#i haven't been able to breathe for 48 hours

[sophsun1]

I don’t know the ethics of taking inspo from other gifsets but this set is hilarious and the QAF AITA posts write themselves.

(AITA? I made my partner (F) accept my friend (M) as our sperm donor by promising them both he would not be involved with our child’s life but now that he’s born I want my friend to be a father to our son. Now they’re both angry with me.)

(AITA? My friend punched me in face! He punched me! I… may have said his ex boyfriend should have died in a gay bashing. But the punch was uncalled for, right? ETA a lot of you are asking if the ex boyfriend was actually gay bashed. Yes he was. My friend saved his life and then got cheated on for his efforts. That’s all I was trying to point out when he punched me.)

Hey!

I mean as long as you credit the gifset you took inspo from then it's cool. They would be pretty funny, I'm actually dying from the flu at the minute and am literally death warmed up so I wouldn't be able to come up with any more. But hey, I'm open to you guys making the posts and I'll do the set :)

[ashen-char]

life makes love look hard

ship: anora x reader (gender neutral)

summary: reader has a tough day. anora comforts you.

word count: 1700+

notes: requested here and ani x reader won the poll soooo here ya go!

The apartment is a new development in the young couple's lives. Anora had just pawned off the ring, tired of clinging onto the horrific 48 hours it represents. She's moving on with you now. Selling it represented that. Suddenly able to afford a deposit, the two of you had scouted a cozy studio in Manhattan. Closer to HQ so Ani didn't have to take the subway so often, closer to your work too. It made sense.

It's barely decorated. You two haven't had the time to unpack much, just the essentials. Her clothes are in the closet, both of your products lining the vanity and bathroom counters. The rest are still in boxes. No shelves to put them onto yet, just bare white walls that are starting to make you feel claustrophobic. The apartment feels heavier than usual, like the walls are pressing in just a little too much. The air is stale, thick with the kind of silence that makes everything worse instead of better. And your brain is screaming at you - bored but too overwhelmed to do anything. You’ve been sitting in the same spot on the couch for who knows how long, staring at nothing, the day’s weight heavy on your shoulders.

Anora notices you on the couch, staring into space. "Bad day?" Anora asks. She keeps her voice casual. Not meaning to press but she’s already dropping onto the couch next to you, slinging an arm over the backrest like she’s settling in for a long night.

"Yeah. Been... rough," is all you can offer.

You don’t elaborate right away. You know Ani's waiting for more, and that you should get over the hard part and put words to how absolutely sucky this whole day has been, but even the thought of saying more exhausts you. Instead, you stare at the same spot on the floor you’ve been glaring at for the past fifteen minutes. Hoping maybe it’ll swallow you whole. 

Anora lets the silence stretch. She’s good at that - knowing when to push and when to let you breathe. When to tease and make light of things, or when to be serious. But eventually, she exhales, reaches over, and flicks your knee.

"Alright, I'm officially calling it," she announces, "you’re going through it. Bad."

"That obvious?"

She grins. "Yeah, what can I say? I just know you that well, babe." Then she shifts closer, resting her elbow on her knee, eyes locking onto yours with that sharp, focused expression she gets when she’s getting serious. "So, ya gonna tell me what happened, or do I have to fuckin' guess?" Ani jokes.

You hesitate. Which sucks. You take pride in the fact that you two communicate, hell, even over communicate sometimes. Part of you wants to brush it off, to tell her it’s nothing. Don't waste your mental energy on things you can't change, it'll just upset you more. But the words get stuck in your throat. You don't want to brush this off. Don't want to say it's nothing, because that would mean accepting it. That this is the way the world works.

Anora notices. Of course she does. She reaches out, tugs at the sleeve of your sweatshirt - not hard, just enough to ground you. "Hey," she says, softer now. "It's me. I'm here, yeah? No judgement."

She turns her body to face you, one hand cupping your cheek to tilt your head towards her. Her big brown eyes search yours, filled with warmth and worry. Sometimes it's like Anora can sense your distress from a mile away, like it makes her own heart ache. You know that she wants nothing more than to take it away, to fix whatever has you so clearly suffering.

"I know I ain't no therapist, but you don't gotta go through this alone. I'm your girl, remember?" She gives you a little smile, trying to coax one out of you in return, even stroking your cheek. "Seriously. Lay it on me."

So you do. "When I was making breakfast, one of the eggs was rotten so I ruined three eggs - you know how I do that thing where I put crack 'em all into one bowl so I can scramble and salt it evenly. And eggs are so expensive these days," you tell her. The words get easier when you're looking in Ani's eyes. She's just nodding and humming but you feel your shoulders get lighter. Sharing the burden that you were holding alone. "Didn't have time to cook any other breakfast, so I went to work hungry. Stomach rumbled during my presentation today, that was fucking humiliating."

Groaning, you lean forward and hide your face in Ani's neck. She smells like vanilla and that cherry blossom mist deodorant she likes to wear, plus something light and fruity. "No one said anything, but they probably thought I was unprofessional. Bad at time management, at least." With a deep inhale, you try to let the nagging thoughts go.

Saying it out loud makes it sound so insignificant now, and it's kinda embarrassing that you were getting so worked up about it. Logically you know that it's the culmination of all the small things, the feeling that nothing was going right all day, that finally drove you to this brink of turning your brain off. "I sound stupid. Whiny," you whine.

"Hey, hey... don't you dare feel stupid," she chastises lightly. "You're human. Life's a fucking rollercoaster sometimes, yeah? The little things, they can take a real toll. Doesn't make shit less hard if they're small, or silly. They matter to me because you matter to me."

Ani holds you like this for a long moment, letting you hide away from the world in the warmth and softness of her embrace. Her fingers thread through your messy hair, stroking through the strands so you can focus on something else. Her presence has always done wonders for you.

"Okay," she says. "So do you want the ‘life is unfair but you’ll get through it’ pep talk? Or do you want me to threaten someone for you? Because I’ve got some pretty creative ideas."

You snort, and she grins like that was her plan all along. "Seriously," she continues, nudging your foot with hers. "Whatever you need, I got you. Distraction? Done. Validation? Also done. Want me to say something so ridiculous you forget why you’re even upset? Babe, that’s my fuckin' specialtyyy," she drags out.

You shake your head, but the weight in your chest feels a little lighter. "You’re an idiot," you mumble.

"Yeah," she shrugs, "but I’m your idiot." 

She tips your chin up, forcing you to meet her gaze and stop hiding against her chest. After what feels like a minute, Anora leans in, resting her forehead against yours. Her breath is warm on your face as she whispers, "I hate seeing you like this. I hate that you had a shitty day, and I hate that I couldn't be there to make it better." She pulls back a bit to cup your face in her hands, her thumbs brushing over your cheekbones. "But you'll always have me.

Anora shifts, getting more comfortable, but she doesn’t let go of you. Instead, she leans in a little, her voice dropping to something lower, almost conspiratorial. Letting go of that serious shit for a second to let her lovable personality shine through again.

"You know," she says, tapping her fingers against your arm like she’s idly counting down to something, "I was gonna drag you out tonight. Thought about taking you to that 24-hour diner, ordering a pile of fries so obscene the staff would probably talk shit about us in the kitchen. And getting them to top up our coffee over and over of course." She tilts her head. "But you seem more like a ‘stay here and rot’ kind of sad tonight. Am I right?"

You let out a laugh. You do love getting that shitty diner, but staying in sounds best. At least for your mental state. "Yeah." Ani knows you get like this sometimes, and she's never handled it with anything but playful acceptance. You get so tired. Not just physically, but deep in your soul. 

"Cool. Then I’ll rot with you."

She kicks off her boots and you complain about her wearing her shoes inside again. As she placates your huffs, she pulls a blanket over the both of you. Then - because she’s Anora - she grabs the remote and starts flipping through streaming services without even asking what you want to watch.

"Let’s see," she muses, scrolling with the kind of lazy confidence that you love in her. There's never back and forth about what you two want to eat, never any indecision. "Do we go with something so bad it’s good, or something so good it makes you forget life sucks? Oh, or maybe one where other people's lives are so bad it makes you feel grateful for your own life's brand of shittiness?"

You shrug against her. "Don’t care."

"Bold of you to let me decide." She smirks. "I could make you watch some artsy foreign film with no subtitles, just to mess with you."

"You wouldn’t," you say with a glare.

She raises an perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Wouldn’t I?"

You roll your eyes, but you don’t stop her when she finally settles on some home makeover show - one of those absurd ones with a host who never runs out of quips, gaudy design choices, and way in-depth explanations of what they're going to change. It’s exactly the kind of thing that requires zero emotional investment but sucks you in for a binge, which is perfect.

The opening scene plays, bright flashes of the house's 'before shots' lighting up the dim room, but Anora’s attention is half on you, like she’s checking to see if this is working. If you’re still too lost in your own head.

She nudges you again, softer this time. "Hey."

You glance over, and she looks at you with that same mix of teasing and something steadier, something real.

"I’m serious, you know," she says. "You don’t have to deal with anything alone."

The words settle in, warm and steady, sinking past the exhaustion and the heaviness of the day. You don’t know what to say back, so you don’t say anything at all. You just lean against her, let the show play, let the world outside feel far away for a little while.

Eventually, you muster a "thank you."

Anora doesn’t push for more. She tugs the blanket higher over the both of you, and mutters, "like I said. I gotcha. Whatever you need."

[ilyasorokinn]

my lover ― carlos sainz

note, this is my first f1 piece, so what better way to join the f1 community on here than to write about my bestie bf mr. smooth operator. anyways, i'm mixing my two loves, taylor swift and f1 together for this. also, i made my first twitter edit and i had fun, so expect more coming soon. another note, i haven't been to the eras tour yet (seeing ms. swift in august :)), so this might be inaccurate. i don't want to watch videos because i see tons of tiktok and i want to least be a little surprised, so this is how i imagine it going :) summary, carlos and y/n go to a taylor swift concert where he has some tricks up his sleeve. warnings, mentions of sc**ter br*un (*barf emoji) word count, 643 words (a shorty but a goodie)

with races happening so frequently, you were worried you wouldn't be able to see taylor swift, but carlos made time. he cleared his schedule for 48 hours so you two could enjoy yourselves.

"carlos," you passed, your eyes widening as you took in the stage you had only seen in pictures.

carlos couldn't help but smile as he watched you take everything in. you had worked hard to get the tickets for the show and he was just happy to tag along and be your photographer and videographer for the night.

you were wearing a replica of one of her outfits while carlos wore a basic black shirt with a scooter on it but it was crossed out. when you first showed him, he was confused.

"why don't we like scooters?" he asked. you laughed and explained the story of scooter.

"carlos sainz?" you heard a couple of fans gasp as they noticed who was sitting next to them.

carlos smiled, giving them his full attention as she talked to him, then posed for pictures, "hey, can i ask you for a favor?" he stopped them before they went back to their conversation.

"of course!" the girls were freaking out. carlos sainz was talking to them!

"during lover," they knew automatically what his question was and they both melted, "i was planning on proposing to y/n." he whispered, glancing back at you, but you were already deep in conversation with the girls next to you and trading your friendship bracelets.

"do you think you could record it?"

"of course! oh, my gosh!" they gasped and carlos chuckled, "early congratulations."

"well, she hasn't said yes yet." he scratched the back of his neck.

"she will." the girl nodded.

carlos thanked them again before turning back to you. your arms were now covered in beaded friendship bracelets and he was confused about how it had happened.

"how did that happen?'

"well, i'm just very popular i guess." you shrugged, "look, this one's my favorite." you showed him your favorite one.

"beautiful, amor." he beamed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and kissing your head.

as the clock ticked down, you had gravitated from your seat up into a standing position. once the clock was at 0, you were screaming with everyone else.

lover was the first album of the songs she sang in the setlist, so the girls sitting next to you were ready to record the second lover started.

carlos could feel his heartbeat begin to pick up as the first notes of lover started. he felt around his pocket for the ring box and let out a breath when he found it.

"you okay?" you asked, glancing from him then back to the stage, afraid to miss anything.

"yeah." he nodded, swallowing hard for a second before looking you in the eyes, "i love you."

"i love you, too." you smiled.

"and i don't want to say much because this love explains everything i feel for you. i would love to do life with you and i hope you say "yes" to the question i'm about to ask." he pulled the ring out of pocket and the girls filming squealed, garnering the attention of everyone around you and they all whipped out this phones and squealed.

"will you marry me?" he asked, bending down and opening the box.

you covered your mouth in shock as your brain tried to catch up to what was going on in front of you, "carlos, oh, my god, yes! of course!" you bent down and cupped his face, kissing him.

everyone around your squealed, jumping up and down excitedly. he pulled away and slid the ring onto your finger, "you big romantic." you gasped, punching him jokingly in the shoulder.

"only for you." he kissed you again, hugging you as taylor continued to serenade you with music.

+ this :)

my taglist: @2manytabsopen @europeanpuck @bitchinbarzal @cinnamoncowboy @silverstonesainz @hotgirlhockey @barzysreputation

add yourself to my taglist!

[pocketmania]

Hey, Lottie! It's me, 🏳‍🌈anon once again and I'm requesting for my lovely beloved gf, Nikku ofc 😌

So that situation that I had with my phone (currently still using my old phone), could I ask Nikku x fem s/o, oneshot where Nikku hasn't been receiving any messages from her s/o and she gets worried if she was okay or not because she didn't get no respond for any of her messages so she went to check up on her and when she got inside her house, she just sees her perfectly fine and just playing Splatoon or whatever game. S/o then explains to Nikku that she changed her lock screen password and made a dumb decision about making it a bit complicated to see if she could remember it (ends up not remembering it 🥲) blah blah blah, y'know that and haven't to wait hours and hours just to try again. Nikku gets her phone and s/o is there, already assuming that she's gonna get it wrong but Nikku just somehow unlocks it with one guess and s/o is just "wtf 😦"

I really want to be back on my phone but I haven't figured out my password yet.. 😔

[A/N] Hi 🏳️‍🌈 anon! Nice to see you again :]

I'd love to write about this lmao, it's been a while since I've done a nikku fic (or a hotline fic in general)

I'm glad you're able to use your old phone, by the way! It was a miracle you still had it and even more that you could get into it.. but I will never let you live this down >:]

This is probably gonna be kinda short but I'll do me best ✨️

Now onto the thingy

# Delivered

(☎️👽👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨) - hotline 024 oneshot

(reader type) - feminine / AFAB

(‼️warnings) - none

(summary) - The reader's can't get into her phone, much to Nikku's dismay.

"Hey im gonna head to the gas station next do u want anyrhing"

8:37 PM

"U better not be raiding the fridge when I get back biggie"

8:48 PM

"(N/N)?"

8:59 PM

As Nikku was stepping out of the laundromat and heading to the gas station, she felt a gnawing pain in the pit of her chest. She didn't mean to be clingy, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little worried.

It's been half an hour, and (Y/N) hasn't responded to any of Nikku's texts. She could understand not responding for 10 minutes or so, but 30?

Once she made it to the gas station, she tried to be exceptionally fast. She grabbed things she wanted and things she figured (Y/N) would want... that is, if they were okay.

After the cashier finished ringing her up, she raced out, hopped on her bike, and rode home a little faster than usual. She was worried and certainly not ready to lose someone again. While on the way, she would occasionally glance down at her pocket where her phone was located, hoping (Y/N) would pick up.

They didn't.

The ride home was agonizingly long. All these twists and turns around blocks that seemed to stretch out for miles. All these places she swore she passed just 20 seconds ago. The feeling that something was wrong.

After what felt like a gazillion years, she was home. Nikku hopped off her bike, stumbling due to getting her foot caught on the handle. She grabbed her bag of things and checked her phone one last time. Still no response.

When she got to the front door, she practically bust it down. Prepared to call your name, she found herself rather confused...

Because you were sitting on the couch, playing video games on the T.V.

"Oh, hey, Nikky." You said, reassuring her by using the familiar nickname. "You okay?" Nikku took a deep breath and set her stuff down on the coffee table. "Are you okay? You haven't answered any of my texts in the last half hour."

You let out an 'ohhhhh' and paused your game. Setting the controller down, you reached over and took her phone off the charger. "Remember when I said I should changed my password?" You explained. "Well, I did. But now I... can't remember what the password is."

All Nikku could do was stare at you. "You.. wha... I..."

"Right? And I just made it, too! So I don't see why I can't remember it." You complained. Nikku stared at you for another beat before grabbing your phone from your hands. She punched in your password and handed it back to you.

You gawked in disbelief. "What?! How did yo-"

"(Y/N), sweetie, you made your password my birthday." Nikku said, looking rather amused. You took your phone back and glanced back and forth between it and the person who unlocked it. "... But how did you know what it was?"

Nikku grabbed the bag of stuff and sat next to you. "You asked me if you could make your pass code my birthday." You stared out in front of you, mad at yourself for not remembering your pass code. You leaned back and let your head fall on the couch. "I'm an idiot."

Nikku laughed a bit and leaned on you. "Yeah, but you're my idiot."

[cigfigsfan]

I haven't been able to actually inhale a full breath for the late 48 hours because of how freaked out I am. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[atlas-of-andromeda]

*sucks in deep breathe through teeth* Alright I guess I'm doing this.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

No.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Been a while. Can't really say. If we're only counting times I've meant it then I'm not sure I've ever.

03: Do you regret anything?

I've made mistakes, but none of them detrimental enough for me to regret them.

04: Are you insecure?

Yes.

05: What is your relationship status?

Single. Hopefully it will remain like that

06: How do you want to die?

Explosion. I don't know specifics I just want to be able to tell people in the afterlife 'I went off with a bang!'

07: What did you last eat?

Chocolate bar.

08: Played any sports?

I'm presuming that we're ignoring sports I've been forced to play in school. But other than that... is chess a sport?

09: Do you bite your nails?

Yeah. Pretty frequently too.

10: When was your last physical fight?

When I was like eight. Some six year old started randomly throwing very weak punches at me, so I threw a few back.

11: Do you like someone?

No. Hopefully I never will.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yeah. Once, and I got close to it a couple other times.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I hate most people. Humans suck.

14: Do you miss someone?

My friend who's too busy with school to talk.

15: Have any pets?

Unfortunately not.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Tired.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

No!?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

A bit. Less so of looking at spiders, and more so just knowing there's a spider in my presence.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

No. I don't think I would.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

I haven't done that before, and I'd rather not.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Try and finish TMA.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

FUCK NO.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Sounds painful. No.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Science, probably.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

No.

26: What are you craving right now?

In terms of food? And meat, nothing specific. Non-food? Physical affection.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Potentially? I've rejected enough guys to have probably broken at least one of their hearts.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Never been in a relationship.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Never been in a relationship.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

So many of these questions involving something romantic or sexual. I'm aroace and it's infuriating.

31: Does somebody love you?

Couldn't tell you.

32: What is your favourite color?

Red.

33: Do you have trust issues?

A bit.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I think gnomes were involved?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Can't remember.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

No.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgetting is easier. Mainly because my memory is shit and I hold grudges.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Not by a long shot.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. REFER TO QUESTION 30.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

No?

51: Favourite food?

Bacon.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

No.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Scroll Tumblr.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Cheating as in infidelity? If the relationship in question is unhealthy and non-consensual, yes. Otherwise, no. Cheating as in violating academic integrity? Yeah it's fine.

55: Are you mean?

A bit?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

One.

57: Do you believe in true love?

No. Love is dead.

58: Favourite weather?

Fog. Cold fog.

59: Do you like the snow?

Yes.

60: Do you wanna get married?

NO WAY IN HELL.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

No?

62: What makes you happy?

My bed.

63: Would you change your name?

I have plans to! Transgenderism, baby!

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

30.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I'm pretty sure he does, I just ignore it.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

No.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My father.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I don't have those.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

No. Love is dead.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

No.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[mooniesday]

i haven't yapped in here for so long, and i wanted to indirectly speak to you today. i know you like it when i talk a lot, so i'm dumping some unfiltered thoughts here. like truly. unfiltered. unbeta-ed. i'm not thinking about the delivery of any of this, and you're definitely not obligated to acknowledge it all. or to make sense of it.

my energy levels have plummeted in the past 48 hour and i unfortunately have an eventful weekend ahead of me (as well as today), so i feel like i'm grasping at straws to keep myself going until the beginning of next week. like omfg. i had a headache today and suffered some dizzy spells in intervals. i fear that's an addition for you to add to the growing list of health troubles i have... my vertigo seems to be triggered by stress. i really thought i was dealing with this taxing holiday season well because i technically couldn't feel the stress, but i guess my body and subconscious did. it definitely makes the anxiety riddled sleep i've barely gotten lately make sense.

it's a little bit frustrating, though. because i'm really trying to stress less! and i've put a lot of effort into no longer chasing perfection. in fact, someone told me something last year that stuck with me. i don't know if it translates well, but it went like this: do less of what you must, and more of what you love. and being told that, face to face, by someone that had gotten to know me well enough to recognise how my desire to be perfect led to my own misery, rewired my brain. it was like the first time i read the dostoevsky quote from crime and punishment, where raskolnikov tells sonia that "your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing"... like hold on. wait a minute... let me catch my breath, damn.

i'm stuck between laughing at myself for finding something so simple to be so profound, and getting annoyed at myself. it's funny because i take self preservation so seriously in regards to my relationship with others, i rarely let others cloud my judgement or affect me negatively, and i know how to set boundaries when things become too much. but when it comes to my relationship with myself, it really does feel like i betray myself regularly. often. always. it's like i'm okay being uncomfortable and sacrificing my wellbeing right now because things are inevitably going to get better at some point. but it feels like i was 17 only two years ago, and before i knew it i turned 25 whole years last week, all with the same attitude towards myself. i've lived in a constant loop of self betrayal.

i think while i've stopped wanting to be perfect, i continue to undermine the value of my own happiness and how important it is to always invest in it. i'm not actively making myself miserable, but i'm not trying to be happier.

(giggled a little bit while writing this cause my nr #1 song on my spotify wrapped was my love, mine all mine by mitski like DAMN! did you even try to be happy bro.)

unlearning certain habits is gonna take a while, i know. and i'm going to be patient with myself, of course. while i know you might worry reading this, especially the beginning, i don't want you to think i'm unhappy. i'm okay right now. i think i'm a little proud of myself too, for being able to self reflect well enough to recognise these aspects about myself. it's not been unknown to anyone that i'm bad at taking care of myself, but i always took it at face value when it was pointed out to me. it's always been about things like diet and working too much, and i have a tendency to roll my eyes at that... you're kind of part of the reason why i've actually finally internalised it, i think. i appreciate you a lot. not only as my lover and my moon, but as a person. you've left such a mark on me.

i feel like i often wail dramatically about how i was destined to be a heartbroken artist that lived during the renaissance. and i stand by it. i still yearn for it. i think i'll invest in it.

you sent me a gn message while i was writing this, hehe. i hope you're sleeping well, my love. i love you lots. dream of me! <3

[animal-lover-forever]

My ROTTMNT OC Niko (6)

(Adding a "Keep reading" because I typed a lot of shit.)

Her name is number 6, but Big Mama calls her Niko. She is four years old.

Number 2, or Frida as Big Mama calls her is 6's sister. She is seven years old.

2 is the only survivor. Number 1, 3, 4, and 5 perished in the lab explosion, along with their DNA donor, Lou Jitsu.

Draxum made her with a bit of mutagen and DNA of Lou Jitsu that survived the lab explosion.

Unlike 6's fully turtle siblings, she's made up of many animals. Fennec fox, rattlesnake, map turtle, the smallest amount of spinny softshell, and of course, the human DNA used to mutate her.

Number 6 was made a year later after number 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5, were made, but there was no guarantee that she would be sentient. She is made up of many different animals, after all.

6 has excellent vision in both day and night, she also has a great sense of smell and hearing.

6 can hold her breath for up to 3 hours. She is an excellent swimmer and has webbed paws. After the 3 hours are up, she will start to pull oxygen out of the water thanks to the softshell DNA. The prosses for transitioning from air to water and vice versa is painful, so she doesn't like to do this often.

6 has lots of sharp teeth, but she also has a set of fangs. She has a venom that is potent enough to kill someone in 15 minutes or less. She can also control whether or not her venom gets injected when she bites.

6's venom is so strong and potent and mutated compared to that of a normal rattlesnake, that normal antivenoms won't work if she's bitten you. Your only hope for survival would be a specially made antivenom made using 6's own venom.

Number 1, 3, 4, and 5, won't die if they get bitten. But they will become very sick for 48 hours.

2 is completely immune to 6's venom because Draxum slowly introduced it into 2's system so that she would become completely immune to it in case 6 were to accidentally bite 2 in a battle.

6's tail is very strong. She can use it to grab a hold of her "prey", and it rattles just like a normal rattlesnake. 6 can hide in her shell, though her tail sticks out, and her snout sticks out a little as well. 6 is also heterotherm-blooded.

Draxum trains 6 and 2 in the "pit", but if they do bad, they get punished.

Sometimes 2 and 6 fight together in the Battle Nexus.

Draxum allows it because improves their fighting abilities and it makes Big Mama happy.

Big Mama and Draxum also made a deal. 2 and then 6 once she was made, would fight in the Battle Nexus because Draxum stole Lou Jitsu from Big Mama and Lou Jitsu died in the lab explosion.

6 has mystics (Ninpo) and so does 2. 6 can control plants. A lot like Draxum, but she can control more than just vines.

6 can also control Draxum's vines, but that's really hard because they're under his control.

If it's a plant, 6 can manipulate it to grow, where it grows, and even kill it.

6 can only control already existing plants, she can't make them appear on her own.

But 6 has a scythe that's a mystic catalyst that amplifies her mystics, which means she can make plants grow anywhere with her scythe.

2 can make objects smaller and bigger, and put them back to their original size.

Side note #1: Number 1 (Raph), 3 (Donnie), 4 (Leo), and 5 (Mikey) did survive and are with Splinter like in cannon, and are totally unaware of their two "long lost" sisters. Splinter knows that he left Frida, but has no idea about Niko as she was made later on. As for ages, Raph is 8, Frida is 7, Donnie and Leo are 6 (Donnie is older), Mikey is 5, and Niko is 4.

Side note #2: 2 and 6 meet 1, 3, 4, and 5 just before the Shredder is defeated. 2 and 6 had heard that their siblings had survived the lab explosion all those years ago from Big Mama and Draxum, but haven't been able to see them in person until that point.

Side note #3: When Big Mama's assistant shows up that one time to protect the Dark Amor in cannon, it's actually Frida and Niko who help protect it.

Side note #4: I made a comic for Niko, but it's incomplete.

[foreverdolly]

Do you read anyone else’s fics? Or does writing, take up all your time on here? I’m just genuinely curious if you have any favorite stories? ( you may of been asked this already) -

🤍lola

i will be honest- i don't read as much as i should on this site now that i'm writing daily, but i want to remedy that. if anyone has any recs or if you want me to read your writing, just message me ! i'm an absolute sucker for a well written fic. i'm not doing this in any sort of order btw ! just writing them down as they come to me. if i haven't mentioned a fic of yours- it's not because i don't like it ! it probably means that i just haven't gotten to it yet !

here are some fics that genuinely buttered my biscuit and had my one hundred and fifteen pound, tiny chihuahua-ass doing backflips down the hallway:

forbidden desire- @mamaspresley ( i read this three times within the first 48 hours of it being posted. i would suck the grease out of austin's hair in this movie like a damn rat. i'm jealous of the pitbull that got to chomp on this man's nutsack. i wish i was the doorframe where his ass got curb stomped. jackie did the damn thing on this one. if anyone knew how many times i've actually read this fic, someone might take my phone away from me. i told her that this was one of my favorite tumblr fics in the history of ever and she didn't believe me. "really?" yes, girl. yes. this had me doing the bend and snap. jackie you're so talented.)

to find a cure- @mamaspresley ( adorable. couldn't breathe the entire time. i had my inhaler in my lap and was clutching my modelo with my free hand. knuckles pale. knees quivering. mom's spaghetti. i'm nervous.)

into you - @dreamersparacosm ( this was actually one of the first austin fics i read post-elvis, which is super cool since you were one of my first mutuals as well ! ang, your writing is stellar. this shit had me doing laps around the house. i had to fight off the urge to propose to you. i told my mom about us. the way you write austin??? jesus, mary, joseph, the donkey and all the wise men.)

going method - @oh-austin (this is just so cute to read. it cured my depression and straightened out my scoliosis. i'm also no longer lactose intolerant, and i think this might also be connected to the series.)

the big shot mississippi boy - @ghxst-heart (i devoured this series in one sitting, and am anxiously awaiting part eight. the way that you are able to so accurately describe the 50's. . . it's almost as though you've lived it yourself ! not to mention the way that you write for elvis??? amazing amazing amazing. you deserve all the love.)

a whole man is hard to find- @aconflagrationofmyown (this fic is going to be my downfall, i can just feel it. marina- please don't give me a heart attack. i'm not ready to die yet. i haven't gotten to peg, and i have a few more things after that to cross off the ole' bucket list.)

familiarity- @blainesebastian (i adore this idea, and what you've done with it is absolutely out of this world. you have this fantastic way of making your reader inserts so relatable. it feels very real and i mean that in the best way possible. like any ole' person can run into austin butler while reaching for the coveted maple clusters. gorgeous.)

on a serious note: there's definitely way more than this. i'll be making a second post of more recommendations at a later date, that way everyone can get the love and appreciation that they deserve. thank you all for what you do for this fandom. just know that your hard work does not go unnoticed. i know that most of you either have school work or maybe even a full time job (like myself), and the fact that you set time aside to write for other's enjoyment is selfless, and quite amazing of you. you are seen, loved, and so so talented.

[beewithknee]

headlights & werewolves (6)

davey x angel au

Steady beeps sounded throughout the room. It had been at least 3 days, maybe even 4 at that point. David had lost track, he’d been neglecting all his Alpha duties while you remained unconscious. He’d tried to do work but every time he managed to leave the room, he’d start panicking that you would either wake up or flatline while he was out. His gaze was constantly on your chest, just watching the in and out of your breathing.

In and out.

In and out.

The repetition was making the alpha drowsy. His eyes fluttered shut. He’d been awake for at least 24 hours, paranoid that you’d need him. The exhaustion had finally caught up to him though. The dark blonde haired man slumped over, his head resting against your thigh. You were still and nothing had been seriously wrong with you for at least 48 hours, so he figured he was safe. Marie had assured him that it was purely a waiting game at that point. She had been forced to heal you so quickly that she hadn't been able to identify what was actually wrong, but it was safe to say, Christian was getting a serious beating once you were awake. Asher being Asher, he’d taken over David’s work while he stayed with you. Many people had come to visit, they'd all heard the stories from David and fallen in love with you. If everything went well, you would become their Luna and they all wanted you to be okay. There was only a small handful of people that David trusted to be alone with you; Asher, Milo, Marie. And everyone else had to be supervised by David. It had been a rough few days and all David needed was to sleep, eat and to have you awake.

The blond jolted up, looking at you first, he realised you were still asleep. He looked at the clock and determined he’d only been sleeping for about 5 hours. Sighing, he moved his eyes back over your body, rubbing his sore neck and back. The nightmare that woke him was not a pleasant one, he needed the physical reassurance that you were still there and alive. “Hey Alpha, I need to do the check-ups. Do you want to wait here or outside?” Marie’s voice was calm. She was a feisty woman and could hold her own easily, but she knew just how much David was hurting and he needed to be treated a bit gently. He stood and walked out, lingering right outside the door. He couldn't bear to see your body contorted like that, it was just so… limp and unnatural. Higher pitched beeps sounded through the door and David’s heartbeat picked up.

Was there something wrong?

He stayed outside, knowing that Marie would call him in if something was wrong. Anxiety and stress held a tight grip over the Alpha as his foot tapped impatiently against the floor. He absentmindedly rubbed his scarred knuckles. He’d bashed them into the floor 3 days ago and although, thanks to Marie and his own healing, had them back to normal within 6 hours, the scars still stayed. David didn't care all that much if he was honest, he was just mad at himself for having to make Asher hold him back. Speaking of the beta, said man walked around the corner, eyebrows lifting at the sight of David outside the room. “Hey Man, how are they?” He asked carefully. David had hardly been speaking and his voice was rough as he answered. “Fine. Nothing’s changed for a little over 2 days so now it’s just waiting until they wake up.” His friend nodded, looking towards the door at the sound of the rapid beeping. David’s foot tapped faster against the floor and Asher put a hand on his arm. “How are you? And don't give me the ‘i'm fine’ bullshit. How are you, really?” Aasher looked sincere, and he was. He knew David was struggling and he just wanted to be able to help his friend. David sighed “I’m fucking exhasted Ash. I’m tired and angry and sad and pissed and… and scared. I didn’t even really have them before I lost them. Fucking Christian, jesus.” He growled, David still couldn't believe that his friend had done that.

“Yeah. And that’s okay David. But remember; you haven't lost them. They’re still alive there. Those beeps are their vitals, they’re breathing and probably dreaming as we speak. You just gotta be patient.” Asher advised, despite knowing that his best friend was never good at the whole ‘patience’ thing. Hurried footsteps interrupted David’s next sentence, his head whipped to the door as Marie threw it open. Her eyes were frantic and her breathing was ragged. She looked between their two wolves, mouth open.

Time froze as two words slipped out of her mouth. “They’re awake.”

[fjoresterthoughts]

@mrenkelherlig : if you haven't gotten a request for hand-holding 45 yet, that one could be super cute

[from this prompt list]

45. comparing hand sizes, then linking fingers together

Fjord and Jester have only known each other for 48 hours, and the new presence of the other person is secretly very exciting to both of them, in very different ways. For Jester, she has a brand new friend and someone to experience the outside world with. For Fjord, this blue tiefling is a very needed and welcome breath of fresh air, and can't help but be fascinated how she is able to knock him on his ass and flip his world upside down.

They aren't too far out from Port Damali, bedding down for the night and setting up camp. Although he doesn't have a ton of experience with roughing it, Jester has zero, and she watches and learns from him with intent. They make a pretty good team so far, and dinner over a campfire had been a success.

"You know what's kinda funny?" Jester says, as she collects the used and dirty dishes from Fjord, "that spoon in your hand looks so much smaller than it does when it's in my hand."

Fjord chuckles lightly, not entirely sure what to say. "I suppose my hands are just bigger than yours."

"How much bigger?" Jester asks suddenly, kneeling next to him and putting down the dishes on the ground beside her. She holds her hand up and he follows suit, pressing his palm and fingers against hers.

Jester's hands are much smaller than his, with the tips of her fingers only reaching up to just past his second knuckle. While his green hands are covered in scars and calluses from years of sea and the orphanage, her blue ones are much smoother with little paint stains. He never thought he could feel self conscious about his hands until now.

But Jester surprises him, and laces their fingers together, holding his hand.

"You know, I think we should stick together. I have a good feeling about us travelling together. And being friends!"

"Yeah." Fjord answers with a small smile and a nod, "I think so too."

She smiles brightly, and then lets go of his hand to get up and take care of the dishes she left beside her. He simply watches with wide eyes before getting up to help, and continues to wonder how many more times she is going to catch him by surprise.

[glittergutts]

I feel like I'm going to throw up from anxiety. It hit me like a semi truck a week ago and I can't make it stop. I feel helpless. I feel angry. I'm going to end up taking benzos for my anxiety again and I don't feel confident I could take them as directed. I absolutely can not live like this. I've been paralyzed by fears of absolutely nothing. I don't want to admit how long it was between showers and brushing my teeth. I haven't eaten anything in 48 hours because my mouth is dry and my stomach is in knots. I feel fucking ill. I think this is what people seek help for. This is not normal or okay to not be able to function. I keep crying and I hate that. I feel so beaten down. Part of me feels bad enough for the ER but it takes so many hours. I don't feel safe in my own skin right now. I keep thinking something awful is going to happen to someone I love. I can not stop worrying and thinking of worst case scenario. I'm about to absolutely lose my shit I can't fucking breathe and I don't know what to do. I've been trying to wait it out hoping it would pass but it just keeps getting worse. I need sleep without nightmares. I need to eat something and I can't. I feel well on my way to the mental hospital right now and it's scaring the shit out of me. I don't think I can't keep holding myself together I don't think I'm okay. I don't even know what's wrong. Nothing serious nothing that warrants these awful feelings. I can't live my life like this. Without medicine and I'm scared I can't live with it either. I have so many coping methods and none of them are even helping a little. In some ways I feel worse than when I attempted suicide because I actually want to live and I don't feel like I can. I can't breath and I can't see what I'm typing I just want to feel ok. Fuck

[eretzyisrael]

Lama Al-Manar, 36, doesn't remember what she put into the small bag she was carrying when she stepped into a Red Crescent ambulance, other than medical documents. She doesn't remember the last words her husband, who was riding with her, said to her before they separated at the Erez crossing. She doesn't know whether he followed them with his gaze when she walked toward the crossing and passed from the Gaza Strip to Israel, where a Magen David Adom ambulance was waiting for her.

From the moment she left Shifa Hospital that afternoon, until she arrived at Sheba Medical Center at Tel Hashomer some five hours later, Lima's eyes never left the incubator that was holding her son, Abdullah, 2.5 months old, whose tiny body was receiving oxygen.

She also wouldn't have remembered what day it was if they hadn't explained how lucky she had been. It was Monday, May 10, 2021, the day on which Operation Guardian of the Walls against Hamas infrastructure in Gaza began. The ambulance that brought her and her son to Israel was the last allowed through Erez crossing before it was closed for 13 days.

Three children are waiting for her at home. Two years ago, she gave birth to a stillborn child, and when she became pregnant for the fifth time, she was eager for the new baby to bring joy back to the home. But Abdullah was born two months prematurely with a complicated heart defect and Lamaand her husband realized they would need to fight for his life.

"I was afraid. His condition wasn't good," Lama says. "He lost weight, and his breathing and other parameters slowed. I prayed to God to heal him. To fight for his little life. A doctor at Shifa Hospital recommended that we send him to Israel for treatment. My husband reached out to the Shevet Achim organization to help us get him there."

Thursday afternoon, the 11th day of the Gaza campaign. The radio reports a rocket alert in Ashkelon, and then a direct hit on a residential building. We arrive at the parking structure attached to the labor ward at Sheba Medical Center, which is next to the Edmond and Lily Safra Children's Hospital. The children's ICU was transferred here on the fifth day of the fighting for fear of rocket hits.

We go down one floor. After walking through the gray halls lined with oxygen tanks at the ready, we encounter a colorful sign decorated with a drawing of a sun and a kite: "Protected Children's ICU." Reality stays outside. In the parking structure, which was filled with cars the previous week, there are 40 small beds. Each one takes up two parking places, and holds a small baby who is hooked up to medical equipment. Nearby is a treatment station, a computer, and a lounge chair for adults.

The beds are separated by flowered curtains that were hung on the metal pipes that line the parking garage's ceiling. No one closes the curtains. There are also hanging screens that are attached to monitors that fill the space with dim beeping.

In the center of the improvised unit are a dialysis cart and another cart that holds equipment for chest drainage. Sometimes, a baby's cry can be heard. It is weak, and starts and stops quickly.

Over bed No. 26 a sign reads: "Abdullah Al-Manar. Date of birth: Feb. 26, 2021. Weight: 1.6 kg (3.52 pounds)." Lamasits on the chair and watches Shani, the nurse, take off Abdullah's cloth diaper, exposing a large incision that runs from his chest to his belly. Shani changes the dressing, rubs cream on it, puts his medicine into the IV bag attached to his small arm, and covers him gently.

In the next bed lies three-month-old Rana, who is recovering from her third open heart surgery, which she underwent two days earlier. On the left is Yazen, a month old, who had a catheterization.

Dr. Evyatar Hubara, 43, a senior doctor on the unit, moves from bed to bed. He slept three hours the night before due to the number of cases.

"The three children from Gaza suffer from complicated heart defects," Hubara explains. "They came to us in serious condition, among other reasons because it took time from when the problem was diagnosed in Gaza until their transfer to us could be coordinated, all the permits received, and that's without changing ambulances at Erez and the bumpy journey. Right now, all three are in an acute stage. We still haven't gotten to the rehabilitation state, which will begin here and continue in Gaza," he says.

Hubara stops by Abdullah's bed and looks at him warmly. "Abdullah was born prematurely and was incorrectly diagnosed in Gaza. The doctors … performed the wrong operation on him when he was two months old. A week after the operation, he began to decline, and a week after that he reached us. In the first few hours we needed to stabilize him and keep his blood pressure steady with medication.

"We started to look into the problem. We did an MRI and other tests. Before every stage, we explained to his mother what we were going to do. She trusted us from the beginning. After we stabilized him, we found that the true defect he was suffering from was an aortic valve stenosis. It turned out that in Gaza they had tried to close the ductus, but closed one of the main arteries by mistake.

"In the insane Israeli reality, we had to protect ourselves against rockets from Gaza along with the babies who come from here," he says.

"I remember one siren that caught me on the unit, before we moved to the parking structure. All the mothers, Jewish and Arab, just grabbed their babies – the ones that weren't hooked up to machines – and ran to a safe space. I shouted, 'We have time, 90 seconds, go slowly so you won't fall with the kids.' Everyone gathered around in the safe space. Staff members and patients, Jews and Arabs together. The shocking sight of the mothers who ran there with their babies doesn't leave me," Hubara recalls. Not all the mothers were able to take their babies to a safe space. Abdullah, Rana, and Yazen, as well as another 12 Israeli babies, are on respiratory equipment, and they were unprotected during the first rocket alerts. This is why the hospital administration decided to move the entire department from the sixth floor to the underground parking garage. Here, the sirens can't even be heard.

We go with Lama, Raida, and Samira into the staff room, located at the exit. The room has a big refrigerator full of popsicles donated to the children and the staff who care for them. Every few minutes, a parent or a staff member comes in and takes one.

About a year ago, when the COVID pandemic was still raging in Israel, a COVID unit opened in this same parking structure to ease the mass of patients that was overwhelming the hospitals. That event seems like ancient history, and the only thing that remains of it are the letters of thanks stuck to the door. It seems as if this is the last place in the country where people are careful to wear masks, and wear them properly.

The three Gaza women are embarrassed. They aren't used to being interviewed. All three are wearing abayas, long dresses that include head coverings, as well as hijabs and surgical masks. Since they arrived in Israel, they have been sleeping here, on the unit, in the recliner chairs next to their children's beds. They are also given meals. Once every few days, they allow themselves to go upstairs and shower. None of them speaks any language other than Arabic, with the exception of a few words of Hebrew or English. Moshe Ravid, 26, a nursing student from Jaffa and a volunteer with the Shevet Achim organization, translates.

Raida (Umm Ahmad), 48, is from Khan Younis. She is Rana's grandmother, a housewife and mother of six.

"My daughter-in-law, Rana's mother, came to Israel with her in February, two weeks after she was born," she says. "After two weeks, she was tired and not feeling well. Because she has a four-year-old at home, she called me and asked me to switch with her. She went back to Gaza, and since then, I've been here. Three months already. This is my first time in Israel."

Q: Were you afraid?

"No, why should I be afraid? My husband worked in Bat Yam for 20 years. Every day, he went from Gaza to Bat Yam, until the disengagement in 2005. After that, he found work in Gaza. He told me that there are good people in Israel, that everyone here is all right."

Abdullah's mother Lama, 36, is wearing a brown abaya accessorized with a shining silver star. Her smartphone has a pink cover. She works in a laboratory, and her husband is a producer for Palestinian television in Gaza. She has two other sons, 11 and six, at home, as well as a three-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

"My mother had cancer. She went to Israel to be treated, and recovered," Lama says. "She told me that everything is good here. When Abdullah's condition got worse, the doctor recommended that we come to Israel. My husband reached out to Shevet Achim. Now he and my mother are watching the three other kids at home."

Q: What do you tell your families about what is happening here?

Lama: "They're afraid for us, and we're afraid for them. When they call to hear how we are, I answer, 'Al Hamdullah,' so they won't be scared and worry, and when I call to ask how they are, they say the same thing. We talk about the boy, how he ate, how much he ate, how much he slept. "I tell them that the doctors here are good, that they treat us well, answer all our questions. I tell them that the food is excellent, that the women have nice clothes, about their hairstyles. I like the fashion in Israel, and the grilled chicken breast and salad they serve at the hospital."

Raida: "The medical staff thinks only about the children – whether their condition has improved, what they ate, how they slept. We sit next to their beds, don't know how they'll be from one moment to the next, whether they'll get better at all."

Q: Do they send you pictures of the strikes on Gaza?

"They send me pictures of the special Ramadan sweets," Raida answers, with a smile.

Samira, 62, is the grandmother of Yazen, who is only a month old. "I have nine grown children, and my son has four children other than Yazen. Their mother needs to take care of them, so they asked me to accompany the child. At home, when we talk about Israel, we only talk about the medical treatment we want to get here."

Moshe, the translator, tells them in Arabic not to be frightened, that they can speak freely. They all answer at once: "We aren't afraid, we're speaking honestly. Everyone wants peace. We want it to be all right."

Samira: "Inshallah, things will calm down. We aren't dealing with politics."

Q: What did you do when people in Gaza fired rockets toward this area?

Raida: "What everyone else did. The nurses took us to a safe place. The babies stayed on the unit, hooked up to respirators. I was worried about them, that they were alone, but everyone calmed us down, said that it would all be fine."

Lama: "We tried to talk to the other people in the safe area, without understanding one another. Everyone wants to know how the other's child is doing. He's sorry about my son, and I'm sorry about his."

Q: Did your families leave their homes because of the airstrikes?

Raida: "No. Everyone is in his own home."

Q: Are any of your family members involved in the fighting?

All three shake their heads, no. "Not everyone in Gaza enlists in the army," Raida says. "My husband worked in Israel. Half of Gaza used to work in Israel. You must have seen the workers who would come from Gaza."

Samira: "My father and my husband used to work in Israel."

Q: When are you going home?

Raida's eyes fill with tears. "Rana's chest is still open from the last surgery. I'm sitting with you and laughing, but my heart is crying. So I'm telling you that my every thought is for the baby. That's our situation."

Lama: "Today, Dr. Evytar said that Abdullah has an infection in his right lung, which was good. Until now he had one in his left lung. I hope it works out. I'll go back to Gaza when he gets better, but I don't know when."

Hospital Director Dr. Itai Pessach says that every year, the center treats about 500 children from Gaza and another 2,700 children from the Palestinian Authority. "They range in age from a week to 18. Some of the children arrive through the Shevet Achim organization, and others through our own coordinator."

"During the last military operation, our doctor colleagues in Gaza reached out to us about children in serious condition, and we fought to bring them to Israel during the operation. Unfortunately, we didn't succeed, and that's very sad. I'm happy we're getting back to normal," Pessach says.

According to Pessach, "we don't see any difference between a child who comes from Gaza, Nablus, or Tiberias. Our treatment looks at all the child's needs, including emotional needs and school work at the school that operates on the hospital grounds. A year ago, a nine-year-old boy with cancer arrived from Gaza who didn't know how to read and write. He returned to Gaza last month, after a year-long hospitalization, healthy and knowing how to read and write in Hebrew, Arabic, and even English."

Q: How did the patients respond to this during the Gaza fighting?

"A family from Gaza arrived two days before the operation started, and we diagnosed their son with a rare disease, one that only seven children in Israel have. By chance, two rooms away there was a Haredi family with a child who had been diagnosed with the same disease two months ago. While the rockets were falling, the Haredi mother insisted on meeting the mother from Gaza and teaching her everything she knew about the disease and how to treat it."

"There is a truly shared fate here. They feel that they're fighting against something bigger than rockets. To get better, a patient needs to feel secure, and that's what we're doing. A hospital is a home for all the patients.

"I'm happy to say that the external tensions didn't creep into the work. There was no tension between the staff and the patients. The good of the patient always comes before everything else. Even at administration meetings – everyone put aside their own political views and we managed to provide a quality medical response and protect the safety of the staff and patients," Pessach says.

The funding for the Gaza children's treatment comes mainly from donors – mostly American Christians, and some Israelis.

"Saving the life of the child is an entire world," says Jonathan Miles, founder of Shevet Achim. Miles arrive in Israel from the US in the 1990s, as a journalist, and started to volunteer with the group Christian Friends of Israel.

"We welcomed Russian immigrants to Israel. We wanted them to understand that the Jewish people have friends in the world. One day a mother from Ukraine whose child's life was in danger came to me. She had no money for medical treatment, and she begged me to help. I started raising money to help him. Wizo helped a lot, as did other people, both Jews and Christians.

"After that, I heard about sick babies in Gaza, and in 1994 I founded the organization. We bring children from Muslim states to Israel for treatment."

Amar Shami, 32, who coordinates the transfer of children from Gaza to Israel for Shevet Achim, lives in Jerusalem.

"The families who go back to Gaza tell each other about the treatment in Israel," he says. "One mother tells another. When the child has a problem, they reach out to me. Sometimes the doctors reach out directly." Q: What goes through your mind while you're busy providing treatment and rockets are flying outside?

"Inside the hospital, we detach. We only want to help them. When you go out you realize that reality is different. We hope that when the families from Gaza go home, they will sort of be our emissaries, say good things about Israel."

The night that the ceasefire between Israel and Hamas took effect, Rana's heart stopped beating, despite the doctors' best efforts. Her grandmother, Raida, left the hospital weeping. She was driven to a Shevet Achim apartment in Jaffa. When Erez crossing opened, she returned to Gaza with Rana's coffin.

[caszscountrycraftsblog]

Update

Hi all,

I haven't posted for a while due to three issues. First up I have had the flue which sat me on my tush being very sick for three months. The flue seasion this year in Australia has been very bad with a lot of deaths.

After developing a really bad chest infection & having trouble breathing I ended up on several lots of antibiotics and cortisone tablets to get on top of it.

I am now over the flue thankfully which with having my flue shot late & the flue running through Australia early it didnt help me this year. Although in saying that I didn't get pneumonia so that was at least a posative.

Im still having treatment on my face which weve been travelling to Melbourne fortnightly which also hasnt helped with trying to stay well. Hospitals are not healthy places.

I am finally on the end of that so am now on Monthly appointments as of next month which Im actually relieved with as the traveling is crippling me atm.

We travel over 600 kilometers to my Accommodation so its a few days of traveling than running around for appointments.

Being patient 0 now since 2015 has been difficult. Mainly as with them never having done this type of facial reconstruction work done it has ment a lot of operations & appointments, due to trying new techniques and correcting mistakes, but on that note we are finally experiencing a win there and I should be finished by the end of October.

They are now also training other surgons in this area & working on other patients so knowing this is pretty humbling as others are now getting there pallets reconstructed better and are now having teeth implants put into newly developed jaw reconstructions which has come from me fighting the hospital systems here wanting a better quality a life.

So there has been many Nurses, surgeons, Specialists, Therapists, Speech therapists helping me fight to live and try to give me a better quality of life! For that I'm extremely grateful & lucky.

Some of my surgeons have also flown in from Canada, Germany, England & France with my Jaw Reconstruction work. That alone was a 19 hr surgery a team of over 100 people. I nearly died as my blood supply failed and because it was life-threatening I was operated in under 30 days. I also missed my youngest daughters wedding from my jaw reconstructions which I was devastated at missing due to the restrictions the hospital placed on me. She did look beautiful in her wedding dress on her wedding day though I will say.

For those of you who dont my history I was diagnosed with mouth & throat cancer in 2009. My life expectancy from my initial diagnosis was 3 to 4 years. Im still alive & have fought my cancer now for over 10 years & endured over 36 surgeries now! I was operated on 48 hours after my diagnosis so it didn't give me much time to process it & fighting it with every doctor and specialist telling me I was going to DIE made fighting it extremely difficult. Its also been extremely hard on my family & children.

From all my surgeries & hospital appointments plus operations I started crocheting & Knitting again, which is how Casz's Country Crafts was born in 2018. You can follow me & support me through Instagram at caszs_country_crafts, Facebook @CaszsCrafts & my website withFree Patterns & Wednesday Pattern Pics Blog, crochet & Knitting Accessories, Needles and Notions.

So come November I'll finally finish I hope & can move on with my life and living. Trying to keep a business running throughout this all has been difficult but Im managing to keep it their and Im looking forward to being active with my business again after all this treatment for Cancer and Cancer reconstruction work!

My Business is still alve thankfully to ALL OF YOU who follow me, purchase from me and support me. So a very big THANKYOU for that for without all of your support #caszs_country_crafts wouldn't be here!

Since January I've had problems walking, sitting and traveling which is my third problem. We finally know whats wrong which is fantastic but it too is goung to take approximately a year to get me on my feet again!

It seems I have torn a glute muscle from thigh off the bone!

Which 1 I keep tearing it with traveling, lifting and walking. At least I now know why Ive not been able to sit at my computer which I need to do to research and write all my articles plus my blogs.

We are now adapting everthing we need to at home, Ive commenced treatment but till my face is finished Im going to keep going forwards & backwards. As I'm tearing the muscle more with lifting and traveling, sitting & walking. Its definitely affected my daily life & very painful.

Im also trying to learn new computer programs to help in this issue plus where about to change my chair plus adapt aids so I can start redoing my blogs & articles. I carnt go back to all my hand dyeing yet but I'll get there.

It is at least repairable and if it dosnt want to cooperate than surgery again is an option to reattach the muscle. Im am hoping though Im able to win with a slow recovery and no surgery.

Where aiming that I csn return to work partime by November at least with all my Social Networking. Untill than I'll do what Im able as health permits.

So, as you see Ive got my hands full with a few issues at present, I'm not giving up so please stick with me with your support!

I'm definitely needing it with my Social Networking sites! Thankyou again too those of you who follow me here, on Facebook, Instagram, Pintrest & twitter! If your not on there please pop in and check me out as your support helps me to keep going forward!

Thought I'd update you all now we know whats going on. Have a wonderful week everyone!

Carey

Caszs Country Crafts

[justcallmemav]

7/20/18

--------------------------

Pt.20

--------------------------

“You didn't get along with her, so this shouldn't be affecting you this bad.”

(She saw how you treated me and wanted to adopt me.)

“You trust people too easy, girl.”

( I had known him for 13 years. I built that trust. )

“You put yourself in this situation.”

( I didn't ask for it.)

“I never liked him anyways, trash grew legs and took itself out.”

(I loved him for five years.)

▪▪   ·I love you, mom. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be.

---

▪▪   ·I'm at work I'll message you when I'm off. Ly2.

---

▪▪   ·I could use a call right now.

---

▪▪  ·Can't talk right now, will call tomorrow. You'll be fine for a day.

--------------------------------------------------

▪  You're my best friend. I love you. I can't take it anymore.

---------

▪   I think this is it.

--------------------------------------------------

▪▪▪  Thank you for always loving me unconditionally. You're the greatest sister anyone could ask for. I love you. You're better off without me.

--------------------------------------------------

      You came to visit me two days after i was taken into the hospital on july 20th at 9 o'clock at night.

      I was drinking an excessive amount within the matter of two hours.

     Within the last few minutes of the second hour, I saw the walls of the world around me collapsing.

This is it.

I have nothing left.

     My mind wouldn't rest. I took a xanax but it didn't help ease my mind.

     It sure couldn't mend my broken heart.

                  This was the last time.

It didn't work before.

           It has to work now.

                          So I begged, and I cried.

I prayed to a God I wasn't even sure existed.

Please take me now.

        I want to come home.

                      I think I'm ready now.

JUST TAKE ME NOW. I AM READY. PLEASE FUCKING TAKE ME. I'M READY.

      I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I made the choice to give into my thoughts and my depression. I made the choice to finalize this shit I consider living. This existence. This truly was it. This is the end.

      I let my hands trace their way to my fate. To my drawer. Opening the pill bottle. Where the palm of my hand met my lips to fill my mouth with what I knew would make everything better soon. Next thing I know, my body was lured to the bottle of vodka as it stands at the end of the bed. I wrap my fingers tight around the neck of the bottle, lips to the glass. Down the hatch and into the rabbit hole I go. I feel my body spiral. Down...down...down...down…

                      Boom

                         So bitter.

                        Yet so good.

Was this the only way i could be happy again?

I will reach the numbness I yearn to undergo.

I've heard the rumors.

Does it seem as free as they say?

            Then along came the thump.

                       ALAS~

Nothingness.

Darkness. No voices, no pain, no criticism. Just the echoes of my heart beat.

Thump.. Thump….. Thump….

After what felt like days… the darkness fades steadily. The numbness dissolves like ice through my fingertips.

               Off in the distance I hear something. A cry? A car? A siren? A siren.

I struggle to come to consciousness.

                 I find it nearly impossible.

Then out of the blue, I hear a voice.

                A voice so faint and familiar.

After some time, I can open my eyes half way as I slip back into consciousness.

My vision is hazy. I managed to come to when I hear her voice.

“Cayley, there's some people here who need you to get up and come outside. They need to check on you.”

I see the pigments from the lights spinning on their vehicles, bouncing off of the brick walls on the outside of my home, but it's all blurry.

       I struggled to stand as I stepped through my threshold to go outside.

Who needs to talk to me? About what? Why?

I look up and see two policemen and a paramedic. I begin to hyperventilate.

“Is my dad okay?”

Ma'am, we received a call stating that you may be a harm to yourself, so I ask that you don't resist help. Are you able to follow us to the back of the ambulance, ma'am?

·I haven't done anything and I'm not a harm to myself.

·For your own safety we need to make sure that's true. We can't take risks, miss.

·I'm sorry, please ma'am let go of my arm, I don't need help. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME I AM FINE.

I hear my father talking to the police officer but couldn't make out what they were saying over dad's coworker crying and all of the sounds around me. I panicked. I heard my dad speaking once more, only this time it was directed at me.

He asked me three things.

“CAYLEY BABY WHAT’D YOU DO?”

“WHAT DID YOU TAKE?”

My hearing began to fade slowly, as I focused on the ringing gradually developing in my head. I could ever so slightly hear the walkie talkies and daddys office keys jingling in his pocket. I heard Sues charm bracelet that she loves so much.

I felt my heartbeat through my chest, as if it was trying to escape. I feel my heart rate descend,  I look up to see what was around me. Everyone was there.

I saw my father crying and shaking.

 I saw his girlfriend crying.

    I saw my father's coworker crying.

          I was embarrassed.

Yet, too weak to care.

I muttered to the medic under my breath;

“I'm ready to go. Ma'am please take me.”

I collapse, but the woman was quick to catch me. She definitely had motherly instincts. Not even 2 seconds after i collapsed, I lose consciousness.

          I woke up in the back of an ambulance. I'm being hovered by two men with papers on clipboards and the medic who stopped me from busting my ass on concrete. They're bombarding me with questions and demands.

“Your oxygen levels are low, ma'am. I need you to inhale and exhale on ten. The oxygen being distributed through the tubes in your nostrils is a bit cold. Just a fair warning. Are you physically capable of removing your tunnels, lip piercing, your engagement ring, and whatever else pierced or on your person that could be a threat to yourself of me?”

“Do I have to take off my ring?”

“Yes ma'am, unfortunately it's code. We'll put it in this bag. It will stay unbothered. Please remove your piercings.”

Shortly after I began hyperventilating because I couldn't stop crying, and boom.

All consciousness was lost.

How could I harm anyone with a ring?

She should have been patient, anyways.

~Don't rush me.~

       You asked me why I did it. It took you two days, it took my father less than 60 seconds to get to me when he saw the ambulance at the door.

       You took 48 hours to muster the pride to visit me, and when you did, you showed no emotion at all. You hugged me that day and I felt no love.

        I was barely aware of what was going on, yet I somehow sensed tension coming from your end. As if you were forcing yourself to care when deep down you knew you didn't.

I felt like I was being smothered by a well maintained, ‘JLo Glo’ scented greeting mat.

          Even when I was much younger and you would stay in and drink, you'd hug me and I felt this giant strange force field of motherly love surrounding me, if that makes any sense. There was a step by step process of your home drunk persona and it went the same way every time.. but I'll get to that in a moment.

    Anyways, I'm still thankful you showed. Even two days late. You had me slightly convinced that you actually cared.

ALMOST. I was informed of the insensitive remarks you made to my father about me.  You really had the audacity to turn around and say I was wanting everyone to be worried about CAYLEY because ‘everything has to be about CAYLEY and CAYLEY was just looking for attention'.

         Like I didn't come home from school and take two steps through the threshold only to see you crying because you got dumped. You threatened to end your life. (Because you loved this man so much. The man you are with now. 9 years later. The man you use for money. Whom you cheat on)  Me and your biological daughter took you and admitted you.

         I felt like i betrayed you, but i needed you to be alive. For...whatever reason. I guess cos y'know.. a 12 year old needs a parent. You came home and the meds they gave you calmed you down, but you liked that too much. You quickly became dependent, actually you still are. You contradict yourself too often.

         Don't you remember what I have been put through..? By you, mostly. You were and still are so hypocritical that it makes me chuckle. Sigh- anyways, I couldn't fully comprehend anything you said during our visit. I couldn't gather the energy to move nor look at you, let alone reply to your bullshit motherhood quotes.

        You left when the time was up, two weeks go by in a blur still ever so slowly, and they transfer me. People were able to reach out to me. A handful of people I love and cherish which includes my sister, my father, his girlfriend... the woman who has been more of a mother to me than you ever were.

       It didn't take much time after me being in that God forsaken inpatient facility for me to be pulled aside by a nurse in a confidential manner. My brain threw around every possible reason as to why she was doing this.

--------------------------------------------------

Am I going home?

Are they moving me again?

What did I do wrong?

--------------------------------------------------

  ~ Nothing, stop with the assumptions~

    She informed me that I had received multiple calls from a woman saying she is my mother but she couldn't pass it through because another woman, who ALSO claimed to be my parent/caregiver, had requested that this number (she was giving me )go on a restricted no contact list. She handed me a sheet of paper with with a number on it. Buttttt, it wasn't yours. So I had no idea what was going on. Who's my caregiver? Did my sister put you on the no call list? Nope. It wasn't your number and you never do wrong, so you denied having anything to do with that whole thing. I decided to call the number while the addiction groups were in the other room. I had no reason to be there so I had time to meditate, draw, socialize, or find out who was on the other end of that phone line.

It's obvious what I chose.

It took a few tries until someone finally answered. When they did I felt like an idiot. How could I not know.

You hated her because of how hard she tried to see me and my siblings. You had so many hateful things to say about her, yet no validation. It made you angrier when you told us about her then made her out to be a bad guy and we still got in touch with her. You hated that, didn't you. You hated it because the truth was going to come out if we found her.

Lady, I met my real mother when i was 11 years old. That was the day my father bought my favorite hat… a black fedora with a blue stripe inside of a purple stripe in the middle (which I still own). I was wearing this black shirt with a red graphic design on the front and back that was WAY too baggy on me and a pair of cuffed blue jeans, I do believe. It's been eight years, I have great memory but I'm not special like that.

If it weren't for daddy, my sister, and my brother... I would've never known who she was. Well, when I finally got ahold of my biological mother on the phone the day after I received the number by the nurse… she was genuinely upset. She said one thing that will stick to my brain for the rest of my life.

“I lost you once I can't lose you again”

You won't have to.

[textsacc]

i can write you another letter right?

im sorry. i can't sleep. i've been trying to but i just keep spiraling back to missing you. and that i should've left a text or something instead of leaving you in the dark. that i never wanted you to feel alone, and god forbid you wake up missing me and go to sleep doing the exact same thing.

fuck that shit bro. 🥺 i actually miss you too much now. i never want you to feel like you haven't had enough of me yet. because i want to always be there for you. and it sucks bc i wasn't and i just keep overthinking it for myself -- yes ik you're probably gonna be like its okay you dont have to stay up or let me know for me but -- i want to???? i want to really bad. i want to beam you my thoughts whenever im super sleepy but ik if you were able to do the same i'd bother you nonstop and struggle between falling asleep and never getting to sleep at all.

it doesnt even work super well, bc when i was thinking abt beaming thoughts to you earlier today, it was when i was horny and i was hoping you'd never hear me in my mind bc you'd just get distracted by how quickly my mind changes from 'i dont wanna do anything im so tired i gotta plan out what to do for homework tomorrow' to 'thaddea~ i like it when you grab my ass so hard in the way it spreads my pussy 🥺🥺🥺 want you in me so bad' like even i had whiplash over typing that jn and i mean it when i say i do switch thoughts like that and omg never hear them pls 🤦‍♀️

but also im. still really sorry ig. because i feel like id let you down? and ik its not that big a deal to you but it sure does for me. like i never want you to feel lonely ig. i wanna be by your side whenever i can. and yes to me even if im sleepy as hell over 48 hours of sleep debt or w/e i still Can^tm be by your side. and i feel guilty that i wasnt. and ik this is weird but thats how much you mean to me. and ik liking you should be an act thats done under taking care of myself too but. idk. idw if its with you somehow, in a selfish way ig. i wanna serve you first as my utmost priority. we can talk about feeding me later or w/e.

hjgbfkfhifhjfhfjfhkfjgkf i feel bad for saying that too bc idw you to worry abt me either aaaaaaaaaaa

um if you wake up n see this i have some tea??????? proj work b cray cray in dgp. and also like i wrote this bc my yearning mixed up w my sad emotions and ig if above was the sad emotions then heres the part of yearning

so when sab n i were walking around ikea there was a playlist on and one of the songs i had in my playlist for you was on too. and immediately i went head empty and what awful timing too bc we were looking at a showroom for a family and i was thinking too hard abt wanting you to be my husband or however the song goes n we'd have a dining room with multiple chairs (for kids ig) and like. yeah thank god sab was distracted by all the nice cups on display 💀💀💀💀💀doesnt help i was also busy singing the song under my breath while being head empty ig

oh and otw out we were looking ay cookware bc we had to go through the section to leave n sab was wishing she had a reason to buy cookware???? and i rly wanted to be like same n think abt being domestic w you n visiting ikea n getting cookware w you for our new home or w/e 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 but we dont have a home lmao and theres no reason for us to share cookware either ig except to save costs bc its not like we're married or w/e (haha jk unless? @ govt pls sponsor our hdb more) and if i thought too hard abt cookware id drop the comedy act w sab in the end so i didnt think too hard abt it at the time on purpose

and and and sab went to tamp w me to pick up stuff aft our ikea visit????? and when we were getting boost juice (her request not mine) i was mentioning to her where you waited for us the other day like im still not over it and that i definitely do not have a crush on you or anything. obvi not. idk i was even joking abt it on the way there being like 'haha random info you definitely do not need to know about but i will tell you bc idk haha' mmgjfhdkfhdkhfkfjf and that was when you were texting me that you were at jewel do you rmb 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 jk you dont have to

(and like also is it bad that i kinda do wanna be domestic w you fhjfkfkfhf like ik you said its my choice but its also my choice to wanna serve you well right 🥺 and like work fucking sucks and has its own hot bed of problems but at least with you, my sweet angel, my honey, my darling, as a ux designer i would know and study you better bc you're always around me as my subject of focus? so like. id cater to you better just on observation alone. and like i wanna make sure you're at your tippy top whenever you head out to work too? n be comforted by the fact that someone capable is taking care of your living space n working hard on your behalf too? with tangible visible outcomes? and idk if you wanna throw in some kids for that horny fantasy too i wouldn't mind because yeah i do wanna be kept home by you and your cock too big for my pussy and the loads you keep giving unto me but thata neither here nor there and as you can see im obviously missing the point of this paragraph now)

um where was i going w this i dont rmb

i like you a lot thaddea! and i cant sleep bc im missing you too much. and i want you to fuck me senseless. and also i'm really sorry that i didn't manage to tell you abt me being sleepy or catch you on time to talk to you earlier.

yknow i bgjfhfjhf i started crying when i realized i didnt manage to ask you abt your day??? fhjfngjfn sorry ik it sounds rly dumb n weird but-- idk i keep wanting to chalk it up to 'thats how much you mean to me and my day' but i also dw look so clingy and so co-dependent. like yeah, maybe i can't operate w/o you in my life bc you're my routine, one of the only things keeping me grounded. that's bad, right? am i supposed to follow this up with 'so what'?

hfjfjfj idk. i wanna sleep soon, so i can wake up to you and give you all the affection i know you deserve. and also that i can talk to you sooner and cuddle with you earlier bc ik while sundays are difficult for you to reply to me in the morning, we still have our nightly routines right? that'll still come earlier if i just sleep n make time go by faster.

i miss you thaddy. 🥺 i do mean it though, can you forgive me for falling asleep on you? you can brag abt it to everyone ig. idm. 😤 if its you, i dont think i'll ever mind. i like you so much. 🥺

okay im gonna sleeb now fr this time or at least try to ig lord knows i suck at sleeping so haha gnight daddy rest well ❤