#i have yet to recover from my innate desire to be nothing but a perfect pleaser to everyone i meet

[beast-feast]

Many a dream of things that legitimately makes me down. Man . Why'd my fifth grade teacher be mean to me I haven't seen her in like 8 years.

[weidaoduzun3]

Why Do We Cultivate Knowledge?

Musing on chapters 14 & 16 of Master Zhuang's Outer Chapters: "The Revolving Heaven天運" & "Mending One's Original Nature or Correcting The Nature 繕性"

[16.1.1] "Once they have mended original nature with conventional wisdom, people now seek to recover its initial state."

This is to mean that when we take in accord with the vulgar "wisdom" of the world and try to use it to alter our innate nature's, we become ever estranged from the Dao.

For most of the Zhuangzi, we see a very anti-epistemological approach. A doing away with the conventional and human distinctions on "what is" and "what isn't," [Zhuangzi 2.14.11-14]. We are told to abandon the pursuit of knowledge [Dao dejing 3]. This is what Master Lao Dan (Laozi) would have Confucius do in chapter 14 天運 "The Revolving of Heaven." Master Zhuang presents us with another dialogue between the illustrious characters where Confucius had been searching high and low for the Dao for 51 years. Yet, he has not yet attained It [14.22]. Lao Dan inquires where Confucius had been seeking The Dao. Confucius says for 5 years he had sought the Dao in astronomical/astrological calculations for 5 years, yet he has still failed to acquire the inarticulate Dao. For 12 years, Confucius sought the Yin and Yang, yet he still has not attained it [14.23-27]. Lao Dan responds wonderfully to Confucius's journey, saying that,

[14.28.1] "Exactly! If the Dao could be presented, who would not present it to his sovereign! If the Dao could be offered, who would not offer it to his parents! If the Dao could be conveyed, who would not convey it to his brothers! If the Dao could be bestowed, who would not bestow it on his sons and grandsons! However, all this is impossible for no other reason than because no master exists within, so it does not linger."

According to Guo Xiang, this means Lao Dan would have Confucius do away entirely with knowledge. Confucius, as he is being presented currently, is looking outward for The Dao, yet he has no master within himself to properly use this knowledge in accord with his natural principle.

Lao Dan says this in 14.28.3-4, "If that which may emerge from within is not received without, the sage does not let it go forth. If that which may enter from without finds no master within, sageness won't abide there." 14.28.3 gives validity to the teacher-student transmission of things. For if no one is there to hear your teaching that arrives spontaneously, in step with Dao and its principles, the teachings do not go forth. And likewise, if we are not present, living radically in the moment while we are (outwardly) learning, true sageness/Dao will not abide within or out of us.

The rest of Confucius and Lao Dan's dialogue concludes that he must do away with those "classics" that I mentioned in my last post. Guo Xiang expands on this, conveying that without us being in accord with our natural principles and finding tranquility from within, everything we learn and know is fodder. It does nothing but estrange us from the speechless Dao. Although the pursuit of knowledge is indeed fulfilling, without us being radically in the moment while we are being presented with "learning" or "knowledge," how can it abide within us and, ergo, fulfill our virtue?

So now we are jumping back to chapter 16. This is quite a curious chapter, meaning it slightly shifts its perspective on knowledge. 16.1.2 tells us, "Having confused their desires with conventional wisdom, they now seek to perfect their understanding through self-conscious thought." This is too mean that we have confused our innate principle with the literal desire to attain knowledge, for knowledge's sake, self-consciously self-reflecting on said knowledge, forever refining our thinking; forever causing us to err. Master Zhuang calls these people the obstructed and obscure [16.1.3]. Guo Xiang expounds on this by suggesting only if we abandon such conventional wisdom and rid ourselves of the desire to attain such wisdom we would be so close to this ineffable Dao.

We must find that "master" within us, as suggested in Chapter 14.28.1, for knowledge to truly benefit us and aid our arsenal to cultivate the Dao. Without it, our nature is lost, and knowledge is thus agitated. This is why in 16.2.1, we are told, "In antiquity those who governed with the Dao cultivated knowledge in tranquility." And again, in 16.2.2, "They knew how to live but were free of knowing how to act with self-conscious purpose, so it may be said of them that they used knowledge to cultivate tranquility." I take this to mean, with the help of Guo Xiang, we just must spontaneously know. Knowledge is something that we must cultivate, there is no question about it. Setting aside religion and philosophy for a second and just using logic, we know that learning and knowledge are fundamental parts of the human experience. We constantly learn daily, whether we are fully aware of it or not. And that, right there, is the point, our awareness of the mass cultivation of knowledge we experience in an ever-globalized world. We are more connected and can access knowledge at the click of a button or a few strokes on a keyboard. Without us being presently aware, living radically in the moment of the knowledge we absorb, the knowledge is agitated, and our natures are obstructed.

Knowledge must nourish our souls and our innate principles. The same is said in reverse, our "master within" or our innate principle must be acted in accordance with the knowledge we receive. This knowledge "used to cultivate tranquility" sounds awfully like gnosis as described in more Western schools of thought, such as Hermeticism. But before we get into that, I must say how important it is to first become tranquil, meaning mastering our inner selves, which could mean becoming more disciplined, doing away with our self-preconceived notions of "this is" and "this is not" and thus, having a complete disregard for knowledge before we embark on any kind of "knowledge" or gnosis. Our tranquility must nourish the knowledge we receive outwardly; likewise, the knowledge we take in must nourish our inner selves.

Okay, enough redundancy. How does this "knowledge used to cultivate tranquility" compare to gnosis? Let's look at Corpus Hermeticum book IV.9: "Thus knowledge is not a beginning of the Good, but it furnishes us the beginning of the Good that will be known... For the Good has neither shape nor outline." Now, Hermeticism is big on "knowledge" or gnosis, which can be defined as the "highest" form of knowledge there is. This knowledge pertains to the Good who is God (The One) and other incorporeal entities such as the gods. It is not something that can be necessarily be "cultivated," in my opinion, but rather experienced. This is not all too different from chapter 16 from Zhuangzi's description of cultivating knowledge to nourish our tranquility and vice-versa [16.2.2]. Gnosis, knowledge, or whatever kind of "learning" is never the beginning of the Good, or of the Dao, but it does indeed furnish us to begin to know the road that leads to the Good, or the Dao.

CH IV.11 then tells us, "If your vision of it (The Good) is sharp and you understand it with the eyes of the heart, believe me, child, you shall discover the road that leads above, or rather, the image itself will show you the way. This sentiment rings back in chapter 14 of the Zhuangzi when we discussed finding "the master within" [14.28.3-4]. To "understand it with the eyes of the heart" sounds similar to having a "master exist within."

So to wrap this up, knowledge is okay to cultivate. Knowledge is okay to pursue. Knowledge is something we should strive for. If and only if, we use said knowledge to cultivate our virtue, our tranquility, and our innate principles. We must be in step with our inner selves first and foremost before any pursuit of knowledge or gnosis can have any real, practical effect in our lives. In Hermetic terms, we must use gnosis to furnish our road to The Good which belongs only to the Godhead. Any other knowledge that employs the use of logos, or speech (the conventional wisdom as mentioned above in Zhuangzi 16.1.1), will be fodder in comparison to the gnosis that is experienced and used to furnish our road and the ineffable Good, that is God.

**DISCLAIMER** Any philosophical parallels I draw between Eastern and Western schools of thought are for my own understanding. These parallels, as vague as they might seem, are not to suggest that there is any metaphysical or historical connection or of any historical transmission of ideas between said Eastern (Daoism) and Western schools (Hermeticism). I draw these parallels to remind myself that ideas and philosophical concepts can have similar sentiments, even though the cultivation of each thing (the Dao, and the Good) are gone about in different ways, practice-wise.

[sailorbellewrites]

Fools Rush In... VIII

characters — yoongi x reader (ft. members of bts and other original characters)

summary — min yoongi, music executive and perpetual bachelor, marries a las vegas stripper he’s only known for six months. chaos ensues.

inspiration —  fools rush in (1997 rom-com starring salma hayek and matthew perry)

information — a drabble series loosely based on the 1997 movie fools rush in. drabbles not posted in any linear order and written as a creative writing outlet. 

warnings — mentions of sex work; age-difference; light sugar daddy themes; smut; light angst (specifically in parts V & VI).

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI

VIII — latte (ft. various original characters)

You fucked up.

Or at least, you had made a very big mistake in coming to Kim Hana’s Sunday brunch. It was your first time at her biweekly event and you already wanted to go home. All of the women there were older, faces tight with botox and fillers as they ooh-ed and ahh-ed at one woman’s jewelry and another’s purse. They made surface level comments about politics and fashion and so-and-so’s son who was seen walking around Apgujeong with you-know-who’s daughter. It was mind numbing, but Hana ate it up in a way you didn’t fully understand. Yet, you couldn’t let yourself text Yoongi, couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on his face at you wanting to ditch. He had been doing so much for you recently, so adamant that he had to be sure he didn’t make a mistake in convincing you to marry him. There was nothing you could say to make him believe that you would follow him into an active volcano if he wanted. So you had to at least try.

Still, it’s hard to keep up the facade of a dutiful wife when Kim Hana yells out, “Oh, you’re finally here! I was thinking you’d never arrive! Please, come over. I have someone I want you to meet,” into your ear. The woman who just walked into the private area, lithe and pale with long dark hair, freezes briefly, seemingly unaccustomed to being spoken to so directly. She recovers quickly though, throwing on a blinding white smile as she saunters over to where you and Hana sit at the head of the table.

“Hello, Kim Hana. It’s nice to see you again,” the woman offers, bowing deeply to Hana as though they were worlds apart in the hierarchy that was this brunch.

“A pleasure to see you too. Choi Mina, might I introduce you to our friend Min Yoongi’s new wife? She’s such a doll,” Hana says, tone light despite the suggestiveness of her words. She would have been a great stripper in another life, with her ability to placate people even as she was readying for attack. 

“Oh,” Mina responds quietly, eyes trained on your seated form in a way that you were more than used to. Every woman Hana introduced to you had looked at you in the same exact way. She was sizing you up. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you say, bowing your head to her slightly.

“I know this can be a bit strange, seeing as you two have been with the same man. But I actually think you guys have a lot in common and would be great friends,” Hana explains, eyes bright with an excitement that you suspect is rooted in her innate desire to make everyone else feel inferior. You end up glaring at Hana due to her words—of course, she’d find a way to bring you around one of Yoongi’s exes. With this new information, the weight of Mina’s stare increases. You hate it. “Ah, you should sit near us. There is so much to discuss.”

As it turns out, there isn’t much to discuss. You didn’t have a lot in common with Yoongi’s ex outside of you both being “dancers”. In fact, it’s hard to see what he would have seen in a professional ballerina who spent half of the year performing in Europe. She speaks in a soft voice, laughter ringing out like windchimes at every joke that was not so secretly told at your expense and she moves so gracefully that even the act of her chewing makes you feel like a slob. She has the type of polish Yoongi often said made him uncomfortable. But, as the conversation progresses, you find it hard to see what Yoongi has seen in you. It is made all too clear that women like Choi Mina and Kim Hana were the expectation for men with money and influence. You weren’t even good enough to qualify as an exception to the rule.

Your resolve weakens. You text Yoongi. Right as you put your phone down, Mina asks, “Your marriage to our Yoongi must have been recent right? I wasn’t even aware that he was dating someone.” A few women murmur in agreement at her observation.

You roll your eyes when she refers to him as “our Yoongi” and shrug. Hana answers for you, “He wasn’t dating someone last year! They rushed right to the altar. It’s incredible. They didn’t even have a wedding here. They got married in America!”

“Oh?” Mina says, a perfect act of curiosity. “Well, how long did you two date?”

Your phone lets out a long vibration as Yoongi’s picture flashes across the screen. Hana again answers for you, excitedly saying, “Only six months! Can you believe it? Namjoon and I didn’t even know he was dating anyone. He must have felt like he had something to hide, though I don’t know why.”

You pick up the phone, only to be greeted by his exasperated tone asking, “Which ex is there exactly?” 

The women continue talking about your relationship as though you aren’t there, but Kim Hana’s continued glances towards you lets you know that she is listening. Instead of answering his question outright, you say, “Hi honey,” in a voice far too sweet to be subtle. 

Yoongi sighs on the end of the line.“Is it the politician's daughter?” 

“Oh no, I’m having a great time! You don’t have to worry,” you respond, hoping he picks up on what you’re trying to say. You can hear a womea say how happy she is that Yoongi is finally sharing you with the world the way he used to in his other relationships.

“Okay… or is the ballerina?”

“Yes, that’s alright,” you answer, patience wearing thin.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he responds, sounding sad. You feel sad too. You fucked up again.

The ten minutes pass by slowly and in that time, you learn several things. Yoongi and Choi Mina had been considering marriage before they broke up. They dated on and off for three years. It had been a rough breakup. Jimin did not like her. Namjoon did. Mina is now engaged to a professor in Nice. She will always have love Yoongi and hopes that he is happy with you. That last part sounds like a lie. 

The ‘I’m outside’ text you receive feels like someone just handed you a tank of oxygen. You take a deep breath, keeping calm as you explain to the women that your husband had to pick you up early due to another appointment. The excuse seems to appease most of them, though Mina insists that she walk you outside so she can say hello to her “dear old Yoongi.”

Your husband sits behind the wheel of his car, paying no attention to his surroundings as he taps away on his cell phone. You feel tension melt from your shoulders as you open the passenger door, sliding inside even though he doesn’t acknowledge your presence. Mina helps you close your door, sticking her face in the open window to say, “Hello Min Yoongi!”

“Hi Choi Mina,” he murmurs, not looking up from his phone. 

She is undeterred. “It’s been quite a while since we have seen each other.”

“It has,” he answers, before cussing softly under his breath and angrily throwing the phone in the empty cup. Mina’s eyes widen at his actions, making you giggle. You knew Yoongi wasn’t really angry, just irritated—nothing that would cause the concern the ballerina was showing.

“I just wanted to tell you that your wife is lovely. Truly, we all couldn’t take our eyes off her. You really picked a winner,” she states diplomatically, playing her part well. 

Yoongi finally looks up at her, eyes bored as he moves to rest a hand on your thigh. “You really think so? I think she’s kind of awful,” he says darkly, though the pads of his fingers rub small circles onto the skin of your thigh. You try to scoff at his words, but it transforms into a quiet laugh. “She’s cute enough I guess, but I wouldn’t call her lovely. I mean she’s not a ballet dancer or anything. Just a stripper. And she spends all my money, too. I don’t even think we would be together if I was broke.” The ballerina’s mouth drops open in shock at his words and you press your lips together hard to stop from laughing. After three years of dating and so much supposed love between them, she should have been able to tell when Yoongi was joking; but it was clear she had no idea. 

“Min Yoongi, that’s no way to talk about the woman you married! If you are having a bad day, you do not take it out on others,” she chides, turning her head to you finally. “I’m so sorry he is being this way with you. I hope his actions don’t stop you from coming to the next brunch and that he cleans up this act!” Mina bows her head to you slightly before turning swiftly and heading back inside the restaurant.

You let out a deep sigh and Yoongi squeezes your thigh gently. “Thanks for playing along,” he tells you sincerely. You shrug, but he continues, “Not just with Mina, you know. I mean with this whole… thing.”

“It was just brunch. No need to thank me.”

“It was a brunch with my ex present. That’s just��� not right.”

“Yoongi, it’s okay. You wanted me to go, so I went. I’m just sorry that I made you pick me up early.” 

He clicks his tongue at you in disbelief, removing his hand from your thigh to put the car in drive and pull away from the curb. He is silent for a few minutes, leading you to believe that he has accepted your lies until he says, “I didn’t want you to go. Namjoon suggested it. I knew you wouldn’t have a good time, but he insisted that you might make some friends.” 

You hum quietly at his words, wondering if that’s who he was texting when you first got in the car. “So you’re not mad that I left early?”

He shakes his head. “I’m surprised you didn’t ask to leave earlier. I was waiting for you to call for hours.”

Your heart swells at his admission. He knows you well. “Yoongi?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He nods in acknowledgement of your words, but says nothing. You try again. “You make me happy.” He reaches a hand over the center console to grab your own, a small smirk resting on his lips as he continues to stare ahead. “I’m happy I’m here with you.” 

“I love you, too,” he finally responds. You know he believes you. 

[darth-salem-emperor-of-earth]

Day Three: That Look in Your Eyes [Kai x David]

Surprise! I have one more ockiss19 request to share with you all before OC Kiss Week (technically) ends! Here we have my lazy but kindhearted Kai Cadash mentally swooning over @tessa1972‘s famously beautiful and wonderful David Trevelyan! Get ready for some fluffy and adorkableness because my brain commanded it to be so.

“How did you get roped into hunting and chasing down as well as trying to capture Leliana’s escaped nug?” questioned David drolly, as the grumpy Kai Cadash dusted snow off his boiled leather armor.

“Leliana promised if I find her nug, she’d make sure no one will come and try to wake me until noon has passed,” admitted Kai, grinning roguishly at the thought of the Inquisition’s Spymaster utilizing her birds to swoop in on anyone who tried banging on his door while he busy sleeping serenely. “And that means not even Cassandra can try to break into my room about any assignments!”

Shaking some snow off his weapons, David chuckled at the dwarf’s enthusiasm for sleep and naps. “Sounds like Leliana knows you well.”

Kai shrugged. “A bit. She still hasn’t figured out all my weaknesses and I plan to keep it that way.” He paused, going suddenly still as his grey eyes loaming past David and when a familiar squeak drifted around the young noble’s ears, David realized what Kai caught sight of. Leliana’s pet nug was afoot and incredibly close to them. Carefully and with a steady grace that would have made his mother proud, David pivoted on the balls of his feet to face the unsuspecting, carefree dug. Kai fished out a cord of rope and began forming a few knots and loop, all the while keeping his focus on the animal before them.

“What are you making?” David asked, keeping his voice barely over a whisper so he wouldn’t spook the nug.

“A foot snare. Don’t worry, it’s not going to hurt the little bugger, merely stop it from getting away from us. And then we can put Leliana’s pet back in its temporary cage until its back in the waiting arms of our dear Spymaster.” The bushes closeby would perfect for his snare trap, he just needed two or three sturdy branches to create the trigger that will tighten the rope once the nug stepped into the loop.The rope was made of a softer, finer quality, given to him by Leliana herself from any trapping means for the twine would merely restrict but not chaff or cut the nug’s skin.

Years of practice enabled him to craft a relatively painless foot snare in minutes while David silently watched out, amazement blossoming in his eyes. Kai resisted the urge to puff up his chest with pride. He had to admit, he was merely showing off his survival skills at this point. Since he couldn’t dance or sing to impress such an illustrious, well-read noble like David, maybe he had the ability to impress him through the ways the hunt, dexterity, and other roguelike talents?

Hmm...does that mean I actually have to fight a bear myself for once? Albeit, he would look fetching wrapped in a bear pelt...or even sprawled out on one, naked---wait, what? Back up, brain, I’m getting way ahead of myself!

“Done!” he announced quietly, shifting his light grey gaze back in the nug, who continued to hop and sniff the snowy ground. “David, do you think you can guide the nug over here, so it can set up off the snare? Last time I chased that bugger, I slipped and fell on my ass.”

The said man grinned, his eyes sparkling with silent laughter. Kai almost lost his breath of how pronounced David’s dimples were and how breathtakingly genuine and wholesome his beam was. How was this man not swamped with suitors already?

“Don’t forget I fell too--and on my sides. I’m afraid I’m nearly as graceful as you believe me to be.”

“But I wager you’re swifter than me. Ready to seize Leliana’s nug and bring it home?”

Nodding, David began to approach the aforementioned nug, trying to lure it closer to him while reassuring the creature neither one of them meant it any harm. “Hey there, little nug. Can you please follow me? Leliana really misses you and is worried sick about you. These lands are too dangerous for a cute fellow like yourself.”

The nug eyed David skeptically and made a few hops away from him, nearing the location of Kai’s snare. The dwarf shuffled away from the trap so the animal could falsely assume the bushes would be a safe haven to hide from them. After a minute or so of coaxing and slowly inching up to the nug, David held his breath, took a step, and lunged. Just as he hoped, the nug darted forward, bounding around him and towards the bushes. There was a snapping sound of wood colliding suddenly together and the two men rushed over the snare, relieved to see a startled, confused but unharmed nug tugging on the foot snare and creating indignant, high pitched chatter.

“No more marathons for you, little critter,” rejoiced Kai, handing the wooden cage over to David to safely gather the squirming nug in his arms. “It’s back to Leliana for you!”

“Don’t you want be warm and safe?” added David, petting the nug’s head with his free hand. The creature trilled, evidently considering his words and pondering over them even as they gently positioned and nudged the nug into its temporary cage.

“Thanks for your help. I still would have been rolling around in snow, failing my arms around, and chasing this blasted critter if you weren’t here.” Kai cradled the cage underneath his armpit, glad to see Leliana’s pet starting to calm down and sniff at the wood in its cage.

“I’m always happy to assist, especially when it comes to you,” David responded, not realizing what he was saying until the words left his tongue. Eyes widening, his cheeks flushed and not from the wintery chill cleaving to the air. Neither men could forget the kiss they shared by the presumed date Varric set up for them. “I mean, it’s just, you’re so---”

Kai reached out to touch his arm, silencing any awkward half-attempts to explain himself or switch the subject. “It’s all right, David. I completely understand, I feel the same way.”

David stared at him incredulously. “Seriously?!”

Chuckling nervously, Kai scratched along the nape of his neck as he bobbed his head. “Aye. I was hoping you’d want to come with me. Mainly because I can’t seem to get you out of my head.” Now he was the one blurting things out without mulling them over first!

Poor David Trevelyan began to blush even harder, the cerise hue remarkably stark against his fair skin and five o’clock shadow, and the colorless sky above them.  Suddenly, the two of them became awkward, unsure beings who teetered back and forth between making the first move or waiting for the other to initiate the next step. Kai had no idea what to do in this situation, he barely had many relationships that lasted longer than a cold drink on a blazing hot day but he didn’t view David fling material or a possible one night stand. No, he wanted to be around and with him longer than that yet being smooth wasn’t exactly his forte.

Throwing all caution into the wind, Kai made a gamble and leaned in, his intentions now painfully clearly as their gazes squarely met on and never wavered. As if sensing his desire, David tilted his head down, angling his neck to grant him a better view and position for what was about to transpire next. David then closed his eyes, his eyelashes so beautifully and curled that Kai nearly forgot what he had in mind before his eyelids innately fluttered shut and saved him from fumbling a kiss.

David’s lips were just as soft and inviting as Kai recalled, so pliable and eager yet shy, as if he was terrified he wasn’t good enough. He kept his grip on David’s arm to steady himself, even though the kiss was chaste and sweet, the lingering promise in the kiss sent his mind reeling. The landscape surrounding them might have been overbearingly chilling and harsh but with David, he felt nothing but smoldering, searing bliss.

An irritated, vociferous squeak sounded off from the cage, shattering the spell of the kiss and alerting them that Leliana’s nug had enough with its adventure and waiting around and wished to be reunited with its owner. Kai shifted the cage a little in-between his arm and the side of his torso all the while watching David blink once or twice as he recovered from the kiss and sent him a small, content beam. Like a youth in love for the first time, Kai’s heart skipped a beat at his quiet smile, a smile only meant for him and him alone.

“Maybe we can talk about this later, after we deliver Leliana her nug?” he suggested, inwardly praying the human noble would agree. If this spark between him and David did ignited into something truly special, he was going buy Varric the best thank you present ever.

Hope flashed brilliantly across David’s handsome features, the smile growing. “I would like that very much, Kai. Meet you at the tavern afterwards?”

He nodded, grinning along with him. “Definitely. Just find us a more...secluded spot. You know, for privacy reasons.”

[bioscrolls-blog]

Dracula Goes Vegan

By Blake Letras

Ethical vampires have become all the rage in recent times, and I imagine it is so popular because deep down we can all relate to this concept in some small way. No one is perfect, we recognize at times that we occasionally do things we shouldn’t, or we desire things we shouldn’t. Much like the classic tale of Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde, the ethical vampire has an unwholesome desire, which is something, if we’re being honest with ourselves, all humans can relate to because we too have some.

  We love art, literature and music that symbolizes a feeling we currently find in our own heart, something we are struggling with in the moment. Its a comfort to know some artist out there has felt something similar to what we are now going through. The pros make bank when they hit that cord just right. If you have desires, a wish to let your hair down, but social propriety restrains you, the concept of Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde hits your cord. The ethical vampire is a tale that is a bit different, one of self-restraint, your desire is not to let loose, its a dream of superhuman self-control against powerful, horrible instincts.

If a person finds themselves fighting off a desire they deem unwholesome or destructive in some way, a story of an ethical vampire can be like medicine to their weary soul. If this is you, take comfort, the fact that you are fighting a negative desire means you want to be a good person, that’s something to take pride in regardless of the desire.

  Why does the ethical vampire choose to be ethical? The story goes: Dracula carefully contemplates his life, where his path has taken him. The thirst is part of his nature, but that is not all he is, the spiritual side of him recognizes the ugliness of his indulgences. He mentally determines to be above his base urges, because there is spirit to him and not just flesh, and the spirit in him cherishes greater things. When you decide to conquer your addiction, it is because the very same thing happens to you. You are not just material, there is something more virtuous inside, and that virtue is the source of the healthy self-disdain, heroic narcissism and supernatural powers within you.bioscrolls.com

  The point about the ethical vampire that I want to make is that, while Dracula has decided to be good and now went vegan, still he’ll never stop being a vampire. To stay a good guy, Dracula will never be able to forget his nature. Just as his thirst will be a continual challenge, once recovered, sadly, you’re still an addict, recovering or not. Currently only 5% of recovered obese people avoid relapse. Why? Because they let themselves forget all their hard work and their reason for doing it. Dracula must remember what he is, it’s the only way to avoid relapse.

  When I was ten years old I broke my right thumb in four places. The bones are back in place and it functions fine, but I can sense that it will always be a little weaker and more prone to aches than my left thumb. Once broken, you can heal, but it seems we don’t heal perfectly and completely. Similarly, we need to keep in mind what we are, to protect ourselves. Addicts are inclined to find addictions, it seems that when I try to rid myself of a pesky old addiction, another one pops up in its place. Yes, like Dracula, we have to know ourselves and be prepared for our nature to try and creep back in.

  Full disclosure: I am of a Christian mindset, I come from this background and I find that even when you are not of that line of thinking, there are still excellent nuggets of gold to be found in that teaching. A key one is the concept of Sin. Now days many people connect that word with some crazy guy shouting that the world is going to end while waving some handwritten sign. But really, sin is an ancient concept going beyond the material (well maybe), something innately flawed about us, something self-destructive that we are inclined toward, some negative force in opposition to our own positive energy.

  Perhaps you are not persuaded by the thinking of Judaism or Christianity, but Sin is indeed a fact of life, deep down, we know something of that nature is in us. We all know that our psychological makeup is complex and that we at times find ourselves asking ourselves why we did something that set us back in our goals. We can know something is not good for us and yet we do it anyway. Maybe we know racism is wrong, but because we had a bad experience, we struggle to fight against categorizing a racial group or national group in a negative way. Or the virtue inside you can be telling you that all people on the earth are of equal value and importance, but the self-preserving side of you desires to have an advantage over others, whether it be gender related, national competition or some other issue.

  Faith inside us tells us that there is plenty of everything we need out there to share, but fear turns us against others. Sin is real, its the destructive force at odds with the constructive force inside us. As long as you deny the existence of ethereal realities, you are defenseless against them. For as long as they’re just fairy tales to you, you can’t win your own spiritual war or master your supernatural abilities; you can’t lead yourself. If you think biology rules you, your life is a waste of time. And if you can’t control yourself, you truly have nothing.

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