing your clit in circles, which made your hips buck and head thrown back.

"Fuck, fuck, ah-" Atsumu's hips stuttered, the pleasure becoming too much and was on the brink of finishing inside your fertile cunt.

When your orgasm crashed onto you, your body shook, and legs tried to flail under his grasp. The tightness eventually stopped ‘Tsumu's thrusts as his hips bucked into yours as he came. You both tried to catch your breath but before Atsumu could stop his mouth he said, "Marry me." breathlessly to you.

Your head snapped out of the fog it was trapped in, and you widen your eyes, "What?" You finally out, your surprise of what he said taking over the moment.

"Marry me, Y/n. I love ya." Atsumu said, his hair damp and sticking to his forehead, his cock still inside of you, and the sweat from your bodies becoming much too hot.

"This isn't tha romantic moment I had planned, but m’serious 'bout marryin' ya." He firmly stated his hands on your hips as he gently pulled out of you to delicately pull you close to him.

"Uh, yes!" You laughed into his chest, what a dork.

You weren't expecting him to propose, especially when he got out of bed and reached into his black dress pants pocket and pulled out a fucking ring.

A huge ring at that.

Now your mouth was agape, you hadn't expected him to have actually bought the ring already. You teared up when he asked if you wanted to put it on, to which you nodded.

It fit like a glove; you were touched.

"I love you so much 'Tsumu, so much."

a/n: i hope you guys liked this! it was almost 5k words lol, i hope tsum tsum wasn't too ooc <3

[woso-dreamzzz]

Surgery IV

Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader

Summary: You have bad days

Sometimes, you have a bad day.

Sometimes, everything is so overwhelming that all you can do is sob and cry and kick your little limbs out because your magic wiggles refuse to come out any other way.

You had a bad day today.

You don't know why. All you really know is that the hot sun blaring down on you and the loud noises from the Barca girls practicing had you bursting into tears and screaming your frustration.

Mami and Ingrid brought you home after that but you couldn't calm down.

Tears still drip down your cheeks as you hide your face in Ingrid's neck.

You're lying in bed with your mummies. Mami's very gently running her nails up and down your back and Ingrid's gently scratching at the very base of your scalp.

Bagheera's here too, curled up on the other side of you and Ingrid. She's a little sleepy but she's awake and looking at you and you blindly run your fingers through her fur.

"Mama," You say softly when Ingrid stops giving your scritches.

"Hmm?"

"More, please?" You sniffle and Ingrid's fingers gently continue as you wipe some of your tears away on her shirt.

You're extremely drained today. Everything was simultaneously too much and not enough.

You go completely lax and limp against Ingrid, your fingers still buried in Bagheera's fur.

"Should we take her to see someone?" Mapi asks quietly when she notices that you're fast asleep," These have been happening more frequently than before."

"The club said they were could recommend her to a behavioural therapist. We wouldn't have to be put on a waiting list."

Even though you're asleep, Ingrid doesn't stop gently scratching at your head.

"Would it help? I thought we were doing well."

"We're doing so well," Ingrid says," But there's no harm in getting extra help with her."

You shift in your sleep, somehow burying yourself even more into Ingrid, pulling your knees up to your chest in some crude copy of how Bagheera's sleeping.

Your bad day turns into a few bad days and then, finally a bad week.

Not a day goes by where you don't cry or whine or feel like everything is going wrong at once.

Your days end exactly the same, curled up like a cat on Ingrid's chest as she and Mami whisper soft things to you to help you calm down.

Today though, Mami and Ingrid have a day off and instead of doing things you usually do like sit in front of the washing machine or playing with your trucks, Mami gets you dressed properly.

You usually stay in your pyjamas when you're having a lazy day but Mami getting you dressed means you're going out somewhere.

You don't like that.

Ingrid tells you that you have a routine for a reason. You think she's right. You like your routine. It's fun and it's safe and you know exactly what you're going to do every single day.

This trip is different. Usually, when Mami and Ingrid change your routine, it's planned for weeks in advance and they remind you every day leading up to it.

The fact that they haven't is a little weird but Mami once told you that sometimes things change randomly so you presume it's one of those times.

You hold Ingrid's hand as you all walk to a strange building and Mami talks to the reception person. It's a bit like going to the doctor's or the dentist you think because there's a little waiting room with magazines that you all have to sit in.

You don't relinquish your hold on Ingrid's hand and tug on it. "Mama?" You ask," What're we doin'?"

Ingrid smiles at you. "We're here to talk to someone as a family."

You frown. "About another cat?"

You've not been very successful in getting Ingrid to let you and Mami get another cat but you think you're wearing her down. Mami says you must always persevere and you don't quite get what that means but you have a general idea.

Ingrid laughs. "Sorry, cub, but it's not about getting cat. We're just going to talk a little bit to the nice lady about stuff at home."

"I have to talk too?"

"Not if you don't want to," Mami promises you," You can play if you want."

It doesn't take long for the nice lady Ingrid was talking about to come to collect you all.

Ingrid and Mami sit on a comfy looking sofa opposite the lady's armchair. You glance between them both before Mami rises again to lead you over to one of those toys with the beads and the twisty bit of metal going through them.

She sits cross-legged with you on her lap and gently encourages you to play.

You do.

But you're hyperaware of the fact that the nice lady is watching you even though you know she's not staring. She's writing stuff down on a pad as Ingrid talks and you play with Mami but she keeps looking back at you every so often and that's a little unnerving.

You scratch at your wrists, your little blunt nails doing little to stop the magic wiggles in your body.

Mami stops you and she gives you a pointed look.

"What have I said?" She admonishes gently," We don't scratch ourselves, do we?"

You shake your head. "No."

"And why don't we scratch ourselves?"

"'Cause it's not being kind to our bodies."

"That's right, cub." Mami presses a kiss to your hairline. "And we must always be kind to our bodies."

You nod and accidentally catch the nice lady's eye. She's writing something again and that makes your magic wiggles get a bit worse.

You don't like running around and exercising around people you don't know even though Mami and Ingrid say it's the best way to get out your wiggles so you very slowly make your way over to Ingrid.

Your hand clenches and unclenches before you thrust it out towards her. "Mama," You say," løve, please (lion)."

Ingrid digs around in her bag for a moment before pulling out your lion toy and handing it to you.

You thank her before quickly hurrying off to sit on Mami again.

Usually, you don't have to sit on Mami to play but your magic wiggles have been weird this week and keep making you cry so you want to stick close.

Eventually, the nice lady comes closer and sits opposite you and Mami at the play table as you start moving the yellow trucks around.

You ignore her for the most part as you play, keeping a tight grip on your lion.

"I heard you speak in a different language to your Mama," The nice lady says and you shake your lion under the table to get out some of your magic wiggles.

"Ingrid speaks Norwegian," You say as you make the truck slam into one of the walls you've built.

"Do you speak Norwegian?"

"Little bit." You get back to work rebuilding your wall so you can knock it down again.

"Is she teaching you?"

You nod. "Mami's learning too. I'm better."

"That's nice," The nice lady says," I heard you were having a bad week."

"My magic wiggles wouldn't go away. I cried."

"That must really suck."

You nod. "Mami and Ingrid makes it better. We cuddle with Bagheera."

"And who is Bagheera?"

"Our cat. Mami says if I try really hard then Ingrid will let us get another one."

The nice lady keeps nodding and she even plays with you for a bit before she goes back to Ingrid, who she talks to for a few minutes before returning to you.

She shakes a little box at you and you peer closer to get a better look.

"Do you want a sticker?" She asks and you look at Mami for guidance.

Mami nods her permission.

"You got a lion?" You ask," 'Cause that's what I am."

The nice lady laughs and, despite her staring problem, you think you like her. "I do have a lion. Would you like it?"

"Please."

She hands you your new lion sticker and you take Ingrid's hand as you walk out.

"Why'd we go and see the lady?" You ask.

"Well," Mami says," She was just making sure you were good and healthy."

"That's what doctors do. Why'd we go to a new doctor?"

"She's not quite a doctor," Mami explains," She looks after little girls who have the same superpower as you."

You think that over for a moment before turning to look at Ingrid. "Mama, did the nice lady say I was healthy?"

"She did. She also gave us some ideas on how to help you during your bad days."

You pull a face. "I don't like my bad days."

"I know, cub," Ingrid says," But we've got better ways to help you now so you don't have as many."

You nod at that before an idea springs to mind. You tug on Ingrid's hand. "Mama," You say," Do you know what would make my bad days good?"

Ingrid laughs. "What, cub?"

"A new cat."

[reidmoony-toast]

Strawberry Wine. ౨ৎ

"If I was empty space, and you were a formless shape we'd fit"

Spencer x fem singer!reader

The two times they miss each other, and the one time they don't

content: no use of y/n, fluff, pining galore

cw: lil suggestive? (She sings Chappell Roan)

wc: 2.4k

an: I've been cooking this up for a while, but life has been super busy, so I haven't yet finished the other parts. I'm very sorry if they take a few weeks to finish :[ Anyways, hope you enjoy! <3

| pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | series masterlist ౨ৎ

· · ──────────── ·𖥸· ──────────── · ·

He really wished he wasn’t here. He never should have begrudgingly agreed to Penelope’s crazy plans, no matter how much she bugged him about it. This was about as far opposite to his kind of thing that you could get.

The lights were bright–unbearably so; flashing so much he feared he would have an epileptic episode (if it weren’t for the small fact that he didn’t actually have epilepsy, but he digressed).

The large room was also deafening, filled with fans, all of them buzzing in anticipation. Penelope was not an exception–she bounced up and down like a rogue ball, shrieking in excitement close to every thirty seconds. He would know. He had been counting.

Although he would rather be at the very back (if he had to choose anywhere in this wretched place), Penny had physically forced him into the very front row, only a barrier separating them from the stage.

He didn’t know and definitely didn’t want to know how Penelope had acquired such tickets and at such short notice before the show. He had found that he was better living in ignorance of the borderline illegal habits of his best friend.

He had just endured half an hour of what Penny had called the ‘openers’. He was dismayed to hear that the performance was not the actual concert; he learnt that the hard way when he had asked Penelope if they could leave, which she replied to with a cackle, stating that the band that had just exited the stage was, in fact, not the main event of the evening.

He had buried his face in his hands and let out a loud groan. He only had himself to blame for being caught up in the ‘Garcia puppy eyes’ trap, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t whinge at least a little bit–or a lot bit.

He didn’t know much about this singer girl, only that Penelope was obsessed with her, bringing her up in conversation many a time. He admitted that he often didn’t fully (if at all) listen when Garcia gushed over her–he seemed to always zone out.

He had never properly heard her songs, only in passing when Penelope would blast music in her cave, and he didn’t even have a clue what she looked like.

He was mentally preparing himself for the next few gruelling hours, with Penny jumping up and down beside him, when the lights dimmed, sending the whole room into a frenzy.

He winced at the screaming and whooping coming from all around him. Smoke machines started emitting mist, covering the stage and fogging up the colourful lights. The crowd continued to roar, Penelope squealing next to him and gripping the railing of the barrier.

A figure emerged through the haze, the silhouette showing locks of hair cascading over their shoulders, clad in a silk slip dress that ended at the mid thigh, hugging their curves.

They started singing–a smooth, silky voice wrapped around him, making the room suddenly feel more bearable. He swallowed hard. The singing was beautiful. Sweet and rich, wrapping around him like a cosy blanket.

He raised his eyebrows with pleasant surprise. It was, admittedly, not bad in the slightest. He hated to say it, but he was enjoying it, a lot. More than he should, given that it was new-age pop, not the refined tones of classical music–his favourite genre by far.

All thoughts of music flew out of his head as the owner of the angelic voice stepped into the stage lights, allowing him to properly see her for the first time. His breath left his body as he took her in.

She was gorgeous, stunning–almost ethereal, as her other-worldy voice filled his cochlea, transmitting electrical signals through his nerve pathways to his primary auditory cortex.

Her hair shone in the light, giving her a halo of the highest grade, her bright lips curled into a perfect smile around her words, and her eyes shone with a million glinting stars.

He was utterly enamoured by her–every facial expression, every movement she made, every note she sang was all absorbed thoroughly by his wide eyes.

In no time at all, the first song was over, finishing with loud cheering and clapping from the audience. The angel grinned out at the sea of fans, soaking up the feeling.

Unlike Spencer, she was well and truly in her element, looking as though there was not where else in the world she would rather be.

He gazed in open-mouthed awe at the way she floated effortlessly about the stage–and, of course, that breathtaking smile that scrunched her nose and revealed the prettiest dimples he had ever seen.

He was snapped back to reality with a sharp poke in the side from Penelope, centering his gravity away from the girl on stage and back to where he stood.

“What?” He said loudly, an exasperated look adorning his face as he tore his eyes back to his best friend. She was smirking at him, arms crossed in front of herself.

“You have such a thing for her, I’m surprised you're not drooling right now,” she answered mockingly. He scoffed, dismissing her words with a wave of his hands as he faced the stage again, not wanting to miss a moment of the show. He heard Garcia laugh deeply at his half-hearted denial.

All thoughts of Penelope soon left his mind as the heaven-sent saint started to sing again, striking chords in his heart at every note.

The song came and went again, and Spencer wished they would not go by so fast, so he could see her for as long as possible.

The next song started with a more upbeat track, and the angel laughed, running back down stage, scarily close to where Spencer stood. “She was a, Playboy, Brigitte Bardot,” she started to sing, “She showed me things, I didn't know.”

She stuck out her tongue playfully, shaking her hips, making the satin fabric hugging her curves sway.

“She did it right there, out on the deck,” she bit down on her bottom lip as Spencer’s face heated, realising what the song was about. “Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck.”

She gestured with her fingers to a spot on her neck, pretending as if her fingers were the teeth, tipping her head back with imaginary ecstasy. He swallowed heavily, face hot.

“I'm in the hallway waitin' for ya,” she sang, “Mini skirt and my go-go boots,” on those lyrics, she bent over, running her free hand from her heeled boots and up her legs, jutting her ass out.

Spencer’s mouth fell open in shock. He had never felt like this from only a few minutes of meeting someone, let alone just laying his eyes on them. This was completely out of the ordinary for him, and it left him reeling.

~☆~

Songs flitted by like the butterflies in his stomach, and his gaze was permanently fixated on the captivating women centre-stage. He couldn't tear his eyes away even if he tried–and he most definitely didn't.

A new song started, fading in with a catchy guitar riff, and the crowd went wild, sparking a wide smile on the angel’s face.

The drum beat started, and she strutted down the stage, tipping her head back and shaking her smooth curls out in the dim lights before she began to sing. “Midnight,” she dragged out the end of the word.

“Come and pick me up, no headlights,” she blew a kiss to the fans in front of her, winking as she made her way down the stage towards where Spencer was situated.

Penelope grasped his arm tighter and tighter as she neared, buttery voice washing over him.

“Watch us go ‘round and ‘round each time,” she stretched out the note, rolling her head to the side, eyes landing exactly where Spencer was standing. He froze, dumbstruck, as he locked eyes with her.

He gulped heavily as a cheeky grin adorned her face, soft lips framing perfectly white teeth. She straightened up, continuing the lyrics as she floated even closer to him, never breaking eye contact.

“You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye,” She knelt down on the stage in front of Spencer. His breathing stuttered as his gaze remained on her, utterly entranced.

“And I got that red lip classic thing that you like,” she dragged her thumb across her lip, singing to him through a happy, if not slightly teasing, smile.

“‘Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style,” He could see her mouth curving around each syllable as she sang into the microphone, eyes still, somehow, on him.

He most definitely looked like an idiot in that moment, with his flushed cheeks and slack-jawed awe of the ethereal woman only a few feet away, but he didn't have it in himself to care.

She had seen him, and not only that, she had actually come over and sat, right there on the stage in front of him. No matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, she was–without question–looking, and singing, straight at him.

She leaned impossibly closer, leaving only a few inches between their two faces as she crooned the words into the microphone. His eyes flicked across the features of her face before they settled on her own.

Up close, they were mesmerising– long, thick lashes framed bright irises, sparkling with the light of the night sky– he could almost map out the constellations he knew off by heart from the incandescent twinkles in her eyes.

“You got that long hair, slicked back-” She moved her free hand to hover over the collar of Spencer's shirt, seemingly asking silent consent to touch him.

He shook out of his trance long enough to nod vigorously. She let out a short chuckle, grabbing his collar and carefully but firmly pulling him closer by his shirt. “-white T-shirt.”

His breath hitched as hers ghosted his lips with every exhale, noses almost touching, with hardly any room for the microphone as his heart raced impossibly faster.

“And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt.” At that, she pulled away, letting go of his collar as she leaned back to run her free hand over her skirt, smirking at Spencer and his flaming-red face.

“And when we go crashing down, we come back every time,” she repeats, still serenading him. “'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style!” She finally stood, winking and blowing a kiss at a thoroughly flustered Spencer as she strutted to another part of the stage.

Spencer stood there, dumbfounded. He couldn't believe she had not only noticed him, but also sang right to him. His shirt was crumpled from where she had gripped it, but he didn't dare fix it. If possible, he would never smooth the rumpled fabric if it meant he could have a reminder of her always.

A rough shake of his shoulder brought him back to the present, Penelope standing astonished next to him, incredulous smile playing on her lips and she all but shrieked in his ear–something along the lines of, ‘You're so lucky!’ and ‘You're so down bad!’.

He didn't pay her any mind, instead keeping his still-red face on her, and her only.

She wandered to different parts of the stage during the remainder of the song, but Spencer didn't miss the more-than-occasional glances she sent his way throughout the next few songs, smile growing each time they locked eyes.

When they did, he matched her smile with his own goofy grin, his heart feeling as if it was beating out of his chest, breathing becoming erratic as he clutched the railing with white knuckles.

~☆~

All too soon, the concert came to an end, accompanied by raucous applause from the crowd. He clapped like a mad thing too, finally understanding why her fans acted the way they did.

The version of him from two hours ago would have teased him relentlessly for this, but he didn't care. It was another completely different version of him, a version that had not yet laid his eyes on her.

It certainly felt like a life-altering moment in his existence. His being was now split into ‘before’ and ‘after’. Before and after her.

She waved and blew kisses enthusiastically as she made her way off stage. He deduced that she would have to walk right past Spencer to get there. He pathetically hoped she would look at him one last time–prayed she cared enough to seek him out once again.

Electricity jolted through his entire body, head to toe, as she locked eyes with Spencer when he was in her direct line of sight.

She gave him a wink and a little wave, biting her lip through a larger-than-life grin; he felt giddy, hand coming up in an awkward half-wave. He silently cursed himself for the stiltedness of his actions.

She, however, didn't have such qualms as she blew him an air kiss, giggling as she turned away, skipping the rest of the way off stage. The screaming continued as the heel of her shoe disappeared behind the side-stage curtain.

He felt oddly hollow as the venue lights came back on, signalling the end of the show. He kept staring at the spot where she had last been, silently hoping she would come back out and sing again. Look at him again.

He blinked hard, finally re-orienting himself, glancing around to see a few people staring at him, whispering to themselves.

They were talking about him–about his encounter. He turned away again, ducking his head as his cheeks burned again.

As quickly as they came, the stares went again, and his eyes flicked back to the stage again. He so badly wanted to meet her, talk to her, even just lay his eyes on her again. That would be enough.

Penelope cleared her throat next to him, and he hummed in response, still not looking away. She snorted. “Come on lover boy, time to leave.”

He turned his attention to see her nod in the direction of the exit.

He gazed back at that spot once more, heaving out a melancholy sigh, before turning away, heading towards the door.

“Yeah, let's go.”

· · ──────────── ·𖥸· ──────────── · ·

Thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated x

Tags: @reidology13 - Comment to be added!

Masterlist ౨ৎ

[intojaeyun]

BIRTHDAY GIFT; PJS

18+ contains heavy smut

ONESHOT

Jay x reader (husb jay × wife reader)

Contains: nudity, kink, handcuff, nicknames, creampie and more..

Word count: 1.8k+

Sypnosis: Jay hasn't been home on time for weeks, it is the eve of your birthday and you've never felt this angry and deprived of your husband's attention.

[Author's note] this is my first work after years of break, English is not my first language and I haven't proof read this. I hope you guys enjoy :) Let me know if yall wanna be added to my taglist

11:15pm. It read.

45 mins before your birthday, yet your husband was nowhere to be seen. You felt sad, angry. And disappointed.

It was nothing new, this has been a routine for the last few weeks and you were frustrated. Sexually. Frustrated.

You wanted your husband for yourself, and yourself only. Tonight will be exactly this.

You could hear the front door opening, he was here. Finally. He enters the living room, where he finds you staring at him with those very same disappointed and glaring eyes.

“Babe, I thought you were asl-” the door of your shared bedroom slammed right across his face before he could even finish his sentence.

Oh he knows he fucked up.

He just sighed in defeat, this wasn't the first time. He just hopes you aren't asleep by the time, he freshens up. He has to fix this tonight.

Little did he know, you wanted to fix things too. Just not the way he'd imagine..

By the time he'd finished washing up, he'd hope that perhaps you didn't sleep already. Jay was shirtless, his lower body wrapped around a thin layer of towel. And his mind, thinking of how to pacify his angry wife.

11.30 pm

30 mins before the clock hits midnight, and you hear the door opening. You know, this was a terrible idea. But you don't think you'll ever regret it. You stood in front of the door, awaiting him impatiently in a red silk night dress, with the straps dangerously loose with nothing underneath you. Your natural curls let loose, looking irresistible.

He enters the room, with his eyes interlocking yours in an intense eye contact. His gaze darkened seeing you in all red, he wanted to just drop anything to touch you. feel you under him.

Before he could even proceed with his thoughts, you pushed him on the bed and hovered over with your brown eyes filled with wrath, anger and filth.

“Someone has been forgetting he has a wife” you remarked sarcastically, while maintaining the very intense eye contact, until he broke it, staring at your almost bare tits while you were all over him and the dress revealing your cleavage a lil too well, just like you wanted.

Sorry was what he wanted to say, however his mouth felt dry, unable to voice out anything. All he wanted was you and he shouldn't be feeling like that before he properly apologized for neglecting you. However the blood running down there stated otherwise, the more silent he remained the harder he got.

His hands involuntarily ran down your body, until you slapped his hands off you and smirked.

“Who said you could touch me?” You scoffed sitting right on his lap, totally feeling his bulge. He groaned in frustration, totally feeling you rub against his boner, intensifying his feeling. Then, you stopped abruptly and got off his lap. To grab something.

He sat on the bed in confusion, while he saw you searching for something in the closet and came back to him. You sat on his lap and smirked.

“You've angered me so bad, Park. So bad, but I need you,” you whispered to him while straddling on his lap, leaving hungry wet kisses on his earlobes and neck. Your hands reach for his hands behind.. and.. click. He hissed at the cold sensation on his hands and his eyes widened realising what you did. You handcuffed him.

He was frustrated. He was angry. You could totally see it on his face and laughed.

“Y-y/n, please. You'll fucking regret this,” he groaned. He tried fiddling with his hands, in hopes he could break free of the handcuffs, but alas.

He has to give in, as much as he enjoys being controlled by you, he wanted to touch you. Badly. Show you his love, show he's sorry.

“Today, only this mouth of yours will be at work baby. I'll be in charge of touching,” you said as your finger teased his lips before you hungrily kissed him, pulling him closer. Your groans getting louder as the kiss intensified as he bit your bottom lip. The more you kissed, the needier you became.

“Fuckfuckfuck y/n, you have no idea how insane you're making me right now,” he says, feeling your lips roaming around his collarbone as you sucked his neck, intentionally leaving marks, marking your territory.

He couldn't take it anymore, between your hands roaming dangerously down there and your lips leaving wet all around his body, he had reached his limits. And you knew it all a little too well.

“You know if you want something, you gotta ask for it, babyboy,” you said as your hands teased his body, playing just around the hem of his towel. He whimpered.

“I need you.. I need you to touch me ma'am.”

“Please touch me,” and so you did. Your hands went slower than usual, untying his towel leaving him totally naked with his visibly large penis. Your hands circled around his tip, causing him to moan.

Your fingers circled around his aroused penis, moving so so slow leaving him groaning in frustration the slower you go. God, this was torture to him.

“Use words baby, what do you want me to do next?” “Go faster please,” he begged. You could already feel the pre cum leaking while you stroked his penis faster and faster, while his moans became louder and louder. “I am so- so fucking close y/n fuckk, I want to cum,” he pleaded. You could feel he was so close and so, you stopped.

“What the fuck y/n,” he grunted, tightening his teeth. He was so fucking close.

“Who said you could cum just yet?” You said as you sucked your wet fingers seductively as he bit his lips. If only he could break the handcuffs he would, just to teach you a lesson.

You took a few steps back, as he looked at you with the same hungry eyes. Eyeing the silhouette of your hard nipples through the red silk.

“That's your punishment for making me so deprived for the last weeks,” you said as you slowly stripped off your dress, exposing your hard nipples and wet cunt.

Your eyes never left his as your fingers roamed around your body as you sat right in front of him. Oh you were so loving the control over him and the way he reacted to you. You took your tit in your hand, massaging it softly while you mean, “Jay.. fuck” your other hand playing with the opening of your cunt.

“You wish that was you baby.. finger fucking me until i cum huh??” You said while moaning his name as you touched yourself.

“Y/n please let me free, fuck you're making this so hard,” and you just laughed “my baby wants to touch himself while i pretend my fingers are him.”

You inserted your fingers inside your pussy, pleasuring yourself to tears while moaning his name like it was a chant. You closed your eyes while you felt you were so close, so fucking close to cum.

That's when you heard the metals falling down while you were sent back to reality.

He broke the handcuffs. Fuck.

0:00 am

“Happy birthday darling”, his raspy voice echoed across the room as he walked dangerously close to you.

What were you going to do? Fuck.

He could have been disrespectful, he could have punished you but right now he just wanted to understand your perspective, you were his priority. Always would be.

His lips met yours in a needy way, so hungrily. Tongues playing against each other so the point the saliva got mixed together. He was the first to pull away, gasping for air.

“Allow me to touch you. Please. Allow me to treat you, allow me to make it up to you honey.” His voice melted you and you gave in to him.

“Touch me Jay, make me feel so fucking good. I want the world to know how fucking good you make me feel.”

With that, he buried his face in your tits while he sucked mercilessly on your left nipple, while his fingers found his way down your dripping pussy.

“Fuck baby, your pussy is so wet,” he said, circling his two fingers around your hole, ”I missed this so much, missed your pussy so bad baby fuck.” He groaned as he inserted his fingers in you, leaving both of you a moaning mess.

You felt a knot in your stomach. You were so close. Jay inserted a third finger, increasing his pace while you dug your nails onto his arms, screaming. “You're doing so great baby, let it all out. Cum on my fingers, let me have a taste of you,” he said while your hot liquid poured all over his hands.

You heaved a sigh of relief then bit your lips as you see him sucking his fingers clean. He was so fucking fine taking your liquid into his mouth.

God, you could have orgasmed again just at this sight.

Hungrily, you pulled him in a desperate kiss, biting his lip to gain access inside. Deepening the kiss. You missed him badly. You knew you wouldn't leave him this soon.

“Jay, I need you in me. Now. I wanna feel you inside. I wanna carry your seeds,” you breathed out, as you played with his tip right across the entrance of your vagina.

“God, it feels so good feelin you in me. I missed it,” you gasped and you inserted his penis inside you, adjusting to his size.

“Your cock is so mine, fuckfuckk,” you cried out loud, this felt so good. “All yours baby,” he said as he kissed your forehead while thrusting deeper in you, “ I fucking love you so much y/n. You take me so well baby,” he moaned, never wanting to stop. This felt so good.

“I am so close darling,” he cried out in pleasure, ready to pull out. “Cum inside me baby, fill me with your seeds,” you breathed out while holding him close for support, “I wanna feel you, wanna carry your baby,” tears streamed down your cheeks in pleasure. You were getting close too.

“Ugh baby I love you, you'd be such a good momma. Fuckk,” Jay said while he released it all inside you. You smiled at the hot sensation, “I fucking missed this,” you pulled him in for a kiss while he pulled himself out, as the cum dripped down your legs.

“Let's have you cleaned up darling, I love you,” Jay said as he carried you bridal style in the bathroom, cleaning both you and him up.

Whispering sweet words, apologizing endlessly for his temporary negligence, this man cleaned you up and tugged you to bed, while you hugged him tight to bed.

“I love you Jay, this gotta be the best birthday gift ever,” you said while you drifted to dreamland with your husband near you.

Gotta need me a man as down bad as he is 🤭

©intojaeyun 2024

[obae-me]

Don’t mind me it’s really late at night and I’m in a bit of a yearning mood… This ended up being more angsty then I intended that’s my bad-

Do you think Lucifer dreams of loving MC? That nearly every night he dreams of holding them in his arms to unwind after a harsh day of work, of soft kisses by candlelight, of inviting them to the music room so they can listen to one of his beloved records and dance together, of sharing hushed moments of a type of vulnerability he can’t remember the last time he felt?

Do you think he wakes up from his dreams too soon to a cold half empty bed and remembers that he’s here all on his own with the human he loves far away and blissfully unaware of his predicament? He gets a harsh reality check when he remembers that despite all his dreams and fantasies he’s still alone simply because he’s too scared to say his true feelings? How ironic, the embodiment of confidence and pride, scared to talk about insignificant emotions. Are they even insignificant though? They certainly don’t feel like it to Lucifer, how trivial…

I want my men YEARNING and CONFLICTED-

(Sorry I answered this late, life has been super hectic and I've been taking a social media break but I'm semi back now! We're battling that burnout!) I LOVE yearning! SO MUCH! Especially when it involves Lucifer because it feels so much more complex and impactful (but I'm probably just biased). So, I hope you don't mind me using this ask as an excuse to do a writing warmup since I haven't done anything creative for a while.

Warning for angst and some hurt/no comfort (I'm sorry!)

A tiny seed, thriving and new, ready to be cultivated. Its creation a mystery. Filled with life, hope, and the promise of a forbidden fruit. And what did he do? Crushed it. Destroyed it as soon as the hint of it reared its ugly head.

At first, he wasn't quite sure what it was. So, foolishly, he allowed it to stay, to plant itself in the recesses of his chest where it could rest safe for a while. Just until he figured out what this anomaly meant. Where did it come from? Why? What was it that kept him up at night and stole his focus from his work?

It wasn't till he and the human had found themselves in a quiet moment alone. All he had done was head to their room to inform them of... He can't even remember the details. Can't even recall if there had been an original purpose in the first place. Lucifer had caught them getting ready for the night, sitting in their bed with a pillow held against their chest as they slouched forward, scrolling through their D.D.D.. Immediately, he found himself giving them a mini-lecture on how being glued to a device right before bed would keep them from sleeping properly. It was their duty to-- the usual gist. In the midst of the lecture, his words caught in his own throat as he noticed them hugging the pillow sleepily- albeit a little annoyed with him- staring at his face with their head tilted off to the side.

The seedling was beginning to sprout.

All the pieces clicked into place, a deafening rattle in his head. The lecture ended unfinished, the details he had wished to share with them ignored. He simply bid them a good night before leaving their room. When he returned to his own space, he examined the sprout that had grown. Gentle, just a weak little thing. Plucked. Ripped from the roots, he pressed the heel of his boot against it and wasn't satisfied till it turned to dust.

Feelings? Affection? And for a human? Unacceptable. It had been a mistake to keep it so close to his heart when he had been unaware of its origins.

And he went about his days like normal, feeling colder than he had in weeks.

It was a sigh of relief really. Keeping a plant like that around would only serve him trouble. It required care and attention he did not have the time to give. It was best for everyone involved to nip it in the bud before it had the chance to bloom. After a few days of settling back into normalcy, he found the courage to approach the human again without the pesky irrationalities attached.

A pain. Stabbing. A random tug in his chest and a grip on his throat. The very sight of them now caused him this new affliction. The plant had propagated, wormed an offshoot in the shadows of his marrow and spread throughout his body like a vile invasive weed. It was choking him. It felt like it was killing him.

He tore. He razed. He dug at it with his very fingertips as the thorns his scorn and bitterness had cultured shredded the skin of his hands.

It would not go away so easily.

Madness began to plague his mind. The more he desperately tried to free himself, the deeper the thing embedded. He couldn't stand at the human's side without imagining the warmth of their hand against his. Couldn't walk past the kitchen without checking if they were in their bedroom. Couldn't listen to his favorite records without imagining slowly rocking back and forth with them, their heads resting against each other. Several nights now, he'd awoken from a dream about them. Typically starting out as nightmares, either swamped with work, inprisioned in isolation, or burnt by betrayal. But before his mind could spiral into darkness in those drowsy tragedies, they would come. Lucifer would always hold them in their arms, his face buried in their hair or their clothes, kissing their cheeks, their hands, their shoulders. It was peace. Bliss.

Until he would wake up.

The loneliness was more torturous than he ever imagined it would be. If this was love, he didn't want it. But he did. Sins alive, he did. He wanted to scream till his lungs burst. He wanted the demon in him to run rampant and rebuild everything in his own perfect image. He begged this plant to sprout the poisoned apple so he could bring it to his lips and drown in its tempting flavor.

And the thought of that terrified him.

But what was he to do? Tell them? No...surely not. He'd already seen some of the ways they looked at him. This plant was already vindictive, tangling around his raw vulnerabilities. If he were to be rejected...he doubted it would die. More than likely, it would fester, ruining him completely.

Lucifer, Pride, the Morningstar, see what he'd been reduced to now. Fearful over telling a human his own thoughts. Losing control over something as simple as a basic juvenile feeling.

Ignoring it was hurting him. Feeding it was anguishing him. No matter what he did, it all resulted in the same endless suffering.

And every day he would wake up, nod curtly towards them at breakfast, and go through the same personal hell all over again.

[lurkingshan]

I got busy right after The Sign aired yesterday so I wasn't going to write much about my frustrations with the backstory...but I'm still thinking about it this morning so I guess we're doing this!

I think the disconnect some of us are feeling with this show is because the production values are so high, the cast is so excellent, the character dynamics are so compelling, and yet the writing just keeps failing them. I end every episode lately feeling like I missed something, and usually spend a lot of time unpacking and going back over details with friends because I keep getting lost in the story.

Yesterday we finally got the big first life backstory reveal after waiting eight long weeks, and it was underwhelming, to say the least. First of all, given how important it is to the narrative, this should have been a whole episode, not one fraction of an episode. Second, it was surprisingly lacking in depth for a backstory that is meant to support a reincarnation narrative across lifetimes. Third, it didn't even fill in some of the crucial information needed to make sense of the present day plot.

I think my main issue with this flashback is that they didn't actually show us the love story, and they didn't let the characters make any real mistakes that would justify them being cursed and having to fight their bad karma in the present life. The story was shockingly simple: they met, they vibed, they fell in love (OFFSCREEN), the evil snake got jealous and killed them. Where was the drama? Where were the difficult choices and significant mistakes? Where were the lies and betrayal? Where was the struggle between them that would make the tragedy of their end feel more significant? And why would any of these events result in them being cursed in their next life? If anything, according to standard reincarnation tropes, they should be rewarded in the next life for the undeserved and premature deaths.

I know we've been making a lot of jokes about needing tons of fanfic to fill in the love story here, but we shouldn't need fanfic for that, the show needs to do its own work. And the lack of depth in this lore drop also makes some of the show's previous stumbles with writing the present timeline romance even worse, because we now haven't seen a properly developed love story for them in either timeline. Our investment in this pair is hingeing entirely on the strength of the actors' performances and chemistry and the writing keeps letting them down.

[jayke0]

Cowboys and Angels

Pairing: Jake Lockley x fem reader

Summary: The infamous outlaw, Jake Lockley, decides to spend the night with you.

Rating: nsfw, smut

Warnings/Content: reader is a prostitute, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, exhibitionism, multiple orgasms, minor angst at the end, mentions of other men being assholes, lmk if there's anything else I should add :).

Word count: 3,420

Credit: @automnepoet for proofreading ily.

......................…………………………………………….

“What's a fine lady like you doin’ in a place like this?”

Yeah, like you haven't heard that before. Despite the way your eye literally twitches at that phrase, you take in a deep breath and turn towards the gravelly voice that beckoned you from the bar… pleasantly surprised with the picture in front of you.

An obvious gunslinger, what with the rifle and multiple rows of ammo hanging loosely over his shoulder, but, he's not as beat up as the others. Sure he's got some scars and wrinkles, jesus, he's got to be in his mid 30s at least, but his facial features are symmetrical, /handsome/ even. His brow is heavy, and it makes his eyelids sit half open, long lashes covering the rest of his brown eyes. The black moustache fits his look perfectly, sitting above a pair of red lips, hell, even the stubble that usually makes your skin crawl looks good on him.

It's like a breath of fresh air for you, and to be honest you're surprised the other girls hadn't pounced on him first.

“Waitin’ for a man like you to come along, mister,” you answer playfully, leaning against the bar so that your hip sticks out. Your dress is long, but it dips perfectly at the chest, and the cinched waist of your corset shows off your beautiful curves.

The gunman notices your pose, making a quick not-so-subtle glance up and down your form before that pretty, lidded gaze lands on your face again.

“Is that so? Well, you're lucky I can be ya prince charmin’ then, ain't ya?” He takes a final swig of his drink, though it seems he'd only just started, since you can barely smell the alcohol on his clothes as you move closer to him. You twist your body and rest your elbows on the bar, sticking your ass out a bit instead.

“Prince charmin’? Now I don't know about that, mister. You ain't the first cowboy to come in here and tell me I'm ‘too good for this place’.”

It's always amusing to you, seeing how much that comment seems to make the others falter, but as his smirk tilts to a soft frown, you almost feel bad for shooting down his shot… and possibly losing yourself a decent client.

“Oh– I'm just jokin’ around, sir,” you place your hands on his jacket, fixing his collar. “Pay no heed to my silly words.”

The grin that cracks across the man's face has your face heating up.

“I know, little lady, I'm just messin’ with ya too.” His eyes scan over you again, dragging his gaze up your body till he meets your eyes, tilting his hat up to look at you properly.

The way he looks at you makes your skin thrum. It's a dark gaze, but one that reads comfort to you, it feels like you could get lost in his eyes for hours, as if you're some vampire's victim being drawn in before being mercilessly devoured.

“Well… you certainly had me there, cowboy.” You giggle a little, mostly to break the tension between you that's coiling in your chest and making the room feel warmer than normal. A strong arm snakes around your waist, and you feel his fingers sprawl across your back, pulling you closer to him and his dangerous gaze.

His words break your thoughts. “I was only askin’ ‘cause I've been ‘round these parts quite a bit, and I ain't ever seen you, pretty.”

“I started a couple weeks ago, actually.”

“Ah…” you watch as his thoughts seem to trail off for a second; is he contemplating what he should say? It's not exactly like he's trying to court you, this is a business after all, and you're more than used to handling the distasteful things that have been thrown at you.

Finally, his words start again. “Guess I had better get ya warmed up then, hadn't I? Though, I doubt you've been strugglin’ for clientele.” He gestures around the dismal saloon at the other men, all in varying states of intoxication. His observation makes you giggle properly this time, but your brain lingers on what he meant by the first part. Despite your uncertainty in his words, you agree to his proposal, feeling his fingers graze the thread of your corset through the dress.

“I think you should, Mr…?”

“Lockley, but ya can call me Jake.” He says as he gets up and fixes his holster, placing a coin on the bar before gesturing towards you. “Lead the way, sweetheart.”

Why do you feel nervous? He has to literally take your hand before you actually switch into autopilot and lead him upstairs to the reserved rooms. Maybe it's the pressure of pleasing an older man? No, you've done that before. It's a thought that gnaws away at the back of your brain and evidently makes the gunslinger concerned.

“You doin’ ok? I didn't frighten ya, did I?” He sounds apologetic as he closes the door behind you both with a loud creak.

“No... no, I'm sorry! Forgive me, my head's been a little all over the place recently, nothin’ for you to worry about, mister.” You lie and shake your hands wildly, before you start undoing the top buttons of your dress.

He swoops in before you can finish undoing the second one, taking your hands and removing them from the fabric.

“I do things a little differently, if that's alright with you, miss.” You feel his calloused fingers glide over the pulse on your wrists, moving up before intertwining them with yours, “I don't just take, I make it so ya give ya'self to me.” The tone he uses feels smooth on your brain, it seeps into your ears and soothes the worries you'd had beforehand, his deep gaze only adding to that soft feeling in your chest, and the slowly growing need between your legs.

“Alright, Mr Lockley.” Your smile is genuine, one that makes the man break into a smile himself.

“ ‘Atta girl.”

His grip loosens on your hand so he can slide his own down your body and over your sides, until it eventually comes to rest on the small of your back, pushing you further into the heat of his body as he engages you in a kiss.

It's a nice feeling, having a man that actually knows how to kiss, so nice that you feel yourself getting lost in the bitter taste of his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck to get impossibly closer to him. His stubble scratches your chin as you drink in his taste and become intoxicated with just the simple feel of his body. Maybe it's because he's attractive, or maybe it's because he's so gentle with you, but either way you find yourself wanting more of him; more of his lips, more of his hands.

The gunslinger breaks the kiss, making you whine softly under your breath.

“Patience, little lady. I'll give ya exactly whatcha’ want.” You feel his lips curl into a smirk, one that makes you roll your eyes playfully.

“Forgive me, mister Lockley, but usually I'm bent over the bed by now with my drawers at my ankles.” You challenge, looking into his brown eyes as your fingers trace the soft, tattered scarf donning his neck.

“Well excuse me for tryna’ treat ya like a lady–.” He says before swiftly scooping you up and pressing you against the wall. It makes a gasp leave your lips, and your legs automatically wrap around his thick waist. “Next time I won't be so nice.” The way his lips brush yours teasingly makes your pussy clench, his words lingering on your lips like the faint taste of whiskey on his.

Using one arm to keep you suspended against the wall, his other travels up underneath your skirt and over your soft thighs. His fingers tease under the cotton of your drawers that fit snugly around your thighs, dragging his rough fingertips further and further up to draw a soft gasp from you.

“Ya ever had a man touch ya like this? appreciate ya like this?”

You shake your head and instinctively suck in your bottom lip to chew on while you try to close your legs, but he just pries them open again, looking at you with that damn lidded gaze that's making your cunt clench.

“Well, there's a first for everythin’, ain't there?” His breath is hot on your lips and sends ripples of shivers through your body, your breathing shaking just as much as your thighs.

He's just centimeters away from your pussy lips before he recognises the feel of his own jeans against his hands, so he does the only reasonable thing and lifts your skirt completely, astounded by the sight.

“My my…” He huffs with a chuckle, sounding surprised. There is your cunt, on full show through a hole in your drawers, one that'd been purposely crafted for your exact line of work. Your slick glistens in the dim light, and Jake can't help but run his fingers through your already wet folds, drawing a soft moan from your pretty lips.

“In all my years, I ain't ever seen that. You've certainly made my night, darlin’.” He purrs to you, voice as smooth as silk. “You ever talk?” He asks, that mild concern returning from earlier.

“They usually don't like it when I talk.”

“Yeah? Well I do,” he leans forward and nips your neck underneath your ear, taking the lobe between his teeth briefly. “I like hearin’ the noises ya make for me.”

Shit, that makes you actually moan, pressing down on where his fingers still linger atop your lips. They slide perfectly between given your arousal, and you grind your clit down in his fingers with a sigh. “Please, Jake, stop teasin’... I ain't ever wanted to be taken so badly in all my goddamn life.”

“But the teasin’ is the fun part.”

You can now feel the outline of his cock pressing against your thigh through his washed out jeans, and fuck does it feel big. You want him to pull it out right now just so you can look at it, but your thoughts are halted when you feel his fingers press against your needy hole. He circles it, matching the movements with his thumb on your clit. It feels way too good, especially when both of his thick digits slide inside you and stretch you open. Your jaw drops at the sensation as he starts fingering your cunt, massaging that sweet spot inside you that has you gripping his shoulders.

“No, Jake don't– dammit, don't do this to me–.”

“You can take it, there's a good girl.”

His praise only has your head swooning more and your chest pressing tightly towards his as you rock your hips towards his thumb. Each time he catches your clit it sends a wave of pleasure through your body to your toes, making you whine needily against his ear.

“Such pretty noises you've got, ain't ya? I wanna hear ‘em all night.”

Your orgasm crests quicker than you can tell him, and you teeter on that edge for what feels like eternity until finally you feel his thumb circle your clit one last time, and you come crashing down on his fingers, moaning out his name loud enough for the next room to hear. You rest your forehead on the man's shoulder, amazed by how easily his fingers drove one of the best orgasms of your life out of you.

“Wanna see ya do that again, darlin’, please lemme see ya make that face again?” Jake asks, his own words now breathier than before as he already starts working his belt and jeans open.

You give a shaky nod and pull your head from his shoulder. You try to ignore the ache already settling in your muscles from pressing yourself against the wall, too focused on the rugged man in front of you and the instrument that is ultimately going to split you in half. He goes to slide under your skirt instantly, but you tap his shoulder. “Oh, ya wanna see it first huh?” He grins proudly and lifts your dress enough to reveal his throbbing cock.

Fuck it's thick, and the way it's throbbing makes your mouth salivate, the tip already glistening with precum that he spreads over himself with his free hand.

“I dunno if I can take it, sir.”

“You can take it, don't ya worry that pretty little head about it. Just feel it, ok?”

You nod in response; it's funny really, you have no reason to trust this man, but after he's given you a great orgasm, it only makes sense that he knows more about the female anatomy than any other cowboy.

The fat tip runs up and down through your soaking folds, getting nice and lubed up before he starts to press against your hole. Your brows knit together in concentration as his tip slides in with a satisfying ‘pop’, a soft grunt leaving Jake's lips.

“That's good, girl, just stay niiiice and relaxed,” he groans. He rests one hand on the wall beside your head as his body inches closer to you and his cock sinks deeper inside your cunt, stretching it deliciously to an almost aching point. Finally, he bottoms out, and you can't help the way your walls flutter with how full he makes you feel.

“Ya ever had a cock this big, miss?”

You shake your head quickly with a whimper and your eyes screwed shut, but he grabs your chin and makes you look deep into the fiery pits of his own stare, “I asked ya a question, little lady.”

His voice is still soft, but there's a slightly threatening tone underneath, one that makes your cunt clench. “No mister, I ain't.”

“Mhm, good, means I get to carve my shape into ya then.”

The wail you let out is a result of both his words, and the way he pulls back just to snap his hips back into you again. It feels like it blinds you for a second, the feeling getting stronger as he begins a deep pace.

“Christ almighty–.” You feel like you're going to tear his shirt with the way your nails are dragging against the dark fabric already. Shotgun shells and trinkets rattle with each of his harsh thrusts, all mixing together with the beautiful sounds of both your moans and the slapping of sweaty skin.

“Godammit girl, I ain't ever had a cunt this tight before.” Jake's words are mostly grunts at this point, emphasised with thrusts that only seem to get harder and faster.

You can feel your back scraping against the wooden walls, but all you care about right now is the cock of the dirty old cowboy that's filling and fucking your cunt better than you could've ever imagined. It sends waves through your body each time his tip butts that soft spot inside you that has your pussy drooling over his length.

The people next door are sure to hear you, hell, the whole saloon can probably hear you, what with the floorboards creaking under Jake's boots and your hips slamming against the wall… not to mention your noises. Shit, you're sure your voice is going to hurt tomorrow, your thoughts only solidifying when you feel his calloused thumb return to your neglected clit.

“That's a good girl, keep makin’ those noises, show everyone how good Mr Jake Lockley makes you feel.” He's speaking through gritted teeth, eyes boring into your expression as you tilt your head back and wail again.

“Bet you'd love to have this cowboy take ya cunt every night, wouldn't ya?”

God, the white hot pleasure is coursing through your veins, making your muscles tighten and your thighs clamp shut around his waist. Your mouth and throat feel dry from all your moaning and gasping. You're on the edge again, cunt clenching around his cock in a vice grip, you just need that final push.

“Yeah, squeeze my cock like that, shit, girl. Ya gonna cum? Cum all over my fat cock, pretty.”

You feel like you're falling when it finally hits you, your body is swept with wave after wave of hot pleasure that makes you spasm and throw your head back against the hard wood… or at least what would be hard wood, if Jake hadn't put his hand there to save your precious head.

You feel like you're going to melt into him as he continues to fuck your needy cunt. He wraps both arms around you this time and drags you a little further down the wall so your pussy is at the perfect angle for him. It only takes him a few more thrusts like that before he coming undone with a loud, deep moan, hips stuttering as he fucks his spend into you.

The cowboy keeps you cradled in his arms like that for a bit, chest heaving like yours as you both slowly come down. You're the first to open your eyes, and you're glad you do, because the sight is gorgeous. His black curls are sticking to his forehead, nostrils flaring with each breath out as his eyes flutter a little. It's then that you realise his hat must've been thrown off in the process, either on purpose or by accident.

Finally, the man opens his eyes too and meets your gaze. It's soft and deep, one that makes your heart flutter and a smile tug your lips, despite your efforts to hide it. He carefully lifts you off of his softening cock and places you on the ground, holding you up until your legs stop shaking.

“Ya good?”

“Wonderful, actually.”

His smile spreads across his face as he reaches down to pick his jeans back up, his belt clicking while he does it up.

“How much ya want?”

Those words suddenly hit you like a bucket of cold water. For half an hour, you got to pretend like everything was good in the world, but his words simply bring you crashing back down to reality.

Jake's too busy sifting through his notes to notice the look on your face, the look of disappointment and distaste.

“I don't need money. I need to see you again.”

That instantly makes the outlaw freeze up, as if he's run into this scenario before.

“Oh, darlin’.” A frown now dons his perfect lips. He reaches forward and rests his hands on your shoulders, thumbs brushing your neck. “Ya know I can't do that. I'm sure you've seen my face before, if not ‘round here, then on wanted posters.” The sound of paper crinkling gives you a reason to avert his gaze. “Take this, ok? It's the least I can do for givin’ me a great night.”

You feel his lips graze yours then, the feeling making your breath hitch as loneliness sinks into your gut and stales your bones.

“Maybe I'll see ya around again, sweetheart.” He picks up his hat and dusts it off, placing it atop his curls before he tips it to you.

“G'night, miss.”

He's gone before you can even fathom a response. You're left in the silence of that creaky old room, wind whistling in through the cracked window and making your whole body suddenly feel cold. You feel numb as you sit on the bed and examine the money he'd given you, mindlessly folding and unfolding the notes as you imagine him already setting off on his horse, never to be seen again.

It's only then that you notice a scrap of paper mixed up in the notes. Your fingers trace the outline of it as you unfold it, and you realise it's an advert for a gunsmith, the same one that was scrawled in small lettering over his holster and ammo sash: his favourite gunsmith. Had he done it on purpose? Slipped in a golden ticket to your next meeting point? He certainly was shuffling around with those notes for a while.

It makes you want to jump for joy, a small glimmer of hope shining through the overcast clouds that'd been plaguing you since you can remember, your knight in shining armour; or at least… knight in washed out denim. You tuck it into the waistband of your drawers with a soft but excited sigh, before going to clean yourself up and head home, with something for you to finally look forward to.

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Tagging people 🖤: @boredzillenial @cowboymarcs @chichimisaki @faretheeoscar @fanofstuffidk @minigirl87 @marisferasiop @red-hydra @summonthesoups @steven-grants-world @queerponcho @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @ominoose @strangerhands @admiralackbarssugarbaby

[mi-rae07]

Choi San : A Marriage Not Of Love (Part 2/3)

Pairing : Choi San (Ateez) and named character (Kim Sowon)

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Tw//: mentions of self harm

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A/n : angst might be slightly lesser here but the final part will have enough and more.

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Sowon hummed as she felt herself slowly wake, opening her eyes and looking around as she realized she was back in hers and san's room, her entire body covered with silk blankets. The time seemed to be 5pm, she had been asleep for hours.

San : how do you feel right now?

Sowon flinched as she realized san was sitting next to her on a chair, a book held loosely in his left hand as he stared at her

Sowon : you…you haven't gone to work yet?

San : work can wait, you're more important.

Sowon didn't believe that from him.

Sowon : well now I am awake so you can go.

San : it's 5pm, do you really want me to go to work just for an hour or two sowon?

Sowon sighed, looking away as she said

Sowon : you didn’t have to miss work because of me.

San : you're my wife-

Sowon : in theory.

San paused as sowon sat up straight, feeling much better than she had before. She looked to the bedside table as she noticed bottles of fever medicines on it, san had fed her medicines while she was asleep.

Sowon : you don't have to pretend anymore.

San paused, staring at sowon and her cut off eyes. It had finally happened, she had gotten tired of trying.

Sowon : I know you do not love me, you never have, it was just all pretend. Was it not, san?

She needed that last confirmation, and san had his chance to tell her everything now, the whole truth. And he wanted to, he wanted to tell her so bad. But these were his burdens, he wouldn’t endanger sowon like that. And so san looked away as he said coldly

San : yes.

Sowon nodded, her face not showing even an ounce of emotion as she got up from the bed before saying

Sowon : then we will live like that from now, just pretend when there are people around and forget about each other when no one's watching.

San's eyes widened, not expecting her to say this. He had expected her to divorce him, and he had thought he would have to find a way to make his grandfather agree to still leaving the company with him because san wasn't planning to marry another woman.

San : you…you're not going to divorce me?

Sowon scoffed as she said

Sowon : have you forgotten that I'm an orphan, san? If I divorce you where exactly will I go? Consider this as me taking advantage of your resources, just as you have taken advantage of mine. I do not know your reasons for this marriage but I don't think I want to know anymore either.

Sowon turned around and walked towards the door as she said

Sowon : we'll start by sleeping separately from now.

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2 weeks later :

And just like that san's entire life had changed, he barely even got to see his wife anymore. She changed her meal timings so san wouldn't see her during dinner or breakfast anymore, she wouldn't step inside his room either and got all her things shifted to a separate room. San couldn't sleep a wink as he stared around at the empty room, realizing that he actually had nothing to fill the room with, it had been all hers. Her scent still lingered in the pillows and san never let the maids wash it.

He couldn't even properly work anymore because he kept thinking of her, whether she was doing fine or eating her meals on time. He was worried, but he couldn't show it. Soohyun had his bugs all over san's manor, san knew half the maids worked for soohyun and kept an eye on san and sowon. It was the whole reason san kept being rude to her even in their own house and rooms, he couldn't let soohyun know this was anything more than a loveless arranged marriage.

??? : san.

San flinched as he looked up from his study table, realizing sowon had stepped into his study quietly while he was in his thoughts. San stood up from his seat, eyeing sowon to see if she was completely alright. He only got to see her at rare occasions and this was one of them.

San : is something wrong?

Sowon : you can sit down, it's not a great matter.

San did not sit. Sowon sighed as she said

Sowon : there's a party tomorrow evening, at yena's house. I just got the invitation.

Sowon placed the invitation on san's table as he stared at it with blank eyes before saying

San : we don’t have to go if you don't want to-

Sowon : we are going, your brother is going to be there.

San's breath hitched in his throat, his brother rarely attended the same parties as san. Their circles were entirely different, and he had no idea soohyun was associated with yena.

San : what? Why-

Sowon : didn't you read the invitation card san, yena's sister is getting engaged to soohyun next week. This is a before party.

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Sowon looked around the grand party hall as her arm was coiled around san's, the both of them walking together to wherever san led her. Neither of them had uttered a word in the car about anything, so she just let san take the lead. He was the one that did the business anyway. They had just finished talking to some business partners when a voice cut through them

Yena : san-ah!

Sowon looked forward as she saw yena rushing up to them with a wide smile, immediately hugging san as sowon let go of her hold on san's arm and stepped aside slightly. She hated seeing yena at all, but she did not let it show on her face as she smiled at yena. Yena eyed sowon with annoyed eyes before saying

Yena : oh you're here too.

San : she is my wife, why wouldn't she be here?

Yena rolled her eyes at san playfully before saying with a sarcastic chuckle

Yena : we all know it's just arranged.

San frowned and was about to say something when another voice interrupted them, this time a low-pitched male voice

??? : ah, the star couple!

San froze as soohyun stepped forward, looking over at sowon as he took her hand and kissed it with a wide smile. Sowon smiled as well, unaware of soohyun's actual motives as she said

Sowon : soohyun-shi, it's been a while since we saw you. I've been asking you to visit our house for so long, you never come.

Soohyun chuckled almost innocently as he said

Soohyun : I've been quite busy you see, what with my lovely to-be-fiancé and all that.

Soohyun finally turned his attention to san as he eyed him as well before holding his hand out for san to shake. San shook it with a blank face, making yena chuckle as she once again laid her palm against san's shoulder before saying

Yena : sannie has always been a bit of a cold person.

San's eyes turned sharp as he looked at yena and said

San : I have told you not to call me that, yena.

Yena smiled a sickly sweet smile that made sowon want to throw up, soohyun looking like he was thoroughly enjoying the scene. Sowon looked around as she noticed the people were eyeing san and yena as well, some of them whispering softly with each other. Sowon suddenly felt little, like she wasn't supposed to be here. She let out a breath before saying

Sowon : I'll need to use the ladies room quick, please excuse me.

Sowon gave the three of them one last smile before walking to the restroom, her purse clutched tight in her hand.

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It had been an hour since sowon had shut herself in one of the bathroom cubicles and she supposed it was high time she stepped out into the party now, not that her absence would cause anyone worry but even then. And so sowon stepped out of the ladies room, walking around as she tried to find san somewhere. She had just turned to a secluded corner space when she felt someone grab her arm and pull her to a side.

Sowon : soohyun-shi?

Soohyun : finally I've gotten you without having my brother loom all over you.

Sowon frowned, looking up at soohyun as she asked

Sowon : what?

Soohyun : he doesn't love you, does he? He's arranged this entire marriage for his own benefit, to steal that company from me.

I frowned, confused. I didn't know why he was telling me all this now.

Soohyun : but then again, he's always been like this. Selfish and cruel for his own needs, there's something he has been hiding from you as well. I'm the only person who knows it but now I suppose you should too.

Sowon felt her heart race at his words, she always knew there was something that san hid from her. And san had always been hostile to his brother, now she supposed she would know why.

Sowon : and what…is that?

Soohyun chuckled as he leaned closer to her before whispering

Soohyun : he killed his own mother, our, mother. He stabbed her to death while she was trying to save him.

Sowon's eyes widened, her heart dropping at his words. No…no this couldn't be true. San was cruel to her but he never harmed her physically, he couldn't have killed his own mother.

Soohyun : you must not believe me, and I don’t blame you for it. But think about it, why would I need to lie about something like this? To break you marriage? But that's already broken, isn't it?

Sowon let out a shaky breath as she realized soohyun was right, there was no need for him to lie about this. And this fact explained many things about san.

Soohyun : I suggest you to leave that man and run while you still can, sowon. He is dangerous, deadly.

Sowon was about to say something when soohyun looked past her, eyeing someone behind her. Sowon turned as well as she saw san walking up to them with a cold face, both his hands tucked into his pocket as he said to soohyun

San : done with your conversation with my wife, brother?

Soohyun smiled sweetly as he said

Soohyun : of course, you can have her now.

Saying that soohyun walked away, leaving a shaken sowon behind. She watched as san approach her, her heart racing with a new emotion. Fear. Something she'd never felt for san before but now seeing the way his eyes looked, his shoulders straight and pulled back, he looked every bit of the murderer soohyun said he was.

As san tried to step closer sowon stepped back, not looking at him. San noticed it, the new fear in her for him.

San : sowon?

Sowon : did you kill her?

San froze, his face going pale.

San : wh-what?

San had never stuttered, and that was an answer for sowon in itself. But even then she continued, her voice shaky from the tears as she looked up at san

Sowon : did you kill your mother, san?

San stared at her with wide eyes, finally betraying emotions on his face. It all seemed to flood onto him at once, as if sowon had stabbed him herself.

San : did…did he tell you that?

Sowon : he told me you were selfish and cruel, and that you killed your mother by stabbing her when she tried saving you. He asked me to run away from you, san.

San let out a shaky breath, looking like he was about to fall onto his knees any second.

Sowon : you killed her, didn't you? You killed the person that gave birth to you and raised you.

San felt his body tremble, his hands clenching inside his suit pocket. The fear in sowon's eyes broke him apart. Her hate, he could manage. But fear, fear he could never. It would destroy him.

San : so-sowon please. I just-

Sowon : if you killed your mother who is to say you won’t kill your wife, san? I…I slept with a cold-blooded murderer for years without realizing. I trusted you, I loved a bloody murderer.

San felt his heart break at her words, tears filling his eyes for the first time in years. He had pushed this all away, he had told himself that as long as sowon loved him nothing else mattered. But now she had called him a murderer too, and san no longer felt the need to live.

Sowon took the wedding ring that adorned her ring finger as she threw it at san, tears streaming down her cheeks as she said

Sowon : I would rather stay an orphan than have a husband that killed his own mother, I would rather die than belong to a murderer, a monster.

San stared at the wedding ring that felt to his feet, the diamond in it cracking as sowon said

Sowon : I am no longer your wife, choi san.

Sowon turned around and left, leaving a broken san behind. He felt to the floor, clutching sowon's cracked wedding ring in his hand as he sobbed pathetically. He had lost everything, everything.

Soohyun had done worse than what he'd say he would do.

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When san had come back to the manor hours later, drenched in cold and snow he'd expected the maids to tell him that sowon had left, her things all packed. But instead they'd told him that she had locked herself up in her room, no sounds to be heard. And so san had walked up to her room, knocking on her door as he said

San : please open the door, please.

San felt his voice break from how much he had cried, tears still streaming down his cheeks as he shivered in the cold. But he didn't bother, sowon had shivered in cold too once, all because of him.

San once again knocked on the door, his libs trembling as he said

San : let me-let me explain sowon, please just let me…

San let out a painful sob as he slid down the door, falling on his knees as he rested his head against the door

San : I didn't mean to do it, I didn't know it was her, please. I would never have done…never have done anything to hurt her. Or you-I would never hurt you sowon.

Sowon shut her eyes tightly from the other side of the door as she heard san's broken pleas and cries, his sobs breaking her apart. He had never cried in front of her, not even when his dad had passed away. Now hearing how broken he was sowon wanted to go and hug him.

But he was a murderer, sowon remembered. He had murdered his mother in cold blood no matter his excuses, and she was scared he'd do the same with her. These cries could be fake, it could be to lure her out and weaken her.

She wasn't going to fall.

San felt his breathing get shallow as he weakly banged against the door, his hands cold and shivering. He could've just gone to the fire burning in his room, all warm and cozy for him. There was no need for him to be lying in this cold, dark hallway. But sowon was on the other side of this door, he couldn't leave.

Not even when the coldness and darkness around him reminded him of the month he had spent locked up in that basement, being starved and tortured would he leave her. He had felt the same way then, abandoned and misunderstood. But this…this was worse than that.

No one was locking him up or starving and torturing him here, but sowon was scared of him. She was sitting on the other side of the door, her love for him slowly cracking away and the fear for him rising. He felt worse than he had back then, he felt like he was getting stabbed in the heart again and again.

San cried again, feeling his body get weak as he fell onto the floor with a low thud. He could barely speak anymore, his throat burning. But even then he called out her name again and again desperately, wishing she would open the door and take him in her arms.

She didn’t, and san supposed she wouldn't again for a long, long time.

________________________________

The next day san opened his eyes, feeling like he was about to pass out again from the pain covering his body. He felt cold and hot at the same time, his eyes puffy and blurry. But despite that he sat up, looking at the door in front of him. It was still locked, sowon hadn't stepped out of her room.

San stood up wobblily as held onto the wall for support, looking at the time in the hallway clock. 11am, 2 hours past breakfast and 2 hours before lunchtime. San had work, and he supposed that maybe if he left for work sowon would come out and have her meals without being scared of his presence. As much as it hurt san, he knew it was the truth.

And just like that, despite feeling like he was about to die he left for work, just so sowon could eat.

____________________________________

??? : boss, there's someone who's come to see you.

San didn't bother looking up from his papers, half because he was sick and half because he couldn't bother enough to use the little energy he had left.

San : I don't have any appointments today.

??? : yes, sir but this is your brother.

San paused, still not looking up from his papers. Before he could say anything more the door opened again as a cheery voice cut through the air

Soohyun : my dear younger brother!

San shut his eyes, the assistant stepping outside and closing the door as she left san and soohyun alone. San watched as soohyun happily plopped down on the seat opposite san as he said

Soohyun : oh you look like a disaster, did she yell at you?

San : why would I care if she yelled at me? I do not love her and neither do I care.

A whole lie. Soohyun shrugged as he said

Soohyun : well that is true.

San had been excellent at hiding his love, so much to the point that even sowon didn't know about it. Soohyun was no exception.

San : then why did you tell her? Why yesterday night?

Soohyun : it was our mother’s birthday yesterday. Consider it as my gift for her. Plus! It was fun.

San paused, trying his best to conceal his emotions as he asked

San : and why are you here now, to torture me again? Remind me of the fact that I killed our mother?

Soohyun : I was just here to have fun at your horrible state, see how the seed I planted has grown.

San : what else did you tell her? Did you tell her that you thought I also tried to poison our mother when I was 12?

Soohyun gasped as he said

Soohyun : oh no! whatever will I do, I completely forgot about that. Don't worry, you can tell her that yourself.

Soohyun chuckled as he leaned forward and ruffled san's hair before standing up

Soohyun : you don't deserve even an ounce of happiness after all that you've done, san. I hope you don't forget that, not like anyone would ever give someone like you happiness but you know.

Soohyun turned around and left just like that, leaving san alone in his office room. He let out a breath, letting his head drop into his hands.

____________________________________

Sowon felt utterly alone and exasperated, she had no idea what to think. She stared at her empty ring finger as she remembered the look on san's face when she'd thrown that at him and it had cracked, she'd never seen anyone look so broken before. And then she remembered him banging on the door, begging her to open it as he cried. She'd never seen him cry, never seen anyone cry so desperately and yet she hadn't opened the door. How could she?

Sowon flinched as she felt someone bang the door again, san's loud voice cutting through the silent room

San : you haven't eaten.

Sowon looked away from the door, clenching her hands as san banged the door again

San : you have to eat something sowon, come out!

Sowon didn't want to come out of her room when san was outside, she was scared.

San : sowon, either you come out or I open this door myself.

Sowon did not move from her place. And to her utter horror, a minute later san had opened the door to her room with his spare keys, stepping inside and staring right at her.

San : I went to work today despite feeling like dying just so you'd come out and have your meals. And then the maids tell me you still haven't had anything, are you crazy?

Sowon stared at san in part fear, wondering whether he'd harm her for not having had her meals and causing him anger.

San : sowon go to the dining hall and have you dinner, right now.

Sowon shook her head as she looked away, she was not hungry. San glared at her as he stepped forward, trying to hold her arm in order to get her to come with him.

He was just trying to get her to eat, but all sowon could see was the anger in san’s eyes, his hands coming to grab hers. She felt fear engulf her as sowon quickly moved away from him, her hands coming up to shield herself as she said in fear

Sowon : please don’t hurt me please! I'll eat, I…

Sowon breathed heavily as she curled her legs towards herself to protect herself, san's eyes widening as he stepped back in horror. He had just touched her arm…and she'd thought he was going to hurt her. She was scared of him, like he was some sort of a monster. Her small cries and whimpers were proof.

Sowon looked up with teary eyes as she watched san stumble back, his eyes wide and teary as he recoiled. And suddenly sowon felt her heart drop as she realized what she'd done, she had backed away from san like he was some otherworldly being.

Sowon : san.

Sowon quickly got up from her bed as she rushed to san, trying to hold his arm. But he snatched it back, staring at her with teary eyes as she said

Sowon : no I didn’t…I just wasn’t-

San : you…you thought I was going to hurt you.

San’s voice sounded desperate, broken beyond repair. He looked like she had just stabbed him. Sowon’s eyes softened at that as she said

Sowon : no I just…I-your mother-

San flinched as sowon realised that was the wrong thing to say given the situation, making her shake her head as she said in a hurry, trying to reach out for him again

Sowon : oh no, san-

Sowon cut herself off as san rushed out of her room, not letting her say anything more.

_____________________________________

San rushed into his bathroom, falling onto the floor with a sob as he brought his palms to his face. He tried muffling his sobs, feeling pathetic as his body shivered from the cold yet again. He hated himself, oh he had never hated himself so much before.

San looked up as he saw the razor blade sitting on the top of his sink, one he had used to shave a few days before. He felt himself grabbing it as he plucked the blade out, the force causing his finger skin to tear as blood oozed out. San let out a shaky sob as he pulled his sleeves up, staring down at the old cut marks on his arm. It had been years since he'd done this, but now he felt himself slowly relapsing, wanting to feel the pain again.

Anything, anything to stop the pain he was feeling in his heart.

And so san used the blade to cut through his arm, once again opening up the old and healed self harm cuts as blood dripped down onto the marble floor. He did not stop at just one cut, he cut his skin again and again, the pain seeping through his entire body as he felt his mind go numb.

This, this was what he wanted. His mind to go numb, and if hurting himself was what it took to make that happen, then so be it.

With another sob san cut his arm again, this time the blade going even deeper as san let out a groan in pain.

Nothing was as sharp and deep as sowon's words anyway.

_____________________________________

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter One

chapter warnings: none :)

yippee the first chapter is here!! pls bare with me it gets better, as i'm posting this i’m currently writing chapter 12 and personally i’m giggling and kicking my feet <3 i’ll also be cross posting this on ao3 when i remember my password!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Y/n, are you listening to me?" Bryan asks over the phone.

You were in the middle of making lunch, so your phone was left on the side on speaker as you got the bits you needed out of the fridge, shutting the door with your hip as you walked back to the counter.

"Oh sorry, what did you say?" 

"I asked if you wanted to join me and the boys on tour this summer. It'll be good to get some experience, not a lot of bands hire photographers who haven't had any touring experience, and I could certainly do with the help."

"You've got to be kidding.” You slammed the cucumber you were holding on the kitchen counter, shaking your head. “Bry, this is a joke, right?"

"No? Why would I be joking?"

"You're asking me to come on tour with you- with Bad Omens? Isn’t that in a week? You want me to go on tour, next week?!"

"Yes...?” He chuckled, "what's so unbelievable about it? You're my best friend, y/n, I wouldn't ask anybody else."

"Holy fuck." You threw your head in your hands. "I've only met the guys once before, Bry, and you know how that went down!"

"That's why I'm asking you this now. We can fly you out to stay with us for a week or so in California before we leave so you can get to know everyone properly. At least that way it won't be awkward when we're all forced to sleep on each other in the bus." Bryan laughed, knowing the thought of sleeping with at least probably 6 guys on a bus was the last thing you'd want to be doing this summer. 

"Well you guys can sleep on the bus, I'm booking hotels."

"So is that a yes...?" 

You paused and thought for a moment. This was an opportunity you would never be offered again in a million years, people would kill for this and you’d never forgive yourself if you turned it down.

"You fucker." You grinned, "I'm in."

Bryan booked you a flight that afternoon to LA, leaving the next night. You rushed around your apartment, throwing bits into your suitcase, most likely over packing because you couldn't help but panic that you would forget something. 

You couldn’t sleep that night, half of you feeling like you were going to throw up from nerves, half from excitement. The next day you sent a text to Bryan when you got in the taxi to leave for the airport, and he arranged for Matt to pick you up once you landed. 

To save even more costs, Bryan said that Noah had a spare room at his house, Jesse had recently moved out and he was happy to let you stay whilst you were there. The thought of staying with Noah made you feel slightly anxious, to say you had a little crush on him was an understatement. Ever since Bryan started working for them you'd been absolutely smitten by him, he was quite possibly the most gorgeous man you have ever laid eyes on. 

Bryan gave Matt your number, so you could text him when you landed. The flight went by pretty quick as you caught up on missed sleep and listened to a couple new albums from your favourite artists that you hadn't had the chance to listen to yet.

Once you'd gotten your bags back and gone through security, you let Matt know you were here and he was already on his way to pick you up. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Y/n!" Matt called out, and all of a sudden you spotted him getting out of his car. "Great to see you again." 

He took your suitcase and bags, putting them in the car, opening the passenger door for you too. 

"It's been a few years," you smile, "how are you? How are the dogs?"

"I'm doing pretty good. I moved recently, and the dogs love the new place, there's so much more room for them to run about and play. Me and Alyson are actually thinking of getting another one."

"Awh cute! So you guys are still together?"

"Yeah, I can’t believe it's been 5 years now. We have our ups and downs but I can't see myself with anyone else." You notice he can't help but smile as he talks about his girlfriend. 

"What about the guys? Are any of the others in relationships?"

"Ruffilo and Jolly have partners. Folio’s still getting over his ex and Noah's just Noah," he chuckles, "what's your love life currently like then?" 

"Well... it's non-existent. I've been working so hard for the last couple years I haven't had time to date or anything. I download and delete dating apps every other week, I don't like using them but there's no other way I'd meet anyone."

The rest of the journey back to Noah's house you continued to catch up with Matt. Besides Bryan, who's been your best friend since you were at school, you spoke to Matt the most out of the guys from the band since he was always active on social media. You often interacted with Folio and Nicholas (sometimes Jolly), but it wasn't ever much more than a happy birthday each year, or comments on each other’s instagram posts. Noah was an entirely different story. 

Finally, Matt pulled up to Noah's house, parking on the driveway. You felt nervous, you wanted to tell the guys somethings come up at home and quickly book a flight back, but then you heard the wheels of your suitcase rolling over the ground as Matt handed it to you and the door to Noah's house opening. 

"Y/n!" It was Folio, you immediately grinned back at him as he stood at the door, holding his arms out to welcome you with a hug, "it's great to see you again! How long has it been? 3 years?" 

"I know, it's crazy! Look how tatted you are now!" You felt like a grandma commenting on how tall their grandsons got. 

"You're lucky Bryan asked in advance for you to stay in Jesse’s old room," another voice spoke as you walked into the house, and then you spotted him, "Folio's now sleeping on the couch." Noah laughed. 

"Shit, sorry Nick," you chuckled, "but thanks for letting me stay, Noah. I was gonna book a hotel but when I told Bryan the price for just one night he didn't let me."

"Hey, no worries," he smiled, getting up from the sofa, "we can't wait to have you with us this tour. It is your first, isn't it?"

"Yep!"

"Cool,” he took your suitcase from you and led you up the stairs, “here’s your room, it’s actually the biggest in the house. I was contemplating switching so it could be mine but I haven’t had the time,” he chuckled, “but I think it works better now as the guest room.” 

“It’s lovely, thank you Noah.” 

“No problem! I put fresh sheets on this morning and everything… Also we’re getting the bathroom redone up here as there’s something wrong with the plumbing. But feel free to use the one connected to my room, and there’s also one downstairs but I’m sure you don’t wanna be going all the way down there in the middle of the night.” 

“That’s okay, I’m just grateful for the room.” You said, looking around. It was a rather big room, almost as big as your entire apartment. The walls were painted grey, with a few framed art pieces on the wall. The bed was against the wall by the window, the white sheets complementing the wooden frame. There was a tv on the wall and a dresser beneath it with a few Naruto funko pops decorating it.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me.” He smiled, and you felt your stomach do backflips. Noah looked a lot different to how you remembered him, his long hair was now short, his nails he had painted black were now plain, the skinny jeans were replaced by black joggers, but the most noticeable difference was his face, which seemed a lot more structured now, it's as if the haircut had changed everything. Sure, you had seen pictures of him on social media, but it was nothing compared to seeing him in person again. 

“I do, I’m essentially a stranger to you.” You chuckled, but he shook his head. 

“No you’re not, we met before, remember? Bryan’s 25th, in New York?”

You were slightly surprised he remembered the details, but then you remembered what happened at Bryan’s 25th birthday party in New York, and by the look on Noah’s face you could tell he also remembered. 

“Don’t bring that up!” You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment. 

“I basically had to babysit you!” He laughed, “a 23 year old woman who couldn’t handle her alcohol, spewed all across my jeans-”

“Hey, I got it on my dress too! And that was fucking expensive.” 

“I know, it was all you kept saying.” He laughed. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know if I apologised to you that night.” 

“You didn’t, but Bryan did. We had to kick Folio out of his hotel room that night because you were in no state to go anywhere without us, he had to share with Jolly in the end.”

“Poor guy probably hates me at this point.” You laughed, and Noah smiled. 

“I’ll leave you to unpack, I’ll be downstairs. There’s some things I need to double check with Matt before Thursday.” 

“Okay, thanks.” You smiled as he left, shutting the door behind himself. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Later that night, the guys were all downstairs watching some movie they’d been talking about for a while. You came down not long before it ended, as Noah said he was ordering food in for around 7pm. 

You sat down on the couch next to Noah, although there was a big gap between the two of you. You checked your phone for a moment, seeing if anything happened in the time it took you to walk down the stairs.

“So is anyone else coming to stay before tour?” You asked as Orie turned the movie off after watching the scene that played after the end credits. 

“Uh, I think Nicholas is coming the day before we leave.” Noah answered, reaching for his phone. “Jolly only lives down the street now with his girlfriend so he doesn’t need to travel too far, and Ash lives nearby-”

“Ash?” You question, not having heard that name before. 

“My personal trainer, he comes on tour with us as security when he’s available.” Now that he’s mentioned it, you realise he does look pretty buff. 

However, you quickly snap out of your thoughts as the doorbell rings and Folio (as he was closest) gets up to answer it. 

“Guys, foods here!” Folio shouts from the kitchen as he puts it down on the counter. 

You all get up and make your way to the kitchen, you help Folio to work out whose is whose as Noah gets out some plates and Orie gets the forks. You take it through to the living room and Noah passes you the remote to put something on whilst you all eat. You settle on some random show as you know it’ll just be background noise, you have a lot of catching up to do. 

“So, Nick, you still go fishing?” You asked, shoving a forkful of food into your mouth. 

“Yeah, I actually went at the weekend with some of my friends before leaving to come here.”

“Wait, so where do you live now?”

“Back in Maryland, baby!” He grinned, grabbing his beer from the coffee table, “I’ve been thinking about moving again though, the only reason I stayed was because… well-” 

You realised where this was leading.

“Why don’t you think about it whilst we’re touring? About moving, I mean. A fresh start might do you good.” You sent him a smile, which he reciprocated. 

“That’s what the guys keep telling me, and now Noah has a couple rooms free I’ve said I’ll think about it.” 

“So what about you, y/n?” Noah asked, “would you ever consider moving somewhere like here? I mean when your career starts taking off after this, it’ll be better to be somewhere where you can travel more easily and there’s more connections.” 

“I haven't even thought about that…” You admit, “and it’s if my career takes off. I don’t want to get too excited and then not get booked for years, or to go on this tour and find that I hate it.”

“Hey!” Folio looked genuinely offended, “you’re not gonna hate it, I promise you that.” 

“It’s just… I don’t know what to expect, and there’s nothing I hate more than the unknown.” 

Noah moves his hand to rub your knee as you were sat beside him with your legs crossed, your plate in your lap, as if to comfort you, to reassure you- but it only took your breath away.

“Everything will be okay, y/n. I know where you’re coming from, I’m the same. Every morning and night we go through the plan for the day, where we have to travel, how long it’ll take, how long the breaks will be, if we’ve booked a table to go to eat. I promise we’ll all look out for you... It’s not like I haven't done it before.” He smirks. 

“I told you not to bring that up!” You slap him playfully, and the other two guys in the room look over in confusion. All Noah had to mention was ‘Bryan’s 25th’ and they both got it. 

“God, how could we forget.” Folio laughed, and Orie just watched in confusion. 

“Fuck you guys.” You said, reaching for your pepsi, “maybe on this tour you’ll get so drunk that I’ve got to take care of you!” You raise your eyebrows at Noah. 

“Hm, only problem is I don’t drink anymore so I don’t see that happening.” 

“You don't? Wow, sorry Noah I didn't know that. That's got to have been tough.” 

“It was in the beginning, but now it doesn’t bother me. I like waking up with a clear head in the mornings.” 

That smile was going to be the death of you.

——————————

@miss570 @miamore0570 @lma1986 @rumoured-whispers @thisbicc @dominuslunae @jilliemiw86 @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[our-trans-youth-experience]

I feel so hopeless.

I don’t think I can wait until im 18 to transition. I dont know if I can even stay alive that long. Hell I cant stand the thought of having this body for 5 more years. My mom recently told me that she wouldn’t bear to look at me anymore if I ever got an abortion or top surgery, which I know is wrong for her to believe, but it still hurts so much. I’m not even out to her yet and she’s still being transphobic towards me and honestly I didn’t think that was possible. I don’t feel like a real transgender because I can’t even decide on a name for myself. I don’t even look like a boy. The only thing I can do is bind. My transmasc friend can pass so much better than me, I feel like he gets misgendered so much less than I do, and I just think he’s so lucky. Is it wrong for me to think that? I don’t know but I’ve lost so much hope. I don’t know anything. And it just feels like no one else really gets it.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

I’m sorry for the heavy ask.

-Lib (maybe, still considering other names)

Hey kiddo,

I know it feels hopeless, and I've been there (and still am there sometimes ngl). Your mother doesn't sound like a very good one, if she won't support her child's decisions about what they do with their body. It's your body, so it's completely up to you what to do with it even if that means you lose your mother's support. I'd recommend you avoid coming out to your mother as I don't think it'd be a safe thing for you to do. It's hard, not being "properly" out, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

You are really trans, you aren't faking it. You're trans enough and I believe you. If you still look "like a girl", I believe you and am currently in the same situation. Some of my trans friends change their name every week, some have multiple names at once, it doesn't make them any less trans. You say you can bind, so hang onto that because that is awesome! (That being said please remember to do so as safely as possible even if you have really bad dysphoria)

Please try not to compare yourself to other trans people you know, it doesn't help. However, it isn't wrong for you to be doing that because we all compare ourselves, although we probably shouldn't. Transition is not linear and everyone's transition is different and at a different pace because everyone's situation is different. So if your transition is at a slower pace, that doesn't make you any less trans, your journey just has more turns and is a bit more complicated.

There is hope, and I know it's what everyone says but I promise it's true: it does get better. It's not going to happen overnight, but things will get easier.

You say that noone really understands, but I promise I do. I'm still a kid, with an abusive/unsupportive mother, who has a few years left until I'm an adult and will likely rely on my parents for a while longer. I haven't come out to any of my family and only some of my friends, and I still look as much like a girl as I did when I was 5 years old. I struggled for years and still do, although I think I'm recovering. There's a whole bunch more, but simply put I'm in a very similar situation to you, you're not alone I promise.

It's not hopeless, I love you and I am here for you, and I need you to stay, even though I know how tough it is. Please reach out to me whenever you need to, I would be happy to talk to you as a friend and both my messages and my inbox are always open, although I'll likely reply to messages more quickly and they won't be posted. You are so loved, and I am here for you, stay safe <3

-Sage (he/they) :)

[explodingchantry]

hi sorry to come into your inbox for this but i just need. to gripe. every new bit of info we get about the new DA game is making me more and more preemptively tired lol. mostly the way it's looking like eeevery bit of lore that's been revealed has something to do with such and such book. or this comic over here. or this podcast from two years ago. or THIS podcast that is happening now that's a ~discord exclusive~. or this youtube series. or this random VA talk show. etc etc ad nauseam. i am so tired of videogames coming with HOMEWORK you're expected to do just to know what's going on

Please never apologise for sending messages!!

I think its honestly REALLY funny how bioware just doesn't know what it wants. On one hand they say that the new game is fine for newcomers, the way they did for dai, and use this as an excuse for how dumbed down some of the writing is - but then in the other hand the majority of the characters and plot beats have origins hidden behind pay walls.

It was already bad enough when, to understand each game properly you had to have paid for the previous one's dlc (want to know anders' past as a warden? Buy awakening! Want to know wtf is up with Morrigan and the eluvians? Buy witch hunt! Want to know who tf corypheus is and what hawke and varric even have to do with him? Buy legacy! Want to understand ANYTHING about veilguard? Play the descent AND trespasser, our epilogue that we hid behind a paywall!!!!!) and you know at least the dlcs were pretty good on their own so I could forgive it a little bit.

But there's so much extra media now omg I haven't touched a single one of the comics because I'm not rly into American comics, I've read almost all the books and some of them are genuinely fucking mid. And at least back in the day the books were more... Bonuses? You DONT need to read the stolen throne to understand anything on the games, but it's INTERESTING. it explores characters you mightve been curious about. I love that ! Or the last flight is really interesting, just, to see how the 4th blight was beaten, to get to know those legendary heroes, and know why griffons went extinct. A bit annoying because you do need to read it to also understand how the hell they're coming back - but it still feels a bit more like a bonus than a necessity.

But then we have asunder, which also in general just kinda sucks as a book, that is really really needed to understand the mage rebellion, Fiona, Cole, and the cure for tranquility. The characters will explain a lot of those things to you in game, but it leaves you with the certain feeling that you're missing something. It's a huge advertisement for asunder.

Similarly wicked eyes and wicked hearts is hollow if you haven't read the masked empire which is also my least favorite book because it's so damn fucking boring I literally never managed to finish it, but it's mostly because I hate Trick Weekes' writing lmfao. Gaider was wildly misogynistic but my god at least he was entertaining as a writer whenever he didn't butcher female characters.

That's two major plot beats in inquisition that require reading one of the books. And ofc it's major villain and another major plot beat that require having played the previous game's dlc to properly understand.

And since then we've had so much more. I don't know. It's just complicated because I *like* book characters showing up and the books having importance in the sense that, I like reading and I'm a lore nerd lol. But I think there's a lot of frustration to be had as to the sheer quantity of extra media you need to consume if you want to be invested in the story. Because you could say "well just don't buy them then" but I LIKE dragon age, it's story, and plot, but omg some of the books and comics are also so hard to find and so EXPENSIVE. I think tevinter nights costs like 20£ if you want it on paperback rather than Kindle, and don't get me started on the dozens of comics.

At least the podcasts and discord only content isn't nearly as offensive, imo, because they're free. But also there's another issue with all of this extra content - it's that it doesn't get fucking translated. Not often, anyway. Not in as many languages as the games do. That means there are many, many many many players and fans who are just not allowed to learn more about their favorite game series because they don't speak English, because theyre not rich enough to buy 10 books and 20 comics. It feels a bit wrong

[muse-matrix]

So... It's been a while since I last logged in here. Longer still since I properly did... much of anything here, outside of a few scattered posts. Part of me had been kinda dreading coming back here but looking at when my activity really dramatically dropped off, I think I understand what happened.

So, way back in february of last year, I was bouncing between a lot of things. I was running around doing a bunch of stuff to try and secure a new job, and I did manage that- A big component of my not being here was just me adjusting to having to work again, after being unemployed for almost an entire year. It was tough to get the right structure going, but I managed it. And despite starting college just a couple weeks ago, I've mostly managed that too so far, I think.

But that isn't... the main reason why. Probably. I think.

You see, what else happened in february, was that I got booted from a community I'd been a part of for years. It encompassed my involvement in a card game I loved, as well as the FF14 free company I'd been part of at the time. Someone who was, at one time, a good friend of mine misinterpreted something, and was so incensed by it, they took some things I said out of context and absolutely slandered me to the mod team of that community. (Yes, it actually is as bad as it sounds. I checked.) As a result, I was privately labeled some pretty nasty things, and shunted from their discord server without so much as a word. None of them would speak to me, none of them would even give me a chance to tell my side of things.

Obviously, that stung. A lot.

It had me pretty dejected about a lot of stuff, for a really long time. Probably why I mostly got off of here- I retreated to a different blog where there was less pressure (self-imposed) and more freedom for me to just, kinda, do whatever I wanted without fear or worry. I needed space and freedom to move myself around how I wanted for a while. And then that led to me feeling bad about not coming back here, which made me put off coming back here even longer... You see where this goes.

But at this point, it's been a year and a half. I'm pretty much over that fiasco, I haven't spoken to any of those people since, and they've evidently been content to leave it alone too, given I haven't had any mobs of angry pitchfork-wielding card game players coming after me.

And recently, Kako came back! She's RPing again and that's fun to see. I know a lot of you I've still been in contact with regardless, her included, so most of you probably are already aware of a lot of this stuff, but writing all this out is part of my process, so bear with it. The important thing is, after a lot of time and thinking about things, and seeing friends return to RPing and watching things happen from afar... God, do I want to get back into it with you all.

I very likely still won't be super active, but I'm going to at least try to be consistent. This is supposed to be my main, after all. I'll probably take the next week or so to clean up the muse list, cut a bunch of stuff, get a bit more focused and the like. Not that I'll actually stop playing any given muse- I'm wont to flip-flop between characters I enjoy, and I'm loathe to let fun interactions pass me by just because a character 'isn't on my muse list', but I ought to give myself a bit of structure, at least.

So... I'll try to be here every day, at least. Even if it's just to check in. This'll be a fresh start for me, I'd say, not that any of my old lore or whatever is getting abandoned. It's just... It's been a long time. It'll take some easing back into things for me, so I'm not even going to worry about whatever asks have been left to rot in my inbox, stuff like that.

Given it's been such a long time, some of you may... have blogs that I'm not currently following, cause I've missed them or what have you. So uh, if that's the case, please shoot me a message so I can correct that.

[ohbo-ohno]

this is bad. this is REALLLLL bad. i was just a normal gal til I read your ghoap puppy play. i. just. what the fuck. now, first of all, i’m even MORE kinky than before, and you’ve infected my writing too

like soap gets all pouty when ghost first starts training because what the hell, he didn’t sign up for this :((( and like when ghost makes him sleep in the crate because he’s been bad, edges him for weeks because mutts don’t get rewards, he can’t help but hump the bars and whine all night ‘til ghost groans, wakes up, and then degrades him until he falls silent again :(((

and ghost doesn’t even give a shit. cuz it doesn’t matter if Johnny is our talking with literally anyone on base, ghost can literally just say a few little words and poor soap just slips right back into the puppy headspace :(( and then he gets all whiney when they’re alone and can’t help it when he starts to bark, nuzzling closer like the good boy he is :(((

omg ew what have I become

i love hearing that my stuff is what got people into puppyplay but it never fails to fucking BLOW my mind. ME??? are you sure????

anyways the last paragraph of this ask made me loooooooose my fucking mind. i don't think you meant it this way but i would KILL to be able to write hypno properly, there's sooo much fun there. hypnotizing someone to be your puppy.... they don't know why they feel like dropping to their knees every time you whistle :(((

equally as fun, of course, is just regular ol' training. ghost getting soap conditioned to certain signals and sounds, doing it so casually that soap doesn't even notice. goes so far that soap stops responding to commands from other people - the first time soap looks to ghost instead of price in the field (ignoring price, waiting for ghost), simon nearly fucking melts. praises his boy for hours when they get home

"ghost makes him sleep in the crate because he’s been bad, edges him for weeks because mutts don’t get rewards, he can’t help but hump the bars and whine all night ‘til ghost groans, wakes up, and then degrades him until he falls silent again" has been something i've been meaning to actually write a full scene out for for MONTHS now but i never have. it's just. godddddddd i fucking. ugh i can't. SO goddamn hot, it's egregious. i can't

ghost playing with soap (even in public) with miscellaneous items... love. ceilidh has this tweet that i haven't stopped thinking about since she posted it. just...

ghost making soap grab him things by saying "fetch that for me" and eventually shortening it to just "fetch" :( holding things a little too long when he offers them to johnny, making him play a quick game of tug of war :( grabbing johnny by the jaw and shaking his head real rough when he's not listening :( taking him on walks when he gets all wound up so he doesn't make a mess of himself or ghost's room :( goddamn i could write a whole drabble for every single one of these ideas if i was in the right fucking mood. hate it here

[diviningrodtv]

Oh yeah, NSH Time.

I've been holding this post back for like a week😅

I absolutely love how NSH came out and I think he's currently my favourite rain world model that I've done! (Sorry Pebbles, I'm going to upgrade you later anyway :]

I also made his scarf easily removable so you can see how the stripes aren't just on his head! The stripes and his irises also glow, but a bit brighter than the areas on Five Rotten Pebbles.

His antennae are pretty similar to how I did Sliver's, especially considering I did his first! XD They're separated from his head a bit.

Also if you've noticed in my art that his eyes are the exact same as in the model here, that's because they are! I tried finding a way to draw them how I usually might, but I just couldn't get the same vibe! So I said, "Fuck it!" and I've been drawing over his model ever since XD

NSH is also who I used to make the "umbilical arm" model! So if you saw those posts, that's why the textures are all messed up!

And here it is in all it's glory!

It's mostly made of ball joints with a flexible joint attached to the back. The last segment also twists just like your forearm bones!

Also..... lore shit below cause I have, plans™ so-

If you don't want to know why NSH is acting strange on my blog yet, read no further!

(there's also some downpour spoilers, and some other disturbing things)

*slaps top of can* This bad boy can fit so much fucking insanity in him. (cw: self-harm yeah you heard me)

If you haven't figured it out already (I did drop hints :) NSH's structure is damaged! His legs are giving out because a group of scavengers thought it would be funny to transport all of their explosives at once.

So he's in a bit of a pickle!

This is when Looks to the Moon and Five Pebbles' communication tower is repaired! During their first conversation in a very long time, NSH finds out about good ol' Hunter long legs, and is rightfully distraught! He feels like a total failure, that he wasn't experienced enough to properly create his messenger.

That's what this whole post was about!

But, experience is something that can be gained.

NSH figured if Five Pebbles was able to leave his can, then he should be able to as well, but that requires solving the three problems I mentioned in the Five Rotten Pebbles post:

The self-genome modification barrier,

A general lack of puppet central brain matter, and

No material processing within the puppet.

I'll talk about my umbilical lore for this AU here since it's relevant.

Either the "cord" or the "arm" can be disconnected, but not both. This is for ease of repair by administrators. Disconnecting them both would leave the unfortunate Iterator fully functional. Although, they would be blind in the visible spectrum (apart from overseers), unable to speak directly to someone in their chamber, and would otherwise have their workflow be severely impaired. They would effectively be trapped in their own head.

NSH realised that even if the barriers existed, they could still have the intentions, to break them. So what would happen, if he broke one? Not by writing it out of his system, Five Pebbles already proved how risky that method was, but instead by setting his actions in motion faster than any barrier could stop them? This was something to test, and wasn't that what Iterators were built to do anyway?

Umbilicals can only be disconnected by administrators, but what if he were to do it anyway? He needed to leave his can after all, it wouldn't be much of a loss if he was stuck on the floor of his chamber or floating aimlessly in zero gravity for a while.....

So what if he just ran fast enough to rip himself off?

What if he moved his arm back at the last second, could he gain enough inertia to pull it out of his back? Even if it took a few tries?

What other choices does he have? Perfect Five Pebbles' method until he collapses and continue even then? He had time, but not enough for that, and The Hunter certainly did not have any time for waiting around. NSH had to fix his mistake, he had to.

So this bastard goes and does exactly that, and short-circuits his entire system.

Not just breaking the umbilical maintenance barrier, but every other one in the process.

And it all hurts like hell.

But that's the first problem solved, and now he can help keep himself afloat longer. So that now, he can figure out how to solve the other two problems with precision.

Of course, the others won't like any of these plans, but, after what Five Pebbles did, they wouldn't dare disturb him if he stopped responding, right?

And maybe, he could even hijack their communications array, to look for help.

>:]

yeah so NSH is not sane