#i have white clothes and bras that are patchy with the same blue

[ace-with--a-mace]

mysterious blue stains on my clothes and sheets: PLEASE LEAVE OH MY GOD LEAVE IM BEGGIN YOU PLEASE GO AWAY

[mosylufanfic]

die for you - starset, westallen

The song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJxSNbAer9M

I've been reading a lot of speculation, and some fairly convincing spoiler pics, that Barry is going to end the season trapped in the Speed Force.

So when this prompt came in, it called for angst in the biggest way.

Send me a ship and a song and I’ll write you a fic from one of the lyrics

Taking all my will just to run alone

Waking up was both the best and worst moment of Iris's day.

The best because for an instant - that hovering instant in between consciousness and awareness - she didn't know what was wrong. She thought everything was fine. She thought she was still sleeping next to the love of her life, and that soon the ring on her finger would be joined by a wedding band.

The next moment, when she rolled over, or put her arm out, or even just opened her eyes, was the worst. Because she was always alone.

The lack of him seemed to engulf the bed, even though she was in it. The flat blankets, the smooth sheets, unused for three long weeks. A gaping black hole, dragging everything - the apartment, the world, her - into its emptiness.

She hunched into herself, turning her face into the pillow that no longer smelled like him. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop the vision of Barry being taken by the Speed Force - disintegrating for the second time in his life, and both times in front of her eyes.

It was a cruel business, this loving a superhero. But that was what she got for loving Barry.

Her phone, on her bedside table, jangled with a text. Wally. U up sis

She texted back. Up.

It was their morning routine, as reliable as an alarm clock. She'd managed to talk him and her dad down to that, rather than coming over every morning to bang on her door, or on one particularly rough day, phase right through it. That was the first time she'd yelled at Wally since before Barry had disappeared, and sometimes she wondered if that was why he'd done it.

Iris knew she should get out of bed. That was the first thing you needed to do. Get out of bed.

But she rested the phone on her stomach and listened to the quiet. It was so quiet in the apartment now. No breathing (and a little snoring, yes he did, no matter what he said) from next to her. No zip-zip-zip of a speedster who was paradoxically late. No clatter of breakfast making or bubbling burps of the coffeemaker. (Which had an auto setting, but she could never bring herself to use it because Barry always made the coffee in the morning. If she set the auto, it was like admitting to herself that she was going to wake up alone.)

Just . . . quiet.

Her phone jangled. Good morning baby

Good morning daddy. I'm up, I really am

Because it was her dad and he had a sixth sense about these things - she would think it was a meta power except that he always had - she slowly pushed the covers aside. Sat up. Put her feet on the floor.

Breathed.

That had been exhausting.

She pushed herself to her feet and wavered slightly, dizzy so far from the ground. Her bed, even with that gaping emptiness, called to her invitingly, telling her how soft and easy it was. How she could burrow into the pillow, burrito the covers around her, and lie there forever, her mind empty, until she dissolved and drifted away.

She took a step away from the bed, and then another. She bumped into the dresser and stood blinking at it for a second. Then she pulled open a drawer, almost at random, and took out underwear. It didn't match, and she didn't care.

She peeled out of the baggy Star Labs t-shirt she wore (You always steal my shirts! he said, laughing, and she'd said, Do not, and anyway they're really soft!) and dropped it on the floor.

Her phone jangled a third time, and then a fourth. B'fast burritos today, what kind? Cisco asked.

Caitlin announced, I’m picking up coffee

Egg and cheese she said to Cisco, and to Caitlin thank you

(She'd told Caitlin last week that she didn't need to get her coffee, or call her, or sit up all night with her. Caitlin had said, "I want to."

"Why?" Didn't Caitlin have enough problems of her own right now? After - well. After everything.

The other woman had stared at the screen full of calculations. Her eyes were still lighter than they had been. The latest dye job had taken unevenly, so her hair was patchy red-brown-white. Even though it was the height of summer, they never needed to turn on the A/C in Star Labs.

"It reminds me of who I am.")

The breakfast burrito wouldn't replace Barry's pancakes, and the Americano (two sugars, no cream) in a Jitters go-cup wouldn't replace Barry's coffee in a Notorious RBG mug, but it would fuel her.

She stood looking at the clothes in her closet with little interest. This dress, that blouse, that skirt, those boots. They all looked the same to her. She pulled a dress out and laid it on her bed so she wouldn't forget to put it on. She picked up the first pair of flat sandals that her hands landed on. She hadn't gotten a pedicure since mid-May. It didn't matter.

She didn't bother with jewelry.

She was up, and moving, and it was morning, and she was picking out clothes for work. These were all good things, she told herself.

She remembered that another good thing was personal hygiene. She went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, washed her face, brushed her hair. It all made her so tired she wanted to lie down on the cool tile floor and close her eyes for awhile.

The woman in the mirror, in a tan bra and blue panties, flat hair, no makeup, deep bags under her eyes - she looked like hell. Iris blinked a few times and watched the woman in the mirror blink as well. She sighed and reached for her makeup.

She was up and she was moving and she'd washed herself and put on deodorant and she'd picked out a work outfit and now she was putting on makeup. When she was dressed, she was going to walk out the door and spend an hour at Star Labs, working on ways to get her Barry back. And then she was going to go to work.

After work, she would go back to Star Labs and work some more until the day ran out, and she came back to this empty, quiet apartment, too tired to do anything but collapse into the too-big bed and sleep.

And tomorrow she would wake up alone again.

The empty place in the bed dragged her back toward it.

She couldn't fall into that black hole. She couldn't. She knew what had happened in the future-that-was-no-longer, when Barry had fallen deep into depression over losing her. Cisco, Julian, her dad, Wally had all fallen to pieces like a badly built Tinkertoy tower. They'd never gotten Caitlin back. Star Labs had fallen apart. The city had fallen apart.

So, she couldn't.

She decided that the makeup she'd applied was enough. The woman in the mirror still looked like hell, but not quite as ragged a hell. A workable hell. A passable hell.

She griped the edges of the sink and gave herself the talk she'd given herself for three long weeks of mornings alone. "We will find him. We will bring him home. No matter what it takes."

She tried not to hear the echoes of Barry swearing to her that he wouldn't let her die.

It was June, and Iris West wasn't the one who was supposed to wake up alone.

FINIS

[pearlroseteas-universe]

Lapidarist High

By Cherry Rose

Thanks to The_Scent_Of_Rain (archiveofourown), MALlG, narootos and many artists for the inspiration.

  The Lapidarist High’s gates unbolted early in the morn as the usual for the first day, and the typical crowd of the early birds came to chill out around the doors and hoped to find their classes. Some were freshmen who hoped to find the classes, to look better than the rest.

  The other half was the ones with bad home lives, troubled youth and bored teens. An almost dangerous combination, you could tell the troubled and bad home lives students quite easily.

  One delinquent, many assumed the leader, was over six foot, her white dyed hair ran past her back- many thought this was a weakness and tried to tug- only to regret it seconds later. Jasper Quartz was her name, and she was known for her fighting and crude nature.

  The gossips told of her being younger and much fragile, she had the skin disease Vitiligo from an early age, came from a clearly poor background and her mother had died in a car crash- leaving her with a distant aunt resulting to her becoming socially obstinate until becoming ferocious.

  Given a mostly male name, Jasper, to boot, she was often teased and bullied as a child until about the third grade where she broke one of her bully’s hands and then became completely isolated by everyone but two other people.

  At the side of Jasper, was a miniscule sophomore, who kept bringing her eyeglasses up the bridge of her nose. This girl, Peridot, was always seen with Jasper since grade fourth. Whenever they didn’t have a class, Jasper would usually skip- which she did otherwise- and sat in Peridot’s classes.

  Nonetheless they were a grade apart, and often didn’t have classes together.

  Besides the pack of troublemakers of the school, were the students with troubled childhoods and a destroyed home. One of the most known was Lapis, she was a calm girl- as in, she sat in the back of the class staring blankly. When called on, the teacher will soon realize she will go to the principal’s office than answer a question up in the front.

  She wore simple, yet good-looking clothes, with tattoos lining her forearm to her back, to the next forearm in a beautiful line. She loved her ink, and often took chances to show off her tattoos in crop tops, backless shirts, and whatever she could get away with within the school’s dress code.

  She often wore flip flops to slide them off, and would be seen barefoot regularly. The school stopped caring what the senior did at this point; she has exhausted the staff since freshman year and has yet to have her will bent by adults.

  Jasper’s yellow eyes roam to her, sucking in the cigarette feeling it in her lungs before exhaling once more. Jasper had kept it under wraps, but she always had her eyes on Lapis- and they had once had an almost nine month fling.

Lapis was cold, addictive and nihilistic- Jasper was passionate, angry, and scarred, the relationship ended in more than hurt words. Bruises, cigarette burns, pills popped and tore clothing.

  The world wanted to shine the light on Jasper, to be the abusive partner, yet, they both left with the marks, bruises- pain and hurt of the loss of someone they thought they connected with.

  Peridot was caught in the middle, even over the summer Lapis would break down at the thought of seeing Jasper in public as Jasper would stay in the cobalt haired girl’s hangouts wanting to see her face.

  Lapis stood there, alone as she stuffed the pack of cancer sticks in her blue lacy bra. She seemed completely content with being alone there, until her eyes caught something- someone, and brought a shine in her dark eyes people had never seen. Making Jasper shoot her head towards the opening of the gate, scowling as Peridot sank at the idea of the first school day beginning with drama.

                                                         ....

  “Come on Pearl! We’re going to be late!” Steven cried, he was bouncing beside the bathroom’s doorway as Pearl was contained inside. She brushed her platinum blonde hair, making it the perfect pixie haircut; she fixed her skirt, lacing her ballet shoes before stepping out with perfect posture and smiled.

  “Oh Steven- our morning routine when you were in middle school will work- we could probably shave off some time since you’ll walk with us for now on.”

  “Wouldn’t recommend it.” The booming, dark female voice rang in their ears, heads turned to take sight of Garnet.

  The only senior in the household- who was also the head of the household for her age and wise nature, she skimmed her shades downward, “We should go earlier- to show Steven around.”

  Pearl touched her jaw in a nervous manner- as she did whenever told she was false. “Oh- well- yes that would be better.”

  Garnet kept her smile; she was a full African American woman, age nineteen. She had a large almost square like dark brown afro- she was the darkest girl in the school but no one seemed to notice. She was known as the kindest senior to come to for relationship advice, domestic issues, and many more, even strangers would come to her and she never seemed to mind. She’d even go to the strangers sometimes.

  She was a leader like person, and one of the many Steven considered like a mother.

  “G-Squad! Think we gonna get something to eat before get there?” Called the voice of the last roommate, Amethyst, she was the second youngest in the household. Steven smiled seeing her; she was like a big sister or aunt to him. He happily ran to her side, as she did her stance holding her hip and cocking her head upward.

  She was a mixed race, overweight girl; she was in her sophomore year of the high school.

  Each person in the household was like a stepping stone for the grades, Garnet was the elder, senior year as stated before, Pearl was a junior, Amethyst was a grade lower than Pearl as Steven was a newly freshman.

  Amethyst lets out her iconic dry laugh, “You’re so gonna get dress coded in that!”

  Garnet observed her attire; she sported a long sleeved crop top with a yellow star, black leggings, and thick, golden bracelets. “I don’t see the problem.”

  Pearl spoke up, “I’ll bring a top for you.” She told, as Garnet beams at her.

  “C’mon P, she can take care of herself.” Amethyst amused herself with the white tank top strap as Steven spoke up.

  “Is the dress code that bad?” He tried to yank down his pink shirt; however Garnet raised her fingerless gloved hand.

  “Not to boys, you’ll be okay.” Garnet informed as Steven upstretched an eyebrow, wanting to question what that means before Pearl picks up two lunch boxes, one was a Cookie Cat, as the other was one of Connie’s favorite books- the Unfamiliar Familiar, well, up to a few weeks ago when they both read the last book’s ending.

  “I made your favorite; there is some tea in there.” She told him with a beam, as Steven grins at the lunch box, as he took an inhale to sing the entire Cookie Cat song before Garnet spoke up once more.

  “We should get going; we might be able to see Connie before lunch if we do.” She said with a smile before the group locked the door, going to leave.

  “Wait! I forgot to leave cat food for Lion!” He exclaims, it was a stray cat with a light redish- almost pink fur tint Steven had fallen in love with and begged to take in.

  “I did it this morning; I knew you’d be busy.” Pearl said matter of factly, and off they went to their school.

                                                         ....

Steven was the first to run up to the gate and enter the institute, he was excited, stars in his eyes before he saw Lapis. The two eyes’ met, as they both grin running in the direction of each other.

  “Hey Steven!” Lapis said with a cheerful tone, one most of the school inhabitants have yet to see. It seemed unnatural for her to smile, to look so happy.

  Jasper loathed it, she never seen Lapis look so happy, so bright even when while in the honeymoon stage. Peridot knew of the happiness shared between Steven and Lapis, they had a special bond as Peridot hoped to one day possess with her.

  Lapis stares to Garnet, the gang had been once used Lapis for their own gain, Lapis had a dulled expression when they met eyes. The look of complete neutral was often why they eluded eye contact with the girl.

  Steven held onto her long navy skirt, “You’ll have classes with Garnet! You guys will right?”

  Lapis cracked a small smile, “Just because we’re in the same grade doesn’t mean we’ll have the same classes.”

  Garnet touched her tinted lenses, “Oh, I think we might.” She assumed in her usual smile, as Pearl spoke up.

  “It depends on grades, testing, the pace you need to learn- it matters on so much.” Pearl describes as she went in her teacher mode alongside with her educator style hand gestures.

  The bell echoed through the courtyard, as the doors of the school unlocks. Lapis looks back, her hands going into her skirt’s pockets before looking back to Steven. “I gotta go, I’ll see you around, Steven.. Stay safe.” She leans, giving him a soft hug before walking off.

  Steven was the first reason she didn’t run away, Lapis was trapped in her own little world since she started seventh grade. Her step father was her sole care taker after the death of her divorced parents at different dates; her once kind and gentle almost second father became a plastered, distant man. He never mistreated her, but he was never there for her. She had to learn to cook, clean, and function for two. She didn’t have cash for clothes, hairstyles, or shoes. When she grew out of her clothes, she wore her mothers’ that bagged on her, she cut her own patchy hair, and had to shower with whatever her father bought.

  She soon became the target of many tormenters of either gender, with short, uneven cut hair, to the clothes that was blankets on her and the clear neglect was the recipe for mistreatment in school. She would have told her stepfather however whenever she was home he was by then passed out or too intoxicated to perform any action to help her.

  She was trapped, and felt alone. It was only until tenth year where she met both Steven, and later Jasper and Peridot, she would stay with Jasper most nights, and her father wasn’t any wiser. After the relationship was crashing down she bummed at the girls and Steven’s for a couple of weeks before Peridot and her mother let her in.

  She was going to run away, with the stash she stole off Jasper for their life to use for gas and to find a new place. But she didn’t know if she loved Steven as a friend, son, or brother, nonetheless she couldn’t leave him behind. She begged for him to come, and when he couldn’t she chose to stay.

  That summer seemed so much longer than three months; it felt like years; years’ worth of events occurred to forever change the households.

  “Peridot.” Jasper glances down to the smaller girl, who was quick to look up and make eye contact. “Follow that kid around.”

  Peridot breathed, “I don’t think they’re together.” She clarifies as Jasper glares.

  “Did I ask that? Just follow him.” Jasper then turned back to the others in the pack she stood in, as Peridot left within the school shadowing the group.

  Lapis observed Peridot rush into the school, rotating back to look at the tree. This would be an interesting year- at least it shouldn’t be as depressing as the rest of the school years. She told herself taking a final inhale of her smoke, dropped the stick and stomped on it once before joining the crowd shoveling into the school. 

-Cherry Rose

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