#i haven't been able to write creatively and enjoy it in so long but this was nice

[cbuumbbles]

[Decode Pt. 2] Self-Aware! Caleb x fem!reader

CW: Smut, this shits gonna get freakyyy, 18+ MDNI. (Contains: egregious squirting, vaginal fisting, cunnilingus, unrealistic belly bulge, HES GOT A HUGE PENIS GUYS, so many orgasms, water breaks to stay hydrated, size kink ??, def hand kink, dacryphilia, misuse of evol, drooling, choking, tummy appreciation in missionary, breeding kink too possibly?? not really, but maybe if you squint, idk if I’m missing anything else w/ out spoiling). SORRY FOR THIS LAUNDRY LIST. I got carried away :p

Summary: You and Caleb had been dating for a while now and your needs couldn't be more met than they are with him.

A/N: Hi people! If you haven't read part 1, go read it! Part 1 is not freaky btw. This is my second time writing for this godforsaken website. So I still don't know how to make it look fancy. Bare with me. Anywho! I hope you enjoy, this is my first time in a long time writing smut, so if it's bad, just tell me nicely so I can fix it. Also sorry this took so long to get out after part 1, I have had 0 time to write.

Part 1

Caleb had finally convinced you to quit your job so he could take care of you full time. You loved the time off, he made sure to pamper you too. Your nails were always done, hair trimmed, and your back massaged. When he wasn't home, you started having to get creative with ways to entertain yourself. He had bought you a vibrator a while back which helped entertain you until he got home. You'd think it'd wear you out by the time he got home, but something inside of you was like an insatiable beast that needed to jump on Caleb as soon as he got home from work. Caleb loved every second of it, he loved giving you as much pleasure as you wanted. If you thought you were spoiled before you got together, you haven't seen anything yet. Caleb would do anything you asked him to, and you've asked him to do a lot. He's always happy to oblige and eager to please you. Being able to code anything about your reality was a life saver. Since he knew what you liked, he coded himself to be able to give you the maximum amount of pleasure you'd ever want. He was also surprised about how you weren't completely dehydrated all of the time, but he made sure you drank plenty of water, even having water breaks in the middle of sex to keep you from passing out.

Right now, you were using your vibrator on your shared bed, waiting for Caleb to come home. All you could think about was how good it's gonna feel once you start feeling his fingers filling you up. You started to imagine his fingers teasing your folds, gathering your wetness and spreading it around. His thick fingers were something you drooled over every time you saw them, they were perfect and all you could picture in your mind when you saw them was how nice they feel pumping inside of you. The vivid fantasies started to feel real when you swear you can feel his fingers start to slip inside of your dripping pussy. They felt so real that you opened your eyes to find Caleb, home from work. "Hi princess, I'm home." He whispers, smiling at you while his fingers were pulling squelching sounds from you. It was embarrassing how wet he could get you. But he knew all of the places he needed to get to in order for you to get undone on his fingers. He bent down, using his tongue to lap up some of the mess you were making. "Always taste amazin', pretty." He praised you. You were moaning in response, unable to form proper words. But that's how he always had you, it was like magic. He could melt your mind in an instant with just his fingers, something he was extremely proud of. All you could say was 'more' and 'Caleb,' it was like a mantra. He sticks another finger in, making it a total of three, but he knew you could handle the whole fist tonight, you were sopping. The spot under you was drenched in your squirt. He loved how messy you were and that he was the only one who could get you to that point.

"I- close, Caleb 'm close." You hurried out, he kept his same pace as you felt the white hot pleasure building in your stomach. The journey to the orgasm was almost as pleasurable as letting go, maybe it was because you knew what was about to happen.

"Come on, angel, come on my fingers." He coaxed, his words being the final push that sends you over the edge. You moan and whine out his name as you feel your pussy pulse around his fingers, squeezing them in. As you ride out your high on his fingers, the feeling fades and you start working yourself up again. He adds another finger, making it four and you feel amazing, on cloud nine. The water works were going everywhere and you couldn't shut your mouth, as hard as you tried. You were making a mess of Caleb, thankfully he undressed himself before starting in on you, you could see drops of your squirt on his chest which made you incredibly more horny somehow. "You're doing so good, takin' me so well, pretty. You think you can handle the whole fist now?" He asked. All you could do was nod your head fervently. "I wanna hear your words baby, think you can do that for me, or are you too fucked out to speak?" He knew the answer, anything past three and you were completely melted. "My dumb little angel forgot how to speak. You're lucky I know you so well, I know exactly what you need." He coos, adding the last finger. You could feel him reaching every possible spot he needed to, his fingers stretching you out and getting you ready for his cock. You felt that familiar feeling start building up again as you suck in his fingers subconsciously. He could tell you were getting close by the way your walls were spasming around his hand. "You're so greedy with my fingers baby, it's makin' me jealous. You're taking me so well, pretty. Getting all stretched out for what's coming later. Gettin' so wet for me, you're drenching the bed. You're doing such a good job, princess. Come all over my fingers." He spoke, all of his praises going straight to your core as you felt that burning hot feeling again.

"Caleb, Caleb, Caleb." You repeated in quick succession, you could feel your release rapidly approaching.

"That's it, come on, angel. Let yourself go, beautiful." He says. His encouraging words help you focus on getting to your release and when you finally snap, it's just as intense as last time. You pulse around his fist and your legs start shaking. You know that tomorrow will have to be a recovery day for, the night is still long from over. "Let me get a taste, baby. Can you sit up for me?" He asks, you try your hardest, able to get to your knees. Your brain was fried and all you cared about was getting more. He handed you your water as you took slow sips, learning not to chug it all at once by now. "Sweet girl, that feel better?" He asks, taking the water back to set it down, as you nod your head. He lays down on the bed and you know exactly what he wants. You hover yourself above his head, staring down at him through tired lids. He grabs your thighs and pulls you down onto his face, he moans in pleasure as a response. "So good, angel. Taste so good." He moans into your pussy, using his tongue to fuck your hole while his nose was rubbing into your clit. You couldn't help your hands traveling down to his head to push him up further into you, using your hips to grind on his face. You were so spoiled, using his face like this, but he loved every second of it. You tasted tart which reminded him of his favorite fruits. You could hear him sucking everywhere he could get his mouth on, it felt so good. You desuctioned yourself from Caleb's mouth, with a wet plop and a whine from him, to turn around to put your hands on his chest. Now he was nose deep in your pussy and his tongue was working on your clit. You fucked his nose, hearing the sound of labored breathing through his muffled mouth. You saw his hips buck up into the air as he was holding you down on his face like a vice.

You just tasted too good, the remnants of squirt still coating your sex. His moans were deep with a heavy vibration that you felt throughout your entire body. It was enough to have you heaving for air as you got closer to your third release, from him, that night. He began sucking on your clit, tonguing it while the pressure from the suction helped get you off. The suction started building your release as you started getting desperate for release. "Please Caleb. I need it so so so bad." You beg, it coming out labored from how little you could focus on anything other than releasing on his face. The sounds of his muffled moaning mixed with the wet sounds coming from both of you were what you focused on to finally snap and pulse your cunt onto his face. You could hear his muffled praises from underneath you as he worked you through your third orgasm of the night.

He lifted you off of his face and flipped your positions with ease. You think you're finally ready for his dick, but he has other plans. "I'm not done tasting you yet. I didn't get nearly enough time with that gorgeous pussy in my face." He said, your slick coating and dripping off his face. He dips his head between your legs again and starts his attack on your sensitive bud again. You jolt in response from how sensitive you were. You felt like you had nothing more to give, but every time Caleb would start up again, you'd be proven wrong. There was a battle in your mind. You wanted to go to bed for the night, but you also wanted every single orgasm he was about to give you. You buck up into his face, grabbing his head to push it down into you, but your hands are pulled from him and held by an invisible force. You whine, trying to fight his evol holding you down. "If you weren't so greedy, I wouldn't have to keep your hands above your head." He comments, looking at you while sticking two fingers in your hole. You gasped, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. His fingers were pushing against your gummy walls, hitting every spot with a precision that made you favor fingers over anything else. Caleb knew your preference and made sure to spoil you. You felt him go back to sucking on your clit, still pumping his fingers into you. It was like he was the conductor of the most beautiful sounding symphony and you didn't want it to end. Everything was so overwhelming that you couldn't help but beg, but you didn't know what you were begging for. Caleb loved hearing your pleading voice repeating his name. He loved breaking your mind with pleasure. There wasn't a time that the sex you had together didn't end up in you becoming a drooling mess. You tasted amazing, he couldn't get over it. If they made a drink inspired by you, he'd drink it every day. He couldn't get enough of you, because, just like him, he is just as insatiable as you are. He'd eat you out all night if he you'd last without passing out. You definitely last longer now, you're able to have more orgasms in one session. You used to get wiped out after two, but he's trained you to go to four. Tonight he wants to try for six, he knows you're ready, that you're so good for him. His tongue wouldn't relent, keeping a sickening, steady pace that made your mind swim with thoughts that were nothing but Caleb. The combination of everything with the steady pace he was keeping and his moans into your sex made the feeling start to build up again. Your moaning turned into whines and whimpers the closer you got to finishing. You could feel tears threatening to spill from the overwhelming amount of times you've came and you didn't know what number Caleb planned on stopping at. He loved making you orgasm, it was one of his favorite things to do. He also loved watching tears roll down your face from how overwhelming the pleasure was.

"Caleb!" You whined out as you were pushed over the edge again, for your forth orgasm. Your breaths were uneven as you tried to come back down. He kept going until you rode out your high, stopping to grab your water again, knowing you'd need it after how much fluid you lost. Again, you sip it, tears drying streaks onto your face, your hair a wild mess from all of the thrashing you were doing and Caleb didn't think there was a prettier sight in the world.

"So pretty baby, such a mess for me. Like a work of art." Caleb was no artist, but he thought that if he were, you'd be his best work. Your chest was heaving as you took in breaths through your nose as you kept sipping the water. Your eyes were closed and you felt ready to fall asleep, but you also craved more. You wanted his cock and thankfully that was the next part of the night. "You ready, angel?" He asked you. You just nodded, handing your water to him with your eyes still closed. "Are you too sleepy?" He asked causing you to groan in protest. He had fucked all of the words out of you. "Alright then, greedy." He narrowed his eyes at you, like a predator with their prey.

You feel his evol moving your legs, folding you in half. Then you felt him hovering over top of you. You open your eyes to see a slice of heaven. His face was glistening with sweat and your juices, same with his chest. You could smell your arousal on him now and it made you realize he had been too busy eating your cunt to even kiss you yet, so you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him into one. You can taste yourself on his lips as your tongues meet together, fighting for dominance. Neither won, but the war was still raging. You bit his bottom lip to surprise him. He moaned in response, taking the hint and doing the same thing back. Your fingers were tangled in his hair to try and pull him closer to you because he never seemed close enough. You desperately wanted to wrap your legs around his torso to slam him down onto you, but he still had his evol holding your legs in that stretching position. You whined into the kiss, wanting friction from him so badly. “Please, Caleb. I need you.” You whimpered, looking at him with the most desperate look in your eyes. He couldn’t say no to you, especially not when you were looking at him like that.

You had taken him many times before, but you still needed a pretty big warm up before he could penetrate you. Saying his cock was big was an understatement. It caused a delicious belly bulge every time he’d go in. “Alright honey, I’m gonna start sliding it in.” He warned you. You felt his tip prod at your entrance making you impatiently eager. The first feeling of his cock entering you made you gasp. It was never not shocking to feel how girthy he was. You felt him keep going and you thought he must almost be done by now, until you heard him say. “Tip’s almost in, honey. You’re doing amazing.” And with that a final pop and his tip was officially in. Now the real challenge was being able to take all of him in. You hated leaving some of his dick out; you didn’t think it was fair for some of his dick to have a taste and the other part left in the dust. This is where the previous size training comes in handy. You can handle all of him, it just takes time to get it all in. After that, it’s smooth sailing.

“God, Caleb.” You choke out, eyes going wide at the sensation of how full you were feeling already.

“Don’t tell me you’re already quitting? We’re not even half way yet, angel.” He teases you.

“No, please keep going. Need more.” You muttered, gripping his biceps for dear life. As full as you felt, he was right, you were so greedy. He loved how you always craved so much of him. He was happy to oblige. He kept sliding further into you that you could feel him in unusual places, but you loved it. You craved it. You couldn’t wait to see him poking through your tummy.

“Almost there, love. Doing so well for me. Takin’ me like you were made for me, baby.” His praises made you throb around his dick, which earned a hiss from him. “Careful, princess.” He warns. You feel the last of him bottom out with his balls on your ass. “Did so good for me. Look at that.” He said, forcing your head, with his evol, to look at the bulge he made. The sight literally made you drool. You were shocked it took you this long to start drooling, but the sight before you was delicious. You detangle one of your hands from his hair to press down on it. You both moaned in response. He starts thrusting and you started seeing stars. He went slow at first, like always, to ease you into it. You knew his mercy wouldn’t last for much longer. Instead of begging for a faster pace, you relished in the calm before the storm. That surprised Caleb considering you were usually whining at him at this point. He figured it must’ve been because of how many orgasms you had that night. Still more to come! “Always so tight for me.” Caleb manages to grunt out. He loved missionary because he got to watch your tits bounce up and down. Your cute little tummy made the same bouncing movements too that he loved.

Then he sped up and you were gripping his biceps like a lifeline. Your face was dug into his neck, biting into his shoulder and accidentally drooling on it. Caleb loved witnessing you turn to mush beneath him. It was a feeling he would never get over, he'd do it forever if you'd let him. You looked perfect, your sweat was making your hair stick to your forehead and it gave your skin a beautiful glow. Your flushed cheeks were calling out to him to kiss them. He peppered your cheeks in kisses as you moaned out his name. You felt yourself building to climax again, this was past your limit. You knew you could do more, Caleb always brought it out in you. Your squirt was spraying up from being smacked into, it was a mess. You could tell how much Caleb loved it by the feral sounds he was making paired with the aggressive thrusting. He had you hovering off of the bed now, holding you up with his arms and keeping your thighs at torso level with his evol. He was grunting in your ear, telling you how beautiful you were, how much he loved you, and other sweet nothings. It helped push you over the edge to the point where you were gripping so hard on his biceps that your fingers turned white and half moons from your fingernails would linger for a couple of days. "Caleb." You whined out, your voice coming out in waves of volume that matched the thrusts he was pounding into you.

"That's it baby, you got it. You're almost done." He said. With every steady, rough thrust, you could feel the build getting faster and faster until eventually it all climaxed and you started pulsing around him, once again. His dick had finally had a taste of your orgasm pulsing around him. It was like you were trying to milk him. He could've came, but he knew he needed to last a little longer to pull that one last sweet orgasm from you. "'m not done yet, princess. Just hold on until I can fill you up." He instructs you, causing you to moan. His pace was relentless and it felt sweet going in and out of you. You were addicted to it at that point, wanting to feel him stuffing your pussy full forever. You'll have to ask if you can cockwarm him sometime soon. He'd obviously agree, but he wouldn't make it easy for you.

He flips you over, using his strength to arch your back and choke you from behind. He used his evol to keep your head back while he stuck two fingers in your mouth. The slight pressure his evol added to your neck was addictive. You sucked and bit down on his fingers, moaning his name. He felt so much bigger from behind that it was almost ridiculous. Your whimpers and whines faded into the distance only to be replaced by viceral moans as he pounded into you with a sickening pace. The noises coming from your sex was like music to your ears. His fingers in your mouth caused you to drool more. Thankfully, you were in the spare bedroom so that way you could change the sheets and clean the mattress and still have a bed to lie down in to get aftercare. Because with the way you were making a mess out of both ends, you'd need a dry place to sleep. "Mmm." You loudly whine, feeling it build up again.

"You almost there again, already?" He teased you. He loved looking at you from behind too. He loved looking at you from any position really. He thought you were the most beautiful angelic person to ever exist. "Come on baby, let's cum together. I'm gonna fill you up." He said as his hands dwared your hips as he began to hold them to slam you back into him. Your tears started up again as they began to stream down your face.

You felt it build up and up and up until it finally spilled over, you spasmed on his cock, feeling impaled. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." You said over and over again like a mantra.

"Fuck baby, I'm cumming." He groaned, pumping his cock into you. You could feel him paint your pulsing walls. It all felt so warming, it could put you to sleep. He pumped his last few times to finish inside of you, pulling out of you and immediately pulling you into him for a much needed hug. "So beautiful and perfect. I love you so much, honey." He said, using the nickname you used to have when you'd fake date. Those same butterflies from back then found their way to your stomach too.

"Mm, love you too... S'much." You muttered out as best you could. You could tell you were fading fast. All you wanted was to fall asleep in his arms while he played with your hair. You also realized how thirsty you were too. "Water?" You asked. He was already one step ahead of you, holding the straw up to your lips. You took sips, making contented sighs as you leaned back into him. This was heaven, you were sure of it. Every day he'd treat your needs as the top priority. You couldn't express how much you truly loved him. It was impossible because there weren't grand enough words to describe it.

"Let's get to bed, baby. You look so tired." He cooed at you, lifting you up and carrying you into your shared bedroom. He laid you down in the bed, going to grab a towel to clean the mess in between your thighs. "You did so well. Six in one session. And that's not even counting the ones you had before I got home. You're so amazing baby. I knew you could do it." He spoke on his way back from the bathroom. He cleaned me and then him, tucking me into the covers and turning on the ceiling fan. He threw the towel in the dirty laundry and finally joined me in bed. By the time he climbed in beside me, I was already half asleep. He turned me around to cuddle me into his chest and I fell asleep with a content smile on my face with his fingers playing with my hair.

[pigeonstab]

Okay so!! This is my first time doing creative writing since middle school basically, I did my best and I had fun so, hope you enjoy! (It's under the cut bc I don't want to have it be too long of a post) Also. English is not my first language, (lmao ik) if some sentences are wack it's because I tried to do something cool and it didn't work.

It's about my college AU and I tried to give enough context for it to be understandable even if you haven't looked through the tags but this is meant to be middle of the story kind of stuff so I do recommend that you check it out before reading..

Also @somegrumpynerd

Killer shivered from the cold in the apartment building. 142, Cross’s door number had been hard to find as the 2 had fallen off, leaving only a lighter imprint on the grimy gray walls.

He probably shouldn’t be here, but when else would he get an opportunity like this? The full moon was the only time he could evade Horror’s suffocating sheltering, the others were suspicious, he knew, and with him being out more and more often Nightmare was getting antsy…

He held his breath, finally finding the courage to knock on the door.

He waited a beat but was met with silence, budding worry tightened around his soul, trying the handle he found it slid open easily and with a strange snap, like the lock had been broken and never replaced.

Peering inside the apartment, Killer was shocked to see how cramped Cross’s living space was, a far cry from his own place, and taking his first steps inside he found it was nearly impracticable, the mess he encountered was more akin to rubble than untidiness and testified of an obvious struggle: kitchen appliances and rags strewn around the floor, broken glass, the counters scratched and one of the cupboards ripped off its hinges, these marks an echo of a wild animal’s rampage. This chaos was so unlike Cross, his uneasiness only grew.

Killer carried on with his exploration, turning his attention to the beat up cupboard, it only took a quick glance for him to recognize a small inconspicuous vial, among the cumin, the parsley and the other insignificant spices; there it was, Wolvesbane.

Killer didn’t get the time to dwell on how or why Cross would even own what was essentially Werewolf poison as a loud thud ripped through the heavy silence.

Killer’s non-existent stomach roiled, he left the cupboard behind, now far from his mind as he set to investigate the noise, following the dried blood trail past the torn couch (he did his best to ignore the smell. Now was not the time. Though he could tell it was Cross’s. A fact which worried him as much as it enticed him)

His shoulders were tense as he got close to yet another door, this one already ajar, he pushed it further, the room must’ve been Cross’s bedroom, it was dark and had he not been a vampire he most likely would not have been able to see, the copper smell was only stronger in here.

Killer froze as he spotted the dark mass near the end of the room. Its breathing rocked its hulking form. It had spotted him. Two white reflections pierced through the darkness and in seconds the wolf lunged.

Killer struggled against it as it clawed and snarled at him with a recklessness Killer did not expect from it. The beast had him pinned under its weight and Killer had to seize its jaws. Pushing the snapping and snarling muzzle away from him, his arms burning with the effort, his soul pounding and adrenaline coursing through him. The fight was constant movement. instinct alone permitted Killer to grab a hold of the thing’s maw and force it shut, pressing from top and bottom while it growled and tried to pull away from him. Killer slammed it onto the floor, to which it stilled with a pained whine.

Killer’s chest was heaving, he kept his hands where they were, unsure if the beast would get back up. When it became obvious it wouldn’t his shoulders dropped and he sighed. His eyes roamed the large wolf’s figure, a flannel Killer instantly recognized as Cross’s was still hanging to it, ripped to hell and back but Cross’s. Killer confirmed his suspicion, turning the wolf’s face to find a jagged scar under its right eye.

“Fucking hell Cross. You couldn’t just tell me these thing could you?”

Killer (despite his semi-serious words and lighthearted remark) felt lost. Why hadn’t Cross told him? He banished the thought from his mind. After all he’d never told Cross about his vampirism either. Why would Cross ever tell him about this?

Focusing on Cross he looked him over, his eyes were hazy and unfocused, a purple tint to them that Killer had never seen in them. Well. He’d unpack that later. For now.. “Up we go” Killer picked up the wolf with a grunt of effort, pulling Cross over his arm and heaving the mass of fur over his shoulder, he got to his feet unsteadily, balancing with the extra weight (a lot of extra weight) and started to long trek back home, starting with getting out of the apartment as inconspicuously as he could with a 120 pound Werewolf on his back…

[geminid]

talking about creative endeavors

i've been chugging along for now. I may not post much for a while because I'm hoping to draw a long comic. I'm in the process of writing the script but the scenario is all planned out and hopefully it won't be more than 60 pages. (grimace emoji)

I never really talk about WIPs because I think maybe if people know what's coming they won't enjoy the final piece as much but I guess if you're that sort of person you can stop reading now

I wanted to make a comic about Leo trying to learn more about Hoshido by visiting various places, and while they travel alone together, Takumi is confronted by a lot of feelings towards his friend. It's a pretty simple set up but I think if I get too into things like lore and worldbuilding (or if I forsake that entirely) I'm going to create something confusing. As usual the story is mostly fluff and romance with a little bit of insecurity from Takumi who is the main POV character.

I've been thinking about making a longer comic for a while and I'm really happy to finally have a concept and I really hope this time I make it through to the end. I don't talk about it a lot but I started a very big AU comic and I got to 70 pages in the sketch but that wasn't even halfway through the script I planned and it grew too daunting to continue. potentially 30-60 pages is a lot more doable.

That being said I've always been sort of afraid of disappearing from the internet. I'm already not very publicly active and frankly I don't really know how to interact with the internet without my art being the focal point of my existence here. I don't feel particularly brave about it. But I think in the more recent months reaction to my art has declined and less people look at my work now anyway, so it might be the best time to be able to go on yaoi sabbatical?

lastly, baby leo getting added to feh? I'm busy with comms right now though so I feel like I can't even draw fanart or do anything about his existence. but he's very cute. I'm happy that his past 2 feh alts haven't been heavily tomato focused and he feels a lot more like himself now. Also another leo in less than a year? what happened to the intelligent systems that forgot he existed for 4 years? highly suspicious (im joking)

[loversandantiheroes]

I don't know that I've talked that much about the general state of..like...me in awhile, and since it hit me that I'm like 3 years post-covid and at least that into the yawning abyss of this temp hiatus, I reckon it's due.

Physical/mental health stuff under the cut, general whining alert, etc.,

I don't even remember now when I officially put up the hiatus notice, but it's more or less been on since I wrapped the third chapter of Hotel Hobbies, and that feels several decades ago at this point. Initially it was just a really bad combination of creative burnout (self-inflicted bc why enjoy your creative outlet when you can throw yourself on the fire to keep it burning), my at the time untreated mental health issues, and back-to-back online/fandom friendship disasters that just left me feeling like more of a crater than a person.

Since then things have been very up and down. Some of the friendships mended, some never did and have left some lingering sore spots on things I wish I could still enjoy. I managed to get my ass to a doctor and started the process of getting back into treatment for my depression, finally got a diagnosis for ADHD at the ripe old age of 38, got into therapy, and spent a lot of time bouncing between medications trying to find something that works for me. Sadly, that process is still ongoing.

In the process of all that, though, I finally brought the issue of the god-awful persistent fatigue I've been dealing with to my doctor, and asked to be referred to cardiology. After three weeks of wearing a heart monitor and a quick lay-down/stand-up EKG, they confirmed POTS. I don't know if it's a gift from Covid, or an unfortunate result of the sheer amount of stress I've dealt with in the last decade and change, but it's a fucking bear to deal with, and I can't say I recommend it. Doc is also of the opinion that I have an a-typical case of PCOS. Just collectin' all the acronyms.

Suffice it to say that, while it absolutely could 100% be so much worse, it does turn out my physical health is...less than ideal.

On top of that at the tail end of last year, the month before the election, I finally realized that my burnout isn't just an "oh tee hee you wroted too hard" thing. Apparently caregiver burnout is an actual thing. And uh. Well, I fit the bill. I had hoped to be able to use this year to start shifting things around and try to work on that, try to give myself some more room to breathe and find some way to take the weight off of my shoulders (I'd started looking into adult daycare for my dad to give me a literal break once in awhile).

And then, well. November. And now we're here. And the fascist fucks are chomping at the bit to take away all the things that keep us afloat. My health care. My job. Dad's healthcare. His social security. It's an ugly-ass Sword of Damocles situation.

So yeah. I don't really have a point to draw to in all this except to say that I'm fucking tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the whole nine yards. I've been running on empty for a long time, and it's proving a lot harder than I'd hoped to try and fill that tank up. And with as uncertain a future as we're facing right now, I don't expect it's going to improve all that much for a wee while.

I keep thinking that I should've made a patreon back before they changed all fees and such, but honestly, even if I had, I still don't have anything I can offer in exchange. I've got like three stacks of brain fog at all times, and my ADHD meds only work on one of 'em. I can hardly string a coherent sentence together most days. If you've wondered why I've been quieter than usual, or less responsive in messages, that's why. Fuckin' Pyramid Head clompin around up there.

Anyway, I guess, all this to say that I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get back to writing or painting. Believe me, I wish I could. I miss it terribly. But the spoons are too few and the fog is too thick.

It will get better, I hope, if circumstances allow. I hope they do. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless these days.

But yeah. Miss you nerds💖

[asexualbookbird]

Okay, so, I didn't read a whole lot this month. Hear me out. I'm not mad about it. I got SO much crafting done across different mediums. Nothing to show for it, really, but I'm having so much fun being creative in a way I haven't felt in a very long time. I think I might actually be able to set up some type of tiny shop about it, too. Got my embroidery machine up and running in a way that allows me to create my own designs, and when I tell you the creative juices are flowing, boy howdy it's like a dam has broken. I also started pokemon Violet, and while that's slow going, I'm having a lot of fun with it. So, no I'm not mad at my reading habits this month.

In the Ravenous Dark by AM Strickland ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Phew. Okay. This was. A very bumpy ride. The first half was a slog, honestly, and the writing and pacing is not great, but the last third or so reminded me a lot of Beyond the Ruby Veil which was also not outstanding, but it was fun. Fucked up, feral lesbians. Poly family friendship going on. The plot is so basic, the magic neat, the worldbuilding lacking. I would not read it again, but at the end I'm not entirely mad I did.

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch ⭐️ - I don't even know what to say. I didn't expect to be wowed, I went in expecting no more than a mediocre thriller. What I got was A Book Written By A Man™️. How many times can a guy fridge one wife? Infinitely, apparently! I was semi on board until he started fighting his other selves. That was dumb as shit.

The Art of Prophecy by Wesley Chu ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - *Gordon Ramsay voice* Finally, a good fucking book. This took me most of the month to read, but I'm not mad about it. It was nice to sit quietly with this book, and while it took it's time, I never felt bored with it. I can't really pinpoint what keeps it from five stars, and maybe my rating will change in the future, but I did really enjoy this. It has a wonderful cast, everyone felt very real and well rounded, it was bloody, but never felt gratuitously so. It was a good book and I very much want to continue the series.

Favorite of the month was most definitely Art of the Prophecy. Kind of unfair because Dark Matter was such a disaster, but Ravenous Dark had it's perks. Mainly being batshit crazy and ending in polyamory.

My friends, as always, have been incredibly kind to me. I could not have gotten through the last couple months without them. Would like to do a couple of buddy reads in the coming months. I really did like taking my time with a longer book, and I think I'm ready to tackle the final book in the Rook and Rose trilogy. My library also finally got a copy of The Bone Maker on audio and while I haven't listened to an audiobook since December, I'm excited to give that a listen. As always, be kind whenever possible.

[mediumgayitalian]

jackie we miss you!!! hope ur doing well!!

okay HI GUYS i am finally for the first time in months looking thru my inbox. i am doing this while the gr 5 class i am supplying for goes wild around me lol. they have a free period and they are Noisy kids.

SO. hiatus! i did go on a hiatus. i did not announce it because i did not rly intend to bug off, but i got cramped at work and then i was just tired all the time and i wasn't writing and anything i WAS writing was awful, and i lost confidence, and i stopped writing for months. it was heartbreaking! it has made it harder to enjoy the beautiful world around me.

BUT! ive nearly finished my first year of teachers college and i have made so many friends this year and have been able to, for the most part, handle my stressors with some degree of tact and maturity, and most of all i missed writing like a hole in my side, so regardless of whether or not i feel like i CAN still write i have returned.

now. will this daily posting thing last?? i don't know. i don't want to make promises, because i'm genuinely not sure. i am not as lonely as i was when i first started writing and i have other things now to fill my time and mind; i have fewer ideas now that i'm not dumping one hundred percent of my creative energy into making stories. i would like for this to last! i would like to finish all the fics i started last year and maybe even start some new ones; i would also love to be able to write all 100 prompts of the 100 ways series. that would be cool. for now the goal is to keep posting, but i'm not stressing myself out about it. if that makes sense.

what about fic rec fridays?? will they return? well, that i'm actually not too sure about. one of the biggest reasons i've been so bereft of ideas for the past while is because i haven't been READING anything. i'm not sure why! i've read the actual series a few times in the last year but fanfiction -- and i mean any fanfiction -- hasn't been able to hold my attention, for the first time of my life. it's kind of devastating and i'm not sure why but i really truly hope i get over it soon, because i know everyone has been writing and doing amazing things and i want to be involved (all this to say -- if you have any stellar recs, i'd appreciate them! i'm having trouble finding stuff on my own). right now i'm just re-reading stuff from years and years ago; if i start regularly reading fic again i will start recommending things again.

a very long, rambly message to say: hi everyone! i've missed you! i'm excited to be back, and thanks for being patient with me!

[corvidaerook]

I've been seeing a lot of posts recently about how Veilguard has inspired people to get back into their creative hobbies after long breaks away, and I have to be honest, it's really nice to see because I'm in the same boat. People have their issues with the game, but I can never dislike anything about it too much because it's basically the only reason I'm actively writing right now. It's been an inspiration in a way I didn't expect.

Like, I've been in a major writers block period for nearly two years because someone kind of ruined writing / engaging with fandom for me. I used to publish 10k+ word fics weekly because I was having so much fun writing, but in the last few years, I haven't even been able to write a short one-shot without feeling stuck. And it's honestly been really unfortunate because writing has been my main hobby for over a decade, so feeling so disconnected from it sucked!

And playing Veilguard has actually gotten me back to a place where I feel like, not only can I write something and might actually finish it, but like I'm enjoying it. I can sit down and write for hours without constantly stopping to be bothered by how slow I feel or how it's not going the way I wanted or feeling like my words aren't working. I don't have to trick myself into writing by letting myself reuse my exact favorite tropes or anything like that. I just want to write for it, so I do. Veilguard's given me back creativity I kind of thought was just gone.

To me, the characters are compelling and make me want to write them; the game's story line feels whole, but like it still gives me a lot of room to explore; the romances are beautiful as they are, but still leave enough that I can fill in blank scenes; there are so many different things to think about that I can deviate heavily from my primary tropes and not blink at all; like everything about the game is so fun, and it makes me genuinely wanna write in a way that I haven't had for a few years now, and I love it for that, regardless of the issues that it has (as any game does.)

And not only has it given me a new inspiration for writing, but it's also made me want to participate in a fandom more than I have for a few years, too! I'm joining events and doing challenges and all this stuff that I haven't felt like I could do in forever, including an event that I kind of figured I wouldn't do again because it's how I met the toxic friend who ruined writing/fandom for me in the first place. It sounds silly, but Veilguard has been really incredible for me because it feels like I'm just here to have fun without anything extra. The fandom I've been exposed to is primarily people who are kind and supportive of each other and are willing to lift each other up, and I think it's really contributed to how comfortable I am, which in turn makes me feel like I can write and be involved in a fandom space again.

Honestly, seeing other people talk about how they got into their creative hobbies again because of Veilguard really just makes me appreciate it even more than I did just from playing it. I think the best pieces of art aren't the ones that are critically the best or that have the least complaints about it or whatever, but the ones that inspire other people to want to create things too, and Veilguard's done that in a really cool way.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

as much as i love buggy, i’m gonna request sanji for the fluffy alphabet!

let’s go foooor… C, D, N, U, and Y please! (my goldfish brain forgot if you said five at the most lol)

i love your work sm and i really wish you all the best!

Yay flirty chef!! Most of the requests for the Fluffabet have been Mihawk so far, which I am NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT I love him a very abnormal amount; but Sanji is just so precious and writing for him just

*melts into a silly giggling puddle*

Aaaaanyway. I very much want to thank you for requesting the letter U, I've kind of been looking forward to it, since it gives me creative freedom to brainstorm further and deeper into the characters and their quirks/psychologies, and I always love doing that.

Thank you for the request, and I hope you enjoy!!!

Also feel free to come back and make requests for Buggy, as I've gotten none for him yet at all. Sad clown noises.

Also also, since someone else asked, requests for the Fluffy Alphabet will remain open until all letters are claimed for all characters; and I'll still accept requests for other characters I haven't listed if I feel I can write them and do them justice, I just listed the ones I did because they're the ones I've written the most. Until I state on my Masterpost that requests are closed, they are very much open!!

C is for Courtship (How would they court you?)

“The heavens must be dull these days with their most beautiful goddess stuck down here.”

Firmly believes it was love at first sight, and Sanji is absolutely determined to win you over. As much as he wants to pull you in by your hands, wrap his arms around you, and tell you he’s loved you since the moment he first laid eyes on you; he also doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries and risk blowing his chances.

Flirty, flirty, flirty. He can’t help it, it's just what he does—but he’s respectful about it, dropping silly little lines designed to make you giggle, hopefully make you blush a little. Beyond that, though, he’s going to make every effort possible to legitimately get to know you; your likes and dislikes, your goals, your dreams, everything, wanting to ensure that you know he’s interested in you for more than just being a pretty face that happened to catch his eye.

If you flirt back, you’re never going to be able to get rid of him, he’s your responsibility now, basically a lost puppy that followed you home, end of story.

He’s bent on impressing you, so your first date he’s going to insist on cooking for you, just the two of you—meeting you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers (he made sure to ask in passing about your favorites at some point beforehand), with a light kiss on the cheek and a soft touch at your waist.

D is for Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning and other such household chores?)

“No, no, you sit down and relax, I can handle this, love. Really.”

Settling down with you would be a dream come true. He does have his dream of finding the All Blue, but if you’re willing to come with him on that adventure, then the journey there would be just as much of a dream to him as the destination itself.

It doesn’t take him very long at all to decide that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and he’ll do anything to make that happen.

He’s quite cleanly and organized in general—having spent the better part of his formative years working in a professional kitchen, it’s become a force of habit. If something needs to be cleaned, to be tidied up or organized, he’s going to do so automatically, without even really thinking about it. He would much rather just see you relaxing, will probably protest a bit about you “doing too much” if you lift a finger to so much as sweep a floor.

You already know that cooking is handled. Cooking, kitchen maintenance in general. That goes without saying. Even if you enjoy cooking as well and you want to cook with him (absolute bonus, he loves cooking with you), he’s going to be right behind you wiping down the counters, washing and drying all the dishes as you go before you even have a chance to drop them in the sink.

N is for Needs (What do they need in a healthy relationship?)

“I don’t know how I ever survived without you in my life, sweetheart.”

Sanji can be a bit on the needy side. It isn’t that he lacks confidence, or that he absolutely requires constant reassurance—he just adores you, and wants to spend every minute possible with you, making sure that you know how precious you are to him.

If you’re near him, he needs to be touching you in some capacity. Whether it’s subtle, his hand resting at the small of your back while he stands next to you, or his arm curled around you and touching your waist; or if he’s pulling you back against him, arms around your waist or hands at your hips, resting his chin at your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your cheek, he always wants to be close to you.

Constantly telling you how much he loves you, showering you with praise for every little thing you do. If it gets to be too overwhelming he will back off—but you’re still going to catch him out of the corner of your vision with his own eyes glued to you, smiling and sighing as if you’re the single most incredible thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

That being said, if you argue about anything at all, he’ll be an absolute wreck, apologizing incessantly and begging your forgiveness; and he might need a fair amount of reassurance after the fact that you aren’t upset anymore. He can’t stomach the thought of upsetting you, because losing you would utterly devastate him.

U is for Unique (What’s something unique about them that no one knows but you?)

“It’s fine, just couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d get a head start on breakfast. You can go back to bed.”

Cooking is of course his passion—but it can, and sometimes does, double as a coping mechanism. He has a deeply troubled past, and every so often it might plague him in the form of nightmares.

In which case you’ll often  wake up to find his side of the bed empty; to find him in the kitchen in the wee hours of the night or morning, while everyone else is asleep, either prepping meals for the day or experimenting with new recipes to set his mind at ease.

He’s happy to accept if you offer to help, or if you just decide to sit up with him and offer your company. He’ll probably try to convince you to go back to bed, that there’s no need for you to lose sleep, but he’s not going to turn you down if you insist. It’s a gamble whether or not he’ll talk with you about what’s bothering him, or if he’ll keep a bit more quiet than usual while he immerses himself in his work. Either way, he appreciates your presence and your support more than you could ever know.

The menial, repetitive task of preparing ingredients in particular offers a pillar of stability and structure that helps him to breathe a little easier, to sort through that turmoil and make better sense of it; while the act of experimenting with something new helps steer his mind back to the present rather than dwelling on what woke him in the first place.

Y is for Yearning (What’s something that they yearn for when you’re separated?)

“Oh, no, love, I assure you, I definitely missed you more.”

It would be better to ask what he doesn’t yearn for. He simply can’t stand being apart from you, for any length of time. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust you, that doesn’t even cross his mind. He knows you’ll come back to him. He just can’t stand the length of time that you aren’t there.

Your touch, your scent, your face, your eyes, your body—your smile, your laugh, your voice, your embrace, your kisses—whether it’s minutes or hours or days that you happen to be apart, you’re the only thing that he can think about, having you back by his side, in his arms, safe and sound.

Life on the sea isn’t the safest, and he’s going to spend the entire time you're apart worried that something might happen to you. Even if you’re capable of handling yourself, he would feel much better being with you, knowing that he’s there to keep you safe.

And when you are together again, he makes it very clear just how much he missed you, all but literally gluing himself to your side, incessant in his insistence of how much he missed you, how he doesn’t ever want to spend that long apart again.

Even if it was only five minutes. Doesn’t matter, time is irrelevant, any amount of time away from you is far too long.

[those70scomics]

Update

I've been COVID-free for a week, and I've made great progress writing One Difference: Donna Gives Hyde and Jackie the Led Zeppelin Tickets (idea from @burkhaart ♥️).

Some fun pieces of info about the story:

I do research for all my stories and found a Led Zeppelin concert that would've been possible for Donna, etc. to go to around the time of "Fez Gets the Girl". I listened to that two-hour-plus show on repeat while I wrote the first third of the story, both for emotional inspiration and to get specific details of the concert right (beyond the setlist). I also looked at many pictures from that concert.

One Difference stories explore how one difference can change everything in the T7S universe. They're a unique type of What If? fic. I'd originally planned to keep this story short (four chapters), but then I thought readers would want to know the impact on the T7S characters beyond that one night. With Jackie and Hyde going to the concert, Fez and Caroline don't ...

I'd intended One Difference: Jackie and Hyde Don't Kiss (Over the Summer) to be twelve chapters. It became thirty-one.

So we'll see how long this one gets. 🙈😂 But I'm really enjoying Jackie and Hyde's dynamic in this story. It's an angle I haven't explored before (but with some familiarity because their canon is their canon).

This will be the next fanfic I post (after a long, unavoidable wait since my last posted fic The Understudy). Even though I haven't been able to share all the T7S fanworks I've, er, worked on since I got out of the hospital a little less than two years ago -- and it's frustrating for me 🙃😊😅 -- the creativity hasn't stopped.

How are all of you doing? 🤗

[sazzujazzu]

Save me cute goggle man

It's been too long since I've drawn Tech and also used actual paper so I did both. Here's a quick lil Tech, enjoy ✨

(needless sad bs under the cut, no need to read it, I just needed to write it, just enjoy the drawing is all I ask)

Got shitty news right before Easter and it drained all the rest of my creative well (tho I do want to draw those silly lil Loth kittens at some point, thems furballs were adorable)

Decided to half-force myself to draw, and of course it had to be Tech my beloved.

I miss this show but haven't been able to watch it again since it ended. I began watching Aftermath like 5 months ago and it's still midway through. I want the passion back 🥲 How can I regain the passion for this lovely show and fandom 🥺

[shuffleproject]

✦ Welcome!

Welcome to the Enstarrie Shuffle Project (not the best name - im aware)

This is a new, text based project currently ran by and moderated by a single person with the intent to create new, non-canon stories for Enstarries to enjoy. More information below!

So, what exactly is this project? The explanation may be a little long - so strap in!

The Enstarrie Shuffle Project is a fan run project, creating new stories for the fans to enjoy. The stories will mostly be following canon, using the in universe shuffle unit concept as a base. Despite this, all stories are NON CANON.

But also, "mostly following canon" is vague isn't it? What does that mean exactly?

As mentioned before, the project will be entirely text based. By extension, due to the nature of the official Ensemble Stars writing, these texts will also be dialogue heavy in nature. However, more descriptive forms of text will also be included for more enjoyable reading.

Custom artwork will not currently be happening for these stories - largely for an easier creative workflow and a more consistent upload for new content. Official artwork will instead be featured for announcement posts and masterlist thumbnails.

The project will also be intending to mostly follow the official timeline. Stories will bounce between ES Year 1 and Year 2 with a mention of its year at the start of every shuffle.

Additionally, ships will NOT be a prevalent thing. Instead, relationships will be handled similarly to the official source with interactions being able to be read as romantic or platonic.

However, this doesn't mean the official source will be followed 100% - there will be some exceptions made.

The most important difference being that Ibuki Taki will NOT be a member of Akatsuki. He will be treated as his own single member unit for the foreseeable future. Other odd story decisions that have been made will also be ignored.

Anzu will also be treated as her own character, appearing in stories whenever she can if it feels right for the plot. She will have her own arcs and bonds with the characters instead of being treated as just a protagonist.

At the time of this introduction post's creation, there are about 5 shuffles planned out using a few holidays as inspiration. They won't be uploaded in time for the holidays celebration, instead will (more than likely) be uploaded sooner once they are completed.

More shuffles will be planned and created in the future as well, with some characters possibly being in the same units more than once to allow for less restriction when creating.

Now, as only one person is running this project it will create some issues when it comes to uploading and creating.

As I am one person with my own life and stories will take a while to create, I plan to release shorter one-shots to replace the official mini talks. Each mini talk will serve as a tie-in for released stories or a teaser for upcoming stories.

I also am not perfect at writing every character. Despite this, I do have plans to continue to read older stories I haven't to hopefully get a better understanding of most characters to be able to write them for stories.

Input from fans will also be accepted! Tumblr asks and Anon posts on the strawpage are open to allow for people to share their ideas and/or criticisms to take into consideration for future stories or mini talks.

As for where the project will be uploaded, it will be available to read on both Tumblr and AO3 to allow you to read where you prefer. Both the Twitter and Tumblr account will be used to post story updates and Moderator posts.

Once a story is complete, all chapters will be uploaded at once before work is started on the next story. Mini Talks will be dropped randomly between these story uploads as a surprise.

All moderator posts largely unrelated to projects - such as ones to respond to asks or anon posts - will be marked with a dove emoji to allow for easy muting or searching. I will try to answer what I can if reasonably possible.

I know this was all a bit of a read but thank you for making it to the end! This Project will go on as long as there's support from both myself and the community. I hope you enjoy the Enstarrie Shuffle Project!

*Ensemble Stars and its characters are owned by Happy Elements K.K. *All concepts and ideas original to this project are that of fan creation and not official works. No monetary gain will be involved now or in the future.

[sweetheartsofpanem]

First- I love your writing. So much. It's hard finding Haymitch fanfiction, let alone good Haymitch fanfiction! Secondly, I'm amazing at how fast you can write and post! I used to write myself, but haven't been able to in the last few years. I was wondering, how you do it? Like, what helps you to write? Is there anything you do to motivate yourself?

thank you sm:’) and honestly i write most when i need comfort, which clearly is often based off how much i write angst and comfort lmao. writing has always been a huge comfort for me and that’s why a lot of my writing features mental health struggles and more heavy themes.

but when i’m not in need of comfort i tend to watch edits of haymitch (or whatever character i wanna write for but clearly i’ve been focusing more on haymitch) because his hotness inspires me😭

when i’m stuck on ideas i look up prompts and search until one sparks an idea. with prompts that inspire me i don’t do the exact prompt but come up with an idea similar or i keep like one aspect of the prompt and mix in my own ideas.

i have adhd so i write most when i take my vyvanse because it helps me focus way more, but when i don’t take it and need to write i turn off all the lights and put headphones in and listen to soft instrumental music, it helps a lot if the music matches the emotions i’m writing about. i occasionally listen to music with words but sometimes it distracts me so i stay away from that. (but y’all please do not take adhd meds unless they’re prescribed to you😭 they will not help you write or focus if you don’t have adhd, they’ll just make you scatter brained)

another HUGE thing for me is taking breaks when i need to instead of forcing myself to keep going because if i do that it feels more like a chore than something i enjoy. that helps so so much and i don’t attempt to write again until i feel the want to write or i’ll read what i already have and get inspired to continue it.

honestly it’s really just a matter of finding out what helps spark your creativity, i’ve been writing stories since i was a fourth grader and i literally just fully figured out what helps me and i’m 20 years old😭 keep experimenting until you find something that really helps, doesn’t matter if it’s some random obscure thing as long as it helps inspire you:) just try anything and everything you can think of to help with your creative process! i used to try and follow what like professional authors do for their process or what others recommend but i found nothing worked for me until i started finding my own weird little ways.

also if you ever need ideas feel free to reach out to me and we can brainstorm together because i know sometimes it helps to discuss ideas! this goes for all of my followers as well, ALWAYS feel free to message me about anything and everything!

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hi! I love your work and you’re really carrying this whole fandom on your back 😭

When you’re not busy are you able to write a one shot, that can be Morden or Not where They are friends with benefits, but she develops feelings so she pushes him away and he doesn’t understand why, and he already had feelings for her.

But please have complete creative control xD

Thank yous ❤️

Warnings: involves smut. 18+!

Pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: see request!

Word count: 5.4k

Note: firstly: thank you for your kind words, I'm crying ugh. And thank you for this request! I chose a modern setting, and this was an interesting one to write. I enjoyed it! Hope you will too :)

Taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @valeskafics @andakth

'Hey, at least I am not asking you to get down on your knees, okay.'

*****************

'Sir?' you answered the phone, knowing Sihtric was calling.

'Lady,' you heard Sihtric chuckle, 'what are you doing?'

'Not much, just reading in bed.'

'In bed, huh?'

'Yes, in bed,' you chuckled, 'why? What are you doing?'

'Oh, nothing. Just thinking,' Sihtric said and waited.

'Thinking about what, Sihtric?' you sighed, taking the bait and you rolled your eyes.

'Thinking about you, sexy lady,' Sihtric said with his smooth voice and that cute accent. He laughed softly, 'what else would I think of?'

'You're so subtle,' you snorted, 'what do you want?'

'I want to come over.'

'Now? Really?' you glanced at the time, 'oh, I'm not sure, it's almost midnight already.'

'I know babe,' he sighed, 'I'm sorry, I'm just really horny,' he whined.

You considered your options for a moment. You were pretty tired, but you could do with some sex to be honest, it had been a few days since you last saw him.

'Fine,' you chuckled.

'Yes!' you heard the satisfied tone in his voice, 'I'll be there soon, okay?'

'Yeah, fine,' you giggled, 'oh, Sihtric!' you said before he could hang up.

'Yeah?'

'Bring condoms,' you snorted, 'remember I accidentally got the wrong ones for you last time, you know, the- the,' you struggled to hold your laugh, 'the small ones.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Sihtric sighed but was clearly just as amused as you, 'I'll bring a pack.'

**************

It didn't take Sihtric look before he rang your doorbell, and as per usual, he gave you his cheeky smile when you opened the door and let him in.

'You want a drink?'

'No, thank you, babe,' he smiled after he kissed your cheek to greet you.

You had been friends with benefits for several months now and, unlike most men, Sihtric always treated you with the utmost respect, which is the whole reason you agreed to this in the first place. You had both been single for quite a while when one evening you were fooling around with each other and decided why not explore your options, and after that it didn't take long before the friendship came with the benefits of sleeping together. Countless times you have ended up in each other's bed, usually yours, only to hug each other goodbye again after you'd both had come down from your high. That was also the rule to keep it strictly friends with benefits: no sleeping over.

'You brought the condo-,' you couldn't finish your question and Sihtric already threw the box over to you.

'Keep them,' he huffed, 'and throw out the other ones, they're too small.'

'Why? I may still use them,' you taunted.

'Use them?' Sihtric's eyes darkened as he walked over to you and he took your face in his hands, 'I thought I was the only one who gets to enjoy you, kitten.'

'I was only joking,' you chuckled. You felt yourself blush lightly, he had that effect on you, always.

'Hm,' Sihtric hummed before you turned around, 'you better be,' he said and slapped your ass when you walked away.

'Hey!' you gasped, 'we haven't started yet,' you chuckled and beckoned him to follow you up the stairs. But before you could reach the first step, Sihtric threw you over his shoulder and was quick to sprint up the stairs.

He nearly kicked your bedroom door out of its hinges as he opened it impatiently with his boot, and he was quick to climb on top of you after he had thrown you onto your bed. 

Sihtric was strong, so very strong, and as handsome as he was kind. You both dated other people every now and then, and why he didn't have a partner yet was simply beyond you. But you weren't too mad about that; you enjoyed your nights together.

'Sihtric,' you said out of breath when you were both left in just your underwear.

'Yeah?' his voice, raspy and equally as out of breath as you.

'Take off that damn necklace, will you?' you tugged at the leather cord around his neck.

'What? Why?' he seemed confused and slightly offended as he clutched his hammer pendant in his fist.

'Because it always slaps me in the face when you're on top!' you hissed.

'Oh, shit, right, right,' Sihtric made haste to take it off, 'sorry.'

He threw the necklace on your nightstand and continued where he left off; pulling down your panties with no more time to waste.

'Someone's eager tonight, aren't you, big boy?' you teased when his hands were all over your skin.

'Lady,' he chuckled, biting down on his lip, 'is that a problem?'

'No, no,' you smiled, 'just… you know, take it easy when you, you know,' you chuckled nervously.

'I know, kitten, I know,' Sihtric said in between heavy breaths.

Sihtric was a well built guy and it was not a secret he liked it a little rough, but it seemed like tonight he was more eager than usual, which made you wonder if you could still walk tomorrow after tonight. You could handle him perfectly fine, usually, if he just eased into you.

'Hey,' Sihtric whispered, holding his lips just above yours when he sensed your nerves, 'relax. Okay, baby?'

You nodded quickly, as relaxed as you could, and let out a deep sigh when you felt him slip inside you.

'Relax, kitten,' he grunted lightly upon feeling you tense up, 'look at me, doll.'

'Ah, god,' you gasped and tried to focus on his half open eyes as he cupped your cheek with one hand, looking down at you with slightly parted lips, out of which heavy breaths escaped as he gave you the slightest hint of a smile.

'That's it,' he sighed as he pushed further, 'good girl,' he chuckled lightly and pecked your lips before he started to thrust into you.

'Ah, fuck! Sihtric!' you hissed lightly, nails digging in his biceps. He usually gave you a little more time to adjust to him.

'Oh, fuck,' he moaned, 'fuck, baby, you're so tight. You're good?'

'Yeah, yeah,' you sighed with ragged breaths as he quickened his pace. You dug your nails in his back until the slight pain became pleasant, 'Oh, jesus fucking christ, Sihtric,' you moaned, 'what's gotten into you today?'

He laughed with heavy breaths, 'Gods, I don't know,' he moved his hand up to your throat, 'maybe because I got into an heated argument earlier.'

'W-what?' you moaned, loving it when he lightly squeezed your throat, and you wrapped your legs around his waist.

'I kicked my housemate out,' he said in between breaths but paused when he felt your legs lock around his body, 'oh, fuck, babe!' he grunted, his hands grabbing your hips.

'Oh my god, Siht,' you cried in pleasure, 'w-wait,' you gasped for air, 'that weird dude is finally gone?'

'Yeah, yeah,' Sihtric said, panting, 'caught him stealing,' he said and took your legs, throwing them over his shoulders, 'my money, so I- ah, fuck, baby, you're so tight,' he hissed, 'I-I threw him out.'

'Oh, god! Sihtric, please, stop!' you screamed as he took you deeper and harder than ever before. You felt his grip tighten on your hips, which would without a doubt leave you bruised.

'What? Babe? You okay? Am I too much, baby?' Sihtric asked, concerned and out of breath as he slowed his pace.

'No, fuck, don't fucking stop! Just shut the fuck up!' you groaned and pulled his hair hard.

'Ah, shit,' he chuckled with a moan, 'sorry, kitten.'

When you finally got him to shut up, it didn't take you both much longer before you finished shortly after each other. Sihtric was quick to pull out after he pecked your lips, and he searched for your panties, which he handed to you before he hopped to your bathroom. You had managed to slip your panties back on, despite your sore legs and hips, and you rolled over on your stomach, exhausted but satisfied, hugging your pillow. A few minutes later you heard the bathroom door open. You were facing the other way but you knew Sihtric was putting his jeans back on by the sound of his belt.

'Fuck, baby,' Sihtric suddenly sounded concerned and quickly kneeled down next to you onto the bed, and he carefully rolled you over to face him, 'hey, baby, are you okay?'

'What?' you asked confused, and tired. He had ravaged you, much to your pleasure, but you could really use some sleep now. Your body was simply used up for the night.

'I- you,' he stammered and pulled you in his arms, 'I bruised your hips,' he said softly, as if ashamed and regretful. You looked down at your hips and saw that indeed, where Sihtric had held you in his grip, there were already bruises the size of his hand darkening your skin.

'Oh,' you chuckled lightly, 'yeah, I'm fine.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes.'

'Was I not too rough?'

'You were good,' you reassured him, 'trust me.' And you meant it. He had been rougher with you than ever before, but that didn't mean you didn't like it. It had just caught you by surprise.

Sihtric couldn't shake his concern and hugged you tight for a moment.

'I'm sorry, kitten,' he whispered, 'I just lost myself with you, baby. It won't happen again, I promise.'

'Sihtric,' you laughed as you brushed your hands through his curls, 'it's fine. I liked it.'

'Really?' he needed to be sure.

'Really,' you smiled and pinched his cheek, making him blush.

'Okay, I believe you, little vixen,' he said and kissed your cheek, 'thank you, doll, you're always good to me,' he smiled shyly and got back up again, searching for his shirt.

'I better get going, you look like you need some rest,' he chuckled.

'Sihtric,' you sighed, 'it's really late already. So just,' you paused, knowing this was a mistake, 'just stay the night. I don't want you driving back home now. You look pretty worn out too, big boy, and I bet your house is a mess now after you got rid of your housemate.'

Sihtric chuckled and rolled his eyes, 'big boy,' he muttered and shook his head. Then he looked at you and became serious. 

'Are you sure, doll?' he asked, 'I mean… we always said no sleeping over.'

Sihtric had spoken cautiously, but in truth, he wanted nothing more than to stay the night. He had been head over heels for you since he first met you, but when you had messed around and agreed you were strictly friends with benefits, he stuck to his promise. But that also meant that dating was a waste of time to him. He'd go on dates every now and then, but would always find himself texting you before the date was even over. No one could keep him interested and captivated the way you did, he just didn't care for anyone else. And he hoped one day you would feel the same, but even if you wouldn't, he'd be happily single for the rest of his life. But only if you stayed single too. And slept with him. He knew he was selfish for that but he didn't care.

'I'm sure, babe, just stay. It'll be fine,' you smiled and quickly hoarded all the blankets your way.

'Oh,' Sihtric chuckled and unbuckled his belt again, 'you're one of those,' he smiled and bit down on his lip, taking off his jeans again.

'One of what,' you grinned, shoving a pillow his way as he laid down next to you.

'I guess I'll sleep without a blanket?' Sihtric raised his eyebrow. You didn't reply, you just gave him another grin before you hid half behind your ridiculous mountain of blanket.

'You absolute trickster,' Sihtric smiled, 'come here, doll,' he beckoned you over and held his arms open. You moved closer to him, dragging your blanket with you, and he pulled you in his arms. You rested your face into the crook of his neck as he kept his arms around you, his rough thumbs softly stroking your warm, bare shoulders.

'It's like a sleep over,' you chuckled, 'like when I was younger.'

Sihtric snorted. 'Sounds like your sleepovers were way different than mine when I was younger.'

'Oh my god,' you mumbled with a laugh, 'well, to be honest, I never had a sleepover before with someone who only stopped by to fuck me senseless, so…'

'Well, now I feel special,' Sihtric smiled.

'Yeah, you know what, you should feel special,' you joked, looking up at him.

'Yeah?' Sihtric asked softly with a half smile, looking down at you as he licked his lips. 'Hm. Come here, kitten,' he hummed, cupping your cheek as he leaned into you, capturing you into a sensual, slow, openmouthed kiss.

'Okay,' you said flustered when Sihtric broke the kiss after a moment, 'what was that?' you blushed.

'Sorry,' Sihtric smiled softly and nuzzled your nose, 'hm, wait, no,' he chuckled, 'I'm not sorry actually,' he said quietly before he pulled you back in for another kiss. 

Other than the quick pecks he'd give you during and after your benefits, you had never made out, or simply kissed with real passion for that matter.

And when Sihtric held you close, safely in his arms while his rough fingertips caressed your cheek softly as he kissed you ever so slowly and passionate, you felt a sting in your stomach, a feeling which quickly grew into a knot. And you just knew everything would be complicated after tonight. But you tried to ignore it, allowing yourself to enjoy being in his arms and tasting him on your lips, while there were still no strings attached.

****************

You woke up before Sihtric and found yourself sleeping on your side, his arms tightly around you and you felt his breath on your neck. You groaned when you tried to get up quietly, he had really bruised you last night and you felt sore as hell. But still, you had no regrets. Sihtric woke up when you tried to sneak out of his embrace and immediately smiled while struggling to open his eyes.

'Where are you going?' his voice sounded rough, which made you feel that sting in your stomach again, accompanied by butterflies. This was not good.

'Taking a quick shower before breakfast,' you said as you pulled your shirt over your head.

'Hm, how big is your shower?'

'Sihtric,' you sighed with a smile, 'I will not have sex with you in the shower.'

'Always thinking the worst of me,' Sihtric smiled with his eyes closed, 'I just want to shower, same as you. Let me join you? I promise I won't try anything.'

'You promise?'

'Mhm.'

'Fine, hurry then,' you got up and pulled the blankets off Sihtric as you walked out the room, making him groan and say you're a handful.

*******************

'Stop staring at me,' you snorted as you rinsed your hair.

'Nothing I haven't seen before,' Sihtric shrugged as he joined you in the shower.

'Exactly why there is no need to stare.'

'Well, I mean,' he smiled almost shyly, 'I never get to see this side of you, you know, what you're like the day after… or what you're like in general at home. We usually just fuck and go our separate ways again or we meet when someone else is around too. But,' he paused for a moment and looked away, 'it's nice to see this.'

'Oh,' you said, a little surprised, 'thanks I guess.' You washed off the remaining shower gel and handed Sihtric the bottle, 'here, wash those sins away.'

Sihtric smiled and gave you a cheeky smile, 'do my back?'

'Sihtric,' you rolled your eyes.

'Come on,' he laughed, 'you're not the only one who is sore.'

'Fine,' you shook your head with a smile as he turned his back to you.

You had never really noticed all the scars he had before, except the ones of his face and arms, but this was the first time you got a clear look at his whole body, and mainly his scarred back.

'My god,' you whispered and gasped softly, 'oh, baby.'

'Hm?' Sihtric frowned and glanced over his shoulder, finding your sad expression and your eyes fixated on his back. He turned his face away from you, looked down and sniffed while he shook his head, 'It's in my past, doll, it means nothing anymore.'

Sihtric had said it confidently, but you still heard a hint of pain and resentment in his voice.

As your relationship was basically just based on sex and a quick drink every now and then, you never really thought much about his personal life, but you knew of his past through mutual friends. 

You sighed quietly and reached for his hand, lacing your fingers with his as you pressed a soft kiss onto his spine, to which Sihtric inhaled sharply and flinched lightly.

'I know I'm not much of a threat,' you chuckled softly, 'but if anyone ever harms you again, I will kill them. I'll find a way.'

You saw Sihtric clenched his jaw as he looked slightly to the side, giving you a silent nod.

'Likewise,' he said softly, and closed his eyes when he felt your hands softly massage the cool shower gel onto his back and shoulders. You took your time, which Sihtric clearly seemed to enjoy as he hummed every now and then while he kept his eyes shut.

'Do I need to wash it off too?' you joked.

'N-no, actually,' Sihtric cleared his throat, 'babe, can you give me like 5 minutes?' he grinned as he looked over his shoulder again.

'What? Why?'

'Look,' he said, awkwardly, 'it's morning. I just woke up, that alone is already a problem for men, and on top of that, a pretty lady just massaged my back in the shower. Baby,' he chuckled, 'I really need five minutes alone.'

'Oh, god, Sihtric,' you grimaced but then broke into a laugh.

'Hey, at least I am not asking you to get down on your knees, okay.'

'Oh, how kind of you, sir.'

'I mean, unless you want to, lady?' he grinned, trying his chances.

'Your hands worked just fine last night, I'm sure they'll work right now,' you smirked and slapped his ass.

'Hey!' he yelled, 'you little devil. Get out, now,' Sihtric said hoarsely and laughed. 

You grabbed your towel and stepped out of the shower.

'Your towel is on the chair. Have fun,' you said and changed into your robe in the bedroom. When you heard Sihtric had shut off the water you stopped by the bathroom door before you went downstairs.

'Hey,' you said knocking on the bathroom door, 'how do you like your coffee?'

'My coffee?' Sihtric answered on the other side, 'eh, black.'

'Eggs?'

'Scrambled, lady.'

'Bread?'

'Toasted, if possible,' he paused for a moment, 'why?'

While Sihtric waited for an answer you were already on your way downstairs, to the kitchen.

******************

'What's this?' Sihtric asked, a little taken aback when he looked at a royal amount of food on your kitchen table.

'What do you mean,' you frowned, 'it's breakfast. Sit,' you gestured to the chair.

'Y-you made me breakfast?' Sihtric asked, cautiously, as he stroked his goatee.

'Of course,' you smiled and brought him his coffee, seeing his bewildered face, 'what's wrong?'

'No, nothing,' he said, struggling to find a steady expression, 'it's… the last person who ever made me breakfast was…was my mom,' he looked up at you, 'before… you know she died,' Sihtric rubbed his arm, not knowing how to react to a gesture like this.

'Oh, honey,' you clicked your tongue and rushed over to him to cup his cheeks.

He looked up at you with a soft smile, then shook his head, 'How you are still single is beyond me,' he said softly, 'I mean,' he chuckled, 'you're straight up wife material.'

'Sure,' you smiled shyly and pressed a kiss to his forehead, having that gnawing feeling in your stomach again as you did.

********************

'Thank you,' Sihtric said and kissed your cheek, 'for everything. It was a nice change for once.'

'You're welcome, and thank you too,' you smiled and pecked his lips quickly while he still had his arm circled around your waist.

'My pleasure, doll,' he smiled cheekily, 'call me when you want to get freaky again, okay?' he laughed and stepped away from you, turning to his car.

'Yeah, you too,' you chuckled.

'I will,' Sihtric smiled as he unlocked his car and opened the door, 'have a nice weekend, baby,' he said and puckered his lips to blow you a kiss before he got in his car.

You blushed as you watched him drive off and you were once again taunted by a sickening feeling in your stomach.

You had done the one thing that you weren't supposed to do; you fell in love with him.

******************

saturday

Sihtric: did I leave my necklace at your place?

Sihtric: I'm not wearing it and I can't find it?

You: let me look

You: yeah it's on my nightstand

Sihtric: oh good, I thought I had lost it

Sihtric: can I pick it up tomorrow?

Sihtric: my evening shift is about to start, can't make it now

You: yeah of course, no problem

Sihtric: great. Say 8 in the evening?

You: I guess sure

Sihtric: okay, see you tomorrow ;) x

******************

Sunday

You: hey

You: I'm not feeling well today

You: is it okay if you pick up your necklace some other time?

Sihtric: of course

Sihtric: you okay, doll?

Sihtric: do you need anything?

You: I'll be okay, don't worry. Just caught a bug I guess!

You hated yourself for lying to him. But you just couldn't face him, not yet. Sure, he said he'd only pick up his necklace, but you figured he'd probably want to stay a little longer and have sex again. Which, normally, wasn't a problem at all. But since you caught feelings… It was a nightmare. Sure, you caught a bug. The worst bug of all. A goddamn love bug.

Sihtric: call me when you need something yeah?

Sihtric: get well baby xx

*****************

 Monday

Sihtric: how are you feeling?

You: still not too well

You: sorry :( 

Sihtric: don't worry love

You: I could ship it to you haha

You were being absolutely ridiculous right now. And you knew it, but you couldn't even stand the thought of seeing him. He had to be avoided at all costs.

Sihtric: no baby haha

Sihtric: it's fine

Sihtric: but do you need me to stop by? Can I get you anything?

You: that's sweet, but no thank you, I'm okay

Sihtric: you sure?

You: yeah I just want to sleep all day really…

Sihtric: are you eating enough, doll? Staying hydrated and all that? And how are those bruises? :( 

Of course he had to make it all even worse by being an absolute fucking sweetheart. God, you wished he was just a complete jerk so you could cut things off. But… you couldn't.

You: I'm fine, Sihtric…

Sihtric: promise?

You: yes I promise

Sihtric: okay kitten

Sihtric: promise to take care of yourself baby?

You: I will

Sihtric: good. hope to see you soon again

Sihtric: miss you doll xxx

This was a complete disaster. Could you just block him? What happens if you'd just block him… no, shit, you still have his necklace. And he knows where you live. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

*******************

Tuesday

Sihtric: can I call you?

Sihtric: baby?

Sihtric: are you okay?

You watched his texts come in and in your horror you watched your phone ring as he called you. You fucked up. This was all fucked up. Why did you let him stay that night? Christ! Shit. You didn't touch your phone until you had two missed calls from the man you had fallen for, hard.

Sihtric: please answer baby? 

Sihtric: can we talk?

Sihtric: I really need to talk with you

You: i'm okay, Sihtric, just still under the weather…

Sihtric: I'm sorry love but I don't care, I really need to see you…

You: i don't think that's a good idea

God, no, please, no. You do not want him to come over. 

Sihtric: baby please

Sihtric: you've been distant ever since that last night

Sihtric: I'm sorry if I hurt you baby, I didn't mean to lose my self control like that

Sihtric: I never meant to harm you 

Sihtric: or bruise you

Sihtric: I'm so sorry little vixen, please, let me see you?

Sihtric: I need to know you're okay

Your nightmare just got a whole lot worse. Sihtric clearly thought he had upset you because he had been a little rough with you, rougher than normal. He never meant to scare you off, he thought you would tell him if you didn't like something, which you had done before. He just didn't understand how it went so wrong this time, making you suddenly not want to see him anymore and making no attempt to text or call him, which you usually did.

You: Sihtric please it's not that

You: you didn't do anything wrong

Sihtric: please call me?

You: I will…but tomorrow okay? I'm really tired

Sihtric: okay baby, tomorrow. Promise? 

You: yeah

Sihtric: okay sleep tight my love xxx

Sihtric was a sensitive guy, which you knew a little, but if you had known how upset he actually was over the whole debacle, you would have never tried to avoid him for so long.

***************

Wednesday

You cursed yourself for promising you'd call Sihtric. You didn't want to. Well, you wanted to. You desperately missed him and needed him with you, but you couldn't. Not in the way you wanted to be with him. And like the other days, you watched his texts and calls come in.

Sihtric: can you call? Do you have time?

You: I'm not sure.. 

You: I just don't feel well. I'm sorry..

Sihtric: oh...

Sihtric: okay baby.. I'm sorry

Sihtric groaned in frustration and flung his phone across the room. He was at wit's end. He wants to call you, but you don't answer his calls. You barely reply to his texts and when he asks if he did something wrong you keep saying no, yet you seem to avoid him at all costs. It's been almost a week since he had last seen you and it was driving him mad. He just wanted to see you. Nothing more. No sex, no kissing, he just wanted to be able to see you and hear your voice.

'Fuck,' he groaned as he rubbed his eyes, 'that's it. I'm going there.'

******************

You were a little annoyed when someone rang your doorbell at 9 in the evening. You opened up, already having a rant prepared because you half expected it to be charity people or church people, and you were not in the mood, but then you saw it was worse. Way worse than charity or church people.

'Sihtric?' you gasped.

Sihtric clicked his tongue and scoffed upon seeing you, perfectly healthy and all. He bit his lip and chuckled, but not in a good way.

'It's all clear now, just like I thought,' he said, 'look, I just want my necklace back, that's all.'

'I- I-,' you stammered, 'I'll get … get it.'

'Yeah, I'll wait,' Sihtric sniffed, 'glad you're feeling better by the looks of it,' he sneered.

And his sneer was gut wrenching.

'Sihtric,' you sighed and leaned your forehead against your front door, 'I fucked up.'

'No,' he laughed, a broken laugh, 'if you didn't want to sleep with me anymore because of what happened you could've just said so, you know,' he shrugged, 'you know I'm not some fucking weirdo. I kept asking you over and over again if you were okay, if I had hurt you or scared you,' he threw his hands up, 'and you gave me nothing. Except for silence.'

'It's not you.'

'Of course not, that's what you all say, right? The whole it's not you, it's me bullshit?' he shook his head, 'just fucking save it, I don't even want to hear it. It's clear that I am the problem here, so, what? What the fuck are we still doing then? Let's end whatever this was right here, right now. That's what this is about, yeah? So just say it, love. No need to sugarcoat it. Get it over with and just say it and I'll be gone, out of your life.'

'Sihtric, it's not-'

'Just fucking say it, doll,' he sighed.

'I fell in love with you!' you suddenly shouted, 'okay! That's what this is about!'

'What?' Sihtric frowned, dumbfounded, 'you what?'

'I'm in love with you,' you hissed and buried your face.

'W-why?' he shrugged, 'when?'

'When do you think, you dumbass? The night you stayed over!'

'How?'

'I don't know how, it just happened! Fuck, Sihtric,' you groaned, 'I fucked this up by letting you stay. It's all my fault.'

'I- I don't understand,' Sihtric brushed his hands through his hair, completely bewildered, 'then why have you been avoiding me?'

'Because I just couldn't face you,' you admitted, 'I mean, I know you just wanted the whole friends with benefits thing, and I was cool with it, I really was, until that last time. I don't know what happened. Maybe because you … because I finally saw the rest of your personality. I don't know. I… I don't want to lose you, I mean, I like having you around but I can't do this anymore. I can't just fuck and leave it at that. I,' you sighed and buried your face in your hands again, 'I want more, Sihtric.'

'Fucking hell,' Sihtric scoffed with a smile, resting his hands on his head while he looked at you, 'all of this shit,' he said, 'was because you caught feelings for me?'

'Yes,' you said, embarrassed.

'And you never considered that I may have feelings for you?' he frowned and threw his hands up again.

'What?'

'I mean, shit, baby,' he groaned, 'fuck. Why do you think I'm still single and rarely go on dates? And when I do, why do they all fail? Why have I been so concerned about you the past few days? Or why on earth I always call you my baby, my vixen, my kitten. You- you,' he sighed, 'you never suspected anything? I mean, anything, baby?'

'Wh-what? No! I thought… I thought you were just, I don't know, a flirt.'

'Yeah, flirting with you, you fool!'

'Wait, stop. Since when do you like me?'

'Since the first day, my gods,' Sihtric cried out in relief, 'babe. Fucking hell! Come here,' without waiting for an answer he pulled you in his arms, 'fuck, I love you so much, you have no idea. I thought you never wanted to see me again or something. You scared the shit out of me.'

'What?' your voice was muffled as your face was buried in his chest.

'I thought,' Sihtric said again, pulling away and cupping your cheeks, 'you didn't want to see me anymore. I thought I had hurt you the last time we slept together. Because it seemed so convenient for you to suddenly become ill right after I left. And then it seemed you didn't want anything to do with me anymore so, you know,' he shrugged, 'I thought I fucked up.'

'No, babe, I told you,' you wrapped your arms around his neck, 'it was never you. You didn't do anything wrong. The problem was that you did everything right,' you chuckled, 'I'm sorry for being so stupid. I just panicked. I didn't know you felt the same… if I knew I would have never done this. I'm so sorry, honey.'

'No, no,' Sihtric whispered and hushed you with a kiss, 'I don't care about that anymore. I only care about you. I want you, okay? Just you, no one else. I love you.'

'I love you too. And I only want you too, no one else.'

'Promise?' Sihtric asked and nuzzled your nose.

'I promise,' you smiled as you pulled him even closer, locking your lips together for that desperate, passionate kiss.

'But I still want my necklace back,' Sihtric said with a cheeky smile.

'Fine,' you rolled your eyes and reached into your shirt, taking off the necklace as you pulled the leather cord over your head, 'here.'

'You've been wearing it all this time?' he scoffed as he snatched the necklace out of your hands with a smile.

'Of course, it was the only thing I had from you.'

'Oh, kitten,' Sihtric sighed, 'fine. Here, keep it.'

He put the necklace back around your neck and kissed your cheek.

'Now what on earth am I to do with you now that you're mine?' Sihtric grinned.

But before you could answer, he threw you over his shoulder, just like that last night, but this time you didn't even make it to the bed, but you got stuck halfway up the stairs, where you'd both gain another few bruises this time, lovingly of course.

[lilac-rose-writes]

As someone who's been writing Kindergarten fanfics since 2021, I have to say that I'm excited by the new trailer!

In all the time I've known this fandom, it's been rather inactive & very small. Now don't get me wrong, that's absolutely lovely. The Kindergarten community is is one of the best I've ever had the pleasure of being in, everyone is so talented, and being so small means that pretty much everyone knows pretty much everyone! These past few years have shaped me so much as a person, and I can attribute a great deal of my current writing skill to having these games available to take inspiration from & write about.

They mean a lot to me, and being able to write about the cast so much for so long has allowed for a sort of understanding & connection with their characters that I haven't really experienced on such high a level anywhere else. It's like I know these kids and their messed-up world, and having new elements added into the mix that I can't control is, I admit, the tiniest bit daunting.

After all- what if the new game doesn't live up to expectations? What if I don't enjoy it as much? What if the characterisation is different? What if everyone else likes it and I don't? Where the HELL are my hoodie children???

But at the same time, this is such a wonderful opportunity to welcome new artists & writers to our little community, and to potentially have a huge boom of beautiful contributions. Despite being so active under the Kindergarten tag on AO3, I only really joined the fandom 3 years ago, and KG2 was made in 2019. As long as I've known it, this place has been pretty dead.

Since coming to tumblr a few months ago and seeing all of the brilliant art and AUs on here, I've grown sure that this will continue be a fabulous fandom to be a part of, no matter what the new game brings. It's so full of creative, talented people, and I look forward to seeing it come a little more to life once again!

Thank you all for the past 3 years, and for everything that came before. I can't wait to see what we'll do next <3

[charongess]

Hello, I've been thinking about the direction I want to take my own art and I find the way you organize your art blogs between different styles interesting. What do you think of the divide between art that takes much time and skill and art that's more "marketable"?

Oh I like this question a lot. This is a thought that frequently keeps me up at night. I am going to write a lot about this so forgive me if you were hoping for a concise response. I'm also not the best writer, heh. Prefacing with trigger warning for addiction. We currently live in a world where fast paced consumption is the crux of just about every industry. I think as a society we are all aware of it on some level. However, I view it from the lens of a recovering addict. I spent about half my life struggling with addiction. I had the worst cold turkey crash I ever had about four years ago. I thought I was going to die, the withdrawals were so bad. I think this was a necessary part of getting clean for me. I needed to see how bad it could get in order to change my perspective and clear my head. I think the world might be headed down the same path, addicted to consumption like a drug masking the pain of a broken system. We're all clawing at something we can't have because we haven't experienced the fall yet. I don't know if it will happen in our lifetimes. A part of me hopes it does and a part of me would prefer to stay comfortable in the system we have. Change is hard. I think the growing divide in marketable and long form art is a reflection of many things. The best metaphor is the tension on the kite string. Eventually it will snap. Much like the growing wealth divide. On a personal level. When it comes to my art, I would like to work on my high end introspective work but I have bills to pay, thus I am forced to put my energy into my easier, but marketable art. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy that art, a lot. It's helping me process a part of my life I felt like I missed out on during my addiction. However, it is in my heart, a means to an end. It is funding my desire to return to a more intricate art form. I'm hoping in five or ten years I will have saved enough to live on while I focus on this account. Through that, I am also contributing to a system that I'm pretty sure 99% of us don't like. I fear that in time, even this method won't be possible. I fear for future generations. In comes the conflict, the guilt, the jealousy, and the reminder that the world is deprived of so much creativity because we are both victims and perpetrators of this process. I don't think it's by design. I think it just is, and there will be the other shoe eventually. Until, then I continue to try and earn the resources to be able to create unburdened by the fees of existing. It's the only way I have been able to figure out how to earn my keep as ethically as possible. I don't blame social media, artists, or consumers. We're all just mirrors of each other. We all have dreams and goals and we're all forced to play the same game. Some of us are just luckier than others. Thanks for asking.

[elderwisp]

𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘨

i was tagged by @weirdosalike and @cautiously0ptimistic thank you! (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

Last Song: Chrome County! I've been listening to my writing mix a bunch lately! So mostly ambient music :3

Favorite Color: Would have to be a nice lavender or periwinkle color!

Last Movie: Wicked! Overall a really great movie, I felt like each character truly embodied their roles! I've never been able to see the full production live, instead I would watch the performances on youtube so to finally understand what the musical was about was amazing! Reminded me of why I love musicals and live theater as well

Last Book: I've been rereading Ellen Hopkins work. Specifically Burned!

Sweet, Spicy or Savory: Lately it's been sweet but more like fruits sweet! I haven't craved much other than that.

Last Thing I Googled: I googled about reactions with a certain medication I'm taking U_U

Current Obsession: Lately I've been watching a lot of actors on actors and I think it's nice to see how everyone processes their roles as well as interact with other creatives. I enjoy the behind the scenes aspect a bunch when it comes to media is how certain artists view their craft through lens. That or watching certain singers discuss their music! I'd love to even find directors talking about their films as well but yeah :)

Looking Forward To: Definitely the writing project I have going on this year. It's been so long in the making and to finally be near it is everything to me. Might be intense, but it might also be the most impactful thing I've done for myself! I think once it's over though, I'd like to focus on other projects and maybe get into a career that's a bit more creative! Truly just a source of happiness for me :)

I tag: @notasimblr @salemssimblr @likelyamused @matchalovertrait @cakepoppresent feel free to ignore if you've been tagged <3